Coriander Seeds

Smokey Lamb Pitita

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Main, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España doce chicas nuevas y La Macarena arrived for a shot – or another – at joining Carmen y Sharonne in the España winner’s circle. Given the first two seasons were so damn good, the judges weren’t feeling the dolls over the first couple of weeks and cussed them out, begging them to lift their game. And lift their games they did. Tragically though, we had to lose icons week after week, with sweet Maria becoming the La Macarena of the season. She was followed out the door by a trio of zaddies, first Drag Chuchi, then Chanel Anorex and then Kelly Roller pop on her skates and headed out the door. The tragedy for my loins was distracted as La Macarena ended her redemption run followed by the iconic Visa. 

Supremme y Co. then went for the ultimate gag by emulating the All Stars 2 revenge of the queens episode. Sadly for them, however, Pitita wasn’t eviserating Visa like Phi Phi was Alyssa. That being said, the comedy show turned out the same with some awkward pairings landing Pink, Pakita and Pitita in the bottom while Kelly returned thanks to a pitch perfect turn with Vania. After Pititia saved herself in the lip sync, Kelly returned to being a power bottom and sent Bestiah out the door.

The top five then made Cinderellas out of waste management staff and while Pitita, Vania and Kelly shone, Clover and Hornella landed in the bottom with Hornella earning her spot in the finale alongside her sisters, sending Clover to the house. The top four then performed in Supremme’s new filmclip before Hornella and Kelly were cut, leaving Vania and Pititia to lip sync for the crown before the latter rightly took out the crown after a dominant performance across the season.

As she arrived backstage with her new crown and sceptor, I pulled Pitita in for a massive hug and congratulated her on a job well done. Despite her sisters feeling the judging was questionable – I’d agree if they were speaking about the Clover hate, but I digress – there is no denying that Pitita never really put a foot wrong. She was stunning, creative, funny and oh so polished, giving a masterclass on how to do Drag Race right, kinda like Trinity the Tuck. But you know, way more likeable. So with that, there was nothing more to do but crown her with a glorious Smokey Lamb Pitita.

This may be a quick and easy mid-week kind of meal, but when it packs this much flavour, it is hard to discount it as perfection. Smokey, spicy and oh so fresh, it will quickly find a way into your regular rotation. Better yet, it uses some Peasa Hummus to help elevate it, which you know Visa would love.

Enjoy!

Smokey Lamb Pitita
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
4 Pita Andre Breads, halved
2 tbsp dukkah
olive oil
500g lamb mince
1 tsp coriander seeds, ground
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp smoked paprika
½ tsp turmeric
¼ tsp chilli flakes
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
1 tomato, diced
1 Lebanese cucumber, diced
¼ cup parsley, finely chopped
2 tsp red wine vinegar
Peasa Hummus, to taste

Method
Preheat the oven to 200C, split the pitas and cover with foil and bake for 10 minutes, or until softened and warmed. Place a frying pan over high heat and cook the dukkah for a minute, or until fragrant. Transfer to a bowl.

Heat a lug of oil in a skillet over high heat. Add the lamb and cook, breaking up with a wooden spoon for a minute or so. Add the coriander, cumin, paprika, turmeric and chilli, and cook for a further 5 minutes or until browned and crisp. Season to taste.

Combine the tomato, cucumber and parsley in a bowl with a tablespoon of oil and the red wine vinegar.

To assemble,  smear the pitas with the hummus, fill with the lamb and then the salad. And then devour. Regally.


As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

Kelly Rissoller

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España the dolls threw a little ball, and by little, you know it was a mammoth undertaking which nearly broke all of our sweet icons. Dedicated to los Colores, Sabores and Regiones of Spain. The latter being one that needed to be prepared in the Werk Room, where the dolls would do a modern take on their traditional dress. Poor Chanel lacked cohesion, Kelly lacked polish and Clover was apparently sloppy – Liza Minelli, lies – while Pakita and Pitita slayed each and every category, with the latter ultimately scoring her first win of the season. Thankfully the judges came to their senses when it counted, saving Clover and leaving Kelly and Chanel to lip sync for their safety. With our skating queen slaying her fellow zaddy Chanel, who sashayed away to await a chance to return.

Backstage the dolls toasted Chanel’s run, while Kelly was obviously thrilled to have done enough to save herself and more focused on that. The Macarena was obviously thrilled to be continuing to extend her record, before everyone praised Pitita for dominating the ball. Well, except for Pakita, who just wanted to bring her down next week, given she felt – rightly – she was just as good as Pitita in the ball.

The next day the dolls were already un poco cansado from the competition, but assured each other they were primed and ready to fight. Talk turned to fact they were expecting an acting challenge right about now, which obviously summoned Supremme quicker than you could say Candyman three times. She promptly wheeled out the zaddy Pit Crew – seriously, Espana, thank you – with all the dolls having to pop a balloon against the zaddies bodies to decide on teams for the as yet unconfirmed challenge.

Macarena rimmed her way to team blue, Bestiah but to but her way to yellow, Vania fucked her way to pink, as did Kelly before Pink went crotch to crotch for pink, which is fitting. Pitita fisted to yellow, Pakita got zaddy to bite her balloon on her way to yellow, Hornella got back to fucking – God does want that, after all – on the way to pink before Clover pegged her way to blue. And then Visa pounded over to blue too. Supremme then announced that the three groups would each star in a short horror film with Team Rosa getting El Guarranato, Drag Rec would star team yellow, and blue would perform in Las Otras.

After Supremme and the Pit Crew disappeared the groups split up to work through their scenes with Team Rosa thrilled by theirs, feeling like the parts were almost written for them. So instead they turned their attention to talking smack about their sisters. Despite feeling like Pitita would do a bad job – given she wouldn’t be able to look glam – Pitita and Co were confident in their lines and ready to stay on top. Given the trio currently have the best track records. Macarena, Clover and Visa meanwhile were just vibing, giggling at their script and calmly dividing up the roles.

Team El Guarranato were first to film with Supremme and Paco Plaza where Kelly struggled to find her character. Pink was obviously a camp delight, Vania was a giddy little pig while Hornella played mad scientist to perfection. With an out of control moustache only adding to her performance. Team Las Otras were committed and fun, despite not really performing to the correct cameras. Oh and shout out to Maria Edilla who gave a star turn in a cameo performance. Rounding out filming, Team Drag Rec were hopefully getting the fake out edit as while they got the most direction and rattlesnakes, they appeared to be the most cohesive and funny to me

Dia de eliminacion arrived with everyone ready to throw down, shading each other’s scene while pumping themselves up. Eventually they parked their feuds to go beat their mugs as Kelly told Bestiah about how people have jerked off while watching her perform. Hornella, Pakita and Clover joined the conversation, opening up about how traumatic it is to be blatantly objectified while working and how scared it makes them feel to not even be able to go about their jobs without being made to feel uncomfortable. Visa and Pitita meanwhile were bonding over their families, with Patita gagged by her life, learning that Visa’s abusive father died a month after being in an explosion at home. And how she has tried to work through the trauma of grieving someone she may not have really liked.

Because obviously España is going to give us emotion.

Supremme, Ana y los Javis were joined by Paco Plaza on the judges table as the dolls stomped the Mi Peor Yo runway with Vania serving sexy purple spider queen. Kelly Roller was a black and gold roller girl, Hornella was a locked up glamazon, complete with rose reveal worthy of Sasha Velour while Pink Chadora served messed up Virgin Mary realness. The Macarena gave redemption to her first runway, complete with a snatched wig for the drama. Clover slayed with a stunning afro look which speaks to me on a deep level, given I am a curly icon and feel the ode to styling. Visa was then literally fire as a demon doll before she set herself aflame in honour of her dad’s tragic accident. Pitita meanwhile served full gothic glamour in honour of Max – black and white forever – Bestiah was a demented delight spewing up a bloody head before Pakita closed the show with a gorgeous Barbie look before she removed her wig to serve all the drama.

When it came to the films, El Guarranato was super creepy with all the dolls and clowns in the opening. And while Kelly had herself in hysterics, she wasn’t exactly great. Pink and Vania on the other hand definitely were giving camp silliness at the right level. Though it was Hornella who ultimately ended up stealing the scene, giving passion, drama and comedy in equal measure. Drag Rec meanwhile proved my suspicions correct as the trio of Bestiah, Pitita and Pakita stayed on top, giving us everything and more and making for an actually enjoyable scene. In Drag Race. Which, yeah, is impressive. While Las Otras – the only reference I actually know, tragically – was silly and camp in all the right ways, despite it making absolutely no sense whatsoever.

After the judges praised everyone for doing well, they promptly sent Vania, Hornella, Pink and Bestiah to safety. Kelly was praised for being a delight on set and though read for playing the straight role in the scene as a bit too straight. And for giving a pedestrian look on the runway. The Macarena received wall to wall praise for her performance in the scene and for leaning into her past failures to serve a killer runway. Clover meanwhile was read for slipping in and out of character, though praised for a stunning runway. Visa was praised for the humanity she brought to the runway, despite being lost in the scene. Pitita, obviously, received universal praise for all that he did, from giving AMC’s own Nicole Kidman in the scene and giving a stunning cigar on the runway. And Pakita will make a very deserving runner-up, again, beloved but just a little less than Pitita.

Backstage the safe girls were busy celebrating, none more so than Bestiah who was sure she was going to bomb the challenge. They all agreed that any of the tops could take out the win, though were very concerned about how Kelly would avoid elimination once again. Speaking of the other dolls, volven backstage with Kelly admitting she will totally be in the bottom, but was simply hopeful it wasn’t against Clover who would clearly win. Pakita admitted the win is down to her and Pitita, who was shocked by how much they loved her. Being a humble queen, she praised The Macarena for her star moment, who admitted that it was nice to get praise, finally, after five episodes over two seasons. While Cloved was fired up and oh god, for Kelly’s zaddy sake, I hope it is Visa in the bottom with her instead. Because you know Clover will absolutely demolish.

Ultimately Pitita took out her second win of the season, sending Pakita and The Macarena to safety alongside her. At the other end of the pack, it was Visa that narrowly avoided lip syncing. And as predicted by both myself and Kelly, Clover came to play. As soon as Ay Mama by Rigoberta Bandini began she was right in the pocket. She gave emotion, drama and skin, and despite a sore ankle, used literally every corner of the stage as she fed us. Kelly meanwhile was not to be counted out, proving why she is an absolute legend as she skated her way across the stage once again. Tragically for her, it wasn’t enough as Clover was sent to safety leaving Kelly to roll out of the competition. Well, until a cameo or the return challenge, that is.

As she hot wheeled into the Werk Room, I pulled her in for a massive hug – or as massive as it could be around her broad, strapping shoulders – and assured her that she was robbed. Though I pointed out that out of the dolls eliminated thus far, I feel like she has the best shot of making a triumphant return. Full disclosure though, I was also thinking with my peen. It was enough to cheer her up however, so we quickly pivoted to kikiing and coming up with a gameplay as to how she can win the crown as a returning queen. Aka Chris Underwood-ing it. And while I don’t want to toot my own horn, I feel Kelly Rissoller play a critical role.



Emphasis on toot, given these babies are packed full of beans, filling the rissoles with a delightful earthy flavour that pairs perfectly with the tang of onion and the kick of chilli. Aka, a perfect trinity.

Enjoy!



Kelly Rissoller
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
400g can black beans, drained
500g beef mince
5 garlic cloves, minced
2 tbsp hot chilli sauce
½ cup breadcrumbs
1 onion, diced
1 tsp cumin
½ tsp ground coriander seeds
1 egg, whisked
kosher salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Pop the black beans in a bowl and gently mash them so you have a combination of whole and split beans. Add the rest of the ingredients to the bowl and scrunch to combine using your hands. Divide into 12 small patties, place on a lined plate, cover and pop in the fridge to set for half an hour.

When you’re ready to go, pop a skillet over medium heat and once nice and hot, brush with some oil and add the patties – four at a time – and cook for 5 minutes. Flip and cook for a further few minutes, or until nice browned and cooked through.

Serve immediately with salad and salsa, or my fave, mash. Either way, devour.


As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

Geo Bustamantea Soaked Chicken

Main, Poultry, Survivor, Survivor 43

Previously on Survivor the Vesi tribe finally started to turn things around with a dominating win in the reward challenge. Sick of seeing Coco win, they opted to use their reward to steal from them, setting off their downfall. At the immunity challenge Vesi continued their streak and then helped Baka solve their puzzle, sending Coco to their first tribal council. That set off a chain of events where paranoia got the best of Lindsay as she spiralled and despite the target being between Cassidy and Geo, the tribe opted for calm and booted her from the game. Thankfully earning her a place in Second Chances due to her iconic flame out.

Back at camp the tribe rallied together as Cassidy reflected on how Lindsay’s nerves alone caused her downfall. That being said, she was super disappointed to have received one vote and requested that whoever did it talk to her to explain their process. And while mastermind Ryan wanted to smooth things over, Geo owned up and went for a walk and straight up made the entire situation worse, accusing her of voting against him – despite Lindsay clearly being the one to do it – and showing no remorse. After debriefing with Karla however, the girls were galvanised and once again ready to take out Ryan or Geo.

The next day Elie and Jeanine were busy hunting for the Baka hidden immunity idol, finally finding it, covered in ants. Jeanine threw caution to the wind and grabbed the Beware Advantage, learning that she now had to go through the bead saga. While filling in Elie though, they were caught by Owen, their second option for third place in their alliance. As such, they filled him in and while he considered holding on to his bead to screw her out of her vote and take control with Gabler, he ultimately handed it over to build trust. Elie then took the information straight to Sami, pointing out that he is actually the one they trust over Owen. Sami meanwhile was feeling safe with his place in the tribe, though he was concerned for Gabler, who had no idea what was going on. 

Oh and despite Gabler wanting to hang on to his special bead, he ultimately gave it over to Jeanine and powered her idol. Thankfully, Sami woke up and chose chaos this morning, pulling Gabler aside and pointing out that he just powered Jeanine’s idol and um, is Sami actually a savvy player that is going to win this?

The tribes reconnected with Jeffrey for the next immunity challenge where they would be tethered together to run through a series of obstacles carrying buckets of water to release a gate. And then, instead of the usual puzzle, they would roll three balls up a ramp and land them on a platform. Oh and the victors would get a tarp each. While Coco got out to an early, massive lead, they struggled to roll the balls, leaving Vesi and Baka plenty of time to close the gap. As the three tribes faced off, Dwight and Sami quickly got their eye in, overtaking Ryan – who knocked off his two balls – and secured immunity for Vesi, followed by Baka. Kinda proving Vesi’s strategy to weaken Coco was a good idea, given they would now be down two people by the end of the episode. Before heading out, Vesi was given the power to send people on this week’s journey, opting for Geo, Jeanine and Jesse. 

Oh and we then learnt that Ryan threw the challenge to get rid of Cassidy. Back at camp however, he pretended to be disappointed in himself while locking in the vote against Cassidy with James and Karla. Sadly for him, James took that information straight back to Cassidy and assured her that they can load their votes on Geo with Karla and get rid of him without Ryan noticing. Cassidy approached him to talk things through, with each pretending that Ryan would be the next one out, with neither of them deviating from their supposed scripts. And while Ryan thought he was playing it all expertly, it was looking more and more like the group would be targeting him and Geo, just in case he gets an advantage on the journey.

Speaking of which, we caught up with Jesse, Jeanine and Geo where they discovered they had to row a boat through very rough seas until they reached an island to get their risk options. Geo used the very long row to talk about how close he was to being voted out the night before to garner sympathy and while Jeanine didn’t buy his story, the fact that Geo was confirmed to be risking his vote, makes it dangerous for them to play. Sadly for Geo, neither of his fellow journey-ers cared about him and ended up taking the risk. But turns out, he did get lucky, given he was the one that jagged the Knowledge Is Power advantage on his return to camp.

While Jesse and Jeanine sadly discovered they were now without votes at the next tribal council, Jesse reading his note in public while Jeanine learned the news in private. And then admitted what happened to the rest of the tribe, though pretended it was her first time reading it. Which annoyed Sami, given they all knew she already risked her vote the day before to secure an idol and now they know just how hard she is willing to play.

We ventured back to Coco where Geo filled the tribe in on the journey, lying to them and explaining he didn’t risk his vote. Before pulling each of his allies aside to share the truth, showing them his Knowledge Is Power advantage and while he thought it would build trust, it made Karla and James nervous enough to turn their attention to him, rather than Ryan, who had somehow become the actual target. While filling in Cassidy, she then started to get nervous about her doing a Lindsay and starting to spiral, which made them actually consider voting out one of their allies. Again.

At tribal council Cassidy spoke about the fact that while their momentum has waned, she believes they can swing it back. Ryan spoke about synergy – corporate buzzwords for the win, I guess – before opening up (in lie form) about feeling like he is the target tonight, given he bombed the challenge. Which Cassidy pointed out was noble, but kind of hard to believe. As he continued to play the aw shucks role, Karla admitted that easy votes are always tempting and given he offered himself up, it could make things good for the rest of them. Geo spoke about feeling uneasy given he missed so much potential scrambling time though was hopeful he had done enough, while James praised him for being so honest after the journey.

Probst then made Geo nervous about how to vote, while Karla – after a brief mental blank – slyly told him that he should trust in his alliance rather than being nervous. Oh and then Ryan asked everyone to say what they liked best about him as they voted, while Cassidy was just looking forward to having another chance for the tribe to prove trust by doing what they planned. With that the tribe voted before Ryan and Geo were shocked as the latter was booted from the game, with an advantage barely in his pocket.

While Geo was both surprised and disappointed to find himself booted from the game, he is such a delight that he took it all in his stride. I pulled him in for a massive hug as soon as he arrived at Loser Lodge, assuring him that he played a strong game and while I love the three tribe format, it truly is the hardest one to navigate given there is no room to hide. So between that and his personal story, I was thrilled to be able to toast his success with a big fat bowl of Geo Bustamantea Soaked Chicken.

I am normally a basic girl that lives for a good old honey chicken or something of that ilk when it comes to Chinese take away, but this little number has that trumped. Complex, spicy and sweet, it is the perfect comforting dish to eat through your feelings or finish out the week.

Enjoy!

Geo Bustamantea Soaked Chicken
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
3 tbsp sesame oil
2 tbsp minced ginger
4 garlic cloves, smashed
2 tbsp Szechuan peppercorns
2 star anise
3 tbsp coriander seeds
4 cups water
2 cups soy sauce
¼ cup kosher salt
8 black tea bags
1kg chicken breast or thighs, diced
2 shallots, sliced, to garnish

Method
Heat a saucepan over medium heat and add 2 tablespoons of the oil. Once shimmering, add the ginger, garlic and cook for a couple of minutes. Add the peppercorns, star anise and coriander seeds and stir until fragrant, before stirring in the water, soy and salt. Bring to a boil, remove from the heat and add the tea to steep for ten minutes or so. Remove the tea bags and the brine to cool completely. Pop the chicken in the large bowl and pour over the chilled brine. Cover and pop in the fridge to marinate overnight.

When you’re ready to cook, drain the chicken and heat the remaining oil in a wok over high heat. In batches stir fry the chicken until cooked through and repeat the process. Serve piping hot with a garnish of shallots and devour, regally.


As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

Maryanne Picoketchutney

Condiment, Sauce, Survivor, Survivor 42, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor 18 new castaways were marooned on the islands of Fiji, ready to repeat all the tricks of last season. But hot damn did they have more success. Despite tragically losing Jackson before the first immunity challenge, the Ika tribe arrived at tribal council ready to play. Sadly for Zach, that was as far as his game went. More importantly, it also broke Maryanne’s heart as he was the literal embodiment of every white man she has ever loved. We then lost Marya, Jenny and Swati in quick succession, before Daniel blew up his game and set up the demise of Vati post-merge.

Speaking of which, the fake merge cost Lydia her game before Chanelle became the queen of the jury. Ika lost Rocksroy and Tori in a double tribal council before Omar took control by getting rid of Hai and Drea. In turn, that painted a target on his back and got him booted by Maryanne’s epic 3-2-2 play. This then led to Lindsay getting booted before the fire making challenge took out Jonathan, leaving Romeo, Mike and Maryanne to face the jury at final tribal council.

Despite Romeo putting in a strong showing, he came out of the experience with nary a vote while Mike’s subpar performance scored him only one as the jury gave Maryanne a resounding win for not only a game well played, but for dominating final tribal council.

After the cast finished filming the on island reunion, I quickly pulled Maryanne aside to toast her success. While she had a wild yet somehow quiet game at the start, she expertly read the room and was able to reset once she realised how she was being perceived, leading her on a path to greatness. Pulling off some epic moves at the right moments to not only get her to the end, but earn her the win. More importantly, she also was an epic and engaging character that will go down in the pantheon of legends. But for now, we’ll always have Maryanne Picoketchutney.

I always had a fear of the bright yellow pickle that lived in my fridge as a child, but thankfully with time comes wisdom and as an adult, my love affair began. Super tart, a little bit sweet and lightly spice, this is the perfect accompaniment for any occasion. Particularly a win.

Enjoy!

Maryanne Picoketchutney
Makes: 1.5L.

Ingredients
500g cauliflower, cut into small florets
200g zucchini, cut into a fine dice
100g green beans, trimmed and thinly sliced
1 onion, diced
2 tbsp sea salt
600ml malt vinegar
3 tbsp English mustard powder
1 tbsp coriander seeds
2 tbsp yellow mustard seeds
2 tsp cumin seeds
1 tsp turmeric
¼ cup plain flour
⅔ cup raw caster sugar
2 bay leaves

Method
Combine the cauliflower, zucchini, beans and onion in a bowl with the salt. Cover and leave to steep at room temperature overnight. In the morning, rinse under cold water and drain.

Whisk 100 ml of vinegar with the mustard powder, coriander, mustard and cumin seeds, turmeric and flour to form a paste.

Combine the rest of the ingredients in a saucepan over medium heat, whisking until the sugar dissolves. Whisk in the mustard mixture and cook for a couple of minutes, or until starting to thicken. Add the drained vegetables and cook for a further couple of minutes.

Ladle the mixture into sterilised jars and seal immediately, storing in a cool dark place until opened. Then devour, immediately.


As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Madreas Wheeler Curry

Main, Survivor, Survivor 42, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor Omar continued to take control of the post-merge game, quietly pulling Mike aside to warn him about Hai no longer having his back. All while Hai was gratefully reflecting on how close he and Mike had gotten in the game. After Lindsay won an overnight reward, she selected Omar and Mike to join her, giving Omar plenty of time to completely turn Mike against Hai. After Lindsay took out immunity, the tribe wanted to finally take a shot and get rid of Jonathan before he had the chance to go on an immunity run. Luckily for him, Omar’s mist proved too powerful as he swayed she tribe to blindside Hai instead.

Back at camp the tribe were thrilled to have come together for the blindside, and while Mike in particular was thrilled to get his revenge on Hai for playing him – which I repeat, did not happen – everyone just quietly added that yeah, yeah, it was good. That being said, Romeo was also particularly smug to have gotten rid of the only person that was targetting him, knowing that the underdogs are almost at the point where they can take control. While Lindsay was just thrilled that her and Drea’s amulets were now a steal a vote.

The next day things were far more chill as Drea was regaling everyone with tales, while Maryanne shocked them with the fact that she loses toenails at least twice a year. Which yeah, is wild but it is Maryanne, so I love her. And the fact that like Romeo, she is readying herself to take control and earn the win. Sadly for her, while she and Romeo talked about gaining power, the rest of the tribe hung on the beach bitching about Romeo and how they are going to get rid of him for doing absolutely nothing to help around camp. Instead snacking on leftover rice and jumping on board with any and all plans screw everyone else over. The beach crew then locked in a final five alliance and while it all looked kosher, Mike assured Omar that he still wants Drea gone as she is the biggest threat left in the game.

Which made Omar nervous, given Mike clearly is growing mad with power.

We then fast forwarded to day 20, with Jonathan opening up abut how exhausted he is while simultaneously wanting everyone to appreciate how much he is sacrificing by not eating more than them but not wanting people to see it, as it is his game plan. He went down to shore to help the tribe fish while Drea told him to help more, leading to them both fighting due to their hanger. While he tried to explain himself to Lindsay and Omar, Lindsay took that back to Drea, Romeo and Maryanne, telling them that she is ready to take him out given he is quite bossy. And to us, shared that his bossiness is becoming dangerously close to ruining her game.

Right on cue, the tribe caught up with Probst for the immunity challenge, once again featuring the Do or Die twist. After explaining how it worked, only Lindsay and Jonathan opted to compete in the challenge where they would stand on a beam and balance as they hold onto handles behind their heads. Last person standing winning immunity, the other facing off with the game of chance. And while Joanthan spent most of the challenge shaking uncontrollably, Lindsay dropped out of nowhere after 12 minutes, handing Jonathan immunity and leaving her place in the game up to fate.

Back at camp Lindsay was regretting her choice to compete in the challenge, with her opening up about her fighting, athletic spirit from childhood. Omar and Maryanne were feeling just as emotional about potentially losing Lindsay too soon, and as such, tried to perk her back up. Drea and Jonathan meanwhile were not bothered about Lindsay potentially going home, partiularly the former who was excited by the prospect of her amulet becoming an idol. To go with her knowledge is power advantage AND extra vote.

Mike meanwhile was the only one focused on the possibility of Lindsay surviving, as such telling Drea that they will just vote out Romeo while rallying everyone else to blindside Drea as their biggest threat. As he caught up with Jonathan and Omar, the latter became keen to vote out Mike instead, though admitted that Drea is just as much of a threat. As he caught up with Drea to float the idea, Drea assured him that Mike’s idol would not be an issue for them, given she has the power to steal it and while they were both giddy about the plan, I’m still worried things will fall apart. Sadly for her, Omar shared everything with Lindsay and the duo realised they could protect Mike by hanging onto the idol for him, neutering both of their advantages and getting rid of either person.

At tribal council Jonathan shared that he competed for immunity because he knows he will now always be a target, while Lindsay admitted that she was blinded by her competitiveness. Mike spoke about how much he admires both of them, while Maryanne reminded her to always keep that competitive edge. Omar meanwhile was happy he sat out, while Maryanne opened up about the varied ways that people communicate while scrambling. Drea meanwhile spoke about her passion for observing literally everyone and everything around camp. Talk turned to the many ways you can miscommunicate around camp with Omar pointing out that there is a time when people need to stop talking, lest they shoot themselves in the foot.

With that, Probst set up the Do or Die boxes and called Lindsay over to the table where she confidently selected the middle box. Probst opened one of the other boxes, revealling a skull before Probst offered her one final chance to swap. With her thankfully sticking to her guns and earning herself immunity. As she returned to her seat, she opened up about how excited she was to evade death and just as Probst was about to send them off to vote, Drea stopped proceedings and asked Mike for his idol with her Knowledge is Power advantage. Sadly for her however, Mike had passed off his idol to Omar before tribal council for safe keeping and as such, Omar successfully neutralised both powers.

With that the tribe finally voted – Drea twice as she used up her extra vote – as the tribe banded together to blindside Drea from the game (well together minus Romeo). Officially turning Lindsay’s amulet into an idol in the process. Drea was delightful and giddy as she exited, praising everyone for being lovely and well, it was so damn wholesome.

She kept that charm up as she entered Ponderosa, pulling me in for a massive hug and sharing how grateful she was that I was on hand to provide her with the culinary comfort I so often provide. And by so often, every week. In return, I praised her for being such a dominant force throughout the season and racking up advantages like it was nothing. As is oft the case, being a dominant force tragically ended up being her downfall however. Meaning I could only toast that success with a big bowl of Madreas Wheeler Curry.

Maybe it is the fact it has been cold and rainy the last few weeks, but there is nothing more smoothing than a rich and earthy madras curry. Packed full of spices, with a light, lingering heat, this is the perfect way to eat your feels.

Enjoy!

Madreas Wheeler Curry
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
2 tbsp coriander seeds
2 tbsp fenugreek seeds
1 tbsp mustard seeds
1 tsp cumin seeds
½ tsp fennel seeds
1 tsp black peppercorns
2 tsp cinnamon
¼ tsp ground cloves
2 bird’s eye chillis
4 garlic cloves, peeled
1 tbsp ginger, peeled
2 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp ground turmeric
1 onion, sliced
12 curry leaves
3 cardamom pods
2 bay leaves
2kg lamb shoulder, diced
400g diced tomatoes
2 cups beef stock
1 tsp tamarind paste
rice and raita, to serve

Method
Start by grinding the coriander, fenugreek, mustard seeds, cumin, fennel and pepper in a spice grinder or mortar and pestle. Transfer to food processor or blender, and mix with the cinnamon, clove, chilli, garlic, ginger and 1 tablespoon of the olive oil until it forms a paste. Transfer to a bowl and stir through the turmeric, because it will stain.

Heat the remaining olive oil in a large dutch oven over medium heat and cook the onion for five minutes or until soft and sweet. Add the curry paste, along with the curry leaves, cardamom and bay leaves, and cook for a couple of minutes, or until fragrant. Stir through the lamb and cook for another couple of minutes to coat.

Stir in the tomatoes, stock and taramrind paste, season and bring to a simmer. Reduce heat to low, cover and cook, stirring infrequently for about an hour, or until the lamb is cooked through.

Serve with rice, some raita and devour, greedily.


As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Thai Chickhanh Dumplongs

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Blood V Water, Main, Snack, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor, while Blood and Water were still battling it out, Jonathan switched things up and offered an individual immunity for each tribe. As both of them were attending tribal council, meaning hijinks were guaranteed to ensue. On the Water Tribe, things came down to Khanh and Sam, with the former promising his necklace to Sam, who quickly fainted when stepping out of the challenge. On Blood meanwhile, Shay completely dominated her tribe while Jordie tried valiantly to bring her down. With their main target immune, the sausage fest opted to take out Mel over on Blood, while Sam and Jesse were owning Water and ready to finally get rid of Ben. Sadly for them, he had one last shot at redemption as Mel and Ben were able to battle in a fire challenge to return to the game. With Mel ultimately smoking the competition and sending Ben home. For realsies, this time.

The next day the Blood tribe were thrilled to be waking up on Day 26, particularly Mel since she had suceesfully won her way back into the game. Jordie spoke about how great the last 26 days have been, exhausted and overwhelmed but so happy to have made it this far. He encouraged everyone to celebrate their successes given everything could change in a minute and oh God, my newly minted villain king is going, isn’t he? Shay meanwhile was missing Ben though thrilled he is getting some breakfast sausage – OMG, swoon – while Jordie was more focused than ever to get to the end with his brother.

And again, Jordie is toast, isn’t he?

Both tribes joined Jonathan in the middle of the bush where he quickly announced that their tribes are no longer as they have officially merged. Which is convenient as Sam literally brought all her belongings, including a fishing rod like it was 6 year-old me taking my maths book in a fire drill. But I’ve digressed. After everyone hugged and traded out their rancid buffs for fresh, clean numbers, Shay shared she was ready to kick things into overdrive, while Jordie was thrilled to actually be hanging with his bro and Sam was just grateful that she and Mark finally made it to the merge. I assume because it means they can stay together.

With that out of the way, they were tasked with competing in their first individual reward challenge where they would each have to balance a table using a rope and then walk back and forth to collect blocks which they would use to build a pyramid on the balancing board. Oh and the winner would score $60k. Like, what?! That is more than Sharn won over two seasons as the runner-up. Madness!

Madness, but also lols.

In any event, this sort of challenge is never exciting to read about, so I will spare you the they dropped, they dropped commentary and instead will tell you that while Mark got out to an early lead, Shay was playing it fast and loose while Chrissy was surprisingly dominant. Though none of them were competition for Khanh and his steady chef hands, who defied everyone dropping around him and jagged the mega-jackpot reward without dropping once. And sadly made that target on his back just that little bit bigger.

The newly merged tribe arrived at a sandbank in the middle of the river – which TBH, is a bit triggering in Brisbane ATM – for a celebratory feast where they quickly congratulated Khanh on taking out his massive prize, which he was thrilled about despite now being the foremost challenge beast of the season. He was thrilled to be a single in the newly merged tribe, given he doesn’t have to worry about anyone else when playing his game. While everyone was thrilled to be smashing their food, Jordie pulled his brother aside to focus on the game, looping him in on Mark’s idol and catching him up on his sausage fest alliance.

The tribe ventured back to the camp formerly home to the Water Tribe where we finally met Mel and Michelle, who are iconic identical twins who are ready to come and dominate the game. By putting their twin powers to good use, obvi. Sam and Mark too were thrilled to finally redeem their first runs, ready to get some idols and take some names. While Mark oddly stayed quiet about his idol, despite the fact they are straight up married. Sadly for him, Jordie and Sam then caught up by the shelter with Jordie telling Sam about her husband’s idol and well, let’s just say she was pissed. And while Survivor may have brought them together, it may also be the reason for their divorce.

Sam eventually confronted her husband, who thought it was absolutely hilarious she found out from someone else. Giving his mate a smirk on the way out of camp to fight about it. While Sam was happy that Mark’s little snafu had proven himself loyal to Jordie, I can’t help but feel like it makes him look like he has some hardcore trust issues. But whatever.

The tribe reconvened at the shelter to come up with the merge tribe name with both Glitter and Bin Chicken thrown around before they settled on the even worse option of Lava. Which, yuck! Thankfully though Chrissy was well and truly ready to fight for her place in the game, which makes the shit name feel better. Mark caught up with his alliance of five men – the four J names and him – thrilled that with the addition of his wife as their sixth member, they can take control. And with Sam, comes Khanh meaning they should be unstoppable. But you best believe that while Mark was willing to use Khanh, he was still focused on getting him out ASAP. Meaning, maybe not?

The Lava tribe joined Jonathan by a dam for the first individual immunity challenge of the season, the iconic ‘When it Rains it Pours’, most famously won by Shi Ann in All Stars as she briefly blocked Romber’s dominance. You know they one, they hold on to a rope tethered to a bucket of water with the last one standing, dry, winning immunity. Out of nowhere Chrissy was the first to drop out of the challenge, quickly followed by Michelle while Jordie was talking shit at everyone before he and Khanh dropped together, followed by Mark. 

After ten minutes, Mel and Josh dropped back-to-back, leaving the rest to battle it out. Five minutes later, KJ fishing for compliments led to Shay dropping out of the challenge, followed by Jordan, while Mark and Jordie grew bored as they waited around and started strategising, debating the merits of voting either Khanh or Shay out. Sam and Dave were next to drop, leaving Jesse and KJ to fight for immunity. Despite putting up a strong effort, poor KJ couldn’t hold on any longer, dropping her rope after 50 minutes and handing immunity to Jesse.

Back at camp Jesse was well and truly feeling his oats, thrilled to be immune though definitely concerned about how exactly he would be taking control of the tribe. He caught up with his former tribemates, with Sam, Mel and Michelle thrilled to band together as the couples to take out the singles. Sam’s husband Mark meanwhile was still solely focused on blindsiding Khanh. He and the boys were thrilled to lock in the vote split between him and Mel, given they can eliminate another pair at worst case. Meanwhile Sam and Jesse were focused on getting rid of Shay instead, locking in their plans and ready to dominate the tribe. After Khanh was looped in, he pulled KJ aside to lock her in as a number against Shay before moving on to Mel and Michelle.

The latter then approached Sam back at camp, with Sam assuring her the plan is still to get rid of Shay though she did think she should check in with Mark. Who then straight up shat all over her plan when they caught up. Mark then went in on Sam’s loyalty to Khanh, ignoring the fact Mark and his alphas are all the more threatening than Khanh and leaving him as a target could help their longevity. Their bickering was interrupted by the arrival of Khanh, who quickly pointed out they were having a domestic and offered to help counsel them. Sadly unaware that Sam was fighting to protect him, while Mark was stubbornly wanting to get him out.

Sam moved on to Jordie to question why nobody is considering Shay as a viable boot option, with Jordie admitting that turning the tribe off voting out Khanh simply seems near impossible. But boy did Sam continue to fight, bless her. Jesse meanwhile had given up fighting Khanh, approaching his brother with each agreeing to stay loyal to their alliances to get the maximum amount of information for them as a pair. And maybe they will be a formidable duo after all?

At tribal council Shay spoke about how difficult it already is to navigate the merged tribe given she hasn’t even had a chance to talk to everyone before firmly calling all the pairs out as threats. KJ agreed that being outnumbered by the pairs is scary, particularly since they’re all so strong. Jesse tried to downplay their advantage, talking about the fact there are so many ways the tribe could split things. Mark spoke about how he and Sam have not seen eye to eye so far, but out of the spirited discussions, the best ideas have risen to the top. Aka his, in his mind. While Sam tried to downplay the fact they were having a domestic and assured everyone she will stick to who she is loyal to. Mark agreed that tonight is a big vote for everyone to prove their loyalty.

Khanh fully accepted the fact he is a massive target, particularly since he just won $60k in a challenge. While he wasn’t sure he could truly trust anyone in his tribe, he opened up to Jonathan about how trust is always a risk in life and sometimes you just have to take the risks to build something great. Shay meanwhile wasn’t having much faith in the tryibe though reminded everyone that she is a safe single vote that can be added to any alliance. Which led to Mark continuing to gloat about how much better his alliance and plans are than Sam’s and ugh, yuck. Khanh meanwhile was just hoping his trust wasn’t blind.

With that the tribe voted and Khanh held on to his idol while Sam tragically sided with her husband’s alliance and booted him from the game. Thankfully to become the King of Jury, which honestly is the only worthy finish for him if he couldn’t take out the win.

As he arrived at the fresh, clean and very empty Jury Villa, Khanh was still taking his shocking blindside in his stride but given he will be the person taking home the second biggest prize of the season, how could you not be happy? Given we’re both highly respected members of the queer cooking community, Khanh and I have long been the best of friends so he was thrilled to see me waiting for him. While normally my meals are a step down from what he makes for himself, after a month in the bush, he was thrilled to see me whipping up something other than rice and beans. This time in the form of my – Diana Chan inspired – Thai Chickhanh Dumplongs.

As you’ve probably noticed (or definitely will have by the end of the season), I am almost as obsessed with dumplings as I am about burgers. I don’t know if it is the fact they are essentially little mouthfuls packed with flavour, but these babies are so good you’ll forget you just got booted and are now responsible for the entire jury.

Enjoy!

Thai Chickhanh Dumplongs
Serves: 2 dear friends.

Ingredients
500g chicken mince
7 garlic cloves, minced
2 shallots, finely sliced
2 tsp ginger, minced
1 tsp ground coriander seeds
6 kaffir lime leaves, thinly sliced
2 tsp cornflour
2 tsp fish sauce
1 tsp soy sauce
1 tsp ground chilli
½ tsp ground white pepper
½ tsp muscovado sugar
40 gow gee wrappers
vegetable oil, for frying

Method
Combine the chicken mince through muscovado sugar in a bowl and stir until well combined. Cover and pop in the fridge for an hour to rest.

Once things are nice and chill, place the wrappers on a clean board and cover with a damp cloth. Working one-by-one, spoon a teaspoon of mixture into the centre of your dumpling wrappers and crimp and fold as desired. Given my lack of skills, I try and hide behind a pleat to cover my bad joins.

Once they’re all done, heat a lug of oil in a large frying pan with a lid over medium heat. Cooking 6-8 at a time, pop the dumplings in the hot oil to fry on the bottom and cook for a few minutes. Add about ½ a cup of water and immediately pop on the lid, cooking for a further five minutes or until cooked through.

Repeat the process until they are all done – they can be frozen uncooked, but I am greedy – before devouring. Ideally with some Nam Jimbo Dressing.


As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Mexican Parmijohna Eastoe

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Main, Poultry, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor David and Luke were riding high in control of the tribe, unaware that the Champion women were growing tired of their schtick. After Dave lost immunity, Pia led the crew to turn the tribe against David, with them approaching the former Contenders one by one until they were sure that everyone was keen to take him out. The poor boys thought the target was on Daisy’s back, with the only foil to the plan being their ability to hide the truth from the boys. Despite some near misses at tribal council, David held on to his idol one more time, which tragically was the wrong decision as everyone but Luke successful blindside him from the game. Though Luke to live for it and laughed with them as David found his way to the Jury Villa.

Back at camp everyone was in a celebratory mood after the epic blindside, with Pia admitting to being worried half-way through tribal since everyone was so good at lying to the boys. While Luke tried to keep his spirits up after being left out, he assured everyone that he is still happy to work with everyone and understands why he was left out of things. He then went wandering for an idol, though tragically was followed by Baden and Harry. Not one to waste an opportunity, he suggested they all steal the pot and rice and have themselves a killer little rice feast while everyone slept. Luke was feeling good about their bond after the shared theft, but I can’t help but feel like this will only come back to bite him.

The next day John returned for another glorious nude scene as everyone spoke about how beautiful the morning was – breach – before sitting down to a celebratory breakfast of rice, thrilled to take out their biggest competition. Daisy then roasted David’s looks before admitting to want to bone Simon – who? – or Shaun – duh – before Janine continued to relish in the Davidless world, feeling her power growing in the game. She caught up with Abbey and the two confirmed that playing Champions strong is their best idea for the next few votes. Pia joined her allies, to quietly celebrate before she started to worry about putting Luke offside. With that she approached Luke by the well to reassure him that while his ally was blindsided, she and him were still solid. Standing right next to an idol.

By the shore Daisy was still feeling her oats after the killer acting performance at tribal council, boldly approaching Janine and Abbey to find out who would be the next to go. While she didn’t appear to be too concerned about their deflections, Harry was nervous and decided to take matters into his own hands and commenced searching for an idol. Sadly for him, Daisy was one step ahead of him, reaching into a rock wall and grabbing her second idol of the game, which she intends to use to get out a massive threat. While she panicked about finding a place to hide it, Luke and Pia returned to the well with her nervously trying to pretend that she didn’t just find one. Luke being Luke, he straight up asked her whether she just found an idol with her giggled out her admission before he and Pia suggested they could work with her to find a way to play it successfully and make yet another big move.

Jonathan arrived for the reward challenge where everyone would be paired up to balance an idol on the end of long sticks that they need to rub together. They were playing for a giant Chinese banquet so everyone was thrilled, as they paired up and Harry was forced to sit on the bench. Though he was given a reprieve, told that if he picked the winning pair he would join them, selecting Abbey and Janine for a throuple date. All the duos – Luke & Baden, John & Simon, and Pia & Daisy – were strong through the first two lengths of pole before Pia and Daisy dropped their idol adding the third segment. Everyone survived the next three extensions before Luke and Baden dropped sticking their last length of pole in. The were quickly followed by Simon and John, handing Janine and Abbey the win, and Harry for his killer betting abilities. Realising it was awkward to eat as a throuple, Jonathan allowed them one extra guest, with Harry selecting Simon to join them to hopefully find an in with the Champion crew.

The victors arrived at the jungle Chinese banquet, relaxing as they sat down to share a meal. Janine joked about the four of them being plotted against by the five back at camp, before getting super bold and floating plans for the next tribal council, hopeful to work with Harry given he is more predictable to some of her other options. After finishing the meal, Simon started casing the joint and discovered the plates from everyone’s family before we got to know Simon a little better, learning that he has three kids and is kinda hot. He then praised how good his son’s handwriting has gotten and hot damn, I guess I’m in love. Abbey cried about her plate, Janine showed off her sexy family and Harry outed himself as a superfan as his girlfriend wrote about Survivor being his lifelong dream. Oh and the plate made him realising that aligning with Janine is in his worst interests, making him focused to reunite the Contenders and find a way to take back control.

Back at camp Daisy was thrilled to have another idol to her name, though was unsure just how she will make it work. Particularly since she was court in the act – not Courtney Act – by Luke and Pia, and kinda needing to play along with them to make it work out.

Jonathan made his triumphant return for the next immunity challenge where everyone was forced to balance themselves between two long poles while planking. Oh and to update, John’s buns look great in his speedo. Harry dropped mere minutes into the challenge, followed closely by Abbey who let rip some glorious old man noises. Luke fell after three minutes, followed closely by Pia and my love, John. At ten minutes Baden started listing sequences until someone guessed them, after Simon identified the Olympic hosts, Daisy correctly guessed Eurovision and dropping out of the challenge. Out of nowhere Janine dropped, leaving King Baden to face off against our mute love Simon. The boys continued to fight, both desperately wanting a win under their belt leading to John starting to coach Baden in the hope that the youngo could secure the win. Sadly it was all for nought, as he couldn’t hold out any longer and Simon snatched himself immunity.

The tribe returned to camp to kick off their scrambling. Abbey was thrilled that Simon won the immunity challenge, though was more thrilled about the fact it was a Champion. Speaking of the Champs, they pulled themselves aside while Daisy rallied the Contenders to share that she has the idol. She then suggested that they all stick together and load the votes on one person, and she will play the idol to even up the numbers. While it isn’t a full-proof plan, they all agreed that it was their only shot. The Champions meanwhile were keen to get rid of Daisy, which led Luke and Pia to spill the knowledge of her idol. With that, the vote flipped to Harry as the easy(ish) option.

Luke and Baden then caught up by the well, with the latter hopeful to use their bond to keep the Contenders safe. Baden told Luke that he knows about Daisy’s idol, while Luke lied and said that he hadn’t told any of the Champions which made sweet Baden over confident and hot damn, am I nervous. Luke returned to JaQueen and Pia to fill them in, leaving the three to bounce back and forth between who to vote for before Pia admitted their only hope is to make Daisy so nervous that she blows the idol on herself.

At tribal council Daisy immediately put her idol around her neck, hopeful her brazen display would be enough to bamboozle the Champions. JaQueen was surprised to see her wear the idol, though was fairly sure that she had it. She then questioned why she was wearing it, unsure whether it was a bluff, or she planned to play it on any former Contender. Abbey and JaQueen agreed that old tribal lines were hard to break, though Janine mentioned that no matter what the game resets after every tribal council. With that Harry interjected to ask how that is true, given she always has control before John interrupted them to say that no matter what they believe, a pecking order exists and that won’t change unless the people on the bottom join them and switch things up.

Harry played into everyone’s fear, reminding them that they need to start making moves before their options join the jury. John doubled down, telling them that playing for fourth and fifth is pretty weak and they need to finally have a crack. Abbey admitted that they were aware of the idol all day and had just tried to figure out a way to navigate it. Daisy joined the fray to admit that playing the idol is her only hope and she’d rather play it on the wrong person than not have a crack. JaQueen started to make Daisy nervous, hopeful that she could make her burn the idol on herself. Abbey spoke about the Champions having two recurring targets, which John identified as a way to spook the Contenders away from playing the idol on him and as such, maybe he is their one true target.

With that the tribe voted, Daisy played her idol for herself and while the Contenders piled their votes on Abbey, someone cast a random vote for Harry and the rest voted for John. The tribe then revoted between John and Abbey with them coming in three apiece before tragedy struck and Zaddy John was sent from the game. With his budgies back at camp to boot.

While I was heartbroken to think that John’s pert butt won’t be kicking off every episode anymore, I was thrilled to see him expanding my Jury Villa harem. I took him in my arms after tribal council, congratulated him on a game well played before leading him back to the aforementioned villa for what I coined ‘an explosive surprise.’

Full disclosure, John forced me to change my practices this season, partly because of his passion for nudity and the other part because I wanted to woo him. To pull back the curtain, I usually arrive in Fiji with a recipe list for all of my friends with a suitcase full of groceries – so really the winner loses as that food is rotten by Day 50 – but seeing John parade around in speedos, flooding my basement in the process, I knew I had to give the man what he wanted. In the hope that he realised that he wanted me to. While I don’t kiss and tell, I can confirm that he was thrilled I pulled a Cher Horowitz, hauled arse to the kitchen, rearranged things and served him up a Mexican Parmijohna Eastoe. Aka a meal worthy of my King.

 

 

And boy am I glad I did. While it isn’t exactly what he sultrily described to Daisy and Shaun, this baby still filled him with joy. Juicy chicken enveloped in a spicy corn-chip crumb, slathered with salsa, ham and a tonne of dripping cheese, finished off with a dollop of sour cream and guac? Let’s just say a way to this man is definitely through a Mexi-parm.

Enjoy!

 

 

Mexican Parmijohna Eastoe
Serves: 2

Ingredients
2 chicken breasts, sliced in half to form two fillets each
200g corn chips, blitzed to a crumb
1 cup flour
2 tsp cumin
2 tsp chilli powder
1 tsp garlic powder
½ tsp ground coriander seeds
½ tsp turmeric
¼ tsp cinnamon
¼ cup finely grated parmesan
1 egg
2 tsp milk
1 cup salsa, store bought or Struthers, I don’t mind
100g ham, sliced
⅓ cup sliced pickled jalapenos
100g vintage cheddar cheese, sliced
½ cup sour cream
1 avocado

Method
Preheat oven to 180C.

Place the corn chips and flour in two bowls and mix each with half of each spice, and the corn chip mix with parmesan. Then whisk the egg and milk in a third.

Working one at a time, dip the breast in the spiced flour, followed by the egg wash and then into the corn chip crumb, pressing to make sure it is heavily coated. Place on a lined baking sheet and repeat until the chicken is done.

Transfer to the oven to bake for 15 minutes, or until crisp and golden. Remove from the oven, drizzle with salsa, top with sliced ham, drizzle with more salsa, dot with jalapenos, and cover with cheese. Return to oven and bake for a further ten minutes, or until bubbly and golden.

Serve immediately and devour, seductively, wooing your man. Is anyone else feeling short of breath and sweaty?

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

BilTing-Tong

Snack, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, Tapas, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa, Jacques found the Ta’alo hidden immunity idol with an assist from Cobus – who I should mention, is also a total babe – though neither of them really need it as everyone in the tribe is sick of Tania and her drama. Though damn she is good TV. Over at Laumei, Rocco and Laetitia had formed a tight bond, which forced Mmaba, Rose-Lee, Mike, and Geoffrey to form their own tight bond to get rid of both of them ASAP. Sa’ula returned to tribal council and despite Nathan continuing to fall apart physically, the tribe opted to take out a flakey Paul instead and keep my gaggle of thirst traps around for another week.

Back at camp Sa’ula were coming to terms with tribal council, Nathan thankful that he didn’t quit and that the tribe see his value. Seipei was thrilled about the blindside and to have gotten rid of the people she didn’t like, before Steffi welcomed her into the alliance and hot damn I need this five to go to the end together because they are adorable and seem to legit like each other.

Cut to me ranting about a boring pagonging when they never turn on each other.

Over at Ta’alo Jacques pulled Ting Ting aside under the cover of darkness to show her his bag of tricks, complete with extra vote and hidden immunity idol. More importantly, Jacques in night vision is hot … or I am super horny whenever I watch Survivor SA?

The next day we checked in with Laumei where Mike was lamenting about the pain of the incessant rain, with Laetitia agreeing that it is fucked and her bones click no matter what. Mike then pivoted to complaining about the lack of food and the rancid smell of their camp before the sun came out and everyone’s mood started to lift. Though Rocco had his shirt off, so maybe that was what made them happy. Goeff and Mmaba went for a walk with him filling Mmaba in about Rocco’s plans for an all boys alliance. Which didn’t really bother her, given she feels pretty confident in her allies. Speaking of which, she approached Rose-Lee to catch her up and confirm their alliance. While they agreed Laetitia needs to be the first out, Rose_lee started to feel nervous because she is way down at the bottom of her current alliance which TBH, just sounds like the paranoia of a tribe that need to go to tribal and see where things lie.

Over at Sa’ula Seipei got to work braiding Nathan’s hair before deciding that the reason for their losing streak was the dead weight that they’ve voted out, and now that they’re united they will be unstoppable. And again, I love them and seeing them happy makes me happy. Wait, no, Paul took the idol and flint with him when he was voted out and now they’re sad. So you know how I feel about that. We returned to Ta’alo where Tania was reminiscing about being dominated by Steffi at the previous challenge, before going on a long monologue about how impulsive she is to Ting Ting. Which I don’t think will win her any allies. Thankfully it was interrupted by Cobus and Dante walking back into camp – hopefully as a couple – who announced that they were heading to a reward challenge, which led to a debate about who should and shouldn’t participate in the challenge, which only made people more annoyed by Tania as she couldn’t read the damn room. This lead to Dante telling us that he’d rather win reward and get food than win immunity because as Cobus said last week, flint for Tania is a good trade. The boys got together to lock in a vote against Tania, however Cobus was adamant that they split votes which made Jacques nervous about losing his ally Ting Ting or outing his idol.

My boy Nico finally arrived for the aforementioned challenge – which turns out is for immunity – where the tribes were required to race through a muddy obstacle course to collect their flag before the other tribe. First tribe to three wins immunity and a tonne of comfort items … with the losers battling out in a sudden death challenge for the second immunity and a measly tarp and flint. First up were Nathan and Rob vs. Durao and Mike vs. Dante and Cobus, and with half of them in speedos while getting muddied up, I would say I am the true winner. Despite Nathan and Rob scoring the first point. Rocco defeated Seipei and Jacques for a point for Laumei. Steffi and Nicole dominated Felix and Meryl, and Laetitia and Geoffrey giving Sa’ula a two, one, nothing lead over the other tribes, despite breaking the chain holding them together. Rob and Nathan then secured the first victory of the season for Sa’ula, bringing the tribe to tears and yes, I may have cried with them. Whatevs. That left Rocco to face off against Dante for the remaining immunity and hot damn, can’t they just mud wrestle instead? In any event Rocco snatched victory by mere seconds, making Dante sad. I assume because he doesn’t have a mirror to see how hot he looks covered in mud. After a brief deliberation, Sa’ula decided to send Tania to the Island of Secrets, assuming that she is in trouble. Which given the fact they all joked about voting her out the next night, seems like they made the right choice.

Back at Sa’ula the tribe were jubilant to have broken their losing streak and have a couch and a fire making kit, meaning that they can finally eat. They then spoke about Tania being grateful to have been sent to the Island of Secrets and all felt like it was a turning point for their game. They then frolicked in the water and my heart fills warmed. Meanwhile over at Laumei the tribe were thrilled about their comparatively crappy victory, thanking Rocco for just snatching the win. He then did his victory dance and TBH, I don’t understand why people don’t love this sexy goober. Finally we dropped by the losing camp, where they were still grateful  despite the loss because they at least get some peace and quiet with Tania out of the camp. The group then agreed that they need to get rid of Tania, though Ting Ting grew paranoid about what they will do should she have immunity after her jaunt to the island. The boys then tasked her with going to Tania when she returns to find out whether she had any luck at the Island of Secrets. Speaking of lucky, Cobus looks delightful in his speedo and we should all count ourselves lucky.

As lucky as say, Tania, who is living her best life on the Island of Secrets before even discovering the note bequeathing her the choice of going back to camp the next day and going to tribal council with her tribe – aka certain doom – or chill out by herself an extra day before picking which tribe she goes to when they swap. Given she isn’t an idiot, she opted to stay and felt so grateful that Sa’ula managed to breath life into her terminal game. Speaking of Sa’ula Rob decided to make fire without the kit they just won in the previous challenge to prove to his dad that he was worth his time showing him how to make fire. They then feasted on their first hot meal of the season and felt renewed.

The next day we returned to Ta’alo where the tribe was still blissfully unaware about Tania not returning for tribal council, and speculated how best to identify whether she snagged herself an advantage. How sweetly naive they all sound! Everyone still pushed for Ting Ting to be the decoy vote as far as Tania is concerned and while Cobus assured her that they won’t screw her, she and Jacques seemed super wary. Ting Ting approached him about moving his advantages to his bag, rather than burying them in the jungle where they can get lost. Before we get any resolution, Meryl arrived with treemail announcing that Tania has ditched tribal council and honestly, you can see the fear in each of their eyes no matter who you pause it on. Everyone awkwardly sat in silence before Felix and Cobus rallied to switch the vote to Ting Ting instead. Jacques and Dante spoke about whether there were any other options and when Jacques didn’t get the answer he liked, he decided that he and Ting Ting will idol out Cobus instead. And then Jacques will channel Luke and wear Cobus’ dry clothes the next day. Cobus and Ting Ting then caught up by the shore, with Ting Ting pushing him to leave his bag back at camp to help Jacques’ cause.

At tribal council – where Cobus was wearing his bag – Meryl spoke about how great the tribe felt without Tania, before being kicked in the nuts this morning upon discovering that Tania managed to avoid tribal council. Everyone agreed with her before Nico, bless, threw shade at them, reminding them they should expect the unexpected. Felix spoke about the importance of keeping the tribe strong, with Meryl admitting that that makes her and Ting Ting vulnerable. Ting Ting argued that her drive to keep going and to play the game is an asset to the tribe, immediately making everyone nervous about her getting any further. Cobus mentioned that he will vote on strength, Dante said that whoever is going home tonight is aware of it before Nico asked to be looped in. Felix said that it was Ting Ting, leading to Nico questioning whether she has truly done whatever she can to save herself. With that, the tribe voted and despite his promise back at camp, Jacques to instead play his idol for himself, saving an unwitting Cobus and sending Ting Ting out of the game.

Oh poor Ting Ting, not only was she Jacques’ collateral damage but she also got straight up the first worst recipe this season. And I am not even going to pretend it is good as you head to the kitchen to whip up some BilTing-Tong. 

I mean, sure, you may like biltong. But, yeah, even a connoisseur of meat like myself can’t bring myself to endorse it. Unless I’m super drunk and chugging a beer. Salty and chewy it works perfectly in that exact moment, otherwise it taste like balls. And not in a good way.

Enjoy!

BilTing-Tong
Serves: 1 very drunk person, or 10 normal people.

Ingredients
1 tbsp ground coriander seeds
1 tsp ground chilli
1 tbsp kosher salt
1 tsp ground pepper
600g lean beef, cut into thin 2x3cm strips

Method
Combine the spices in a jar and give a good shake.

Sprinkle on the base of a glass jar and layer with beef strips. Sprinkle with more spices and follow with more strips, alternating until both are used up. 

Hang up to dry somewhere with decent airflow, though away from bugs and pets.

Once crispy, devour and apologise to Ting-Ting for giving such an icon a terrible recipe.


As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Paulerewors Smulders

Main, Party Food, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa we were introduced to the Island of Secrets which seems to be the love child of a threesome between Exile Island, Ghost Island and Survivor NZ’s The Outpost. While we’re yet to know which parent it takes after most, the first visit offered three competitors to take a reward for their tribe or a clue to the hidden immunity with Cobus and Paul opting to serve themselves while one of my top three crushes, Rocco took a flint for his tribe. And stole said clue when Paul had dropped trou. Rocco’s only downside appeared to be his desire to form an all male alliance – surprisingly a boner killer for me – on Laumei, with Mike my only hope for ending the plan. On Ta’alo we met the instantly iconic Tania who is bae, except to literally everyone on her tribe who she was driving completely nuts. Over at Sa’ula Paul tried to use his hidden immunity idol clue to further their tribe, though it did sweet FA when they didn’t have fire to keep them warm and sustained ahead of the immunity. Which they promptly lost, zaddy Nathan was injured and a shy Lee-Anne became the first boot.

Back at camp Seipei was thrilled to have survived tribal by the skin of her teeth and was fired up to use her powers of persuasion to get further. And keep the tribe together. The next day we dropped by Ta’alo where Cobus was sharing his immunity idol clue with Jacques, and the two of them went hunting around the well before the tribe awoke. Cobus was terrified that he would be an idiot that had the clue but couldn’t find the idol, before Jacques promptly found the idol, pocketed it in secret and made pocket zaddy Cobua look stupid. We ventured back to Sa’ula where Nicole continued to win her tribe over, cooking them breakfast and working hard. She and Paul then went for a walk to figure out who would be in the top of their five person alliance, with Paul wanting to lock in a three with Nicole and Steffi, though Nicole was more interested in focusing on Seipei and worrying about the rest when they need it. Nathan was still smarting over his injury, and while Rob vowed to carry him all the way if required, Nathan wanted to be independent like one Ms. Kelly Clarkson.

Meanwhile over at Laumei the tribe were complaining about the cold, while Mike was confident that Laetitia would be the first boot. Though given Geoffrey and Rocco are close to her and want to keep her safe, I am hopeful. The boys got together in the ocean and discussed Laetitia being the obvious target however Mike was concerned that Rocco was more interested in taking out Mmaba, which made Mike interested in getting out Rocco first. With that, he approached Rose, Geoffrey and Mmaba about forming a strong four, which they were all thrilled to agree to.

We returned to Ta’alo where Cobus was working his way up into my heart, though was sadly getting sick of Tania’s constant focus on strategy as it was doing his head in. Felix and Jacques caught up to bitch about Tania’s attitude, before branching out and realising that everyone wants her out. To make matters worse, she stole Felix’s dry spot in the shelter and refused to get out. They then had a blow-up about the pitch before she tried to play the hero and move to a different spot, which did nothing but drive everyone mad.

My boy Nico returned for this week’s reward and immunity challenge, with only one tribe coming out victorious. To secure victory one person from each tribe would be tethered to a tower and required to collect pieces to form a tower made out of balls and discs. The winner would get the option of fishing gear or chickens in addition to immunity, while the losers would return the next day to battle it out for the second immunity. Oh and second place gets the booby prize. Rocco – looking great in lycra – got out to an early lead for Laumei, with Jacques close behind for Ta’alo while poor Steffi was on struggle street for . Jacques dropped, followed by Rocco … and then Steffi, resetting the entire challenge. Eventually Rocco and his lycra buns took out victory, followed by Jacques and Ta’alo, handing Sa’ula another loss. Nico then gave Laumei another advantage of selecting who goes to the island of secrets, sending Rob and temporarily breaking up his romance with Nathan.

When Rob arrived at the island of secrets he was disappointed as it meant that he was epically failing at blending in. He then discovered a table with three boxes, offering him the chance to select to send someone to the island of secrets at a later date with the risk of his vote at the next tribal council. Given he is in a strong alliance, he gave zero fucks about risking his vote … so rolled the dice and lost his vote at the upcoming tribal council.

Meanwhile Laumei were thrilled to welcome the chickens into their camp, giddily naming them lunch and dinner. Giving me whiplash, we pivoted over to Ta’alo where they too were joking about what to eat for dinner before Dante stripped down to his speedos and proved that he is the ultimate snack. He then grabbed the spear, caught a gaggle of fish and served everyone sushi. Though sadly not on his naked body, Samantha Jones style. We then checked in with Sa’ula and let’s just say, the mood was not great. Steffi apologise for losing the challenge and then went and cried by the shore by herself. Wait, no, she went and found her pals and cried in their arms and it turned out far more heartwarming than expected. The next day their moods were slowly turning around, waiting for Rob’s return and trying to get their head in the game for the immunity challenge. Nathan was rocking a South African flag speedo and well, he and Dante are winning at life, so neither needs to worry.

The tribes arrived at the site of the immunity challenge where Nico explained that working in pairs, each tribe will run out into the ocean and battle to grab a ring and get it back to their pole before the other. Needing one hand on the ring and the other on their pole to secure victory. I’m not even going to say it because I feel the cast is making me to thirsty, so you’re welcome for me not making a comment and about the rings and poles. Until then. First up were Rob and Paul facing off against Dante and Felix, with the boys are writhing around with the ring until Dante slapped his pole and took out victory. Next up Cobus and Tania battled Nathan and Seipei, with Nathan not letting his injury hold him back by quickly grabbing the ring … until queen Tania and Cobus managed to pull them over for an explosive finish. Steffi and Nicole made quick work of Meryl and Ting Ting before Felix and Dante went out to face off against Paul and Rob, while Nathan was pulled from the challenge by medical. Despite getting out to an early lead, Rob was caught up by Felix and Dante, giving them enough room to slide the ring over to their pole and take out immunity, sending Sa’ula back to tribal council.

Back at camp Paul started to worry about following through on a Seipei vote, given Nathan is falling apart. Before they could discuss it, Rob filled them in on what happened at the Island of Secrets before Paul explained that they decided he could wear the idol tonight so that he can feel safe. Steffi and Nicole went to fetch water to discuss getting rid of Nathan to try and keep the tribe as strong as possible, despite liking him. They then discussed how good Seipei performed at the last tribal council and instead of being intimidated by her ability to talk her way out of situations, they viewed it as a strength and damn I need the three of them to align and run the game. Despite Nicole feeling like Steffi could be too devious to trust long term. Apparently, because she then floated her earlier discussion with Paul about forming a final three alliance and seemed to be on board with her again.

To make things more interesting, Paul arrived and was decidedly more non committal about said alliance which did make both the girls distrustful. He then tried to make them swear not to turn on him, which was quite hypocritical. Paul then tagged out with Rob to see how he felt about getting rid of Nathan, leading to Rob approaching Nathan to see how he was feeling and they both started to break down about him potentially leaving. Nathan then asked him to make sure that he is voted out tonight, because he doesn’t want to be an albatross around Rob’s neck. They then cried, hugged and went wandering through the jungle in lycra and I ship them. So hard.

At tribal council Rob spoke about the island of secrets and said he was upfront about his experience because he trusts them all implicitly. Steffi spoke about feeling down and starving, and hoped that they can use the humility to regroup. Paul argued it was more important to be confident going into challenges, rather than being defeated. Nathan addressed his injury and how humiliating it is before talk turned to trust, with he, Steffi and Rob talking about the need to find people you can trust, while Paul argued they need to focus on strength at the moment instead. This made Nicole, Steffi, Rob and Nathan start to get nervous and whisper, while Seipei agreed that they need to stay completely strong but danced around whether that was based around physical strength. Talk returned to Nathan’s injury with him pushing to be voted out before Nico interrupted him and told him that they medics are happy he can continue in the game, asking him to look at what else he brings to the tribe other than his foot. And I love Nico for shipping Nathrob too. Paul then danced around his plans for the endgame, which all but sealed his fate as the tribe locked in the vote against him and sent him packing as the second boot.

Poor Paul was shocked and heartbroken to find himself booted by his fellow amigos, but honestly, after wearing that teen cosplay, it was the right decision. Which I told him as he walked into my arms in Ponderosa. I mean, why hide your silverfox ways dressing like a High School douche? In any event, I looked past his fashion faux pas and focused on what I love most – sausage! In the form of a Paulerewors Smulders.

 

 

There is nothing more South African than a long, juicy, coiled boerewors. Packing so much flavour it will take your breath away, this sausage is the perfect thing to fill your mouth. Or a big, warm bun. (Lucky I found a recipe online here, as Samoa didn’t have a South African butcher close by).

Enjoy!

 

 

Paulerewors Smulders
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1kg brisket, minced
500g pork shoulder, minced
1 tbsp ground coriander seeds
1 tbsp salt
½ tsp ground allspice
½ tsp ground pepper
¼ tsp ground nutmeg
pinch of ground cloves
¼ cup malt vinegar
sausage casing

Method
Place the freshly minced meat in a large bowl with the spices and vinegar and mix until well combined.

Rinse and prepare the sausage casing as per the packet instructions. Thread onto the end of our sausage stuffing attachment – assuming you’re using a Kitchenaid like the dignified people you are – leaving about 10cm hanging off the end. Tie a knot in the end of the casing.

Turn the stuffer on – swoon – and load the casing as per the machine’s instructions, coiling into shape on a plate as you go until all the mixture has filled the casing and you’re left with a gloriously large coil. Insert two skewers through the centre to form an X to hold the sausage in place. Cover and refrigerate for at least 12 hours to allow the flavours to adequately meld.

When you’re ready to cook, preheat the oven to 180C.

Transfer the sausage to a lined baking sheet, brush with some olive oil and baking for 20 minutes, or until cooked through.

Serve immediately and devour greedily with your zaddy friends.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Lizzy Caplemon Chicken Tajine

Main, Poultry, That Is So Fetch Week

As you will soon start to notice is a pattern, like Amanda – though unlike Dan or Jon – I am the reason that Lizzy Caplan scored the role of Janis Ian and as such, she couldn’t pass up the opportunity to join me and help celebrate this year’s Mean Girls’ Day celebration, That’s So Fetch Week.

Not that it wasn’t optional though, of course. Honestly.

Anyway, I met Lizzy through Seth Rogen and current Survivor cast-member Mike White on the set of Freaks & Geeks. While it was only her acting debut, she completely blew me away and I deemed her worthy of my tutelage.

Given I am an excellent teacher – don’t you dare say anything about those unable to do, teach – I finesse her skills and within a couple of years, she was knocking on Teens’ door and making her way onto the A-list.

Lizzy’s career has absolutely blown up following her breakout performance in Masters of Sex, so we sadly haven’t been able to pal around as often as we’d like. Thankfully as soon as she heard Mean Girls celebration, she dropped everything, ran into my home and giddily reminisced over a big old Lizzy Caplemon Chicken Tajine.

 

 

There is nothing I love more than a tajine, if only for the general festive look of a tajine. Add in succulent chicken and the tart kick of lemon and olives, and I am in heaven. Heaven I tells ya!

Enjoy!

 

 

Lizzy Caplemon Chicken Tajine
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
6 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp ginger, minced
¼ tsp saffron threads
1 tsp sweet paprika
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp chilli powder
½ tsp coriander seeds
½ tsp turmeric
salt and pepper, to taste
8 chicken thighs, bones in
olive oil
2 onions, diced
1 cinnamon quill
⅓ cup green olives, pitted and halved
2 Preserved Lemonika Radulovic, flesh removed and cut into strips
2 cups chicken stock
½ lemon, juiced
parsley, roughly chopped, to garnish

Method
Combine the garlic, ginger, saffron, paprika, cumin, chilli, coriander and turmeric with a a good whack of salt and pepper and blitz with a stick blender to form a thick paste. Rub the chicken thighs with the fragrant glob, cover and leave to marinate in the fridge for a couple of hours.

When you’re ready to rock, heat a lug of oil in the base of our tajine and sweat the onions on low for about ten minutes. Add the chicken thighs and seal on both sides. Add the cinnamon, olives, preserved lemon and stock and bring to the boil. Reduce to a simmer, cover and cook for half an hour.

When the chicken is completely falling off the bone, remove from the heat, stir through the lemon juice and sprinkle with parsley.

Serve immediately on a bed of couscous and devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.