Eighth Boot

Scarlett HarGowlett

Main, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, RuPaul's Drag Race UK 3, Snack, Street Food, Tapas, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race UK the top seven finally faced up to the challenge of the season  – Snatch Game! As is oft the case, Snatch Game – which I still think should be called Skankety Skanks in the UK and Down Under, but I digress – saw some queens rise to the top of the pack with Ella finally shutting down the dolls who called her boring, slaying as Nigella. Kitty too dominated as the GC – her ‘I’m all gamed out’ lives rent free in my mind forevermore – and Scarlett screamed her way into Ru’s heart, though as a twink, that is never hard. At the other end, River and Choriza were the weakest and were both eliminated.

Shut it the fuck down. I am heartbroken.

The top five returned to the Werk Room absolutely shook to the core to have lost the two fan favourites in one damn lip sync. Scarlett asked what the rest of the dolls felt about the lip sync with Krystal summing it up, apologising on behalf of their fallen sisters for bombing and embarrassing them all. As Ella cleaned off their messages, she admitted to being shocked to have taken out Snatch Game. Particularly because the girls didn’t believe she had it in her. 

Kitty meanwhile was gagged about the fact Ru told River to step her pussy up or go home before sending her home, and then admitted that being so close to taking a win was bittersweet, though was thrilled for Ella. Despite being ready for her damn badge. Scarlett meanwhile went in on Ella for not making Ru laugh as much as she did in Snatch Game and again for not having a personality, which fired Ella up to point out that by winning Snatch Game and the Girl Groups challenge, she is kinda the front runner and as such, they need to step their bussies up.

Things were far less combative the next day with Scarlett feeling less nasty as Ella and Krystal were busy milking their double badges. Kitty meanwhile reminded them that she doesn’t need a badge given she is sure to get the crown, though isn’t afraid of pushing Ella down the stairs should it be needed. Oh and she wants Vanity to not wear a synthetic wig. Despite all of them kind of rocking synthetic wigs throughout the season.

Before we can get to the bottom of things, Ru arrived to announce that this week the dolls will need to serve it in a Fugly Ball. Which apparently stands for, ‘Friend, U Gotta Love Yourself’! And to make things interesting – has Ru been dabbling in Jeff’s closet of twists – this year’s ball would be timed, with the queens having short bursts of time to get ready, walk the mainstage and then lather, rinse and repeat the process. Twice.

The Fugly Swimwear runway was up first with the dolls given 69 minutes to split up and get into their sexy best with everyone rightly bricking it as they beat their mugs. Kitty asked the dolls whether they’ve experienced any trolling as ‘known’ people, with Ella admitting she only gets more thirst messages – of course – while Kitty explained that she doesn’t really care about people’s opinions, so has never let it get to her. Krystal opened up about drag giving her her confidence, given she isn’t really comfortable as a man before sharing that she is a virgin. Which gagged everyone as they rallied around and encouraged her to be confident in herself, because she is such a sweet, kind person.

Ru then jumped on the loudspeaker announcing they have ten minutes until the runway leading to the dolls running around looking for wigs and outfits before heading to the mainstage to meet Ru, Michelle, Alan and the stunning Alesha Dixon. Up first was Vanity Milan looking gorgeous in an ugly, ill-fitting, quilted bathing suit. Kitty was demented in a frilly, garishing one-piece with buck teeth and frizzy hair. Scarlett was a messed up pussy in the craziest way while Ella looked like a drunk MILF in the background of Mad Men going to the Country Club and Krystal was stunning as a sea wench, complete with chocolate starfish!

The dolls assembled on the runway to learn that the second category was Charity Shop Chic where they will need to whip up a runway using five Charity Shop leftovers. Oh and in the 60 minutes it takes to get ready, they also get to kiki with Charity Shop Sue much to the delight slash horror of Krystal. Who was triggered given she bombed Snatch Game as her. Sue was dementedly on brand as she introduced the leftovers they would choose from before eventually letting the dolls have at it. Hangers were flying through the air and getting stuck in wigs while Sue was nervous about them making an absolute mess in her pristine shop. Poor Krystal had to take her prosthetics off in the short 45 minutes remaining while Kitty was worried about getting something to fit as Ella was popping a tit, but making it glam. Vanity somehow looked stunning in her orange while Scarlett was a clash of the savannah animals before switching to duelling LBDs with Krystal.

With that, they headed to the runway where, ultimately, Kitty slayed in a clash of pastel and fluro outfits channelling Daphne Blake. Krystal was flawless in a black, shimmering number, Ella was gorgeous in pastel, granny chic while Vanity was gorgeous in her orange number with Ts of my girl Nene Leakes before Scarlett closed the show as drunk, naughty Sandy Dee.

Finally the girls were tasked with rocking a Fugly but Fashionable look which they were given 30 minutes to pull together. And well, things were bedlam in the Werk Room as they ran around flailing. Kitty meanwhile was confident in her ability to throw something together quicker than the rest of the girls while Krystal opted to start her mug from scratch. Again. Talk turned to onstage mishaps with Vanity sharing that she lost a wig during a Queen Bey performance though thankfully it happened at the end of the number and she made it work. Scarlett admitted she kicked a shoe at someone while Kitty lip synced against a customer who’s tit fell out. AT BRUNCH.

Rounding out the Miss Fugly Pageant 2021, Ella Vaday looked like a stunner in her plaid, fluro chaps and ugh, she is feeling her oats and I LOVE her. Vanity meanwhile was stunning in a black, quilted gown, Krystal was a stunning monster mash complete with poodle wig, while Scarlett was a trashy, fluro mess – in all the right ways – while Kitty stole the show in a knitted maxi gown reveal, complete with kitten heels.

Kitty received universal praise for her looks, with Michelle thrilled that she was clearly having the best damn time on the runways. Please, don’t let this be a fake out because she has had a damn good night! Vanity’s swimwear was read for its poor fit, though they loved how great she looked in her final two looks and lived for her killer mug. Scarlett was praised for bringing the fun in her swimsuit though the other looks were read for not exactly hitting the mark, despite how much fun she was having. Once again, Ella received universal praise, despite not having the best fitting swimsuit. While rounding out critiques, Krystal received universal praise for her first and last looks, though the judges felt she didn’t go far enough in her Charity Shop look.

Ru asked the girls to identify their favourite final looks, with Kitty loving Scarlett’s look, Vanity loving Kitty’s and I think Scarlett lived for Kitty too, though read Krystal for looking like Anubis. Ella meanwhile lived for Vanity’s final runway while Krystal thought Ella‘s was the best.

As the dolls untucked they were well and truly shell shocked by the sheer pace of the challenge. Scarlett likened things to ready, steady, cook while Krystal was in her feelings about nobody loving her final outfit. Nor did she appreciate Scarlett reading her wig as Anubis. Vanity meanwhile was nervous about landing in the bottom, due to her track record while Ella felt Scarlett would be lip syncing because of her final two outfits. Which somehow, didn’t bother her. Kitty then made a toast to the dolls and ugh, if she doesn’t get her damn badge, I will be ropeable.

Ultimately Kitty did take out her first victory of the season, much to her giddy, screaming delight and ugh, I’m so damn happy. Ella and Krystal were quickly sent to safety, leaving Vanity and Scarlett to face off to Scandalous by Mis-Teeq and damn, this is a bounce back from last week’s lacklustre performance. Vanity quickly served a reveal and owned the damn stage and while Scarlett was giving camp and hitting all the letters, Vanity was flipping, spinning and bouncing across the stage and well, she was a damn star. As Alesha was living her best life watching on from the judges panel.

Sadly though, there must be a loser and my dear, poor Scarlett found herself booted from the competition. As she entered the Werk Room, I gave her a stern look for all of five seconds as I tried to be mad at her for being catty the last few weeks. Then I remembered, COVID is still a thing, the competition is intense and I love her, so I pulled her into my arms, gave her a big hug and told her how damn proud of her I am.

While she was disappointed to not make it all the way to the top, I reminded her that she is funny, beautiful and can turn a look. And is oozing talent. And charisma. And Ru loves her, so she will be well and truly fine – hello All Stars! With that, I told her to always believe in herself and then shoved a plate of Scarlett HarGowlett in front of her and told her to eat, damn it.

There is nothing more satisfying that a big ol’ dump(ling), and while I usually don’t like to partake in seafood, these little prawn numbers have always delighted me. Light and sweet, with a kick of ginger, they’re the perfect way to work through your post-boot trauma.

Enjoy!

Scarlett HarGowlett
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
250g raw prawns, peeled, deveined and finely chopped
1 tsp oyster sauce
1 tbsp vegetable oil
¼  tsp white pepper
1 tsp sesame oil
¼ tsp salt
1 tsp raw caster sugar
1 tsp ginger, minced
2 garlic cloves, minced
¼ cup bamboo shoots, minced
40 gow gee wrappers

Method
Combine the prawns, oyster sauce, oils, pepper, salt, sugar, ginger, garlic and bamboo shoots in a bowl and mix until well combined.

Get a steamer on while you get to work making the dumps. Lay out your gow gee wrappers and place a scant teaspoon of filling into the middle. Fold in to form a triangle and crimp the edges to seal. Repeat the process until they’re all done.

Once the steamer is like a sauna in Queer as Folk, place the dumplings in and steam for 6-8 minutes, or until cooked through and piping hot.

Devour immediately with some chinese chilli oil or, you know, whatever you like with your dumplings.


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Kale Shannon Slawson

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn, Salad, Snack, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor, well and truly on the outs Laura and Rachel went for a cheeky walk and what do you know, they found an idol. Sadly for them, it was under the watchful eye of George. Jonathan decided to cause a little chaos and switched up the tribes, with new Brawn still taking out immunity despite now having Wai and Hayley – self proclaimed not-Brawns – in their midst. Cara returned to the Brains tribe and along with Geroge, joined the Brawns to get rid of one of the Brains girls that were formerly controlling their tribe. However George confused the hell out of everyone while teeing up the split vote and after Laura correctly played her idol for Rach, Cara’s accidental vote for Laura inadvertently sent Big D from the game.

Back at camp the tribe was in absolute shock, none more so than Kez who was heartbroken to lose her friend Daini. Standing around the fire, Cara eventually admitted it was her mistake that cost him the game and while everyone appeared to laugh it off, me thinks Queen Kez may hold a grudge. And well, I hate the thought of my two Queens feuding.

The next day things were moderately less dramatic as the tribe napped, George meandered the camp and Cara was straight up embarrassed by her stuff up. Her plan was to lay as low as possible and avoid anyone holding it against her. Sadly for her, George was desperate to raise her up and spin the situation – very vocally – to take the heat off her and in turn, keep their new alliance safe.

Meanwhile in the billabong Rachel and Laura were celebrating their lucky win, though realised they were still in a shitty situation. And as such, decided to try and turn the former Brawns against Cara ASAP. Sadly for them, they had their own situation going on as Georgia became painfully ill and well, the poor thing looked like death.

Over at the Brawn Camp, Andrew was joyously fishing while Hayley worried about their extreme numbers disadvantage. As such, she got together with Andrew to renew their bond and make sure he was willing to put everything aside and find a crack in the old Brawn tribe. Speaking of the former Brawns, Shannon was ride or die with the Brawns, though did assure us that she was still looking to get rid of Simon ASAP and make sure she beats him. Which, TBH, doesn’t bode well for her survival tonight, right? Or his I guess.

In any event, we’re getting some form of resolution to this storyline tonight – I feel it in me waters, Kim.

My love Jonathan arrived for this week’s immunity challenge where the tribes were gagged to discover that not only did Cara’s mistake screw Daini, but that tribal immunity is on hold for the episode and instead they would all be competing as individuals. As both tribes are going to tribal and both of them are voting someone out, with two winners from each tribe getting champagne in addition to immunity. The challenge? Well they have to make their way through an obstacle course and then pair up to cross parallel balance beams before tossing sacks and landing them on a table. First two to finish from each tribe scoring victory.

Before the challenge even began, Georgia opted out due to her illness. When it came to the challenge, both tribes were neck and neck through the obstacles until everyone on Brawn powered ahead, leaving Wai alone on the balance beam. Until Queen Chelsea came back and kindly helped. While everyone on Brains continued to work together until the end of the challenge, Brawns started to split off as Baden and Simon started tossing their sacks.  Andrew and Baden were first to sling a sack on Brawn, while Kez soon followed on Brains. They were joined by Gerald, Dani and then SLAY, Wai! It was back and forth as people landed their bags and knocked them off until Andrew scored one of the first immunities followed by Wai, much to the delight of the rest of her tribe. Which is just so nice.

Oh and on the Brains, Emmett won immunity and then started gossiping with Simon while Hayley joined Georgia on the bench to do the same. More importantly, Queen Rach was next to jag herself immunity. As the victors exited stage left to enjoy their champagne reward, poor Georgia was loaded into an ambulance to get checked out, much to the fears of her tribemates.

Arriving at the bush bar, the group were delighted by their tasting plate more so than the dranks. Which is concerning, but whatever. In any event, Rachel was planning to use her time at the bar to charm Emmett and try to get him to get rid of either Cara and George. And he immediately agreed, so I guess we can just call this episode a day, then. Go home Jonathan, one of the tribals is all sorted!

Back at Brains Laura was thrilled her mate Rach was living it up with the champagne, though was worried about what was going on with Georgia. And just like that, Jonathan appeared to announce that Georgia is being temporarily pulled from the game for observation and as per rules, has 24 hours to return before forfeiting her place. And as such, won’t be voting at tribal council and also can’t be booted.

While it is good that we can make sure she is safe, Laura realised that meant that she was the only target left now, so needed to desperately find a crack. She started working with Gerald and Kez and after barely even trying, had Kez on board given she is still enraged to have lost Daini. Before we could learn more, Emmett and Rachel returned from the reward with Rach thanking everyone for giving her the real reward, seeing how they all lifted each other up at the challenge. Ugh, isn’t she the sweetest?

After noticing Georgia was gone, Rachel and Laura went for a walk to exchange all the latest intel, glad that everyone was seemingly ready to get rid of Cara. Emmett and Kez meanwhile had their own chat, with the former admitting that all he cares about is the two of them and Gerald making the merge and as such, he doesn’t actually care who gets voted out between Cara and Laura. And given Cara fucked up, they were more interested in getting rid of her.

We next checked in with the Brawns with Hayley glad that both of their immunities went to former Brains and as such, have more leverage despite not having the numbers. As such, she went for the most bold move and told everyone that the Brains were planning to vote four strong and since two of them are immune, she plans to do scissor, paper, rock to decide who she plays the idol on between her and Baden and as such, the Brawns should start a conversation with them to decide who to get rid of out of their group.

She and Baden then went for a walk, with Baden excited to just lock in a name while Hayley cautioned him to wait and see who is the first to break ranks and talk to them. Speaking of which, Shannon and Flick were catching up with Simon and talking about how to proceed with both suggesting they play his idol and join with them to the Brains and sacrifice Chelsea instead. Which he readily agreed to after they assured him that they can bring Dani back in after the vote.

But psych, he didn’t plan on following through with that at all, taking Dani and Celsea to the well to let them know everything. And then suggest they all load their votes on Baden, which annoyed Dani, because she feels like this would actually be the perfect time to get rid of Shannon instead. And you know, assert her dominance on the tribe. 

Meanwhile Shannon and Flick were first to get to Hayley and Baden, immediately offering up Chelsea as the boot. As they left, Simon, Chelsea and Dani replaced them and pitched getting rid of Shannon. And just like that, Hayley and Baden were spoilt for choice. Both options being good, because Chelsea and Dani are a tight pair, while Shannon is a big threat. But to Hayley, keeping a threat around isn’t the worst thing at this point.

Once Wai and Andrew returned they were pulled aside by Hayley and quickly caught up on all of her and Baden’s handiwork, with them excited to take power just by instilling them with enough fear.

Both tribes descended on tribal council with Jonathan catching the Brawns up on the situation with Georgia before getting right down to business. Cara spoke about her guilt in sending Daini home due to her stupid mistake, not wanting anyone to think it was deliberate move on her part. Emmett meanwhile denied getting chatty at the reward, given they were too busy eating. Rachel on the other hand was just glad to be safe and wanted to contribute to the conversation to help them keep the tribe strong. 

On the flipside, Laura was shitting her pants as the odd one out on the tribe, fully expecting to go home next. Particularly since Emmett is confident that the alliance have a strong plan that they will execute perfectly. Despite that, Cara was still nervous and while George tried to raise her up, the Brawns weren’t so forgiving. Dani was emphatic about the fact she would have immediately booted Cara for her mistake, with Cara assuring her tribe that she knows the plan and will not make a mistake again. 

We checked in with the Brawn tribe with Shannon excited to see where things stand post swap. Hayley gagged Jonathan by yet again announcing her plan to the entire tribal council, delighting Emmett and George while making the OG Brawns on her tribe very nervous. Flick herself was worried about making a mistake at tribal council and going home, while Simon was straight up terrified, though continued to highlight how strong he is in the hope that nobody targets him. 

To keep things interesting, Shannon outed Simon’s idol and said that should he play his idol, Brains too could have their plans blown up. Dani just spoke about being Brawns strong while Shannon was confident they would make things work. Hayley admitted that she is getting very nervous, with Shannon telling her that all the conversations she had today are truthful. And Dani just said that she can trust her. While Baden was just hopeful that the division in the tribe won’t be down tribal lines after tonight.

With that the tribes voted, Baden and Hayley hung on to their/Hayley’s idol before Laura found herself voted out of the Brains tribe. But then when Jonathan immediately started reading the Brawn votes – and given there were still ten minutes left – it was obvious a twist was afoot, despite the Brawns voting out Shannon.

We then learnt that while Laura and Shannon were both voted out, only one would be booted from the game and that decision will be made by the four immune people. With that, Rachel, Emmett, Wai and Andrew were required to make a unanimous decision on who to boot and should they not be able to, the girls battle it out with a fire making challenge. And while Andrew and Rachel were keen to save Laura, Wai gagged everyone by voting for Shannon to stay. And while Emmett wanted fireworks by way of the challenge, he also wanted Shannon to stay to keep OG Brawn strong. Something Simon, Dani and Chelsea clearly don’t care about anymore.

Then Simon happened, stepping in to tell Emmett that Shannon threw all the former Brawns under the bus as soon as the challenge ended and as such, Emmett was the one making a shit move. Which miraculously led to both Wai and Emmett backpedalling on their decisions, saving Laura and instead sending Shannon from the game as the eighth boot for her disloyalty. Even though, yes, that is the point of the game. But so is using it to further yourself. 

Why did I go on that tangent? You know that.

Anyway, I saw Shannon arrive at Loser Lodge and while I was heartbroken my dear friend’s dream was over, I was glad to be able to hang with each other. You see, Shan and I are the absolute best of friends, given we’re both influencers – remember, I am the OG Celeste Barber … who also went to my school but that is a story for another day, ya’ dig?

So Shan and I are best friends and spoiler alert, this season was meant to be Blood vs Water and we were scheduled to compete but then ‘rona happened and they went in a different direction. And since there is no beauty tribe and there is no way you can spin me as strong, I was dropped. But given I’m so critical to the health and wellbeing of the casts, that is probably for the best.

Seriously, what is with the tangents today? You know the drill, I told Shan she played a killer game, she is an absolute star and I love her. Then got down to nourishing her soul with a big ol’ Kale Shannon Slawson.

I know, I know. You don’t make friends with salad. But when they taste this good, you HAVE to make an exception. Tart, fresh and packed full of flavour, this is just what you need to dull your post boot pain.

Enjoy!

Kale Shannon Slawson
Serves: 2 stunning influencers, but would also suffice for 6 people for dinner as a side.

Ingredients
4 cups kale, washed and shredded
1 cup red cabbage, washed and shredded
2 carrots, peeled and grated
1 small red onion, diced
⅓ cup craisins
½ cup slivered almonds
3 tbsp pepitas
3 tbsp sunflower seeds
1⁄4 cup tahini
2 lemons, zested and juiced
1 tbsp olive oil
1 garlic clove, minced
1 tsp dijon mustard
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Combine the kale, red cabbage, carrot, red onion, craisins, almonds, pepitas and sunflower seeds in a large bowl and toss to combine.

Meanwhile, whisk literally everything else together in a jug.

Pour the dressing over the salad, toss to combine and then serve.

And then devour, obvi.


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Pork A’Whoragu and Gnocchi

Main, Pasta, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, RuPaul’s Drag Race UK 2, TV, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race UK the queens turned themselves into superheroes, using all of the items we hoarded during lockdown. So basically, toilet paper, flour, yeast and eggs. After winning the reading challenge, Sister took hoarding to the next level and snatched literally everything from the loot before the other girls were even able to make a play for anything. Tayce drew inspiration from Baga with her steel wool scraps, while A’Whora destroyed and took out her second victory with one of the best design looks to ever grace the mainstage while Sister looks like she was living in the Mushroom Kingdom, on mushrooms. After Tayce landed in the bottom opposite her, the extra hoarding proved all for nought as Tayce once again assassinated the lip sync and sent home another Sister (Sister).

Backstage the girls were thrilled to make the top five, with Tayce particularly feeling giddy about felling another queen. To the point that she couldn’t even read her farewell message correctly. Lawrence meanwhile was nervous for Tayce, knowing that she can’t make it to the end on lip syncs alone. But given what we’ve seen, can she? The girls congratulated A’Whora on her second victory, before talk turned to Lawrence being on a bottoming streak and as such, A’Whora felt she needed to turn it up or get out of the way. Ellie decided to make things awkward and share that she felt they were going to be the top five after the COVID break, with A’Whora agreeing but telling her that she thinks she will be the next to go since she doesn’t have a badge.

Oh and Tayce admitted she has no idea what comes out of her mouth in confessionals which doesn’t add anything, but is important and adorable. And explains why I love her so.

The next day Ellie was still fired up about the girls underestimating her, vowing to step it up, play the game and prove herself in the competition. With Bimini doubling down and sharing that if she really doesn’t get a win soon, she may as well pack up and go home. A’Whora and Ellie’s arguing about the crux of the last challenge was interrupted by Ru arriving for this week’s mini challenge where the dolls would dress in boy drag to compete in the Masc 4 Masc Singer to “Hey, Kitty Girl” with the butchest topping. Ellie opted to take a risk, pivot and go with ‘80s androgynous realness, while A’Whora was flooding Ellie’s basement in her leather daddy look. Lawrence looked like Conchita Wurst’s brother, Tayce was a young Iggy Pop and Bimini looked like Sid Vicious and Kid Rock had a baby. 

All of the dolls were totally demented and while Tayce was my personal favourite and A’Whora’s hilarious assurances of not knowing who Lady Gaga is, it was Ellie who took out a well deserved victory. And as such, she was given the power to decide the order in this week’s love themed comedy show maxi challenge. Oh and perform in front of my legendary friend, Dawn French. 

The girls split up to work on their sets before, as she promised, Ellie opted to go in and set each and every queen up for failure. She put the weaker girls at the start and end, with A’Whora and Tayce taking out each slot while popping herself after A’Whora followed by Bimini and Lawrence before the aforementioned icon, Tayce. Lawrence immediately blew up, pointing out it was a terrible line-up and not only set up everyone else poorly, but that it will also screw herself over. Ellie stood up for herself though, pointing out it is a game and she needs to play it. Lawrence questioned whether she thinks she can actually score victory, with Ellie pointing out that following A’Whora is her best shot and she needs to take it. Much to Tayce’s delight.

Oh and then Ellie made the mistake of asking whether everyone is happy with their place, with Bimini assuring her that she will slay no matter where she performs while Lawrence cussed her out yet again. As Tayce delighted in the drama. Poor Ellie started to spiral, with Tayce and Bimini assuring her that playing the game isn’t wrong and to not feel bad about it, the latter pointing out again that good material is good no matter where it is placed. As Lawrence and A’Whora continued to simmer in the corner.

Speaking of A’Whora she was first to meet Alan for a tutorial and given most of her jokes were beeped, we only know it was filthy and not much else. Ellie justified placing everyone where she did, before delighting Alan with her dirty, deep voiced alter ego. Despite the set feeling a bit confusing. Bimini admitted that she has only performed stand-up twice, meaning she absolutely destroyed her rehearsal and left with not once piece of feedback. Lawrence thankfully didn’t let her anger get in her way, landing her punchlines with minimal direction required. And Tayce, bless, walked out and charmed her way into the rehearsal, having Alan in hysterics before even getting to material. Then Alan told her to focus on her love for beans on toast and well, I hope that is good advice.

Elimination Day rolled around with Lawrence and A’Whora admitting that sleeping on the order only made them angrier at Ellie, willing karma to strike her down. Lawrence desperately tried to get the tawdry details out of Tayce and A’Whora’s past, with them admitting that they are just friends. Tayce then spoke about her first ever date, which resulted in multiple STDs and made her lose her trust in men and brought down her self-esteem as she questioned why she hasn’t found someone to love her. This bonded Tayce and Lawrence, united by their insecurities and how drag gives them the confidence to take over the world. And ugh, again, I love them all so much.

As A’Whora took the stage, it was very clear that she didn’t opt to clean up her act, having the entire second half of her set bleeped, while the start was all about sex and had the judges chuckling and cringing in equal measure. I mean, even Tayce was blushing in her confessional. Ellie Diamond was up next and delighted the judges with her demon voice, though I still didn’t really get it. That being said, she was having fun, she was smutty and when she started to confuse the judges, I loved it. Despite it ending out of nowhere.

Bimini was up next and owned the stage from the very first moment, with smart jokes, killer punchlines, references to the judges careers and a great rhythm. Again, just give her the down crown – Bimini is a star. As Lawrence feared, following Bimini was the order equivalent of climbing Everest. But damn if she didn’t work hard to overcome it, having the judges in stitches from the very first moment. Until she took an extended time to get to her final punchline and lost the momentum. Rounding out the show, Tayce brought her usual charm to the performance, shading her competitors and delighting everyone. Before Meg Ryan-ing over her passion for beans. Sadly that was it, as she then went through a series of small lines which ended with it being a story for another time, with her potentially needing to bring one of those stories up to flesh out this time.

As always A’Whora slayed on the Stoned on the Runway runway, complete with stoned IV and stunning headpiece. Ellie meanwhile was a sexy, angel Dolly Parton before Bimini killed it once again as a sexy, punk, acne breakout. Lawrence was a pink, stoned alien, while Tayce was glorious as a shimmering, metallic warrior and ugh, I love it.

The judges lived for A’Whora’s outfit, though she was cautioned to maybe edit her material for the audience, given the show is on the BBC. That being said, Alan commended her on coming out and opening the show with such confidence. Ellie was read for not having rhythm in her set, though the judges lived for her snow queen runway. As is becoming a trend, the judges lived for everything Bimini did, praising her killer material, her intelligence and her chameleon, brave and stunning runways. Lawrence was praised for everything she did, however as feared, she clearly couldn’t overcome following Bimini despite comedy coming most naturally to her. Tayce was praised for surprising everyone with her comedy chops, despite the judges wanting to hear the end of some of her stories. And rightfully, they loved everything about her runway.

Backstage A’Whora’s rage exploded, furious that Ellie’s plan worked and she clearly landed in the bottom. Ellie once again tried to explain her position and admitted that she felt horrible about upsetting her and Lawrence. This obviously didn’t sit well with Lawrence, who tore into Ellie again because at the end of the day, she could have changed the order if it bothered her, but she didn’t. Once again Tayce was the only one seeing sense, reminding us that if you stumble, maybe you should have looked at the floor if you thought someone was trying to trip you. Ellie pointed out Ru was delighted by her choices, which made Lawrence even more incensed with Bimini rightly pointing out that the latter’s rage runs much deeper than the order.

Ultimately Lawrence was once again pipped at the post by Bimini, which in my opinion would have happened no matter where either of the performers placed in the line-up. Ellie meanwhile managed to save herself, simply by not being as filthy as A’Whora, who landed in the bottom with Tayce. Poor A’Whora was fighting back tears as Dusty Springfield’s You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me started up, but boy did she push through. The besties channelled their obvious emotions into the performances, hitting every lyric and selling the pain of the song as they fought for their places in the competition. Sadly for A’Whora, it wasn’t enough as Tayce well and truly took her place as the lip sync assassin of Drag Race UK, sending her best friend and roommate home.

A’Whora quickly found me by following the sound of my screaming tears all the way back into the Werk Room. While I wasn’t willing to jump in and pile more hate on Ellie – I live for the drama she caused, obviously – I did admit that she and Lawrence were hard done by, though I don’t really think their order in the performance would have changed things for either of them. A’Whora and I then started screaming at each other before I pulled her in for a hug, apologised and told her how heartbroken I was she didn’t make the finale. But as always, I reminded her that being robbed is always better than overstaying your welcome and as such, we both felt better. Though how can you not when you’ve got a big bowl of Pork A’Whoragu and Gnocchi in front of you?

This tweaked Laura Sharrad number – hey, we all watched a lot of Masterchef during lockdown, ok? – is near perfection. Light, fluffy gnocchi and the aggressively spiced ragu pair perfectly to create a heart, robust meal that soothes any and all pains. Particularly of the post-boot variety.

Enjoy!

Pork A’Whoragu and Gnocchi
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 onion, diced
2 sticks celery, diced
1 carrot, grated
4 garlic cloves, minced
salt and pepper, to taste
650g pork mince
2 tsp ground cinnamon
2 tsp ground clove
1 cup red wine
1.6kg canned diced tomatoes
500g floury potatoes, peeled and chopped into a generous dice (larger pieces, less water absorbed)
pinch freshly grated nutmeg
1 egg, beaten
110g plain flour, plus extra to dust
shaved parmigiano, to serve

Method
To make the ragu, heat a good lug of olive oil in a pan over medium heat and saute the onion, garlic, celery and carrot until soft and sweet. Season well. Stir in the pork, cinnamon and clove and cook, breaking up with a wooden spoon, until cooked through. Add the wine and tomatoes, bring to the boil before reducing to low and simmering for a couple of hours, or until reduced and thick.

While the ragu is simmering, get to work on the gnocchi which despite my best instincts, I make from scratch from this given I feel it is necessary for the delicious ragu. As such, pop the potatoes in a pan of cold water – this is important – bring to the boil and cook until just tender. Drain the potatoes, return to the pan and cook over low heat, stirring, for a minute or two to get rid of all the excess moisture. Allow to cool completely.

Pass through a ricer or mash aggressively until smooth and your rage sorted. Add the nutmeg, eggs, a pinch of salt and flour and gently bring together with your hands until it has just come together and no more

Once it has come together, dust the bench and your hands with flour and take about a quarter of the dough, roll into a 1.5cm thick log. Slice into 2cm lengths, use the back of a fork to roll the gnocchi to give you the imprint – press the fork down into the length and pull towards you – and place on a floured baking sheet to rest. Repeat the process until they are all done and allow them to rest for an hour or so.

Bring a large pot of salted water to the boil. Cook the gnocchi in batches until they rise to the surface, remove with a slotted spoon to a colander and repeat until they’re done. Then fold through the ragu and serve with a generous heap of the parmigiano. And devour, regally.


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Ice Cream Sandrawich Diaz-Twine

Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor: Winners at War, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor everyone was feeling rather zen after sending Rob to the Edge of Extinction. Speaking of which, Tyson jagged himself an idol nullifier which he sold to Parv before buying himself some peanut butter because if there is one thing Tyson is going to do, it is Tyson. The tribes were gagged at the immunity challenge to learn that only one tribe would be winning and the other tribes would each be booting someone from the game. At Sele, Michele and Parvati knew they were screwed, particularly the latter, given she was the biggest threat in the game. Emphasis on was as despite their best efforts to turn the boys on Wendell’s shifty ways, the former Dakals stuck together to send Parvati to the Edge.

Skipping back a few hours, we ventured over to Dakal where Tony excused himself to build a spy bunker, rather than strategising with his allies. This left Jeremy time to approach Sandra to see what she was thinking, with Sandra sharing that it is likely that she would stick with OG Dakal. And made Jeremy nervous enough to consider using his Safety without Power advantage. Denise then caught up with Sandra and Kim, with Sandra pulling them away from any potential spy bunkers before Sandra assured Denise that she loves and respects her. Proving her therapist credentials, she knew to downplay her skills and appeal to their egos before casually trying to direct their vote on to Jeremy instead of herself. Kim and Sandra then went for a walk alone to discuss their best option while worrying that Tony had built a spy shack, rather than help decide who to vote out. 

Eventually he appeared and lied that he fell out of a tree looking for idols, before Kim tried to calm him down and get him to focus. Jeremy stumbled upon the scene and the foursome agreed that the threats needed to stick together, while Sandra quietly worried that Jeremy sticking around would only benefit Tony and she has plenty of other allies elsewhere. Wanting to save Denise, Sandra approached her at the shelter and offered her her hidden immunity idol for two fire tokens, saving herself and letting Denise choose who goes home at tribal council.

At tribal council Kim spoke about the focus of the game being the threats versus the non-threats, with Sandra agreeing it is the focus and while they had all won, some people just aren’t on people’s minds. And then identified Denise as a non-threat. Denise defended herself and spoke about the fact that everyone has proven successful using different styles of play. Jeremy spoke about the obvious thing to do being him, Tony, Sandra and Kim sticking together and getting rid of Denise, however that is only because the other option of voting down tribal lines means that he is screwed. Tony spoke about all the winners being smarter than voting along tribal lines, Jeremy tried to highlight his strength while Denise reminded everyone that she is loyal and continued to low-key play such a killer game. Jeremy congratulated Denise for being like a duck, calm up top and crazy under the surface which is something he was doing the opposite of lately. Oh and then Sandra casually reminded everyone – read: Denise – to use all the tools they have at their disposal.

With that the tribe voted and boy did Denise listen, playing Sandra’s idol for herself before returning to her seat … and then playing her second idol on Jeremy, guaranteeing the safety of both Seles. With that Jeff finally read the votes and Sandra was correct, Denise was not going home, instead she was as Denise brutally sent her from the game with only one vote against her THANKS TO HER OWN IDOL. I mean, Sandra will always be my favourite player but fucking DAMN, that was an iconic move from Denise. The Queen is dead, long live the Queen. Iconic, but I guess we’ll see if it will pay off in the long run.

As Sandra exited tribal council she was distracted by my heavy, ugly cries and found me breaking down in the bushes. While Denise’s move was showy and brutal, it was too much for me to take after watching Parvati exit the game moments earlier. As we now know, it also ushered in the end of times. But let’s ignore the real world and go back to Survivor. Sandra pulled me in for a massive hug and assured me that she will always be the first and only person to win back-to-back (in seasons that didn’t force a second two-time winner, to boot) and as such, was always going to be a crown for someone to claim. And while she was shocked it was Denise, that bitter pill was quickly washed down by a Ice Cream Sandrawich Diaz-Twine.

This recipe is basically the opposite of Sandra’s game – which looks effortless but is actually super nuanced and only works for her – in that it is super simple. Basically make (or buy) some cookies, make (again, or buy) some ice cream and assemble.

Enjoy!

Ice Cream Sandrawich Diaz-Twine
Serves: 2 dear friends, who are also icons.

Ingredients
8 cookies
2 cups ice cream

Method
Okay, strap in – this is a difficult one to follow.

Pop four cookies top down on a lined baking sheet. Split the ice cream in four and form into discs, and place on the cookies. Then close the sandwiches with the remaining cookies. Cover the tray and transfer to the fridge to set for a couple of hours.

Then devour and eat through the pain of losing the queens back-to-back. And that pandemic, you know?


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Hawaijohn Eastoegiana

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: All Stars, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Main, Poultry, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the All Stars were playing the game hard, with David and Mat forming a cross-alliance alliance, protecting themselves … until a tribe swap split them up. After the swap, Shonee and Zach returned from exile – oh, they were sent to exile – and rejoined the tribes, where Shonee commenced an epic revenge arc. Almost saving Lydia, Jonathan announced that instead of tribal immunity, both tribes would be going to tribal council and instead, one person from each tribe would win immunity. Sadly for Lydia, her individual challenge record grew to 0 from 2, as Jacqui and Brooke snagged them for each tribe. After the challenge, Vakama continued Shonee’s revenge agenda, and planned to axe the skier, while on Mokuta, David was desperate to blindside Nick. Sadly for him, his ally Phoebe had no interest in losing her season mate. Oh and Moana wanted to weaken David by getting rid of Phoebe. At tribal council they were shocked to learn that while both tribes will be voting someone out, the duo would then compete in a fire challenge, with the winner living to see another day. Each tribe then voted out Lydia and Phoebe before Pheebs absolutely destroyed Lydia, sending her from the game for good. After losing another individual challenge.

The next day things were looking pretty peachy at Vakama, as John showed his bum off to the tribe as he found a gloriously popable pimple. While he seemed to have everything, zaddy John – oh how I’d love to pop his pimples – was feeling all alone, after losing his allies back to back. With that, he tried to make friends, bonding with Mat over the fact they’re both apparently the sweetest, ocker men in the world. Proving more adept at the game than I assumed, John also knew that Mat was also in danger and as such, they really need to stick together.

Meanwhile Flick, Harry and Mat were talking about how interesting slash dramatic the previous tribal council was, with Mat just grateful that Phoebe was able to slay Lydia for him. Once again. That being said, he was still feeling left, right out, given he is well on the bottom of the swapped tribe. Which John literally just told us. Reminding us that Locky is a far better player than anyone gives him credit for, Locky pulled Mat aside to feed him a little bit of information and make him feel like he can trust him. And while it is smart gameplay, Mat could see right through it and as such, was desperate to take him out. And fuck with his mind. HARD. Inspired, Mat pulled John aside to see whether he’d be interested in working together. John’s one stipulation was to keep Harry safe before Mat assured him that Harry is far from being his concern, instead wanting to rally the numbers to take out Locky and break up the power alliance of he and Brooke.

We ventured over to Mokuta where Jacqui and Nick were trying to get a Coles endorsement, as she cooked the rice and joked around. Not feeling in the laughing mood, Phoebe was pissed to have been voted out last, though extremely thankful to have a second chance and show EXACTLY what a bottom can do. As such, she got to work working the tribe, pulling David aside to explain why she looped Nick in on his potential blindside, in the hopes that they can work together again. She assured him that she only wants to do what is best for the two of them and while Dave wanted to be bitterly angry at her, he felt like he needed her to survive, and as such, was well and truly stuck with her. Knowing that Phoebe and Nick were tight, and that Moana had fed him the incorrect information ahead of the last tribal council, Dave was feeling all alone and for the first time in two seasons, felt nervous.

Moana too was reeling from the previous tribal council, annoyed that her perfectly executed blindside was blown up by and twist. And Phoebe’s killer fire skills ruined it for her. That being said though, she planned to use their vulnerability to her advantage and secure Dave’s allegiance. He and Moana then caught up by the shore, with Moana letting him know that Phoebe actively wants him out before the merge and while he may feel betrayed, she did it to protective. She then gave one of the single best pitches in all of Survivor, pointing out how her changes and messing with the votes protected her and, and … am I in love with Moana again?

Wanting in on the action Jonathan arrived for the reward, which turned out to be a tribal version of the survivor auction where each tribe would get $2000 to spend, but the prizes would all be individual, with maximum bids capped at $500. The first item was a mystery scroll and while the bidding started off calmly, Phoebe jumped up to $500, completely screwing her tribe. AND I LOVE. And her tribe, totally hated. She then learnt that she had won the Shane Gould reward, where she and a person of her choosing from the other tribe would get to snack on everything won by everyone else. She selected AK and honestly it was so pure … until Mat started throwing shade at her choice to annoy the tribe. Next up Harry spent $160 on avo toast, Mat spent $340 on a Flintstones-sized steak and mash, Nick was gifted a message from home for $340 as he has a newborn at home – and Flick didn’t want him to feel like it was gifted – and obvs, I am crying.

After some intense bidding on a covered item, John snagged a margarita pizza for $300 – and booooo, Brooke hates pizza – John then caused some drama, trying to drive up the price of a Mexican parma and beer before Lee bought it for $460, converting another to the glory of the Mexican parma. Meanwhile at the feast seats, Phoebe started spilling all the deets to AK before Jonathan pulled out some burritos and margies, which Locky bought for $240, sadly not sharing the margs with Shon. And just like that, the auction was over and while Phoebe was overwhelmed with joy, Moana was ropeable and ready to vote her out. Again.

Back at camp a well fed AK was mocking everyone for their empty, starving stomachs while John seethed about losing a Mexican parma once again. And not saying fuck it to his target and buying it anyway. But sadly, he was trying to play smart and as such, needed to keep a low profile so that he and Mat could make their move. Meanwhile AK took the intel he received whilst dining with Phoebe, with the group confirming that under no circumstance, can they let Mat make it to merge. Just as Mat walked up to join the conversation.

Meanwhile over at Mokuta, Sharn was quick to highlight Phoebe by asking about her feast before she wisely declined the tribe’s lunch rice. Sadly that small gesture meant nothing to her tribe, as Moana continued to see the opportunity to get her out and solidify her alliance with Dave. She then did an ASMR confessional that lasted threeeeeeeee miiiiiiiinnnnnuuuuuutttteeees. While she was fulfilling fetishes, Dave and Sharn went out hunting for an idol, to make sure Phoebe doesn’t snag it, with the Golden God finally joining the fray this season, and triumphantly securing his idol. Much to his cum face’s delight.

My love Jonathan returned to our screens for the latest immunity challenge where each tribe would try and hold a disc between two pairs of feet, with a bucket of water tethered to the top. Drop them too low and the water drops, eliminating the pair from the challenge with the last ones standing winning for their tribe. Out of nowhere, Mat and Flick were the first to drop from the challenge for Vakama, followed by Locky and Harry, leaving AK, John, Brooke and Shonee to try and keep them all safe. After twenty-something minutes, Jacqui and Sharn became the first Mokuta team to drop before AK and John dropped, leaving Flick and Shonee – the weakest – to keep everyone safe. After 50 minutes, Tarzan couldn’t hold out any longer, dropping for Mokuta, leaving Zach, David, Moana and Phoebe to win for their tribe. They were quickly followed by Moana and Phoebe, leaving Shonee and Brooke to battle David and Zach. Remember when Shonee was considered the weakest? Fuckin’ lol. Sadly for them, I jinxed their powers, with Brooke pulling them down after two hours, handing immunity to Mokuta yet again.

Back at camp, Vakama settled into their usual rhythm of scrambling ahead of tribal council. Locky was thrilled to be returning since his alliance were working closely with Shonee and Harry, and as such, can finally slay Mat. Locky and AK caught up to lock in a split vote between Mat and John, making the former paranoid enough to flush his idol and send John from the game so they can get rid of Mat net. Knowing that he is screwed, Mat pulled John aside to figure out who to pull across with them to take control. Mat pulled Harry and Shonee across to try and take control, with the icon and Harry assuring him that they are well and truly on board to take control. Being deadlocked in four, Mat identified Flick as the one at the bottom of the other group and got to work convincing her to come across.

With that, Mat and Harry pulled Flick aside to see how she was feeling with Flick reminding them that all she cares about is loyalty. Mat used that to his advantage, telling her that Locky and Brooke warned him not to trust her, and that her safest bet was aligning with them. Well and truly shitting herself, Flick was open to the idea and oh my god, how had she not had a confessional when she may be screwing over Brooke. AGAIN. Meanwhile Harry and Shonee excused themselves to debate the pros and cons of voting out Mat, John and Locky, while Shonee admitted that she simply can’t think because she is too full from her back-to-back revenge.

At tribal council AK admitted to happily decimating the OG Mokuta tribe, while Shonee agreed that she was happy to team up with them as they are well and truly dead to her. And she has no other options. Harry spoke about a hierarchy, despite the harmony which Brooke vehemently denied. John gave a sly chuckle before admitting that he has no idea, given he is playing the left, right out. AK denied the hierarchy, playing up the fact they all agreed on the next steps. John continued to go in like a freaking icon, pointing out that Locky and Brooke are in love and also in control and as such, everyone else is playing for third and fourth.

Mat spoke about the importance of building trust, Harry said that playing easy may be right for a certain amount of time, but eventually people will be ready to make a move and make it happen. John continued to stir the pot, taunting Flick for being on the bottom of the alliance , which made my fellow GC legend well and truly nervous about her place in the game. Though hopeful that her trust is not misplaced. Harry then gave advice that the best way to stay out of the firing line is to shoot first, which Mat reminded everyone is only correct if you don’t miss. He then pulled out his hidden immunity idol and taunted the couple before the tribe headed out to vote. Surprisingly Mat actually played his idol, saving himself from a tied vote with John, and sending my former nude zaddy from the game.

Oh sweet zaddy John. While I was thrilled to once again take him in … my arms, and provide him with all the love and comfort in the world, the lingering thought in the back of my mind was the fact he didn’t align with Shonee. And as such, he deserves it. Plus, his nude scene quota was way lower, so I was willing to see him go. Though maybe that has something to do with the fact watching him walk away floods my basement?

After a brief few hours berating him for picking the wrong allies, I apologies for not being sensitive, offered to make it up to him and got around whipping him up a commiseration meal. And because I am nothing if not petty, I opted to continue to deny him another Mexican parma, and instead gave him another glorious version, the Hawaijohn Eastoegiana.

 

 

Now I know the way to Zaddy John’s heart is through the Mexican parma, but I wanted to offer him something familiar, with just enough interest to keep things spicy. In the hope it keeps our passion fresh. Perfectly cooked schnitty, dripping in fresh, hot marinara – lucky Winners at War filmed close by – and topped with salty prosciutto and the sweetest of sweet pineapple, you’ve got a near perfect meal. Plus, you know pineapple keeps us tasting our best …

Enjoy!

 

 

Hawaijohn Eastoegiana
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
2 large, skinless chicken breasts, halved through the middle
2 eggs
1 cup plain flour
1 cup breadcrumbs
2 tbsp parmesan, grated
1 cup Amber Marinara Sauce
8 slices prosciutto
8 pineapple rings
125g ball mozzarella, sliced

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C.

Beat eggs in a large(ish) bowl. In a second bowl, combine breadcrumbs and parmesan, and chuck the flour, or you know place it gently, in a third bowl. As you can imagine, I like it more rough when John is around.

Place the halved chicken breasts between cling film sheets and bash out with a rolling pin until they are about 1cm thick (don’t worry too much about this…mine generally end up looking pretty ugly anyway). Dip the fillet in flour, followed by the egg, then the breadcrumb/polenta/parmesan mix. Place in the oven to bake for 20-30 minutes, flipping halfway through.

Remove chicken from the oven. Drizzle a thin layer of marinara sauce over the chicken, cover with a couple of slices of prosciutto and top with the pineapple. Drizzle a little more sauce before covering in mozzarella. Return to the oven and bake for 5-10 minutes or until the sauce is bubbling and the cheese is melted and golden.

Serve with fries. Copious amounts of fries. All over John’s beautiful body, as you mourn the loss of nude scenes.

 

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Baga Chipz

RuPaul's Drag Race UK, RuPaul's Drag Race UK 1, Side, Snack, Street Food, Tapas, TV, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race UK the queens were tasked with making over their mums and sisters, with Cheryl read for being basic, Baga reading her mum for being old and blind. Divina and her sister meanwhile turned it out – power of three – taking out the win, while Baga and Cheryl fought valiantly, with the latter finally bottoming out of the competition.

The final three returned to the Werk Room positively over the moon to make it to the end thought admitted to missing Cheryl. With Baga opting to toast to Cheryl by imitating her accent. The Vivienne praised her for being so charming and kind and was glad to get to know her better. Baga was thrilled to make it to the end with the others, admitting that lip syncing has put a fire under her. Which Divina jumped on, mocking them for bottoming when she has never had to lip sync for her life. The trio praised the performances of their families, with Baga issuing a statement to apologise to her mother and forgive her.

Oh and all three of them are rightly confident in themselves taking out victory.

The next day the trio returned to the Werk Room, still buzzing to have made it to the end. After admiring their matching collection of badges, Baga threw some shade at Divina before Ru arrived to announce that the final three would be put to the test writing verses on the ru-mix of his hit single Rocket To The Moon and performing it live on the mainstage in front of the judges in full Strictly Come Dancing cos-play. Oh and then appearing on a podcast and lip syncing for the crown. You know, something lowkey and casual.

The trio split up to write their lyrics, with Baga inspired by Gaga to be a little bit serious and have a message. Oh and she is nervous about the choreography. The Vivienne admitted that she is terribly nervous, given this is pretty much the girl group challenge which was her only weakness.

Baga was first to join Ru and Michelle on the podcast, admitting she was just hoping to make it to the third week. Things quickly got serious when Baga explained why she has a difficult relationship with her mum, having grown up with her nan and not really having the same connections others would. She spoke about hiding behind comedy and thanked Ru for giving her the polish she needed to go out and take over the damn world. With Ru and Michelle sharing how much they love her.

Divina was next, positively jubilant, sharing that she visualised getting this far. Ru praised that she made it this far because she works hard and is talented before Divina admitted she struggled with her need to be perfect and how the show helped her get over that. She spoke about letting The Vivienne get into her head but explained that they moved passed it and she knows that she shouldn’t have been distracted by Viv not noticing her growth. Divina spoke about working hard for her mum, husband and ultimately, audience and damn I love her. Particularly since her one question was to ask for the crown.

Rounding out the chats was The Vivienne, with her giving Ru some dialect training before talk turned to her journey with sobriety and how falling into her K-hole made her life harder. Then she travelled overseas for work and didn’t touch anything and started to find herself, ultimately finding herself and snagging herself a fiance. The Vivienne praised Ru and Michelle for embracing the UK style of drag and doing them justice before praising her sisters for being sickening performers.

The group ventured off to learn the choreography with Curtis and AJ Pritchard with Divina serving Katya flex, doing the splits and showing her skills while the others were terrified. As Baga struggled through the choreography, The Vivienne vowed to never do Dancing with the Stars … until their dance partners arrived and all our basements flooded in unison. Baga was tasked with a tango dance break and she was shitting herself like she was Scaredy Kat. Divina was given the cha cha and well, she completely slayed the choreography, complete with partnered cartwheel. The Vivienne meanwhile got the samba and worked her arse off to get the steps down and redeem her performance in the girl group challenge.

Coronation Day finally arrived with the girls excited to get ready for their final performance. Talk turned to the worst outfit of the season, with everyone crowning Vinegar’s paper look as the absolute worst. Divina was proud of everything she has achieved in the competition, while Baga admitted that she is shocked by how hard it was but thrilled that she got to show a different side of herself. Meanwhile The Vivienne knew she would do well, but still felt like top three is a dream. The trio admitted that they’re thrilled to be standing at the end together and most importantly, couldn’t tell who the biggest competition is.

On the mainstage the trio positively killed their performance with Baga working through her nerves and hitting every move, serving comedy and nailing her verse. Divina served acrobatic moves and proved why she is adam star as she was splitting over the stage while hitting every damn note. And well The Vivienne, did she make-up for the girl group challenge. Rocking out every step and running every note with ease.

On the Final Three Eleganza Extravaganza runway Baga served Rose Nyland realness, despite going for a Marilyn inspired mint number as she soaked up her final turn on the runway. Divina served Union Jack realness with gloriously warm make-up, which you know is going to thrill Michelle. Finally The Vivienne arrived in a glorious champagne coloured sequined realness and well, this look truly sends the message that she is here to take out the win.

The judges praised Baga’s performance throughout the season and loved her ability to inject comedy into everything she does. Oh and apparently she missed some steps, but I didn’t notice. Maybe because I’m not a dancer? The judges loved everything Divina did in the challenge and praised her for exceeding their already high expectations. But Michelle didn’t praise the make-up, which shocked me. By the time it came to The Vivienne, the judges continued their glowing praise telling Viv that she proved without a doubt that she is a complete star. Dancing be damned.

Ru then grabbed the baby pics and got the girls to give their younger selves some advice with Baga reminding herself to work through the pain and know that life gets better and you’re going to be a damn star. And it is important to show your emotions and to maybe cut down on the ciggies and booze. Divina told herself to remember to not take on anyone else’s problems and to try and relax and enjoy the moments. While The Vivienne spoke about how great her family is and while you may make the wrong decisions throughout your life, focus on what you want to do and work hard to get there.

And rounding out the panel, Baga was asked why she deserves to win over the other two with her avoiding the questioning by praising her sisters and admitting to just be thrilled to make it this far. Divina meanwhile spoke about her wealth of talent and how she hasn’t really faltered throughout the show. And The Vivienne spoke about how strong of a queen she is and more importantly, she is personable and able to be a strong ambassador for the show and make others feel good about themselves.

Backstage the girls were gagged to see the eliminated queens who quickly praised them for making it to the end, before Sum Ting announced they would be deciding the top two. Which was a lie, but let’s focus on how cute they all are? The queens praised Vinegar for not being hodge podge, Baga spoke about missing Cheryl, with Chez admitting that she is proud of them and knew they deserved to make the end over her. The Vivienne asked whether everyone felt they deserved their eliminations, with Gothy sad she didn’t get to show off more while Scaredy was still ok with the performance given it was her first gig. Crystal admitted to being jealous she wasn’t still competing before Blu brought some shade, telling Baga she should have gone given she wasn’t prepared to lip sync. Before getting genuine and telling them that they inspire her and she is so proud of them and Crystal echoed the sentiment, telling them that if they have any doubts about their star power they need to get over it because they’re amazing.

When the trio returned to the mainstage, Ru gagged them all by announcing that only two of them would be lip syncing for the crown with Baga sadly being eliminated in third place. While poor Baga had to suffer the indignity of being pushed to stage right (or left, I don’t know which side is which, thanks GPS) despite a killer run in the competition, she was proud to have made it to third place. And thrilled to see me sneak up behind her side of stage and pull her aside to catch-up while The Viv and Divina battled it out. We laughed, we cried and we had a very very good time reconnecting and toasting to her killer run on the show. While smashing a big ol’ Baga Chipz.

I know, I know – it is far easier to buy your own chips but when they taste this good, you soon find they are worth the effort. Fun fact, these chips are so damn crunchy that Ru had to stop the music and yell at us to stop eating like they were masks to our Valentinas.

Enjoy!

Baga Chipz
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
5 potatoes, washed and dried
1 tbsp kosher salt flakes, plus extra for seasoning
vegetable oil, for fryin’

Method
Using a mandolin, slice the potatoes wafer thin – about 2-3mm – and place in a bowl of iced water. Once they’re all done, drain and rinse and return to the bowl with fresh water and the salt. Leave them to soak for an hour or so. Drain, rinse and drain again.

When you’re ready to go, get oil heating in a large saucepan until it comes to 180C. In batches, fry the slices until they’re golden before draining on paper towels. Repeat until all the potato is done.

Season with salt and devour, in a baga or not, I don’t mind.


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Alicia Caraway Meatballs

Side, Snack, Survivor, Survivor: All Stars, Survivor: The Australian Outback, Tapas

Get your flagging finger ready and sidle up to my face because Survivor: Island of the Idols is back in less than four weeks and my girl Alicia Calaway is finally making her triumphant debut on this here anthropological study.

I’ve known Alicia for years after training as personal trainers together in NYC and when Probst was casting Australian Outback, I knew she would be a perfect fit. While her epic finger-waving fight with Kimmi made our friendship difficult for a couple of years, we eventually buried the hatchet as I aggressively tried to help pre-game for All Stars.

While Alicia’s most famous moves in the game are the aforementioned fight and providing a break to the Mogo Mogo pagoning in All Stars, she also holds the joint distinction of being the first person to vote for the winner of two seasons.

Given she has a history with Rob, I thought it would be entertaining to bring her over to celebrate his return with Sandra to pal around Gilligan’s Island style. Though tragically, they had moved on from their All Stars dramas and instead she was excited to see him back. And hopes it isn’t as long between this season and his next.

Again, I won’t say anything here about warring winners.

We laughed and caught up on life, toasted to the ongoing success of the show despite its ever worsening twists and gorged on Alicia Caraway Meatballs in the hope that Island of the Idols will follow David vs. Goliath and be a killer season despite the shitty title.

 

 

I stumbled upon this recipe on Taste.com.au in a desperate hunt for something quick, easy and featuring caraway, and it quickly won my heart. Delicate meatballs, with a good whack of spice and sticky sweetness? They’re now the second favourite balls I like in and around my mouth.

Enjoy!

 

 

Alicia Caraway Meatballs

Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
¼ cup panko breadcrumbs
1 egg, lightly whisked
2 tsp caraway seeds
1 tsp chilli flakes
2 garlic cloves, minced
salt and pepper, to taste
olive oil
2 tbsp maple syrup

Method
Combine the mince, breadcrumbs, egg, caraway, chilli and garlic in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper. Scrunch with your hands until well combined and form into golf sized balls.

Heat a good lug of oil in a large frying pan over medium heat, and once hot, toss through the balls and cook for ten minutes, or until cooked through. Add the maple syrup and toss to coat.

Serve immediately and devour, careful not to wag the balls near my face. Though there would go my social life.

 

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Lamb Cassarahole & Ayles awaiting my dear Sarah Ayles to eat while I rant about Andy surviving.

Lamb Cassarahole & Ayles

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Main, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Jonathan threw a spanner in all of the works, forcing everyone to drop their buffs – sadly not John’s speedos, though – and switched up the tribes. The three Champion women lucked out and stayed strong together in a Champ majority on the new Contenders tribe, while David and Luke were royally screwed as the only OG Champs remaining on the Champions tribe. Oh and Daisy and Shaun’s alliance was also split up, though that only became relevant after the new Champions continued in the tradition and lost immunity. You see Shaun had told Andy about his idol, who then spread the information to the rest of the Contenders on the Champions tribe, with Daisy overhearing and deciding that he is no longer to be trusted. With that, she approached  John and Baden to flip to David and Luke with her and blindside Sam – who never got a freaking confessional – which they did, leaving the OG Champs alive for another episode with an idol in each of their pockets.

We opened up with at the new Contenders tribe where Abbey, Ross and Pia were still lamenting the downgrade of facilities from what they were useful at Camp Champ. While the girls struggled in the squalor, sweet angel Ross tried to find the bright side and honestly he is too pure for this world. I just get the goofiest grin whenever he is on screen and I hope he knows how much I appreciate him.The tribe sat around bonding and downing coconuts, while Janine was thrilled to have the majority on her new tribe. Though was struggling big time when it came to remembering Casey’s name. Or was it Cassie. Talk then legit turned to eating Harry, despite his fake child at home. Pia’s serving suggestion was to turn him into a kebab. Harry then vowed that he will be taking control of the tribe and was thrilled that Luke or David likely went home at last night’s tribal.

Speaking of the new Champions tribe, Andy – who looks more like Sonic the Hedgehog than the original movie version that they’re currently fixing – was still shell-shocked by the blindside while David was thrilled to have found his way into the new majority so quickly, thanks to Daisy’s vendetta against Sam. Desperate Andy approached David to pretend that he was trying to protect David at the last tribal and honestly, the desperation reeks of insincerity and I need him out ASAP. And if that performance keeps up, I think I’ll get my wish. Sarah too was seething after the previous vote, so approached Hannah to float the idea of wooing Baden back to their side to get rid of Daisy in a revenge plot which sadly seems shortsighted given the Contenders early domination. Shortsighted but good TV.

Jonathan summoned the tribes to a rolling river where the Contenders were shocked to find Sam was booted the night before, none more so than Harry who had just felt confident enough to get arrogant. But back to the challenge where someone from each tribe who swim against the flowing river, with the last person staying in the marked zone winning a point for the tribe. First to three winning a Survivor cafe experience, so everyone was as thrilled as I was given swimming calls for speedos. Once again Luke and Matt faced off against each other, with Matt making quick work of Luke. Again. Leading to even more arrogance from Matt. Ross and Baden went next and despite starting strong, poor Baden wasn’t a chance against the surfing champ. Janine got out strong against Andy, until the current washed her away and Andy – urgh – got the Champions on the board. Abbey and Daisy proved an interesting match up, with both women working hard as Daisy drifted into Abbey’s lane and Abbey almost wiped Daisy off the course before ultimately, Daisy won the point and tied things up. The final match-up between Hannah and Casey was far less interesting, as Hannah washed right out of the field giving Casey the point and handing victory to the new Contenders.

The Contenders arrived at their cafe reward where Shaun was thrilled to finally take out a reward, Casey got her first confessional and Matt was struggling to understand why he wasn’t miserable. While everyone was frothing over the food, King Ross smashed four coffees and quickly started to lose his mind before having a power spew and coming back for seconds. Harry meanwhile wasn’t so thrilled and couldn’t move past the fact that Sam was voted out, while Abbey and Janine quickly got all of the information out of Harry and Casey, finding out Sam and Daisy didn’t get along, meaning Harry likely won’t work with Daisy or her ally Shaun. While Harry desperately tried to make in rounds with the former Champs, he didn’t look to be having much luck and felt on the outs with his new closest ally Casey. The latter however had other plans, leaving him for dead and buddying up to Janine, Pia and Abbey to try and save herself while Harry wandered around until he found the damn idol.

And while it is exciting for him, I just want to know what happened to his eye and if it is what happened to Benji’s last year as it looks angry.

Jonathan returned for the immunity challenge where two people from each tribe would be placed in chambers while their remaining tribemates would race over balance beams to collect buckets of water from the ocean to fill up the other tribe’s chambers. Given poor Sarah can’t catch a break, she was submerged in one of the Champion chambers with Hannan in the other while Casey and Pia were the potential drowning victims for the Contenders. It is pretty hard to tell who is leading at any given moment, so let’s focus on the fact Hannah seems super fun and entertaining and I hate that she is the last person remaining without a confessional. Pia was the first to be completely submerged, followed closely by Hannah while the two desperately tried to keep their noses above water before Hannah and Pia dropped out one after the other, leaving Casey and Sarah to battle it out. Tragically Sarah fought valiantly however it wasn’t enough as the Contenders kept a steady flow of water going into her bath forcing her to bow out, handing victory to the Contenders.

Back at camp the Champions assured each other that they did all that they could at the challenge before Andy tried to find a way to live to see another day. He then approached David as, to quote him, David is smart for a model and he himself is scary smart, so he thinks they will make good allies. Sadly for Andy, David could see through all of his lies though given he holds the power, he doesn’t really mind. Yet. He rallied his allies and suggested they get rid of Sarah, given she isn’t as agile as Hannah with everyone jumping on the plan quickly. Andy left the group and approached Sarah to see what she was thinking, with Sarah suggesting going to the top of the totem pole and get rid of Daisy. Andy then ran back to the shelter, lay next to Daisy and told her what Sarah and Hannah were planning, filling the icon with rage.

Sarah then wandered over to Baden and Luke at the well, telling them that Andy threw her under the bus before David and Hannah joined them. Sarah asked David what his plans were, with him admitting that he was going to vote her out … though would happily turn on Andy instead. David then said Andy was playing so badly he was planting landmines, forgetting where they were and then blowing himself off all up the beach and I LIVE. Daisy and Sarah then caught up with Daisy suggesting that she would be willing to get rid of Andy instead. The only certainty as they headed off to tribal council, is that once again David and Luke are safe and their two idols will remain in the pockets for another episode.

At tribal council Andy tried to downplay how shocked he was by Sam’s blindside before Jonathan congratulated David on surviving the insurmountable odds. David downplayed the OG tribes, reminding everyone it is a new game and they are one unit. Sarah admitted that the lines were well and truly blurred, while Daisy reminded them it is eat or be eaten. Hannah admitted it is too hard to trust anyone in a long term way, while Sarah alluded to Andy continuing to play the middle and Luke blurted out that there was some madness back at camp. Andy tried to be coy about the situation, where he shoved his hole leg in his mouth which everyone was aware of, before Sarah verbalised that she is the one that walked up on Andy’s dick move with the Sonic impersonator getting more and more nervous. Wait, no, cocky, as his fuck-up is only an issue for Sarah. John told everyone to pull their heads in, Andy spoke about the importance of trust – much to John’s disgust – while Sarah sounded defeated, warning them to all keep one eye open.

With that the tribe voted and despite me crossing everything in my body, praying to a wide range of deities and promising not to cuss anyone out tomorrow for asking stupid questions, it was my dear Sarah who was booted from the game as low-rent Sonic sped to smug another day.

Once again, I was a giant ball of rage as Sarah entered Loser Lodge and fearing that I was on the brim of freaking out, she took me in her arms and told me to breath through the pain. She assured me she was proud of the game she played, and glad to prove herself and while I fought back tears thinking of all the ways the game has tried to bring up memories of the tsunami for her and the fake that yet another woman was booted over a smug, beige male, I realised that all we needed – Sarah, I and the world at large – was a big comforting Lamb Cassarahole & Ayles to dull the pain.

 

Sarah Ayles joyfully eating Lamb Cassarahole & Ayles while I rant about Andy surviving.

 

Thankfully this rich casserole is glorious enough to wipe away some of the pain of seeing this icon leave the game. Earthy lamb, the tang of ale and the sharpness of some gruyere work together in perfect harmony to honour the ultimate survivor of this season who deserved so much better. #Justice4Sarah

Enjoy!

 

Sarah Ayles joyfully eating Lamb Cassarahole & Ayles while I rant about Andy surviving.

 

Lamb Cassarahole & Ayles
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 onion, sliced
4 garlic cloves, minced
2 celery stalks, sliced
1 carrot, sliced
1.5kg lamb shoulder, diced
2 tbsp flour
200g mushrooms, sliced
2 tbsp wholegrain mustard
2 tbsp tomato paste
345ml bottle ale
2 cups beef stock
2 bay leaves
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
salt and pepper, to taste
1 baguette, sliced
100g gruyere cheese, grated
¼ cup flat-leaf parsley, roughly chopped, to serve

Method
Heat a good lug of olive oil in a dutch oven and sweat the onion, garlic, celery and carrot for five minutes, or until your kitchen is hella fragranced. Add the lamb and cook for a further five minutes or so before adding the flour and cooking off for a couple of minutes. Add the mushrooms, mustard, tomato paste, ale, stock, bay leaves, muscovado sugar, Worcestershire Sauce, and a good whack of salt and pepper. Bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for two hours, stirring occasionally.

Preheat oven to 180°C.

Once the casserole is thick and gloopy, top with the baguette and all of the cheese. Transfer to the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until the cheese is golden and glorious.

Sprinkle with parsley, serve and devour.

 


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Nathan Castby

Main, Sandwich, Snack, Street Food, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Nico decided to create a bit of drama and excitement by switching the three tribes into two – he is messy and I love it – which left poor Steffi without a tribe on the Island of Secrets. Which TBH is good, since it meant she was immune at the next tribal council before joining the losing tribe after they booted someone. On new Sa’ula there were three pairs, in the form of Dante and Meryl, Mmaba and Geoffrey, and Nathan and Nicole, while Durao tried to make friends by spilling the tea. Oh and Nathan sustained another injury, this time in the form of a sliced hand. Meanwhile at Ta’alo Rocco was also utilising the spill the tea strategy, though with less success as Rob and Mike bonded and Seipei lead the charge to take out the biggest threats from here on out, with Zaddy Rocco her first victim. Despite the lecture not going down well with anyone.

We checked in with Sa’ula the next day where Dante was growing extremely tired of people just wanting to make merge and raging out to Meryl and Nathan about no longer wanting Geoffrey and Mmaba around, given they don’t look like they want to be here. Meryl then suggested they get rid of Geoffrey, which Nathan took straight back to the man himself who got very nervous. And made Nathan feel confident in his place given he has forced the factions into a war. Durao too was feeling confident in his role as the swing vote and suddenly I feel nervous for both of them.

Meanwhile over at Ta’alo Steffi was on cloud nine to be reunited with her dear friends Rob and Seipei, until she suggested getting rid of Mike, Mmaba and Durao which made Rob feel nervous as she plays too fast. Oh and then she talked smack about his besties Nathan and he was ready to write her off instantly. Mike too wasn’t loving Steffi constantly being at a ten, finding her irritating and hard to be around. He and Rob then connected by the well and her former amigo was quick to throw her under the bus as all he cares about are Nicole and Nathan.

Back at Sa’ula Nathan was feeling unsure about which other duo he and Nicole should side with, given Dante and Meryl can’t be trusted while Geoffrey and Mmaba are keen for a blindside and he thinks that is a good thing for them as it will keep them loyal. Again Nathan, you in danger girl. Right on cue Geoffrey approached Mmaba to float blindsiding Nathan and forcing Meryl to play her idol, and while she wasn’t sure it was the best plan, he is her ride or die and will stand by him.

Nico arrived for this week’s reward challenge where someone from each tribe would hold onto a pole, while two people from the other tribe would try and pull them off … the pole. For tribe to three points scoring a huge pizza reward and some softies, though sadly no birthday cake for Mmaba. Cobus, Mike and Rob faced off against Durao, Dante and Nathan, and TBH, all I care about is how hot Dante looks in his speedo. Both Nathan and Mike were quickly ripped from their pole and despite his best efforts, Nathan was dragged out of the arena and handed the first point to Ta’alo. Dante and his VPL with Nicole made quick work at Mike, while Durao put up a stronger fight against Rob and Steffi … until Rob straight up dragged him down the beach, scoring the second point. Seipei, Laetitia and Steffi battled Nicole, Mmaba and Meryl with Steffi this time beasting Ta’alo to victory, while Dante squatted and seethed at Mmabas uselessness in the challenge.

Before heading back to camp to smash their pizzas, Ta’alo sent Durao to the Island of Secrets where he discovered that the tribes will be merging after the next tribal council and he, thankfully, will survive it as the Island has gifted him an immunity idol for the tribal council only.

Ta’alo were giddy when they returned to camp, inhaling the pizzas – clearly unaware of the curse on this ‘ere patch of cyberspace – slamming sodas and wading in the water. Queen Laetitia was proved of how hard she fought in the challenge and everyone was happy, until Steffi pulled Seipei aside to strategise hard. This put Seipei off, given she doesn’t feel she can trust Steffi anymore. Meanwhile Mike and Rob reconvened and pledged their undying loyalty to each other, planning to talk about their idols at a later date and, damn, Steffi you too are in danger. Back at Sa’ula Zadante was still seething about Mmaba’s shitty performance in the challenge before Nathan stripped down to his speedo and hot damn, my basement flooded. Zadante went for a swim to cool off, leaving Nathan to float getting rid of Meryl or Zadante to Mmaba and Geoffrey, and while they pretended to play along and guarantee his protection moving forward, their faces say they don’t mean it.

Nico returned for the final tribal immunity of the season where four people would need to balance two balls on the end of pole and travel through an obstacle course to the remaining members with one of them guiding the other two blindfolded tribe members to complete a vertical maze and drop the balls into a basket, first to complete snatching immunity. Steffi and Mike faced off against Meryl and Mmaba, with Steffi getting Ta’alo out to an early lead, which Rob only extended as Geoffrey fell behind. We also got a good view of Rob’s balls as he climbed over and pole and well, you know I like that. Ta’alo continued to extended their lead leaving Zadante to desperately try to close the gap. Eventually both tribes caught up on the maze wheel and honestly it is too hard to tell who was in front, particularly since both tribes dropped their first balls within moments of each other. While Ta’alo got a nice rhythm on the puzzle, Nathan started to fall up as his hand hurt as he and Durao choked, flicking their ball out of the challenge area allowing Sa’ula to sneak in and snatch the win.

We checked in with Ta’alo where victory wasn’t enough to stop them strategising, with Rob, Steffi and Mike plotting to get rid of Cobus, while the zaddy was busy spilling the tea with Seipei and Laetitia and vowing his loyalty to them. The tribe then reconvened and Cobus suggested that no matter what, the seven need to stick together for at least the merge vote and go as far as they can together. Which they solidified with a spit shake, unaware that Rob plans to destroy them all as soon as he gets back with Nathan and Nicole.

Speaking of them, they returned to camp where Durao lied about his time on the Island of Secrets pretending he had the choice between a letter from home or pizza, rather than outing his one time only idol. Which Nathan knew was a lie, given it was the lie he told after coming back from the Island of Secrets. Nicole and Geoffrey got together to plot by the ocean, while Zadante continued to rage to Nathan about his rivals, hopeful that Nathan and Nicole stick with him in getting rid of Geoffrey as he is a threat that has no interest in ever working with him. Speaking of Geoffrey, he was just thrilled to finally attend tribal council so got to work lining up the Nathan blindside, pulling Nicole, Mmaba and Durao aside to float getting rid of Nathan using the excuse that he is injured. They were all on board – even Nicole – with him suggesting they keep it secret to force Meryl and Dante to flush out their idol. It was at this point that Durao decided not to play his idol, not wanting to needlessly paint a target on his back. Geoffrey approached Nathan to continue his lies, outlining a vote split between Meryl and Dante before vowing to drag the latter two at tribal council until they are so nervous that they definitely burn their idols.

At tribal council Geoffrey proved to be a man of his word, sharing that he is gunning for Meryl and Dante while they tried to highlight what they contribute at camp, suggesting that Mmaba and Geoffrey don’t contribute anything other than a social game. Geoffrey and Dante them started to battle it out, with the former shading Dante for a sloppy performance in the challenge, which pissed him off and led to him unleashing on Geoffrey for doing nothing. Geoffrey than said that Meryl and Dante are playing a dirty game, talking smack about him and trashing his game, whilst spouting the importance of playing a team game.

Mmaba then started to break down, hurt that they are saying that she doesn’t contribute despite giving her all in everything they do. Geoffrey continued to get under Dante’s skin, with the zaddy making some problematic threats of violence – which are an instant boner killer – before Nicole stepped in and asked them all to remember that these conversations may be damaging and that they need to think about it coming back to bite them should they merge. Nathan cautioned the tribe to avoid blindsiding people before the merge, given it makes them look untrustworthy which made Nicole feel like she is trapped about tribal council, worried that no matter what she will walk out of here a villain here to someone.

With that the tribe voted and Geoffrey’s plan pushed forward as Meryl played her idol, negating a single vote, while the rest of the tribe banded together to blindside Nathan. Poor sweet, sexy Nathan didn’t see it coming, but boy did I enjoy watching him and his South African speedo walk out of tribal council. Thankfully, Nathan is straight up one of the sweetest people you could ever meet and didn’t hold a grudge against his tribemates. Though maybe that had something to do with the Nathan Castby sitting in front of him?

I’ll defend hot chip sandwiches till my dying day. Like hot chips, fresh bread and butter, that is all you need. But then you add bologna, piri piri and lettuce and call it a gatsby and I learn that great can become phenomenal. Or phenomena.

Enjoy!

Nathan Castby
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
olive oil
150g sliced bologna
4 crusty Italian rolls, split and toasted
4 cups Jud Beerza Battered fries
⅓ cup ketchup
2 tbsp piri-piri sauce
1 cup shredded iceberg lettuce

Method
Heat a lug of oil in a frying pan and cook the bologna for a couple of minutes, or until golden and crisp. 

Split the buns, top with chips, drizzle with ketchup and piri piri, fried bologna and iceberg lettuce. 

Close the sandie and smash immediately.


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Elizapple Jaloulson

Baking, Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor: David vs. Goliath, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the semi-newly formed Tiva tribe were divided down gender lines with the brochachos aligning leaving Gabby and Alison left out and aligned by default. Meanwhile over at Vuku Alec turned on Kara and the Goliaths to take out Natalia – or maybe it was the pizza curse – while Elizabeth and Carl continued to feud. Finally Jabeni continued their losing way allowing Mike and Nick to set the tone for the rest of the game, taking out Lyrsa and saving Angelina from herself. Though she still doesn’t have a jacket, so that’s a thing.

We opened up at Tiva where they were enjoying their morning coffee before they were interrupted by two speed boats bringing Jabeni and Vuku to move in. Yep people, we’ve got a merge. Carl quickly explained that the individual game requires people to play individually – thanks Carl – through he is jonesing to get rid of Elizabeth and down a beer, so that’s that. John too was thrilled to smash some food at the merge feast and reclaim his gains, while Alec died and went to beer heaven. John channeled Kellyn and was hoping to go Goliath strong, however was wanting to save his bestie Christian. Gabby decided to step her game up and surveyed the merge table and signs for an advantage, Carl, Angelina and Nick shared intel from their respective tribes, with Alec’s flip quickly outed. Much to Angelina’s chagrin.

Everyone started laying down for their food coma before Elizabeth suggested the tribe name Kalokalo, much to Carl’s rage. Leading to him slurring his way around the tribe begging them to get rid of her. Nick and Christian reconvened on a water run, thrilled to still be bros before Nick shared that Dan is rumoured to be the proud owner of an idol. Speaking of whom, Dan was reconvening with his girl Kara, sharing that he had found a second idol since they last cuddled and Kara was feeling super confident. Which isn’t ending well, right? Right on cue, Alec arrived for a Goliath reunion where they all gossiped about which David to take out first, with Angelina pushing for Christian and everyone else going for Elizabeth. Alec immediately took the plans back to Christian to commence a beautiful relationship and take over the game.

That night Elizabeth noticed Dan and Kara’s close bond as they chatted and let’s just say, it did not sit well with her.

The next day Mike was gagging for a soy latte while scoping out how best to move forward, locking in an alliance with Alison and Alec, and planning to bring Nick, Christian and Gabby in for a core alliance and TBH, I love it and want it to happen. Alec approached Gabby to gauge her support, with Mike and Nick joining them and it feels like it is happening. But then again, I thought Sandra, Aubry, Malcolm and Tony would actually align in Game Changers.

Not to be outdone, Elizabeth shared her Dan-Kara intel with Nick and Carl in an attempt to turn the tribe against them, despite the fact Carl hates her. She approached Alec to see if he’d be open to flipping and joining the Davids to take them out. Knowing it isn’t the best time for him to flip, he took the information back to Dan and Kara which caused Dan to completely freak out that someone would dare to target him. And the tantrum was not pretty.

My boy Jeff arrived for the first individual immunity challenge of the season where the tribe were required to swing a pendulum around a frame without knocking a statue over in the centre or losing momentum. You know, the one Tessa dominated in Australian Survivor last year. Poor Mike was the first one eliminated, followed quickly by Christian, Carl, Gabby and Kara. TBH it was way to hypnotic to watch closing so let’s just say it came down to Elizabeth and Alison, with Dr Alison following in Dr Tessa’s footsteps, taking out the challenge and snatching immunity.

Back at camp shit quickly hit the fan with Angelina continuing to argue Elizabeth isn’t a big enough threat and that the Goliaths should instead target Christian, unaware that most of the people she is talking to are aligned with him and she is coming across as too powerful. Dan was annoyed by her utilisation of military terminology and continued to seethe since Elizabeth wanted to get rid of him. Meanwhile Gabby was trying to encourage the Davids to come together and take control of their fates … by playing up how weak and terrible they are. Alec and Alison got together, concerned about voting out Christian since it burns all of their bridges. As such, they pulled in Dan and John to flip the vote back to Elizabeth. They then approached Angelina to talk about flipping the vote back which she was extremely open to. Well played girl, wait, no, she then complained to John and Alison about Dan and came across like she was throwing a tantrum because she didn’t get her way.

Despite her earlier plan not to share who they were planning to target, Angelina pulled Elizabeth aside and told her that the Goliaths were coming for her and while I appreciate wanting to win over the jury, I don’t see this ending well. Elizabeth briefly had a breakdown before returning to camp and try and rally the Davids to flip the vote, vowing to destroy them at tribal. Which seems … late?

At tribal council Alison was grateful to be immune, Christian spoke about factorials, Alec alluded to shifting alliances and Angelina continued to struggle at tribal council. Smelling blood in the water, Elizabeth used that moment to go in and out Angelina for letting her know about the fact she was voting her out. Everyone quickly jumped in and called out her early jury management, leading to all the Goliaths whispering amongst themselves and questioning her loyalty. Gabby broke down calling out Angelina for being angry that Elizabeth dared to try and save herself. Seeing the writing on the wall, Angelina whipped out the tears as the Goliaths continued to whisper and she saw the end of her game quickly approaching. Elizabeth continued to go in on Angelina, while Alec and Dan got up to whisper and lock in their plans, while Angelina reiterated that she is voting for Elizabeth and hot damn, she is looking forward to it.

Tragically for my girl Liz, everyone gladly followed suit – and side note, well played Gabby making Angelina look like a demon and slyly locking up Liz’s jury vote before booting her – and sent her out of the game. Thankfully, she was sent to become the Queen of the Jury and if you can’t win the game, that is the real title you want, no? Liz being the absolute saint that she is, my girl took her boot in her stride. Nay, she may have been down, but she pull herself up by her bootstraps, which I think is a country term but am too lazy to google – lemme know if i’m wrong, ok? Anywho, she is bubbling ball of joy and as such, we laughed, cried from so much laughing, then cried from overdoing it with the celebratory-commissatory Elizapple Jaloulson.

 

 

To quote the great Chris Klein, there is nothing better than warm apple pie. Or at least I think that was the take away from American Pie other than don’t stick your junk in an apple pie lest you want third degree burns and well deserved shame? Again anywho, way off track – hot, sticky apple and blueberry encased by flaky strips of pastry are probably a more iconic duo than the Mason-Dixon alliance. Better yet, the strips hopefully have enough sharp edges to ward off a horny Jason Biggs.

So enjoy!

 

 

Elizapple Jaloulson
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
4 granny smith apples, cored and sliced
1 cup frozen blueberries, thawed
1 tsp ground cinnamon
¼ cup muscovado sugar
2 sheets puff pastry, halved
¼ cup almond meal
milk, for brushin’
demerara sugar, for sprinklin’
Vanilla Ice Cream, to serve

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Combine apples, blueberry, cinnamon and sugar in a large bowl and toss until well coated.

Place two pastry halves on a lined baking sheet and spread the almond meal over both, leaving a 1cm border around the edge. Pile the filling on top of each, again leaving the border.

Gently fold each of the remaining halves in half lengthways and cut – along the folded side – on an angle to form geometric slits, stopping 1cm from the edges. Gently unfold and lay over the heaped fruit, crimping the edges to join.

Brush with milk, sprinkle with demerara and transfer to the oven to bake for 20 minutes, or until golden and crisp.

Serve piping hot – safety first, obvi – with a generous dollop of Vanilla Ice Cream.

 

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