Fruit

Peta Habennetto Chicken Nachos

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Main, Poultry, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the Titans finally managed to jag a win at the reward challenge, though given it was kind of an everyone’s a winner situation, it was a given. Sadly for them, that is where it stopped as despite a hefty lead in the immunity challenge, the Rebels pulled a come from behind win and spent another night chilling in harmony. Back at camp, Jess decided she was in charge and as such, opted to target the man who saved her the previous night, Eden. And as her confidence grew, she became a little chaotic, as she performed for a non-existent jury and turned everyone off. Almost forcing them to band together to blindside her.

The next day things were far more harmonious as Viola and Valeria continued to be iconic. Eden, meanwhile, was still annoyed to see his name at the previous tribal council. He approached Mark, Caroline and Kitty to thank them for having his back before they anointed themselves the Middle Aged Mafia and yeah, I live for it TBH. Despite the fact somebody that is younger than me refers to themselves as middle aged. Over at the Rebels, Peta and Scott were taking it easy doing some yoga and manifesting a balance or puzzle challenge. She then disappeared to catch up with her allies – Tobias, Sarah and Alex – as she watched the Kelli and Raymond show, worrying whether she will be able to bite her tongue long term. Peta and Sarah tried to figure out who would be best to join them, and I assume, be dragged to the end at their whim. Since that worked so well on the Titans tribe.

Sadly for her, Queen Kirby was watching like an absolute hawk and clocked that she felt like she was running things. And while Kirby planned to play an under the radar game, she was ready to make some quiet moves to get rid of Peta. Feras pulled her and Garrick aside, clocking her strategy and using it as a way to lock in the natural alliances that have already formed. Though trust, while she is concerned about the Cuddle Crew, she also didn’t want to shut off any options. Right on cue, Peta approached Kirby and warned her that divisions were forming and suggested it would be smart for her to work closely with the stronger crew. And holy hell, how did the strong people on both tribes clearly botch this in the exact same way.

The tribes came together in the shallows with Jonathan – Alex and Nathan thankfully in their speedos – for a physical reward challenge where, in rounds, they would race to have one person exit a cage. First tribe to three jagging an epic food basket. Sarah and Rianna were first to face off against Viola and Kitty, and damn, it was scrappy as hell before Queen V made a break to score the first point for the Titans. Jaden and Nathan faced off against Alex and Tobias and hot damn, we’re losing a speedo tonight. Wait, no, both the speedos ran away with it – on their respective bodies – and tried to escape with Nathan scoring another point for Titans. Valeria and Caroline faced off against Aileen and Kelli, with Aileen eventually making a break and scoring the first point for the Rebels. Winna and Mark then faced off against Feras and Ray, if you could even call it that, as Mark shot out and won the challenge for the Titans without any contact.

Oh and Kelli made a play to bang Nathan. So while she is super annoying, I also find her fundamentally relatable.

Back at camp the tribe were overjoyed to discover their basket of food. Until they discovered it was made up of unmarked cans, though you know Jaden was pumped for the one identifiable one, spam. Even though Mark opted to take it, no doubt assuming nobody wanted it. After smashing his can of peaches, Jaden went for a swim with Nathan, who was looking forward to a swap where they can align with the alphas at the Rebels. Speaking of them, Alex and Peta were talking about how Nathan was clearly trying to signal them at the challenge. They went for a walk to get some water before parlaying that into an idol hunt and despite calling themselves Barbie and Ken, managed to jag it without a clue. Which only managed to make them more and more confident, as they vowed to keep it between them.

That night the Rebels were marvelling at the stars as Kelli and Raymond continued to run their mouths and destroy the peace. Peta, Alex, Tobias and Sarah sat alone snacking, floating that maybe now would be the right time to throw a challenge and get rid of one of the irritating people. As to quote Alex, “Kelli annoys the shit out of me.” Sadly for them, however, throwing a challenge often backfires and given the narrative of the season appears to be pride coming before the fall, I see one of them exiting soon. Potentially with an idol in her pocket, perchance.

Jonathan returned to oversee the latest immunity challenge where the tribes would have to race load a series of sacks onto a heavy platform and slingshot, and navigate it through a series of obstacles, use a machete to cut open a bag to release sandbags, use said sandbags to knock over blocks and then use the blocks to solve a puzzle. Given three of the stronger people were actively trying to throw the challenge, the Rebels quickly fell out of it as the Titans lined their sled up at the end of the course and got to shooting. Nathan released all the blocks as the Rebels continued to saunter through the course, giving Eden and Charles a massive lead on the puzzle. While Tobias pretended to struggle with the slingshot. Finally Kirby switched in and made quick work of the puzzle pieces, though it wasn’t enough as the Titans jagged their first immunity win. Eventually, despite the fact they had a single piece in the wrong spot but couldn’t see it until the Rebels only had one left too.

As Tobias, Alex and Peta did a really bad job of looking disappointed to have lost.

Back at camp most of the tribe were dejected as Tobias tried to blame the wet ground for his bombing. Before he, Alex, Sarah and Peta peeled off and agreed they were thrilled to go to tribal council and trim the fat in Kelli. They pulled most of the tribe to the well to lock it in, with Raymond offering to go talk to her and ask what she was thinking. As he exited, Peta then suggested they split the vote between Kelli and Raymond, because of course she did. Kirby meanwhile was busy quietly watching everything until the Cuddle Crew dropped by and asked her to split the vote. Though her face was quizzical as hell, which should have been an answer. Tobias then looped in Feras who went to loop Garrick in on the plan, but instead, they clocked that the challenge was thrown. 

After confirming their suspicions together, Feras went to talk to Kirby and Rianna to warn that the challenge was thrown. Kirby then threw out that Peta was way too confident and as such, clearly thinks she is in control, making it the perfect time to blindside her. Kirby then went person to person locking everyone in on this plan before trying to calm Kelli, who grew paranoid she may get idolled out. While Kirby stayed calm and steady, pointing out that the Cuddle Crew are so confident everyone is voting for her that even if they have an idol, they won’t play it. And while Garrick and Kirby worried her acting was going to ruin the plan, I actually think she sold her chaotic nerves.

And meditation.

As she ommed out, the Cuddle Crew looked ready to scream, willing away the hours until they could vote her out. Feras meanwhile was worried she was doing too much, asking her to stop with the theatrics. She then took the fake tears to Aileen, before Aileen was summoned by Peta, asking if she was scrambling. She assured her that Kelli is honestly just crying and not floating plans, and while Peta promised us she will play the idol if she feels nervous, I honestly don’t think she would. Feras, Aileen and Kirby caught up, with the latter reiterating that Peta is so confident, she will not even consider herself at risk. Kirby then realised the tribe is so united against Kelly, that her vote doesn’t even matter and as such, pulled Rianna aside to float them voting with the Cuddle Alliance, so they could continue to play both sides and pretend they were equally as blindsided.

At tribal council the Rebels lit their torches and took their seats as Alex opened up about how not having to come to tribal council for a week gave them plenty of time for relationships to form. Raymond agreed it was nice to understand how everyone ticks and after a week, he likes most of them. Which, lol. Peta admitted she is confident she is on the wrong side of the vote before Kelli continued her acting tour de force, pretending she knows she is going home. Alex then asked if she contributes around camp, with Kelli pointing out she helps with the fire at night, while he and his friends all sleep cuddling by it. This pissed off Alex – and made me not love him anymore, TBH – before Kelli admitted she is sure his allies are all voting for her so it doesn’t matter what she says.

Peta admitted tribal is the place of blindsides and idols, which made Feras smile like a cheshire cat. Which in turn made Kirby look a little nervous, before he took it one step further, saying people need to be made an example of and put in their place. This made the Cuddle Crew appear to be super nervous, given they all felt the vote was rather united. Talk turned to the idols, with Raymond admitting he is in trouble because he was caught looking for one, rather than finding it. Garrick spoke about having suspicions about where an idol may be, before Alex made a not so subtle plea to the tribe that if you’re nervous and have an idol, you should play it. Which appeared to make Peta consider it, leading to Feras expertly suggesting if you’re that nervous at the first tribal council, maybe the game isn’t for you. And if you’ve heard a name, now would be a good time to trust it.

With that the tribe voted, Peta held on to her idol and like Frankie, was crushed to learn that most of the tribe hated her and the buff crew, as she was swiftly booted from the game. And side note, Alex, I am so disappointed in you for your attitude, despite the hot pink speedo. As she arrived at Loser Lodge, I pulled her in for a big hug and despite reading the alphas on both tribes for letting arrogance get in the way, assured her that despite the loss, her exit was iconic and TBH, sometimes that is all you can hope for. As I served up a plate of Peta Habennetto Chicken Nachos on her way to the airport.

This nachos is honestly glorious. A copycat of the GYG version, it is fiery and fresh, with a punch of tangy salsa and creamy avocado to have you coming back for more. And dry up even the most shocked tears.

Enjoy!

Peta Habennetto Chicken Nachos
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
500g chicken breasts
5 cloves garlic, minced
1 lime, zested and juiced
1 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp habanero sauce, plus extra to serve
2 tsp chilli powder
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp smoked paprika
1 tsp salt
½ tsp oregano
¼ tsp black pepper
500g corn chips
2 cups cheddar cheese, grated
400g can black beans
½ cup Pico de Vincent Gallo
1 cup Salsa Struthers
1 cup Lady Gaugamole
sour cream, to taste

Method
Combine the chicken, garlic, lime zest and juice, olive oil, habanero and spices in a large bowl, cover and pop in the fridge to marinate for a couple of hours.

Preheat the oven to 180C.

Once the chicken is saucy, pop it on a lined baking sheet and pop in the oven to bake for 20-30 minutes, or until cooked through and a little charred on the outside. Remove from the oven and leave to cool for about 15 minutes before roughly chopping.

Once ready, layer six bowls with some corn chips and sprinkle with the cheese. Top with black beans, pico de gallo, salsa, chicken and a little more cheese. Place the bowls on a baking sheet and place under a medium grill for five minutes, or until the cheese is melty and delicious.

Remove, top with sour cream, guac and habanero. And then devour.


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Blueberry & Jessicustard Pienaher

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor 24 new castaways were dumped on the islands of Samoa. Split based on whether they were rule makers or breakers, Titans faced off against the Rebels to find which approach would prove superior. And if the first episode is anything to go by, the Rebels are going to demolish, as the Titans struggled to listen to each other, allowing the Rebels to expertly work together and win back to back challenges. At the Titans, Nathan, Frankie and Jaden were keen to take control given they identified themselves as cool and strong. Sadly for them, three does not a majority make, leading to Eden and Mark orchestrating a coup before they could even try to take control, icing Frankie and leaving Nathan without any friends.

Though still, he looks good in a speedo. And that matters.

The next day things were still delightful over at the Rebels as Alex rocked out in his speedo and the tribe were frankly just vibing and living their best lives. Despite the fact Kelli is at an 11 at all times, though to be fair, she was focused on Alex and how good he looks in said speedo, I relate to her on a deep level. Even if she is so irritating, everyone wants her gone ASAP. The tribe caught up around the fire to brush their teeth with charcoal and while it looked like they literally ate shit, they were feeling fresh and lovely. Tobias and Sarah meanwhile were slowly falling in love, chatting as they worked on the shelter. After learning about her career as a firefighter, she told us that she, Tobias, Peta and Alex have quickly locked in an alliance. While Raymond was busy running around the jungle, making things awkward and being all around sketchy. Which I hate, as he is adorbs. And to reiterate, works in DVDs, which is a dying market, so he needs this.

Over at the Titans things were still well and truly a mess as Nathan opened up to Winna about feeling left out after Frankie’s blindside, talking about how much he just wished he knew it was coming. And yeah, I’m sure he and Frankie wish they knew. While he was heartbroken to have lost someone he knew for two days, everyone else tried to act like they cared. Thankfully we pivoted to Eden and Mark, who joyfully reflected on taking control by orchestrating Frankie’s demise. Despite the fact Jessica had convinced herself it was all her idea. She well and truly started to feel her oats, and while she thinks she is in charge, it is clear Mark and Eden won’t let her believe it for long.

The tribes came together with JLP for the reward challenge where the tribes would compete in rounds playing tug of war over a huge crate. With the victors jagging the item within the crate in each round. Nathan and Jaden faced off against Alex and Feras, and while the Titans kinda made quick work of things, it was mainly because of Mark’s coaching from the sidelines rather than their strength. As the Titans celebrated jagging fishing gear, Peta and Aileen lined up opposite Caroline and Valeria. And quickly found themselves in a stalemate for 10 minutes before Mark, once again, coached the dolls into another win. This time just a couple of bananas, which honestly doesn’t seem worth it. Tobias, Sarah, Scott, Rianna and Kirby made quick work of Jess, Mark, Kitty, Viola and Winna, jagging the Rebels supplies to make smores. Before the final round saw Garrick and Raymond battle Eden and Charles for a massive tarp. And despite the Rebels starting strong, they quickly faded and found themselves overpowered as the Titans took out victory.

Back at camp the Titans were on cloud nine to finally have a win under their belts, vibing over the tarp, bananas and fishing gear. Mark in particular was thrilled to have a bestie in Eden and that they found another dynamic duo to align with, the Super Vs. Winna meanwhile almost choked while eating his banana after finding a clue hidden inside. He went for a swim with Jaden and shared it with him, kinda, though was a little bit too vague for Jaden to be able to do anything with the information. Thankfully he was pretty sure he knew where the idol was hidden, so planned to make a beeline for the palm tree the next day. Which totally means someone else will grab it today, right?

The next morning Winna woke up nice and early, so went for a walk to collect his idol and surprisingly it was still there! Once again proving that if Australian Survivor is going to do one thing consistently, it will instantly shut down my predictions.

The tribes reunited for the latest immunity challenge where they would race to climb a very tall frame, crawl through a twisted net and release coconuts from a shoot above their heads. And then shoot said coconuts in a basket held up by the rival tribe with the last tribe standing taking out the win. Once again the Rebels got out to an early lead after powering over the frame, before Aileen got stuck in the net. Jess then snatched the lead for the Titans before Raymond tied things back up as both tribes got the hang of the obstacle. When it came to the coconuts, the Titans started to struggle, allowing the Rebels to snatch back the lead which gave them a head start to weigh down the bag. Sadly Nathan was kinda an icon, weighing down the Rebels basket far quicker and giving Viola and Jaden more time to hold one. Though it was all for nought, sadly, as Alex got his eye in, loading up the Titans before they dropped out of nowhere, handing the Rebels another immunity.

Back at camp the tribe were heartbroken to have come so close to taking out victory but choking at the end. Speaking of choking, Nathan once again was winning me over in his speedo. As he went to wash off, Eden and Mark caught up and decided they needed to get Jess to identify a name so they used that to rally the tribe against her. Sadly for that plan, Jess approached Nathan to see what he was thinking, with Jess admitting she wants to focus on strength. And when Nathan floated Eden, she was on board, so the duo split up and got to work floating that name.

Sadly for Jess, she evidently didn’t realise how close Mark was to Eden and after catching up with him by the well, it was clear her confidence is likely going to bite her. After splitting up, Mark quickly got to work rallying the tribe against Jess, but hoped to keep it secret from Eden, as he is likely to spiral if he knew he was a target. And that would actually help convince them to get rid of him instead. Sadly for him, Valeria chose honesty, warning Eden that Jess was coming for him and as predicted, he started to spiral. He went person to person, floating a vote split between Jess and Nathan, just in case she has an idol and would get him out with a single vote. And while people seemed keen to protect him, the panic made Mark nervous.

At tribal council Caroline spoke about the early votes being easy as the relationships are all fresh and there is less need to lie. While Viola felt everyone was on the same page, she admitted she was always nervous for a surprise before Nathan shared he is more confident about this vote than the last. Despite also being confident about it last night, just wrong. Eden opened up about knowing his name had been thrown out today and as such, he is feeling far more nervous about the vote ahead. While both Nathan and Jess looked on nervously. Jess spoke about how it is important to stay a couple of steps ahead of the game, while Nathan reiterated his confidence. This time adding in the fact he hadn’t heard a name.

Jess then came out and spoke about her running the plan against Frankie, thinking it would win hearts and minds. Sadly, though, it only seemed to annoy Nathan, Jaden and Winna. Eden then asked Jess if she threw out his name, with her doubling down and arguing that she was always happy to hear other names, but nobody spoke up. While Mark ominously mentioned that the performances at tribal council really highlighted who he wanted to work with moving forward. With that the tribe voted and despite Jess feeling like a baller, it was clear her performance did not do what she thought it would, as the tribe rallied together to boot her from the tribe.

As she arrived at Loser Lodge, Jess was very confused about how it turned on her. And given I am kind of that guy, I outlined that being smug and performing for a jury that doesn’t start for a literal month, probably wasn’t the smartest move to make alliances. Particularly since she (thinks she) used Frankie, Nathan and Jaden being smug to rally the troops last episode. To her credit, Jess copped the brutal assessment on the chin and admitted she struggled to make connections, so the smugness came from the fact she was proud of overcoming that initial difficulty. Which made me feel super guilty as I plated up a Blueberry & Jessicustard Pienaher and toasted that accomplishment.

This pie gives off classic bakery treat energy in all the right ways. The crust is short and crumbly, the custard smooth and velvety and the blueberries tart and plump. And together, it is simply heavenly.

Enjoy!

Blueberry & Jessicustard Pienaher
Serves: 4-8.

Ingredients
250g flour, plus more for dusting
50g icing sugar
155g cold unsalted butter, cubed
3 eggs
1 ½ cups milk 
½ cup double cream
¾ cup raw caster sugar 
⅓ cup cornstarch 
4 tsp vanilla extract 
¾ tsp salt
500g blueberries 
1 tbsp lemon juice 
1 tsp lemon zest 

Method
Place the flour and icing sugar in a food processor and blitz to remove any lumps. Add 125g butter and blitz some more until it just starts to come together. Add an egg and blitz again. If it doesn’t come together, add a tablespoon of ice cold water, blitzing after each addition, until you have a smooth dough that just comes together. Once formed, shape into a disc, cover in cling and place in the fridge to chill for an hour or so.

Preheat the oven to 180C.

Dust a clean bench and a rolling-pin with flour and roll out the pastry until it is 4mm thick. Cut into 4-8 rounds and line pie pans. Trim off any excess dough and prick the base with a fork. Transfer to the oven and bake for ten-fifteen minutes, or until lightly golden and cooked through. Remove to a cooling rack until completely cooled.

While things get chill, combine the milk and cream in a medium saucepan and place over low heat until steaming. In a large bowl, whisk the remaining eggs with a quarter of a cup of cornstarch, half the vanilla, half a cup of sugar and ½ tsp salt until combined. Still whisking, slowly pour in the hot milk until it is all combined before transferring back to the saucepan.

Increase heat to medium and cook, whisking constantly, until the mixture boils and thickens. Remove from the heat and whisk in the remaining butter to combine. Divide the custard between the pie cases and pop them in the fridge to set for an hour or two.

In a medium saucepan, combine 2 tablespoons of cold water with the remaining cornstarch, and mix into a slurry. Add the blueberries, remaining sugar, lemon juice and zest, and the remaining vanilla and salt. Pop the saucepan over low heat and cook, stirring regularly, until the mixture thickens and loses its cloudiness. Remove from the heat and allow to cool for ten minutes before scooping on top of the pies and return to the fridge to set overnight.

Then, and only then, do you devour.


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Banh Melinda Bowlga

Canada's Drag Race 4, Canada’s Drag Race, Main, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Canada’s Drag Race the dolls starred in the Brooke Lynn Hytes rusical. Which finally brought us the most iconic guest judge of all time, Countess LuAnn De Lesseps. But I’m getting ahead of myself. All the dolls turned a solid performance, given we’re down to the pointy end of the season, but it was Aurora who truly shone. She gave perfect ballet and smutty Brooke, leading to her second win of the season. While Venus continued her stint at the stop, alongside Nearah and Melinda, who gave Brooke by way of Megan. On the flipside, Denim was kinda just there while Kiki was good, but not great, which was enough to land them in the bottom. Where Kiki was tragically felled as a robbed goddess.

Backstage Denim was feeling her oats to have sent Kiki home because she is an icon, though she did argue it was also kind of her time given she had been in the bottom four times. Nearah meanwhile pointed out that Kiki will still look the best at the finale, and that has got to count for something. As they sat down to kiki – not Kiki – Denim was proud to have survived because the judges love her weird energy. Talk turned to Aurora being the frontrunner before Nearah pivoted, pointing out that Venus is the only friendly one left given she doesn’t tuck. Talk thankfully turned to the legendary Melinda, praising her killer, dramatic run over the course of the season. Particularly given everyone expected her to be the first one out based on her entry look. Which, fair.

The next day the dolls were still vibing to have made it to the top five of Season 4. While Nearah joked it was kinda a little crowded for her liking. Brad interrupted the fun looking like Barbie himself, to announce that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would be making over their loved ones. Nearah burst into tears as soon as she saw her ripped AF fiance Jakob. Venus sobbed in her mum Joanne’s arms, Aurora’s best friend Trinity is STUNNING and bought a letter from her parents and their friendship is so, so sweet and I ship it hard. Also, crown Aurora now, please. Venus will make a lovely first alternate, I guess. Aurora then read the letter aloud, with them vowing to love and support her forever as Melinda and Denim sobbed either side of her. Denim’s mum Cheryl – not Hole – is absolutely adorable as is Melinda’s partner Scott who looks like he is that really nice manager in the office.

And knowing everything he went through before Melinda left, it is just stunning to see him doing so well.

With zero time to wipe away the tears, Brad announced that for this week’s mini challenge the dolls would be doing a little photoshoot to update their LinkedIn. And their loved ones would be getting them into quick drag. Melinda and Scott laughed their way through the experience as Melinda charmed the hell out of the shoot, with him looking on proudly. Nearah rode Jakob like a drill sergeant, with Nearah selling the photoshoot despite being a total mess. Denim was an 80s clown delight and TBH, her mum slayed. Aurora looked stunning as Trinity is a glorious icon and as such, looked great in her shot. Venus looked like Fran Drescher as her mum shot for Cher. Rightly though Melinda took out the win as Scott honestly did a better job than Melinda usually does.

Before departing Brad announced that the dolls would be making over their loved ones to make their red carpet debut. With them along for the ride as plus ones. Oh, and they have to make the outfits from scratch. They split up to come up with concepts, with Nearah nervous about covering all that meat of her ripped fiance. Venus was relying on that scretch fabric, just wanting to do her mother proud. Despite how stressed the challenge is making her, given it is a week before the finale. Scott was busy telling Melinda to get drawing and slay, while Denim was desperate to take out a victory as her mum gave off less chaotic Katya’s mum energy. So it just may happen. Aurora and Trinity on the other hand continued to vibe and you just know they will slay.

Brad returned with the divine Sarain Fox as Venus told her how much she means to her, grateful to be the first indigenous queen to make it to the top five. Likely four. Probably winner, maybe. As she planned to be the red carpet, while her mum was the award. Nearah and Buffy were going to go glorious in gold, with Nearah excited to redeem herself with the love of her fiance. Denim meanwhile was making a Denim jumpsuit, while her mother – now known as Velvet – will be super stunning in a gown. Aurora and Supernova will be gorgeous in green, though Brad was worried the concept was too basic. While Melinda and Conchita would be in asymmetrical flowy gowns.

After Brad left, Aurora immediately pivoted to purple fabric with zero stretch, hoping to give more galaxy and get the win. Denim meanwhile started to spiral as the needle kept falling out of the sewing machine, with her mum immediately stepping in and calming her down and keeping her on task. Melinda took Scott to the mainstage to practise his walk with Scott absolutely dominating and giving sass and yeah, a star IS born. Venus’ mum wasn’t as energetic as her daughter wanted, while Nearah admitted she has been forcing Buffy to practise walking in heels for months. Denim and her mum were polished as hell, while Trinity is a straight up model. But back in the Werk Room, the dolls madly tried to make final notes before their loved ones departed. After which Venus and Nearah admitted they were very nervous about the looks.

Elimination Day arrived with the dolls splitting up to get their loved ones in drag, with Venus sharing her mum’s drag name would be Uranus. Talk turned to how the lovers met, with Melinda laughing about meeting Scott in a bathhouse. Nearah and Jakob met on Grindr before proposing in a carpark. Jakob opened up about coming out when she met Nearah and how proud she is that Nearah was always so visibly out. Talk turned to the parents and what it is like raising queer children, with Venus’ mum an absolute icon. Living for her two queer kids. Denim’s mum meanwhile spoke about Denim’s bravery and how she took him all over the country to get all the care and support he needed to come into the man he is and ugh, I’m crying, the dolls are crying. Give them the win, this is too beautiful.

Brooke, Brad and Traci were joined by Sarain on the judges panel as the dolls and their loved ones stomped the A Star Is Born runway. With Venus and Uranus absolutely dominating, as Uranus gave va-va-voom and ugh, she’s the best. Nearah and Buffy looked stunning as a goddess and curtain, with Buffy’s arms alone a win. Melinda and Conchita gave drama and were so hilariously camp and stunning. While Denim emphatically screamed I am getting my win, given she and her mum legit looked like twins. And their looks were glorious. While Aurora and Supernova were shimmering and stunning.

The judges lived for Venus’ concept and how well executed everything was. Particularly how proud Uranus was as she was watching her daughter slay. Nearah was read for being a little basic with the design and not finishing the looks. But TBH, it was hard given Buffy, again, is ripped. Though Brooke wanted her to play with the proportions which makes so much sense. Melinda was read for having too much of a story, with everyone just wishing they leaned into the simple elegance of their love. Denim received wall to wall praise, particularly how she let her mum completely shine. While the judges lived for Aurora’s elegance, though wished she gave something a little bigger. Given Trinity still looked like a glorious woman, rather than making it drag.

Backstage Aurora felt horrible to have stumbled at the last hurdle, while they praised Venus for how great her mum was. Denim rightly got her flowers from her sisters, given she is clearly taking the win. Aurora shared how disappointed she was to be in the bottom, before Nearah sobbed about how much it hurts to have bombed this close to the end. While Melinda was just happy to see Scott so excited by the entire process, grateful to be able to give that to her loved one.

Ultimately Denim took out her first win of the season and as such, was the first finalist of Season 4. She was joined by Venus and Aurora as Nearah and Melinda had to lip sync for the final slot. And given Nearah is Nearah, we knew the tragedy was coming before it happened as she can turn a show. As expected, she absolutely demolished Carly Rae Jepson’s I Didn’t Just Come Here to Dance and while Melinda was solid and served sex, you couldn’t take your eyes off Nearah as she was rightly sent through to the finale as the iconic Melinda became the other robbed goddess of the season.

As she arrived backstage, I pulled mother Melinda in for an epic hug and immediately burst into tears, heartbroken about the fact we won’t get to follow her story all the way to the end. She patted me on the back and assured me it was fine, given she earned her mother card week after week and as such, is the most memorable part of the season. Which is better than a win. As is a piping hot bowl of Banh Melinda Bowlga.

If there is one thing I love above anything else – well, almost anything – it is turning something into a bowl meal. And this is perfection. Fresh and creamy cucumbers pair perfectly with the sing of meat and a zing of pickle to deliver nothing but flavour.

Enjoy!

Banh Melinda Bowlga
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
½ cup rice vinegar
⅓ cup maple syrup
5 tbsp toasted sesame oil
1 tsp kosher salt
4 carrots, thinly sliced lengthways
2 lebanese cucumbers, halved, seeded and quarters
1 jalapeño, seeded and sliced
¼ cup mint, finely chopped
1 avocado, cubed
2 limes, zested and juiced
500g pork mince
3 shallots, trimmed and sliced
6 garlic cloves, minced
½ cup tamari
2 tbsp fish sauce
2 tbsp chilli paste
3 cups Coconut Richa
½ cup sriracha mayo
¼ cup mixed sesame seeds
¼ cup peanuts, roughly chopped

Method
First, Pop the rice vinegar, a quarter of a cup of maple syrup and a tablespoon of toasted sesame oil with the salt in a small saucepan over medium heat and bring to almost a boil. Immediately remove from the heat, stir and allow to cool for five minutes before adding the carrots. Leave to pickle for an hour or so.

Next, combine the cucumber, jalapeño, mint, avocado, 2 tbsp sesame oil, lime zest and juice in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper.

Heat the final lug of sesame oil in a large skillet and brown the meat, shallots and garlic over medium heat for 5 minutes, or until golden. Add the tamari, fish sauce, chilli and remaining maple with half a cup of water and cook for a further ten minutes or so. Or until sticky and crisp.

To serve, spoon some rice in the bowl and divide the mince between them. Drain the carrots and divide amongst the bowls, followed by the cucumber salad. Drizzle with mayo and sprinkle with the sesame seeds and peanuts. Then, finally, devour.


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Zucchini Chicken Kanoodles

Canada's Drag Race 4, Canada’s Drag Race, Main, Pasta, Poultry, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Canada’s Drag Race the dolls put on a suprisingly fun Snatch Game as mother Melinda take out her first win of the season and proved that she was more than just good drama. Returning the favour by saving her friend Kiki and leaving Aurora to dominate the lip sync and send Luna to the house. Brooke then announced that this week would be a little different, as the dolls would compete in a Lip Sync Slay Off Extravaganza, with three people lip syncing and two people going home. In the first round, Melinda defeated Kitten, Aurora sent Denim to the bottom four, Nearah got revenge on her nemesis Aimee and Venua won out over Kiki. And I decided to hedge my bets and assumed Aimee would be one of the dolls going home, I gave her culinary comfort before she did go home.

But I’ve gotten ahead of myself.

In round two, Melinda and Aurora did battle to Boys Wanna Be Her by my queen Peaches. And yeah, it was obviously a slay from both of the dolls. But Aurora played her leg like a guitar and as such, rightly took out the win while Melinda was sent to safety. Nearah and Venus then slayed the shit out of Pull Up by Keys N Krates featuring Haviah Mighty. And yeah, it was a show. But once again, Nearah proved to be an assassin, taking out the win and sending Venus to safety. As such, Nearah stuck around on stage as Aurora joined her in the fight for the win to Black Velvet. And since it is literally one of the best songs of all time, the dolls gave it their all and did it justice. But given it is all sex, Nearah had the upper hand and parlayed it into her first win of the season and gave her the power of the Golden Beaver, allowing her to save one of the bottom four while the remaining trio would fight to avoid being a double boot.

Backstage the dolls came together to contgratulate Neaah on her win, before she asked if anyone wanted to volunteer to earnt their place in the top six and lip sync. Everyone, obviously, kept quiet though. Aimee pretended she didn’t hate Nearah as she wanted to be safe, while Denim was very, very anxious, given she doesn’t feel like Nearah can be trusted to be fair and she is a threat. Essentially. Kitten meanwhile spoke about all her skills, immediately stirking her from being saved by Nearah. While Kiki desperately hoped that Nearah’s passion for stirring the pot would save her. Given it would make it a third time for her.

Ultimately Nearah opted to save Denim, as Kitten, Aimee and Kiki took their places to fight for the final slot to Lara Fabian’s I Will Love Again. And damn, Kiki found her fire as she turned emotions and tricks in equal measure. Kitten meanwhile had emotion, while Aimee was in the pocket, but there is no denying this was Kiki’s show and as such, she was rightly saved and sent through to the top six, while Aimee and Kitten sashayed away.

Given we already covered Aimee’s departure before it happened – hey, we know I’m psychic and invented time travel, after all – I could focus all my attention on the ultimate robbed goddess of the season, Kitten. As she arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug and immediately burst into tears. Through sobs, I told her how grateful I was to have a legend actually turn up and slay week after week, as so often the older gals don’t get the flowers they deserve. And TBH, if it weren’t for a double boot, I could easily have seen her making it to the top four. However, tragically, that wasn’t the case and instead we had to eat our feelings with big bowls of Zucchini Chicken Kanoodles.

Yeah, yeah – zucchini as pasta is a thing we’re all keen on now (particualrly in the new year, new me period), but in pasta? Well, that isn’t something we love. Until you try this, that is. Juicy, sweet and oh so fresh, it is the perfect throw-together meal that leaves you feeling nourished and smug, given it is healthy.

Enjoy!

Zucchini Chicken Kanoodles
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
250g angel hair spaghetti
1 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp butter
500g chicken breast, diced
2 zucchinis, halved, deseeded and sliced
1 capsicum, deseeded and sliced
5 garlic cloves, minced 
1 tsp Italian seasoning
1 lemon, zested and juiced
½ cup parmesan cheese, grated
½ cup Italian parsley, diced
¼ cup pine nuts, toasted
kosher salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil and cook the pasta to package instructions, reserving a cup of pasta water before draining.

While that is all coming together, pop the olive oil and butter in a medium pan and saute the chicken, stirring, for about ten minutes, or until cooked through. Add the zucchini and capsicum and cook for a couple of minutes, or until tender. Fold in the garlic, Italian seasoning, lemon zest and juice and cook for another minute. 

Add the pasta to the pan and stir until well combined, adding water to thin it out as needed. Stir in the parmesan, pine nutes and parsley, and adjust the seasoning and water to taste and desired consistency.

Serve and then devour, like a damn icon.


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Lemon Chicken Bruce Perrissoles

Main, Poultry, Survivor, Survivor 45, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the Reba alliance were slowly but surely eliminating the threats to their final four dreams. Kendra meanwhile was feeling heartbroken to have lost her bestie Kellie due to Bruce taking out immunity. Though was assured he was still the target. Obviously that meant that he took out yet another win. At reward, Julie, Kendra and Bruce locked in a plan to get rid of Jake instead. Back at camp Emily was also keen to take out Jake, however Dee had other plans. Given Kendra was out to get her, she realised she had to take a shot to save herself, so yet again, convinced her alliance to flip the vote and take our the premiere the Drew Barrymore impressionist, Kendra.

Back at camp Jake was once again gagged to still in the game, though decided that given he is still here, he now must also have allies in the game. Which isn’t really the case. He, Drew and Emily meanwhile were busy talking about getting rid of Bruce, or at the very least, flushing his idol ASAP. Meaning one of those things is happening today, given subtlety isn’t really a thing for the modern Survivor editors.

The next day everyone was thrilled to have a lovely little sleep, except for Julie, who was starting to feel wracked with guilt after blindsiding Kellie and Kendra back-to-back. She started to break down, feeling like her betrayals are really cutting people to their core and while she is happy to play that maternal role, she isn’t loving the way it is exacerbating her betrayals. As they assured each other it was only a game, Katurah, Bruce and Emily were catching up about how much of a threat the Reba 4 are, with Emily starting to realise the boys may not be as loyal to her as she thinks. The problem being Bruce, Katurah and Jake can’t work together, and Bruce doesn’t realise the power of playing his idol to flip the game, rather than just saving himself once. 

I was then instantly proven wrong as Bruce went on a tour testing whether he could successfully act like he gave Kellie his idol before her blindside to avoid a potential Knowledge is Power play, so now is without an idol. In the hope Jake would leak to the Rebas and he could have a showy move.

The tribe caught up with Jeff for the latest reward challenge where they would run through an obstacle course before guiding a ball through a table maze. For a trip to the Sanctuary for a Thanksgiving feast – essentially – and an overnight sleep in a bed. Austin, Bruce, Dee and Jake got out to an early lead, though TBH, everyone was pretty neck and neck up until the table maze. Where everyone dropped over and over again until Austin and Emily got their eye in, with Queen Emily jagging victory. Like an icon. She immediately burst into tears, sharing that everyone was kindly offering to take her to the Sanctuary given she hasn’t been, so to be able to get to go because of her own victory meant the world to her. Jeff then announced she would also get letters from home on reward, picking Julie to join her given she is clearly struggling. As is Probst’s way, he told her another person could come, opting for Katurah. And then Dee, going for a ladies night.

We followed the gals out as they joyfully sat down for their epic feast, praising the hell out of each other and ugh, I love to see it. As do I love Emily’s confessional, sitting there with a wine like an icon. They assured each other that a woman will be the winner of the season, with the group agreeing Bruce needs to go to help them keep winning. They then locked in a split vote between Bruce and Jake in the hope of getting rid of Bruce for Katurah’s delicious revenge. While Katurah dunked on Bruce for trying to pretend his idol went out with Kellie.

Back at camp the guys were busy being guys, allegedly, farting and burping and TBH, I loved the soundtrack if nothing else. While Drew was delighting in finally being able to bro out, rather than watch from the sidelines. While Austin was thrilled to feast on meat. Of the fish he caught, rather than what I’d love to watch. As Austin was busy fishing, Bruce and Jake meanwhile were trying to pick a target, with Bruce pointing out they need Dee gone ASAP. Jake, meanwhile, was hitching his wagon to the Rebas, going to Drew to warn him about the plan and the fact Bruce lost his idol with the Kellie blindside. Which absolutely delighted Austin and Drew. And will in turn delight us when they hilariously learn it is a lie.

We checked back in on the gals where they finally opened their letters and broke down in tears as their loved ones spoke about how proud of them they are. Emily was ready to maybe get married, while Katurah started to sob, as she found a letter from her mother, who she had decided to cut off about a year ago.

The next day the tribe came together, with Drew telling Emily about the situation with Bruce’s idol. Before Emily instantly assured him Bruce doesn’t have an idol and Jake was fed a lie. Knowing everyone treats Jake like a pawn, Emily tried to win him over, pointing out that he is the back-up target and that everyone is against him. As such, he then decided to throw out Drew as an option instead. Obviously Julie took it to Drew, who immediately confronted Jake and let’s just say, he was not thrilled to hear his name. And while Drew tried to talk it through, Jake told him it was over and well, it was hilariously iconic.

The tribe met Probst in the middle of the ocean where they would each lie on a ramp over the water, holding themselves up on tiny handholds, with the last person standing taking out immunity. Almost instantly Emily dropped before Katurah struggled with the thought of falling into the water, stepping off to avoid the surprise. Everyone transitioned to a lower handhold, which cost Julie her spot. They moved down to the smallest handhold and had to put their legs out straight for the rest of the challenge, with Dee dropping instantly, followed by Drew and Jake, leaving Austin and Bruce to battle it out. At least for another couple of minutes, before Bruce dropped, handing Austin immunity. As everyone screamed and cheered. Probst then announced they could bring the boat in for Katurah if she is too scared to swim out, however everyone rallied around her and helped her over and ugh, it was beautiful and I love Probst for manufacturing it.

Back at camp Bruce quickly assured us and the tribe that he would be playing his idol, with the ricochet going home. As everyone assured him that it would then mean Jake is going home. Katurah and Emily were discussing how it is unlikely that Jake would win the game however, while Julie is highly likely to score the votes and as such, decided they need to get rid of her ASAP. Emily ventured off to loop in Bruce, before we learnt this may just be a plan to get him to not play an idol. Bruce then caught up with Jake, with the duo realising getting rid of Julie was the only way to guarantee the former Belos make it to the end, however given he has been played week after week, Jake just wasn’t sure who to trust. As he broke down in tears, Katurah checked in to see if he was ok, assuring him that she has his back and to just relax. Bruce then arrived and gave him a peptalk and ugh, it was super sweet to see. And now I love Bruce.

Speaking of Bruce, he was nervous about the plan coming together, given Jake was starting to spiral. Unaware that Emily is gleefully playing him just to avoid an idol play.

At tribal council everyone spoke about the difference in the energy, given Bruce is no longer immune. Bruce admitted it made him nervous, though calmly threatened that he would be playing his idol. Jake meanwhile was happy to have been involved in discussions lately, though he still feared being left out. As it makes him feel dumb. Austin and Julie tried to make him feel better, with Julie then opening up about the extra burden that comes to her being christened the mama, as people are more likely to feel betrayed by her. Drew spoke about tonight feeling different, given they are far more ambiguous about the game they’re all playing, the closer it gets to the end. While Katurah, Emily and Jake spoke about it being harder to make a move as the numbers dwindled. Julie meanwhile was confident she won’t be going home, while everyone agreed an idol is likely to be played tonight. As they giggled about the fact Bruce may not even play it.

With that the tribe voted and Bruce ultimately held onto his idol for another day, which turned out to be a huge mistake, as three votes piled up on Jake, one on Julie and the rest on Bruce, blindsiding him with the idol in his pocket. And kill off his other day. As he walked in to Ponderosa, I hid and did some slapstick humour, which is Bruce and my love language. He then pulled me in for a massive hug and thanked me for being on hand to cheer him up. I assured him that his personality is definitely not too much and that he isn’t overbearing, so to embrace who he is because that is perfect. Yeah, totally out of character for me, but Bruce is an absolute delight and deserves a little love. In the form of my Lemon Chicken Bruce Perrissoles.

There is nothing I love more than a little bit of lemon and chicken, and this easy rissoles are truly a perfect pairing. A punch of chilli, the tange of lemon and the smooth, sweet parmesan, they are an absolute delight. Like Bruce.

Enjoy!

Lemon Chicken Bruce Perrissoles
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1kg chicken mince
5 garlic cloves, minced
1 lemon, zested
1 egg
1 cup panko breadcrumbs
1 tbsp cumin
1 tsp chilli flakes
¼ cup mint, roughly chopped
2 tbsp parmesan cheese, grated
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
olive oil

Method
Combine the mince, garlic, zest, egg, breadcrumbs, cumin, chilli, mint, parmesan and a good whack of salt and pepper in a large bowl, scrunching to combine but not overworking. Divide the patties into 8 rissoles using wet hands and pop on a lined plate, cover and chill for half an hour.

When the patties have set, heat a lug of oil in a skillet over medium heat and cook the rissoles in batches of four for 5 minutes each side. Or until golden and cooked through. Then devour.


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Couscousisi Superstalad

Canada's Drag Race 4, Canada’s Drag Race, Salad, Side, Snack, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Canada’s Drag Race 12 queens arrived in the Werk Room, ready to join what I would argue is a pretty iconic winner’s circle. And while we lost the Canadian versions of Trixie and Katya way too soon – as is tradition – it was a hard fought battle before Giselle snatched the crown, joining Icesis and what’s her name? Priyanka, in the winner’s circle. And Ra’Jah, technically. That was then and this is now, as Brooke and Co. are back and are packing a new twist. Which we will learn about later, as first we have a ball. But again, getting ahead of myself here, as we’ve got queens to meet.

First to enter Season 4 is the world’s oldest twink Venus and well, her entry look is kinda horrid, think slutty ice skater in velvet. And then, for reasons, she was forced to exit. Denim was next, serving denim anime goddess and I love everything about her. She too then exited before Kiki Coe arrived serving fashion dragon and fun fact, has made some of the best runways to appear on the show. After she bounced, Luna DuBois arrived giving first-season Lala Ri by way of Mayhem Miller, and I love it. Sisi Superstar arrived giving goth Barabarella, Melinda Verga served pride flag drunk aunt, Kitten Kaboodle arrived to rep as the oldest queen in the franchise and well, I stan, as she seems fun. Nearah Nuff served filler icon, in a Marilyn inspired look that literally fell apart, Aurora Matrix served terracotta warrior-Naomi Smalls realness and ugh, crown her now, I already stan. Then The Girlfriend Experience arrived serving stripper anime and well, I stan her too. Aimee Yonce Shannel dropped by giving red latex showgirl chic and yeah, it was a serve, TBH. 

Everyone was then corralled back into the Werk Room at once, for reasons. As they sized each other up or giddily pretended they didn’t tell their besties they were on the season. We then learnt that there was only space in alcoves for three queens, instantly forming cliques with the pretty girls and designers instantly finding their friends. Aurora meanwhile was thrilled to see she wasn’t the only queen of asian descent, I assume because she can’t be a first boot like it seems to be the tradition on the mothership, but I digress.

Speaking of Ru, she dialled in to announce the arrival of Brooke who welcomed her newest daughters into the fold. With the help of Brad and Traci. They then warned the queens that there will be twists and turns all season long. The first being that they would be starring in a ball. And the first category is already done, with the entrance looks judged and delivered. Brooke, Brad and Traci all gave a rosebud to their fave looks so far with Brooke snatching Denim, Aimee beloved by Brad and Traci, for reasons, living for Venus. They then shared that the next category was Shimmering Showgirls, while they would stomp the runway in Me Myself and I, aka best drag. 

After the judges left, the rosebuddies celebrated being frontrunners for the win. Though Melinda rightly called out Venus for getting one, given her look was so basic. Thankfully they didn’t fight for long, focusing on prepping for the second category. Sisi and Denim were vibing before Kitten gagged the dolls with her age and the fact she has been doing drag for longer than most of the dolls have been alive. 

Aurora kicked off the second category giving geisha showgirl in all the right ways. Luna slayed given slutty Marilyn burlesque, Denim gave harlequin clown, Kitten gave polished puffy showgirl, Kiki leant into classic showgirl and lived her best life while Nearah was an orange delight. Melinda gave us a golden bodysuit, Aimee was stunning in a carnival hot pink bodysuit before Venus gave us something different in emerald green as she stripped. Sisi gave a sexy devil, as she hit her head on a lamp and fell off the couch. The Girlfriend Experience meanwhile was perfection as the Ringmaster before getting fully nude.

Backstage they finally got to dedrag with Aurora and Venus living their twink fantasy, while Kitten was hopeful she would be the mama of the group. Denim tried to make things shady, asking who the dolls think will be in the bottom tomorrow with Sisi and Nearah both admitting they were worried. The latter talking about being concerned their inner saboteur is already hard at work. While Venus and her rosebud were thrilled to slay.

Elimination Day arrived with Tegan and Sara just wandering on to set to welcome the dolls and announce themselves as guest judges and fun fact, they are sisters, not dating. That is Tatu, if anyone else forgot. Oh and Tegan and Sara’s mum is proud of them for guest judging which is cute AF, so maybe I stan. With that gag out of the way, the dolls split up to beat their mugs, with Nearah galvanized to redeem herself with the third runway. Talk turned to their pronouns before they turned their attentions to how politicized drag has become. The Girlfriend Experience opened up about being shamed by Marjorie Taylor Greene, famed thundercunt, leading to death threats and her having to close down her social media to keep herself safe. She and Denim then spoke beautifully about what they’ve gone through as trans people.

Brooke, Brad, Traci, Tegan and Sara took their places on the judges panel as Venus opened the Me Myself and I runway looking perfect as a feathered Carmen Sandieg-ho. Sisi gave Y2K goth chic, Kiki was perfect in pearls as a goddess. Lula gave Mugler CEO, Aurora was a stunning teal dragon, Nearah gave neon rocker Cyndi Lauper and Kitten was a stunning old dame. Aimee was an african queen in blue and orange, while The Girlfriend Experience looked gorgeous in beige ruffles. Melinda gave golden glam right out of Studio 54 while Denim was an udderly ridiculous clown cow.

Aurora, Aimee, Luna, Kitten and TGE were deemed safe and shipped backstage to untuck before Venus received universal praise for each and every look. And most importantly for giving diversity, polish and turning a damn show every time she hit the floor. Despite her entry look being so basic, to me. Sisi was praised for looking good not great, though read for being awkward, given they couldn’t tell if she was deliberately trying to bomb the performance in look two. Kiki was beloved for giving three stunning looks, gagging the judges with the fact she makes all her looks. Though Traci wanted her to give some life in her mug. Nearah was read for not being able to work through the fuck-ups in the first two looks, thought they loved the third look for being so damn fun. Though Brad was worried she could only sell corset. Melinda was all energy as the judges read her for not being able to sell any of her concepts, while Denim received 10s across the board.

The tops and bottoms joined the safe girls, with Venus proudly telling them she was completely beloved by the judges. Picking up that not everyone was so happy for her. Denim too was proud to receive top marks, while Kitten just assumed Kiki was a top. Sisi tried to pretend she was beloved, delighting her sisters with the fact she was having fun despite being in the bottom. Denim thanked her for being such a light in their community, no doubt assuming she would be going home. Nearah accepted she didn’t do her best, so agreed with their critiques, while Melinda was sure it would be her lip syncing with Sisi. Venus asked her to explain to the dolls why she has been struggling thus far, with Melinda sharing that her partner had a mini stroke just before she left and watching everyone rally around her was just beautiful, TBH.

Ultimately Kiki was sent to safety, followed by Nearah before Brooke announced the next gag, explaining nobody would be going home tonight and instead, the top two would be lip syncing for the win. That obviously meant Melinda and Sisi were safe, leaving Denim and Venus to battle to Feel it in My Bones by Tiësto feat. Tegan and Sara. And while the song is an absolute bop – remember, I’m a Tegan and Sara stan now, ok? – the lip sync was kinda one sided as Venus is a damn star. Denim was cute, fun and absolutely in her lane, but Venus had that fire that you just couldn’t look away from. And as such, she rightly took out the first win of the season. And I will stop bitching about the entry look.

Backstage the dolls were gagged, gooped and absolutely delighted that nobody went home, while Venus was just delighted to have been able to win the lip sync in front of Tegan and Sara themselves. Sisi and Melinda were thrilled to be safe, with Sisi now ready to redeem herself. While The Girlfriend Experience just wanted them all to lift up the seat when going to the bathroom, as she was sick of sitting on piss.

The next day Melinda appeared to be perked up after her near exit, while Venus was just proud to have done the thing. Angela Basset style. Everyone laughed about how they kinda wanted everyone to go home, while Kitten, bless, was just looking forward to improving incrementally because she is old and wise. So, mother. Brooke dropped by to announce that for this week’s maxi challenge, the doll’s would host QVShe episodes, selling the best and brightest products Brooke kindly provided. Shades, ponchos, ugly flats and pocket bras. And given Brooke is messy, she let them pick their groups with TGE, Aurora and Venus forming one, Nearah, Luna and Aimee another, and Sisi, Kiki and Denim the last trio, leaving Kitten and Melinda to be the only duo. Venus then stole the bra for her group, Nearah went with the poncho, Kitten got the flats and Sisi grabbed the sunnies.

Everyone split up to work through their presentations, with Denim spiralling about having a comedy challenge in week two. Nearah and Luna were worried about Aimee having English as a second language and how they could help her shine. Melinda meanwhile was cut the dolls didn’t want them. Oh and TGE was doing the old man voice from Family Guy and just like that, the dolls had a plan. Sisi meanwhile was swinging for the fences, coming up with lots of camp ideas to stand out and work her way up, while Denim worried she was fading. Kitten and Melinda meanwhile were completely zen, being silly and planning to have fun and yes and their way through, making everyone else a little nervous. Nearah meanwhile was hating her partners, while Aimee worried they kept patronising her when she wants to be taken seriously and is this just going to be a mess?

After quickly beating their mugs the dolls went to set where Denim, Sisi and Kiki got to work selling the shit out of the shade blocker goggles. And by selling the shit out of it, they bombed within 30s and yeah, it was hard to watch. Sisi in particular, despite the fact she was cracking herself up. Melinda and Kitten were the polar opposite, giving cohesion, polish and nailing the assignment. Making all the dolls laugh and wish they didn’t assume the oldies would bomb. Venus, Aurora and The Girlfriend Experience kept things good as Venus and Aorora nailed their southern girl schtick, until The Girlfriend Experience just stopped after coming out of the gate strong. As she kept breaking and left the others to carry her. Nearah, Luna and Aimee then closed the show, bombing, try as Nearah and Aimee might.

Elimination Day arrived with Denim putting all her hopes on her runway saving her, while Kitten and Melinda were thrilled to prove themselves and singlehandedly carry the challenge. While Denim and Co hilariously owned bombing, Nearah, Luna and Aimee bickered over who was the reason for their predicament. After splitting up to beat their mugs, The Girlfriend Experience asked Kitten about the first time she saw drag, leading to a beautiful history lesson. Talk turned to terminology, with Denim and The Girlfriend Experience helping everyone make sure they aren’t offending anyone and ugh, it was sweet. Venus meanwhile asked if anyone was across the Canadian queer history with them admitting they kinda have no clue, accept for Aimee who had to learn to pass her citizenship and of course. Because if we learnt anything from Hamilton, it is that only immigrants get the job done.

Brooke, Brad and Traci were joined by the current pucking reigning, Ra’Jah D O’Hara on the panel and ugh, I love her so. On the Gemstones runway, Sisi Superstar gave purple people eater come queen cosplayer. Kiki was a gloriously emerald glamazonian, Denim served iridescent bluebottle, while Kitten gave warrior queen and looked good and Melinda gave ice queen realness. Venus was a slay in a diamond encrusted bodysuit, complete with diamond headpiece. The Girlfriend Experience was a gloriously pearled ethereal beauty, Aurora was a stunning jade goddess, Luna gave slutty Tigger, Nearah gave rhinestone cowgirl who became the CEO, in red before Aimee closed the show in a shimmering sapphire gown which I can’t tell whether is good or an absolute mess.

Sisi, Kitten, Melinda, Venus, TGE and Luna were deeed the tops and bottoms of the week, though Brooke warned the safe girls some got lucky there could only be three bottoms. Sisi was praised for improving her look, though still read for being a mess. And that was before they got to the challenge, given the judges hated literally everything she did. Kitten was absolutely beloved – as she deserves – for the challenge while everyone also lived for the look. Melinda too received top marks for both portions, though Ra’Jah cautioned her to have fun on the runway. Venus’ runway was the best of the week, though the judges equally loved the character she brought to the challenge. TGE’s runway was glorious, though the judges wished she gave more presentation. While her performance in the challenge gave the judges blue balls. While Luna was read for filth for the challenge, though her runway was deemed fun.

Kitten was then announced the winner of this week’s challenge and told that as the winner, she would hold the power of the Golden Beaver which saves one of the bottoms from lip syncing. With that, they ventured backstage to untuck and loop in the other queens and let’s just say, they were gagged and ready to make lots of new friends. TGE started to breakdown about being in the bottom, leading to Venus giving her a huge peptalk. Luna meanwhile was zen about it, while Sisi admitted she was gutted to be in the bottom yet again and how triggering it was for her. Kitten then asked the dolls to pitch why they should be beavered, with TGE begging through tears. Luna was poised as she calmly spoke about needing to be here while Sisi said it was fair for her to be in the bottom and as such, shouldn’t be saved.

They returned to the mainstage were Kitten got her beaver out and promptly saved TGE, leaving Luna and Sisi to battle for the last spot. As Avril’s I’m With You kicked off both dolls leant into the emotion of the song and ugh, this is taking me back to High School. Sisi slayed the lip sync while Luna was kinda subdued, which it seems like the judges wanted, as she was saved, leaving Sisi to become the Juice Boxx of the season. While Sisi was gutted to go home so soon, I quickly pulled her in for a hug and assured her that her two episode run, specifically falling off the couch, is iconic. So taking that and the fact she is the first boot, she will always be beloved. And that was all it took to cheer her up, as we toasted an epic career with a fresh Couscousisi Superstalad.

This little number is gloriously herby and oh so sweet, swiftly putting an end to the no-friends-with-salad discourse. Though given (pearl) couscous is involved, is it really a shock?

Enjoy!

Couscousisi Superstalad
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
1 ½ cups pearl couscous
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
¼ cup olive oil
1 tsp Dijon mustard
½ tsp honey
1 lemon, zested and juiced
¼ cup parsley, roughly chopped
2 tbsp mint, roughly chopped
2 tbsp dill, roughly chopped
½ cup cherry tomatoes, quartered
½ cup chargrilled capsicum, roughly chopped

Method
Bring a pot of salted water to the boil and once rolicking, add the couscous and cook for 10 minutes, or until tender. Drain and leave to cool slightly.

While that is on the go, combine the oil, mustard, honey, zest and juice with a good whack of salt and pepper.

Transfer the couscous to a bowl, toss through the dressing, herbs, tomatoes and chargrilled capsicum and devour. Like an icon.


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Kendra McQucranberrie Sauce

Condiment, Sauce, Survivor, Survivor 45, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the final pre-merge journey continued to loom over the season as Austin smarted over being robbed of a sandwich by J. Maya and Kellie, who wanted advantages. We were also reminded that Bruce found an idol, just before leaving Lulu beach. Which came into play in the present, as Kellie was worried about Bruce’s idol potentially leading to her copping strays, given he was telling everyone they were tightly aligned. Everyone wanted to lock in a Bruce blindside however he won immunity, which quickly led to everyone flipping to take out Jake instead. Given this is new era Survivor, however, the Rebas chose they couldn’t trust Jake to not have a bag of tricks and flipped the vote to Kellie instead. And she was angry. While Austin now had a second idol.

Back at camp Kendra was heartbroken to be without her bestie (not Bruce’s), sadly cheersing the dark sea all alone. While by the shelter Jake was loudly celebrating and laughing about still being in the game. Despite the joy, he realised he had zero idea what was going on at camp and knew he needed to pivot. Hard. Bruce meanwhile was salty about his closest ally being taken out, assuming it meant he was the original target. The Rebas, however, told him the actual (fake) reason they booted her is because she actually wanted to take out Bruce. Dee and Austin explained that she felt he was overbearing and TBH, you could see the exact moment his heart broke. Katurah and Kendra meanwhile were heartbroken to have lost their actual bestie, though Kendra realised Kellie was a threat and would also vote for her if she makes it to the end, so she wasn’t that mad. Though she was now keen to come for Dee. Katurah took this information to the Rebas in the hope she could be pulled into their alliance, with everyone now trying to decide if Jake or Kendra is the best person to target while flushing Bruce’s idol.

The next day Bruce was still hurt by the news Kellie was after him as he sat on the beach. He returned to camp, dejected, quietly sulking by the fire as everyone tried to bring him in. He then spoke about his fear that he is overbearing with his daughter and ugh, this is actually really hard to watch, as that comment really seems to have broken him. And just like that, I love Bruce. Particularly knowing he is energetic and upbeat because he grew up in the foster care system where he always had to adapt and be positive. Drew meanwhile picked up on his energy and just decided reality got to him. Which we now know is not a nuanced read. Emily pulled Drew and Austin aside to float the idea of getting rid of Dee, just to see whether their three person alliance is the priority. However, seeing how quickly they cut it down, I think she is ready to make a move elsewhere. Despite how hard Austin tried to sell Dee as the ultimate meatshield for them.

Drew went off to collect treemail asking everyone to split into trios for the upcoming immunity challenge, though were assured only one person would win immunity. With no context about why they are trios, Dee, Drew and Jake formed one, Austin, Emily and Katurah another leaving Kendra, Julie and Bruce together. Filling Julie with dread, since she is an obvious target if just three go to tribal council, leading to Austin handing over an idol.

After they met up with Probst, they got the good news that it would still be a nine person tribal council and that their teams would just be for the first two stages of the challenge. First one being they have to retrieve discs and balance a ball on it as they walk a balance beam before digging rope rungs, last group being eliminated. Second one, they’d use the rungs to form a ladder and land three balls on small rings, the last group, again, eliminated while the final three have to balance plates against discs, with the last one standing winning immunity. Oh and the winning trio would get to go to the Sanctuary to smash a roast chicken. And the first group eliminated will also lose their vote at tribal council, though they could win theirs back on a journey.

And again, stop with the twists as there could have been a blindside with nine votes in play.

Dee, Drew and Jake got out to an early lead on round one before Jake struggled on the balance beam and put them squarely in last place. The other groups powered ahead until Bruce struggled, leaving Emily, Austin and Katurah to start digging their rungs solo. Everyone caught up as Dee, Drew and Jake powered through and made it to round two first, followed by Julie singlehanded getting her team over the line, forcing Emily, Austin and Katurah to lose their votes. While Dee, Drew and Jake got out to an early lead in round two, Bruce, Julie and Kendra made quick work of the baskets and overtook them and made it through to the final round. The trio lined up with the discs, with all of them wobbling almost instantly. After an epic struggle, Kendra eventually dropped as Bruce and Julie faced off yet again before the latter tragically dropped and handed Bruce immunity. Again.

We followed the mids back to camp where Jake, Drew and Dee opted to avoid strategising before they have information about who will actually be voting and as such, made themselves a big pot of rice. As Jake went for a wander, Dee and Drew portioned up the rice and giddily took extra, while talking about the plan ahead. With surprise, surprise, Dee wanting to get rid of Kendra. Oh and then they realised they didn’t save Jake any rice, so instead let him eat the stuff burnt on to the bottom of the pan.

Over at the Sanctuary the trio were feeling good as they smashed the chicken and kikied, with Kendra admitting she is nervous about the vote ahead. Julie lied about being on the bottom of the Reba alliance, as Kendra floated the idea of getting rid of Dee to break up her and Austin, despite the fact she believes they are in love and wants them to get married. Julie threw out Jake as an option instead and while Kendra loved hearing anyone but her, Julie was still nervous things wouldn’t play out her way and she wouldn’t be able to get her revenge.

We finally checked in with the losers on their journey as they trekked to the top of the mountain and learnt that to win their votes back, they would have to do a maths problem. And while I thought they would all be able to slay it, Emily and Katurah crumbled under the pressure while Austin jagged his vote back at the very last moment. 

Drew and Jake were talking about the confusion about the vote ahead as the groups came together back at camp. The losers announced that only none of them earned their vote back before Austin pulled his allies aside to assure them it was a lie and as such, he actually has a vote and they, a majority. So they can power ahead with a vote to get rid of Kendra. Only Julie filled them in on the fact the Sanctuary people agreed to get rid of Jake and since it was better for her game, that is what she wanted to do. Kendra meanwhile was spiralling, going to Emily to let her know that Jake was the plan tonight and when she agreed it made sense, Kendra felt great. Sadly when Drew caught up with Emily she learnt it wasn’t the case and that Kendra is actually the target. And given Dee was the one to come up with it, there were more red flags for Emily.

At tribal council Kendra spoke about how heartbroken she was to lose Kellie at the last tribal council as Kellie held back tears, Kaleb holding her hands. Dee spoke about how tough it is to play the game, given you are playing with people’s lives. Jake spoke about the shock, given he assumed to be going home and while he survived, he does hate that he is clearly at the bottom. Talk turned to Julie and Bruce being the challenge beasts, though Julie added that she would like to actually jag the win. Bruce then spoke about winning back-to-back immunities and the risk it makes him a target. Talk turned to the vote losers with Drew talking about how difficult it is to figure out a plan tonight, given they aren’t exactly sure who is voting. That made Kendra get paranoid, not realising people may have lied about getting their votes back. While Jake was just looking for a friend and willing to be used, given he is one of the guaranteed votes.

With that the tribe voted – Austin very speedily – before Kendra was gagged to be blindsided. While Jake was once again surprised to survive, almost becoming a bit of a lol that he keeps being dragged along through now power of his own. But enough about Jake, this is about the second coming of Drew Barrymore, our queen, Kendra. As she arrived at Ponderosa, I pulled her in for a massive hug and thanked her for being such a glorious bright point of the season. She was not just a light spirit, she was also a fun, quirky character and so exceedingly watchable. And I look forward to her second season. So wheeled out a vat of Kendra McQucranberrie Sauce to fuel our planning session.

Sweet, tart and spicy, this glorious sauce has it all and while it is traditionally a sauce associated with Thanksgiving, it is something you will come round year round.

Enjoy!

Kendra McQucranberrie Sauce
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
100g muscovado sugar
100ml freshly squeezed orange juice, and zest from the associated oranges
250g frozen cranberries
1 tsp cinnamon
¼ tsp allspice
a pinch of ground nutmeg

Method
Combine the sugar, orange juice and zest in a pan and bring to the boil. Once the sugar has dissolved, stir in the cranberries and simmer for 5 minutes, or until tender. Stir in the spices and cook for another couple of minutes to infuse.

Remove from the heat and allow to cool for a little before transferring to steralised jars, closing and leaving to cool completely. Then devour.


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Kellie Nalbandia Maria Chocolate Christmas Cake

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor 45, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor Bruce jagged an idol moments before the first phase of the non-merge portion of the game. As the boat approached shore, he enlisted the help of everyone else in the tribe to collect it, though decided to keep it a secret from his nemesis Katurah. After they were split into two groups – why merge, you ask? Who knows – to each eliminate someone, Kaleb filled her in to make sure she wasn’t angry with him. But over to the other group where Kellie was debating when to turn on Bruce, though instead stuck with Drew and her Belos to take out Sifu. After he was sent all the way home, Katurah confronted Jake about keeping the idol secret from her. While Jake and Kaleb thought they had won her over enough to force a tie and take out Julie, Katurah banded with the Rebas to take out Kaleb to become the king of the jury.

As the first group arrived back at camp, everyone was thrilled to have made the jury. Though Drew did admit that getting rid of Sifu was harder than he thought, particularly since it gave Bruce a win in the game, which nobody wanted. When the groups came together, nobody was exactly surprised that Kaleb was gone. Though you best believe Jake felt awkward about trying to save Kaleb, given it made him an outsider. And he regretted being reckless. To his credit, he pulled Julie aside to clear the air, admitting that his vote was more to save Kaleb, not to take her out. And while they pretended to be all good, it was clear Julie was going to get revenge.

The next day the dolls noticed that they had a numbers advantage over the men and as such, thought that maybe they should form an alliance and take control. While the boys were focused on tacos, all the girls agreed it was a great idea and maybe it was finally the right time to get rid of Bruce. While Julie admitted to us that she still trusts Drew and Austin, given they all have a mutual target, maybe it could work. Kellie on the other hand just wanted the albatross around her neck gone.

A boat then arrived at shore, featuring a table with bowls glued on top. Thoroughly confused, name cards were laid out before Kendra read treemail announcing that they would be participating in the Survivor Auction. Finally, finally, giving us what we want! Of course it was going to come with a twist, the first being that they had to go find tubes of cash hidden in the jungle for them to spend. Everyone split up hunting for the money, with Bruce choosing to take it super easy, finishing with just $80 to spend at auction. While Dee and Austin were the richest with $900 and $700 apiece.

When they met Jeffrey in the jungle, he immediately announced that unlike in the past, there will be no advantages on offer. At all. And the third twist? 15 items will be up for grabs, 5 confirmed and the rest decided by rockdraw and finishing without notice. Why does that matter, though? Well the person with the most money leftover at the conclusion of the auction loses their vote at the upcoming tribal council. First up were pretzels and beer, which went to Kendra for $360, exhausting her money in the process and guaranteeing she holds on to her vote. Fries and coke went to Kellie for $500, Emily bought a covered item for $440 which was thankfully not bat soup, instead a massive charcuterie and wine. Oh and now she has $60 left, meaning she is likely keeping her vote too. Dee went all in with $900 to jag her milkshake, likely just to retain her vote.

The next covered item went to Katurah for $480. Feeling like it could be a dud, Probst offered her the chance to trade out for something else. Sadly she opted to keep the original, which were two giant fish eyeballs. Which Austin bought on resale for $100. Though at least Katurah kept her vote, no? Drew went all in on item 6 for $520, which was just a bowl of candy. Austin snatched a piece of pizza for $600. A toothbrush and mouthwash went to Julie for $420, the next item was chocolate cake for three, which went to Jake for $340 and was shared with Julie and Bruce. Kellie then bought a sandwich, chips and marg for $200, leaving Bruce to now be the richest person left on the bleachers. And sadly, there were no other items available, meaning he was the poorest going in and also lost his vote.

Back at camp everyone was giddy from the food and sugar, with Kendra talking about how great it was to burn through all her cash on the first item and just be able to chill. She then shared that the beer was special to her, as she didn’t know her biological father until she was 18 years old. When she reached out and met, they shared a beer and as such it reminded her of him and gave him a special toast. Which was super cute.

Everyone was chilling out and going for a swim, so Emily caught up with Drew and assured him that she is his ride or die. And then squealed on the girls alliance – boo – and while that sucks for us, she assured him that Jake and Bruce are the targets, so he is fine. And damn, Emily, that upsets me. Drew meanwhile was thrilled to have the information and given Bruce is everyone’s target, he, Austin and Julie approached Katurah by the well and assured her they can work together, and hey, she can even pick the target. And what do you know, she said Bruce?!

The tribe caught up with Probst for the immunity challenge, which Bruce is totally winning based on the timing, no? But back to the challenge. Everyone would need to hold onto a rope holding up a log with the last person standing without dropping winning immunity. Adding yet another wrinkle to the challenge, Jeff offered the tribe a massive bag of rice for the last ten days of the game if four people sit out. Dee and Emily instantly offered, with Katurah asking for an incentive. Which led to Probst stabbing the bag and letting rice bleed out until two more people offered, with Drew jumping straight out before Katurah eventually joined them. After 20 minutes Kellie and Kendra dropped in quick succession, before Austin and Jake dropped after 25 minutes leaving the two oldies to battle it out for immunity. Tragically though, Julie couldn’t do it for the dolls, as Bruce jagged immunity and screwed over all the plans. Just as predicted.

Back at camp everyone pretended to be thrilled for Bruce, which actually annoyed the shit out of literally everyone. None more so than Kellie, who was so very annoyed by the fact Bruce gets to be the spectator at tribal and as she appears to be close to Bruce, she was worried she could be the other back-up. Everyone was scared to throw out a name other than Jake, however, which made Jake realise he was the target and that the Shot in the Dark may be his only option. Instead of locking that in, he got to work visibly hunting for an idol before Katurah offered to go babysit him. He then approached Bruce to see if he’d be willing to play his idol for him, which Bruce obviously wasn’t interested in.

Drew was still nervous, though, so pulled the Reba four and Emily aside to float the idea of taking out Kellie instead, given she holds more power than Bruce and that nobody actually seems to think anyone but Jake is a target. And then after locking in Kellie, Drew immediately grew paranoid that giving Jake another chance could be a grave mistake. Which means Jake is bringing down Drew if he survives the night, mark my words.

At tribal council Bruce tried to talk about breaking a record by losing his vote but being immune. Thankfully it was brushed aside, with Drew reminding everyone that his generosity should be rewarded, while Jake shat on it, pointing out it isn’t charitable, it just means people feel safe. As he stumbled over Jeff’s questions, he eventually threw out a pitch, pointing out a dogpile is never the right move, and the other people on the bottom will regret not making a move if he goes, given it means they will likely be next. Kellie agreed he made some good points, while Dee was sure everyone was still united tonight. Which Jake pointed out was a bad move. Katurah too agreed that Jake did make good points, but it is only true if their next move isn’t solid. Emily said that Jake is just too focused on it being him, with Jake deliberately stumbling yet again, talking about playing his idol. Which Katurah called super concerning.

With that the tribe nervously voted before Jake played his Shot in the Dark, sadly not jagging immunity in the process. After three votes piled up on him, he thought he was done before the Belo women were well and truly gagged to see the rest of the votes pile up on Kellie as she was blindsided from the game. Angry and heartbroken, annoyed at Emily and in shock as Kendra watched on in tears. 

As she arrived at the jury, I pulled her in for a massive hug. And while she immediately pushed me away and as I flew through the air and onto the ground, it is said that my heart doubled in size that day. I came running back, screaming about how much of an icon she is and how grateful I was to be a part of the rage. For some reason, she assumed I was joking and as such started laughing, thanking me for breaking the tension. And while I was confused, we laughed and became besties before smashing a slice or two of Kellie Nalbandia Maria Chocolate Christmas Cake.

I used to hate the entire concept of fruit cakes as a child, but obviously, I aged and my palate refined. Thanks in no small part to recipes like this one. Rich and fruity, with a punch of chocolate and coffee, it is a combination that can turn even the grinchiest grinch into a festive fiend. So thanks, Nigella.

Enjoy!

Kellie Nalbandia Maria Chocolate Christmas Cake
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
350g prunes
250g raisins
125g currants
50g candied orange peel
175g soft unsalted butter
175g dark muscovado sugar
175ml honey
125ml tia maria 
2 oranges, zested and juiced
1 ½ tsp mixed spice
¼ cup cocoa
3 eggs
150g flour
75g almond meal
½ tsp baking powder
½ tsp bicarb soda

Method
Preheat the oven to 130°C and double-line the sides and bottom of a 20cm round, deep, cake tin, making sure the paper comes up twice the height of the tin. 

Put the fruit, butter, sugar, runny honey, tia maria, juice and zest, spices and cocoa into a large saucepan and bring to a gentle boil,until the butter melts. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes, and then take off the heat and leave to stand for half an hour.

Once it has cooled, beat in the eggs, flour, almond meal, baking powder and bicarb, and stir until combined.

Pour the batter into the prepared cake tin, and pop in the oven and bake for 1¾–2 hours, or until the cake is firm to touch, but shiny and sticky. And most importantly, an inserted skewer will come out a little gooey in the middle.

Remove from the heat and transfer to a cooling rack, where the cake will continue to set using the residual heat. Cover in sprinkles and decorations, before devouring greedily. Or wrapping in foil and popping in a tin until Christmas. But, like, why wait?


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The Ritsifu Alsup

Drink, Survivor, Survivor 45, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor Bruce returned for another shot at the competition, and almost instantly Katurah developed a deep hatred for his antics. And complained about him in an iconic fashion for six episodes. Sadly for her, he found an idol behind her back – with the help of the rest of the tribe, no less – just before the tribes came together for the non-merge. Kaleb was a sweet icon, winning hearts and minds as soon as they came together. Sadly for him, that led to a deep jealousy from Bruce who quickly turned the tribe against him for being too much of a threat. Thankfully Queen Emily didn’t want to lose her only fellow Lulu, so covertly told him he needed to play his Shot in the Dark. Which he promptly did, earning his safety and negating all 11 votes cast at tribal council. As such, the group had to revote and poor J. copped the stray and found herself out of the game.

Back at camp the tribe was buzzing from the excitement of tribal council, none more so than Kaleb, who congratulated everyone for making the merge. He thanked everyone for treating him with such kindness despite him being at the bottom, while everyone congratulated him for breaking multiple records on his way to making the merge. Though you best believe he knows he still has no allies. Everyone split up, with Bruce confronting Katurah in front of Drew and Austin, then Kaleb and Dee, about the fact she was on the fence about voting Kaleb and suggested that she looped him in on the need to play the Shot in the Dark. Thankfully she kept things calm in front of everyone, pulling him aside in front of her fellow Belo women, to request that he ask those sorts of questions just in front of her.

And just like that, what he thought was a brilliant play to single her out is potentially going to be the thing that ends his game. Hopefully, at least.

The next day Kaleb and Katurah caught up, with the icon quickly looping Kaleb in on the fact that Bruce is a messy, dirty rat and was the one that tried to take down Kaleb. He in turn agreed that he always felt Bruce was out to get him, given he was jealous of how likeable he was. Katurah decided to go lead the charge to get rid of Bruce instead, as unaware to her, Kendra was already talking to Kellie about getting rid of him ASAP. Sadly for the Ks and the audience, Kellie felt like she was Bruce’s number one and as such didn’t want to kill him too quickly. Kaleb and Emily meanwhile caught up, with her assuring him that she wants to work with him, but they just need to bide their time to get rid of more numbers. Emily caught up with Austin, who was vibing with his full powered idol, hopeful to coast by until he could get rid of Kellie and jag a solo steal a vote.

Austin and Sifu were doing some sort of sparring they knew before Bruce jumped in and tried to explain how to do it better, annoying everyone in the process. Kaleb looked on, laughing to himself that it is clear that Bruce only has an extra 14 hours of playing time on the rest of the cast, given he is such a mess. And far from being considered a returnee. Kaleb found Jake and floated the idea of getting rid of Bruce and while Jake wanted to work with Kaleb, he knew he needed to keep numbers for now and as such, got to work bridging the gap between them instead. However when Bruce and Kaleb caught up, Bruce went on some stupid, nonsensical story explaining life to him and yeah, Kaleb has zero desire to work with the pain in the arse.

Sensing he is dislikable, Bruce caught up with Kellie who tried to caution him about running his mouth too much and making himself a target. And while Kellie felt like she didn’t want to get rid of him, she is also exhausted about babysitting the old man. She found Jake to have a nice vent, talking about how Bruce’s mouth will be their downfall if they aren’t careful and as such, they need to lock in Emily and Kaleb to work with them. And keep Bruce as silent as possible.

The tribe joined with Probst for the iconic hold-on-a-telegraph-pole-for-as-long-as-possible challenge. You know the one, Parvati held on casually while everyone else dropped like flies. Oh and given the new era needs a twist, they’d be split into two groups with the winner of each winning immunity as tonight will be a double tribal council. And the one that lasts the longest win’s their group a trip to the sanctuary for tacos and earns the person eliminated from the group a place on the jury. Because the first person voted out will be the last pre-jury member, which TBH, is fucking brutal. And. I. Love. It.

Dee, Julie, Katurah, Jake, Austin and Kaleb formed one group, while Bruce, Sifu, Kendra, Kellie and Emily were competing for the second immunity. But TBH, we kinda know Dee and her long toes are winning this, right? Almost instantly, Emily dropped, followed closely by Queen Julie. And then Queen Kendra, our resident Drew Barrymore impressionist. Jake joined the exodus, followed by Sifu and Bruce, leaving Kellie and Drew to battle for one of the immunities. Austin dropped as Drew started to slide down his pole – yas, king – before ultimately dropping and handing Kellie immunity. She hung in there hoping for reward, as Kaleb dropped, leaving Dee and Katurah battling for the second immunity. Wait, no Katurah dropped, handing Dee the other immunity, leaving her to battle Kellie for the reward. And as predicted, Dee and her super toes slayed, as Kellie fell after 17 minutes.

Meaning Dee’s toes guaranteed everyone in her group a place on the jury.

We followed the losers as they were rightly cast aside to the old Lulu camp. Kellie apologised for screwing everyone out of the tacos, and presumably the jury. Drew caught up with Bruce, offering up a Sifu blindside given he knows the Belos have the upper hand. As he went person to person to beg, Kendra admitted that she would actually be keen to blindside Bruce so he doesn’t get paranoid or worse, idol someone out of the game. As she looped in Drew, Sifu and Emily, Bruce was busy talking to Kellie about how he thinks he is Kendra’s target tonight. Leaving Kellie to try and broker peace between her feuding allies.

Sifu and Emily caught up, with the former having a bad feeling that he will be the one to go for no other reason than everyone wants a Reba out the door. Meanwhile Kellie and Kendra were looping each other in on their relevant intel, with Kellie begging Kendra to assure Bruce that she isn’t coming for him. And while he is annoying, nobody wants to take him to the end. And if he made it, nobody would vote for him, anyway. As such, Kendra approached Drew about changing the vote to Sifu and after assuring Bruce that she wants to work with him, all appeared to be locked in. 

Nervous, Drew pulled Kendra aside to try and sway her back to Bruce. As Kendra tried to assure Bruce she wasn’t against him, he started to rail against her to Kellie, threatening to play his idol as he just can not trust her. Making everyone feel confused and chaotic as they headed out to tribal.

At said tribal council everyone spoke about how they can’t catch a break with all the twists, Drew talking specifically about the fact this tribal carries a lot of weight, given one of them won’t make the jury. Kendra wisely spoke about this tribal council affording her the opportunity to make it to the end and solidify loyalty, before Bruce shut it down saying loyalty changes day by day. Womp womp. Kellie spoke about the confusion of all the random draws and how they still await a vote where everyone is an option. Sifu spoke about his spidey sense that something is afoot and that he is confident he is a target, with Bruce agreeing that he also feels it. Though is trying to trust in the conversations he has had. Sifu, thankfully, called bullshit and spoke about there being a clear split in this group, however all he can do is sell himself as a meatshield. Kendra meanwhile spoke about how it may look like they are Belo strong, but that nobody should assume. Which Bruce jumped on, adding more mystery and confusion to the proceedings.

With that the group voted and Sifu’s gut proved correct as everyone banded together to send Sifu out of the game and all the way home, cursing him to being undateable as a pre-jury finisher. As he arrived at Loser Lodge, I pulled him in for a massive hug and lamented that while his outcome truly sucks, there is something special about being screwed by a twist in the eyes of a fan. And maybe, just maybe, that will be enough to earn him a second chance season. Or something. I was on a time crunch to celebrate his time on the island but get him to the airport before the next boot arrived, so I quickly threw together a The Ritsifu Alsup as a toast out the door.

This fresh, sweet twist on the ritz cocktail is near perfect. A little tart, rich and sweet and delightfully fizzy, it is the right level of festive fun which we truly need now. Forever. And always, TBH. Surprise pre-juror or not.

Enjoy!

The Ritsifu Alsup
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
15ml cointreau
5ml lemon juice
5ml maraschino
20ml cognac
45ml champagne

Method
Pop everything by the champagne in a cocktail shaker, fill with ice and shake until smooth and chill.

Strain into a glass, top with champagne and down. Repeat as required. Responsibly, of course.


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Harissa Steaksie

Main, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race UK the dolls tried to masc it up and hock a new supplement, with Tomara’s filthiness jagging her a little win. A win that gave her the power to decide the trios who would each host disaster classes. Tomara wisely chose to work with Ginger and Michael, which led to the Geordie girls taking out their first wins of the season. At the other end of the pack Naomi was bland, while Banksie, Vicki and Cara just couldn’t get it together. That being said, Banksie was cute, despite her sisters hating her, so Cara rightly landed in the bottom with Naomi for being a total mess. Sadly for Miss Carter, however, Cara Cara’ed and demolished the lip sync and sent Naomi home. Thankfully with the best exit line ever.

Backstage the dolls were heartbroken to have lost Naomi, though grateful for the competition proceeding again given we’ve already had two non-elims. Banksie toasted her dear friend Naomi before Cara turned her attention to herself, reminding the dolls she is a force to be reckoned with and she was thrilled to prove it in the lip sync. Tomara got shady and asked Cara how it felt to land in the bottom, with her admitting it sucks but she still didn’t feel she was that bad. Ginger however, called bullshit and reminded her she sucked and that Ru agrees with her. And werk, Ginger, I love this confident, sassy side. Banksie meanwhile apologised for feuding with Vicki, with Vicki in turn apologising and ugh, I also love them all being so congenial. I guess.

The next day the Geordie’s were feeling their oats and I love to see it because I now have an epic crush on Ginger. Before Tomara could shoot charm all over the Werk Room, Ru dropped by to open the library because reading is what? Fundamental. Banksie was up first and eviscerated DeDe and slut shamed Vicki, DeDe was confident though not very fun, Michael was hilariously brutal – tinted windows on the incubator is a stunning read – Ginger slayed the house down with wordplay, Tomara had herself a ball, Vicki was horny, Cara was a total bomb before Kate was adorable, witty and oh so fun. Which was more than enough to finally jag her her first win, albeit a mini challenge.

Before departing, Ru announced that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would star in Panto-she-better-don’t: The Rusical. And since Kate won the mini challenge, she got to select her role while the rest of the dolls would have to get scrappy. The dolls grabbed their scripts and read through, living for the camp of it all. Kate jagged herself the lead of Twinkerbelle before Tomara grabbed Dick, Dame Muffin-Top went to DeDe, Vicki wanted the Milk Maid, Butterface went to Banksie before Cara and Ginger battled for Daisy the Cow before Ginger stepped aside. Well, until pointing out Cara and Tomara should share the pop diva roles, and as such, Ginger got her role and left Michael to take Dick off Tomara’s hands.

The dolls met up with Michelle Voice-age to get the songs down with Kate slaying, DeDe was an absolute mess but still, somehow, charming, while Banksie gave all the villain energy before Tomara had all the fun while Cara was there. And yeah, Tomara is winning this side by side. Michael and Vicki harmonised, eventually, before Ginger knocked it out of the park, while Cara sat on the sidelines simmering in jealousy. Michelle then traded out with Karen Hauer to work on the choreo before DeDe admitted to having never seen a musical, like an absolute fucking monster. Cara started to shine as she and Tomara killed all the moves, Banksie meanwhile was an absolute mess, Ginger served sex(y cow) and Michael and Vicki were even sexier. While Kate was living her best life.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone nervous as they split up to beat their mugs. Talk turned to pantos and how much they meant to the dolls, with Ginger opening up about how it was panto that made her want to be a drag queen. Banksie and Ginger meanwhile spoke about how they do drag storytime, with Ginger getting fired up about how hypocritical it is for people to support pantos but to not accept storytime, given it encourages openness and diversity and werk Ginger, you are an icon. She continued to earn my love, talking about how hard it is to work through the trauma of growing up in a closed world before Kate stepped in for a late-breaking win, saying she hates kids but would love to fight for the dolls’ ability to do storytime.

Ru, Michelle and Graham were joined on the panel by Cush Jumbo as the dolls debuted Panto-She-Better-Don’t: The Rusical. And it truly was glorious and camp. Kate was perfect as the demented fairy, Michael kept us fed, as Dick, DeDe, bless her, was having a lot of fun, Vicki was slutty and stupid in equal measure, Tomara and Cara were glorious as they served as divas while Ginger stole the show as the cow. She was camp, emotional and just glorious from start to finish, as she vamped all over the stage, before Banksie rocked out as she closed the show and um, they were all good?

Despite the runtime giving full Espana.

On the Mirror Mirror runway, Cara served sexy skank in Beyonce’s hand-me-downs, DeDe was on brand as a zombie Bloody Mary, Vicki gave blue-helmet biker, Banksie looked like a futuristic 80s supermodel, Tomara was perfection as a shiny robot, Kate was stunning in a foil blanket before revealing an 80s pop diva Phantom of the Opera, while Ginger gave, and I quote, Schiaparelli, holographic earthworm, while Michael gave mirror Mad Max and yeah, she is good. 

Cara and Tomara were deemed safe and sent to untuck before DeDe was read for being good, not great, despite her energy. And giving such a perfect runway. Ru pointed out that the panto was so good it would be splitting hairs tonight, with DeDe admitting she wished she had actually seen a panto before taking the role. Vicki was absolutely beloved in the performance, while Banksie was read for getting lost behind her nerves, when she really could have slayed. Kate was beloved for carrying the entire performance and they enjoyed her runway while Ginger received universal praise for each and every thing she gave this week, from chewing up the scenery and giving a stunning look that made the judges laugh so hard. While Michael was beloved, though sadly for her, just that little bit less than Ginger.

Backstage Carmara were disappointed to only be safe, regretting handed over their first choices to the other girls. Particularly when the tops and bottoms joined them and Ginger and Michael were clearly battling for the win. Banksie and DeDe were clear they would be lip syncing tonight, though got great critiques, so it kinda, sorta sucks. And while they all did great, Tomara admitted that if they have to have bottoms, it was definitely them. Vicki spoke about the win being between herself and Michael, while Kate and Ginger looked on quietly. Before sharing how beloved they were by the judges.

Ultimately Kate was deemed safe, as were Vicki and Michael as Ginger took out her second win of the season. Which she capped off with a thumbs up reveal from her iconic, armless gown. Leaving DeDe and Banksie to battle out for the last slot to SuBo’s I Dreamed a Dream. And hot damn, DeDe absolutely demolished, hitting every lyric and burning with drama, complete with air strings section. While Banksie tried her best giving an understated performance, DeDe felt it all and played it for the back of the theatre and the cheque cashing place down the street. So while we expected her to exit, she stole the final slot out from Banksie who gagged us by exiting so soon.

She followed the sound of my heaving, guttural sobs all the way back to the Werk Room where she pulled me in for a hug and assured me she was fine. I then realised that was my job, so started yelling at her before I realised what I was doing. I then took a deep breath and just told her how sad I was to see her go so soon, though I look forward to her rudemption arc on All Stars because she will get that rudemption, trust. And until then, she will always have a piping hot Harissa Steaksie.

Even if you’re not a massive steak fan, like me, this Antoni number will swiftly make you a believer. Spicy, sweet and melt in your mouth, the harissa cuts through the perfectly cooked steak – which I guess is on you – to make any meal a winner.

Enjoy!

Harissa Steaksie
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
90g unsalted butter, at room temperature
2 tsp Harissa Oleynik
¼ tsp lemon zest
⅛ tsp kosher salt, plus extra for seasoning
2 x 300g sirloin steaks
freshly ground black pepper
2 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil

Method
Pop the butter, harissa, zest and salt in a bowl and stir until well combined.

Season the steaks with salt and pepper, and heat the oil in a heavy based skillet over medium-high heat.

Add the steaks to the pain and cook for five minutes before flipping and cooking for a further five minutes, or until cooked to your required doneness.

Remove from the pan and allow it to rest for five minutes. Slice and top with butter before serving and devouring. Gloriously.


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