Tenth Boot

Shonudi Bowtell

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: All Stars, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2018), Australian Survivor: Heroes V Villains, Main, Pasta, Survivor: Australia V The World, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Luke faced off against the individual immunity challenge that cost him his spot in the last game. You know, the one that Janine dominated alongside the iconic Pia Miranda. But I digress. Feeling safe, Luke approached his ride or die Janine and pushed hard to get rid of Lisa, given it would force Cirie to stick with them and Parvati moving forward. As that was happening, Cirie and Lisa were busy catching up, heartbroken by the turn of events. Luke caught up with Parvati to further cement their trust, convincing her to rip up her advantage in the process. Before sending the forever reigning Queen of Survivor NZ out of the game with her second last bucket tick, having her torch snuffed. Assuming her last is voting for the winner.

The next day the tribe was delighted to have made the final five. None more so than Parvati, given she had a final four deal with Cirie, Luke and Janine and still had an idol in her pocket, should things go south. The latter joked about wanting to win immunity to guarantee some praise from her sons this season, with Shonee telling everyone that she’d also love a win before she goes. As she washed off, the remaining four hung around the shelter and spoke about the importance of guaranteeing Shonee does not win immunity. Talk turned to idols, with Parvati joking about how much glee she will take to play hers that night. Either for her or Cirie.

Cirie and Parvati caught up and spoke about how grateful they were to be reunited after 17 years, with Parvati desperate to head to the end with Cirie and make up for the surprise final two in Micronesia. As they were reminiscing and being the best, Luke and Janine were busy pledging their undying loyalty to each other and while their first option is to go to the end with the Americans, they planned to pull Shonee aside to convince her that the plan is to get rid of Cirie. While I kind of assumed that Janine was playing the season to help Luke win, she caught up with Parvati and told her that they are solid in their final four alliance, but when it comes to four, her preference is to go to the end with the girls. And THIS is why I love Janine.

Shonee finally made a meaningful appearance as she told us that her best shot making it to the end is to join with Parvati and Cirie. Her first step was to catch up with Parvati and Janine, effortlessly getting Janine to talk about how successful she is and share that she routinely does keynote speeches – aka, would be great in front of a jury – while Shonee joked about her biggest fear being public speaking. And hot damn, is Shonee actually going to pull off a miracle and get out of this mess without even winning immunity?

Speaking of which, Jonathan arrived for the final five immunity challenge where they would use a pole to carry a monkey fist through obstacles before crossing a balance beam and using the monkey fist to release a second balance beam. Finally, they would walk through a trip obstacle to build a tower of blocks on a wobbly table at the end. Luke got out to the earliest of leads, with Shonee calmly nipping at his heels, followed by Parv, Janine and Cirie. Luke dropped on the balance beam allowing Shonee to take over, until Luke closed the gap and landed the monkey fist on the first go. Giving him a nice lead placing his blocks. When Parvati caught up with Shonee, Shon used it as an opportunity to float them going to the end together and uniting the eras. This gave her the motivation to make it to the final obstacle, as she worked overtime to close the gap with Luke. Parvati joined them just as Luke lost his stack, giving our Queen the lead and the space to take it slow and steady. The wind picked up and caused chaos, as Luke closed the gap while Shonee’s stack dropped. Parvati nipped at his heels, as he desperately tried to place his final block. Which he did, guaranteeing his place in the final four.

Seemingly dooming Shonee in the process.

Back at camp Janine was quick to congratulate Luke on his hat-trick, while Parvati seethed about him heading to tribal council with immunity and an idol. That being said, the final four all caught up and locked in their vote for Shonee and all seemed easy. Janine caught up with Parvati and Cirie without Luke, with the business icon fairly confident that Luke couldn’t lie and as such, he mustn’t have an idol. With Parvati hilariously telling her that she has a Survivor sense that maybe he does have one and suggested that she should go check. They caught up with him vehemently denying having the idol and when Janine gave up and let it go, they agreed to convince Shonee to throw a vote on Cirie to guarantee their safety.

Shonee meanwhile was confident that Parvati wouldn’t play an idol for Cirie this close to the end, and as such, decided that they needed to vote for her. Though she admitted to us that she doesn’t actually trust either Aussie, but can’t be choosy as to who she votes with as she is solo. She then caught up with Luke and asked whether he had an idol as he didn’t seem to actually care about his win. Sadly for them, this conversation occurred under the watchful eye of Cirie, who started to worry about what the Aussies could be planning. Particularly after Parvati dropped by to let her know that Luke has an idol and Janine doesn’t know about it, making them worry his plan was to play it for Shonee.

Luke and Janine were off washing the dishes, leaving Shonee to charm the US girls and joke about going to the final three together. She assured them that she is a lone ranger and as such, they can use her to guarantee their spots in the final three. Whereas should the duos go to the end together, they are likely to end up in a fire making challenge with the others. And she knows how shitty it feels to be in the final four with a bad set-up, and reminded them they need to play smart. After she exited, the Americans agreed that she isn’t wrong, however Cirie admitted to us that she would love to go to the end with Janine and Parvati, so is still voting Shonee.

Shonee then caught up with Luke, pointing out how close Janine is to the Americans and that going to the final four with them, he needs to win immunity to get to the end. After Janine reiterated to Parvati and Cirie that Luke definitely does not have an idol, she caught up with the Aussies, while Cirie spiralled about Luke doing something with it. As such, Parvati caught up with Luke, with him pretending he lied about having an idol to build trust and while Parvati joked that he tricked her, she admitted to us that she now wasn’t sure whether he was lying about the idol or not having one. While Luke told us that all the chaos has him thinking that maybe a wild play is the smartest and he should play his idol for Shonee and guarantee a loyal ally in the final four, rather than sticking with his alliance.

At tribal council Cirie admitted she wasn’t shocked that the final five were icons only, giving the entire merged tribe were icons in their own rights. And they likely would have eaten a goat if one was around. Luke spoke about needing to figure out who played a different game to his, given it would help him decide who to take to the end. After Parvati whipped out her idol, Luke pulled Janine aside and asked her to promise him that she will give him the opportunity to go to fire at the final four. And after she promised, he handed her immunity and pulled out his idol. Leaving Cirie and Shonee to feel mighty naked with no tricks up their sleeves. Parvati interrupted to let everyone know her idol is for both she and Cirie, and she intends to play it to guarantee they both make it to the end. With Luke pointing out that he could easily play his for Shonee too.

Janine admitted that she had no idea about Luke’s idol, but they have been aligned from Day 1, so isn’t concerned. Cirie agreed that the Aussies being up looked bad on paper, but she was confident in the trust she has built with them. While Shonee reminded everyone that as a loner, she is the perfect person to take to final four to guarantee them a place in the final three. Before Cirie, shockingly, suggested that this game is about proving that trusting people can get them all to the end. This spooked Luke, who started to whisper to Parvati whether everything is the same and while she assured him it was, he clearly looked ready to vom a little bit.

With that the tribe voted and while Luke was absolutely torn about what to do, he ultimately played his idol for himself as Parvati played hers for herself – well technically, they played them for each other but same same, no? – as poor, sweet, iconic, legendary Shonee was felled just before the finale. Breaking the heart of every Australian.

She followed my heaving, guttural sobs all the way to the Jury Villa where I pulled her in for another heartbroken hug. Given this is our fourth rodeo, Shonee knows exactly how to make me feel better, as that is yapping and being an icon. Something she does effortlessly. Just in case it isn’t a fact universally acknowledged, Shonee is indisputably the greatest Australian Survivor player to never win and as such, takes the number one slot in our Mount Rushmore. I mean, she has never gotten lower than a single digit and arguably could play 1000 times, and always make a deep run. Because she is likeable, funny and incredibly smart. But it is the first two which make her successful, because sometimes just wanting to be around someone is enough to dull the pain when you’re living in the jungle. As powerful as dulling the pain as a bowl of Shonudi Bowtell.

I had hoped this glorious recipe would be one dedicated to marking her victory, because honestly, it is just so damn good. Soft, pillowy gnudi pairs perfectly with the earthiness of the sage and salty goodness of the bacon. Making this perfect for a busy mum slash icon.

Enjoy!

Shonudi Bowtell
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
375g smooth ricotta
50g parmesan, finely grated, plus extra to serve
2 eggs
salt and pepper, to taste
150g flour, plus extra for dusting
4 rashers streaky bacon, diced
80g butter
12 sage leaves
1 tsp chilli flakes

Method
Combine the ricotta, parmesan and eggs in a bowl until smooth. Slowly stir in the flour, along with a good whack of salt and pepper, until a sticky dough forms. Adding extra flour one tablespoon at a time.

Dust some flour on a flat surface and knead the dough until combined. Divide into four, and roll each into a 2cm wide sausage. Cut each sausage into 2cm pieces, getting about twenty per sausage. Plan on a lined baking sheet and leave to rest.

Get a pot of water on the stove to boil, and pop a skillet over medium heat.

While you wait for the water to do its thing, cook the bacon in the skillet until golden and crisp. Remove to drain on some kitchen towel. Add the butter to the pan and cook for a further few minutes, or until it starts to foam and turn golden. Add the sage and chilli, and cook for a minute or so, or until the sage is crispy.

By this point, the pot of water should be boiling. Working in four batches, cook the gnudi for a couple of minutes, or until they float to the top. Using a slotted spoon, transfer the gnudi to the butter and continue cooking until they are all done. Toss the gnudi and bacon through the butter mixture, and serve slathered in extra parmesan. Before devouring, like a GOAT.


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Laura Noonaan Pizza

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Main, Pizza, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor a surprise tribe swap – you know, a real one that wasn’t a random non-elim single switch – led to AJ going full Game of Thrones Mad King. He went wild and dominated the new Brawn tribe, vowing and then threatening to get rid of the OG Brawns if the Brains didn’t start throwing challenges. Which obviously annoyed the OG Brains who were in the minority on the new Brains, given they would be the ones taken out instead. With idols hidden at the last immunity challenge, both tribes took throwing to new heights until Kristin and Max snatched them and made everyone get back to work.After the Brains threw the challenge, the OGs tried to work together, however Max was too fixated on his feud with Myles to stay focussed for long. Despite pulling Zara and Laura to his side to vote out Myles and get him to burn his idol on Zara, Myles wisely played it for himself. Which made it even more satisfying as Max held on to his, before he learnt that the Brawn tribe had betrayed him instead, sending him home with an idol in his pockets.

The next day the Brains were wet and miserable, and while Myles was still alive in the game, he would have preferred to have been in the loop of the last vote. But hey, correct idol play is correct idol play. While he was disappointed to find out that Zara and Laura turned on him, he is luckily a power bottom and as such, was fine being back to riding the bottom. Whether he was being treated like Cinderella by Ben and Jesse, or not. Laura on the other hand was not doing well on the bottom, realising that Myles is a lot more resilient than she gave him credit for. Thankfully while Zara and Laura were struggling, the tribe spotted a rainbow and were ready for a food reward.

Over at Brawn, the tribe were also delighting in the rainbow, as AJ promised it is a sign of good things to come. Karin, meanwhile, was just glad to be in the clear majority and able to whittle down the numbers of the OG Brawn before the merge. Kristin was offering up crabs to Kaelan, before AJ caught up with Paulie telling him that he is so grateful to be on the new Brawn tribe with him as he can finally play. While assuring us that he is both on the top and happy to replace anyone in his alliance at any given time. And as such, wanted to use the Brawn members as his puppets. First, he pulled Noonan aside and told her that he definitely wants to work with her and run the merge together. His new target? Logan, given she has so many friends on the OG Brains and could easily be the one to dominate once they merge. As could Paulie, so he was his other option. And Noonan – how DARE you – agreed that Paulie would try and protect her, but would never stop the vote if it was locked in. So would be open to either option.

We checked in with my zaddy who was definitely feeling nervous, while AJ moved on to Kristin to lock her in. Sadly for them, Paulie appeared at that very moment and the conversation shut down immediately. Paulie and Kristin then went for a walk and swapped stories, with Kristin going out on a limb and pointing out that she would prefer to target Noonan and AJ next. And seeing the writing on the wall, Paulie was happy to target out his closest ally and not make room for Noonan’s Jack on the door. And leverage Kristin’s idol if required, rather than his own. Though Kristin assured us that her idol is only for her, no matter what Paulie may think.

My love Jonathan made his first appearance of the episode for the latest reward challenge where the tribes would face off 1 on 1 to knock their opponent’s idol to the ground. This time with the added complication of a second idol on a pole which they also needed to knock off. First tribe to three winning parmies and pints and ugh, I could use that right about now. First up were Ben and Kaelan with our nipple king narrowly securing the first point for Brawn. Kristin made quick work of Zara, before PD defeated zaddy Paulie and put Brains on the board. Jesse then tied things up against AJ, giving us a challenge as Karin and Morgan battled for the win. Which ended in a whimper as Karin failed to flick hers high enough, when knocking at Morgan, which handed Brains the win.

We followed the Brains off to the Survivor pub, where the victors quickly skulled a pint before sitting down to smash their parmies. Which everyone assured us was the best they’ve ever tasted, despite it not being a Mexican parmie in honour of our nude king John. Zara, meanwhile, was miserable given the OG Brawns were still ignoring her, and/or shutting her down any time she tried to talk to them. Despite being hopeful about making inroads with them after voting how they wanted the night before. Zara, Laura and Myles caught up with Morgan and Kate, and while Zara tried to connect with the girls, Myles interjected and continued to talk about how he has absolutely no allies. Particularly given AJ was making everyone’s life harder. He continued to go full Ally, spilling all of the OG Brains secrets to try and win some friends in the hopes of making it to merge. As Laura and Zara looked on angrily, willing someone – the other Ursula – to take his vocal chords.

That night the tribe returned to camp where Zara and Laura confronted him for running his mouth, and while Zara fulled mum-ed him. Myles was having NONE of it, calling them out for turning on him at the last tribal council. Though eventually Zara and Laura pointed out that no matter what he does, the Brawns are not with him and want all three of them gone, so they’re better laying low and not throwing their allies under the bus. While the OG Brawns stayed by the shelter and agreed that they wanted to boot the OG Brains one after the other, and easily skate to merge.

Jonathan returned for the immunity challenge where AJ wished the Brains a hearty good luck, before they raced through a series of obstacles to collect sections of ladder until they could build it and climb a tower. They would then secure baskets in place, with the first to toss three balls in said baskets taking out the win. Kaelan punished his log – swoon – and quickly secured the Brawns their first section of ladder. PD eventually cut through his, with Myles and Zara making quick work of the knots on the second obstacle and giving Brains the lead. Jesse then powered through the third obstacle, as did Paulie, allowing Brawn to close the gap once again. It then became a shoot out as Ben quickly landed his first basket, while AJ floundered. Eventually he scored one, followed by Ben landing his second. AJ then closed the gap before AJ and Ben got to talking, with both of them admitting that they were trying to throw the challenge as Laura and Logan speculated the same. JLP started to get sick of waiting, so threatened to call off the challenge and make both tribes vote someone out. Which quickly changed Ben’s tune, as he landed his third basket and put everyone out of their misery.

Much to Noonan’s simmering rage, as she would have preferred to not try so hard in the challenge. As she raged, Jesse suggested that they could just send AJ home tonight if they’re annoyed with him. Kaelan pointed out that Ben was also throwing, and suggested AJ was just reacting. And while Ben denied it, Laura was well and truly pissed. Despite the OG Brawn assuring everyone Ben wouldn’t have done it. While AJ limply asked Ben why he was hiding it as the tribes departed.

Back at camp things were, in a word, tense. Noonan more than anyone, given she rolled her ankle during the challenge when AJ was throwing. AJ explained his decision, given he saw that a Brain had gone home and as such, the other Brains would always work with them come merge, so they need to take out people that won’t work with them on this tribe. Noonan then ran her mouth, telling Logan that AJ actually wanted to get rid of her to weaken Laura, given she is a shoo in to win. Eventually the fight quietened down, as everyone went their separate ways. Logan pulled Kaelan and Karin aside to float getting rid of AJ instead and while Kaelan assumed Noonan was lying to him, the girls were sure that AJ definitely said that. With Kaelan just suggesting that AJ is now hated by everyone in the game and as such, he will always be a target and they would be protected. At least for one vote.

Despite everything, AJ was confident that his plan hadn’t gone as bad as it looked, and while Noonan put a wrinkle in the plan, it was salvageable. The OG Brains caught up to lock in their votes, with Paulie and Kristin joining and putting an end to it. And while Karin admitted the Brawns are in trouble, they agree to join in the split vote against Noonan if it would save them. Sadly for AJ, though, he counted out more votes for Paulie, in front of Paulie, alerting him to the fact that he is actually the plan. Despite the fact that Kaelan quickly pulled him up on it. After the Brawn duo left, Logan told AJ that she hates hearing your name whether it is true or not. And while he rightly pointed out that he doesn’t have the numbers to get rid of her anyway, she still looked pissed.

Noonan and Paulie were hanging out by the fire, admitting that they had no hope but to vote for each other. As everyone else went idol hunting, Noonan sat by the fire with her sore ankle and cried and TBH, it was hard to watch. AJ approached her to remind her that he told her she is safe, and as such, she decided to create her own version of chaos. She then went to Logan and Karin, lying to them and saying that AJ was still trying to take out Logan and they should all just band together to get rid of him. Paulie caught up with Logan, Karin and Kaelan, calling it sketchy and cheap to throw immunity challenges and pointed out that if they were to blindside AJ, they would have strong allies in himself and Noonan. Logan was still furious and while Karin and Kaelan were happy to still get rid of Paulie, she pulled Kristin aside to float the idea of joyfully getting rid of AJ in the swiftest show of karma.

Oh and trust and believe, Paulie was planning to play his idol no matter what.

At tribal council AJ quickly owned throwing the challenge, despite the fact he told the Brains to throw it first. He then explained it was all about keeping the OG Brains in the numbers. Noonan called out AJ for having way too many plans, and said that she felt burnt by him with Paulie pleading with the OG Brains to see the light and get rid of him ASAP. Logan agreed that it would be mad for her to continue to trust AJ despite his untrustworthiness. Noonan and Paulie then double teamed AJ, while he suggested that everyone of the OG Brains are aligned on their decision making, whether they were part of the plan or not. Though trust, Karin doesn’t trust anything he says. Paulie meanwhile leaned hard into integrity, telling the Brains that he wanted to win the game the right way. Not like AJ.

To his credit, AJ tried to defend himself, leading to Paulie saying that AJ immediately told him they need to get rid of Logan after the tribe swap. And while Paulie said that he was coming for Logan, AJ pointed out he actually saved her when Rich was voted out. Noonan called bullshit on it, pointing out AJ came to them with the plan to get rid of Logan. And while they went hard, he was confident that he proved himself by saving Logan and as such, he didn’t need to entertain things further. Noonan continued to fight her best fight, pointing out that if she goes home tonight, one of the Brains will go home soon enough, so they should make a move while they can. She then got sombre, pointing out that she and Paulie knew they’d have to vote each other out eventually and while he loves her, he loves himself more and will do what he needs to do, to survive.

With that the tribe voted and after the absolute chaos, Paulie decided to play his idol for himself. AJ then realised that everyone had accidentally voted for Paulie and forgot to split the votes, so he pulled his idol out to play for himself, despite Noonan trying to convince him not to. Which angered his alliance, who felt like he should have told them about it. JLP finally got to tallying the votes, with all the votes coming in for Paulie and AJ before Noonan was sent out of the game with just two votes. From Paulie and Kristin. After Noonan eventually hobbled in to Loser Lodge, I pulled her in for a massive hug and assured her that she is 100% my favourite of the famous Noonans. Neglecting to mention that I have no idea who the other Noonans are. I assured her that she was my winner pick after the first episode and do believe she would have made it far, if she wasn’t screwed by the swap. Which was honestly super kind of me, so between that and some Laura Noonaan Pizza, she felt much better.

Obviously I neglected to mention that my little Survivor Pizza Curse is potentially responsible for dooming her. Thankfully it is so tasty – and easy – that she wouldn’t have cared about it anyway. 

Enjoy!

Laura Noonaan Pizzas
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
2 Dannaan Beard
¼ cup tomato paste
1 tbsp dried oregano
¼ cup antipasto mushrooms, sliced
¼ cup sundried tomatoes, sliced
1 cup gruyere, grated
3 stalks thyme, leaves removed

Method
Preheat the oven to 200C and pop the naans on a lined baking sheet.

Smear the bases with tomato paste and sprinkle with some dried oregano. Dot with the mushrooms and tomatoes, before topping with the gruyere and thyme.

Transfer to the oven to bake for 10 minutes, or until the cheese is golden and crisp. Then devour, greedily.


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Shirley Tempelli Harris

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Drink, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the Titans were way ahead in the immunity challenge before Jaden Jaden-ed, scoring goal after goal to guarantee the Rebels’ safety. The OG Titans and Kirby’s alliance quickly locked in a plan to split the votes on Feras and Aileen at tribal council, so had a relatively calm afternoon. Sadly for them, at tribal council, JLP unveiled a twist where the tribe would compete in another challenge, with the first three to finish scoring their votes and immunity. Aileen, Kirby and Feras won the challenge, meaning the duo on the outs were now in control. Winna desperately tried to lure the votes to him, so he could idol someone out with Kirby’s vote. Sadly not realising Feras and Aileen could and did split, leading to Charles going home on a revote, keeping King Ray on the screen.

Which again, is v. Shonee coded.

We checked in with the Rebels the next day where Jaden was showing off the island fashions he had woven and was being an all around delight. Even better, he knew it, loving that everyone just thinks he is a charmer and as such, aren’t taking him seriously as a threat. Which for someone that athletic, is a magical win. Back at the Titans, Raymond sacrificed Charles’ socks to the fire and while all the OG Rebels were having a good old laugh. Valeria wasn’t so happy, disappointed that one of their numbers went home. Though grateful Kirby stayed loyal to them and as such, was confident she could ride the remaining numbers to merge. And while they were kinda off Feras, they were more against Aileen as she was too much of a flipper. Aileen caught up with Valeria, Winna and Kirby who continued to berate her for voting with Feras, questioning why she didn’t do exactly what they wanted and play their game, rather than her own. Essentially. Which is just, ugh, TBH.

The Rebels tribe were far more harmonious as they played charades and were all just vibing. Eden was grateful to be in the majority of the tribe and while that was good, he also knew it was time to start thinking a few steps ahead. Mark caught up with Caroline and Kitty to reiterate that he wants to reconcile, and debated the merits of keeping Ri or Alex. With the girls incorrectly suggesting keeping Ri was a good idea, so they can align with her allies, rather than having a free agent in Alex. Caroline and Kitty caught up with Ri, who was busy pointing out that Mark is too much of a threat and would hook back up with Winna and Valeria come the merge, and as such, he needs to go ASAP. And of course Ri is going to orchestrate someone’s exit. Though I guess this time was at least deliberate, rather than her doing something dumb, so that is a win.

My love JLP made his triumphant return for the immunity challenge where the tribes would hold onto ropes over a pyramid, with the last ones standing jagging immunity. Everyone survived phase one with two footholds, so after ten minutes, they moved higher up the pyramid, using a single foothold. This still wasn’t difficult, so at the twenty minute mark, they moved to the top without a foothold. And almost instantly, everyone started to struggle. Mark was first to drop, followed by Caroline and Kirby, the first out from the Titans. Raymond was next to go, followed by Jaden, Winna, Eden, Valeria and Scott, leaving Kelli and Aileen fighting for Titans, against Alex, Kitty and Rianna for the Rebels. Sweat cost Alex his place, followed by Kelli, leaving Aileen battling alone at the 45 minute mark. After an hour and twenty minutes, JLP got bored, so made them go down to a single hand with Kitty and Rianna playing a relaxed approach, while Aileen knotted herself amongst the rope. Which was all it took, as Kitty and Rianna dropped, handing Titans immunity and Aileen the status of challenge beast of the season.

Back at camp Mark was confident the Middle Aged Mafia would hold firm at tribal council, simply needing to pick who goes out of Alex or Rianna. They all caught up by the well, locking in a split between Rianna and Alex, with Alex the ultimate target. Instead of going to loop in Jaden, Caroline and Kitty found Rianna and pledged their loyalty to each other before locking the vote in on Mark, to ensure they can spin the Viola vote however they want. They split up, with Rianna going to share the plan for Jaden and Alex, which honestly seems sloppy, as she is terrible, but she managed not to stuff it up.Yet.

Mark meanwhile was feeling good, grateful that the Middle Aged Mafia were back together and ready to get rid of one of the Rebels. Mark conveniently was involved in most conversations, so the Titans started to get confused about what their real and fake plans were, with things getting a little bit awkward as they caught up in the shelter and Mark started to point out how they kept changing things up. Caroline and Eden caught up, with him confused why they were turning on Mark, so Caroline flip-flopped back to getting them to vote out Alex. While poor sweet Jaden just chuckled along, confused about what in the hell was going on. Though he did rock suspiciously clean hair and clothes in the confessional.

At tribal council Kitty spoke about how they have successfully healed relationships, while Eden spoke about how they have always been playing, despite a nice break from attending tribal council. Mark admitted he was grateful for the time away, and hopeful it let things breathe so they could come up with a solid alliance heading into the merge. Caroline spoke about finding the right time to solidify alliances and making moves, while Alex admitted he is nervous each and every tribal council. While Jaden started whispering with Mark and Kitty, still not sure who he was voting for. This made Mark nervous, as the OG Rebels grew paranoid about what in the hell was going on, before Caroline started whispering to Rianna to let her know that Alex was the target.

Well, that is until JLP announced that the tribal council would play out a little differently tonight. Instead, all names that land in the urn would be at risk of switching over to the Titans. One by one everyone will vote and every name in the urn would then have to draw rocks and the one to draw blue joining the Titans. Everyone split up to start whispering again, with the OG Titans deciding they should load all their votes on Alex given he has less alliances over there. Eden spoke up, pointing out that making the wrong choice could really set someone up for success by solidifying a power alliance. Caroline urged them to stick to the plan, while Kitty admitted that she has no interest in bouncing back to the other side, given life is sweet over here, while Rianna knew she was sweet either way. Alex spoke about being open to flip, given they are a clearly tight five and he is likely to be booted if they go back to tribal. While Mark just worried where Alex’s single vote could land, as Caroline panicked to Eden that Mark is the only person they can’t have going to the Titans.

With that the tribe voted, split between Alex and Rianna, with Alex heading out to join the Titans. Being reunited with his bestie Kelli, which is just so sweet, isn’t it! Presumably there was no screaming like Kelli as he arrived, so we checked in with the Titans the next day as everyone talked about being surprised to see him. Kelli joked that she thought it was a nightmare with their banter quickly turning into an argument and oh god, how I have missed their sexual tension. They then moved on to Kelli lecturing about people finding conflict with trying to rationalise death, as Alex tried to zen through it. Kelli shared it was her son’s 18th birthday, rallying the tribe to celebrate him as she spoke through tears about how much she loves him. And her dog, who is also turning one that day. The tribe then placed flowers in the water for them, which was sweet, as Feras tried not to laugh. Which wasn’t as sweet.

Feras and Raymond pulled Alex aside to give him a tour of the camp, and quickly locked him in as a number for their side. While they were away, Kirby looped in her allies, knowing Alex was a lost cause, so instead threw out idea of getting rid of Raymond. Which thankfully pissed off Kelli, who was not willing to eliminate someone that supported her from day one. Kirby and Valeria tried to talk her through their plans, asking her to think beyond a single tribal council to see the bigger picture. Which made her angrier, given she doesn’t have a relationship with Winna and Val, and it is her son’s birthday. She asked to speak privately with Kirby, cussing her out for getting too close to the Titans and not wanting to budge on saving Raymond. Going so far as to point out the other alliance is growing stronger, implying a flip is afoot.

The tribes reunited with JLP for the latest reward challenge where they wouldn’t compete at all, and instead, all be able to sit down for some food and dranks. Or get a scroll with specific directions to the location of an idol at each camp. Obviously Aileen, Feras and Alex all went for scrolls at Titans, while Rianna, Mark and Eden opted in at Rebels, immediately bouncing from the site. The, I want to say victors, sat down at the table to start smashing their feast, grateful to have some sustenance. Everyone was hugging and introducing themselves, high on snacks and vibing. Well, except for Valeria, who immediately got to work questioning Caroline and Kitty about what happened to Viola. And while Caroline pretended she just played too hard, Kitty was a little more honest and as such, Valeria knew it was bullshit. And vowed to get them out ASAP.

We checked in with the Rebels where they all split up to hunt for the idol, which Rianna quickly snatched as the boys scaled the tree. Which is obviously the worst case scenario for poor Mark, who I am rooting for over Ri, given her decisions are always bad. And smug Kirby isn’t very fun, TBH. Speaking of the current queen of the Titans, she was thrilled to be making new friends and feasting, given she is in control and doesn’t need the idol. Her words. As she watched over everything going on, she spotted Kelli whispering to Kitty about the current state of play on the Titans tribe. Straight up telling Kitty to go for Kirby if she goes home, given she is the one calling the shots. Switching over to those not calling the shots, Feras, Alex and Aileen started hunting for the idol with the former immediately spotting it. Leaving it for the other two to grab, given it is a very public idol and he didn’t want to be a target because of it. Sadly for him, Alex and Aileen just couldn’t see it, until he spoon fed them the idol and let Alex claim it.

Everyone came together for the next immunity challenge where, in the ocean, they would race to collect three balls and land them in baskets, while the other tribe ran interference. Round one saw Mark and Rianna face off against Kirby and Feras, with the duos tying things up at two before doing fierce battle until the Rebels finally scored. And then Ri quickly told Kirby she has the idol. Next was a one on one between Kitty and Aileen, if you could call it that, as Kitty dominated and jagged another point for the Rebels. Winna and Raymond then faced off against Jaden and Mark, which was essentially just Mark shooting hoops and scoring immunity for the Rebels, as Jaden took his sons for a swim.

Back at camp, Kirby was ready to take a shot on Kelli, given her chaos has finally started to impact her game as well as the rest of the tribes. First stop was talking to Scott and Feras, with the latter pointing out Alex got the idol. And to reward the honesty, Scott threw out that they desperately want Kelli out as she is a mess. Particularly since they are going to face off against serious gamers at the merge, making Kirby finally realise that they need to work together. Everyone locked in the plan to get rid of Kelli while Raymond played babysitter. After he let her run free, she started to worry that there is potential for a blindside, so got to work hunting for an idol. She then looped him in, essentially telling him he owes her and requested he hunts for an idol for her. Thankfully, once she left,  he opted to just sit down in the jungle and relax a little.

With everyone finally feeling cohesive, Kirby decided it was time to Kirby, and create chaos with a little flip. She pulled the OG Titans aside to tell them they need to make Alex and Feras nervous enough to play their idols, while still loading all their votes on Kelli to send her home. Just to help lessen their threat moving forward. Winna and Scott were then sent to start confusing Feras, making him feel like the simple vote is just a cover. So he split off to spy on them to try and get to the bottom of it. Though given how confident everyone is about the idols being flushed, I am hopeful it bombs. Like, it isn’t the mastermind move they are making out, ok? Aileen caught up with Feras to encourage him to hold on to his idol, though his nerves only appeared to get worse and worse. He went to go find Raymond to help calm himself, as Feras spoke about being sure something was afoot. As King Ray assured him he has heard nothing. While sitting alone in the jungle. Feras then went to Alex, not wanting to play his idol, as Alex tried to rationalise that it is worth the risk to hold onto it. 

At tribal council Kirby spoke about taking up the chance for food because she was starving, and a public idol makes for a public target. Feras spoke about how an extra day is always more powerful, despite missing the chance to make new friends. Alex spoke about how chaotic things were back at camp, and how he intended to play the idol to be here in the morning. Feras shared he felt there were too many unnecessary chats happening around camp and as he wasn’t sure what they were about, he was nervous. Kirby continued to sow chaos, making both the boys nervous and ugh, she is going to pull this off, isn’t she? Kelli meanwhile started to talk about how she ended her alliance as she was sick of following along with things and didn’t want to lose a friend. This fired up Valeria, who called her out for throwing them under the bus at the feast, pointing out that that is why she is now the target. As Valeria scoffed at the prospect of Kelli being strategic, given she is chaos.

Kirby pointed out that Kelli’s behaviour at the lunch is what put her on the outs, while Kelli countered she had already removed herself from the alliance, so it doesn’t matter. As Valeria and Kirby grew more and more sassy. While Alex was just glad to see somebody else coming for Kelli. With that the tribe voted, both boys held on to their idols – pissing off Kirby enough to get her nice and shady with Kelli, telling her Alex would never play an idol for her, when she asked – and Kelli was unanimously sent home. Well, eventually, after forgetting her torch, announcing she is a psychologist and then missing the exit. No joke.

As she arrived at Loser Lodge, I pulled Kelli in for a massive hug, thanking her for single-handedly bringing the drama and chaos to the pre-merge. And for defying expectations to give us four weeks of her majesty. Kelli being Kelli, she pointed out my speedo tan – which TBH, is my fault, I was wearing it at night in a kitchen – before we had a good laugh about all the excitement she brought to the game. As it slowly became clear, Kelli was doing what Phillip Sheppard should have, playing annoying and silly to make it to the end, before outing herself as a mastermind. And while that still may not have worked, I counter the Tobias vote proved she knew what she was doing. Which was a word for word quote from my toast, over a Shirley Tempelli Harris.

What a Shirley Temple lacks in liquor, Kelli and I make up for with unlimited energy which is prone to annoying people. This sweet little number is a fresh little burst that can get you through the darkest of days, like knowing Kelli just missed the merge. Which would have been even more iconic for our icon.

Enjoy!

Shirley Tempelli Harris
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
ice
150ml ginger ale, plus extra to top
30ml lime juice
15ml grenadine
1 maraschino cherry, to garnish

Method
Fill a glass with ice, and top with the ginger ale and lime juice. Slowly add the grenadine and garnish with the maraschino cherry before topping with extra ginger ale.

Down and repeat, depending on thirst.


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Kendra McQucranberrie Sauce

Condiment, Sauce, Survivor, Survivor 45, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the final pre-merge journey continued to loom over the season as Austin smarted over being robbed of a sandwich by J. Maya and Kellie, who wanted advantages. We were also reminded that Bruce found an idol, just before leaving Lulu beach. Which came into play in the present, as Kellie was worried about Bruce’s idol potentially leading to her copping strays, given he was telling everyone they were tightly aligned. Everyone wanted to lock in a Bruce blindside however he won immunity, which quickly led to everyone flipping to take out Jake instead. Given this is new era Survivor, however, the Rebas chose they couldn’t trust Jake to not have a bag of tricks and flipped the vote to Kellie instead. And she was angry. While Austin now had a second idol.

Back at camp Kendra was heartbroken to be without her bestie (not Bruce’s), sadly cheersing the dark sea all alone. While by the shelter Jake was loudly celebrating and laughing about still being in the game. Despite the joy, he realised he had zero idea what was going on at camp and knew he needed to pivot. Hard. Bruce meanwhile was salty about his closest ally being taken out, assuming it meant he was the original target. The Rebas, however, told him the actual (fake) reason they booted her is because she actually wanted to take out Bruce. Dee and Austin explained that she felt he was overbearing and TBH, you could see the exact moment his heart broke. Katurah and Kendra meanwhile were heartbroken to have lost their actual bestie, though Kendra realised Kellie was a threat and would also vote for her if she makes it to the end, so she wasn’t that mad. Though she was now keen to come for Dee. Katurah took this information to the Rebas in the hope she could be pulled into their alliance, with everyone now trying to decide if Jake or Kendra is the best person to target while flushing Bruce’s idol.

The next day Bruce was still hurt by the news Kellie was after him as he sat on the beach. He returned to camp, dejected, quietly sulking by the fire as everyone tried to bring him in. He then spoke about his fear that he is overbearing with his daughter and ugh, this is actually really hard to watch, as that comment really seems to have broken him. And just like that, I love Bruce. Particularly knowing he is energetic and upbeat because he grew up in the foster care system where he always had to adapt and be positive. Drew meanwhile picked up on his energy and just decided reality got to him. Which we now know is not a nuanced read. Emily pulled Drew and Austin aside to float the idea of getting rid of Dee, just to see whether their three person alliance is the priority. However, seeing how quickly they cut it down, I think she is ready to make a move elsewhere. Despite how hard Austin tried to sell Dee as the ultimate meatshield for them.

Drew went off to collect treemail asking everyone to split into trios for the upcoming immunity challenge, though were assured only one person would win immunity. With no context about why they are trios, Dee, Drew and Jake formed one, Austin, Emily and Katurah another leaving Kendra, Julie and Bruce together. Filling Julie with dread, since she is an obvious target if just three go to tribal council, leading to Austin handing over an idol.

After they met up with Probst, they got the good news that it would still be a nine person tribal council and that their teams would just be for the first two stages of the challenge. First one being they have to retrieve discs and balance a ball on it as they walk a balance beam before digging rope rungs, last group being eliminated. Second one, they’d use the rungs to form a ladder and land three balls on small rings, the last group, again, eliminated while the final three have to balance plates against discs, with the last one standing winning immunity. Oh and the winning trio would get to go to the Sanctuary to smash a roast chicken. And the first group eliminated will also lose their vote at tribal council, though they could win theirs back on a journey.

And again, stop with the twists as there could have been a blindside with nine votes in play.

Dee, Drew and Jake got out to an early lead on round one before Jake struggled on the balance beam and put them squarely in last place. The other groups powered ahead until Bruce struggled, leaving Emily, Austin and Katurah to start digging their rungs solo. Everyone caught up as Dee, Drew and Jake powered through and made it to round two first, followed by Julie singlehanded getting her team over the line, forcing Emily, Austin and Katurah to lose their votes. While Dee, Drew and Jake got out to an early lead in round two, Bruce, Julie and Kendra made quick work of the baskets and overtook them and made it through to the final round. The trio lined up with the discs, with all of them wobbling almost instantly. After an epic struggle, Kendra eventually dropped as Bruce and Julie faced off yet again before the latter tragically dropped and handed Bruce immunity. Again.

We followed the mids back to camp where Jake, Drew and Dee opted to avoid strategising before they have information about who will actually be voting and as such, made themselves a big pot of rice. As Jake went for a wander, Dee and Drew portioned up the rice and giddily took extra, while talking about the plan ahead. With surprise, surprise, Dee wanting to get rid of Kendra. Oh and then they realised they didn’t save Jake any rice, so instead let him eat the stuff burnt on to the bottom of the pan.

Over at the Sanctuary the trio were feeling good as they smashed the chicken and kikied, with Kendra admitting she is nervous about the vote ahead. Julie lied about being on the bottom of the Reba alliance, as Kendra floated the idea of getting rid of Dee to break up her and Austin, despite the fact she believes they are in love and wants them to get married. Julie threw out Jake as an option instead and while Kendra loved hearing anyone but her, Julie was still nervous things wouldn’t play out her way and she wouldn’t be able to get her revenge.

We finally checked in with the losers on their journey as they trekked to the top of the mountain and learnt that to win their votes back, they would have to do a maths problem. And while I thought they would all be able to slay it, Emily and Katurah crumbled under the pressure while Austin jagged his vote back at the very last moment. 

Drew and Jake were talking about the confusion about the vote ahead as the groups came together back at camp. The losers announced that only none of them earned their vote back before Austin pulled his allies aside to assure them it was a lie and as such, he actually has a vote and they, a majority. So they can power ahead with a vote to get rid of Kendra. Only Julie filled them in on the fact the Sanctuary people agreed to get rid of Jake and since it was better for her game, that is what she wanted to do. Kendra meanwhile was spiralling, going to Emily to let her know that Jake was the plan tonight and when she agreed it made sense, Kendra felt great. Sadly when Drew caught up with Emily she learnt it wasn’t the case and that Kendra is actually the target. And given Dee was the one to come up with it, there were more red flags for Emily.

At tribal council Kendra spoke about how heartbroken she was to lose Kellie at the last tribal council as Kellie held back tears, Kaleb holding her hands. Dee spoke about how tough it is to play the game, given you are playing with people’s lives. Jake spoke about the shock, given he assumed to be going home and while he survived, he does hate that he is clearly at the bottom. Talk turned to Julie and Bruce being the challenge beasts, though Julie added that she would like to actually jag the win. Bruce then spoke about winning back-to-back immunities and the risk it makes him a target. Talk turned to the vote losers with Drew talking about how difficult it is to figure out a plan tonight, given they aren’t exactly sure who is voting. That made Kendra get paranoid, not realising people may have lied about getting their votes back. While Jake was just looking for a friend and willing to be used, given he is one of the guaranteed votes.

With that the tribe voted – Austin very speedily – before Kendra was gagged to be blindsided. While Jake was once again surprised to survive, almost becoming a bit of a lol that he keeps being dragged along through now power of his own. But enough about Jake, this is about the second coming of Drew Barrymore, our queen, Kendra. As she arrived at Ponderosa, I pulled her in for a massive hug and thanked her for being such a glorious bright point of the season. She was not just a light spirit, she was also a fun, quirky character and so exceedingly watchable. And I look forward to her second season. So wheeled out a vat of Kendra McQucranberrie Sauce to fuel our planning session.

Sweet, tart and spicy, this glorious sauce has it all and while it is traditionally a sauce associated with Thanksgiving, it is something you will come round year round.

Enjoy!

Kendra McQucranberrie Sauce
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
100g muscovado sugar
100ml freshly squeezed orange juice, and zest from the associated oranges
250g frozen cranberries
1 tsp cinnamon
¼ tsp allspice
a pinch of ground nutmeg

Method
Combine the sugar, orange juice and zest in a pan and bring to the boil. Once the sugar has dissolved, stir in the cranberries and simmer for 5 minutes, or until tender. Stir in the spices and cook for another couple of minutes to infuse.

Remove from the heat and allow to cool for a little before transferring to steralised jars, closing and leaving to cool completely. Then devour.


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Jessiclaw Wild

RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars, Salad, Side, Snack, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on All Stars Alexis alluded to an alliance with Kandy as a way to explain why she chose to eliminate Lala, despite her promise to never forget her saving her the week before. Sadly though, it only made Jessica and Jimbo more nervous about the NYC producer. The top four then roasted Carson, with Alexis getting a few laughs, Jessica a complete delight, Kandy going in hard and Jimbo, well, Jimbo’ed. Absolutely perfect as she roasted Carson in pitch-perfect character as Joan Rivers. She then faced off against THE lip sync assassin Silky Nutmeg Ganache and somehow won her first ever lip sync. And promptly sent Alexis home. In full bologna clown character, which makes the win make so much more sense.

Backstage the dolls were feeling their oats, none more so than Jimbo, who was just thrilled to have won a lip sync. Kandy tried to bring her back down to earth, reminding her that she lost three this season alone. After they sat down Jessica looked into Jimbo’s box – exposing balls – before opening the other box, gagging everyone with the fact they all voted against Alexis while she in turn voted for Jessica. Kandy admitted that she knew that Alexis was never pulling her name, admitting that she believed they were aligned, however in Kandy’s mind, they were never aligned because she couldn’t trust her after Lala gate. And while it is hilariously iconic, Jimbo still worried whether she could trust Kandy should she take out the next challenge.

The next day the top three were giddy to have made it so far before Ru dropped by to announce that they still have a couple more challenges to get through if they want the crown. But first, the mini challenge, where they would have to transform their torso into the next JPG fragrance. After getting into quick drag and hot glueing their designs, Jessica slayed her Forbidden Juice and I love that for her. Kandy was stunning as she sold My Muse, while Jimbo – obviously – was hilarious selling Lady Nightshade. Sadly though, it was nothing to compete with the charm of Jessica Wild who took out victory. Ru then announced that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would be making over three of our lesbian sisters and after Amanda-Faye, Angie and Lisa introduced themselves, they dove into a box to pull their very own lipsticks. With Jimbo and Amanda-Faye pairing up and Angie pulling Kandy, leaving Jessica and Lisa. 

After Ru departed the dolls got to know their new sisters, with Angie opening up to Kandy about how nervous she was to go back into playing with femininity. But damn, hearing Kandy talk about her love for her mothers and how she uses drag to love herself and that she hopes to be able to do that for Angie, I am all in on the Kandy train. Kandy then unveiled her ‘50s inspired looks before naming her sister Kookie and well, I love them. Jessica and Lisa meanwhile were busy being adorable, with Lisa happy to do whatever is needed despite being shy. They spoke about how hard it was to grow up being bullied throughout high school and watching them trauma bonding was just so sweet and I would do anything for them. Jimbo and Amanda meanwhile were laughing it up and heaping each other with praise and well, I love it too. 

And the fact Jimbo packed her Canada’s Drag Race entry look like a thrifty icon.

Despite having the easiest person to work with, Kandy started to spiral about having to rely on someone else to make it through to the finale. Ru interrupted the spiral to kiki with her and Kookie, with Kandy getting top marks for their concept and Kookie, some tips for walking in heels. Jimbo and Amanda-Faye had Ru laughing as they caught up, before they locked in their slutty concept. While Lisa – aka Kitty Wild – thrilled to finally be able to own her femininity and no longer be triggered by it. And ugh, I love Jessica and her desire to just make Lisa feel confident.

And then Ru announced that in addition to the makeover, the duos would each have to perform a lip sync performance to Ru’s new mash-up single. Jimbo and Amanda-Faye were first up to work through their lip sync and while Jimbo told her to let go of her nerves and have fun. That statement though made her very nervous. Jessica and Lisa meanwhile were on the struggle bus, while Kandy and Kookie were killing, thanks to Kandy acting like a stage mother. And yeah, this feels like it is her episode.

Elimination Day arrived with the dolls splitting up to get their newest sisters ready for their mainstage debut. Lisa opened up about how nervous she was to talk to Ru yesterday, while Jessica was thrilled at her confidence growing. And again, I love them. Jimbo meanwhile was assuring her sister that she is glad they’ve gone the fem route rather than clowning, given she just wants her to have a good time. While Kookie broke down over how grateful she was to embrace her femininity and work through her lingering trauma about it. The dolls opened up about how they identify before they discussed who can use the D and F words, with them all agreeing that the most important thing is the intention behind the way they are spoken within community. Oh and then there was an absolute mad panic to finish their mugs.

Ru, Michelle and Carson were joined by the one and only Zooey Deschanel as Jessica and Kitty Wild opened up the runway looking so confident and stunning and serving all the family resemblance. Jimbo and Sissy Delicious were shiny, slutty and camp as hell, having the absolute best time. Kandy and Kookie then served perfection from start to finish. They were stunning, cute and camp and damn, Kandy can PAINT. Jessica was praised for the closeness she and her new sister served and how alike they looked, though the judges wished their shoes looked more alike. Jimbo was praised for how adorable they were, despite the simplicity of the looks. While Kandy received wall to wall praise for the entire concept and delivery and yeah, congratulations Kandy! 

But before Ru could make any official announcements, the duos took the stage back-to-back-to-back to serve their lip syncs. And damn they were all so much fun, but again, Kandy and Kookie were far and away the stand outs and ugh, I live for it. Obviously Kandy took out a very well deserved victory, leaving our frontrunner and the people’s queen in the bottom. Oh and Ru explained that no matter what happens in the lip sync, Kandy gets to decide who goes home. Essentially, given it is guaranteed to finish in a tie.

Backstage the top three and their sisters spoke about how exciting it was to take the stage together, heaping each other with praise for all they achieved. And ugh, I just love hearing all this queer on queer love as we truly are stronger together. Jessica led the dolls in congratulating Kandy, with her in turn telling her new sister that she never feared working with her given she was just so open. Jessica and Jimbo meanwhile were disappointed to be in the bottom, though accepted that they really are only there because they are down to three. As Kandy pointed out this is the first time they’d go down to a top two for an episode, Zooey dropped by untuck and damn she is as sweet as she is in Elf and I love it.

After she and the newest queens departed, Kandy and the dolls kikied with Kandy admitting that she could easily be a bitch and eliminate Jimbo, given it would make it easier for her to get the crown. With Jimbo trying to massage Kandy’s feet to live another day. When it came for Jessica’s turn, she instead focused on their latina roots and the fact that she is a veteran that has been working since Kandy was a kid. 

With that Jessica and Jimbo voted for each other before Kandy made her decision and ventured to the mainstage before Priyanka was revealed as the final lip sync assassin of the season. And bless, she finally got to meet Ru! And as soon as Destiny’s Child Jumpin’ Jumpin’ kicked off, it was clear that she was not blowing her chance of appearing on All Winners 2 as she split, flipped and all around slayed the show. And while Kandy was hilarious and sexy – I mean, you can see her lisp when lip syncing – it was clear Priyanka won Ru’s heart and rightly scored victory. After Kandy was sent to the back of the stage, Priyanka then promptly pulled both Jimbo and Jessica’s lipsticks from her titties, meaning Kandy had to leg it back to the front of stage before she stayed loyal to her ally and sent the iconic Jessica Wild home.

Ideally to win the Fame Games.

Backstage Jessica timidly tip toed her way to the corner of the Werk Room where I was screaming and throwing shit at the wall. She pulled me in for a hug and reminded me that while it isn’t Taco Tuesday, both she and I will be fine and that she had the best time. After a few hours of talking me through my rage, I admitted that like Katya before her, being a robbed goddess of All Stars is often more lucrative than the actual win and knowing that, I instantly perked back up. And then toasted her success with a Jessiclaw Wild.

While I know that the conventional wisdom is that you don’t make friends with salad, this sweet, vibrant slaw may just be (yet another) exception to the rule. Creamy and rich, tart and flavourful, it is the ultimate accompaniment to a little fried chicken or pulled pork. Which would make wonderful tacos, no?

Enjoy!

Jessiclaw Wild
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1 cup Shayonnaise Swain
1 lemon, zested and juiced
2 tbsp apple cider vinegar
2 tbsp wholegrain mustard
1 tsp celery salt
salt and pepper, to taste
½ head red cabbage, very thinly sliced
2 carrots, julienned
1 red onion, diced
2 sticks celery, thinly sliced
¼ cup flat leaf parsley, roughly chopped
1 tbsp thyme, finely chopped
1 tbsp rosemary, finely chopped

Method
Whisk together the mayonnaise, lemon zest and juice, vinegar, mustard and celery salt in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper.

Fold through the cabbage, carrots, onion, celery and herbs and mix until well combined. Cover and pop in the fridge for a couple of hours to allow to chill and the flavours to come together. Then and only then, does one devour.


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Clover Bishcuits

Baking, Dessert, Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España the dolls played another littler game show – Un Dos Drags – which was essentially just a low rent version of Snatch Game with them paired up and forced to improv in characters, rather than as celebrities. Pitita and Clover were perfect as a peasant couple leading to the former’s fourth victory in the season, while Vania and Bestiah had a strong concept but just felt flat while Kelly and Hornella were delightfully vapid. After stomping the runway, Bestiah landed in the bottom for struggling in the challenge despite slaying the runway while Kelly sucking on the runway and slaying the challenge earned her a spot in the lip sync. Feeling like she was the one to land Bestiah in the bottom, Vania asked to trade out and lip sync in her place however Supremme and the dolls talked her out of it before Kelly rolled in to another week and the iconic Bestiah was sent home.

Backstage the emotions were still running high as the dolls toasted Bestiah’s killer run, before they turned their attention to the fact that Kelly is the undisputed lip sync assassin, to go along with her prowess at power bottoming. Clover admitted she was shocked to see Bestiah go – same – while poor Vania was still in her feels about feeling responsible for her departure. Pitita tried to praise Kelly for slaying another lip sync, though could barely even muster excitement for the fact she is clearly taking the crown. But she was grateful everyone was proud of her either way. Oh and Hornella unveiled a brain reveal in her wig and ugh, I love that and wish we got it on the runway rather than the heart on the wrong side.

The next day everyone admitted to being shocked to have made it to the top five. Or at the very least, shocked that they had the energy to survive this long in the competition. Supremme dropped by to congratulate the dolls for making the semi-finals and to celebrate, immediately put them through their paces in a cheeky five minute quick-drag. She then wheeled out the Pit Crew and explained they’d then be filling their mouths with liquid, playing scissor paper rock and slapping each other with pancakes. Which is not something I lost in translation. In any event, to win, they had to be the last person standing without spitting out the liquid. And somehow it proved to be another thing that Pitita excelled at as she defeated Vania, Clover and Kelly before she met her match in Hornella. Who eventually grew tired of the battle and just spat on her and bowed out. 

To reiterate, that was all true and translated perfectly.

Anyway, for taking out victory Pitita won a massive kit of make-up and the ability to pair up the queens for this week’s maxi challenge, the makeover! Which really upped the stakes of the game drastically and me thinks Hornella wouldn’t have spat if she’d known. This year the dolls were paired with making Cinderellas out of waste workers and cleaners and after brief introductions, Pitita snatched the one that had already walked in heels, Vania got the sweet lady, Hornella got the hotty and Clover and Kelly got the gentle bears.

After Supremme departed, the duos split up to get to know each other with Kelly vibing with Jorge’s charm and humour, despite his heterosexuality. He explained he also does stand up when he isn’t driving a garbage truck and as such he is confident to take the stage and shine. Vania and Sandra meanwhile were just vibing and living their best lives, bonding and being oh so sweet. Well, to each other, as Sandra is sassy and ready to cut the competition for Vania like a ride or die icon. Clover and Enrique were a little more subdued, until they bonded over the fact people need to always aim their arsehole at the toilet. Which reminds me of a story of a scream I heard from a staff member after walking in on shit covered walls in the female toilets of a David Jones on a Sunday afternoon, butI digress.

Pitita obviously was thriving with her partner Francisco, who admitted he was previously a drag queen for close to a decade, which meant she was far and away at the biggest advantage. Hornella and Javi meanwhile were bonded over the prejudice he has experienced as a garbo and while he is straight, I look forward to him and Hornella getting married. Bouncing back to Kelly though, she was in hysterics watching how badly her partner was walking in heels and it was a joy to watch. But Kelly girl, you’re in danger.

Supremme then made her triumphant return, bringing this iconic Club 96 owning Valentina along for the ride. First they caught up with Vania, loving Sandra’s sassiness and how well she was vibing with Vania. While Valentina just encouraged them to have fun. Pitita delighted them by already having her daughter padded, though that may not last for long given Pitita admitted he used to be a drag queen and as such, their expectations are now sky-high. Kelly y Jorge delighted them with the latter’s comedy chops, which again, could come back to bite them given it ups the expectation. While Clover was just intimidated to be in the presence of the icon that is Miss I’d-Like-To-Keep-It-On herself Valentina, who quickly taught her daughter how to walk in heels for Clover. While Hornella was working hard to make sure I ship a non-couple by highlighting how much she loves Javi.

Dia de eliminacion arrived with the girls manic as they split up to get their daughters ready for their mainstage debut. After shaving away the beards and glueing down the brows, Pititia opened up to Francisco about how excited she was to be doing the makeover and how relieved she was to get someone with experience. Clover meanwhile shaved Enrique’s eyebrows off while Vania and Sandra just continued to bond, with Vania opening up about the time she was the victim of a hate crime and how even the police blamed her, given she was in drag and ugh, this is why I hate people. Just to reiterate that sentiment. Not Sandra though, who gave her a pep talk and told her not to let losers take her shine. Essentially. So I love Sandra, hate people.

Hornella meanwhile was opening up about how supportive her mum has always been, however spoke about her difficult relationship with her father. And the way Javi immediately rallied and told him how loved he is makes me happy to have such delightful allies. Kelly and her daughter meanwhile spoke about the former’s passion for roller skating and how it made her feel free and while it added nothing, it was sweet, so I love it.

Supremme, Ana y Los Javis were joined on the panel by the iconic Valentina as Pititia y Noah opened the Barricientas runway serving camp, vintage glamour and all the cohesion. Kelly Roller and Nelly Moller served shimmering party girls at a ball with an open bar. Hornella y Hortensia were stunning and silly, rocking full glam as they took out the trash. And served sex, in Hortensia’s case. Clover y Cúrcuma served full disco, complete with golden sequined toilet rolls which were very important, if you ask me. While Vania y Nati were perfectly in harmony with their contrasting looks, giving joy, glamour and all the fun. And well, it was good. I mean, Sandra is an actrice.

Pitita received praise for telling a story and doing a solid job, despite not making her sister as glamorous as herself. Kelly was praised for bringing the comedy and cohesion while Hornella was praised for bringing stunning mugs, though below, was read for lacking polish. Clover was praised for her storytelling, though read for not putting enough into her daughter’s outfit. While Vania received wall-to-wall praise for serving up two stunning looks, not being afraid to let her daughter outshine her and most importantly, giving a fun narrative on the runway.

Backstage the dolls praised their new daughters for absolutely slaying the runway and being so open to everythings. Kelly went so far as to say it was her favourite time on the mainstage, which again, is super sweet. Pitita thanked Francisco for doing such a solid job, though knew she wasn’t winning. Vania on the other hand was thrilled by how much the judges loved what she and Sandra did. Hornella meanwhile started to break down, disappointed to have not been able to cut through with the judges while Clover too was dejected, though kinda expected it, given the judges are always harder on her.

Back on stage, Pitita was asked to give advice to her younger self, encouraging him to dream big and always believe in yourself because there is a place for her in the world. Kelly meanwhile told baby Kelly to always enjoy skating, stay on the right track and to rally around those that love you because she is worthy of love. Hornella reminded her adorable self – on the toilet, no less – that she will have a marvellous life, though to spend more time with her dad and make the most of the time you have. Clover encouraged her younger self to find those that support her and to never worry about not being normal. While Vania encouraged herself to follow her own path and always be proud of herself.

Ultimately Pitita was deemed safe while Vania took out the win, making them the first two members of the top four of the season. Kelly was the next to join them, leaving Hornella and Clover to battle for the final spot to Natalia’s Vas a Volverme Loca. And while Clover was obviously living her best life, hitting every note and giving clean lines and tricks, Hornella’s experience shone through, giving camp and turning a show as she bounced off Clover’s energy. Which was enough – outside of the track record – to save her and send her through to the finale, leaving Clover to finish robbed in fifth place.

As she made her way backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug and immediately started ranting and raving about how disappointed I was to see her be booted. And honestly, never appreciated. While Clover is a baby queen, she brought such a high level of polish, skill and energy that you honestly could mistake her for a veteran. And again, I feel like the judges never gave her the props she deserved. But you best believe I did, toasting her bright future with a big batch of Clover Bishcuits.

While I don’t really have a reason for making these cookies halloween themed – aside from the spooky way she was overlooked by the judges like a ghost – that doesn’t make them any less delicious. I mean, almondy sugar cookies? Sign. Me. Up.

Enjoy!

Clover Bishcuits
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
250g unsalted butter, softened
250g raw caster sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp almond extract
500g plain flour
1 tsp baking powder

Method
Cream the butter and sugar together in a large bowl using a stand mixture until it is pale and so fluffy it looks to be pulsating. Add the eggs one at a time, allowing the mixture to come back together in between, before beating in the almond extract. Fold through the flour and baking powder before returning to the mixer and beating for a minute or so, or until it comes together into a ball. Shape into two discs, wrap in some cling and pop in the fridge to bind for about an hour or so.

Preheat the oven to 170C and roll the dough out to a 5mm thickness. Cut using whatever cookie cutters you desire, though I recommend something to highlight Clover’s robbery. Pop the shapes on lined baking sheets and knead the offcuts together, roll and cut into more shapes, repeating until done.

Pop the cookies in the oven to bake for 10-15 minutes, or until firming and lightly browned. Remove and leave to cool on the tray for 10 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely. Then either devour, or decorate in your spookiest manner and then devour.


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Sausage Gnockane Fritzler

Main, Pasta, Survivor, Survivor 44, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor after a string of split tribals, multi-immunity, non-merges and buffless boots – as has tragically become the status quo of the postmodern era of our beloved show – we finally enjoyed our first regular post-merge episode. And well, it was kind of a doozy! At an iconic immunity challenge we got to see Carolyn protecting Carson as she got stuck in a netted anus before Danny won the season with an even more iconic fart – timing it in response to Probst, no less – on Lauren’s way to taking out immunity. Back at camp the Tika trio expertly rode the middle, as Ratu and Soka went to war. At tribal council Danny squeaked out an idol play for Frannie, winning the war and sending Brandon to the jury. Without anyone realising how tight the Tika trio were.

Back at camp Frannie gave Danny a massive hug to thank him for saving her, while he was just thrilled by their plan going off without a hitch. And not sharting at the challenge, though that was confirmed on social media. Jamie meanwhile pretended to be thrilled by the boss move, while Lauren admitted she regretted not pushing harder for the split vote situation since it would have guaranteed their power. Particularly since Ratu are now even with the other two tribes. Thankfully she still felt solid in her majority, unaware that Tika isn’t legitimately with them. Which Yam Yam confirmed, grateful to still look like he was in a power alliance with the Ratu’s, while getting his way at tribal council and eliminating another person that previously targeted him. Just like Queen Shonee.

The next day Kane and Jamie caught up and regrouped as they hunted for what they assumed would be a newly hidden idol. Ideally to get rid of the biggest threat left in the game, in the form of Danny. As he too desperately searched high and low for an idol, with a patented five tree check followed by collecting some firewood. Sadly for him, it wasn’t as stealth as he assumed, with Jamie and Lauren growing more and more desperate to collect it before him, as sweete Jamie rejoiced about still having her idol. Which to remind everyone is a fake that was tragically hidden by her closest ally Matthew. Oh and amongst the chaos of everyone hunting, it was Heidi that snatched it out of nowhere, despite barely even looking. Like a damn boss.

Back at camp Yam Yam was leading the group in a game of I spy to distract from the actual game, which is honestly iconic – I love his passion for enjoying the ride, rather than being on, all the damn time. Carolyn too was living her best life just hanging with everyone, sharing that she is 13 years sober, and hearing her talk about her recovery and bonding with the tribe was just so damn sweet and heartwarming. And well, crown her now as she is the best casting choice in a good decade. Particularly since she has weaponised everyone’s perceptions of her to make her seem like less of a threat, which is honestly brilliant.

Again, I love her.

Carson meanwhile was still feeling like crap, as Carolyn and Heidi rallied around to help him eat since he had lost the urge to vom. The tribe then found treemail with the promise for the group to be able to negotiate for rice by a number of people sitting out of the challenge, with it appearing nobody would even be willing to do it. Oh and while I was confident Tika was stealth, it appears that Frannie at least is aware of them being a threating alliance.

After meeting with Probst he explained that to win immunity they would stand on a small block and balance a ball against an overhanging piece of wood. And to secure enough rice for the rest of the game, the tribe would need four people to sit out. Lauren and Carson instantly offered, while Danny and Carolyn offered to not vote for any of the sit-outs, which led to Kane and a reluctant Heidi joining them. With that, the remaining five took their places in the challenge with Carolyn and Jamie dropping nearly instantly, leaving Yam Yam, Frannie and Danny to battle for immunity. Yam Yam was next to go, with the duo holding on for five minutes with the rain pummelling them before Danny dropped, handing immunity, once again, to our loved up, nerdy icon Frannie.

Back at camp she was thrilled to be the undisputed challenge beast before the tribe found their rice and giddily got to work cooking a real meal. After joyously smashing the food, Yam Yam was fired up and ready to think through the vote ahead, acutely aware that he is not the only one that would be supercharged by the food. He was thrilled to stay in the middle of the two feuding tribes, with Heidi and Soka floating to them the idea of getting rid of Kane given he is the bigger strategic threat. With that seemingly locked in, Tika approached Ratu to get their thoughts, while also subtly suggesting Jamie should play her idol and suggesting they split the vote between Heidi and Danny.

Ratu meanwhile got nervous about a potential Knowledge is Power coming into play, so swapped who held the extra vote and idol to work around it and keep their plan in tact. Frannie on the other hand was growing more and more concerned about Tika taking control and floated the idea of working with Ratu to blindside Yam Yam instead. With Danny thankfully suggesting Ratu were still the bigger threat – which I’d argue is wrong – and as such, felt they should focus on getting out Kane still. The legitimately dangerous Tika trio were debating which side was better to go with, with Yam Yam and Carolyn fighting over who would be better to get rid of out of Kane and Danny, with Carson calmly trying to keep them all from splintering.

At tribal council Matt beamed with pride to see Frannie with another immunity before talk turned to sitting out for the rice, with Heidi happy about her decision, despite being vulnerable. Kane meanwhile wasn’t confident in the fact people assured the sit outs they won’t be voted out, with Danny pointing out he gave a scouts honour, despite not being a scout. Kane acknowledged he made his choice based on the fact he knew he couldn’t win that challenge while Jamie shaded people who didn’t sit out for showing their games. Carolyn acknowledged the fact that now that they are fed, they feel normal again and were ready to truly strategise. With Yam Yam agreeing he felt able to plan, though you best believe he was nervous about being targeted.

Frannie spoke about the excitement of tribal council, despite never really knowing which plan is going to play out. Heidi listed all the possible advantages and complications which could derail the vote, while Jamie was just nervous about whether the last conversation she had is the one people are still going with. Kane admitted he loves the chaos, given it makes for a funner game, while Danny spoke about finding the balance between leading a vote and knowing when to follow. Carolyn on the other hand was confused about everything now, as Kane started to whisper amongst the tribe. Eventually Jamie and Lauren stood up to whisper before it erupted into full blown chaos with names going out left and right, with everyone unsure what was real and what was just a ploy to get people to flush advantages.

Finally the tribe voted – Jamie twice, using Lauren’s advantage – as Kane was blindsided with Jamie’s idol in his pocket, sadly unaware it was only a fake anyway. Which I quickly filled him in on as he arrived in Ponderosa. I pulled him in for a massive hug, thanking him for being such a sweet, nerdy icon with a killer wardrobe. While he may not have ever cast an eliminating vote, Kane showed he had solid game instinct and TBH, I would love to see how he went in a second season. But until then, I focused on celebrating his game and the sausage fest that is the jury – swoon – with a big, fat bowl of Sausage Gnockane Fritzler.

Sweet and herbaceous, with a hint of spice carried on a creamy tomato sauce, this gnocchi is a quick and easy meal which tricks people into thinking you dedicated a good couple of hours in the kitchen. It is that good.

Enjoy!

Sausage Gnockane Fritzler
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
olive oil
500g Italian sausage, casings removed
6 shallots, sliced
6 cloves garlic, minced
⅓ cup cinzano
400g can diced tomatoes
2 tsp chilli paste
1 cup double cream
500g gnocchi
½ cup parmesan cheese, grated
½ cup fresh basil leaves, roughly chopped
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Heat a small – and I mean small, which is odd for me TBH – lug of the olive oil to lightly coat a medium deep skillet over medium heat and cook the sausage breaking up with a wooden spoon for five minutes, or until browned through. Add the onion and cook for a further few minutes, followed by the garlic for another minute.

Add the cinzano to the pan to deglaze anything that caught on the bottom before stirring in the tomatoes, chilli, double cream and gnocchi. Bring to the boil, reduce heat to low, cover and cook for five minutes or so. Uncover and check the gnocchi, cooking for a further couple of minutes if required.

Remove from the heat and fold through the parmesan and basil and season to taste before serving piping hot. Coated in even more parmesan just before devouring, obvi.


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Marcia Marsia Barcia Slice

Baking, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 15, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race the girls put their hosting skills to the test on Ru’s new infotainment show 50/50, where they conducted celebrity interviews. Well, two celebrities or Frankie Grande, that is. While Salina was feeling well and truly confident, she started to get into her head as she kept cutting Frankie off. Malaysia meanwhile was a total mess, Marcia had no idea what Queen Charo was saying, Sasha was perfection, Mistress was surprisingly flat, Luxx was an icon and Loosey was warm and engaging. Once again Sasha took out victory – as she deserves – while Salina once again landed in the bottom, this time sending sweet Malaysia home.

Backstage Salina was thrilled to have survived her third lip sync, while Mistress was devastated to have lost her competition bestie. Which kinda feels surprising, due to the fact they feuded regularly. Salina opened up about how this is the hardest bottom for her, given it was something she should be good at rather than just bombing design challenges. After the dolls congratulated Sasha on another win, the sisters speculated who else could have won with Loosey obviously believing she should have taken it. While Luxx too felt it was close for her, though vowed to win next week as she is the frontrunner. And when Loosey speculated she was the frontrunner, Luxx reminded her she is actually a beast.

The next day the dolls were still mocking Marcia for not wearing much make-up before everyone spoke about how much they loved their Beyonce looks. While Luxx read Loosey for filth for not giving pregnant. And while Loosey felt she gave a perfect match – she wasn’t – it was clear Luxx was under her skin and she didn’t like it. While Mistress obviously was living for it all. Ru put an end to the feud – for now – to put the girls through their paces in a little voguing mini challenge. After getting into quick drag Luxx had fun, Loosey gave old white lady, Salina was sexy and stoopid in equal measure, Marcia Cubed gave ballet and breakdancing, Sasha was obviously perfection from start to finish, Mistress gave all the comedy before Anetra, obviously, walked that fucking duck.

The Pit Crew arrived to rightly hand the win to Anetra before Ru announced that for this week’s mini challenge the dolls would be doing stand up at the Bubly Comedy Festival. Bruno then wheeled out a cooler to select pairs with Luxx and Loosey – lol – forming the first pair, Sasha and Anerta were the second while Marcia and Mistress formed the third, leaving Salina to either perform solo or steal a partner from someone. And well, she chose chaos, snatching Mistress for herself and leaving Marcia to perform by her lonesome.Oh and since Anetra won won the mini challenge, she would be deciding the run order too. Everyone got together to kiki and suck up to her before Anetra announced Marcia would open the show, followed by Luxx and Loosey, then herself and Sasha while Mistress and Salina would be closing. And while Mistress wasn’t thrilled to be last, she vowed to make the best of it.

The dolls split up to work through their sets with Luxx glad to be paired with Loosey, given they will both gladly tell the other if they suck. While Mistress was just living for the drama. Marcia was busy kiking with herself before assuring Salina there is no ill will about her snatching Mistress from her. While Marcia was just terrified about bombing, particularly since this is the challenge she is most nervous about. Anetra and Sasha meanwhile were working through their set before Anetra developed a splitting headache and couldn’t focus. Marcia Cubed ventured to set to workshop with Michelle and Ali Wong, with her jokes a little cute but not very funny. Though Ali fed her a few winners, so she should be ok. Luxx and Loosey were fairly confident, mocking each other with glee before Mistress and Salina were charming and high energy. Well, Mistress at least, though I am manifesting this as a fake-out edit for Salina because she deserves a star moment. The paracetamol kicked in and Anetra tried to push through but I am worried for the icons, so also hope this is a fake-out too.

Elimination Day arrived with the dolls splitting up to beat their mugs, with Anetra feeling more confident after starting over based on Michelle and Ali’s feedback. Sasha meanwhile was just hoping she was well enough to sell it. Loosey and Luxx were obviously confident because, duh, while Marcia was concerned about how she will go given she is performing all alone and can’t blame anyone if she bombs. Luxx then encouraged her not to get in her head, with the old lady gang all agreeing that the statement was designed to do exactly just that, as they giggled away. Salina and Mistress opened up to each other about being thicc latinas before pivoting to the serious, talking about their families with Mistress admitting she has cut off her’s, though tries to leave the door open for them. Well, until her mum was an uber bitch when Mistress broke her foot, only caring about the fact she was in drag at the hospital, rather than the injury. 

Ru, Michelle, TS and Ali took their places on the judges panel and the audience were wheeled in as Marcia Cubed opened the show and while she tried her best, it was kinda boring. Though it was a rough gig for her to go solo. Loosey and Luxx on the other hand were delightful, stupid and funny from start to finish. And well, let’s just say, maybe you should always be paired with your nemesis. Sasha gave stoned Ivana Trump realness as she and Anetra started strong, but it derailed quickly based on the lack of laughs, despite the fact I was at least having fun with them. For the most part. Oh and then Salina knocked it out of the park, finally getting a star moment as she and Mistress kikied like sisters.

On the Rip Her to Shreds runway Marcia was a victorious beauty queen that was beat up by her competitors, Loosey was a glorious old vampire and Luxx was beautiful as she gave Ru Wee Wee Pole realness. Sasha meanwhile was Britney’s denim outfit that lost a fight with an insinkerator – in all the right ways – while Anetra gave neon lotus realness, Salina gave glam refugee – in a really pretty, thoughtful way – while Mistress closed the show as a broken Material Girl.

The judges praised Marcia for trying her best opening the show solo, though read for being swallowed. And doing a look that is similar to Loosey’s design look in the ball (even though it would seem she copied her, but whatever). Speaking of Loosey, she received universal praise for every moment, as did Luxx, particularly since she applied all of Michelle and Ali’s feedback. Sasha was praised for once again looking stunning on the runway, though was read for not maintaining the momentum throughout the set. Anetra meanwhile was read for being lost and fading into the background in the challenge, with them wishing she would apply the confidence she has on the runway to the challenges. Salina meanwhile got props for speeding up her story and hitting all the beats, and they loved the message behind her look. While Mistress was praised for giving a stunning runway and praised for her chemistry with Salina in the challenge.

Backstage the dolls cracked their drinks with Loosey and Luxx confident they’d be in the top, this time rightly. Mistress reminded them how much they were fighting just the day before with them downplaying things, pointing out that is just how they joke. Salina and Mistress were just as confident, glad they could nail it despite taking a risk by telling solo stories. Anetra meanwhile was disappointed her confidence isn’t showing, though wasn’t willing to say she’d be lip syncing. Before Luxx stepped in for her to point out Marcia and Anetra would totally be lip syncing. As Marcia started to break down about how scared she was of the challenge, Luxx assured her she had the toughest path in the challenge. Marcia admitted she is also terrified about lip syncing against Sasha or Anetra, and she is heartbroken to think her journey could be over in a matter of minutes.

Chevelle Brookes then dialled in to send her love to her daughter Mistress and ugh, watching her break down in tears was just perfection. As was Chavelle telling her not to let the family down. And hell, crown Chevelle in Season 16, please. I love her. Let’s hope she’s happy with Sugar and Spice as her grandbabies. Oh and she is Sasha’s bestie too? I live. As I do for Ali Wong who was just the absolute best when she dropped by. I mean, she loves a facial, so I love it. Salina’s brother then dialled in and was oh so sweet before we heard from her parents and sister and well, it was just beautiful to see. Oh and her sister can totally bully me and I’d thank her, TBH, because she is cool.

Ultimately Mistress and Salina were sent to safety before Loosey and Luxx got the flowers they were so desperately craving, rightly taking out each of their second victories. At the other end of the pack however, Sasha narrowly the bottom as Marcia and Anetra took their places to lip sync for their lives. And while I was expecting Anetra to totally massacre to Doja Cat’s Boss Bitch, Marcia put up a hell of a fight as she hit every lyric, gave exorcist realness and oh girl, it was good. As Marcia was doing her backbend walking down the stage, Anetra flipped over her and gave all the stunts and honestly, I had my mouth agape for most of the performance as they were that good. So good in fact I was shocked when Ru didn’t call a double shantay and elected to send Marcia Marcia Marcia home. As a robbed queen, after that performance.

As Marcia cubed made her way back to the Werk Room, I pulled her in for a triumphant hug and told her that more so than anything else she did in the competition, that lip sync is what people will remember. And she will forever be a robbed iconic. Which not only guarantees her an illustrious career and a solid All Stars run, but a fresh batch of Marcia Marsia Barcia Slice to celebrate.

Mars Bar Slice is one of the most iconic Australian bake sale treats, which feels fitting it goes to someone eliminated on such an iconic lip sync. Crunchy, sweet and a little salty, it is also the perfect way to cheer you back up.

Enjoy!

Marcia Marsia Barcia Slice 
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
250g Cody Assenmars Bars, roughly chopped
100g unsalted butter, roughly chopped
1 tsp kosher salt
3 cups rice bubbles
200g milk chocolate, chopped
2 tsp vegetable oil

Method
Pop the mars bars, butter and salt in a saucepan over low heat and cook, stirring, for a few minutes or until all melted. Pour into a large bowl and fold through the rice bubbles before transferring to a lined slice pan.

Meanwhile, melt the chocolate and oil in a bowl over a double boiler, and when glossy and combined, pour over the top of the slice. Transfer to the fridge and allow to set for an hour or so before slicing with a hot knife and devouring. Gleefully, because you know Marcia would appreciate that.


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Jordie Hansenhos de Abobora

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Heroes V Villains, Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor the tribes were delighted to get a reprieve from challenges with the arrival of the auction, only to be gagged by a tribe swap. Venturing to the Heroes tribe, Shonee was heartbroken to be split up from Liz, though grateful that she at least still had George. After jagging an epic reward at the auction, George took the girls for a little party where Shonee found a second idol, though assured them she would be ready to hand it off to Liz if and when needed. Simon was nervous about being on the bottom of the new Villains, though sucked up to the alphas to win them over. Plus, he was in possession of what he thought was an idol. After the Heroes lost immunity the OGs planned to blindside George, only for George and Shonee to school them, wooing Gerry to their side and idoling out Paige. As God wanted.

The next day Shonee was blissfully napping away the morning, thrilled to be on top with George and close friends like Stevie and Gerry. And now that Paige is gone, she can eat all the crispy rice she wants and ugh, it is what our Queen deserves. Long may she reign.

We checked in with the Villains, where Simon was talking about how normal it feels to be moist. Which doesn’t add anything, but I love it because it sounds so suss. Liz meanwhile was heartbroken to be away from Shonee, breaking down in tears to us as she spoke about how lonely she feels. Particularly since the Heroes are clearly dominating the new tribe and she, Jordie and Simon are left out. The trio caught up with Simon checking if they had had any luck making friends before he suggested he will play the idol for one of them, should it be needed. Which Liz knows is a lie, given he is clearly too selfish and he refused to play one for Stevie just last week.

Back at the Heroes tribe George was just as radiant as Shonee, thrilled to have taken control and ready to eliminate the original Heroes one by one (by one). He caught up with Stevie to talk through the plan before Benjamin interrupted to see if he could join the chat. Ben admitted that the only reason George copped votes the night before is because they are intimidated by him but that now he would truly like to work with him. George then caught up with Shonee as Flick took her turn to pledge her undying loyalty, one upping Ben by suggesting she could even be a double agent to sweeten the deal. Oh and then closing out the pitches, Matt pulled George aside one on one, offering up all the information about his allies and how he could be of value to help the Villains take control come the merge.

And oh god, if Matt is telling the truth, go with him as I want to see how the Meat Tray takes the betrayal. Particularly Sam, as he will be salty.

The tribes came together with Jonathan for the reward challenge with Liz delighted to see Paige booted, while the OG Heroes were gutted. But more importantly, the challenge where in groups of four each tribe would race around a course in the shallows, carrying bags and chasing each other with the first tribe to catch the other scoring a point. And the first tribe to three getting a big Aussie breakfast. First up were Matt, Shonee, Ben and Flick versus Shaun, Hayley, Liz and Simon with Ben the first to drop out of the challenge, followed by Shonee, Hayley and Liz, with Shaun and Simon pissbolting to hunt Flick and Matt down, scoring the first point for Villains. Sam, Shaun, Jordie and David made quick work of Stevie, Gerry, Ben and George, but damn were they adorable. As were the original Heroes talking through the status quo on each tribe, while Liz and Shonee bitched about hating everyone before Shonee promised to hand her an idol should she need it. Oh and then the Villains won the third round with Simon and Sam quickly catching the Heroes.

Back at camp the Villains were thrilled to find a table laden with fruit, bread, eggs, bacon, hash browns, cheese and most importantly, coffee. And ugh, I am hungry just looking at it. Simon toasted them for being so strong before they downed the coffee and went absolutely wild. Well, except for Liz who quietly watched on thinking about how bland and annoying all the men are. Which was beautifully juxtaposed with Simon screaming and celebrating as he desperately tried to win friends. Given she is invisible on the tribe, she knew she could excuse herself without anyone noticing and got to work foraging through the jungle to find an idol. And hot damn, our girl did it. And as expected, not a soul noticed. And if they did, she could just say the coffee and eggs went right through her, no?

Upon returning to camp, Liz invited Jordie for a trip to hunt for wood where she quickly filled her only ally in on her hidden immunity idol with the duo thrilled to have hope amongst the chaos. Assuming they play the situation smartly, that is. They returned to camp with Liz filling him in on Shonee’s idol and that she is willing to hand it to them at a challenge should they need it. And well, Liz is ready to call in that favour and blindside one of the Heroes. Yes, come through Spice Girls!

Shaun meanwhile was heartbroken about Paige getting voted out, taking Sam for a walk to talk through how they make the most of their numbers advantage. Sam suggested they tell Simon they will take him to the merge if he hands off his idol and while Natalie Bolton and Cirie Fields can pull it off, Sam definitely can not, given he is not it. Plus, it isn’t an idol. Sam pulled Simon aside to tell him that he spoke to the guys and while they are friends, there is a caviar – his words – in that they need Simon to give him his idol before they agree to take him to merge. Simon wisely pledged his undying loyalty and assured him that he wants to go to the very end with them, not just merge. Oh but he would only be willing to hand the idol over to Shaun. As such, Simon and Shaun caught up by the well with Shaun doing a far better job sharing the plan, telling Simon he knows it is risky but he also knows that out of the three Villains, he is the one they want to protect.

Simon then pulled Shaun and Hayley aside, doubling down on the plan and suggesting they hand the idol across to Flick on the Heroes tribe so that she can play it to blindside George. And that he wants to get a message to Stevie so that he can help them move forward. Upon showing them his idol however, Hayley questioned if there was any paperwork and when he said it came with nothing, she wisely asked how he was sure it was an idol when it could be something else, like a nullifier. But sadly – or well, not – that was where the logic ended, as they laughed about how poetic it would be for Simon to send his idol to the other side to blindside his nemesis George, which will be a huge move. And again, lol.

Almost as lol as Simon botching his quote about living long enough to become a Hero and the producers trolling him by keeping it in.

The tribes came back together for the immunity challenge where they would race through a series of obstacles before chopping wood to release coconuts and then shooting coconuts at six targets, with the first tribe to finish jagging immunity. The Villains got out to an early lead, quickly releasing their sack of nuts – this time JLP’s words – while the Heroes desperately tried to close the gap. Nina hit the first target for the Villains before Matt finally started shooting for the Heroes. More importantly, Shonee and Liz just casually walked over to each other and started discussing how to hand off the idol. Nina knocked her second target as Matt took out the lead for Heroes as he smashed three, then four and five before ultimately jagging immunity for the tribe. 

After the challenge David and Flick hugged, talking through the non-idol hand off while Simon tried to talk to Stevie about trusting in Flick and to vote with her at their next tribal council. While Shonee calmly handed the idol to Jordie unnoticed before Shaun awkwardly passed the disc off to Flick. And oh god, I need the non-idol to blow up in someone’s face so badly. And now I’m not even sure who I want to be the victim.

Back at camp the tribe rallied around to process their loss, while Liz and Jordie couldn’t wipe the grins off their faces. Hayley meanwhile was confident about tribal given they have the numbers, pointing out to Simon and Shaun they should split the vote on Jordie and Liz and ultimately get rid of Jordie should no idols get played. The Heroes quickly locked in their plan, while Jordie and Liz laughed it up at the well, given they can derail whatever it is they are planning. Wanting to have more impact than a single moment, Jordie suggested they pull Hayley and Nina aside and show them the idols before making them pick which of the boys they want to send home. And then promptly not play the idols at all. Which obviously made Liz nervous, given she wasn’t sure they should trust them and instead just go the safe route of playing their idols.

They pulled Nina and Hayley aside with both of the girls shitting their pants, unable to name who they want to go before Liz narrowed it down to either Sam and Shaun. With Hayley first to lock in Sam, given he is so loyal it is hard to work with him, given if you upset him, he is done with you. Liz suggested this is the night to prove loyalty, before Jordie pointed out it isn’t a threat but if there is whispering at tribal council, he will gladly change the vote.

Backed into a corner, Hayley approached Shaun to ensure that should she and Nina have to work with the Villains, she hasn’t burnt everyone. The plan to take out Sam spread like wildfire, with everyone kind of accepting the fact Sam is screwed. David suggested they instead just vote out Simon, while Shaun reminded him he swore on his children’s life and as such, can not do that to Simon. And to be fair, Simon and Sam will both fill the same role in their alliance. Right on cue, Sam approached the group and both awkwardly and aggressively asked if something was wrong with David, Nina and Shaun just dancing around things as Mateship looked enraged.

Hayley meanwhile caught up with Simon to fill him in on the situation until she exited because he looked too shocked and to calm down. Jordie approached him and asked why he looked so rattled – lol – with Simon pretending to still be OG Villains strong and as such, all in on voting out Sam. Shaun, Nina and Hayley then caught up, with Nina cautioning that she truly believes they will play the idols and as such, if the Heroes just lock in the vote on Sam, there will be no surprises and they can make a move next time.

At tribal council Shaun spoke about how grateful he is that their new tribe is stacked, while Jordie turned the attention to the fact the OG Villains are well and truly outnumbered which Simon agreed made him nervous. Shaun wisely suggested that everyone really should be worried. Jordie spoke about how tight the Heroes tribe are known to be with Sam talking about how loyal the Heroes are, while they all looked ready to vom from the guilt. Jordie spoke about how today was an epic scramble as Nina motioned to Sam that Jordie and Liz both have idols. While Liz watched on as all the Heroes grew more and more paranoid. As Simon spoke about how nervous he now is, Liz filled Jordie in on the whispers happening while Hayley reiterated the Heroes needed to stay strong, before Sam suggested that if the Villains have an idol, they should be nervous.

As Simon spoke about being rattled, Shaun told Nina that she and Hayley should still vote Sam while he, Simon and David switch back to voting for Jordie so that should the idol be played, Sam goes home, otherwise they can get rid of Jordie on the revote. Jordie admitted it feels like it could be his last tribal council tonight, with everyone agreeing they feel just as nervous. Liz admitted she is stressed, but that you need to risk it for the biscuit while Hayley wanted people to walk away from tribal council with some clarity about who they want to work with, while Jordie wanted everyone to leave knowing this is how you play the game.

With that the tribe voted and tragically neither Jordie or Liz played their idols, resulting in a tie between Jordie and Sam. Which on the revote, led to the Heroes eliminating Jordie, leaving Liz all alone. As is often the case, Jordie found his way to Loser Lodge by following the wailing sounds of my screams when I found out he came so close to not just breaking up the Heroes but also sending Sam, the worst person to ever play Survivor in the global franchise, home. Sadly though, he took the gamble of holding onto his idol to navigate through to the merge and while it cost him his game, I am impressed with the logic behind it, given he knew he was screwed if he couldn’t leverage an alliance.

I pulled him in for a massive hug, congratulating him and Sam on their pregnancy and thanking him for being such a damn delight this season. I mean, while Jordie was balls deep in an all male alliance last year, this year he channelled Erika Jayne, ready to give the gays (and girls) what they want, working with Shiz and George while gloriously mocking the Meat Tray. I told him I was proud of how grounded and fun his energy was and assured him that when it comes to his third time, he is poised for another deep run. And until then, he always has Jordie Hansenhos de Abobora.

These Portuguese pumpkin donuts – aka Sonhos de abobora – are positively delightful. Earthy, spiced and oh so sweet, the crisp shell gives way to a pillowy little cake that will have you coming back for more and more.

Enjoy!

Jordie Hansenhos de Abobora
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
250g butternut pumpkin, peeled and diced
1 ½ cups raw caster sugar
80g butter, melted and cooled
¼ cup brandy
2 tbsp dried yeast
2 tsp vanilla extract
4 eggs, lightly whisked
2 ⅓ cups flour, sieved
½ tsp kosher salt
2 tbsp warm water
vegetable oil, for fryin’
2 tbsp ground cinnamon

Method
Steam the pumpkin for 10 minutes or until nice and soft. Remove from the heat to cool and then blitz in a food processor until nice and smooth. Transfer to a bowl.

Whisk half a cup of sugar, the butter, brandy, yeast and vanilla into the pumpkin until well combined. Set aside for 5 minutes and leave to prove. Whisk in the egg before folding through the flour and water to form a thick dough. Cover, set aside and leave to prove for another half an hour, or until doubled in size.

Heat about 15cm of oil in a large saucepan until it hits 160C and mix the remaining sugar with the cinnamon. Cook spoonfuls of dough a few at a time for about 3 minutes, or until golden and cooked through. Transfer to a paper towel to drain for a minute before tossing through the cinnamon sugar. Repeat the process until all cooked, then devour with glee. Ideally with some Dulce de Nick Lachey.


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Ryan Wedgranos

Side, Snack, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor 43, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the tribe was split into two groups as has become tradition – not back to two tribes – for a little double tribal council. Probst then threw down a challenge for reward, with the person that could last the longest in the immunity challenge winning PB&Js for the tribe. And try as Karla might, her stitched up hand proved too much to overcome as she took out immunity but left her group hungry as they headed to the first tribal council. While James quickly locked in everyone against his nemesis Owen, things weren’t so simply as Noelle played him, stealing Owen’s vote and using it to join with Sami – and a reluctant Karla – to blindside James from the game.

But first, let’s take a little step back.

We followed the winning team back to camp where they quickly got to work making their PB&Js and greedily devouring them. With that out of the way, Ryan pulled Gabler aside to quickly lock in the vote against Cassidy. They went to Cody to float the idea and while he pretended to be keen, he immediately went to catch up with Jesse and Cassidy, admitting that he really likes her and as such, wants her to stay. She then went all in, assuring them that they already have a good bond and can trust each other and as such, it makes sense they go to the end together. She then opened up to us about her love for her family and how she is playing in honour of her deceased sister, who she used to watch the show with, and well, if they eliminate her after this beautiful personal content, I will be very very angry.

Cody and Jesse caught up solo to talk through the best move for their game moving forward, unsure whether it was a good idea to keep Ryan around as a meat shield despite the risk that voting out Cassidy could potentially piss off her allies Karla and James. Jesse rightly pointed out that going to tribal council second gives them more options, suggesting that if Owen goes out they keep Cassidy around to keep James and Karla happy, while if James is gone, they could be safe to take a shot. Locking in their options, they approached Gabler to get him on board and well, this could really be interesting!

At tribal council they were positively shocked to see James sitting on the jury, though also a little bit delighted, TBH. Jesse spoke about how James clearly was in a powerful position before the split while Ryan was concerned about what his boot meant for any alliances he was in. Cassidy made Probst very happy, talking about the monster coming to get for them, particularly given they are now back to a small tribe dynamic. Ryan too was concerned, given it only takes three votes to be out of the game. We flipped back to Cassidy who spoke about how difficult it is to handle having conversations and then see the people you just spoke to disappearing to talk to other people.

Cody meanwhile loved being safe, though felt it came with the heavy price of having a little power and feeling like he was in the driver’s seat for the night. Ryan agreed that people spent more time talking to Cody than him, though he had 30 pounds of clams in his bag and well, should they vote him out, he is happy to walk out with them. While Cassidy was just nervous about how the vote will reverberate through the dynamics when the groups come back together. With that the tribe voted and tragically booted zaddy Ryan – and his clams – from the game.

After quickly dishing up James his jam, I ran to find Ryan in Ponderosa and pulled him in for a massive hug, assuring him that he played a great game. But more importantly, reminded him that he is such an inspiration and is SUPER hot to boot and as such, if he isn’t invited back to the very next possible All Stars season, I will riot, or something. He obviously thought I was joking about everything, so we laughed and celebrated his success with a big, fat bowl of Ryan Wedgranos.

You know I have a passion for fried potato in all their forms, but there is something super special about wedges. I mean, a little spiced, chunky enough to give you the perfect balance of crunch and fluff, AND their frequent collaboration with sour cream. How could you go wrong?

Enjoy!

Ryan Wedgranos
Serves: 2 dear friends that would make a glorious couple.

Ingredients
1 ½ tsp paprika
1 tsp garlic powder
½ tsp onion powder
1 tsp salt
½ tsp pepper
1 tsp dried oregano
½ cup parmesan cheese, grated
1 kg potatoes, peeled and cut each into 8 wedges
3 tbsp olive oil
sour cream and sweet chilli, to serve

Method
Preheat the oven to 220°C.

Mix the paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, salt, pepper, oregano and parmesan in a bowl. Place the potatoes in a large bowl and drizzle with the oil and sprinkle over the spice mix. Toss until well coated.

Spread the wedges out in a single layer on lined baking sheets, ensuring one of the cut sides are face down. Bake for 30-45 minutes, turning once halfway through to the other cut edge, and bake until browned and crisp.

Then devour them with a vat of sour cream and sweet chilli, which is customary in a pub.


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