Snack

The iconic Margot Robbie waiting to smash a Pistachimargot Macarobbie

Pistachimargot Macarobbie

Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Oh my god, you have no idea how good it is to reunite with a fellow hometown hero slash celebrity friend like Margot Robbie. I mean, the girl is a bonafide global star, but the fact that she still has time for her dear friends like me, on the Goldie, is one of my favourite things about her.

While Margot was actually my friend’s little sister’s friend, we got to hanging out in the kitchen on sleepovers eating vegemite toast – as good Australian’s do – and planning our ascesion to Hollywood royalty.

We were both dominating the high school drama game with our talent and je ne sais quoi, but knew we were destined for greatness. I know my Hollywood staying power dates back to the ‘20s, however I had to assume a new identity after my thirteenth deportation. It truly was the lucky one, since I met Margs.

Given I was still trying to find a way to return to Hollywood, I suggested Margot takes over Australia instead. That led to Neighbours, which led to a Logie which always leads to a role opposite my dear friend Leo in a film by my friend Marty. Then came Allison, an Oscar nomination and no doubt that Margot was even more of a Gold Coast legend than me.

Sadly Margot and I haven’t seen each other since her Byron wedding – the first time I went back after Annelie and Miley had the cage-fight accident – but truly beautiful friendships can always pick back up as if no time has past.

We laughed, we gossiped about Quentin’s tenth and final movie – she thinks she can get him to drop the restraining order and give me a role – and most importantly smashed a pick batch of Pistachimargot Macarobbie.

 

The iconic Margot Robbie smashing a Pistachimargot Macarobbie

 

Sweet like Margot, nutty like me, these little babies are essentially the culinary equivalent of a best friend bracelet and you, my friends, can finally get in on the action. And you should, because we are cool and the macarons are delicious.

Enjoy!

 

The iconic Margot Robbie smashing a Pistachimargot Macarobbie

 

Pistachimargot Macarobbie
Serves: 2 besties.

Ingredients
¾ cup almond meal
½ cup pistachio meal
1 ½ cups icing sugar
4 egg whites
¼ cup raw caster sugar
¼ cup finely chopped pistachios
3 drops green food colouring
100g white chocolate, chopped
2 tbsp double cream

Method
Sift almond and pistachio meals together with the icing sugar in a medium bowl. Set aside.

Place the whites in a clean, dry electric mixer and beat until soft peaks form. Add the caster sugar one tablespoon at a time and beat until dissolved. Then add food colouring and beat until just combined. Remove from the mixer and gently fold through the meals until just combined, thick and glossy.

Transfer mixture to a piping bag and pipe into 4cm rounds on lined baking sheets. Sprinkle with chopped pistachios and tap on the bench to remove air bubbles. Leave to set for an hour.

Preheat oven to 130°C.

Place the cookies in the oven, one tray at a time, and back for twenty minutes, or until the tops are firm. Remove to cool on the tray on wire racks.

While they’re cooking, place the chocolate and cream in a microwave-safe bowl and cook for a minute, or until the chocolate has melted. Stir to combine and transfer to the fridge for ten minutes, or until thick yet spreadable.

Spoon mixture into a large snaplock bag. Snip 1cm from 1 corner of bag. Pipe 4cm rounds of mixture onto prepared trays, 4cm apart. Sprinkle each macaron with pistachio. Tap trays on bench to remove air bubbles. Set aside for 1 hour.

To assemble, place a small dollop of icing on the flat side of a cookie and sandwich with another. Repeat the process until done and leave to set for an hour or so. Or just devour, I don’t mind.

 

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A delicious Andrew Ettinghacai Bowl waiting for our sixth boot.

Andrew Ettinghacai Bowl

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Breakfast, Main, Snack, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor the poor Champions weren’t really living up to their name, nailing the reward challenges and bombing the immunity challenges. This sent them to three of the first four tribal councils, and while the athletes alliance took early control of the tribe, Queens Janine and Pia, along with David and Luke masterfully played to Abbey and Ross’ sensibilities and flipped them, taking control and sending Susie and Nova out of the game. Janine and Shaun found idols on their respective beaches however they sadly were only good for the other tribe. Janine shared the intel with David who asked to take her note, made a fake idol and traded it with Shaun’s real one, giving him and his two allies idols and poor, beautiful land mermaid Shaun with none. Once again the Champions lost immunity and despite David’s overconfidence grating on his tribe – allies and enemies alike – he managed to convince everyone to get rid of Steven.

We dropped in on the Contenders the next day where John was flooding my basement in a speedo, playing cricket – handling a bat and ball with imense skill – twerking (kinda) and being fucking hot. And that is before he got nude again and oh god, I can’t take it – I love him.

Back at the Champions tribe Ross too was being a total cutie, running around in the shore entertaining the tribe – I think trying to fish – showering by the well and receiving offers to sleep with Janine. Since she loves his smile, which is the oldest line in the book. He continued to make everyone laugh with his positive attitude, and that is before literally burning Steven’s spirit out of his jocks. Not as jovial are poor E.T. and someone called Simon we’re yet to hear from, fetching food and trying to prove their worth while seething about David’s control over the tribe given he is a babe. As attractive as he is, why am I still more turned on by John? Swoon.

But back to E.T. and Simon, they vowed not to give up and to get in with the other Champs to try and find a way out of their predicament. E.T. then went fishing with Ross and oh shit, I hope that isn’t all that he has planned. We then got a little break with superfan icon Queen Pia, who is so proud of everything that she has achieved in the game so far, despite missing her family. She also outlined her women’s alliance within her larger majority and oh damn, I didn’t think I could love her any more than I do now.

Over at the Contenders tribe Shaun was looking beautiful, even while getting his eyebrows plucked by a random girl who I think is Casey but has been too buried by the edit. Sadly poor beautiful Shaun was so proud of his perfect idol trade out and I worry that is going to come back and bite him. Because he and John need to get together.

Jonathan arrived for the first reward challenge of the week – where David’s nips were looking great – with the tribes playing tug-o-war, with the first tribe to three securing burgers. However not a Nova Peris Peri Chicken Burger, which is really a pivot. The first round saw David, Luke and Abbey face off against Shaun, Matt and Sarah, with the Champions taking the first point. Harry, Hannah and Sam were then defeated by Pia, Janine and E.T. before Shaun, Harry, Sarah and Sam got their first point on the board, crushing E.T. Janine, David and Janine. Harry, John, Matt and Shaun – who looked so damn good – evened things up with a hard fought battle against David, Ross, Simon and Luke. It came down to Shaun versus Ross and TBH, I am worried for poor Ross’ health and I hope he is ok. Wait, no, Shaun tripped and Ross won the reward and seeing him lifted over his tribe’s shoulders is honestly the most pure thing I’ve ever witnessed. To make things even more heartwarming, Jonathan allowed them to invite a Contender to join them selecting Baden … who was allowed to select a friend to go with him, rewarding Shaun for his killer effort. Oh and THEN they got beers too.

The Champions arrived at camp, giddy at the site of the burger supplies – and all the fixin’s – except for David who was worried that his lies were all about to come crashing down. Baden was completely adorable, cheering for the Champions and then trying to explain to Ross what he studies … and dare I say it, a new ship is born. Luke then quietly seethed about Shaun getting fed and potentially leading his tribe to victory at the next immunity challenge. Back at the Contenders the tribe were lamenting their loss and missing out on yet another reward, though were thankful that Baden rewarded Shaun for his efforts. Knowing that he will be an asset in the immunity challenge.

We returned to the Champions tribe where Shaun continued to unwittingly terrify David, with the latter deciding to double down on his lies by saying the idol is the only reason that he is still in the game and Steven is out. Poor Shaun truly believed his idol is real, and I am so concerned about his safety. Wait, no, maybe David should be nervous, given Abbey noticed him buddying up to Shaun and thought that maybe he should go sooner rather than later. With Queen Pia backing it up and ready to strike while his ego is at its biggest.

Seriously? Queens.

The tribes arrived to meet Jonathan on a beach where the Tower of Terror was making a return, meaning Casey is about to tap out of the challenge in three, two … wait, what? She is competing as one of the two members standing on a plank over the edge of the tower, with three people tasked with holding each of them up one-by-one with the last tribe to have someone perched atop the tower winning. Harry and Sarah kicked things off for the Contenders, keeping Casey and Baden on top of the tower while David and E.T. were busy keeping Pia and Simon up. Sarah was the first to trade out, giving her rope to Shaun while Harry soon followed, trading out to Daisy who soon gave it to Zaddy John, who tragically found boardshorts. Meanwhile at the top of the tower Casey was trying to get to know everyone, chatting away to Baden and Pia while once again, Simon’s voice was completely ignored.

David then swapped out with Abbey while poor Zaddy John struggled with his rope. Abbey passed off to Luke before Zaddy John couldn’t hold out any longer, dropping poor Baden into the drink. Who was super happy about it, despite the reminder that Kiwi Jeff has moved on to another show while Survivor NZ has been cancelled. Anyway E.T. finally handed his rope off to Janine, who quickly passed it out to Ross leaving the Champions on their last legs, while Shaun still had Matt to support him. Back at the top of the tower Casey was being iconic, asking Pia and Simon whether David actually played an idol at the previous tribal council, outing his lies and making things awks for the Champions. Shaun finally passed off to Matt before Ross dropped Simon in the water mid chat, leaving Matt and Luke to battle it out to keep Casey and Pia up top to gossip. Despite almost dropping, Luke dug deep and pulled Pia up before ultimately dropping handing the Contenders yet another immunity. Though Matt didn’t make himself any friends over at the Champions with his arrogant celebrations.

Back at camp the Champions were well and truly over losing yet another challenge, though did rally around to give each other a hug and congratulating them on trying so hard. Everyone started to feel bad for poor E.T. and Simon, except for David who thought it was hilarious. David then wandered around chatting to his allies, locking in their votes for E.T. and making jokes about him going home. Get it? E.T. going home.

Sadly for him E.T. wasn’t going to take his exit lying down, approaching Abbey to see whether she would be willing to switch back to him and Simon to get rid of anyone else. She then sat with Pia, upset to have to vote out one of the two delightful men that are on the outs before talking to David who tried to keep her calm and then pivoted to suggesting they get rid of Pia instead. This spooked the girls who spoke about turning on David, with Pia not wanting to take a strike at him unless she was guaranteed at him going home. And given how damn confident he is heading off to tribal, he really should be worried.

At the aforementioned tribal David and Abbey were lamenting how strong they were all feeling going into the challenge however still ended up here. E.T. spoke about being on the chopping block, leading to Jonathan pointing out that David said they’d be having a fresh start after booting Steven, making him feel like a liar. E.T. then gave his last pitch to the tribe, highlighting how bloody lovely he is and how he wants to have the chance to prove his leadership to the tribe by giving them the direction in the immunity challenges. David agreeing challenge contribution is important, how given they’ve been losing with E.T. here, it clearly isn’t making a difference and as such, he needs to focus on other things. Jonathan got shady, asking Ross and Abbey whether they’re going to be good foot soldiers and vote out either Simon and E.T. leading to Abbey breaking down about how much both men mean to her.

Simon then got his first monologue, pointing out that he is strong in challenges and would love the opportunity to be a foot soldier for the alliance. Janine then spoke about their alliance being stronger than the athletes because theirs wasn’t thrown together in a rush. Janine than admitted that she trusts people to different extents, while Ross agreed that there would definitely be smaller groups within their alliance while Jonathan finally for David to utter the phrase ‘do as you’re told’ as they headed off to vote. Where poor E.T. was given his marching orders, or escape, if you will.

As you may know, I am quite a big deal in the rugby league community – my dad played three, yes three, first grade games for the Roosters and I am the marketing genius who suggested bringing out Tina for a series of ads with Zaddy E.T. running around in a speedo. Given it was the ‘80s, I never acted on my feelings for E.T. but during the shoot he took my breath away and I did what every closeted kid did, befriended him and became his biggest supporter. While there was a period of a few years when I stopped talking to him as he started Escape – I hate seafood and fishing bores me – we reconnected and have been the best of friends ever since. E.T. was thrilled to see me working away in loser lodge, ran into my arms and gave me the biggest, warmest hug I can remember. He then noticed a purple stain on his shirt and honestly, the smile that appeared over his face was too pure for this world as he realised I had whipped him up a delicious Andrew Ettinghacai Bowl.

 

Andrew Ettinghausen demolishing his Australian Survivor sixth boot Andrew Ettinghacai Bowl

 

While I generally subscribe to the Ron Swanson, all the bacon and eggs breakfast school of thought, I will give E.T. a pass – footy pun, mate – and let him have an acai bowl. I mean, it is delicious after all, despite being healthy, and he is such a sweet, sweet man. Like an acai bowl.

Enjoy!

 

Andrew Ettinghausen demolishing his Australian Survivor sixth boot Andrew Ettinghacai Bowl

 

Andrew Ettinghacai Bowl
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
200g acai berry puree
2 bananas, frozen
½ cup Greek yoghurt
berries, bananas, coconut etc. to garnish

Method
Chuck the puree, bananas and yoghurt in a high powdered blender and blitz until completely smooth.

Pour into a bowl, top with whatever fruit/berries you desire and devour. Smugly, knowing you’re being super healthy.

 

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A Sterling K. Hot Brown waiting to be demolished by Sterling K. Brown himself

Sterling K. Hot Brown

Main, Snack, Street Food

You know how when Randall Pearson is being all dreamy, kind and loving, rather than dismissing Beth and her feelings? Well that is what my dear friend Sterling is like, only better.

I greeted him at the airport, and TBH, it was like a moment out of a rom com. He dropped his bags, ran towards me and lifted me up into the biggest, warmest hug known to man. While I weightlessly spun around the room, I wondered if this was the moment we would fall in love.

He then let me go, patted me on the back and I remembered that we were both happily married, and agreed many years ago, never to let our palpable chemistry get in the way of our beautiful friendship.

We got back to my house where I immediately pummeled him … with questions about This Is Us’ upcoming season, including but not limited to, am I the other parent of Kevin’s child once he comes out and I become his love interest, will Milo show skin like in the pilot and will the Pearsons become less self-absorbed?

He was more non-committal than I liked on the first two, I offended him on the last one, so we agreed to disagree and focus on our beautiful friendship. And smashing a pair of rich, tasty Sterling K. Hot Browns.

 

Sterling K. Brown pensively eating a Sterling K. Hot Brown, pondering our beautiful friendship.

 

While I only recently learned of the majestic hot brown, as soon as it was in my mouth, I knew it had to be dedicated to my lovely Sterl. Warm and comforting, with a big meaty punch (of heart, in his case), there is nothing I want in my mouth more than this. At a meal time.

Enjoy!

 

Sterling K. Brown pensively eating a Sterling K. Hot Brown, pondering our beautiful friendship.

 

Sterling K. Hot Brown
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
1 tbsp unsalted butter
2 tbsp flour
½ cup milk
1 cup vintage cheddar cheese, grated
¼ cup parmesan cheese, grated
a pinch of freshly grated nutmeg
1 tsp hot sauce
salt and pepper, to taste
4 slices bacon, fried until crispy
1 tomato, sliced
4 slices sourdough, toasted
8 thin slices turkey
chives, sliced, to garnish

Method
Melt the butter in a saucepan over medium heat, Once foamy, add the flour and cook for a minute or so, or until a glorious roux has formed. Remove from the heat and slowly add the milk, whisking, before returning to the heat to bring to the boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer, still stirring, for five minutes, or until thickened. Add half of each cheese, the nutmeg, hot sauce and a good whack of salt and pepper. Stir to combine and remove from the heat.

To assemble, place the bread on a lined baking sheet and arrange the turkey and tomato on top. Spread sauce on top of each and finish with the remaining cheeses. Transfer to a grill and cook on medium for a couple of minutes, or until golden and bubbly.

Transfer the sandwiches to a plate, top with bacon and chives and then, finally, devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

A sickly sweet Steven Bradberry Doughnut Cobbler waiting for fifth boot Steven Bradbury.

Steven Bradberry Doughnut Cobbler

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor the Monika Radulovic memorial Tower of Terror challenge returned to wreak havoc on poor tsunami survivor Sarah, after Casey dived out of the challenge quicker than Sarah dived off a balcony into the tsunami to save her life. Obviously the Champs took out victory, which they were allowed to share with someone from the other tribe and selected Zaddy John given how he supported Sarah through the trauma. Janine found a clue to an idol amongst the loot, however upon finding it learnt that said idol was only for a Contender to play at a Contender tribal council, and the corresponding Champion idol is in the same place on the Contenders beach. After Pia and Luke got tangled up in the immunity challenge, ultimately leading to the Champion’s loss. Back at camp things got heated with Steven tantrumming about Abbey for playing the game, calling her weak and making her cry. This led to everyone rallying around the AFL play before blindsiding him and sending his closest ally Nova from the game.

Leading to the best post-boot comment from Jonathan, noting that he once again skated through to victory. Fucking iconic.

Things were going downhill the next at Camp Champ where Nova’s Kitchen was tragically under new management and while Ross tried to impress everyone with his delivery service, nobody seems thrilled by his efforts. Though let’s be honest, he did do a killer job on cooking up a pair of shoes. Needless to say, he “is Nova it.”

We checked in with the Contenders where beautiful Shaun was feeling down, missing his son’s fifth birthday. And what I wouldn’t give to give him a hug. Thankfully, I guess, he found a good friend in Daisy, who helped him draw a birthday message on the sand while sharing stories of how much they miss their families. So you know today’s reward is going to be for some form of love, no? Before we get a chance to find out, Shaun discovered the Contenders equivalent of the hidden immunity idol Janine found the day before and despite it being of no use to him – yet – he felt good. Being a sweet, stunning man, he immediately decided to pass it off to one of the Champions, and hoped that it will get him in good should they meet up.

Back at Camp Champ Steven was still floating on shock after surviving tribal council at the expense of his closest ally. He decided that the most important thing was making friends, so started working on his social game. Which involved telling David that he was shocked at how bigger role the social game plays, leading to a thorough roasting from the model. Sadly David seemed to be getting a bit too confident in his position and honestly, that makes me so nervous. He decided that the one thing he needs to complete his top dog status is an idol and that Janine would be his key to getting one. Before he had a chance to confront her about the idol, she pulled him aside and filled him in on the stipulations, and together they formulated a plan to orchestrate a trade off at an upcoming challenge.

With that Jonathan was manifested for the reward challenge where they would face off in a game of football in the shadows, with two kickers stood on podiums awaiting the ball to kick a goal. It was for fish and chips, so everyone was positively thrilled however let’s be honest, three footballers vs. one makes it a no brainer for the Champs, right? Shaun, John, Matt and Andy faced off against E.T, Luke, David and Simon, and while Shaun was first to the ball, Simon scored the first point for the Champs. Baden, John, Sam and Sarah were then defeated by Steven, Janine, Ross and Abbey. David, Simon, E.T. and Pia went 3-0 against Shaun, John, Daisy and Matt. Shaun, Daisy, Sam and Hannah lost the next point, this time to Simon, Janine, Pia and Abbey but again, we’re the winners, watching Shaun and Simon wrestling with the former’s speedos getting plenty of airtime. Luke, David, Steven and Simon, finally lost a point to Andy, John, Shaun and Matt. More importantly David and Shaun had a little pow wow on their way off the course, telling each other about the idols and promising to trade them tomorrow. The Champions then won the final point and may I add, I predicted it.

The Champions were overwhelmed to discover a shack by the beach with a table fully laden with fish, chips, and if Jeff were here, all the fixings. Mid-gorge David discovered newspapers in the corner featuring them and their starring achievements, the highlights being David’s white speedos, the headline of Last Man Standing after Steven won the Gold medal and E.T. in his speedo with my love Tina Turner. We also learnt that Luke has a six week old daughter waiting for him back at home, who they tragically learnt had cystic fibrosis just before heading out to the island and I can’t stop crying.

We checked back in with the Contenders where Shaun was second guessing his mid-challenge chat with David, worried he won’t follow through. He spoke to Daisy and she assured him the risk was worth it. So why do I feel so nervous? Right on cue, that night we went back to Camp Champ where Janine told David she wanted to keep the idol in case of a swap – Queen – leading to David coming up with plan B, fashioning a fake idol and taking Janine’s note to help sell it is real. While it is a great plan, if it gets Shaun booted, I will riot. Plus David calling himself a golden God in celebration isn’t cute, despite being accurate.

Jonathan returned for the immunity challenge where Shaun and David handed over their real and fake idols respectively. They then learnt that seven tribe members will be locked in cages, with the rest of the tribe racing through obstacles to rescue them … before releasing sandbags, solving a puzzle and then knocking the completed puzzle off the ledge with the sandbags. Matt and John got the Contenders out to a slight lead, which was quickly destroyed as the Champions picked up momentum with every person they collected. Eventually they all caught up at the puzzle where Baden and Andy made quick work of the puzzle, overtaking Ross and Abbey, giving Andy a huge advantage when it came to knocking the blocks back off. Try as Abbey might, she was no match for Andy who once again secured immunity for the Contenders.

The mood was ridiculously sombre back at camp, with the tribe sick of losing, none more so than E.T. who is sick of people blowing the lead he gives them. Time after time. David seemed to be the only one smiling, telling Janine about his successful fake for real idol trade before doubling down on the cocky speak, making me so damn nervous. The alliance then decided to split the vote, nervous that Steven has an idol despite their alliance having three in the first two weeks. David approached E.T. and Simon, telling them to vote for Steven. Well actually strong-armed, making Pia, Abbey and Janine nervous that E.T. and Simon will now try something to counteract the arrogance.

As you would expect E.T. was pissed and decided that they should approach Ross to try and get him to flip back to him, Simon and Steven and get rid of Pia. Sorry E.T, I now hope you fail. Which seems likely because Pia watched them try and recruit Ross. She then approached Janine and David to share her suspicion that Ross will flip, and tried to get them to stack all the votes on Steven instead of splitting and risking one of them – likely her – going home.

At tribal council E.T. reiterated that he is sick of the tribe choking mid-challenge while Steven, David and Luke whispered about the upcoming vote and who they planned to target. E.T. wasn’t thrilled about the talk, concerned that it meant he would be next on the chopping block. Ross then put his hand up and said that he deserves to go home after botching the challenge before Steven said that if the vote was based on the challenge, it would definitely mean that he, Simon and E.T. would be safe tonight. While he and David started to throw shade at each other, Pia spoke up and said that she believes there is a target on her back tonight. This lead to Steven saying she has been carried through the challenges, which she found frustrating and pointed out all the times that she has been better than others in the challenges. Talk then turned to who was in charge of the alliance, with them all agreeing that they have a voice and hope to move past the tension tomorrow. Steven then alluded to having an idol or Ross forgetting who to vote for, making Abbey, Pia, Janine, Luke and David extremely nervous as they headed off to vote.

Thankfully for Queen Pia, everyone held firm and poor Steven was iced from the tribe. I mean, couldn’t skate through. I mean, you’ll have an ice time at Ice World. Fuck – I’m going down an ad rabbit hole. Despite the minor shade I’ve been sending Steven’s way, I love him dearly, having met at Brisbane’s aforementioned Ice World. While he was learning to speed skate, I was training to become a figure skater. While I was banned from the sport after an epic on-ice tantrum after botching a triple axel – failing to land one – Steven took me under his wing and we became the best of friends, lovingly ribbing each other ever since. I mean, I wouldn’t make a Steven Bradberry Doughnut Cobbler if I didn’t love the icon.

 

teven Bradbury about to inhale my Steven Bradberry Doughnut Cobbler.

 

Thankfully I made something aggressively sweet to dull the pain of Australia’s Gold medalist turned walking verb’s boot. A sweet, sticky pool of berries, topped with spiced, fluffy donuts are the only thing to cheer up our fallen – no pun intended, but super glad it worked out this way – icon. Outside of a Snickers.

Enjoy!

 

teven Bradbury inhaling my Steven Bradberry Doughnut Cobbler.

 

Steven Bradberry Doughnut Cobbler
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
250g blueberries
250g raspberries
200g granny smith apples, cored and diced
200g pears, cored and diced
1 cup muscovado sugar
⅓ cup almond meal
2 tsp ground cinnamon
8 fresh Shannen Doughertynuts, halved horizontally
Vanilla Ice Cream, to serve

Method
Preheat the oven to 160°C.

Combine the berries, apple, pear, sugar, meal and cinnamon in a large bowl and transfer into a baking dish, leaving a couple of centimetres from the top. Cover with foil and bake for half an hour, or until the apples and pears are tender. Arrange the doughnuts on top, to form an homage to a checkered roof.

Return to oven for 20 minutes or golden and crisp. Leave to rest for 5 minutes before serving, covered in mountains of Vanilla Ice Cream.

 

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Geoffrey Vetkoeke-Tonnesen

Bread, Side, Snack, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa the merge proved a trying time for Nicole, who was reunited with her amigos straight after blindsiding their dear friend Nathan. While she tried hard to win them back over, they all had their doubts and had moved on to new alliances. Dante and Meryl tried to pull back Jacques and Cobus, while Mike was reunited with Mmaba and Geoffrey and hoped to be able to work together. After Steffi snatched immunity and sent herself to the Island of Secrets, the spitshake crew rallied together to split the vote between Meryl and Geoffrey, ultimately sending Meryl to become the Queen of the Jury without upsetting Dante, who they may need further down the road.

Back at camp Rob was thrilled at the perfect execution of their plan, while Geoffrey was nervous about how many people were against him despite being thankful to have stayed. He tried to clear the air with the tribe, assuring them that he holds no ill will, though since Jacques was making jokes about trying to vote him out twice, I’m not sure he will be getting very far. The next day the tribe were miserable as the rain hammered their camp. Well except for Rob, who was sitting pretty in the seven, though decided that pulling Durao in would also be a good idea for him. They went for a walk down the beach, with Rob pledging loyalty to him and while it is good for Durao, I’m not sure Rob bringing everyone in is a great idea. He then approached Nicole to fill her in on the alliance and vowed to protect her, now extending the alliance to nine which is extremely shortsighted.

Nico made a relatively early return for the reward challenge where the tribe would be split into three teams, run through a series of obstacles while collecting bags of discs which they slide up a curved wall and attempt to land it in a basket. It was for a spa reward, complete with snacks, sandies and drinks, so everyone was desperate for the win. 

Geoffrey, Durao, Dante and Mmaba got out to an early lead with Rob, Nicole, Mike and Jacques, while Steffi, Laetitia, Seipei and Cobus brought up the rear. Rob, Nicole, Mike and Jacques made quick work of the second and third obstacles, gaining a slight lead, landing the first two points before anyone was on the board. Dante closed the gap and took the lead until Rob clawed it back. They were neck and neck, going point for point until Dante scored their tenth point and secure immunity before Seipei, Steffi, Laetitia and Cobus even scored a point. With Queen Laetitia particularly pissed, since Nico kept pointing out that she was the reason they lost. Before the victors headed out to the spa, they decided to send Jacques to the Island of Secrets, hopeful that they can trust him to fill them in on what happens while he’s away.

Back at camp Laetitia was still upset about letting her team down, feeling like she is losing her dignity and pride so requested that they vote her out at the next tribal council. While everyone was supportive, Mike preferred that she quit rather than waste being able to get rid of someone they want. Thankfully she changed her mind however, vowing to stay and honestly I’m a little confused slash suffering from whiplash. At reward Dante was feeling left right out so decided it was the right time to make friends, telling Geoffrey, Mmaba and Durao that he would rather align with the three of them rather than the other group and given Geoffrey was trashed, he was receptive to the idea. Particularly since he can pull in Laetitia and Cobus to snatch the majority. Finally we checked in with Jacques on the Island of Secrets who was gifted another advantage, this time a reward steal which he was giddy to use at the family visit. Whenever it may be. Back at reward Durao and Dante went to shower, tragically alone, while Mmaba and Geoffrey ran the numbers before they traded out, all got massages and basically were loving life.

The next day Rob and Steffi caught up with Durao to find out what happened on the reward challenge, with Durao spilling the beans on Dante’s attempts at making allianced and despite scrambling being the nail in Meryl’s coffin, Rob didn’t seem to be too scared about Dante. Instead finding it endearing. Geoffrey and Mike then caught up with Geoffrey pointing out the Durao is shifty and tried to convince Mike that working with Dante would be in their best interests.

Nico returned for this week’s immunity challenge where the tribe would be submerged under a grate as the tide rises, with the last person to stay underwater snatching immunity. Before throwing them underwater, Nico advised that not everyone had to compete and if people were feeling safe, they could opt to sit out and smash some Nachos, with Cobus, Seipei and Jacques preferring to eat instead of compete. Almost immediately Mmaba dropped out, no doubt regretting the choice not to smash some nachos instead. Durao and Mike quickly followed, with Laetitia dropping after half an hour before Dante and Nicole joined her. After an hour it was down to Rob, Steffi and Geoffrey who were all completely submerged with the latter dropping first, before Steffi eventually couldn’t hold on any longer, handing Rob immunity.

Back at camp the tribe congratulated Rob on his crazy performance in the challenge before Rob doubled down on his plan to get rid of Geoffrey. Meanwhile Zadante approached Jacques to figure out what their plan is, with Jacques worried that he needs to cut ties with Zadante ASAP. Seipei and Cobus caught up to lock in their votes on Geoffrey, with Seipei approached Jacques and Steffi to make sure they were on the same page. Rob and Mike agreed to get rid of Geoffrey, which made Mike feel upset given he was aligned with Geoffrey and if he backs out of the vote, his new alliance will no longer trust him. He approached Geoffrey who was hopeful about his ability to pull someone else in. Rob tried wooing Zadante back at camp, pointing out what his vote would say to try and get him into the fold. Dante took that intel directly to Geoffrey and neither of them could seem to get on the same page, with Dante wanting him to vote out Nicole despite it being one of Geoffrey’s closest allies. Geoffrey and Nicole caught up, with the former vowing to never write her name down, while the latter deliberately ignored returning the favour.

Geoffrey then approached Durao to find out which way his was leaning, unaware that he too had been swept up into Rob’s group. This left Geoffrey with only Mike and Mmaba left to trust, with Mike concerned that there is no way that he can continue to play with both of his alliances. Durao and Rob caught up again, with Durao laying out where all the votes lay and hot damn, Durao is low key the best social player right now. Rob and Geoffrey got together to clear the air, with Rob concerned that Geoffrey was targeting Nicole. He desperately tried to convince him of his loyalty, pointing out that Dante was trying to get her out instead however it doesn’t actually look like Rob is buying it.

At tribal council Steffi pointed out that the tribe is clearly divided into multiple alliances, which Dante agreed with and pointed out that anything is enough to become a target at the moment. Cobus said there is scheming going on all over the beach and while you can see some of it, there is a hole lot that people are missing. Durao talked about the lols of seeing Geoffrey and Dante buddying up at reward, given they straight up hated each other mere episodes ago. Durao then continue to dig Geoffrey and Dante’s hole, pointing out that the boys talked about aligning and suggested targets. This led to Geoffrey coy outing someone that is clearly Dante for trying to get him to betray Nicole before Rob reminded people that they need to stop looking too far ahead, given it could burn potential bridges later down the road. Jacques admitted that if other people are locking in final fours, the other eight need to come together to get rid of them before likening the hierarchy to that of upper management. I assume, like a board of directors. Geoffrey brought up the importance of trust which Jacques agreed with, though said that in reality, allegiances will shift after each vote and people need to accept that.

Talk turned to the vote ahead, with Rob saying he is sticking with his alliance, Dante going with individuals that he trusts and hopes to earn theirs in return before Mike shared that he hates tribal, which is inevitable and he needs to just get over it. Meanwhile Geoffrey is sticking with his heart. With that the tribe voted and sadly nobody’s heart was with him, sending Geoffrey from the game as the second juror.

It feels like nobody is going to wake up to the fact that the amigos will always stick together until it is too late and while that – and the fact I still miss Tania – has me feeling hella bummed, I was ok to welcome Geoff into Ponderosa. I mean, at least it wasn’t Dante, you know? Obviously I didn’t mention that as we toasted his game and smashed a bunch of Geoffrey Vetkoeke-Tonnesen.

While these are essentially just rolls, the fact that they are fried make them something special. Extra crispy and crunchy on the outside, still soft, fluffy and warm on the inside – they make a strong case for just eating bread as is. No ifs, ands, butters or condiments.

Enjoy!

Geoffrey Vetkoeke-Tonnesen
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1 ½ tbsp muscovado sugar
1 tsp kosher salt
7g yeast
2 ½ cups flour
vegetable oil, to fry

Method
Combine the sugar, salt and yeast in a jug with 1 cup of lukewarm water and leave to rest for five minutes.

Place the flour in the bowl of a stand mixer, add the yeast mixture and knead for about five minutes. Transfer to an oiled bowl, cover and leave to prove for a couple of hours.

Once doubled in size, transfer to a floured surface and punch back. Break into small ½ cup sized balls and place on a lined baking sheet.

To cook, heat 10cm worth of oil in a dutch oven and bring to 180C. Once hot, add the dough a couple of balls at a time and fry for five minutes, or until golden and crisp. Transfer to paper towel and leave to drain. Repeat until done and then devour, happily.


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Nathan Castby

Main, Sandwich, Snack, Street Food, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Nico decided to create a bit of drama and excitement by switching the three tribes into two – he is messy and I love it – which left poor Steffi without a tribe on the Island of Secrets. Which TBH is good, since it meant she was immune at the next tribal council before joining the losing tribe after they booted someone. On new Sa’ula there were three pairs, in the form of Dante and Meryl, Mmaba and Geoffrey, and Nathan and Nicole, while Durao tried to make friends by spilling the tea. Oh and Nathan sustained another injury, this time in the form of a sliced hand. Meanwhile at Ta’alo Rocco was also utilising the spill the tea strategy, though with less success as Rob and Mike bonded and Seipei lead the charge to take out the biggest threats from here on out, with Zaddy Rocco her first victim. Despite the lecture not going down well with anyone.

We checked in with Sa’ula the next day where Dante was growing extremely tired of people just wanting to make merge and raging out to Meryl and Nathan about no longer wanting Geoffrey and Mmaba around, given they don’t look like they want to be here. Meryl then suggested they get rid of Geoffrey, which Nathan took straight back to the man himself who got very nervous. And made Nathan feel confident in his place given he has forced the factions into a war. Durao too was feeling confident in his role as the swing vote and suddenly I feel nervous for both of them.

Meanwhile over at Ta’alo Steffi was on cloud nine to be reunited with her dear friends Rob and Seipei, until she suggested getting rid of Mike, Mmaba and Durao which made Rob feel nervous as she plays too fast. Oh and then she talked smack about his besties Nathan and he was ready to write her off instantly. Mike too wasn’t loving Steffi constantly being at a ten, finding her irritating and hard to be around. He and Rob then connected by the well and her former amigo was quick to throw her under the bus as all he cares about are Nicole and Nathan.

Back at Sa’ula Nathan was feeling unsure about which other duo he and Nicole should side with, given Dante and Meryl can’t be trusted while Geoffrey and Mmaba are keen for a blindside and he thinks that is a good thing for them as it will keep them loyal. Again Nathan, you in danger girl. Right on cue Geoffrey approached Mmaba to float blindsiding Nathan and forcing Meryl to play her idol, and while she wasn’t sure it was the best plan, he is her ride or die and will stand by him.

Nico arrived for this week’s reward challenge where someone from each tribe would hold onto a pole, while two people from the other tribe would try and pull them off … the pole. For tribe to three points scoring a huge pizza reward and some softies, though sadly no birthday cake for Mmaba. Cobus, Mike and Rob faced off against Durao, Dante and Nathan, and TBH, all I care about is how hot Dante looks in his speedo. Both Nathan and Mike were quickly ripped from their pole and despite his best efforts, Nathan was dragged out of the arena and handed the first point to Ta’alo. Dante and his VPL with Nicole made quick work at Mike, while Durao put up a stronger fight against Rob and Steffi … until Rob straight up dragged him down the beach, scoring the second point. Seipei, Laetitia and Steffi battled Nicole, Mmaba and Meryl with Steffi this time beasting Ta’alo to victory, while Dante squatted and seethed at Mmabas uselessness in the challenge.

Before heading back to camp to smash their pizzas, Ta’alo sent Durao to the Island of Secrets where he discovered that the tribes will be merging after the next tribal council and he, thankfully, will survive it as the Island has gifted him an immunity idol for the tribal council only.

Ta’alo were giddy when they returned to camp, inhaling the pizzas – clearly unaware of the curse on this ‘ere patch of cyberspace – slamming sodas and wading in the water. Queen Laetitia was proved of how hard she fought in the challenge and everyone was happy, until Steffi pulled Seipei aside to strategise hard. This put Seipei off, given she doesn’t feel she can trust Steffi anymore. Meanwhile Mike and Rob reconvened and pledged their undying loyalty to each other, planning to talk about their idols at a later date and, damn, Steffi you too are in danger. Back at Sa’ula Zadante was still seething about Mmaba’s shitty performance in the challenge before Nathan stripped down to his speedo and hot damn, my basement flooded. Zadante went for a swim to cool off, leaving Nathan to float getting rid of Meryl or Zadante to Mmaba and Geoffrey, and while they pretended to play along and guarantee his protection moving forward, their faces say they don’t mean it.

Nico returned for the final tribal immunity of the season where four people would need to balance two balls on the end of pole and travel through an obstacle course to the remaining members with one of them guiding the other two blindfolded tribe members to complete a vertical maze and drop the balls into a basket, first to complete snatching immunity. Steffi and Mike faced off against Meryl and Mmaba, with Steffi getting Ta’alo out to an early lead, which Rob only extended as Geoffrey fell behind. We also got a good view of Rob’s balls as he climbed over and pole and well, you know I like that. Ta’alo continued to extended their lead leaving Zadante to desperately try to close the gap. Eventually both tribes caught up on the maze wheel and honestly it is too hard to tell who was in front, particularly since both tribes dropped their first balls within moments of each other. While Ta’alo got a nice rhythm on the puzzle, Nathan started to fall up as his hand hurt as he and Durao choked, flicking their ball out of the challenge area allowing Sa’ula to sneak in and snatch the win.

We checked in with Ta’alo where victory wasn’t enough to stop them strategising, with Rob, Steffi and Mike plotting to get rid of Cobus, while the zaddy was busy spilling the tea with Seipei and Laetitia and vowing his loyalty to them. The tribe then reconvened and Cobus suggested that no matter what, the seven need to stick together for at least the merge vote and go as far as they can together. Which they solidified with a spit shake, unaware that Rob plans to destroy them all as soon as he gets back with Nathan and Nicole.

Speaking of them, they returned to camp where Durao lied about his time on the Island of Secrets pretending he had the choice between a letter from home or pizza, rather than outing his one time only idol. Which Nathan knew was a lie, given it was the lie he told after coming back from the Island of Secrets. Nicole and Geoffrey got together to plot by the ocean, while Zadante continued to rage to Nathan about his rivals, hopeful that Nathan and Nicole stick with him in getting rid of Geoffrey as he is a threat that has no interest in ever working with him. Speaking of Geoffrey, he was just thrilled to finally attend tribal council so got to work lining up the Nathan blindside, pulling Nicole, Mmaba and Durao aside to float getting rid of Nathan using the excuse that he is injured. They were all on board – even Nicole – with him suggesting they keep it secret to force Meryl and Dante to flush out their idol. It was at this point that Durao decided not to play his idol, not wanting to needlessly paint a target on his back. Geoffrey approached Nathan to continue his lies, outlining a vote split between Meryl and Dante before vowing to drag the latter two at tribal council until they are so nervous that they definitely burn their idols.

At tribal council Geoffrey proved to be a man of his word, sharing that he is gunning for Meryl and Dante while they tried to highlight what they contribute at camp, suggesting that Mmaba and Geoffrey don’t contribute anything other than a social game. Geoffrey and Dante them started to battle it out, with the former shading Dante for a sloppy performance in the challenge, which pissed him off and led to him unleashing on Geoffrey for doing nothing. Geoffrey than said that Meryl and Dante are playing a dirty game, talking smack about him and trashing his game, whilst spouting the importance of playing a team game.

Mmaba then started to break down, hurt that they are saying that she doesn’t contribute despite giving her all in everything they do. Geoffrey continued to get under Dante’s skin, with the zaddy making some problematic threats of violence – which are an instant boner killer – before Nicole stepped in and asked them all to remember that these conversations may be damaging and that they need to think about it coming back to bite them should they merge. Nathan cautioned the tribe to avoid blindsiding people before the merge, given it makes them look untrustworthy which made Nicole feel like she is trapped about tribal council, worried that no matter what she will walk out of here a villain here to someone.

With that the tribe voted and Geoffrey’s plan pushed forward as Meryl played her idol, negating a single vote, while the rest of the tribe banded together to blindside Nathan. Poor sweet, sexy Nathan didn’t see it coming, but boy did I enjoy watching him and his South African speedo walk out of tribal council. Thankfully, Nathan is straight up one of the sweetest people you could ever meet and didn’t hold a grudge against his tribemates. Though maybe that had something to do with the Nathan Castby sitting in front of him?

I’ll defend hot chip sandwiches till my dying day. Like hot chips, fresh bread and butter, that is all you need. But then you add bologna, piri piri and lettuce and call it a gatsby and I learn that great can become phenomenal. Or phenomena.

Enjoy!

Nathan Castby
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
olive oil
150g sliced bologna
4 crusty Italian rolls, split and toasted
4 cups Jud Beerza Battered fries
⅓ cup ketchup
2 tbsp piri-piri sauce
1 cup shredded iceberg lettuce

Method
Heat a lug of oil in a frying pan and cook the bologna for a couple of minutes, or until golden and crisp. 

Split the buns, top with chips, drizzle with ketchup and piri piri, fried bologna and iceberg lettuce. 

Close the sandie and smash immediately.


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Rusk-Lee Smith

Baking, Bread, Side, Snack, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV, TV Recap


Previously on Survivor South Africa sweet, sexy Rocco was blissfully unaware that Laumei – minus Queen Laetitia, obviously – was out to get him, while Seipei was officially welcomed to the amigo alliance at Sa’ula and they became a tight little group. So tight that they finally managed to snatch immunity and avoid the third tribal council. So did Ta’alo’s Tania, who went to the Island of Secrets and was given the chance to select which tribe she joined after the upcoming swap. With their obvious target out of the way, they set their sights on Ting Ting instead. However she and Jacques concocted a plan to idol out Cobus instead. However, again, Jacques got cold feet and instead played the idol for himself, saving Cobus, and sending his ally Ting Ting from the game and making himself four enemies in the process.

Back at camp Jacques was feeling the heat as his tribemates questioned why he didn’t trust them and unleashed their rage, while he awkwardly tried to get out of it and pray for a swap. The next day Jacques was still feeling the heat, with Felix and Cobus vowing to ice him if he dared cross them again. Proving, I guess, why he should flip ASAP. Meanwhile over at Laumei Wendy must have paid them a visit, as the chickens were freely wandering around camp as the tribe desperately tried to get them back. We were also reminded there is someone called Durao playing the game. Finally we checked in with Sa’ula where they were still riding the high from winning a challenge, hopeful that they could kick off a winning streak and stick together until the end.

Right on cue the tribe met Nico where they learnt the tribes would be swapping and Sa’ula won’t in fact be able to stick together. With that, Nathan and Steffi stayed on Sa’ula and were joined by Mmaba, Geoffrey, Mike and Cobus while Nath’s love Rob joined Nicole, Laetitia, Rocco, Dante and Meryl on the new Ta’alo and Seipei was all alone on new Laumei with Rose-Lee, Durao, Felix, Jacques and Tania, who opted to join Laumei given she holds Seipei responsible for saving her by going to the Island of Secrets. Oh and more importantly, she had a Coach-esque stick. Which I love. Give her the win immediately, TBH.

Back at the new Laumei camp Seipei was feeling the pain, having lost her comfort with only chickens to dull the pain. We continued to meet Durao who was feeling nervous given his only former tribemate is Rose-Lee. Instead of blending in, Tania opted to berate Felix for voting out Ting Ting and using the excuse that she wasn’t as strong as Meryl. Clearly highlighting their fractured relationship, giving those without numbers hope. We dropped by the new Sa’ula where Steffi and Nathan showed everyone around their plush digs and while they are now in the minority, they are hopeful of pulling in Cobus and saving themselves. They then offered up some peace bananas before disappointing everyone with the news that Rob keeps their flint in his pocket and as such, they now have no fire. Speaking of Rob and his flint, he made instant friends on his new tribe with that information. He and Nicole then lied about Paul and his idol, hopeful that they could throw everyone off the scent and snatch the idol at this camp. Sadly for them, Dante gave them a tribal council play by play, clueing them in that the idol had already been claimed and their plant was a bust. Though let’s be honest the biggest loser here is Meryl, who wished that Dante had kept his beautiful mouth shut.

We returned to new Sa’ula where talk turned to the clue or flint dilemma of episode one, as Mike questioned why Paul didn’t give them an idol. Nathan and Steffi then explained that the idol wasn’t used and went missing, and TBH they just lost their target because they seem way too trusting. Almost as soon as Mike realised that there was an idol sitting under the Laumei well, we returned to find Jacques finding his second idol of the season. Thankfully instead of seeing him gloat, we saw Seipei and Tania go for a walk and pledge their loyalty to each other and hot damn, Tania and the Sa’ula five for final six please! Rose-Lee and Durao were also catching up, lamenting just how screwed they are, hoping that they could figure out the second-hand clue that Rocco stole from Paul to snatch the idol … that Jacques just found.

My dear Nico returned for this week’s immunity challenge where the tribes would traverse a course with planks, collecting tribe members at various stages and adding planks to their little train. Once at the end, they would use the aforementioned planks to build stairs and then land sacks on boxes. Oh and in addition to immunity, the victors would get a massive Steers feast while second place gets a rack of ribs. Rob got new Ta’alo to an early lead before he and Dante made the sexiest train I’ve ever seen. Though Cobus and Nathan looked pretty hot on Sa’ula, to be fair. In any event Laumei struggled from the start and Durao hadn’t even picked up a friend while the other two tribes started work on their stair puzzle. Given Rocco is an Olympian, he made swift work landing the first sack … until Laetitia proved to be a beast and land the next two. Steffi managed to even things up as Laumei finally arrived at the stairs and tied things up as everyone started to panic. Ultimately it was all for nought as Rocco snatched victory for Ta’alo, while Mike snatched second for Sa’ula after a pep talk from Steffi.

Before Ta’alo went back to camp to smash their ribs, Nico reminded them that they need to send someone to the Island of Secrets and keep them safe from the vote tonight. And given how much they hate Tania, Dante and Meryl suggested Seipei to force them into voting out Tania instead. Oh and then Rob asked Nico if he could return the flint he stole to Sa’ula and got a sweet, sweet hug from his beloved Nathan.

Ta’alo returned to camp to see the spoils of their victory, joyously throwing the ribs on the grill and rivalled Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally as they smashed rack after rack. Over at Sa’ula they too were thrilled to find their comparatively measly rack of ribs, though they still carved them up and went to town on them. Though let’s be honest, this is probably better as they didn’t have to compete with giant flames. Nathan then casually dropped that old tribes were dead to him and everyone now has new allegiances, however Mike wasn’t buying it, given Rob and Nicole saved Seipei by sending her to the Island of Secrets. So you know there is going to be some drama there. Speaking of Seipei, she was glad to finally visit the Island of Secrets, though wished it didn’t come at the expense of a feast of ribs. She then learnt that she doesn’t even get an advantage thanks to her semi-immunity, further irritating her as she wanted to prove the loyalties she had already teed up.

Speaking of Laumei, Durao was apologising for choking at the challenge while Tania assured him it didn’t matter as they managed to catch up. Rose-Lee addressed the elephant in the tribe, questioning whether they will stick together and vote her or Durao out. Speaking of the duo, they gave up on finding an idol and instead got to work making a fake one that they could hopefully leverage to secure themselves safety. Jacques then caught up with Felix and shared the news of his legit idol find to try and lock in his loyalty, before Felix suggested that that will only happen if he can hold on to the idol at tribal council. This pissed off Jacques, who was aghast at the thought of handing over his idol and while they agreed to vote together, I don’t see this having a happy ending.

They then joined Tania to confirm who they would vote for, agreeing that Rose should go tonight and while they may not feel close, they have no choice but to stick together. While Jacques wandered away to simmer in his juices, Felix filled Tania in on their drama and explained what happened at the last tribal. And just like that, Tania is finally in a power position. Durao opted to talk to Jacques, hopeful that he could pull him to his and Rose’s side with the allure of their fake idol, tragically unaware that he was talking to the owner of the real idol.

At tribal council Felix spoke about feeling mildly confident, given he, Tania and Jacques at least have the numbers from their OG tribe. Tania agreed it was important with Jacques agreeing that this is a great opportunity to whittle away at some of the Laumei numbers. Durao agreed that since Laumei had the numbers, it would be good to align with Durao given he has friends. Jacques explained that if Rocco and Laetitia liked them, they would have saved Durao or Rose-Lee rather than letting them attend tribal council. Jacques then detailed why the decision was stupid, suggesting he or Felix would have given them the best hope because at least then they would have Seipei as a swing vote, while Rose just argued about all the ways Rocco liked them. Talk turned to the idol before Durao casually mentioned that he had it, though TBH, it looked like no one believed them. And Queen Tania gave zero fucks, saying that either way one of them is going home and as such, they should take a chance. Jacques and Tania spoke about staying Ta’alo strong and sending the message to their former tribe that they will stick together at the merge.

Everyone grew tired and asked to vote, except for Duraro who instead just wanted to give Rose a hug since they are screwed. Then they voted and Durao’s hug proved to be the kiss of death, as Rose was sent from the game with only the love and support of Rocco as consolation. Sweet Rose-Lee took her boot on the chin, knowing that there wasn’t really anything she could do to change her fate. Which was kind of my pep talk, so instead I gave her a hug and sent her on her way with a fresh batch of Rusk-Lee Smith.

While they may not look like the most exciting thing, these sweet little scone-biscuit hybrids are near perfection. Particularly dunked in a fresh coffee on a cold day.

Enjoy!

Rusk-Lee Smith
Serves: 4-8.

Ingredients
1kg self-raising flour
250g butter
1 cups raw caster sugar
1 tsp salt
2 eggs, whisked 
1 ½ tsp vanilla extract
3 cups buttermilk

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C.

Grate the butter into the flour in a large bowl, and using your hands, rub them together until it resembles wet sand. Knead in the sugar and salt, followed by the eggs and vanilla, followed by the buttermilk, little by little, until it comes together like a scone dough. Aka soft and sticky, but not wet.

Using wet hands, form the dough into half cup-sized balls, and pop on lined baking sheets. Transfer to the oven and bake for 45 minutes to an hour, or until an inserted skewer comes out clean. Transfer to a wire rack and allow to cool slightly, while reducing the oven to 80C. 

While still warm, use a bread knife and slice into thick biscotti-esque shapes and return to the oven to dry out completely, or about two hours. Before removing and allowing to cool completely. 

Then, and only then, devour them with a fresh cuppa.


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BilTing-Tong

Snack, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, Tapas, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa, Jacques found the Ta’alo hidden immunity idol with an assist from Cobus – who I should mention, is also a total babe – though neither of them really need it as everyone in the tribe is sick of Tania and her drama. Though damn she is good TV. Over at Laumei, Rocco and Laetitia had formed a tight bond, which forced Mmaba, Rose-Lee, Mike, and Geoffrey to form their own tight bond to get rid of both of them ASAP. Sa’ula returned to tribal council and despite Nathan continuing to fall apart physically, the tribe opted to take out a flakey Paul instead and keep my gaggle of thirst traps around for another week.

Back at camp Sa’ula were coming to terms with tribal council, Nathan thankful that he didn’t quit and that the tribe see his value. Seipei was thrilled about the blindside and to have gotten rid of the people she didn’t like, before Steffi welcomed her into the alliance and hot damn I need this five to go to the end together because they are adorable and seem to legit like each other.

Cut to me ranting about a boring pagonging when they never turn on each other.

Over at Ta’alo Jacques pulled Ting Ting aside under the cover of darkness to show her his bag of tricks, complete with extra vote and hidden immunity idol. More importantly, Jacques in night vision is hot … or I am super horny whenever I watch Survivor SA?

The next day we checked in with Laumei where Mike was lamenting about the pain of the incessant rain, with Laetitia agreeing that it is fucked and her bones click no matter what. Mike then pivoted to complaining about the lack of food and the rancid smell of their camp before the sun came out and everyone’s mood started to lift. Though Rocco had his shirt off, so maybe that was what made them happy. Goeff and Mmaba went for a walk with him filling Mmaba in about Rocco’s plans for an all boys alliance. Which didn’t really bother her, given she feels pretty confident in her allies. Speaking of which, she approached Rose-Lee to catch her up and confirm their alliance. While they agreed Laetitia needs to be the first out, Rose_lee started to feel nervous because she is way down at the bottom of her current alliance which TBH, just sounds like the paranoia of a tribe that need to go to tribal and see where things lie.

Over at Sa’ula Seipei got to work braiding Nathan’s hair before deciding that the reason for their losing streak was the dead weight that they’ve voted out, and now that they’re united they will be unstoppable. And again, I love them and seeing them happy makes me happy. Wait, no, Paul took the idol and flint with him when he was voted out and now they’re sad. So you know how I feel about that. We returned to Ta’alo where Tania was reminiscing about being dominated by Steffi at the previous challenge, before going on a long monologue about how impulsive she is to Ting Ting. Which I don’t think will win her any allies. Thankfully it was interrupted by Cobus and Dante walking back into camp – hopefully as a couple – who announced that they were heading to a reward challenge, which led to a debate about who should and shouldn’t participate in the challenge, which only made people more annoyed by Tania as she couldn’t read the damn room. This lead to Dante telling us that he’d rather win reward and get food than win immunity because as Cobus said last week, flint for Tania is a good trade. The boys got together to lock in a vote against Tania, however Cobus was adamant that they split votes which made Jacques nervous about losing his ally Ting Ting or outing his idol.

My boy Nico finally arrived for the aforementioned challenge – which turns out is for immunity – where the tribes were required to race through a muddy obstacle course to collect their flag before the other tribe. First tribe to three wins immunity and a tonne of comfort items … with the losers battling out in a sudden death challenge for the second immunity and a measly tarp and flint. First up were Nathan and Rob vs. Durao and Mike vs. Dante and Cobus, and with half of them in speedos while getting muddied up, I would say I am the true winner. Despite Nathan and Rob scoring the first point. Rocco defeated Seipei and Jacques for a point for Laumei. Steffi and Nicole dominated Felix and Meryl, and Laetitia and Geoffrey giving Sa’ula a two, one, nothing lead over the other tribes, despite breaking the chain holding them together. Rob and Nathan then secured the first victory of the season for Sa’ula, bringing the tribe to tears and yes, I may have cried with them. Whatevs. That left Rocco to face off against Dante for the remaining immunity and hot damn, can’t they just mud wrestle instead? In any event Rocco snatched victory by mere seconds, making Dante sad. I assume because he doesn’t have a mirror to see how hot he looks covered in mud. After a brief deliberation, Sa’ula decided to send Tania to the Island of Secrets, assuming that she is in trouble. Which given the fact they all joked about voting her out the next night, seems like they made the right choice.

Back at Sa’ula the tribe were jubilant to have broken their losing streak and have a couch and a fire making kit, meaning that they can finally eat. They then spoke about Tania being grateful to have been sent to the Island of Secrets and all felt like it was a turning point for their game. They then frolicked in the water and my heart fills warmed. Meanwhile over at Laumei the tribe were thrilled about their comparatively crappy victory, thanking Rocco for just snatching the win. He then did his victory dance and TBH, I don’t understand why people don’t love this sexy goober. Finally we dropped by the losing camp, where they were still grateful  despite the loss because they at least get some peace and quiet with Tania out of the camp. The group then agreed that they need to get rid of Tania, though Ting Ting grew paranoid about what they will do should she have immunity after her jaunt to the island. The boys then tasked her with going to Tania when she returns to find out whether she had any luck at the Island of Secrets. Speaking of lucky, Cobus looks delightful in his speedo and we should all count ourselves lucky.

As lucky as say, Tania, who is living her best life on the Island of Secrets before even discovering the note bequeathing her the choice of going back to camp the next day and going to tribal council with her tribe – aka certain doom – or chill out by herself an extra day before picking which tribe she goes to when they swap. Given she isn’t an idiot, she opted to stay and felt so grateful that Sa’ula managed to breath life into her terminal game. Speaking of Sa’ula Rob decided to make fire without the kit they just won in the previous challenge to prove to his dad that he was worth his time showing him how to make fire. They then feasted on their first hot meal of the season and felt renewed.

The next day we returned to Ta’alo where the tribe was still blissfully unaware about Tania not returning for tribal council, and speculated how best to identify whether she snagged herself an advantage. How sweetly naive they all sound! Everyone still pushed for Ting Ting to be the decoy vote as far as Tania is concerned and while Cobus assured her that they won’t screw her, she and Jacques seemed super wary. Ting Ting approached him about moving his advantages to his bag, rather than burying them in the jungle where they can get lost. Before we get any resolution, Meryl arrived with treemail announcing that Tania has ditched tribal council and honestly, you can see the fear in each of their eyes no matter who you pause it on. Everyone awkwardly sat in silence before Felix and Cobus rallied to switch the vote to Ting Ting instead. Jacques and Dante spoke about whether there were any other options and when Jacques didn’t get the answer he liked, he decided that he and Ting Ting will idol out Cobus instead. And then Jacques will channel Luke and wear Cobus’ dry clothes the next day. Cobus and Ting Ting then caught up by the shore, with Ting Ting pushing him to leave his bag back at camp to help Jacques’ cause.

At tribal council – where Cobus was wearing his bag – Meryl spoke about how great the tribe felt without Tania, before being kicked in the nuts this morning upon discovering that Tania managed to avoid tribal council. Everyone agreed with her before Nico, bless, threw shade at them, reminding them they should expect the unexpected. Felix spoke about the importance of keeping the tribe strong, with Meryl admitting that that makes her and Ting Ting vulnerable. Ting Ting argued that her drive to keep going and to play the game is an asset to the tribe, immediately making everyone nervous about her getting any further. Cobus mentioned that he will vote on strength, Dante said that whoever is going home tonight is aware of it before Nico asked to be looped in. Felix said that it was Ting Ting, leading to Nico questioning whether she has truly done whatever she can to save herself. With that, the tribe voted and despite his promise back at camp, Jacques to instead play his idol for himself, saving an unwitting Cobus and sending Ting Ting out of the game.

Oh poor Ting Ting, not only was she Jacques’ collateral damage but she also got straight up the first worst recipe this season. And I am not even going to pretend it is good as you head to the kitchen to whip up some BilTing-Tong. 

I mean, sure, you may like biltong. But, yeah, even a connoisseur of meat like myself can’t bring myself to endorse it. Unless I’m super drunk and chugging a beer. Salty and chewy it works perfectly in that exact moment, otherwise it taste like balls. And not in a good way.

Enjoy!

BilTing-Tong
Serves: 1 very drunk person, or 10 normal people.

Ingredients
1 tbsp ground coriander seeds
1 tsp ground chilli
1 tbsp kosher salt
1 tsp ground pepper
600g lean beef, cut into thin 2x3cm strips

Method
Combine the spices in a jar and give a good shake.

Sprinkle on the base of a glass jar and layer with beef strips. Sprinkle with more spices and follow with more strips, alternating until both are used up. 

Hang up to dry somewhere with decent airflow, though away from bugs and pets.

Once crispy, devour and apologise to Ting-Ting for giving such an icon a terrible recipe.


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Gazpachjoe Anglim

Main, Snack, Soup, Survivor, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance, Survivor: Edge of Extinction, Survivor: Worlds Apart, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Survivor, nothing evidently happened despite Kama winning immunity again – and Joe avoiding pre-merge tribal council for another season – sending both Lesu and Manu to tribal council to vote out one person, like the tragic Game Changers tribal that cost my love Malcolm his place in the game. While both tribes were locked down tribal lines on the first vote between Lauren and Wendy, the OG Kamas decided Wendy wasn’t worth rocks and flipped to send her to the Edge of Extinction.

But again, nothing happened because we’re going straight to a damn challenge.

Probst brought the three tribes to a field with six challenge set-ups instead of three and quickly welcomed them to the merge. While Gavin was excited to have made the merge, he was nervous about what was waiting for them around the corner … before Probst teased an iconic moment, sharing that they literally need to worry about what is around the corner as Reem, Keith, Chris, Rick, Aubry and Wendy were brought back in. Jeff then filled the merged tribe in on the Edge of Extinction and everyone, hopefully, felt super stupid for not realising something was up given the name of the season.

But we’re not here to make them feel stupid, we’re here for a challenge and damn what a challenge the losers face. They will each climb over an obstacle, complete a jailbreak and then guide a ball through an upright snake puzzle. We then learnt that Keith in fact did choose to disadvantage Chris with extra knots, giving him the advantage and disadvantage on top of potentially tripping on his package. Chris got out to an early lead with the extra knots proving zero difficulty, while Aubry, Rick and Wendy were right behind him. Aubry dominated the jailbreak, making it to the puzzle first, while Chris, Rick, Wendy and Reem followed. Oh and the knots were this section, so everyone got to practice the puzzle, while Chris untied the knots and Keith still struggled with his pole. Wendy was dominating the puzzle and close to the end before her tourettes started to act up, as she dropped just before snatching victory. Chris almost won and then dropped at the last moment before Rick snatched his win and a place on the merged tribe.

The losers rallied around to congratulate him while breaking down over their losses, before Probst filled the merge tribe in on the fact that Extinction would be resetting and they will all have a shot to return. The five remaining losers remained to chat with Probst, as Aubry shared how much Survivor has given her and helped her grow over the years. Reem shared that Survivor was her dream and how hellish extinction was, but how proud she was to not raise the mast. Keith spoke about his pride in not giving up, Wendy felt bad that she didn’t spend as long at extinction while Chris spoke about how he had always wanted to be perfect and extinction taught him that it doesn’t matter and he can just be himself. And now my heart swells like my pants whenever I look at him. They all held each other close before Probst gave them the opportunity to return to the Edge of Extinction and wait for another shot to return, making them all giddy as they accepted the offer once again and I am so glad I can make more jokes about Chris raising my mast. Because he can get it and I need to see him in every damn episode.

We returned to the merge camp where the tribe discovered the feast, which filled Julia with so much joy because of the epic majority and the abundance of food. The tribe found out about life on extinction while Kelley lamented the pain of having Rick, of all people, back despite the fact Reem hated her so much more. On the flip side Julie found a bond with Rick and wanted to work with him and help him avoid going back to extinction, since she never wants to go there herself

Speaking of extinction Chris, Aubry and Reem huddled together as Keith and Wendy approached the flag and HOT DAMN WE HAVE SOME QUITS! After arriving back, they realised that they could not be fucked waiting around for another three weeks and as such, officially became the first and second boots. The other three however, were galvanised and vowed to continue to fight.

Back at the merge tribe Kelley and Lauren caught up to worry about Rick’s return and the fact they need to find some cracks if they want to survive. Speaking of cracks, Kelley pulled Joe aside to see whether this will be the season they can actually pull off an alliance. She questioned whether the Aubry boot made him nervous, with Joe admitting that he, Aubry and Aurora were on the bottom which given basic maths, would say the Manus plus Joe and Aurora should have the majority if they can work together. But hold Kelley’s beer, because she doesn’t trust Rick and David and thinks they will go with the majority. As such, she wants to see Rick go straight back to extinction and approached the Kama women to float the idea. Sadly Julie had zero interest in sending him straight back, so while everyone seemed open to splitting the vote between David and Rick, Julie doesn’t seem like she will play along.

The next day we learnt the tribe settled on Vata as a name before Devens discovered a parcel in his bag, which is a best friend idol which he has to give half away and if they both survive the upcoming tribal council, the pieces join together to form a legit idol. And I think I made it sound more complicated than it is. That night, he approached David and passed off his half of the idol.

My boy Probst returned for the first individual immunity challenge of the season where they would each stand on a narrow beam and balance a statue on the end of a pole. Ron dropped before Probst even finished intro-ing the challenge. He was quickly followed by Gavin before the tribe transitioned to a thinner part of the beam which cost Wardog, Devens and Victoria their shot at immunity. Aurora was taken out by a huge gust of wind before the third phase of the challenge which eventually took out Wentworth. Eric, Julia and David dropped as their transitioned to the narrowest point of the beam, leaving Julie, Joe and Lauren to battle it out for immunity. Out of nowhere Joe dropped, though it appeared quite theatrical … almost like he was throwing the challenge to appear less threatening. In any event Lauren finally dropped after struggling for much of the challenge, handing Julie immunity and damn I have a new Queen to root for.

Back at camp the tribe got to work scrambling, with Kelley continuing to push for Devens and Julie feeling safe enough to instead go for Kelley. She pulled in Victoria who was keen to get another vet out, before Julie approached Devens to say that he and David are safe while everyone else on his OG tribe were desperate to get rid of him. Devens filled in David on the betrayal and that Julie will tell them who to target but that someone from Lesu is likely to go. Ron and Joe caught up, with Joe asking Ron to follow Eric, Julie and Victoria to make sure his name doesn’t come up. His calm demeanor made Ron feel like he was planning to betray him and as such, he wanted the Kama 6 to band together to instead take out Joe as it may be their only chance. While Victoria still though Kelley was the safer option, she floated Ron’s plan with Eric and Gavin and they tried to decide who was best to get rid of first between Kelley and Joe. Julie was the voice of reason, sharing that whatever it is, the six of them need to come to a consensus as the vote will dictate the rest of the came.

At tribal council Joe, Julie, Julia, Ron and Aurora finally got their torches before Probst announced that Reem, Chris and Aubry stayed on extinction and as such would sit on the jury while they await their next bid to return. Julie shared that the game has finally begun for the five people that stayed on Kama, Ron admitted that he will always be Kama strong which made Kelley feel nervous, given she is back on the bottom. Again. Rick admitted that he was confused about the dynamics after being out of the game, while Victoria shared that sending him straight back would be evil and that there are bigger targets to focus on first. This made Joe very nervous as a challenge threat, which she said wasn’t the only threatening thing in the game. Ron felt there were no idols in the game, which Wardog said generally means four will pop up at tribal before Rick felt it was weird back at camp while they should have been scrambling, since Kama was calm and Joe lazed around painting the tribe flag. Ron pointed out that having the majority means you don’t need to scramble, which made Kelley remind them she is used to playing from the bottom which was ominous as they went to vote.

Once again both Lauren and Wentworth held strong and opted out of playing their idols as the first seven votes rolled in between Rick, David and Wentworth, before the final six landed on Joe and he found himself voted out of the game, much to Reem’s chagrin given her shot at returning just got that much worse. Because obviously Joe chose to go straight to extinction and for what feels like the first time in his three seasons, he is angry and has a fire to come back. Which is what I told him to do after jumping out from behind the sign and handing off a thermos of Gazpachjoe Anglim.

 

 

While the residents of Springfield find this chilly soup to be a total failure, this should prove just how majestic it can be. Fresh, zingy and packing a tonne of punch, there is no better meal to sip on whilst waiting on an island while getting abused by Reem.

Enjoy!

 

 

Gazpachjoe Anglim
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
½ cup olive oil
1.5kg tomatoes, halved
3 garlic cloves, crushed
½ tsp ground cumin
½ tsp ground coriander seeds
salt and pepper, to taste
½ cup crustless white bread, cubed
½ tsp demerara sugar
2 tbsp red wine vinegar
1 lebanese cucumber, diced
1 green capsicum, diced

Method
Preheat oven to 200C.

Toss the tomato and garlic through the olive oil, cumin, coriander and a good whack of salt and pepper, and place in the oven to scorch for ten minutes. Remove from the heat and transfer to a blender. Soak the bread in some water for a couple of minutes, before squeezing out the excess liquid and added to the blender with the sugar and vinegar. Blitz until everything is smooth.

Strain the soup into an airtight container and transfer to the fridge to chill for a few hours.

Once ice cold, serve with a sprinkling of cucumber and capsicum and a sprinkle of cumin. Devour.As you can probably tell, we are very

 

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Ilana Glazered Donut

Australian Survivor (2017), Baking, Dessert, Four and Three and Two and Done: A Farewell to Broad City, Snack, Street Food, Sweets

We’ve reached the end of the road, and to be honest, I don’t know how I am going to move into this post-Broad City phase of my life. I am thankful that I have my friendships with Abbi, Arturo, Hannibal, John, Paul and finally, Ilana, but I am sad that I won’t be experiencing any new episodes.

Outside of what Abbi promised earlier this week and Ilana agreed to just moments ago.

As soon as she arrived at my house, Ilana knew how much pain I would be in and held me in her arms, reminding me that I will always be a kween and she will always love me.

To say I cried, I cried, I cried. I … cried for hours was an understatement.

But that is what you can do when with your nearest and dearest. I’ve known Il the longest out of the BC crew, attending Smithtown High School together before moving to NYC and living together in BK. Which you may recall is how I met Rach Bloom, as she took over my room.

Look at me! I made a little rhyme.

In any event, I’ve long been a passionate supporter of the goddess that is Ilana and I’m so proud of all that she has achieved over the years. Which is why I couldn’t honour her with anything less than an Ilana Glazered Donut.

 

 

My take on this Krispy Kreme classic isn’t how the giant would traditionally make them – I bake, I bake, I bake, I bake – but I would argue they still taste delicious. Maybe it is the lack of nazi ties? Soft and fluffy on the inside, smooth and sweet on the outside, I wish I knew how to quit them. And Broad City.

Enjoy!

 

 

Ilana Glazered Donut
Serves: 1 sad Broad City fan.

Ingredients
1 batch Shannen Doughertynuts
½ cup butter, melted
2 cups icing sugar, sieved
1 tbsp vanilla extract
¼ cup milk

Method
Make the donuts as per Shan’s recipe and leave to rest on a drying rack.

Once almost cool, melt the butter in the microwave and pour into a bowl with the icing sugar and vanilla, and whisk until combined. Add the milk a tablespoon at a time until you reach your desired consistency.

Dip the donuts in the glaze and return to the rack for an hour, or until set.

Devour. Crying. Watching the finale holding your Bingo Bronson.

 

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