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Schnitzzarah Tilleke

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2017), Main, Pizza, Poultry, Survivor: Australia V The World, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor seven of the best Aussies were thrown into battle against seven of the best from around the globe, with us seeing big names go out back to back to back in the form of Rob, David and George. JLP then decided to spice up the Mother convention by switching things up with individual immunity for each tribe, as both tribes would attend the next tribal council. With Shonee months out from giving birth, she couldn’t jag victory in one of her signature challenges, leaving Sarah to take out victory for the Aussies. While all the internationals were still fighting until Parvati narrowly snagged victory for the World over Kass. Back at camp, Shonee found herself the Aussie target while the World tribe were torn between Tony and Tommi. At tribal council, Jonathan explained that one tribe would only be at tribal council temporarily, as a fire making challenge would decide which stays. Repeating history, poor Cirie was defeated, this time by Sarah, leading to an explosive World tribal council where Tony and Parv went to town, before the Black Widow felled the two-time champ.

And jagged the hidden immunity idol as everyone exited, even getting JLP to mind her torch while she looked.

Back at camp the new Black Widow Brigade were delighted to have survived tribal council, particularly one that was as wild and chaotic as Tony with his back against the wall. Parvati in particular was thrilled to have been able to jag the hidden immunity without anyone even noticing. Cirie was quick to remind them that while they were glad to see Tony go, she would still far prefer to be going into the merge with a 6-4 advantage, rather than being even with the Aussies. Though Kass didn’t really mind, given she, Tommi and Lisa had the power in their current tribe. And even though she knows she can’t trust Parvati long term, she will fight tooth and nail to stay in the numbers at the first merge vote.

Right on cue, the tribes met up with Jonathan the next day for a cheeky little auction, with a side of merge buffs because they have officially merged. Everyone dropped their old stinky buffs and popped on with their new ones, with Parvati immediately nervous about being the biggest target left with Tony gone. Shonee meanwhile was thrilled to be the first Aussie to make the merge four times in a row, even though she knew that the Aussies were intending to get rid of her last night, and as such, wants anyone to go except for Kirby.

JLP checked in with Lisa, who broke down about how excited she was to make the merge again. She didn’t really elaborate though, as the auction kicked off – sweet Tommi’s first! The first item was a scroll, with him quickly bidding all of his money. Kirby grew nervous and was going to buy in with rocks, and while she declined, Luke was in. With the King of the Jungle coming out on top of the rock draw, opening the scroll in front of the merge tribe and learning that he just bought himself the power to send someone straight back to camp, promptly booting Parv and putting a massive target on his back. With her promising that it will definitely come back to bite him. She then counted down from 5 to allow him the chance to change his mind, however he didn’t, and just like that, an enemy was made.

With the iconic Black Widow alone at camp to simmer in her rage, JLP pulled out a rack of ribs and a beer which went to Shonee for $480. A heavy covered item went to Kirby for $500 after a bidding war with Sarah, which was revealed to be a big glass jar of popcorn. Similar to Ray’s famed one from Kirby’s OG season, which resulted in a massive advantage for the owner. Though seemingly had nothing this time. A club sandwich and a coke almost went to Shonee for $20, before Lisa jumped in and won it for $40. Another heavy, covered item went to Sarah which was a massive chocolate cake which she could not share. Oh and then it was over, just like that.

We followed Parvati back to camp where she was continuing to rage about Luke coming for her, feeling like he targeted her for being the biggest threat. Things quickly got better, however, when she found a massive jar of cookies, giving her the option to share them with the tribe or keep them to herself. With her grateful to keep them a secret. Well, until she tried to bury them and shattered the jar in the process. Though that did prove to be helpful, given an advantage was hidden amongst them, granting her the power to snatch someone’s idol at tribal council.

The tribe joined her just as she had finished disposing of all the evidence, allowing plenty of time for everyone to get to know each other. Tommi shared that he was hoping to get a win for Finland, while Luke wasn’t too concerned about making an enemy of Parv as the Aussies will stick together and have his back. Right on cue, we checked in with Kirby who was busy making friends with all of the World players. Luke then praised Cirie, while Parvati told Shonee she loves following her on Instagram, and honestly, this still feels like an absolute fever dream. Kirby finally caught up to Parvati, promising her that she is still keen to work with her, with the Black Widow pretending she is on the outs of her tribe and only survived because she was immune. Kirby assured her that unlike Luke, she isn’t scared of her, and wants to play with the best and as such, she wants to work with her and Cirie. With both of the US girls promising they were equally keen to work with her. Cirie threw out that she would love to work with Shonee, before Kirby said that is great, but she doesn’t think they can work with Sarah anymore as she is clearly threatened by the big players.

Kirby pulled Shonee aside to see how she was feeling about Sarah, with them agreeing that she clearly has no interest in working with them, and as such they were both keen to jump ship to Cirie and Parvati. Though Shonee cautioned that they need to make sure Sarah doesn’t get to them first. As such, we pivoted to Sarah telling Parvati that Kirby can’t be trusted and she doesn’t like threats and as such, they need to get rid of her ASAP. Parv and Cirie compared notes, realising that one of them was lying to them and while Parv wanted to work with Kirby – who she thinks is a Black Mamba – she got the vibe that Sarah’s story had more truth. Or at the very least, she was a mutual friend of David’s and mentioning him may have played into some biases. But I digress.

The newly formed Moorditj tribe met up with JLP for the first (true) individual immunity of the season – the iconic Last Gasp. Aka the one where they would each hold onto a grate in the middle of the ocean as the tide rises, with the last person left underwater winning. As the tide rose, the rain started to pour down, costing Lisa her place after just 10 minutes. She was quickly followed by Cirie, before Kirby and Parvati pulled the plug after 15 minutes, with Shonee not long after that. After 30 minutes the rain started to pelt down as a wild lightning storm raged around them. This cost Sarah her place, while the sitouts huddled under JLP’s platform and willed the challenge to just end. Which it did at 40 minutes, as the storm became too wild and production had to step in and send everyone back to shore as the lightning had started inching towards them in the water. 

After the storm cleared, JLP announced that because they couldn’t finish the challenge, the four that were still in the game had two options. Agree to draw rocks for the necklace and one of them gets it, otherwise nobody is immune at the merge tribal council. And given it isn’t really a choice, they all drew rocks resulting in Tommi winning immunity. Technically.

They returned to camp just as the rain kicked back in, and while Tommi was delighted to be immune, he admitted that he definitely would have preferred to win it outright. Luke made jokes asking everyone to not vote him out, pulling Janine aside to come up with a plan to stick Aussie strong and take out Kass as the safest option. With that, they pulled Sarah and Shonee aside to float the idea, with Sarah begging them to say Lisa instead to safeguard around an idol play. While telling Lisa that Parvati was the target in the hope that she’d like to take out a massive threat and split from the World tribe. Speaking of Lisa, she was struggling to strategise, given the rain didn’t give them any opportunity to talk privately. Thankfully she, Kass and Tommi were able to make a run to throw out a plan, with World wanting to stick together and target someone that most of the Aussies wouldn’t want to go to rocks, settling on Janine. Which Cirie was equally keen on.

Sarah and Shonee caught up with Parvati and Cirie, with Sarah floating getting rid of Lisa. And while they all agreed, after Cirie and Sarah disappeared, Shonee lingered back with Parvati to give the public what they want, locking in an alliance and assuring us that she doesn’t care for the Aussies and is happy to take control. With Kirby joining them and throwing out Sarah’s name instead. And while Parvati was a little confused about Kirby turning on her former ride or die, she was also happy to vote out anyone that wasn’t her. Despite it being a massive red flag to blindside an ally. Cirie returned, happy to go wherever the numbers are, particularly after Shonee assured her that she would be down.

Cirie told us that all she really cares about is protecting the World tribe, so she looped in Lisa, Kass and Tommi on the plan, with the internationals concerned about doing whatever Kirby is saying because it could just as easily be a trap. Which Cirie agreed with, though pointed out that if Kirby is telling the truth and votes for Sarah, and the World tribe stick together, they can dictate who goes either way. Kirby meanwhile caught up with Luke and admitted that Parvati and Cirie are planning to go for Sarah, and she would be tempted to join them. Which panicked Luke, assuring her that when Sarah tries to turn on her, he will know and he will protect her, so she needs to hold firm with the Aussies for now. Finally, the Aussies came back together, agreeing to vote together and that they would be willing to go to rocks should they need to.

At tribal council Luke spoke about how hard it was to lose immunity due to mother nature, while Kass was excited they were all finally together. Despite hearing way too many names back at camp, begging the question, are the Aussies full of cracks or full of liars. Sarah meanwhile was just hopeful that the people she was speaking to were telling the truth. Kirby spoke about making new friends because it is a new game, and that they all should be looking at options if they want to make it to the end. While Janine reminded everyone how important tonight is at setting up the end game. Cirie suggested that it is less about choosing who to ride with and more about weeding out the toxic relationships. While Parv spoke about how desperately nobody wants to go to rocks, and as such, everyone has been struggling with the choice, given the OG tribes were even.

Shonee spoke about how great a merge is at saving people that were seemingly on the outs and admitted that she could be popular with the new people. Kirby spoke about the vote being about building trust, while Parv was happy to go to war with a rival alliance, should there be one. Lisa started to get spooked that the Aussies would play an idol for Sarah based on the conversations, with her, Cirie and Kass debating the merits of voting Kirby or Sarah, worried about the idol which is actually in Luke’s pocket and will only be played for him. With that the tribe voted and after three votes piled up on Janine, three landed on Kass before the rest came in for Sarah, sending her from the game as the Queen of the Jury.

Despite the heartbreak of finding herself booted from the game, the Aussie’s resident superfan took it in her stride, admitting that she didn’t play her best game this season and as such, wasn’t surprised Kirby turned on her. I pulled her in for a massive hug and thanked her for finally coming back to the game given, IMO, she was a glaring omission from every single returning player season we’ve had thus far. And while she was felled early, she more than proved me right. As such, we toasted her Mother status as we smashed a big ol’ Schnitzzarah Tilleke.

While I think I cursed her on a technicality, this is so damn good – and massive, it was hard for her to hold a grudge. You could argue it is kind of a mega parmi, given it is simply a bunch of schnitzels pushed together to form a base, slathered in sauce and topped with pizza fixin’s – to quote Jeff. But whatever name you choose to use, all that matters is that it is delicious.

Enjoy!

Schnitzzarah Tilleke
Serves: 2 former models slash best friends.

Ingredients
1 cup panko breadcrumbs
1 cup flour
salt and pepper, to taste
2 eggs, whisked
2 chicken breasts, cut in half lengthways
olive oil
1 cup Amber Marinara Sauce
1 cup mozzarella cheese, grated
¼ cup pineapple pieces
3 mushrooms, sliced
½ a capsicum, sliced
½ a red onion, sliced
3 tbsp olives, sliced
shallots, to top

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C, and place the breadcrumbs in a dish, the flour in another with a good whack of salt and pepper, and the eggs in a third. Working one at a time, dip the chicken in the flour, followed by the egg and finally the breadcrumbs to full coat.

Pop the coated chicken onto a pizza tray and press together to form a circular disc, and spritz with some olive oil. Transfer to the oven and bake for 30 minutes, or until crisp and cooked through.

Once the schnitzel is cooked through, remove from the oven and smear with the marinara sauce. Sprinkle a little bit of cheese over the top, before dotting with the pineapple, mushrooms, capsicum and red onion, before giving another generous sprinkling of cheese. Transfer to the oven to bake for a further 15 minutes, or until the cheese is golden and crisp. Sprinkle with fresh shallots before devouring, like the Queen that you are.


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Pineapple and Morglamb Mitchellow Curry

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the Postgraduates were well and truly in control after avoiding a rockdraw. After Kaelan won immunity, they decided to stay silent against the OG Brawn girls to make sure they couldn’t find a crack. Thankfully the Brawns were not keen on going down without a fight, soKristin got to work trying to woo Zara. Though she clearly wasn’t budging. At tribal council, Kate shared how frustrated she was knowing there were cracks, so made one final attempt at flipping Zara by changing the vote to Myles. Sadly for them, Zara stayed firm with her alliance – mainly because Kate is her biggest competition – as poor Kristin was sent out the door.

Back at camp everyone celebrated making the final six, before the majority went for a walk to congratulate themselves for sticking to their OG plan for the first time all season. Back at the shelter, Morgan and Kate decided that the only thing left to do was be iconic, so snacked on rice. Myles meanwhile was thrilled by how solid his alliance was, so asked everyone who should go next, with Zara quickly suggesting Kate. And while they all seemed solid, Myles admitted to us that Kate isn’t his biggest threat and as such, if their alliance comes undone, you better trust and believe it will be because of him.

The next day everyone woke up bright and early, looking super paranoid about how they will get to the end, given there are just days remaining. Kaelan was downplaying his progressive rise in power to Myles, saying the more challenges he won, the more scared he became. While AJ and Zara were busy talking about how paranoid Myles and Kaelan are. Particularly the latter, given he has won so many immunity challenges he is now convinced he will be booted the instant he doesn’t win. AJ assured Zara he is finally ready to get rid of Morgan and Kate, before going to catch up with the boys and while they quickly locked in said Kate vote, Myles reiterated to us that he has an idol and will gladly use it to blindside Kaelan should the opportunity arise. The wrinkle being that he would need Morgan’s help.

As such, Myles caught up with Morgan who promptly figured out that he would be looking to get rid of Kaelan ASAP. She immediately jumped onboard his plan, happy to make peace and get him out. Though given he had no answer when she asked what happens if he wins immunity, Kaelan is totally winning immunity right? Myles then shared his ideal final three is him, AJ and Zara, given they would both take him to the end. As such, he also floated the Kaelan plan with Zara, with her happy to get rid of him, given he clearly has no intention of letting her get near the final challenge and as such, she was onboard with Myles and Morgan’s plan.

With all that talk, the tribe met up with JLP for the immunity challenge – where Kaelan will break the individual immunity win record, right? – where they will leap off a platform in the water and race through a series of obstacles to collect balls before arriving on shore and using a stick to push all the balls up a ramp and into a basket. Kaelan obviously got out to a massive lead, while AJ, Morgan and Myles worked hard to close the gap. While Myles’ bold strategy helped him close the gap, Kaelan quickly got his eye in and landed his first ball. Myles tied things up just before Kaelan almost landed his second ball, before dropping and handing Myles the lead. The pressure then started to get to Kaelan who dropped a few more times, before Myles dropped, allowing Kaelan enough time to catch up and score himself his record-breaking sixth individual immunity.

Back at camp everyone congratulated Kaelan on his historic win. Well except for Kate and Morgan, who realised that there was now no chance that both of them would survive the night. While the plan was firmly set on getting rid of Kate for being a threat, AJ shared with us that Morgan was the bigger threat to his game and as such, he wanted to get rid of her instead. He pulled Zara and Kaelan aside and tried to point out their best move was for Kate and Morgan to vote for each other, hoping that Morgan would go. Sadly he said that out loud, which made Zara nervous, given Kate is her biggest threat and she needs her to go ASAP. Despite being told not to say anything, AJ obviously caught up with Kate and told her that the only way to guarantee her safety tonight was to vote for Morgan. Sadly for him, it made her burst into tears at the thought of turning on her ally.

He obviously realised he screwed up, so caught up with Kaelan by the well and tried to convince him that Myles came up with the Kate plan. Hilariously, though, Kaelan pointed out that he and Zara actually wanted her out, given she can beat them in endurance challenges. Though bless AJ, he quickly pointed out that Myles thinks he can beat Morgan at final tribal council and as such, they need to get rid of her so he has no other option but to stick with them. Kaelan then pulled Zara aside to get her onboard with getting rid of Morgan. Zara being Zara, she immediately shut Kaelan down and pointed out that AJ consistently changes up the vote last minute to benefit his game and his alone, so she was not having it. And that seemed to calm Kaelan.

AJ meanwhile was busy talking to Kate, assuring her that he is desperately trying to save her over Morgan. Sadly for him, Kaelan and Zara were watching him talk to Kate. This made Zara irate, approaching AJ and telling him that she is not voting for Morgan tonight and Kate has to go. She pointed out all the reasons why she found her to be the biggest threat, before adding that she is also concerned that when Kate is emotional, AJ just does what she wants. AJ pointed out that Morgan going home is the only thing that keeps Myles from flipping on them and in turn, keeps Kaelan safe. Which Zara hilariously pointed out wasn’t best for her. They both eventually landed on the fact that Zara is more concerned about Kaelan being in the game at the final four, while AJ can only focus on Myles. And finally, things are clearer.

Myles caught up with Kate, telling her that he is sad Kaelan won immunity today, while Kate started to cry about potentially voting out Morgan. The duo then caught up in the hammock, sobbing to be broken up, as Morgan encouraged Kate to just vote her out as it will ruin their plans, which is a win in itself. Kate was confused about what she was saying, with Morgan astutely pointing out that she can’t win and as such, she’d rather fuck with the Brains’ plans and help Kate make it one more round. That was enough, however, to inspire them to make one final pitch to get rid of Myles, with Kate pulling Kaelan aside to point out that he needs to make a big move if he wants to win the game. And blindsiding Myles could just be that big move.

At tribal council Kaelan shared how proud he was to take out his sixth immunity and most importantly, keep his alliance strong by keeping it out of their rivals’ hands. AJ wanted to see the streak run longer so the record could never be broken, while Kate pointed out that Kaelan is beatable – she has proven it multiple times – though he is clearly well rounded. Myles spoke about how close he came to winning and as such, isn’t concerned about Kaelan winning every single challenge. Because now people are more hungry to target him should he lose. Kaelan agreed it is stressful to think about losing, though is planning to ride the momentum as long as he possibly can. Myles mentioned that at some point, Kaelan winning immunity could become an inconvenience for his game, though it isn’t a problem yet. And his focus is still on getting rid of Morgan and Kate.

Morgan hilariously pointed out she spent the afternoon napping, given she and Kate are willing numbers, and it is honestly up to the others to make use of them at this point. Kate then accused everyone of playing it too safe to get to the top five, pointing out it is easier to make a big move with two extra votes rather than one. And they will end up losing the chance to actually make a move if they waste time. Zara cautioned that they have all made so many moves to get here, while Myles suggested the timing isn’t right for a move. This time the yet was implied. AJ mentioned it only makes sense if you want to make the chessboard look different, otherwise, they shouldn’t make a move and just ride it out.

Kate spoke about feeling like a sitting duck, which led to JLP announcing that tonight would be a little different. Someone would be voted out, but not before the remaining five vulnerable people competed in a second immunity challenge. No doubt to improve the odds for the Brawns. With that, everyone pivoted to the challenge where they would hold a rope to balance a platform and walk along a balance beam to build a house of cards on the rickety platform. The first to reach a marker winning, or whoever was highest after 45 minutes. AJ was the first to have a big stack, while Myles powered ahead with Kate nipping at his heels. The duo were neck and neck for the rest of the challenge, centimetres from the marker when Myles dropped, opening it up for Kate to slowly work away before she too dropped. Morgan was then in the lead before she dropped, putting AJ in front, with him dropping right on cue. While Kate and Zara quietly worked away and just hoped to be the highest at the end of 45 minutes, slowly backing behind the line before Zara dropped a single block at the very last minute, handing Kate the second immunity.

They returned to tribal council where the jury were delighted to see Kate take out immunity, though she was smart enough to know that while she is safe tonight, she will go back to the bottom tomorrow. And this time it will be worse, as she will be without Morgan. Myles admitted he just wanted to win to keep immunity out of their hands, while Zara suggested she would happily make a move if it was good. Kate once again whispered to Zara about who she would vote for, with her suggesting Myles would be her choice. Morgan meanwhile was confident they just wouldn’t make a move, while AJ reminded us that there were also advantages out there that everyone was being mindful of.

With that the tribe finally voted and despite hope that the women would once again come out on top, the Postgraduates everyone stood firm as Morgan was booted from the game. Despite forgoing final words and Jury Villa, Morgan was thrilled to see we waiting for her before she jumped in a cab to the airport home. I pulled her in for a massive hug and told her how proud of her I was, and while the audience wasn’t shown how much of an icon she was, the fact she left on her own terms, kinda proves it right? In any event, she loved her pre-departure Pineapple and Morglamb Mitchellow Curry.

Pineapple is one of the more controversial things to include on pizza, so I assume the stigma carries over to curry – but hear me out, this is incredible. While I only tried this recipe because I had some lamb lying around after the spitroast reward – not the kind I was thinking – the earthiness of the lamb and the sweet-sour pineapple just work.

Enjoy!

Pineapple and Morglamb Mitchellow Curry
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, sliced
⅓ cup yellow curry paste
750g lamb, diced
2 cups chicken stock
1 red capsicum, seeded and sliced 
2 cups pineapple, diced
400ml unsweetened coconut milk
2 tbsp fish sauce
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
rice, coriander and shallots, to serve

Method
Heat the oil in a dutch oven over medium heat and once nice and hot, add the onions and sweat for five minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the curry paste and cook it off for a minute before adding the lamb and browning for a couple of minutes. Stir in the chicken stock, bring to the boil, reduce to low and simmer, covered, for 30 minutes.

Once the meat is nice and soft, uncover and return to medium heat. Stir in the capsicum, pineapple, coconut milk, fish sauce and sugar, and simmer for 5 minutes to allow all the flavours to come together and the sauce to thicken slightly.

Serve over a bed of rice, with a sprinkle of coriander and shallots, and devour your way, in honour of Morgs!


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Kweensland Do(n)g

Burgers, Main, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars 1, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Global All Stars the top four took a back seat as the eliminated queens returned for the chance to be crowned the global lip sync assassin. Tragically, to only RuPaul songs. Two by two they battled off until only Soa and Gala remained. And while Gala continued to serve sex all over the stage – flooding all of the basements in the process – it was the iconic Soa who dominated, taking out the title. And most importantly, the $50k she so rightly deserved.

The next day the top four were primed and ready to compete for the crown, with Kween overwhelmed, hungry, horny and ready for the crown. No doubt because of Gala’s lip sync. Kitty was focused on the cash, ready to buy some wigs and go on holiday, while Nelly would like to help her family and make a difference. While Alyssa just mentioned she has been doing it for 23 years, which reminded Nelly that she is very old. Ru then dropped by to announce that for the final challenge of the season, the finalists would star in the music video for new drag anthem, Dance Like The World Is Watching. After writing and recording verses, and catching up over a tic tac lunch.

After Ru disappeared, the dolls split up to work through their lyrics with Kitty charmed by her own, Kween Kong was feeling like she was finally in her lane while Nelly was just bricking it about singing in English. Talk turned to the video clip with Alyssa opening up about loving performing with her kids at Beyond Belief and how she wants the choreo to be something they could do. She and Nelly spoke about how much they were looking forward to making their debut while Kween was just grateful to finally believe she deserves to be a finalist. Nelly started to break down, overwhelmed to be the last international queen standing and proud about how hard she has worked.

We pivoted to the tic tac lunches where Kitty opened up about feeling like she deserves to be here because she has had to fight hard to make it through every challenge. And that she is now ready for whatever is next in her career. She spoke about how much lip syncing lit a fire under her, never believing it whenever she heard that from other contestants. Nelly on the other hand was a ball of sweetness, hoping to be an inspiration for kids in Italy and proud to push through her nerves and self-doubt to make it to the end. Kween was so excited to have had a second chance at the competition, given she felt like the first season is what shaped her into the queen she is now. Before straight up bribing the judges with hand-made jewellery from her mum and aunties. Rounding out the chats was the one and only Alyssa Edwards and honestly, it felt like a victory lap. She admitted that she was worried that she would be competing against the judges expectations of what 23 years of experience should look like. Ru then started to break down calling her a star and yep, condragulations Alyssa, condragulations.

We pivoted to filming the TikTok numbers where Alyssa gave an OG Haus of Edwards dance, Kitty was keeping it simple, Nelly was hoping to challenge the children before Jamal helped remind Kween that she is a dancer, though the people at home are not, so she should keep it simple.

Coronation Day arrived with the top four splitting up to beat their mugs for the final time, with Alyssa giddy to have finally made it. Kween spoke about how shocked she is to be competing with Alyssa, while Kitty shared she would be happy with any of them winning. But happier for her, obvi. The eliminated queens then dropped by one final time, with Kween opening up to her sisters about how emotional she is given how far she has come since her first season. Nelly admitted that while she is an underdog for the crown, she is not going down without a fight before it all just became a love fest TBH.

Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by the iconic Ariadna Gutiérrez-Arévalo as the eliminated queens opened the Best Drag On Earth runway. Athena was absolutely stunning in a couture white gown and yeah, she ate as the sexiest jellyfish. Miranda was stunning in a vibrant blue feathered gown, Eva was a golden goddess phoenix, Soa was a gorgeous musketeer, Gala was a beautiful volcanic mess, Pythia was a glamorous three-headed dog, Vanity was a stunning, studded icon and Tessa looked like a pretty version of the ugly step-sisters. The top four then arrived to devour, with Alyssa giving a glamorous purple ruffled gown, giving all the leg. Kitty wore an ill-fitting pink vinyl gown inspired by Barbie, Kween gave Polynesian Princess and looked glorious, before Nelly closed the show in a sweet, puffy, lavender gown.

In the film clip, the inclusion of the Pit Crew made me super distracted but as usual, it was kinda cringe. Though they all did a solid job of the dancing, except for Kitty. 

The judges heaped Alyssa with all of the praise, reminding her that she set the bar back in week one and has met it every one since. And she did the best at creating a dance that people would be able to mimic at home. Kitty was praised for how much she has grown and elevated since her first season, and for having fun in the video. Kween was praised for giving all the swag on the video, and for being so open and vulnerable throughout the entire season. And for doing her family proud with her kindness and the way she wants to help the next generation. Nelly meanwhile was encouraged to always believe in herself because she proved, week after week, that she is a star.

Ru then challenged the girls to answer why the world needs drag more than ever. Alyssa spoke about how she wanted to inspire queer small town kids to believe. Kitty spoke about the freedom that comes from self-expression and how it opened up her world and filled it with so much joy. Kween spoke about the fact it builds a safe world for people like us, while Nehellenia spoke about the power it has.

Backstage the dolls were shocked to have done all that they could to make it to the final lip sync, with Alyssa toasting them for being such incredible competition and being on the journey with her. Though admitted this was her time. The eliminated queens joined them, with Kween talking about being in tears all day, given how kind the judges have been. Nelly was thrilled to be strong enough to make it to the end, while Kitty spoke about how hard it is to hear all the compliments.

Before we got to the final lip sync, we learnt that the eliminated dolls had one final crown to win – Miss Congeniality. Now known as Miss Global Peacemaker, which once again went to Soa De Muse, earning her another $10k. And honestly, it is what she deserves. After pushing the eliminated quens off stage, Ru announced that everyone in the top four would be lip syncing for the crown, solo, and damn were Alyssa and Kween fired up for that crown. As soon as my girl Gaga’s Bad Romance kicked off, they were spitting fire and hitting every line. While Kitty gave comedy and Nelly was busy stripping, it was clear the choreographers were desperate to win the crown. And win a crown one of them did, as the one and only, always and forever Alyssa Edwards was crowned. Leaving Down Under’s own Kween Kong to settle for being a double runner-up like her sister Hannah.

As she arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug and congratulated her for making Australia and New Zealand proud. While she didn’t snatch the crown, she truly did dominate the season week after week – which is not something all of the finalist’s can say, despite placing in the top all season. She didn’t love me trash talking her sisters, but gave me her signature chuckle and thanked me for once again supporting her. I told her how great it was to see her so relaxed this season, and how it made her perform so much better. And more than earn a big, fat Kweensland Do(n)g.

While the name makes it sound super smutty, this is simply a hot dog. Which I guess is kinda smutty, but once again, I digress. The sticky, sweet chilli pineapple works perfectly with the smooth cream cheese and rich pork, warming your soul in the process.

Enjoy!

Kweensland Do(n)g
Serves: 2-4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
400g can sliced pineapple slices, juices drained and reserved
½ cup muscovado sugar
2 red chillis, trimmed and sliced
1 tbsp apple cider vinegar
salt and pepper, to taste
4 hot dog rolls
4 thick pork sausages
½ cup cream cheese
2 shallots, sliced

Method
Pop the oil in frying pan over medium heat and cook the pineapple for a few minutes each side, until nice and charred and caramel. Remove from the heat and roughly chop.

In the same pan, add the sugar and pineapple juice, and stir until the sugar dissolves. Increase heat, bring to the boil and simmer for 5 minutes, or until it thickens and is a rich caramel. Add the chilli and stir for a minute, before adding the pineapple and vinegar. Remove from the heat, season and set aside.

While the pineapple rests, cook the sausages a few minutes each side over medium heat or until cooked through.

To assemble, split the buns, smear with some cream cheese, top with the sausages and a good sprinkle of the chilli and the shallots. Then wrap your lips around it and go to town. Also known as devouring.


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Lauren Breakfast Wrarpe

Breakfast, Survivor, Survivor 44, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the top six were put through their paces in an epic team reward challenge which was dominated by Carson, Lauren and Yam Yam. As they joyously hung out at the Sanctuary, Lauren floated the idea of getting rid of Carolyn given she is beloved by the jury and she also wanted to break up the Tika. While Carson was sure it was a no go, Yam Yam knew she was right – given she left out the latter – and considered the idea. After Lauren took out immunity, it became a battle between Jamie and Carolyn to stay. Ultimately the Tikas and Heidi stayed firm, blindsiding Jamie and barring immunity, paved their path to the final four.

The final five arrived at their new desolate home for the final few days of the competition, and while they had nothing, they were all just grateful to still be in the game. The tribe asked Heidi about her just played idol and while everyone was gagged by it, they were more focused on the fact another would be hidden. The Tika three then caught up by the well to talk about hunting for said idol, with Carson not interested in trying tonight given his eyesight is busted. Yam Yam meanwhile pretended he found an idol before admitting it was a gag and ugh, I love Tika so much.

The next day the tribe were still focussed on idols with Heidi talking about how they burn a hole in your pocket and while she didn’t need it the night before, she has no regrets about playing it as she’d still rather guarantee her place in the game when she can. As they split up to hunt, Heidi spoke to us about being proud to be the last Soka standing, while Carolyn was proud to always be herself and Yam Yam felt that finding the idol would be what secures him his win. While he wandered around the tree that the idol was tied in. Thankfully he wasn’t alone as everyone circled it unaware, as Carson spoke about his game solely coming down to numbers and relationships while poor Lauren knew that the only way to make it to the end would be to win challenges. As much as she tries to build bonds.

Carolyn and Carson continued hunting, talking about how happy they were that the three stooges managed to make it to the end together. Sadly Lauren was busy smearing Carson’s name to Yam Yam and Heidi, who agreed he is definitely the biggest threat. She pulled Carolyn aside who agreed that she knows Carson is a massive threat, though is hopeful that he is so loyal to her that he doesn’t see a blindside coming if and when necessary. While Lauren and Carson both agreed that they know a target is on their backs, so their only hope was winning immunity.

Right on cue, Jeffrey appeared for the final five immunity challenge where they would race through a three-tier structure to collect keys, then open a chest to release a rope which in turn releases a ladder and then solve a puzzle. So, congratulations Carson and your printer! Oh and in addition to immunity, the victor gets to go to the Sanctuary for an epic feast. Everyone whipped through the structure, with Carson and Heidi neck and neck for the narrow lead. Heidi slowly started to pull away before Carson closed the gap again. The duo released their ladders at the same time, leading to them starting the puzzle at the same time, which obviously gave Carson a massive advantage as he whipped through it with ease – despite everyone eventually making it to the puzzle – and snatched yet another immunity. Carson was obviously then given the chance to take someone with him, electing to take Yam Yam. Which kinda shocked me, given Mama Carolyn is right there.

We followed the boys to the Sanctuary where they promptly loaded up their plates and got to enjoying their date – I love Yam Yam feeling like the belle of the ball – before talk turned to the upcoming vote. Yam Yam immediately pointed out that Carolyn is far and away the biggest threat, while Carson felt that the best road ahead for all of the Tikas is to go to the end together. Carson suggested the jury would love an underdog story and as such, set his sights on Lauren while Yam Yam felt like Carolyn is the bigger issue but given Carson isn’t willing to budge, there is nothing he can do but hope it doesn’t bite him.

Back at camp Heidi admitted she was shocked Carolyn wasn’t taken on the reward, while Lauren felt like it proved they were super close and she is likely going home next. Heidi suggested the three of them would be able to make a move against them and as such, they need to get plotting. Lauren pointed out that Yam Yam was coming for Carolyn at the last tribal council and even though it may be a lie, it still made her nervous. And open to flipping the script on her closest ally.

The boys returned to camp with Carolyn barely able to hide her anger at Yam Yam and while she pretended it was just because she was hungry, Yam Yam knew something was up. The boys addressed the awkwardness head on and when Lauren went for a walk, Carson straight up confirmed he will be voting for her no matter what. While Heidi quietly watched on, Carolyn suggested maybe the jury needs a little Tika on it which immediately spooked Yam Yam. The boys caught up to talk through the complication with Carolyn, agreeing that if they cannot trust she is with them, they will have to move the vote from Lauren over to Carolyn instead.

Yam Yam caught up with Lauren next, pointing out that if the vote is between the two of them, why don’t they just join together to get rid of Carolyn instead. And while Lauren was hopeful, she also knew they’re bond is complex – and iconic – and felt like it was just a family tiff. As such, she returned to the idol hunting as that was the only way to guarantee a spot in the final four. The boys reconvened, now worried that Lauren had an idol, so now Carson floated the idea of taking out Heidi instead.

At tribal council Lauren admitted camp wasn’t chaotic and that she is fully expecting to be going home tonight, given the Tikas are clearly aligned and nobody spoke to her. This elicited some massive eye rolls from Caroyln before she and Heidi countered that they actually spoke to her and threw out names. Lauren on the other hand said there was nothing solid, which only further exasperated Carolyn and Heidi. Carson admitted it all could be a fake out, while Heidi felt that it is unlikely that someone didn’t find the idol, given they were all hunting all day. Lauren admitted it would be a great ruse if she had one, while Yam Yam agreed it would be amazing to see an idol play, however he knows it would cost him his place and as such, he is ok without seeing it. He opened up that he knows there are always two plans and since he only knows one, he assumes he is number two which makes him sad.

Lauren started to break down, proud to have made it to the top five and to be the last Ratu standing. She opened up that she was hoping her boys would be proud of her, given she dominated challenges and surprised herself, which set everyone off, as they sobbed through her speech. And ugh, it was lovely. She opened up about how transformative an experience this is and TBH, given the jury was also in tears, I think she sealed her own fate. With that the tribe voted, no idols were played – despite a nice little fake out from Lauren – before sweet Lauren was booted to join the jury.

As she arrived at Ponderosa, I pulled her in for a massive hug and assured her that not only would her boys be proud of her, but so will everyone watching at home. There is something magical about watching Survivor and see people like Lauren – and everyone else that has ever doubted themselves before arriving on the island – embrace island life and thrive. And that makes her more than worthy of a triumphant Lauren Breakfast Wrarpe.

Breakfast is already my favourite meal of the day, but this little number is so good it will quickly make a lover out of its biggest doubters. Sweet, salty and dripping in cheese, like Veronica’s Closet, it’s got everything.

Enjoy!

Lauren Breakfast Wrarpe
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
8 rashers streaky bacon
4 pork sausages
2 tbsp butter
6 eggs
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
¼ cup Tomatoni Braxton Relish
4-8 slices butternut pumpkin, roasted
8-12 slices vintage cheddar
4 slices pineapple
4 tortillas

Method
Heat a skillet and fry the bacon and sausages – the former to taste, based on your passion for crispiness. Transfer to a plate lined with a paper towel.

In the same skillet over medium heat, melt the butter until foamy while you whisk the eggs in a jug with a good whack of salt and pepper. Add the eggs to the pan, sweeping across from edge to edge sporadically as it slowly cooks. Once they have just set, remove from heat.

To assemble, smear each tortilla with some Tomatoni Braxton Relish. Top with the pumpkin, cheddar, pineapple, bacon, sausage and finally the egg. Wipe the skillet clean and return to the heat. Roll the wraps to enclose and place in the pan, sealed side down, and toast for a couple of minutes. Flip and cook for a further minute.

Remove from the pan, slice and then devour. Like the boss that you and Lauren are.


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Celippos

Dessert, Drag Race France, Drag Race France 1, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Drag Race France the dolls finally played Snatch Game and well, it was a pretty good show. Grande Damn, Soa, Paloma and Elips all had their characters down and had Nicky in stitches, with nary a rattlesnake noise to be heard. While Lolita clearly struggled, I still found her to be quite solid with only Kam and Bertha struggling. Ultimately La Grande Dame’s slay secured her first win of the season, while Kam and Bertha ended up lip syncing for their lives. Hilariously to stock music, given they didn’t have the rights to the song in Australia. While we couldn’t really tell how either girl went, Bertha fought her way out of the bottom while poor Kam exited the competition.

Backstage the dolls were heartbroken to have lost Kam but delighted to see she has left such a fun, cute message. With Kam going with a win under her belt, the dolls were shaken and well and truly realised that they are rapidly approaching the pointy end of the competition. The next day, however, the dolls were back to feeling their oats and living their best lives as they posed their way back into the Werk Room. Bertha opened up about how sucky it feels when you have to lip sync for your life, though she was glad to survive and ready to rise like a phoenix. While Soa was ready for Grande Dame to lip sync, now that she has a challenge win under her belt. 

Nicky interrupted their kiki to announce that given they have worked so hard, they would each be able to nap for a minute … before ruining their bliss with a Mini Challenge where they would pair up star in a beauty parlour skit where they would be doing each other’s make up. While wearing wacky glasses, assuming nothing got lost in translation. Soa and Grand Dame were silly and wild, as Soa was aggressively put in a baby-hooker mug. Lolita gave Elips the sloppiest mug, though their segment kinda dragged before Paloma and Bertha were just oh so fun, despite Bertha finishing up looking like a granny-hooker. Though obviously it was Grande Dame and Soa who took out victory, since duh, Soa is charismatic as hell.

And given said victory gave them the chance to pick their groups in this week’s girl groups Maxi Challenge, it was the correct one to win. Soa selected Elips and Lolita to join her band, while Grande Dame went with Bertha and was left with Paloma. Who thankfully wasn’t upset, just ready to demolish writing their verses and performing their song Boom Boom live on the mainstage. Oh and they’ll be doing things UK Season 3 style, with one group getting a pop version and with the other ones rocking out.

After Nicky exited, the dolls sat down to listen to each version with the groups conveniently wanting different ones, making it super chill and very much not an All Winners Vivienne or Camden vs Bosco vibe. Soa, Elips and Lolita were ready to rock the rock, confident in Lolita’s ability to kill the choreography. Team Grande Dame meanwhile were going to be popping up consent, which instantly made the returned Nicky nervous about her making things fun. Meanwhile Team Soa announced they would be going by The Nails and were super confident with their plan to focus on their flaws and make fun of them.

Paloma, Grande Dame and Bertha – aka Les Soeurs Jacquettes – were first up to record with Mark Weld and zaddy Thoj. And once everyone got over how hot Thoj was, they made quick work of laying down their vocals. Well Paloma and Bertha did, as Grande Dame struggled to find her intro. Though when she did, it was perfect. While Elips was a little bit apprehensive when The Nails stepped behind the microphone, they all ended up knocking it out of the park as they got into their rock personas.

Jour d’elimination arrived with the dolls quickly splitting up to get ready for their girl band debuts before Soa admitted her dad didn’t know she did drag. Lolita opened up about how acceptance and support varies from family to family and she is lucky to have her family’s support, in drag and as someone living with HIV. She opened up to the girls about her status and how she has had to push through so many labels in her life though was grateful for them and her parents support. And then talk turned about how the gay community are generally more careful about HIV than the straights which is a timely reminder, given they have the highest rates of transmission now. So yeah, everyone needs to be sensible and take precautions, ya hear red cross?!

Nicky, Daphné and Kiddy were joined on the judges panel by Shy’m and Yanis Marshall as Les Soeurs Jacquettes opened the show with their pop version of Boom Boom. And it was so much fun, despite barely being able to hear Paloma’s verse, as the trio looked to have the best time in all their bright glory. And nailing every move. The Nails’ rock version was moody, cohesive and a hell of a good time too, despite Elips feeling slightly out matched by her sisters.

On the La nuit des 1000 Mylène runway, Lolita was a moody, sexy vamp, dripping in blood and spreading the undetectable = untransmittable message. Elip was a chic delight – so chic, Jamie – in a chequered 80s suit, Grande Dame was stunning in a big, geometric gown, revealing a sexy nude illusion dress underneath. Soa brought the drama, looking beautiful in a red gown before revealing a skimpy white skirt and bandeau underneath. Paloma was beautiful in a shimmering golden gown before revealing a flowing, white Tawny Kitaen-esque gown. On and then Bertha closed the show looking gorgeous as an ancient warrior.

The judges felt like Bertha went into cosplay territory on the runway, though loved her performance. Despite Daphné finding her to be too reserved. They loved Paloma’s look too, though found her to be nervous in the performance. Grande Dame meanwhile received universal praise for both the runway – despite not giving Myène – and the performance, though she was reminded to follow direction better. The judges loved every single thing Soa served this week, as they did with Lolita. Particularly for her powerful message on the runway. Elips meanwhile was beloved on the runway, though read for being too reserved and nervous in the performance.

Backstage Bertha toasted everyone for nailing the challenge, though TBH they were all exhausted. Everyone agreed it was Soa’s challenge to lose and it was likely Elips and Paloma would be the two lip syncing. Soa admitted she was trying to make sure everyone shined in her team before Paloma opened up about being so lonely growing up.

We then quickly flipped back to the mainstage where the dolls were proven right, as Soa took out her second, very well deserved victory of the season before Elips and Paloma were told they would be lip syncing as Lolita, Bertha and Grande Dame were sent to safety. And once again, they couldn’t spring for the Australisian rights to the song and so the dolls two-stepped the Wagon Wheel Watusi until Nicky opted to send Elips home. But before we get to that, let’s focus on how much of a bop the royalty free song was. Truly Le-Gend-Aire!

As was Elips’ run on the show, she was super chill and composed as she made her way backstage. I pulled her in for a massive hug and praised her for how magnetic and polished she is as a performer. While she was one of the quieter personalities, there is no denying that Elips is an absolute star. One that is very worthy of being celebrated over a batch of Celippos.

Yes, these little copycats are nothing more than frozen juice. But when they taste like nostalgia and joy, how can you be disappointed? Sweet and fresh, these are the perfect way to fill a summer afternoon.

Enjoy!

Celippos
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
3 cups pineapple juice
3 cups raspberry juice

Method
Freeze both juices for about half an hour, or until starting to firm but are by no means solid.

Blitz the first juice in a blender and pour into ice cream moulds (or sandwich bags, if you want to try for the calippo shape). Blitz the second juice in the blender and gently pour it in the mould, to have two distinct colours.

Transfer to the freezer and leave to set for a few hours. Then, devour.


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French Maryatini Sherron

Drink, Survivor, Survivor 42, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, 18 new castaways joined Jeffrey in Fiji for another fun season of phrases, risk and tricks. Most importantly, we met Maryanne, the sweetest, most energetic person to ever set foot on the island. After Jackson was sadly medically evacuated prior to the first immunity challenge, the three tribes battled it out with Ika sadly losing after botching the puzzle. Back at camp, chaos erupted as Zach and Romeo formed a skinny bros alliance, Romeo also joined up with Drea and Rocks, while Rocks aligned with Swati. Knowing he was on the block, Zach played his shot in the dark however tragically it didn’t save him as the tribe banded together to boot him for the game.

We returned to Ika where the tribe were thrilled to still have fire despite their lack of flint, while Romeo was heartbroken to have lost his fellow skinny bro. He was thankful however that Tori had been lulled into a false sense of security after they saved her, making her an easy target for the future. She meanwhile opened up to us about the fact that part of her was disappointed to have lost Zach at tribal council and to not be the one out of the game sleeping in a real bed, which made her worry about her own strength to stick things out.

The next day Jenny and Chanelle from Vati went hunting for something to eat when they stumbled upon a crab and well, neither of them were confident in their survival abilities. Or sure how to pick them up. Though bless Chanelle, if no one else was going to step up, she was willing to and as such, she snatched it and whipped up a New Orleans style boil. Well, except for Hai, who was struggling with her veganism and was unsure how he would be able to sustain himself without hurting his core beliefs. Eventually he reckoned with the fact he needed to eat and as such, hoped to one day be able to forgive himself. Which I hope he did, very quickly.

We checked in with Taku where Maryanne was living her best life swinging around the machete and entertaining the tribe. While they were also kinda struggling with the fact her calmest level was at a casual 100%. Omar opened up to the tribe about being a Muslim, sharing that he would be going off to do prayers from time to time and as such, he isn’t looking for an idol. Then Maryanne weaved him a prayer mat and ugh, I love her so much and this is just perfect. Particularly because Jonathan offered to teach him about christianity if he teaches him about being a Muslim and ugh, Taku is just so kind and sweet.

Back at Ika meanwhile, it was all about the game as Drea was thrilled to have her extra vote. And already willing to drop her alliance with Rocks and Romeo, and instead, wanted to form an all female alliance. While Tori and Swati obviously agreed to the plan to her face, they instead realised that targeting Drea would be in all of their best interests, given she is so good at pulling people in.

We checked back in with Vati where Mike was collecting firewood while desperately hunting for an idol before he straight up discovered the beware idol, meaning we learnt the first of the three weird activation phrases. And Mike would be waiting voteless until the other idols were found. Back at Taku Jonathan and Omar continued to grow their bromance, with this time Jonathan coaching Omar in cutting up coconuts before he straight up started making Omar friendship bracelets and AGAIN, I love and ship them. Jonathan was meanwhile living for everyone in the tribe, though admitted he was struggling to bond with Marya. And just like that, she opened up about how she was playing the game for her brother who was the first healthcare worker to die of COVID in the US and ugh, I love that she is playing the game for his memory and well, let’s hand all of Taku a tied win.

Mike meanwhile was busy locking in allies with his new found idol, opening up to his existing pal Jenny before he pulled Daniel aside to loop him in too. Sadly for Mike, however, he buried his idol in the middle of the jungle but couldn’t remember where. Thankfully he and Daniel eventually found it, with him suggesting Mike shouldn’t say the phrase until the other tribes say there’s so that he can maintain an air of mystery. Daniel then immediately told Chanelle and shared he never wants the idol activated and planned to keep Mike from getting his vote back. And worst case, would be willing to vote him out instead.

The tribes caught up with my love Probst before Maryanne opened up about a love of her own, Zach, who is every white guy she has ever loved. And oh my god, can she do what Billy couldn’t in Cook Islands?

After a pep talk about holding out for love, Jeff told the tribes that to snag immunity they would each have a single caller with the rest of their tribemates blindfolded to collect puzzle pieces and then solve it. Oh and first and second place would also get fishing gear. Drea, Lydia and Jonathan were callers for each of their tribes and well, honestly, it was hard to figure out what was happening at any given moment. Vati got their first two bags back-to-back with Ika and Taku getting only their first soon after. Vati then completely dropped out of it while the other tribes powered ahead. Eventually they all caught up at the puzzle – which yes,  often happens – before Taku started to struggle while Vati absolutely dominated again and snagged the first immunity challenge before Ika narrowly secured the second, sending Taku to tribal council.

Back at camp Jonathan and Omar pledged their undying loyalty to each other before quickly locking in the target on Marya and Maryanne before debating who makes the most sense. While Maryanne is more of a long term threat, both of them agreed that she was more helpful in challenges at the moment and as such, is more valuable to them. While Jonathan assured Maryanne they definitely weren’t voting her out, Omar and Lindsay were assuring Marya that she is not the target. Though maybe not well enough as she assured us that she would be playing her shot in the dark just in case. While Maryanne was trusting Jonathan, she was still nervous and as such, went hunting for an idol anyway.

Before quickly getting caught by Lindsay and Marya.

At tribal council Omar spoke about how exciting it was to be in tribal council, though was heartbroken to be voting out a member of their family. Marya agreed they’ve all opened up to each other and are bonded for life, while Omar admitted that given they are close, the shot in the dark makes him nervous. Jonathan spoke about how the tribe needs strength, but admitted that strength is varied and as such, they need a mix to move forward. Lindsay spoke about battling her own paranoia while Maryanne was concerned about which plan to go with given any number of Shot in the Darks could be played. And while she loves Zach, she doesn’t want to join him in Ponderosa just yet.

She then regaled Probst and the tribe with a tale of her love with Zach and how it will be discussed at the reunion. Ideally, when they get engaged. While everyone smiled, Marya was stuck in her nerves and opened up about coming to the game for the journey and to finally put herself first and not be a mum over Marya. With that the tribe voted and love will have to wait another day, as while Marya played her Shot in the Dark, it didn’t bring her safety and instead, she was booted from the game. Hopefully to tell Zach that Maryanne is single and READY to mingle.

Before she could get to him, I pulled her aside and congratulated her on being so open and kind during her short journey. While she didn’t end up burying her necklace on the island in honour of her brother, she was ultimately proud of herself and what she did manage to achieve in her short time on the island. She was also very proud of being able to join me for a drink, specifically a French Maryatini Sherron or three.

There is something so gloriously delicious about a French Martini, which is made all the more sweet by the fact it is super easy to make. The sweetness of the Chambord and the light tang of the pineapple work together to give you a freshly, elegant drink.

Enjoy!

French Maryatini Sherron
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
40 ml vodka
20 ml Chambord 
60 ml pineapple juice
ice
raspberries, to garnish

Method
Pop the vodka, Chambord and pineapple juice in a cocktail shaker over ice, close and shake vigorously for a minute or so. Or until foamy.

Strain into a martini glass. Top with a few raspberries and then down.


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Alex Frosty Fruit

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Blood V Water, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor 12 pairs entered the bush to battle it out for the title of Sole Survivor, immediately split up and forced to face off against their loved ones. After losing back to back immunity challenges, Water voted Andy and Briana out of the game, and while the former’s sister Kate took it all in her stride, Briana’s dad David was willing to burn everything to the ground. After winning the reward, David and Khanh ventured to the Survivor Shop together and in addition to comfort items for Dave, managed to find an idol each. Ending their streak, Water won immunity leading to David trying to get Sandra out of the game, and vice versa. Sadly for Sandra, Dave’s paranoia led to him burning any and all bridges within the tribe – most notably, throwing his chief defender under the bus – attracting all the votes his way before playing his idol and sending Kate home.

The next day Ben was looking a treat while fishing in his speedo while Sandra watched on, thrilled to survive the shitshow that was last night’s tribal council. Glad that while David survived, he also painted an epic target on his back and as such would still distract from her. Dave meanwhile realised how big of a fuck-up tribal council was and knew that now was time to win people back. He started off making a joke about feeling like he is waking up after a big night before trying to calmly apologise, while everyone awkwardly watched on. Sam meanwhile admitted to us that she was so annoyed by Dave running his mouth because he had accurately identified her game and as such, she got to work trying to make him look as untrustworthy as possible so that everyone tries to boot him. Again.

Meanwhile over at the Water tribe, Khanh was whipping up a batch of jungle tacos and reminded us of Dave and Khahn’s hat message to tip the other off about their idols. Begging the question, will this actually play out or will Dave do him dirty? Before we ventured to the reward challenge, Khanh reminded us how well connected he is, with Chrissy, Mel, Jordie and Josh all in his alliance, with Mark thrown in for good measure. Mark meanwhile was watching on as Khanh continued to charm anyone and everyone and as such, he realised that he may need to get rid of him sooner rather than later. Mark pulled Shay, KJ and Josh aside to reiterate how nervous they should be about Khanh, though assured them they need to bide their time and make sure that when they do target him, they don’t miss.

And ugh, don’t break up so soon Markhanh!

The tribes arrived to meet Jonathan near a lake with David being a man of his word, showing Khanh that he used his idol the night before. Nina admitted to being shocked her mother survived, while Sandra asked Jonathan to decide whether it was a three ring circus or shit show. Which, lol. Jonathan then explained the reward challenge where one at a time, people would try and cross a ditch to ring a bell while their opponent would do the same. All for a morning tea of croissants, so everyone was PUMPED. Mark and Croc were up first  and immediately wrestled like their lives depended on it before Mark grabbed his rope, rang the bell and scored the first point for his tribe. His wife Sam opted to go next, facing off against Shay with both ignoring each other and sprinting across the ditch to ring their bell as quickly as possible, with Sam narrowly taking out victory.

Josh and Jordan were up next with Jordan rocking a gorgeous speedo and well, I can’t tell you what was happening because like the ditch, my basement was flooded. I mean, the speedo became a g-string at one point before coming off. And while he pulled up his pants before scoring the second point for the Blood tribe, it was still stunning. Nina and Sandra were next to face off with Sandra once again talking smack about her sweet baby girl before they both grappled in the water. While Sandra tried to drag her daughter, Nina continued to power on and ultimately scored a point for her tribe and tied things up. Jesse and Khanh were next to face off, this time for the win, with Jesse slithering on in his gloriously technicolour speedo and narrowly getting to his bell ahead of Khanh. Securing reward for the Blood tribe.

As has become tradition, Jonathan told the Blood tribe they would be able to select one person from the losing tribe to come back to their camp and enjoy the spoils with them. With Ben adorably inviting his partner Shay, while Mark looked bitterly disappointed. Emphasis on bitterly.

Back at camp the tribe were thrilled to find their morning tea, though it seemed all of them somehow forgot to butter croissants. More importantly, Ben and Shay were adorably in love and thrilled to be reunited. With Shay particularly wanting to stick around since their camp had such a nice vibe. She wisely praised everyone as she spoke about how great their loved ones are, while Sam shared she was glad that Mark didn’t get chosen to join them, given she needs him back with his tribe to get as far as possible. As everyone chatted with Shay, Sophie shared with us that she loves to be in control and is aligned with all of Sandra’s alpha males. Which you know is not going to sit well with her.

Ben and Sophie meanwhile caught up, with Sophie telling him that she spoke to Shay and assured her that she is aligned with Ben, Croc and Jordan, presumably so Shay can go back to the other tribe and form a complementary alliance. While Sophie was confident that nobody noticed how close they were as a foursome, Sandra was watching her like a hawk and yeah, Sandra is coming for you Sophie. As Sandra read her for being too showy with her alliances, it became clear that while Dave may be a sitting duck, Sophie may have successfully popped a bigger target on her back.

The tribes once again met up with Jonathan, this time for the immunity challenge, where they would face off releasing a gate and getting a boat before rowing out to a pontoon to collect blocks which they’d then use to solve an arch word puzzle. The tribes were neck and neck releasing their boat with Blood getting out to the slightest of leads. Well, until their boat started to zig-zag and Water overtook them. While the Blood tribe continued to stay in the game, they tried to spell Blood B-O-L-O-D. And then dropped half their arch, giving Water enough time to finish their arch and score immunity. Oh and then Jonathan gagged them with the information that while they are not voting anyone out, they are invited to watch in on their rival’s tribal council.

Back at camp the tribe quickly took stock of their loss while Sophie and Sam were very mindful of the fact they will have an audience. Everyone joked about Dave’s performance at the previous tribal council, asking him if there is anything he would like to say now so they put on a united front. Sophie, Ben, Croc and Jordan got together and quickly locked in their votes for Dave, with Sophie leading the charge to identify who exactly each of them will be voting for. With that Sophie quickly got Sam – who she trusts implicitly – and Jesse on board and everything looked done and dusted.

Dave meanwhile was quietly sitting by the fire, worried about how he’d be able to repair the damage he did last tribal council. He approached Croc to remind him how big of an asset he is in challenges, while Sophie went to Sandra and told her exactly how she would be voting at the upcoming tribal council. Which you know rubbed Sandra the wrong way, given Sophie was way too confident and as such, Sandra decided that now was the time to take her out and most importantly, keep her crown.

With that Sandra went to Michelle and told her that Sophie, Ben, Jordan and Croc all told her to vote for Dave with absolutely no discussion. As such, she decided it was time to get to work flipping the vote on Sophie instead. She quickly pulled Amy in on the plan, who vowed to get Jay, David, Jesse and Sam. Which made Sandra thrilled that Amy going to lock in the votes, meaning she remains under the radar while Amy gets the blame for the move. Amy quickly flipped Jay, who went to deal with Dave while she tried to get Jesse and Sam on board. Neither of whom were easily convinced, given they would be the ones that will get the blame from the alpha alliance. While Jesse did jump on board, Sam was still weary of Dave and as such, was unsure what would be the best for her game.

At tribal council Jonathan threw some shade at Dave for flipping out at the previous tribal council while he quickly tried to downplay things. Amy assured the Water audience that things should be a lot calmer this week before Sophie admitted that things changed last tribal council because Dave showed a side of himself that nobody had seen before. Croc then hilariously pointed out that David somehow managed to blindside himself and yet also saved himself. 

Sophie opted to stop dancing around things, telling David that he is definitely a target tonight and while he makes a great contribution to the tribe, so does everyone else too. Amy spoke about the concern about David blowing up again if he stayed, while Sandra reminded everyone that they should all feel nervous and as such, it is foolish if they don’t fight for themselves every day. Like David did, despite its flaws. 

Jordan spoke about focusing on the game in front of him and as such, Josh doesn’t concern him on the other side and he is currently fighting for his tribe. Sophie downplayed alliances, pointing out they are a united front and lied that factions haven’t formed. While Sandra just smirked. Amy shared that her vote tonight is about keeping the tribe united, which Sandra and Sophie agreed, while Sam spoke about it being a fresh start because the dynamics always change after tribal council.

With that, the tribe voted and while Sophie’s alphas all joined her to get rid of Dave, the rest of the tribe all voted to boot her from the game. Much to her ally’s shock, her sister’s heartache and the delight of those that cast her name. Sadly for them however, they had actually just voted her out of their tribe to be reunited with her sister on the Water tribe. And well, she was SALTY.

The next day Chrissy and Khanh were busy having a laugh while doing some chores while Sophie lay by the fire and slept off her rage. She awoke as Shay was doing some yoga and got to work trying to process the fact she was booted the night before. She opened up to Chrissy and Shay, talking about how Sam’s betrayal hurt more than anything before warning us that she will be getting revenge on her former tribemates’ families. Speaking of family, she was busy bossing her sister around to grab her clothes before KJ disappeared to confide in Chrissy that Sophie’s arrival has her nervous as she now has a target on her back.

And while Chrissy assured her it wouldn’t, she is 100% right to be scared of Sophie overreacting. She joined Nina and Mark in the shelter, telling Nina her mum definitely didn’t mastermind the blindside – she did – while Sam’s betrayal is the only thing that irked her, given they were so closely aligned on the other tribe.

Speaking of the Blood tribe, Jay was offering people a nut while Sandra woke up with a nut on her face. Aka my dream. Talk soon turned to the disappointment of Sophie’s survival, with Sandra speaking for all of us by complaining how annoying it is. Sam opened up about how enraged Sophie was by her betrayal, and vowed to get a message to Mark to guarantee she can’t pretend she is the victim. Sam opened up about the alliance of everyone but Ben, Croc and Jordan, explaining she jumped ship because she needed to destabilise the trio and make them realise they aren’t as safe as they thought they were. The trio meanwhile opted to expand their horizons, catching up with Sandra in the water who encouraged them to make some new relationships because their previous ones are gone and they will follow them out the door if they don’t.

The tribes met up with Jonathan by a lake where Sandra got to relieve a Heroes vs. Villains classic, Sumo at Sea. Aka another one on one challenge, where people battle on a podium to push the other one into the water, last one standing scoring a point for their tribe with the first to three jagging a bloody – sorry, bolody – cheese platter. Complete with CHEESES. First up were Jesse and Mark with Jesse immediately going with pancake pose so Mark couldn’t push him off while swapping some information about their loved ones before Jesse flipped and almost had Mark, who fought back and sent Jesse into the water.

Sophie and Sam were up next, working through their issues with pure, blinding rage. While Sophie brutally smacked Sam to the ground over and over, Sam held her own and eventually pushed Sophie into the water. Jordan and Josh were up next, hopefully to give us another wedgie grudge match with Jordan once again taking out victory, this time without Josh taking off his pants. Jordie and Ben were next to battle with Jordie talking smack before quickly demolishing Ben. 

Closing out the show was once again Nina versus Sandra for the win with Chrissy calmly coaching Nina as the Blood tribe called Sandra mama. It was perfect. Like, Nina joked about getting grounded, while Sandra threatened to not buy her Christmas presents or to pay for her wedding and ugh, I love it. Ultimately Nina scored victory for the Water tribe, before Jonathan announced that they will not be enjoying their reward back at their camp but instead joining the Blood tribe back at their camp. And feasting on cheese in front of them. With Sophie just thrilled to rub their noses in it, which honestly feels like a bad choice when you need their family to save yourself, but go off sis. 

Back at the Blood tribe all the loved ones caught up, hugging and crying and well, it was too pure to watch. Particularly since Sandra and Nina really couldn’t care less, like icons. As the Water tribe gathered around the platter and smashed their food, the Blood tribe looked on wistfully, heartbroken to not be able to eat anything. While Sophe just quietly pouted, giving Sophie deathies while snacking on grapes before she turned her attention to Croc, Ben and Jordan, who were now ignoring her. Not wanting to leave things lying, Sophie confronted Jordan about turning on her – aka making new allies to survive – while Chrissy and KJ quietly looked on, with KJ sharing that watching Sophie is like watching her entire game blow up and there’s nothing she can do about it.

Sophie then went one step further, pulling Sam aside to talk about how hurt she was by her betrayal while blaming Sam for making all her friends ignore her. Which has nothing to do with Sam, but again, go off sis. As such, Sam started catching up with different people on the Water tribe and straight up told them that Sophie is drama and as such, needs to go ASAP.

The tribes reconvened with Jonathan for the latest immunity challenge where each tribe would have to hold on to tethered logs with every time someone drops, the weight adds to everyone else’s with the last tribe standing taking out immunity. After 20 minutes was still hanging on and as such, Jonathan forced everyone to go down to one hand with Jordan, Amy and Michelle all dropping out in quick succession. Croc then dropped, pulled Sandra out with him before Jay also dropped, leaving Jesse, Sam, David and Ben to battle the entire Water tribe. Mel and Nina were first to go for the Water tribe before Jesse, Sam and David dropped, leaving Ben to fight for his entire tribe. Water then started to falter, leaving Khanh, Josh, Sophie and Alex – who’s back was still spasming – to fight it out for Water. Out of nowhere, Josh and Khanh dropped, leaving Sophie and Alex to fight for their tribe before they dropped out of nowhere, with Ben literally scoring immunity for the Blood tribe all by himself.

Back at camp Shay was super proud of Ben’s performance, despite it meaning she would be going to tribal council. Alex meanwhile was proud of himself for powering through the back pain to be one of the last two standing in the challenge. Mark, Jordie, Alex and Khanh were catching up, quickly locking in the vote against Sophie, knowing her sister will be completely understanding of the situation. Khanh took the plan to Chrissy and Josh who were thrilled by how straightforward things will be, while Khanh was particularly keen since it all meant he’d be able to hang on to his idol.

KJ meanwhile was busy watching everyone like a hawk, knowing Sophie is in trouble and as such, caught up with Nina, Alex, Shay, Mark and Jordie in the water to try and get them to give her a chance, given an easy vote will always be an easy vote. Whether it be today or in a week. Knowing that fighting too hard could hurt her, KJ then identified a bigger threat that would be a spicy enough blindside to entice them to keep her around. Namely, Khanh.

Nina was the first to verbalise it, suggesting that maybe they could split the vote between Khanh and someone else to blindside him, all while using Sophie as their distraction. Shay meanwhile offered to be the other half of the split, given she anticipates her idol will be flushed eventually anyway. Chrissy and Sophie soon joined the conversation, with them covering up the new plan and saying the vote will be a split between Sophie and Shay.

With that KJ got to work pretending to be disappointed as she chatted to Khanh about how there are bigger threats around than Sophie and as such, she thinks there could be better option. Despite being assured it is an easy vote, Khanh started to notice everyone chatting but started to get nervous about everyone lying and potentially targeting him instead as the better option. He first caught up with Nina and Mel, before assuring them that he believes them when they say he isn’t the target. He then moved on to Shay, who also wanted to keep him calm to avoid him playing his idol and her having to play hers as well.

At tribal council Shay admitted she was feeling very nervous given there were idols in play and a bunch of tension. Alex once again opened up about his back, talking about how the challenge exacerbated things and he is now starting to struggle with things mentally. Sophie opened up about the fear of being the last one in and as such, the likely first one out, though did admit she was worried how her presence would impact KJ more. KJ agreed that Sophie’s arrival has made her nervous because while she has loved having her around, she is worried that being a pair will make her a target also.

Khanh assured her that their games are so different, that she shouldn’t worry. He then opened up about how great bonding with Amy was at the reward before talking about how paranoid he is about going home tonight given his idol is so public. Everyone looked stressed as he talked, with Shay jumping in to agree that having an idol that everyone knows about does make you feel more paranoid given people have something to focus on. While Jordie countered that playing with the idols is a concern because the margin for error is so small.

As Alex was sent to vote, he started to well up before opening up to the tribe that he doesn’t think he can continue in the game anymore and as such, he wanted the tribe to put aside all their plans and instead vote him out. Mark immediately whispered to the rest of the tribe that he has no planon voting out Alex, while Alex shared how he has tried to downplay how much pain he is in and he doesn’t want anyone to feel bad and instead for them to put him out of his misery. While everyone started to question whether they should give him his wish, Mark and Jordie stood firm with the latter suggesting he should give it just one more day and see how he feels.

Ultimately, Alex listened to his body and sadly doubled down on needing to leave, with Jonathan calling off the vote and letting him quit as Khanh broke down in tears. While Alex sadly gave everyone a hug on his way out the door as Sophie cried, shocked to still be in the game.

When I caught up with Alex at Loser Lodge, I shared how disappointed I was to see him have to pull out. While h’s time on the show was overshadowed by his injury from almost day one, he built enough bonds to keep him in the game when he was at his weakest and as such, if he was 100%, I truly think he would have been unstoppable. But alas, an injury is an injury and as such, I toasted his successed, crossed everything for a future return and gave him an Alex Frosty Fruit for the road.

Say what you will about how simple these little numbers are – aka frozen juice – there is no denying they are delicious. Plus, with Alex’s late breaking exit, there was nothing else I could pull together. But again, delicious.

Enjoy!

Alex Frosty Fruit
Serves: 2 dear friends, each going three a piece.

Ingredients
¾ cup orange juice
¾ cup pineapple juice
½ cup passionfruit juice

Method
Combine all the juices in a jug and stir to combine.

Pour into ice-block moulds and transfer to the freezer to set for 6 hours or so.

Before unmolding and devouring.


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Hawaijohn Eastoegiana

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: All Stars, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Main, Poultry, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the All Stars were playing the game hard, with David and Mat forming a cross-alliance alliance, protecting themselves … until a tribe swap split them up. After the swap, Shonee and Zach returned from exile – oh, they were sent to exile – and rejoined the tribes, where Shonee commenced an epic revenge arc. Almost saving Lydia, Jonathan announced that instead of tribal immunity, both tribes would be going to tribal council and instead, one person from each tribe would win immunity. Sadly for Lydia, her individual challenge record grew to 0 from 2, as Jacqui and Brooke snagged them for each tribe. After the challenge, Vakama continued Shonee’s revenge agenda, and planned to axe the skier, while on Mokuta, David was desperate to blindside Nick. Sadly for him, his ally Phoebe had no interest in losing her season mate. Oh and Moana wanted to weaken David by getting rid of Phoebe. At tribal council they were shocked to learn that while both tribes will be voting someone out, the duo would then compete in a fire challenge, with the winner living to see another day. Each tribe then voted out Lydia and Phoebe before Pheebs absolutely destroyed Lydia, sending her from the game for good. After losing another individual challenge.

The next day things were looking pretty peachy at Vakama, as John showed his bum off to the tribe as he found a gloriously popable pimple. While he seemed to have everything, zaddy John – oh how I’d love to pop his pimples – was feeling all alone, after losing his allies back to back. With that, he tried to make friends, bonding with Mat over the fact they’re both apparently the sweetest, ocker men in the world. Proving more adept at the game than I assumed, John also knew that Mat was also in danger and as such, they really need to stick together.

Meanwhile Flick, Harry and Mat were talking about how interesting slash dramatic the previous tribal council was, with Mat just grateful that Phoebe was able to slay Lydia for him. Once again. That being said, he was still feeling left, right out, given he is well on the bottom of the swapped tribe. Which John literally just told us. Reminding us that Locky is a far better player than anyone gives him credit for, Locky pulled Mat aside to feed him a little bit of information and make him feel like he can trust him. And while it is smart gameplay, Mat could see right through it and as such, was desperate to take him out. And fuck with his mind. HARD. Inspired, Mat pulled John aside to see whether he’d be interested in working together. John’s one stipulation was to keep Harry safe before Mat assured him that Harry is far from being his concern, instead wanting to rally the numbers to take out Locky and break up the power alliance of he and Brooke.

We ventured over to Mokuta where Jacqui and Nick were trying to get a Coles endorsement, as she cooked the rice and joked around. Not feeling in the laughing mood, Phoebe was pissed to have been voted out last, though extremely thankful to have a second chance and show EXACTLY what a bottom can do. As such, she got to work working the tribe, pulling David aside to explain why she looped Nick in on his potential blindside, in the hopes that they can work together again. She assured him that she only wants to do what is best for the two of them and while Dave wanted to be bitterly angry at her, he felt like he needed her to survive, and as such, was well and truly stuck with her. Knowing that Phoebe and Nick were tight, and that Moana had fed him the incorrect information ahead of the last tribal council, Dave was feeling all alone and for the first time in two seasons, felt nervous.

Moana too was reeling from the previous tribal council, annoyed that her perfectly executed blindside was blown up by and twist. And Phoebe’s killer fire skills ruined it for her. That being said though, she planned to use their vulnerability to her advantage and secure Dave’s allegiance. He and Moana then caught up by the shore, with Moana letting him know that Phoebe actively wants him out before the merge and while he may feel betrayed, she did it to protective. She then gave one of the single best pitches in all of Survivor, pointing out how her changes and messing with the votes protected her and, and … am I in love with Moana again?

Wanting in on the action Jonathan arrived for the reward, which turned out to be a tribal version of the survivor auction where each tribe would get $2000 to spend, but the prizes would all be individual, with maximum bids capped at $500. The first item was a mystery scroll and while the bidding started off calmly, Phoebe jumped up to $500, completely screwing her tribe. AND I LOVE. And her tribe, totally hated. She then learnt that she had won the Shane Gould reward, where she and a person of her choosing from the other tribe would get to snack on everything won by everyone else. She selected AK and honestly it was so pure … until Mat started throwing shade at her choice to annoy the tribe. Next up Harry spent $160 on avo toast, Mat spent $340 on a Flintstones-sized steak and mash, Nick was gifted a message from home for $340 as he has a newborn at home – and Flick didn’t want him to feel like it was gifted – and obvs, I am crying.

After some intense bidding on a covered item, John snagged a margarita pizza for $300 – and booooo, Brooke hates pizza – John then caused some drama, trying to drive up the price of a Mexican parma and beer before Lee bought it for $460, converting another to the glory of the Mexican parma. Meanwhile at the feast seats, Phoebe started spilling all the deets to AK before Jonathan pulled out some burritos and margies, which Locky bought for $240, sadly not sharing the margs with Shon. And just like that, the auction was over and while Phoebe was overwhelmed with joy, Moana was ropeable and ready to vote her out. Again.

Back at camp a well fed AK was mocking everyone for their empty, starving stomachs while John seethed about losing a Mexican parma once again. And not saying fuck it to his target and buying it anyway. But sadly, he was trying to play smart and as such, needed to keep a low profile so that he and Mat could make their move. Meanwhile AK took the intel he received whilst dining with Phoebe, with the group confirming that under no circumstance, can they let Mat make it to merge. Just as Mat walked up to join the conversation.

Meanwhile over at Mokuta, Sharn was quick to highlight Phoebe by asking about her feast before she wisely declined the tribe’s lunch rice. Sadly that small gesture meant nothing to her tribe, as Moana continued to see the opportunity to get her out and solidify her alliance with Dave. She then did an ASMR confessional that lasted threeeeeeeee miiiiiiiinnnnnuuuuuutttteeees. While she was fulfilling fetishes, Dave and Sharn went out hunting for an idol, to make sure Phoebe doesn’t snag it, with the Golden God finally joining the fray this season, and triumphantly securing his idol. Much to his cum face’s delight.

My love Jonathan returned to our screens for the latest immunity challenge where each tribe would try and hold a disc between two pairs of feet, with a bucket of water tethered to the top. Drop them too low and the water drops, eliminating the pair from the challenge with the last ones standing winning for their tribe. Out of nowhere, Mat and Flick were the first to drop from the challenge for Vakama, followed by Locky and Harry, leaving AK, John, Brooke and Shonee to try and keep them all safe. After twenty-something minutes, Jacqui and Sharn became the first Mokuta team to drop before AK and John dropped, leaving Flick and Shonee – the weakest – to keep everyone safe. After 50 minutes, Tarzan couldn’t hold out any longer, dropping for Mokuta, leaving Zach, David, Moana and Phoebe to win for their tribe. They were quickly followed by Moana and Phoebe, leaving Shonee and Brooke to battle David and Zach. Remember when Shonee was considered the weakest? Fuckin’ lol. Sadly for them, I jinxed their powers, with Brooke pulling them down after two hours, handing immunity to Mokuta yet again.

Back at camp, Vakama settled into their usual rhythm of scrambling ahead of tribal council. Locky was thrilled to be returning since his alliance were working closely with Shonee and Harry, and as such, can finally slay Mat. Locky and AK caught up to lock in a split vote between Mat and John, making the former paranoid enough to flush his idol and send John from the game so they can get rid of Mat net. Knowing that he is screwed, Mat pulled John aside to figure out who to pull across with them to take control. Mat pulled Harry and Shonee across to try and take control, with the icon and Harry assuring him that they are well and truly on board to take control. Being deadlocked in four, Mat identified Flick as the one at the bottom of the other group and got to work convincing her to come across.

With that, Mat and Harry pulled Flick aside to see how she was feeling with Flick reminding them that all she cares about is loyalty. Mat used that to his advantage, telling her that Locky and Brooke warned him not to trust her, and that her safest bet was aligning with them. Well and truly shitting herself, Flick was open to the idea and oh my god, how had she not had a confessional when she may be screwing over Brooke. AGAIN. Meanwhile Harry and Shonee excused themselves to debate the pros and cons of voting out Mat, John and Locky, while Shonee admitted that she simply can’t think because she is too full from her back-to-back revenge.

At tribal council AK admitted to happily decimating the OG Mokuta tribe, while Shonee agreed that she was happy to team up with them as they are well and truly dead to her. And she has no other options. Harry spoke about a hierarchy, despite the harmony which Brooke vehemently denied. John gave a sly chuckle before admitting that he has no idea, given he is playing the left, right out. AK denied the hierarchy, playing up the fact they all agreed on the next steps. John continued to go in like a freaking icon, pointing out that Locky and Brooke are in love and also in control and as such, everyone else is playing for third and fourth.

Mat spoke about the importance of building trust, Harry said that playing easy may be right for a certain amount of time, but eventually people will be ready to make a move and make it happen. John continued to stir the pot, taunting Flick for being on the bottom of the alliance , which made my fellow GC legend well and truly nervous about her place in the game. Though hopeful that her trust is not misplaced. Harry then gave advice that the best way to stay out of the firing line is to shoot first, which Mat reminded everyone is only correct if you don’t miss. He then pulled out his hidden immunity idol and taunted the couple before the tribe headed out to vote. Surprisingly Mat actually played his idol, saving himself from a tied vote with John, and sending my former nude zaddy from the game.

Oh sweet zaddy John. While I was thrilled to once again take him in … my arms, and provide him with all the love and comfort in the world, the lingering thought in the back of my mind was the fact he didn’t align with Shonee. And as such, he deserves it. Plus, his nude scene quota was way lower, so I was willing to see him go. Though maybe that has something to do with the fact watching him walk away floods my basement?

After a brief few hours berating him for picking the wrong allies, I apologies for not being sensitive, offered to make it up to him and got around whipping him up a commiseration meal. And because I am nothing if not petty, I opted to continue to deny him another Mexican parma, and instead gave him another glorious version, the Hawaijohn Eastoegiana.

 

 

Now I know the way to Zaddy John’s heart is through the Mexican parma, but I wanted to offer him something familiar, with just enough interest to keep things spicy. In the hope it keeps our passion fresh. Perfectly cooked schnitty, dripping in fresh, hot marinara – lucky Winners at War filmed close by – and topped with salty prosciutto and the sweetest of sweet pineapple, you’ve got a near perfect meal. Plus, you know pineapple keeps us tasting our best …

Enjoy!

 

 

Hawaijohn Eastoegiana
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
2 large, skinless chicken breasts, halved through the middle
2 eggs
1 cup plain flour
1 cup breadcrumbs
2 tbsp parmesan, grated
1 cup Amber Marinara Sauce
8 slices prosciutto
8 pineapple rings
125g ball mozzarella, sliced

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C.

Beat eggs in a large(ish) bowl. In a second bowl, combine breadcrumbs and parmesan, and chuck the flour, or you know place it gently, in a third bowl. As you can imagine, I like it more rough when John is around.

Place the halved chicken breasts between cling film sheets and bash out with a rolling pin until they are about 1cm thick (don’t worry too much about this…mine generally end up looking pretty ugly anyway). Dip the fillet in flour, followed by the egg, then the breadcrumb/polenta/parmesan mix. Place in the oven to bake for 20-30 minutes, flipping halfway through.

Remove chicken from the oven. Drizzle a thin layer of marinara sauce over the chicken, cover with a couple of slices of prosciutto and top with the pineapple. Drizzle a little more sauce before covering in mozzarella. Return to the oven and bake for 5-10 minutes or until the sauce is bubbling and the cheese is melted and golden.

Serve with fries. Copious amounts of fries. All over John’s beautiful body, as you mourn the loss of nude scenes.

 

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Australian Survivor's first boot Piñastasia Colamer

Piñastasia Colamer

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Drink, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor a Samoan sea witch took out the third-but-first-on-Ten crown, followed by Jericho butchering metaphors until he bamboozled his competitors into submission and Shane Gould emphatically proved that she is not one to be fucked with. I mean, just ask Lydia how swiftly she will turn the game against you! But none of that matters because this is a new season and the memory of Locky, Steve, the washed up Gladiator, Benji, Robbie and Grubby’s buns, Shonella’s majesty and Monika’s brutal belly flops are all that remains.

Deep in the swamp of the foggy, Fijian jungle we first meet this year’s batch of Contenders featuring thirst traps Matty and Shaun – sorry Megan Gale, I ship them – and Andy, Laura, Casey, Sam, Hannah and Harry who have channeled the fearless style choices of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and the Vanderpump Rule’s kids by working on their hat game. While without an in-game hat, farm girl Daisy seems like an early icon – I may be biased, but curly hair is never anything but an asset in life. As they continued to trudge through the swamplands, we met gold miner John who looks like Chopper Reed, but in a way that I kinda find hot. Side note: maybe I am just a thirsty man? He was followed by Sri Lanken tsunami surviving cleaner Sarah and TBH, I am questioning the decision making abilities of whoever thought it was a good idea to kick off the game with this poor woman trudging through a mass of land that is inundated with water.

In a more rapidly flowing body of cleaner water we met the Champions – who have thus far only been ambiguously shaded by their fellow competitors, none moreso than Matt who I am praying is a fellow gay going through something based on his bleached hair – led by big wave surfer Ross who seems super cute, if not simply washed up. (Pause here to laugh at my killer pun). He is joined by E.T. who I assume just thinks he wandered on to the set of a reboot of Escape with E.T., Janine “Ma’ Fuckin’” Allis who is a bloody icon and I already stan, despite not enjoying Boost nor wheatgrass shots – oh the noughties, what a bloody time – and Luke Toki who is back to cause havoc and drama for a second time, this time unhampered by Jericho’s afformentioned metaphor challenges.

Side note: what do you think happened to that drowning cat he spoke about?

The Contenders were the first to be welcomed to Jonathan’s swoon worthy gunshow on a windy, grassy knoll by the sea. He quickly got in on the shade game, pointing out that when Shane Gould proved not to be fucked with last year, it also ruined the predestined narrative arc of the Champions vs. Contenders theme – lucky Nick defeated Mike in the USA, I guess – and as such they all need to take a long hard look at themselves, pull their fingers out and snatch the crown in honour of Robbed Goddess Shonee. They all assured him that they have what it takes and believe that they can do her proud before the Champions were wheeled out. Almost literally if you ask Sam and Casey, who noted they were old as shit and as such, they will be destroyed in all and sundry challenges. Daisy jumped on the ageist ribbing to point out that their tribe was young and diverse, with Jonathan left to fill in the blanks. As she was left to ponder who the nine Champions she doesn’t recognise are, Queen Janine admitted that she was happy to face off against their arrogance, knowing that pride comes before the fall and again, I stan.

More importantly, I’m still Looking for Alibrandi to get a bloody line. Show me Pia Miranda for I smash a book on my TV’s nose!

With the requisite shade out of the way Jonathan announced that the season will be kicking off with a reward challenge for a huge welcome pack, featuring food, pots and flint, with the losers going home with nothing. He explained that each tribe would send one person to battle it out in the ring to gain control of a sack, which they were to drag to their goal. While I was left confused about whether the ring or the sack was the one true goal, the Contenders sent John in to face off against Simon Black. They ran at each other as John and his magically mullet grabbed at the sack, as Brownlow Medalist Simon held on to his rugged torso. Try as he might, John pulled Simon harder and harder until Simon and the sack reached John’s goal and secured the first point for the Contenders.

Luke and Zaddy Matt were next to face off, with Luke almost snatching victory before Matt fought back and used his brains to snatch victory. Nearly killing Luke in the process. Abbey and her epic guns kept things alive for the Champions, making quick work of Daisy despite the icon’s best efforts. Champion Roxette impersonator slash memory champion slash ballerina Anastasia made even quicker work of Laura, even though the latter straight up kneed her in the head. The final battle between E.T. and Andy proved far closer than I was expecting – soz Andy, but I was expecting to hate you and giddily enjoy your flame-out – with the first round ending in the sack being taken out of the ring, leaving the exhausted oldies to battle it out again with E.T. just snatching victory and handing the Champions a massive advantage as things kicked off.

We followed the victors back to camp where my search efforts paid off and Pia Miranda finally arrived on screen and proved why she is a star, vowing to game everyone despite arguably being the weakest on her tribe. Luke was feeling deja vu being back in the game, though noted that his tribe comes across more like an aged care facility and as such, he needs to prove his worth and blindside them all.

Meanwhile over at the Contenders the plebs were still feeling upbeat despite their loss, introducing themselves and sharing stories. Well except for Andy who was coming across more closely to my expectations than his star turn in the challenge, spinning lies about his life and being super arrogant, which you know will come back to bite him, rather than lay low like he is intending. That being said Casey does appear to be making quick work of putting a target on her back, forcing people into focusing on the shelter and not listening to everyone’s pleas to get a fire going ASAP.

Speaking of fire, Olympian slash former senator was making quick work of getting fire going for the Champions while also becoming my new favourite cast member. However she was super confident about her standing because of that, which immediately makes me want to scream – YOU IN DANGER GIRL. We then checked in with Steven Bradbury who acknowledged that yes he got lucky winning his gold medal, but that still doesn’t mean he worked his arse off to get to the finals in the first place, which is true but ruins the iconic joke we as a country have turned him into. That being said, he is planning to use his smarts to snatch victory this time, lining up an alliance of seven with the rest of the athletes to get rid of the five non-sporties. So sorry Steven, I hate you, as I need David to get shirtless for many more episodes and Pia to slay, hopeful get a book and break someone’s nose with it.

Unwittingly fighting against the athlete alliance, Luke was charming Nova, Ross and Simon, with the latter working his way into my heart with a speedo scene. I mean, between Simon, Commando last years and the Survivor SA boys, I really think speedos need to be mandatory for the men. Anyway Luke’s instincts tipped him off to Steven’s athlete alliance and his general shiftiness, so decided to find his Jericho, settling on Zaddy David, before pulling in Anastasia, Janine and Pia to round out his group of close allies. We then checked in with Anastasia who was thrilled to discover that everyone was getting along and nobody was annoying people, except for Nova who was annoying Anastasia – and only Anastasia – for taking control of the kitchen, leaving the memory champ to only be heard by dogs as the pitch of her voice grew higher and higher.

That night we checked in with the Contenders who were still without fire in their elevated shelter … which slowly started to collapse, almost crushing half of the tribe who were sleeping beneath it. Needless to say, Andy was pissed and was thrilled to tell us about it. Things were looking slightly better the next morning as they smashed a breakfast of beans, much to the delight of John whose thing, apparently, is four bean mix. Which still makes him so inappropriately sexy to me. Baden however was not loving it, blowing chunks from his beanie brekkie and annoying Andy in the process.

My boy Jonathan returned for the first immunity challenge of the season where the tribes were required to race over a series of walls, followed by a giant netted A-frame, before pushing a deck along a track, before flipping it over to enter a tower, pull up a frame and then throw clubs and the tiles embedded within it. Zaddy David got the Champions out to a slight lead at the walls, however the Contenders closed the gap over the second obstacle. Things were neck and neck by the time it came to push the deck, with the Champions slowly opening up a gap as they climbed the tower until John finally pulled Shaun into the tower and they once again, slowly closed the gap. David and Steven struggled to knock out the tiles, while Andy and Shaun snatched the lead for the Contenders, and ultimately, snatched immunity. Thanks to Andy’s killer aim, which I really hate to admit. Maybe I should like Andy, I don’t know?

Back at camp the two factions split up to lock in their respective targets, with the athletes locking in Pia – well not Steven, he was just following their lead despite organising the alliance – while the outsiders decided on Susie, as she seemed to be relying on the men. Meanwhile Nova stumbled upon the outsiders, making things super awkward until Queen Pia asked her what she was thinking. While Nova obviously stayed silent and just listened to their thoughts, she immediately took said information back to Susie. Nova continued to be my personal hero, deciding that she was not keen on voting out Pia or Susie, and that they should target Anastasia instead. She then got to work, trying to pull in Susie and Luke, and while the former was more than receptive Luke approached Anastasia to fill her in, leading to her completely unravelling. Pia tried her best to calm her down, given she was sure that the athletes would be targeting her instead. Given Anastasia continued to panic, Pia gave up and walked away … leaving David, Luke and Anastasia locking in their votes for Pia in a bid to save her. Speaking of Pia, she then approached Susie and Nova to continue turning the vote against Anastasia instead, with Nova trying to pull in E.T. after identifying him as the key to getting everyone on side. Sadly they were interrupted by a seemingly paranoid Steven, leaving things confused and undecided as they headed off to tribal council.

Though Pia gave a confessional talking about being the first boot or the winner, and hot damn, I need her to survive the vote and follow in Shane Gould’s footsteps.

Anywho at tribal council Janine spoke about the importance of forming bonds and being friends, while David pointed out their camp was a mess despite them all trying their best before Luke spoke about the bedlam of the post challenge scrambling. Nova likened it to her time in parliament, before Pia went on the charm offensive, acknowledging the fact that she heard her name and completely lost her mind, laughing about not being cool about it and winning fans in the process if the warm smiles are anything to go by. Jonathan asked who else heard their name, with Anastasia and Susie admitting that they too had heard their names. Anastasia continued to solidify the votes against her, trying to back away from throwing out Susie’s name, sounding flakey and paranoid in the process.

E.T. spoke about the need to focus on strength, which only made Pia more nervous given she is physical in real life however next to athletes, she appears like a hot mess. Luke agreed strength is important, though loyalty is too. Nova then pointed out everyone has their strengths and it is sad to have to send someone home, while Anastasia still felt uneasy and manic and just wished they all had more time to get to know each other. Which is so true and the saddest thing for the first boots, as even an extra day could give them time to win people over or to prove themselves. But anyway, Pia then gave a killer pitch to keep herself, pointing out her easygoing, fun nature and that she doesn’t want to be pushy with alliances or how to vote, easily deflecting her superfan status. With that the tribe voted and poor Anastasia found herself becoming the first boot, with the game becoming a distant memory.

Despite how the show made her appear as she spoke about her scratched up knees proved how much harder she fought in challenges than others, Anastasia took her crushing defeat with humility and kindness. As soon as I saw her descend from the tribal treehouse stairs, I swept her up in my arms and cursed out Bradbury for making her become the first to slip on his way to victory. You see Anastasia and I have been friends for years, after meeting at a ballet company – I am truly the lightest one could be in my loafers – then forming a Roxette cover band and ultimately becoming memory champs together. Well, trying to – apparently the judges feel like calling people either old mate or old love doesn’t qualify as memory.

But enough about me. My dear Anastasia truly could have been a strong asset to her tribe, but was dealt a sucky hand and didn’t have enough time to work her way through the athlete shield. Thankfully for that sort of tragedy, there is liquor and there is no liquor sweeter than a Pinastasia Colamer.

 

Anastasia Woolmer enjoying a Piñastasia Colamer after becoming the first boot

 

Fresh and vibrant like its namesake, this little piña colada fills you with joy and dulls the pain of being brutally cut from the game. Plus, how better do you toast your last day in Fiji?

Enjoy!

 

Anastasia Woolmer enjoying a Piñastasia Colamer after becoming the first boot

 

Piñastasia Colamer
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
1 cup white rum
⅔ cup coconut cream
1 ½ cups fresh pineapple juice
crushed ice, to taste

Method
Place everything in a blender. Blitz. Pour into a cup. Down, with or without a garnish.

 

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Paulnapple Wupside Downs Cake

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Four and Three and Two and Done: A Farewell to Broad City, Snack, Sweets

After catching up with Abbi, Arturo, Hannibal and John, I am almost coming around to the idea that Broad City is coming to an end tomorrow, despite the fact it breaks my heart. Thankfully I am trying to focus on the positives, like Abbi doing Ilana at the co-op, Jaime becoming a citizen, Lincoln being Lincoln, Bevers literally being the worst and the discovery of Trey’s past as Kirk Steele. And damn did it make me fall even harder for my dear Paul W. Downs.

Like Abbi I started of hating Trey and episode by episode fell in love with him, which comes down to the comedic work and total charm of Paul.

While I didn’t meet him until Broad City, we fast became friends and I’m honoured that he came to me for advice on how to block the Kirk Steele scenes. While my infatuation made our friendship awkward for a brief period, I am thrilled that I was able to cool down and he never let it get in the way of our bond.

Paul being the absolute best, he arrived at my door with the inflatable pool toy and a visor and told me how grateful he was to be celebrating the show, and how much he wanted me … to have the props.

I mean, can you believe? He is a sweet angel. Just like my Paulnapple Wupside Downs Cake.

 

 

TBH I have always looked at this cake as kitsch krap, but somehow it defies my expectations and further proves that the ‘80s get a lot of unnecessary hate. A sweet and tart top, with melt in your mouth fluffy sponge, there is nothing better to while away an afternoon with a dear friend.

Enjoy!

 

 

Paulnapple Wupside Downs Cake
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
¾ cup unsalted butter
½ cup muscovado sugar
8 canned pineapple rings, juice, reserving ½ cup for the cake
12 maraschino cherries
1 ½ cups flour
1 tsp baking powder
¼ tsp salt
1 cup raw caster sugar
2 eggs

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C and spray the base of a 23cm cake pan with cooking spray.

Combine ¼ of a cup of butter with the muscovado in a saucepan and cook over medium heat until combined and slightly darkened. Remove from heat and pour directly into the cake tin.

Arrange the pineapple rings in the caramel and dot the maraschino cherries as artfully as you desire. Set aside.

Meanwhile whisk the dry ingredients together in a bowl, and cream the remaining butter and raw caster sugar in a stand mixer until light and fluffy. Agg one egg at a time, beat well after each addition. Add the dry ingredients and pineapple juice in thirds, alternating between each until it is well combined.

Spoon the batter over the fruit and gently smooth the top, being careful not to move or break the fruit. Transfer the cake to the oven to cook for 45 minutes, or until golden brown and an inserted skewer comes out clean.

Leave the cake to cool for ten minutes before flipping onto a serving plate … and devouring like it is Kirk Steele.

 

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