Finalist

Parvzerotti Shallow

Australian Survivor, Main, Pizza, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor: Australia V The World, Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, Survivor: Winners at War, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor seven iconic Aussies were marooned in the Samoan wilderness, alongside seven icons from around the globe for the ultimate battle. 25 years in the making. There were people calling themselves gods and kings, there were black widows and icons and some unknowns from smaller franchises, destined to become modern legends. From the very first moments, things were kind of wild as David approached South Africa’s Rob to form a cross tribal alliance at the very first challenge. Tragically for David, it didn’t go far, as after the World tribe lost the immunity challenge, Parvati tried to bond with Rob by telling him David mentioned wanting to work with him while filming DONDI (the month before). Which Rob tried to use to get rid of her.

Sadly for him, Parvati is a legend and gave a dominating performance at the first tribal council and showed him the door. Though did kind of spoil DONDI for poor Lisa.

The Aussies then went on a losing streak, and while Shonee was keen to snip George as quickly as possible, Kirby took control and led the charge against David. Then the tribe, minus Luke and Janine, joined forces to get rid of George. Which was kind of tragic, as this was George at his most likeable. A surprise double tribal saw Sarah and Cirie compete in a fire challenge for immunity, sending the Aussies back to camp, while World turned on themselves. Knowing it was him or Tommi, Tony went to town and target Parvati as the head of the women’s alliance, despite the fact Parv desperately wanted to keep Tony around as a shield. Like Rob before him, however, Parvati dominated him when under attack, sending him out of the game just before the merge.

To celebrate the merge, JLP hosted a sweet little auction, with Luke winning the power to boot someone without any prizes. Which he promptly used to send Parv back to camp, where a vote steal advantage was waiting for her. With both tribes split 5-5, it looked like it was going to be a tied vote, until the Sarah/Kirby feud reached its peak, leading to Kirby and Shonee to give us the shontent we were craving by aligning with Parvati and Cirie to send the model from the game. The international trio then turned things on Kirby and sent her out the door, before a wild double tribal council sent Kass and Tommi out the door back-to-back.

Lisa was the last one standing and tried to cause a little chaos, but when it didn’t work, tried to put in the work to set Cirie up a little better by pointing out to Shonee she should work with Parv and Cirie to get to the end. Sadly when it came down to five, Shonee lost immunity and the two duos decided to band together and send our best to never win from the game. After Parvati won her first final immunity, votes were deadlocked between Luke and Cirie before the worst history repeated itself and Cirie finished in fourth due to fire. Like her very first season.

Despite Janine and Luke putting up decent performances in final tribal council, it was clear that Parvati’s game was on another level this season. Completely. She walked into the game with a bigger target than two-time winner Tony, but was in control of every single vote and frankly dominated every aspect of the game. And given it was her third time at final tribal council, it was clear she was able to articulate it with ease. Which guaranteed her enough votes to finally jag her second win.

As she exited the final tribal council, I jumped into her arms and broke down in tears. Despite being a massive Sandra fan, I love them both equally and to now call them both two-time winners is frankly too much for me to take. She truly put on her best performance this season, and I am so grateful that she is the final person that JLP crowned before his tragic axing. And my final recipe on the blog, in the form of my Parvzerotti Shallow.

There is frankly no better way to wrap up the blog by officially killing off the Survivor Pizza Curse via a technicality. Essentially just a fried calzone, these little pockets fill me with nostalgia for childhood tuckshop pizza pockets. But a more elevated and grown up version, kind of like the masterclass Parv just put on 17 years later. Ugh, they are delicious, so just go make them before I cry.

Enjoy!

Parvzerotti Shallow
Serves: 2 dear friends, one of whom just joined the Two-Time Survivor Winner club.

Ingredients
210ml warm water, about 38C
1 tbsp raw caster sugar
7g dry yeast
2 tbsp olive oil, plus extra for greasing
2 ½ cups 00 flour, plus extra for kneading
2 tsp kosher salt
225g mozzarella cheese 
1 cup passata
¾ tsp dried oregano
75g salami, roughly chopped
¼ green capsicum, diced
¼ cup black olives, sliced
vegetable oil, for fryin’

Method
To start, combine the warm water, sugar and yeast in the bowl of a stand mixer and leave to get nice and foamy for about five minutes. Add the olive oil, flour and two teaspoons of the kosher salt, and knead using the dough hook on the lowest speed for 5-10 minutes, or until a soft dough forms. Lightly oil a large bowl and pop in the dough, cover with cling and allow to prove for an hour or two, or until doubled.

While the dough gets proving, combine the mozzarella, passata, oregano, salami, capsicum and black olives in a bowl. Form into 8 equal portions and pop on a lined plate and place in the fridge until you’re ready to cook.

When the dough has doubled, punch it back and split into 8 equal portions. Working one at a time, roll on a lightly floured surface until they form a smooth, springy dough ball. Pop on a lined baking sheet and repeat the process until they are all done.

Working one at a time, use a rolling pin to flatten into a 15cm wide disc. Pop a portion of filling in the centre, and fold the dough in half, pleating the seams together to form a semi-circle parcel. Repeat the process, placing them on the lined baking sheet as you go.

When they’re all ready, pop an inch of two deep worth of oil in a dutch oven and heat until it reaches about 180C. Once hot, fry the panzerotti two at a time for a minute or so, before flipping and cooking for a further minute. Transfer to a wire rack and repeat the process until done.

Leave to rest for five minutes, before devouring like an icon. In honour of redemption, JLP and all the celebrities that have graced the pages of the interwebs before us. Even the two that asked for their recipes to be pulled xx

Oh, and thank you for the support – it has been a blast!


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Luke Discoki Fries

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2017), Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Party Food, Side, Snack, Survivor: Australia V The World, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor after the tragic loss of Cirie the night before, the final three were delighted to wake up on the beach to find their celebratory final three breakfast. Parvati was conflicted, proud of playing such a dominant game, but disappointed to not have her soulmate sitting alongside her at the end. After fuelling for final tribal council, the trio congratulated each other on playing such strong games and shared how grateful they were to become friends along the way. Which tragically is the win Janine had to settle for, as she was completely shut out of final tribal council and finished in third place. 

Rewinding back to after opening statements, Lisa kicked off the Q&A portion of the game, talking about how much of a superfan she is, because Survivor just makes her happy, so her question was asking Luke to tell her what makes him happy about Survivor. He talked about how much he loves living in the jungle and catching crabs, and that it makes him as happy as Parv and Janine must be to be sitting next to him. Cirie asked Parvati why she was so upset to see Cirie’s torch get snuffed, with Parvati breaking down in tears again, talking about how miraculous it is to be as close as she is to Cirie and how she would do anything to give Cirie a shot in the end, because she took a shot from her in Micronesia. And she wanted it so badly for Cirie.

Tommi asked Parvati if she ever intended to play with him, with Parvati talking about being World strong at the merge. But when he followed it up, she laughed and said, well, she could tell he was close with Lisa and Kass, and as such, she invested her time with World, then the women and not necessarily Tommi. Luke joked that he wanted to work with Tommi, leading him to ask Luke why he should vote for someone that spoke about being Aussie strong all season. Luke defended himself, telling Tommi that he was ready to flip to the World players, alongside Shonee, blaming not being taken on the spa reward as the reason for opting out and joining Janine to work with Cirie and Parv, rather than forming a majority with them. As he played a calm game this time, rather than bouncing around each vote.

Kass pointed out that they needed four votes to win, so asked Parvati who she thinks would vote for her and why. She pointed out that she and Kass were fierce rivals all season, so she assumed Kass would vote for her, because she would if the tables were turned. She felt Lisa and Cirie would also vote for her, and she was hopeful that Kirby would also reward her. As she was also in control of all the votes, despite having the biggest target on her back from Day 1. Sarah meanwhile asked Janine to clarify her very loyal game, given she was the reason that (stoked the flames that) broke up the Aussies. Which led to Luke laughing about it being Janine, while Sarah pointed out that her alleged flawless game clearly had a flaw, as she played herself into the minority. Janine explained that she felt she had to pick between the two of them, as Sarah doubled down, saying that was not the time. Repeatedly. And her messiness made it a harder path to the end for her and Luke. Janine then pointed out that she never actually knew Kirby was voting for Sarah, and when the jurors argued semantics between them, it was kind of iconic.

Shonee asked Luke when he felt the most vulnerable, with him mentioning just after Kass had been voted out and how desperately he wanted to win immunity. He spoke about how convincing Parvati to rip up her advantage only benefitted his game, with her interjecting that not playing the advantage was the power, as it guaranteed her a final four, which was better than just getting another idol. Kirby wrapped things up, talking about how much she desperately wanted to play with Parvati, as two queens side by side. Parv agreed that she really wanted to work with her and she believed her, 100%, however she already had a solid alliance and as such, she had to go with the move that had momentum, when it was clear she couldn’t change their minds. And while she wanted to save her with her idol, she knew that she had to be smart and keep her idol for herself and set up her end game.

Parvati then reiterated that she was on the right side of every single vote, as she either knew about every plan, or came up with it. Despite being the biggest target in the game, she didn’t even have her name written down once, which is frankly unbelievable. With that the jury voted – Cirie and Tommi proclaiming Parvati the greatest Survivor player of all time, to boot – and after a single vote for Luke – from Sarah – the rest of them piled up on Parvati, handing her the win. And proving her the ultimate champion.

Luke was understandably heartbroken to finish in second place, though I pulled him in for a hug and congratulated on playing such a strong game. While I would argue Janine did a bunch of the heavy lifting, Luke has grown each time he has played the game, and this season he expertly delivered flashy moves and went toe to toe with the best in the form of Parvati, while also building relationships with everyone on the island and laying low as required. It was impressive, just not as impressive as the masterclass we witnessed from the third two-time winner. Though impressive enough to toast being runner-up with a piping hot bowl of Luke Discoki Fries.

While this is kind of like a bogan poutine, like Luke, the fries are so charming, you can’t help but like them. Better yet, they are way easier to make. Crunchy chips, gooey mozzarella and gravy, sign me up.

Enjoy!

Luke Discoki Fries
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 batches Jud Beerza Battered Fries
4 tbsp unsalted butter
2 shallots, minced
3 garlic cloves, minced
sea salt and pepper
¼ cup flour
3 cups beef stock
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
250g mozzarella, grated
parsley, for serving

Method
Cook the fries per Jud’s recipe until they are golden and crunchy.

While that is happening, melt the butter in a saucepan over medium heat and saute the shallots and garlic for a couple of minutes. Season with a good whack of salt and pepper, before adding in the flour and cooking, stirring, for a further couple of minutes. Reduce heat to low and slowly whisk in the stock, followed by the Worcestershire. Season as required, and simmer for 5 minutes, or until rich and thickened.

To serve, pop your seasoned fries into a bowl and top with mozzarella, before pouring over the gravy. Sprinkle with parsley before devouring, greedily.


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Hojichanine Lattallis

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Drink, Survivor: Australia V The World, Sweets, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor the final four lined up for an epic final immunity challenge which, as per tradition, appeared to be an epic torture device. They each stood on ever narrower pegs and had to balance while holding up 20% of their starting body weight. Which is frankly a challenge Parvati was born to win, but they all fought valiantly. After Cirie and Janine dropped, Luke fought valiantly, but Parvati proved too good and jagged her first ever final immunity. Back at camp Luke seemed to be the dead man walking, though when it came to actually voting, Janine felt guilty and chose to give him a chance at fire. Which then led to the most harrowing situation occurring, as Cirie lost the fire challenge and finished in fourth. Just like her very first season.

The next day Parvati was heartbroken to be sitting in the final three without Cirie, particularly devastated that there was nothing she could do to protect her friend. Making it such a bittersweet moment to have made it to the end for the third time. But trust and believe, she was going to regroup and deliver a killer final tribal council performance. The final three caught up under the shelter, with Parvati assuring the professional keynote speaker and charmer Luke, that she will give them a run for the money. And nothing will get in her way of winning again. The final three then found their feast and after toasting the fact they made it to the end, agreed how grateful they were to have found friends among the chaos.

Luke meanwhile was grateful to Janine for giving him the shot to earn his way into final tribal council, while he worried about getting his words in order and speaking from the heart. Janine was once again proud to have played like the godmother, proving that you can look after your family while being the mob boss. Oh, and she was confident she would be able to treat the final tribal council like the boardroom, using her emotional intelligence to read the room and give them what they want.

At the final tribal council Sarah, Kirby, Kass, Tommi, Lisa, Shonee and Cirie took their places on the jury as Jonathan explained how the evening would play out. First, the final three would each get to make opening statements, before the jury would ask questions one by one, before voting to crown a winner.

Janine kicked off the opening statements by talking about how much she wanted the title, though admitted that she doesn’t really care about the money. She explained that to her, the game is about loyalty and trust, and she found her person in Luke. And while she and Luke played the game from the bottom, getting rid of Kirby was the turning point in her game, as she built a relationship with Cirie and Parvati to take control. She admitted that while she was conflicted about what to do at the final four, she was proud to have given Luke a shot and stay loyal in her game. And she felt that her game was kind of flawless.

Next Luke took the floor, talking about his original audition and how he vowed to be one of the most dominant players around the world. And while everyone in his group laughed, he is now here. And finally, on his third go, he had outlasted, rather than just outwit and outplay. He then articulated finding an idol, aligning with Janine and riding with her to the end, and while he wanted to stay Australia strong at the merge, he pivoted to try and work with the internationals, until it became clear that they weren’t interested. He then decided to work with Parv and Cirie, and is so persuasive, he even convinced Parv to rip up her idol steal advantage. Oh and then he convinced Janine to give him a shot at the end. He spoke about being the heart and soul of Australian Survivor and that he was ready to take his place on the world stage.

Parvati closed things out talking about playing the game for close to 20 years, gagged to be sitting in the final three once again on the biggest stage. And she was confident this was her best game yet. She knew she was one of the biggest targets coming in, so made sure things were still good with Cirie and they reignited the spark of Micronesia. She spoke about being evicted from the auction and while schooling Luke for sending her back to camp, she knew an advantage would be waiting for her at the beach. And when she knew the game was shifting, she decided to try and create a little bit of chaos, gathering the troops and preparing to vote out Kass. Until she whipped out her idol, leading to Parvati pulling out her advantage and bluffing the power of it to ensure she went home. She then outlined that Luke approached her after tribal council and begged her to rip it up, and did it, not because he persuaded her, but because she was in control. She then told the jury that Luke may be a national treasure and Janine a legit icon, but the vote is about who played the best game. And that was her.

And while I agree it is 100% true, only one of the final three were unable to secure votes at final tribal council, and that was the godmother herself, Janine.

While Janine was disappointed to get the dreaded tap on the shoulder before the final votes were read, she was grateful to have such a dear friend by her side. I will argue until the end of time that successful people like Janine that make it to the end, never really get a fair go. I mean, Lisa Welchel and Mike White are proof that being famous makes people question whether they should reward a stellar game, and sadly Janine now joins the club. (Thankfully our fellow bestie Pia and Shane Gould both bucked the trend). Arguably she played the superior game to Luke out of the Aussie finalists, but unfortunately it was also the quieter. She was the one that won over Cirie, allowing them to join forces with the Black Widows and make it to the end. And that alone is worthy of a rich Hojichanine Lattallis.

Full disclosure, hojicha is not everyone’s cup of tea – no pun intended. Giving off a subtle hint of matcha, the roasting of the tea works perfectly in a glorious little iced latte/frappe number (particularly if you go heavy on the maple)!

Enjoy!

Hojichanine Lattallis
Serves: 1

Ingredients
2 tsp hojicha powder
1 cup milk
½ cup Vanilla Ica Cream
2 tsp maple syrup
whipped cream and crushed Lena Wafers, to serve

Method
Combine the hojicha, milk, ice cream and maple in a blender, and blitz for a minute, or until thick and combined.

Pour into a glass, top with whipped cream and crushed wafers before downing, like a boss. Repeat as required.


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Chorissa and Redwards Pesto Orzo

Main, Pasta, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars 1, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Global All Stars twelve queens, each from a different country, were brought together to find out which drag race franchise would reign supreme. Though, given it was judged by Ru and Michelle, the Ru girls were always going to have the upper hand, no? Thankfully the first two weeks were non-eliminations, allowing all the girls to shine and help us fall in love. Though it also made it harder to see them fall week after week.

From week one, it was Alyssa’s crown to lose, coming in with the energy of a winner and having Ru in tears of pride as she took out victory in the first challenge. She was kind and congenial, raising up her sisters and acting like the grand dame that she is.

Oh shit, I forgot to write a clunky sentence to link off to all the previous recipes! Sooo, after the back-to-back talent shows, the competition got real with Athena Likis becoming the Porkchop of the spin-off. She was soon followed by Miranda, Eva, Soa, Gala and Pythia. They then all returned for the makeover, which cost Vanity her place in the competition before Alyssa’s wannabe daughter Tessa was finally felled. 

There, that’s better.

That left the final four of the three Ru girls, alongside sweet Nehellenia from Italia. And while the fact the Ru girls dominated could be called into question, the one thing that makes sense is a crown sitting on Alyssa Edwards’ head. And she served silliness, glamour and drama week after week and that is something I will always be grateful for. After finally claiming her crown, I ran into Alyssa’s arms and congratulated her on getting her flowers. She is such an iconic queen and as such, deserved something equally iconic to celebrate her win. Sadly we already did (back) sausage rolls, so she had to settle for a fiery Chorissa and Redwards Pesto Orzo instead.

I found this recipe on IG and instantly fell in love! Spicy, sweet and rich, it is the ultimate comfort food. The smokiness of the chorizo works perfectly with the creamy sauce, giving you that winning feeling, even if you don’t have a crown.

Enjoy!

Chorissa and Redwards Pesto Orzo
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 chorizoes, diced
1 onion, diced
6 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp tomato paste
300g orzo
1L chicken stock
1 tsp dried oregano
1 tsp dried thyme
1 tsp dried basil
1 tsp chilli flakes
½  tsp dried parsley
¼ cup red pepper pesto
½ cup cream
¼ cup parmesan cheese, grated
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Pop the oil in a dutch oven over medium heat and cook the chorizo for a few minutes, or until it starts to crisp and the oils start to come out. Transfer it to a bowl.

Add the onion to the oily pan and cook, stirring, for a few minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the garlic and tomato paste, and cook out the flavours for a further minute. Add in the orzo and stir to coat before stirring through the stock. Bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and simmer until the orzo is plump and the sauce thickened.

Remove from the heat and stir through the herbs, pesto, cream and cheese, and return to the heat for a couple of minutes. Finally, stir through the chorizo – leaving no oil behind in the bowl – season to taste and devour. Like the Queen of the World.


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Kweensland Do(n)g

Burgers, Main, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars 1, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Global All Stars the top four took a back seat as the eliminated queens returned for the chance to be crowned the global lip sync assassin. Tragically, to only RuPaul songs. Two by two they battled off until only Soa and Gala remained. And while Gala continued to serve sex all over the stage – flooding all of the basements in the process – it was the iconic Soa who dominated, taking out the title. And most importantly, the $50k she so rightly deserved.

The next day the top four were primed and ready to compete for the crown, with Kween overwhelmed, hungry, horny and ready for the crown. No doubt because of Gala’s lip sync. Kitty was focused on the cash, ready to buy some wigs and go on holiday, while Nelly would like to help her family and make a difference. While Alyssa just mentioned she has been doing it for 23 years, which reminded Nelly that she is very old. Ru then dropped by to announce that for the final challenge of the season, the finalists would star in the music video for new drag anthem, Dance Like The World Is Watching. After writing and recording verses, and catching up over a tic tac lunch.

After Ru disappeared, the dolls split up to work through their lyrics with Kitty charmed by her own, Kween Kong was feeling like she was finally in her lane while Nelly was just bricking it about singing in English. Talk turned to the video clip with Alyssa opening up about loving performing with her kids at Beyond Belief and how she wants the choreo to be something they could do. She and Nelly spoke about how much they were looking forward to making their debut while Kween was just grateful to finally believe she deserves to be a finalist. Nelly started to break down, overwhelmed to be the last international queen standing and proud about how hard she has worked.

We pivoted to the tic tac lunches where Kitty opened up about feeling like she deserves to be here because she has had to fight hard to make it through every challenge. And that she is now ready for whatever is next in her career. She spoke about how much lip syncing lit a fire under her, never believing it whenever she heard that from other contestants. Nelly on the other hand was a ball of sweetness, hoping to be an inspiration for kids in Italy and proud to push through her nerves and self-doubt to make it to the end. Kween was so excited to have had a second chance at the competition, given she felt like the first season is what shaped her into the queen she is now. Before straight up bribing the judges with hand-made jewellery from her mum and aunties. Rounding out the chats was the one and only Alyssa Edwards and honestly, it felt like a victory lap. She admitted that she was worried that she would be competing against the judges expectations of what 23 years of experience should look like. Ru then started to break down calling her a star and yep, condragulations Alyssa, condragulations.

We pivoted to filming the TikTok numbers where Alyssa gave an OG Haus of Edwards dance, Kitty was keeping it simple, Nelly was hoping to challenge the children before Jamal helped remind Kween that she is a dancer, though the people at home are not, so she should keep it simple.

Coronation Day arrived with the top four splitting up to beat their mugs for the final time, with Alyssa giddy to have finally made it. Kween spoke about how shocked she is to be competing with Alyssa, while Kitty shared she would be happy with any of them winning. But happier for her, obvi. The eliminated queens then dropped by one final time, with Kween opening up to her sisters about how emotional she is given how far she has come since her first season. Nelly admitted that while she is an underdog for the crown, she is not going down without a fight before it all just became a love fest TBH.

Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by the iconic Ariadna Gutiérrez-Arévalo as the eliminated queens opened the Best Drag On Earth runway. Athena was absolutely stunning in a couture white gown and yeah, she ate as the sexiest jellyfish. Miranda was stunning in a vibrant blue feathered gown, Eva was a golden goddess phoenix, Soa was a gorgeous musketeer, Gala was a beautiful volcanic mess, Pythia was a glamorous three-headed dog, Vanity was a stunning, studded icon and Tessa looked like a pretty version of the ugly step-sisters. The top four then arrived to devour, with Alyssa giving a glamorous purple ruffled gown, giving all the leg. Kitty wore an ill-fitting pink vinyl gown inspired by Barbie, Kween gave Polynesian Princess and looked glorious, before Nelly closed the show in a sweet, puffy, lavender gown.

In the film clip, the inclusion of the Pit Crew made me super distracted but as usual, it was kinda cringe. Though they all did a solid job of the dancing, except for Kitty. 

The judges heaped Alyssa with all of the praise, reminding her that she set the bar back in week one and has met it every one since. And she did the best at creating a dance that people would be able to mimic at home. Kitty was praised for how much she has grown and elevated since her first season, and for having fun in the video. Kween was praised for giving all the swag on the video, and for being so open and vulnerable throughout the entire season. And for doing her family proud with her kindness and the way she wants to help the next generation. Nelly meanwhile was encouraged to always believe in herself because she proved, week after week, that she is a star.

Ru then challenged the girls to answer why the world needs drag more than ever. Alyssa spoke about how she wanted to inspire queer small town kids to believe. Kitty spoke about the freedom that comes from self-expression and how it opened up her world and filled it with so much joy. Kween spoke about the fact it builds a safe world for people like us, while Nehellenia spoke about the power it has.

Backstage the dolls were shocked to have done all that they could to make it to the final lip sync, with Alyssa toasting them for being such incredible competition and being on the journey with her. Though admitted this was her time. The eliminated queens joined them, with Kween talking about being in tears all day, given how kind the judges have been. Nelly was thrilled to be strong enough to make it to the end, while Kitty spoke about how hard it is to hear all the compliments.

Before we got to the final lip sync, we learnt that the eliminated dolls had one final crown to win – Miss Congeniality. Now known as Miss Global Peacemaker, which once again went to Soa De Muse, earning her another $10k. And honestly, it is what she deserves. After pushing the eliminated quens off stage, Ru announced that everyone in the top four would be lip syncing for the crown, solo, and damn were Alyssa and Kween fired up for that crown. As soon as my girl Gaga’s Bad Romance kicked off, they were spitting fire and hitting every line. While Kitty gave comedy and Nelly was busy stripping, it was clear the choreographers were desperate to win the crown. And win a crown one of them did, as the one and only, always and forever Alyssa Edwards was crowned. Leaving Down Under’s own Kween Kong to settle for being a double runner-up like her sister Hannah.

As she arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug and congratulated her for making Australia and New Zealand proud. While she didn’t snatch the crown, she truly did dominate the season week after week – which is not something all of the finalist’s can say, despite placing in the top all season. She didn’t love me trash talking her sisters, but gave me her signature chuckle and thanked me for once again supporting her. I told her how great it was to see her so relaxed this season, and how it made her perform so much better. And more than earn a big, fat Kweensland Do(n)g.

While the name makes it sound super smutty, this is simply a hot dog. Which I guess is kinda smutty, but once again, I digress. The sticky, sweet chilli pineapple works perfectly with the smooth cream cheese and rich pork, warming your soul in the process.

Enjoy!

Kweensland Do(n)g
Serves: 2-4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
400g can sliced pineapple slices, juices drained and reserved
½ cup muscovado sugar
2 red chillis, trimmed and sliced
1 tbsp apple cider vinegar
salt and pepper, to taste
4 hot dog rolls
4 thick pork sausages
½ cup cream cheese
2 shallots, sliced

Method
Pop the oil in frying pan over medium heat and cook the pineapple for a few minutes each side, until nice and charred and caramel. Remove from the heat and roughly chop.

In the same pan, add the sugar and pineapple juice, and stir until the sugar dissolves. Increase heat, bring to the boil and simmer for 5 minutes, or until it thickens and is a rich caramel. Add the chilli and stir for a minute, before adding the pineapple and vinegar. Remove from the heat, season and set aside.

While the pineapple rests, cook the sausages a few minutes each side over medium heat or until cooked through.

To assemble, split the buns, smear with some cream cheese, top with the sausages and a good sprinkle of the chilli and the shallots. Then wrap your lips around it and go to town. Also known as devouring.


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Konbinehellenia Egg Sando

Main, Sandwich, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Global All Stars the top five were tasked with filming tourism ads for each of their mother countries. And given how this went on Down Under 2, this could go one of many ways. Given how close she came to beating Jinkx in the branding challenge on their OG season, Alyssa was a neurotic mess, yet iconic. And despite Kitty being far more entertaining, took out a bookend win. At the other end of the pack, Tessa was one note and Kween focused on her Down Under sisters, which was all it took to land them in the bottom. Where Kween kept the Ru girls together by mopping the floor with the iconic Tessa and sending her home. Tragically.

Backstage the top four were thrilled to have made it all the way to the end, with Kitty, Kween and Nelly all thrilled to join the two-time finalist club. Alyssa toasted Tessa and her madness, considering adopting her into the Haus of Edwards officially. Should she not annoy her on tour and embarrass the name. Alyssa started to break down, overwhelmed to finally make it to the finals after all these years. Nelly admitted that she had actually thought she was going to be the Porkchop of the season, so to make it to the end, she feels like she was finally able to prove that she is talented. After they all had a cry, Kween led them in a hearty fuck yeah and as such, all was ok.

And just like that, I’m back on the Kween train.

The next day the finalists were no less excited, with Alyssa thrilled to make it to the end without landing in the bottom and hoping that would help her get the crown. Nelly reiterated that she was never less than safe too, and as such, consistency could see her crowned. As much as she’d like to show off her lip syncing skillz at some point, TBH. A siren rang out before the dolls were cast to the side as the eliminated queens made their triumphant return. Again. This time to take the spotlight as they battle it out to be crowned the Global Lip Sync Assassin. And a cash prize of $50K.

Everyone split up to start beating their mugs as Tessa congratulated the finalists on making it to the end. Talk turned to who is primed to win today’s little title, with everyone agreeing Gala, Vanity and Soa would have to be the frontrunners. While Pythia joked she thinks she and Eva are the front runners to her. Talk turned to how they would spend their money, with Miranda spending it on her family, Tessa and Athena would move out – and the latter would pay for her brother’s transition too, so we’re rooting for her even more – while Vanity wanted to spend it on a wedding. And invite some of her new sisters. Emphasis on some.

Ru, Michelle and Jamal took their places on the panel before wheeling out the dolls in their Global Lip Sync Eleganza Extravaganza and explaining that two by two they will face off, with the winners progressing until only one remains. Manuel from the Pit Crew pulled out his wheel to decide who would go first and ugh, Manuel is so hot, I am now distracted. But he must have spun it, as first up would be Vanity, who in turn got to select her opponent, going with Eva given she has already beaten her before. As the one to be chosen, Eva was able to select their song, going with Just What They Want. Which is what Nelly tipped, given it was clearly the hardest. Which proved smart, given Vanity had no idea what the lyrics were. Despite that, she gave hairography and an epic performance, which sadly wasn’t enough, as Vanity was sent to join the top four backstage as Eva progressed.

Manuel’s wheel came back – swoon – to line up Soa as the next performer. She in turn elected to face off against Tessa, who chose A.S.M.R. Lover for the soundtrack of their battle. Soa was honestly a delight from start to finish, as Tessa gave sexy and stupid before botching a split. Which sadly ended Ms T’s run and sent Soa through to the second round. Manuel then flooded our basement to line up Athena’s performance against Pythia to Jealous Of My Boogie. And from the first line, this was Athena’s redemption round. She was stupid and passionate, hitting every lyric and booked her place in round two. Leaving Gala to demolish poor Miranda in the final lip sync of the round to Cha Cha Bitch. Despite a cute little rainbow glitter rain moment and Gala literally dancing her wig off.

Which annoyed the shit out of Miranda, as she joined her sisters backstage. Which, fair.

Manuel got his wheel out again for round two, allowing Gala to select Eva as her next opponent while Eva selected Call Me Mother as their song. Despite not knowing any of the words, Gala was flipping around the stage and doing anything to distract, while Eva was fire from start to finish, enunciating every lyric, being fierce and sensual in equal measure. Which would have won her the lip sync, if Gala didn’t duck walk, which sent her through to the final round, it seems. As Soa and Athena lined up for U Wear It Well, it was clear both of them were desperate for the money as they turned a damn show. They gave attitude, they stomped the runway in unison and honestly, if they both made it to the final round, I wouldn’t have been mad. Sadly though, Ru only wanted two in the final, eliminating Athena and giving us the Gala/Soa rematch we deserve.

The eliminated queens and the top four were summoned back to the mainstage to watch the top two assassins battle for the win. To The Beginning. And damn, did they turn a show. While Gala was all attitude, Soa was oozing joy and was frankly magnetic, flicking her hair, hitting the lyrics and smiling the entire time. Gala slayed with air violin and handstand baby freezes, but make no mistake, it was Soa’s show. And the emotion rightly won her $50K and the title of Global Lip Sync Assassin. As she deserves.

Cocorico, cocorico, cocorico. Yas yas yas.

While the eliminated queens took their final bows, I quickly snuck up on Nelly and gave her a massive hug. She was super confused, given she hasn’t been eliminated yet, though I explained that given the season hadn’t gone very well for the ESL queens, I wanted to make sure she was well rested and fed heading into the finale. Because if anything can salvage this season, it is a victory for Nehellenia. Which was enough to perk her back up and get her on board with plotting her victory over a glorious Konbinehellenia Egg Sando.

Anyone that has had the deeply profound joy of eating an egg sando from a Japanese konbini knows that they are the only thing you ever need again. Sweet, rich and melt in your mouth, they are the perfect thing to feed your soul and encourage you to save the globe with your victory.

Enjoy!

Konbinehellenia Egg Sando
Serves: 2. 1 rightful victor and her bestie.

Ingredients
10 eggs
½ cup Kewpie mayonnaise
1 tsp kosher salt, plus more to taste
1 tsp raw caster sugar
¼ tsp black pepper
4 tsp thickened cream
2 tbsp unsalted butter, softened
4 slices Japanese milk bread, crusts removed

Method
Bring a medium saucepan of water to the boil. Once rollicking, carefully lower the eggs into the boiling water and cook for 10 minutes, or until hard boiled. Drain the eggs into a sink and plunge into iced water to cool for 15 minutes before peeling the eggs.

Split the eggs open and separate the yolks and whites into two bowls. Mash all the yolks in a bowl until they are almost a smooth paste. Add the mayonnaise, salt, sugar, and pepper and stir until well combined.

Finely chop the egg whites and add half to the yolk mixture, stir to combine, cover and chill for an hour. Reserve the rest of the whites for another recipe.

Once chilled, stir the cream into the egg mixture, seasoning with additional salt if required. Spread the butter evenly on one side of each bread slice. Top one slice, butter side up, with egg, cover with the remaining slice, butter side down. Slice into triangles and devour, in culinary heaven.


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Breakferas Basandwich

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Breakfast, Main, Sandwich, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor twelve people at the top of their games – aka Titans – were pitted against twelve wildcards – yep, you guessed it, Rebels – where the Titans lead the way in getting absolutely demolished by the Rebels as Tobias did the L on his forehead as often as possible. The Titans lost Frankie and Jessica back-to-back before the Rebels lost an immunity challenge. While the buff, alleged hotties thought they had control, Feras rallied the troops to take out Peta and Tobias back-to-back, sadly without the latter’s signature L. Kelli then was sent over to the Titans as a saboteur, failed, and then they lost Nathan before the tribes switched up for real.

Kelli upped the ante on the chaos – oh damn, Kelli was wild – before Caroline realised she needed to get rid of Viola to ensure Mark stayed loyal to her. Drawing the ire of Valeria in the process. Viola was followed out the door by Sarah and Garrick before Charles got rather screwed by a twist. Though it kept the Rebel minority strong, so whatever. Before the tribe finally grew tired of Kelli and sent her packing before the merge.

After the merge the stress of the game got to Scott as he quit the game, soon followed by Winna and Eden before Aileen became the Queen of the Jury. She was soon joined by Jaden and Valeria, before Alex put a massive target on Kirby’s back before he exited the game. Kirby’s closest ally Ri followed Alex out the door, before Caroline accidentally idolled her closest ally Kitty out of the game. The threat of Kirby winning finally spooked everyone enough to boot her, before Ray lost the fire challenge and became the Fourth Place Robbed Goddess of the season.

Despite winning the last two immunity challenges, Mark was the first to drop in the final immunity challenge. Despite being the perennial bridesmaid, Feras finally took out the win and promptly sent Mark to the jury. At the final tribal council, despite Caroline playing an extremely strong game, it was Feras that absolutely stole the show, answering everything with heart and grace before being named the Sole Survivor. Unanimously. With a big, hot Breakferas Basandwich to celebrate.

If there are two things I love with all my heart, it is breakfast and sandwiches. So yeah, this blog is full of different variations of breakfast sandwiches. Essentially a BEC but on sourdough, this one is glorious, easy and worthy of victory.

Enjoy!

Breakferas Basandwich
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
4 rashers streaky bacon
2 tsp butter
3 eggs, whisked
salt and pepper, to taste
2 slices sourdough
2 slices American cheese

Method
Heat a skillet over medium heat and fry the bacon until glorious and crisp. Remove to some paper towel, and keep warm.

Add the butter to the still hot pan and once melted and foamy, add the eggs to the pan and use a spatula to scramble by sweeping across the pan until set. Remove from the heat, season with salt and pepper, and remove from heat.

Toast the sourdough and transfer to a plate. Pop a slice of American cheese on one of the slices of bread, followed by two pieces of bacon, the eggs, the remaining bacon and American cheese. Close the sandwich with the remaining bread and devour, victoriously.


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Baked Appline & Brussels Sprourtis

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Side, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Feras was heartbroken to have lost his two closest allies back-to-back, despite the Rebels having the majority at the final five. Caroline and Mark, meanwhile, were feeling their oats to have survived against all odds and each other all the way to the final three. And were looking forward to snipping Feras on the way to the final tribal council. At a hard fought final immunity challenge, Mark shocked everyone by dropping first leaving Caroline and Feras to battle it out, with the latter finally scoring immunity. And promptly sending Mark to the jury.

The next day the final two were positively giddy as they awoke and started to get their head in the game for the battle ahead. Feras spoke about how much he has grown throughout the season, wanting to come in and play a savage game, though how he ended up playing much kinder. That being said, he was a little bit nervous about Mark turning the jury against him. Caroline congratulated them, proud that it has come down to one Rebel and one Titan. Feras spoke about wanting to do it for his religion and be the first middle eastern man to win Australian Survivor. Caroline spoke about feeling like the least Titan-ic member of the Titans, though was proud to have overcome them all and make it to the end thanks to her internal strength.

They got to work cooking up their pre-final tribal council breakfast, with Caroline feeling alive which made Feras very nervous. She likened the game to giving birth and please, give the lady some damn votes as she truly did play a strong game and this should be closer than the edit leads me to believe it will be.

We ventured straight to the final tribal council where JLP explained how the evening’s proceedings would play out. Caroline was first with opening statements, talking about how she came into the game with a massive target as the oldest woman in a tribe of very strong people. She put her survival down to her ability to build bonds, specifically forming the middle aged mafia to survive the early stages. She articulated why she took out Viola to make it to the merge, where she ultimately took flight. She voted correctly all but two times, dominated in the fire making challenge and hot damn, she deserves to be sitting in the final two.

Feras meanwhile spoke about how he came into the game wanting to play a strong game for the Muslim and Middle Eastern communities. And to have fun along the way. At the start, he clocked that the alphas were taking control of the Rebels, so pulled together the misfits to try and get the upper hand. And despite spending much of the game on bottom, he was able to pull off some wild, chaotic moves to make it to the jury. Feras spoke about his bond with Kirby and that they both were shielding each other, and how after Alex called her out, he realised he needed to announce himself by cutting her and proving he was her equal. Most importantly, he had so much fun getting to know everyone and seeing their pride, I think we know how this is going.

We pivoted to the jurors, where Mark offered the final two some advice: to be honest and admit their mistakes, rather than try to reach for things they didn’t actually do. He then asked Caroline when she was most in trouble and how she got out of it, where she talked about the Viola blindside and how she read the situation between her and Viola, and how she worked with Kitty to flip things. Aileen pointed out Feras’ biggest weakness was not listening, before asking him to talk about his biggest move. Feras outlined that he didn’t listen because playing idols is nerve wracking. On that note, his biggest move was to go on the idol hunt and while he found it within seconds, he left it for Alex to find, knowing it would shift the target on to him instead.

Ri asked Caroline why she didn’t always include her in the plans, even when they were working together. To her credit, Caroline told her she had to do it to assess whether she could trust her and that she was always loyal to those that she was closest to. Valeria asked Feras how many votes he is expecting to get tonight, with him admitting he just hopes for the majority. Caroline wisely pointed out that she can’t count on any votes, though she wanted the jury to listen and vote for who they think played best. Valeria hilariously spoke about how the final two aren’t really giving the jury what they need to inspire votes. This fired Caroline up, talking about while she may not have played the best social game, she has fought tooth and nail to get to the end.

Alex asked Caroline how she thinks she went after he was voted out, with her talking about being proud, given she always positioned herself well enough to make it another day. Aileen said it wasn’t enough, leading her to talking about misplaying the idol on Mark which ultimately sent Kitty home. Which Ray clocked as a bad move. Kirby asked Feras why he ultimately chose to send her home and whether he was scared to face off against her. He wisely spoke about the fact that his chances of winning the game are better with her sitting on the jury, so it wasn’t fear and was simply him playing smart. And to him, getting rid of his shield was actually the bravest thing he could do. He spoke about how he leveraged his idol in various ways throughout the game to last, making strategic moves to protect himself. He then listed all the people he had orchestrated the demise of. And by the time music started to swell under him talking about how proud of his game he is, and how much he loves them all, it was clear this game was done.

With that the jury voted, JLP wheeled out Iman and Murray to stand alongside their loved ones before the votes were read and Feras was unanimously declared the winner of the season. And while I would say it was well deserved, justice for Caroline, as she played a hell of a game. As they were resetting the cameras for the fake ending, I pulled Caroline aside and pulled her in for a massive hug. Raging at Kitty, specifically, for not even giving her closest ally a vote. Because like her namesake with the different spelling in 44, she played so much better than finishing as a 0 vote finalist. She thanked me for my kindness, before I cut her off and reminded her I am not kind nor was I her staunchest of supporters – she played a killer game and deserves the praise, a season rigged for her ala Boston Rob and a big fat bowl of Baked Appline & Brussels Sprourtis.

I know apples and sprouts don’t exactly sound like a delicious, tasty side, but damn, this is good. Earthy, sweet and a little bit salty, it all works together perfectly and would honestly elevate any and all meals. Specifically a roast pork though, TBH.

Enjoy!

Baked Appline & Brussels Sprourtis
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
300g Brussels sprouts, trimmed and halved
1 apple, cored and diced
2 tsp avocado oil
salt and pepper, to taste
2 rashers streaky bacon, diced
½ onion, sliced
½ tsp maple syrup
¼ cup roasted walnuts, roughly chopped

Method
Preheat the oven to 200C.

Toss the Brussels sprouts and apples with half of the oil and a pinch of salt, and pop in a single layer on a lined baking sheet. Transfer to the oven and bake for 20 minutes, or until golden and crispy.

While they are cooking, heat the remaining oil in a skillet over medium heat and cook bacon for a couple of minutes, or until golden. Add the onions and cook for another few minutes, or until they are starting to soften. Reduce the heat to low and continue cooking for another 15 minutes, or until they are gloriously sweet.

When the sprouts are almost done, add the bacon and onion, followed by the maple and walnuts and allow to toast for a minute. Remove from the oven, toss and then devour, like a Queen.


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Punanilini Bean Dip

Condiment, Dip, Drag Race France, Drag Race France 2, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Drag Race France the top five were thrilled to learn they’d be competing in the famed Girl Groups challenge. That is until they learnt that they would be facing off against the eliminated queens, with the best of their fallen sisters battling against the worst of the top five for a chance to return. As such, the dolls gave it their absolute all, working as one and straight up proving just why they made it to the end. That being said, Sara slayed and as such scored her third win of the season. Piche meanwhile, absolutely dominated from the eliminated queens and faced off against Cookie in the lip sync. And used that fire to demolish the lip sync and return to the competition, sending Cookie out in her place.

Backstage Piche tried to hide her jubilation as everyone sadly paid their respects to sweet Cookie. Eventually talk turned to Piche’s return and while the rest of the dolls felt like it was odd and a disappointing way for Cookie to go, Mother Keiona did assure Piche that she was happy for Piche to get another shot at the crown. Because, trust, if she was eliminated she would want another shot.

The next day the dolls were trying to sell the Werk Room to prospective buyers – Down Under, it’s a good space! – before everyone praised Sara on her third win. She meanwhile was just thrilled to be on the up again after a string of bottoms, which is something Piche obviously related to. The clock struck Cocorico as Nicky arrived to pop them through a Weakest Link mini challenge, hosted by the iconique Lova Ladiva. After five minutes to beat their mugs, the dolls ventured to set and well, they were stupid and oh so fun. Though Punani, obviously, stole the show, shouting out her fake sons and living her best life. Sadly though, it was treated like an actual quiz show, so her charm meant nothing and Ms. Mami Watta proved unstoppable as she snatched the win.

But that means nothing because for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would be making over rugby players and swoon, my basement is flooded. As were the queens’, though they seemed to be more excited about having new sisters. For winning the mini challenge though, Mami was able to pair the queens taking the zaddiest for herself, giving the bearded zaddy Ryan to Piche, François went to Sara, a lovely man called Ludovic to Kieona leaving Florent for Punani and TBH, it was super fair, as everyone kinda looked like a perfect match.

After Nicky departed the dolls got to know their rugby players with Mami gagged to learn she paired herself with a straight. Though he loved the show thanks to her wife, so that is not nothing, I guess. And hearing him talk about being the Maddy Morphosis of France, essentially, has me delighted. Sara’s player meanwhile was excited to show inclusivity by participating and hoped to make his kids proud, and ugh, like Sara, I am already crying. Keiona meanwhile was lucky to get a gay guy, though he was scared to get rid of his beard while Piche and her player were just vibing and living their best lives. As were Punani and her zaddy, given they are just sweeties. I mean, he practised walking in heels at home to help the process. Sadly though, it didn’t appear to give him much of an advantage as the dolls raced their daughters and he lost.

We then did a hard pivot to a supercut of the dolls shaving their players – except Piche, obviously – before they beated their mugs and bonded even further. Punani’s player, like Sara’s, was thrilled to set an example for his kids and hoped his appearance would contribute to a better world in some way. It then led to Piche opening up about being kicked out of home at 13 after her boyfriend outed her to her parents and seeing everyone, including the rugby players, rally around to comfort her was just beautiful to see. As beautiful as the rugby players felt when they saw themselves in drag for the first time. Because they were all gagged.

Nicky, Daphne and Kiddy were joined on the panel by Nicolas Huchard et La Zarra as Piche and Christabiche fought to be the star of the ball and well, looked a million bucks. Despite being modelled on Cinderella’s ugly step sisters. Mami Watta and Queen Mera went from grannies to glamazonian dominatrixes, and well, swoon. Punani and Lovali were absolute camp delights while Keiona and Lola were pretty in purple, before Sara stole the show with her new sister Divina serving Ed and Pats and yeah, give her her fourth win, I guess. Because it was absolute perfection. Per. Fec. Tion.

Christerbiche was absolutely beloved for looking stunning, though Piche was read for the ill fitting outfits. Queen Mera too was praised for her energy, with Mami in turn was read for not finessing the details. Punani and Lovali were praised for the camp, though read for the outfit falling off Lovali. As Lovali sweetly tried to take the fall for Punani, like an icon. Keiona once again received universal praise before Sara was almost handed the win then and there just for being an absolute star.

Backstage the vibe was upbeat as the dolls bonded further. Well except for Mami, who was worried she was in the bottom. Punani on the other hand was hoping to avoid the bottom, despite the fit issues of the dresses. Oh and then they did a group cocorico. Which is important.

Before getting to the results, the dolls were asked why they should go through to the finale, with Piche sharing she was ready to prove herself. Mami wanted to teach others to dream big, Punani was proud of her growth and ready to cap it off with that win, Keiona was thrilled to take risks and prove she can still grow while Sara was proud of being able to grow to love herself and that she deserves it.

Ultimately, the judges agreed with that as she snatched her fourth win and made her way directly through to the finale. Keiona was next to book her ticket – as she deserves – followed by Mami Watta, leaving Punani and Piche to battle for the final spot. As soon as the lip sync kicked off – to Une femme avec une femme by Mecano, which tragically reminded me we didn’t have any licensing issues this year – it was clear this was Punani’s to lose as she felt all the emotions and channelled her fire for the crown to knock it out of the park. And ultimately book her spot in the finale, sending Piche out the door one final time.

Given we had already dabbled in comfort, I gave Piche a hug and sent her on her way before pulling Punani aside for a bit of a pre-finale perk up. Why Punani you ask? Well, since the other dolls track records were iconic in their own ways – no tops or bottoms for Mami, 4 wins and some lows for Sara and never lower than second for Mother Keiona – I figured Punani deserved it for her more classic trajectory of highs and lows. Which she was ok with, given a pre-finale advantage is a pre-finale advantage. And when it comes in the form of a vat of Punanilini Bean Dip, how could she be disappointed?

Earthy and lightly spiced, this easy dip is so warming and nourishing, it will have you coming back for more. Better still, it is pretty damn healthy, so you don’t even have to contend with guilt.

Enjoy!

Punanilini Bean Dip
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
400g can cannellini beans, drained and rinsed
1 lemon, zested and juiced
2 tbsp olive oil
3 garlic cloves, minced
2 tbsp chargrilled capsicum, drained
2 tbsp fresh flat-leaf parsley, roughly chopped
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Pop everything in a food processor and blitz until smooth. Season to taste.

Decant into a small bowl and devour, with your fave crackers.


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White Chocolate and Jimboconut Bundt

Baking, Cake, Dessert, RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on All Stars, Ru assembled 12 queens in need of some form of redemption, either for themselves or in the eyes of the fandom. And well, they came to race! Well, except for Jimbo, of course, who was frank about the fact she solely came to cruise. One by one the dolls were eliminated – or quit, we miss you Heidi! – before Kandy booked her place in her second top two alongside the iconic, cruising Canadian import, Jimbo. Friends from the start, the duo were thrilled to have made it to the end together to compete for the crown. Only to be put on pause for a week – as many a housewife has claimed (love you Dorinda!) – as the eliminated queens returned and performed in talent show to enhance their Fame Games vote. Ultimately it was Jaymes and Lala that slayed both the performances and the lip sync, earning Jaymes a vote double while Lala likely won herself the secondary crown after trebling her score.

Backstage the duo were well and truly feeling their oats, Jaymes in particular, given it also acted as her first ever win across her seasons. Being congenial – one of Lala’s other titles – the duo praised their sisters for turning a show before celebrating that it kinda means they are one step closer to $60k. Talk then turned to the actual top two of the season though, with everyone praising them for making it to the end and being stellar representatives of the season and ugh, it has been a long season, but I love seeing the dolls all celebrating each other and their different styles of drag.

The next day the entire cast returned again, where Lala showed off the filthy Spanish that Monica had kindly taught her. Kandy then tried to trick the girls into believing she and Jimbo were actually the ones that picked the top two for the talent show, but could barely get it out without giggling. After Darienne and MKD reiterated how fun Jaymes’ performance was, Naysha jumped in to point out she liked it, but thought others were better. Which left us the shot of Jaymes looking like Ralph Wiggum when Lisa broke his heart. Before she could break Jaymes any further, Ru dropped by to focus the dolls on the final challenge, where Jimbo and Kandy would have to perform original solo numbers on the mainstage. With full choreography, obviously filling Jimbo with dread.

After a tic tac luncheon with Ru and Michelle of course! 

Up first was Ru’s favourite Canadian – did I lie? – with Ru and Michelle absolutely gushing over how much they love her. Jimbo opened up about growing up the child of alcoholics before her mother got sober and moved herself and the kids out of the house, and how it shaped her into becoming the silly, happy clown that we love. She spoke about how much winning would mean to her, as it would make her a beacon for weird kids all over the world. Kandy meanwhile admitted she had been super nervous about coming back, but how grateful she is to have come back and grown as much as she did. She admitted she relied on friends to make it through the competition, because she is ready for the crown damn it, and she knows she deserves it. And seeing her breakdown about how much she wants it, I feel bad, because it still feels like this is leading to the (rightful) Jimbo victory.

Meanwhile backstage the eliminated queens were sticking their hand in Ru’s big, pink box and giggled through a quiz before MKD won $1k and gifted some to Monica. This sent off a gold rush as they all pulled cards earning tips and holidays and I live, I guess.

Everyone came together to meet with Miguel Zarate and learn the choreography, so you know Jimbo was already bricking it. Thankfully Kandy was first up, reminding us she has been both in the bottom and won a rusical under Miguel’s guidance, so she hoped to err more towards victory for their latest dalliance. She appeared to be having fun though, giving sex and sass and living her best life. Jimbo meanwhile may not be the best dancer, but you best believe she was focused as hell and had so much heart, that she just may pull it off. I guess proving that grit and determination can take you all the way.

Coronation Day arrived with Kandy and Jimbo hoping to focus on celebrating their runs, rather than putting too much pressure on themselves. Darienne meanwhile jumped in on the love, telling them how excited she was to see them do battle and star. After a brief Sunday Riley commercial – CEO glow is great, so Jimbo was not lying – the dolls started talking about the tic tac luncheon with Kandy excited that Ru said she was her biggest fan. Which obviously made Jimbo nervous, given she didn’t get that feedback. Thankfully though, she focused on sewing a special outfit for the lip sync to give everyone a little surprise. Which I obviously hope is a Shirley Temple ruveal.

The rest of the dolls were busy kiki-ing, with Jaymes talking about not realising how much she wanted to win something, Jessica thrilled to have snatched some coin before Kandy was gagged about the eliminated queens winning money from Ru’s box. Alexis meanwhile tried to get everyone in their feels, with everyone gushing over their sisterhood and it was sweet, sweet filler.

We finally ventured to the mainstage where it was family only as Ru, Michelle, Carson and the hilarious Ross Mathews took their places on the panel. Before one final bit of filler as Ru performed ASMR Lover, sadly with long shorts on the back-up dancers, rather than the booty kind we all love. Eventually it was time for Jimbo to perform her delightfully camp number I Remember Being Born and while Jimbo wasn’t confident during rehearsal, she sold the hell out of it, leaning into all the stupid and fun and I live for every moment of it. Kandy’s Pay Me with Money was just as perfect for our finalist – and had back-up dancers in speedos! She was living her Gaga fantasy and proved to her lingering haters that she is nothing short of a star. We also got an epic gospel interlude with the entire cast and well, it was great so i’ll let this filler stay.

On the Finale Fabulosity runway Monica slayed in a regal, puffy, purple gown with a perfect mug. Naysha followed it up with an architectural blush and blue gown, MKD was a black and white stunning old dame, Darienne shone in a lime and black nude illusion while Jaymes gave dra-MA in an orange showgirl number. And it was PERFECT. Kahanna gave sunflower goddess realness, complete with a mirror cape – stunning – while Lala lived in a red, rosy number. Alexis served classic drama in a red satin gown, while Jessica looked so rich in a pretty, perfect pink gown. When it came to the finalists, Jimbo served as a sexy rocker demon queen – it was good – while Kandy looked stunning in a yellow feathered gown.

The top two took their places on the stage as the judges lavished Jimbo with praise for literally all that she did, including in the final performance as she committed to the story and stole the show. And as always, gave them something that only she could. Jimbo in turn thanked the judges for importing her from Canada by way of the UK, and letting her shine on drag’s biggest stage. They lived for how much Kandy grew between her seasons and for always knowing who she is, and committing. Kandy spoke about how she left it all on the floor for a chance to win the crown, before praising all the dolls for offering hope for the queer community.

Backstage the dolls joined together to toast their missing sister Heidi before Jimbo thanked them for how much they helped her and Kandy get to where they are. We then got an extra 20 minutes of sister on sister love and while it was lovely, let’s not waste any additional time on filler, ok?

The eliminated queens were wheeled out first to learn who would take out the Fame Games, with Lala hilariously earning yet another title. They were quickly wiped off stage as Jimbo and Kandy made their returns looking sparkly and bright, and of course, ready to ruveal. As soon as Do You Wanna Funk? kicked off, both of the dolls came out strong. Jimbo was silly and camp and had titties bouncing all over the stage – front and back – while Kandy was fierce and focused. Sadly though, that could only take her so far, as Jimbo’s massive titties and titty-buns shook her all the way to a very deserving crown, leaving Kandy to join Raven as a dual runner-up (which is impressive).

As the confetti settled, I snuck backstage and as soon as I saw Jimbo’s breastplate turn the corner, I pulled her in for a massive hug and congratulated her on a very deserving victory. I mean, from the very first moment she stepped into the Werk Room, it was clear that she had levelled up from her already sickening turn in UK vs the World and it was highly unlikely anyone would catch her. And week after week, she proved they couldn’t. Always on brand, always entertaining and constantly radiating joy, she learnt from her first two runs and applied them into a dominant performance that made sure she was the only possible victor. And that alone is worthy of the recipe of the season, a White Chocolate and Jimboconut Bundt.

This is one of those cakes that just screams winner. A copycat of the cake Tom Cruise sends to his friends at Christmas – I assume the only reason non-Scientologists answer his calls – it is so decadent and delightful. Just like Jimbo.

Enjoy!

White Chocolate and Jimboconut Bundt
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
300g unsalted butter at room temperature, plus excess for the pan
3 cups flour, plus excess for the pan
¾ tsp kosher salt
½ tsp baking powder
3 cups raw caster sugar
6 eggs, at room temperature
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp coconut extract
1 cup sour cream
3 ½ cups shredded coconut
1 cup white chocolate, finely chopped
115g cream cheese, at room temperature
2 cups icing sugar
2 tbsp double cream

Method
Preheat the oven 180C, and grease and flour a 10-inch bundt pan. Combine the flour, ½ tsp of the salt and baking powder in a large bowl.

Meanwhile in a stand mixer, cream 240g of the butter and raw caster sugar in a bowl on medium for about 5 minutes, or until light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, waiting until the mixture comes back together until it comes together. Next, beat in half the vanilla extract, the coconut extract and sour cream until just combined. Remove from the mixer and fold through the flour mixture, 2 cups of the coconut and the white chocolate. Pour the batter into the bundt, pop it on a baking sheet and into the oven to cook for about 90 minutes, or until an inserted skewer comes out clean. Allow to cool in the pan for 20 minutes, before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.

Toast the remaining coconut in a dry saucepan until golden. Remove from the heat to cool.

Once the victorious cake is nearly completely cool, combine the cream cheese, remaining butter, vanilla extract and salt in a stand mixer and beat on medium for a couple of minutes or until smooth. Reduce to low and add the icing sugar, half a cup at a time, followed by the cream and beat until smooth.

Smooth the icing over the bundt and press with the toasted coconut to cover. Then slice, serve and devour. Because mama, we’re all hungry.


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