Ice

Spiced Rumise & Stappley Juice

Drink, Survivor, Survivor: Winners at War, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the Edge-rs were given their final chance to earn Fire Tokens, with Natalie finding another advantage – well, disadvantage – which she sold to Nick. Back at camp, we learnt it was a disadvantage at the upcoming immunity, which he and Michele promptly played on Ben. Mainly to fuck with his head. And boy did it work, as he lamented that everyone clearly hated him. I don’t know whether it was that, or the fact that she was sick of being on the bottom, but it powered Michele to victory in the immunity challenge. And while it seemed like an easy Denise vote or a Ben blindside, Tony and Sarah stayed in control and got rid of Nick and his nipples instead.

The next day we checked in with Edge of Extinction where the tribe were overjoyed to finally be leaving, given the final returning challenge was upon them. Amber was shocked that she had spent a month there and questioned whether she may actually miss it, given it is a beautiful location and forced her to slow down and reflect on her life. Tyson found the note directing them to pack up the camp and head out to the challenge, with Rob thrilled that the idol he purchased before the last challenge would still be in play should he win the next challenge. Kim was ready to fight, while Wendell was keen to buy an advantage.

Speaking of which, they received the menu and all quietly disappeared to figure out what they would be purchasing. Yul opted for a challenge advantage, as did Queen Parvati while Ethan tragically couldn’t afford anything. Meanwhile the Jeff Bezos of Extinction, Natalie, shared that she has 14 damn tokens, allowing her to buy peanut butter and three advantages, while she still had the idol she purchased ahead of the last challenge. Oh and then she used her excess cash to buy an idol for Tyson just in case. They then hugged and wished each other luck and hot damn, we were robbed of them being on a tribe together.

The first iteration of the final five were brought out to see the epic return challenge before the Edge of Extinction inhabitants were wheeled out, led by its rich Queen, Natalie. Probst then explained that for the chance to return, they would each be attached to a rope, race over a fence and pole obstacle, dig up a rope and build a rope bridge, before untying balls and using them to complete a table maze. Nat, Parv, Yul and Wendell could each skip the fence, while Natalie’s wealth bought the extra advantages to skip the dig portion and to have her rope bridge already half built. 

Yul, Parv and Wendell got out to an early lead while poor Natalie struggled on the pole section of the puzzle, giving the trio the chance to overtake and make her second advantage moot. Eventually she made it off the pole and caught up to Wendell, though continued to struggle as she made it to the bridge. Ultimately Wendell was first to the puzzle with Natalie, Rob, Yul, Jeremy and Parvati nipping at his heels. Wendell landed his first ball, with Natalie next, followed by Tyson who appeared at the puzzle without warning. The trio were neck and neck until Wendell dropped the second ball at the last moment, giving Natalie the chance to land hers and send her back into the game after following Nadiya’s lead and becoming the first boot.

Everyone was thrilled for Natalie, however the remaining losers were well and truly gutted to not make it back. Kim spoke about how hard her second game was and how she learnt that not winning and playing the perfect game was almost even better than her first experience. Tyson spoke about his decade of craziness thanks to the game and how it prepared him for having kids, given his weird talents are perfect for that. And then we got to Amber and hot damn, it was heartbreaking – through tears, she spoke about how the only reason she came back was to be Rob’s rock and spoke about how she never felt like the winner of All Stars and knows people hate her. Rob then spoke in a high pitch, through tears about how beautiful and strong his wife is and damn, it is beautiful. Parvati spoke about how hard it was to come back as the mother of a newborn and broke down about how much more difficult this season was, though how proud of herself she is.

Oh and then we got to Ethan and I mean, this is more gut wrenching than a family visit. Ethan spoke about how his first season led to him starting a charity which funded the drug that saved his life when he had cancer and oh my god, I am sobbing. Jeff spoke about the strength of winners and thanked them for the season, sending them back out to Ponderosa to freshman up ahead of the next tribal council.

We returned to camp where Tony was busy reminding himself to not be suckered in by the emotion of farewelling some of the icons of the game and instead use it as the drive to fight tooth and nail to get to the end. Meanwhile Natalie was shocked to make it back after 33 days and return to the same camp she left on day two. That being said, she knew she had to focus given that the other five are tight and she needs to find a crack and find it quick. With that she sat everyone down and told them all that everyone on the Edge is rooting for Tony, knowing that he is pulling the strings and dictating what happens. While it was a lie, and Tony knew it, he also knew it was something that could easily sway people. Tony and Sarah caught up, incorrectly assuming that Natalie has no advantages in her pocket and vowed to stick together to get rid of her ASAP before Sarah went on an epic rant about how she has been fighting just as hard as Tony – which is true – and should he win, he has her to thank for it.

My only fear is that doubt is going to make her lose focus on the task at hand. Begging the question, do I now love Sarah?

Jeffrey returned for the second final six immunity challenge which honestly was a behemoth. The tribe would have to race through a series of obstacles to collect puzzle pieces, running up a huge stairwell and dropping off the pieces before going down a slide and doing it again until they had all the pieces. Then they would have to solve a three tier puzzle and hot damn, didn’t Winchele win this is her OG season? Tony and Ben got out to a slight lead, with Sarah and Natalie nipping at their heels. Though I kind of think it has more to do with the obstacle, given Michele and Denise clearly started on the hardest. Ben maintained his lead, while Michele was well and truly last as Denise fought her way back into the challenge. Ultimately Ben secured his pieces first, followed by Tony and Natalie while Denise and Sarah tried to stay in it. And Michele? I jinxed her.

Wait, maybe not, as everyone struggled to crack the first layer of the puzzle, allowing Michele to catch up. And catch up she did, building her first tier before anyone else. Natalie was the second to crack it, making it a two horse race between my two Jersey icons. Sarah joined the fray just as Michele solved the second tier as everyone changed their tactic to cheating, which was pointless as she powered on to win the challenge for the second time. Fly kicking it for a second time, to boot. The girl is a bloody icon and I don’t care who knows it.

Back at camp Tony was nervous about Natalie’s potential ownership of an idol, while Ben spoke about being well and truly over rice. Tony tried to get everyone to remain calm and chill while Natalie joked that she needs to stay busy looking for an idol and disappeared, leaving Tony and Ben to catch up. Tony tried to focus on a plan assuming that Natalie did have an idol, so suggested they split the vote on her and Denise. Which Ben didn’t want to do, given he is very close to her. Everyone reconvened at camp, with Natalie offering to chat to anyone that is interested with Michele openly saying that she would be happy to. The iconic duo then wandered to the beach, with Natalie immediately sharing the fact she has an idol and as such, they deduced that targeting Tony and Ben would be a bad idea, given they would both play theirs if she did.

Michele then played double agent and returned to camp, telling them that Natalie is being paranoid making her think she doesn’t have an idol. And as such, she would be voting for Natalie. Tony meanwhile grew anxious, not wanting to needlessly waste an idol and grew frustrated by the fact that people weren’t interested in voting out Denise. He pulled Sarah aside to suggest that they turn on Denise instead, to guarantee that they are in control and don’t have to burn the idols. Though Sarah wasn’t really interested, given she was sure that Natalie didn’t have an idol since they grew tight in their short time together – poor naive Sarah – and as such, he just needs to calm down.

At tribal council Ben spoke about how big of a threat Natalie and her Edge relationships are to everyone’s endgames, while Michele said that the information she provides is important and everyone has hit everyone differently. Ben continued to lowkey rage about her return, while Sarah spoke about being grateful for Natalie giving her information she wouldn’t otherwise have had until the end. Natalie spoke about the fact that everyone believes Tony is playing the best game, whether it is true or not, before Sarah spoke about the horrible gender bias in Survivor and how she and Tony playing the same game makes him a hero but her a bitch. She spoke about the guilt she felt after Game Changers, reminding her fellow women that they are able to play the game however they want and need to be proud of it. Tony agreed that women shouldn’t experience that prejudice while Ben tried to get in on the action, praising them as our mothers and sisters. Even Probst owned his part in it, apologising for comments he may have made and even the fact that he rarely calls women by their surname. To which Sarah sweetly replied that he can start calling her Lacina.

After our learning moment, Natalie spoke about how there is a tight four in the game, with Michele on the bottom and her, well, left right out. Tony denied it, saying that she is creating cracks, rather than finding them. Tony doubled down saying that the information Natalie was getting was warped by the perspective of somebody that was just scorned, while Natalie simply said that she told the women they were handing Tony $2 million and as such, need to change things up. With that, the tribe voted, Natalie played her idol to a round of ‘told you so’s’ before Tony stood up and played his as well, followed by Ben, leaving only Sarah and Denise vulnerable. The first four votes piled up on Natalie, followed by two on Ben, leaving the final six to vote again; only for Denise or Sarah. And if there is another tie, the women needed to battle it out in a firemaking challenge. Which was information we did not need, as everyone joined together to send Denise from the game.

As the Queen Slayer arrived in Ponderosa, I pulled her in for a massive hug and congratulated on playing a stellar game. And I told her that while I was proud of the move she pulled off with Sandra, as the latter’s biggest fan, it is taking all my strength to not cuss her out as well. Being a therapist, she was able to help me work through my feelings and I was able to love her once again. And even toast her becoming the Queen Slayer with a punchy Spiced Rumise & Stappley Juice.

We’re getting to the pointy end of the season, so obviously, we needed to have a celebratory drink. And given this one is both super easy and so very tasty, there was no better way to mark the season. 

Enjoy!

Spiced Rumise & Stappley Juice
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
ice
60ml spiced rum
splash of bitters
1 cup cloudy apple juice
wedge of lime, to garnish

Method
This is a pour and stir cocktail, so it is pretty easy.

Fill a short glass with ice, top with the rum and bitters, fill with apple juice, squeeze the wedge of lime and add to the cup. Stir, down and repeat. Though be warned, it is a double shot.


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Frosé-K

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: All Stars, Drink, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor, Sharn decided it would be a good idea to continue playing in the middle, despite how much heat it was clearly causing her. She continued to make more and more promises to Vakama, followed by pledging her undying loyalty to Moana and David and given each alliance will make up a bulk of the jury, she is pretty much a non-entity. After Brooke took out immunity again, David and Shonee became the respective targets for each side. Knowing he was in danger, David showed off his idol to woo or intimidate Sharn. While Shonee played for the jury, calling out Sharn for flip flopping and making promises to them, screwing her should she choose to not flip. Which she obviously didn’t, sending the iconic Shonee to the jury (again).

The weather was miserable the next day, no doubt in retaliation for the heinous boot of Queen Shonee. Sadly Moana has no clue, however, and was thrilled by the turn of events, glad that her bestie Sharn proved to David and Tarzan that she was loyal to them until the end. Despite how boring that may be for us at home. Sharn and Moana caught up in the shelter, with Sharn breaking down over missing her family and hoping to prove to her kids that she can win, given she came so close last time. She then spoke about her uncertainty in trusting David, though was hopeful that him showing her the idol was honest on his part. She then mentioned – again – how close she came to winning last time and hot damn, she is losing again at final tribal, isn’t she?

Brooke meanwhile was thrilled to have made it as far as she has, disappointing me by not acknowledging the tragedy of losing Shonee. Wait, no, she and AK were well pissed, heartbroken and desperately want to get revenge on Sharn, post haste and damn – GET THEM BROOKE! I mean, she then cut laps of the beach to psych them out. The Queen is dead, long live the Queen. Tarzan continued to play his own game, picking about 20 pawpaws for everyone and then wandering around aimlessly. And for some reason, I am shocked by this completely expected behaviour. AK thankfully was still simmering in his juices, handing some salty sass to Moana and Sharn. Continuing the whip around, Moana too was thrilled about how close her allies all are to her, though she was starting to get nervous about the growing bond between Sharn and David. Moana pulled her aside to casually test her loyalty, and when she didn’t mention knowing about Dave’s idol, Moana seemed to be pissed. But alas, no, she told Sharn to continue playing Dave while she works on Tarzan. And the four can continue voting out the minority.

Are the greatest endgame EVER ads the new Sue’s big move?

My dear sweet Jonathan returned for the latest immunity challenge which was a beast of a challenge where the tribe would race to swim out to a pontoon, run through obstacles, leap up a ladder, collect a monkey fist from a tower, slide down, get to the shore use the monkey fist to release puzzle pieces and – deep breath – solve the puzzle. David tragically got out to an early lead, though our new Queen Brooke was nipping at his heels. And thankfully overtook him at the monkeyfist. While Sharn, Tarzan and Moana caught up with the leaders, AK became paralysed with fear at the top of the ladder. Which led to some sweet cheering from Brooke while she desperately tried to snag her puzzle pieces, eventually resulting in him jumping and getting back in the challenge.

Despite Brooke earning good karma with her kind cheering, David, Moana and Tarzan reeled in their puzzle pieces in quick succession, while the other three just tried to snag the pieces. Out of nowhere AK snagged his puzzle pieces, with a massive comeback. Sharn started to get salty about not being able to catch up since she and Brooke were so far behind, which seemed to be enough to give Brooke a boost. Almost instantly she snagged her bag, before getting to work at the puzzle table and quickly solving the word phrase that had stumped everyone, winning yet another immunity. And more importantly proving Sharn to be a very unreliable narrator.

Back at camp everyone pretended to be happy for Brooke while she casually laughed about spoiling their tribal council plans. Well, until she realised that her victory put a nail in AK’s coffin and it started to make her feel guilty. Moana, Sharn and David all casually whispered about obviously voting AK, hoping that the next tribal will be their chance to get her out. Which again, I hope is wrong. Moana started to get nervous about them potentially having an idol and saving AK, but everyone felt there would be no benefit to split the votes. Meanwhile alone at the shelter Brooke and AK agreed to vote for Sharn before hunting for idols, hoping that their votes would be enough to get rid of her. Sadly for AK though, Moana decided to channel Andrea and babysit him the entire time, putting salt in the wound that is his likely elimination.

He then also straight up tipped out all of the water from the well to get rid of his shadow, which worked as Moana went to camp to dob on him. This bought him ten minutes of peace for hunting, which tragically proved fruitless. Though David did follow him and Brooke into the jungle to check in on them and nervous about them finding the idol, asked them who they were planning to vote for. Wisely they filled him in on the plan to vote Sharn, suggesting that if they didn’t split it would be a bad idea, and as such, he simply needs to vote for Sharn to guarantee his safety. Sharn then started to sense danger and panicked to Moana and Tarzan, which the former quickly seemed to allay. Though Sharn did say she never wants to be on the jury, and honestly, it seems more and more likely that she won’t, and she will be roasted at final tribal council twice, instead.

At this tribal council though, AK sadly spoke about the inevitability of getting voted out at this tribal council. He then spoke about his fear at the challenge and how brutal it was to watch his chances slip away from that moment. Through tears, he then spoke of his pride at Brooke and her achievements and oh my god, I think I love AK. Sharn pretended that his boot isn’t inevitable, and commenced trying to soften her flip flopping by explaining that everything she did to humiliate the minority and get their hopes up, was all done for the alliance. Moana and Tarzan tried to pull out a bit of a cheeky stick to the plan before Jonathan pointed out that if they don’t have a plan B, they’re handing the power over to AK and Brooke. Sharn tried to lowkey threaten her allies to not turn on her, while David was simply hopeful that everyone would stick together.

With that the tribe voted and as Jonathan was just about to read the votes, he offered the person that felt in danger to accept an offer for a trial by fire instead of reading the votes. The remaining four people would then need to select a competitor unanimously, and if not, draw rocks to find out who would be competing. If the volunteer wins, nobody goes home and if the challenger wins, the volunteer leaves. Obviously AK selected to go through with a trial by fire, which gave Queen Brooke the chance to be even more of a bad arse, refusing to budge on anyone but Moana competing against him. Again fearing rocks, everyone bowed down and forced Moana to face off with him. Sadly the badassery was all for nought and while AK worked hard, Moana once again dominated a fire making challenge and sent him out of the game in sixth place.

Given how I fell in love with AK this season, I pulled him in for an epic hug as soon as he got out of the 4WD at the Jury Villa. I apologised for my shadiness his first time playing the game, explaining that I saw a lot of myself in him and it hurt to watch a superfan go out in the way he did. Which I guess, is why his second go was so touching to me. With that, we laughed, we cried and toasted to our newfound friendship with a jug (or two) of Frosé-K.

Being white, gay, in my 30s and basic, I am obviously the perfect kind of person to love frosé. I mean, it is like a rosé slushy – does life get better than that? (The answer is no, no it does not).

Enjoy!

Frosé-K
Serves: 2 dear friends.

Ingredients
3 cups frozen strawberries
750ml dry rosé wine
2 tbsp raw caster sugar
3 cups ice

Method
Pop the strawberries in a blender and blitz to a pulp. Strain through a sieve to remove seeds – which reminds me of a time I was an apprentice in a kitchen and was made to de-seed strawberries. Spoiler alert, I did such a good job the chef questioned why it was a joke. Also, I hate the feel of strawberry seeds on your tongue, which is why it made total sense to me.

In any event, pop the seedless pulp back in the blender with the rosé, sugar and ice. Blitz again until gorgeously slushy.

Pop into a jug or some glasses and down, gloriously. 


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Daniel Kahlua and Milk

Drink

I know it feels like I’ve had a busy week with Drag Race and Survivor both back, back, back again, and remember the good ol’ dance days with Tawny. But when a friend as delightful as Daniel calls to see if you want to hang out, the answer is always yes.

I’ve known Dan for ages, meeting while working together on Skins. We were both in the writers room – I based the character of Maxie on me – and were quickly drawn to each other by our wicked sense of humour.

Even then I could tell he was destined for greatness, so I obviously took him under my wing and vowed to make him a star. Cut to last year when he was riding high on his first Oscar nom with Get Out and starring in an Oscar winner superhero blockbuster, and I think you’ll agree that I did a bloody good job.

Given how busy he has been, we haven’t been able to hang out as often as we’d like, and more importantly, have missed our joint birthday party the last two years. While it was a couple of days late – we normally split the difference and celebrate on the sixth, if you’d like to honour us – it was delightful to finally get back into the swing of things by toasting with a chilled Daniel Kahlua and Milk.

 

 

Is this so simply it barely justifies a recipe? Of course. But Daniel is a total sweetheart and deserves a place on this ‘ere patch of cyberspace. And anyway, who wants a drink that’s difficult to throw together at the end of a long week.

Enjoy!

 

 

Daniel Kahlua and Milk
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
ice
¼ cup kahlua
⅓ cup milk

Method
Fill a highball with ice.

Top with kahlua, followed by milk.

Down.

 

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Sidecarol Kane

Drink, Hashbrown: The End

It is truly hard to pick a favourite character on Kimmy Schmidt. I mean, Titus is iconic, Jacqueline is Jacqueline, Kimmy is adorable and sweet but I will always have a special place in my heart from Lillian. Maybe because we both rent out apartments without floors or more likely because Carol Kane is an absolute damn delight!

Though to be completely honest, I do not and will not ever choose a favourite so DON’T bring it up again.

I first met Carol on the set of Annie Hall when I was part of Diane’s entourage and we bonded over the pain of trying to manage our naturally curly manes. I mean, everyone loves the concept of curly hair but it can be a total pain – particularly in heat or humidity – and that is something that only a curly can understand.

Somehow we’ve both managed to achieve great success despite the stress of our luscious, time consuming manes, so we don’t get to see as much of each other as we would like. No joke, we haven’t seen each other since 2006 and TBH it is probably the thing that keeps me up at night.

As a dear friend to both, I was on hand for the Madame Morrible changeover between Rue and her in Wicked, and we’ve been too busy to catch-up. Thankfully the end of Kimmy does offer us one positive, in that she had enough free time to jet down, reconnect, vow not to go so long between drinks and toast her success with a Sidecarol Kane. At it was amazing.

 

 

It should be extremely obvious by now that I will – and have – suck the alcohol out of deodorant if required, so it goes without saying that I find this delicious. But you will too – a little bit of tang and a whole lot of punch, it is the perfect way to honour a delightful show. And an even more delightful icon.

Enjoy!

 

 

Sidecarol Kane
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
2 shots brandy
1 shot orange liqueur
1 tbsp lemon juice
ice

Method
Pour the brandy, liqueur and lemon juice in a cocktail shaker and give a good ol’ shake.

Pour into an old fashioned glass filled with ice.

Down.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Natalie White Sangria

Drink, Survivor, Survivor: Samoa

For some reason we are still without an official cast list, but onwards and upwards have long been my mottos – which sound hella suss when you say it like that, no? – so we will keep on trucking with our countdown to Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders with an aggressively religious name.

Given the theme is pretty much the same as Australian Survivor, I decided to continue to rub salt in the wounds of my nemesis Russell Hantz and catch-up with the first person that played him like a fiddle and laughed her way to the bank, Natalie White.

My girl Nat gets a lot of shit – mainly because of Russell’s delusion that he should have won Samoa (AmerICa ShoUlD gEt A PeRCentAgE oF ThE VotE!?) – but let’s be honest, without her he is just another flameout that can find idols.

What he, Rob and Tony have taught us, aggressive players need someone that can win people over and smooth over any issues that they may cause. While they may have dominated their losing seasons – well winning for Tony, but Trish wasn’t there – they never would have made it to the end without the calm, social nature of their eventual victors.

Oh and let’s not forget that it was Natalie who worked the Galu tribe members and got them to spill information and convinced them to blindside Erik. You can get distracted by Russell’s ego however I know that Natalie well and truly deserved her win.

Given the drama surrounding her win, Nat dropped off the radar in Survivor circles so it was such a treat to reconnect and see where her life is now … over a long tall glass of Natalie White Sangria.

 

 

Sweet, fruity and packing a boozy bunch, this is the perfect drink to share with your bestie as your wait for the latest cast release. Or to celebrate your well deserved win over Russell. Whichever you prefer.

Enjoy!

 

 

Natalie White Sangria
Serves: 4-8.

Ingredients
700ml white wine
½ cup brandy
½ cup blueberries
1 apple, cored and sliced
1 orange, sliced
1 tbsp raw caster sugar
soda water and ice, to serve

Method
Combine the booze, fruit and sugar in a large jug and stir until the sugar is dissolved.

Top up with soda water and ice.

Down immediately.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Caipireneeha Clarke

Drink, Survivor NZ, Survivor NZ: Thailand, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor New Zealand, with Eve was feeling left right out on Khangkhaw while Renee was sick of Arun and Dave on Chani, which culminated with Dylan going and screwing their numbers after the merge. As Khangkhaw took over and got rid of Arun, Matt saw that Brad was a far bigger threat and got to work rallying the troops to boot Brad. Which went off without a hitch as his idol remained in his pocket. Literally and figuratively.

Back at camp Renee and Tess were reeling from the blindside, with the latter quickly deducing that she is on the outs. While I’d love to read her for filth for that oh so astute observation, I will let it slide as I’d struggle to sound intelligent after a blindside. Or without food for a couple of hours, TBH. Matt explained that he couldn’t stick with Brad as he continued to make plans for the final without him. Lisa and Adam calmly tried to paint Brad as being untrustworthy to soften the blow, thought it didn’t seem to work as Tess floated the idea of aligning with the three remaining Chani members who are still running around camp.

Things weren’t looking much better for the tribe the next day as Eve discovered that the chickens were still not laying any eggs, leading to Adam writing an iconic ditty about killing them. But alas, it was still worse for Tess who channelled Dylan’s sitting stoically by the shore game before getting stroppy with Tara who came to try and comfort her. Severing those ties immediately. Tess then took her rage to Adam whose hair was looking glorious as he lounged in the hammock, sharing that Tara said the Knahgkhaw alliance was well and truly dead. Making her shitty day worse, it only seemed to piss Adam off and consider cutting her loose ASAP.

Note to future All Stars players: do not sulk alone by the shore if you’re trying to align with Adam. He fucking hates it, ok?

Despite a zero from two average trying to woo people to her side through whining, Tess took the pity party over to see if it would work on Matt. With middling success as they now had a mutual enemy in the form of Tara, who Matt was concerned now had a taste for blood and knew that he realistically is now the biggest threat. Matt and Adam caught up with Lisa to share that Tara is now causing problems with Tess and while Matt would prefer they get along, he learnt from Littlefinger that chaos is a ladder and he will climb it to the damn finals if needs be. Speaking of chaos, Dave and Renee still hate each other.

Before we got anything out of the drama, host Matt arrived for this week’s reward challenge where they would be split into two teams to destroy the rivals puzzle wall before switching places and solving said puzzles. It was for a screening of Jurassic World – and all the movie fixin’s – so hopefully we get an iconic reaction to the absurdity like Sophie in South Pacific straight up hating sitting through Jack & Jill. Tara, Renee, Adam and Eve got out to a strong start thanks to the latters killer arm, while Dave, Matt, Tess and Lisa struggled until they got their eyes in and overtook them. When it came to solving the puzzle Tara decided to make herself more of a social pariah by doing the puzzle against Queen Lisa, who dominated and solved the puzzle while Brad and Renee fumed at Tara.

After Tara downplayed the loss – much to Adam’s rage – Matt told the victors that in addition to their movie, they’d also be blessed with some love from home. Adam continued to seeth about the loss back at camp as a true Jurassic Park fan – does he know it is a promo for the subpar reboot? – particularly since Tara spent more time dusting the puzzle off that doing it. Anyway the winners got dressed up for their date and headed to the outdoor cinema before the trailers kicked off and Dave’s girlfriend appeared on screen brought the man to damn tears. She was followed by Tess’ sister and parents who were awkward in the cutest possible way, Matt’s girlfriend mastered filming her video in landscape and won my heart – also, who knew he had a damn kid? Did we know that? – before Lisa’s family appeared, made her spill her popcorn and warmed this cold dead heart. Sadly for Matt, that glimpse of home lead Lisa to realise that she desperately needs to get rid of Matt ASAP.

Meanwhile back at camp Adam continued to try and encourage the chickens to eat and lay eggs … which one actually did. Much to the delight of all the remaining castaways. Well except Tara who realised that half-arsing the challenge led to her missing out on videos from home, leading to her breaking down. And that is before she even got wind of Matt and Dave floating the idea of taking her out for being erratic and hard to read. While Matt continued to push to take out Eve, followed by Renee before actioning said plan, Dave was concerned about how that leaves him as there will be no more Chani as a back-up. Which really doesn’t concern Matt … though it may if Dave starts to feel like they’re not working towards a common goal.

The boys returned to camp with Matt and Renee then catching up – after a spider fell out of Renee’s hair, FYI – and Matt working to make her feel safe. Feeling confident he took the calm, reliability tour on the road, assuring Lisa that they will stick together … which in fact made her feel like taking out Matt is a good idea in the next couple of votes after getting rid of Renee this round.

Before anymore scrambling could occur Host Matt returned for the next immunity challenge  – after rubbing some salt in Tara’s wounds and making her cry about missing her kids – where they’re required to slowly roll balls down a long, hard pole and land them in some holes. I promise, I wasn’t even trying to make that sound filthy … at first. Adam, Dave and Eve got out to an early lead before Dave’s balls dropped and left Adam to prove himself the most adept player with balls. Which makes my filthy mind really excited.

Back at camp Dave lamented himself becoming the perennial bridesmaid of immunity challenges, those was just happy that Renee didn’t somehow snatch herself victory. Matt and Tess went hunting for shrimp while discussing their options for the night ahead, with Matt throwing out Dave and Eve as potentially options, before pivoting conversation back to Renee. While Tess would ultimately like Tara out ASAP, she realises that she isn’t as big a threat and they need to take out a threat. Which lead to her circling back to booting Dave as a priority. They then joined everyone back at camp where no one appeared to be focused on tribal council, instead discussing dinner options.

The lack of scrambling on made Renee feel more nervous about her place in the game, approaching Tara who gave nothing away and burnt another damn bridge. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TARA? That fired up Renee who approached Tess to see what her plans were, with her admitting that she was willing to vote anyone out if it bought her three more days. Renee then approached Matt and Adam to lock in a Dave vote, while Tess agreed that she was happy to vote with the majority as she didn’t want to piss off Matt who she can see is controlling everything. Sadly for Renee, everyone else was locking in the vote to take her out and once again, I’m hella confused as they headed out for the vote.

At tribal council Matty Chis asked if Adam was feeling confident in his place in the game after winning immunity before quickly rubbing salt in Dave’s wounds for never taking out a win. Matt asked if Matt was looking to leave some goats around to dominate final tribal, which he admitted to despite trying to dance around Matt’s question. Tess shared that she may start playing as a free agent now that Brad is gone, Eve admitted she’ll be booting a threat tonight … but mainly because she can’t trust them. Lisa spoke about relying on people that she trusts to get to the end and isn’t concerned about being able to beat them, before Renee spoke about feeling like she is on the block.

This led to an epic showdown, with her challenging Dave and Matt on trust, breaking trust and building trust. Sadly for her when she called out Matt for being in control, Tara said that that wasn’t true and they’re all working together. Proving she does feel like the kingpin after taking out Brad. Dave and Renee continued to bicker back and forth before Matt put an end to it and sent everyone to vote which tragically resulted in Queen Renee finding herself booted from the game. Needless to say, she was not thrilled about her departure … though neither was I, so instead of talking to her and calming her down first, I handed her a Caipireneeha Clarke and we drank in silence.

 

 

TBH when you’re feeling the post-boot pain you really don’t need to have alcohol sold to you. But don’t let that take away from the majesty of a fresh cipriana, which perks you up and dulls the pain all at once. Which really makes me sound like I have a problem, no?

Enjoy!

 

 

Caipireneeha Clarke
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
1 lime, cut into wedges
2 tsp muscovado sugar
ice
4 shots cachaça

Method
Place the lime and sugar in a cocktail shaker and muddle together.

Top with ice, add the cachaça – or vodka – and shake. Like a polaroid picture, if you’re so inclined.

Pour into the glass and top with ice. Down.

 

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El Diablo Cody

Drink, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold XC: The Goldfather

The last year has been an exciting time for cinema – and I’m not just talking about the peach scene that I will never stop talking about from Call Me By Your Name – and it feels like there is an electricity in the air. Though maybe that has something to do with the fact I’m kicking off this year’s Oscar Gold celebration – The Goldfather, FYI – with the delightful Diablo Cody.

Despite the fact I’m yet to win a screenwriting Oscar, or well, even be credited as writing a screenplay, Diablo and I are essentially the same person. She studied media, I studied journalism in the same class as Sylvia Jeffreys. She got her start on blogs, I am the only person willing to publish my work. She quit her job to become a fulltime stripper, I am a fulltime, unpaid stipper (you say flasher, I say stripper).

On and on and on the similarities go. I mean, when I have a blog turn into a book – just let that marinate – I am two years off an Oscar.

Anyway, circling back – I met Diablo while working together at The Skyway Lounge and while I wasn’t able to parlay my appearance on the ameteur night into a paying gig, we became the best of friends. And I would argue that I played an integral part in pushing her to write the majesty that would become Juno and inspired the Meryl starring Ricki and The Flash.

Anywho, enough about D and my best friendship, which is what it is. You came here for the running of the Oscar odds and bi George, you’re going to get it, gurl … (sorry, I was possessed by Jonathan Van Ness).

Given she won an Oscar on her first attempt at a screenplay we’re obviously tackling the screenwriting portion of the show. There is no doubt in either of our minds that James Ivory deservedly has the Adapted Screenplay gong on lock for Call Me by Your Name because the movie truly does the book justice, captures all the long and removes the distractions … not including cutting out eating the peach which should have stayed put. My apologies to my dear friend Sorki, obvi.

The OG Screenplay category is where we ran into trouble. McDonogh took the Globe and BAFTA while Peele took the WAG and Critic’s Choice Award. While I’d love Gerwig to pull out a surprise victory, I feel like her best shot is as a director … so I settled on Jordan Peele. D, thankfully is tipping Gerwig to triumph and with it, give me the opportunity to pretend I was letting her have it. It being victory in the non-existent tipping competition.

As is oft the case, it was some thirsty work which made it super convenient when I sidled up to the bar and whipped us up a pair of my El Diablo Cody.

 

 

Like me, Diablo likes a devilishly good time and with it, a devilishly good drink. And well, as the name suggests, this baby fits the bill perfectly. Spicy and tart with a bit of a kick, its everything I like, TBH.

Enjoy!

 

 

El Diablo Cody
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
ice
2 shots tequila
4 shots ginger ale
1 tsp crème de cassis
1 lime wedge

Method
Combine ice and tequila in a highball.

Add the ginger ale and crème de cassis, and stir to combine.

Add a wedge of lime and down.

Lather, rinse and repeat.

 

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Liz Bluedbury Peach Mojito

America's Next Top Model, America's Next Top Model 24, Drink

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, following Maggie’s outster the top 14 were given Ty-overs to find their signature looks. Which in the case of Coura, was just her look, meaning she got bupkis. Liz continued to act crazy, Coura and Rhiyan were boring and poor Ivana was eliminated at panel by her inner sabotuer.

Back at the house Brendi K and Liberty debriefed about Liz’s offensive comments about Brendi K’s family backstage, while Liz tried to rationalise her behaviour to Christina. Christina, to her credit, told her it wasn’t appropriate, to put her in Brendi K’s shoes and to apologise. To Liz’s credit, she then went and apologised, and while Brendi said there was no ill will between them, there still totally was.

Their almost-apology was cut short by the arrival of the scripts for this week’s screen test challenge, which Tyra rudely announced off-screen after panel. The girls then split up into groups to rehearse, where Rhiyan was already on struggle street.

The next day, the girls arrived at the studio where MVP Stacey McKenzie was waiting to coach them through filming. After being introduced to their director Anthony Hemingway and co-star Kevin Phillips, the girls learnt that the winner would earn a role in their upcoming TV show. Liz and Rhiyan struggled big time, making Khrystyana even more of a breath of fresh air when she arrived and knocked it out of the park. Erin, Brendi K and Sandra highlighted just how thirsty someone can get after being locked away from people, before Coura arrived and made Liz look good. Jeana, Christina and Liberty also struggled, only for Shanice to wrap things up, change up the script and kill the challenge. Sadly for her though, Khrystyana took out the challenge … which thankfully, did not sit well with Shanice.

Back at the house, Liz was starting to breakdown after being called out for her overwhelming personality. Which is fast becoming a thing. Thankfully before it was escalated further, Tyra-mail arrived teasing the girls spooky photoshoot the next day. Thinking it was time for a nighttime montage, I was surprised to find Rhiyan also having a breakdown in the spa talking to Rio and Kyla about her need to lose weight. Rio then won my heart even more, giving her a pep talk and talking about her concern that she has body dysmorphia.

The next day Liz was still in tears after Shanice refused to let her push in front in the showers, which thankfully was cut off again. This time with the girls leaving for their hellish photoshoot at a haunted house. Sandra bumbled her was through the shoot, Khrystyana slayed again, Rhiyan was a bit too dead, Christina brought it like she was Kirsten Dunst, Rio, as always, killed it, and Brendi K and Jeana did well but that is based of five seconds a piece. Shanice tried to bring more of herself to the shoot, Liberty looked well and Erin survived an outfit designed to kill her.

Liz spent her time backstage complaining about being bullied by the girls, before ultimately pulling out a strong performance in front of the camera. On the flipside, Coura struggled. Badly. And she knew it, fearing she would be the next to go.

That night the drama continued after Liz was awoken by the other girls just after midnight. And while she didn’t really ask them in the best way, this is the first time her rage truly was justified. Despite Khrystyana trying to comfort her after Shanice yelled at her, she packed up her things and left for the night.

She reappeared the next day for panel before the other girls, where she was met with Tyra. They then spoke about Liz’s love for the competition however she said that the house wasn’t good for her mental health … and she was quitting the competition.

It was heartbreaking to see her so emotional when my girl Liz found me even further backstage, but after a Liz Bluedbury Peach Mojito or ten, everything started to feel better.

 

 

Sweet, spicy and bitter all at once, this mojito can cure everything that ails you. I mean, blueberry, rum and the peach from Call Me By Your Name – which is eaten in canon, FYI – this drink is damned near perfection.

Enjoy!

 

 

Liz Bluedbury Peach Mojito
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
2 tbsp blueberries
a couple of mint leaves
1 tbsp lime juice
60ml spiced rum
½ a peach, sliced
ice
tonic, to taste
dash of bitters
1 lime, quartered, to garnish

Method
Place blueberries and mint in a cocktail shaker, and muddle with the lime juice.

Add the rum, peach and ice, and shake with vigour.

Pour into a glass, top with tonic, a dash of quitter’s bitters and a wedge of lime … then guzzle down.

 

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