Laurolex Choong

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Breakfast, Main, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor 12 new champs were dumped in the Fijian jungle to face off against a brand new batch of chumps. The Champions lived up to their names early on, taking out reward and setting themselves up with a killer camp while the Contenders struggling to get it together. Particularly Baden who wasn’t metabolising John’s ‘thing’ beans. Thankfully they found their footing at the right time, snatching immunity and leaving the Champions to battle it out amongst themselves. While Steven’s athletes alliance decided to target Pia, Luke rallied the rest in an attempt to get rid of Susie, neither of which interested Nova. She then employed her Canberra background, politicked and got my dear friend Roxette look-a-like Anastasia booted from the game.

The next morning we checked in on the Champions, who were busy as work fixing up the camp as rain rolled over the beach. Janine then gave the tribe a bit of a boost, leading the group through yoga and bringing everyone together. Luke tried to follow along but remembered his skills lay in being a creep, so instead wandered off to find a location to build this year’s spy shack right next to the well, to secure optimal goss.

Meanwhile over at the Contenders Mr Megan Gale got the fire started, much to the delight of his tribemates. As they gleefully smashed their first hot meal, poor Baden was feeling left right out, unable to find a ride or die – we then heard about his backstory and I am in love with him. He and Shaun then bonded cutting wood and let’s just say, there was definitely wood in my house. Ruining my vibe was Andy who was not keen on Baden, deeming him ill equipped for the game. He then admitted that he hasn’t been able to speak strategy and then brought up the lack of superfans on the tribe, which I’m fairly certain Baden realised was a terrible attempt at a cover up.

We then saw John in speedos and I still find him inappropriately sexy.

Back at the Champions, Pia was feeling her oats after surviving the first tribal council, until Susie broke my spirit and reminded me that Pia is still screwed as she believes that the seven athletes will never break up. Which I desperately hope breaks up at the next tribal council. Luke and Zadavid were desperately trying to figure out how to get themselves, Pia and Janine out of their predicament. They decided that Abbey and Ross were their best hopes, so David put his sexy body on the line and went to woo Abbey while Luke tried to buddy up with Ross. After quickly charming Abbey, he followed up with Ross and TBH, if either of them refuses David they are mad. I mean, he has a white speedo?

Jonathan and his guns returned for this week’s reward challenge for fishing gear and material to build a raft where the tribes would face off in pairs to push a turnstile around until they crossed their colour over a line. Matt and Shaun made extremely quick work of E.T. and Luke, snatching the first point for the Contenders. John and Andy put up a valiant fight against Steven and Ross, who ultimately secured the Champions first point. E.T. and Janine made quick work of Baden and Hannah, while Casey and Sarah evened things up against Susie and Pia after laying in wait for a couple of minutes. Then Janine and Abbey happened, destroyed Sam and Daisy and snatched reward for the Champions. Did I mention Janine is a bloody icon?

The Champions were jubilant back at camp, none more so than E.T. who was ready to go fishing ASAP while everyone else focused on the tarp. While the men went to scope out the fishing prospects, Pia, Susie and Abbey rummaged through the raft bamboo, just missing the clue that had been shoved up inside it. Much to Luke’s delight, who only went fishing to try and distract everyone from looking. Thankfully he caught a minnow for the tribe of eleven, so everyone was kinda happy, and hopefully for him, distracted.

The mood was decidedly more sombre back at the Contenders camp where Shaun continued to be the most beautiful man on the cast. But enough about that, Laura was particularly smarting given she was forced to sit out of the challenge and she worried that it was because she is short. She decided she needed to form bonds with people given they believe she is weaker, approaching Casey and Hannah to try and save herself. She was right to be worried though, given ice cream man Harry did not trust her in the slightest and felt getting rid of her should be his number one priority.

Back over at the Champions Luke lay in wait under the cover of darkness to search for his idol. Tragically Ross has the strangest snore of all time, keeping Nova and Pia up with him in hysterics. Eventually though, they went to sleep, giving Luke enough time to find the clue to the hidden immunity idol, which told him it was buried near the swamp, filling him with joy … as it isn’t something that someone else will be able to stumble upon. Given he isn’t part of the athletes alliance, I desperately hope this isn’t foreshadowing for someone snatching it without a clue.

Jonathan finally returned for the immunity challenge where the tribes were required to dive down a slide into a pull, climb over two walls, pull them down to clear a path, drag a heavy box of puzzle pieces through the mud … and then solve said puzzle. John continued to look sexy, rocking a speedo and getting the Contenders out to an early lead. Ultimately the tribes both got to the walls at the same time, with the Champions barely edging out a lead. The gap closed again, as the tribes were neck and neck pulling their boxes through the mud. More importantly, John looked great covered in mud. Both tribes were exhausted, with David coaching the Champions to be calm and have a break to get a second wind. Which they did, dragging it to the end zone, while the Contenders continued to struggle at the final obstacle. Steven and Ross worked hard on the puzzle, driven by the pained screams as the Contenders continued to struggle, ultimately snatching victory while their competitors wallowed in the mud.

Back at camp the Contenders were heartbroken to have lost, particularly Matt, who identified Baden as the weakest link, the reason for their loss and as such, decided he needed to go. We then learnt that Matt is a teacher slash wrestler and while he is coming across as arrogant, I find him very attractive. He then rallied Sarah and Laura to get rid of Baden, while Harry approached Andy to discuss what he was thinking. Once again, Andy surprised me by wanting to protect my dear sweet Baden, knowing he is a safe number for him, so he and Andy decided to flip the vote on Laura instead. Harry worked his way around camping explaining why Laura needs to go, which made her nervous since he hasn’t had a conversation with her. She then approached Harry to find out what he was thinking, with him lying that he is still planning to get rid of Baden. She then questioned who Baden thinks is going home, and she did not buy his lie that he thinks it is Sarah. Matt however didn’t love the idea of getting rid of Laura, so tried to convince Harry that putting his neck on the line wasn’t the best idea.

At tribal council Jonathan rubbed salt in Matt’s wounds, pointing out that they can’t seem to pull together many wins. This made Matt point out that they have a few weak spots in the tribe and while Daisy denied that there are weak team members, he continued to allude to Baden, though didn’t have the strength to admit it. Shaun admitted that strength is important in the early phase of the game, while Baden and Laura both tried to convince the tribe that neither of them have simply had the opportunity to highlight their strengths, which may save them down the line. Laura regretted not making stronger bonds, Andy continued to be way too much though made the valid point that friends are needed to survive in the game. Laura argued that friends are only good if you can trust them and in Survivor it is hard to trust anyone. Andy then spoke in circles though appeared to impress Jonathan, so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.

Laura and Baden both gave last ditch pitches to their tribe and given the way the hero music began to swell as Baden bared his soul to the tribe, it seems like a foregone conclusion. Andy then reminded people that strength isn’t everything, and cohesion is just as important. Matt then described the vote as simple, before they all filed off to cast theirs and four each stacked up on Laura and Baden, proving it clearly wasn’t that simple. Well until the remaining votes rolled in for Laura and sent her from the game as the second boot.

She heard me before she even finished descending the stairs from tribal council.

“Those stupid height-ist bastards. How dare they do this to our community?!”

Have I ever mentioned I am barely 5”10 like Cindy Crawford? No? Well I am, or not. You know what I mean. In any event, I pulled Laura into my arms and commenced sobbing uncontrollably, heartbroken that she was booted when Harry is also useless in challenges, Andy is super annoying and Matt’s cockiness is making it really hard to thirst for him. Why does such a plucky icon have to go, when they are disappointing me? This sort of thing went on for a good three hours before she could calm me down long enough to explain that she was ok, went out with her head held high and was pumped to wash away her disappointment with a big, fat Laurolex Choong.

While this is a highly Australian-ised version of the Ugandan breakfast of champions, it maintains all the tasty happiness. Warm, crispy chapati and soft, fluffy eggs sandwiching a bunch of vegetables, bacon and cheese – it is near perfection.

Enjoy!

Laurolex Choong
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
6 rashers bacon, diced
1 tomato, roughly chopped
4 shallots, sliced
½ red capsicum, diced
½ green capsicum, diced
4 eggs, beaten
½ cup cheddar cheese, grated
1 tbsp sriracha
2 Chapategan Garlicsior

Method
Place a frying pan on the stove over medium heat and cook the bacon for five minutes, or until lightly crisped. Add the tomato, shallots, capsicums and cook for a further couple of minutes.

Take half of the mixture out of the pan and pour half the eggs in the pan. Sprinkle with half the cheese, drizzle with half the sriracha and cook for a minute or two before topping with a chapati. Flip onto a piece of greaseproof paper and roll the chapati to form a roll … of eggs.

Repeat the process with the remaining ingredients and smash with your favourite second boot.

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Lamby Slidaris

Burgers, Main, Tapas

What a way to kick off my triumphant return to this anthropological study slash international fashion lifestyle brand!

Ames arrived in full Ronnie Vino look and attitude, dancing her way through my door and into my arms, before launching into a rapid fire greeting as she poured us glasses of wine I swiped from a hotel minibar and left at her house.

“Ben! Thank god you agreed to come back, I was worried about you after your tragic loss but always knew that coming back to you fans would help you heal.

“And to return with a date with me? What an honour!”

But truly the honour is all mine. As you know, I first met Amy through her brother Dave – Annelie and I were department store elves with him. It was this point I invented twerking, which I taught to Miley. Eventually he took us back to Raleigh where we immediately fell in love with the broader Sedari clan, none more than dear Amy.

And that, my friends, was the beginning of our beautiful friendship.

Amy’s career has deservedly gone from strength to strength over the years, and while she didn’t hook me and Justin Theroux up after his split from Jen-An and is yet to cast me on At Home, nothing will ever come between us. I mean, at the very least, we will always have Lamby Slidaris.

Inspired by her Greek heritage, though not necessarily Lou Sedaris – or Loudaris, as I’ve tried to turn into his nickname – approved, these little babies are melt in your mouth perfection. The earthy lamb, salt haloumi and the sweet, sweet hit of beetroot work together for a tops tapas treat.

Enjoy!

Lamby Slidaris
Serves: 2-6.

Ingredients
500g lamb mince
3 garlic cloves, minced
2 tsp oregano, roughly chopped
2 tsp chilli flakes
1 tsp mint, roughly chopped
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp ground coriander
salt and pepper, to taste
100-200g Halloumi Holbrook, sliced into
10 Briocher Bünsberg in slider form
¼ – ½ cup Beetrootina Wesley Tzatziki

Method
Preheat oven to 180C.

Combine the mince, garlic, oregano, chilli, mint, cumin and coriander in a large bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper. Scrunch until well combined, divide into 10 little patties and flatten on a lined baking sheet. Transfer to the oven and cook for 10-15 minutes, or until cooked through.

Spread the halloumi slices on a second lined baking sheet and pop them in the oven for the last 5-10 minutes, or until starting to crisp on the outside.

To assemble your sliders, split the buns – my favourite pastime – lather with beetroot tzatziki, top with the pattie and cheese, and close before smashing. Greedily. Immediately.

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Nathan Castby

Main, Sandwich, Snack, Street Food, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Nico decided to create a bit of drama and excitement by switching the three tribes into two – he is messy and I love it – which left poor Steffi without a tribe on the Island of Secrets. Which TBH is good, since it meant she was immune at the next tribal council before joining the losing tribe after they booted someone. On new Sa’ula there were three pairs, in the form of Dante and Meryl, Mmaba and Geoffrey, and Nathan and Nicole, while Durao tried to make friends by spilling the tea. Oh and Nathan sustained another injury, this time in the form of a sliced hand. Meanwhile at Ta’alo Rocco was also utilising the spill the tea strategy, though with less success as Rob and Mike bonded and Seipei lead the charge to take out the biggest threats from here on out, with Zaddy Rocco her first victim. Despite the lecture not going down well with anyone.

We checked in with Sa’ula the next day where Dante was growing extremely tired of people just wanting to make merge and raging out to Meryl and Nathan about no longer wanting Geoffrey and Mmaba around, given they don’t look like they want to be here. Meryl then suggested they get rid of Geoffrey, which Nathan took straight back to the man himself who got very nervous. And made Nathan feel confident in his place given he has forced the factions into a war. Durao too was feeling confident in his role as the swing vote and suddenly I feel nervous for both of them.

Meanwhile over at Ta’alo Steffi was on cloud nine to be reunited with her dear friends Rob and Seipei, until she suggested getting rid of Mike, Mmaba and Durao which made Rob feel nervous as she plays too fast. Oh and then she talked smack about his besties Nathan and he was ready to write her off instantly. Mike too wasn’t loving Steffi constantly being at a ten, finding her irritating and hard to be around. He and Rob then connected by the well and her former amigo was quick to throw her under the bus as all he cares about are Nicole and Nathan.

Back at Sa’ula Nathan was feeling unsure about which other duo he and Nicole should side with, given Dante and Meryl can’t be trusted while Geoffrey and Mmaba are keen for a blindside and he thinks that is a good thing for them as it will keep them loyal. Again Nathan, you in danger girl. Right on cue Geoffrey approached Mmaba to float blindsiding Nathan and forcing Meryl to play her idol, and while she wasn’t sure it was the best plan, he is her ride or die and will stand by him.

Nico arrived for this week’s reward challenge where someone from each tribe would hold onto a pole, while two people from the other tribe would try and pull them off … the pole. For tribe to three points scoring a huge pizza reward and some softies, though sadly no birthday cake for Mmaba. Cobus, Mike and Rob faced off against Durao, Dante and Nathan, and TBH, all I care about is how hot Dante looks in his speedo. Both Nathan and Mike were quickly ripped from their pole and despite his best efforts, Nathan was dragged out of the arena and handed the first point to Ta’alo. Dante and his VPL with Nicole made quick work at Mike, while Durao put up a stronger fight against Rob and Steffi … until Rob straight up dragged him down the beach, scoring the second point. Seipei, Laetitia and Steffi battled Nicole, Mmaba and Meryl with Steffi this time beasting Ta’alo to victory, while Dante squatted and seethed at Mmabas uselessness in the challenge.

Before heading back to camp to smash their pizzas, Ta’alo sent Durao to the Island of Secrets where he discovered that the tribes will be merging after the next tribal council and he, thankfully, will survive it as the Island has gifted him an immunity idol for the tribal council only.

Ta’alo were giddy when they returned to camp, inhaling the pizzas – clearly unaware of the curse on this ‘ere patch of cyberspace – slamming sodas and wading in the water. Queen Laetitia was proved of how hard she fought in the challenge and everyone was happy, until Steffi pulled Seipei aside to strategise hard. This put Seipei off, given she doesn’t feel she can trust Steffi anymore. Meanwhile Mike and Rob reconvened and pledged their undying loyalty to each other, planning to talk about their idols at a later date and, damn, Steffi you too are in danger. Back at Sa’ula Zadante was still seething about Mmaba’s shitty performance in the challenge before Nathan stripped down to his speedo and hot damn, my basement flooded. Zadante went for a swim to cool off, leaving Nathan to float getting rid of Meryl or Zadante to Mmaba and Geoffrey, and while they pretended to play along and guarantee his protection moving forward, their faces say they don’t mean it.

Nico returned for the final tribal immunity of the season where four people would need to balance two balls on the end of pole and travel through an obstacle course to the remaining members with one of them guiding the other two blindfolded tribe members to complete a vertical maze and drop the balls into a basket, first to complete snatching immunity. Steffi and Mike faced off against Meryl and Mmaba, with Steffi getting Ta’alo out to an early lead, which Rob only extended as Geoffrey fell behind. We also got a good view of Rob’s balls as he climbed over and pole and well, you know I like that. Ta’alo continued to extended their lead leaving Zadante to desperately try to close the gap. Eventually both tribes caught up on the maze wheel and honestly it is too hard to tell who was in front, particularly since both tribes dropped their first balls within moments of each other. While Ta’alo got a nice rhythm on the puzzle, Nathan started to fall up as his hand hurt as he and Durao choked, flicking their ball out of the challenge area allowing Sa’ula to sneak in and snatch the win.

We checked in with Ta’alo where victory wasn’t enough to stop them strategising, with Rob, Steffi and Mike plotting to get rid of Cobus, while the zaddy was busy spilling the tea with Seipei and Laetitia and vowing his loyalty to them. The tribe then reconvened and Cobus suggested that no matter what, the seven need to stick together for at least the merge vote and go as far as they can together. Which they solidified with a spit shake, unaware that Rob plans to destroy them all as soon as he gets back with Nathan and Nicole.

Speaking of them, they returned to camp where Durao lied about his time on the Island of Secrets pretending he had the choice between a letter from home or pizza, rather than outing his one time only idol. Which Nathan knew was a lie, given it was the lie he told after coming back from the Island of Secrets. Nicole and Geoffrey got together to plot by the ocean, while Zadante continued to rage to Nathan about his rivals, hopeful that Nathan and Nicole stick with him in getting rid of Geoffrey as he is a threat that has no interest in ever working with him. Speaking of Geoffrey, he was just thrilled to finally attend tribal council so got to work lining up the Nathan blindside, pulling Nicole, Mmaba and Durao aside to float getting rid of Nathan using the excuse that he is injured. They were all on board – even Nicole – with him suggesting they keep it secret to force Meryl and Dante to flush out their idol. It was at this point that Durao decided not to play his idol, not wanting to needlessly paint a target on his back. Geoffrey approached Nathan to continue his lies, outlining a vote split between Meryl and Dante before vowing to drag the latter two at tribal council until they are so nervous that they definitely burn their idols.

At tribal council Geoffrey proved to be a man of his word, sharing that he is gunning for Meryl and Dante while they tried to highlight what they contribute at camp, suggesting that Mmaba and Geoffrey don’t contribute anything other than a social game. Geoffrey and Dante them started to battle it out, with the former shading Dante for a sloppy performance in the challenge, which pissed him off and led to him unleashing on Geoffrey for doing nothing. Geoffrey than said that Meryl and Dante are playing a dirty game, talking smack about him and trashing his game, whilst spouting the importance of playing a team game.

Mmaba then started to break down, hurt that they are saying that she doesn’t contribute despite giving her all in everything they do. Geoffrey continued to get under Dante’s skin, with the zaddy making some problematic threats of violence – which are an instant boner killer – before Nicole stepped in and asked them all to remember that these conversations may be damaging and that they need to think about it coming back to bite them should they merge. Nathan cautioned the tribe to avoid blindsiding people before the merge, given it makes them look untrustworthy which made Nicole feel like she is trapped about tribal council, worried that no matter what she will walk out of here a villain here to someone.

With that the tribe voted and Geoffrey’s plan pushed forward as Meryl played her idol, negating a single vote, while the rest of the tribe banded together to blindside Nathan. Poor sweet, sexy Nathan didn’t see it coming, but boy did I enjoy watching him and his South African speedo walk out of tribal council. Thankfully, Nathan is straight up one of the sweetest people you could ever meet and didn’t hold a grudge against his tribemates. Though maybe that had something to do with the Nathan Castby sitting in front of him?

I’ll defend hot chip sandwiches till my dying day. Like hot chips, fresh bread and butter, that is all you need. But then you add bologna, piri piri and lettuce and call it a gatsby and I learn that great can become phenomenal. Or phenomena.

Enjoy!

Nathan Castby
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
olive oil
150g sliced bologna
4 crusty Italian rolls, split and toasted
4 cups Jud Beerza Battered fries
⅓ cup ketchup
2 tbsp piri-piri sauce
1 cup shredded iceberg lettuce

Method
Heat a lug of oil in a frying pan and cook the bologna for a couple of minutes, or until golden and crisp.

Split the buns, top with chips, drizzle with ketchup and piri piri, fried bologna and iceberg lettuce.

Close the sandie and smash immediately.

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Boereworocco van Rooyenetjies

Burgers, Main, Sandwich, Street Food, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Za-dante wanted to chip away at Rob’s power, so decided to hit him where it hurts and hide the flint. Sadly for him, Rob used apparently losing the flint to his advantage and asked to be voted out should they lose the next immunity challenge … so that he could idol out Dante instead. At Sa’ula Nathan’s depressed state was rubbing people the wrong way, to the point that even his dear amigo Steffi was ready to ice him. Before he made his choice to give the best friend idol from the Island of Secrets to Nicole. All of that was for nought however as Laumei were headed to tribal council again and the iconic Tania was tragically wiped from the game.

Back at camp Durao was confident in his choice to get rid of Tania instead of Jacques. As was Seipei, who knew full well that she has what it takes to win. Jacques’ bag of tricks be damned.

We checked in with Sa’ula the next day where everyone was speculating about a potential swap or merge. Well except for Cobus, who was sick of their incessant talk about days and again, I love him. Meanwhile over at Laumei, Seipei discovered treemail, deducing that merge was upon them while Jacques was concerned about how to protect each other, no matter what happens. Meanwhile Rob and Nicole could barely contain their excitement about getting a stay of execution, whether it is another swap or a merge. Nicole then casually mentioned how sad she was not to have a chance to dig for the other half of the idol that she already has, leading to Meryl and Dante pushing her to dig for it, knowing she is a big ol’ liar.

The tribes met Nico deep in the jungle, where they discovered a long table covered in discs which they learnt covered a pot of paint that one by one they would dip their hands in to reveal the colour of their new tribes. Because this wasn’t a merge, but another swap. Seipei was first to learn that she would be going to Ta’alo, joined by Jacques, Mike, Laetitia, Rocco, Rob and Cobus while Nicole returned to Sa’ula this time with Mmaba, Meryl, Geoffrey, Dante, Durao and Nathan. Oh and Steffi found a pot of water, which we learnt meant that she would be going to the Island of Secrets for the next 24 hours and await further instructions.

With Steffi carted off, the new tribes immediately got into their next reward challenge where they would stand behind an obstacle and manoeuvre a ball through a course, passing it between paddles as they go. First to three points wins all of the rewards left at Laumei’s beach and a bag of rice, which TBH is the most exciting reward possible. Laetitia got Ta’alo out to a slow start, no wait, everyone kept dropping their balls repeatedly. So instead of a blow-by-blow let’s focus on how beautiful Cobus is when focusing on the ball and how sexy Zadante is in his speedo/shirt outfit. In any event, new Ta’alo took out the reward and amidst the celebrations, Rob used the opportunity to talk to Nathan on the other tribe and push for him to get rid of Dante as a matter of absolute urgency.

We checked in with Steffi on the Island of Secrets where she learnt that rather than being eliminated, she has earnt immunity and will return to the next tribal council and join the tribe that votes someone out.

We followed new Sa’ula back to camp where Nathan suggested that prior to leaving camp they do a stocktake of supplies, given the frequent missing flints of the season. Focusing on the actual game, Durao approached Nicole to talk to her about how much Seipei loves her and looks forward to working with her again. Sadly he told her and Meryl about the Felix blindside, which only made them distrustful towards him. With them out of camp, Nathan got a new injury, cutting his hand and playing it up with enough theatrics to rival even me.

Meanwhile over at Ta’alo Rob was quick to get fire going with a new flint, which he has opted to tether to his buff to avoid it going walkabout again. With him distracted, Rocco caught up with Mike, Seipei and Jacques, to spill the tea from his last tribe including but not limited to alliance breakdowns and a full list of advantages. Which seems like a bad idea in front of Seipei, given she started the game with the four people he was talking the most shit about. Meanwhile back at Sa’ula, Nathan had survived losing so much blood so approached Mmaba and Nicole to lock in an alliance from the second iteration of the tribes, before getting to work getting Rob to protect Cobus. Back at Ta’alo Seipei tried to get everyone to start battling each other, rather than waiting for the merge which pissed off Mike, given the only reason she has played the game extensively is because she has been on tribes that can’t deliver in challenges.

The next morning Mike approached Rob to discuss Seipei’s outburst, with them concerned that she is flagging them as the best possible targets. They then bonded over their mutual friend Nathan … until Rob kept his idol secret, unaware that Nathan had told Mike about it. Meanwhile Cobus and Rocco were catching up and fast becoming my newest ship, with Cobus speculating about an unaccounted idol. Which Jacques was burying in a new part of camp to avoid anyone finding it. We returned to Sa’ula where Dante and Meryl were concerned that they’re on the bottom of the new tribe and commenced trying to find a friend to save themselves. Nathan and Nicole went to wash their hair by the well, giving them a chance to chat to their new tribemates where Zadante started telling Mmaba about Nicole’s idol and you know what? I think the sexy man has found his crack. Praise be. Mmaba took the intel to Geoffrey who was less confident in Dante’s intel, though the naive part of me still thinks it worked. For the love of loins.

Nico returned for the first immunity challenge as new tribes where they would carry sandbags tethered to each other and chase the other tribe around a ring to catch them and win immunity. You know the one. Sa’ula got out to an early lead, as Cobus tried to keep everyone in line and close the gap. While most of the time this tribe ends with a few people left, Sa’ula were unrelenting, catching Ta’alo after just the first person – Queen Laetitia – dropped out of the challenge.

Things were tense as Ta’alo returned to camp, particularly since Laetitia injured herself when leaving the challenge. She started to break down to her tribe, terrified that it meant that she would be voted out despite Seipei crying to exit the challenge first. Jacques, Mike and Rob went for a walk in the jungle to discuss eliminating their biggest threat Rocco, not realising that with him gone, they’ll be the next target. They then approached Cobus to loop him in about the pivot from Laetitia to Rocco, before confirming the plan with Seipei. Meanwhile Rocco was wandering around trying to see what the plan was, though it didn’t appear like he was buying anything that they were saying. Given it was his only hope, however, he told Jacques that he would vote for Rob if that was the plan. Rocco then approached Seipei to get her to vote with them, promising to do whatever she wanted on the next vote. He then went to Mike who seemed to be genuinely interested in voting out Rob and TBH, I am confused as I thought they were all gaslighting Rocco.

At tribal council Cobus spoke about the confusing mix of alliances within the tribe, explaining that really, they can only trust themselves. Laetitia spoke about reading everyone’s body language, sharing that she is concerned about the vote as everyone thinks she is old and weak, particularly with the injury. Mike admitted that talk had turned to targeting the strong men, leading to Cobus and Rocco admitting that they’re feeling nervous about the vote ahead. Cobus spoke about selfishly trying to keep the tribe strong so that he could keep himself fed, while Rocco was worried that putting in 100% in challenges was making him a target. Rob straight up said that Superman – aka Rocco – needs to go and will win, should he make it to merge. Jacques reminded people that there are many things that can spoil a vote, namely idols, while Mike doubled down on getting rid of Rocco, continuing on with the thinly veiled Superman nickname. A sentiment that Seipei echoed.

With that, the tribe voted and poor, sweet, sexy Olympic zaddy Rocco found himself becoming the seventh boot. Assuring them that he still loved them all on his way out the door. Given he was clearly taking his boot in his stride, there wasn’t a huge amount for me to do by the time he arrived at Loser Lodge. As such, I pulled him into a massive hug and held it for a really long time. Because while he was fine, he was also fine, which meant I didn’t want to miss having him on my screen, making me not fine. Well, until my mouth was wrapped around a fat, juice sausage and some buns. In the form of a Boereworocco van Rooyenetjies or two.

Boerewors Rolletjies are basically a fancy South African hot dog, these are oh so good. A little bit spicy, a little bit sweet, they’re the ultimate way to dull the pain of losing a zaddy. While showcasing how wide you can open your jaw.

Enjoy!

Boereworocco van Rooyenetjies
Serves: 2 lovers.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, sliced
2 Paulerewors Smulders
2 Hulk Hoagies
Perslix Blatjangodlo, to taste

Method
Heat the oil in a frying pan over medium heat and sweat the onions until soft and sweet. Remove them from the pan, and try the boerewors until cooked through.

To assemble, slice the hoagies and boerewors. Pop some onions on the base of the onions, followed by the sausage and some peach chutney. And then devour, like a king.

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Tanialie Copapland

Breakfast, Main, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Nathan was trying to shake things up at Sa’ula after the swap, despite his ally Steffi not being supportive in the slightest. At the immunity challenge Steffi sat out, giving Nathan the opportunity to try and bring down their tribe by throwing the immunity challenge. Sadly for him, however, he was no match for the losing power of Laumei. After Ta’alo snatched victory – and in Meryl’s case, an idol – Nathan had to give up on his plan, if only to stop Felix reading his tribe for filth rather than helping them win. Given his generally shitty attitude, the rest of his tribe banded together at tribal council to blindside him and hopefully bring some good vibes their way.

Back at camp the mood was decidedly more chipper, with Tania thrilled to be on the way to becoming an Academy Award winning actress. Seipei pointed out that Felix’s strength really hasn’t been helping them anyway, so they haven’t really lost anything by sending the alleged strong man out the door. Jacques then decided it was time to share the knowledge of his extra vote along with his idol, filling the dwindling tribe with hope as they all vowed to stick together and use it to take control come the merge.

We checked in with Sa’ula the next morning where Steffi wasn’t thrilled about how intense things were getting, given she and Nathan are feeling each other at the moment and he had all but given up. Something that Cobus too had noticed. Meanwhile at Ta’alo, Dante was starting to worry about Rob running things if he is left to make the merge. As such he decided to hide the flint, which is Rob’s safety net, to try and weaken the kingpin. Given Dante is hot, I will forgive the fact he is completely forgetting about the fact he and everyone else still need to benefit from fire, since it truly does give them life. Rob returned from pensively staring into the water, and commenced panicking about their lost flint and with it, his control. While Dante looked banging in his speedo. Finally we returned to Laumei where Seipei was rallying the tribe to commit that they’re a tight alliance of four and that they need to stick together if they want to win the game. They then tried to name said alliance, which I don’t love but will forgive because I do love Seipei.

Nico arrived for this week’s reward challenge where the tribes would fire balls into a field one at a time, while their tribe members would try and catch them, with the first to five claiming the win. It was for donuts, tea and coffee, so everyone was bloody pumped at the prospect of winning and feeling less like swamp people. Seipei shot the first ball, which was collected by Ta’alo’s Rocco, Mike shot his ball onto Cobus’ sack, while Dante’s ball went un-catched. Seipei’s next went to Cobus again – us gays know about balls – while Durao caught Mike’s second and Dante finally had his balls tended to by Jacques. The next two balls were dead before Cobus caught his third ball. TBH this is as boring for you as it is me, but I will say that Cobus and Rocco looked fucking stunning on their way to their losses to Laumei, who giddily won a challenge. In addition to their sweet treats, they sent both Nicole and Nathan to the Island of Secrets, which honestly shows how much power Seipei wields and I am living for it.

Laumei were even more thrilled to return to camp and find their spoils of victory before Seipei rationalised the decision to send two of her former allies to the Island of Secrets, pointing out that they’re their best shots to find where the cracks are on each tribe come the merge. Meanwhile over at Ta’alo the hunt for the flint was still an ongoing issue, with Dante feeling bad that his allies Rocco and Meryl were searching due to his treachery. Again, he is wandering around in just a speedo, so I don’t care what he does at this point as love is blind. Feeling dejected Rob pulled the tribe together to request that he be voted out to atone for his mistake … and then play his idol and blindside Dante instead. The latter being only for our benefit. Finally we checked in with Sa’ula where Cobus was still hot and still angry that Nathan is bringing everyone down, though thrilled he didn’t have to deal with him while he was on the Island of Secrets.

Speaking of which, Nathan and Nicole arrived to discover two boxes awaiting them each containing half of the best friends idol. Jubilant they sat down to strategise how to survive until the merge and take control. Nicole explained how screwed she and Rob are on Ta’alo, leading to Nathan handing over the best friend idol to save his friends. He then broke down about how hard the game has been on him and again, I love him.

Over at Laumei the misfits were speculating about the chances of an idol remaining at their camp and whether they should hunt for it before the merge hits. Jacques felt guilty, so told his allies that he already found it before they roasted him for burning his last one and honestly, I live. And he is growing on me. Back at Sa’ula the tribe continued to complain about Nathan and his negative attitude, agreeing that if he is still sad when they get to the challenge – and then lose – he will be the next to go.

With that, Nico, Nathan and Nicole returned for this week’s immunity challenge where the tribes would stand on balance beams and suspend a disc amongst them, on which they must spell immunity. Everyone was neck and neck until Ta’alo and Laumei dropped their stacks, leaving Sa’ula to easily snatch the first immunity. Ta’alo had a slight, wobbly edge as they battled out for the final immunity … which they just won, after Tania fell off the beam placing her final block.

Despite a win, we followed Ta’alo back to camp where Nicole struggled to come up with a way to cover up the fact she snagged herself an idol at the Island of Secrets. She then opted to break down over having the choice between a clue for the idol or a way to contact her family. She said that she took the clue but only found one half of the idol as she was busy comforting Nathan, who was worried about his sick dad. Sadly for her, Laetitia, Meryl and Dante saw straight through the lie and trusted her even less. She and Rob celebrated her allegedly killer performance and their genuine idol, however if they do not have another swap they are screwed. Meanwhile over at Sa’ula the perkier Nathan avoided speaking about his time at Island of Secrets, instead telling everyone about Meryl’s idol and the breakdown of alliances on Ta’alo. He then spilled the message from home vs. half idol lie, the missing flint and thinks that he has everyone fooled that they’re the best of friends. That being said, they were happier that he was happier and hopeful we have much more time to watch him in a speedo. Wait, no, Geoffrey and Cobus aren’t buying it and want him out ASAP.

When the band of misfits returned to camp, Seipei suggested they all have an honest, open conversation to decide who should go home rather than scramble. Tania said she would vote out either Seipei or Jacques, Jacques said he would get rid of Tania, Durao also thought Tania should go, as did Seipei, even if she was kind of treating her as a meat shield. Despite knowing she is on borrowed time, Tania decided to keep hope alive, so pulled each Durao and Seipei aside to talk about blindsiding Jacques instead of getting rid of her, given he is a far bigger threat. She then told them both to discuss it and get back to her, as it is her only shot.

At tribal council Nico congratulated them on taking out reward and functioning as such a tight unit, leading to Seipei talking about how hard tonight’s tribal council is going to be on all of them because of that. Tania spoke about their open discussion, admitting that she is going home tonight … before alluding to the fact that she has stirred up some excitement before straight up saying that her only hope was to get rid of Jacques and level the playing field, as he will win otherwise. Jacques spoke about his bag of advantages and their plans going forward, which he thinks Tania would contribute the least to getting it executed. Durao admitted he feels most loyal to Jacques, Tania reminded them that she is the reason that Jacques and her even had the numbers on the tribe, annoying Jacques for focusing on the past. Tania then explained that she has to fight for herself – Queen – and this is her only shot, as everyone needs to play for themselves.

With that the tribe voted and tragically the iconic Queen of Weed herself, Tania found herself becoming the sixth boot. Breaking my heart in the process. She followed the sounds of my heartbroken cries all the way to Loser Lodge, quickly pulling me in for a massive hug and assuring me that her best is yet to come. Which, TBH was an excellent peptalk. Even though I was the one being paid to deliver those. I then paraphrased her, handed her a blunt and we toasted her iconic ways with a big vat of Tanialie Copapland.

Yeah, mealie pap is essentially just a corn version of porridge. But that alone should be enough to convince you how majestic it is. Particularly when you add a little sweet and a little salt, it is perfection.

Enjoy!

Tanialie Copapland
Serves: 2 best friends.

Ingredients
1L boiling water
1 cup mealie meal or white maize meal
½ tsp sea salt
1 cup milk
2 tbsp brown sugar
1 tbsp butter
maple syrup, to serve

Method
Combine the water and meal in a large pot, and stirring constantly, bring to the boil over medium heat. Once bubbling, reduce heat to low, pop on a lid and simmer for 40 minutes. Checking frequently and stirring to avoid it catching on the bottom.

Once it is cooked, remove from the heat and stir through the milk, sugar and butter until smooth and combined. Serve immediately with a drizzle of maple syrup and devour.

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Paulerewors Smulders

Main, Party Food, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa we were introduced to the Island of Secrets which seems to be the love child of a threesome between Exile Island, Ghost Island and Survivor NZ’s The Outpost. While we’re yet to know which parent it takes after most, the first visit offered three competitors to take a reward for their tribe or a clue to the hidden immunity with Cobus and Paul opting to serve themselves while one of my top three crushes, Rocco took a flint for his tribe. And stole said clue when Paul had dropped trou. Rocco’s only downside appeared to be his desire to form an all male alliance – surprisingly a boner killer for me – on Laumei, with Mike my only hope for ending the plan. On Ta’alo we met the instantly iconic Tania who is bae, except to literally everyone on her tribe who she was driving completely nuts. Over at Sa’ula Paul tried to use his hidden immunity idol clue to further their tribe, though it did sweet FA when they didn’t have fire to keep them warm and sustained ahead of the immunity. Which they promptly lost, zaddy Nathan was injured and a shy Lee-Anne became the first boot.

Back at camp Seipei was thrilled to have survived tribal by the skin of her teeth and was fired up to use her powers of persuasion to get further. And keep the tribe together. The next day we dropped by Ta’alo where Cobus was sharing his immunity idol clue with Jacques, and the two of them went hunting around the well before the tribe awoke. Cobus was terrified that he would be an idiot that had the clue but couldn’t find the idol, before Jacques promptly found the idol, pocketed it in secret and made pocket zaddy Cobua look stupid. We ventured back to Sa’ula where Nicole continued to win her tribe over, cooking them breakfast and working hard. She and Paul then went for a walk to figure out who would be in the top of their five person alliance, with Paul wanting to lock in a three with Nicole and Steffi, though Nicole was more interested in focusing on Seipei and worrying about the rest when they need it. Nathan was still smarting over his injury, and while Rob vowed to carry him all the way if required, Nathan wanted to be independent like one Ms. Kelly Clarkson.

Meanwhile over at Laumei the tribe were complaining about the cold, while Mike was confident that Laetitia would be the first boot. Though given Geoffrey and Rocco are close to her and want to keep her safe, I am hopeful. The boys got together in the ocean and discussed Laetitia being the obvious target however Mike was concerned that Rocco was more interested in taking out Mmaba, which made Mike interested in getting out Rocco first. With that, he approached Rose, Geoffrey and Mmaba about forming a strong four, which they were all thrilled to agree to.

We returned to Ta’alo where Cobus was working his way up into my heart, though was sadly getting sick of Tania’s constant focus on strategy as it was doing his head in. Felix and Jacques caught up to bitch about Tania’s attitude, before branching out and realising that everyone wants her out. To make matters worse, she stole Felix’s dry spot in the shelter and refused to get out. They then had a blow-up about the pitch before she tried to play the hero and move to a different spot, which did nothing but drive everyone mad.

My boy Nico returned for this week’s reward and immunity challenge, with only one tribe coming out victorious. To secure victory one person from each tribe would be tethered to a tower and required to collect pieces to form a tower made out of balls and discs. The winner would get the option of fishing gear or chickens in addition to immunity, while the losers would return the next day to battle it out for the second immunity. Oh and second place gets the booby prize. Rocco – looking great in lycra – got out to an early lead for Laumei, with Jacques close behind for Ta’alo while poor Steffi was on struggle street for . Jacques dropped, followed by Rocco … and then Steffi, resetting the entire challenge. Eventually Rocco and his lycra buns took out victory, followed by Jacques and Ta’alo, handing Sa’ula another loss. Nico then gave Laumei another advantage of selecting who goes to the island of secrets, sending Rob and temporarily breaking up his romance with Nathan.

When Rob arrived at the island of secrets he was disappointed as it meant that he was epically failing at blending in. He then discovered a table with three boxes, offering him the chance to select to send someone to the island of secrets at a later date with the risk of his vote at the next tribal council. Given he is in a strong alliance, he gave zero fucks about risking his vote … so rolled the dice and lost his vote at the upcoming tribal council.

Meanwhile Laumei were thrilled to welcome the chickens into their camp, giddily naming them lunch and dinner. Giving me whiplash, we pivoted over to Ta’alo where they too were joking about what to eat for dinner before Dante stripped down to his speedos and proved that he is the ultimate snack. He then grabbed the spear, caught a gaggle of fish and served everyone sushi. Though sadly not on his naked body, Samantha Jones style. We then checked in with Sa’ula and let’s just say, the mood was not great. Steffi apologise for losing the challenge and then went and cried by the shore by herself. Wait, no, she went and found her pals and cried in their arms and it turned out far more heartwarming than expected. The next day their moods were slowly turning around, waiting for Rob’s return and trying to get their head in the game for the immunity challenge. Nathan was rocking a South African flag speedo and well, he and Dante are winning at life, so neither needs to worry.

The tribes arrived at the site of the immunity challenge where Nico explained that working in pairs, each tribe will run out into the ocean and battle to grab a ring and get it back to their pole before the other. Needing one hand on the ring and the other on their pole to secure victory. I’m not even going to say it because I feel the cast is making me to thirsty, so you’re welcome for me not making a comment and about the rings and poles. Until then. First up were Rob and Paul facing off against Dante and Felix, with the boys are writhing around with the ring until Dante slapped his pole and took out victory. Next up Cobus and Tania battled Nathan and Seipei, with Nathan not letting his injury hold him back by quickly grabbing the ring … until queen Tania and Cobus managed to pull them over for an explosive finish. Steffi and Nicole made quick work of Meryl and Ting Ting before Felix and Dante went out to face off against Paul and Rob, while Nathan was pulled from the challenge by medical. Despite getting out to an early lead, Rob was caught up by Felix and Dante, giving them enough room to slide the ring over to their pole and take out immunity, sending Sa’ula back to tribal council.

Back at camp Paul started to worry about following through on a Seipei vote, given Nathan is falling apart. Before they could discuss it, Rob filled them in on what happened at the Island of Secrets before Paul explained that they decided he could wear the idol tonight so that he can feel safe. Steffi and Nicole went to fetch water to discuss getting rid of Nathan to try and keep the tribe as strong as possible, despite liking him. They then discussed how good Seipei performed at the last tribal council and instead of being intimidated by her ability to talk her way out of situations, they viewed it as a strength and damn I need the three of them to align and run the game. Despite Nicole feeling like Steffi could be too devious to trust long term. Apparently, because she then floated her earlier discussion with Paul about forming a final three alliance and seemed to be on board with her again.

To make things more interesting, Paul arrived and was decidedly more non committal about said alliance which did make both the girls distrustful. He then tried to make them swear not to turn on him, which was quite hypocritical. Paul then tagged out with Rob to see how he felt about getting rid of Nathan, leading to Rob approaching Nathan to see how he was feeling and they both started to break down about him potentially leaving. Nathan then asked him to make sure that he is voted out tonight, because he doesn’t want to be an albatross around Rob’s neck. They then cried, hugged and went wandering through the jungle in lycra and I ship them. So hard.

At tribal council Rob spoke about the island of secrets and said he was upfront about his experience because he trusts them all implicitly. Steffi spoke about feeling down and starving, and hoped that they can use the humility to regroup. Paul argued it was more important to be confident going into challenges, rather than being defeated. Nathan addressed his injury and how humiliating it is before talk turned to trust, with he, Steffi and Rob talking about the need to find people you can trust, while Paul argued they need to focus on strength at the moment instead. This made Nicole, Steffi, Rob and Nathan start to get nervous and whisper, while Seipei agreed that they need to stay completely strong but danced around whether that was based around physical strength. Talk returned to Nathan’s injury with him pushing to be voted out before Nico interrupted him and told him that they medics are happy he can continue in the game, asking him to look at what else he brings to the tribe other than his foot. And I love Nico for shipping Nathrob too. Paul then danced around his plans for the endgame, which all but sealed his fate as the tribe locked in the vote against him and sent him packing as the second boot.

Poor Paul was shocked and heartbroken to find himself booted by his fellow amigos, but honestly, after wearing that teen cosplay, it was the right decision. Which I told him as he walked into my arms in Ponderosa. I mean, why hide your silverfox ways dressing like a High School douche? In any event, I looked past his fashion faux pas and focused on what I love most – sausage! In the form of a Paulerewors Smulders.

There is nothing more South African than a long, juicy, coiled boerewors. Packing so much flavour it will take your breath away, this sausage is the perfect thing to fill your mouth. Or a big, warm bun. (Lucky I found a recipe online here, as Samoa didn’t have a South African butcher close by).

Enjoy!

Paulerewors Smulders
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1kg brisket, minced
500g pork shoulder, minced
1 tbsp ground coriander seeds
1 tbsp salt
½ tsp ground allspice
½ tsp ground pepper
¼ tsp ground nutmeg
pinch of ground cloves
¼ cup malt vinegar
sausage casing

Method
Place the freshly minced meat in a large bowl with the spices and vinegar and mix until well combined.

Rinse and prepare the sausage casing as per the packet instructions. Thread onto the end of our sausage stuffing attachment – assuming you’re using a Kitchenaid like the dignified people you are – leaving about 10cm hanging off the end. Tie a knot in the end of the casing.

Turn the stuffer on – swoon – and load the casing as per the machine’s instructions, coiling into shape on a plate as you go until all the mixture has filled the casing and you’re left with a gloriously large coil. Insert two skewers through the centre to form an X to hold the sausage in place. Cover and refrigerate for at least 12 hours to allow the flavours to adequately meld.

When you’re ready to cook, preheat the oven to 180C.

Transfer the sausage to a lined baking sheet, brush with some olive oil and baking for 20 minutes, or until cooked through.

Serve immediately and devour greedily with your zaddy friends.

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Sosatie-Anne van Renen

Main, Party Food, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, Tapas, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa wait, no, I’ve only dreamt about being alone in a tropical fantasy with Nico. We haven’t done this before. Deep in the South Pacific, Nico was was looking bae as he was about to dump 21 new castaways on the islands of Samoa. First up we met the Sa’ula tribe’s Nathan who was also a total babe and who was totally keen to play into his banging looks and pretend to be a dumb jock. Which I am here for if he is in on the joke, and preferably, is wearing a legit jock. On the Laumei tribe, typical first boot bait Laetitia was concerned about being an early target due to her age. Congratulations Laetitia, you’re immediately my favourite. Meanwhile the Ta’alo tribe was home to Jacques the superfan, who had a man bun but did not appear to be a total douche, making me wonder, maybe I actually can pull off a man bun if I can commit beyond the Rizzo phase my hair will go through?

Jacques’ tribemate Felix wasn’t feeling confident in their collective physicality and was concerned about their challenge prowess, despite them having a guy who’s guns and thighs were so built I would happily suffocate under them. Sorry, this is too much … but damn they have cast some banging men. On the flipside Geoffrey could see that the cast was stacked, but hoped to be able to navigate through them all given they look like the have throbbing … egos. Beauty Queen Nicole was clean to shed off the shine and get dirty, while Lee-Anne was confident her pageant past will help out her social game, Mike was interested to see just how rugged he will become, Steffi looked forward to winning and Rob was fearful about his passion to trust way too easily.

Oh and did I mention there is now an Island of Secrets which sounds like Ghost Island and New Zealand’s The Outpost had a child?

Finally the tribes arrived on shore to meet Nico where Ting Ting immediately won my heart by putting everyone into their stereotypical boxes of hotties and notties. Rob was feeling confident in Sa’ula’s prospects given they’re all built, which immediately makes me fear for their chances while Cobus was confident he will be able to dominate his tribe despite diplomatically saying how much he loves them all on site. Durao was happy to be on a tribe with the hulk, aka Rocco who was concerned that given he is so built he will be targeted as soon as the merge hits. And Laetitia was channelling Lisa, thrilled to tick off an item on the bucket list and with a full heart for the people sharing the mat with her. She is an icon and I stan her. Paul too was thrilled to be on a tribe with buff dudes, though was concerned that his age might put his on the outside straight away.

Not wasting any time, Nico asked each tribe to select a leader prior to the first reward challenge, with Paul, Rocco and Cobus immediately identified. Being a messy bitch, Nico then asked the three thrown under the bus upon taking the leadership mantle to identify their tribe’s weakest member with Paul giving Sa’ula’s title to Seipei, Rocco branding Laumei’s as Laetitia – because she’ll take the least offence – and Cobus giving the mantle to Jacques on Ta’alo. Nico then complicated things further by sending the leaders off to the Island of Secrets for the first day, while the weakest members were given the hero roll in the reward challenge, guiding their blindfolded tribemates to a bounty of supplies.

Given that he isn’t an idiot, Jacques noticed that there was a single item at the end of the course and realised it must be an advantage so sent Felix and Ting Ting to fetch it for him while everyone else focused on supplies. Given everyone is winners and losers, I will just focus on the fact that their weren’t really enough crotch smacks on the obstacles.

We quickly checked in with the zaddies of the Island of Secrets where they discovered a note which informed them to find a coloured station for each tribe offering them with a choice between flint or a clue to the hidden immunity idol back at camp. Rocco opted for the flint, while Cobus and Paul decided it was more important to focus on their own safety and went for the clue. Wait, no, Paul planned to find a tribe idol which you know is going to end terribly. After Paul stripped down, Rocco searched through his pants to read the clue giving him both rewards and damn, I love him.

Over at Ta’alo Ting Ting was thrilled to be playing the game, while Jacques wanted to do introductions. Tania though had no interest, desperate to get some water instead. We also but a name to the fine face that is Dante, who loves the ocean as much as I love the site of him. Meanwhile back at the well Tania was fast becoming my favourite, berating Jacques for getting married before 30 and then awkwardly hung around as Meryl casually dropped the fact she got married at 22. Oh and she is a proud rock climber slash stoner, and is the self-appointed strongest woman in the game. And yes, she is my favourite. Jacques quickly disappeared to learn that his advantage turned out to an extra vote that was only valid for the first tribal council after the merge.

We dropped by Sa’ula where they were all introducing themselves and Seipei was proving to be the icon of the tribe, explaining the pronunciation of her name as see it, you pay for it. Sadly her confidence was starting to wear on her tribemates as she directed them in building their shelter. While she and Lee-Anne were lugging supplies around, Nathan, Rob, Nicole and Steffi used the opportunity to form a tight alliance. We then learnt that Lea-Anne and Nicole had prior beef with each other as Nicole beat Lee-Anne in the Mrs South Africa pageant two years ago, and that she was out for blood now that she is the current reigning. Nicole wasn’t feeling as badly though, given that she was a winner. Oh and Steffi too is a beauty queen too. Lee-Anne and Seipei watched the four bond and despite the fact it should worry her, Lee-Anne wasn’t concerned about their obvious closeness on day one.

Finally we ventured over to Laumei where the tribe appeared to be getting on quite well, celebrating their wins and laughing about the absurdity of camp life. Geoffrey and Laetitia went to get water for the tribe, with the iconic Laetitia quickly checking for an idol without him noticing.

Back at Ta’alo Tania proved to be South Africa’s Debbie, working on fire and quickly annoying Felix, Ting Ting and Jacques giving that she doesn’t actually deliver on her promises. That night she continued to list an elaborate resume and background, including a bank-robber father. The next day Tania was confident about her mature brain, pulling the girls in to form an alliance as she has no interest in vote out women as she needs to further womankind. lInstantly Tania reneged on that deal, pulling Ting Ting aside to point out Meryl as their weakest and potentially icing her out and going with the strong boys that Tania is confident will want to align with her. Which obviously made Ting Ting nervous as you literally can’t predict what she will do. Before we could learn anything further, Cobus arrived to the delight of his tribe – until they discovered he didn’t come bearing a flint – as he covered the fact he took an advantage. Sensing a psychic link, Tania pulled Cobus aside to assure him that they will be allies if he can pull in Dante. And giving Dante is wearing speedos, I really need to pull … well, you know. Despite Tania’s intensity being a boner killer for Cobus and Dante. But those read jocks? No boners killed here.

Paul returned to Sa’ula and immediately shared the clue for the hidden immunity idol and suggested it be used to further their tribe when needed. Which Seipei loved, given it shows he isn’t the most cut-throat competitor. Rob, Nicole and Nathan pulled Paul aside to assure him that he is part of their alliance with Steffi. The tribe were busy hunting for the idol, with Lee-Anne feeling insecure as Nicole ultimately snatched the idol. The alliance of four and Paul were thrilled to have discovered the idol, however were annoyed that Lee-Anne was around and they couldn’t keep it a secret. They then handed it over to Paul for safe keeping, which is quite possibly the worst decision. But whatevs.

Rocco arrived at the Laumei tribe and immediately threw Cobus and Paul under the bus, pulling out his rock-hard flint and letting everyone know that the others selected a clue to the hidden immunity idol. Rocco continued to be swoon worthy, saying he loves Laetitia because that is his mum’s name and then asked everyone what they’d like him to help out with. He then followed Mike and Durao to collect supplies and float the idea of an all male alliance before sharing the clue to the hidden immunity idol with him, which immediately makes me question him. Just like Mike, who knows all male alliances suck. Rocco then approached Geoffrey who was more keen on an alliance, not caring who the other members are as long as they’re in the majority. Mike and Geoffrey then caught up in the ocean, with Mike airing his concerns about aligning with Rocco since her wants a four with Rose, Mmaba and Geoffrey given it has the potential to be more stable. Sadly Geoffrey feels left right out in Mike’s alliance and would prefer to be with Rocco, which TBH is totally my vibe too.

Nico finally returned for the first immunity challenge of the season where the tribes would start by disassembling a puzzle on a pontoon in the ocean and bringing the pieces to shore over obstacles, including a fuck-off-tall a-frame, before solving the puzzle on the beach. More importantly Dante was wearing speedos, so he is currently my favourite. Laumei got out to an early lead, with Ta’alo close behind while the physically stacked Sa’ula bringing up the rear. Ta’alo arrived to build the puzzle well ahead of the other tribes, while poor Laetitia struggled to cross the balance beam, sending Laumei into last place. Eventually all three tribes arrived at the puzzle stations, while Nathan appeared to have injured his ankle. The puzzle proved extremely difficult, as the tribes continued to work for over an hour and a half before Ta’alo finally put us out of our misery and took out the first immunity before Durao secured the second one for Laumei, sending the stacked Sa’ula to the first tribal council of the season.

Rob carried an injured Nathan back into camp, assuring him that he is not going to be targeted and he is still not the weakest person on the tribe. The tribe then handed off the idol to Nathan as a sign of good faith, filling Seipei with dread given she and Lee-Anne are clearly on the outs. She approached Nathan to assure him that she wants to stay in the game and will do what it takes. Steffi and Lee-Anne caught up by the well, with the latter throwing Seipei under the bus and suggesting Nathan as an option because of his injury. Lee-Anne then mentioned that she wanted to go to the final three with Steffi and Nicole given their shared pageant history, though Steffi questioned her as to why it took her until day three to actually talk to her and damn, Steffi is good. Real good. We then learnt that Paul was doing some teenager cosplay as he caught up with Nicole and Rob to debate the merits of keeping Lee-Anne or Seipei, with Nicole scared that she can’t trust her. Lee-Anne approached them to explain why she hasn’t spoken to them, as she was busy babysitting Seipei the first few days. Steffi broke things up and pulled Nicole, Rob and Paul to talk to Seipei about why they should target Lee-Anne rather than balls terrible attempt at modern streetwear. While Steffi didn’t like Seipei’s bossy, chatty approach, Nicole still wasn’t sure whether she could trust Lee-Anne. Lee-Anne was laying it on thick, breaking down talking about how much she looks up to her and that she will be loyal to the end. Which Nicole agreed with, neglecting to mention the ‘loyal to the end’ part.

At tribal council Nicole was quick to point out how much the bonds are already meaning to her, while Steffi pointed out that Lee-Anne has been struggling to bond with people which made her feel nervous. Lee-Anne sold it as adapting to her current situation, while Steffi, Rob and Nathan started whispering to each other about turning on Lee-Anne as she spoke about her struggles. Nico called out Nathan, who defended himself by saying it is just such a difficult decision. The whispering continued as Seipei spoke about the importance of diversifying their options, Rob admitted to being confused about the vote given everything has changed by the whispering.

Lee-Anne wanted to know what she did wrong, Steffi felt everyone needs to fight for their life at tribal and stay strong to avoid coming back, Nicole and Nathan admitted to being confused about the vote ahead before Nico opened the floor for everyone to discuss who to take out. Steffi laughed as no one spoke up, Seipei pointed out that she wanted to have these discussions back at camp before Nathan assured everyone that his vote hasn’t changed. Lee-Anne tried to convince everyone that she should stay as she lifts everyone up and wants to get to know everyone before Rob cut her off and just requested to vote. And vote they did. For Lee-Anne, who was heartbroken to find herself becoming the first boot.

While Lee-Anne was gutted to become the first boot, she was thrilled to hold the distinction of being the first South African castaway to join the party that is this here patch of cyberspace. Conveniently she is also a dear friend of mine, after we met on the pageant circuit. She hired me to coach her after her first Mrs. South Africa competition and under my tutelage, she finally snagged the crown. In no small part thanks to a diet of solely Sosatie-Anne van Renen.

Did I mention that this season is full of South African delicacies? Well it is. And thanks to this sweet number, I am well on my way to becoming a fan of the cuisine. Rich, tasty lamb, sweet apricots and a kick of spice are the perfect way to welcome Survivor SA to the fam.

Enjoy!

Sosatie-Anne van Renen
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1 cup apricot jam
¼ cup champagne vinegar
1 lime, juiced and zested with extra wedges to serve
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp ginger, minced
2 tsp ground coriander
4 whole cloves
1 tsp ground chilli
½ tsp ground allspice
½ tsp ground cumin
salt and pepper, to taste
1kg lamb, cut into 2.5cm cubes
24 dried apricots
2 red onions, cut into thin wedges
mint sprigs, to serve

Method
Combine the jam, vinegar, lime zest and juice, garlic, ginger, coriander, cloves, chilli, allspice, cumin and salt and pepper in a large bowl. Toss through the lamb and transfer to the fridge to marinate for 3 hours.

Preheat oven to 180C.

Once almost ready to assemble, place the apricots in boiling water to plump up for half an hour and then drain completely.

Now to assemble, thread the lamb on a skewer, followed by apricots and onions, alternating until the skewer is full. Transfer to a lined baking sheet and repeat the process until done. Place the skewers in the oven and bake for half an hour, brushing with marinade every five minutes or so, and cook until golden and glorious.

Devour with a good squeeze of lime and some mint leaves.

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Chickenico Panangio Curry

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, Main, Poultry, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets

Well, well, well, look what we have here! Another international version of Survivor with a hot host – hi Jeff, Jono and Matt! – is begging for me to head to the filming location to provide culinary comfort for their crushed castaways.

Yes, Nico Panagio has finally reached out to me to see if he could leverage our close personal relationship to get me out to Samoa for the latest season of Survivor SA.

While I played hard to get for a couple of minutes, I knew there was no way I could say no to such a dear friend. Particularly when they are as hot as Nico and the tropical location is always conducive to some shirtless action.

I’ve known Nico for a couple of years after fleeing to South Africa and trying to break into the entertainment industry over there. While all my scenes were cut from our co starring vehicle Semi-Soet, I couldn’t be too mad given it brought us together.

I invited him over to Australia on his way to Samoa to formally give him my answer, bringing him to tears of joy that I would be joining him on set of Survivor SA over a big vat bowl of delicious Chickenico Panangio Curry.

Given how delicious this sweet, spicy curry tastes, maybe the tears of joy were related to such a glorious meal? I mean, delicately cooked juicy chicken with the earthy peanuts, a kick of chilli and the zing of lime? There is nothing better.

Enjoy!

Chickenico Panangio Curry
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
coconut oil
1 onion, diced
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 red capsicum, diced
1 yellow capsicum, diced
½ cup panang curry paste
2 tsp chilli paste
2 tbsp crunchy peanut butter
12 kaffir lime leaves
400ml coconut cream
1 cup chicken stock
750g chicken thighs, roughly diced
3 tbsp fish sauce
2 tbsp Thai basil leaves, roughly chopped

Method
Heat a good lug of coconut oil in a large frying pan over medium heat and sweat the onion and garlic for five minutes, or until soft and fragrant. Add the capsicums and cook for a further couple of minutes. Stir in the curry paste, chilli, peanut butter and kaffir lime leaves and cook for a further minute.

Stir through the coconut cream and stock, bring to the boil and add the chicken. Bring back to a boil, reduce heat to low and simmer, uncovered, stirring for about 20 minutes, or until the chicken has cooked through and the sauce has thickened up.

Add the fish sauce and cook for a further minute before adding the Thai basil leaves. Remove from heat and serve immediately on a bed of fluffy rice. Then devour, with your favourite, sexiest friend.

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Ariel Verscaiola Pizza

Main, Party Food, Pizza, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 11, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race the remaining queens were tasked with starring in the Grease inspired Trump: The Rusical, which saw Silky slay as Oprah despite not loving the small role bequeathed by Scarlet. On the other end of the spectrum, Ra’Jah and Mercedes were forgettable at best and as such landed in the bottom two and sweet Mercedes going home.

Back in the Werk Room the queens felt sad to lose their cyst, though Yvie did point out that she wasn’t as strong and she is keen to start thinning the pack. The queens congratulated Silky on her victory before Scarlet made it about her and pointed out that she was congratulated for her casting, which annoyed the hell out of Ariel. Silky invited everyone on a girl’s trip which made everyone wonder how the no men allowed would go for Brooke and Vanjie since they are deeply and madly in love. Talk turned to lip syncing, with Ra’Jah pointing out she will lip sync every damn week if she needs to which Yvie pointed out that she should focus on winning challenges instead if she wants a shot at the crown which made Ra’Jah super annoyed. She then got petty and questioned whether Yvie bathes and while she doesn’t have a hope of winning, I live for the drama while she keeps making excuses. Oh and apparently Dallas is the big d … when I thought Chris from Survivor had the big D.

The next day the queens settled on the Branjie couple name before Silky got to work sourcing herself a manses, making out with Nina and I’m equally aroused and feel like I need a bath. Like Yvie, apparently. Before I could explore my feels, Ru arrived to challenge the girls to become living dolls that could be doll Ru’s best friend. They were joined with Trixie Mattel to give tips on how to be a doll … and be nice to people because you never know when a jury is going to hit. Trixie ran around the Werk Room reading the girls before the dolls debuted their looks, with Nina’s pussy power doll being my personal favourite. The queens all did a fairly good job, though Ariel, Scarlet and Brooke felt kinda flat. While Yvie, Ra’Jah, A’Keria and the aforementioned Nina slayed, while Vanjie was demented and I still live. Ra’Jah ultimately took out the mini-challenge, which didn’t give her any advantage in the upcoming Halloween Ball where the queens would rock looks in the Trampy Trick or Treater, Witch Please! and MILF eleganza – Monster I’d like to Freak – categories.

The queens all broke off to their work stations to start working on their looks, with Silky taking advice from A’Keria and Vanjie as she has no idea what the hell to do. Yvie was growing tired of Silky riding her personality to the end and was hopeful that this is the time Silky challenges herself, though given Silky doesn’t want to serve spook, I don’t see her slaying. Brandi continued to snuggle and damn Brooke in overalls can get it like my dear Luke Perry in Bev Hills season 1. I mean, dem nips. Swoon.

Ru returned to chat to the queens, with Nina embarrassing herself by saying someone was in Murder She Wrote when she wasn’t making Ru turn into the shame lady from Game of Thrones. Ru encouraged her to stop listening to the voices in her head and turn a better look than her last design challenge. Shuga vowed to look at what the frontrunners are doing and inject more of herself in the challenges. She spoke about coming to drag late in life and feeling reborn, and I live. Ru dropped by to discover Brooke put a shirt on and discuss her ideas for the challenge, with Brooke’s genius idea to be a murderous perennial pageant runner-up as the monster being poo pooed, though I hope she sticks to her guns. Plastique was hoping that Brooke would stumble in the challenge, given she came so close to winning the first design challenge though Silky wasn’t confident that Plastique could serve anything but pretty in a corset. While Ru learnt that Yvie was planning to serve glamour in addition to her odd.

With Ru exiting, it was left to Vanjie and Plastique to get inside Ariel’s head, given her monster look was just a cute mermaid look. And Plastique doesn’t see that being enough. Brooke caught up with The Dreamgirls – aka A’Keria, Vanjie and Silky – and announced that she is getting rid of her pageant idea, and instead serving a glamorous lady in black wearing a snake, which everyone found even more confusing. Not going with glamour however is Scarlet, who was coming for the creature from Black Lagoon’s gig, though given the dress was riddled with holes, no one felt confident but her.

Elimination Day rolled around with the girls excited about all the looks that would be served on the runway. Ariel liked having to push herself, while Yvie shared her first drag experience was being a ho to her mum’s pimp. Silky wandered around the Werk Room to get everyone in the mood, though I don’t understand why she wasn’t focused on getting ready. But it was charming – or charmin – so I’ll let it slide.

Ru, Michelle and Ross were joined by the iconic Elvira and my gal Cara Delevingne on the judging panel. In the Trampy Treak or Treater category, A’Keria served Vegas Glam, Vanjie served Victoria’s Secret, Plastique served Playboy Bunny, all looking stunning. Scarlet went for a slutty pirate and was cute while Nina went for Little Shop of Horrors and looked adorable. Ra’Jah looked good as a pussy and well, Shuga was Tempest Dujour bad as a troll doll. Brooke then arrived on point as a mummy en pointe and owned the category, though I did like Ariel’s syringe look. Wait, no, Yvie came out as a sexy dinosaur and glued dinosaur feet to heels and I live. Silky was cute as a unicorn, though it felt super flat coming after Yvie.

For Witch Please! A’Keria was scary beautiful as a Disney villain, Vanjie looked glorious in a new silhouette, Plastique was hot and horny while Scarlet served swamp witch and I love it because it wasn’t glamour. Nina stole the show as a burning Salem witch, Ra’Jah served wicked witch realness while Shuga overcame the troll mess with a killer Bloody Mary look. Brooke stole the show again channeling Cara Delevingne with some enchantress realness while Ariel went for Into the Woods realness and Yvie freaked me out with her milky eyed glamour witch while Silky went for Wiz wonder. When it came to MILF eleganza, A’Keria spun a glamorous web as a sexy spider, while Vanjie was cute as a zombie fresh from the grave and Plastique went for a murdery madam. Scarlet’s Black Lagoon look came together well and I live, despite the gap in the neck. Nina was beautiful despite her face falling off, Ra’Jah served bone on bone on bone – just like my weekends – and Shuga backslid as the bride of Satan. Brooke looked stunning as her black widow, despite how much I wish she stuck with her original idea. Ariel’s mermaid didn’t serve Halloween, though was cute, while once again Yvie spooked it out with a voodoo dolls look. Silky served a sexy, shiny red gown though still didn’t look scary, even with her bloody glitter tears.

Nina, A’Keria, Scarlet, Vanjie and Ra’jah were ultimately deemed safe, leaving the judges to heap praise on Plastique for looking absolutely stunning in each category, though Michelle would love for a little more personality rather than pretty. Shuga’s troll look was rightly read for filth, despite how sweet the story of them being her only friends as a kid may have been. The other two didn’t fare much better. Brooke received universal praise, with Elvira blown away by her ballet and Cara moved by her Enchantress look. Ariel’s syringe look was praised for its good idea, despite the sloppy execution, Michelle hated the other two looks however and Ross grew tired of the cutesy looks week after week. Everyone loved Yvie’s dinosaur look and the performance on the MainStage, the witch look was simple and stunning while the judges were down on the voodoo doll look, despite me kinda liking it. Elvira loved Silky’s unicorn look, while everyone felt she didn’t really push herself in any of the categories and was kinda bland.

Thanks to her final stumble, Yvie was sent to safety alongside Plastique as Brooke snatched her second victory of the season. At the other end of the pack, Shuga landed in the bottom before Silky was ultimately sent to safety, leaving Shuga to battle it out against Ariel to Whit’s I’m Your Baby Tonight. While both queens started out super strong and things were neck and neck, Ariel got caught in her train halfway through and fell to the stage – as Ru stifled a giggle – allowing Shuga to overtake, with not even a Naomi-esque backbend enough to save her as she found herself becoming the fifth boot.

Poor Ariel took her boot pretty hard, disappointed that she never really got the chance to show people what she was made of as a performer. I held her tight, took a deep breath and then confessed that I may have had a hand in her early exit, thanks to the viral spread of my pizza curse. She flew into a rage and we screamed at each other – her, for me ruining her life and me, because I am a messy bitch that loves the drama – until she smelt the waft of Ariel Verscaiola Pizza from the oven, when she calmed down and accepted that Manila Luzon is good company to keep.

Salty, truffly and oh so decadent, this pizza may not be healthy for your waistline, but damn does it do a soul some good! Did I mention truffle?

Enjoy!

Ariel Verscaiola Pizza
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
⅓ cup passata
oregano and basil, roughly chopped, to taste
100g porcini mushrooms, sliced,
100g bresaola
100g taleggio
2 tbsp white truffle oil
mozzarella, to taste

Method
Prep the bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions.

Preheat oven to 180°C.

Smear passata over the prepared bases, sprinkle of the herbs, dot with mushrooms, slices of bresaola and chunks of taleggio before drizzling with truffle oil and sprinkling with mozzarella for good measure.

Transfer to the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until bubbly and golden.

Devour immediately, happy that while pizza fucks over reality contestants, it tastes damn good.

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Gazpachjoe Anglim

Main, Snack, Soup, Survivor, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance, Survivor: Edge of Extinction, Survivor: Worlds Apart, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Survivor, nothing evidently happened despite Kama winning immunity again – and Joe avoiding pre-merge tribal council for another season – sending both Lesu and Manu to tribal council to vote out one person, like the tragic Game Changers tribal that cost my love Malcolm his place in the game. While both tribes were locked down tribal lines on the first vote between Lauren and Wendy, the OG Kamas decided Wendy wasn’t worth rocks and flipped to send her to the Edge of Extinction.

But again, nothing happened because we’re going straight to a damn challenge.

Probst brought the three tribes to a field with six challenge set-ups instead of three and quickly welcomed them to the merge. While Gavin was excited to have made the merge, he was nervous about what was waiting for them around the corner … before Probst teased an iconic moment, sharing that they literally need to worry about what is around the corner as Reem, Keith, Chris, Rick, Aubry and Wendy were brought back in. Jeff then filled the merged tribe in on the Edge of Extinction and everyone, hopefully, felt super stupid for not realising something was up given the name of the season.

But we’re not here to make them feel stupid, we’re here for a challenge and damn what a challenge the losers face. They will each climb over an obstacle, complete a jailbreak and then guide a ball through an upright snake puzzle. We then learnt that Keith in fact did choose to disadvantage Chris with extra knots, giving him the advantage and disadvantage on top of potentially tripping on his package. Chris got out to an early lead with the extra knots proving zero difficulty, while Aubry, Rick and Wendy were right behind him. Aubry dominated the jailbreak, making it to the puzzle first, while Chris, Rick, Wendy and Reem followed. Oh and the knots were this section, so everyone got to practice the puzzle, while Chris untied the knots and Keith still struggled with his pole. Wendy was dominating the puzzle and close to the end before her tourettes started to act up, as she dropped just before snatching victory. Chris almost won and then dropped at the last moment before Rick snatched his win and a place on the merged tribe.

The losers rallied around to congratulate him while breaking down over their losses, before Probst filled the merge tribe in on the fact that Extinction would be resetting and they will all have a shot to return. The five remaining losers remained to chat with Probst, as Aubry shared how much Survivor has given her and helped her grow over the years. Reem shared that Survivor was her dream and how hellish extinction was, but how proud she was to not raise the mast. Keith spoke about his pride in not giving up, Wendy felt bad that she didn’t spend as long at extinction while Chris spoke about how he had always wanted to be perfect and extinction taught him that it doesn’t matter and he can just be himself. And now my heart swells like my pants whenever I look at him. They all held each other close before Probst gave them the opportunity to return to the Edge of Extinction and wait for another shot to return, making them all giddy as they accepted the offer once again and I am so glad I can make more jokes about Chris raising my mast. Because he can get it and I need to see him in every damn episode.

We returned to the merge camp where the tribe discovered the feast, which filled Julia with so much joy because of the epic majority and the abundance of food. The tribe found out about life on extinction while Kelley lamented the pain of having Rick, of all people, back despite the fact Reem hated her so much more. On the flip side Julie found a bond with Rick and wanted to work with him and help him avoid going back to extinction, since she never wants to go there herself

Speaking of extinction Chris, Aubry and Reem huddled together as Keith and Wendy approached the flag and HOT DAMN WE HAVE SOME QUITS! After arriving back, they realised that they could not be fucked waiting around for another three weeks and as such, officially became the first and second boots. The other three however, were galvanised and vowed to continue to fight.

Back at the merge tribe Kelley and Lauren caught up to worry about Rick’s return and the fact they need to find some cracks if they want to survive. Speaking of cracks, Kelley pulled Joe aside to see whether this will be the season they can actually pull off an alliance. She questioned whether the Aubry boot made him nervous, with Joe admitting that he, Aubry and Aurora were on the bottom which given basic maths, would say the Manus plus Joe and Aurora should have the majority if they can work together. But hold Kelley’s beer, because she doesn’t trust Rick and David and thinks they will go with the majority. As such, she wants to see Rick go straight back to extinction and approached the Kama women to float the idea. Sadly Julie had zero interest in sending him straight back, so while everyone seemed open to splitting the vote between David and Rick, Julie doesn’t seem like she will play along.

The next day we learnt the tribe settled on Vata as a name before Devens discovered a parcel in his bag, which is a best friend idol which he has to give half away and if they both survive the upcoming tribal council, the pieces join together to form a legit idol. And I think I made it sound more complicated than it is. That night, he approached David and passed off his half of the idol.

My boy Probst returned for the first individual immunity challenge of the season where they would each stand on a narrow beam and balance a statue on the end of a pole. Ron dropped before Probst even finished intro-ing the challenge. He was quickly followed by Gavin before the tribe transitioned to a thinner part of the beam which cost Wardog, Devens and Victoria their shot at immunity. Aurora was taken out by a huge gust of wind before the third phase of the challenge which eventually took out Wentworth. Eric, Julia and David dropped as their transitioned to the narrowest point of the beam, leaving Julie, Joe and Lauren to battle it out for immunity. Out of nowhere Joe dropped, though it appeared quite theatrical … almost like he was throwing the challenge to appear less threatening. In any event Lauren finally dropped after struggling for much of the challenge, handing Julie immunity and damn I have a new Queen to root for.

Back at camp the tribe got to work scrambling, with Kelley continuing to push for Devens and Julie feeling safe enough to instead go for Kelley. She pulled in Victoria who was keen to get another vet out, before Julie approached Devens to say that he and David are safe while everyone else on his OG tribe were desperate to get rid of him. Devens filled in David on the betrayal and that Julie will tell them who to target but that someone from Lesu is likely to go. Ron and Joe caught up, with Joe asking Ron to follow Eric, Julie and Victoria to make sure his name doesn’t come up. His calm demeanor made Ron feel like he was planning to betray him and as such, he wanted the Kama 6 to band together to instead take out Joe as it may be their only chance. While Victoria still though Kelley was the safer option, she floated Ron’s plan with Eric and Gavin and they tried to decide who was best to get rid of first between Kelley and Joe. Julie was the voice of reason, sharing that whatever it is, the six of them need to come to a consensus as the vote will dictate the rest of the came.

At tribal council Joe, Julie, Julia, Ron and Aurora finally got their torches before Probst announced that Reem, Chris and Aubry stayed on extinction and as such would sit on the jury while they await their next bid to return. Julie shared that the game has finally begun for the five people that stayed on Kama, Ron admitted that he will always be Kama strong which made Kelley feel nervous, given she is back on the bottom. Again. Rick admitted that he was confused about the dynamics after being out of the game, while Victoria shared that sending him straight back would be evil and that there are bigger targets to focus on first. This made Joe very nervous as a challenge threat, which she said wasn’t the only threatening thing in the game. Ron felt there were no idols in the game, which Wardog said generally means four will pop up at tribal before Rick felt it was weird back at camp while they should have been scrambling, since Kama was calm and Joe lazed around painting the tribe flag. Ron pointed out that having the majority means you don’t need to scramble, which made Kelley remind them she is used to playing from the bottom which was ominous as they went to vote.

Once again both Lauren and Wentworth held strong and opted out of playing their idols as the first seven votes rolled in between Rick, David and Wentworth, before the final six landed on Joe and he found himself voted out of the game, much to Reem’s chagrin given her shot at returning just got that much worse. Because obviously Joe chose to go straight to extinction and for what feels like the first time in his three seasons, he is angry and has a fire to come back. Which is what I told him to do after jumping out from behind the sign and handing off a thermos of Gazpachjoe Anglim.

While the residents of Springfield find this chilly soup to be a total failure, this should prove just how majestic it can be. Fresh, zingy and packing a tonne of punch, there is no better meal to sip on whilst waiting on an island while getting abused by Reem.

Enjoy!

Gazpachjoe Anglim
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
½ cup olive oil
1.5kg tomatoes, halved
3 garlic cloves, crushed
½ tsp ground cumin
½ tsp ground coriander seeds
salt and pepper, to taste
½ cup crustless white bread, cubed
½ tsp demerara sugar
2 tbsp red wine vinegar
1 lebanese cucumber, diced
1 green capsicum, diced

Method
Preheat oven to 200C.

Toss the tomato and garlic through the olive oil, cumin, coriander and a good whack of salt and pepper, and place in the oven to scorch for ten minutes. Remove from the heat and transfer to a blender. Soak the bread in some water for a couple of minutes, before squeezing out the excess liquid and added to the blender with the sugar and vinegar. Blitz until everything is smooth.

Strain the soup into an airtight container and transfer to the fridge to chill for a few hours.

Once ice cold, serve with a sprinkling of cucumber and capsicum and a sprinkle of cumin. Devour.As you can probably tell, we are very

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Fame Hungry

Procrasti-baking with our celebrity faux-riends

Main

Laurolex Choong

Lamby Slidaris

Nathan Castby

Boereworocco van Rooyenetjies

Tanialie Copapland

Paulerewors Smulders

Sosatie-Anne van Renen

Chickenico Panangio Curry

Ariel Verscaiola Pizza

Gazpachjoe Anglim