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Cider Mimosabiyah Broderick

Drink, Survivor, Survivor 45, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor Bruce was still all energy, at an 11 at any and all moments, which continued to drive Katurah absolutely mental. And given it was annoying me through the TV, I love her even more. Kellie and Brando meanwhile were busy playing in the middle of Belo, given both the girls and boys wanted to take control with them. If they ever go to tribal council, that is. At Reba, Austin had the beware advantage and secured a majority with Drew as he emerged as an icon, against everything I was expecting. Over at Lulu, Sabiyah released the idol from the tree only to learn she had to melt it out of wax to activate it. And while they didn’t have fire, it wasn’t necessary as after Emily was reborn thanks to Kaleb’s advice, Brandon was booted.

Back at camp Emily was grateful to have been spared, with everyone agreeing that she at least contributes in challenges and as such, that is why she was kept. Sabiyah admitted she also liked her and as such, she returned her Shot in the Dark and the four agreed they could now move forward with trust. That is until Emily quickly ran the maths and realised that only three people voted and asked if one of them didn’t vote. Before she went one step further and questioned Sabiyah about whether she was the one that didn’t vote. And while Sabiyah denied it and Emily kinda let it go, it is clear that these two still have a ways to go if we want them to make it to the end.

The next day Jake was trying to breathe like into the fire and then collapsed and had a mild seizure and yeah, it was scary to watch and I don’t like it. Kendra, thankfully, was way more zen, sitting him down and making sure he was ok before grabbing him some water. The duo bonded over how much they were loving being on Survivor, before Kendra admitted that she was initially nervous of him and wanted to target him for being a lawyer. They continued to bond and be adorbs, TBH, making me feel like this womens’ alliance is over before it began.

Over at Reba, the starving tribe were contemplating what they would eat, as a crab literally hung out in their pot. Austin meanwhile was focused on jagging his idol, pulling Drew aside to stand watch. As Austin dug about and Drew loitered in the shrubs, Dee was busy asking Julie if she felt something was off between Austin and Drew. Right on cue, the ladies walked up on Drew digging and while he awkwardly wandered off, Drew expertly threw out a lie that they caught Sifu digging and as such wanted to jag whatever it was before he did. Dee being an icon, however, was wary and knew to keep an eye on the boys, lest it ruin their alliance before they even attended tribal council.

The tribes caught up with Probst for the first reward challenge of the season where they would race into shore and toss a ball into a trough before running through an obstacle and catching it. Once they get through, they would release rings and then land them on a post for massive plates of fruit. And the victors would get to loot something from one of the losing tribes. Lulu miraculously got out to an early lead and despite Emily axing herself on the first run of the obstacles, they managed to stay in front and landed all their rings before anyone even started tossing. As they celebrated, the other tribes desperately fought for second before Reba snatched it, leaving Belo with nothing.

After Reba and Belo were sent away, Lulu locked in Kaleb as their representative as he ventured off to raid. Only for him to discover he also had a Goodwill Advantage to give to one of his new friends, which grants them the power to restore a lost vote at a single tribal council. As the other tribes speculated about their plans, Kaleb arrived at Reba and quickly got to work bonding with everyone, as Sifu and J. Maya put on a little show. Kaleb then snatched their fishing gear before asking to talk to each of them one on one, before deciding to hand the advantage to Drew given he has already proven to be a gamer as he participated on the journey. Oh and then he assured them he will tell Lulu to work with them should there be a swap before he departed.

As Drew quickly looped in Austin, Dee and Julie on his new advantage.

Back at Lulu the tribe joyously smashed their fruit, thrilled to finally have a taste of victory and hopeful to be vibing with energy at the next immunity challenge. And after a full belly, Sean and Sabiyah loved Emily’s newfound energy and as such, decided they could bring her in on their alliance and potentially get rid of Kaleb if they have to return to tribal council, given he is so strong in challenges and would dominate if he is allowed to get to the final three. They then pulled Emily in to float the idea and while she knows she is on the outs and therefore would vote for anyone if they go back to tribal council, I still think she is more likely to stick with Kaleb.

Over at Belo the tribe were zen as the boys fished and lived their best lives, while the girls remained at camp and discussed Jake and whether they could work with him. Katurah obviously suggested that he would be a way better person to work with rather than Bruce. Kellie meanwhile was torn, given she and Brando are the swing votes and as such, approached him to see which way he was leaning.

Meanwhile at Reba, Austin admitted to Julie and Dee that he just found a Beware Advantage and as such, they all went hunting for the idol to help him get his vote back. Thankfully Dee and Julie found a rope, leading them to a hammer which directed them to smash a rock near the water well. Before they handed it off to Austin who finally jagged the idol and learnt it is only good for one tribal council, unless he sacrifices a vote to make it last to the merge. And if he sacrifices another vote, it would be good all the way up to the final five. And while Dee wanted to keep it for herself, she was glad they got to prove trust, as a strong alliance is worth so much more.

The tribes came together with Jeffrey for the latest immunity challenge where they would race through a course to release keys and collect puzzle pieces before using them to solve a massive cube puzzle. Belo and Reba got out to an early lead before Lulu closed the gap and started to overtake Reba. As is oft the case, the puzzle was the great equaliser as everyone grew more and more confused. And Bruce grew more and more frustrated, annoying even the rival tribes. Before Reba got the puzzle out of nowhere, quickly followed by Belo, sending poor Lulu back to tribal council yet again.

To the strings of heartbroken music, no less.

Back at camp things were well and truly flat, as everyone was angry about the fact they are the only ones that even know what attending tribal council is like. Kaleb quickly locked in the vote against Emily, as Sabiyah and Kaleb agreed to suggest the other to keep her calm enough to not play her Shot in the Dark. Oh and Sabiyah plans to melt her idol in the fire at tribal council to get her vote back. She then caught up with Emily, telling her about her idol plans and while that was done to try and build trust with her, it actually made Emily nervous about the fact she kept it a secret from her for 4 days. As such, Emily caught up with Kaleb and let him know that he is the actual plan tonight. Sadly for her though, he isn’t exactly sure about that, given that is the plan he and Sabiyah planned to tell Emily and as such, he isn’t sure who to trust.

At tribal council Sabiyah immediately got to melting her idol free as she filled Jeff in on what was going on. And damn, this is camp as hell and is 100% why I love this show. Kaleb meanwhile spoke about the camp raid and how they got fishing gear, though can’t actually cook anything yet, so at least he got information too. Emily spoke about feeling responsible for being back at tribal council, and while she would love to stay, she still feels like she is on the bottom of the tribe. Which Sabiyah agreed with, either truthfully or to lull Kaleb into a false sense of security. She then pulled her scroll off the grill to cool down as Kaleb admitted Emily spent the afternoon trying to find a way to stay, with everyone agreeing that she could have painted anyone as a target. Before Sabiyah packed her idol in her pocket.

With that the tribe voted and Sabiyah learnt about the fact she would have to risk her vote if she wanted to extend the life of her idol, which she obviously chose to do. Sadly for her, Kaleb heeded Emily’s warnings as the duo banded together to blindside Sabiyah from the game with a still active idol in her pocket.

She followed the sound of my sobbing cries all the way from tribal council to Loser Lodge before sweeping me in for a massive hug and assured me that everything would be fine. Despite only lasting a few episodes, Sabiyah well and truly left a mark on the game and arguably, will go down as one of the most iconic pre-mergers of the new era. Recency bias, be damned. After drying my eyes, I thanked her for her televisual service and toasted her return ASAP with a Cider Mimosabiyah Broderick or two.

Given we’re on a literal slay ride to Christmas, I am well and truly in the festive spirit and this little cocktail is a perfect way to start. Light and spicy, it is perfect for a Thanksgiving or Christmas brunch. Or afternoon tea. Or lunch. Or just because, hey, it’s Wednesday, no judgement.

Enjoy!

Cider Mimosabiyah Broderick
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
¼ cup raw caster sugar
2 tsp cinnamon
120ml spiced rum
240ml apple cider
480ml chilled sparkling wine
apple, sliced, to garnish

Method
Combine the sugar and cinnamon in a bowl and wet the rim of two glasses with cider. Dip in the cinnamon sugar to coat.

Pour half the rum in  each glass, followed by half the cider and then top with sparkling. Add a slice of apple to the rim then, most importantly, down.


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Apple & Almond Cinnamoon Bun

Baking, Dessert, Drag Race France, Drag Race France 2, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race France the dolls got into the dirtiest of quick drags before popping the hands in jars of, well, dirty stuff, to find keys. After using the keys to unlock the Pit Crew’s package, Keiona took out victory which gave her the power to cast this week’s maxi challenge, the rusical – Le Bossu de Notre Drag. Despite being filled with an overwhelming sense of dread after another stellar performance, Keiona finally took out her first, very well deserved win of the season. At the other end of the strong pack, Ginger and Punani landed in the bottom. And after spending Untucked fighting with Cookie, rather than practising, Ginger found herself booted while sweet Punani lived to fight another day.

Backstage the dolls farewelled their fallen sister, though were more focused on how disappointed they were that she had left the competition angry. Cookie obviously felt very emotional, given they are friends and just wished they could have talked in the moment rather than her holding it in until Untucked. Things got more positive as they turned their attention to Keiona finally getting her win and well, like her, I am feeling it and look forward to her getting many more. While Punani was just feeling energised after being in the bottom and ready to dominate the rest of the season. And since I love her, I support it.

The next day the dolls rolled in in a mime car and spoke about their track records, with Cookie and Moon ready to ride their upward momentum to a victory. Forgetting that I am already busy willing Keiona to another, but I digress. After a signature cocorico, Nicky dropped by to put the dolls through their paces in a live lip sync mini challenge. Featuring Bilal on the mic, while they would be rocking their best 15 minute quick drag. And while it was wild and confusing, Keiona and Cookie slayed it all, Punani was a silly delight, Sara was demented, Moon was smutty, Mami lost her wig and well, it was fun but I’m not sure what exactly the criteria was. Though Punani won, so I am happy.

And with it, came a minor advantage in this week’s maxi challenge, the Time Ball. Category One would see them design an outfit in honour of their heroines, the second would serve futuristic chic while the third would see them design an outfit for prom out of items from a child’s bedroom. With the aforementioned advantage being an extra 10s to loot items before the other dolls joined the brawl. And while she grabbed a tonne in that time, it didn’t stop things from quickly dissolving into chaos as the rest snatched anything in sight.

Nicky and the Pit Crew departed as the dolls split up to go through their hauls with Punani just vibing, Keiona thrilled to go fully fluffy while Sara luxuriated on her mattress. Thankfully Nicky made a speedy return to check in on her girls, with Keiona sharing her plans for a stunning gown, while Nicky was concerned about her fabric. Punani on the other hand was worried she would be a failure, Sara was going to literally have a mattress on her back, Cookie was confident while Moon was trying to bring euphoria after the dysphoria she experienced during the previous challenge. Oh and Mami was planning to bring full glamour. After Nicky left, Keiona and Mami started a conversation about how we as queer people often live in fear of violence. And the fact they all had a personal experience shows just how prevalent it is.

We immediately arrived at the ball where Nicky, Daphne and Kiddy were joined on the panel by Christian Louboutin and Léna Situations. Punani opened the Héroïne du passé category  in honour of her grandmother as a pink and green beauty queen and well, it was a slay. Mami also slayed in a suit in honour of Grace Jones and ugh, it looked GOOD. Moon slayed as a gypsy queen, Sara gave sexy writer realness, Cookie was polished as her flamenco dancer grandmother, before Keiona slayed as a stunning Josephone Baker, complete with a little strip moment.

On the Futuristic Chic runway, Punani served as a cyborg CEO, complete with QR codes to her own instagram filter. Mami gave bridal, floral robot, Moon gave future rocker, Sara gave glamour toad from Super Mario, Cookie was a shiny, sparkling fighter and Keiona slayed in a yellow gown with the world’s longest ponytail. When it came to their Reine du bal looks, Punani gave a pastel patchworked dream, Mami too was patchworked, though rocked it in blue and with a train. Moon meanwhile meant from gloom to glam with her yellow gown, Sara was a neon, colour blocked, well, something. Before Cookie slayed as a punk rocker in all the right ways before Keiona slayed her third of three looks, giving anime and shimmering in silver.

Punani was praised for showing all the versatility across her three looks, as did Mami, though mainly for slaying her made look. Moon was beloved for living everything she sold on the runway. Sara’s first two looks were beloved, though they hated the look she whipped up. Cookie meanwhile got us back to wall to wall praise as did Keiona, but honestly, are we even surprised by that at this point?

Before sending the dolls to untuck, Nicky asked them who they would send home, with everyone clearly wanting to make the most of Sara’s run at the bottom, and singling her out in front of the judges. Backstage she was pressed to be the one the dolls wanted to go, until Moon started to break down about being in the bottom and having to lip sync against her bestie Sara. She tried to hold back tears as she realised that she could not possibly stay any longer; emotional and spent, she just wanted to go home and look after her mental health. Which is oh, so valid.

After praising all the dolls for slaying the ball, Nicky announced that both Keiona and Cookie took out the win. With both scoring a pair of Louboutins. Mami and Punani were then sent to safety before Moon stepped forward to announce that there would be no need for the lip sync as instead, she would like to go home. And ugh, it was heartbreaking to see her go, but empowering to see her make the choice to look after herself. Unlike Down Under, however, the top five lip synced after giving Moon a standing ovation as she made her way out the door.

As she arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug and thanked her for not just slaying the competition, but doing it with so much heart. And while I was sad we wouldn’t get to watch her slay any further, I was happy to know she was listening to herself and knew when to prioritise her health. And that is truly iconic. Iconic and more than deserving of a piping hot Apple & Almond Cinnamoon Bun.

How do you improve upon the majesty of a cinnamon bun? Add apples and almonds, of course! Gloriously sweet, with a subtle nuttiness, this fluffy little buns will have you comes back for more and more and more.

Enjoy!

Apple & Almond Cinnamoon Bun
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
325g unsalted butter, chopped
2 cups milk
7g sachet active dry yeast
150g raw caster sugar
1 tsp kosher salt
1 tsp almond essence
6 cups flour
2 tbsp ground cinnamon, plus extra to sprinkle
2 granny smith apples, grated
½ cup flaked almonds
2 eggs
raw sugar, to sprinkle

Method
Melt 175g of the butter in a saucepan over low heat before removing from the heat, and stirring in the milk and leaving to cool to just under 40°C. Stir in the yeast, half the sugar, the salt and almond essence, and leave to foam for about five minutes.

Transfer the liquid to a large bowl of an electric mixer and slowly add the flour, stirring by hand with the dough hook. When it is starting to come together, attach the dough hook and turn the mixer on medium speed until smooth, a couple of minutes.

Remove the dough to an oiled (second) large bowl, cover with a tea towel and leave to prove until doubled in size, or about an hour and a half.

Preheat the oven to 225°C.

While the dough is proving and the oven is heating, mash the remaining butter in a bowl and mix  with the remaining sugar, cinnamon, apple and flaked almonds until smooth.

Once the dough is ready, knock it back, turn it out onto a floured bench and roll it out until it is a large ½cm rectangle. Smear the apple, cinnamon and almond butter very liberally over the top and roll the dough lengthways to form a long cylinder.

Slice the cinnamon, doughy sausage in half, half again … and half again, and half again (or just evenly, depending on how tall you want them to be) until you reach the magic number – I prefer mine to be fat, so cut the 8 into 3 to make 24.

Place each disc in a square of baking parchment and leave them to sit, a couple of centimetres apart on baking sheets. When they are all lined up, cover with a tea towel and allow to prove a further 30 minutes.

When they are ready to roll – pun obviously intended – whisk the eggs and brush the buns before coating liberally with sugar.

Bake for 10-15 minutes or until golden and glorious. Then devour, like a sweet, iconic, boss.


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Ginger Beerch

Drag Race France, Drag Race France 2, Drink, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race France the dolls played le Snatch Game, which I believe is a perfect translation, despite my middling grasp of the French language. As is oft the case with the foreign seasons, I may not have been completely across the celebs they were playing, but I could tell when people were landing and tragicaly, when they weren’t (mainly due to rattlesnake cues). Moon, Keiona and Punani were the former and absolutely slayed – the latter in front of the person she was playing – while Ginger, Sara and Piche bombed. And tragically, despite winning a challenge, Piche was somehow eliminated over Ginger. I assume because she couldn’t do shit in the lip sync wearing that (killer) runway.

Backstage the dolls were feeling just as heartbroken as I was to see Piche exit so soon, with Punani toasting her for being a sickening performer, despite her shyness. Ginger meanwhile was proud of how hard she fought in the lip sync, despite the gown, though was grateful to have another chance to shine this week. Which did not bother Keiona one bit, who was ready to escalate from high to a win, finally. Everyone came together to praise Punani for an absolute breakout week and seeing her grow in confidence, despite being quieter than some of her sisters, was a delight. But when they started to shade Keiona for being high yet again, you know it was the final bit of petrol on the fire and she is ready to demolish each and every one of them. Like a damn icon.

This week the dolls played hide and seek as they returned to the Werk Room with Sara hilariously winning that too. Because she is what? A winner. The clock struck cocorico, signalling the arrival of sweet Nicky, to send them to Fort Boyard for a little mini challenge. And after a cheeky little wikipedia, I am excited. The dolls joined the zaddy Pit Crew to find keys to unlock their cock cages by dipping their hands into random crap. Cookie dipped her hand in shit – or nutella, I hope – Punani got hair, Sara squealed through thick slime, Moon got toy snakes, Ginger got the wet sponge in honour of Monet, Keiona bossed some spiky toys and Mami fingered pasta. One by one the dolls tried their keys, with Keiona coming out victorious. Winning a puffer vest which is clearly bad in France, so let the private school kids and Queen St cowboys know asap.

With that out of the way, Nicky announced that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would star in the rusical, Le Bossu de Notre Drag. And for winning the mini challenge, Keiona had the power to assign the roles, making her even more popular with her sisters. They sat down to listen to the musical, with all the dolls excitedly vibing with the script before coming back together for Keiona to wield her powers by letting everyone list their top three preferences and filling the roles that way. She ultimately kept the lead role of Quasimolo for herself, giving the narrator to Cookie, Boulangère to Mami and Moon got Malo. Ginger meanwhile got pressed about Sara and Punani working together – and taking a role she wanted – while Cookie sided with the quiet duo, leaving Ginger with the role that nobody wanted.

Jour d’elimination quickly arrived with everyone stressed about performing live on the mainstage, though thankfully, they felt more united amongst the chaos. As they beat their mugs, Keiona opened up about cutting her father off for being judgemental though hilariously just hoped to make him regret it now that she is a star. Punani meanwhile spoke about how her parents came around to drag when realising it is more than just dressing up. This turned conversation to the perception that it is a hypersexualised profession and how it is great that Drag Race has changed how it is viewed. Well, except in America but don’t get me started on that. Moon meanwhile spoke about how she fought to play a man in the rusical to fight against the fact she had to break out of the male coded body to finally live her truth and ugh, I love her too.

Nicky, Daphne and Kiddy were joined by Barbara Butch and Juliette Armanet on the panel as the dolls put on the opening and closing night of Le Bossu de Notre Drag. And like Spain before them, it was loooooonnnnngg. Though also very good. Not Season 6 Adore vs. Courtney good, but it was good. Particularly Keiona, Cookie and Moon who were pitch perfect in each and every moment. Nicky meanwhile was crying from the panel, grateful to all of them for working so hard and delighting each and every one of them. Daphne was crying, Juliette was crying and ugh, it was beautiful to see the full cast get their roses.

On the Excess Couture runway Cookie was stunning in a little black dress with a big, pink train and ugh, did I mention it was stunning? Even if the pink looked like a scrunchie. Sara was stunning as she served seamstress chic, Keiona slayed in a stunning, voluminous, deep teal floral gown – just give her a win finally, damn it – Punani served wire hanger and a cute green gown, Ginger was wrapped in a giant belt in honour of Gaultier, Moon slayed in a camp cowgirl showerpuff number, and Mami slayed in a pastel pink, puffy bowed jumpsuit.

The judges praised everyone for slaying the runway ahead of lavishing Cookie for being absolutely stunning on the runway and a star in the rusical. Sara was praised for working so well with Punani and for giving such a creative, camp runway. Keiona was beloved for everything she did this week, from the ballroom inspired runway to getting gritty and warm in the rusical, making all of the judges truly feel something. Punani was praised for a strong performance in the rusical and for looking good on the runway, though they admitted they felt she was outshone by Sara. Ginger’s runway was beloved and while they felt she did well in the rusical, they needed her to change her makeup to avoid looking like a villain. Moon got us back to more wall to wall, overt praise; beloved for taking a risk and pulling it off. While they lived for Mami’s runway and for her being so much fun in the rusical.

Backstage the dolls were thrilled about how well received they all were this week, though unsure what it meant for the lip sync, since they were so good. As they spoke about how well cast the rusical was, Ginger spoke out and said she wasn’t happy to have been left with the dud role and as such was worried it would land her in the bottom. This fired up Cookie – who got the role she wanted – with her frankly calling her bitter as they bickered back and forth. Thankfully Keiona reminded her she was still great in the role, but was immediately shut down by the feuders to let them continue.

Ultimately Keiona rightly took out her first win of the season to the delighted applause of her sisters. Cookie, Moon, Mami and Sara were then sent to safety, leaving Punani and Ginger to lip sync for the lives. Because despite the judges agreeing the dolls were all perfect in the challenge, someone must go. Punani then said it was her second lip sync for her life, curiously, as Le dernier jour du disco by Juliette and while Punani wasn’t confident as a lip syncer, she felt each and every moment and absolutely slayed, giving all the drama. Ginger meanwhile was camp and fun, though tragically similar to last week’s performance, which was enough to save our dear Punani and send Ginger to the house. Bitch.

As she returned to the Werk Room, I pulled her in for a massive hug and praised her for being such a delightful, uplifting icon. While she may not have made it as far as she would have liked, she made an impression on our hearts and I reminded her that TBH, that is all that really matters. Which was a super half-arsed peptalk, but it was also highly effective and as such, we simply toasted her run with a cool glass of Ginger Beerch.

I know, I know – why make a ginger beer when you could just by one. But honestly, you haven’t lived until you’ve had it fresh; warming and zingy, it is the perfect beverage for curing what ails ya’.

Enjoy!

Ginger Beerch
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 cups raw caster sugar
300g fresh ginger, peeled and thinly sliced
1 cup lemon juice
1L soda water
ice, to serve

Method
Pop the sugar and ginger in  saucepan with a litre of water and cook, stirring over low heat, until the sugar has dissolved. Bring to a simmer and cook for about 20 minutes, or until a gloriously pungent syrup has formed. Strain and leave to cool.

Once the ginger is chill, pour into a jug with the lemon juice and give a good stir. Then stir in the soda water and serve over ice. With or without a sprig of mint, for extra freshness. Then down.


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Pichuan Pork Dumplings

Drag Race France, Drag Race France 2, Main, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race France Nicky took a page out of UK-Ru’s book and tasked the dolls with hosting a little morning show. Part acting challenge, part skit, like in the UK it was a little hit and miss. But when there were hits, they were fantastic. Specifically Moon’s weather report, which was robbed of victory like she was Keiona – who was also perfect yet again – as Sara took out another win. Which was well deserved too, but I digress. At the other end of the pack, Mami once again narrowly avoided the bottom as Cookie slayed the lip sync and sent sweet Kitty packing.

Backstage the dolls gathered round the ‘ol mirror message to toast their fallen sister, with Moon in particular sad to have lost her closest confidante. Cookie meanwhile was glad that if she must keep landing in the bottom, at least she is coming across as an assassin. Everyone turned their attention back to Sara, praising her for earning her second win. Though don’t pretend they were back to back because Zaddy Piche is right there and will gladly send you home if you forget she won week two, Cookie! With the two bottoms.

The next day the dolls were focused on literacy as they ran through their spelling, before Mami assured us that this week, she will stop being a bottom. Even though we’re all bottoms. They speculated what they could possibly face this week, with Mami scoffing at Cookie’s wish for Snatch Game. Right on cocorico, Nicky arrived to pop the dolls down on their knees in front of each other. For a little wedding mini challenge, sickos, mind out of the gutter! The couples paired up and then split off to get into matrimonial quick drag before Drag King Elvis was wheeled out to marry the dolls. First up were Ginger and Piche who gave ‘80s rocker in all the right, messed up, trashy ways and I love it. Mami Watte and Keiona were bright, ditsy and silly, Cookie and Moon were nerdy delights while Sara and Punani looked like low rent Princess Di and Fergie and TBH, it makes me wish those two got married and were able to live happy lives.

THEN the dolls had their legs tied together and had to play a three legged race to collect items from the Werk Room and return to their seats, musical chairs style. Because why stop at the quick drag silliness? Punani and Sara were first out after failing to jag a red or pink shoe. Two tights cost Mami and Keiona before Ginger and Piche couldn’t find the flowers themselves – Dalloway style – leaving Cookie and Moon to take out victory and a prize of wedding cake. Sadly though, that was it for the reward as for this week’s Maxi Challenge the dolls would, in fact, be playing Snatch Game.

After Nicky departed Punani shared with the dolls that she had been planning on playing Amanda Lear in Snatch Game, who tragically is one of the guest judges this week. Filling everyone with nerves on her behalf. Sara and Cookie meanwhile realised they both brought the same character which led to an epic fight between the frontrunner and the queen of the bottoms, with the latter wanting her star moment and to break out of her funk. While Sara, like an icon, was just happy with the two of them to commit and see who comes out on top.

Nicky dropped by for a kiki with Cookie locking in her plans to play Johnny Hallyday, while Sara shared that in addition to him, she also had Françoise Sagan as a back-up. With Nicky sweetly telling her to just do what she thinks is right, rather than changing because she thinks she should. Nicky was gagged again to learn of Punani selecting Amanda Lear, Ginger would be doing Victoria Silvstedt, Moon brought Brigitte Fontaine, Keiona would be playing Afida Turner, Piche was locked in on Geneviève de Fontenay and Mami was playing Shauna Sand.

We did an immediate pivot to the set where Eddy de Pretto and genuine Amanda Lear took their places on the panel as the dolls kicked things off. Cookie was having an absolute ball as Johnny, Punani was perfection as Amanda in front of Amanda, Keiona was all energy and jokes as Afida Turner, Ginger was a vampy icon while Piche was a little subdued. Moon was hilarious as Brigitte by way of Ozzy Osbourne – I think – while Mami was so silly as Shauna while Sara was solid but a little lost, despite not being able to do her first choice. Punani, Moon and Keiona went from strength to strength throughout the challenge, while Ginger and Sara faded, while Piche was tragically thus there.

Jour d’élimination arrived with the dolls thrilled to have made it through Snatch Game, with only Moon, Keiona and Punani (rightly) confident about how they went. Piche meanwhile realised it was a shit show and how much she hated it, instead mulling over who would be lip syncing against her as they beat their mugs. Sara was confident it would be her, given her fight with Cookie had really gotten into her head. Talk turned to the protests around marriage equality ten years ago, with Ginger talking about how it united the community and allowed them to have fun along the way, with everyone just grateful to now have the same rights as the rest of France. And ugh, it is both triggering and exciting all at once.

Nicky, Kiddy and Daphne were joined by Eddy and Amanda again, this time on the judging panel, as Piche kicked off the Under the Sea runway giving Kate Winslet in Titanic complete with the door which, TBH, should earn her safety for that alone. I mean, she even had Leo frozen in her back! Punani gave technicolour swamp thing amoeba in all the right ways, Moon stunned as a sexy pink and pearl fish, Sara went from floating trash to a golden fish gown, Ginger served sea slug realness by way of Roz from Monsters Inc, Mami slayed as sexy Spongebob – not the ick that is the Broadway version, FYI – before Cookie served drama as an epic wave and Keiona gave glamour jellyfish, which also reminded me of Kate Winslet’s hat in Titanic. Which is a compliment.

Cookie and Mami were sent to safety before Piche’s runway received wall to wall praise while her Snatch Game was read. Wall to wall. Punani meanwhile was beloved for each and every thing she gave this week, particularly for being brave enough to play Amanda in front of Amanda. They loved everything Moon did from the runway to Snatch Game, before poor Sara was read for not being in the moment for Snatch Game, though they (mostly) loved her runway. While Ginger was read for just rocking a gown on the runway and for crumbling under the pressure of being a funny girl on Snatch Game and Keiona, obvi, received only positives. Particularly for her stunning runway and once again, surprising with a dominant comedy performance.

Backstage the safe dolls were thrilled to be out of their slump before Mami pointed out that Sara is probs in the bottom, questioning if Cookie felt bad. And spoiler, she didn’t. The tops and bottoms dropped by with Piche still sure she’d be lip syncing despite that killer runway. Sara on the other hand felt like she would definitely be lip syncing in her place, due to the outfit, while Ginger assured them that everything she did was hated and as such, they only have one spot left in the bottom. While poor Punani just assured them all that they should still be proud of themselves, despite how they feel they went.

Ultimately it was Punani who took out a very well deserved win, leaving Keiona to once again finish in the top, this week alongside Moon. At the other end of the pack, it was Sara’s track record that saved her from the bottom, leaving Piche and Ginger to battle for safety. And while I was sure Piche was going to absolutely dominate, as soon as Je vais vite by Lorie kicked off, it was clear Ginger was not going down without a fight. After stripping off, she got all the energy while Piche started to struggle to make it work in a gown. Which was tragically all it took to eliminate her from the competition, as the robbed goddess of the season. And ugh, I am angry.

It was easy for Piche to find me backstage, simply following my rage-fuelled howling as I sobbed over all that we lost. Aka the trade of the season who is also super talented. As soon as I saw her enter the Werk Room, I ran into her arms and sobbed as I told her how frustrating it was to leave her so soon. Given she has been nothing but stunning each and every week, and had an absolutely winning runway. Eventually I got my breathing under control and reminded myself that being a robbed goddess generally works out better for anyone other than the winner and as such she’ll be doing just fine. Which allowed me to make a pivot as hard as Ross Gellar’s and toast her success with a piping hot batch of Pichuan Pork Dumplings.

Spicy and sweet, these glorious little dumplings are the perfect way to distract from pain or feelings of existential dread – but do you guys ever think about dying? – and leave you feeling both satisfied and wanting more.

Enjoy!

Pichuan Pork Dumplings
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
300g pork mince
100g wombok, finely chopped
1 tbsp finely chopped chives
3 garlic cloves, minced
2 tsp minced ginger
1 tbsp tamari
2 tsp fish sauce
1 tsp Chinese rice wine
1 tsp raw caster sugar
1 tsp ground white pepper
½ tsp ground szechuan peppercorns
40 gow gee wrappers

Method
Combine everything but the gow gee wrappers in a large bowl and mix together with your hands. Cover, pop in the fridge and leave to marinate for an hour.

Lay out the wrappers on a bench and place a tablespoon of filling in the centre of each. Dip a finger in water and wet the edges before folding, pleating and mashing them closed – depending on skill level or care for the aesthetic. Repeat the process until they are all gone.

To cook, get a steamer going over high heat and cook the dumplings, 5-10 at a time depending on the size, for about 5-10 minutes, or until the wrapper is gorgeously soft and silky and the filling cooked. Repeat until all dumplings are done, replenishing the water as needed. 

Devour immediately with whatever sauce you fancy. Though I obviously advise a spicy little mayo.


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White Chocolate and Jimboconut Bundt

Baking, Cake, Dessert, RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on All Stars, Ru assembled 12 queens in need of some form of redemption, either for themselves or in the eyes of the fandom. And well, they came to race! Well, except for Jimbo, of course, who was frank about the fact she solely came to cruise. One by one the dolls were eliminated – or quit, we miss you Heidi! – before Kandy booked her place in her second top two alongside the iconic, cruising Canadian import, Jimbo. Friends from the start, the duo were thrilled to have made it to the end together to compete for the crown. Only to be put on pause for a week – as many a housewife has claimed (love you Dorinda!) – as the eliminated queens returned and performed in talent show to enhance their Fame Games vote. Ultimately it was Jaymes and Lala that slayed both the performances and the lip sync, earning Jaymes a vote double while Lala likely won herself the secondary crown after trebling her score.

Backstage the duo were well and truly feeling their oats, Jaymes in particular, given it also acted as her first ever win across her seasons. Being congenial – one of Lala’s other titles – the duo praised their sisters for turning a show before celebrating that it kinda means they are one step closer to $60k. Talk then turned to the actual top two of the season though, with everyone praising them for making it to the end and being stellar representatives of the season and ugh, it has been a long season, but I love seeing the dolls all celebrating each other and their different styles of drag.

The next day the entire cast returned again, where Lala showed off the filthy Spanish that Monica had kindly taught her. Kandy then tried to trick the girls into believing she and Jimbo were actually the ones that picked the top two for the talent show, but could barely get it out without giggling. After Darienne and MKD reiterated how fun Jaymes’ performance was, Naysha jumped in to point out she liked it, but thought others were better. Which left us the shot of Jaymes looking like Ralph Wiggum when Lisa broke his heart. Before she could break Jaymes any further, Ru dropped by to focus the dolls on the final challenge, where Jimbo and Kandy would have to perform original solo numbers on the mainstage. With full choreography, obviously filling Jimbo with dread.

After a tic tac luncheon with Ru and Michelle of course! 

Up first was Ru’s favourite Canadian – did I lie? – with Ru and Michelle absolutely gushing over how much they love her. Jimbo opened up about growing up the child of alcoholics before her mother got sober and moved herself and the kids out of the house, and how it shaped her into becoming the silly, happy clown that we love. She spoke about how much winning would mean to her, as it would make her a beacon for weird kids all over the world. Kandy meanwhile admitted she had been super nervous about coming back, but how grateful she is to have come back and grown as much as she did. She admitted she relied on friends to make it through the competition, because she is ready for the crown damn it, and she knows she deserves it. And seeing her breakdown about how much she wants it, I feel bad, because it still feels like this is leading to the (rightful) Jimbo victory.

Meanwhile backstage the eliminated queens were sticking their hand in Ru’s big, pink box and giggled through a quiz before MKD won $1k and gifted some to Monica. This sent off a gold rush as they all pulled cards earning tips and holidays and I live, I guess.

Everyone came together to meet with Miguel Zarate and learn the choreography, so you know Jimbo was already bricking it. Thankfully Kandy was first up, reminding us she has been both in the bottom and won a rusical under Miguel’s guidance, so she hoped to err more towards victory for their latest dalliance. She appeared to be having fun though, giving sex and sass and living her best life. Jimbo meanwhile may not be the best dancer, but you best believe she was focused as hell and had so much heart, that she just may pull it off. I guess proving that grit and determination can take you all the way.

Coronation Day arrived with Kandy and Jimbo hoping to focus on celebrating their runs, rather than putting too much pressure on themselves. Darienne meanwhile jumped in on the love, telling them how excited she was to see them do battle and star. After a brief Sunday Riley commercial – CEO glow is great, so Jimbo was not lying – the dolls started talking about the tic tac luncheon with Kandy excited that Ru said she was her biggest fan. Which obviously made Jimbo nervous, given she didn’t get that feedback. Thankfully though, she focused on sewing a special outfit for the lip sync to give everyone a little surprise. Which I obviously hope is a Shirley Temple ruveal.

The rest of the dolls were busy kiki-ing, with Jaymes talking about not realising how much she wanted to win something, Jessica thrilled to have snatched some coin before Kandy was gagged about the eliminated queens winning money from Ru’s box. Alexis meanwhile tried to get everyone in their feels, with everyone gushing over their sisterhood and it was sweet, sweet filler.

We finally ventured to the mainstage where it was family only as Ru, Michelle, Carson and the hilarious Ross Mathews took their places on the panel. Before one final bit of filler as Ru performed ASMR Lover, sadly with long shorts on the back-up dancers, rather than the booty kind we all love. Eventually it was time for Jimbo to perform her delightfully camp number I Remember Being Born and while Jimbo wasn’t confident during rehearsal, she sold the hell out of it, leaning into all the stupid and fun and I live for every moment of it. Kandy’s Pay Me with Money was just as perfect for our finalist – and had back-up dancers in speedos! She was living her Gaga fantasy and proved to her lingering haters that she is nothing short of a star. We also got an epic gospel interlude with the entire cast and well, it was great so i’ll let this filler stay.

On the Finale Fabulosity runway Monica slayed in a regal, puffy, purple gown with a perfect mug. Naysha followed it up with an architectural blush and blue gown, MKD was a black and white stunning old dame, Darienne shone in a lime and black nude illusion while Jaymes gave dra-MA in an orange showgirl number. And it was PERFECT. Kahanna gave sunflower goddess realness, complete with a mirror cape – stunning – while Lala lived in a red, rosy number. Alexis served classic drama in a red satin gown, while Jessica looked so rich in a pretty, perfect pink gown. When it came to the finalists, Jimbo served as a sexy rocker demon queen – it was good – while Kandy looked stunning in a yellow feathered gown.

The top two took their places on the stage as the judges lavished Jimbo with praise for literally all that she did, including in the final performance as she committed to the story and stole the show. And as always, gave them something that only she could. Jimbo in turn thanked the judges for importing her from Canada by way of the UK, and letting her shine on drag’s biggest stage. They lived for how much Kandy grew between her seasons and for always knowing who she is, and committing. Kandy spoke about how she left it all on the floor for a chance to win the crown, before praising all the dolls for offering hope for the queer community.

Backstage the dolls joined together to toast their missing sister Heidi before Jimbo thanked them for how much they helped her and Kandy get to where they are. We then got an extra 20 minutes of sister on sister love and while it was lovely, let’s not waste any additional time on filler, ok?

The eliminated queens were wheeled out first to learn who would take out the Fame Games, with Lala hilariously earning yet another title. They were quickly wiped off stage as Jimbo and Kandy made their returns looking sparkly and bright, and of course, ready to ruveal. As soon as Do You Wanna Funk? kicked off, both of the dolls came out strong. Jimbo was silly and camp and had titties bouncing all over the stage – front and back – while Kandy was fierce and focused. Sadly though, that could only take her so far, as Jimbo’s massive titties and titty-buns shook her all the way to a very deserving crown, leaving Kandy to join Raven as a dual runner-up (which is impressive).

As the confetti settled, I snuck backstage and as soon as I saw Jimbo’s breastplate turn the corner, I pulled her in for a massive hug and congratulated her on a very deserving victory. I mean, from the very first moment she stepped into the Werk Room, it was clear that she had levelled up from her already sickening turn in UK vs the World and it was highly unlikely anyone would catch her. And week after week, she proved they couldn’t. Always on brand, always entertaining and constantly radiating joy, she learnt from her first two runs and applied them into a dominant performance that made sure she was the only possible victor. And that alone is worthy of the recipe of the season, a White Chocolate and Jimboconut Bundt.

This is one of those cakes that just screams winner. A copycat of the cake Tom Cruise sends to his friends at Christmas – I assume the only reason non-Scientologists answer his calls – it is so decadent and delightful. Just like Jimbo.

Enjoy!

White Chocolate and Jimboconut Bundt
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
300g unsalted butter at room temperature, plus excess for the pan
3 cups flour, plus excess for the pan
¾ tsp kosher salt
½ tsp baking powder
3 cups raw caster sugar
6 eggs, at room temperature
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp coconut extract
1 cup sour cream
3 ½ cups shredded coconut
1 cup white chocolate, finely chopped
115g cream cheese, at room temperature
2 cups icing sugar
2 tbsp double cream

Method
Preheat the oven 180C, and grease and flour a 10-inch bundt pan. Combine the flour, ½ tsp of the salt and baking powder in a large bowl.

Meanwhile in a stand mixer, cream 240g of the butter and raw caster sugar in a bowl on medium for about 5 minutes, or until light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, waiting until the mixture comes back together until it comes together. Next, beat in half the vanilla extract, the coconut extract and sour cream until just combined. Remove from the mixer and fold through the flour mixture, 2 cups of the coconut and the white chocolate. Pour the batter into the bundt, pop it on a baking sheet and into the oven to cook for about 90 minutes, or until an inserted skewer comes out clean. Allow to cool in the pan for 20 minutes, before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.

Toast the remaining coconut in a dry saucepan until golden. Remove from the heat to cool.

Once the victorious cake is nearly completely cool, combine the cream cheese, remaining butter, vanilla extract and salt in a stand mixer and beat on medium for a couple of minutes or until smooth. Reduce to low and add the icing sugar, half a cup at a time, followed by the cream and beat until smooth.

Smooth the icing over the bundt and press with the toasted coconut to cover. Then slice, serve and devour. Because mama, we’re all hungry.


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Apple and Rosemary Cake

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Drag Race France, Drag Race France 2, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race France ten queens arrived ready to dazzle and delight Ru’s iconic smoking baby Nicky Doll. And dazzled they did, with wit, charm, skin and cocoricos on the reg, that by the end of the season I may not have understood everything they said, but I had a thorough understanding of the love I felt for them. Honestly, I would have been happy with any of the top five taking out the crown and while Soa was my clear favourite, there is no denying that Paloma demolished the competition and well and truly deserved her crown. And how sweet of her to return to the Werk Room to leave the dolls a little welcome mirror message to commence handing over the crown!

Speaking of the new dolls, first we met Mami Watta with all the abs, looking fresh off a snowy beach holiday and I love everything about her vibe. And by vibe, passion for serving body. She was joined by Sara Forever rocking a pink cowbell and well, it is absurd and I love her and her rocker energy. And the fact her neck line served vulva. As they kikied about being a star, Ginger Bitch arrived serving old Kam Hugh and I live for every moment of it. Next in was Moon serving witchy realness in chartreuse and well, I love the oooky, kooky spookiness. And her horniness for Mami. Kitty Space joined the fray serving both of those things, and was oh so expensive. 

Bearded zaddy Piche was next through the door – eventually – serving architectural avant garde and well, he is a zaddy, so you know I’mma stan. Rose soon followed dressed, as you would expect, as a Rose, giving big Joe Black energy and immediately snatching my heart. Cookie Kunty was next through the door giving big French Jennifer Tilly energy and again, I stan. All my former shower puffs arrived with Vespi who revealed herself to be a star covered disco diva and I love her Courtney Act energy. We were then graced with the presence of the one and only Keiona Revlon, ballroom legend and like Sasha and Jimbo before her, crown her now. We then got an extra, eleventh contestant, in the form of Rose’s performance partner Punani who gave Vivian Vanderpuss energy in green and while I love to see it, I hate that one of them will get the Sugar treatment.

As they debated whether this was the full cast or whether there would be a dozen of them, Nicky dropped by to welcome her daughters and confirm that yes, the 11 of them were the full cast. And to celebrate, they’d immediately be facing a little photoshoot mini challenge! With the zaddy pit crew and their skimpy panties for back-up, obviously. La premier reina to the floral swing photoshoot was Rose who looked right at home in the garden, until the fans kicked off and blew her around. Kitty Space fell off the swing, but got the shot, Vespi didn’t sweat, Moon was caught mid-choke and Sara gave full crotch. Piche hilariously could barely fit her gown in the chair, though looked great while Mami struggled to land the swing on entry. Cookie was unfazed while Keiona gave nothing but glamour, Ginger on the other hand was right at home while Punani lived for a rough ride and then hilariously botched the landing. Which was all it took to snatch the win, as she deserved. 

Nicky then announced that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would be writing verses and recording the anthem of Drag Race France, We Are Legendaire. And then performing it live on the mainstage as a single group. As the dolls split up to unpack and de-drag, they finally discovered Paloma’’s message and while they felt it was sweet, immediately rubbed it off and moved right along. As they de-dragged, Moon quickly took the chance to let her sisters know that she is a trans woman and as such, her pronouns are she all the time. And it was so sweet as she admitted she already felt so much love from them and as such, felt it was ok to confide in them now rather than waiting. The dolls moved on to how excited they all were to make the cast, with Sara admitting she is using the show as a tool to come out as a drag queen to her mother. Ginger meanwhile spoke about her dad calling her after watching the first season and how much he loved it and ugh, I love it all.

After the getting to know you was done the dolls sat down to listen to their song and work through lyrics before Nicky dropped by to offer some support from Chris. And while Sara was confident in her operatic chops, not everyone was as thrilled, though felt better when Chris just told them to find their niche and stick to it. With that they pivoted to the mainstage to learn their choreography with Claude Carmier. Well, after a little solo dance break where Rose was hilariously awkward, Sara dropped into a split, Moon was sultry and Keiona gave 10s, 10s, 10s across the board. In any event, despite breezing through the rehearsal, it was clear Piche, Moon, Mami and Keiona were far and away the strongest while poor Rose was just not compatible with dancing.

Forgoing any elimination day fun, Nicky, Kiddy and Daphne were joined on the panel by Chris and Nicolas Sirkis as the dolls stomped the floor to debut We Are Legendaires. And it was a bop. Keiona, Mami, Moon, Piche and Punani owned the show while poor Kitty, Rose and Ginger just kinda got eaten up by the rest of the dolls. On the Super Drag runway, Kitty Space looked like an exploded Tina Burner in all the right ways. Ginger served truth and justice which is topical, given I am currently on jury duty like a judicial icon. Punani was stunning in a glam gown of scraps, Mami gave Woman King warrior realness, Moon was ravishing in red while Cookie served neon blow-out realness and Rose gave camp comedy perfection. Piche was fucking stunning and oh so hot in a gorgeous suit and while I have no idea what is happening, I stan and love her. Sara then gave supergrills, Vespi served wasp before Keiona closed the show giving metallic vogue hero.

Mami, Moon, Vespi, Piche and Cookie were sent to safety before the judges praised Kitty for the stunning runway, though read her for fading into the background in the performance. Ginger’s look was beloved though she was read for not giving enough energy in the performance. Punani was beloved for her Bowie vibes in the performance and for being a thrifty zaddy on the runway. Rose meanwhile was read for stopping lip syncing throughout the performance despite loving the energy she brought to the runway. Sara’s polish and energy were beloved, as was the creativity and uniqueness she brought to everything. And then Keiona, obviously, received wall to wall praise because she is a star.

Backstage the safe dolls were giddily kikiing about living to see another week before the tops and bottoms joined the party. Rose opened up about clearly being in the lip sync though vowed to fight. As did Kitty, who felt it would definitely be her in the bottom rather than Ginger. Punani meanwhile was just nervous to lose her sister so soon and to be left all alone.

After speeding out of Untucked, Punani and Keiona were ultimately sent to safety as Sara took out the first win of the season, before Ginger joined them at the back of the stage as Kitty Space and Rose took their places for the lip sync. And unlike last season, we actually got the music as 3Sex by Indochine et Chris kicked off. And while Kitty gave all the comedy, it kinda fell off for the song and while Rose’s emotive take felt right, Nicky and the judges appeared to disagree as Rose was sent out of the competition to become the La Kahena of the season. Breaking mine and Punani’s hearts in the process.

She found me backstage in the Werk Room by following the wailing sounds of my cries. Sweet Rose had so much more to give – and is a total zaddy, but I digress – so I was heartbroken to see her go so soon. As I do with all first boots, I reminded her that the first boot is always more memorable than most of the other dolls and while she literally just reminded us of that in her exit, she seemed to appreciate it coming from a third part. Though maybe she was just excited to eat away her feelings with a thick slice of Apple and Rosemary Cake.

This tweaked version of a delicious Nigella number may sound like an odd combination, but everything about it is pitch perfect. Sweet, earthy and tart in all the right places, it is the perfect snack to get you through the day.

Enjoy!

Apple and Rosemary Cake
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
1 granny smith apple, peeled, cored and roughly chopped
2 sprigs fresh rosemary
½ lemon, zested and juiced
170g raw caster sugar
230g butter
3 eggs
300g flour
2 tsp baking powder

Method
Combine the apple, half the rosemary, the zest and juice of the lemon and a teaspoon of both the sugar and butter in a skillet and cook on a low heat for 5-10 minutes, or until the apple is soft. Leave to cool and remove the rosemary.

Preheat the oven to 160C.

In a food processor, blitz the apple, remaining butter, 150g sugar, eggs, flour and baking powder to form a smooth batter. Transfer to a lined loaf tin, smooth the top, sprinkle with the remaining sugar and lay the remaining sprig of rosemary down the middle. Pop it in the oven to bake for 45 minutes, or until an inserted skewer comes out clean. Transfer to cool on a wire rack for about ten minutes before turning out the cake. And slicing and devouring.


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Vania Vainilla Cake

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España – well, before everyone returned for a cheeky reunion, that is – the dolls were tasked with turning cleaning employees, into drag Cinderellas in the annual makeover challenge. For winning the previous challenge, Pitita was able to pair up the dolls with their new sisters and given she is the clear frontrunner, opted to keep things rather fair. As such, everyone did a solid job, though Hornella was read for giving no story, while the judges felt like Clover fell into the trap of only dolling herself up and leaving her sister as the ugly step-sister. Vania meanwhile received wall to wall praise and snatched the final victory of the season while Pitita and Kelly joined her in the finale, leaving Hornella to earn her spot by sending Clover home.

Backstage the top four were gagged to officially have made it to the end, none more so than Hornella who felt like she had snuck in despite not having any wins under her belt. After toasting to Clover, Hornella praised her sisters for being so sickening, proud to have made it to the end with them. After they sat down they kept the mood jubilant, celebrating being finalists while it should be obvious to everyone involved that this is Pitita’s season and they’re just living in it.

The next day the dolls were feeling equally part silly and focused, reflecting on their journey from being in the same girl group before making it all the way to the end. Supremme dropped by to stop the reflection and after reminding the dolls of the prizes on offer, announced that their final maxi challenge would see them star in her new film clip, in adission to writing and recording a verse. Oh and kiki on her podcast too. So basically, like every finale ever filmed. 

First up to record was Vania, who opened up about how she lost all her confidence after arriving at the competition however slowly but surely, she has gotten out of her way and been the icon she is on the outside. Pitita meanwhile was thrilled to have made it so far and then gagged me with the fact she injured her finger before coming to the competition. Like, how did that get lost in translation over the last three months? She opened up about not believing in herself until she won her third challenge and while her sisters grew to think she was favoured, she learnt to stay proud of what she has achieved. Kelly meanwhile was just gagged to come back to the competition, let alone make it to the end and just hoped to make her hometown proud. While Hornella spoke about how she entered the competition confident in her skills but as the week’s progressed she started to doubt herself as she saw her sisters shine. We then got a supercut of why every queen thought they should win and while I love them all, come on, this is Pitita’s crown, right?

With that out of the way the dolls split up to listen to their Sup-remix and write their verses, with Vania and Kelly quickly devolving into slutty gags and singing about rimming. Before Kelly settled on STI education. Pitita and Hornella were a little more focused, with the former planning to stamp her status as the frontrunner. Hornella on the other hand just wanted to be true to herself. They then piled around each other in front of the mirror to praise their sisters and ugh, it was sweet, but also a little bit too much padding, no?

Loved up the dolls dropped by the mainstage to work through the choreography for the performance and while Vania struggled the entire time, she appeared to be having so much fun. And that should matter. Pitita was focused and committed, despite not being the most comfortable while the others weren’t really focused at all.

We skipped any other work room action and pivoted directly to the mainstage where it was family only on the panel as Supremme, Ana y los Javis took their places at the desk. We then got to see the premiere of Supremme’s new film clip Fever and TBH, it makes me so, so jealous about how little budget Down Under has comparatively. Because it and the dolls looked good. It then pivoted to the mainstage for a live performance including the eliminated queens and it was just so joyous and fun.

On the Mejor Look Drag runway, Vania served a stunning red, Chinese dragon gown and looked absolutely perfect. In a Jessica Rabbit kind way. Pitita served opulent, vintage dame in black and white – again, stun-ning – while Kelly gave drama in red and black as she skated around the stage and into my heart while Hornella was a pink, puffy delight.

Vania received universal praise for her runway though read for struggling in the choreography. That being said, she was a consistent icon all throughout the competition. The judges lived for everything about Pitita’s run, from always serving a fashion moment to being creative and funny, she never put a foot wrong. And while that made the other girls feel resentful, she slayed and there is no denying it. Kelly meanwhile was praised for serving stunning looks, while also having a delightful attitude and the wonderful ability to laugh at herself. Hornella on the flipside was praised for always making the judges feel something, while giving sickening, creative looks. Particularly her final look, which is perfection.

Backstage the dolls were thrilled by home much the judges loved everything they did, particularly since Ana deemed them iconic. Talk turned to who they think will be lip syncing for the crown, with Vania suggesting she’d love to do it alone, but if that isn’t the case, she’d rather it be all four of them. Which is sweet, but unlikely.

The eliminated queens then stomped the runway in their finale gowns and honestly, they all looked lovely and it was wonderful to see. When it came to the top four, Vania ultimately didn’t get her wish as Kelly and Hornella were cut, leaving her to battle Pitita for the crown to Punto de Partida by Rocio Jurado and ugh, it was perfect (and oh so long). The drama of the song suited the moment as the dolls served all the emotion, feeling every lyric and building throughout the song. And given they both were solid, it should be no surprise that when Sharonne appeared to pass on the crown, it went to the season-long frontrunner Pitita.

As Vania arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug and praised her for such a solid run. I mean, were it any other season, she would have been the clear frontrunner however Pitita came in and Pitita-ed the shit out of the thing, leaving her to have to setlle for being an icon. And most importantly, the recipe of the season, in the form of this Vania Vainilla Cake.

Not just any vanilla cake, this copycat of Milkbar’s Birthday Cake (which to complete the inception, is a copycat of a funfetti cake) is near perfect. Balancing the sweet with the salty, this light, fluffy cake is packed full of flavour to celebrate any occasion. Like a future All Stars winner, for instance.

Enjoy!

Vania Vainilla Cake
Serves: 1 iconic runner-up and her equally horned friend.

Ingredients
vegetable oil spray
2 ¾ cups flour
2 ¼ tsp baking powder
1 ¾ tsp kosher salt
½ cup rainbow sprinkles, divided
½ cup buttermilk
⅓ cup and ¼ cup grapeseed oil
3 tbsp vanilla extract
1 ¾ cups raw caster sugar
⅓ cup and ¼ cup vegetable shortening
¾ cup unsalted butter, room temperature
5 tbsp light brown sugar
3 large eggs
60g cream cheese, room temperature
2 tbsp light corn syrup
1 ¼ icing sugar
⅛ tsp citric acid
¼ cup milk

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C and line a half baking sheet with parchment paper and coat with the vegetable oil spray.

To start, whisk two cups of flour, 1 ½ teaspoons of baking powder, ¾ teaspoon of salt, and ¼ cup sprinkles in a large bowl. Then, combine ½ a cup of buttermilk, ⅓ cup of grapeseed oil, and two teaspoons vanilla in a jug. 

Beat the 1 ¼ cup raw caster sugar, ⅓ cup veegatble shortening, ¼ cup unsalted butter and 3 tablespoons light brown sugar in a stand mixer on medium until light and fluffy, about 4 minutes. Add the eggs one at a time, qllowing the mixture to come back together before adding the next. Reduce speed to low and add the buttermilk mixture, followed by the dry ingredients, beating for a minute or so or until it all comes together.

Pour the batter into the prepared pan, sprinkle with the two tablespoons and bake for about half an hour, or until golden brown and cooked through. Remove from the oven to cool completely on a wire rack.

Reduce heat to 150C and line a baking sheet with baking paper.

Combine the rest of the flour, raw caster sugar, light brown sugar, rainbow sprinkles and grapeseed oil with half a teaspoon each of baking powder and kosher salt and 1 tablespoon of vanilla extract in the bowl of a stand mixer. Mix on low for a couple of minutes or until it comes together into clusters. Transfer to the baking sheet and bake for 10-12 minutes, or until golden and crisp. Remove from the oven and allow to cool completely.

While everything else gets chill, combine the remaining butter and shortening in the bowl of a stand mixer with the cream cheese and beat on medium for 3-4 minutes, or until smooth and fluffy. Scrape down the sides before beating in the corn syrup and one tablespoon of vanilla for another few minutes, after which it will be glossy and white. Scrape down the sides again and on low, add the icing sugar and remaining salt, baking powder and citric acid. Increase to high and beat for another few minutes until it is light, fluffy and oh so bright.

To assemble, turn out the cake and cut out two 6-inch rings, which will form the top two layers. Place a 6-inch cake ring on a lined cake stand and line with a strip of acetate. Break up the excess cake, pressing into the shape of the ring to form the base layer. Combine milk with the remaining vanilla and brush over the cake to bring it all together.

Smear the cake with three tablespoons of icing over the cake, followed by ⅔ of a cup of birthday crumbs, pressing them into place. Top with another three tablespoons of icing before adding another layer of cake and brush with some milk. Repeat the frosting-crumb-frosting process, followed by the final round of cake. Cover with the remaining frosting, smoothing with a spatula, before topping with the remaining crumbs.

Pop the cake in the freezer to set for three hours, followed by a three hour defrosting period before unveiling the cake, carving and devouring. Triumphantly.


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Turkey Meatballala Curri

Main, Poultry, TV, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars the top six improv-ed their way through a true crime series to figure out what happened to Poundcake in a missing season of All Stars. Which is the perfectly delightful mix of camp, stupid and meta. When Kandy once again refused to take another character, Alexis got annoyed and started crying. That in turn annoyed Kandy, who stormed out, completely infuriated by her ongoing theatrics. Not wanting to miss out on the action, Kahanna then threatened to quit because she was over acting challenges, so Ru came and cussed out the girls and all was right in the world. Kahanna and Alexis then landed in the bottom and after Lala demolished Baby Jorgeous, she opted to send home her bestie Kahanna. To a gay gasp from Alexis.

Backstage Lala was feeling very rich, bitch, after her first ever victory, before she explained that while it sucked to send home her sister, she knew it was the right decision given she has been in the bottom so often. Alexis thanked her for her mercy, grateful to Lala for not just saving her but doing the very difficult thing of eliminating her friend. Going so far as to vow that her kindness will not be forgotten. After the dolls crowned Lala their queen, Alexis opened up the box to tally the votes and while everyone voted to keep her, seeing Kandy joke that the vote against Alexis came for her rather than Kahanna was a delightful amount of gaggy, silliness.

Oh and then the dolls played Jimbo’s tatas like bongos as Lala vowed to win another challenge.

The next day Jimbo tossed bologna to the dolls and while they were not feeling it – or its smell – I was once again delighted by her stupidity. Before anyone got physical with her, Ru arrived to announce that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would need to design outfits worthy of five All Stars winners – Trinity, Kylie, Shea, Trixie and Monet. And for winning the last challenge, Lala got to give herself a leg up as she assigned the boxes allegedly belonging to the All Stars. She snatched Shea for herself, gave Trinity to Alexis, Kylie to Jessica and Kandy got Monet, which left Jimbo with Trixie and damn, she really is congenial, as all of those make so much sense. Congenial, but not smart, given now she doesn’t have an advantage.

The dolls split up to clear out their boxes, delighted by each and every thing they could find. Well, except for Kandy who in addition to her patent leathers, she also had an epic supply of sponges. Alexis loved Trinity’s colour palette, while Jessica was delighted to have her Season 2 sister’s box, though nervous because Sonique loves to go see-through and she does not. Jimbo clarified whether the dolls felt they should be trying to look like their winner or whether it was simply meant to be their inspiration. And after they all agreed to just pay homage, she got super distracted, procrastinating and annoying her sisters, thieving their supplies and Jimbo gurl, come up with a plan or you’ll be in danger.

Kandy and Lala were kiking about their plans for their dresses with Lala wanting to serve southern drama, though nervous about potentially choking and going out on another design challenge. Alexis managed to get Jimbo to focus, getting her to share that she would be serving avant garde facekini. Alexis meanwhile opened up about being eliminated on the ball in her original season, though was confident that after taking some sewing lessons, she’d be able to go big and slay a big old drag look. Pivoting back to Kandy, though, she was spiralling, intimidated by how strong everyone else is at designing and how she may just be screwed.

Instead of Ru doing a walk through, Shannel and Raven dropped by and ugh, I love them so much. First up was Jessica and watching the dolls praise her for slaying was so delightful. Though I am nervous that Shannel’s advice to try something outside the box will come back to haunt her. Alexis was up next, talking about how supported she felt after nobody voted for her to go home. Oh and she was super confident about turning a lewk. Kandy meanwhile was living her best life kikiing with the dolls, Lala was happy with her concept and happier to vote Jimbo, should it be needed, which obviously delighted the girls. Almost as much as they were delighted to see Jimbo had Trixie’s box, with her just admitting all she cares about is avoiding the bottom, rather than necessarily winning.

After our OG All Stars disappeared, Kandy stripped down to her padding as everyone started giggling, completely delirious from the competition. And the fact the boys love Kandy’s titties. Alexis tried to get them back on track, chatting to Jimbo about her look. Jimbo admitted that Raven and Shannel loved her ideas, but were more focused on the fact that should she land in the bottom, she will go. Which obviously led to Alexis assuring her that if it ever happened, she wouldn’t dare eliminate her. Because of course. As she turned her attention back to her dress, Jessica opened up about how nervous she is about the upcoming challenge.

Talk turned to their original seasons with Lala thrilled by how much the fans loved her, despite her terrible looks. Or because of them, TBH. Kandy then got a little scissor happy, cutting the titties WAY out and you best believe that was all it took to get her spiralling. Jimbo meanwhile was nailing her look, or at the very least, the parts she had made, because you know that procrastination was coming back to bite her. And while she felt like she would save time in the end by not beating her mug, the dolls thought that was a bad idea. Oh and Lala hated her pattern.

Elimination Day arrived with the top five exhausted after pulling an all nighter to get their outfits done. And while Lala pulled together multiple looks just in case, none of them were tried on with padding and as such, she is in danger. I mean, there isn’t even a zipper. Kandy meanwhile was terrified by her look being too simple, but was more grateful that she finished something. Jimbo meanwhile was still rocking the Janome and despite them heading to the mainstage in 30 minutes, she still had about twenty things to do. While Alexis was just hungry for the win with her pageant number, though worried it wouldn’t be what the judges wanted. Talk turned to the vote ahead, with everyone unsure how they would make their decisions with Alexis assuring Lala that she will not forget the fact she saved her. While Kandy was just nervous about people holding a grudge against her for their past dramas.

Ru, Michelle and the hilarious Ross Mathews were joined by Incubus’ Brandon Boyd, for some reason. Kandy was first up on the I’m A Winner Baby! runway and while her dress was simple, it also fit perfectly and she looked stunning. Jimbo’s look was camp, architectural and absolute perfection. Lala was a tangerine dream, serving shimmering, regal glam and ugh, I love it. Alexis served pageant Statue of Liberty in all the right ways and ugh, just give her the win for the week, as she looks good. While Jessica looked fun and flirty, like an extra at a party in Real Housewives of Miami.

The judges praised Kandy for looking beautiful, though read the look for being too simple, as predicted. Jimbo’s look was praised for being polished, gorgeous and completely demented, exceedingly all of their already high expectations. Lala’s colour choice was beloved, though they felt her look had odd fits. Which she explained was because she ran out of fabric. Alexis meanwhile received wall to wall praise with no notes and yeah, this is in the bag. Jessica’s look was also loved, though not as much as Alexis, who was announced as the winner of this week’s challenge. While Kandy and Lala landed in the bottom for no other reason than some awkward fits.

Backstage Alexis was obviously feeling her oats while Jimbo hilariously struggled to prick a straw through her face so she could drink with the dolls. Not wanting to share the spotlight, Alexis spoke about how much the win meant to her given she was eliminated in a top five design challenge in her first season. She then praised Jessica for being so expensive, who in turn praised Jimbo for slaying. They then all praised Kandy and Lala for still looking stunning before they realised they have the same damn track records. That was enough to get Kandy in her feelings, disappointed to have to fight against her sister to survive.

After letting Kandy have a brief moment, Alexis turned it back to her, reminding everyone she promised to repay the favour to Lala for saving her, though that Kandy is also NYC family. She pulled Lala aside to plead her case first, telling her that she just wants her to keep her though Alexis asked what would happen if she did eliminate her. Kandy meanwhile was opening up to Jimbo and Jessica about how she knows how much she and Lala both want it and she is scared that Alexis will save Lala just because she feels obliged. When they swapped out however, she decided to kiss arse. Until Alexis pointed out she left a secret note for Kandy in the first week, asking to form an alliance. And Kandy left her on read like an icon. So obviously she pretended it was a little accident and meant to reply in the affirmative, like duh! While Lala assured her other sisters that the fair thing to do would be to keep her around. Brandon Boyd then dropped by and well, all anyone cared about was her being a zaddy and while he is straight, his love from drag was sweet, so I will look the other way. This time.

With that the dolls voted before Alexis took her place on stage and Nicky Doll was revealed as this week’s lip sync assassin. As soon as These Boots Are Made For Walking kicked off, both the dolls – no pun intended – were feeling their Nancy oats, though it was clear the camp vibe of the song played to all of Alexis’ strengths, which was all it took to snatch the win. As Nicky took her place at the back of the stage, Kandy and Lala joined Alexis on the mainstage before they were gagged to learn that Lala was eliminated BY THE PERSON SHE SAVED LAST WEEK.

As Lala arrived in the Werk Room, I was well and truly lost in my emotions, screaming and wailing with abandon, heartbroken to have lost our sweet, bag-loving icon. Lala being Lala, she pulled me in for a hug and assured me that despite going home without the crown, she is proud of her run and excited for what she achieved. And while I was still pissed, I couldn’t argue with anything she said – I mean, she slayed – so instead, toasted her run with a Turkey Meatballala Curri.

Rich, spicy and creamy, this quick and easy red curry is near perfection. More importantly, the balls are absolutely jam-packed with flavour. And who doesn’t love a big, flavourful ball.

Enjoy!

Turkey Meatballala Curri
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1kg turkey mince
¾ cup thai basil, roughly chopped
2 shallots, sliced
10 garlic cloves, minced
3 tbsp fish sauce
3 tbsp muscovado sugar
1 tbsp cornstarch
2 tsp kosher salt
2 ½ tbsp red curry paste
2 tbsp vegetable oil
1 onion, diced
800ml coconut milk, shaken
2 limes, zested and juiced

Method
Start on the balls – which TBH, is just good life advice in general – combine the mince, a quarter cup thai basil, shallots, half the garlic, two tablespoons of the fish sauce and sugar, cornstarch, two teaspoons of salt and half a tablespoon of curry paste in a large bowl. Scrunch with your hands and form into large(ish) meatballs and place on a lined baking sheet.

Pop the oil in a dutch oven over medium heat and sweat the onion for five minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the remaining garlic and cook for a minute before adding the remaining curry paste and cooking for a further minute. Stir through the coconut milk and bring to the boil. Add the meatballs in and stir to coat before reducing to low and covering, simmering for about 20 minutes or until the balls are cooked through.

Once the balls are hot, hot, hot, stir in the lime zest and juice, the remaining fish sauce and sugar and thai basil. Season to taste. Serve immediately, ideally with rice but TBH, you do you, as long as you devour. Regally.


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Clover Bishcuits

Baking, Dessert, Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España the dolls played another littler game show – Un Dos Drags – which was essentially just a low rent version of Snatch Game with them paired up and forced to improv in characters, rather than as celebrities. Pitita and Clover were perfect as a peasant couple leading to the former’s fourth victory in the season, while Vania and Bestiah had a strong concept but just felt flat while Kelly and Hornella were delightfully vapid. After stomping the runway, Bestiah landed in the bottom for struggling in the challenge despite slaying the runway while Kelly sucking on the runway and slaying the challenge earned her a spot in the lip sync. Feeling like she was the one to land Bestiah in the bottom, Vania asked to trade out and lip sync in her place however Supremme and the dolls talked her out of it before Kelly rolled in to another week and the iconic Bestiah was sent home.

Backstage the emotions were still running high as the dolls toasted Bestiah’s killer run, before they turned their attention to the fact that Kelly is the undisputed lip sync assassin, to go along with her prowess at power bottoming. Clover admitted she was shocked to see Bestiah go – same – while poor Vania was still in her feels about feeling responsible for her departure. Pitita tried to praise Kelly for slaying another lip sync, though could barely even muster excitement for the fact she is clearly taking the crown. But she was grateful everyone was proud of her either way. Oh and Hornella unveiled a brain reveal in her wig and ugh, I love that and wish we got it on the runway rather than the heart on the wrong side.

The next day everyone admitted to being shocked to have made it to the top five. Or at the very least, shocked that they had the energy to survive this long in the competition. Supremme dropped by to congratulate the dolls for making the semi-finals and to celebrate, immediately put them through their paces in a cheeky five minute quick-drag. She then wheeled out the Pit Crew and explained they’d then be filling their mouths with liquid, playing scissor paper rock and slapping each other with pancakes. Which is not something I lost in translation. In any event, to win, they had to be the last person standing without spitting out the liquid. And somehow it proved to be another thing that Pitita excelled at as she defeated Vania, Clover and Kelly before she met her match in Hornella. Who eventually grew tired of the battle and just spat on her and bowed out. 

To reiterate, that was all true and translated perfectly.

Anyway, for taking out victory Pitita won a massive kit of make-up and the ability to pair up the queens for this week’s maxi challenge, the makeover! Which really upped the stakes of the game drastically and me thinks Hornella wouldn’t have spat if she’d known. This year the dolls were paired with making Cinderellas out of waste workers and cleaners and after brief introductions, Pitita snatched the one that had already walked in heels, Vania got the sweet lady, Hornella got the hotty and Clover and Kelly got the gentle bears.

After Supremme departed, the duos split up to get to know each other with Kelly vibing with Jorge’s charm and humour, despite his heterosexuality. He explained he also does stand up when he isn’t driving a garbage truck and as such he is confident to take the stage and shine. Vania and Sandra meanwhile were just vibing and living their best lives, bonding and being oh so sweet. Well, to each other, as Sandra is sassy and ready to cut the competition for Vania like a ride or die icon. Clover and Enrique were a little more subdued, until they bonded over the fact people need to always aim their arsehole at the toilet. Which reminds me of a story of a scream I heard from a staff member after walking in on shit covered walls in the female toilets of a David Jones on a Sunday afternoon, butI digress.

Pitita obviously was thriving with her partner Francisco, who admitted he was previously a drag queen for close to a decade, which meant she was far and away at the biggest advantage. Hornella and Javi meanwhile were bonded over the prejudice he has experienced as a garbo and while he is straight, I look forward to him and Hornella getting married. Bouncing back to Kelly though, she was in hysterics watching how badly her partner was walking in heels and it was a joy to watch. But Kelly girl, you’re in danger.

Supremme then made her triumphant return, bringing this iconic Club 96 owning Valentina along for the ride. First they caught up with Vania, loving Sandra’s sassiness and how well she was vibing with Vania. While Valentina just encouraged them to have fun. Pitita delighted them by already having her daughter padded, though that may not last for long given Pitita admitted he used to be a drag queen and as such, their expectations are now sky-high. Kelly y Jorge delighted them with the latter’s comedy chops, which again, could come back to bite them given it ups the expectation. While Clover was just intimidated to be in the presence of the icon that is Miss I’d-Like-To-Keep-It-On herself Valentina, who quickly taught her daughter how to walk in heels for Clover. While Hornella was working hard to make sure I ship a non-couple by highlighting how much she loves Javi.

Dia de eliminacion arrived with the girls manic as they split up to get their daughters ready for their mainstage debut. After shaving away the beards and glueing down the brows, Pititia opened up to Francisco about how excited she was to be doing the makeover and how relieved she was to get someone with experience. Clover meanwhile shaved Enrique’s eyebrows off while Vania and Sandra just continued to bond, with Vania opening up about the time she was the victim of a hate crime and how even the police blamed her, given she was in drag and ugh, this is why I hate people. Just to reiterate that sentiment. Not Sandra though, who gave her a pep talk and told her not to let losers take her shine. Essentially. So I love Sandra, hate people.

Hornella meanwhile was opening up about how supportive her mum has always been, however spoke about her difficult relationship with her father. And the way Javi immediately rallied and told him how loved he is makes me happy to have such delightful allies. Kelly and her daughter meanwhile spoke about the former’s passion for roller skating and how it made her feel free and while it added nothing, it was sweet, so I love it.

Supremme, Ana y Los Javis were joined on the panel by the iconic Valentina as Pititia y Noah opened the Barricientas runway serving camp, vintage glamour and all the cohesion. Kelly Roller and Nelly Moller served shimmering party girls at a ball with an open bar. Hornella y Hortensia were stunning and silly, rocking full glam as they took out the trash. And served sex, in Hortensia’s case. Clover y Cúrcuma served full disco, complete with golden sequined toilet rolls which were very important, if you ask me. While Vania y Nati were perfectly in harmony with their contrasting looks, giving joy, glamour and all the fun. And well, it was good. I mean, Sandra is an actrice.

Pitita received praise for telling a story and doing a solid job, despite not making her sister as glamorous as herself. Kelly was praised for bringing the comedy and cohesion while Hornella was praised for bringing stunning mugs, though below, was read for lacking polish. Clover was praised for her storytelling, though read for not putting enough into her daughter’s outfit. While Vania received wall-to-wall praise for serving up two stunning looks, not being afraid to let her daughter outshine her and most importantly, giving a fun narrative on the runway.

Backstage the dolls praised their new daughters for absolutely slaying the runway and being so open to everythings. Kelly went so far as to say it was her favourite time on the mainstage, which again, is super sweet. Pitita thanked Francisco for doing such a solid job, though knew she wasn’t winning. Vania on the other hand was thrilled by how much the judges loved what she and Sandra did. Hornella meanwhile started to break down, disappointed to have not been able to cut through with the judges while Clover too was dejected, though kinda expected it, given the judges are always harder on her.

Back on stage, Pitita was asked to give advice to her younger self, encouraging him to dream big and always believe in yourself because there is a place for her in the world. Kelly meanwhile told baby Kelly to always enjoy skating, stay on the right track and to rally around those that love you because she is worthy of love. Hornella reminded her adorable self – on the toilet, no less – that she will have a marvellous life, though to spend more time with her dad and make the most of the time you have. Clover encouraged her younger self to find those that support her and to never worry about not being normal. While Vania encouraged herself to follow her own path and always be proud of herself.

Ultimately Pitita was deemed safe while Vania took out the win, making them the first two members of the top four of the season. Kelly was the next to join them, leaving Hornella and Clover to battle for the final spot to Natalia’s Vas a Volverme Loca. And while Clover was obviously living her best life, hitting every note and giving clean lines and tricks, Hornella’s experience shone through, giving camp and turning a show as she bounced off Clover’s energy. Which was enough – outside of the track record – to save her and send her through to the finale, leaving Clover to finish robbed in fifth place.

As she made her way backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug and immediately started ranting and raving about how disappointed I was to see her be booted. And honestly, never appreciated. While Clover is a baby queen, she brought such a high level of polish, skill and energy that you honestly could mistake her for a veteran. And again, I feel like the judges never gave her the props she deserved. But you best believe I did, toasting her bright future with a big batch of Clover Bishcuits.

While I don’t really have a reason for making these cookies halloween themed – aside from the spooky way she was overlooked by the judges like a ghost – that doesn’t make them any less delicious. I mean, almondy sugar cookies? Sign. Me. Up.

Enjoy!

Clover Bishcuits
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
250g unsalted butter, softened
250g raw caster sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp almond extract
500g plain flour
1 tsp baking powder

Method
Cream the butter and sugar together in a large bowl using a stand mixture until it is pale and so fluffy it looks to be pulsating. Add the eggs one at a time, allowing the mixture to come back together in between, before beating in the almond extract. Fold through the flour and baking powder before returning to the mixer and beating for a minute or so, or until it comes together into a ball. Shape into two discs, wrap in some cling and pop in the fridge to bind for about an hour or so.

Preheat the oven to 170C and roll the dough out to a 5mm thickness. Cut using whatever cookie cutters you desire, though I recommend something to highlight Clover’s robbery. Pop the shapes on lined baking sheets and knead the offcuts together, roll and cut into more shapes, repeating until done.

Pop the cookies in the oven to bake for 10-15 minutes, or until firming and lightly browned. Remove and leave to cool on the tray for 10 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely. Then either devour, or decorate in your spookiest manner and then devour.


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Cherry Jams Mansfield

Condiment, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on All Stars fresh off her second win, Jimbo well and truly made it clear that she is the frontrunner. After the dolls kikied about the delightful Darienne’s (robbery) departure, post-bus throwing from Alexis. Sadly we didn’t get time to recover, however as the dolls were immediately thrown into the Snatch Game of Love with Matt Rogers and Brisbane’s Bowen Yang. The first group was a bit of a mess, with Kahanna bombing, Heidi reading her and Jaymes just riding above it as a sublime Jenny Coolidge. While the other panel was far better, it was still far and away Jimbo’s show with her iconic turn as Shirley Temple. As elimination day arrived, Kahanna confronted the soft and supple queen about making the experience harder for her. And while Jaymes rightly argued that is how Snatch Game is meant to be played, after Kandy joined the fray to ask why Heidi told Jimbo she was planning to eliminate her, things got very very heated. Leading to Heidi choosing to follow in Adore and DeLa’s footsteps and eliminate herself.

Alexis obviously started sobbing while everyone tried to pull things together for the runway, while Jimbo admitted to us that after hearing everything, the only person she feels she can trust anymore is herself.

Ru, Michelle and the hilarious Ross Mathews were joined by Las Cultalistas themselves Matt and Bowen from Brisbane, no doubt named after Bowen Hills which can be seen from the Birth Suites of RBWH where Bowen was born. But I digress with too much creepy information about Bowen’s nationality. Ru confirmed that Heidi had quit the competition, officially, before Jessica kicked off the Ruveal Yourself runway serving chicken to egg realness and ugh, I love it. Kahanna went from showgirl to nude, Jaymes went from a camp puppet to herself before rocking a little swimsuit and then underwear. And titties. Kandy went from housewife to vamp to sci-fi icon, Lala was stunning in a cloak to a regal bodysuit, Jimbo went from Adam to Eve and ugh, it was so good. I mean, she even popped her snake! Oh and then Alexis went witch penguin lady to sexy villainess.

Kandy and Lala were sent to safety before Jessica was praised for giving the perfect look but not enough personality. Oh and they loved the runway. Poor Kahanna was read for not bringing enough Coco to the Snatch Game and forgetting to throw out any jokes. Thankfully, her runway was stunning and they lived. Jaymes received universal praise for her Jennifer Coolidge, though was read for the runway not fitting right. Alexis too received all the love for her Bea Arthur, being on from start to finish and landing every joke. And for telling the iconic camp story of the witch from Into the Woods on the runway. And then Jimbo, obviously, was beloved for being so fucking demented and providing all the layers. In Snatch Game and the runway, so obviously she took out her third win in five weeks while Jessica and Kahanna found themselves in the bottom.

Backstage Kandy and Lala were thrilled to have survived Snatch Game, given how nervous they both were about the challenge. After sitting down, they discovered that Heidi had left a mirror message with Kandy in particular gagged by her shade. They then crunched the numbers realising they’d be going from 8 to 6 within the day – Kandy is the accountant, after all – before the tops and bottoms joined them. Kandy directed their attention to Heidi’s farewell message before Alexis reminded them that this isn’t her first struggle in the contest, and as such she is hardly shocked. Jimbo meanwhile said that she knows she is a threat – I mean, three wins in five weeks – so knows people would want her gone but she’d just rather everyone addressed it on camera, given it is what they signed on for.

Talk turned to the bottoms with everyone agreeing Jessica wouldn’t have been in the bottom if Heidi hadn’t quit. Even Kahanna, while I apparently am the only one that would beg to differ. But alas, they still had to kiki with Jimbo pulling Jessica aside and her reiterating that she doesn’t feel like she was that bad this week and as such, does not deserve to go home. Though Jimbo also knew that she was the bigger threat moving forward. Kahanna meanwhile told the dolls that she was so in her head in the challenge that she couldn’t have fun, but reminded them that she is a fighter. The dolls traded places with Jessica just calmly telling them she knows she deserves to stay, while Kahanna simply told Jimbo it felt right that she was in the bottom as she did the worst, right is right.

Oh and then Matt and Bowen – who was born in Brisbane, if you hadn’t heard – dropped by for a kiki and I love them like I love the dolls.

With that the dolls voted and Jimbo took her place on the mainstage as the iconic Jasmine Kennedie was revealed as this week’s victor. As Dula Peep’s Hallucinate kicked off Jasmine Jasmined though once again, Jimbo served a strong show, giving a wig reveal so seamless I gasped. But Jasmine was spinning and flipping into a split as she served sex and all the damn moves. So yeah, while Jimbo was strong, she kept her streak going 0 from 6 in lip syncs. With that she took her place at the back of the stage before Ru decided against eliminating anyone else tonight after Heidi’s quit and ugh, I love it. As does Kahanna, who backstage was gagged to learn that literally every queen had voted for her to go. Well, gagged but also fully ok with it, given she had been in the bottom before.

Jimbo meanwhile was thrilled to have dominated at Snatch Game and to take out her third win, though was starting to feel super embarrassed about the fact she just chokes in every lip sync. She started to break down, feeling like while she is a sickening performer, she isn’t cutting through when it counts. Though she also admitted that Heidi’s departure also got in her head. Kandy meanwhile was worried about people coming for her based on what Heidi said and while Alexis agreed it was dramatic, it is clear that Kandy saying what Heidi said she did wasn’t really a gag – I mean, no one is beating Jimbo, that is as clear as Jinkx and Sasha’s multiple crowns – but the fact she just wouldn’t cop to it which is odd. Making me feel like she isn’t lying.

The next day the dolls were shocked to see that all the Ru portraits had been removed from the wall and replaced with Mommy Dearest herself, Joan Crawford. And Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford, obvi. Which made sense after Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s Maxi Challenge the dolls would be starring in Joan: The Unauthorised Rusical. Which honestly, werk. Each doll would be playing a different Joan from throughout her life with the dolls immediately sitting down to listen to the show to pick out their versions. Jaymes took Mommy Dearest, Lala got Mildred Pierce, Jimbo – duh – went Baby Jane, Kahanna snatched MGM queen, Alexis went don’t fuck with me fellas while Kandy refused to take anything but no wire hangers Joan, knowing she needs to slay, given she was almost eliminated in the rusical in Season 13. 

Sadly for her, Jessica also wanted the role and as such, the duo had to audition. Jessica couldn’t stay on beat however, as Kandy hit all the notes and well, she easily snatched it. Though she knew that also meant she desperately needed to prove herself.

The dolls caught up with Leland on the mainstage to record their vocals with Kahanna struggling to find a key – where is Mama when we need her – Jaymes was perfection from start to finish, Lala was an iconic raptress before going operatic, Kandy needed to add the character, Jimbo gave rocker and well, Jessica was a delight, which should be obvious, no? While Alexis appeared to struggle, I have a sneaking suspicion it is a fakeout. Leland traded out with Adam Shankman so the dolls could learn the choreography with Kahanna struggling with technique, despite having fun. Lala was all charm, Jaymes meanwhile couldn’t get the choreo but who cares when she is that much fun, Jessica gave all the drama and Alexis was polished as hell. Poor Jimbo, however, was stuck in her head while Kandy was in hers too and struggled.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone thrilled to turn the show, Alexis in particular as the token theatre kid. Kandy was ready to just cream her face as everyone got into their iconic Joan looks. Jimbo was nervous given she went home on her last ruscial, while Jaymes was confident given she was able to inject herself and comedy into the role. Alexis obviously was ready to serve character before Lala turned the attention to the upcoming Grace Jones runway, excited to be serving in honour of her inspiration. Oh and then the dolls realised that after tonight, there will only be six dolls remaining, leading to talk about how they will vote moving forward with everyone admitting track records are now less of a focus and how they go in the individual challenge will start to count more and more.

Ru, Michelle and TS were joined on the panel by Adam Shankman for the opening and closing of Joan: The Unauthorised Rusical. And ugh, it was perfect from start to finish. Kahanna was a stunning vixen, Jaymes was a menacing, camp delight, Kandy was a feisty pop diva, Jessica served full rocker drama, Lala was iconic from the voguing to the slapping on beat, Alexis had all the star quality as she dosey doed through the Pepsi years before Jimbo closed the show as a moody Baby Jane. And yeah, this is far and away the best rusical we’ve had in a while. On the Night of 1000 Grace Joneses runway, Kahanna gave a stunning showgirl version of her rosebud-rocker look, Jaymes slayed as the Little Edie version of her fox fur look, Kandy Muse gave Grace does dragometry, Jessica served purple princess in her hooded gown, Lala was stunning in the moon mask look, Alexis was gorgeous as the black hatted Grace while Jimbo was stunning in the smaller iconic black-hatted look.

Alexis and Jimbo were sent to safety – somehow for the former – before the judges praised everyone for nailing the rusical. Kahanna was read for lacking presence while hitting all the choreography, while they lived for her look. Jaymes’ performance was beloved despite missing some of the choreo, while the look was read for being ill-fitted. Kandy received wall-to-wall praise for the rusical and the runway, while Jessica was equally beloved for slaying the rusical though her look was only just loved, not beloved. And then Lala also received all the love, for nailing the rusical and slapping her way into our hearts, though her look was read as safe. Ultimately it was Kandy that took out victory while Kahanna and Jaymes, sadly, were up for elimination.

Backstage Jimbo was on cloud nine to be safe given she went home during the UK vs The World rusical. Alexis meanwhile was rightly feeling a little disappointed given she did that in both the challenge and the runway, before she praised Grace for being an icon. Talk turned to who would be in the top with them agreeing Lala, Kandy and Jessica were clearly the top, meaning Jaymes and Kahanna must be forming the bottom. Despite doing well at one thing each. The tops and bottoms joined them to confirm they were right about placements, with Kandy being the one to take out the ultimate win. Kahanna was in her feels to have bottomed once again, crying as she told the girls she simply felt defeated.

Kandy pulled her in for a hug before pulling her aside to talk about how tough it is to win when one of her besties is in the bottom. Kahanna opened up about feeling like this is a challenge she thought she was good at and as such, it is super disappointing to be in the bottom. Jaymes meanwhile was telling the other dolls that she felt she does well in the challenge each and every week and as such, doesn’t feel it is time for her to go. Trading places, Jaymes told Kandy that while Kahanna has had a win she has also bottomed more and then heaped Kandy with praise as she asked her to ignore her friendship and instead vote on who has been doing the best all around. After Jimbo nearly fell while reclining on the edge of the couch, Adam dropped by to praise the queens and while Alexis didn’t get the flowers she deserved, she was thrilled to geek out with a hero and I’m so happy for her.

With that the dolls voted before Kandy took her spot on the mainstage before Angeria was revealed as her lip sync assassin. As soon as Grace’s I’m Not Perfect but I’m Perfect for You kicked off, both dolls gave us the drama however it was clearly Kandy’s show as she served all the sex. Which was enough for her to take out the win, the $30K cash tip and the chance to eliminate, tragically, the iconic Jaymes Mansfield.

In my opinion, for being the bigger threat, which is what I told her as she found me backstage. Which wasn’t hard as I was scream-sobbing in an aggressively shrill manner. Once found, she pulled me off the floor and pulled me into her ample bosom – only just more ample than her meaty tuck – and told me how grateful she is for my support. You see, when she went home first on a damn cheerleading challenge, I was equally irate and promised her that should she return, All Stars seasons play to her strengths and as such, I knew she would slay. And she kept that in her head throughout the competition as she, like Angela Bassett before her, did the thing. Which was more than worthy of being celebrated with a jam, this time Cherry Jams Mansfield.

There is something so rich and moody about cherry jam. The tart nature of cherries is perfect in the sickly sweet embrace of a jam, balancing with ease and leaving you with a preserve that has you wanting more and more.

Enjoy!

Cherry Jams Mansfield
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
2kg cherries, pitted
1kg raw caster sugar
1 lemon, zested and juiced

Method
Combine the cherries and sugar in a large saucepan, stir to combine, cover and leave to rest for three hours.

Once they are well and truly infused, add the zest and juice and pop the saucepan over medium heat. Cook, stirring occasionally, for an hour and a half, or until thickening and glossy.

While still hot, ladle into sterilised jars and leave to cool before sealing. Or you know, spreading straight on a scone or some toast and devouring.


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