Author: Benjamin Woodley Judd

Leekoumaden Haan

Dessert, Snack, Survivor NZ: Nicaragua, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor New Zealand, the least fun sausage fest – because of Jak, obvi – decided to throw the challenge and eliminate Shay to protect Shannon and Mike’s girl Georgia, who was a sure thing to beat Shay at redemption island. Sadly though, that didn’t actually happen with Georgia’s house of cards crumbling just before the end of the challenge, sending her out of the game and Shay back into it.

With Georgia exiting stage left, Matt announced that the recently returned Shay would be joining the newly formed Casar tribe with the 9 remaining contestants – yep, that is the roundabout way of saying that the tribes had merged!

Shay was feeling pretty proud to have reached the milestone and confident that her OG alliance would be able to regain control. While Mike was thrilled to snag some fries, he was still heartbroken about Georgia’s exit and was fairly confident that he was well screwed. Avi was thrilled to have Shay back, giddily hugging her on the way to the well as she caught him up on the awkwardness of the least sexy sausage fest and spill the t that Tom’s plot to pretend to be on her side did not actually fool her.

Back at camp, Jak continued to prove that he is the least funny person on the cast. Not allowing him to have any more screentime, Shannon reconnected with Mike to weigh up  her options and talk smack about Barb. Speaking of Barb, she and Nate continued their rise to power players, taking in everything that was going on.

Shannon and Avi joined up on the beach to discuss the boys trusting her, Jerk coached Tom on basic strategy and how best to win Avi over and Lee looked pretty in a tree. Tom and Avi then joined together to discuss the former’s faux-plan to take out Shay before turning on Mike and Lee, which Avi was not buying for a second.

The next day, Sala and an underwear clad Avi went from a stroll along the beach making me wetter than the waves on the shore. This made Tom and Jerk nervous, though the latter was super confident about his dear ally Shannon so was feeling ok. Showing a continued lack of self-awareness, Jak approached Shannon and Avi to outline all of their plans and lock in the fake final four alliance with them and Tom. On the other end of the spectrum, Sala, Barb and Nate were feeling relaxed and confident and sounded like they were ready for happy hour.

Dragging out the period between the merge and the first post-merge elimination, Matt returned for the first individual reward challenge where competitors are required to remember sequences of images for chocolate cake. Nate quickly fell out of the competition, followed by Barb, Lee, Avi – or RV if you talk to Mike – Jak and Sala, before Mike took out victory. He was then given the opportunity to share it with two people, giving it to Shannon and Shay who tied for second with Tom. While Tom told the girls to take the cake over him, Sala wasn’t buying that it was a kind gesture and continued to be suspicious of his ex-tribemate.

Trying to be helpful, Lee decided to fix the shelter so that the tarp would provide more coverage. While Sala appreciated the fact he was working hard, he found it rude that he decided to do it while Nate was sleeping. I however would argue that Nate sleeping and being lazy is probably the bigger sin, though I do think Lee is a total babe, so maybe I’m just being defensive? Despite the fact that it provides more coverage for the entire tribe, Barb and Nate were also pissed about Lee’s handiwork and continued the selfish narrative.

Poor Ange-Lee the spoke about how he just wants to provide for the tribe and help keep the camp running. He then had his longest confessional to date, about want to play with integrity and coast through with his allies making me extremely anxious that we are approaching the fall of my lover.

Avi and his undies – boy is he trying to take my heart away from Lee, or what – joined Shannon by the shore to discuss their plans, enjoying their place in the middle though if we learnt anything from Julia and Aubry, sometimes the person in the middle gets run over. Proving my fears correct, the sausage fest grew concerned that Shannon wasn’t actually with them.

Barb then continued to bitch about Lee for cooking an eggplant looking thing for the entire tribe, without consulting them first. I mean, I get it could be annoying but he is just trying to help. Seriously, this is making me sympathetic to the sausage fest.

After a brief pow-wow between Shannon and the sausage fest to complain about the complainers, Matt arrived for the long-awaited first individual immunity challenge where the tribe had to balance their balls on a disc, held up by ropes which is where we find out how smutty Matt can be. Shay, Avi and Sala quickly fell out of the challenge before Matt had even said anything about ball play. Jak and Tom soon followed before the second round commenced, still without a ball pun. After round three, Nate and Lee dropped their balls before my balls were reminded that Mike is actually kinda hot. Barb dropped out, leaving it to Mike and Shannon to fight for immunity before the wind picked up and lead to the latter dropping her ball, handing immunity to Mike.

While Shannon was talking about her experience in the challenge, Barb suddenly fainted  – I assume from expelling too much energy complaining – with Matt opting to send the tribe back to camp while she received treatment from the medic.

Not dwelling on her potential medevac, the tribe quickly got to work locking in their sides for tribal with the boys targeting Shay and Hermosa 2.0 targeting Lee, with Avi and Shannon in the middle with the ultimate decision. Thankfully for the olds, Barb returned to camp giving them the upper hand as they headed off to tribal … depending on who Shannon and RV actually decide to vote with.

At tribal, Nate and Shannon spoke about the importance of trust which is something the latter is about to break with four people. Lee said that the tribe was all over the shop and that he was just trying to stay out of the drama. Matt confirmed that everyone was guaranteed to make the jury, before asking Tom and Shay if that means that big moves will start to occur to win people’s votes in the end. Mike was thankful to have won immunity, confident that he was likely to have received votes otherwise. Little did he know how lucky he actually was, with RV and Shannon sticking with Hermosa 2.0 and Shay to vote out my babe-town Lee. Who was pissed, though thankful to be heading to redemption where he could easily Ozzy his way to victory.

Not wanting the remaining nine to feel too confident, Matt announced that they would be competing in their next immunity challenge then and there, before voting out another person from the tribe. He quickly stripped Mike of immunity before tasking them with remembering some very easy – what does fire represent in the game – and some completely fuck off hard – how many times has Matt worn a green hat. Thankfully Matt butchered the pronunciation of Nicaragua again before Jak sadly took out immunity.

Without so much as second to scramble, Matt tried to send the tribe to vote before Mike did his best Hali impersonation, stopping the vote and trying to woo people to his side and get rid of Shay. Shay then pointed out that Mike had won two of the three individual challenges this season and anyone would be mad to flip. Which was a compelling enough argument as Mike was sent to Lee’s arms on redemption island.

After a brief interlude of Lee and Mike suffering in their jocks on redemption island and blaming Shannon, we returned to camp where Nate and Barb were feeling smug for taking down the boys while Shannon was feeling nervous about ever going to redemption and having to deal with their rage. Oh and Tom got a glimmer of hope with Barb whispering to him that she’d keep him in the game as long as she can. Maybe she will win me over?

The next day, Shay was feeling nervous after barely surviving the first two post merge tribals, despite being in the majority. She joined Nate and Sala by the ocean to discuss next steps, with Tom being the obvious target despite Nate not thinking he is a problem that needs to be dealt with yet. While that is going on, Tom was correctly predicting that Nate and Barb would not sit idly by as Shay and Sala took control. Nate then zigged when I thought he was going to zag and suggested that getting rid of Shannon and throwing her to the wolves is always a possibility.

Meanwhile Jak was not having a good day and proceeded to bitch to himself about the olds taking his cool friends out of the game. Sucking up his pride, he then approached Barb to see what she was thinking and whether there was any hope for him. The most shocking part of the segment is that both of them were quite likable and seemed to be stepping up their games. She then got tea-bagged and I finally got her.

Not wanting to leave me hanging for long, Matt returned for the reward challenge – the infamous coconut chop from the Marquesas – for five Pizza Hut pizzas for four people, because that allegedly is too many for one person? I love you … but fuck you, Matt. Shay was out first, immediately followed by Tom, then Jak, Shannon, Sala and Avi, leaving Nate and Barb to battle it out, with the latter taking out the win. To make the challenge more controversial, Barb then had to select three people to share the pizza with, going with Nate, Jak and Sala – to keep the latter feeling safe so that she can take him out.

After the brief break for product placement and Shannon to chop a coconut, she and Sala went for a chat where Sala told her that Tom and Jak were telling everyone they couldn’t trust either Shannon or Shay.

We then checked in with Lee and Mike who were still feeling sad about Shannon’s betrayal, though at least Lee is still killing the hair game.

Back at camp, Barb approached Shannon to float the idea of getting rid of Sala which delighted Shannon who also wanted him out next. Barb then took this information to Jak, who took it to Tom … which definitely means Sala wins the next immunity challenge, right?

But before we get to the issue of the next tribal, we have to actually get rid of someone from the game – yep, the babe-off duel has arrived! While Lee is far prettier, Mike is more ripped, so I don’t even know who I want to see take out the win. After a bit of smack talking about Shannon, the boys got down to the challenge – which sadly wasn’t naked greco roman wrestling – where they had to balance a beam, empty some sacks and put the contents of said sacks into holes. The last part being a puzzle, obvi.

Sadly for my first love Lee, Mike and his nipples got out to an early lead that never really dissipated – even when some of his bits weren’t in the right spots – with him taking out the duel and sending Lee out of the game and into my loving arms at Pounderosa. While he was completely gutted to be out of the game, I’ve long known the way to his heart,  which like all men, is through their stomach. More specifically though, my Leekoumaden Haan.

 

 

While he never really warmed to the idea of being calmed my little honey puff as a nickname – nor was he into making me his creampie – he was always keen to down a few of these Greek delights. Lightly spiced and pillowy, the puffs are then drowned in honey and fill you with joy.

Enjoy!

 

 

Leekoumaden Haan
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
7g active dry yeast
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
2 cups warm water
3 cups plain flour
¼ tsp salt
pinch of freshly ground nutmeg
1 tbsp vanilla extract
1 tsp cinnamon
vegetable oil, to fry
½ cup of honey, for puff drowning purposes

Method
Combine the yeast and sugar in a jug with the water. Stir and leave in a warm place to get all foamy for about five minutes. Once ripe and puffed, pour into the large bowl of a stand mixer and slowly stir in the flour, salt, nutmeg, cinnamon and vanilla. Chuck in the dough hook and mix for a couple of minutes, or until the dough is smooth. Cover with cling and leave to prove for a couple of hours in a warm place.

Pour enough oil into a pot to fill it 2 inches – you don’t need more, but then again frying scares me. Do what you think it right? Place it over medium heat until hot. Working in batches, slide a few tablespoon sized dollops into the oil, making sure not to crowd the pan. Flip the puffs a couple of times, cooking for about five minutes total or until golden. Remove the puffs with a slotted spoon and allow to drain on some paper towel while you repeat the process until the batter is done.

Once all the puffs are cooked and crisp, heat the honey in a large frying pan over high heat. Toss the puffs through the honey, serve immediately and devour.

 

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Bloginshambles

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

All this celebrating theatre and the musical arts have made me feel misty for my dear, musically inclined friend Pete Doherty.

I’m sure it is quite obvious already but Pete, cocaine Kate and I were dear friends in the noughties, before he and I formed a true, coherent connection whilst completing rehab together.

He was super inspired by all the Broadway babies I caught up with recently and called to see if I’d be interested in turning our relationship into a musical. While asking made me question whether he knew me at all – of course, I’d sell anything to further myself – I giddily said yes.

What says I’m glad we’re sober enough to exploit our scandalous relationship?

Image source: Unknown.

 

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Linguine Truffle Miranda

Main, Pasta, Tony Gold, Tony Gold: Hamilgold, Vegetarian

Guys, the day you’ve been waiting for is finally here – happy Tony’s Eve. Sadly though, that means our Tony Gold coverage is about to come to a crushing end but I can assure you, I am not throwing away my shot.

In addition to it being the pinnacle of Tony Gold, today also marks our 400th – yes, four FUCKING hundredth – recipe. And when a milestone like that rolls around, I am not throwing away my shot. He yo, I don’t like the country, I’m young, scrappy and this is fame hungry and I’m not throwing away my shot celebrating this milestone, so invited my dear friend and true Broadway treasure Lin-Manuel Miranda.

But seriously can you take a brief pause here to think about the fact that I’ve had this many celebrity friendships survive my horrific behaviour? Say what you will about the entertainment biz, but those people truly have the patience of saints when it comes to my transgressions (I guess that comes with the territory when you’re a white male).

Anywho, I’ve known my boy Linny-Mans for years, having grown up together in the heights which inspired him to write his first hit musical In the Heights. It would come as no surprise that the character of Sonny was inspired by me and my sassy attitude.

Given the phenomenon of Hamilton and the fact that it inspired this year’s celebrations, I knew we had to finish the celebrations with my dear, sweet friend who I love is love is love so damn much.

Oh and I had to honour the fact he inadvertently inspire my high school drama teacher to write an original musical compiling the plots of Blood Brothers, Bootmen and Romeo & Juliet that I played as high comedy, to distract from the fact it was poorly written.

Sorry – I mean it was wonderful and Trapt is essentially the Tweed Heads/Banora Point version of Hamilton, Muriel’s Wedding be damned.

Since we’ve pretty much covered all the major categories, Lin-Man and I only had to look at the OG Score. While he is more forgiving and has chosen to back the men that robbed him of his EGOT for Dear Evan Hansen, he know how far I’ll go … and that is to undermine their chances and back Come from Away our my compatriot Tim-Min for Groundhog Day.

After getting the serious part of our date out of the way, I got to work whipping up a meal while he toasted the success of this patch of future-Peabody-winning cyberspace. He then said something about looking forward to the next 400, though he could have been saying something about looking forward to 400g  of my Linguine Truffle Miranda.

 

 

Full disclosure, this is a Nigella Lawson recipe with minimal – emphasis on minimal – tweaks, but even the domestic goddess herself has said that she enjoys seeing how people adapt the recipes to suit their tastes. And it isn’t like I’m slumming her as recipe 392 or something – this is a milestone, dammit!

While Nige’s is a little more delicate,  I go for an aged parmesan that smells like your feet and shoes died six months ago and have been rotting in tropical heat and an extremely generous lug of truffle oil, meaning the pasta punches you in the mouth in the best way possible.

Happy Tonys / thanks for reading / enjoy!

 

 

Linguine Truffle Miranda
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g linguine
4 eggs
¼ cup double cream
¼ cup grated aged parmesan, plus more to serve
2 tbsp white truffle oil, or to taste
60g unsalted butter
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Place a big old pot of salted water over high heat and bring to the boil.  Once bubbling like a revolution, add the linguine and cook as per packet instructions.

While the paste is cooking, combine the eggs, double cream, parmesan and truffle oil in a jug, and whisk to combine.

When the pasta is good to go, drain it in a colander, reserving a cup of the boiling liquid. Place the butter in the pan with about a quarter of a cup of the aforementioned – or abovementioned if you’re a moron trying to sound smart while defending yourself in legal proceedings – cooking liquid. Add the pasta, stir and then add the creamy liquid, still stirring, to combine.

Place the pasta over low and heat and cook stirring for a minute or so. Remove, serve, cover in more old-foot-smelling parmesan and devour, ok?

 

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Carne Audrada McDonald Tacos

Main, Party Food, Snack, Tony Gold, Tony Gold: Hamilgold

While Ang is an icon of the stage – well, everywhere TBH – Alan’s performance as the M.C. is in a league of its own, Lena perfectly carried Yitzhak to the Broadway stage and Harves is a Broadway legend, none of them hold a candle to my dear friend Audra McDonald.

I mean, not only as she won the most performance awards at six, she is the only person to take out all four performing categories. You can not argue that when it comes to the Tonys, Audra is the queen – she is essentially the Meryl of Broadway.

When I decided to finally include the Tonys in our slate of highly regarded awards show coverage, I just knew that I had to have Auds by my side to add to the gravitas of my predictions. Yes, add to the gravitas.

Given how busy she has been with Beauty and the Beast and returning to Lady Day at Emerson’s Bar and Grill, I haven’t been able to catch Audra in the last few years so she was thrilled to take a week off sick to fly over and celebrate with her dear friend from Juilliard.

Fun fact: she actually pushed me to apply to Juilliard with her after seeing my star-making turn in the hit, three-performance, high school production of How the West was Warped, where I played the sexy-twin Sheriff. I was amazing, she was sold and together we vowed to take the world by storm.

Since we’ve essentially exhausted all of the acting categories, I instead got her to conduct a thorough audit of all my previous predictions (before taking them to my bookie). Thankfully she agreed with 93.6 percent of my tips, so we could focus solely on reconnecting over Carne Audrada McDonald Tacos.

 

 

It really is no secret that I have a passionate and undying love for all Mexican food – and Tex-Mex – but there is something particularly special about a carne asada taco. The zing of the mojo keeps the meat light and fresh, allowing the guac, lime, lettuce, cheese and salsa to do their thing and make it sing better than Audra.

Don’t worry, she completely agrees – enjoy!

 

 

Carne Audrada McDonald Tacos
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
4 cloves of garlic, minced
1 jalapeno, finely chopped
a handful of fresh coriander, roughly chopped
3 limes, juiced and zested
2 tbsp champagne vinegar
¼ cup olive oil
salt and pepper, to taste
750g flank steak
12 corn tortillas
shredded iceberg lettuce
4 shallots, thinly sliced
1 cups grated cheese
Salsa Struthers
2 avocados, mashed
sour cream, to serve
lime wedges, to serve

Method
Combine the garlic, jalapeno, coriander, limes, champagne vinegar, olive oil and a good whack of salt and pepper in a large shallow dish. Add the steaks, toss to coat, cover and place in the fridge for a couple of hours to marinate.

Preheat a griddle over high heat. Once piping, reduce heat to medium, brush with some oil and cook the steaks for a few minutes each side, flipping once. Remove from the pan and allow to rest for a few minutes. After it has rested, transfer to a chopping board and thinly slice against the grain.

To serve, heat the tortillas in a skillet for about 30 second each side and layer with salad, salsa, onion, guac, sour cream, cheese and steak. Then, obvi, devour.

 

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Harvey Fiersteamed Buns

Main, Party Food, Snack, Tony Gold, Tony Gold: Hamilgold

As we move into the second half of our inaugural Tony Gold celebrations, I knew I had to go with some even bigger Tony Awards legends and there is no one more legendary when it comes to the multi-hatted Harvey Fierstein.

I honestly don’t even know where to start about my dear friend Harvey Fierstein, the man can do just about anyoneanything and truly is a Broadway legend. I mean, he’s won Tony’s for acting and Best Play and for writing the books of musical, there aren’t many of my friends that can say they’ve achieved more. Which is a huge part of why we’re friends, as I assume you suspected.

I first met Harve’s through my dear friend Andy Warhol – I was one of his muses – when he came in to audition for his play Pork. While I was ropeable that Andy didn’t hand me the part, I begrudgingly knew that Harves was the better man for the job and instead of tearing him down, hitched my wagon to his for inevitable fame and fortune.

Fun fact: he wrote the roles of Alan and David in the Torch Song Trilogy in honour of our love affair and my childish attitude, respectively.

Given the fact that he can do pretty much anything on Broadway, I decided to wrote the best book of a musical and best production odds, so buckle in. For the book, it seems to be a two horse race between Dear Evan Hansen and Natasha, Pierre & The Great Comet of 1812, the edge I give to the former and Harves gives to the latter. For the plays, we agreed on Six Degrees and of Separation and A Doll’s House, Part 2 taking the gold, with the musical gongs going to Hello, Dolly – never bet against Bette – and Dear Evan Hansen, despite Come from Away taking out the Drama Desk.

Given the conversation was robust, I couldn’t go past whipping up our old favourite post-coital meal, Harvey Fiersteamed Bun.

 

 

There is a lot I could say about Harve and my passion for a tempting, hot bun but these are far and away the best ones we want to have in our mouths to devour. I mean, steamed buns are amazing – they even ended my feud with the artist formerly known as Cumberbitch – but have you ever had a mexican themed one? Because they’re amazing. A light, fluffy cornbread enclosing a piping hot chilli and gooey cheese? Sign me the hell up.

Enjoy!

 

 

Harvey Fiersteamed Buns
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
1-2 cups of Chilli con Kim Carnes
7g active dry yeast
1 cup warm water
1 cup plain flour
1 cup cornmeal
1 cup cornstarch, talk about corny
¼ cup raw caster sugar
¼ cup canola oil
2 ½ tsp baking powder
grated cheese

Method
Start out by whipping up the Chilli con Kim Carnes, remove the two cups required and cook a little bit further to get rid of as much liquid as possible. Remove from the heat and allow to cool while you carry on, not necessarily calmly, with the dough.

Combine the yeast and warm water in the large bowl of a stand mixer before adding the flour, cornmeal and cornstarch, stirring with the dough hook to kinda combine / avoid a kitchen resembling an anthrax scare. Place the dough hook in the mixer and mix on the lowest setting. Slowly add the sugar and oil and continue mixing until a smooth ball forms. Remove, cover with a damp cloth and allow to prove for a couple of hours.

As its had a chance to prove itself, add the baking powder and return to the mixer on low for a couple of minutes. At this point it may be looking a bit dry since the cornmeal acts like a sponge, so add a couple of tablespoons to keep it smooth and soft … but not sticky. Nice and simple instructions, no? Once the dough is smooth, cover with the damp cloth again and allow to prove for half an hour.

While the dough is proving, cut out 12, 10-15cm squares of baking paper. Once the dough has proven itself again, punch it back and divide into 12 equal balls. Press each into a 15cm wide disc and place on a piece of baking paper. Place 1-2 tablespoons of filling in the middle of each disc with a pinch of cheese before pulling the edges in to enclose like a bun.

Once the buns are prepared, bring a pot of water to water with a steamer over the top. Once the water is going off like a frog in a sock, add 3-4 buns and steam for 10-15 minutes, or until puffed, fluffy and gorgeous. Repeat the process until they are done.

Once you’re ready, serve with any combination of chilli sauce, sour cream or guacamole and devour.

 

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Chorizo & Beana Hall Ragu

Main

Like yesterday’s visitor – my oft lover Alan Cumming – I was lucky enough to see the majesty of my girl Lena Hall’s Tony Award winning performance as Yitzhak in Hedwig and the Angry Inch, and I would argue that my life is all the better for having had the experience.

While I haven’t known Leens as long as some of my other Tony winning friends – hey, not everyone can live as long as the sublime Angie Lansie – we have been the best of friends since meeting.

The year, 2006. She had flown to Tweed Heads to search out the award winning star of the high school musical Jungle Fantasy to prepare for her turn in Tarzan: The Musical. That best legs award winning star was me. While due to licensing fees my character was named Tartan and the English teacher that co-directed had opted for some odd colour blocked outfits that made me look like I skinned a tiny muppet – hey, gotta show off my 15 year old pins I guess – Lena heard that my performance was legendary and wanted some advice.

FYI, the performance – inspired by the great Brendan Fraser in George of the Jungle – was, in fact, legendary.

I haven’t been able to catch up with Lena since her run in Hedwig due to our busy schedules, so she was thrilled to be able to take some time to get together and honour the Tonys and run the odds for all things revivals. While I’m desperately trying to bed Rannells, I had to agree with Lena that Hello Dolly! Is likely to take out Best Revival of a Musical, while Six Degrees of Separation should take out the award for plays on account of their performing nods.

Given our conversation was pretty straight forward, we instead turned our attention to reconnecting and enjoy each other’s company over a hearty and warm Chorizo & Beana Hall Ragu.

 

 

You know how passionately I love any and all sausage, but there is something particularly satisfying about a spicy chorizo. It works even better in this little number, adding a kick to the delicate bean ragu that leaves you happy, warm and fulfilled. I know that sounds like I’m over selling it, but I’m not.

Enjoy!

 

 

Beana Hall
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 onion, diced
5 cloves of garlic, crushed
a bay leaf
500g chorizos, sliced into 5mm coins
¼ cup red vermouth
800g can crushed tomatoes
a few sprigs of thyme, leaves removed
3 x 400g cans cannellini beans, rinsed, drained
2 cups chicken stock
juice and zest of one lemon
¼ cup parmesan cheese, grated
40g baby kale or rocket

Method
Heat a good lug of oil in a medium pan over medium heat and sweat the onion, 3 cloves of garlic and the bay leave until soft and the onion translucent. Add the chorizo and cook for a further couple of minutes before adding the cinzano and tomatoes. Season heartily, reduce heat to low and simmer for about fifteen minutes.

While the tomato is getting acquainted with the cho-cho, heat another lug of oil in another pan. Add the remaining garlic and thyme and cook for a minute or so. Add the beans and cook for a couple of minutes further. Add the stock, bring to a boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for about ten minutes. Remove the beans from the heat and lightly mash the beans, leaving chunks so the ragu retains some texture. Stir through the zest and juice, and the cheese until creamy and combined.

Serve the beans, topped with the tomato-y chorizo and drown in additional parmesan before devouring.

 

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Alan Cumin Chicken

Main, Party Food, Poultry, Side, Snack, Tony Gold, Tony Gold: Hamilgold

You know how special it is when you’re watching an Academy Award winning performance and just marvel at the perfection unfolding on screen? Think, Cate Blanchett in Blue Jasmine, Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight … and Meryl in everything.

Take that majesty, multiply it by 73, carry the fourteen, square root the power of three and you have a fraction of how electric it is to witness a Tony Award winning performance on Broad-way. And my dear part-time lover Alan Cumming’s performance in Cabaret gave me all the tingles in all the ways … in all the places.

Now full disclosure, I’ve only seen his performance as the MC in its most recent revival given the drunken stupor in which I navigated the 90s – opposite my girl, Academy Award winner Emma Stone, no less – which didn’t actually earn him the Tony Gold … but it was still as electric and sexual as always. Plus, dat arse has not quit in the time away from the role.

Despite the fact I almost got kicked out from the showing after befriending two wild, tipsy women from Washington, I screamed out to Alan that security were manhandling me, he recognised my moans, worked it into the show and got me backstage.

Oh – I should probably mentioned that we hadn’t spoken since having an epic lover’s quarrel at Natasha Richardson’s funeral, so the fact that he saved me getting the boot and allowed me backstage was quite the olive branch. Though we had been friends since meeting on the set of GoldenEye – I was in Sean Bean’s entourage at the time – and I had helped his career reach the next level, so I shouldn’t have been too shocked.

We quickly got reacquainted backstage after the show and have been in regular contact ever since. He was thrilled that I had finally found another way to bow down at the altar of the great white way with Tony Gold, so jumped at the chance to celebrate and run the male performance odds.

Like with Ang, we both agreed that Ben Platt and Nathan Lane would take out Leading Actor in a Musical and Featured Actor in a Play respectively, we couldn’t reach consensus with the others. While he favoured Corey Hawkins for Leading Actor in a Play, I went with Chris Cooper and for Featured Actor in a Musical, I couldn’t go past my lover Andrew Rannells … which piqued his interest when we sat down to my Alan Cumin Chicken.

 

 

I know what you’re thinking – cumin, just fucking cumin? Are you kidding mate? The answer is a firm no, no I am not … as this is delicious. Just spicy enough to be exciting, but not too overpowering to make you want to vom and run out of the kitchen in tears.

What a freaking salesman – enjoy!

 

 

Alan Cumin Chicken
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g chicken breasts, cut into pieces
3 tbsp ground cumin
juice and zest of a lemon
a clove of garlic, minced
¼ cup olive oil
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Combine the cumin, lemon, garlic and oil in a small bowl. Add the chicken to the mixture, toss, cover and allow to baste for an hour of so.

Heat a griddle on high until scorching, reduce heat to low and cook the chicken for about five minutes each side, or until cooked through.

Serve on a platter with some natural yoghurt and fresh coriander … to devour.

 

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Angela Lambsbury Wraps

Main, Snack, Tony Gold, Tony Gold: Hamilgold

I know it is neither December or July – in which you can honour Christmas at a pinch – but I say haul out that damn holly and get festive as fuck for our first Tony Gold guest, the iconic, classic, global treasure that is … Jessica Fletcher and Mrs Potts herself, Angela Lansbury.

Ang, ANG – where the hell do I start with my dear, exquisite friend slash five time Tony Award winner Angela ma’fuckin’ Lansbury!

While obviously, she earned her global adoration from her non-peak/Golden Age of TV, TV stint on Murder, She Wrote, Ang has long been an icon on whose coattails I’ve been honoured to ride.

I first met Angie in the 40s while working together on The Picture of Dorian Gray – I was consulting to ensure my ex-Oscar’s work wasn’t tarnished. As is oft the case, I was taken by her talent and vowed to make her a star … and oh boy did I ever succeed!

Given the fact that this blog has sometimes been known to foreshadow deaths, I’ve tried to keep my dates with Ang over the years a secret. When she found out about our Tony Gold celebrations, however, she was desperate to drop by, celebrate … and of course, run the odds on the female performance Tonys.

She agreed that Cate Blanchett would take out Best Lead Actress in a Play but wasn’t so easily convinced that Midler would be able to take out the Musical category. We then drew names out of a hat for the Featured Actress awards, on account of not actually seeing any of them, settling on Cynthia Nixon for the plays and Mary Beth Peil for musicals – don’t blame us if the last two are wrong though, we got distracted by the big fat Angela Lambsbury Wraps we devoured.

 

 

While they are spicy and fresh, these babies can more than fill the hungriest of holes … which reminds me, I must prepare for tomorrow’s guest.

Enjoy!

 

 

Angela Lambsury
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g lamb mince
3 cloves of garlic, minced
small handful of coriander, roughly chopped
1 tbsp ground cumin
2 tsp hot paprika
pinch of salt and pepper
1 cup Greek yoghurt
juice of one lemon
small handful of mint leaves, roughly chopped
4 pita breads
lettuce, roughly chopped
1 tomato, sliced

Method
Combine the mince, 2 cloves of garlic, coriander, cumin, paprika and a good pinch of salt and pepper in a bowl. Scrunch together and form into 12 sausage shaped patties. Arrange on a plate, cover and place in the fridge for half an hour.

Meanwhile combine the yoghurt, lemon juice, mint and a pinch of salt and pepper in a jug. Stir well, cover and place in the fridge until serving.

Once you’re ready, heat a griddle over high heat. Once scorching, reduce to low, oil the pan and fry for a few minutes either side, or until just cooked through.

To serve, lightly toast a pita on either side in a dry pan, transfer to a plate, smear with some yoghurt sauce, add some lettuce and tomato, top with the patties … and drizzle with some more yoghurt sauce, once more, with feeling!

Wrap and devour.

 

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Georgia Burgerson

Bread, Burgers, Main, Snack, Survivor NZ: Nicaragua, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor NZ, the tribes were switched up with Tom getting a new lease on life at Mogoton with Jak, Mike and Lee joining he and Shay, where the latter was clearly on the outs. Over at Hermosa, Barb and Nate were also saved from their impending doom landing with Georgia, Avi and Sala, with Shannon sent to redemption island to wait to join the tribe that lost the next immunity challenge. After an epic fail at the immunity challenge, new Hermosa banded together to give Nate and Barb their revenge, sending Gerogia to redemption island where she barely beat Izzy in the last duel.

On redemption Georgia was struggling after a night of torrential rain put out her fire. While she planned to quickly get one up and running, she struggled forever to make fire before lamenting the fact that she was away from her allies, who I assume could actually get a fire going.

Back at Hermosa, Shannon continued to feel uneasy about her place in the tribe, given her history with Barb and Nate. Not wanting to stay on the bottom, she identified that Sala was key to her survival and desperately tried to form a connection with him by washing dishes by the shore. Proving how smart she is, she appealed to Sala’s sense of right and kindness … which seems to have won the big softie over. Swoon town, Sala – swoon.

Meanwhile at Mogoton, Tom wasn’t thrilled about the storm that was rolling in before taking a note out of the drag race book and threw some epic shade at Shay’s lack of work ethic. She lay around and sat on the beach while the boys worked around camp and went fishing. I mean, the boys were driving me mental but her complete disinterest in trying  is making them seem likeable.

Continuing in the theme of taking from other reality TV shows, Avi and Shannon got to work making his clothing work in the hope of impressing Tim Gunn … I assume. All I took away from the segment was that Shannon and Avi are quickly becoming quite tight and they’re concerned about the next immunity challenge.

Back at Mogoton, Tom and Jak were bonding and trying to become the second coming of rice and beans … which given they are trying to be the Queen, Sandy D-T and Courtney Yates, I am back to hating them. I mean, they will never, ever be at their level. Distracting from my rage, they discovered treemail inviting them to a word puzzle immunity challenge … which they are planning to throw to get rid of Shay.

With that, Matt arrived to lorde over the immunity challenge which looks like it is a lot more than just a puzzle, knocking Hermosa’s confidence given how fit Mogoton are. If only they knew they were planning to throw it anyway! The challenge involved the classic Survivor element of throwing buckets of water between tribe members, before filling a bucket attached to a see saw to release a key … to unlock the pieces to the word puzzle. Despite the boys planning to throw the challenge anyway, Shay could not get it together giving Hermosa a huge lead. Then Barb and Shannon happened, struggling with the puzzle to the point where Jak and Michael would have easily caught up had they not been so obviously trying to throw the challenge.

Matt then called the immunity idol old mate when giving it to a very emotional Shannon, which is probably the most amazing thing to have happened ever.

Hermosa were feeling triumphant back at camp, with Shannon gleefully sunbaking and singing, while Sala and Nate discussed how obvious it was that Mogoton threw the challenge. Meanwhile over at Mogoton, the boys pretended to be disappointed by the loss while Shay was confident her chances of survival were slim to none. She then made the questionable move of playing cards, rather than getting to work … wait, hang on a minute – she is trying to stay in the game, talking to Jak and Tom about getting rid of Mike instead.

Shay’s pitch actually makes a lot of sense, and would guarantee breaking up the pair of Georgia and Mike. But then we run the risk of losing scenes of Mike spraying so much insect repellent on his naked torso he looks like he is oiling up for a body building challenge. Jak and Tom approached Mike to explain to him that Tom would be writing down Mike’s name, to avoid Shay going off on them at the next duel … which made Mike nervous, given that means Jak could change his mind at the last minute and easily get rid of Mike before the merge.

At tribal, Matt was quick to let the boys know that he knew what they were up to, despite not going the Probst route and openly calling it out. Jak tried to be cute, Mike started to get anxious, while Shay had accepted the fact that she is definitely on the bottom. Talk turned to redemption, with Mike confident that Georgia would return to the game … despite being seconds away from losing the previous duel. Before they went to vote, Shay gave one final push to stay which sadly fell on deaf ears, as the tribe sent her to redemption – faux-shocking Tom – to be beaten by Georgia if Mike is psychic.

The boys returned from tribal council where Jak says something stupid and immediately kills the boner I had thinking about the sausage fest. Not seeming to notice my pain, Tom quickly congratulated himself on a fake vote well played as the boys got cocky – again, not in a good way – about dominating the remainder of the game. What is it about best laid – seriously, me and the sex puns – plans?

Shay arrived at redemption where Georgia was shocked to see her, assuming her girl Shannon was destined to be the next boot. They chatted, Georgia was bubbly and Shay vowed revenge if and when she returns to the game. I wonder what is happening at the sausage fest …

The next day, things were tragically not post-coital at Mogoton where the boys passed the time with some busy work. Despite Lee’s best efforts to spice things up with some rope play, nobody seemed to be keen on 50 Shades of Survivor and we were stuck to wonder why the gods hadn’t taken Jak instead of Lou.

Meanwhile over at Hermosa, the tribe were sitting around for morning coffee when Sala returned with an invite to the next duel … where they speculated a merge was a comin’. While they were excited by the prospect, Avi was concerned about where Tom would fit in with his plans given the bro-town over at Mogoton. Not wanting to leave anything to fate, Shannon hounded Avi to ensure that he would be able to woo him.

The peanut gallery arrived at redemption island where Matt was quick to partly confirm their suspicions, announcing that in addition to the losing person being eliminated for good, the victor would be returning to the game … stopping just short of confirming the merge.

The duel was the classic card stacking challenge – which Aubry dominated on Game Changers – meaning it could literally be anyone’s game. And reminded me on the epic finish to season 5 of House of Cards … but I digress.

Shay got out to a strong start where Georgia was shaky and second guessing herself. Then I realised that Shay has used 90 percent of her tiles on the bottom two floors, allowing Georgia to overtake Shay half a metre from the top … before her tower tumbled to the ground at the last minute, allowing Shay to jenga out enough tiles to take out the duel and return to the game … sending my girl Georgia out of the game for good.

Despite being extremely frustrated and disappointed, my fellow dance star – I’m kind of feeling like her and Alexis’ boot were fated to air during my Tony Gold celebrations – quickly perked up when she spotted me whipping up a big old Georgia Burgerson.

 

 

Yes – this is just a copycat of a Quarter Pounder but like everything else in the world, it is so much tastier when it is homemade. I mean, you know the buns are fresher and you know what is in the meat … and let’s be honest, it is so much better being able to eat it in the comfort of your own home (or Loser Lodge) with or without comfort pants.

Enjoy!

 

 

Georgia Burgerson
Serves: 2-4.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
salt and pepper
4 sesame seed buns, halved
ketchup
mustard
½ an onion, diced and placed in iced water for five minutes, and drained
2 dill pickles, sliced
8 slices high melt cheese

Method
Squeeze out as much liquid from the mince as possible before placing it in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper. Scrunch to combine with your hands, and divide into four equal patties. Place on a plate lined in cling, cover and place in the fridge for about half an hour.

While the patties are on ice, prep everything else in the burgers.

Once you’re good to go, place a large griddle over medium heat and toast the open halves of the buns for a minute, or until golden. After the buns are done, the griddle should be nice and hot, so lightly brush some oil over the pan and add the patties, flattening down with a spatula. Cook for a few minutes, flip, and cook for a further couple of minutes.

To assemble, spread ketchup and mustard – to taste – on the top half of the bun, add onions and sliced pickled. On the bottom, place a slice of cheese, the patty and the second slice of cheese. Bring the buns together and devour, immediately.

 

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