Chimichi Chi DeVayne

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars, Milk decided to apply the learnings of the memoir slash movie How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, explaining to Kennedy that she rather than Thorgy should have gone home after the Music Herstory performance. Sadly for Milk, this set off a feud with Kennedy who went on to slay the improv challenge and finished up lip syncing – obviously – against BenDeLaCreme, taking out victory and kicking her to the kerb quicker than you could touch the fashion.

The remaining queens returned to the werkroom to discover that Milk followed Thorgy’s footsteps, leaving a shady message on the mirror. The use of the word bogus didn’t sit well with Kennedy, who felt that Milk had consistently been the worst … however spent more time talking about feeling no personal connection to her. Once again, DeLa would have chosen to eliminate Chi Chi who herself agreed had done the worst. This made Trixie exceedingly more nervous, worried that she could be eliminated simply for not talking to someone enough.

The next day, Ru dropped by to announce the challenge we’ve all been waiting for – SNATCH GAME! The queens got to work prepping their looks, with Trixie excited to finally compete in Snatch Game as RuPaul which she was confident would finally give her a win. Chi Chi was doing Maya Angelou, frontrunner DeLa was doing Paul Lynde … and “what’s this?” asked Shangie, putting a halt to finding out the characters and rolling out another feud as she found a note front Thorgy bashing her, hung on Trixie’s walls.

She was eliminated two weeks, and Thorgy is still causing drama. And I love the messy bitch.

Trixie and Shangela went back and forth about the note, Kennedy obviously got herself riled up … and Ru arrived with Milk’s mate Marc Jacobs to distract from the drama and continue finding out the characters. BeBe was doing Grace Jones, Shangie was – emphasis on was – going to play Miss Cleo, before switching to her actual friend Jennifer Lewis instead due to Shangie’s Irish Jamaican accent and Kennedy was playing my dear friend and Queen of Shade, Shadera Parks.

Trixie pulled Shangie aside to try and clear the air ahead of Snatch Game, offering a genuine apology and looking like she is really starting to get in her head which can’t bode well for her Ru. While Shangie accepted the apology, she was concerned that she wouldn’t be able to trust her moving forward.

But let’s halt the drama – it’s SNATCH GAME TIME!

Michelle and Carson were finally getting a chance to participate, as Trixie got off to a strong start, Kennedy quickly proved she wouldn’t be the first queen to win two Snatch Games, though Ben sure looks like she will with the strength of Paul Lynde. Chi Chi – bless – went with Mya Angelou, instead of Maya and couldn’t commit to the character. Shangie and Aja – who was doing Crystal LaBeija – both came to play, BeBe was surprisingly strong – given Grace is wild and BeBe so composed at all times – though kicked off Trixie’s downfall before we were gagged with Kristin Chenoweth joining the panel to slay as herself. BenDeLaCreme and Shangela dominated the entire challenge, pulling out joke after joke while poor Trixie got worse and worse each round. That being said, she still wasn’t as bad as Kennedy and Chi Chi who just never landed a joke or seemed to find their characters, let alone get into them.

The girls returned to the werkroom to prepare for the runway, where Chi Chi wasn’t feeling good about her failure. Nor was Trixie, who was definitely in her own head. Meanwhile our inevitable Snatch Game champs, DeLa and Shangie spoke about their killer performances and overall track records thus far. DeLa felt that she took Trixie’s victory last week – which was probs more Milk’s fault than hers, but anyway – which Shangela was not buying, instead believing she was trying to downplay the fact she has literally taken out every damn challenge this season. Every. Damn. One.

The keens bloomed from Snatch Game to a flower power runway, which all the queens kinda nailed. Though as expected, Shangie – dressed as my girl Bey’s twins announcement – and Ben won the challenge. Aja received universally praise for her runway and Snatch Game performance, as was BeBe. On the flipside, Kennedy and Chi Chi’s performances were read for filth, though Chi Chi arguably looked the best on the runway. Then poor Trixie broke my heart, as she started to cry about freezing during Snatch Game and feeling the pressure of the competition. She then got a pep talk from Kristin ma’ fuckin’ Chenoweth though, so that dulled the fact she landed in the bottom with Cheech and Kennedy.

Backstage Trixie was still hurting, worried that she was letting her fans down due to her fears. Meanwhile Chi Chi told DeLa that she wants her to do the right thing, which I assume, was a plea for a mercy kill, to avoid becoming the second coming of Roxxxy Andrews. Trixie then spoke to Shangie, while the latter tried to figure out whether she was her Jon Snow or her Cersei Lannister. Shangela brought up the note drama, concerned that if the tables were turned Trixie would eliminate her while the others wouldn’t. Kennedy seemed to be sniffing some of Milk’s delusion, believing she didn’t deserve to be in the bottom with the others. I beg to differ, but whatever.

Shangie and DeLa killed the lip sync – to I Kissed a Girl, FYI – with Shangie pulling out liberated librarian realness, while DeLa went from sweet girl next door to agressive sex pest. By the time Shangie was stripping off and DeLa was trying to eat her out while Shangela tossed Altoids at her, there was no splitting them … with Ru rightfully handing them both the win, and the power to eliminate the queen of their choice.

DeLa quickly put Chi Chi out of her misery, as per her request before Shangela sounded more and more like she was going to take out Trixie … before plot-twist, she also elected to eliminate Chi Chi. Chi Chi, bless her heart, was more than ok to be euthanized from the competition, so didn’t even take issue with the fact I barely made her a commiseration snack – Shangie made it sound like Trixie was going, ya’ll – and threw together the leftover Chimichi Chi DeVayne form the Thorgy Choripán.

Though I wouldn’t be offended if someone just offered me up a glass of chimichurri, because it truly is delicious. Hot and spicy, with a hella zing, this is the second best thing to pop on your meat.

Enjoy!

Chimichi Chi DeVayne
Makes: Half a cup.

Ingredients
2 tbsp red wine vinegar
2 tbsp water
3 garlic cloves, minced
3-4 sprigs oregano, roughly chopped
1 tbsp hot smoked paprika
small handful parsley, roughly chopped
2 tbsp olive oil
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Combine everything in a bowl.

Mix.

Slather on meat, or down.

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Milk Duds

Dessert, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 6, Snack, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars, the remaining queens performed a VH1 Divas live to RuPaul where Shangel(l)a slayed, Kennedy and Thorgy missed the mark and Milk broke down over only being classed as safe. Once again Ben won the challenge, this time with Shangie who skipped her way to victory and ultimately sent Thorgy Thor from the competition. Ugh, gross.

Back in the werkroom the queens were disgusted and/or aroused to see Thorgy’s farewell boner. While Milk came to her fellow clown queen’s defense, Kennedy was well pissed and felt it was inappropriate. Before wigs started flying, the queens sat down to discover that BenDeLa would have also sent Thorgy home. She then danced around her logic, pissing Shangie off for dancing around. Thankfully that discussion kicked off more drama between Shangie and Milk, the latter of which would have sent home Kennedy … needlessly angering a killer lip syncer, which is kind of a stupid move, no?

The next day the queens returned to the werkroom where Ben and ChiChi hugged in a way that misted my basements, before Ru arrived to announce this week’s challenge. The queens would be paired up to improv their way through hit reality show The Bitchleor. Aja and Kennedy were paired up as the needy and party girls, Trixie was cast as the fake bitch with Milk tagging along as a stalker. DeLa got to play a cougar opposite BeBe’s virgin, with Shangie and ChiChi cast as a polyamorous couple.

BeBe was confident in her African Princess character, while DeLa was kind of nervous about the entire thing. Aja planned to channel Farrah Moan, which made Kennedy nervous as she wasn’t sure Aja knew what the word needy meant. My girl Milk was living for her stalker role, as that is how both she and I secured our mans. And well, ChiChi was on a street of struggle and started to go back to her insecure season 8 roots.

Ru and Michelle arrived on set with the bitchelor himself, Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman, to meet the queens. BeBe was far funnier than BenDeLa expected, BenDeLa was the creepiest cougar to ever grace the planet, Trixie was perfection, Milk was intense, Aja truly was Farrah, Kennedy brought literally all, of, IT, Shangie was a sexual dominatrix and ChiChi seemed to be missing the point of her character. Or maybe that was her character?

On the two-on-one dates, DeLa continued to dominate by deepthroating bananas and feed Jeffrey like Alicia Silverstone does her kids. BeBe on the flipside, was kind of just there. Milk continued to be super intense, while Trixie was super hilarious … whenever she had a chance to talk, given Milk just wouldn’t stop. Farrah and Kennedy got Jeffrey shirtless – praise – before Kennedy pulled liquor out of her boobs and undies, and Kennedy continued to steal the show while Aja tried desperately to stop herself from laughing. Miss Milk needs to hope she isn’t in the bottom, otherwise Kennedy is going to take her out because she CAN NOT lose. Shangie and Cheech wrapped up the dates with a spa bath where Shangie floated and ChiChi was lucky not to drown.

This week’s runway was inspired by Roxxxy Andrews – no, it wasn’t a waiting for the bus runway … it was a wig reveal runway! ChiChi was feeling out of her depth as she prepared, knowing she bombed the challenge. Trixie was desperate to get her first win and finally have a star moment on the show. Ben, Milk and Shangela started to bring the shade, discussing who deserved to be in the bottom three. Ben thought Aja, ChiChi and BeBe would round out the bottom, while Shangie told them she agreed on two and thought that Aja or Milk would be the third. To Milk, who was still wearing Jinx’s delusion and felt she would win. I love you, but safe maybe, but not the top girl.

On the other side of the room, Kennedy, Chi Chi and Aja were talking about the previous days drama with Kennedy talking about how rude Milk was. Which yeah, ain’t looking good for the Big and Milky.

Kennedy, Trixie and Aja owned the runway, Milk went back to her clown roots, ChiChi was a beautiful Cher, DeLa channeled Michelle and Shangela followed the journey of the ultimate cinema snack, popcorn. Shangela and BeBe ended up being safe before DeLa – once again – received universal praise, Trixie finally got glowing reviews, despite being smothered by Milk. Speaking of whom, got praise for her look despite the cup holding the hair being visible and was torn to shreds for her domineering performance. Aja’s killer look was beloved, before being read for not understanding the character … though she didn’t know the definition of needy, so I will let it slide. Kennedy received far and away the best praise, rightfully so, before ChiChi was praised for her runway performance, despite her horrid performance.

Once again BenDeLa won the challenge, this time with the on-point Kennedy, while Milk, Aja and Chi x 2 landed in the bottom. Backstage Trixie was disappointed to not get a win, though decided to avoid crying about it. Milk on the other hand, was once again in tears to land in the bottom three before Kennedy announced that she would not require one on ones to decide who to eliminate. Ben praised Aja’s performance in the competition thus far, ChiChi was questioning whether she was even an All Star and Milk was heartbroken but felt DeLa would reward her track record, while the other girls spoke about how she ruined Trixie’s shot at getting her first win. She then finished her conversation with Ben by saying the judges wanted her here, which came off a bit threatening.

Both DeLa and Kennedy played the lip sync seriously, though once Kennedy removed her coat to reveal a sequined gown … before yet another wig reveal, there was no question Kennedy was winning the lip sync. And much to only Milk’s shock, that meant my dear friend Milk found herself out of the competition.

While she was heartbroken to have found herself out of the competition, Milk was thrilled to see her best friend waiting in the wings to provide her culinary comfort. And begged me to stay with her as long as needed … thus last year’s masterful date to throw you off the scent of her casting. Given she had soured, I thought it best to steer clear of a Choccy Milk, and instead made her some sweet Milk Duds to dull her post-boot pain.

Super sweet with an awesome mouth feel – aka texture – this is the Milk I know and love. And I’m going to keep drowning myself in delusion and pretend the drama was all a ploy to stay longer, since it work for G-G-Gia in her OG season.

Enjoy!

Milk Duds
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
1 ½ cup raw caster sugar
pinch of kosher salt
¾ cup double cream
200g milk chocolate

Method
Combine the sugar and salt with half a cup of water in a saucepan over medium heat, whisking until dissolved. Once boiling, stop stirring – well if you can, you know I can’t – reduce heat and simmer until it is a dark honey colour. About five to ten minutes. Add the cream while whisking – be careful, it will spit – and continue cooking until it comes to 130°C on a candy thermometer. Pour into a lined slice dish, cover and allow to set for a couple of hours.

Once set, cut the caramel into candy sized pieces … completely ignoring the shape a milk dud should be. Melt the chocolate in a microwave, dip the caramels in the chocolate and place on a lined baking sheet to set.

Devour, through your non-safe tears.

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Thorgy Choripán

Main, RuPaul's Drag Race, Street Food, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars, nine former losers ru-turned for their ru-demption against the OG queen BeBe Zahara Benet. She was looking for rudemption from the season 1 filter, amirite? They were then put through their paces with an All Stars variety show where BenDeLaCreme, Aja and Thorgy shined, while Milk, Chi Chi DeVayne and Morgan struggled. Tragically season 2 – Shangela counts for season 3, ok? – did not come through this time, with Morgan getting the axe from BenDeLaCreme for vowing to eliminate strategically. Which is kind of a strategic elimination.

After Morgan’s elimination where Ben was feeling hella shitty, starting to cry and downplaying the victory. This didn’t fly well with the queens, with Shangela and Thorgy thinking she was playing it up. Chi Chi thanked her for saving her and vowed to show Ben that it was the right decision. Awkwardly, Aja did not agree … revealing that had she won the lip sync, Chi Chi would have sashayed away.

In any event, Shangela had vowed to go all Khaaleesi on their arses, becoming the mother drag queens and snatching the throne.

The next day the queens returned to the werkroom where the girls got down to celebrating their skills in the talent show. Well, except for Chi Chi, who felt Milk was pretty beige and wasn’t showing much talent. Well beyond velcro, as Trixie put it. The discussion was interrupted by Ru, who dropped by to announce this week’s challenge – a lip sync extravaganza, a VH1 Diva’s Live tribute to the one, the only, RuPaul!

Milk got my dear friend cirque du Celine, Kennedy was tasked with Janet Jackson, Aja was given Amy Winehouse, Chi Chi would be Patti LaBelle, Trixie – obvs – got my girl Dolly, Shangela was going to be Mariah Carey, Thorgy got Stevie Nicks, Julie Andrews would be played by BenDeLaCreme while BeBe was given the queen of the divas and my heart, Diana Ross. To make it even more difficult, the runway would offer everyone rudemption by redoing one of their worst outfits from their OG season. Meaning BeBe will come as a filter and Shangie will wear 90% of her former outfits.

The queens broke away in the werkroom to listen to their songs and learn the lyrics, where Thorgy noticed that she had the smallest part and it wasn’t very funny. While she didn’t want to seem like a crazy flat-earther, she felt the part was setting her up to fail … which Shangela tried to deny. But where is the lie though? I mean, was Katya meant to knock Diana out of the park in Mall Stars 2?

On the flipside, Milk was thrilled with his role and would be wearing her outfit from the Met Gala instead of a backward suit. He didn’t feel it mattered though, as a friend of her uncle’s sister’s brother’s driver saw him perform Celine and loved it.

Todrick made his triumphant(?) return to All Stars to choreograph the show, where Shangie as Mariah was obvi late for the rehearsals. Todrick started with Kennedy, who was struggling with the choreo, pissing off Todrick. Thorgy was too much of a Stevie purist, stripping out most of Todrick’s choreography. Shangela’s method acting started to drive the queens mental, particular Milk who was well and truly over it. Thankfully Milk wasn’t the only one being shady, with Todrick getting into BeBe’s head about Ru living for Diana Ross and getting Ben to drink some swag juice, which sounds all fifty shades of Weinstein. By the time it got to Chi Chi’s rehearsal, Thorgy realised that literally everyone had been utilised in everyone else’s performance, leading to Thorgy demanding another appearance.

On show day, the queens spoke about their rudemption outfits with Shangela sharing that her outfit was judged by Vanessa Williams … who was once again judging this week. Talk turned to how difficult the choreography was – and I assume how lowkey scary Todrick is – and how they were perceived in their OG seasons. Kennedy was unaware of her resting bitch-face, Trixie felt she was talentless and Thorgy admitted that she was obsessed with Bob.

It was finally time for the Diva’s tribute where Milk was a solid Ariana Grande as Celine back-up, Kennedy got off on the wrong foot – literally – and never really seemed to get into it, Aja was eerily like Amy, Chi Chi served IT as Patti and Trixie was wonderful as Trixie soz, Dolly. Then Shangela arrived and brought the house down as Mariah, though given she had the best script by FAR, you’d hope she did. Thorgy did a strong Stevie … but I found myself watching Milk in the background, doing his homage to Celine getting caught in her heel. Ben was also amazing, though once again, had one of the better scripts. BeBe was the last to go and was a killer Di.

On the runway, Milk redid his glamourous number though looked more like the Tony’s runway after giving birth. Aja had Princess Disastah glow the fuck up, Chi Chi redid her neon runway by borrowing Bob’s neon look, Trixie looked like Baby Jane, Kennedy uopdated her death becomes her look before crystalising into a glamazon and Thorgy too decided to fix her neon look, looking like a Power Rangers villain. DeLa updated his dripping with jewels look, which looked pretty great anyway, BeBe fixed her entrance look and Shangela slayed by redoing her Christmas look, WALKING THE RUNWAY IN A SNOWGLOBE. It was epic. Shangela, Ben and BeBe landed in the top, while Chi Chi, Thorgy and Kennedy landed in the bottom.

Milk, Aja and Trixie took their place in the safe zone, where Milk proceeded to have a hushed meltdown about the top three believing that he should have been there instead. Given everyone could hear, it was super awkward.

Kennedy was called out for not knowing the lyrics or bringing Janet to life, while Chi Chi only received positive critiques aside from disliking the coat making his appearance in the bottom odd. Shangela was praised for everything, rightly so … though I do agree with Thorgy, it was kind of a given. Speaking of which, she was read for filth for her outfit and performance of Stevie. Once again, DeLa was universally praised, as was BeBe who gave me life as Di. Ultimately Shangela and BenDeLaCreme won the challenge, while Kennedy and Thorgy landed themselves in the bottom two.

Backstage Thorgy was really emotional and Trixie was topless, before Shangela and DeLa took the bottoms away for a chat. Shangela continued to channel the mother of dragons, talking to Thorgy about potentially forming an alliance. Though Shangela was super concerned about her getting stuck in her head and being a bad choice to save. Meanwhile Kennedy worked on convincing DeLa she had so much more to give, while she agreed and thought Kennedy could make it to the top three, the judges didn’t see Janet … which was the challenge. Out of nowhere Milk started to cry, thinking his performance was better than it was judged and that he deserved stage time. It wasn’t pretty and it makes me sad.

Thorgy then sat down with DeLa and tried to get her to admit she didn’t deserve to be in the bottom two, then threw shade at BeBe … and then threatened DeLa should she eliminate her. Meanwhile Kennedy tried to play up her growth, and then her friendship with Shangela. Neither Shangela or DeLa were confident in their choices, though brought the house down to Hugh Grant as the PM in Love Actually’s hit song, Jump. I mean, Shangela damn jumped rope throughout the chorus, DeLa got breathless, stripped and then started mimicking Shangie’s moves. Well, until she brought out the ‘80s aerobics moves, with which she couldn’t keep up with. Ultimately Shangela’s skipping won her the lip sync, which tragically lead to a very salty elimination for my girl Thorgy.

To say Thorg was pissed is obviously an understatement, though thankfully our friendship is so great that I can usually snap her out f a Bob-esque meltdown after a matter of mintues. And if that fails, I pull out a Thorgy Choripán and all is right with the world.

Hot and spicy are two ways I like the insertion of sausage into buns to be described, and this is no exception. Sizzling chorizo, hot chimichurri and delicate, fresh buns. I’m all in … balls deep … forever.

Enjoy!

Thorgy Choripán
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
½ red onion, diced
2 tomatoes, diced
½ red capsicum, seeded and diced
2 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp red wine vinegar
salt and pepper, to taste
6 fresh hot chorizo
6 small baguettes … or hot dog shaped Kirsten Bunst
½ cup chimichurri

Method
Combine the onion, tomato and capsicum in a bowl with the olive oil and red wine vinegar, and a good whack of salt and pepper.

Heat a skillet over medium heat until scorching, reduce heat to low and add the chorizo. Fry, turning on a couple of times, until they are cooked through aka about ten to fifteen minutes.

To serve, split your buns, spread with the salsa, top with the chorizo and add the chimichurri. Devour, immediately.

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Morgan McNuggles

Main, Poultry, Snack, Street Food, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars, Roxxxy, Detox, Katya and Alaska were the final … wait a minute, this isn’t All Stars 2. Aka RuPaul’s Best Friend Race – All Stars 3 is finally getting all started and another queen will join Chad and Alaska in the dystopian wasteland known as the Drag Race Hall of Fame.

Lining up for another shot at the crown is Trixie who arrived serving Roller Barbie realness complete with her trademark dad jokes to an empty room. She was joined by my dear friend Milk, serving flatulent pinocchio Sia sexy, now with more confidence given her stratesphoric rise post being defeated by Bianca Del Rio. They were quickly joined by the bayou queen Chi Chi DeVayne who’s entire family is now completely ready, I assume in matching trash. But seriously, why hasn’t Glad sponsored her?

Thorgy Thor returned full of energy and still completely distracted and annoyed by Bob, immediately driving Chi Chi insane. Like the hair that got stuck to her face during confessionals. Back from the dead, Morgan McMichaels returned looking amazing, ready to destroy everyone and still shocking me by the fact the kindness of Chad birthed the evil of Morgs. Aja arrived like an anime character on a scooter, ready to fuck shit up … and I assume, become All Stars 3 version of Alyssa because she feels FUN. She also kinda channeled Maya Rudolph which is always a win.

The terminally delightful BenDeLaCreme returned – apparently from an extended hiatus – in an upcycled gown from her Miss Congeniality coronation, hoping to prove that you can win a crown whilst being nice. Whilst wearing a crown, Jughead style, in confession. Grab your passport because next up was Newark, LaGuardia, Kennedy Davenport, still glorious, still unable to look in a single direction. A package then arrived in the doorway which obviously meant Shangela was back back back back, back again, hoping to prove that the third time truly is the charm.

While waiting for more queens to arrive – hopefully from season 5 – the queens were surprised by Ru’s arrival welcoming them all to the competition and earn their rudemption … before dropping the bomb that a tenth queen would be entering the competition. And that queen was none other than the victor of season 1, the OG – BeBe Zahara Benet. Everyone was shocked to see a winner return, however as Ru said, she had to survive the season 1 filter so technically, this is our first time actually seeing her.

After brushing up on the All Stars rules – the girls eliminate each other – the pit crew returned to flood my basement and hand out glasses because reading is, what? Fundamental. Thorgy opened up the library with some mild shade before Chi Chi and Kennedy moderately upped the game. Then Milk dropped by and surprised me with some savage burns – Kennedy not needing to look both ways before crossing the street being my fave, obvi. Morgan was brutal, Shangela was Shangela, Trixie likened Aja to Seal, Aja was Aja but totally charming, BenDeLa called Thorgy IT and Shangie old and Queen BeBe wrapped things up by telling Morgan life already read her. Obviously BenDeLaCreme took it out, as she was by far the funniest.

Ru then announced that like last All Stars, they would be kicking things off with a Variety Show maxi-challenge and I am more than ready for someone to surprise me like Tatiana’s killer spoken word.

The queens made themselves at home in the werkroom where BeBe quickly solidified her position as the sweetest person in the world, excited to work with and learn from more girls. They then started sharing what they’d be doing at the talent show – with four essentially doing the exact same performance – before Ben and Morgan spoke about how they’d be deciding to eliminate girls. The latter, obviously, straight up admitted that if she were to win a lip sync, she would be eliminating the biggest competition which is obviously what most people will be doing … but why say that and make yourself a target? Though you do have to admit, being upfront isn’t very villainous.

The next day the queens greeted each other as they prepared for the show, with Shangie terrified that she would land in the bottom on the first episode for the third time. Morgan continued to earn her rudemption, bonding with Aja and Thorgy and showing a softer side. While on the other side of the room, DeLa spoke about how hard it was to lose season 6, and KenneChiChi mentioned they were shocked to see Aja back so soon.

With that out of the way, Ru, Michelle, Ross and Carson were joined by Vanessa Hudgens to watch the Variety Show, which kicked off with a high-energy, Sister Act-esque lip sync from Shangela. She was followed by OG BeBe who did the same performance – no shade to either of them – though with the Sister Act influence traded out with Lion King. But who cares because Camerooooooooooooooooon. Thorgy finally had the chance to bring her thorchestra to the stage and it was EVERYTHING. While it started off slow and dramatic, she upped the tempo AND DID A ONE HANDED CARTWHEEL WITH THE VIOLIN.

Well it was everything until Aja arrived to vogue the shit out of the competition, lip syncing and death dropping her way across the stage AND THEN OFF A DAMN BOX. Which I assumed Shangela had just left lying around. She was followed by Kennedy with another insanely high-octane dance number, this time culminating on a cartwheel ONTO the box. Now I saw some shade about the cast before the premiere … but damn are they shutting up the haters.

BenDeLaCreme then arrived with more nipple tassels than you could ever need, though they were not always in the right places. And damn was it hilarious. Chi Chi was up next, putting the baton in Baton Rogue, twirling it like her life depended on it. Though it didn’t appear to go down well with the judges. Nor did Morgan’s performance, who spent most of the time lip syncing to her competitors, rather than the audience … while her hair fell out. Trixie slowed things down with a country number before Milk pulled out a paper doll lip sync number which bored the hell out of Kennedy and Chi Chi, though it appeared to go down well with the audience. Though it could have just been the inclusion of the pit crew.

In any event, Trixie, BeBe, Milk and Kennedy were deemed safe before Michelle reiterated she wouldn’t try to make anyone cry or quit this year. Shangie’s performance was praised, though her look was deemed underwhelming. Thorgy’s performance was praised, though her muted energy was called into question. Aja received universal praise, particularly for being a model. As did BenDeLa. Sadly Chi Chi was read for her terrible choice of ugly jazz shoes, despite being able to do backflips in six-inch heels. Morgan was praised for looking amazing, however her nervous performance was called out. Dare I say it, her inner saboteur was the problem. Aja and Ben ended up taking out victory to lip sync for their legacy and choose who to send home from the bottom two, who ended up being Chi Chi and Morgan.

Backstage the girls discussed whether they should come to a consensus about who to eliminate, with Ben deciding they should follow All Stars 2 lead and base eliminations on the judges critiques. Which the other girls quickly pointed out, did not actually happen. They did agree to eliminate people if they loaned them an ugly bedazzled singlet. I think?

Ben and Aja each took some time out with the bottom two, with Chi Chi admitting to both that he fucked up though felt that he had far more to prove. Aja was disappointed that Morgan didn’t give her Morgan on the mainstage, and felt that she had way more to give. DeLa then spoke to Morgan about her plan to eliminate the competition, which Morgan reiterated before pointing out where Chi Chi went wrong in the challenge to try and distract DeLa from her fear of leaving Morgan in, only for her to eliminate her if she fell in the bottom.

Both Aja and Ben slayed the lip sync, the former serving thottie realness and DeLa sticking with the comedy route. DeLa ultimately prevailed, taking out the 10K tip – aka half of BeBe’s prize for season 1 – and sending Morgan McMichaels out of the competition as the first boot … to save herself if she ever landed in the bottom.

Let’s be honest, nuggets are quite possibly one of the best things invented. Little morsels of battered chicken, fried to crispy perfection and allowing more surface area to cover in sauce. I must be a biscuit, because I’m about to slop this UP.

Enjoy!

Morgan McNuggles
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
500g chicken breasts, sliced in half horizontally and into nugget sized pieces
1 cup flour
1 ½ tbsp salt
1 ½ tsp raw caster sugar
¼ tsp ground white pepper
1 tsp ground black pepper, halved
¼ tsp onion powder
½ cup soda water
1 egg
¼ cup cornflour
vegetable oil, for fryin’
Sweet and Sour Sauce, for dippin’

Method
Heat 1 inch of vegetable oil in a large pot on medium heat while you prep the nuggets.

Combine the flour, salt, sugar, white pepper and half the black pepper in one bowl, and whisk the soda water, egg, cornflour, onion powder and remaining black pepper in another bowl.

Dust the pieces of chicken in the dry flour mix, shake off excess, bathe in the batter, allow excess to roll off and place one in the oil to check the temp. If it sizzles nicely, add as many nuggets that fit in the pan and cook for a couple of minutes either side, or until cooked through. Remove to a paper-towel to absorb any excess oil, and repeat the process until they’re all cooked.

Devour, slathered in Sweet and Sour Sauce. Because that is the only Maccas sauce that matters.

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Swiss Chard Gnocchaels

Main, Pasta, RuPaul's Drag Race

Guys … it is almost the moment we’ve been waiting for. Shangie’s box is prepped, Milk has come in from the dairy, Aja is ready to continue her Queen-Dom from the reunion, Ru has ru-hearsed his list of airports and countries and Michelle is approaching peak sass. As such, my pussy is well and truly on fire thinking about the premiere of All Stars 3 in a matter of days.

After trying to make up for All Stars 1 to Mimi Imfurst, Latrice and Manila – who were arguably the most screwed by the pairs twist – I knew that no countdown would be complete without the OG Hall of Famer Chad Michaels. Plus, she’ll be dead soon and like Ru, I just wanted to make her happy.

I first met Chad in 2010 when she was competing in the Californian Entertainer of the Year pageant and despite coaching Shangie to victory, I was taken by her talent and vowed to get her a crown. While Sharon Needles got in the way of that promise, I called Ru in a fit of rage and forced him to create All Stars, knowing full well that Chad could never be a two time loser.

Chad was so thrilled to receive my telegram – for some reason, *coughs* age *coughs*, that is the only way we communicate – and jumped on the next flight to celebrate the upcoming All Stars, run some odds and fill up on a huge meal before getting locked into the Hall of Fame with Alaska for the duration of the season.

She agreed that Milk is a delight, though was firmly supporting her daughter Morgan McMichaels despite feeling it was Trixie or Shangela’s crown for the taking. Though the latter, I feel, just be to save face since she beat her in that pageant years before. Obviously she didn’t like that inference, though I was luckily able to stop her flying into a Cher-esque slap and rage by serving a big bowl of my Swiss Chard Gnocchaels.

Gnocchi and I have a long and complicated history – particularly when you throw the basement flooder Locky into the mix – but this baby all but wipes away all the pain. Light, cheesy and delightfully fresh, these prove, without a doubt, that sometimes it is easy being green.

Enjoy!

Swiss Chard Gnocchaels
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
600g swiss chard, washed
250g fresh full-fat ricotta
100g grated parmesan, plus extra to ‘garnish’ slash drown
2 eggs
¼ tsp grated nutmeg
½-2 cups plain flour, plus extra to dust
salt and pepper, to taste
extra virgin olive oil
1 onion, diced
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp chilli flakes
½ cup cinzano
800g can diced tomatoes

Method
Place the spinach in a medium skillet over medium heat with a lug of water. Cover and cook for a couple of minutes. Remove from heat, drain and allow to cool slightly before transferring to a food processor. Blitz the spinach and add the ricotta, parmesan, eggs, nutmeg, ½ cup of flour and a good whack of salt and pepper. Blitz again until just coming together. If the dough is still wet, add the remaining flour bit by bit until it just comes together.

Transfer to a lightly floured work surface, split into four and roll each into a long sausage shape. Cut each sausage into gnocchi-sized little pillows, and roll with a fork to form an indent. Place on a lined baking sheet, cover with cling and chuck in the fridge to chill for an hour or so.

While the gnocchi is chilling, heat a lug of oil in a large skillet and sweat the onion and garlic for five minutes or so. Ad the chilli and cinzano and cook for a further couple of minutes before adding the tomatoes and seasoning well. Reduce heat to low and simmer for about ten minutes, or until it starts to reduce. Remove from the heat and bring back to temp when the gnocchi is cooking.

Bring a large pot of salted water to the boil. When rapid, reduce the heat to low and cook the gnocchi in batches for five minutes, or until they float to the surface. Remove from the pot, drain and continue the process until they’re done.

When ready, drain the pot and return the gnocchi to the pan. Add the sauce, stir through and serve immediately. Drown in extra parmesan and devour, trying not to gag … since you’ll be gagging on talent in a matter of days.

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Manila Lazone Chicken

Main, Pasta, Poultry, RuPaul's Drag Race

The triumphant return of RuPaul’s Drag Race – not to be confused with RuPaul’s Best Friend Race – is but two weeks away. And before we hear someone tell Morgan or Shangie to come on through, on account of coming from season 2, I’ve still got a couple of countdown dates to share with you. And after hanging with Mimi and Latrice, I knew the only way to continue is with a date with the other half of Latrila, my girl Manila Luzon.

I’ve known Manila for years, meeting when she just young Karl in Minnesota – I was living in the neighbouring town of Mount Rose. We were both outsiders in our towns and somehow found each other at the Mall of America, and became the dearest of friends.

We started hanging out all the time and when we came of age, I encouraged her to go into drag. You’re welcome, obviously. Fun fact: I am also the one that told her it was a good idea to form a clique in season 3. My apologies, obviously.

Manila was so thrilled to death drop by and help me countdown to All Stars 3 and make up for not getting anything to eat after her losses.

“Heather, I’m so glad you shoes me to help you countdown. I am so sad you hadn’t bothered to cover my season, despite us being such close friends.”

Obviously she said that in a perfect Imelda Marcos accent.

And glad she was when she saw that I was cooking up her favourite meal, my Manila Lazone Chicken.

Like the lyrics of my girl Miley’s best song, this dish is the best of both worlds – chilling out, taking it slow with a rich, creamy pasta and rocking out the show with so hot and spicy chicken.

Dis good. Dis, real good. So enjoy!

Manila Lazone Chicken
Serves: 2-4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp smoked paprika
3 garlic cloves, minced
½ tsp onion powder
1 tsp cayenne pepper
couple of sprigs of oregano leaves, roughly chopped
small handful of basil leaves, roughly chopped
½ lemon, zested and juiced
500g chicken breasts
salt and pepper
olive oil
500g linguine
¼ cup unsalted butter
500ml cream
⅓ cup grated parmesan
small handful of parsley leaves, roughly chopped

Method
Combine the paprika, a clove of garlic, onion powder, cayenne, oregano, basil and juice and zest of the lemon in a large bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper and a lug of olive oil. Mix thoroughly to combine before tossing through the chicken to coat. Cover and leave to marinate in the fridge for an hour or so.

When you’re ready to go, bring a large pot of salted water to the boil over high heat. Cook the pasta per packet instructions.

Heat half the butter in a large skillet over medium heat until foamy and glorious. Add the chicken and cook for five minutes on each side, flipping only once and pouring over the marinade as you go. Remove from the pan and keep warm.

In the same pan, add the remaining butter and sweat the remaining garlic over a low heat for a minute or so. Whisk in the cream and cook for about five minutes, or until slightly reduced. Season well, stir through the parsley and parmesan, and toss through the cooked pasta.

To serve, place a hearty layer of the creamy pasta in a bowl and top with the chicken, sliced in half at an angle. Devour.

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Le(trice) Royale Bacon

Burgers, Main, Party Food, RuPaul's Drag Race, Snack, Street Food

While my dear frenemy Mimi Imfurst wasn’t the most beloved All Stars, I stand by selecting her to kick off our countdown to All Stars 3. If for no other reason than it would make you even more delighted, when I pulled out the delightful global treasure and Queen of the people Latrice ma’fuckin’ Royale.

Without a doubt, Latrice is one of the greatest queens to ever appear on Drag Race and it was heartbreaking – for both of them – that the first All Stars saw her pairing up with Manilla, ultimately tanking both of their chances.

As you could probably guess, I first met Latrice in prison and we became the best of friends. Fun fact: our relationship inspired them to create the characters of Taystee and Poussey on OITNB. Less fun fact: I faked my death to escape by being crushed by a guard, which also inspired Poussey’s tragic, cruel demise.

Given we’ve been close for many, many years, Latrice was thrilled to drop by and spill tea about the cast of All Stars 3, lament about the horrific pairs twist and laugh adorably loud. While she agreed that Milk is a biscuit you want to sop right up, she is convinced that this season will belong to Aja in the same way All Stars 2 belonged to Alyssa Edwards.

But damn, let’s hope this is Milk’s workroom outfit and my basement can be perennially flooded.

I won’t beat around the bush – because, well, I’m off to beat around my bush – anymore and tell you to get to the kitchen and whip up a batch of my Le(trice) Royale Bacon.

While I’ve already done a shameless copycat of the Quarter Pounder, my Pulp Fiction loving heart knew that I couldn’t go with just the Latrice Royale … so thankfully the French have a suit of Royale variants. And obviously, the one that adds bacon is the best. Particularly if you don’t remove the second layer of cheese.

I mean, how do you go wrong with bacon? The answer is, you can’t. Enjoy!

Le(trice) Royale Bacon
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
salt and pepper
8 rashers streaky bacon
4 Kirsten Bunst, halved
ketchup
mustard
½ an onion, diced and placed in iced water for five minutes, and drained
2 dill pickles, sliced
8 slices high melt cheese

Method
Squeeze as much liquid out of the mince as possible before placing it in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper. Scrunch to combine with your hands, and divide into four equal patties. Place on a plate lined in cling, cover and place in the fridge for about half an hour.

While the patties are on ice, prep everything else in the burgers.

Once you’re good to go, place a large griddle over medium heat and toast the open halves of the buns for a minute, or until golden. After the buns are done, add the bacon and cook for a couple of minutes each side before transferring to some kitchen towel. The griddle should be scorching by this point, so lightly brush some oil over the pan and add the patties, flattening down with a spatula. Cook for a few minutes, flip, and cook for a further couple of minutes.

To assemble, spread ketchup and mustard – to taste – on the top half of the bun, add onions and sliced pickled. On the bottom, place a slice of cheese, the patty, bacon and the second slice of cheese. Bring the buns together and devour, using the last bite to sop up any goodness that drops out.

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Mimi Bratwursts

Main, RuPaul's Drag Race, Snack, Street Food

Like the great, lovely fifth-then-fourth alternate Alyssa Edwards, we’re back, back, back, back, back (rolls) again, for another year (almost) … and more importantly, to countdown to Rupaul’s Drag Race All Stars 3. Because halleloo, Ru and Michelle couldn’t do it without me and I’m slowly becoming the backstage equivalent of Shangie.

As we’re rolling in for a third season of All Stars, I felt it was best for our countdown to honour the screwed Queens of the OG All Stars. I mean, not only were they stuck in pairs – aka the worst twist in history unless you’re a Shannel fan – but they never got to experience my special form of culinary comfort after sashaying away. Tragedy.

Given that she and her name insist upon themselves, I picked up the phone and asked my dear frenemy Mimi Imfurst a call to see if she was free to stop power-lifting people and come celebrate the new season. Obviously, she said yes and jumped on the next plane. I’m not saying she’d come to the opening of a letter, but I’m not not saying it either.

I first met Mimi in 2010 when she walked into my gym in Philly and by that, she walked down the street I was obnoxiously using to train people in the ways of ‘functional fitness’ which is code for, I couldn’t be bothered renting a gym despite running a scam as a personal trainer.

In any event, I bamboozled her into joining my class slash cult which coincidentally is where she learnt to use people as weights. After being told that drag is not a contact sport – which I lied and told her it was – we had an epic falling out. We then made up a few months before All Stars and as revenge for her getting mad at me, I poisoned the entire cast against her.

After watching the season back I felt pretty bad so worked overtime to win her back, eventually wearing her down with my Mimi Bratwursts.

I’ve long argued the healing powers of a thick, succulent, meaty sausage and this little number more than proves my point. The sweet onions and delicate sausage are firmly jammed in a soft warm bun and everything truly is right with the world.

Enjoy!

Mimi Bratwursts
Serves: 2-6, no judgement.

Ingredients
1 tbsp butter
3 onions, sliced
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
375ml pale ale
salt and pepper, to taste
6 bratwursts
6 hoagie rolls, split and toasted
hot mustard, for serving

Method
Melt the butter in a saucepan over medium heat and cook until foamy before adding the onions. Reduce heat to low and sweat for ten minutes, stirring occasionally to avoid them catching. Crank back up to medium, add the muscovado and cook for a couple of minutes or until they start to get sticky. Add in the beer, bring to a simmer and cook, stirring occasionally again, for about ten-fifteen minutes, or until the onions are perfectly caramelised and sticky. Season to taste and remove from the heat while you work your meat.

Heat a medium frying pan over high heat until the pan is scorching. Reduce heat to low, add the bratwursts and cook for a couple of minutes each side – I’m pretending they’re square so there are four sides – or until cooked through.

To serve, split and toast your buns, smear them with the hot mustard, spoon in some caramelised onions, top with the sausage and take it in your mouth. To devour, sickos.

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Bombe Alaska

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Party Food, Snack, Sweets, TV Recap

After eight long, dramatic and highly entertaining weeks my close friend Alaska finished what she started in season 5 – aka All Stars 2, the prequel – and finally snatched the RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars crown and earn her place in the Drag Race Hall of Fame, playing rubik’s cube with Chad Michaels. Beating out my other dear friends Katya, Detox and Roxxxy.

So yes, Alaska’s tantrums over the final two episodes were pretty dislikable. Nay, really dislikable, but at the end of the day, Alaska came in to All Stars with a focus as steely as Chad Michaels’ in the first All Stars, dominated all but one time – landing her in the bottom for the first time in two seasons and setting the stage for the aforementioned meltdowns – and well and truly earned her crown.

From singing her way back into the competition, to a filthy turn as Mae West in Snatch Game, her sultry Eve, a demented Baby JJ before transforming into Lil Poundcake on the runway, a killer comedy performance and an absurd commercial, Alaska was at the top of the pack before stumbling welcoming another daughter – Hawaii – into the Thunderfuck family.

Thankfully she was able to take a step back before the final runway performance, calm down and finish on a strong point with her rap and live performance and long-ago written speech full of RPDR callbacks, cementing her place in the Drag Race Hall of Fame.

Obviously when we got together for a culinary, coronation, catch-up I berated Alaska’s behaviour for about an hour before taking her in my arms and congratulating her on a job well. But that has always been the relationship Lasky and I had. You see we first met in West Hollywood while she was working at Fubar – I was trying to get Vandy to purchase the bar and make me a drag star and I started stalking her to steal her act, bit by bit.

While she caught me and we engaged in an epic on stage catfight inspired by Dynasty and ended with a microphone battle which would go on to inspire the speech scene in Bridesmaids, Alaska appreciated me for the trainwreck I was, took me under her wing and supported me to achieve my oft demented dreams.

Remembering that, I couldn’t bring myself to punish her any longer and got to work whipping up a victorious Bombe Alaska.

Was it really going to be anything else?

Bombe alaskas are something that can go really well, or really terrible – I mean, a shitty cake or a bad choice of ice cream flavour can truly spoil these majestic alien desserts from the planet Glamtron.

Wanting to avoid a major catastrophe and setting off another meltdown, I opted for a nutella inspired flavour with a delicate hazelnut cake, topped with chocolate ice cream baked under a suffocating blanket of meringue. It is, to put it simply, perfect.

Or a winner, baby. But let’s be honest, who doesn’t love a big mouthful of nut … ella? Enjoy!

Bombe Alaska
Makes: 6.

Ingredients
¼ cup hazelnut meal
¾ cup raw caster sugar, for the cake
½ cup flour
⅓ cup cornflour
6 eggs, 3 whole plus three separated, at room temperature
3 large egg yolks, at room temperature
¾ tsp sea salt, plus extra for meringue
1 tbsp almond extract
¾ cup vegetable oil
1 ½ cups chocolate ice cream
½ cup sugar, for the meringue

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Combine the hazelnuts in a bowl with a third of the sugar, and sift in the flour and cornstarch. Set aside.

Meanwhile, whisk the whole eggs with the yolks, remaining sugar, salt and almond extract in an electric mixer on high speed until thick, pale and holding a thick ribbon when the whisk is lifted. Ten minutes should be more than enough, though anusthing is possible depending on the mixer you’re using.

Remove from the mixture, gently fold through the flour and oil until just combined. Pour the mixture into a lined 20-25cm cake tin and place on the middle rack of the oven to bake for half an hour, or until golden and a metal skewer comes out clean. Remove from tin and place on a wire rack to cool completely.

Once completely chill, cut out six pieces of cake the size of the base of a mug using a cookie cutter, place each in a texan muffin tin that you’ve lined with cling wrap and divide the ice cream amongst each cup. Wrap the cling over the top and transfer to the freezer for about an hour.

When they are almost ready to come out, whisk the egg whites with a pinch of salt using an electric mixer on high, until soft peaks form. Still beating, slowly add in the meringue sugar and beat until stiff and glossy.

When you’ve formed stiff peaks, remove the cake / ice cream from the freezer, place on a lined baking sheet and mound the meringue over each, sealing in the ice cream and cake completely. Return to the freezer for an hour.

Preheat the oven to 225°C.

Once the meringue is frozen, remove and allow to rest for ten minutes before baking in the oven for a couple of minutes (no more than five), until the meringue is golden brown.

Devour, victoriously.

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Fokatya

Baking, Bread, Main, Side, Snack, TV Recap

In the words of my dearly departed friend Nat King Cole, smile though your heart is aching. Smile even though it’s breaking. When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by, knowing that despite finishing as the co-first alternate / runner-up with Detox after Roxxxy was eliminated, my dear, sweet friend Katya was the true winner of All Stars. Just sans crown.

But what high class hooker wants a crown, anyway?

Like Detox, Katya had a consistently good run to the finale – minus the back-to-back stints in the bottom which was production’s fault for giving her a dud character and the fact it was a bottom three rather than two, respectively – and more importantly had grown since her first season and was able to work through the crippling anxiety that plagued her last time.

The true hooker with a heart of gold – take that Julia ‘I love my life, Denzel Washington’ Roberts – Katya was our last, great hope to topple Rolaskatox headed into the finale after the brutal second cut of Alyssa Edwards.

While Alaska was heading into the final with the best track record – despite an epic, EPIC series of meltdowns making me question my support – Katya truly shone in the finale by announcing that she would have sent Roxxxy home … again, before performing a killer Russian rap, her stage-smashing pussy moves (try to grab that one Trump) and an emotional speech as to why she should win, which started in Katya’s signature Russian accent and finished up with Brian proudly talking about finding his confidence and himself.

Despite being crowned as the co-first alternate – Katya, you’re the true winner baby. She worked through her issues, showed her growth between seasons and firmed up / expanded her fandom (see: pointless social media voting for the winner where is had more votes that the clique did combined).

Obviously after such a positive experience, Katya wasn’t feeling disappointed when we sat down for a post-race catch-up. I first met Katya while studying at Massachusetts College of Art and Design where we bonded over a love of gymnastics, she performing and me watching men in lycra and have enjoyed an extremely close friendship ever since. So while she wasn’t disappointed by her experience, I knew she would still want to share a big old comforting Fokatya.

Not being one to choose, this focaccia is an orgy of flavours that work together to deliver a meal worthy of an All Star Supergroup. Like Seduction.

And I mean, why choose one flavour when the pillowy dough can support them all?

Enjoy!

Fokatya
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
Dough
500g bread flour, plus extra for dusting
sea salt
7g dried yeast
2 tsp raw caster sugar
300ml water, lukewarm

Onion and taleggio
extra virgin olive oil
2 onions, finely sliced
a few sprigs of fresh thyme, leaves picked
balsamic vinegar, to taste
handful taleggio, broken up

Bruschetta
½ bunch fresh basil, leaves picked
1 handful ripe cherry tomatoes, quartered
salt and pepper, to taste
extra virgin olive oil, to taste
champagne vinegar, to taste
2 cloves garlic, minced

Three cheese
50g Taleggio cheese
50g goat’s feta
50g Parmesan cheese, grated
1 sprig rosemary, leaves picked

Pumpkin and feta
100g pumpkin, diced and roasted with oil, salt and pepper for twenty minutes at 180°C
50g goat’s feta
a couple of leaves of sage, sliced
½ tsp chilli flakes

Method
Combine the flour and salt in a large bowl. In a jug, add the yeast and sugar to the lukewarm water, combine and allow to rest for about ten minutes or until foamy and glorious.

Slowly pour the yeast water into the flour, stirring as you go. Once it comes together, remove to a floured surface and knead for about five minutes until smooth to work through your rage that Katya couldn’t take the crown.

Oil a large bowl, add the dough ball, dust with flour, cover and move to a warm place to prove for an hour.

Preheat oven to 200°C.

While the dough is proving, get cracking on the toppings. And by that, fry the onions with a good lug of olive in a large saucepan over low heat for ten minutes. Add the thyme leaves and balsamic and cook for a further two minutes, or until the liquid is reduced. Remove from the heat and allow to cool.

Cut up the tomatoes and basil, combined them in a bowl with salt and pepper, a quick lug of olive oil, a dash of champagne vinegar and garlic.

And obviously I told you to bake the pumpkin up top in the ingredients, so get to that now if you forgot.

Anyway, the focaccia should have well and truly proven itself by now, like Katya, so remove it from the bowl, pound it like a pussy on the stage during the splits and spread it out of a lined baking tray until it is a couple of centimetres thick.

Bash it with your fingertips to form a sea of holes, cover a quarter of the focaccia with each of the toppings, allowing them to blur over to each other.

Drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle some sea salt, allow to prove why Katya was the true winner for a further 20 minutes and then bake for about half an hour, or until golden on top and soft in the middle. Devour and relish the orgy of flavours in your mouth.

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

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Fame Hungry

Procrasti-baking with our celebrity faux-riends

RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars

Chimichi Chi DeVayne

Milk Duds

Thorgy Choripán

Morgan McNuggles

Swiss Chard Gnocchaels

Manila Lazone Chicken

Le(trice) Royale Bacon

Mimi Bratwursts

Bombe Alaska

Fokatya