Shirazirie Fields Salad

Australian Survivor, Salad, Side, Snack, Survivor, Survivor: Australia V The World, Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands, Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor Shonee was the odd one out in the final five, with the duos of Luke and Janine, and Parvati and Cirie locked and loaded to head to the final four together, despite the inherent risk of someone going out by fire. Which she expertly tried to remind everyone of, before turning her attention to making Janine’s real world success and highlighting that a professional keynote speaker is probably not the person you want to head to the end against. At the immunity challenge, our Queen Shonee, valiantly fought to earn her place in the top four, however the wind had other ideas, blowing over her stack and allowing Luke to score his third win. At tribal council Luke was torn between staying firm or making a wild move, so after Parvati pulled out her hidden immunity, he handed his immunity off to Janine after making her promise to let him go to fire. He then pulled out his idol and while he was tempted to play it for Shonee, he and Parv awkwardly played their idols for each other as Shonee was shown the door.

To reiterate, breaking the heart of the nation in the process.

Given it is the finale, we got a lovely Parvati confessional about how spicy the game has been from the start and that she feels like she has had to earn her place each and every day. Cirie was overwhelmed by just how tough the Aussies played the game, while Luke was thrilled to prove himself the King of the Jungle once again. And while Janine wasn’t given a cold-open confessional, she is a legend and, one assumes, was ready to dominate this ‘ere finale.

The next day Parvati went for a swim in the ocean, talking about how much she wanted to make up for her loss in Samoa 15 years earlier, putting it down to a bitter jury. Plus, this is her best game yet, not even securing a vote despite being a target from day one. Before she spoke about how grateful she is to still have her Survivor soulmate by her side. Cirie too was thrilled to still have Parvati in the game, knowing that she can easily secure the win as the undisputed best to never win. If she makes it to the end. The only thing that concerned her, however, was how Luke would perform in front of a jury, because she was rather confident that he could be a threat. So much so, that the girls were grateful to have Janine agree to vote with them to take him out. While Janine assured us that the only way she is turning on Luke is if it comes down to the two of them.

Luke meanwhile was feeling rather emotional, given he was voted out in fourth – as our first male Fourth Place Robbed Goddess – last time he played five years ago, and he was now ready for his redemption. He was proud of having fought from the bottom all game, and was hopeful that his relationship with Janine would be enough to at least give him the shot at fire.

If he doesn’t win immunity, of course.

After a supercut of the iconic, torturous final immunity challenges of yore, the final four met JLP by the shore where four giant devices stood. He explained that they would each stand on narrow pegs holding heavy weights, moving onto narrower pegs as they go, with the last person standing jagging final immunity and guaranteeing their place in the final tribal council. Everyone appeared to be pretty uncomfortable straight out of the gate, except for Parvati, who was frankly just vibing. After half an hour Cirie fell off after valiantly trying to save herself. At the one hour mark, JLP made the rest of them move onto narrower pegs, which really dialled up the pain and saw Janine lose her spot. Luke continued to struggle like every straight man in a reformer class, as Parvati stood like a statue. While that was happening, Janine and Cirie started to gossip, with Cirie confirming that Janine needs to stick with them, unless she wants to go to fire. As Luke willed Parvati to slip, she assured him that this is 100% her challenge and she will take out immunity. At the 90 minute mark they moved to the narrowest pegs and while they both made the transition, it wasn’t long before Luke finally lost his place in the challenge, handing Parvati immunity and a spot in the final tribal council. Her first final immunity win to boot!

Parvati was in tears, Luke could barely move and ugh, seeing them all support each other was honestly so lovely to watch.

Back at camp Parvati turned her attention to making sure Cirie would sit in the final three with her, as the duo giggled about sharing breakfast together tomorrow. Parvati pointed out that if Luke made it to the final tribal council, they’re all in trouble. As much trouble as Cirie will be if she has to make fire against Luke, so they just had to make sure Janine voted with them. While that was happening, Janine and Luke were busy pledging their undying loyalty to each other, with Luke extremely hopeful that Janine would make good on her promise and at least give him his opportunity at fire.

Cirie arrived and pulled her aside to talk through their options, with her reiterating that Luke is the most likely to win out of everyone left and as such, getting rid of him is their only shot. And while I am confident that Parvati and Cirie played the better game, I will let the argument slide. While Janine debated about whether she wanted to keep her word, or improve her chances of winning. Improve being the operative word, as I believe she doesn’t think she wins against anyone, so is likely to just go with the option to help whoever she is closest to. But I digress.

At tribal council the jury were delighted to see Parvati wearing immunity as she spoke about how special this season has been for her, because everyone has been so lovely and played so hard. She admitted that she would love to pull out the victory and take the crown back the US, though the season has clearly not come down to tribal lines post merge, as they’ve been focused on playing the game at the highest level. Luke admitted that he was rather nervous tonight, and was hoping he and Janine could stay Aussie strong one final time. Janine spoke about needing to play for herself but that the lines have blurred, because she knows how important it is to have the right people against her.

Parvati spoke about how desperately she would love to have Cirie at the end with her as this game has been all about redemption, with Cirie agreeing that she would love to make it to the end after almost 20 years playing the game. As she’d love to finally retire. After Parvati and Cirie agreed that they would be voting together, Janine spoke about feeling like either way, she would be disappointing someone tonight. And sometimes you need to stop thinking, and just go with what you promised. With that the tribe voted and despite her assurance that she would be with them, Janine stuck with Luke, tying things up and forcing Luke and Cirie into fire.

They took their places behind their stations, with Parvati quickly getting to work coaching Cirie as they started scraping magnesium. As expected, Luke was the first to get a flame and following Sarah’s lead, rocked it into a fire as he tried to light kindling. It all fell apart as the jury started to squirm as Cirie finally jagged a flame. She slowly started to build a fire as Luke desperately tried to rebuild his, which he did, just as Cirie’s disappeared. Luke’s fire then collapsed, as Shonee told him to chill, while Cirie calmly worked away and built a healthy fire. She and Luke continued to feed their fires in the hope it would be big enough to burn through the rope and ugh, it was honestly so damn stressful as they both came so close so many times. Ultimately, though, Luke was first to burn through the rope, earning his spot in final tribal council and sending Cirie out of the game.

By fire. At four. Once again. As she, Lisa and every single fan cried. While fate decided to play the cruellest joke, as her flame burnt through the rope as she spoke about her journey with JLP. Though vowed she will never lose fire making again. The one bit of solace I take, is that she now also holds the distinction of being the final torch snuffed by JLP, and honestly, that feels right for both of the icons.

Seeing Cirie’s latest game end the same way her first one did was truly gutwrenching, so she followed my rage screams all the way to the Jury Villa where I leaped into her arms and cried for so long that we almost missed the final tribal council. Thankfully I can now share – as you already know – that she was able to make me stop crying by letting me know that this definitely won’t be happening to her on Survivor 50, as she will employ Luke and Sarah to train her every day until she flies out with Probst and Co. And while it didn’t take away all the pain, it did fill me with a little bit of hope. As did the knowledge that she earned another iconic game placement, as the Fourth Place Robbed Goddess of the season. And that is always worthy of a celebratory Shirazirie Fields Salad.

To quote Pride and Prejudice and The Simpsons once again, it is a fact universally acknowledged that you don’t make friends with salad. Which is actually why I chose to make this for Cirie, as she is so damn likeable, she would never need to rely on food to make friends. Buuutttttttt, if she did, this salad is the final exception to the rule. It packs a massive punch of herbs and citrus, it would have anyone coming back for more.

Enjoy!

Shirazirie Fields Salad
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
3 roma tomatoes, diced
2 lebanese cucumbers, diced
½ red onion, diced
½ green capsicum, diced
small handful of parsley, chopped
small handful of coriander, chopped
small handful of mint, chopped
1 tbsp dried mint
1 tsp sumac
salt and pepper, to taste
2 limes, zested and juiced
2 tbsp olive oil

Method
Like most salads, this isn’t the most difficult one to make. Combine the tomato, cucumber, onion and capsicum in a bowl, and stir to combine.

Toss through the herbs and sumac with a good whack of salt and pepper, before adding the lime zest and juice, and olive.

Stir to combine, cover and pop in the fridge for an hour to allow the flavours to come together. Then, and only then, do you serve.


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Nathan Freematriciana Sauce

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Condiment, Pasta, Sauce, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Feras found a buried treasure, which, after grabbing a key from their reward, was able to unlock and learn it was home to an idol. Tragically for him, he was caught by everyone and while he tried to keep it secret, it was clear no one believed him. At the immunity challenge he stirred the pot with the Titans, asking whether anyone had found their treasure yet. And while they questioned whether he was being truthful, Mark’s ears well and truly pricked up on the way to the Titans narrowly jagging another immunity. Back at camp Aileen emerged to orchestrate a split vote between Alex and Tobias, which would ultimately result in Sarah having to decide which of her allies go home. Knowing he would be a threat if he didn’t, Feras played his not-so-hidden idol before Kelli stirred things up by switching her vote to Tobias and sending him out of the game without needing to involve Sarah.

The next day the mood was rather sombre at the Rebels camp as Sarah was in tears over Tobias’ surprise exit. On her birthday, no less. Kelli decided to be up front with her, admitting she changed plans at tribal because she felt it was the right thing to do. Kelli then broke down in tears and recited poetry as Sarah tried not to smack her, and hot damn, Sarah and Alex are in with a chance. As that little display is honestly enough to flip anyone into getting rid of her. Kelli approached Alex and implied that she is the sole reason he is still here, overstepping and telling him it was to allow him the chance to grow. And that he owes her, essentially. Instead, he started to run through names of other people he could work with. Feras and Kirby meanwhile were hanging in the ocean, assuring each other that there won’t be any more secrets between them. And that trust is still there. After they split up, Alex and Sarah approached Kirby to float the idea of making a move against Feras, given he is in a power position. And is the holder of the Titans’ treasure key.

Over at Titans, Jaden and Winna were busy singing everyone awake in the style of my dear Celine Dion – in honour of her triumphant Grammys appearance, no doubt –  before talk turned to the potential treasure chest. Charles and Mark were well and truly believing everything Feras told them, while the rest of the tribe were a little bit disinterested. Mark opened up about the fact Viola and Valeria are his closest allies, and as such, they got to work hunting for the chest together. Well, Mark and Valeria, that is. Viola was busy being bench-pressed by Jaden. After finding it and realising it was locked, they quickly rehid it and returned back to camp to figure out how to convince the Rebels to hand him the key.

The tribes came together with Jonathan in the middle of the jungle for the latest reward challenge where they would have to face off one at a time, racing to knock over the other tribe’s two idols of perches. With the first tribe to 4 jagging a full kids birthday party. Alex and Nathan were first to battle with Alex quickly jagging the first point for the Rebels. Valeria then scored for the Titans, mainly because Rianna once again made an odd choice in a challenge. And side note, could someone check on her as she seems to be struggling with the lack of food. Feras then overcame Jaden, before Kirby played it super smart and destroyed Viola and then Charles and Ray tried for the same strategy, well, after Ray was adorable and chatty with Charles about video games. Oh but Ray wasn’t just iconic and adorbs, he was also the hero, as he secured the win for the Rebels.

They arrived at the party and immediately started smashing all the snacks in sight, before Sarah thanked everyone for holding space for her when she was struggling in the morning. And for dominating in the challenge and scoring her an actual birthday party. Everyone congratulated Ray for being a hero in the challenge, before they found photos from home and completely got distracted. Kirby opened up about her family growing up, Garrick was adorbs dressed as batman, Sarah spoke about her and her dad’s beach trips before Kelli dried her tears long enough to open up about her family. We powered through pretty quickly, so the cliffsnotes are that Aileen grew up in Nepal and Feras has not changed in 30 years. After letting their guards down and opening up, Feras asked if anyone has any ideas who they should give the key to on the Titans tribe, with him wanting to cause as much chaos as possible. While Kirby admitted to us that Feras’ power scares her and while they are close, she knows she needs to stay one step ahead of him, lest she want to be blindsided.

Everyone reunited with Jonathan for an epic obstacle course immunity challenge where they have to race to chop through a log to release planks, go up and over a tower, use the planks to build a bridge, solve a hanging plank puzzle and then use coconuts to knock off the puzzle. After begging to participate all through the reward, Kelli was firm that she wanted to be part of a heroic section of the challenge. But to get there, Jaden and Alex had to absolutely demolish their logs. Obviously Jaden got the Titans out to a small lead, though the Rebels were hot on their heels building the first ladder. The Rebels started to pull out in front until Kelli hit the bridge and slowed everyone down, leaving the tribe to grow angrier and angrier about her existence. The Titans quickly solved their puzzle, and to quote Jonathan, Nathan busted nut after nut, as he secured another immunity for the Titans. As Garrick fumed about needing Kelli gone immediately.

Back at camp it was hard for everyone to hide their rage at Kelli as they lamented about the loss. As she went for a swim with Kirby, everyone straight up talked shit about her decision making skills and the fact she won’t even admit she was wrong. While Kirby tried to get through to her and make her see that she let the tribe down. As everyone locked in the easy Kelli vote, Kirby assured her that she does feel like Kelli is useful to her game. That is, if she promises to vote with her. Kelli tried to join up with everyone at the well, with them all wandering off to find Kirby instead. Scott and Alex tried to point out that Kelli needs to go, with her straight up refusing, given she isn’t a threat and is disposable each and every week and instead, she’d like to get rid of Feras. And while the boys pretended they were on board, their faces say they are ready to get rid of Kelli and to get back to winning. While Alex just wanted to stick with the numbers.

Feras and Garrick meanwhile were catching up in the shelter, hoping that Kirby will remain loyal and they will be able to finally get rid of Kelli. Alex joined them to try and discuss the plan before Kelli followed and sighed in their general vicinity. As they walked away from her, she found the girls with everyone locking in the vote for Feras. As Alex approached Garrick and Feras to confirm their plans, Kirby sent Kelli over to annoy them. Leaving Alex mere seconds to blurt out the plan to blindside him.

Obviously this infuriated Feras who was hurt by the fact Kirby was gunning for him, despite the fact he trusted her. The boys then floated the idea of getting rid of Rianna instead, to leave Kirby all by her lonesome. And I assume, because she is making silly decisions in challenges like Kelli. Feras and Garrick split up to float the idea and find their six votes, with Feras hoping to flip Aileen and Scott to vote with them. Scott continued to have a breakout episode, happily agreeing to get rid of Rianna, given he is close to Kirby and getting rid of Ri leaves Kirby alone to ride with him. Which is smart.

At tribal council Kirby spoke about the importance of people being in the right position in challenges if they want to avoid coming back to tribal council. With Alex barely hiding his disdain for Kelli bombing the challenge. She in turn tried to say that he sucked chopping the wood – which he didn’t, sorry – before Garrick cut in and told them how draining their feud is. JLP then announced that the tribal council will play out a little bit differently tonight, as instead of voting to send someone home, they will be sending someone to the Titans as a saboteur. Immediately making Kirby question her plans, given Feras has the key and sending him to the Titans is handing him even more power. JLP outlined that all the saboteur would have to do is bomb the next immunity challenge and send them back to tribal council. If they succeed, they come back to the Rebels. But if the Titans win the next immunity challenge, they stay on the other tribe.

Scott pointed out that it sounds like the perfect job for Kelli, while she suggested that Feras makes much more sense. Feras admitted he would be happy to go, knowing full well he can unlock the treasure. Feras and Kelli both tried to pitch Feras to go, with Kirby desperately – and obviously – getting her to offer herself up. Kirby grew so anxious about Feras going, she almost offered herself, before admitting that she just doesn’t trust what Feras would do when he makes it to the over tribe. Kirby spiralled more and more, as Kelli panicked about doing it, leading to Scott stepping in and calmly pointing out there is no way she would fail, so it is minimal risk. Which I guess we will find out, as the tribe voted and unanimously sent her to join the Titans as a saboteur. Well, after Alex gleefully pointed out that Kelli is good at everything and is a physical powerhouse and as such, there is no way she could possibly fail.

We followed Kelli over to the Titans tribe where Kelli delighted in waking everyone up, which they, obviously, hated. Winna thought they were under attack before realising they have a new tribe member who literally dove into the shelter. She then told tales about how she was in a beautiful alliance, but then added she was voted out unanimously, which obviously had both Mark and Eden realising it was all bullshit. While Kelli, bless, assumed that once again, she was doing a stellar job.

The next morning over at the Rebels, they were rested and recharged after a quiet Kelli free night. Alex was overjoyed and positively buzzing, as they reflected on how harmonious things now were. Kirby meanwhile was a little nervous, realising that the twist at tribal council ruined the potential blindside and as such, Feras knows he can’t trust her. As Kirby was debriefing with Scott, he shared that Feras had thrown out Ri for the last tribal council, making her feel even more heat. Scott went and looped in Ri, and pointed out they needed to come up with a plan ASAP. You know, aside from Kirby’s repeated get rid of Feras.

We checked in with Titans where Winna and Nathan were ogling Jaden’s ripped bod before they ventured back to camp to learn more about Kelli. And quickly realised that despite them being on the bottom of the Titans tribe, Kelli has bought them one more round, given she is the obvious target should they return to tribal council. Charles and Eden then questioned her about the treasure, with her being very vague about the note – probably genuinely – before spilling that there is likely an idol inside. In a panic, Mark and Viola made a run for it to try and find the box and rather than wait for the key, Mark literally tore the box open and jagged it. And after quickly celebrating, found Valeria to fill her in. Oh and Valeria reiterated that she does not trust Caroline. At all. Even a little bit, which is an iconic feud that I never knew I needed.

The tribes reunited with Jonathan for the latest reward challenge where they would perch between two frames in duos back to back, standing on small footholds, with the last pair standing winning their tribe a glorious coffee and toastie reward. Almost instantly, Garrick and Ray dropped for the Rebels, followed by Jaden and Nathan at the Titans. Tragically the Vs couldn’t get it together and were the next to go, followed by Kelli and Caroline, leaving Charles and Kitty to carry the hopes of the Titans on their literal back. After ten minutes, the remaining pairs stepped down to a smaller foothold and were all still going after twenty minutes, when they had to go to tiny ones. Which saw Sarah and Kirby drop instantly, followed by Charles and Kitty, handing the Rebels yet another reward.

Arriving back at camp, the Rebels were delighted to see the sheer bounty of food and coffee waiting by the fire. Everyone got to work smashing sandwich after sandwich, while Feras kept his eyes firmly on Kirby. Who was busy talking to Scott and Rianna about how best to move forward. Feras then turned his attention to idol hunting, pulling Ray aside to assist, as everyone else made coffee. And while Feras literally had his hand on the idol multiple times before realising it, he eventually spotted it and popped it in his pocket for safe keeping. Not wanting to use it to just save himself once, Feras caught up with Alex to let him know about the idol, followed by Scott, hoping that it would spread like wildfire and buy him even more time.

Things were decidedly less exciting over at the Titans, as Caroline was heartbroken to have missed out on reward. And kinda, sorta became the food tyrant of the tribe, yelling at the boys for eating too much. So now it is Winna and Nathan, and the Vs that hate Caroline. In turn, she was ready to get rid of Nathan ASAP to guarantee they have as much food for everyone as possible. Oh and in Kelli updates, she was vibing on all the conversations she was having with the Titans and was questioning whether throwing the challenge is really the right move for her game. Which is the most Kelli thing that Kelli has said in six episodes.

JLP made his triumphant return for the next immunity challenge where the tribes would race to untangle rope to release paddles, paddle out to collect blocks and then use the blocks to solve a word puzzle. While the rest of the tribe held up a platform on which it would be solved. Oh and despite needing to sabotage the challenge, now was the time for Kelli to choose to sit out. Rebels were first to unlock their chest as the Titans nipped at their heels. They continued to power through the water until they did a little loop, though still managed to make it to shore with a decent lead. Which evaporated, given it is a puzzle and Jaden is ripped. Aileen though made quick work of the puzzle and they managed to spell it, lower their platform with ease and save themselves from tribal council. While Kelli watched on like she had saved herself, despite not doing her job as saboteur. Which, again, is classic Kelli.

Back at camp Kelli admitted to us that she sat out of the immunity challenge because she loves the Titans and just couldn’t bear the thought of sabotaging them. Caroline caught up with Kitty and pushed to get rid of Nathan, given he is literally eating them out of house and home. They quickly pulled in Mark and got to work orchestrating a split between Jaden and Nathan. They looped everyone in, before Winna approached them at the well, with Viola letting him know the plan was to get rid of Nathan. And while he said he thought he could get Jaden onboard, he appeared to be wavering. Eden sensed something was up, asking if he was sure he could turn on them. With him assuring Eden he was fine with it. Everyone quickly got in on the plan, with Winna telling Nathan the plan was instead Kelli.

Mark approached Viola to see whether she believed it was a good idea to go with the safe Nathan vote, or whether it was time to make a move against the middle aged mafia and get rid of Caroline instead. Given she is rubbing everyone the wrong way. Nathan meanwhile admitted to Jaden that he felt like the tribe was primed to blindside him, proving he has a pretty solid read on things. As everyone came together by the fire for dinner, Caroline continued to sass people for eating too much. Viola then got to work throwing out her name as another option, quickly getting the boys on board. After she left, Winna suggested that maybe this is all a ploy to confuse them as Nathan tried to keep him calm. And Jaden looked forward to fireworks at tribal council. Nathan caught up with Kelli by the fire, as the Vs and Mark circled back to confirm Caroline is an option. Though worried if they can really trust the boys to vote with them.

At tribal council Eden spoke about how sending Kelli to the Titans was wise for the Rebels, given she is both open and friendly. Mark questioned whether she was a spy before JLP and Kelli admitted that she was in fact sent over as a saboteur and since they lost immunity – albeit through no work from Kelli – she would be returning to the Rebels, as she held back tears. 

Immediately moving on, Nathan spoke about how he has spent the game playing catch-up after not making the right relationships at the start. Eden spoke about how not everyone is aware they could be in trouble, while Valeria suggested they needed to be cautious every single time. Caroline spoke about feeling mildly confident that she is on the right side of the vote, while Kitty suggested that everyone that matters knows the plan, as Jaden laughed about needing to talk to people. Despite laughing it off and trying to act like he was out of the loop, Kitty told him to just hold firm and stick to the plan. And when JLP pointed out that he just said he wasn’t across it, she cut him down and assured him that Jaden was across it. With that the tribe voted and despite the potential excitement, Nathan was shown the door. Tragically, alongside his speedos.

Nathan followed my wailing sobs all the way to Loser Lodge, where I quickly ran into his ripped arms for a hug. He held me as I cried for about 30 minutes, as I sobbed about only having Alex’s speedos left in the game. Despite being arrogant in the first couple of episodes, Nathan is also super kind as he assured me that while his speedos may be gone, I will always have the memory of them. And honestly, that line alone is enough for me to lobby 10 to pop him on the next All Stars. Until then, however, I had to settle with slurping down a big, thick jug of his Nathan Freematriciana Sauce.

Rich, lightly salted and packing a little heat, amatriciana sauce may not be the most famous out of Italy, but it is one of the best. Better still, it is so quick and easy, it is the perfect solution when you don’t know what you want for dinner.

Enjoy!

Nathan Freematriciana Sauce
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, diced
200g pancetta, diced
1 tsp chilli flakes
5 garlic cloves, minced
800g can diced tomatoes
¼ cup parsley, roughly chopped
kosher salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Pop the oil in a deep skillet over medium heat and cook the onion, pancetta, chilli and garlic for five minutes, stirring frequently. Or until the onion is soft and sweet. Add the tomato paste and cook off for a minute before stirring through the tin tomatoes. Bring to the boil, reduce to a simmer and cook for 10 minutes, or until it comes together. Add the parsley and season to taste.

Serve with your favourite pasta with a generous helping of parmesan, obvi.


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Cottage Topieas Grant

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Main, Pie, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor 24 castaways were marooned on the island of Samoa, split into tribes based on their levels of success or application of rules. Honestly, it is still kinda confusing, TBH. Despite the Titans implying strength, they bombed back-to-back-to-almost back immunity challenges, until the Rebels felt it was a good idea to throw number three. You see, the Cuddle Crew – aka the muscled up quartet who are making a play for showmances – felt their strength was enough to carry the tribe and they could afford to lose a challenge and get rid of Kelli. Presumably so they could get some sleep. Back at camp after the challenge, the cool kids thought they were in control, particularly after Peta jagged an idol. Kirby meanwhile wasn’t happy with the plan to get rid of Kelli, so brought the rest of the tribe together to blindside the Cuddle Crew, given 8 is more than 4. At tribal council, though, Kirby  voted with them so they felt they had an ally. Which went off without a hitch as Peta was shown the door with an idol in her pocket.

The next day Kelli was still all energy, no doubt emboldened by the fact she survived tribal council. We finally got to meet Aileen, who opened up about feeling like she would be in charge of the tribe before the game, but thus far, she is overwhelmed by being surrounded by such big personalities. And that is not just Kelli. She opened up about feeling like she has let her family down by not going to an ivy league school, however, was proud to have found success her own way. Which is a lot of getting to know you, meaning she is either out tonight, or is pulling off a big move. So I guess, either way, the Rebels will be back at tribal council tonight.

We checked in with the Titans where things were very zen as everyone had a leisurely morning after their night off. Viola was teaching people how to dance, while Caroline was proud that the Middle Aged Mafia were able to take control and she was able to defy the odds of the older woman archetype. We then learnt a little more about her career as a midwife and how it set her up to know when things could potentially go wrong. Which made her trust her gut when she felt Mark was growing closer to the two Vs, and as such, watched them like a hawk. Sadly she wasn’t stealth about it though, so Valeria instantly clocked it and wondered what the hell her problem was. Valeria found Mark to see if he knew why Caroline was acting weird, warning him that she may need to be dealt with sooner rather than later.

Over at the Rebels Alex was fully aware that throwing the challenge was a bad idea, so instead of gloating like he had planned, he was stuck sucking up to everyone and making sure they knew they had a friend in him. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Kirby was thrilled that her plan went off without a hitch. Well, almost, as Garrick confronted her about why she voted with the Cuddle Crew. In front of Kelli, no less. He then exited in tears, heartbroken by the betrayal, while Feras was simply annoyed to be played and motivated to see her sneakiness and raise it. He then went for a wander through the jungle where he discovered a locked box, but given he clearly didn’t have the key, he covered it up and vowed to return ASAP, given he knew it had to hold something powerful.

The tribes reunited with Jonathan for a reward challenge where they would face off two at a time, racing to ring a bell, while also grappling sumo at sea style. And given the first tribe to 3 won a massive grazing plate, everyone was ready to fight. First up were Tobias and Feras were quickly felled by Jaden and Nathan, despite Nathan literally almost drowning for a couple of seconds. Caroline and Viola did battle with Kirby and Rianna, with Rianna absolutely demolishing and winning before anyone realised it had started. Eden and Kitty faced Kirby and Garrick, with Kirby proving to be a lucky charm as she jagged another point before Winna and Mark were defeated by Tobias and Scott who scored reward for the Rebels.

They returned to camp and immediately got to smashing the snacks with everyone forgetting the drama of the day before. That is until they noticed three keys sitting on the table and the calm was broken up as everyone speculated what they could be for. Kirby was wise, telling the tribe they should split into three groups to go hunt for whatever the treasure is. Feras sprung into action, pulling Garrick and Raymond aside to go hunt with him, knowing he could trust them. As Ray was running interference, Feras and Garrick unlocked an idol and a key with a note directing them to give it to the other tribe. Tragically as he was reading the note, Alex wandered up and interrupted the celebrations. Which obviously left him stressed, as he tried to figure out a way out of it. As such, he went back to camp and read the note for everyone, hiding the fact he had an idol, offering to empty his bag and pockets to prove it.

While everyone said they believed him, their faces said otherwise. Alex even pulled him aside to double check, as Feras stuck to his story and Alex assured him he believed it, despite both of them knowing it was all lies. Resulting in Feras deciding Alex now needs to be the next one out.

The tribes joined Jonathan on the beach for the latest immunity challenge where Feras asked the Titans if they had found the treasure box which they assumed was a troll, as the Rebels joined in the sledging. But back to the challenge. The tribes would face off in rounds of aquatic dodgeball with the first tribe to three jagging immunity. Kirby, Feras, Raymond and Aileen faced off against Nathan, Viola, Kitty and Mark as Feras looped Mark in on the box as they wrestled before Nathan made quick work of knocking out the Rebels and scoring the first point for the Titans. Tobias, Sarah, Garrick and Rianna made quick work of Caroline, Valeria, Winna and Eden to tie things up, before Kirby won the battle of the AFL players opposite Nathan, giving Rebels the lead. Eden, Winna, Viola and Mark evened things up after Rianna tried to eliminate Eden, who was already eliminated, allowing Winna to single handedly keep them in it. Before Charles, Caroline, Valeria and Jaden owned the court and won immunity for the Titans.

Back at camp the Rebels were gutted to technically lose their first immunity challenge, lamenting how close they came to victory. After pleasantries, everyone split up to start scrambling, with Tobias confident that being strong, popular and a hard worker means he is guaranteed to be safe. Which didn’t bode well for the first three boots, but you do you boo. As he tended to the fire, Aileen decided that cutting the arrogant still needed to be the name of the game, pulling the mega alliance aside to lock in a vote split on Alex and Tobias, forcing Sarah to decide which of her allies go home. As is becoming the pattern, Alex interrupted things though could tell by the silence he should still be worried. Aileen and Kelli went to fill Kirby in, with her happy to go along with it. Sadly, it was that moment that Kelli decided to spiral and worry that maybe, just maybe, she will catch some strays.

The boys and Rianna were still sitting in silence around the well, before Feras opted to suggest that the tribe could unite to get rid of Kelli. And given that is literally his dream, Alex was all in. To Feras’ face, that is, as instead, Alex wanted to try for a sneaky little blindside of one of the power players. Sarah meanwhile was checking in with Kirby and Kelli, with Tobias and Alex quickly joining them to float the idea of blindsiding Feras. After splitting up, Sarah grew paranoid about Feras playing the idol they think he has, though Alex assured her that he would be too proud to play his idol. By the shelter, Feras grew nervous about trusting Kirby and Ri after the move they pulled at the previous tribal council, and despite the fact Aileen and Rianna assured him he doesn’t need to worry, he was still clearly spooked about going home with an idol in his pocket.

At tribal council Feras spoke about his shit stirring at the challenge, hoping that mentioning the chest would be enough to create a little chaos. Aileen agreed that it was enough to sow confusion, with Kelli admitting stirring the pot is literally her passion. Alex spoke about how Kelli reminds him of his mother and like her, they butt heads from time to time. With Kelli laughing about how she isn’t bothered by it, giving she doesn’t get pressed, but he does. On the love to hate scale, both admitted it will be hard to get things to the love end of the spectrum. Talk turned to the previous tribal council, with Alex admitting the blindside hurt and as such, he cautioned everyone to do something if they are nervous. Tobias admitted he is feeling pretty good, given he cooked everyone dinner and allowed the chaos to happen. Sadly for him though, Kelli and Feras felt it was a little arrogant and rude.

Kirby spoke about how quickly things change, while Rianna was just hopeful to be on the right side of the numbers given all the names she heard that afternoon. Feras started to grow nervous about the vote, feeling just a little too easy, which Garrick agreed with, begging everyone to make the choice to unite the tribe. After a sneeze from Kelli, the tribe voted as Feras took off his jumper to show off his idol, before promptly playing it. Sadly it wasn’t necessary, however, as Kirby and Rianna stood with the outcasts and split the vote between Alex and Tobias. Well almost, as Kelli flipped her vote last minute and eliminated Tobias without forcing Sarah to make the choice.

As he arrived at Loser Lodge Tobias was well and truly confused, given he is totally likeable and didn’t bother scrambling pre-tribal council. Which always screams, I am a great option for you to work with down the line! Obviously I unleashed, Tyra-style, given he is a totally zaddy and while he didn’t rock a speedo like our himbo kings, I would have been happy to have more episodes to look at him. But no, he gave Kelli nothing, and she opted she would have better luck with Alex. As I descended into tears, he pulled me in for a massive hug and apologised for relying on that body, and given it was a reference to Drag Race, I instantly flipped, forgave him and toasted his week with a freshly baked Cottage Topieas Grant.

There is nothing quite like a perfectly portioned little cottage pie to make you forget your troubles. Flakey pastry, rich meat and the creamiest of creamy mashes? Before you even add the cheese, it is glorious.

Enjoy!

Cottage Topieas Grant
Serves: 4-8.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, diced
4 garlic cloves, minced
500g lamb mince
¼ cup flour
2 cups chicken stock
400g diced tin tomatoes
2 tbsp tomato sauce
1 ½ tbsp worcestershire sauce
1 zucchini, grated
½ cup diced carrots
2 sheets shortcrust pastry
3-4 cups Gabriel Mash
2 cups cheddar cheese, grated

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat and cook the onion, stirring occasionally, for 4 minutes or until soft. Add the garlic and cook for a minute, before stirring in the mince, breaking up with a wooden spoon to avoid lumps, for about five minutes, or until cooked through.

Sprinkle the flour over the mince mixture and cook, stirring, for 1 minute. Gradually add the stock while stirring constantly. Followed by the tin tomatoes and sauces. Bring to the boil, reduce to low and simmer for about 10 minutes, or until thickened and reduced. Then and only then, stir in the zucchini and carrots. Remove from the heat

Cut each pastry sheet in quarters and press into individual pie dishes. Prick the bases with a fork, line with some baking sheet and fill with pastry weights and blind bake for 10 minutes before removing the pastry weights and cooking for a further couple of minutes to brown.

Divide the meat between the 8 prepared pastry cases, top with a layer of mash and finish with a sprinkle of cheese. Transfer the dishes to a baking sheet and pop in the oven to bake for half an hour, or until golden and set. Remove from the oven and allow to rest for five minutes before slathering with some tomato relish and devouring through the pain.


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Gemee Yonce Shephennel Pie

Canada's Drag Race 4, Canada’s Drag Race, Main, Pie, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Canada’s Drag Race after a very dramatic episode and Untucked, the dolls zenned out a little as they played the Snatch Game. After being the centre of all the drama in the last episode, Melinda absolutely dominated and took out her first win of the season. While at the other end of the pack, Kiki, Luna and Aurora bombed or in the latter’s case, were one note and landed in the bottom. Despite all the dolls suggesting nobody should be saved twice in the season, Melinda kept serving mother and returned the favour by saving Kiki. Again. Doing nothing to dispell Kitten’s rumours about an alliance. But that is another problem for another time, as Aurora slayed the lip sync and sent poor Luna home.

And then promptly interrupted the dolls post show dancing spree to announce that this week, two would be going home in a Lip Sync Slay Off. And just like that, joy turned to dread.

Backstage Aurora was thrilled to still be in the competition, though feeling guilty to have been the one to send Luna home. As they sat down, Kitten led the dolls in praising her for a killer performance, with everyone agreeing they have no interest in facing off against her in a lip sync. And given they are about to compete in a lip sync battle, I guess she is guaranteed to stay. Talk turned to Melinda saving Kiki, with her admitting she was happy to pay her back despite what anyone else may think. While her sisters were less than impressed. Talk turned to the upcoming challenge with everyone both gagged and excited, while Kitten was worried she may not get back up should she try for a death drop. On account of her age.

The next day the dolls were well and truly buzzing, while Melinda was just thrilled to be the star of the season given she serves drama. Talk turned to the lip sync slay off, with Kiki looking forward to performing while Nearah was excited to see the trash take themselves out. Oh and then they found a note from Winnie Harlow, which thrilled everyone. After a visitor-less alarm, the dolls split up to beat their mugs and get ready for the lip sync with everyone bonding over the relationship between drag and how they feel about their bodies. Denim spoke about the journey of finding her body as a man, and then pivoting back to hyperfem for work. Venus then shared her journey with disordered eating and how she is working on herself to stay healthy.

As teased, Brooke, Traci and Brad were joined on the panel by Winnie Harlow as the dolls took the stge for the Lip Sync Slay Off Extravaganza. Brooke announced that the battle would feature three rounds, with the losers from round one all up for elimination, while the winners would continue until only one winner remained. The dolls were sent to the back of the stage as Nearah vowed to slaughter the week. But before that, Denim was first called out and selected to lip sync to I’m Not Here to make Friends. Melinda then selected That Don’t Impress Me Much, Venus went with Uninvited before Aurora locked in the first battle, facing off against Denim. Aimee elected to perform to Fever Dream with Nearah deeming her an easy win, so chose to face off against her and officially their feud. While Kitten opted to face off against Melinda, leaving Kiki to fight Venus.

Melinda and Kitten took their places on stage as the rest of the dolls were shipped off to the side. And well, Kitten was right to be scared of facing off against Melinda as she flipped and twirled her way around the stage. Kitten bless, looked absolutely stunning and was so damn cute, but looking perfect wasn’t the challenge, so tragically she was sent to the bottom four and Melinda through to the second round. They traded out with Aurora and Denim as I’m Not Here to Make Friends kicked off and absolutely turned a show. Both the dolls had the right energy, hit every lyric and gave it their all. But yeah, Aurora is a dancer and as such, was just that little more magnetic, which was all it took to send Denim through to the bottom. With Aurora and Melinda now safe, Nearah took the stage to finish off her nemesis Aimee to Fever Dream and yeah, Nearah was right to be confident, as she oozed sex across the stage and felled her enemy and continued on to the next round. While in the final heat, Venus leant into the stillness and mood of the song, feeling all the emotion and devouring, despite a strong showing from Kiki. Who sadly landed in the bottom.

Seeing who landed in the bottom four, it was very clear that one of the dolls had a far worse track record and as such was most likely to go home. So I hedged my bets and told Aimee that now was her time to catch up and get a little culinary comfort. Which as you will see, was very much the case given she was one of the two to go. But we’ll get to that. I pulled Aimee in for a massive hug, thanking her for giving us so much drama and fun this season. Because while Melinda is mother, Aimee would mother on any other season and that deserves as much love and respect as Melinda. Sorta. Or at teh very least, it deserves a big ol’ Gemee Yonce Shephennel Pie.

Gems are one of my most fave food items. I mean, in the world of potato products, they have the perfect balance of crispy outside and fluffy inside. And pop those perfectly ratioed little pockets on top of a shepherd’s pie and you’ve got perfection.

So just enjoy, ok!

Gemee Yonce Shephennel Pie
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, diced
4 garlic cloves, minced
500g lamb mince
¼ cup flour
2 cups chicken stock
400g diced tin tomatoes
2 tbsp tomato sauce
1 ½ tbsp worcestershire sauce
1 cup peas
½ cup diced carrots
40 Potato Gems
½ cup cheddar cheese, grated
½ cup mozzarella cheese, grated
chopped Italian parsley, to garnish

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat and cook the onion, stirring occasionally, for 4 minutes or until soft. Add the garlic and cook for a minute, before stirring in the mince, breaking up with a wooden spoon to avoid lumps, for about five minutes, or until cooked through.

Sprinkle the flour over the mince mixture and cook, stirring, for 1 minute. Gradually add the stock while stirring constantly. Followed by the tin tomatoes and sauces. Bring to the boil, reduce to low and simmer for about 10 minutes, or until thickened and reduced. Then and only then, stir in the peas and carrots.

Pour the mixture into a baking dish, arrange the potato gems on top of the mince mixture and sprinkle with the cheeses. Pop in the oven and bake for 20 minutes or until golden. Sprinkle with parsley, serve and devour. Like you deserve.


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Hollymajoun Star

Main, Pizza, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under 3, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race Down Under the dolls competed in a Drag Brunch Talent Show, which almost felt like the producers had another episode planned which got asked at the last minute and the two challenges were combined. But I digress. Flor was iconic from start to finish as she did a sexy CPR tutorial, Hollywould sang, Bumpa had no jokes, Gabriella was wacky with nothing but hula hoops while Isis was emotive and beautiful. And far and away won the challenge. At the other end of the pack, Hollywould was cautioned to open up before rightly being sent to safety, leaving Italy’s own Gabriella to tragically send Aunt Bumpa home.

Backstage Gabriella was feeling it after the lip sync, glad to have survived though heartbroken she took Bumpa’s chance in the process. The dolls thankfully praised Bumpa for being a damn icon before heading over to the couches to sit down and have a kiki. Isis was thrilled to jag her second win before speculating just who would be the one to miss out on a spot in the finale, telling Flor she is most likely to go given she is winless. While Hollywould speculated to us that it would be more likely Gabriella was going home, given Flor is at least consistent. 

The next day the doll’s were overjoyed to have made it to the top four, though Flor in particular was still just desperate to jag a win. They spoke about whether they had predicted that this would be the top four when they arrived, with Hollywould scalping Gabriella by saying she expected everyone but her to get to the end. Talk turned to Hollywould and Ru’s interaction on the mainstage with Flor, who speaks English as a second language, once again explaining that Ru meant she just wanted her to open up to the judges like she does to them, given she is so charming and lovely backstage.

Right on cue Ru dropped by and immediately warmed my cold heart by wheeling out four dogs and their owners. Who would become the newest members of the dolls’ drag families. Humans and dogs. As the winner of the previous challenge, Isis was able to pair everyone up, so jagged the skinny girl for herself, Gabriella got the zaddy, Hollywould got the alternative doll while Flor got the sweet, shorter lady.

The dolls pulled their human and dog aside for a get to know you session, with Isis’ dog instantly bonding with her while we learnt her human was queer. So yeah, slay. Arlene, doggy Ru and Hollywould were vibing hard, talking about the heaviness of mental health and how the love of dogs can help and ugh, I am in tears already. Flor meanwhile wasn’t winning over Burrito, while she and Grace did become the fastest of friends. Gabriella’s human meanwhile can sit on my face, though he and Billy are also icons and I only want good things for them.

Oh and then Gabriella wisely shared that her cat pissed in her drag bag once, which adds nothing, but is very important to me.

Ru made her ruturn to kiki with Hollywould and Arlene looking on as Ru and dog-Ru just vibed like the bestest of friends. Oh and then Ru confronted Hollywould about lying about her age which was honestly, iconic. Taina opened up about how much her brother loved drag growing up, before Isis gushed about how comfortable she was becoming in the race. Flor, Grace and Burrito meanwhile were charming and had Ru in absolute hysterics and ugh, I love it. Aaron, meanwhile, had Ru dripping, which, relatable. Before she challenged Gabriella to show more facets of herself and just feel everything, rather than overthinking things. 

After Ru left, Gabriella smartly focused on slutting Aaron up while Isis and Taina were having D&Ms about life and becoming the firmest friends and well, they are winning the challenge, right?

Flor, Grace and Burrito were first up to rehearse on the mainstage and while Flor was desperate to form a bond with Burrito for the gags, she was having none of it and TBH, I love it. Isis, Taina and Blue meanwhile were absolutely iconic before Hollywould and Dog Ru were energetic and iconic. The latter potentially a little too much. While Gabriella was focused on getting Billy off lead, like a seasoned performer.

Elimination Day arrived with the dolls kiking about how tired they are after staying up all night getting things ready. The dogs and their humans returned with Aaron unveiling her lack of moustache, arm and chest hair. They split up to get prepped with Isis and Taina giggling, Flor trying to get Grace in the zone while Gabriella was opening up to Aaron about her lack of confidence in her body and that she wants to leverage his sexiness to help her serve something different. Because dammit, Gabriella knows she is worth it and ready to do the thing, Angela Bassett style. Flor and Grace meanwhile were bonding over their husbands and ugh, give them the win too as I love it all.

Ru, Michelle and Rhys were joined on the panel by zaddy Josh Cavallo as the Haus of Hollywould kicked off The Drag Family Resemblance: Doggy Style runway serving old Hollywood glamour, flowing in beads and satin. Ivis Avis, Venus Tina and Neptune Loren shimmered in glorious white gowns, complete with Neptune serving tricks and being a complete star. Flor and Rosa allowed Burrito Bouquet to make a glamorous entrance, with all of them looking expensive and beautiful. While Gabriella, Isabella and B’Leaning Tower of Pisa served stunts and tricks, giving sexy, slutty Flintstones and ugh, I love it too.

Hollywould was praised for looking glam, despite a complete lack of family resemblance. While Rhys was more thrilled to see Hollywould having fun and living it up. Isis deservedly received universal praise, for giving killer looks, serving family resemblance and all around charming the judges. Flor too received nothing but love, particularly since she far and away gave the best doggy outfit. And after Grace thanked RuPaul for creating the show, I am confident Flor may just get her first victory! While Gabriella’s concept won over the judges, they wished there was more family resemblance. And more importantly, they loved how well behaved 10 month old Billy is. Oh and then Gabriella explained she didn’t give camp because she wants to show them she believes she can truly be sexy.

Backstage Hollywould was ready to lip sync if needed, on her way to the crown, while Gabriella was disappointed Michelle didn’t live for her concept. Isis on the other hand wasn’t sure who would take out another win, given she and Flor both got glowing critiques. 

Ultimately both of them took out victory and found themselves the first two members of the top three, while Hollywould and Gabriella had to battle for the last spot. And damn, they were hun-gry. As Not About You by Haiku Hands kicked off, both of the dolls had all the energy, hit every lyric and served moves, but there was something about Gabriella you couldn’t take your eyes off and it was that extra something that sent her through to the finale and Hollywould home in fourth place.

While I am thrilled for each and every member of the top three, I do think Hollywould deserved to be there alongside them and as such, broke down in tears of shattering disappointment. Hollywould being sweet, followed me sorrowful weeping and pulled me in for a massive hug backstage. And like an icon, flipped the script, assuring me that she will be the first Down Under girl to win and All Stars season and as such, no more tears would be cried. So I followed her lead, dried my eyes, got to brainstorming ideas to get her to the top on her second round and, most importantly, whipped up a piping hot Hollymajoun Star.

This glorious little number is Antoni’s – my beautiful ex – take on a lahmajoun, with a few tweaks here and there for taste. Earthy and rich, yet fresh and zingy, it is a quick easy meal that you’ll come back to time and time again.

Enjoy!

Hollymajoun Star
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 green capsicum, diced
1 onion, diced
4 garlic cloves, minced
⅓ cup flat-leaf parsley, roughly chopped
¼ cup mint, roughly chopped
500g lamb mince
2 tsp tomato paste
1 tsp chilli flakes
¼ tsp ground allspice
¾ tsp kosher salt
¼ tsp black pepper
6 Pita Andre Breads
1 tomato, diced
¾ cup natural yoghurt
⅓ cup black olives, sliced

Method
Preheat the oven to 190C.

Blitz the capsicum, onion, garlic, parsley and mint in a food processor until finely chopped. Add the lamb, tomato paste, chilli, allspice, salt and pepper and blitz until well combined.

Pop the pitas on a pair of lined baking sheets and divide the meat between them, flattening out to form a flat disc on top. Transfer to the oven and bake for 10-15 minutes, or until golden and brown.

Remove from the oven and dab away some of the excess fat with a paper towel before serving piping hot, with a sprinkle of tomato, dollop of yoghurt and a smattering of black olives. And then devouring, like a boss.


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Smokey Lamb Pitita

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Main, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España doce chicas nuevas y La Macarena arrived for a shot – or another – at joining Carmen y Sharonne in the España winner’s circle. Given the first two seasons were so damn good, the judges weren’t feeling the dolls over the first couple of weeks and cussed them out, begging them to lift their game. And lift their games they did. Tragically though, we had to lose icons week after week, with sweet Maria becoming the La Macarena of the season. She was followed out the door by a trio of zaddies, first Drag Chuchi, then Chanel Anorex and then Kelly Roller pop on her skates and headed out the door. The tragedy for my loins was distracted as La Macarena ended her redemption run followed by the iconic Visa

Supremme y Co. then went for the ultimate gag by emulating the All Stars 2 revenge of the queens episode. Sadly for them, however, Pitita wasn’t eviserating Visa like Phi Phi was Alyssa. That being said, the comedy show turned out the same with some awkward pairings landing Pink, Pakita and Pitita in the bottom while Kelly returned thanks to a pitch perfect turn with Vania. After Pititia saved herself in the lip sync, Kelly returned to being a power bottom and sent Bestiah out the door.

The top five then made Cinderellas out of waste management staff and while Pitita, Vania and Kelly shone, Clover and Hornella landed in the bottom with Hornella earning her spot in the finale alongside her sisters, sending Clover to the house. The top four then performed in Supremme’s new filmclip before Hornella and Kelly were cut, leaving Vania and Pititia to lip sync for the crown before the latter rightly took out the crown after a dominant performance across the season.

As she arrived backstage with her new crown and sceptor, I pulled Pitita in for a massive hug and congratulated her on a job well done. Despite her sisters feeling the judging was questionable – I’d agree if they were speaking about the Clover hate, but I digress – there is no denying that Pitita never really put a foot wrong. She was stunning, creative, funny and oh so polished, giving a masterclass on how to do Drag Race right, kinda like Trinity the Tuck. But you know, way more likeable. So with that, there was nothing more to do but crown her with a glorious Smokey Lamb Pitita.

This may be a quick and easy mid-week kind of meal, but when it packs this much flavour, it is hard to discount it as perfection. Smokey, spicy and oh so fresh, it will quickly find a way into your regular rotation. Better yet, it uses some Peasa Hummus to help elevate it, which you know Visa would love.

Enjoy!

Smokey Lamb Pitita
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
4 Pita Andre Breads, halved
2 tbsp dukkah
olive oil
500g lamb mince
1 tsp coriander seeds, ground
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp smoked paprika
½ tsp turmeric
¼ tsp chilli flakes
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
1 tomato, diced
1 Lebanese cucumber, diced
¼ cup parsley, finely chopped
2 tsp red wine vinegar
Peasa Hummus, to taste

Method
Preheat the oven to 200C, split the pitas and cover with foil and bake for 10 minutes, or until softened and warmed. Place a frying pan over high heat and cook the dukkah for a minute, or until fragrant. Transfer to a bowl.

Heat a lug of oil in a skillet over high heat. Add the lamb and cook, breaking up with a wooden spoon for a minute or so. Add the coriander, cumin, paprika, turmeric and chilli, and cook for a further 5 minutes or until browned and crisp. Season to taste.

Combine the tomato, cucumber and parsley in a bowl with a tablespoon of oil and the red wine vinegar.

To assemble,  smear the pitas with the hummus, fill with the lamb and then the salad. And then devour. Regally.


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Sausage Heidi N Tartlets

Breakfast, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars the competition was well and truly starting to get to Heidi, as she worried that the judges weren’t feeling her this season despite solid performances week after week. Speaking of which, the dolls were tasked with starring in commercials for new prestige TV shows, where Heidi and Lala gave delightfully demented performances. Kandy asked Heidi about her moment in Untucked before the runway, which irked the former Miss Congeniality who threatened to spill tea to burn things down. In the sketches, Jaymes, Darienne and Alexis landed in the bottom, with Alexis gladly throwing Darienne under the bus for their predicament. Jimbo on the other hand rightly won her second challenge – despite Heidi and Lala’s killer work – and discovered she would be losing the lip sync to Shannel before Darienne, the icon, was sent to the house by the girls.

Backstage Jimbo was on cloud nine to have secured her place as the front runner while Jaymes was simply thrilled to have survived. And most importantly, have more closet space since she and Darienne shared a station. Talk turned to Heidi serving all the ass and after they pinned the tail on her, talk turned to the votes with everyone gagged to finally have a unanimous one, aside from Darienne’s vote for her friend Jaymes. Jimbo then added some spice, pretending she had pulled Alexis’ lipstick, but ultimately pulled out Darienne’s name too and while everyone was cackling with the Canadian icon, Alexis knew that as the frontrunner, all the girls now definitely had their eyes on her.

The next day the dolls were thrilled for another fresh start, none more so than Alexis who was hoping to get fresh with Lala. Before they could get physical, Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s Maxi Challenge the dolls would be playing the Snatch Game of Love. Which feels kinda fitting, no? They split up to talk through THE challenge, with Lala nervous to be popping her cherry, though hopeful to slay as Sukihana. Jessica shared she will be playing PR icon Iris Chacon, Jaymes is FINALLY bringing Jennifer Coolidge to the stage and ugh, I stan. Alexis pulled Jimbo aside to talk through the pressure of having won Snatch Games in the past and you know Alexis is confident to repeat as Bea Arthur. And well, she did a lot of study. Jimbo meanwhile wasn’t worried about the pressure, creating joyful chaos and getting piggybacks.

She moved on to helping clean Lala’s titties before Ru dropped by to kiki with the dolls, with her thrilled to see Kahanna had prepared with a jar of cheetos. So yes, she will be playing her mama Coco and damn I hope she makes her proud. Jimbo delighted Ru with the fact she’ll be playing Shirley Temple and while Ru has very high expectations, I am sure Jimbo can meet them. Heidi will be serving as Blackbeard and after opening up to Ru about struggling with the pressure of the competition, Ru reiterated she just wants her to have fun. So have fun, Heidi assured us, she will have!

We transitioned to the Snatch Game set where we met Heidi as Blackbird, Jessica as Iris, Kahanna as Coco and Jaymes as Jennifer Coolidge who’d be fighting for the affections of snatchelor #1 Matt Rogers. From the first moment, this was Jaymes’ show, dominating from the word hiiiiiiii. Heidi meanwhile was stupid and so much fun – until Kahanna struggled and she got shady – Kahanna was stuck with one note and Jessica was charming, but nothing else. So obviously Matt chose Jaymes as Jennifer as the winner. Competing for the affections of snatchelor #2, Brisbane’s own Bowen Yang, were Alexis as my girl Bea Arthur, Kandy went with Mob Wife Renee Graziano, Lala’s Sukihana and Shirley Temple and ugh, just give her that third win now. Jimbo was funny, she was demented and oh so perfect, and while Alexis gave us a stunning Bea, Kandy was a ratchet icon and Lala was high energy, there was no stopping the stupidity of Jimbo taking Bowen’s heart.

Oh and then Matt and Bowen lip synced and it was stunning.

Elimination Day arrived with Jimbo tapping her way in, no doubt knowing she is about to collect another win. Kandy then borrowed the Shirley wig and shoes for her own little interlude before Jimbo and Alexis spoke about how much fun they had together and how fun it was to give each other space to play. Kahanna meanwhile pulled Kandy aside to talk about feeling upset about how Heidi treated her during the Snatch Game, leading to Kandy talking about Heidi going to Jimbo off camera and telling her that Kandy was coming for her. Jessica meanwhile was nervous, though hoping she did enough to scrape by. Alexis then checked in on Kahanna and she told her she was ok until Heidi started coming for her mid-challenge, given she was already down, after which she spiralled.

Heidi was shocked that Kahanna felt she was coming for her, thinking she was giving her something to volley and help her land a joke. Kahanna wasn’t having it however and while Heidi apologised, Jaymes also mentioned to us that Heidi played it exactly how Snatch Game is meant to be played. Kandy then asked why Heidi told Jimbo she was coming for her when she didn’t, with Heidi backing herself and assuring her sisters that it definitely happened and Alexis was even present to confirm it. And while she agreed at first, she immediately backpedalled with Heidi saying that she straight up told her she would send Jimbo home if she was in the bottom. The four of them all fought back and forth, with Jimbo just feeling awkward to be stuck between two friends. Everyone was in silence before Heidi told Jimbo that she just told her what she heard and to remember this when it comes time to vote. All of them, as she was done.

After barely a moment to catch our breath, Heidi told everyone how much she hates how this has become and what it has done to them all, so instead of leaving things up to chance, she instead opted to tap out immediately. As she exited, Kandy and Alexis followed to try and get her to change her mind but alas, there was nothing they could do. As Heidi assured everyone that she loved them as she fought back tears and ran for the exit.

As she made it outside, I pulled her in for a massive hug and assured her that the judges and the viewing audience all love her and know how talented she is. And while I hated to see her go before the finale – because you know she deserved a place at the end with Jimbo – I understood that like Adore and DeLa before her, she knew when it was time to go to look after herself and since she more than proved herself a star on her first season, all that was left for me to do was toast her success with a fresh batch of Sausage Heidi N Tartlets.

Breakfast is my favourite meal of the day, and when you throw in sausage and pastry, I am honestly in heaven. Delicate egg carries little spiced nuggets of sausage, feta and tomato, as your teeth break at gloriously flaky crust – need I say more?

Enjoy!

Sausage Heidi N Tartlets
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
4 pork sausages
8 eggs
⅓ cup cream
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
2 sheets of puff pastry
1 punnet cherry tomatoes, halved
2 tbsp chives, sliced
200g feta, crumbled

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Pop a skillet over medium heat and once hot, remove the sausages from the casings and pop little meatballs into the pan to cook, stirring, for about five minutes or until cooked through and starting to crisp. Remove from the heat and transfer to some paper towel to drain.

In a large bowl, whisk the eggs and cream with a good whack of salt and pepper. Cut the pastry into 9 squares and press into muffin tins. Divide the tomatoes between the pastry, followed by the sausage, chives and then some feta, before topping with the egg mixture.

Transfer to the oven to bake for about 20 minutes, or until golden and puffed, before devouring, like a soft and supple icon.


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Bakitad Orzo and Meatballs

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Main, Pasta, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España the dolls starred in a rusical which obviously lasted a full 15 minutes, because this is Spain. Pink Chadora and Clover Bish were a solid duo of Dorothy’s in the club scene take on The Wizard of Oz, though once again it was Pitita that shined amongst the trio of friends. At the expense of the others. Visa in particular, who was also read for her runway while Clover was read for blending in despite being the lead. Further cementing her place as the frontrunner, Pititia took out her third win, enraging Visa who felt she was being favoured. Her mood definitely didn’t improve when she landed in the bottom opposite Clover – who is experiencing the opposite of favouritism – who promptly sent her home.

Backstage Clover was fondly remembering Visa and her potty mouth. After reading her mirror message the dolls all spoke about their love for Visa, while Clover was glad they could turn a show for them in the lip sync. Pitita on the other hand, wasn’t so sad, given Visa read her in Untucked. Thankfully though, that was only in a confessional because the mirror lit up revealing each of the eliminated queens. The top seven were gagged, taking their places around the table to kiki as the six eliminated queens sashayed back into the Werk Room one by one and while they all looked an-gry and Visa straight up threatened revenge, I’m hoping they are all lovely and supportive.

The next day the reunited cast returned to the Werk Room with everyone as kind and excited as I hoped, as everyone welcomed them back. Well until Visa jumped in, assuring the dolls she has more to show and that she is ready to fight. She then caught everyone up on the fact she read Pitita for being favoured by the judges given she can’t lip sync and they don’t want her eliminated. And while she was looking for a fight, Pitita was confident in her skills and was rather unbothered by the entire thing and well, I love the drama but was glad when Supremme dropped by and put an end to things. She welcomed back her fallen daughters explaining that for a chance to return to the competition, they would be paired with a surviving queen to perform a comedy set with the one in the winning duo returning to the competition. Oh and to really up the stakes, she shared that two of the surviving queens would be going home in a threeway lip sync.

The eliminated queens were called forward to select partners with Visa opting for Pitita – for reasons beyond my comprehension if she wants back in, but whatever – The Macarena selected Pink, Kelly went with Vania, Chanel locked in with Hornella, Chuchi picked Bestiah while Maria partnered up with Pakita. Leaving poor Clover in the cursed spot of being the solo host, who generally ends up in the bottom in the US seasons. But as she rides solo, if she wins, she alone can decide who makes a triumphant return to the contest.

As they split up to work on their set, Visa admitted she chose Pitita to clear the air and become friends. But mainly since they have drama, it should make for an exciting watch for the judges. And if she is favoured, that should help her. Though when clearing the air, Pitita carefully worded her apology, meaning Visa wasn’t thrilled by it and well, the feud lives, sadly. After 10 minutes of fighting that ended with them agreeing to use the rage, we checked in with Bestiah and Chuchi and while the former was disappointed to be paired with her, they were super zen and focused. Well, until Clover dropped by to kiki, no doubt sick of being lonely. The dolls told her that they hoped that since nobody expects them to excel at comedy, that surprising them is all it should take to survive.

The Macarena and Pink were glad to already be comfortable reading each other, while Hornella felt that as a duo, they were a ticking time bomb. Hornella and Chanel meanwhile were trying to make the best of things, though Chanel admitted to being the gift Hornella didn’t really want. Oh and then Clover dropped by to needle them for information, and I love that vibe for her. Vania and Kelly meanwhile were dirty and giggling and ugh, just seeing their chemistry you know they are the ones to beat. Once again begging the question, why did Visa and The Macarena pick people they didn’t vibe with? Oh and Pakita and Maria were drama-free sweethearts and I only want good things for them. 

Dia de eliminacion arrived with the dolls talking about how they are handling the pressure as they beat their mugs, with Pitita once again getting attacked, this time by Pink Chadora, who decided she also helped her and as such, Pitita needed to learn to thank others and credit them on the runway. Clover being an icon, ran to the drama to see it all unfold and ideally, use it to fuel her set. The Macarena joined in on the pile up with Pink calling Pitita her external saboteur and well, isn’t continuing to fight with her keeping her in her mind and as such, weakening you for the challenge ahead? But whatever.

Supremme, Ana y los Javis were joined on the panel by Eva Soriano as Clover stomped onto stage to open the Reinas de la Comedia show with charm and energy. Maria started with an awkward little song before Pakita popped out of her dress like a baby and while I thought it made zero sense because of the language barrier, the judges also looked pretty confused, rather than amused. Clover was cute as she read her sisters before Bestiah and Chuchi did a solid performance as influencer mean girls, reading for filth and shocking the judges and their sisters equally. 

Each break Clover went from strength to strength, reading Hornella and Chanel before the dolls were cute with their kiddy schtick. Sorry, vicious kiddy schtick. Vania and Kelly meanwhile were perfection from start to finish giving dirty, gossiping housewives that had the energy of Detox and Tatianna, which is a smart choice on their part. Most importantly, they had everyone in stitches from start to finish. The Macarena y Pink Chadora had some strong reads, though kinda felt like they forgot about the challenge half way through and just started to yell at each other and let’s just say, everyone was awkward. Pitita and Visa closed the show and while they started strong, it derailed quickly and while they thought the fake out fight and storm out was cute, Pitita girl, you are in danger. So thankfully Clover closed the show strongly.

On the Peluca Palooza runway, Pink looked devilishly good in red. Ironically. Pitita gave pink Diana Ross realness and was absolute perfection, Bestiah looked like Club Kid Sulley, though stacked it and bled through what should have been a triumphant walk. Vania gave plait, plait, plait and looked camp and fun in equal measure. Hornella meanwhile gave full glam and full bush and damn, she really is overdue for a win because she hasn’t really faltered. Oh and Clover was lovely in lilac serving bearded anime icon while Pakita was drowning in all my hair that is stuck in the drain. 

The judges felt Pakita’s look was creative and different from what her sisters offered, however felt the comedy was not great. Bestiah was praised for playing to their strengths and selling their chemistry, and for looking stunning on the runway, despite the blood stains. Hornella was read for not maintaining the momentum of their solid start in the performance, though the judges agreed she was perfect on the runway. Vania and Kelly received universal praise for all that they did, maintaining the laughs from start to finish and for looking stunning on the runway. Pink meanwhile was read for having no chemistry or jokes, despite a beautiful runway while Pitita too was read for giving such an awkward performance. While they obviously loved her runway. Clover on the other hand received universal praise and ugh, I am so proud of her and glad that she got the chance to shine.

Backstage The Macarena felt bad about bringing Pink down in the challenge, while Visa was shocked that she and Pitita didn’t shine. Which the latter felt was a deliberate attack against her. Pakita meanwhile thought she was definitely in danger, though admitted she just hoped Maria  enjoyed herself, before the dolls congratulated Clover on a solid MC gig and for finally snatching her moment.

Ultimately Clover was sent to safety – robbed – before Vania and Kelly were deemed the winners of this week’s challenge, seeing zaddy Kelly skate her way right back into the competition like a damn icon. Pink learnt that she was one of the dolls lip syncing tonight before Hornella and Bestiah were sent to safety, leaving Pakita and Pitita to face off against Pink. And given Pakita was up against the two front runners, it was obvious she would be going home.

As soon as she sashayed away, I pulled her aside and pulled her in for a massive hug; grateful for not just being a stunning, sweet soul but also a sickening performer who truly belonged at the end of the competition. But alas, Drag Race producers love to both gag and goop in equal measure, and as such, we were robbed of her being a finalist. And instead, had to celebrate the only way I know, a gloriously rich pasta dish like Bakitad Orzo and Meatballs.

Not only is this dish gloriously comforting and delicious, but given that it is baked, it is super easy. Which as I get older, definitely becomes a priority. Sweet, rich and a little spicy, it is the perfect dish for the middle of the week or a glorious weekend meal.

Enjoy!

Bakitad Orzo and Meatballs
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 tbsp butter, melted 
2 tbsp olive oil
6 garlic cloves, minced 
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
2 tbsp tomato paste 
400g tin diced tomatoes 
2 ½ cups chicken stock
500g orzo 
500g beef mince
250g pork mince
1 egg, beaten 
½ cup panko bread crumbs 
¼ cup fresh basil, roughly chopped
¼ cup flat leaf parsley, roughly chopped
1 tsp chilli flakes
½ tsp oregano
¼ tsp thyme
¼ tsp rosemary
3 cups spinach 
½ cup parmesan cheese

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Combine the butter, oil, ½ of the grated garlic, ½ teaspoon of kosher salt, a good whack of pepper, tomato paste, diced tomatoes, 1 cup of the chicken stock and orzo in a casserole dish, stirring well. Cover with some foil and bake for 20 minutes. 

While that gets juicy, combine the minces, egg, bread crumbs, half of the basil, the remaining garlic, two teaspoons salt, chilli, oregano, thyme and rosemary in a large bowl. Once well combined, form into golf-ball sized balls and leave to rest on a plate.

Remove the orzo and stir through the remaining stock, basil, parsley and the spinach and parmesan, before dotting the balls on the top. Return to the oven to back for a further 20 minutes, or until cooked through

Serve immediately with some parmesan and fresh herbs, devouring like an icon.


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Mushroom The Tacarenas

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Main, Street Food, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Drag Race España the dolls were inspired by All Stars 2 as they were tasked with acting in horror sequels – Thelma and Weezy for lyf! Despite not getting all the references, it was an altogether solid challenge, with Pakita, Pitita and Bestiah continuing their streak as the front runners with the stand out scene, ultimately landing Pitita her second win in as many episodes. At the other end of the pack, Kelly was read for a totally bland outfit and for blending in during the challenge, rather than over acting. While Clover was read, for reasons. When it came to the lip sync, the duo were once again solid, but Clover’s energy proved the key as zaddy Kelly rolled on home.

Backstage the dolls were very sombre to have lost sweet Kelly, particularly Clover who felt guilty. Well, until she read Kelly’s farewell message, which was super long just to make her work hard to clean it off. Everyone sat down to share their love for Kelly, with Hornella particularly struggling, given she wished she had been able to help her more in the challenge. Clover opened up about feeling like she has to represent all women in the competition – no terf-ing here, JK Rowling – and was glad to dedicate her lip sync to the trans community. Whether she got the flag right or not. While everyone congratulated Pitita for slaying, Pakita was even more fired up to beat her in the next challenge, given she had been pipped at the post. Twice.

The next day the dolls were ready to slay, whether The Macarena can vogue or not. Vania meanwhile appeared to be crumbling under the pressure as she was starting to get sick, in addition to her insecurities playing on her mind. Thankfully though her sisters rallied around and gave her all the love. Supremme interrupted the lovefest to drop by and put them through their paces in a little reading mini challenge. So yeah, not so little. Despite losing a fair chunk in translation – not many jokes about finding the library or ordering at a restaurant – The Macarena was brutal with jokes that sometimes landed while Bestiah’s brutality never missed. Pink was camp and verbose, Pakita had jokes, Hornella was living her best life reading everyone for filth, Pitita was read as she tried to read, Clover was all energy, Visa was fun and Vania rallied, giving sweet and smut in equal measure. 

Despite getting through the challenge, Vaina started to break down, overwhelmed by the competition and feeling trapped. Though Supremme and her sisters assured her they are here to support her and as such, she was good to power on in the competition.

But back to the mini challenge, Pakita took out victory before Supremme gagged them with the news that for this week’s Maxi Challenge they would be playing the Snatch Game. Which we immediately pivoted to as Supremme introduced Karina and Pupi Poisson’s version of Karina as guests. We then learnt that The Macarena was playing Paca La Piraña, Bestiah went with Herb, Hornella was playing Juan Carlos I, Vania played Bárbara Rey, Pink went with Lola Flores, Pakita gave slutty Peppa Pig, Clover gave feisty Maite Galdeano, Pitita transformed as Sara Montiel while Visa SERVED as Paulina Rubio. And given I don’t get any of the references, all I had to go off was the iconic way Pink Chadora served character and had the dolls in stitches, and is far and away the winner of the challenge. At the other end of the pack, The Macarena felt super flat while Bestiah gave dippy but lacked the jokes and Pakita went off the rails, despite a killer concept.

Dia de eliminacion arrived with Bestiah feeling like she is marching to her doom post snatch game, while at the other end of the pack, Pink was feeling super confident. And while it was rightly placed, it did piss off Hornella. Pitta was roped in on the drama and while she didn’t want to start, you best believe she calmly finished it pointing out she can string together sentences. Pink continued, however, getting annoyed that Pitta told Hornella that she took up all the oxygen on set and while she thought she was calling her out, Pitta calmly reiterated that both Pink and The Macarena talk a lot and didn’t really leave space for anyone else to perform. Which led to Pink explaining she just wanted to volley – alright Ru – leading to them kissing and making up. Well, for now. Vania meanwhile assured the girls she was feeling much better today, explaining to us that she just needs dick. Which, preach.

As they beat their mugs Visa opened up to Bestiah and Hornella about the liberation that came with her runway last week. In turn, Hornella shared that her look was to challenge the stigma associated with being HIV positive, and as someone that is positive, it really meant a lot to her that she was able to share.  And while every franchise does these powerful, emotional chats pre-runway, España really is the one that does them best, TBH.

Supremme, Ana y Los Javis were joined on the panel by La Terre and while I have no idea who she is – as is often the case – I know, deep within my bones, that she is an icon. On the Show Your Feathers runway, Clover was a stunning, sexy black swan, Pink Chadora served cock a doodle do me, as she laid a golden egg, The Macarena gave showgirl peacock before Pakita stomped looking like a glamour-goth burlesque bird. Pitita stole the show as a single baby blue feather made solely of feathers, Bestiah was a club kid warrior, Hornella was a demonic bird doing fashion week, Vania meanwhile stole the show off Pitita with a glamorous showgirl that runs the strip look, while Visa was camp as hell serving Dia de Los Muertos complete with an iconic, oversized hat.

Pakita, Vania, The Macarena, Pink Chadora, Visa, Bestiah and Hornella were deemed the tops and bottoms of the week. After Clover and Pitita were sent backstage, Pink received universal praise for Snatch Game and for doing glam and camp on the runway. The Macarena meanwhile was read for being forgettable in Snatch Game despite her look being solid. Pakita was read for her slutty Peppa Pig, though praised for giving character on the runway. Bestiah was read for being confusing during Snatch Game, though praised for a stunning runway. Hornella was praised for nailing Snatch Game and leaving room for the other girls to shine, while Vania too was beloved, given she and Hornella bounced off each other so well. Oh and her runway was rightly deemed the best of the night, in my head at least. While Visa was praised for her wit and charm on Snatch Game and for giving such a commanding, polished runway.

Backstage Clover and Pitita were just grateful to survive the week, before they turned their attention to the girls, assuming Hornella or Visa had the win in the bag. While Pitita was unsure what they would think of Pakita or Pink, given they were funny but the Peppa Pig was a mess and Pink refused to answer questions. The tops and bottoms joined them with Hornella and Vania thrilled to be in the top, as was Visa while Bestiah wasn’t shocked to be in the bottom. The Macarena meanwhile was ready to lip sync, feeling calm and focused, as was Pakita, despite feeling like she didn’t do bad, was just disassociated with herself and the game.

Ultimately it was Pink Chadora that took out a second win – much to the shock and horror of Pitita – as she vowed to split her prize with Hornella. Speaking of Hornella, she was then sent to safety with Visa and Vania before Bestiah narrowly joined them, leaving The Macarena to face off against Pakita, just as they predicted. As soon as the absolute banger, Desátame by Mónica Naranjo, kicked off, it was clear that both dolls were not going down without a fight. While The Macarena leant into camp and old lady dancing, Pakita focused on all the emotion of the song, revealing nips and stomping the house down (boots), which obviously saved her as The Macarena was eliminated once again.

As she ventured backstage, she ran directly into my arms, so grateful to once again have a friend there to support her post-elimination. This time, she was far less disappointed with how things turned out, getting the opportunity to show a little more of herself and prove to the world – like Jaymes in All Stars 8, kinda – that all it takes is the wrong challenge, at the wrong time is all takes to take you from a likely fifth placement, to last place. And after that pep talk, all it took was a big batch of Mushroom The Tacarenas to have her primed for the much-teased return challenge.

This spicy, rich, meaty – ironically – dish is the perfect treat for meat free Monday. Or any day, TBH. Hot and spicy, with the earthiness of mushroom and the zing of slaw, these tacos will quickly find their way onto your regular rotation.

Enjoy!

Mushroom The Tacarenas
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
600g mushroom meat
5 garlic cloves
¼ cup chipotle in adobo sauce, roughly chopped
¼ cup coriander, leaves and stems separated and roughly chopped 
2 tbsp olive oil
400g tin tomatoes
2 tbsp tomato paste
2 cups vegetable stock
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
500g red cabbage, shredded
2 carrots, peeled into ribbons
1 tbsp champagne vinegar
1 tsp raw caster sugar
8 flour tortillas

Method
Combine the mushroom meat, garlic, chipotle, coriander stems and two tablespoons of the olive oil in a bowl and massage with your hands to break up into a pulled pork-esque consistency. Heat a lug of olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat and fry for a few minutes, or until browned and sticky. Stir in the tomatoes, paste and stock, and bring to the boil. Once rollicking, reduce heat to low and simmer for 15 minutes or so, or until the mushroom is soft and sauce deep and thick. Remove from heat and season.

While the mushroom is simmering,  combine the cabbage, carrot and coriander leaves in a bowl. Whisk together the vinegar, sugar and a teaspoon of salt and toss through the slaw.

To serve, heat the tortillas – in a pan, microwave or oven, I don’t mind – and top with some slaw and the mushroom meat. They devour, joyously.


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BBQ Monicken Burgerly Hillz

Burgers, Main, Poultry, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars, Ru gave the people what they wanted, bringing back eight legendary legends to compete for the chance to be the one queen to rule them all. Or ring to rule them all. Or was it for all of them to rule the ring? You know what, it doesn’t matter. Week after week, the winner’s slay and surprised, racking up points to land in two pools with Raja and Yvie battling out for the lesser crown, with Mother taking out the title of Queen of She Done Already Done Had Herses. When it came to the main title, Shea and Trinity had to settle for third/fourth again like Season 9, while Jinkx defeated Monet and became the first – hopefully of many – Queen of All Queens.

But things are back to normal – well, after Ru gave us her best spoken word about fame, or something – as soft and supple Heidi N Closet made her triumphant return to the Werk Room and ugh, I love her so much and damn does she look good. Whether Nicki Minaj likes her make-up or not. She was joined by Mrs Kasha Davis fresh from AA – legitimately – and ugh, I have missed her so much because she is a gorgeous old dame and ugh, just perfection. Speaking of perfection, Naysha Lopez came back beat and blessed, ready for her third elimination, though this time, not until she has proven herself. Another doll with something to prove is Kahanna Montrese – Coco’s girl – and ugh, she has glowed up and is ready to do mama proud. Because she has done the work and is primed to slay. Oh and then Kandy Muse returned and ugh, she is so much fun and I live.

Or die, bitch.

Darienne Lake finally arrived at All Stars and even if I didn’t live for her in Season 6, she is a legend and the fact it has taken until the eighth All Stars to see her back is horrible. Speaking of long overdue returns Monica Beverly Hillz arrived ready to redeem herself from her lack of confidence in Season 5 and yes, Monica, slay that troop outfit. Jaymes Mansfield was up next looking stunning and ugh, please no cheerleading challenges because she is the Jennifer Coolidge of Drag Race and needs to last to the end. THE producer Alexis Michelle was up next, and she is ready to show off all her skills. Because you know she has a lot of them, ok? Like Darienne, Jessica Wild has finally come to All Stars and hot damn, she looked stunning and I am so excited to see what she can do after 13 years.

Then Jimbo cruised on in looking like $20 bucks and ugh, crown her. She is stupid, camp and it looks like she is ready for her win. Speaking of back for a win, Lala Ri is back looking perfect though to be fair, anything is better than her bag look. Literally anything. But I love her, trust and believe. Once they were all sure it was just them, Naysha pointed out that each season has a little twist and as such wanted to figure it out ASAP, with Jessica suggesting it was just her finally getting cast.

Ru arrived to welcome back her daughters – or in the words of Teresa Giudice, dor-tors – before shutting down Naysha’s theory, announcing rules are defaulting back to the usual All Stars ones. Aka the winner takes on an assassin with the winner sending a sister home if she wins, otherwise the group votes to boot a bottom. Even though, duh, we’re all bottoms. Oh and the $200k prize is here to stay. But there is also a second way to win this year, Raja style, though Ru won’t give them the deets until later. Scaring Jimbo, since she can’t even win one way!

They kicked things off with a little dual-runway Mini Challenge, the first being Famous Then where Alexis slayed as slutty Mame in shimmering white. Kahanna was a stunning showgirl in black velvet, Heidi was opulent and camp, ready for the hat parade, while Mrs. Kasha Davis was stunning as Zigfield Follies Extra #2. Nayasha served Coco Chanel realness, Kandy took it more modern with a Supermodel RuPaul look before Darienne went all the way back to medieval in a purple gown. Monica slayed as glam Cleopatra, Jaymes was stunning in a slutty Mexican showgirl number, Jessica Wild was perfection as Nefertiti while Jimbo gave the most perfectly demented Marilyn. Oh and Lala was a glittering hour glass and looked stun. Ning.

On the Famous Now runway Alexis gave full Kim K realness, Kahanna looked like hot Barbie Lil Nas X, Heidi gave kabuki bow, MKD was a perfect Kris Jenner disco ball, Naysha was full Versace glam – Ver, Sayce – Kandy was stunning in pink fur while Darienne Lake was a hilariously old Billie Eilish, Monica gave Kim Petras perfection, Jaymes gave Jojo Siwa does Judy Jetson, Jessica was stunning in a red latex Bad Bunny inspired look, Jimbo served a perfect ode to the horror of social media before Lala Ri gave nude illusion for her Ru-ly Fans.

The dolls returned to the Werk Room where they started to untuck before Alexis admitted to having a crush on Lala. Kandy meanwhile was kikiing with the dolls about who they were shocked to see, with Kahanna and Naysha admitting Jimbo crossing to the US was the biggest gag to them. Speaking of Jimbo, she was busy charming her new sisters though, with everyone delighted by the fact that she loves to compete. While Jessica joked about how much things have changed since Season 2, given they aren’t rocking Forever 21 (hey, as long as it isn’t any more fucking H&M). Lala Ri meanwhile joked about not needing to be nice given you can’t win Miss Congeniality. Oh and then we learnt that for some reason, Heidi was wearing a denim codpiece while Darienne and Jaymes just speculated about the twist in the corner.

Ru came back to kiki with the dolls announcing that for their opening Maxi Challenge the dolls would form rival girl groups and perform rumixes of Fenton and Randy’s Money Success Fame & Glamour. Naysha, Darienne, Kahanna, Kandy, Alexis and Heidi got the glam rock version while MKD, Jaymes, Lala, Jimbo, Monica and Jessica were given the disco remix. Oh and in addition to writing their own verses, they’d also have to choreograph their routine before performing live on the mainstage. After quickly working through their songs, the dolls all went to the mainstage to work on the choreography with Heidi taking the lead for Team Glam Rock. And like Jaymes and Jimbo, I don’t know how Fosse makes sense but I love Heidi, so I’ll let it slide. Plus, Kandy was willing to call out her lack of star quality in choreography, so I don’t need to read her. And well, let’s just say, she was pressed, not blessed. Team Disco meanwhile were living their best lives as Lala and Jessica took the lead giving on brand choreography. The problem being Jessica was slaying while the rest of the dolls were lost. Like, not even on the map.

Elimination Day arrived with the dolls immediately splitting up to beat their mugs with Darienne ready to motorboat Jimbo, as Lala and Jaymes were kikied about the latter planning to bring down by winging it, should she forget the choreography. Naysha meanwhile was busy lifting up Monica who was super nervous and just couldn’t get out of her head. Oh and then Kandy and Jimbo – and Heidi – formed a little alliance to navigate the rumoceracy and ugh, I live for them finally playing it like Survivor superfan, Monet. Talk turned back to the twist before Alexis assured the dolls she would be playing fair, whatever it is. Jimbo agreed, cautioning everyone to not play too hard, given it came back to bite her on UK VS the World while Kandy reminded them things are always going to be messy so suggested they just relax and do what needs to be done.

Ru, Michelle and the hilarious Ross Mathews were joined by the indelible Adele Dazeem. Fame Tarts were up first with the Glam Rock version and well, they were good, hitting every beat, cohesive and so damn fun. None more so than Kahanna who showed she is fully baked and ready to star. The Glitter Chicks meanwhile served full disco and I live. Jaymes was demented, Jessica was sexy, Jimbo was hilarious, Lala gave Bey, MKD was camp perfection and well, poor Monica was lost but looked soooooo good, which is all that matters.

On the Famous Forever – aka signature Drag – runway, Alexis was stunning serving Jessica Rabbit realness. Darienne was a shimmering leopard print glamazon, Heidi was full Chris Tucker zebra pimp, Kahanna was STUNNING as a literal phoenix, Kandy gave metallic red glam, Naysha served icy glam bodysuit, Jaymes gave old Hollywood perfection, Jessica looked like a rocker ringmaster in all the right ways, Jimbo was a neon brain delight, Lala Ri gave showgirl gone to a wedding, Monica looked beautiful in a purple fringed bodysuit while MKD gave glam purple housewife.

Ultimately Heidi, Kandy, Naysha, Jessica, Jimbo and MKD were sent to safety before Alexis received universal praise for all of her looks and for taking big risks. Oh and they loved that in the performance, she served star. Darienne meanwhile was read for being too pedestrian on the first two runways, though they loved her energy in the performance. Choreography be damned! Kahanna meanwhile received wall to wall praise for each and every thing she served this week. As did Jaymes, particularly for her serving demented layers and giving such different concepts. Oh and they didn’t care that she couldn’t dance. Lala meanwhile was praised for her star power in the performance and for giving 2 out of 3 perfect looks. While Monica’s first runway was beloved, though she was read for being completely overcome by her nerves. She then started to sob as Ross encouraged her to own her power which was both sweet – thanks Ross – and heartbreaking. Ultimately Kahanna took out the first win of the season before Alexis, Jaymes and Lala were deemed safe, leaving Darienne and Monica up for elimination. And well, I hate it here.

Backstage the safe girls were exhausted but thrilled to have made it through the first week, sharing that they love Untucked more than anything. With Heidi admitting it was just because she wanted to see a fight, which made everyone immediately look at Kandy. For obvious reasons. Heidi meanwhile turned conversation back to the twist speculating the eliminated girls could vote someone back in, that fans will vote for a winner or my fave, that they are the tops and all the other girls are up for elimination. Speaking of the actual tops and bottoms, they returned with everyone praising a jubilant Kahanna on her win. Though she was nervous about her vote having to dictate the tone of the season.

Both Darienne and Monica opened up about being heartbroken to have landed in the bottom, Monica in particular as she sobbed in her friend Naysha’s arms. Kahanna pulled her aside to kiki, assuring her she thinks she is a star and that she was so excited to see her in the competition. While poor Monica was just so down on herself and it was hard to watch. Darienne meanwhile was telling the dolls her fashion choices cost her, reminding them how badly she wants to be here. The bottoms switched places with Monica telling her sisters she deserves to be here and has worked her arse off to shine. As Jessica and Alexis tried to lift her up, before Alexis sobbed about feeling bad for the girls. And because she wasn’t sure how she’d be received. Like, sobbing. And god her sisters were confused. Like, you thought Milk crying over being safe was bad? This is sobbing for being in the top. 

Darienne meanwhile held it WAY more together, assuring Kahanna she is a star and is fired up to be here. Naysha and Kandy meanwhile were busy whispering, with Naysha not wanting to vote out her childhood friend Monica, nor her teammate Darienne. Before Alexis could start sobbing again, Idina Menzel dropped backstage to kiki with the dolls with Alexis thanking her for being such a star. Idina then told the dolls to channel someone they admire on their off days, before regalling them with tales and ugh, she is so cute and sweet and I love her.

With that the dolls voted before Kahanna took her place on the mainstage before Ru pulled up the curtains to reveal our first lip sync assassin of the season, the iconic Aja LaBeija. Kandy’s mama, ok? And as soon as Beyonce’s Freakum Dress kicked off, Aja owned the show. She was flicking wigs, camp and hitting every lyric. She was flipping and splitting and well, I THOUGHT SHE WAS GOING TO JUMP FROM THERE as she vogued the house down. Kahanna was also a star and showed she is not to be counted out, but Aja is Aja and seeing her perform on the mainstage was perfection and I need her back ASAP. After Aja took out the win – that $10k rolling over to next week – Kahanna took her place at the back of the stage before Ru finally announced that other way to win, with us fans getting the chance to vote on the unused runways of the eliminated queens for a cash prize of $50K.

Oh and that first eliminated queen, tragically, was Monica who wasn’t exactly shocked, but watching her put on a brave face felt tragic. I pulled her in for a hug as soon as she returned to the Werk Room, telling her to get whatever negative thoughts she may have out of her mind and remember that she is not only beloved by the fandom, but super talented and has been thriving as her true self for such a long time. And we were lucky enough to see that in her return. I then reiterated that first boots are always beloved and that she has nothing more to prove, so to simply be proud of her success and smash a big, juicy BBQ Monicken Burgerly Hillz.


While this is quite a kick, simple and, gulp, healthy burger, there is something infinite satisfying. No oil to contend with while being all at once fresh and tangy, it is the ultimate choice when you need a quick little burger pick-me-up.

Enjoy!


BBQ Monicken Burgerly Hillz

Serves: 2.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 chicken breast, halved horizontally
1 tsp smoked paprika
½ tsp chilli powder
½ tsp cumin
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
2 Briocher Bünsberg
3 tbsp Chicktina Big McDonald Sauce
2 slices American cheese
1 tomato, sliced
1 cup Slawren Rimmer
chips, fries, wedges or whatever your side of choice may be, to serve 

Method
Pop the chicken in a bowl with two teaspoons of oil, the paprika, chilli powder, cumin and a good whack of salt and pepper, and toss until well combined. Heat a lug of oil in a skillet over medium heat, add the chicken and cook for a few minutes before flipping and cooking for another 3-5 minutes, or until cooked through. Remove from heat and leave to rest.

To assemble, toast the inside of the rolls and smear with some of the sauce. Pop a slice of cheese on the base, followed by some tomato, the chicken and the slaw before closing. And then devouring, regally, with a shit tonne of your favourite sides.


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