Previously on Australian Survivor the tribes finally merged, with lines drawn neatly down the middle with five a piece. They celebrated the milestone with a classic Survivor auction, where Luke won the power to send someone back to camp before it even truly began. And despite Parvati giving him ample opportunities to change his mind and not make an enemy of her, she was the unlucky individual. Or as she thought, as she arrived at camp to find a large jar of cookies. And when she accidentally smashed them while trying to bury them, was even more delighted to find a Steal a Vote advantage. Despite all that excitement, the immunity challenge was cancelled due to a wild lightning storm, so the last four standing drew rocks with Tommi the lucky one to ‘win’ the first individual immunity. Back at camp Luke desperately tried to keep the Aussies together, though Kirby had other ideas, flipping to Parvati and Cirie with Shonee, and blindsiding her former ride or die Sarah in the process. Officially making her the Queen of the Jury, as she – and the audience, TBH – deserves.
Back at camp Luke quickly congratulated everyone on the spicy little blindside, despite clearly being pissed about the turn of events. Kirby pulled him aside to tell him that she had actually told him she threw out Sarah’s name, so he shouldn’t be shocked or upset, which only made him angrier. Leading he and Janine to catch up over their mutual rage, confirming the Aussie alliance is dead and that they will work with whoever it takes to carry the two of them to the end.
The tribe awoke the next day to more rain, as Kirby and Parvati flirted and couple-dressed. Kirby told us that she is all in on her alliance with Parvati, as she desperately wants to go to the end with the best of the best. The duo then caught up in the jungle with both of them playfully talking about not being sure if the other trusts them, though Kirby continued to assure her that she’d love to go to the end with her and Cirie. Which was music to Parvati’s ears, as she just wanted to get to the end, given it is so unlikely as the biggest target remaining. Parvati then caught up with Lisa, whispering about not wanting to be seen talking to each other in front of Luke and Janine as the duo were way too shifty. While pissed off Lisa, as she caught up with Kass about feeling like they have been cast aside for Shonee and Kirby.
Janine meanwhile was pissed about Kirby putting all the Aussies on the bottom, well her and Luke at least, so they split up to find a crack in the World tribe. First Janine got to work on Parvati, assuring her that she would love to work with her and Cirie, before casually digging for intel on Kass and pretending that Kass had been laying the groundwork to pull off a Parvati blindside. And whether it is true or not, the fact that Janine is orchestrating it makes me so happy. Particularly since George was saying she didn’t deserve to be here, when she does. She is an ICON.
The tribe met up with Jonthan for the latest immunity challenge where they would each have to stand on a box and hold up two weighted beams with the last person standing jagging individual immunity. And a mystery scroll. Everyone tried to take their places, with Shonee and Lisa struggling to even get started given they were so heavy. Surprisingly they lasted a minute, which is not something Cirie can say as she became the first to drop. She was followed by Janine and Lisa, as Shonee continued to struggle before finally dropping at the two minute mark. Luke was squirming and moaning for ages, though managed to hold on for five minutes, dropping just after Tommi. Kirby, Kass and Parvati continued to fight, with the latter two literally just standing like statues. While Lisa sweetly praised Parvati for being so strong. After ten minutes Kirby dropped, leaving the battle of the challenge beasts with Kass super chill, while Parvati squirmed back and forth before dropping at 15 minutes, handing Kass immunity. And the scroll, which JLP told her she wasn’t allowed to read until tomorrowmorning.
Back at camp everyone praised Kass for being so strong, questioning where she has trained to become such a beast. Parvati meanwhile was devastated, worried about Kass being immune and potentially coming for her. Thankfully she pulled her aside, telling her that she is so nervous to not be immune because she has heard that Kass had been throwing her name around. After Kass assured her it was all a lie, they agreed to stay World strong. Parv immediately caught up with Kirby, with the latter pledging her undying loyalty and assuring her that she hasn’t heard anything. And will protect her, promising to never write each other’s name down. They then locked in a plan to get rid of Lisa and Tommi, before Kirby approached Luke and Janine to loop them in. Which they were obviously keen on.
Shonee meanwhile was thrilled to have given the public what they wanted by voting with Parvati last tribal council, though could see that Kirby’s fan girling over Parv was getting a bit much. As such, she caught up with Luke and agreed that she would be thrilled to work together to get rid of Cirie instead. After giggling about having a little bit of fun, Luke pulled Lisa and Kass aside to see if they would be interested in working with them. Skillfully telling them he would happily get rid of Kirby or Cirie, whoever they preferred. Janine meanwhile was disappointed that Kass was now immune after all of her maneuvering, so caught up with Cirie and Kirby to lock in a Lisa vote instead. Before Kirby disappeared and the duo quickly started talking shit about her, before agreeing that it would make more sense to get rid of her instead. Though Cirie admitted she was nervous about missing the shot, because Kirby would clearly target them instead if she survives.
Before she admitted to us that she is frankly just terrified of all of the Aussies as they play hard.
Lisa and Kass caught up with Cirie, with the latter telling them about Janine’s plans, while Kass told her that Shonee and Luke were throwing out her name. Cirie then went to loop in Parvati, assuring her that she trusts Janine wholeheartedly, particularly since Kirby has already voted out her number one in Sarah. While Parvati was concerned about whether she could trust Kass moving forward. And the fact she promised not to vote Kirby out. Kass then caught up with Parvati, throwing out Kirby as an option and just as Parvati looked to be locking in the plan, Kirby arrived and pulled her aside. She then got a little paranoid about Parv turning on her, before confirming she won’t come for her. Though admitted to us that she feels like she is going to betray one of Kirby or Cirie, and that makes her nervous. And when Kirby mentioned that she has trust issues after Feras went back on his promise to play his idol for her, it gave Parvati the idea to do the same, as she would then have a very grateful and loyal ally in her corner.
At tribal council Lisa spoke about how chaotic it was on the beach that afternoon, with Cirie agreeing that she is even finding things moving way too fast and this is her fifth rodeo. Luke then explained everything that happened at the last tribal council, outing Kirby for blowing up the Aussie alliance and for being the reason that Sarah is on the jury. To her credit, Kirby backed her move and said you have to make a move when you can, more importantly, before the other person does, and she knew Sarah would strike eventually. With Janine agreeing that it did make sense. Cirie meanwhile wasn’t sure whether you can ever trust that conversations are true in the game, given people could be trying to play you. While Lisa joked that she tries not to lie, just flim flam. While Kass admitted she definitely cannot lie in English.
As talk went back to Kirby turning on her ride or die, she joked everyone should stop talking about it. She admitted she was hopeful that Sarah could still reward a good move if she made it to the end, because she could have easily made it against Kirby first. Cirie meanwhile was hoping to get some clarity after the vote, while Kirby was committed to doing what she said to her allies back at camp, while Parvati was just wanting to solidify her trust with someone and, ideally, clear a path to the end. With that the tribe voted and after a couple landed on Cirie and Lisa, Janine banded with the World tribe – Parvati included – to send Kirby out of the game to join her former ride or die on the jury.
To say that Kirby was emotional to be voted out, particularly by Parvatai, was an understatement. But to her credit, she took it in her stride and knew that she was fast becoming one of the biggest targets. And that is in no small part due to the fact that she plays hard, always opts to take the big move and frankly, is deadly. In all meanings of the word. So I pulled her in for a massive hug and tried to wash away the bitterness with a big batch of Brookirby Bentley.
Yeah, yeah – this is kinda, sorta a cheats recipe. But when it is this good, you can’t be made. Simply a brownie dotted with cookie dough, combining the two seems to elevate them to somewhere godly. And oh so delicious.
Enjoy!
Brookirby Bentley Serves: 8.
Ingredients 3 cups flour ½ tsp kosher salt 125g dark chocolate, roughly chopped 250g unsalted butter, at room temperature 1 ½ cup muscovado sugar ¾ cup raw caster sugar 3 eggs 1 tbsp vanilla extract 2 tsp baking powder 200g milk chocolate chips
Method Preheat the oven to 160C and 1 cup of flour and the salt into a large bowl and leave aside.
In a double boiler, melt the dark chocolate and half the butter until smooth and glossy. Remove from the heat and stir in half the muscovado sugar and all the caster sugar until combined. One at a time, whisk in two eggs until the mixture comes back together before folding in the flour and salt.
Pour the batter into a lined 25cm square cake tin and leave to rest while you prep the cookie dough.
Place the remaining butter and muscovado sugar in the bowl of a stand mixer and beat until thick and creamy. Add the egg and vanilla and continue to beat for a further minute, or until it just comes together.
Remove from the mixer and fold through the remaining flour and baking powder. Again, when just together, fold through the chocolate chips.
Dot the cookie dough over the brownies, spreading and smooshing to your heart’s desire. Pop into the oven to bake for 20-30 minutes, or until just set in the middle. And by just set, just set. Remove from the oven to cool in the pan for an hour before carving and devouring.
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Previously on Australian Survivor seven of the best Aussies were thrown into battle against seven of the best from around the globe, with us seeing big names go out back to back to back in the form of Rob, David and George. JLP then decided to spice up the Mother convention by switching things up with individual immunity for each tribe, as both tribes would attend the next tribal council. With Shonee months out from giving birth, she couldn’t jag victory in one of her signature challenges, leaving Sarah to take out victory for the Aussies. While all the internationals were still fighting until Parvati narrowly snagged victory for the World over Kass. Back at camp, Shonee found herself the Aussie target while the World tribe were torn between Tony and Tommi. At tribal council, Jonathan explained that one tribe would only be at tribal council temporarily, as a fire making challenge would decide which stays. Repeating history, poor Cirie was defeated, this time by Sarah, leading to an explosive World tribal council where Tony and Parv went to town, before the Black Widow felled the two-time champ.
And jagged the hidden immunity idol as everyone exited, even getting JLP to mind her torch while she looked.
Back at camp the new Black Widow Brigade were delighted to have survived tribal council, particularly one that was as wild and chaotic as Tony with his back against the wall. Parvati in particular was thrilled to have been able to jag the hidden immunity without anyone even noticing. Cirie was quick to remind them that while they were glad to see Tony go, she would still far prefer to be going into the merge with a 6-4 advantage, rather than being even with the Aussies. Though Kass didn’t really mind, given she, Tommi and Lisa had the power in their current tribe. And even though she knows she can’t trust Parvati long term, she will fight tooth and nail to stay in the numbers at the first merge vote.
Right on cue, the tribes met up with Jonathan the next day for a cheeky little auction, with a side of merge buffs because they have officially merged. Everyone dropped their old stinky buffs and popped on with their new ones, with Parvati immediately nervous about being the biggest target left with Tony gone. Shonee meanwhile was thrilled to be the first Aussie to make the merge four times in a row, even though she knew that the Aussies were intending to get rid of her last night, and as such, wants anyone to go except for Kirby.
JLP checked in with Lisa, who broke down about how excited she was to make the merge again. She didn’t really elaborate though, as the auction kicked off – sweet Tommi’s first! The first item was a scroll, with him quickly bidding all of his money. Kirby grew nervous and was going to buy in with rocks, and while she declined, Lukewas in. With the King of the Jungle coming out on top of the rock draw, opening the scroll in front of the merge tribe and learning that he just bought himself the power to send someone straight back to camp, promptly booting Parv and putting a massive target on his back. With her promising that it will definitely come back to bite him. She then counted down from 5 to allow him the chance to change his mind, however he didn’t, and just like that, an enemy was made.
With the iconic Black Widow alone at camp to simmer in her rage, JLP pulled out a rack of ribs and a beer which went to Shonee for $480. A heavy covered item went to Kirby for $500 after a bidding war with Sarah, which was revealed to be a big glass jar of popcorn. Similar to Ray’s famed one from Kirby’s OG season, which resulted in a massive advantage for the owner. Though seemingly had nothing this time. A club sandwich and a coke almost went to Shonee for $20, before Lisa jumped in and won it for $40. Another heavy, covered item went to Sarah which was a massive chocolate cake which she could not share. Oh and then it was over, just like that.
We followed Parvati back to camp where she was continuing to rage about Luke coming for her, feeling like he targeted her for being the biggest threat. Things quickly got better, however, when she found a massive jar of cookies, giving her the option to share them with the tribe or keep them to herself. With her grateful to keep them a secret. Well, until she tried to bury them and shattered the jar in the process. Though that did prove to be helpful, given an advantage was hidden amongst them, granting her the power to snatch someone’s idol at tribal council.
The tribe joined her just as she had finished disposing of all the evidence, allowing plenty of time for everyone to get to know each other. Tommi shared that he was hoping to get a win for Finland, while Luke wasn’t too concerned about making an enemy of Parv as the Aussies will stick together and have his back. Right on cue, we checked in with Kirby who was busy making friends with all of the World players. Luke then praised Cirie, while Parvati told Shonee she loves following her on Instagram, and honestly, this still feels like an absolute fever dream. Kirby finally caught up to Parvati, promising her that she is still keen to work with her, with the Black Widow pretending she is on the outs of her tribe and only survived because she was immune. Kirby assured her that unlike Luke, she isn’t scared of her, and wants to play with the best and as such, she wants to work with her and Cirie. With both of the US girls promising they were equally keen to work with her. Cirie threw out that she would love to work with Shonee, before Kirby said that is great, but she doesn’t think they can work with Sarah anymore as she is clearly threatened by the big players.
Kirby pulled Shonee aside to see how she was feeling about Sarah, with them agreeing that she clearly has no interest in working with them, and as such they were both keen to jump ship to Cirie and Parvati. Though Shonee cautioned that they need to make sure Sarah doesn’t get to them first. As such, we pivoted to Sarah telling Parvati that Kirby can’t be trusted and she doesn’t like threats and as such, they need to get rid of her ASAP. Parv and Cirie compared notes, realising that one of them was lying to them and while Parv wanted to work with Kirby – who she thinks is a Black Mamba – she got the vibe that Sarah’s story had more truth. Or at the very least, she was a mutual friend of David’s and mentioning him may have played into some biases. But I digress.
The newly formed Moorditj tribe met up with JLP for the first (true) individual immunity of the season – the iconic Last Gasp. Aka the one where they would each hold onto a grate in the middle of the ocean as the tide rises, with the last person left underwater winning. As the tide rose, the rain started to pour down, costing Lisa her place after just 10 minutes. She was quickly followed by Cirie, before Kirby and Parvati pulled the plug after 15 minutes, with Shonee not long after that. After 30 minutes the rain started to pelt down as a wild lightning storm raged around them. This cost Sarah her place, while the sitouts huddled under JLP’s platform and willed the challenge to just end. Which it did at 40 minutes, as the storm became too wild and production had to step in and send everyone back to shore as the lightning had started inching towards them in the water.
After the storm cleared, JLP announced that because they couldn’t finish the challenge, the four that were still in the game had two options. Agree to draw rocks for the necklace and one of them gets it, otherwise nobody is immune at the merge tribal council. And given it isn’t really a choice, they all drew rocks resulting in Tommi winning immunity. Technically.
They returned to camp just as the rain kicked back in, and while Tommi was delighted to be immune, he admitted that he definitely would have preferred to win it outright. Luke made jokes asking everyone to not vote him out, pulling Janine aside to come up with a plan to stick Aussie strong and take out Kass as the safest option. With that, they pulled Sarah and Shonee aside to float the idea, with Sarah begging them to say Lisa instead to safeguard around an idol play. While telling Lisa that Parvati was the target in the hope that she’d like to take out a massive threat and split from the World tribe. Speaking of Lisa, she was struggling to strategise, given the rain didn’t give them any opportunity to talk privately. Thankfully she, Kass and Tommi were able to make a run to throw out a plan, with World wanting to stick together and target someone that most of the Aussies wouldn’t want to go to rocks, settling on Janine. Which Cirie was equally keen on.
Sarah and Shonee caught up with Parvati and Cirie, with Sarah floating getting rid of Lisa. And while they all agreed, after Cirie and Sarah disappeared, Shonee lingered back with Parvati to give the public what they want, locking in an alliance and assuring us that she doesn’t care for the Aussies and is happy to take control. With Kirby joining them and throwing out Sarah’s name instead. And while Parvati was a little confused about Kirby turning on her former ride or die, she was also happy to vote out anyone that wasn’t her. Despite it being a massive red flag to blindside an ally. Cirie returned, happy to go wherever the numbers are, particularly after Shonee assured her that she would be down.
Cirie told us that all she really cares about is protecting the World tribe, so she looped in Lisa, Kass and Tommi on the plan, with the internationals concerned about doing whatever Kirby is saying because it could just as easily be a trap. Which Cirie agreed with, though pointed out that if Kirby is telling the truth and votes for Sarah, and the World tribe stick together, they can dictate who goes either way. Kirby meanwhile caught up with Luke and admitted that Parvati and Cirie are planning to go for Sarah, and she would be tempted to join them. Which panicked Luke, assuring her that when Sarah tries to turn on her, he will know and he will protect her, so she needs to hold firm with the Aussies for now. Finally, the Aussies came back together, agreeing to vote together and that they would be willing to go to rocks should they need to.
At tribal council Luke spoke about how hard it was to lose immunity due to mother nature, while Kass was excited they were all finally together. Despite hearing way too many names back at camp, begging the question, are the Aussies full of cracks or full of liars. Sarah meanwhile was just hopeful that the people she was speaking to were telling the truth. Kirby spoke about making new friends because it is a new game, and that they all should be looking at options if they want to make it to the end. While Janine reminded everyone how important tonight is at setting up the end game. Cirie suggested that it is less about choosing who to ride with and more about weeding out the toxic relationships. While Parv spoke about how desperately nobody wants to go to rocks, and as such, everyone has been struggling with the choice, given the OG tribes were even.
Shonee spoke about how great a merge is at saving people that were seemingly on the outs and admitted that she could be popular with the new people. Kirby spoke about the vote being about building trust, while Parv was happy to go to war with a rival alliance, should there be one. Lisa started to get spooked that the Aussies would play an idol for Sarah based on the conversations, with her, Cirie and Kass debating the merits of voting Kirby or Sarah, worried about the idol which is actually in Luke’s pocket and will only be played for him. With that the tribe voted and after three votes piled up on Janine, three landed on Kass before the rest came in for Sarah, sending her from the game as the Queen of the Jury.
Despite the heartbreak of finding herself booted from the game, the Aussie’s resident superfan took it in her stride, admitting that she didn’t play her best game this season and as such, wasn’t surprised Kirby turned on her. I pulled her in for a massive hug and thanked her for finally coming back to the game given, IMO, she was a glaring omission from every single returning player season we’ve had thus far. And while she was felled early, she more than proved me right. As such, we toasted her Mother status as we smashed a big ol’ Schnitzzarah Tilleke.
While I think I cursed her on a technicality, this is so damn good – and massive, it was hard for her to hold a grudge. You could argue it is kind of a mega parmi, given it is simply a bunch of schnitzels pushed together to form a base, slathered in sauce and topped with pizza fixin’s – to quote Jeff. But whatever name you choose to use, all that matters is that it is delicious.
Enjoy!
Schnitzzarah Tilleke Serves: 2 former models slash best friends.
Ingredients 1 cup panko breadcrumbs 1 cup flour salt and pepper, to taste 2 eggs, whisked 2 chicken breasts, cut in half lengthways olive oil 1 cup Amber Marinara Sauce 1 cup mozzarella cheese, grated ¼ cup pineapple pieces 3 mushrooms, sliced ½ a capsicum, sliced ½ a red onion, sliced 3 tbsp olives, sliced shallots, to top
Method Preheat the oven to 180C, and place the breadcrumbs in a dish, the flour in another with a good whack of salt and pepper, and the eggs in a third. Working one at a time, dip the chicken in the flour, followed by the egg and finally the breadcrumbs to full coat.
Pop the coated chicken onto a pizza tray and press together to form a circular disc, and spritz with some olive oil. Transfer to the oven and bake for 30 minutes, or until crisp and cooked through.
Once the schnitzel is cooked through, remove from the oven and smear with the marinara sauce. Sprinkle a little bit of cheese over the top, before dotting with the pineapple, mushrooms, capsicum and red onion, before giving another generous sprinkling of cheese. Transfer to the oven to bake for a further 15 minutes, or until the cheese is golden and crisp. Sprinkle with fresh shallots before devouring, like the Queen that you are.
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Previously on Australian Survivor the boys awoke on Day 46, proud to have navigated the entire game together and come out on top against all odds. Their joy was relatively short lived, however, as JLP wheeled out another painful final immunity challenge. Poor Myles only managed to last a few hours standing on tiny pegs and while AJ was super confident that he would never be stepping down, he fell off after three hours and handed Kaelan another record breaking win. And while it appeared to be great, Kaelan absolutely hated it, as he now had to betray one of his besties and ruin their dreams. At tribal council, he even pulled them aside to talk through what he should do, and despite AJ trying to lay it on thick, Kaelan made the wiser move and sent him out of the game as the final juror. As he watched on sobbing as JLP snuffed AJ’s torch.
The final two woke up on Day 47, admitting they finally slept soundly and were feeling good. After marking off the final day on the beach, Myles opened up to us about how much he loves strategy games and that all he has to do now is pitch his case. He was proud of playing such a big, loud, dramatic game, all while being targeted by each and every person. He knew that his social game was his weakness though, which led to bullets frequently firing at his head. But he pushed through it and laid low when required to make people forget about him. Though he was confident the jury weren’t thrilled with him or even thought that he deserved being crowned the victor.
As they cooked up breakfast, Kaelan was back to his usual chipper self, and shared that while he dominated challenges, he also played a strong game. He shared information when he needed to, and he always had the information because of his social game. And he used that to move the votes off his closest allies – AJ and Myles – when people started targeting them. Secretly masterminding Karin and Logan’s boots in the process. And that is what made him confident in his case, because did he mention, the jury hates Myles?
The final two made their way to tribal council where JLP outlined how things would play out. After opening statements, the jury would each ask a question before Kaelan and Myles would deliver a final statement before they headed off to vote. Kaelan then kicked off proceedings telling everyone how beautiful they were. He outlined breaking challenge winning records, but also being so kind as to distract people from how physical he was, also downplaying his intelligence and winning hearts. And it worked, as nobody considered him a threat. He then knew he could push towards the end of the game as he was so lovable, so started winning challenges and hiding behind the strategic shields in Myles and AJ. He then pointed out his biggest move was removing the biggest strategist of the season in AJ, and as such, he is the new alpha. Oh and he out brawned the brawns, and out brained the brains and as such, deserves the win.
Myles meanwhile did away with talking about a strategic or strength base game, talking about the fact he took risks all season and while sometimes his moves were a big miss, most of the time, they were massive hits. He knew he found himself on the bottom for being too enthusiastic and while he was on the bottom, he was always happy and made people want to keep him and use him. He also took all the heat, which took skill. And some personality defects, which he is aware of. He dominated with the advantages, which is a no brainer. He made it to the final three riding the dragons of the game, and then used one dragon to kill the other. While Kaelan cruised through the game, he survived in every facet and proved he is the ultimate bottom boy. Sorry, Paulie.
We pivoted to the jury where Kristin kicked things off asking them to outline who played each pillar better, with Myles agreeing Kaelan played the physical pillar best, but he dominated the strategic and social pillar. This fired up Kaelan who told everyone he owned the social as well, but the rest he agrees with. Paulie asked them what they were proud to show in the game, with Myles grateful to be able to prove that he has resilience, as it has never been tested in life. He played the bottom from day one and was able to push through, and by the halfway point, he rose. Kaelan said that he was proud of his mental toughness and trying to look after everyone he cares about. Which Kate questioned meant it was all actually an act, with the puppy pointing out anything that wasn’t strategic, was real.
Karin asked what each of them regretted, with Kaelan admitting that voting out AJ was his biggest regret as it was the only person he voted out that didn’t flip on him first. Myles wisely spoke about hating how he played from the top and while he loved the PD move, he regretted how he played the votes afterwards. Karin questioned whether he thought he would be here without advantages, with him admitting that he probably wouldn’t but he leveraged luck to make it to the end. Kaelan jumped in pointing out that he made his own luck and he is the most likely to make it to the end if they played the game multiple times. Myles agreed that some people make it all the way to the end of a poker game all the time but will never win, while Myles misplayed some games, he is far more likely to win. Essentially. Karin then pointed out to Kaelan that he was dealt consistently good hands, while he ignored it and mentioned he just made consistently small moves to keep in control. As the jury started to roll their eyes.
AJ then roasted the duo for being delusional before letting them each know what their biggest mistakes were. For Myles, it was the complete lack of logic in his final speech. Given he didn’t take the dragons to the end, if he wanted to take AJ out at five. Myles pointed out he rode the dragons for the game, but at five, he realised Zara would take him to the end and as such, wanted to protect her. So he made a decisive move and pivoted, which is what he did all season. Kaelan’s biggest mistake, however, was needing to drop the shields in fifth and fourth, however he didn’t, dragging them to the final three and giving himself a horrific uphill battle at final tribal council. And while you were correct, AJ, don’t make him cry. Kaelan argued that being a social threat, he needed to take two people that felt they could beat him in the end, as then they wouldn’t think of cutting him.
Logan asked what they would do if they woke up tomorrow and played the game again, with Kaelan standing by his game and sharing he wouldn’t change a thing as he was super confident in how he played. Myles meanwhile would have played a better social game and built positive relationships, putting a pin in strategy for the first five days and focusing on making friends. He actually thinks he learnt from his mistakes, though, throughout the game, applying everyone’s feedback and growing. And just like Kaelan, he is super proud of the game he played. And given the look on the faces of the jury, I think they were pretty proud too.
With that the jury voted, JLP brought out Myles’ bestie and Kaelan’s mum before reading the votes, crowning Myles the Sole Survivor in a 7-1 victory. Given Kaelan is human sunshine, it isn’t a shock that all he could talk about after the game was how proud of Myles he was. While the runner-ups tragically don’t get a prize in Australia, he broke a record which is unlikely to be broken any time soon and that enough is a victory. Plus, he inherited Max’s speedo and wore it for the latter part of the game, meaning he is firmly a gay icon. Which is the biggest honour a straight man can have. That and a Swedish Meatbaelan Bakehart.
As anyone that has ever been to Ikea will tell you, Swedish meatballs are always the right answer. Throw them in a baking tray with a hearty serving of mushrooms and sage, and well, they are perfection. And most importantly, easy. So, so easy.
Enjoy!
Swedish Meatbaelan Bakehart Serves: 6.
Ingredients 10g dried porcini mushrooms 750g pork mince ¾ cup panko breadcrumbs 1 red onion, finely diced 6 garlic cloves, minced 1 egg 1 tsp ground fennel seeds salt and pepper, to taste ⅓ cup olive oil 300g mushrooms, thinly sliced 800g canned borlotti beans, rinsed and drained ¾ cup double cream ½ cup sage leaves 100g baby spinach leaves grated parmesan, to serve
Method Pop the porcini in a heatproof bowl with 1½ cups of boiling water, and set aside for 10 minutes, to rehydrate and get plump.
While that is happening, combine the pork, breadcrumbs, onion, garlic, fennel and a good whack of salt and pepper in a large bowl, and scrunch to combine with your hands. Roll into golf ball sized balls and leave to rest on a lined plate.
Preheat the oven to 220C and pop a large baking dish in the oven for 5 minutes, or until nice and hot. Pour ¼ cup of olive oil in the hot tray, add the meatballs and mushrooms and return to the oven to bake for 10 minutes. Stir in the porcini and water, borlotti and cream, and return to the oven for 20 minutes, or until golden and bubbling.
Heat the rest of the oil in a frying pan and once hot, add the sage leaves and cook for a couple of minutes, or until toasted and crisp.
Remove the tray from the oven and stir in the spinach meatballs until wilted, serving with mashed potato or pasta, crispy sage leaves and a good whack of parmesan. And devour, like a gorgeous, sweet king.
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Previously on Australian Survivor sweet, gentle Kaelan continued to flex his muscle, as PD became his second victim at the reward challenge. Thankfully for his guilt, however, a torn bicep did not cost PD his place in the game. Though it did seem he would be sitting out of all the remaining challenges. Oh and Laura and Zara appeared to end their feud at the reward too! The Brain girlies were sick of Jesse and Ben’s bossiness, so planned to take them out. Sadly for them, I guess, they won immunity, sending Brawn back to tribal council. It was absolute chaos back at camp as while everyone seemed united against Paulie, they were all trying to use that to blindside AJ. Logan was gunning for him, as was Karin,, despite Zara trying to keep her calm. Luckily for them, they were all gagged when they arrived at tribal council to learn that Ben had quit off screen with zero context, saving them all.
We started the episode with an appearance from Jonathan – which always precedes something major – as the tribes were brought together for an epic challenge. As individuals, because they officially merged. Which was obvious based off the challenge structure alone, but I’ve digressed. Logan and Laura were giddy to be reunited, Kate was congratulating everyone while Paulie and Myles were thrilled to finally be on the same beach to serve twink and twunk. Logan told Laura about her idol as they hugged while Paulie felt like he was finally going to rise from the ashes. AJ, meanwhile, was ready to jag the world series poker championship that is Survivor. Seemingly unaware that, to reiterate, professional poker players traditionally don’t fare well in Survivor.
Rather than being sent back to camp, JLP actually put the newly formed tribe through their paces in the first individual reward challenge where they simply had to sloth on a rope the longest. With the victor scoring themselves a merge cocktail party with the guests of their choice. Kaelan’s second victim took his place on the sitout bench, before he was quickly joined by Laura, AJ, Karin and Jesse within the five minutes. Kaelan soon followed – this time without causing injury to anyone – followed by Kristin as Laura and Karin gossiped about who they could and couldn’t trust from OG Brawn. AJ meanwhile spoke to Kate to distract her from the pain of the challenge, while Karin read him for being super robotic and awkward. Myles was next to drop, followed by Morgan, leaving Laura, Zara, Kate and Paulie to fight it out. Despite the latter wriggling the entire time. Paulie eventually dropped, before Zara kicked off negotiations with the ladies to put an end to the challenge. With Logan and Zara dropping the instant Kate agreed to take them on the reward.
JLP pulled Kate aside to make her selections, sticking with the deal before she was given three more spots, opting for Morgan, Paulie and AJ. Thanks to his robotic chattiness. JLP then gave her one more ticket, with her selecting Kristin, which appeared to annoy Karin, despite the fact they hadn’t ever been on the same tribe. We followed the victors to their cocktail party where they smashed the snacks and grabbed their first drink. Right within sight of the merge camp, meaning the losers sat and bonded over their rage. Kate got to work bonding with the Brains she hadn’t met, hoping her time on reward would help get her out of the minority. She caught up with Logan and Kristin, with Logan telling them about the rival girls alliance and how they could now join together to take control. Karin meanwhile was heckling from the fire, frustrated to be slumming it with par-cooked beans, before chatting with Jesse about how chaotic AJ is.
Eventually the two groups joined together with Logan thrilled to have Laura back, and now, was hoping to use their combined numbers to take control and stop voting how other people want. They caught up, with Logan awkwardly sending Kaelan away when they were talking. Zara was allowed to join, however, with Logan telling her that she doesn’t want to get AJ out yet, but when she does say she needs him gone, Zara needs to get on board or they are over. Zara then confronted Laura to make sure they cleared whatever air needed to be clear after non-advantagegate, with her explaining she didn’t try and steal it, but was actually trying to help Laura. While Logan watched on, telling us that Zara is quite challenging to deal with and as such, she is still on her hit list as soon as AJ is gone.
The next day the tribe bonded as they watched the sun rise before PD shared that before the game started, he asked a man what the Samoan word for stronger together is – and just like that, the Malosi tribe was formed. With that out of the way, everyone split up to continue the get to know you game. Well except for Paulie, who was fixated on reconnecting with the former Brawn to try and find some form of alliance, entrancing Jesse with a monologue about his strength. Paulie admitted that he was super nervous about AJ, though, given he was schmoozing his way around camp to rally the troops. Not to be outdone, Paulie caught up with Myles to find out why he has struggled to find allies with the icons talking about being chaotic to save themselves while in the minority and that also burns some bridges. And ugh, please align, my queer kings. I need it. I mean, Myles told Paulie he would flourish as a bottom any day of the week.
Need. It.
The Graduates caught up under the cover of darkness later that night, with AJ in particular, thrilled to have his closest ally back by his side in the form of Myles. Both of them gloated about having all the information in the merged tribe, and while Myles was also nervous about Logan, he still wanted Jesse out first. I assume to reward the audience by having none of the idiots remain after merge.
No offense, Jesse. But you and Ben had some bad strategies. Really bad.
The next day the tribe reconnected with Jonathan for the first individual immunity challenge where they would have to balance on a seesaw, while maintaining three balls on individual tracks, with the last person standing taking out the win. PD obviously sat out immediately as everyone struggled to get their balance, so you assume one of our pilates girlies will take it, in the form of Zara and Logan, right? Laura was first out after touching her ball to readjust, quickly followed by Zara, immediately making me look as dumb as one of Ben’s strategies. And wrong. AJ soon followed, as did Kristin, Morgan, Karin, Kate and Kaelan. Everyone else lasted long enough to add their second ball, which immediately cost Paulie. After fifteen minutes, Myles dropped leaving Jesse and Logan to battle as they added their third balls. Despite some very near misses Logan continued to hold on until 20 minutes before Jesse wobbled out of nowhere, dropping and handing Logan victory.
And proving me right. Kind of.
Back at camp Logan rightfully thanked pilates for her win before gloating about not having to pack anything for tribal council. And the fact she has double protection with her hidden immunity idol, means she is ready to go on the attack. Jesse meanwhile was begging Morgan and Kristin to stick Brawn strong, with his goal to get rid of Zara. He went person to person to pull everyone in, hoping Myles would join them to take control. Logan caught up with Jesse and Paulie to float the plan to get rid of Zara, with her assuring Jesse that she is very keen to jump on board after what she did to Laura. Thankfully she knew that getting rid of Zara would upset Karin and ruin her majority, so she told us she was more likely to take out Jesse instead as it would actually not ruffle any feathers.
Kate and Morgan were even more excited by the thought of getting rid of Jesse and taking control with the women. Though Kate was concerned about not having enough numbers and as such, she decided she needed to loop in AJ, so that she could get rid of Jesse tonight, so he doesn’t have the chance to find out about it. And surely it is a good move for AJ too, right? Womp womp, AJ was still fixated on zaddy Paulie and ugh, just stop. We need him to serve looks on the jury. Sexy, slutty looks.
Since AJ seems intent on ruining my life, he pulled the OG Brains aside to question why they aren’t splitting the vote, with them reluctantly agreeing to splitingt on Paulie. Paulie caught up with AJ to tell him that both of them need to lay low, and ugh, Paulie don’t try to help him. AJ quickly looped in PD about this new plan, saying that Paulie was the ultimate target, with PD okay, as long as Kristin was onboard. Wisely PD caught up with Kristin who warned him not to trust AJ, though agreed that Paulie also couldn’t be trusted and as such, neither of them really cared about who went home. Jesse and Paulie caught up in the ocean, hoping that their Brawn and Myles plan would come together to get rid of Zara. Making Paulie feel galvanised, confident and ready to take control. While Jessse was just thrilled to get revenge on Zara for what she did to Laura, seemingly unaware that he is the Brains real target.
As someone whacked Paulie in the face with a torch on the slow-mo walk to tribal council.
Paulie arrived at tribal council with a giant bandage on his head thanks to the aforementioned injury, courtesy of Laura rather than Kaelan, the resident brute. Zara spoke about how the merge felt like they’ve just started a second marathon, while AJ was just vibing, thrilled to have made a bunch of new friends and have new options. Kate agreed that being an open book is the only way to be, coming into merge, with AJ talking about how much he loves looking into fresh eyes. Specifically Kate’s baby blues, I presume. Logan meanwhile reiterated she is here to play the game and not just make friends, while Krsitin felt that the old tribes are dead and merge, truly, is a mixed bag. Zara meanwhile was grateful to have previously been on a tribe with every single person, hoping it would prove helpful in the long run. Which Jesse suggested made you a threat.
Paulie spoke about needing to switch things up post-merge, as predictability will get you voted out. While Myles diplomatically said he would be voting with the people that kept himself safe pre-merge. Not to be outdone, Jesse said his trust is through the richter scale. While Logan joked she would be voting for vengeance, before admitting she was just motivated by boring old solidifying alliances for the weeks ahead. With that the tribe voted, everyone held onto their idols before Jesse was gagged to find himself booted from the gang. Almost as gagged as Paulie, who copped five votes in the process.
As soon as Jesse arrived at Loser Lodge, I begged him to tell me why Ben quit, but sadly he gave me nothing. Which is kind of fitting, given that is what the editors gave the duo on the show. While we didn’t see much of Jesse on the show, he seemed like a really chill guy and well, sometimes, that is enough. That and a big old Kimjesse Egg Sandoonan.
While yes, this season has kind of been all about the sando – here’s to you, Zen and Nash – when they’re all unique, and all this good. It is hard to be angry. The kimchi and umami eggs work perfectly with the egg to give you a wholly satisfying meal.
Method Pop the butter in a skillet over medium-low heat until melted, and pop the bagel in a toaster.
When the butter is nice and foamy, add the kimchi to the skillet and cook for a couple of minutes, or until warm and the butter is rich and red. Whisk the egg and tamari together, before adding to the skillet, stirring until it is almost set. Using a spatula, shape into a sandwich sized portion and top with the cheese, cooking for a minute or two, or until it is melted.
Add the portion to the toasted bagel and devour, greedily, before the cheese drips onto the plate.
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Previously on Australian Survivor the Brains smashed parmies and pints, while Myles continued to piss off Zara and Laura as he ran his mouth trying to make friends. Despite the ladies assuring him that the OG Brawn will not move for any of them. At the immunity challenge, Laura and Logan caught up and agreed that both of their tribes were clearly trying to throw the challenge, rather than Ben and AJ just being flops when it came to shooting … baskets. Back at camp an injured Noonan was irate that AJ didn’t tell her he was throwing, given she could have saved herself the injury by not participating. She then told Logan that AJ was coming for her and continued the chaos at tribal council where Paulie played his idol, which in turn spooked AJ into playing his – infuriating Karin in the process due to him keeping it from her – before Noonan sadly went home.
We followed them back to camp where AJ congratulated Paulie on his correct idol play before begging Paulie to tell everyone the truth, that he didn’t throw out Logan’s name. Which led to the duo arguing back and forth about semantics, given AJ didn’t directly say to vote her out but he clearly, heavily implied it. Practically via sky writing. Seeing this for what it is, the tribe grew tired of it so all disappeared, as Karin congratulated Paulie on his successful idol play and assured him that she trusts him. This upset AJ, who asked her to stick around and talk to him, while he tried to explain that he kept the hidden immunity idol secret because that is what you do on Survivor. While Karin argued that she just felt that if they were aligned, there wouldn’t be any secrets between them. As Logan and Paulie giggled off to the side, absolutely living for the drama. Mama.
Things were slightly less tense the next day as AJ watched the sunrise before checking in with Karin as she tended the fire. Though given their conversations were all pleasantries, he should still be nervous, despite whatever assurances she may or may not have offered. He then joined Kaelan hunting for idols to thank him for working together and being a constant in the game. Karin, Logan and Kristin caught up to talk about the former’s very emotional reaction to the idol play, before it descended into swapping stories about how AJ is telling them all the same thing. And his robotic attempts at connection are giving them the ick. And ugh, I feel bad for him now!
Paulie meanwhile was leaning into his strengths, wearing his speedo and looking like a gorgeous King. He then floated to the OG Brains that going to the merge together would be best for everyone, so they should just replace AJ with him instead. As he desperately wants to work with him, and that he is trustworthy and has integrity. Rather than AJ’s shiftiness. And he drastically improves their odds moving forward, given he has friends over on Brains. And while it was a good pitch, Karin knew Paulie was a snake oil salesman. But all of his sales come with a kernel of truth, and he is so damn likeable, that she kind of wants to see where things go anyway.
Over at the Brains Kate and Morgan were hanging by the shore and absolutely vibing, given they have the numbers advantage and don’t have to stress about anything. At all. Except for the fact that Ben and Jesse feel like they’re in control, and they aren’t feeling it, so would prefer to explore new opportunities. Jesse called everyone together for a snack, suggesting that this new tribe should be the new majority alliance rather than the OG Brawns, so they can all share margies at the Jury Villa. And while everyone smiled at the idea of having an alliance with everyone in the tribe, the girls had had it. Officially. They ventured down to the beach to wash off, reading him and his idea for absolute filth. We then got a proper introduction to Kate and ugh, she is an icon, she is the moment. She and Morgan pulled Laura and Zara aside at the well, assuring them that they want to work with them on this tribe and after the merge, despite their alliances on the other side. And just like that, Girls Gone Wild was formed and please, let this damn all women alliance stick as I need it in my life. Like, yesterday.
My love JLP returned for the immunity challenge where the tribes would face off using poles to hold a trough up. Aka the tribal version of When It Rains It Pours. Well, after a little kiki between the tribes about the mass of information that was dropped. Specifically between Zara and AJ, through mime. After Kate and Zara took their place on the sit out benches, the challenge was on. Well, for a brief moment, after Brains dropped out of nowhere in the first five minutes. With the surprise loss, everyone started to question who threw the challenge. With Morgan, in particular, irate. Obviously AJ did remind them it could have been a complete accident, but not a single Brain believed it. Particularly Laura. Though Logan was grateful to learn Zara and Laura felt safe.
Back at camp things were very, VERY, tense, as Jesse spoke about how the challenge was just so hard, aye. Happy to be done with said new Brains strong alliance and ready to get rid of one of the OGs. Myles took Laura and Zara for a walk to lock something in. And by lock in, went hunting for an idol. Meanwhile, Ben and Jesse and the former Brawns were busy locking in all their votes for Laura. With a single vote on Myles for safety. Morgan and Kate offered to go talk to Laura and Zara, with Jesse telling them it is finally time for them to get some dirt on their hands. Which obviously pissed them off, just before they ran off to talk to them. Meaning the girls promptly re-confirmed the newly formed Girls Gone Wild alliance, with Laura hoping to loop in Myles. And when she learned she was Jesse’s target, she decided to target him instead. Kate and Morgan caught up about how they navigate around PD and Ben feeling betrayed, while Laura and Zara told Myles that he and Laura are the split vote. But if they all vote Jesse, they just may take control.
Jesse and Ben, however, were feeling a little bit spooked about how much the girls were getting along. And as such, thought about looping Myles in and getting the men to load all their votes on Laura. Hilariously talking about potentially talking to Myles IN FRONT OF MYLES. Ben and Jesse were feeling super confident about their new plan, but the more they spoke, the more Myles realised that they have no idea how the game is played, and as such, ensured he will stick with the women. Despite naming the men’s alliance the Hunkz based on one of Jesse’s tatts. The bobbsey twins then pulled PD aside to loop him in, as they happily wandered off thinking 4 was a majority in a tribe of 5.
While everything felt settled, Laura started to get nervous about whether Kate and Morgan are actually with her, so pulled Kate aside to confirm. Sadly, in front of the boys. After sending Kate off, telling her to tell them she is desperate and just throwing out plans, Laura went idol hunting. And while she didn’t jag an idol, she did jag an advantage. One so good, she felt like she would be on top. Zara stumbled upon her, with the duo locking in their trust as she shared the as yet unknown advantage. Which seems kinda dicey, given Zara’s angry fuck. Despite being current besties, Zara had had it. Officially. As she just can’t catch a break and felt like the advantage was actually a disaster. Laura pointed out it is a solo game and as such, was going to play it. Not to be out done though, Zara vowed to spill the information far and wide.
We pivoted straight to tribal council where Zara refused to vote for Laura, which kind of gave a hint of what the advantage was. Jesse spoke about struggling with the poles, and that is why they dropped, not him throwing the challenge or anything. Zara meanwhile whispered to Laura that she is a rat. And once JLP called it out, Laura tried to save face, by pointing out that whoever received the most votes tonight won’t be going home and instead they would join Brawn. Zara and Myles suggested it go down to an open forum, with Laura and Zara both putting their hands up. Myles asked what the goal would be of them going, with Zara and Laura sharing why they would be best placed to foster relationships heading into merge.
Ben suggested Laura just wants to go over to reunite with her bestie, with her countering that Zara’s bestie Karin is also there. Though when Ben and Jesse pointed out Karin is working with Kristin, things looked more hopeful. Well, for Zara. As Laura congratulated her on a game well played. Ben asked Zara if she would get rid of AJ if she were to go, with her assuring them she has no interest in playing with chaotic players. Leading to the former Brawns whispering about which one was the right decision. With that the tribe voted and Zara, narrowly, came out on top. And after eventually gathering her things, she wandered off to reunite with Karin. As Laura simmered with rage, telling everyone that she wouldn’t have done that to Zara.
We followed her off to her new tribe where Karin and Logan were absolutely delighted to see their former ally. She then regalled them with the tale of how she made her way there, with her conveniently saying that she and Laura found the advantage together. She assured Logan that while the OG Brains were on the bottom of the tribe, they had all worked their arses off to make some inroads with the tribe. She then asked if they could catch her up on what she had missed, though was unsure she should do that in a group setting, given it sounds pretty feisty.
The next day Laura was still simmering with rage at Brains, talking about how angry she was that Zara stole her exit to Brawn. And when Jesse apologised, not realising Zara was hijacking it and that he would have voted differently if he did, she assured him that all her anger is directed towards Zara. Kate too was frustrated, though at both Laura and Zara, because they were about to blindside Jesse. And still could have done that, if only they didn’t find the damn non-advantage. And now that they have to wait longer, their plans could leak before they have the chance to get him. As such, Kate caught up with Jesse to talk through plans post-merge, with him rightly clocking that their alliance could crumble and suggesting that they need to figure out their next moves. With him pitching they take out Zara at the merge.
Myles meanwhile was having a good laugh, given he once again copped votes at tribal council, even though he wasn’t part of it. Thankfully, though, he assured us that he wasn’t serious about aligning with the boys, given they are idiots (my words, not his). What he was serious about, though, was finding an idol, so he scurried away to go hunting. With him once again making easy work of it, pocketing the idol and keeping our pole-dancing bi king alive for another day.
Also Ben is nowhere to be seen around camp, which feels odd, no?
We checked in with the Brawns where Zara realised she was now living a life of luxury, while Karin was just delighted to have her bestie back in the game. And hopeful that she would be able to use Zara to get rid of AJ. He obviously knew it, following them around like a bad smell every time they tried to chat, with Kaz eventually storming off, enraged with him. AJ used the time to loop Zara in on the fact that he didn’t tell Karin about her idol and how that was the final straw, after his theatrics. Though he was now hopeful Zara would be able to help him smooth things over. He told her not to trust anything Paulie says. Which she agreed with, suggesting that once he is gone, she would like to turn their attention to Logan, as they cannot risk her and Laura reuniting at the merge. Which was music to AJ’s ears, as he felt he could finally claw his way back to the top.
My love JLP returned for the reward challenge where the tribes would face off 1 on 1, sliding down a ramp to collect a ring and then wrestle it to their pole. With the first tribe to three scoring a trip to the Survivor Spaghetti Shack. Just a reminder, they would be slipping a ring on their poles, which is important. Logan and Kate were first to battle, with the icons fighting hard before Logan scored the first point for Brawn. The twink and twunk faced off again, with Paulie dragging Myles and the ring to put Brawn further in front. Morgan then destroyed Karin before Ben, who apparently was just on the toilet earlier, tied things up over AJ. Who literally just gave up. PD and Kaelan then faced off for the win, with Kaelan once injuring someone, as medical were called in as PD’s arm made a cracking sound.
As he received care, Kaelan ran to the side in tears, heartbroken to have injured someone. Again. As everyone assured him it was an accident. PD was moved off to a seat where JLP – a qualified doctor, need I remind you – and the doctor decided he may have just torn a tendon, given he could still move his arm. As everyone was focused on making sure Kaelan didn’t stress about his latest victim, Laura pulled Logan aside to warn her that Zara hijacked the non-advantage and not to trust her. Rather than calling off the challenge, JLP called that battle a draw and instead Zara and Laura would end their feud for the win. While JLP begged everyone to be gentle from now on. As they made their way to the top of the ramp, Zara apologised profusely and while it appeared that everything was all good, neither gave an inch during the challenge and after 10 minutes, Laura took out victory for the Brains. After JLP handed the Brains a scroll to explain how their feast would work, PD assured Kaelan everything was all good before he was taken off for further assessment, and ugh, seeing Kaelan break down in tears again was so heartbreaking.
We followed the Brains off to their reward where they read the scroll outlining they would each visit the shack solo. Being fair they all drew sticks, with Jesse first and Kate forced to go in last. Jesse ventured and absolutely demolished the entire set while going to town on some balls. After finding nothing, Ben went in to try, followed by Laura before Myles got to have his turn. And unlike the rest of the tribe, he emptied the bowl to discover a note telling him to check the shelf. Or so he thought, given the note actually said to check the shelter. And while he turned the place apart, he didn’t realise his mistake. Nor did Kate, who went last.
Back at camp the Brawn tribe were heartbroken to have missed out on the spaghetti, though didn’t have time to dwell, as Kristin asked if anyone managed to get information from the other tribe during the challenge. Logan obviously stayed awkwardly quiet, given Laura told her that Zara threw her under the bus at the last tribal council. Logan pulled Karin aside to see whether they can trust Zara, particularly given she is close to AJ and may just let him get away with voting her out. Logan and Karin agreed they now have the ick with AJ and while they tried to float getting rid of him with Kaelan, the quiet killer still wanted to take out Paulie first. As such, the trio went idol hunting as Logan was convinced that AJ would be the death of her. She then immediately found the idol, thrilled to have some power. And can be assured that neither AJ or Paulie don’t have it. Oh and she managed to build a little trust with Kaelan and Karin in the process, which she hoped could help her take control at the merge.
Meaning PD is definitely not coming back and this episode is now just dedicated to setting up merge plot lines, no? Though watching Karin and Logan cackle about accidentally sending home AJ on a split was fun.
We checked in with the Brains where Kate held onto a massive bag of food for PD’s return, presumably to distract herself from how irate she was with Jesse for eating all the meatballs. While Myles was angry at himself for not finding the idol on the shelf. Thankfully he perked up after finding the scroll in the shelter, and this one was actually good, the power to steal an idol before JLP sends people off to vote at tribal council. Aka Knowledge is Power.
The tribes reunited for the latest immunity challenge where PD joined them with his arm in a sling. Again, the second person to become Kaelan’s victim. Thankfully for Kaelan’s guilt, PD was allowed to stay, Missy style, as his bicep was just torn. Though JLP cautioned that he may not be able to compete in every challenge. PD promptly sat out for the Brains meaning AJ had to sit out on Brawn. Which was wise, as it was a challenge that one person could throw. Everyone would hold a rope to balance a disc while they worked to build a stack of blocks on top. With the first to ten scoring immunity. Logan ran the Brawn tribe like it was a military operation, getting out to a huge lead as the Brains struggled to figure it out. Until Brawn dropped after loading their ninth block, opening things up for Brains. Brawn caught up and then dropped again, before Kate put everyone out of their misery, saving the Brains stack while placing the final block.
Back at camp Paulie and AJ were both feeling anxious, pulling their people aside to find some allies. Paulie tried his luck with Kristin, while AJ, Karin and Kaelan caught up, with AJ pretending he will be fine to be the split vote to apologise for playing so crazily. He, Karin, Zara and Logan caught up by the well with Zara telling AJ to pull his head in and make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid. As she will not tolerate his bullshit. Karin, meanwhile, wanted to make AJ sweat a little to punish him for his theatrics. As such, she caught up with Paulie with our zaddy reiterating that she can not trust AJ and he clearly isn’t going to help her make it to the end. And as such, she needs to jump on board his plan to get rid of AJ before he gets rid of her. Paulie pulled Kristin aside to float the idea of her playing her idol for him tonight to send AJ home instead. He made a very wise pitch, suggesting that if she saves him, at the merge they just need to pull PD over and then they can play the middle for the first few votes. Which Kristin found hilarious given she now holds all the power, and PD is actually her ally anyway.
AJ started to get nervous as Paulie and Logan kikied in the shelter, so pulled Kaelan aside to talk through the vote and make sure he didn’t need to worry, given Paulie seemed way too comfortable. AJ was confident that Kristin and Zara wouldn’t turn on him, but was concerned about Karin and Logan. And given he was nervous about a Paulie idol play, he wondered whether they should be talking out Logan instead. He clocked that Kate and Morgan would join Logan and Laura at the merge and become a dangerous foursome, while Paulie will always be a target. And while Kaelan tried to talk him off the edge, Zara joined the boys to confirm with them that the Paulie plan is still on. Kristin and Karin joined the fray, with Kristin telling them everything and shutting it all down. Though trust, Karin was kinda hoping for some drama or an idol play, so she could see AJ accidentally heading out the door.
When the Brains arrived at tribal council, the tribe – along with us – were gagged to learn that none of them would be going home tonight as tribal council was cancelled. Ben had opted to quit the game, off screen, leaving us with no clarity or final words. After an assurance that one of them just got a second chance, they all got sent back to camp as I made a beeline for the airport hoping to catch Ben. And while he was already through customs, I wasn’t able to get answers about his mysterious exit – let’s pray the producers give us something tonight – I was able to lob a Peanut Butter and Chocolate Bendt Bylett Cake to him for the flight home.
Despite leaving no impact on the season, Ben lucked out with arguably the best recipe – a NYT copycat – as this cake is God tier. I mean, you can’t go wrong with the combination of peanut butter and chocolate. And when we slather it in two glazes, it is even better.
Enjoy!
Peanut Butter and Chocolate Bendt Bylett Cake Serves: 12.
Ingredients 240g smooth peanut butter 115g cream cheese, at room temperature 75g muscovado sugar 5 eggs, at room temperature 1 tbsp vanilla extract 430g flour ¾ tsp sea salt, plus a pinch for the icing 95g cocoa powder 240ml boiling water 240ml cold natural yoghurt 225g unsalted butter 120ml vegetable oil 400g caster sugar 1 ¼ tsp baking powder ¾ tsp baking soda 140ml thickened cream 60g smooth peanut butter 60g icing sugar pinch of sea salt 55g dark chocolate
Method First in a stand mixer, cream 180g of the peanut butter with the cream cheese and muscovado sugar using a paddle attachment on medium speed for five minutes, or until light and fluffy. Egg one of the eggs and a teaspoon of the vanilla, and mix until fully incorporated. Reduce to low and gently add three tablespoons of flour and ¼ teaspoon of salt and mix until just combined. Transfer to a bowl while you work on the chocolate cake.
Speaking of which, preheat the oven to 170C. Lightly butter a bundt tin and dust with cocoa to fully coat.
Pop the 95g of cocoa in a small bowl and whisk in the boiling water to form a nice, chocolatey slurry before adding the yoghurt and whisking to combine. Leave to rest.
Meanwhile combine the butter, oil and caster sugar in the bowl of a stand mixer and cream with a paddle attachment on medium for five minutes, or until light and fluffy. Reduce to medium and add the remaining four eggs one at a time, allowing the mixture to come back together after each addition, before adding the remaining vanilla. Whisk the remaining flour in a bowl with the baking powder, soda and salt. Reduce the mixer to low and slowly add a third of the flour until it is all combined. Add half the cocoa-yoghurt, and once it is combined, follow with a third of the flour, followed by the remaining wet ingredients and then the remaining flour until the batter comes together.
Pour about two-thirds of the chocolate batter into the lined bundt, spreading to form an even layer, before carving a little moat in the middle of the ring. Spoon in the peanut butter batter, before covering with the remaining chocolate batter, once again smoothing the top. Pop the bundt on a lined baking sheet and pop it in the oven to bake for 60-75 minutes, or until an inserted skewer comes out clean. Transfer to a wire rake to cool in the pan for ten minutes, before flipping and allowing to cool completely.
While the cake chills, get to work on the glazes. First, heat 60ml of the cream in a small pot and combine the remaining peanut butter with the icing sugar and a pinch of salt in a small bowl. Once simmering, pour the cream into the peanut butter and stir until combined.
Repeat the process with the remaining cream, this time pouring it over the chocolate in a separate bowl and stirring until it is melted and combined.
To decorate, transfer the cake to a baking sheet and spoon half the chocolate glaze over the top, allowing it to drip down the sides. Follow with half the peanut butter glaze, before repeating the process, swirling the glazes with a spoon to make it nice and pretty.
Allow the glaze to set for half an hour before carving and devouring, solo. While it’s namesake flies away from the island with no context.
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Previously on Australian Survivor two new tribes of Brains and Brawns were dropped in the islands of Samoa to be put to the ultimate test. This time, starting the game with a roaring fire each, though no flint. And given that was being highlighted in the episode 4 recap, one of them is going out tonight, right? After losing the first immunity challenge, the Brawns bounced back and won two in a row. Sadly for them, they did have a loss as Zen went out after breaking a finger in a challenge. Nash found an idol in the opening minutes, though given how badly he flopped the game, he immediately had to play it to stay alive. After winning the reward, Paulie found the newly hidden one – thank f – and tried to keep it secret from his ally Noonan. Over at Brains, after losing the third immunity AJ tried to take out Logan while everyone was distracted by the Kent and Myles feud. Despite his best attempts, his plan failed though was successful in making her well and truly pissed, despite Kent going home.
We checked in with Zaddy Paulie and the Brawn tribe, where Noonan was desperately trying to help Paulie find the idol, unaware that my king already had it stuffed down his pants. And while he felt bad to have kept the information from her, he didn’t feel bad enough to tell her. Being an icon, he then began to speculate that Nash had found it before he got the chance. He shouldn’t feel too bad though, as she assured us that if she got to the idol first, there is no way in hell she would tell Paulie about it. Which is just bad allyship, right? I mean, on mardi gras week?!
Over at the Brains everyone was thrilled to be Kent free, watching the planes fly overheard, grateful that he is likely on one of them, departing the island. Sadly for them, with Kent not around to tend the fire at night, theirs went out – as predicted – which left them all tired and starving. Instead of dwelling on that, Logan turned her attention towards the firing rage within, which was a plan to get revenge on AJ for trying to get rid of her. Because cute and fun people shouldn’t be punished for being cute and fun. Thankfully AJ is as smart as he is cute, realising he tanked his gang and as such, needed to make another move to save it. We then got a cute flashback of AJ catching up with Kaelan and Rich after tribal council, planting seeds that Logan and Laura were both coming for him. Rich started to absolutely spiral and as such, he decided he needed to get rid of Logan ASAP.
Back at Brawn the tribe made a clock out of Zen’s old shoes while Nash completely failed at the basic task of sitting (let’s not talk about it being in a hammock, which is tough). Despite losing his ally Zen, he was confident the rest of his alliance – Ursula, PD and Kristin – were still loyal, so he just needed to bamboozle one more person. After seeing Jesse was regalling the tribe with a tribute rap to Zen, and clearly loving his energy, he realised he had to go a different route. Specifically, emotional blackmail. He broke down by the shore, leading to sweet, sexy Paulie coming down to comfort him and hot damn, Paulie. Could you please stop? My basement is flooded.
My love JLP returned for the reward challenge where everyone would be paired up to balance on narrow pegs which got progressively narrower over time. With the tribe to have the last pair standing winning a good, old-fashioned sausage sizzle. Or as I prefer to call it, a sausage fest. That being said these challenges are never that fun to recap, so let’s just go through everyone that dropped. Nash, obviously, was first to go after 30 seconds, taking Noonan with him. Ben and PD joined them on the Brawn bench before everyone else moved to narrower pegs at the ten minute mark. That cost Rich and AJ their place, as the rest of the Brains told them to get intel on the bench. Kaelan and Max dropped, followed by Laura and Karin, giving Brawn the upper hand. At 20 minutes, Ally and Myles exited, leaving Logan and Zara to carry the hopes of the tribe on their shoulders as they moved to the narrowest pegs. Ursula dropped out of nowhere, followed by Paulie and Jesse leaving the icons to battle the equally iconic Kate and Morgan at Brawn. Who eventually gave up, giving Logan and Zara the hero moment they deserve.
Knowing they were desperate, JLP decided to get spicy and give them a choice – either take the sausage sizzle, or take a flint to restart their fire and give the sausage sizzle to their rivals. Feeding them and potentially pushing them to victory at the next immunity challenge. Ally advocated for them to play it smart and take the flint so they have consistent food for the weeks ahead. Rich, however, cut her off and said he was hungry and wanted a snag, putting it to a vote instead. Which promptly went in the favour of the food.
We followed the Brains back to camp where they were delighted to find a barbecue set up by the shore. Much to Ally’s rage, who still felt they should have taken the flint and struggles to keep her opinions to herself. Ignoring the fact they could have lit a napkin on fire on the barbecue to restart theirs, but whatever (I know production probably banned it). As everyone sat down to smash their feast, Rich realised that the boys and girls were clearly divided and as such, he wanted to formalise something with the rest of the boys. Rich told everyone that Logan is after him and as such, the boys all need to stick together to protect all of their games. When it really feels more like a him problem. Max, Kalaen and Rich pushed really hard for Myles and AJ to join them despite clearly being on the bottom, before christening their alliance with a name – the Bomb Squad.
That night we checked in with the Brawns, where the tribe delighted in having a fire and laughing about the misfortune of their rivals. Nash meanwhile was bored, given nobody was playing the game as hard as him. Apparently. He then shared with us that he had actually thrown the first immunity challenge, which TBH, makes a lot more sense given nobody can be that stupid. He wanted to build trust, however, so decided now was the right time to lock in with his allies, so told PD, Kristin and Ursula the truth. Much to the absolute rage of PD, who wasn’t sure whether Nash was just dumb and trying to save face. But either way, if this gets out to anyone else, Nash, you in danger, girl. Particularly since Ursula was close to becoming his collateral damage already.
We arrived at the next immunity challenge where the tribes competed in some ball sports, another favourite activity of mine. In groups, two members of each tribe would face off to collect a ball before passing it to someone on a platform, who would kick it at the goal which was guarded by another person.
First up, Ben, Jesse, Nash and PD faced off against Myles, Kaelan, Nash and Logan. And while Brawn collected the ball first, PD kicked it at the wrong goal, which allowed the Brains to pass it over to Myles. And despite his own tribe thinking he was a bad choice for the kicker, he promptly scored the first point. Morgan, Ursula, Noonan and Paulie faced off against Rich, Zara, Karin and Ally, with Noonan tying things up on her second kick. We got a rematch of the first round, with Rich trading places with Logan, with Myles proving himself a beast, as her quickly scored his second point of the challenge. Like the pole dancer king that he is. Myles and Rich stayed in their places as Laura and Karin faced off against Morgan and Ursula in the field, with Myles literally securing his hat trick and pushing the Brains further in front. In the fifth round, the Brains left Myles where he was which proved sensible as he kicked his fourth goal and handed Brains immunity.
Again, icon.
Back at camp Brawn lamented their loss, while Noonan led everyone in praising Myles as a star athlete. She then swiftly turned her attention towards getting rid of her nemesis Nash, pulling aside Morgan and Kate to make sure they weren’t still locked in with Nash after turning on Candy at the first tribal council. As the girls and Paulie locked in their plans, Ursula realised that being aligned with Nash was a bad idea and as such, she joined them to assure them she is open to anything. This pissed off Morgan, calling her out for only coming to them when she is in trouble, which is fair, while Paulie tried to calm them all down. Realising she needed to do something major, she told them that Nash threw the first challenge, reminding them that she clocked it from the start and they need him out ASAP. Which was all it took to assure them she was in with them. Nervous about him pulling off another miracle, Noonan didn’t want to split the vote, telling Paulie to go get his idol to keep them all safe.
To his credit, Nash wasn’t overly worried about going home, assuming he and his allies would be able to pull off another miracle. He approached Jesse and Ben to try and convince them that without Zen, he has no buddies left in the game and as such, wants to align with some fun friends. Like, say, them. He then took Jesse to talk to Ursula and Kristin, with Ursula slipping and telling Jesse that Nash threw the challenge. To distract, Nash then decided to target Morgan, for reasons, pulling Paulie aside and praying for a miracle.
After praying by the ocean, Nash got to work idol hunting and fuck me dead, he found another one. Or at least pretended that he did. He read a note and ran away from Paulie, who asked him to show him the idol. Nash told him there was no need to, as he’ll see it later that night. And while nobody wanted to believe he had found another one, they were also terrified about not splitting the vote and as such locked in another couple of votes on Ursula. Everyone then got to work tailing Nash for the rest of the afternoon, while he locked in his alliance with Kristin before trying to convince Paulie or Noonan to join him instead and flip on Morgan. Though given his pitch was that he was playing the best social game and that they needed him if they’re going to survive the merge, me thinks it won’t work. Because if your social game was good, you wouldn’t have been a target from day one. He then took that pitch to Jesse, telling him he can’t confirm whether he has an idol as they aren’t connected. But if he votes out Morgan with him, he will take him to the end. Which, to reiterate, is never happening as Nash will not last the week without a string of increasingly wild miracles.
At tribal council Noonan spoke about how the short break from tribal council had helped them come together, with Paulie agreeing that they have all come together and become a family. Ursula meanwhile realised she was well and truly on the bottom, all because she was aligned with Nash. Though she did caution everyone that anything can happen at tribal council. PD agreed that being aligned with Nash isn’t helpful before Kate reiterated she doesn’t hate Nash, just doesn’t think he is playing the good, honest game he has told them he is playing. Given he threw the first challenge. Nash tried to explain it away as wanting to figure out who he could and couldn’t trust. Which annoyed the hell out of Noonan, who pointed out he put his alliance in danger in the process as Ursula almost went home. Kate and Morgan joined the fray, with the latter cussing him out for being a hypocrite because he would be irate if she threw sandbags at his head, rather than at the discs. Which fair. Violent, but fair.
Noonan admitted she is now terrified of ever touching a puzzle, given he completely screwed her over by making her look like a flop. While he just thought they should all move on. Paulie felt Nash threw a challenge way too soon, while Nash tried to make a play for their hearts talking about how he loves them. Before doubling down on his potential idol, with Paulie just asking him to flop it out and show them what they’re working with. Or shut up. Ursula spoke about being nervous given the vote will be split between her and him, with Nash trying one last mind game, suggesting they load the votes on him and just see how things play out. While Jesse was nervous about Nash maybe, just maybe, actually having a trick up his sleeve. With that the tribe voted and despite Nash’s assurances that he had an idol, he didn’t – despite taking a theatrically timed sip of water to scare them. And thankfully, the Brawns stuck to their guns and finally sent him out the door.
By the time Nash arrived at Loser Lodge, I had softened slightly. Do I think he played a terrible game and shouldn’t have tried to copy his friend’s winning path last year? Yes. But the man also gave us some drama, and an iconic flameout is always a delicious thing to watch. As such, I pulled him in for a massive hug and after whispering to never copy the strategy of the winner everyone watched before departing – if we learnt anything from Abby in All Stars, it is that you target the same type of player – thanked him for giving us a show, however brief it ended up being. Before toasting his drama with a gloriously soothing Nash Brown Sando.
If there is one thing I’m going to do, it is find a way to sneak a potato into a meal it isn’t traditionally. And since I have a bit of a thing for a hashie-b, using it to form a breakfast sandwich was frankly a no-brainer.
Fry up the bacon until nice and crisp, before transferring to a plate lined with a paper towel to drain. Crack the eggs into the fatty pan and fry to your liking.
To assemble, pop a hash brown on a plate followed by some bacon, an egg, the cheese, another egg and some bacon. Drizzle with the hollandaise, close the sando with a hashie and devour, like an icon.
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Previously on Australian Survivor, well four years ago, we Mad Max-ed a collection of brutes and brains into the Queensland outback due to that little thing called COVID we’d all like to forget about. Despite doing away with the tropical islands, the battle remained the same and for the first time globally, the brainiacs got the upper hand as the toughies exited one by one until Queen Hayley slayed and defeated George. Like she should have, despite being voted out mid-game. Fast forward through a snooze to crown Mark, Liz defeating returnees and Feras defeating his bestie Kirby, and JLP decided it was time to get into his Charli XCX era to remix Brains V Brawns. Though back in the Samoan jungles, home to the iconic OG winner, our Samoan Sea Witch.
Begging the question, does that mean the literal witch on the cast is winning? I hope so.
As has become tradition, we made our way into said jungle with the castaways running onto our screens through gorgeous, slow-mo shots before we first meet Olympian Morgan, who is strong, sassy and well, easily destined to be a favourite. She was joined by Noonan, an iconic female local footy player who is ready to make a name for herself and yes, queen, she is my new favourite. Next up was Rapper Zen who assured us he could have been on the Brains tribe and TBH, he is ripped, so if he is in a speedo, I would be open to stanning.
While the Brawns ran through the jungle, the Brains were smart enough to hitch a ride to their camp on a bus which makes them early favourites to win the opening challenge as they won’t be exhausted, no? Plus, Dr Karin looks ripped and iconic, and could drag me through the jungle with her pinky. Rich, meanwhile, is a director and well, is confident. But that is about it. As is financial analyst Myles who joked about being a freak in the (spread)sheets and straight up pole dances in his spare time. So yeah, we have a new favourite and well, good luck knocking this King from the throne that is my heart. Max meanwhile has veins in his brains but literally got drenched by a wave in his opening confessional which means he will flameout, no?
Finally the tribes arrived to officially meet JLP by the ocean where Noonan quickly locked in her nickname and reiterated how confident she is that the Brawns will destroy. AJ on the Brains, meanwhile, was pretty confident that a Brain would win this match up … 50% of the time, much to the dismay and confusion of the tribe. Indy meanwhile told the Brawns she thought they’d be fitter, while we met Nash who is a friend of Feras, which means he’ll be an early out by laws of Drag Race (where winner’s children go out early in future seasons).
After dishing out buffs, JLP put the tribes to the test in the first reward challenge of the season which was super simple – collect a key from a very tall pole using only sandbags and palm fronds. JLP then explained that this season they would start the season with lit fires, but they would not have a flint. The prize for winning the first challenge was a construction kit back at camp to provide shelter and one would assume, protect the flame. That or I missed it and they would get a flint too. Who knows slash who cares, TBH? The Brawns got out to an early lead with Zaddy Paulie quickly getting to the top of the heap – and my heart – but realised his pole wasn’t thick enough to do any damage. This allowed the Brains time to close the gap until AJ snapped his stick. Brawns then pivoted to standing Kate on their shoulders, while Max tried to toss a bag at the key which ended up creating a barrier to block their key from moving, allowing Brawn to power ahead and snatch victory. Because all of the Brains men just kind of gave up. Except for pole king Myles, obvi.
We followed the victors back to camp where the tribe were feeling confident now that they had witnessed the Brains lack of brains, as Paulie led the team through some introductions. With Zen using the time to drop some beats, which both shamed and delighted Noonan, making her my fave. After they unlocked their reward and split some bananas, Jesse and Ben led the rest of the tribe to whip up a shelter, everyone was quickly getting to work bonding. This frustrated Nash who thought they were wasting time and not focusing on important things like starting strong and finding said idol. And as much as I’d like to say he didn’t find one, he did and ugh, I hope he just doesn’t play it and goes out ASAP because I’m already bored.
After gloating to us about being a star, he pulled out the idol to show Zen just how good he is, quickly locking in an alliance between them in the process. We then learnt he is a sweet family man, which made me soften just a little bit and feel bad about irrationally hating him 15 minutes into the season. Until he walked back into camp wearing his idol for attention. Thankfully nobody gave a shit at all, given they were focused on building shelter. That is until Ben finally spotted it. As Paulie and the girls’ raged about how silly he was being – icons, each and every one – Nash tried to build an all male alliance, solidifying the fact I need him to bounce in week one. Preferably today, right now.
We pressed pause on Nash’s shenanigans to check in with the Brains tribe where primary school teacher Max tried to get everyone to push ahead despite him losing the challenge for the tribe. After being called stupid a couple of times, he led them through introductions before we met Queen Zara who is super smart and ready to lead an all women’s alliance. I hope and pray. Particularly if it includes good witch Laura who is iconic just because she is a witch, and potentially our prophesied winner. After reading auras she realised she couldn’t work with Kent as his colours are all off. Thankfully she and Myles were vibing, along with Logan – the second coming of Shonee – and my Queens Zara and Karin. With the girls keen to form a coven and dominate the game. So yeah, lock it up – this is the alliance I want to ride to the end with.
Back at Brawn, young Zen decided to go swimming and show off his body in a speedo, which is a win and the smartest way to my heart. Sadly he said he wanted to downplay his testosterone and intelligence, which is insufferable. Particularly coming from the youngest person on the tribe. But he continued to wander around in the speedo, so I will forgive him. With Nash firmly in a power position with his idol, everyone decided to buddy up to him in the interim, with Noonan admitting to us she didn’t want to play his game nor let him dictate how they play. So let’s home this queen can navigate around it and get rid of him ASAP.
We went back to Brains where we learnt that everyone already hated Kent, as he barked orders and tried to elevate them from their mediocrity. His words, not mine. So snooze, goodbye. Take your millions of millions of dollars, and go home. As everyone tried to sleep, he snuck out of the shelter and pulled a Sandra by throwing Max’s hat in the fire, unaware that it actually makes him Holly Hoffman, rather than the iconic two-time winner. Though without Holly’s likability to overcome the drama. He then gaslit Max, telling him his hat was deep in the jungle when he woke up. He started cackling to us, promising to slowly poison the tribe with toxicity. First setting his sights on framing our pole dancing King Myles for the hat burning, so like Nash, girl bye.
The tribes reconvened with JLP where the Brains were gagged to see my nemesis Nash walk in wearing his idol proudly. Which hopefully pushes the Brains to take out the win. Particularly after Zara suggested he can use it tonight, like the damn icon she is. Speaking of which, the tribes would race to drag a heavy coconut snake through obstacles before using them to lower a gate to access a puzzle which they would have to solve. Obviously. Despite being the weaker of the tribes – apparently – Brains got out to an early lead with Max redeeming himself for the reward challenge. Brawn started to close the gap, until they started to completely fall apart allowing the Brains to pull further ahead. As Laura and Indy got to work on the puzzle, Nash ate it trying to get to the Brawns one. And then proceeded to just watch and then actively hinder as Noonan tried to close the gap. Which obviously meant Indy and Laura snatched victory for the Brains.
Back at camp the Brawns quickly turned their attention to taking out Nash, who tragically knew he would have to play his idol. He, meanwhile, decided they should get rid of Candy, who we barely know and well, that breaks my heart as she gives country Courtney Yates vibes. He quickly rallied some troops, however thankfully, his pushiness pissed off Kristin. He meanwhile continued his assault locking in numbers one by one, until coming up to Noonan who admitted she is nervous given he is 100% safe. Clearly signalling she wants to vote for him. Jesse thankfully was equally as pissed, thinking they should continue to focus on him as he is potentially arrogant enough not to play it. He and Noonan rallied a counterattack, with everyone ready to split votes on Nash and Ursula to control the vote no matter what. Oh then we learnt that even his allies PD and Zen were considering joining them to flush Nash’s idol
Sweet Noonan was obviously thrilled with the turn of events, sadly unaware that Zen was letting him know that the only way to save himself was to play his idol and vote for Ursula. This enraged one week wonder Nash, who stomped off to let her know she is the new target rather than Candy. Speaking of Candy, Paulie and Noonan – my new fave duo since Shonella – were busy letting her know that she is Nash’s target and as such, needs to not panic to avoid people turning from Ursula. Or, you know, Nash not playing his idol. Nash meanwhile was busy talking to Morgan and Kate, assuring them he will protect them if they join him and get rid of Candy instead of Ursula. But given his argument was to target Kate next, you’d hope she would stick with Paulie, Noonan, Ben and Jesse rather than the attention-seeking, chaos agent.
At tribal council JLP quickly addressed Nash and his idol, who doubled down on needing to make big moves from the very start. He gloated about finding the idol five minutes in, with Noonan pointing out that they all learnt about it six minutes in, which was a dumb move. And all he cared about was forcing everyone to play the game from the very first moments and play hard. Candy meanwhile got sassy, pointing out it is a bold move while Paulie straight up said that Nash has no hope of making it anywhere near the end after how he started the game. Zen meanwhile defended his ally, though pointed out it wasn’t the smartest move for Nash to try and align with him within five minutes of arriving. Nash continued to play cute, pretending he was considering not playing it before Candy announced that she knew she was Nash’s target, with Ursula pointing out that she is a target too, and for no other reason than being perceived as an ally of Nash.
Ursula pointed out Candy was a target because she was weaker in challenge, with Candy in turn pointing out that not all challenges are strength based and she could be an asset where Ursula can’t. Leading to Ursula doubling down on being an asset every day of the week, so a couple of people considering voting Nash could easily just switch to Candy and guarantee her strength stays not matter what. With Kate and Morgan whispering about it being a good idea. As Zaddy Paulie looked on nervously. With that the tribe voted, Nash did end up playing his idol and poor Candy tragically found herself becoming the first boot of the season.
By the time Candy arrived at Loser Lodge, I was simmering with rage. I quickly pulled her in for a hug and gave a shrug, because honestly, there wasn’t much she could do to navigate the chaos that Nash stupidly caused in the first days. Given the circumstances, there really wasn’t much I could actually say to her other than my go-to line that being a first boot is fundamentally more memorable than every other place in the pre-merge, so at least she will be remembered. Plus, she was doomed by Nash’s terrible move which screams robbed goddess, which makes her primed for a return. So between that and the Ricotta and Candried Tomato Roulade I whipped up, she was feeling better in no time.
I love nothing more than a little roulade. They are one of those meals that look fancy and like you’ve put in a lot of effort, but are actually shockingly simple to whip. Simple and delicious, the ultimate combo.
Enjoy!
Ricotta and Candried Tomato Roulade Serves: 4.
Ingredients 600g chicken breasts 8 slices prosciutto 200g firm ricotta ½ cup parmesan, grated 100g sundried tomatoes, sliced 1 tbsp sage leaves, thinly sliced 1 egg salt and pepper, to taste
Method Preheat the oven to 180C fan-forced.
Slice each chicken breast in half lengthways, and flatten with a frying pan to form half-centimetre slices.
Place a piece of cling on the bench and layer the strips of prosciutto, overlapping slightly, to form a rectangle. Top with the chicken to cover, pressing to make sure there are no gaps (or as few as possible).
Combine the cheeses, zest, tomatoes, sage and egg in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper, and form into a sausage-shape along the middle of the chicken. Using the cling, slowly roll the chicken to enclose the cheesy filling, with the prosciutto sealing it into a giant sausage. Place on a lined baking sheet, seam side down and bake in the oven for 30 minutes, or until the chicken is cooked through and the prosciutto is crispy.
Remove from the oven and allow to rest for five minutes before slicing and serving with your favourite side. And devouring, like our tragic first boot.
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Previously on Global All Stars the dolls had to partner up with their best Judy to share a cocktail. And by cocktail, switch supplies they had prepared prior to departing for the show and whip up a cocktail gown using their sisters’ goods. Obviously this created excellent television, as while Tessa lucked out and jagged a suitcase full of Alyssa’s finest, Nehellenia was pressed by the expensive fabrics supplied for her by Kitty. Which obviously didn’t sit well with Kitty. As could be expected, Tessa’s luck helped her pull out her first win as she put the luxe goods to exquisite use. Alyssa’s attempt with Tessa’s literal scraps somehow kept her out of the bottom, as poor Soa’s floppy edges and Gala’s gorgeous albeit very high-necked look landed them in the bottom. With the queen of my heart, Soa, tragically felled from the competition.
Backstage everyone was heartbroken to have lost Soa, particularly Kween, given she felt like Soa had become her older little sister. The eulogising didn’t last for long, however, as Alyssa turned the attention back to Gala, praising her for her stunning lip sync and now being the assassin of the season. As Gala and Vanity spoke about the need for them to rise to the top this week and cement their places in the competition, Alyssa praised Tessa for taking out the win and growing each and every week. With Tessa suggesting that Alyssa is now part of the Haus of Testicle, rather than her joining the Edwardses as she first thought. So it is now Alyssa Edballs, if you will.
The next day everyone did a quick win count, with Nehellenia and Gala disappointed to be the only dolls that haven’t cut through for a win yet. Gala opened up about the fact she almost quit last week due to the inner saboteur, with Kween once again jumping in and encouraging her to harness the voice to push herself, but to also know when to tell it to shut up. Like you would Tessa, for instance. As Gala broke down, Alyssa encouraged her to have the tears and feel what she needs to, but know that she is making her country proud.
Ru stopped the love fest to announce that they would be continuing the vibes by posing for profile pics for the queer male dating app Archer. Serving thirst trap quick drag. Kitty was a slutty Patsy Stone, Tessa was a literal blow-up doll, Nehellenia was delightfully demented, Gala was rich and stunning, Kween gave butch Beyonce, Pythia gave hairy Lisa Rinna while Alyssa was just glorious and gorgeous. Oh and then Vanity stole the show giving plumped perfection. Well, until she popped. Given Gala serves sex at all times, she rightly took home victory. The love didn’t stop there, though, as Ru announced that for this week’s maxi challenge they would be playing the Snatch Game of Love trying to win the hearts of Supremme’s boys, Los Javis.
After Ru exited, the dolls split up to talk through their characters while Vanity and Kween speculated who would struggle in the challenge. Both in agreement that Gala could run into problems, given she was in the bottom in her original season. While Alyssa tried to get her to remember all she needs to do it make Ru laugh, not to a killer impression. Just like that, Ru was summoned as Tessa shared that she would be playing Susanne Bartsch, Kween was considering doing the Rock OR an undisclosed mystery character. Nehellenia spoke about being nervous about the challenge, with Ru encouraging her to ignore the questions and just be fun. Alyssa was rocking Annie Oakley like All Stars 2, Vanity was planning to do the euphoric Loreen – much to Ru’s nerves – while Gala was planning to do Mexican icon Laura Leon. Pythia was going with Arnie despite Ru wanting her to play a Greek or Canadian icon, while Kitty was going to play Princess Di, may she rest in peace.
As is oft the case, Ru’s visit got a few of the queens in their heads with Pythia thinking about pivoting to Zeus. Despite the fact she would need to build a look from scratch and find the character in 10 minutes.
We pivoted to the Snatch Game of Love set where the first four dolls got ready to face off for Javier Calvo’s affection. Kween Kong as Kween Schlong, Gala was sticking with the drama of Laura Leon, Kitty stuck with Di and Nehellenia was cute as Valentino. Not to be confused with Valentina. Kween was surprisingly funny, poor Gala was one note after following Ru’s advice to lean into the telenovela and Nehellenia was on point. The first panel was owned by Kitty, however, playing glum Princess Di to perfection. Which was all it took to win Javi’s heart. Javier Ambrossi traded out with his husband as Vanity’s Loreen, Alyssa’s Annie, Tessa’s Susanne and Pythia’s frat-bro Zeus jumped in to fight for his affections. Alyssa was full Alyssa, Vanity was demented, Tessa was silly and fun, though in my opinion, this was Pythia’s panel, giving toxic masculinity perfection. Sadly though, Javi felt Alyssa deserved the win.
Oh and then the Javis made out, which was glorious.
Elimination Day arrived with Tessa disappointed to not own the challenge, though felt ok, given it is the hardest challenge. Alyssa meanwhile gushed over Pythia’s performance, particularly since she pulled it together in ten minutes. Vanity meanwhile was worried about the entirety of Sweden hating her. Meanwhile on the other side of the room Kitty opened up about sleeping with a fan, as Alyssa suggested they should have paid a booking fee given that is what they wanted. Vanity opened up about falling in love with her teenage crush and ugh, it is so sweet and I love everything about it. Kitty was not sure if she would end up with a DBE or be banned from returning home, as Pythia suggested she could actually be assassinated.
Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by Los Javis as Kween Kong opened the Eat Me runway serving Mother Hubbard does Pavlova. Gala was a gorgeous candy confection before stripping down and serving skin, so yeah, that’s a win. Kitty gave full English breakfast – aka a full geezer – Nehellenia was a Bowie-esque cassata, Vanity was a rotted Swedish Fish, Alyssa gave Barbie sundae, Tessa was a stunning swiss cheese while Pythia closed the show as a gorgeous spanakopita.
Kween and Alyssa were sent to safety backstage where Alyssa was gutted to once again be safe. Particularly since she was the snatchelor’s choice. Back on the mainstage, the judges read poor Gala for filth given she gave no jokes at all. Despite looking and sounding perfect. That being said, her runway was gorgeous. Particularly her body. Kitty on the other hand was praised for giving no-stop laughs during Snatch Game and looking stunning on the runway, Nehellenia was praised for picking a hilarious character and leaning into her strengths. And for being so versatile on the runway. Poor Vanity was read for filth for giving nothing more than a look on Snatch Game. Tessa was read for giving no character on Snatch Game, though she was praised for looking stunning. Albeit a bit cheesy. Pythia, meanwhile, was beloved for being so stupid on Snatch Game. To quote Michelle, she was fucking brilliant, pacifically. And once again looking perfect on the runway. Despite the wig, IMO.
Backstage Pythia was on cloud nine after her stunning critiques, with Tessa saying she got the best of the season. Despite Kitty being equally beloved. Talk turned to the bottoms with Gala and Vanity confident it would be them, with Tessa hoping she had done enough to skate by another week. Before poor Vanity suggested that she is just a boring queen, with her sisters assuring her that she is funny.
Ultimately Kitty snuck away with the win as Pythia was deemed only safe – robbery – alongside Nehellenia. While Gala and Vanity were set through to the lip sync, Tessa slid by just as she hoped. I then thought it was a Drag Race France 1 music rights situation, as The Muppets’ Mah Na Mah Na kicked off for the lip sync, but alas it was real. And given there was no possible way to make it sexy, Vanity owned the show, giving equal parts stupid and attitude. And while Gala put in a valiant effort, her run of luck ran out as she sadly exited the competition.
Inspired by Ru’s now questionable advice, I leant into the telenovela drama of Gala’s exit. As she walked off stage, I pulled her in for a passionate embrace, and dramatically assured her that she is a star. Whether she wins a crown or not. Because, dun dun DUN, she won my heart, my loins and a glorious Hamburgala Varo Steak.
Hamburg steaks are one of my favourite dishes from Japan. They are so homey and cute, but mostly unexpected. In no small part thanks to the tart wine glaze and the gloriously smooth cheese.
Enjoy!
Hamburgala Varo Steak Serves: 2 dear friends or lovers.
Ingredients olive oil 1 onion, diced 500g beef mince 250g pork mince ¾ cup panko breadcrumbs 1 large egg 3 tbsp milk 2 tbsp soy sauce 200g cream cheese, cut into 8 cubes ¼ cup beef stock ¼ cup water 2 tbsp unsalted butter ½ cup red wine 3 tbsp ketchup ¼ cup Worcestershire sauce
Method Heat a good lug of oil in a frying pan over medium heat and cook for 5 minutes, or until sweet and soft. Transfer to a large mixing bowl and allow to cool for about 10 minutes. Add the minces, breadcrumbs, egg, milk and soy, along with a good whack of salt and pepper. Scrunch with your hands until well combined before dividing into 8 patties. Make a dent in each pattie, fill with the cheese and close to seal it in similar to how you would a Juicy Lucy Liu. Pop on a lined plate and pop in the fridge to set for about half an hour.
In the same frying pan, heat a little more oil over medium heat and once scorching, add the patties and gently flatten with a spatula. Cook for a few minutes before slipping and cooking for a further few minutes. Add the beef stock and water, pop on a lid and let it steam for another five minutes to cook through but keep nice and juicy.
Once cooked through, remove the patties from the pan to rest. With the pan still on, add the butter, red wine, ketchup and Worcestershire and simmer for 2 minutes, or until rich and glossy. Serve the patties immediately with some rice, green and a generous drizzle of the sauce. And devour, ravenously.
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Previously on Global All Stars the dolls starred in boobielicious Boobie Movie sequels in the vein of one of the best episodes of All Stars 2 featuring Thelma and Wheezy and the birth of doo-wa, but make it Barbie. But I’ve digressed. In record time. I mean, the first sentence! Everyone was kind of great this week, but Kween Kong dominated as the giant Jurassic Boobie and rightly took out her second win of the season. Then Ru had to split hairs, tragically going with Gala being overwhelmed by her look on the runway and Eva falling in and out of character as reason to be in the bottom. With the iconic Eva tragically going home.
Backstage the dolls were gagged to have lost Eva though Gala was thrilled to prove that she is a lip sync assassin on the global stage. But vowed to step it up this week to avoid showing those skills too often. Pythia meanwhile was heartbroken to be losing her besties week after week, which in turn breaks my heart because Pythia is the sweetest. Vanity spoke about how sure she was that she was going to lip sync because she is getting stuck further and further in her head. Kween sympathised about how hard that can be, sharing that she felt like that was her experience on her OG season. While Alyssa tried to give a pep talk about them being stars, as they remain while the room gets more spacious.
Oh and then Gala (almost) showed hole, which is important.
The next day the dolls were energised to slay another week, with Alyssa in particular thrilled to get out of the safe zone. Everyone congratulated Kween for getting her second win, before turning their attention to Gala’s survival. Thankfully she and Vanity were ready to rise from the bottom though, so all was right in the world. Or they are back in the bottom tonight. Talk turned to what this week’s challenge could be before Ru dropped by to put the girl’s through a little quick-drag flight mini challenge. With the make-up being done in the air, during a heavy bout of turbulence. And hot damn it was silly, fun and a solid reminder of the kind of challenges we enjoyed in the early years when there was an off season. That being said, there was allegedly a judging criteria somewhere and that handed Tessa the win.
Ru asked the dolls to partner up with the sister they would like to have a drink with, leaving Nehellenia alone. Leaving her free to pick her throuple. Tessa and Alyssa formed one duo, with Kween and Gala, and Vanity and Soa the others, while Kitty and Pythia’s couple was joined by the aformentioned third, in the form of Nelly. Ru then explained that the pairings are important for this week’s maxi challenge as before the season, they were all asked to pack a suitcase of raw materials, which their partner would now be using to design a cocktail dress. So congratulations Tessa, because Alyssa’s supplies are going to be expensive. While Kween will be naked, given Gala loves to serve body and Kween has a lot of it.
After dropping that bomb, Ru exited and allowed the dolls to go through their new supplies. Soa was thrilled with Vanity’s golden fabric while Vanity was hoping the emerald green would be enough to get her rudemption. As predicted, Tessa was delighted by her luxe new materials while Alyssa was ready to break down looking at the scraps she inherited from Tessa. Literal scraps. Kween was excited that Gala actually pulled together a bunch of fabrics, looking forward to serving another design, given it is her bread and butter. While Gala was hoping to serve glamour with the lovely fabrics she inherited. Our throuple were a little more apprehensive as Nehellenia inherited two lycras from Kitty, along with a lace, much to her disgust. Kitty on the other hand was loving her suitcase from Pythia.
As they got to work on their looks, Soa grew more and more nervous about the process, though was hopeful there were enough terrible designers in the pack to help her scrape through one more time. Given Alyssa can’t sew, Tessa has questionable taste and Nehellenia was in tears over her fabrics and unable to focus. Kitty briefly checked in to see if she was ok, before flipping it and confronting her for being ungrateful for the multiple, expensive fabrics she inherited when other girls just got one option.
Before the fight could explode, Ru dropped by to kiki with Tessa continuing to delight in how well stocked Alyssa’s suitcase was and how she will be using it to her advantage. Alyssa meanwhile showed off her collection of scraps. Ru praised Alyssa for turning look after look each and every week, cautioning her to not be too boring with her design and oh Alyssa, you (may be) in danger girl. Soa meanwhile was going to glue, drape and hope for the best, Vanity was going rich-glam bow, Gala was going luxe whore and Kween was planning to serve Gala by way of Grace Jones. Nehellenia was still pressed about her fabric though her design looked exceptional, Kitty was planning to twin it with Ru and Pythia had essentially done her dress already and it looked incredible.
Oh and then Kitty handed Nehellenia a tagline in the form of ‘margherita pizza’, which delighted Ru to no end.
After Ru departed again, the dolls quickly buckled down to pull their dresses together. Which in Vanity’s case was just making it over and over again, as she kept changing her mind. Two-thirds of the throuple, on the other hand, were vibing, while Nehellenia was now battling with the sewing machine.
Elimination Day arrived with the dolls splitting up to beat their mugs with Gala ready to serve body-ody-ody, sharing that she would be padding today and trying something new. Soa meanwhile was lightening her make-up as Michelle requested, as Kween sweetly coached her how to work with the skin tone. Tessa was hoping her gown would finally get Alyssa to adopt her and if not, she would like an expensive meal to congratulate her on her win. Vanity meanwhile was spiralling, as she tried too many options the day before and was left with nothing more than scraps, so was literally working paper on to the new gown she was pulling together in the minutes before stepping on the runway.
Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by the gorgeous Jasmine Tookes as Alyssa Edwards opened the 5 O’Clock Somewhere runway trying her best to enjoy her cheap fabric like only Katy Perry could. Alyssa’s words, which I co-sign. Tessa meanwhile was stunning, feeling all her oats and giving her best Alyssa. Soa’s dress lacked shape but hot damn, her make-up was stunning. Vanity somehow managed to pull the look together serving avant garde Poison Ivy, Kween served expensive frill neck lizard, Gala meanwhile looked like Alyssa Edwards doing Marilyn Monroe, Kitty was a silly delight, once again giving night on the town. Nehellenia looked lovely, though she herself hated everything about her ugly dress. While Pythia gave gilded glam and looked stunning, despite her wig not making much sense.
Alyssa, Kitty and Nehellenia were sent to safety before the judges lavished Tessa with all the praise for serving such a stunning look. And by Tessa, Alyssa’s fabrics. Soa’s softened mug was beloved, as was the colour, though she was read for the general shape of her gown. Vanity was praised for the concept, though read for the general execution as she opened up about struggling with her inner saboteur. Kween was praised for giving something different and finding a way to combine herself and Gala in the look. And getting her rudemption from Down Under. Gala meanwhile was praised for trying something different this week and while the dress wasn’t perfect, they lived for what she was trying to do. Oh and then Pythia was beloved, because she is Pythia. Again, despite the wig.
Backstage the safe dolls were delighted to be deemed as such, though Kitty didn’t waste any time throwing shade at Nehellenia for being so emotional. After clocking the tops, them and the bottoms joined the safe dolls with Tessa delighted by how much the judges lived for everything she served this week. Gala meanwhile was hopeful that she wasn’t the worst and ready to slide by, while Vanity was ready to lip sync and fight for another day. Kween asked her to try and relax and get out of her head so she could enjoy herself. Soa meanwhile knew she was in the bottom, though was so proud of how far she had come.
Ultimately it was Tessa that took out her first win of the season before Kween and Pythia were sent to safety. As was an extremely shocked Vanity, leaving Gala and Soa to lip sync to Jessie J, Ariana Grande and my girl Nicki’sBang Bang. And let’s just say the assassins proved how they got their titles, giving their everything and hitting every lyric, feeling all the feels and flipping around the stage. Sadly for my sweet Soa, however, Gala proved herself unstoppable, giving all the anger and attitude, saving herself and sending Sia out of the competition.
As is oft the case, it didn’t take Soa to find me backstage. All she had to do was follow my guttural, wailing cries, as I desperately tried to figure out why such a bright star like Soa was sent home early. She pulled me in for a massive hug and assured me that she loves Kween, Kitty and Alyssa, so doesn’t want me to hold it against them that Ru may be appearing to play favourites with her girls. I continued to sob for a minimum of four hours before finally telling Soa how proud of her I am, for pushing herself and showing the world just how talented she is. And while that isn’t a crown, there is a form of win in there somewhere. And if we don’t count that, we can always count the delicious batch of Soa de Muesli Cookies.
There is nothing more delicious that a muesli cookie. I mean, yeah, chocolates and cornflakes and nuts all make delightful fillings, but the simplicity of dates, oats, coconut and raisin are their own wholesome form of fun.
Enjoy!
Soa de Muesli Cookies Serves: 8.
Ingredients 100g pitted dates, roughly chopped ⅓ cup boiling water 1 egg 2 tbsp honey ¼ cup coconut oil, melted 2 tsp vanilla extract 1 ¼ cups rolled oats ½ cup flaked almonds ⅓ cup desiccated coconut ½ cup sultanas ¾ cup almond meal ½ tsp baking powder 1 tsp cinnamon
Method Preheat the oven to 180C and line a baking sheet with baking paper.
Pop the dates in a bowl and pour over the boiling water and leave to soak for ten minutes. Once nice and soft, mash with a fork to form a paste before mixing in the egg, honey, coconut oil and vanilla.
When the wet ingredients are combined, fold in the oats, almonds, coconut, sultanas, almond meal, baking powder and cinnamon to form a thick batter.
Divide the batter into 8, rolls into balls and flatten on the lined baking sheet to form thick mounds. Transfer to the oven and bake for 20 minutes, or until golden.
Remove from the oven and leave to cool on the tray for 10 minutes, before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely. And then devour.
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Previously on Australian Survivor with the clock ticking on his advantage, Ray looped in Kirby and Feras to help him convince everyone to pile their votes on him so they could super-mega idol someone from the game. Which obviously delighted both of them. With their sights set on Valeria, Kirby powered through immunity to keep it out of her hands. Ray meanwhile was busy acting super depressed to try and execute the mercy kill plan. At tribal council, Kirby gave up immunity to a nervous Rianna, which spooked Feras given it should have been irrelevant. It was all for nought, though, as Ray apologised before playing his advantage, allowing his single vote to send Valeria home.
Back at camp everyone praised Ray for such an epic move, particularly since he was able to act so upset for two days. Surprisingly, though, nobody got angry about the fact he was feigning depression particularly given Scott quit to look after his mental health. Feras meanwhile was super happy to be involved, though was hoping to avoid anyone being angry with him, so pretended to not be involved. Mark and Alex caught up, realising they now had nobody, so had to stick together. But even better, if they could pull in Feras and Ray for an all male alliance, they could take control. Though given everyone wants to work with Feras, he is definitely the belle of the ball and that isn’t as likely as they would hope.
The next day Alex and Caroline were delighting in the glow of a rainbow as Kirby was calmly swimming by herself, vibing and living her best life. And oh god, she’s getting blindsided, isn’t she? Feras joined her as they joked about how far their relationship has come, while Alex got to work trying to bond with Ray. Well, until he just upped and walked off on him. Alex wasn’t deterred, however, given he is so close to Mark. By default, given all of his other options had now gone home. Knowing the men’s alliance is still not a majority, he got to catching up with Kirby to see why they haven’t worked together for 30 days. And instead of forming a bond, Kirby kinda read him for filth for being a floater and ugh, it is iconic. But also doesn’t bode well for that sick feeling that Kirby is heading home today.
Jonathan made his triumphant debut for an epic reward challenge where they would race to collect water in a leaky bucket and then run to the shore to fill a tube. With the victor getting a trip to the Survivor spa, including a bed, lasagne, wine and chocolates. So yeah, everyone was very, very keen for victory. Alex and his speedos got out to an early lead, as Kitty nipped at his heels. Mark and Feras joined the fun, though let’s be honest, this was well and truly Alex’s challenge as he continued to pull ahead before everyone just kinda gave up. He then started filling up Mark’s tube for a bit as everyone started speculating who he would be taking on reward with him, worried about who would also be left back at camp. Oh and then he returned to filling his tube and put everyone out of their misery. After JLP gave him his choice, he followed Mark’s advice and asked Ri to join him, given she hasn’t eaten in three weeks. When he had one more choice, he selected Caroline, followed by Kirby. Which gagged each and every one of those left behind.
We followed the victors off to their reward and ugh, it truly looked delightful. They sat down to smash the food and crack the champagne before Alex had a delightful shower scene and honestly, I don’t even know what his plans are, because I was transfixed. As he shaved his chest – roughly – he asked Kirby and Ri who they felt were their biggest threats, and when they wisely kept quiet, he pointed out that he thinks Feras and Kirby have been playing the best game so far and as such, he wants to play with them and make it to the end together. He got out of the shower and smashed a little more lasagna, which ended up making him sick and with him gone, Kirby told Ri that maybe they just tell him whatever he wants to hear. Because while he hasn’t played a good game, he doesn’t need to know that.
Back at camp Mark was making the most of his time with Feras and Ray to lock in a vote against Ri, given she keeps winning endurance challenges. And is a massive support to Kirby. Mark meanwhile was more concerned about Kirby – for obvious reasons – so decided to go with the bold play, straight up saying that he would prefer Kirby go first. And while Feras still wasn’t keen, he did offer that they go for her next. They caught up with Ray, with them all agreeing that if Ri wins immunity, they will target Kirby.
Back at the spa, the women watched on as Alex struggled not to vomit before talk turned to the game. They all agreed that getting rid of Ray should be their priority, and when they suggested Feras would be angry, Kirby suggested that they just tell Feras that the vote will be a split between him and Ray so he has no choice. However when Alex went to bed, the three women agreed that getting rid of Alex is what they truly needed to prioritise.
The tribe reunited at the beach with Jonathan for the immunity challenge, where they would each have to stand on narrow pegs over the water and hold on to sandbags, with the last person standing jagging immunity. After a minute, Ray’s intrusive thoughts overcame him as he tested whether he could lean and promptly fell. At the ten minute mark it started to pour down with rain, leading Caroline and Kirby to drop out. Kitty then tapped out before the remaining four transitioned to the narrower pegs. That immediately cost Mark his spot, leaving Feras and Alex to struggle as Ri just blissed out. Meaning she is essentially going to win every second immunity challenge at this point, given they keep wheeling out this frame. After Feras dropped out, Alex and Ri continued to zen out, as Alex miraculously saved himself from falling backward at the 20 minute mark. Ri then started to talk about the fact she is a physical threat, so she may as well win the challenge given they will still think it. Which she did, as Alex dipped out.
Back at camp the tribe quickly split up, with Ri and Kirby whispering for everyone to vote out Alex. Even Alex, who straight up heard Kirby and Ri talking about him while they were in the spa on the reward. The women all got together to regroup after the reward with them all keen to get rid of Alex, particularly since they think he wants everyone to split the votes between Feras and Ray. Kirby suggested they loop in Feras, given he probably wants to get rid of Alex ASAP too. She and Ri went to tell him, as Kitty and Caroline hung back to talk about their own plans. Mark and Alex meanwhile were busy locking in a Kirby plan, with Mark just worried that Alex was too busy spiralling to think straight. Feras caught up with the boys, with everyone joyfully planning to get rid of Kirby. Though Feras cautioned that they need one more, however, the risk is that Caroline and Kitty have seemingly been growing closer with Kirby. The boys suggested talking to Caroline about growing her resume is their best hope, so sent Mark off to get to work.
While that was happening, Kirby pulled Feras aside to see if he’d be keen to join the women to get rid of Alex. She opened up about how desperate he was at the reward, which Feras assured her has made him feel confident. Ray soon joined them, with the trio agreeing to get rid of Alex, though she was worried about what Caroline would do. Which is exactly what Feras needed to hear to decide the Kirby plan really makes the most sense. We ventured back to the shelter where Alex then caught up with Caroline and Kitty, though he desperately wanted Kitty to leave them alone so he could float his real plan. Which made both Kitty and Caroline super nervous, given it is clear he was being evasive.
Caroline checked in with Mark to see why Alex was being weird, with him facilitating a sit down between Alex and Caroline. With Alex pointing out his issue with giving her a name was Kitty, given she is close with Kirby. He then pointed out that being the deciding vote for Kirby would be a huge move, but they desperately needed to keep things quiet from Kitty if it is going to work. Caroline then checked in with Feras to make sure he was definitely keen on the plan, meaning Alex’s nerves were the only thing in the way. Well, that and the fact Caroline headed off to the well with Kitty. As she assured them it was just that they desperately needed water, nothing else. Though Alex vowed that no matter what, he will be pushing for people to turn on her before they vote.
At tribal council Alex spoke about how he selected everyone to go on the reward in the hope of building relationships, though spoke about how clear it was that Ri and Kirby had zero interest in working with him or anyone else. Kirby pretended she was keen to go with their discussions at the spa, before Alex pointed out that her plan was to split the vote on Feras and Ray. She then agreed it was true, before he turned his attention to Feras, asking if he was truly planning to get rid of Kirby tonight or if he too is lying to them. Feras pointed out that Alex’s outburst could be the reason he doesn’t vote with him tonight, which only made Alex sassier, calling him delusional if he thinks Kirby has a place for him in her end game. Feras agreed that Kirby is a massive threat, though strong-arming someone into voting for her won’t actually help.
He then went in on Caroline as a superfan, pointing out she clearly needs to make a move worth getting the jury to vote for her. Kirby tried to defend herself, pointing out that while Alex views her as a threat, not everyone may agree with him. He then continued to tell Caroline that she hasn’t made a move, which annoyed her and damn, I think he has officially, single-handedly offended everyone into booting him. Kirby spoke about how Alex has been floating and as such, playing now is too little too late. Kirby started to get a little sassy, and while she told Alex he is clearly more nervous, her relaxed attitude appeared to spook people. Before Alex gave a last ditch pitch for everyone to just write her name down, while Ri, famed for botching multiple votes this season, sassed him about being able to spell. With that, the tribe voted and everyone banded together to send Alex out of the game. No doubt because of his mistakes.
Given we’re now without a speedo king, Alex followed my sobs all the way to the Jury Villa where I jumped into his arms. And stayed there, quietened and reassured for an hour or so before I could pull myself enough to thank him for a game well played. And while that is questionable, he served looks – well, one really good one – all season and as such, he deserved praise and a piping hot Alex Bacoe & Pecorino Danish.
Just like Alex, this danish is 100% delectable and has you coming back for more. And more. The delicate pastry melts away under the sharp pecorino and the salty bacon, along with the pain of realising our speedo king has fallen.
Enjoy!
Alex Bacoe & Pecorino Danish Serves: 6.
Ingredients 1 batch David Croissant dough 1 large egg, whisked 8 rashers streaky bacon, diced and cooked 1 tbsp butter 1 tbsp flour 1 cup milk 1 cup pecorino cheese 1 tsp kosher salt 1 tsp ground black pepper thyme, to serve
Method The day before you want these babies, get to work prepping the David Croissant dough as per his recipe. Then fast forward 24 hours, and line two baking sheets with parchment paper.
Roll out the dough into a 40x30cm rectangle and cut into 12 rectangles. Cut an oval out of the centre of half of them. Transfer the whole rectangles to a baking sheet and brush with the whisked egg followed by the hollowed out pieces. Cover loosely with plastic and leave to rest for half an hour.
Preheat the oven to 180C.
Next up, melt the butter in a saucepan over low heat. Once foamy, add the flour and whisk to combine and cook for a minute until the flour is cooked off. Remove from the heat and whisk in the milk until combined. Return to the heat and bring to the boil and cook, stirring, for a few minutes or until thickened. Add half the cheese, salt and pepper, stir until melted and remove from the heat.
Top the rectangles with the cheese sauce, followed by pecorino and then some bacon and pop in the oven to cook for 15-20 minutes, or until gorgeously puffed and cooked through. Serve immediately, with a sprinkle of pecorino and some thyme and devour. While salivating.
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