Dessert

Tate Doughnutvans

12 Days of Chrismukkah, Baking, Cake, Dessert, Party Food, Snack, Sweets

So as I’ve kind of alluded to, Tate and I kind of have a frenemy-ish relationship. Don’t get me wrong – I love him to absolute pieces, however we are very similar, and at times dramatic, which means our relationship experiences the highest highs and most violently aggressive lows.

Actually, our relationship inspired Jimmy and Julie’s on The O.C.

We first met when Tate made his TV debut guesting on Family Ties – I was dating Michael J. Fox at the time and took pity on Tate for not being as talented as my man. Whilst having breakfast in bed with Michael the day of the taping, I turned to him and said “that young Tate character could really succeed with the right kind of tutelage.”

Mike agreed, I took Tate under my wing and become his acting and attitude coach, and the rest, as they say, is history.

After co-starring together in the hit movies All Dogs Go to Heaven 2 and Hercules – I was all three of the fates – we had our first bitter feud, when his turn as Hercules went to his head … and surprisingly he didn’t enjoy my berating him to get him back under my control?

Thankfully when I suggested we put an end to the drama and work together on The O.C. he was kind enough to accept my olive branch and we’ve been snarkily (possibly insincerely) close ever since.

Surprisingly Tate has been enjoying quite a bit of success lately – what with him being a SAG Award winner for Argo, a role in the last reboot of 24 and a bit part in current awards season contender Manchester by the Sea – and we therefore haven’t been able to see much of each other.

But knowing Tate as well as I do, I was able to pull him away from his no-doubt fruitless Oscar campaigning with the allure of his favourite treat – Tate Doughnutvans.

 

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Now I know that I oft talk about my fear of and aversion to frying … but I make an exception for these babies to ensure they comply with their Jewish heritage.

Fluffy, spicy and sweet, these are so delicately delicious that you can’t help but put aside your differences to down a few with your favourite frenemy.

Enjoy!

 

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Tate Doughnutvans
Serves: 1. No judgement.

Ingredients
14g dry yeast
½ cup warm water
½ cup raw caster sugar, plus more for rolling
3 cups flour
2 eggs
2 tbsp unsalted butter, room temperature
½ tsp nutmeg
½ tsp cinnamon, plus more for rolling
pinch of ground cloves
2 tsp salt
vegetable oil
1 cup jam, I went raspberry but how good is blueberry, you know?

Method
Combine yeast, warm water and a teaspoon of sugar – that is not listed in the above ingredients – in a jug. Stir and set aside to get all foamy for about ten minutes … you’ll know when they are ready.

Place the flour in a bowl of a stand mixer and make a well in the centre. By hand – with the dough hook of the mixer – mix in the eggs, yeast foam liquid, sugar, butter, spices and salt. Place the hook in the mixer, crank it to medium and knead for about ten minutes.

Remove the dough from the mixer to a large oiled bowl, cover in cling and leave to prove for a couple of hours, or until doubled.

Once it has proven itself, roll the dough out on a lightly floured surface until about half a centimetre thick. Cut into small round and place on a lined baking sheet. Once all the dough is used, cover in cling and leave to prove for another half an hour.

While proving – again – heat some vegetable oil in a wide shallow pot over medium heat until it reaches 190°C. Carefully add a few discs into the pot at a time – and you know I mean careful as I hate frying and this is only to continue in the hanukkah spirit – and fry for half a minute to a minute, each side, until golden and puffed.

Transfer to greaseproof paper, roll in cinnamon sugar – not necessary, but highly recommended – and leave to rest on a wire rack. Repeat until done.

Once cooled, place the jam in a piping bag fitted with a thin nozzle. Penetrate each puff and fill with your sweet nectar. Then devour.

 

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Rachel Bilsonta Hats

12 Days of Chrismukkah, Baking, Cake, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

You can’t celebrate the 12 Days of Chrismukkah without my dear friend, the pocket-rocket portrayer of the gloriously rage-filled Summer Roberts … Rachel Bilson.

Deep breath – what a freaking (long/terrible) sentence, amirite?

I first met Rach – and spotted her talent – in early 2003 on the set of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. I was part of SMG’s entourage at the time but was taken in by Rachel’s spunk. As soon as I saw her perform, I knew that she was the only person that could play the role of Summer and do just to her season 1 catch-phrase “ew.”

While we had a brief falling out after I tried to set her trailer on fire after she began dating Adam Brody (I had fantasised about us becoming a twincesty couple), she understood my complete lack of logic/basis in reality and forgave me within a week.

The girl, it needs to be said, is a damn saint.

(Her sweet, forgiving nature is the only way I could forgive her for marrying Hayden Christensen, who broke my heart on the set of Life as a House when he wouldn’t play sweet dixie with my behind… but that is another story for another time. Plus I worked that line into Hart of Dixie, so how could I stay mad?).

I haven’t been able to see much of Rachel since Hart of Dixie was egregiously axed – which is actually about my life as a small town Alabama doctor falling for a myriad of similar looking men – given how busy she is with my dear god-daughter Briar Rose Christensen, so it was such a treat to be able to reconnect over some festively appropriate Rachel Bilsonta Hats!

 

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Sweet, delicious, kind-healthy (yay whole strawberry!) and completely kitsch, these little babies are the perfect festive bake for those dreaded office Christmas morning teas.

Or as a gift for people you actually like. Like the Bilson-Christensens – enjoy!

 

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Rachel Bilsonta Hats
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
2 cups plain flour
¼ cup valrhona cocoa
1 tsp bicarb soda
1 ½ cups raw caster sugar
¾ tsp cinnamon
½ tsp ground ginger
¼ tsp nutmeg
¼ tsp cloves
¼ tsp allspice
1 cup buttermilk
200g unsalted butter, melted
2 eggs
1 tbsp white vinegar
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tbsp red food colouring
Icing
500g cream cheese, at room temperature
2 cups icing sugar
120g butter, at room temperature
1 tsp vanilla bean paste
strawberries, tops sliced off

Method
Preheat oven to 170°C and line muffin muffin pans with paper cases – quantity will depend on the size you want, but I can make 8 Texans.

Sift all the dry ingredients into a bowl and whisk the wet ingredients in a large jug until combined.

Make a well in the centre of the dry ingredients and stir through the wet ingredients until just combined. Then stir through the food colouring. You can use a stand mixer – like I do, because I’m lazy – but just remember that the best muffins are the ones that are barely mixed, so just do it on the lowest setting and only for as long as it needs.

Divide the mixture among your pans and bake for 20 minutes or until a skewer inserted into the centres comes out clean. Remove from the oven, transfer to a wire rack and allow to cool completely.

While they are getting chill, combine the icing ingredients – sans strawbs – in a stand mixer and beat until smooth and fluffy.

To assemble, smear each cupcake generously with icing, top with an upturned strawberry and top said strawberry with a dollop of icing. Ta dah – bilsonta hats!

Devour.

 

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Sundae Burquest

Dessert, Snack, Survivor: Millennials vs. Gen X, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on the first half of the double tribal episode of Survivor – that doesn’t have a nice ring to it, does it – Will continued to try and play the middle but was sadly mowed down by Adam and his new alliance.

Back at camp Jay lamented the loss of yet another ally but reaffirmed the fact that he is a scrappy underdog and would persevere. He and Adam then connected to discuss their extremely toxic relationship and working together … while Adam vowed to take him out ASAP.

Once again, Jiffy didn’t want my mind drifting to Ken so appeared for the next immunity challenge – which looks as fun as Ken’s glorious torso – where they had to solve a puzzle while their balls were in play on an island pinball contraption.

Let’s be honest, all I heard was ball play and my mind wandered to Ken … who took out immunity with the help of Adam who wanted to guarantee neither David or Jay would get it.

How pretty did Kengel look while Jeff gave him the immunity necklace?

The tribe arrived back at camp Ken and David then went off for firewood while Jay sulked that Ken only won immunity thanks to Adam’s help, forcing Adam to admit that he wanted to block David – and not both David and Jay – winning immunity.

With David out of earshot Jay tried to rally the rest of the tribe to boot David, while David and Ken plotted to get rid of Jay. Hannah then arrived to assist with this highly scientific number crunching and brought up the idea of getting rid of non-entity Sunday, who I had honestly forgot was still here this episode.

#JusticeForPurpleSunday.

Adam then joined Ken and Hannah to discuss splitting the votes between Jay and David, to flush Jay’s idol and getting rid of a threat. While the tribe scrambled around the beach trying to decide on a plan, Adam approached Jay to let him know that he had to play his idol tonight. He then confided in Jay about his mother and they both broke down on the hammock in tears and it was heartbreaking.

I’m not sure how much else happened before tribal, on account of tears, but Hannah gave one last push to Adam to get rid of non-threat Sunday.

At tribal David said they were at the point where you have to rely on your friends in the game, while Jay lamented that all of his were now gone. Thankfully Jay is smarter than he is given credit for and pointed out that being a free agent that is a challenge threat is better than keeping a challenge threat that has allies … which only really works when Ken doesn’t have immunity.

Jeff posed the question of whether the tribe was planning on keeping final tribal goats – aka Sunday, I assume – or whether they were targeting them … which sadly ended up being a leading question as she found her way out of the game following Jay’s redundant idol play, dang it.

Sadly justice for Sunday will have to wait.

I first met Sunday – and I feel extremely awful (I know, I have feelings?!) about it – while running a religious scam. I was trying to use people’s beliefs for money and met Sunday at a religious retreat where I was recruiting. Thankfully Sunday’s beautiful soul – not that you’d know given her lack of visibility on the show – stopped me from being so hate filled and manipulative and showed me how to respect people’s beliefs rather than use them for my financial gain.

Obviously her kind, motivational nature earnt her a delicious Sundae Burquest after becoming the fourteenth boot.

 

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Comforting, fulfilling and oh-so-sweet, this Sundae is exactly like its namesake … not that you’d know, given her edit. Enjoy!

 

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Sundae Burquest
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
½ cup golden syrup
⅓ cup muscovado sugar
¼ cup cocoa powder
¼ tsp sea salt
2 tbsp unsalted butter
⅔ cup double cream
175g dark chocolate, chopped
1 tsp vanilla extract
strawberry ice cream (maybe check back in a week), for eatin’
slivered almonds, to serve
maraschino cherries, to serve

Method
Whisk the golden syrup, sugar, cocoa, sea salt, double cream and butter in a large saucepan over low heat until it is all melted and combined.

Remove from heat and whisk through the chocolate  and vanilla until combined. Remove from heat and get down, to business … like I dream Kengel will say to me. One day. Oh, did I mention we just made chocolate sauce? We did

Generously scoop out some ice cream in a bowl. Top with some of the aforementioned chocolate sauce. Then some almonds. Then top with some maraschino cherries.

Then devour.

 

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Eve Plumb Pudding

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Oh my goodness – I didn’t realise losing Florence Henderson would be this hard.

As one of my first loves, I always knew my heart would break but given we were never able to launch a spin-off of her Retirement Living cooking show – which would have looked suspiciously like Martha & Snoop’s Potluck Dinner Party – I’m distraught that I couldn’t help add a final jewel in the crown of her TV legacy.

But alas, this isn’t all about our dearly departed Florence …  and that is in no small part, thanks to the beautiful, caring support of my dear friend Eve Plumb, who helped me work through my grief.

As you know, Annelie and I connected with The Bradys via Mo and were cast as the worse versions of cousin Oliver. While we were wiped from the show’s history, we remained close with the kids – particularly Evie.

Like her character on the Bunch – oh, have I never mentioned we all called it the Bunch on set? ‘Cause we did – Eves was always the most down to earth (albeit a little jealous) member of the cast, and she took me under her wing and tried to help me through my multiple addictions and countless scandals throughout the years.

Fun fact: I am the one who got her into painting … which I took up when in rehab with my gal pal, Caz Fish.

I hadn’t seen Evie since her appearance in the Emmy Award winning production Grease: Live and was looking forward to toasting to her success and was on the phone to her when we heard about dear Flo’s passing.

It completely knocked me, I broke down and Evie knew that she was the only one that would be able to help me snap out of it – we actually inspired that scene in Moonstruck – and process my grief.

Of course, Eves was right about helping me, though making and devouring my Eve Plumb Pudding – as you probably guessed on Monday – should also take some of the credit, given its proven therapeutic benefits when it comes to helping process grief. In addition to being delicious.

(Talking about our sodden appearance on Sally Jessy also lifted our spirits, obviously … but that isn’t necessary to this story).

 

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I used to make this pud on set – which is pieced together from my grandmother’s handwritten par-recipe – every year to celebrate filming the last episode before our break and it was everything you want from Christmas and more – fruity, rich and ready to stuff you up … it sounds like everything I want in a man.

Enjoy!

 

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Eve Plumb Pudding
Serves: 2 mourners.

Ingredients
400g raisins
300g currants
150g sultanas
100g prunes, roughly chopped
100g dates, roughly chopped
250ml spiced rum
250g butter, at room temperature, plus extra to grease
1 cup muscovado sugar
1 tsp vanilla essence
4 eggs
2 ½ cups flour
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp mixed spice
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
½ tsp nutmeg
¼ tsp ground cloves
Brandy custard, to serve

Method
This takes some planning ahead, ok? So I apologise, but place the fruit in a large bowl with the rum and leave to steep overnight to a day – the longer the better, you want that fruit completely written off.

Grease a two litre capacity pudding basin with extra, soft butter and line the base with a circle of non-stick paper. Leave aside.

In a stand mixer, cream the butter and sugar together until pale, fluffy and creamy. Add vanilla and each egg, one at a time, beating well after each addition.

Combine all the dry ingredients in a bowl and fold through the pulsating-ly fluffy egg, butter and sugar mix. Fold through the boozed up fruits and pour the batter into the prepared pudding basin.

Now for the fun – lol – place an upturned saucer – or something low and heatproof that fits – in the base of a large saucepan. Half fill the pot with kettle-boiled water and simmer over low heat.

While that is getting bubbly, cut a large square of non-stick paper and an equally sized square of foil. Fold them together, pleating at the middle to secure and place over the lid of the basin, foil side up. Press it down tightly and secure with kitchen twine like a poorly wrapped christmas present.

Lower the basin until the non-chalantly bubbling water – adding more if the tide is not high. Cover the pot as securely as possible and steam for 4 hours, or until an inserted skewer comes out clean. Check on the pot throughout cooking and top with more boiling water as required – use your judgement.

Remove from the basin, allow to rest for about half an hour and turn out.

Top with warmed brandy custard … which reminds me, I need to make a call.

Obviously you can devour while I’m on the phone – maybe check back over the weekend?

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Melissa McPumpkin-Pecanthy Pie

Baking, Dessert, Oy with the turkeys already!

It is without a doubt that my dear friend Mel has had the most stratospheric rise since Gilmore Girls tragically came to an end.

I mean yes Loz had Parenthood, Ed now lives on in our heart, Yanic opened a spin studio, Scott appeared on 90210 (he is definitely her closest competition), Kelly had Bunheads, Keiko guested on Shameless and Liza is getting away with murder, but Mel was nominated for a damn Oscar so it is no competition.

As you can probably guess, I played a huge role in Mel landing the role after Alex had to vacate after the pilot. We had met at one of her cousin Jen’s parties and quickly became friends because we are hilarious, charming and are both future Oscar winners. Obviously only I knew that at the time.

Given Mel has been super busy – so busy she almost missed out on filming the revival … although I’m gutted the scandal wasn’t all an elaborate lie to hide her involvement – we haven’t been able to see each other as often as we would like.

Oh and there was that little fight we had when she wouldn’t let me on the set of Ghostbusters due to “making Chris uncomfortable.”

Thankfully, the holidays cure all and allowed us to heal the wounds, celebrate the revival and more importantly take some time to remember why we are such damn good friends. Obviously all of those things require splitting a delightful Melissa McPecanthy-Pumpkin Pie.

 

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So you know that awkward moment when you buy all the ingredients to make a Pecan Pie only to remember that AJ McLean vowed to disown you if you ever made one for someone more famous than he? Well this little festive gang-bang is sure to act as a perfect loophole.

Plus … the only thing better than a pumpkin or pecan pie, is a pecan-pumpkin pie. Just don’t tell Vandy.

Enjoy!

 

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Melissa McPecanthy-Pumpkin Pie
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
Pastry
125g unsalted butter, cold and diced
225g flour
2 tbsp cocoa powder
pinch of salt
1 ½ tsp icing sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
60ml cold water
Filling
250g pecans
1 cup pumpkin puree
340g muscovado sugar
generous pinch of salt
1 tsp cinnamon
70g unsalted butter
1 ½ tsp vanilla extract
115ml cream
6 eggs

Method
Combine the flour, cocoa, salt and icing sugar in a bowl before adding the butter and pressing with your fingers until the dough resembles wet dirt – not sand due to the cocoa, obvs. Mix in the vanilla extract and water, bit by bit, until the smooth dough just comes together.

Shape the dough into a disc, wrap in cling and refrigerate for an hour.

Preheat oven to 180°C, spread the pecans over a lined baking sheet and cook for ten minutes while the oven is coming to temperature. Remove and allow to cool.

Combine the puree, sugar, salt, cinnamon, butter and vanilla in a large saucepan over low heat and whisk until combined, butter melted and sugar dissolved. Remove from the heat, whisk in the cream and allow to cool for about ten minutes. Once cool, whisk the eggs through, one at a time, whisking to combine after each addition.

Get the dough out of the fridge and roll-out between two pieces of baking paper until it is 3-5mm. Press the dough into a 26cm pie dish, trim the edges, line with baking paper, fill with baking weights  and blind bake for about fifteen minutes. Remove the weights/paper and bake for a further five minutes. Remove from the oven and rest for about ten minutes.

While the crust is settling, add the pecans to the filling, stir thoroughly and add to the crust. Smooth out the top and bake for about 45 minutes, or until set and browned.

Remove from the oven, allow to cool for about half an hour and devour with ice cream.

 

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Riza Weil Pudding

Dessert, Oy with the turkeys already!, Snack, Sweets

If I ever got involved in hardcore, life-enveloping BDSM akin to 50 Shades of Beige it would come down to the beautiful aggression of Paris Geller and that all comes down to the wonderful performance of my dear friend Liza Weil in the role.

While ASP based Luke’s cantankerous spirit on me, she blessed Paris with most of my (at time terrifying) other qualities and when it came time to cast the role I knew that Liza was the only one we should cast.

I first met Liz when she guested on The Adventures of Pete and Pete where I was working to get both Pete’s recast to sexier gingers to help launch the Red Hot Project years earlier. While I was unsuccessful and sadly can’t lay claim to the thirst inducing calendars, I did gain a lifetime friend and punishing life coach in the form of Liza.

After all is said and one with the Thanksgiving mainstage, you need something a little sweet to fill that remaining gap in your stomach to ensure you’re adequately engorged … which again, is exactly how I would describe Paris.

You know she is too much, you know it will be punishing but you stick with her anyway as that is what makes life great. Coincidentally my Riza Weil Pudding also makes life great.

 

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Creamy, sweet and spicy, it is everything you need to tide you over before dessert.

Oh … you thought this was dessert? No my dears, no.

No. This is dessert entree – enjoy!

 

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Riza Weil Pudding
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
¾ cup uncooked white rice (for creamier pudding use short or medium grain rice)
2 cups milk, divided
⅓ cup raw caster sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
⅔ cup raisins
2 apples, peeled cored and diced
1 egg, beaten
1 tbsp butter
½ tsp vanilla extract

Method
Bring 1 ½ cups water to boil in a large saucepan. When bubbling away, add in the rice and stir. Reduce heat, cover and simmer for 20 minutes. Drain.

Place the drained rice into a fresh, large saucepan with 1 ½ cups of milk, the sugar, cinnamon, apple, raisin and a pinch of salt and cook over medium heat for fifteen minutes.

Whisk the remaining milk and egg together, stir into the mixture and cook for a couple of minutes.

Remove from the heat and stir through butter and vanilla, serve immediately and devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Lauren Graham Crackers

Baking, Oy with the turkeys already!, Side, Snack, Sweets

I honestly cannot believe I am sitting down to write about catching up with Lauren Graham in this context. I mean, a Gilmore Girls reunion has long been my dream but after the short lived wonder that was Bunheads, I feared that ASP wouldn’t be able to bequeath the only TV revival I ever wanted.

Outside of Golden Girls, obviously.

Don’t get me wrong, such a positive and hopeful person like me always dreamed that it would one day happen … I just thought Lauren and I would be catching up to celebrate the seminal movie Because I Said So’s tenth anniversary, before experiencing this wonder.

It is a fact universally acknowledged that 2016 has been absolute balls, but not in a good way, but (the horrifically named) Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life is something we can all take some time to be thankful for, which really makes it’s release so convenient for me and my Thanksgiving plans.

As you know, Annelie and I used to work as gophers on the set of the OG series until we were blacklisted for not letting go off our adopted triplets amnesia storyline – which *spoiler alert* was left unused in the revival.

While you may have assumed that is how we met and fell in love with Loz, we actually connected on the set of Caroline in the City whilst part of Lea Thompson’s entourage – our story inspired the teen movie, Heathers. Seeing a star on the rise, we jumped to join Loz’s far less angry clique and guided her to greatness.

Loz has been so busy in recent years, what with keeping Kleenex afloat via Parenthood – which to confess, I couldn’t watch as it just felt like she was cheating on Rory, Richard and Emily – so it has been a while since we’ve been able to take the time to get together and celebrate everything that makes our friendship as beautiful as it is.

Thankfully not a thing has changed in our time apart, Loz is still such a beautiful soul and she is still more than willing to spill some secrets to her best friend – I know the final four words guys! – over a batch of her favourites, my Lauren Graham Crackers.

 

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I know what you’re thinking – oy, with the grahams? / they shoot bloggers, don’t they? – but bare with me, graham crackers are insanely delicious … and festively appropriate given they are the basis of all the best cheesecake / pie crusts.

Thankfully Loz and I don’t need to be too fancy to celebrate Thanksgiving, our friendship and the GG reunion is more than enough.

But to reiterate, these are delicious as is – enjoy!

 

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Lauren Graham Crackers
Makes: 30-40.

Ingredients
60g unsalted butter
115g muscovado sugar
1 egg
2 tbsp honey
1 tbsp milk
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
250g wholemeal flour

Method
Beat the butter and sugar using a stand mixer for about five minutes, or until pale and creamy. Still beating, slowly add in the egg, honey and milk, allowing the mix to come together before adding the next. Remove from the stand and fold through the baking powder, salt and flour, until it comes together as a smooth dough. Form into a disc, wrap in cling wrap and refrigerate for an hour or so.

Preheat the oven to 180°C.

Remove the dough from the fridge and split it in two, returning one to the fridge while you work on the other. Between two sheets of baking paper, roll out the dough until it is super thin – 2-3mm max – cut it into graham shaped rectangles, dot with the thick end of a skewer and transfer to a baking tray.

Repeat the process with the second piece of dough.

Transfer both trays to the oven and cook for about fifteen minutes, or until golden brown and crisp. Remove from the oven, split the biscuits into pieces and transfer to a cooling rack.

Then devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Michelle Sherbert

Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Previously on Survivor, Adam screwed Taylor – sadly not in the way Figgy did – while David shared information about his idol with Zeke while Jay orchestrated a vicious blindside on our Queen Michaela … and surprisingly lived to tell the tale.

We opened back up at Ikabula where Jay was very pleased to be alive and with himself, while Hannah  felt like a damned fool last night – which coincidentally is how America currently feels too.

Seriously Michaela then President Trump … heartbreak.

A boat then pulled up at Ikabula and Takali – sadly not the pirates from Captain Phillips – and whisked them over to Vanua to merge into the new Vinaka tribe.

Vinaka, not vinegar.

The new tribe quickly sat down to the traditional merge feast where Jay started to work on his cockiness as he ran through his numbers, while Bret saw those dang – sorry dahng – whippa snahppers coming together and felt it was better to go back his old – literally – tribe.

Meanwhile Adam went walkabout and found arguably the worst advantage known to Survivor, where he can steal a reward after it is won. Surprisingly he was excited by that, when it is clearly the most poisoned of chalices.

Twas the night after merge, when all through the tribe, not a creature was stirring not even a mouse … well except for Taylor who decided to pilfer the leftovers from the merge feast – because he is good with mason jars – and eat them in the middle of the night. Given he isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, he was caught by not one but two people – Bret and Adam.

Oh, we also learnt that stupidity is contagious as Adam freely offered up the fact he found the shittiest advantage to Taylor and that he wanted to blindside his closest alliance, Jay and boot Will. FYI, Taylor is still looking to get revenge on Adam for the Figgy vote.

The next day the olds joined together for what I assume they would describe as a chinwag, and share all that they know about the kids to find an appropriate target. Obviously King Zeke, the 90 year old in a millennial body was involved – bless.

Shocking absolutely no one, probably not even Adam, Taylor ran straight to Jay – with Zeke watching – to tell him about Adam’s plan reiterating that they should not tell Will. Taylor then ran straight to Will and told him everything he told Jay not to tell, scaring the poor child half to death as he shared how much he need immunity.

As if summoned like Beetlejuice, my dear Jiffy-Pop manifested for one of my favourite challenges – When it Rains it Pour – won by the great Teresa Cooper, Shi-Ann in All Stars (leading to its best episode) – and the great Parvati Shallow … twice.

Thankfully if you closed your eyes, the tribe made it sound like a porno as they moaned their way through the challenge until young Will took out immunity, much to Jessica chagrin.

Let’s also pause to remember how pretty Kengel looked while he had the load – of water – dumped over him.

Back at camp the kids got to work scrambling, with Will and Jay looking to take out Adam, which spooked Michelle, who thought it was a bad idea. Zeke then went to Adam and told him what he saw earlier and that Adam was now a target. Zeke and Adam then went to the old men brigade and tried to turn them on … to booting Taylor, which again didn’t seem like a great idea to them.

As Adam started to freak out, Hannah – who you’ll remember had a panic attack while watching a challenge – tried to calm him down so that they could find a way to save him, while Zeke started to get frustrated and toyed with the idea of booting Adam.

So obviously that meant it was time for tribal council where Jeff opened by checking in with everyone’s level of hunger and Hannah tried to cut my grass by saying she wanted wanted to eat Jeff before they played coy and cast their votes where Taylor’s revenge plan failed – shock – and Michelle found her way out of the game … as the first member of the jury heading to Ponderosa.

While Michelle and I may not seem to have a lot in common, with her being a missionary recruiter and me recruiting men to do in missionary, but we’ve been friends for about five years, brought to together by a mutual passion for dragons.

Have I mentioned I am the inspiration for Khaleesi?

Anyway, I knew Michelle would be sad to be voted out and continue in the great Millennials vs. Gen X tradition to boot only females – well, excluding Paul – and the only cure for vagicide related pain is Michelle Sherbert.

 

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With sexism / white male privilege prevailing in the election as well as this season, we really needed the sweetness to overcome the bitter taste in our collective mouths. Obviously I forgot the fact that sherbert had a bitterness … thankfully a nice one.

Enjoy!

 

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Michelle Sherbert
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
1 tsp citric acid
1 tsp bicarb soda
2 tbsp icing sugar
2-3 tbsp jelly crystals

Method
Combine ingredients. Devour.

 

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Jane Cakeghoulski

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Halloween, Party Food, Side, Snack, Werewolf Bar Mitzvah

Can you believe we’re at the Werewolf Bar Mitzvah crescendo already?! It feels like only yesterday that we were hanging out with Tracy, Judah, Scott and Jack – particularly Jack, since it was yesterday.

While we’ve managed to go the week without Teens and Al, we couldn’t celebrate a spooky soiree without the true Queen of 30 Rock, my dear friend, the supremely talented and future EGOT Jane Krakowski.

And by true Queen … would you cross Jenna Maroney?

I first met Jane in the 80s while co-starring in the original Broadway production of Starlight Express until my nemesis ALW cut my part – Spread, the loosest caboose – due to my pornographic interpretation of the roll. It was a rough time in my life, having my inevitable first Tony ripped from my hands and I never would have gotten through it without Jane’s love and support.

Given her egregious snubbing at this year’s Emmys, I really wanted to make our time together special enough to pay back her kindness … and there is nothing more special than a batch of my Jane Cakeghoulski.

 

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Again, cake decoration is far from strong point … but that doesn’t matter when the cake is this good. Which is all thanks to Nigella Lawson, since I converted her Chocolate Guinness Cake into cupcakes because what represents the blackness of death better than a dense, guinness cake? And what is better at making the whiteness of a ghost stand out.

Enjoy – you’ll never forget them!

 

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Jane Cakeghoulski
Makes: 12.

Ingredients
250ml guinness
250g unsalted butter
75g cocoa powder
400g caster sugar
140ml sour cream
2 large eggs
1 tbsp vanilla extract
275g plain flour
2½ tsp bicarb soda
250g cream cheese
150g icing sugar
125ml double cream
black icing and / or chocolate button eyes, to serve

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Combine the guinness and butter in a large saucepan over low heat. Once the butter is completely melted, whisk in the cocoa and sugar and remove from the heat.

Whisk the sour cream, eggs and vanilla in a jug and then whisk into the slightly cooled mix, before whisk in the flour and bicarb.

Pour the batter – which is pretty runny, so don’t be alarmed – into 12 lined Texan muffin tins. You could also use normal muffin tins but then you’ll end up with huge muffin tops – which wouldn’t be the worst thing, they are all that. Place in the oven and bake for about half an hour, or until an inserted skewer comes out clean.

Remove to a rack to cool completely.

While it is getting hella cool, beat the cream cheese in a stand mixer until smooth. Add in the sieved icing sugar and double cream, and beat for a further minute.

Dollop the ghastly ghost icing on the blackened cakes, decorate with spooky faces … and then devour.

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts.

 

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Jack McGraveyard

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Halloween, Side, Snack, Sweets, Werewolf Bar Mitzvah

As you would have picked up by now, I have long been a support and inspiration to Teens over the years. None more so than when creating / fleshing out the life and times of one Kenneth Parcell aka my dear Jack McBrayer’s opus.

I first met Jack in the late 90s while he was attending the University of Evansville where I was lecturing in Theatre Administration. Shockingly, this was the one time I was actually qualified to teach what I was hired to do.

Jack always had an overabundance of talent, so I took him under my wing and mentored him to greatness. More importantly, since this is the one job I haven’t been run out of due to a scandalo, we have always remained close. After he graduated, I quickly convinced him to take up improv, got him a job at Second City and the rest, as they say, is history.

Or HERstory.

When Teens was developing 30 Rock, she was having trouble coming up with the Kenneth character so I regaled her with tales of my dear Jack and she developed the role with him in mind.

Obviously the whole Kenneth as an immortal being thing was inspired by my own apparent immortality – she thinks my time-travel is actually a sign of my own immortality – and the character of Hazel was based on my own horrid ways.

Jack has been busy lately, what with also starring in a modern Disney icon Wreck-It Ralph and its upcoming sequel, so we haven’t had much time to catch-up. Thankfully he was eager to clear his schedule for the Werewolf Bar Mitzvah and to split a big ole Jack McGraveyard.

 

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Full disclosure – let’s pretend you haven’t noticed before, ok – presentation / themed edible situations are not my forte … but when they taste this good, you should just look past that.

With a brownie base as black as a lost soul, littered with walnut brains and rotten (cranberry) flesh and topped with a cream cheese grass, this is a graveyard that will make you happy.

Plus, Trump has a tombstone … that counts for something, right?

Enjoy!

 

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Jack McGraveyard
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
225g dark chocolate
225g butter
2 tsp vanilla extract
¼ cup fresh coffee
200g raw caster sugar
3 large eggs, whisked
150g almond meal
100g walnuts, chopped
100g craisins, chopped
½ cup icing sugar
1 tsp milk
black food colouring
4 oval biscuits
250g cream cheese
1 tbsp double dream
green food colouring
extra 100g chocolate, melted, for decorating – I used a combination

Method
Preheat oven to 170°C.

In a large saucepan over low heat, melt the butter and chocolate together. Remove from the heat, mix in the vanilla, coffee and sugar, and allow to cool slightly.

Once it has had time to chill, beat in the eggs, almond meal, walnuts and craisins. Transfer to a lined, square baking tin and bake for 20-30 minutes, or until set but still a little gooey. Allow to cool completely.

While the brownies are cooling, combine half the icing sugar and milk in a small bowl with a drop of black food icing to make your tombstone lacquer. Dip the oval biscuits in and allow to set on a lined baking sheet, repeating a couple of times to build up the layers – clearly it was too hot for it to set properly in my house.

Meanwhile beat the cream cheese, remaining icing sugar and double cream in a stand mixture until smooth. Add in enough green colouring to turn it into grass, or slime, whatever you’d rather. I also added black, because spooky.

By now the brownie should be adequately chilled so flip it over onto a serving plate, and dig out space for four graves. Ice around the graves, chuck in the tombstones and return the dug-out dirt to create freshly buried mounds.

Drizzle with melted chocolate, adorn your tombstones and devour. Edible glitter and other kitsch decorative things are highly encouraged – this isn’t a low-rent cemetery!

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.