America

Roast Melinda Duck

12 Days of Chrismukkah, Main, Poultry

How do I top my 300th milestone recipe? With the true star of The O.C. – I feel like I’ve said that most days … but I mean it this time – my dear friend Melinda Clarke.

Yes, I love them all dearly – well, maybe not always Tate – but every great show needs a villain you love to hate and Julie Cooper-Nichol wouldn’t have been able to pack the same punch without the stunning performance of my bestie.

I first met Mindy through her dad John when I was working as a writer on Days of our Life – which I got through Vytas and Aras’ pops via time travel. Side note: I was the one that came up with such wonderful storylines as Eileen Davidson playing seventeen roles, the Salem Stalker and the classic Marlena is possessed by the devil.

Anywho – I quickly befriended the broader Clarke family and knew that Mindy was destined for big things, making it my life’s work to see her become the star I knew she could be.

I haven’t seen much of her this year, so it was so nice to be able to have her over for an extended visit as we whipped up a Roast Melinda Duck.

 

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I had never roasted a duck before and obviously was terrified by the entire process, so I stuck with a tried and true Jamie Oliver recipe with a few minor tweaks.

Thankfully Jamie knows his way around a bird, because this duck turned out festively fragrant, spicy and most importantly, wet & juicy.

Enjoy!

 

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Roast Melinda Duck
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
a few sprigs of fresh rosemary
1 tsp nutmeg, grated
1 orange, zested and halved
1 tbsp maple syrup
a whole duck, necks and giblets reserved and roughly chopped
8 cloves garlic, unpeeled
1 red onions, peeled and quartered
a few stalks celery, trimmed and chopped into chunks
3 carrots, scrubbed and chopped into chunks
½ stick cinnamon
1 thumb-sized piece fresh ginger, peeled and finely grated
freshly ground sea salt & black pepper

Method
Place the leaves from a couple of sprigs of rosemary in a mortar and pestle and mash together with the nutmeg, orange zest, a generous pinch of sea salt and some maple syrup. Rub mixture over the duck, cover and place in the fridge to baste for a few hours.

Preheat the oven to 180°C.

Stuff the duck’s cavity with the orange, some rosemary and the garlic. Line a baking tray with the onion, celery and carrot and toss with some olive oil, the ginger and cinnamon. Place the duck on top, drizzle with some oil and place in the oven for an hour.

Transfer the duck to a new pan – reserving the charred veggies and fat for tomorrow’s gravy – and return the duck to the oven for a further hour, or until golden and glorious.

Remove from the pan, transfer to a plate, cover and leave to rest for 20 minutes before carving and serving.

Devour … with some gravy and potatoes, so maybe hold off two days until you make it?

 

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Peppermintscha Barkon

12 Days of Chrismukkah, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Ok everyone, sit down because do I have some exciting news for you!

Even more exciting than it just being the ninth day of Chrismukkah, today marks our 300th recipe slash documented catch-up on the blog. Can you believe it?

I can’t … but mainly because I spend so much of my time feuding with celebrities, I can’t believe that I can fit in all these social occasions.

Thankfully my dear Mischa isn’t someone that I’m currently feuding with.

Out of all the cast members of The O.C., I knew that Mish was the one I wanted to mark the milestone with … due to us both being proclaimed IT girls in 2003 by Entertainment Weekly.

I first met Mish in ‘99 while working on Notting Hill and The Sixth Sense. While I didn’t notice her on Notting Hill, due to Jules’ neediness and inability to share me, we were able to connect on The Sixth Sense, due to the lesser demands of being a part of Tones’ entourage.

When it came time to cast Marissa, I knew my girl Mish was the only person worthy of the part give her ability to be simultaneously delicate and tough as nails, which my boy Artem can attest to during their time on DWTS.

I hadn’t seen Mischa since the DWTS finale after getting into a little tiff after I ditched her to seduce Nyle DiMarco – who I really want to catch-up with soon. Thankfully she was happy to answer my call and put the situation behind us to celebrate my milestone and Chrismukkah.

Let’s be honest the one-two punch is probably the only reason she forgave my thirst, though she also isn’t one to pass up a celebratory Peppermintscha Barkon.

 

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Like Mish’s explosion onto the teen drama scene in the noughties, the bark is refreshing, beautiful and packed full of everything you needed in life but didn’t realise.

Plus – it is festive as fuck! Enjoy!

 

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Peppermintscha Barkon
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
400g milk chocolate
2 tsp peppermint extract
400g white chocolate
6-12 candy canes (depending on preference), crushed
miscellaneous decorative candies

Method
Strap yourself in guys, this one’s a toughy – line a baking sheet with baking paper.

Melt the milk chocolate in a microwave – because who can be bothered with damn double-boiling – until just melted. Stir in the peppermint extract and spread out on the baking sheet and chill for about half an hour, to set.

Move quick after adding the peppermint as it can curdle and thicken the chocolate.

When the milk chocolate is almost set, melt the white chocolate -again in the microwave. Fold through half the candy canes and pour over the milk chocolate.

Top with the remaining crushed candy canes and any kitsch edible decorations. My favourite, obviously, is edible glitter.

Chill to set for a couple of hours before breaking into pieces and gifting/devouring.

 

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Willa Hazelnut & Chocolate Cake

12 Days of Chrismukkah, Baking, Cake, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Good news – we finally have a cast member that doesn’t link into my torrid love life. I mean sure, I did sleep with Willa Holland’s current co-star Stephen Amell years ago … but I didn’t meet her through him, so technically I’m home free.

You see I met Willa through my dear friend Lisa Kudrow – who I am so overdue to see that it scares me – when Willa guested on an episode of the majestic and underrated series The Comeback.

It would shock nobody to know that my attitude inspired her characterisation of Valerie Cherish.

I was taken by her talent and she was the only person I could think of to replace my cousin-in-law Shailene when they wanted to beef up the role of Caitlin. I also put her forward for the role of Thea Queen on Arrow … not that I’m saying she should be grateful to me for her career.

But she probably should be … a little, at least.

As she has been super – get it? – busy with her role in the Arrow-verse shows, I haven’t been able to spend much meaningful time with Wills in the last few years but thankfully our friendship is so beautiful that our bond never changes.

Plus, if it did, I’d just withhold my Willa Hazelnut & Chocolate Cake until she loves me again … because that is what you do with your family during the holiday!

 

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Combining the velvety sweet charm of one Caitlin Cooper and the brooding darkness and depth of Thea Queen, this cake is the perfect hybrid of my dear friend’s roles.

Enjoy!

 

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Willa Hazelnut & Chocolate Cake
Serves: 10-12.

Ingredients
200g hazelnuts, peeled and roasted
250g good dark chocolate, chopped
185g unsalted butter, cubed
40g cocoa powder, sifted
30ml strong, freshly brewed coffee
30ml amaretto
6 eggs, at room temperature
275g caster sugar
ice cream, cream or fresh berries, to serve
Nutella, to drizzle on top

Method
Preheat oven to 160ºC and grease/line a springform tin.

Chuck the hazelnuts in a food processor and blitz until it it is finely ground and just starting to turn to a paste. Set aside.

Combine the chocolate, butter and cocoa in a saucepan over low heat, stirring constantly until just melted. Remove from the heat and whisk in the coffee and amaretto. Set aside.

Meanwhile, beat the eggs and sugar in a stand mixer until just combined. Fold through the chocolate, followed by the hazelnuts and pour into the prepared tin and bake for 45 minutes, or until just set. Remove from the oven and cool completely.

Once cooled, serve with a dollop of ice cream and drizzled with nutella … because we can’t get enough hazelnut!

 

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Braised Briskarmack

12 Days of Chrismukkah, Main

At the risk of sounding like the whore of Chrismukkah, my dear friend Chris and I started off as lovers – he put the Chris in my mukkah, if you will – which makes me extremely thankful, a little surprised and at the same time disappointed, that none of the cast fought over me on set.

Our love quickly blossomed when he guested on my dear friend Amy Sedaris’ classic Stranger’s with Candy but after a few torrid months we realised we were better off as friends and parted ways.

A few years later and fresh out of rehab, I wanted to show him how much I had grown and how mature I now was and pushed for him to be welcomed to The O.C.

Bitch.

Despite being the first to leave the series, Chris’ career went from strength to strength co-starring in the hit Amanda Bynes film Love Wrecked, the TV movie Beauty & the Briefcase, an episode of Desperate Housewives and more recently, a starring role in Nashville.

Which is actually good.

Given his commitments to the latter, Chris and I haven’t been able to spend much time together lately. It was such a treat to reconnect and get the inside scoop on what will become of Rayna and her hair … and celebrate the more -mukkah side of Chrismukkah with my Braised Briskarmack.

 

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To be honest, I have no idea if this meal comes close to being kosher … but I assume if you’re celebrating a hybrid holiday, you probably aren’t too staunch on eating kosher. I did avoid cooking the delicate brisket and sweet, creamy mushrooms together though.

That counts for something, right? RIGHT?

Oy – enjoy!

 

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Braised Briskarmack
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
10 cloves garlic
4 sprigs rosemary, leaves removed and roughly chopped
salt and pepper, to taste
olive oil
1.5kg beef brisket
a couple each of celery stalks, onions and carrots, roughly chopped\
2 cups red wine
800g canned chopped tomatoes
small handful of parsley
small bunch of thyme, a few sprigs reserved for the mushrooms
500g button mushrooms, quartered
1 cup beef stock
3 tbsp horseradish cream
½ cup sour cream

Method
Preheat the oven to 160°C.

Place half the garlic and all the rosemary in a mortar and pestle with a good pinch of salt and pepper and crush until a paste forms. Transfer to a bowl, combine with a generous lug of oil and rub over both sides of the brisket.

Heat a lug of oil in a large dutch oven over medium heat and sear either side of the meat for a few minutes. Chuck in the veggies, wine, canned tomatoes and herbs and stir gently to combine.

Place the lid on firmly and transfer to the oven, baking for about 4 hours. Check every hour or so to ensure there is enough liquid and to keep the meat covered – which I rarely would support. Once the meat is tender, transfer it to a board and leave to rest for 20 minutes.

While it is resting, get to work on the mushrooms by heating a lug of oil in a large pan over medium heat. Reduce to low and add the remaining garlic – which you will have minced but I forgot to tell you – mushrooms and the leaves from the extra thyme sprigs and cook for about five minutes, or until browned and soft. Add the stock, turn the heat up to medium-high and simmer for about ten minutes, or until reduced and slightly thickened. Add the horseradish, sour cream and cooking liquid and cook, stirring, for five minutes. Remove from the heat and season to taste.

Slice the brisket into diagonal slices and serve with some latkes, topped with the mushrooms.

 

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Peter Gallatke

12 Days of Chrismukkah, Side, Snack

I don’t even know where to start with my dear friend, confidante and ex-lover Peter Gallagher! Maybe at the start works best? Probably. I don’t know!

Pete and I first met on the set of Summer Lovers in the early 80s, falling in love instantly – but who wouldn’t fall in love with the man that put his everything into the starring role of the adaptation of your homoerotic, pornographic novella?

I mean, sure, I was hurt when Daryl Hannah was cast opposite him and that she turned out to be a female, but that was not Pete’s fault … and he more than made up for it anyway. But that is another story for another time …

While our torrid love affair ended in 1995 when he dared to co-star with my nemesis Sandra Bullock in While You Were Sleeping, we reconnected within a couple of years after I secured him a role in American Beauty to apologise.

When it came time to cast The O.C. a few years later I was listing all of my DILF-y exes in my head but could never move beyond Pete for the role of Sandy – which coincidentally I named as a dig at La Bullock.

Despite our continued close relationship, I haven’t been able to see much of Pete in recent years – given his extensive commitments on Law & Order, Togetherness and in On the Twentieth Century on Broadway – so I was absolutely thrilled to be able to catch-up and celebrate Chrismukkah over a big plate of my famous Peter Gallatkes.

 

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When we were dating, I’ve oft describe Pete as a potato – and no that wasn’t a dig – simply that no matter which way you have him, you’re always satisfied. Both nothing is as satisfying as a latke in all its crispy, fluffy glory, thus it becoming his namesake.

Enjoy!

 

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Peter Gallatkes
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g potatoes
1 onion, finely diced
1 egg, lightly beaten
¼ tsp smoked paprika
¼ tsp garlic powder
pinch of salt and pepper
a good lug of olive oil
sour cream and chives, to serve

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Peel and grate potatoes and place in a bowl of ice cold water for five minutes. Drain well, transfer to some muslin and wring out as much liquid as possible.

Once as dry as possible, transfer to a bowl and combine with the onion, egg and spices.

Line two large baking sheets with baking paper and take out large golf balls pieces of mixture, form into a ball and flatten out on the tray. Repeat until the mixture is all done.

Drizzle with a good lug of oil and cook for about twenty minutes, flipping once halfway through.

Serve immediately with a good dollop of sour cream and chives. Devour.

 

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Adamaretto Klein Sour

Drink, Survivor: Millennials vs. Gen X, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, seventeen castaways got the chop leaving Hannah and Ken to face the jury with Adam who managed to snag all ten votes and snatch the crown – sorry, wrong show – claim the title of sole survivor.

While I am very defensive and proud of Hannah’s game, Adam’s was better and he joined the ranks of the Sandra Diaz-Twine Winner’s Circle – aside, how fucking amazing is it that Sandra is coming back for her third title? – after playing an adaptable game, ensuring he was never the biggest threat and that he stepped back from being in control when necessary.

It was a low-key dominant game and like Kristie in Australian Survivor, shows that 16 years watching the – at the risk of sounding like Fishbach and his echo, Zeke – evolution of the game prepared him to expect the unexpected and keep open to anything.

My only real criticism is his propensity to scream his confessionals, which scared me. But I mean, that should have only cost him three jury votes max.

As we are such close friends – we met when he was Regional Director for the Students for Barack Obama campaign in 2008 … as I was working in the Obama campaign, as you know – I told him that, he apologise profusely and I deemed that he was still worthy for his celebratory Adamaretto Klein Sour.

 

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As a fuctioning alcoholic – probably – I believe that there is no better way to celebrate victory and life than with booze. And there is no better booze than a sweet and – obviously – sour, amaretto sour.

Sadly for Adam his victory ended on a bittersweet note with his dear mother, and fellow Survivor super-fan, passing away an hour after his return. If you’d like to hear more about her story and support Adam’s efforts to raise money for cancer research visit Stand Up to Cancer … or if you like a reward for your good deeds, Planet Buff.

Then toast to a game well won and life well lived – enjoy!

 

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Adamaretto Sour Klein
Makes: 1.

Ingredients
60ml amaretto
30ml lemon juice
dash of bitters
dash of soda water (as I’m scared of egg whites)
maraschino cherry and slice of lemon, to garnish

Method
Combine the liquids in a glass over ice. Drizzle. Garnish. Down.

And repeat. Always repeat.

 

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Hannah Shapiravioli

Main, Pasta, Survivor: Millennials vs. Gen X, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, the jury convened to berate, question and congratulate the final three before casting their votes, none of which went to our co-runner-up and my future lover Kengel or my dear friend Hannah Shapiro.

While Hannah wasn’t rewarded with any votes by the jury, I was firmly buying everything she was selling during final tribal council. Yes, Adam was successful in convincing the jury that her moves were simply blunders … but they were only blunders in respect to her game.

She made it to final tribal and took risks – like leaving David in until the final four and trusting Kengel to turn on him – eliminated people that she thought would be final three fodder and convinced people to risk their game – Adam included – to save her.

So while she wasn’t able to secure any votes, she played an underrated game and I couldn’t be more proud to call her my dearest friend.

I’ve known Han for a few years now, after meeting in college while studying Professor Dawson’s Survivor course – the student became the master, it seems. After graduating I put her in touch with some comedy contacts I met through my besties Tina and Amy, and she has had the honour of working with Second City, Groundlings and Upright Citizens Brigade.

Anyway, while she was disappointed to not take out the title – or any votes – I was able to turn her around with a quick pep talk and a generous serving of my Hannah Shapiravioli.

 

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It is time for your favourite part, where I liken her game to the dish!

But in all seriousness, Hannah was a soft, gentle soul, that was packed with a punch – deep down – and was able to take over the game without noticing.

Plus – who doesn’t love pumpkin, spinach and ricotta? Enjoy!

 

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Hannah Shapiravioli
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
600g butternut pumpkin, diced
lug of olive oil
4 cloves garlic, minced
60g pancetta, cut into thin strips
800g tinned chopped tomatoes
½ cup basil, finely chopped
2 sprigs thyme
⅓ cup verjuice
1 tbsp sugar
salt and pepper, to taste
500g fresh ricotta
250g frozen chopped spinach, defrosted and drained
60 gow gee wrappers

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Place the pumpkin on a baking sheet with a lug of oil, toss to coat and bake for about half an hour, or until golden, sweet and soft. Remove and leave to rest while you get to work on the sauce.

Heat a lug of oil in a large frying pan and sweat the garlic for a minute or two. Add the pancetta and fry for a further five minutes. Add in the tomatoes, herbs, verjuice, sugar and a generous whack of salt and pepper. Reduce heat to low and simmer for about 20 minutes, stirring occasionally. Remove from the heat while you get er’rything sorted.

Get a large pot of salted water on the boil and combine the ricotta and spinach in a large bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper.

Lay out half the gow gee wrappers and divide the cooled pumpkin amongst the pastry, and divide the cheesy spinach on top of the pumpkin.

Brush the dough with water and top with a second wrapper, sealing each parcel to ensure no air is trapped.

When they’re all done, place all the ravioli in the boiling water and cook until they have risen to the top. It should be no more than ten minutes. Drain and add the ravioli to the sauce and return to a low heat for five minutes.

Serve immediately and cover generously with parmesan. Devour, obviously.

 

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Alan Dale Sprouts

12 Days of Chrismukkah, Side, Snack

While Caleb Nichol is arguably the worst person to ever walk Orange County – barring all of the housewives, obviously – my dear friend Alan is as sweet as they could possibly come.

As you could probably guess from our down under connection – in both ways – I first connected with Alan in the mid-80s while working on the hit Australian soap Neighbours. Al was starring as Jim Robinson – stud of Ramsey Street – while I was working originally as the inspiration behind Mrs Mangel and eventually the character’s specific acting coach to ensure she was as awful as possible.

Despite the fact we were polar opposites – aka likeable and insufferable – Al and I quickly connected and became the best of friends, with me introducing him to his eventual wife Tracey (she was an ex-girlfriend of mine) and acting as Best Man Of Honour at their wedding.

With roles drying up for him in Australia – damn you type casting – I encouraged Al to take the leap and move to Hollywood. Thankfully it wasn’t long before I introduced him to Sorkin and his career took off.

I’d recently caught up with Al while he was back home filming Secret City (which FYI is actually pretty good) but sadly we were both to busy to take time out to reconnect over our favourite friendship feast of my Alan Dale Sprouts.

 

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So it may not be obvious given ale perfectly slots into dale … but these are beer and bacon fried brussels sprouts and they are freaking delicious. I promise.

Enjoy!

 

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Alan Dale Sprouts
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
1kg brussels sprouts, ends removed and halved
200g pancetta, roughly chopped
1 shallot, finely sliced
375ml pale ale
pinch of dried chilli flakes
pinch of muscovado sugar
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Heat a large frying pan over medium heat and fry the pancetta and shallots for a couple of minutes.

Add the brussels sprouts and fry for about five minutes. Pour in the beer and add the chilli flakes and sugar and reduce for about ten minutes, or until it is a sticky glaze.

Season to taste, serve and devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Ken McPickle Dip

Condiment, Dip, Party Food, Side, Snack, Survivor: Millennials vs. Gen X, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Survivor, Ken made the best decision for him – and everyone in the final three – and sent David out of the game as the final juror.

The next morning Hannah started talking about the sunrise – and being hungry – while Ken complained about those dang millennials – despite being the one to defend them in the first episode.

After a brief interlude of the final three talking about why they deserved to win over breakfast, Ken, Hannah and Adam arrived at final tribal council ready to sit in front of the jolly firing squad that is the jury.

Taylor kicked off the fun offering them all a chance to deliver opening statements before Sunday got to work asking each to describe how adaptable they were where Ken – out of nowhere, like Australian Survivor’s Kristie – started throwing shade at Hannah, which Adam jumped on board of. Hannah – wanting a piece of the Kristie-esque action – cut him off and outlined why she had been making all of the decisions and that she voted Sunday out for being a threat, not as a mistake which Adam was trying to say.

Jess then asked Ken how he could vote David out after putting himself on a pedestal for the previous 37 days. He then broke my heart and mentioned that above all else, his alliance is with his daughter.

Take me Ken – take me now!

Will then congratulated Ken for making the move and threw Adam under the bus for being on the wrong side of the numbers all the damn time. He then tried to throw Hannah under the bus, who once again fought back and said that going rogue, as Adam was saying she did, was her taking control of her game.

Channeling Stephen Fishbach, Zeke arrived to talk about the evolution of the game – or game change, if you will – dismissing Ken for not adding to the narrative and allowing Hannah and Adam to continue their fight about who played the better game.

Whoever you prefer out of the two, they have to be congratulated for entering final tribal ready to battle for the title.

Michelle returned to the screen in all her glory and asked Hannah how many times she was on the wrong side of the vote – for the record, it was once. She then asked Adam why she should vote for him despite his failings – he again started to throw shade at Hannah, who again wouldn’t take his shit and outlined why she made the right decisions.

Bret came for my boy Kengel, which immediately pisses me off before Ken started fighting with Adam who was underestimating him. Jay soon followed to ask Adam why turned on him, rather than using him to take out David – spoiler alert, you were also a threat and one that was more likely to win immunity. Plus, the best he could do is force a tie. They then referenced Adam’s mother’s illness but Adam chose to stay quiet about it, which I found quite interesting.

Chris then announced that he wasn’t a coach and was actually a trial lawyer, putting to bed a secret that I never knew existed. Luckily for Adam, he then played the role of juror going into bat for a flailing finalist and implored the jury to vote for Adam, who he believed had played the best game.

Closing out tribal council, David asked everyone to outline how the experience had changed them.

Swoon.

Hannah spoke about her growth – aka the Cirie Fields memorial arc … which she shared with David, Ken then spoke about having to overcome being socially awkward to win for his daughter. Adam closed out the show talking about how Survivor was a shared dream with his mother and broke down. Again, breaking hearts completely knowing how that story ends. With that the jury voted, though sadly none for Ken and Hannah as Adam was crowned the Sole Survivor.

So Ken is the outlier in the cast because we weren’t actually friends before filming, which you may have been able to tell thanks to my lecherous recaps each week. I mean yes, I talk lecherously about my friends all the time but I couldn’t go as far as I did with Ken if I knew him.

Anyway, I wanted to make something worthy of his beauty, inside and out, that would also impress him and gain me entry into his pants. I’m pretty sure my phallus-alluding Ken McPickle Dip fits the bill … because who doesn’t want a bit of Ken’s pickle?

 

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While Ken wanted to take our relationship slow, he did love the tangy, creamy dip and let me smear it on his face, nips and abs. So I think we have a future – everyone pray for me, or something.

Enjoy!

 

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Ken McPickle Dip
Serves: 2 future lovers.

Ingredients
300ml sour cream
250g cream cheese, softened
1 cup dill pickles, finely chopped
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1 garlic clove, minced
1 tbsp dill, finely chopped

Method
Mash the cream cheese with the sour cream, until smooth.

Stir in the remaining ingredients.

Devour with crackers … or off a nipple.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Pidavid Wright

Bread, Main, Party Food, Survivor: Millennials vs. Gen X, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, Hannah made what appeared to be a boneheaded move by booting Bret in fifth place, rather than David. But maybe it wasn’t, or it was. Let’s continue …

Back at camp Adam, quite rightly, was shocked by Hannah and Kengel’s loyalty to David.

Wanting a redux of their first tribal aftermath, Hannah and Adam went to discuss the vote with Hannah actually making a logical argument that she couldn’t lose David and upset Ken and leave herself a path to final tribal. Oh and Adam was far more eager to listen to her explanation this time, despite disagreeing with her.

Wanting to burn through the final boot, Jeff arrived for this season’s final immunity challenge which required the castaways to guide plates through a vertical maze using a long, hard pole, before stacking the most plates on the top of the maze at the end of 30 minutes.

Oh and of course the maze wobbles.

Ken took the lead in stacking the most bowls, with Adam simply trying to outlast Ken and hope that his plates would all drop. Which they did. Sadly Adam’s plates quickly followed, as did Hannah and David as everyone started again.

Hannah and Ken then took the lead, while Adam tried to wait them out again, which sadly didn’t work and the pair finished the half hour tied. Kengel and Hannah then had a five minute tiebreaker where Kengel took out an early lead and never looked back, securing final immunity.

Again, how babin’ did Ken look getting that necklace? And more importantly … who can believe Hannah almost won final immunity?

Back at camp David gloated about Ken’s loyalty, while Hannah and Adam joined together to plot how they could convince Ken to turn on David, despite said loyalty. Hannah then went to work on swaying Ken, explaining to him that the jury don’t respect them and that leaving David in the game would simply confirm that, in their eyes.

With them busy, David told Adam that the easiest way for him to move forward was to campaign against Hannah. Thankfully Adam pulled on his big-boy pants and told David that if he wasn’t booted that night, Adam loses anyway, so why not try and make a move.

We then arrived at tribal where Jeff reminded us of all of Hannah’s foibles – including her glorious seventeen hour vote at the first tribal – to congratulate her on coming so close to winning final immunity. Adam then tried to explain how big of a threat David is, to which David agreed. Ken then brought up loyalty, Adam brought up the need to make a smart decision to win for your family with which Ken agreed.

Proving his superiority over Australian Survivor’s single father stud, Ken made the best possible move he could – for everyone … bar David – and as he sent David out of the game as the final member of the jury.

I met Dave while working as a screenwriter for Malcolm in the Middle and quickly rode his coattails over to Family Guy before being fired amidst scandal and inevitably inspired the character of Roger on American Dad! Dave being Dave kept in touch and tried to help me sort my life out, more than earning his comforting Pidavid Wright.

 

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The pide is the culinary version of David’s Survivor experience – it started out with a soft, delicate dough that made way for a fiery, dominant filling which leaves you salivating and wanting more, despite not winning.

That is a bit of a stretch, isn’t it?

 

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Pidavid Wright
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp dry yeast
1 cup milk, warmed to 30C
1 tsp raw caster sugar
1 tsp salt
3 tbsp vegetable oil
3 cups flour
lug of olive oil
6 garlic cloves, minced
500g minced lamb
6 roma tomatoes, diced
2 tbsp tomato paste
1 tbsp sumac
1 tsp paprika
1 tbsp dried chilli flakes
¼ cup tahini
1 lemon, juiced
⅓ cup pine nuts, toasted
handful chopped flat-leaf parsley
4 eggs
handful of feta

Method
Combine yeast, milk, sugar, salt and vegetable oil in the bowl of a stand mixer and knead on medium for about ten minutes, or until smooth.

Transfer to an oiled bowl, cover and allow to prove for an hour. Knock back the dough, split into four, cover again and leave to prove for a further hour or so.

While the dough is proving, get to work on the filling by heating a lug of oil in a large pan over medium heat and sweat the garlic for a few minutes. Add the lamb and brown for a few minutes, breaking up with the back of a wooden spoon as you go.

Add the tomatoes and spices and cook for a further couple of minutes before adding the tahini, lemon juice, pine nuts and parsley. Stir to combine and remove from the heat.

Once the dough has proven itself, roll each piece into an oval shape. Fill each with some filling, leaving a couple of centimetre border around the edges. Pinch the ends together to form a boat shape and bring up the edges. Top with a cracked egg and some crumbled feta, and bake for about 20 minutes, or until golden.

Leave to rest for five minutes and devour. I slather it with natural yoghurt but that is just how I roll, you know? You do you.

 

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