American Cheese

Adam Shacklein Burger

Burgers, Main, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor: Winners at War, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor everyone on the Edge was given an advantage menu for the upcoming return challenge. For lasting the longest, Yul and Parvati were screwed and couldn’t afford to buy anything while everyone else but Amber – who gave her tokens to Rob – bought advantages, and an idol each for Rob and Natalie. Ultimately it was Tyson who won his way back into the game, before kinda disappearing from the rest of the episode as he wanted to just disappear into the background. After Denise and Jeremy took out immunity things turned into chaos back at camp as Nick, Adam and Wendell quickly became the targets. And while the tribe kind of descended into chaos, Queen Sophie stepped in and took control, protecting Adam and rallying the tribe to take out Wendell instead.

We returned to camp after tribal council where Tony was thrilled about the literal clear skies while Michele was pissed to have been left out of the vote, despite being super vocal about wanting Wendell out week in, week out like the icon that she is. She and Nick caught up about being the two on the bottom, with Nick more shocked that his name was the one on the block tonight alongside Adam, even though it is his birthday. Fuming like Rodney in Worlds Apart, Nick was ready to go back to camp and give his tribemates a serve before Michele suggested that it wasn’t the best idea and that instead he should lay low, so the idiots don’t target them next. Tony arrived to check in on them, with Nick firing up before Tony told him to calm down and stop being stupid.

Michele, meanwhile, caught up with Adam, assuring him that while she is a little pissed about being left out, she is happy to pretend she isn’t furious and let the dingbats continue to think that she is their friend. Honestly, I love Michele and that is all I have to say about that. I love her as much as I love Adam telling her that he believes that the decal on Probst’s podium at tribal council is a hidden immunity idol and should he feel nervous, he will rip it off and play it. And either that is a brilliant move, or explains why he has been shown as a bumbling fool all season.

The next day we ventured to the Edge of Extinction where Parvati was leading Natalie and Danni through a yoga class before Yul stumbled upon clues for an advantage. After vague directions to step back and allow history to repeat itself, the group decided it must be a combination of previous clues and made a beeline for the top of the hill. At the summit, they opted to split into smaller groups, with Natalie bundling Wendell and Yul together as the newbies so that should one of the OG crew find the advantage, they can share in some sweet food without them, given they haven’t been suffering as long. 

As the groups searched high and low, Danni realised that maybe the history repeats itself part of the clue could be referring to the last Edge of Extinction, where Aubry was told to step back and found an advantage. With that, she and Parvati ran down the stairs and immediately found a new 50/50 advantage in the rock wall. Knowing that Michele is flush with cash, Parvati suggested that they sell it to her for four tokens before she and Danni debated whether they should keep their secret to themselves. At that moment, Rob, Ethan, Amber and Natalie appeared to see if they had found anything and guilt got the better of them, sharing the advantage and vowing to buy food for them all.

Probst arrived on screen for this week’s reward challenge where the tribe were split into two teams and forced to swim out to a net with wooden fish, bring it back to shore, load them onto hooks, carry them to a station and use the fish to solve a puzzle. The victorious team would get a glorious feast of Chinese take-out back at camp while the losers could watch from a distance and seethe. Oh and because there were an uneven number of castaways remaining, one person wouldn’t even get to compete. Tyson, Adam, Tony, Nick and Jeremy faced off against Kim, Sarah, Ben, Sophie and Michele, while poor Denise was left out on the Sandra Bench, ironic given her brutal blindside of the Queen. Well, probably – ask Alanis.

Ben, Kim and Sarah got their team out to an early lead, though Tony, Adam and Tyson desperately tried to stay in the fray. But obviously, with Sophie on the puzzle and having a lead, she made quick work of things and secured reward for her group. Before Jeff sent them back to camp to feast on their spoils, Sarah asked if she would be able to give up her reward for someone and once ok-ed by Probst, handed it over to Nick as a birthday celebration. And because Probst is as messy as the rest of us, he pointed out that that was a really nice thing to do in a game for $2 million, with Sarah left to bat it away with a weak explanation that she would overeat and feel sick, so she’d rather him be miserable for his birthday. That sound you hear is Rodney screaming about nobody caring about his birthday.

Back at camp the victors discovered their food, with Nick vowing to pay Sarah back. She then explained to him and us at home that she didn’t do it for anything in return and simply wanted him to have something nice after being blindsided on his birthday – again, Rodney screamed – and leaving his new fiance at home. And TBH, the world could do with a little more kindness, which I would have hated before being in COVID isolation. Now I like it. The victors took their feast somewhere private to avoid rubbing anyone’s face in it, while Tony and Sarah caught up by the beach. Tony was shocked and disappointed in his friend, worried that she lost her killer edge and that she had now painted a target on her back. Meanwhile back at camp Jeremy, Tyson, Adam and Denise were bitching about Sarah for her cold, calculating move and played it down as nothing more than a way to woo Nick to her side.

We checked in with the victors where Nick too was doubting the genuine nature of her kindness, and knew that even if it was, Sarah would still gladly vote him out at the next tribal council if that is what her alliance wants. They then went around opening fortune cookies while smashing the food before Michele found something in her bag. With that, she excused herself and discovered the 50/50 advantage though was scared at the prospect of using all of her fire tokens to buy it. As such, she flipped it a couple of times and when it landed equally on both sides, she decided to heed the advice of the Survivor Gods by way of the fortune cookies – I shit you not – and empty her purse to get some control. I mean, she is an icon and I love her.

Probst returned for the immunity challenge where the remaining castaways would balance on A-frames in the middle of the very choppy ocean. You know the one, it is when Spencer showed off his O-face! Given it is an endurance challenge and they aren’t overly exciting to read about, let’s focus on the fact that Jeremy is hot and so ripped, Tyson is still a babe and Nick is fast becoming island hot. Almost immediately Michele fell over and out of the challenge, she was soon followed by Denise as Jeremy too struggled, making me wonder if their end of the challenge was worse than the others, given they were all in a row. Despite the constant struggle, Jeremy made it through to the second rung, with Tyson being the first to fall, followed by Jeremy and Tony, who axed himself in the nads. The remaining six moved on to the final stage of the challenge, which quickly saw Adam, Sophie, Nick and Sarah drop from the challenge, leaving Ben and Kim to battle it out before Ben finally dropped, handing Kim immunity. By the skin of her teeth.

Back at camp Kim was feeling confident and as such, rallied the older crew and suggested they split the vote between Nick and Adam. While they all agreed, Ben suggested that it may be cleaner to leave Adam out of the split and instead put the back-up votes on Michele, given she was left out at the last tribal council with Nick. Nick meanwhile, was sick of being a nobody in the game, so decided now was the right time to cause some chaos. As such, he approached Tyson and told him that Sophie was throwing his name out instead. They then took this intel to Jeremy and Adam. The latter, however, wasn’t interested in getting rid of Sophie and instead thought that they should target Sarah, given she is close to Ben. The group then looped Michele in, filling her with glee.

Denise was looped in on the plan, so approached Kim to gauge her interest. Kim being the damn icon that she is, said that if Sarah is the plan, she is happy to go along with the plan. And then immediately caught up with Tyson to find out why in the hell Sarah was now the target. Tyson agreed that it wasn’t a smart move and given Adam was the one that quickly flipped everyone onto Sarah, maybe he should be the target instead as he is clearly dangerous. With that, they approached Jeremy to see if he would be keen before looping Tony and Sarah in on the vote. Everyone laughed at the sheer madness of the scramble before Sarah approached Ben to let him know that Adam tried to flip the vote on her because they are too close. Not wanting to play it calmly, Ben pulled Adam aside to see if he was the one that tried to flip on him and Sarah and while Adam tried to dance around the truth, Ben grew infuriated and vowed never to trust him.

Leaving in a huff, Ben took the chaos to the next level as he angrily asked Tony whether he is the one that threw his name out like Michele told him. Meanwhile Nick was busy confronting Jeremy about his name being thrown out, Denise was confused, Tyson told Michele the plan was Sarah, Sarah checked in with Kim to find out what the plan was – it was Adam, FYI – while Tony, Jeremy and Michele locked in a vote for Nick. Tyson assured Nick they were voting for Sarah, while Sophie marvelled that every time they lock in a vote, everyone disappeared to continue strategising. Nick then told Tony that Tyson was pushing for Sarah, this led to Sarah throwing out Tyson’s name, getting Sophie and Michele onboard, the latter of which looped Adam in on the plan. Nick took the information to Tony and Jeremy while Adam and Denise tried to figure out if the plan was still Sarah. And honestly this was like 30 seconds of footage.

All I know is Adam decided to go for the potential idol at tribal council, which is either going to be an epic fail or a killer move. And as I said, the edit feels like it will be the former.

At tribal council Sarah spoke about the pandemonium back at camp, sharing that literally everyone’s name was thrown out at some point. Tyson joked about the absurdity of it all, with Jeremy likening it to a bushfire jumping a highway. Denise said that the stress of the day aged her, while Nick said that he is sick of people focusing on easy targets like himself, Adam and Tyson. He then got super spicy – which I love – and said that that style of gameplay is a pathetic war and he is sick of not being able to play, and as such, he challenged everyone to actually fight. Adam tried to focus on Probst’s questioning but got distracted as everyone started to whisper amongst themselves. Adam and Nick started to swap stories and realised that they were each told to load their votes on the other, with Sophie giving Adam a weak assurance that he should be fine.

Wanting to get into the spicy spirit, Adam pointed out that Ben was being cagey before they left for tribal and refused to look him in the eye or talk to him. Ben countered that he refused to talk to Adam because Adam refused to answer a question earlier that day, which honestly, is a weak bloody feud. As they argued back and forth about their entire journey, the rest of the tribe continued to whisper and lock in their votes. After their fight ended, Adam tried to jump in on the whispering but was completely shut out and told to just trust in what he was told. Nick shared that the whispering made him feel better, which Adam countered must mean that he should then feel worried. He then asked everyone if they could offer him similar assurances, only to be met by silence from the tribe.

With that the tribe voted, Adam tried to break the tribal council set and when he couldn’t break off the fleur de lis, he decided to sit back down. Probst decided to sass him and asked whether he was sure it wasn’t an idol, leading to Adam asking if he could play it. Probst said that he could but it wasn’t an idol. He then tallied the votes and sadly for Adam, they piled up on him and he found himself joining the crew on the Edge. Which TBH, is our superfan winner’s dream. As he was exiting tribal council, I pulled him in for a massive hug and congratulated him on living out our dream yet again by playing on such a legendary season with such legendary winners. And while he was touched, he reminded me that he wanted to be reunited with those icons on the Edge and quickly took his Adam Shacklein Burger to go.

This Shake Shack copycat is so good, I almost don’t have to rage about not having Shake Shack in Australia. The sauce is glorious, the beef juicy and the lettuce and tomato helps stop you feeling guilty from having multiple.

Enjoy!

Adam Shacklein Burger
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
½ cup mayonnaise
1 tbsp dijon mustard
¾ tsp ketchup
½ tsp pickle brine
pinch of cayenne pepper
500g beef mince
4 leaves butter lettuce
1-2 tomatoes, sliced
salt and pepper, to taste
4 slices American cheese
4 potato buns

Method
Start by combining the mayonnaise, dijon mustard, ketchup, pickle brine and the pinch of cayenne pepper in a bowl. Give a good stir, cover and chill while you prep the rest of the burgers. Ideally an hour or two if you have the time.

Meanwhile, scrunch the beef mince in a large bowl until the meat is starting to come together. Divide into four balls and roll tightly. Place on a lined plate, cover and pop in the fridge to chill for about an hour.

After those hours have passed and you’re ready to go, pop a skillet over medium heat and toast each of the burger buns in a skillet. Remove and wipe the skillet clean. 

Immediately take the burgers out of the fridge, place in the skillet and flatten to about one to two centimetre thickness with a metal spatula and sprinkle with a bit of salt and pepper. Cook for a couple of minutes before flipping, seasoning with the remaining salt and pepper and topping each with a slice of cheese and cook for a further couple of minutes to melt before removing from the heat.

To assemble, smear the top and bottom with a little bit of the chilled sauce. Pop the cheesy patty on the base, top with tomato and lettuce before closing the burger and devouring. Ideally with fries.


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Smoke Shacqui Patterson

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: All Stars, Burgers, Main, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor we had a very convoluted non-elimination journey involving three tribal councils, six exiled castaways, three people saved via challenge and one person booted. With David, somehow, remaining out of the fray despite being the biggest threat and not once winning immunity. After feeling left out of her alliance, Jacqui looked to make a move against David but after looping in Sharn and Moana she learnt that while they were happy with her plan, they would let her act alone, claim the move and unbeknownst to her, take all the wrath of David when his goat Zach was blindsided.

The next day we saw bats – COVID-19 trigger warning – on our way to check in with the tribe where Jacqui was still riding high after her Zach blindside, hungry for more and more to line up and fill her resume. She then dressed in David’s clothes and strutted around camp, anointed herself as the golden goddess and hot damn, why haven’t we seen this Jacqui all season. This is the icon we fell in love with in season 2! Meanwhile elsewhere in camp, Shonee and Brooke were eating scum water from the tribe’s pot, living their absolute best lives. Thrilled to have found a crack by blindsiding Zach, the duo used Jacqui’s pride to their advantage and pulled her aside in the water to praise her on a job well done and to try formulate a plan for the next vote.

On the flipside, David was back at camp feeling absolutely miserable. Annoyed that his meat shield is no longer around to protect him, he was nervous that people would sense weakness and come for him should he not regain control. Or win immunity. As such he continued to foster his relationship with Tarzan, in the hopes that he will protect him and keep their alliance tight. The boys then bonded by stripping off and skinny dipping together, which doesn’t make sense. But it makes me wet, so I don’t care.

They popped their pants on and returned to camp where Moana was desperately trying to hide her joy at losing Zach, while Jacqui continued to monologue about how great her blindside was. Did you know she flipped on Zach? Jacqui orchestrated a blindside? Jacqui voted out Zach, you hear? While Jacqui moved on to the next person to talk about her brilliance, Moana caught up with Dave to share how upset she was that Zach was gone. And then told us how safe she is, because she has surrounded Dave with people that are more loyal to her than him. And hot damn, is she actually playing an amazing game?

My love Jonathan returned for the reward challenge where they would each have to hold a spear over a tile using two handles pulled apart to maintain tension, with the last person standing winning the reward. And it was for an overnight spa reward complete with snacks and alcohol, so you know Queen Shonee needed this victory more than anyone else. Shocking me, Brooke was the first person to drop, followed closely by Tarzan and Jacqui. After fighting for another couple of minutes, Moana and Sharn dropped out of nowhere. After ten minutes, AK blanked and dropped out leaving David and Shonee to battle it out yet again. They continued to fight it out for over half an hour as Shonee offered to take Dave with her, should he want to offer her the same. After forty minutes and a cheeky readjustment, our queen dropped her spear and tragically lost reward. Oh and then David selected Sharn, Moana and Tarzan to join him, leaving her empty handed again.

Talk about rubbing salt in our icon’s wounds.

Back at camp however she didn’t pout and instead got to work rubbing it in Jacqui’s wounds instead, and vowed to use her time wisely to keep Jacqui onside. As they all joked about how stupid David is for not leaving Tarzan who they all know would never flip on him, Shonee decided to continue the charm offensive and gave Jacqui an island facial. After finishing the pampering, the group then decided that getting rid of Dave is – finally – their priority and as such, needed to identify the right people to flip. With Jacqui assuring them that Moana and Sharn would definitely be keen.

Speaking of Moana and Sharn, they were stumbling upon their reward with David and Tarzan as the group marvelled at their spoils. Including but not limited to, snacks, champagne and nail clippers, the latter being the most important win for David. Sharn pointed out how desperately Jacqui wanted to attend the reward and as such questioned whether he was playing the game smartly. David then showered and like me, Sharn couldn’t take her eyes off him and honestly, I have never related to her more. We then had a little pow wow with Dave, where he shared that his decision to exclude Jacqui isn’t stupid, given he knows he also can’t trust Sharn, however she is the one that is more likely to stay loyal if he keeps her close. And plus, Jacqui is a lost cause and leaving Sharn back at camp risks losing another ally. The newly scrubbed-up victors then sat around the fire and locked in a plan to blindside Jacqui and oh god, please keep Shonee safe.

The two groups reconvened and met Jonathan for the immunity challenge where they would have to untangle themselves from a rope tangled over a pole, with the first five continuing on to the next stage where they need to walk through some obstacles while balancing a ball on a pole before landing it in a bucket of water. Three would then continue to solve a puzzle, with the winner snagging immunity. Queen Shonee’s challenge streak appeared to end, quickly getting tangled in her rope while Tarzan, Jacqui, Moana and AK pulled away. Ultimately Tarzan made his way to the second stage first, followed by Brooke, AK, Jacqui and David, eliminating Moana, Shonee and Sharn. AK and Brooke whipped through the second phase, getting to the bucket phase while David desperately tried to close the gap. Out of nowhere, Tarzan was the first to land his ball in the bucket, giving him a huge head start on the puzzle. He was soon joined by David and Brooke, eliminating AK and Jacqui. Oh and then David destroyed the puzzle, begging the question, did we know David was a puzzle king?

Back at camp David’s ego was at an all time high, proudly showing off his four immunities, only one of which was a fake. He quickly confirmed that he and his allies would all be blindsiding Jacqui, again missing the meaning of a blindside, given Jacqui is fully aware that she is on the bottom. Sharn pulled Jacqui aside to try and woo her back to the side, with David and Moana quickly joining as the group decided to target Shonee. Sadly for Jacqui however, they were just trying to get her to throw a vote on Shonee so that their four votes would be enough to get rid of Jacqui. Speaking of Jacqui, she went back to the Vakama trio and the four locked in their votes for Moana. Oh and then Jacqui disappeared and the group agreed that no matter what, they are sticking together and if it results in a tie, they will just have to go to rocks. In either a horrible or brilliant move, AK then decided to pull Sharn aside and tell her that the group is completely down to go for rocks, putting the fear in her head. And oh God, this may be brilliant, as Sharn is well and truly susceptible to being panicked into changing a plan.

At tribal council David spoke about feeling salty about the Zach vote, explaining that that is why he chose to leave Jacqui out of the reward. Jacqui pretended that she was over their drama, which led to AK, Brooke and Shonee jumping in one at a time to call out how terrible David’s decision was and that Jacqui is the only one tired of being a minion. Jacqui agreed that she wanted to find her voice in the game which led to Shonee pointing out that nobody in the rival alliance actually wants to take her to the end. Moana called bullshit on the comment, assuring Jacqui that she protects her and one emotional decision doesn’t change where she sits in the alliance. Tarzan wisely pointed out that if Jacqui jumps from one alliance to another, she goes from being on the bottom to being on the bottom.

Each side continued to push for Jacqui’s vote before talk turned to going to rocks, with AK, Shonee and Brooke all vowing to go to rocks, as at least it gives them a chance to take control. Sharn on the flipside was nervous and started to completely unravel, telling people to think things through before playing it fast and loose with their game. With that the tribe voted, David did some weird voicework and played an idol on Tarzan before the votes rolled in four each for Jacqui and Moana, proving to Jacqui that she was right to flip on her allies. Once again the tribe voted and once again, it came back a tie.

And hot damn, did that fill Sharn with dread. She quickly started to panic as Jonathan explained the rock draw rules – to the audience that don’t want original flavour Survivor – with the tribe given the chance to come to a consensus, and if they don’t, the players in the tie become immune with anyone else that is immune, and the rest go to rocks. Aka AK, Brooke, Shonee and Sharn. AK quickly rallied the girls and reminded them that the only way to guarantee a majority, with them all agreeing to go to rocks. This led to a desperate Sharn begging them to change their mind, assuring them that if they flip on Jacqui, she promises to align with them. She begged and pleaded with them for what felt like an eternity until Jonathan told them they needed to make a decision, with them ultimately choosing to trust Sharn and turn on Jacqui, sending her from the game.

It was heartbreaking to be reunited with Jacs at the Jury Villa, given she has spent the last few episodes being the only hope of stopping a steamroll. After peeling myself away from Locky, I pulled Jacs into my arms and told her how proud I am of the game she played and that while she is a juror, she landed there for trying something and that alone is something she should be proud of. Oh and then I whipped her up a Smoke Shacqui Patterson which honestly was her favourite part.

I’ve said it thousands of times but it bears repeating, burgers are the absolute best and well, Shack Shake is one of the ultimate makers. And well, the Smoke Shack is my fave – smoky, spicy and a little bit sweet, it is a dream. Like the one Jacqui is living out surrounded by three guys on the jury.

Enjoy!

Smoke Shacqui Patterson
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
½ cup mayonnaise
1 tbsp dijon mustard
¾ tsp ketchup
½ tsp pickle brine
pinch of cayenne pepper
500g beef mince
8 slices smoked bacon
¼ tsp salt
¼ tsp pepper
4 slices American cheese
⅓ cup cherry peppers, finely diced
4 potato buns

Method
Start by combining the mayonnaise, dijon mustard, ketchup, pickle brine and the pinch of cayenne pepper in a bowl. Give a good stir, cover and chill while you prep the rest of the burgers. Ideally an hour or two if you have the time.

Meanwhile, scrunch the beef mince in a large bowl until the meat is starting to come together. Divide into four balls and roll tightly. Place on a lined plate, cover and pop in the fridge.

While the balls are cooling down, heat a large skillet of medium heat and once nice and hot, cook the bacon until crisp. Remove to a plate lined with paper towel and leave to reat.

Immediately take the burgers out of the fridge, place in the skillet and flatten to about one to two centimetre thickness with a metal spatula and sprinkle with a bit of salt and pepper. Cook for a couple of minutes before flipping, seasoning with the remaining salt and pepper and topping each with a slice of cheese. Cook for a further couple of minutes before removing from the heat.

To assemble, toast each of the burger buns in a skillet and smear the top and bottom with a little bit of the chilled sauce. Place the cheesy pattie on the base-bun, followed by some of the cherry peppers and closing.

Then devour, greedily. Ideally with fries.


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Kobe Beefant Sliders

Burgers, Main, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold XCII: Gold Basketball, Snack, Tapas

As you could probably guess based on the name of this year’s Oscar Gold celebration, Gold Basketball, I had planned to honour my dear friend, the Academy Award winning basketball legend Kobe Bryant before he tragically passed away in the accident.

While I did jump in the time machine to go back and see him one last time, I opted to go to the day after his Oscar win and as such, didn’t get his help to run the odds. As such, I did them solo as I backed out the Delorean.

For Best Live Action Short, I think The Neighbors’ Window has it in the bag, despite overwhelming support for Brotherhood. Animated Feature will go to Klaus, despite Toy Story 4 being so beautiful. And as for his mother category, I predict Hair Love and that the vote tally won’t even be close. Not that you will ever know that.

It was hard to see him so soon after the accident, but it was wonderful to be taken back to him in that moment of pure, triumphant joy and be able to hug him one last time. A share an enormous platter of Kobe Beefant Sliders.

 

 

These little babies are so simple, yet so perfect. Prime beef patties, sticky caramelised onions and a herbalicious aioli fit for the king of basketball.

Enjoy!

 

 

Kobe Beefant Sliders
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
olive oil
2 onions, diced
500g kobe beef, minced
salt and pepper, to taste
1 cup Coolaoili
¼ cup fresh tarragon, finely chopped
10 Briocher Bunsbergs in slider form, sliced
American cheese slices, cut to size (optional)

Method
Heat a lug of olive oil in a large saucepan and sweat the onions over low heat for ten minutes, or until soft and sweet.

Meanwhile combine the mince in a large bowl, season well and scrunch to combine. Form into 10 evenly sized patties.

Heat another lug of oil in a large skillet and fry the patties for a couple of minutes each side, or until cooked through.

While the patties are cooking, mix the tarragon through the aioli until well combined.

To assemble, split the buns, smear with aioli, add the patty, cheese – if you’re using it, which you should – followed by the onion and some more aioli.

Close, devour and honour your dear friend.

 

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John Gemburgerling

Burgers, Four and Three and Two and Done: A Farewell to Broad City, Main, Street Food

We’ve reached the halfway point of my farewell to Broad City – sniff, I love you Abbi, Arturo and Hannibal – and TBH, I am starting to overstay my welcome like Bevers. So obviously I got John Gemberling to drop by and allay my fears, and celebrate him the way that poor Bevers never really has.

While I’ve known John for quite some time form the ol’ UCB days, we didn’t grow close until he started working on Broad City. After the gals asked me to coach him on how to be as annoying as possible. Which would be a slight, if I didn’t know how loveable they find me.

John’s career has really taken off over the last few years and I am so proud of everything he has achieved. Particularly since, no doubt, my coaching helped him reach the pinnacle of success that is a part in the greatest animated program of all time, Big Mouth.

Back on topic though, I am so happy that John was able to fit me into his busy schedule and free-load off me in honour of the finale, by smashing a John Gemburgerling or seven.

 

 

While I didn’t invent the concept of a gem burger, I will take ownership for the majesty of this little baby. Crispy potato slabs work well with In’N’Out sauce, bacon and sweet, sweet onions to create one of the greatest burgers of all time, right Kanye?

Enjoy!

 

 

John Gemburgerling
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
80 Potato Jems
olive oil
2 onions, diced
¼ cup Shayonnaise Swain
2 tbsp ketchup
1 tbsp gherkin relish
½ tsp champagne vinegar
500g beef mince
salt and pepper
8 rashers streaky bacon
American mustard, to taste
4 slices American cheese

Method
Heat a waffle iron over medium heat, and assemble 10 gems per plate. Press to close and cook for five minutes each side, or until you have golden, crisp waffles. Repeat the process until you have 8 waffles.

Meanwhile heat a lug of oil in a saucepan over medium heat and sweat the onions for five minutes before reducing to low and caramelising for half an hour or so, adding a small amount of water if needed to deglaze the pan.

Next mix the mayo, ketchup, pickle and champagne vinegar in a jug and whisk to combine.

Squeeze as much liquid out of the mince as possible and place in a large bowl. Add a generous whack of salt and pepper and combine with your hands. Divide into 4 patties, place on a plate lined with cling, cover and place in the fridge for about an hour or so.

Heat a large pan or griddle and brush with oil, and cook the bacon until crispy. Remove to some kitchen paper.

Brush the pan with some more oil, if needed, and when searingly hot place the patties on the pan, pushing down with a spatula until they are roughly 1cm thick. Squeeze some mustard on the top and cook for a few minutes. Flip the patties and cook for a further minute.

To assemble, smear some sauce on a waffle and top with bacon, followed by caramelised onions and the pattie. Top with cheese and another drizzle of sauce before closing with one final waffle. Devour immediately.

 

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Ab-BEC Jacobson

Breakfast, Four and Three and Two and Done: A Farewell to Broad City, Main, Snack, Street Food

To be completely honest with you, it was an agonising decision to have to pick between the two kweens of Broad City, as I count down to its heartbreaking, soul shaking, crushing end this week. The choice, I imagine, would be like trying to pick one’s favourite phone wig.

In any event, I had to make my choice like Sophie, and I settled on the hand-shaking icon that is the one Miss Abbi Jacobson.

I’ve been a close friend of both broads since they’re time at UCB, and shocked even myself, when I didn’t cut them from my life as soon as they opted to produce Broad City without me. They’re reason making so much sense, in that I, their teacher, could intimidate the with my talent.

But this is about my glorious bond with Ab, so I need to get back on track. As an avid, half-arsed videographer, we bonded when she put her MICA training to use by trying to give me some tricks of the trade. While most people would call me a lost cause, Abs pushed through and for that I am forever grateful.

While I had my guard up and was pretty grumpy when she arrived at my door – the phrase, “you and Ilana have betrayed me by ending the show on a high note, on your own terms,” may have been uttered – she quickly softened the blow by reminding me that the episodes will live on forever. And by promising me that they will give me in character skypes each month.

With that, I no longer held it against her and was strong enough to toast their success with a freshly toasted, Broad City approved Ab-BEC Jacobson.

 

 

The gals have oft extolled the virtues of a bodega sandwich, but TBH, I was always too terrified to try one given the fact I only stumbled into bodegas to get beer and use extremely flawed ATMs. But one time Abs took me by force and I fell in love. While I am tragically bodega-less in Brisbane, this little home-job sure makes me feel like I’m back in the boroughs. Salty, gooey and oh so warming – can you tell I’m under a really cold air-con vent right now? – this bagel is near perfection.

Like Broad City. Enjoy!

 

 

Ab-BEC Jacobson
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
6 rashers streaky bacon
2 Beygel Knowles, split
4 slices American cheese
4 eggs, lightly whisked with a good whack of salt and pepper

Method
Place a skillet over medium heat until nice and hot. Add the bacon and cook, flipping once, until glorious and crisp. Remove from the pan to drain on some kitchen paper.

Add the bagels to pan, split side down, and cook for a couple of minutes, or until they’re golden and crisp on the inside. Remove from the pan and line the bottom half with three rashers of bacon each and a slice of cheese.

Finally pour the eggs into the pan and cook, folding on top of itself, until just set. Immediately place on top of the bacon and cheese. Another another slice of cheese, just because, and close up sandy.

Devour immediately, with a mixture of BEC joy and Broad City abandonment issues.

 

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Juicy Lucy Liu

Burgers, Main, Street Food

It is not often I will cop to being wrong, but I am so glad that I’ve finally been able to swallow my pride and admit that despite not being my genre, Elementary appears to be a decent show and didn’t die within episodes of airing. And I shouldn’t have scoffed at my dear Lucy for taking the role.

Oh and I am sorry for refusing to talk to her until the show is axed and she admits I was right. Because I wasn’t.

Thankfully Lucy has always known that I can be a volatile person – she did meet me when guesting on Bev Hills, after all – so she took my apology at face value and we quickly caught up on everything we’ve been doing the last almost-decade.

While she isn’t as hopeful that I’ll be able to coax our girl Drew, Cameron D and Destiny to reform for a third Charlie’s Angels movie – I did get a third Sister Act to happen though, even if it won’t be a damn sequel – it was nice to spitball ideas and be in each other’s company.

Given outlining the entire plot of a sure-to-be-Oscar-winning film is tiring and time consuming, I knew that we would need a special combination of comfort and heartiness. As such, we gladly tucked in to a good, ol’ fashioned Jucy Lucy Liu to toast our hopeful success.

 

 

While there is a battle between where the Juicy – or jucy – Lucy originated, I like to think it was invented by whichever Tom served it up on Vanderpump Rules a few weeks back. Whoever did create this beauty however, I salute you. Meat injected with hot, hot cheese in the middle of a dripping bun? Sign. Me. UP.

Enjoy!

 

 

Juicy Lucy Liu
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 garlic clove, crushed
salt and pepper, to taste
2 slices American cheese, cut into quarters
vegetable oil
2 pickles, sliced
2 Kirsten Bunst
Ketchup, mustard and Shayonnaise Swain, to serve

Method
Combine the mince, Worcestershire and garlic in a bowl with a good whack of salt and a great whack of pepper. Once it is well a truly and cohesive mound, divide into four and press into patties.

Take two of said patties and stack a slice’s worth of cheese quarters in the centre and top with the remaining patties. Press the edges to firmly enclose and leave to rest at room temperature for ten minutes.

Heat a good lug of oil in a skillet over medium heat and once scorching, add the patties and cook for five minutes. Flip and cook for a further five, before removing from the heat.

To serve, split and toast the buns. Slather one side with mayo and mustard, and the other with ketchup. Place gherkins on the base,  top with the filled patty and close.

Devour, weary of the molten cheese that could burst out and destroy your face, lips or mouth at any moment.

 

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Gabby McOzzi

Burgers, Main, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor: David vs. Goliath, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor at tribal council Gabby and Christian voted out a David – Carl, the tribe has spoken – shocking Nick, Davie and Angelina. Eight are left, who will be voted out tonight. But seriously, that was it. I mean, word. For. Word. Soooo, maybe we’re in for a big episode today?

Back at camp Nick was quick to congratulate them for their move, while Gabby immediately got defensive and told them to stop underestimating her. Though in her defense, Nick was truly pissed and confronted Christian about how stupid the move was and how they all burnt their advantages to save him and gain the advantage. Now Nick wants him gone. Or he is dead to him like anyone to Abi-Maria.

The next day Probst arrived for the reward challenge early in the episode where he quickly made them all cry. Yep it is time for the loved ones visit! Davie’s mum is adorable and I love her, Alison’s mum is adorable, Kara’s brother has an amazing head of hair, Nick’s dad is a (really tall) sweetheart, Gabby’s mum is super hot and super delightful, Angelina’s mum was super cute and didn’t beg for a thing – nor bring a jacket but she did hear how Angelina sacrificed for the tribe’s rice – Mike’s boyfriend is, wait for it, adorable albeit awks and Christian ‘s girlfriend is amazing and I ship them. Hard. And I live for her skirt.

To get to spend time with said loved ones, the tribe would be split into pairs and race under an obstacle, dig for keys, release balls and land said balls on a perch. Mike and Davie lead Angelina and Nick, Alison and Kara, and Christian and Gabby to the first obstacle. They were first to snatch their keys, followed by Angelina and Nick, Christian and Gabby while Alison and Kara struggled to find them. Despite a slow start Angelina and Nick were first to release their balls, though struggled to get their balls out of their sack, leaving Alison and Kara and Mike and Davie to catch up and start shoot. TBH it isn’t the most exciting thing to write about so while Davie was first to land a ball, Nick and Angelina both followed soon after handing them victory and the Dawn Meehan memorial BBQ barge. As is oft the case they were given the chance to take two people with them, with Nick fulfilling a promise to Davie and taking him with them as Angelina selected Mike. Christian encouraged his girlfriend to watch movies on the pane and I love that.

The victors caught up their loved ones on the status of the game before talk quickly turned to a final four alliance, with everyone jumping on board at lightning speed. Davie however was weary given the fact the other three grew close on Jabeni, so questioned whether it is truly the best choice for him. Meanwhile back on the shore Christian was explaining why he wasn’t gushing about his girlfriend – he didn’t want to embarass her – before Gabby had the realisation that he has been comforting her like his girlfriend the entire game and as such, she needs to get rid of him ASAP. Which Kara and Alison were obvi keen for.

My loved one Jiffy Pop returned for this week’s immunity challenge where the tribe would be required to hold a rod to balance a ball above their head with the last person to knock theirs off – which leads to a Mouse Trap-esque dropped bucket of water pratfall – snatching immunity. Almost immediately Mike’s rod got too high eliminating him from the challenge, followed closely by an angry Gabby. Everyone else made it to the second position, however Alison soon joined them on the sit-out bench, followed by Angelina, The remaining four were tasked with a third position, quickly leading to Nick dropping out followed by Christian leaving Davie and Kara to battle it out for immunity. Until a fly did the former in, handing Kara immunity. Which fun fact, has not been won by the same person this season.

Gabby and Christian went for a walk to talk strategy when they returned to camp, however Gabby was totally still planning on taking him out. She then went to work drumming up support around camp, floating the idea with Nick and Davie. While Nick was into turning on their former closest ally, Davie stayed silent which seems telling. Nick filled Angelina and Mike in on the plan, with them talking about the fact he has an idol. As such, they decided to throw some votes on Gabby as an insurance policy. Davie was scared about losing Christian as he is a good shield for him, and so he pulled Christian aside and filled him in on the tribe’s plan and told him to play his idol. Knowing that Nick could help save him, Christian approached his former ally to try and do some damage control, in the hope it will deflect the vote off him and back on to Alison.

At tribal council Probst brought up Carl’s blindside with Nick admitted to being pissed at Christian for flipping, though did technically give him all the credit for the move. The boys then spoke about sorting out their problems as they’re besties and damn I hope it is actually true. Gabby spoke about being more confident in her games, Alison took back some credit for Carl’s blindside and pointed out that that made her a threat. Which let’s be honest, is an interesting play. Angelina spoke about the varying levels of threatdom and the need to get rid of people you can’t see a path to the end with, which Nick and Mike agreed with. With that the tribe voted, Christian wisely played his idol before the votes tied between Alison and Gabby before two votes sent Gabby from the game.

 

 

So between Bi, Carl and now Gabby, should burgs’ be added to the list of cursed recipes?! I guess we won’t know until next season. Wait, no, Chris, CeCe, Kass, Kimmi, Tess, Adam and OMG, I killed Malcolm and Chrissy! And handed Ben the win with a pseudo burger?

While I apologise for kicking off the darkest timeline, when burgs taste this good it really does dull the pain. Right Gab? And now burgers will join pizzas on Ghost Island II.

Enjoy!

 

 

Gabby McOzzi
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
salt and pepper, to taste
4 Kirsten Bunst, halved
mustard, to taste
ketchup, to taste
4 slices American Cheese
8 slices beetroot
1-2 tomatoes, sliced
1 cup iceberg lettuce, washed, dried and shredded
1 onion, finely diced, refreshed in iced water and drained

Method
Drain as much blood from the mince and scrunch in a large bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper, and form into 4 even patties.

Heat a large skillet over high heat, reducing to low when scorching. Lightly toast the halved buns before cooking the patties for a couple of minutes. Flip the patties and cook for a further minute.

To assemble, smear the top half of the bun with ketchup and the bottom half with mustard. Place onion in the ketchup on the top and place a patty on the bottom bun, topping with cheese. Pile with beetroot, tomato, lettuce and close the burg.

Devour.

 

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Patty Melt Cusack

Main, Snack, Survivor, Survivor: David vs. Goliath, TV Recap

Previously on Austra … hang on. The weather is miserable, Shonella aren’t playing Rosencrantz and Guildenstern in the background and Shane Gould isn’t around to not be fucked with. It’s original flavour Survivor, with less cursed objects – though I did line-up some pizzas this season, so maybe that one will continue – and hopefully more excitement and blindsides. Oh and no more final four fire challenge. But enough with dreaming, Probst is on a boat with 20 people who are split into two tribes that I assume were named by Roma Downey after years of wearing down Tom Arnold’s nemesis Mark Burnett; David and Goliath. This season a tribe of bosses will battle with ten underdogs, and hopefully we aren’t swept up in a religious fever dream like Sophie in South Pacific.

We met the first David, Christian who is a total nerd, Elizabeth who is the country icon who flipped the bird on the cast photo and Pat who is big, burly and looks to be a total sweetheart. Who knows not to trust a book by its cover. They’re up against the Goliaths who include publisher and CEO Natalie – who is an icon – and Angelina loves all that comes with being a Goliath.

Anyway the two tribes converged on a barge with Probst and the Goliaths quickly realised that the cards are definitely in their favour when they saw the Davids rolling in. Probst confirmed their suspicions, announcing that this year’s theme is a battle of the privileged versus the underdogs. The David tribe were thrilled to be the underdogs, knowing they are instantly the favoured tribe for a decent narrative. We met Nick, who grew up poor in the south and fought tooth and nail to achieve his dreams of being a lawyer – public defender now – and on Survivor. Swoon. Gabby too was feeling her underdog roots, knowing the Goliaths can only fall while they are destined to rise.

The Goliaths however were quick to try and deflect from being labelled a Goliath, except for pre wrestler John, who knows he is a boss … though just wants to find himself and downplay his intelligence. Swoon. Allison was the most vocal to oppose the label, saying she worked hard from her upper-middle class family to follow in her father’s footsteps. Probst, the shady bitch, asked to hear about Pat’s upbringing, with him talking about living paycheque to paycheque, without even the option of going to get an education. She was pretty cool to stick with the Goliath label after that.

Wanting to get the bad blood brewing like Taylor Swift keeping control on her squad, Probst got the Goliaths to pick two people from each tribe to compete in a reward challenge. With Enlightened creator Mike White selecting Lyrsa and Christian, who he deemed Big Bang Theory in a moment of corporate synergy that made CBS beam. Lyrsa knew she was selected because she is tiny, a little chunky and stands out, while Christian was cool to be labelled the weakest. They then selected Allison and John, who are huge and look strong. To even things up, Probst gave the weakest peeps – sorry, allegedly Christian – the chance to pick the route each pair took to get to a giant shelter making kit. Obviously Lyrsa and Christian got out to a huge lead, almost finishing the second stage before Allison and John finished the first. Being Goliaths however, they caught up at the puzzle leaving a bat … nope, Christian is a genius, solving the puzzle in five seconds and snatching the kit for the underdogs. While it was impressive, Christian admitted it really wasn’t a fair fight as he had written algorithms for solving slide puzzles at uni, which he tried to explain in great detail and completely lost me.

We followed the Goliaths back to their tribe where Mike was feeling completely out of place as he isn’t as buff as the rest of the tribe, and is a nerdy Hollywood type. Dan and Natalia immediately gravitated to him, knowing that he looked familiar before he shared that he was a two-time Amazing Race contestant and completely neglected to mention School of Rock and the greatest show of all time, Enlightened. Have I mentioned I love Enlightened? Dan continued to make friends, sharing that while he is a babe now he used to be bigger and he put on a tonne of weight while working as a cop, though worked hard to lose weight to join the SWAT team. Natalie applauded him on looking fine and hot damn, I already love her. Speaking of love Dan and Kara bonded over Supergirl and the fact he named his dog Kara. She swooned, as did I when I saw his lycra pants. He was smarter though, knowing it was dangerous and hoped to downplay their bond.

Meanwhile over at the Davids, Pat was quick to take charge of the tribe and got everyone to split up tasks and work together while he leads them in building the shelter. Everyone seemed to be extremely cohesive, trusting Pat’s knowledge, laying foundations and weaving fronds for shelter. Sadly he started getting a bit too strong, shouting at Christian, making awkward jokes and generally frustrating the hell out of his tribe. Which will haunt him, once it is done.

Alec was trying to bring a bit of light to the tribe, knowing how difficult it is to build a shelter with only a machete to help. Natalie however was bringing some doom and gloom, bossing Natalia and the rest of the tribe around whilst worrying about having nothing in common with her tribemates.

Back at the David tribe Elizabeth was worried Pat was going to die as he leaned out of a tree with the machete. Jessica and Bi started to bond while weaving the roof of the shelter, wanting to lie about being 19. She then floated an alliance which Bi was into, as was Carl. Not to be outdone, Elizabeth and Lyrsa got a quiet moment in the jungle and bonded over being super different and wanted to align, as nobody would expect it. And just like that, Natalie is dropped and Lyrsa is my number two to Elizabeth. Lastly Gabby and Christian bonded over being insecure nerds – their words – and hot damn, they are in the lead to be my third and fourth.

John and Mike got together by the tribe flag and bonded over their fame and I assume, all the different nicknames or characters they’ve played. Natalie continued to lose friends and alienate people, as Natalia complained to Dan and someone else – first episode, don’t judge – about her not doing anything and bossing people around. Not wanting to leave her alone as a target, Mike went searching for an idol and was super obvious which immediately made people paranoid. We then met Jeremy who looks delightful in his jocks, while the tribe spoke about Mike being sketchy. Natalie went out to find Mike and warn him to pull his head in, which he vowed to knowing that he was hunting for an idol because he wanted it and now he needs to find it because he needs it.

The next day the rain started to drive in as the Davids worked tirelessly to finish their shelter and find some sort of relief. Elizabeth spoke about how they are instantly at an advantage, because they have grown up with adversity and that makes them fight harder and care for others more than their rivals would. While everyone work, Nick disappeared to try and reserve his energy slash avoid it. He then sidled up to Christian and Elizabeth to form alliances and then come up with names for said alliances. Meanwhile back at camp, Pat put the finishing touches on the shelter much to the delight of Carl who was proud of his hard work. And pissed by Nick’s lack of.

The Goliaths however weren’t as lucky, with no shelter and freezing. Not to be deterred Allison and Angelina got together by the well where Angelina suggested they go find the idol before Mike does and even the historic gender spill of idol ownership. Sadly for them, Mike was still working hard which then made Jeremy and Alec – swoon x 2 – go searching, followed by John, Natalie and Dan, who shared that the idol is in his pants. Oh and no, he isn’t talking about his penis. He was out searching for the idol with Kara and Natalia, and found the idol earlier that day and he was storing it in his pants.

The Davids were less interested about idols, though maybe that had something to do with Davie finding a huge octopus which they will be able to smash ahead of the upcoming immunity challenge. Davie shared that people will likely underestimate him, given he is a total blerd and was proud of himself. Jessica then started to break down on day two, upset about how her mum was in a domestic violence situation and she feels like she has left her alone and she has been responsible for her her entire life. Bi too spoke about the fact she had been in a domestic violence situation and encouraged Jessica that she saved her mum’s life, and she should be proud. Later that night, Nick decided to share that he has troubles opening up with people and wasn’t brave enough to share the fact his mum died of an overdose a couple of years ago earning the support and trust of his tribe. That made him feel like he has had a relief and has truly bonded with his tribe, potentially negating the fact he did shit all at the challenge.

By day three the cyclone had well and truly hit and the sea swelled and the rain pelted on the tribes as they arrived at their first immunity challenge. Each tribe would sprint through an obstacle before someone would dig under a log and chop a rope to release a ladder, with the second place tribe penalised and forced to release their ladder by untying knots. Each tribe would then ascend a platform and use a pole vault to leap to another before completing a puzzle. Carl got out to a huge lead while John and Pat focused on wrestling in the obstacle. Carl and Alec worked on the log, Alec quickly getting under and releasing the Goliath ladder. Things only got worse for the Davids from there as the Goliaths started working on the puzzle before they even got to the pole vault. Allison led the tribe through the puzzle, before Christian desperately started to call instructions in the hope of catching up. The rain started to pour while Allison screamed instructions to her tribe, securing immunity just before the Davids. Who were all cohesive and supportive of each other and I love that.

Well except for Lyrsa, who was planning on voting out Nick before even leaving the challenge. Out of nowhere however, the tribe were back at the challenge beach as Pat was stretchered off the boat in extreme pain, unable to see. Dr Joe and the team swarmed around him as Gabby broke down, worried about Pat as all she heard was a giant crack when they hit a giant wave when they were on a boat back to camp. Probst arrived to figure out what happened, with medical worried about the extent of his injury. As it became evident that he would be medevaced from the game, Pat begged them to allow him to stay while sobbing whilst sucking down oxygen in pain.

As the helicopter flew in, his tribemates started to breakdown and worried about his injury. When given the ok, they all rushed around and told him how much love they had for him and how their hearts are with him. Jessica hoped that he was still grateful for the experience as they were grateful for him and dammit, now I’m crying. Throw in Gabby’s guilt about misjudging him at first and I’m sobbing. Probst checked in with the tribe, with Jessica saying she feels like they just keep getting kicked down. Clearly feeling sorry for them, Probst cancelled tribal council and told them a flint would await them back at camp.

It honestly was one of the most heartbreakingly cruel exits up their with Wanda and Jonathan, and just below Queen Kourtney Moon who was at least medevaced for an ingame incident. Even more cruel, knowing that Pat is the one that inspired this year’s theme, worked like a boss around camp and was someone that you’d really just want to succeed in life. Given I have a messiah complex, I obviously went into full nurse mode – paging future healer tribe member – and ushered him back to health within a couple of days, in no small part thanks to the sustenance provided by my Patty Melt Cusack.

 

 

Now I must confess – not anything about my loneliness, or its potential to kill me – that the idea of patty melt used to disgust me. I mean, why wouldn’t I just have a burger or a toastie? One night, I woke up in the middle of the night, slapped myself repeatedly over the head like Leo in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and realised how stupid I had been. A patty melt is perfection! Dripping cheese, a thick juicy patty and the addition of sweet, buttery onions? Swoon.

Enjoy!

 

 

Patty Melt Cusack
Serves: 2-4, broken-back-ed people.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
1 tbsp Worcestershire Sauce
1 tsp Sriracha Sauce
2 garlic cloves, minced
salt and pepper, to taste
butter
2 onions, sliced
2 tbsp muscovado sugar
2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
8 slices white bread
8 slices American Cheese

Method
Combine the beef, Worcestershire, sriracha and garlic in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper. Divide into four, shape into patties, cover with cling and place in the fridge to chill while you work on the onions.

Melt a small lug of butter in a small saucepan or medium heat until foamy and sweat the onions for ten minutes or so, or until soft and golden. Add the muscovado, balsamic and a good whack of salt and pepper, and cook for a further five minutes, after which they should be sticky and glorious.

Heat a skillet over low heat and when nice and piping, add the patties and cook for a couple of minutes each side until they are cooked through. Remove from the pan and drain on kitchen paper, and wipe the skillet clean.

To assemble, place a slice of cheese on four slices of bread, top each with caramelised onions, followed by the patty, the remaining cheese and the last slices of bread.

Melt another knob of butter in the skillet and fry the sandies on each side for a couple of minutes, or until golden and crisp.

Devour immediately, filled with boundless joy. Despite a major back injury.

 

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Adam O’Brionion Cheeseburger

Burgers, Main, Snack, Street Food, Survivor NZ, Survivor NZ: Thailand, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor New Zealand, Matt’s hold on phower of Phsan continued to grow – or so he thought – painting the target on Tess and keeping his newly found joint-idol with Lisa a secret from school-chum slash ally Dave. That was all Lisa needed to sway Dave’s loyalty to her side, outing Matt’s secret and trying to convince Dave to join her to get him out. While Matt convinced Adam to turn on his ally Tess and get her out, Lisa proved the most persuasive and got Dave and Tara to join her in knocking Matt out in a Cirie Fields patented 3-2-1 vote.

Back at camp Lisa was relieved that the tricky vote turned out in her favour, albeit a little guilty due to her friendship with Matt. On the flipside, Tess was shocked to find herself back at camp since she was sure that it was her that was going. Lisa explained why she flipped the vote on Matt to the rest of the tribe in an attempt to diminish the growing target on her back, which was thankfully overshadowed by the implosion of the Adam-Tess alliance after Adam confessed to voting against her at tribal council. Which she was well pissed about.

Things hadn’t really calmed down the next day, though Adam’s attentions had moved firmly back to Lisa and her rapidly expanding threat level. He was questioning every interaction they had ever had, was concerned about the fact she wanted to each some chicken and generally conflicting pieces of logic. Thank f- he is still a zaddy with those locks. Tess was still sulking about Adam’s slight, giving him a combination of side-eye and silence. Dave being the kind guy that he is, joined her by the shore and calmly listened to her rant about someone else’s blindside and tried to emphasise the difference between the game and real-life. Which was mainly just an attempt at reassuring himself that blindside his friend wasn’t a jerk move that will ultimately screw him over.

Spoiler alert: it wasn’t and you’re screwed no matter what if you don’t get Lisa out, respectively.

Meanwhile Lisa was trying to do some damage control, checking in with Adam to see that he is healthy … as a way to gauge whether she could trust him again. Which again, she couldn’t, as he complained about her being a dragon, despite the fact she was just playing the game better than anyone else.

Before any of the simmering feuds could explode, Matty Chis returned for the reward challenge where the castaways would carry bags of dominoes across a balance beam. The first two to finish would move onto the finals where they would stack the dominoes to eventually knock a ball into a bucket of water. The winner earned themselves Thai massages and smoothies and to the final five it was well and truly, as OG Jeff would say, worth playing for. Dave and Tess made quick work of the first round before Tess schooled Dave in round two. As is oft the case, Matt gave her the opportunity to select someone to join her which she opted to share with recent enemy Adam. Much to his shock.

Adam decided that he needed to apologise before their relaxing massages, so pulled Tess aside and cleared the air. As awkward as it may have been for him. While the duo were renewing their friendship, Tara took the chance to seethe about not being chosen for the reward and tried to poison Lisa and Dave against her. Doubling down on the seething, Adam complained about Lisa’s gameplay and how she had made everything personal and that no one would vote for her because she is mean.

Adam, you’re making it hard to love you this episode.

While they continued to rage while getting pampered, they identified Dave as their only hope to get rid of Lisa and her hideous gameplay. Back at camp she ran the numbers with Tara, who admitted that she would be pissed if Lisa blindsided her without realising that she is a goat and no one is stupid enough to get rid of her. Lisa continued to do damage control and approached Dave to check how he was feeling after the blindside. They then locked in a final three deal with Tara, so hopefully it works out for her. Because I am stanning the hell out of Lisa.

Matty Chis returned for the classic immunity challenge – owned by Parvati and Ozzy – where everyone has to hold on tight to a long, thick, hard pole for as long as they can. Aka, my fave past time. Adam dropped out as soon as the challenge started, followed closely by Tara while Lisa and Dave struggled their way through. Lisa soon followed, breaking down in tears in the process. As you would expect, Dave’s struggles soon got the best of him as he slowly slid down that pole – yas queen – and handed Tess immunity.

Given her target had snatched immunity, Lisa got straight to scrambling when they returned back to camp. Thankfully for her, Tara was all in for getting rid of Adam. However Tess and Adam also got to work scrambling, hoping to convince Dave to join them in taking out Lisa … with a back-up plan of finding an idol and causing chaos for Lisa at tribal council. While Adam went idol hunting, Tess approached Dave about flipping over to their side and while it is definitely in his best interests, I just don’t see it happening. Ever. No matter how long he debates it. Dave then did his go to move, and approached the person he is potentially blindsiding to see whether he can trust them. Thankfully their pow-wow gave us the glorious scene of Tess asking Tara if she would consider voting with them, and her iconic point blank ‘no’ response.

At tribal council Matt quickly started throwing shade, questioning whether Tess would be capable of winning and checking if Lisa and Dave were struggling emotionally. Which lead to poor Dave breaking down at tribal council over booting Matt, making Eve and Matt well up from the jury box. Talk of Matt’s exit was the catalyst for Adam’s chaos, talking about him also being blindsided by the last tribal council and questioning Lisa about trust to avoid being, and I quote, another man-bun on the jury. Adam tried to make the blindside personal, saying Lisa taking out Matt while convincing him to vote Tess made a joke out of him. Adam then turned his performance into a plea, as he and Tess begged Dave and Tara to take out Lisa instead.

Despite the fact both Tara and Dave were looking salty about their alliance with Lisa – and Dave channeled Hannah in sitting at the voting booth for a ridiculously long time – they stayed loyal and joined Queen Lisa to take out my sassy zaddy Zadam. While he took his boot in his stride, I took him in my arms just in case he needed a hug to cheer him up. We then spent our time in the Jury Villa, laughing, catching-up – I was on the same season of The X Factor as him obviously, since I have the voice of an angel – and smashing … an Adam O’Brionion Cheeseburger or three.

 

 

You know I love sticking meat in between some soft sweet buns, and let me tell you this burger does not disappoint. Crispy onions, sweet sweet barbecue sauce, creamy mayo and cheese? I’m in heaven.

Enjoy!

 

 

Adam O’Brionion Cheeseburger
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
salt and pepper, to taste
olive oil
4 Kirsten Bunst
4 slices American cheese
⅓ cup barbecue sauce
⅓ cup Shayonnaise Swain
8-12 Kent Nelsonion Rings
fries or onion rings, to serve

Method
Place the mince in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper, and scrunch to combine. Form into four patties and place in the fridge to rest for half an hour.

Place a large pan over medium heat and brush with oil. Add the patties and cook for a couple of minutes each side, or until just cooked through. Remove from the heat to rest and place a slice of cheese on top of each to melt slightly.

Split the buns and toast, smear mayo on one side and barbecue sauce on the other. Top with the cheesy patty and onion rings, and devour immediately.

 

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Chris McDouble

Burgers, Main, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor: Ghost Island, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, the second tribe swap put a pin in the long-simmering Chris and Dom feud with Naviti dwelling Dom amassing a collection of real and fake idols, a legacy advantage and complete control of the tribe. He wielded said power and influence to fell the greatest player of the game – lol, though greatest villain in forever – Bradley, sending him out to Loser Lodge before the real game ever got started.

Bucking with tradition, we opened to Yanuya and Malolo boating their way to Naviti, with Kellyn thrilled about the potential damage she could do. The Navitians arrived at the beach to welcome the rest of the merge tribe and discovered a note leading them to the other side of the island for a feast. Kellyn was thrilled, Michael felt he could finally find his feet and Dom quickly got the upperhand on Chris, giving a rousing speech to the tribe. Which TBH could paint a target on his back if Chris’ rap wasn’t so grating.

Chris and his nip-slip – swoon, I’m back – hung in the shelter when he discovered a note hidden inside his buff directing him to go to tree mail. Once there he discovered that an idol was his … if he is willing to jump on a boat in the middle of the night and participate in a quick challenge at Ghost Island without anyone noticing. Given his extreme confidence, he was all in and I love it. Though that could be the gratuitous butt and nip shots talking.

Back at camp Kellyn reacquainted herself with Chelsea, Dom and Wendell with Dom quickly saying he is Naviti strong aside for Chris. Wendell however isn’t ready to cut Chris, instead wanting to take out Michael or Libby first before the tribe goes Trump v. Kim Jong Il. Wendell played the UN role and tried to diffuse the tension between Chris and Dom and while the latter was confident, the sua-vay Chris refused to give them anything, shut it all down and firmly locked Wendell in the pro-booting-Chris camp.

That night Chris snuck away from camp as the tribe slept, arriving at a lit – literally – Ghost Island where he discovered he would be playing for J.T.’s Game Changers immunity idol, though this time it was only good for one tribal council. The game is that he can pick bamboo shoots and extend its life by one tribal … or lose his vote at the next tribal. While he was successful the first round, he lost his vote on the second round finishing with only safety at the next tribal.

The next day Chris channelled Bradley and ordered his tribemates to wait on him hand and foot. While Dom worked to rally Libby and Jenna over to his side, Chris got to work on securing Angela, Des and Laurel to his side. Dom thinks Chris is a joke, Chris thinks he is great, Dom thinks Chris is annoying, Chris loves Chris. Libby and Jenna weighed up who was the biggest threat out of Dom, who is strong and strategic, and Chris who they felt was loyal and easy to manipulate. In any event, they were both just glad to finally have a piece of power. Though that could always blow-up in their face, I suppose.

My boy Probst finally made an appearance for the first individual immunity challenge where the tribe would be required to balance on a beam and balance an idol on a long, hard rod above their head. Almost immediately Jenna was out, followed by Donathan – neither reverse the Malolo curse. Des and Angela soon followed before Probst made the tribe move to the thinner section of the beam which spelt trouble for Sebastien. Everyone else made the final section, Domenick barely … followed by Michael, Chris, Laurel and Wendell, leaving Kellyn, Libby and Chelsea to battle for immunity. The other girls continued to struggle after Chelsea dropped until Libby couldn’t hold on any longer, handing Kellyn the first immunity individual immunity of the season.

Back at camp the scrambling finally kicked it into high gear, with Chris summoning everyone but Domenick and Wendell to the well to get water and figure out how to split the vote between them. While Dom’s allies Laurel and Donathan agreed to the plan, and Chris rationalised it was the safest move for everyone … I don’t see it happening that easily. Meanwhile Dom and Wendell discovered they were alone, strengthening their resolve to get rid of Chris with the latter planning to use his idol if needs be. Thankfully Donathan and Laurel went straight to Dom and filled him in on the plan, with Donathan advised Dom stays away from Libby and Jenna despite the fact he thinks he has an in with them. While they spoke, Wendell approached Jenna, Libby and Sebastien to stop following Chris and find another option. On the flipside, Kellyn, Des, Chelsea and Angela reconvened at the vacated well to discuss taking out Libby instead while everyone else splits the vote.

The newly formed Lavita tribe finally arrived at tribal – Chris for the first time – with Probst trying to get some drama and Donathan continuing to be adorable, talking about all the new friends he made with the merge. Sebastien was a bit stoned and then Dom, finally, brought the excitement, talking about his simmering feud with Chris. He outed his fake idol which I think he sold as real, and spoke about Chris holding a grudge for him disagreeing with his first day decision. Chris said he was annoyed by Dom targeting Angela, Wendell countered he tried to go for them first. Chris was happy to finally draw a line in the sand, Dom and Wendell spoke about the well incident, which Angela defended as just wanting to stick with the majority. While Dom was terrified, Libby spoke about the stakes being high though doesn’t appear to be overly concerned for her safety. Kellyn on the other hand was super grateful to have immunity and Chris was just following his gut.

Chris’ ‘no vote’ followed a series of mysterious votes and one of the most iconic voting confessional, with Donald Glover’s cousin Wendell destroying Chris and his supposed rap skills. When it came time for idols, Dom decided to get rid of his Sierra Dawn-Thomas legacy advantage. Ultimately it was unnecessary, as the votes rolled in for Chris and Libby, with King Chris sent from the game and straight to the jury with J.T.’s idol in his pocket. Definitely not reversing the curse.

Thankfully I managed to stifle my laughter before the Noble One arrived at Ponderosa to take his place as its King for the year. While he took his exit from the game with grace and humility, he got a few licks in about Domenick as we reconnected – we met each other when he asked to be mentored as a rapper – and he waited for his post-boot Chris McDouble.

 

 

Yes, it’s another copycat burger recipe … but be honest, can you ever get enough? Perfectly seasoned beef, mustard, pickles, ketchup, perfectly melted cheese and the zing of some onion – don’t fight it, make it.

Enjoy!

 

 

Chris McDouble
Serves: 2-4.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
salt and pepper, to taste
4 Kirsten Bunst, halved
American mustard, to taste
ketchup, to taste
1 onion, finely diced, refreshed in iced water and drained
4 pickles, sliced
8 slices American Cheese

Method
Drain as much blood from the mince and scrunch in a large bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper, and form into 8 even patties.

Heat a large skillet over high heat, reducing to low when scorching. Lightly toast the halved buns before cooking the patties for a couple of minutes. Flip the patties and cook for a further minute.

To assemble, smear the top half of the bun with ketchup and the bottom half with mustard. Place onion in the ketchup on the top and layer pickles on the bottom, place a patty on the bottom top with cheese, a second patty and a second piece of cheese. Close with the ketchupy-oniony bun and devour.

 

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