Garlic Powder

Taco Bellsea Hackips

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn, Side, Snack, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Brains and Brawns were offish no more, tragically not joining to form the Beauty tribe which would have just been the ultimate chef’s kiss. Emmett won immunity and his confidence expanded to new heights, leading to his super majority planning to target Hayley. Thankfully George grew tired of the status quo and decided that now would be the best time to work with the Brains to ensure Hayley plays her idol correctly. Speaking of idols, Kez found another one in front of George which immediately made her the target in his eyes. With that he told Hayley to play her idol for Laura and poor Kez was idolled out of the game, sneakily – and legally, apparently – passing her idol off to Flick on the way out the door.

Though I’m unsure if anyone actually picked up on that.

The shoulda been Beauty tribe awoke the next morning feeling relatively calm despite the epic tribal council the night before. That calmness was broken by George, who was thrilled about how everything went down perfectly and how he is orchestrating everything perfectly and that he should be the spy. V loudly. He and his number two Cara caught up over breakfast to come up with the next plan, identifying getting rid of another Brain as the priority. And to successfully continue to play the middle, they needed to bring Baden along for the ride to make things happen.

Speaking of Baden, he was happy with his standing in the tribe given he is close to George and while playing in the middle can oft be dangerous – and get you run over, right Jules? – it is keeping Baden safe. For now. Given the Brawn alliance want to take him out immediately after Hayley. Baden therefore wanted to keep a close eye on George, given his protection can only last for so long. And well, he can’t trust George’s plans don’t run much deeper and eventually leave him out in the cold.

Dani meanwhile was doing yoga with Chelsea and Flick by the billabong before Dani questioned whether Hayley was tipped off ahead of tribal council. Which she obviously was. Flick meanwhile feigned confidence in the fact it was just a lucky guess, but Dani just wasn’t ready to let it go. And became really fired up that she needed to fight in the immunity challenge, just to make sure one of the Brains didn’t jag it.

Speaking of the immunity challenge, the tribe caught up with my love Jonathan where the castaways really had a battle ahead of them. But you know, since he was offering up three immunity necklaces it was worth it. Oh and in addition to the immunity, the trio would be the only ones to cast a vote at the next tribal council. Which is huge. First they would barrel roll down a course in honour of FFGCSDT with the first eight moving to the next round where they have to cross a balance beam, untangling a rope and releasing a monkey fist to cross a wall, with the first five up and over moving on to a table maze with the first three to finish jagging immunity.

Hayley got out to an early lead with Emmett and Andrew nipping at her heels before Dani fell off hard in front of Gerald’s barrel. Ultimately Hayley was first across, with Emmett, Baden, Chelsea, Andrew, Laura, Dani and Cara joining her in the next round. Emmett was first through to the table maze, giving him a massive lead in the last stage before he was finally joined by Laura. Eventually Andrew and Dani joined him just as Emmett landed his second of three balls. Baden eventually made it to table maze and given nobody but Emmett was having any real success, it was still anybody’s game. Emmett ultimately snagged the first immunity and to put you out of your misery, he was quickly followed by Andrew and Dani. Giving Brawns a massive advantage at the upcoming tribal council if it is as it appears.

Back at camp George wasn’t worried about the upcoming tribal, given he is good with everyone that is immune. Hayley meanwhile, was terrified given two of them are out for her blood. Speaking of Dani and Emmett, they caught up by the well to quickly lock in the vote for Hayley before Emmett suggested that maybe Baden is a better option, given Cara and George are tight with him and he may be able to swing them back to the OG Brains. Dani admitted that ultimately she doesn’t really care who goes out of the Brains, given she just wants the Brawns to do well. 

And now Dani is more focused on getting a lid on the snitches.

The Brains meanwhile were busy catching up by the billabong, with Andrew feeling helpless given his vote kind of just means nothing. The group admitted that Hayley is pretty much screwed, with her approaching George to see if she can make something work. He obviously told her there is no hope swaying Dani, so instead she made the big play, approaching Dani and straight up outing George as the double agent in the hope of uniting the tribe against him instead.

Despite the fact Dani has been burnt by Hayley and she has been holding a massive grudge, Hayley knew exactly what to say to get through to Dani. Playing into her intelligence, before outing George and Cara and then doubling down on the fact she has been very open about her game the entire time and won’t just stick with tribal lines. And you know, wants the winner of the season to have played a big, risky game like the one Dani has been playing. This was enough to woo Dani, who was happy to work with her and use her as a spy moving forward before Emmett joined and immediately pitched the same thing, knowing that Hayley would feel like she owes them her life should she stay.

Hayley left them to chat and while Emmett was 100% with keeping Hayley, that made Dani nervous about following through with it given she can clearly win people over very quickly. And leaving that in the game is dangerous for everyone.

At tribal council Emmett was still trying to play the role of David and was back to coming off as more arrogant than charming. Dani too was full of confidence, while Andrew was fully just going with the flow given he knows his vote pretty much means nothing. Baden was pretty nervous, given he is one of the four targets for the majority duo, in the trio – confusing no? George was glad to be in the majority, while Hayley was nervous about navigating the vote ahead given she can’t even throw a vote on someone else as a hail Mary to save herself. While Baden was just feeling hopeless, Hayley admitted that she was more than happy to beg and had approached Emmett and Dani. The question being whether it hurt or hindered her case.

Jonathan then dropped another bomb on the group, explaining that while the trio are the only ones with the chance of voting, only one of them actually would. The trio would now compete in a firemaking challenge with the winner going on to cast the sole vote and while Emmett was confident, Andrew is a straight up survivalist and as such, the Brains were full of hope. And Dani appeared to just focus on being a smartass given nobody even considered her taking it out. 

And. I. Live.

With that, the trio got to work with the firemaking challenge and well, the confident look on the faces of the Brains appeared to be misplaced. While Andrew quickly up the base of his fire, he immediately broke his flint. While Emmett and Dani calmly powered on, Emmett lit all of his kindling in a massive flame … which quickly went out. Andrew frantically struck his flint as Dani quietly got a spark and instead of taking the slow and steady approach, loaded up everything on the flame in the hope the massive flame would last long enough to burn through the rope. Which it did, shocking everyone, including herself.

After warning Jonathan that some things in the tribe were heading in a way she didn’t like, this vote was about nipping things in the bud and as such, she was thrilled to have all the power. She then quickly voted, Jonathan grabbed the urn and the tribe were gagged to learn that Baden was the one voted out of the game. However all was not as it seemed, as Baden arrived at a table announcing that he isn’t actually out out of the game and instead he is to head off to a place called Redemption Rock – the love child of redemption island and pride rock, I assume – to await a chance to return to the competition.

We followed Baden over to Redemption Rock where he was gagged to find a bunch of meager supplies, which he quickly put to use making a fire as a kangaroo watched on menacingly.

Menacingly because of night vision, but whatevs.

The next morning Baden was still processing the massive chain of events that led to his boot before taking in his surroundings, which turned out to be a stunning, massive gorge. He made himself at home, perfecting camp before working though his plans for when he returns to the game. Because you best believe he is fired up to return and cause as much damage as humanly possible.

Speaking of fire, Andrew was waking up the tribe as he tended to theirs, no doubt trying to prove his worth as a survival expert after being schooled by Dani the night before. Emmett reminded us that we’ve been sleeping on Dani’s mad skills and was grateful that despite the twist, they still managed to get rid of a Brain. 

Sadly, a Brawn had also left the game as we learnt that Chelsea was taken away from tribal council by a medic and the tribe were worried about if/when she will return to camp. But I’m going to jump forward a little bit, say 24 hours, and let you know that poor Chelsea was in such a state that she had to be medevaced from the game officially.

I’ve known Chels for years and years, meeting on the MMA circuit before I was banned from the sport for illegal moves. Despite being shamed out of the community, Chelsea stood by me and we became the firmest of friends and as such, when she was down and out – literally – I knew I had to repay the favour and nurse her back to health with my copycat Taco Bellsea Hackips.

While these would have been the perfect accompaniment to Kez’s dish, I would argue they’re still pretty delightful as a solo artist. Crispy chips, heavily spiced with a whack of flavour? I mean, you can’t argue against that.

Enjoy!

Taco Bellsea Hackips
Serves: 2 dear fighter-friends.

Ingredients
1 batch Jud Beerza Battered Fries
2 ½ tbsp paprika
2 tsp salt
¾ tsp garlic powder
¾ tsp onion powder
¾ tsp cayenne pepper
½ tsp black pepper
Nachoey Cheese McCann, to serve

Method
Ok, you ready for this? Cook the fries per Jud’s recipe.

Combine the paprika, salt, garlic powder, onion powder, cayenne pepper and black pepper in a bowl. Toss the fries in the spices.

Serve and devour, piping hot with some Nachoey Cheese McCann.


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Michele Fitzgerkald Chicken Pizza

Main, Pizza, Poultry, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor: Winners at War, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the final four arrived on the top of a mountain in Fiji for their final immunity challenge. The one that Jeremy won on his way to victory in Second Chances. It came down to a battle of New Jersey before Michele dropped and handed Natalie immunity, guaranteeing an epic run from first boot to final tribal council. Back at camp everyone split up to start practicing fire, with Winchele slaying while Tony and Sarah were both decidedly more nervous. That didn’t matter, however, as Natalie took Winchele through to final tribal with her, forcing Sarah and Tony to face off with the latter surprising with victory. Sending one of my newest faves Sarah to the jury.

The final three awoke on day 39, thrilled to discover their breakfast. We then heard from the finalists one by one, with Michele speaking about how hard it was to get such a backlash against her previous win. She admitted she was proud to prove the haters wrong and show with this game, that she is a good player and didn’t fluke her first victory. Natalie admitted that while her path was non-traditional, she owned the hand that was dealt her, gaming the hell out of the Edge and never giving up. She knew that her only focus was to convince the haters on the jury and prove that she deserves to be there. 

Tony meanwhile planned to highlight how well-rounded his game was and always has been, and as such, knew he needed to convince the people whose dreams he crushed that he deserves victory. That being said, he is feeling pretty confident based on the game he played and the feedback Natalie gave everyone when she returned to the game. And felt like he was hours away from being crowned King to Sandra’s Queen. Which just feels so right, given they are both as chaotic as each other.

We then pivoted to the rain soaked tribal council where the final three were joined by the sixteen person jury – being without Sandra still hurts, I’m not going to lit – where Probst sadly didn’t pivot to the OG structure. And I will pause it there and fast forward a little bit because despite each of the final three playing a strong game, the jury didn’t seem to respect Michele’s stellar game and as such she was completely shut out of the vote. In an extremely undeserving fashion.

Given that pissed me off, I called a break in production and tapped Michele on the shoulder to eat out feelings early. And to apologise. Because I was firmly team Aubry during her original season, however it really had more to do with the fact that I love an underdog. And given how well Michele played from the bottom this season, I will gladly eat humble pie. Actually, I wish I was eating humble pie, because that would mean she would be joining Sandra as the second two-time winner. Instead, I cursed her into being a zero vote finalist by whipping up a Michele Fitzgerkald Chicken Pizza.

Yes, the curse has struck yet again. And I am so sad about it. That being said, as is always the case, this is so delicious it is hard to stay angry. Sweet, spicy and salty, it has it all – just like Winchele’s robbed goddess game.

Enjoy!

Michele Fitzgerkald Chicken Pizza
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
½ cup muscovado sugar, plus 1 tablespoon for the chicken seasoning
¼ cup chicken stock
¼ cup ketchup
¼ cup glucose syrup
1 onion, half finely diced and sliced
3 garlic cloves, minced
2 tbsp red wine vinegar
1 tsp lemon juice
½ tsp chilli flakes
¼ tsp dried thyme
¼ tsp dried oregano
½ tsp ground allspice, plus a pinch for the sauce
salt and pepper
½ tsp paprika
½ tsp garlic powder
¼ tsp cayenne pepper
¼ cup olive oil
2 chicken breasts, cut into a small dice
1 red capsicum, sliced
1 yellow capsicum, sliced
1 cup mozzarella cheese, grated
4 rashers streaky bacon, diced
2 shallots, sliced

Method
Combine half a cup of muscovado sugar, the chicken stock, ketchup, glucose syrup, the diced onion, garlic, red wine vinegar, lemon juice, chilli flakes, thyme, oregano and allspice with a good whack of salt and a smaller whack of pepper in a saucepan over medium heat. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes or until glorious and thick. Remove from the heat and allow to cool slightly.

Combine a tablespoon of muscovado sugar, a teaspoon of salt, half a teaspoon of pepper and allspice, with the paprika, garlic powder, cayenne pepper and the oil in a bowl. Toss the chicken to coat and cook in the frying pan over medium heat for five to ten minutes, or until cooked through.

Prep the base as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions and preheat the oven to 200°C.

Roll out the dough and spread with the sauce, then scatter with mozzarella, the capsicums, sliced onion and the spicy chicken. Transfer to the oven to bake for 20 minutes or so, or until golden and bubbling.

While the pizza is cooking, fry the bacon over medium heat, or until golden and crisp.

Remove the pizza from the oven and sprinkle with the bacon and shallots. Before devouring, like the icon you’ve always been.


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Pastrami Malek

Emmy Gold, Emmy Gold: The Gold Wing, Main

Today’s former Emmy winner slash friend dropping by to celebrate The Gold Wing is very special to me. Not to take away from my dear friends Garry, Marg or Ava obviously, but Rami Malek is such a lovely delight and we met through this year’s hopefully dominant force of nature Amy Sherman-Palladino.

I was hanging around on the Gilmore Girls set, desperately hoping to get that triplet storyline off the ground with Alexis when Amy asked me to show a supporting player around the lot. I lay eyes on Rami and immediately said yes, hoping to make him my husband.

While I didn’t succeed in wooing him outside of a brief, tender kiss under the gazebo, we did become friends and given he is just the sweetest, I vowed to make him a star. This in turn led to me contacting Mickey Rooney and getting him a role in the Night at the Museum franchise, and well, then he became a big, big fucking star.

Given he has been hella busy with Mr. Robot and winning Emmys over the last couple of years, we haven’t spent as much time together as we’d usually like to, so it was wonderful to just hang together and run the Drama and Limited Series acting categories together. As a former champ, he can’t go past my friend Matthew Rhys for The Americans for Best Actor in a Drama while I am still hoping Milo Ventimiglia can pull it off for This Is Us Making You Cry. Nobody is beating Darren Criss for Lead Actor in a Limited Series or Movie for The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story. As a dear friend, I hope Peter Dinklage takes Supporting Actor for Game of Thrones, though the category is kinda wide open. And Supporting Actor in a Limited Series should go to Brandon Victor Dixon for Jesus Christ Superstar Live in Concert though a Finn Wittrock win for American Crime Story wouldn’t surprise me.

As seems to be the case with these odds fests, we were desperately hungry after we were done and thankfully I had a big ol’ hunk of Pastrami Malek waiting to sustain us. Because you know meat alway sustains me.

 

 

Another suggestion from Fame Hungry superfan Glenn DeLaCreme – beats ramen, no? – I was terrified to try making my own pastrami. But I persevered by combining a string of recipes I found online because I love my adoring fans, and I’m glad I did. Salty, spicy and sweet, this is the second best piece of meat you can put in your mouth.

The best being bacon, sickos. Obvi. Enjoy!

 

 

Pastrami Malek
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
1kg corned beef or beef brisket
2 tbsp coriander seeds, ground
2 tbsp smoked paprika, ground
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
2 tsp mustard powder
2 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp chilli powder
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
The night before you plan on tackling this, rinse the corned beef under cold water for a couple of minutes before placing in a large bowl of cold water. Cover, transfer to the fridge and leave to desalinate overnight. You can use brisket, however the pink curing salt is meant to be toxic, so I was too scared to home-cure.

Combine the rest of the ingredients in a bowl, and rinse the corned beef once again. Generously rub the spices into the meat and place on a plate to come to temperature for a couple of hours.

Preheat the oven to 150C.

Transfer the meat to a rack on a baking dish, cover tightly with foil and bake for a couple of hours.

Once done, remove the meat and allow to rest uncovered for fifteen minutes before slicing and devouring.

 

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Jud Beerza Battered Fries

Side, Snack, Survivor, Survivor: Nicaragua

Finally! We have a cast – complete with icon Elizabeth ‘flip da ma’fuckin’ bird’ Olson – and we can truly get to countdown to Survivor: David vs. Goliath. And TBH, there is no better way to mark the occasion than by hanging out with my dear friend and ex-lover Fabio.

Cast your mind back to 2010, riding high on the post Heroes vs. Villains wave, Survivor was a hit again, Sandra became the Queen, Parvati was an icon, Russell was an iconic mess … and Nicaragua landed with a thud.

Yes, we can all agree that the Medallion of Power was a joke and the double quit episode a week out from the end destroyed the pace … but I actually kinda loved the season. I mean, it was a trainwreck but that is part of the charm. Holly breaking down, burying shoes and rising from the ashes of her own creation to almost make it to the end was a thing of beauty. As was Jane’s tantrum upon finding out she was about to be booted and a loveable, ditzy underdog being verbally abused by an eventual quitter, only to outlast the rest and secure her vote for the victory.

And I am lucky enough to call said victor my dear friend Fabio aka Jud Birza.

I first met Jud in 2009 when I was searching for someone with the last name Benjamin or the first name Judd, so that we could marry and become either Benjamin Benjamin or Judd Judd like Brady Brady of SATC fame. While he was missing a D, he more than made up for it with another one and we fell into a quick love affair.

While we eventually broke up due to one of my deportations, I suggested Probst give him a chance to carry on Sandy’s legacy. And carry it he did. In my opinion.

Obviously all we could talk about was the iconic Elizabeth Olson and how if there is any justice in the world, she will be out victor. I mean, the cowboy hat, the shit eating grin and the knowledge that if anyone sees it, a team of interns of Sonia Morgan quantities will lose their jobs – this woman needs to win AND be the breakout character of the season.

Well, as far as we were concerned whilst smashing a tonne of Jud Beerza Battered Fries.

 

 

Super crispy on the outside, light and crispy on the inside, these are the most fun you can have with beer while cooking off the alcohol. Well, as well as Lucy’s balls obvi. Which reminds me, I need to watch Jud’s post-Survivor film …

Enjoy!

 

 

Jud Beerza Battered Fries
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1kg russet potatoes, cut into fries
1 cup flour
½ tsp baking powder
1 tsp smoked paprika
½ tsp garlic powder
½ tsp cayenne pepper
salt and pepper, to taste
375ml beer
vegetable oil, for fryin’

Method
Place the cut potatoes into cold water and leave to sit for ten minutes or so. Drain and dry completely.

Combine all the dry ingredients in a large bowl. Slowly whisk in the beer until you’ve got a smooth, thickish batter.

Place the oil into a dutch oven until it is about 10 centimetres deep and and bring to 160C on a fry thermometer. Once at temperature, place a handful of potatoes in the oil at a time and cook until lightly golden. Remove with a slotted spoon and allow to dry on kitchen towels.

Raise the temperature to 180C, dip the par-cooked fries into the batter and cook a few at a time for a couple of minutes, or until golden and crisp. Transfer to kitchen towel and repeat until done.

Sprinkle with kosher salt and devour, immediately.

 

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Chicktina Big McDonald

America's Next Top Model, America's Next Top Model 24, Burgers, Main, Snack, Street Food, TV Recap

Previously on America’s Next Top Model, Tyra and Co celebrated pride. Well, except for Liberty who was struggling with the culture shock since she is used to the bias against gay people in her community. Christina continued to create drama and Brendi K was overwhelmed by the thought of representing her community. The models posed with Drag Race royalty – Manila, Katya and Valentina – where Khrystyana slayed, and Kyla and Liberty bombed, with Liberty ultimately sent back to her small-minded community. Hopeful to change minds.

The models returned from panel where Erin contemplated slipping Khrystyana a little something to bring her back in line with the other girls. JK, Kimora – Erin is a saint and would never do that. Kyla reflected on the humbling experience of landing in the bottom two before she accidentally bumped into Brendi K, setting off some mild rage before stewing in her sadness. Thankfully Christina was on hand to give some solid advice about Brendi maybe just stopping being poor and not being offended by the judges critiques.

It is hella meaningful, since Christina is so good with human interaction.

Erin, Rio and Jeana took time out by the spa to talk about their lives, their choices and how people view their modelling dreams. Erin then broke down about her ex, who she left while he was dying from cancer … WHICH IS WAY TOO HEAVY FOR A MODELLING SHOW.

Tyra Mail arrived the day announcing that this week, everyone would be getting manicures. Thankfully Tyra arrived to offer some clarity … no, nope, no clarity. She just wanted a manicure and to spill some tea. Once again Christina proved adept with human interaction, sharing that she was trying to open up to the girls and form bonds. Then she shared a sad story about her dad’s heart stopping, being put into an induced coma and the fact he should have died. To reiterate, TOO DAMN HEAVY FOR TOP MODEL. Give me a booty tooch while smizing.

Ty-Ty continued to act as Oprah with Kyla sharing her nerves about being in the bottom, Sandra and Erin spoke about never wanting to be a part of a nude shoot and Khrystyana spoke about being molested. Once again and I know I sound like a broken record, THIS IS WAY TOO HEAVY FOR A MODELLING SHOW. Won’t someone bring Tiffany back to get yelled at? Thankfully for Sandra and Erin, Tyra wasn’t going to make them face their fears instead this week’s raw shoot is actually just make-up free … while being cradled by the hands of the other models.

Christina seemed to be in her head throughout the shoot, Brendi K felt the process was cathartic, Kyla put the judge’s’ advice into action and Khrystyana’s soul was captured by Tyra. While we didn’t really see much, it seemed like literally everyone nailed it.

The next day, the models met Drew and Director X to film videos standing up to bullying with the winning one forming part of a National Crime Prevention Council campaign. The models split into three groups, with Brendi K electing to work with sworn nemesis Christina and Shanice as the referee, while Erin, Rio and Jeana, and Khrystyana, Kyla and Sandra were the less dysfunctional groups. Stacey McKenzie arrived to provide advice to the girls while filming the commercial, with Christina wasting no time to bringing up her experiences being bullied in the house. Obviously without naming names.

We were then treated to a screaming montage while the models filmed their videos, and once again, it was way too emotional to actually throw any shade at. All the videos were powerful, well maybe not Christina, Shanice and Brendi K’s, with Kyla, Sandra and Khrystyana’s ultimately taking out victory.

At panel, Kyla received universal praise, as did Sandra, and Shanice … and Brendi K. Khrystyana shared her experience being molested, and explained it fed her release in the photo which was perfection. Hold up, literally everyone was beautiful and their photos received universal praise. Well except for Erin, whose face was completely covered by her hair and Christina who once again argued with the judges, making Tyra question whether she is in the competition to learn or get attention. For the first time in Top Model history, Brendi K, Jeana, Khrystyana, Kyla, Rio, Sandra and Shanice tied for best photo, really putting salt on the wounds of Erin and Christina who really had it driven home to them, that their photos were balls. Despite arguably having the worst photo – wait no, Tyra said it was definitely worse – Erin was saved, while Christina was eliminated because of her bad attitude and the fact she isn’t willing to learn.


Make no mistake, Christina continued to rail against the judges and her fellow models by the time she met up with me backstage, and despite being a lifelong friend … all I could do to shut her up, was smack a Chicktina Big McDonald into her gob.

 

 

The Chicken Big Mac has been a hallowed thing popping up on Aussie Maccas menus for the last year or so. Essentially, it is our McRib. And this little number is as close as you can get, when they aren’t trying to lure your into stores. Crispy chicken, the tang of mac sauce, pickles, cheese and iceberg? I damn near creamed my shorts just thinking about it.

Enjoy!

 

 

Chicktina Big McDonald
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g chicken mince
1 egg
1 cup water
1 cup plain flour
2 tsp salt
1 tsp onion powder
¼ tsp ground black pepper
½ cup mayonnaise
2 tbsp French dressing
1 tbsp sweet gherkin relish
1 onion, finely minced – ½ for the sauce, ½ for the burgers
1 tsp white vinegar
1 tsp sugar
½ tsp smoked paprika
1 tsp garlic powder, plus a pinch for the patties
8 slices American cheese
pickles, thinly sliced
4 sesame seed Kirsten Bunst
iceberg lettuce, chopped

Method
Place the chicken mince in a large bowl and season generously with salt and pepper. Divide into eight patties and place in the fridge to set for at least an hour. While you’re refrigerating things, combine the sauce ingredients and refrigerate until needed.

Beat the egg and stir with the water in a large, shallow bowl and combine the flour, salt, pepper, onion powder and a pinch of garlic powder in a second bowl.

Grab the patties out of the fridge and coat each with the flour mixture, remove and dredge each filet in the egg mixture, before coating in the flour mix again. Place in a freezer bag and freeze for an hour.

Remove and repeat the flour and dredging process again and leave to rest for about ten minutes.

Heat a generous lug of oil in a large frying pan, I mean crazy generous but not enough to technically consider it shallow frying as you know it scares me. Cook the patties for about 5-6 minutes per side, or until light brown and crispy.

Combine the mayo, French dressing, sweet gherkin relish, half the onion, white vinegar, sugar, smoked paprika and garlic powder in a small bowl with a good season, stir and place in the fridge to chill.

To assemble, cut each bun in three and place the base on a plate. Smear generously with special sauce, top with a pinch of the reserved chopped onion, add the lettuce, top with a slice of cheese and a chicken pattie, followed by the middle of the bun. Then smear with more sauce, top with onion, lettuce, a few pickle slices, cheese – because I believe it needs two slices – a chicken pattie and the top of the bun.

Smoosh as thinly as you can and devour, greedily.

 

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Peter Gallatke

12 Days of Chrismukkah, Side, Snack

I don’t even know where to start with my dear friend, confidante and ex-lover Peter Gallagher! Maybe at the start works best? Probably. I don’t know!

Pete and I first met on the set of Summer Lovers in the early 80s, falling in love instantly – but who wouldn’t fall in love with the man that put his everything into the starring role of the adaptation of your homoerotic, pornographic novella?

I mean, sure, I was hurt when Daryl Hannah was cast opposite him and that she turned out to be a female, but that was not Pete’s fault … and he more than made up for it anyway. But that is another story for another time …

While our torrid love affair ended in 1995 when he dared to co-star with my nemesis Sandra Bullock in While You Were Sleeping, we reconnected within a couple of years after I secured him a role in American Beauty to apologise.

When it came time to cast The O.C. a few years later I was listing all of my DILF-y exes in my head but could never move beyond Pete for the role of Sandy – which coincidentally I named as a dig at La Bullock.

Despite our continued close relationship, I haven’t been able to see much of Pete in recent years – given his extensive commitments on Law & Order, Togetherness and in On the Twentieth Century on Broadway – so I was absolutely thrilled to be able to catch-up and celebrate Chrismukkah over a big plate of my famous Peter Gallatkes.

 

peter-gallatkes-1

 

When we were dating, I’ve oft describe Pete as a potato – and no that wasn’t a dig – simply that no matter which way you have him, you’re always satisfied. Both nothing is as satisfying as a latke in all its crispy, fluffy glory, thus it becoming his namesake.

Enjoy!

 

peter-gallatkes22

 

Peter Gallatkes
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g potatoes
1 onion, finely diced
1 egg, lightly beaten
¼ tsp smoked paprika
¼ tsp garlic powder
pinch of salt and pepper
a good lug of olive oil
sour cream and chives, to serve

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Peel and grate potatoes and place in a bowl of ice cold water for five minutes. Drain well, transfer to some muslin and wring out as much liquid as possible.

Once as dry as possible, transfer to a bowl and combine with the onion, egg and spices.

Line two large baking sheets with baking paper and take out large golf balls pieces of mixture, form into a ball and flatten out on the tray. Repeat until the mixture is all done.

Drizzle with a good lug of oil and cook for about twenty minutes, flipping once halfway through.

Serve immediately with a good dollop of sour cream and chives. Devour.

 

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Cheece Taylor Burger

Main, Party Food, Snack, Survivor: Millennials vs. Gen X, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, Taylor continued to get jiggy wit Figgy while the Gen Xers continued to lose immunity challenges. While the majority tried to get rid of Jessica – I assume to help with her eye probs – Ken wanted to save her, so pulled her aside to warn her. She obviously then ran to the majority, pissing dear Kengel off. Despite her misstep, David saved her and idoled out Lucy.

Who? Exactly. Shhh.

The olds arrived back at camp where David was super paranoid for the big move, he theatrically made. While Jessica got her head back in the game and worked to win Ken back over, telling him about the mysterious/ominous legacy advantage, promising it to him in the process.

After last night’s excitement, the olds awoke the next day and immediately commenced a good old fashioned idol search party where once again, David was lucky enough to find the idol. Though to be honest, now that they are hidden in plain site with a tribe symbol on them, once you’ve found one, others should be easy.

Anyway, the tribes then reconvened for a reward challenge – the millennials of course asked who, when Jeff said Lucy was voted out at tribal – where they … wait a minute, this is a damn switch up!

Waiting to recreate the success of Second Chances, Jiffy Pop opted to switch them into three tribes, royally pissing off Michaela who was swap-fucked – let’s be honest, the only person I want to be swap fucked by, is Ken – and ended up with Hannah, Will, Jay, Bret and Sunday as the new Ikabula tribe starting from scratch. Sadly she didn’t flip him off, though positively we can do away with most of the shitty generational references.

We arrived at Ikabula where Bret immediately shot my hope in the foot – does that even make sense, throwing those phrases together … am I Andrew? – talking about gen x, followed by Jay throwing in the requisite millennial reference.

Over on Kengel’s island, Figgy and Taylor were thrilled to still be together, while poor Adam tried to pretend to enjoy the role of third wheel before Kengel took him under his wing, immediately gave Adam a bit of cred and hopefully gave Ken some power.

Well, outside of his powerful beauty.

Meanwhile at Vanua, the tribe were connecting over sunrise except for Michelle who was feeling down about being the only tribe with a millennial disadvantage. Her other youngen Zeke, however, was in his element, connecting with Chris over being Oklahoma boys.

For keeping score, this is the second gay male that Chris has aligned with making him the greatest ally to the LGBT community in the game.

Outside of Kengel’s tight underwear, obvs.

Back with Ikabula, Queen Michaela continued to dominate the confessional game and life in general, building fire for the tribe and sharing her story of determination. Can you feel that? Yep, it is the #WinnersEdit.

And if I’m wrong, I obviously mean winner of my heart edit.

Finally Jiffy returned for the first threeway of the season, where the tribes all had to go down for some buoys, then try and score by tossing their balls into some holes. Despite Sunday getting them off to a horrible start, Ikabula took out the victory thanks to – almost single handedly – Michaela Jordan, with sweet Kengel also getting new Takali over the line.

But given CeCe’s dismal performance – again – and David’s laughable display, which lead to Zeke wondering if he was trying to throw the challenge, was there ever going to be a different outcome?

Back at camp, new Vanua got to scrambling after their manure performance. The Gen Xers hoped to take advantage of their numbers advantage, while Chris was hoping to turn it on CeCe and hopefully make the tribe stronger, pulling in David, Zeke and Michelle. Michelle was still scared though, so tried to work on CeCe … who gave absolutely zero fucks. CeCe then told David that Michelle was trying to get him out, who then considering playing his idol on CeCe to save her.

So yep, the editors succeeded in confusing me by the time they arrived at tribal. Thankfully he was a lot more straightforward than that, with yet another minority female getting the boot as CeCe went to loser lodge for some culinary comfort. I mean sure, she had almost single handedly lost two immunity challenges and deserved the boot … but the fear that Michaela will be the next one voted out due to unintentional racism, simply for being a woman of colour is too much.

Thankfully she is a boss.

So obviously I have been friends with CeCe for years, meeting at the Debbie Allen Dance Academy where I taught her daughter. While we initially clashed, due to her role as stage mom and mine as the vicious teacher with a cold heart, she grew to respect my style and a bond formed. After being booted from the one swap tribe with a Gen X majority, CeCe was pretty upset. However she saw me and a plate of my famed Cheece Taylor Burgers – which we’d eat after dance class in front of her famished daughter as part of my out-of-academy discipline lesson – her mood quickly turned around.

 

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So yes, this is a blatant copy of a McDonald’s cheeseburger but they are insanely delicious – I’m going for a sponsorship gig with Mindy Kaling – so why not?

(If In’n’Out wanted me as a spokesperson though, Maccas would be as dead to me as someone that crossed Abi-Maria).

But honestly, between the cheese, onion, fresh patties, soft bun, ketchup, mustard and most importantly, pickles – how could you really go wrong? Enjoy.

 

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Cheece Taylor Burger
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
1 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
¼ tsp onion powder
¼ tsp garlic powder
6 hamburger buns
6 slices American cheese
dill pickles, sliced
1 finely diced onion, soaked in ice cold water and drained just before serving
mustard
ketchup

Method
Place the meat in a large bowl and combine with the salt, pepper and onion and garlic powders. Divide the mixture into six, form into thin patties, wrap in cling and place in the freezer for two hours.

Heat a large frying pan over high heat, remove the patties from the freezer and allow to come to temperature for a couple of minutes. While that is happening, split the rolls and fry the open sides for about twenty seconds, or until browned.

Now this is where is gets specific and it is important to follow this, ok? Place the patties in the pan, season generously and allow to fry for thirty seconds. Press down heavily on the patties for a couple of seconds, before immediately flipping and cooking for a further thirty seconds.

Remove to the bottom of the fried buns and top each with a slice of cheese, top with some ketchup, mustard, a few slices of pickle and some onion.

Close and devour.

 

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