TV Recap

Cherry Jams Mansfield

Condiment, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on All Stars fresh off her second win, Jimbo well and truly made it clear that she is the frontrunner. After the dolls kikied about the delightful Darienne’s (robbery) departure, post-bus throwing from Alexis. Sadly we didn’t get time to recover, however as the dolls were immediately thrown into the Snatch Game of Love with Matt Rogers and Brisbane’s Bowen Yang. The first group was a bit of a mess, with Kahanna bombing, Heidi reading her and Jaymes just riding above it as a sublime Jenny Coolidge. While the other panel was far better, it was still far and away Jimbo’s show with her iconic turn as Shirley Temple. As elimination day arrived, Kahanna confronted the soft and supple queen about making the experience harder for her. And while Jaymes rightly argued that is how Snatch Game is meant to be played, after Kandy joined the fray to ask why Heidi told Jimbo she was planning to eliminate her, things got very very heated. Leading to Heidi choosing to follow in Adore and DeLa’s footsteps and eliminate herself.

Alexis obviously started sobbing while everyone tried to pull things together for the runway, while Jimbo admitted to us that after hearing everything, the only person she feels she can trust anymore is herself.

Ru, Michelle and the hilarious Ross Mathews were joined by Las Cultalistas themselves Matt and Bowen from Brisbane, no doubt named after Bowen Hills which can be seen from the Birth Suites of RBWH where Bowen was born. But I digress with too much creepy information about Bowen’s nationality. Ru confirmed that Heidi had quit the competition, officially, before Jessica kicked off the Ruveal Yourself runway serving chicken to egg realness and ugh, I love it. Kahanna went from showgirl to nude, Jaymes went from a camp puppet to herself before rocking a little swimsuit and then underwear. And titties. Kandy went from housewife to vamp to sci-fi icon, Lala was stunning in a cloak to a regal bodysuit, Jimbo went from Adam to Eve and ugh, it was so good. I mean, she even popped her snake! Oh and then Alexis went witch penguin lady to sexy villainess.

Kandy and Lala were sent to safety before Jessica was praised for giving the perfect look but not enough personality. Oh and they loved the runway. Poor Kahanna was read for not bringing enough Coco to the Snatch Game and forgetting to throw out any jokes. Thankfully, her runway was stunning and they lived. Jaymes received universal praise for her Jennifer Coolidge, though was read for the runway not fitting right. Alexis too received all the love for her Bea Arthur, being on from start to finish and landing every joke. And for telling the iconic camp story of the witch from Into the Woods on the runway. And then Jimbo, obviously, was beloved for being so fucking demented and providing all the layers. In Snatch Game and the runway, so obviously she took out her third win in five weeks while Jessica and Kahanna found themselves in the bottom.

Backstage Kandy and Lala were thrilled to have survived Snatch Game, given how nervous they both were about the challenge. After sitting down, they discovered that Heidi had left a mirror message with Kandy in particular gagged by her shade. They then crunched the numbers realising they’d be going from 8 to 6 within the day – Kandy is the accountant, after all – before the tops and bottoms joined them. Kandy directed their attention to Heidi’s farewell message before Alexis reminded them that this isn’t her first struggle in the contest, and as such she is hardly shocked. Jimbo meanwhile said that she knows she is a threat – I mean, three wins in five weeks – so knows people would want her gone but she’d just rather everyone addressed it on camera, given it is what they signed on for.

Talk turned to the bottoms with everyone agreeing Jessica wouldn’t have been in the bottom if Heidi hadn’t quit. Even Kahanna, while I apparently am the only one that would beg to differ. But alas, they still had to kiki with Jimbo pulling Jessica aside and her reiterating that she doesn’t feel like she was that bad this week and as such, does not deserve to go home. Though Jimbo also knew that she was the bigger threat moving forward. Kahanna meanwhile told the dolls that she was so in her head in the challenge that she couldn’t have fun, but reminded them that she is a fighter. The dolls traded places with Jessica just calmly telling them she knows she deserves to stay, while Kahanna simply told Jimbo it felt right that she was in the bottom as she did the worst, right is right.

Oh and then Matt and Bowen – who was born in Brisbane, if you hadn’t heard – dropped by for a kiki and I love them like I love the dolls.

With that the dolls voted and Jimbo took her place on the mainstage as the iconic Jasmine Kennedie was revealed as this week’s victor. As Dula Peep’s Hallucinate kicked off Jasmine Jasmined though once again, Jimbo served a strong show, giving a wig reveal so seamless I gasped. But Jasmine was spinning and flipping into a split as she served sex and all the damn moves. So yeah, while Jimbo was strong, she kept her streak going 0 from 6 in lip syncs. With that she took her place at the back of the stage before Ru decided against eliminating anyone else tonight after Heidi’s quit and ugh, I love it. As does Kahanna, who backstage was gagged to learn that literally every queen had voted for her to go. Well, gagged but also fully ok with it, given she had been in the bottom before.

Jimbo meanwhile was thrilled to have dominated at Snatch Game and to take out her third win, though was starting to feel super embarrassed about the fact she just chokes in every lip sync. She started to break down, feeling like while she is a sickening performer, she isn’t cutting through when it counts. Though she also admitted that Heidi’s departure also got in her head. Kandy meanwhile was worried about people coming for her based on what Heidi said and while Alexis agreed it was dramatic, it is clear that Kandy saying what Heidi said she did wasn’t really a gag – I mean, no one is beating Jimbo, that is as clear as Jinkx and Sasha’s multiple crowns – but the fact she just wouldn’t cop to it which is odd. Making me feel like she isn’t lying.

The next day the dolls were shocked to see that all the Ru portraits had been removed from the wall and replaced with Mommy Dearest herself, Joan Crawford. And Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford, obvi. Which made sense after Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s Maxi Challenge the dolls would be starring in Joan: The Unauthorised Rusical. Which honestly, werk. Each doll would be playing a different Joan from throughout her life with the dolls immediately sitting down to listen to the show to pick out their versions. Jaymes took Mommy Dearest, Lala got Mildred Pierce, Jimbo – duh – went Baby Jane, Kahanna snatched MGM queen, Alexis went don’t fuck with me fellas while Kandy refused to take anything but no wire hangers Joan, knowing she needs to slay, given she was almost eliminated in the rusical in Season 13. 

Sadly for her, Jessica also wanted the role and as such, the duo had to audition. Jessica couldn’t stay on beat however, as Kandy hit all the notes and well, she easily snatched it. Though she knew that also meant she desperately needed to prove herself.

The dolls caught up with Leland on the mainstage to record their vocals with Kahanna struggling to find a key – where is Mama when we need her – Jaymes was perfection from start to finish, Lala was an iconic raptress before going operatic, Kandy needed to add the character, Jimbo gave rocker and well, Jessica was a delight, which should be obvious, no? While Alexis appeared to struggle, I have a sneaking suspicion it is a fakeout. Leland traded out with Adam Shankman so the dolls could learn the choreography with Kahanna struggling with technique, despite having fun. Lala was all charm, Jaymes meanwhile couldn’t get the choreo but who cares when she is that much fun, Jessica gave all the drama and Alexis was polished as hell. Poor Jimbo, however, was stuck in her head while Kandy was in hers too and struggled.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone thrilled to turn the show, Alexis in particular as the token theatre kid. Kandy was ready to just cream her face as everyone got into their iconic Joan looks. Jimbo was nervous given she went home on her last ruscial, while Jaymes was confident given she was able to inject herself and comedy into the role. Alexis obviously was ready to serve character before Lala turned the attention to the upcoming Grace Jones runway, excited to be serving in honour of her inspiration. Oh and then the dolls realised that after tonight, there will only be six dolls remaining, leading to talk about how they will vote moving forward with everyone admitting track records are now less of a focus and how they go in the individual challenge will start to count more and more.

Ru, Michelle and TS were joined on the panel by Adam Shankman for the opening and closing of Joan: The Unauthorised Rusical. And ugh, it was perfect from start to finish. Kahanna was a stunning vixen, Jaymes was a menacing, camp delight, Kandy was a feisty pop diva, Jessica served full rocker drama, Lala was iconic from the voguing to the slapping on beat, Alexis had all the star quality as she dosey doed through the Pepsi years before Jimbo closed the show as a moody Baby Jane. And yeah, this is far and away the best rusical we’ve had in a while. On the Night of 1000 Grace Joneses runway, Kahanna gave a stunning showgirl version of her rosebud-rocker look, Jaymes slayed as the Little Edie version of her fox fur look, Kandy Muse gave Grace does dragometry, Jessica served purple princess in her hooded gown, Lala was stunning in the moon mask look, Alexis was gorgeous as the black hatted Grace while Jimbo was stunning in the smaller iconic black-hatted look.

Alexis and Jimbo were sent to safety – somehow for the former – before the judges praised everyone for nailing the rusical. Kahanna was read for lacking presence while hitting all the choreography, while they lived for her look. Jaymes’ performance was beloved despite missing some of the choreo, while the look was read for being ill-fitted. Kandy received wall-to-wall praise for the rusical and the runway, while Jessica was equally beloved for slaying the rusical though her look was only just loved, not beloved. And then Lala also received all the love, for nailing the rusical and slapping her way into our hearts, though her look was read as safe. Ultimately it was Kandy that took out victory while Kahanna and Jaymes, sadly, were up for elimination.

Backstage Jimbo was on cloud nine to be safe given she went home during the UK vs The World rusical. Alexis meanwhile was rightly feeling a little disappointed given she did that in both the challenge and the runway, before she praised Grace for being an icon. Talk turned to who would be in the top with them agreeing Lala, Kandy and Jessica were clearly the top, meaning Jaymes and Kahanna must be forming the bottom. Despite doing well at one thing each. The tops and bottoms joined them to confirm they were right about placements, with Kandy being the one to take out the ultimate win. Kahanna was in her feels to have bottomed once again, crying as she told the girls she simply felt defeated.

Kandy pulled her in for a hug before pulling her aside to talk about how tough it is to win when one of her besties is in the bottom. Kahanna opened up about feeling like this is a challenge she thought she was good at and as such, it is super disappointing to be in the bottom. Jaymes meanwhile was telling the other dolls that she felt she does well in the challenge each and every week and as such, doesn’t feel it is time for her to go. Trading places, Jaymes told Kandy that while Kahanna has had a win she has also bottomed more and then heaped Kandy with praise as she asked her to ignore her friendship and instead vote on who has been doing the best all around. After Jimbo nearly fell while reclining on the edge of the couch, Adam dropped by to praise the queens and while Alexis didn’t get the flowers she deserved, she was thrilled to geek out with a hero and I’m so happy for her.

With that the dolls voted before Kandy took her spot on the mainstage before Angeria was revealed as her lip sync assassin. As soon as Grace’s I’m Not Perfect but I’m Perfect for You kicked off, both dolls gave us the drama however it was clearly Kandy’s show as she served all the sex. Which was enough for her to take out the win, the $30K cash tip and the chance to eliminate, tragically, the iconic Jaymes Mansfield.

In my opinion, for being the bigger threat, which is what I told her as she found me backstage. Which wasn’t hard as I was scream-sobbing in an aggressively shrill manner. Once found, she pulled me off the floor and pulled me into her ample bosom – only just more ample than her meaty tuck – and told me how grateful she is for my support. You see, when she went home first on a damn cheerleading challenge, I was equally irate and promised her that should she return, All Stars seasons play to her strengths and as such, I knew she would slay. And she kept that in her head throughout the competition as she, like Angela Bassett before her, did the thing. Which was more than worthy of being celebrated with a jam, this time Cherry Jams Mansfield.

There is something so rich and moody about cherry jam. The tart nature of cherries is perfect in the sickly sweet embrace of a jam, balancing with ease and leaving you with a preserve that has you wanting more and more.

Enjoy!

Cherry Jams Mansfield
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
2kg cherries, pitted
1kg raw caster sugar
1 lemon, zested and juiced

Method
Combine the cherries and sugar in a large saucepan, stir to combine, cover and leave to rest for three hours.

Once they are well and truly infused, add the zest and juice and pop the saucepan over medium heat. Cook, stirring occasionally, for an hour and a half, or until thickening and glossy.

While still hot, ladle into sterilised jars and leave to cool before sealing. Or you know, spreading straight on a scone or some toast and devouring.


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Nestiah Cake

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España the eliminated queens popped up in the mirror post-Visa’s elimination and while they acted cranky, they were generally just excited to be back. To make that a permanent situation, however, they would have to pair up with one of the surviving queens to perform a comedy set, with the winning loser coming back. And two queens going home. Defying the solo queen curse, Clover was a killer host while Pitita struggled through being paired with her nemesis Visa. Pink meanwhile was bland with her nemesis The Macarena while Pakita and Maria were just awkward. Vania and Kelly, meanwhile, were perfection from start to finish, earning Kelly her place back in the competition and Vania her first official win. At the other end of the pack Pitita gagged the dolls as she won the lip sync – deservedly – sending Pink and Pakita out the door with their previously fallen sisters.

Backstage Pitita was thrilled to still be in the competition, given she was and is the frontrunner and felt like her one bad day shouldn’t be what sent her home. Though trust and believe she doesn’t mind that two other potential finalists were sent out the door in her place. As the dolls sat down, she continued to raise herself up which frustrated Bestiah who wasn’t feeling her ego. Thankfully talk turned to zaddy Kelly’s triumphant return, with everyone thrilled for her and Vania for snatching the win on account of them being beloved. Despite them knowing Clover was just as deserving, though she admitted she too would have brought Kelly back given she was so supportive of her before she left. And you know, she felt super guilty about being the one to send her home.

The next day everyone was still thrilled to have Kelly back, Pitita though, was mainly happy because they now only have one other spot in the bottom they could possibly land in. You know, since Kelly is a power bottom. Everyone felt it was quiet without Pink before talk turned to what challenge they could possibly face next. Before they got too wild with their theories, Supremme dropped by to announce that for their Mini Challenge this week they’d be looking at the hottest member of the Pit Crew and then partnering up for someone to beat their mug in 3 minutes while blindfolded with the founder of Krash Kosmetics judging who did the best job. Hornella had Kelly looking like she was hit with a faulty Simpsons make-up cannon, Bestiah had Clover looking like a work of modern art – kinda – while Vania brutalised Pitita’s face in all the right ways. So obviously Clover and Bestiah won, simply by being the least shit.

Supremme then announced that for this week’s Maxi Challenge they’d be playing a game of Un Dos Drags and while it feels like a new version of Snatch Game, it brought out Zaddy Pit Crew and two of his friends so, werk. The dolls then all grabbed bags to figure out how they’d be paired up in the challenge, with Kelly and Hornella staying paired up, Vania working with Vania and Pitita and Clover left as the final duo. Despite Pitita being the clear frontrunner, Clover was nervous how they would go, but you know the judges will eat her up, despite me thinking it is deserved. But back to the challenge, the dolls would have to figure out characters then go play the game and try and get as many laughs as possible, basically. After Supremme departed the dolls split up to work through their characters with Vania and Bestiah going the mother daughter route, Pitita and Clover meanwhile went with a married Catalonian couple as Hornella and Kelly debated between vintage and influencers.

We ventured to set where Las hermanas Hurtado were apparently still stuck on the original set from 30 years ago as they faced off against three new duos. Vania and Bestiah were committed to their character work, though were kinda lacking humour. On the other hand, Pitita and Clover were perfect as Catalonian peasants, while Hornella and Kelly were delightfully vapid. As the game progressed Vania grew hornier – which, relatable – while Bestiah tried to get silly, though kinda didn’t land. Pitita and Clover’s characters meanwhile were perfect for the questions as they prudishly named dick euphemisms, while Hornella and Kelly looked to be competing in different challenges. They then started cracking eggs on each other’s faces and while I was confused by the challenge in general, it is clear that Pitita and Clover are back on top while the rest were all kinda hoping for the best, given there is minimal skill involved.

Dia de eliminacion finally arrived – that was longer than a rusical, though way less interesting – as the dolls spoke about how much fun they had in the challenge. Which I guess is a silver lining for them, at least? They split up to beat their mugs with Bestiah opening up to Clover and Pitita about how she prefers not to label herself with a gender, admitting she doesn’t talk about it with her family though, given they are still grasping with the more basic concepts. She then shared that her sister – who has down syndrome – is the only person that has never judged anyone, just accepting everything at face value and living her best life like a bloody icon. Vania, Kelly and Hornella meanwhile were busy speaking about the latter’s diagnosis of HIV and how traumatic it was going to unknown doctors and having a cold experience while trying to grapple with things. They then pivoted to how bad sex education is and TBH, it is important that all countries overhaul it as sending people into the world without any understanding is super dangerous.

Supremme, Ana y Los Javis were joined by Maria Pelae as Vania opened the Una Ilusion runway as a stunning graffiti icon that glowed in the dark. And damn, it was goooood Clover served astronaut floating in space like Sandy B in Gravity, Bestiah was stun-ning as a demonic bug, ripping apart its own guts, Kelly glided across the stage as lady Zeus, while Pitita gave stunning Middle Aged queen with a hidden laser kinky side before Hornella was a burnt bride before ripping out her own heart. Just on the wrong side. 

Vania received universal praise for her neon look, despite it not offering much illusion while they all agreed she was held back in the challenge. Clover on the other hand was beloved for nailing the challenge and serving an absolutely stunning, creative runway, despite Ana thinking it was a little too costumey. Because of COURSE they have to shit on her for something. Bestiah was read for being one note in the challenge, though they loved her runway. Kelly on the other hand was praised for being fun in the challenge, though was read for a basic runway. Pitita was back to her usual universal praise for each and every moment she served this week – collect the crown now, TBH – while Hornella was praised for being fun in the challenge and giving a solid look.

Before dismissing the dolls, Supremme asked them who should go home with Vania giving a straight up f-you to the question, saying she should go home as she’d refuse to name her sisters as they are like daughters to her now. Clover named Vania, Bestiah thought it should be Kelly, Kelly in turn named Pitita for being the biggest threat, Pitita returned serve and named Kelly while Hornella also felt her partner should head back to power bottoming.

Backstage the dolls were rather subdued as Hornella shared she only Kelly because she felt she could take the feedback. Right on cue, Kelly shared she was proud of herself and didn’t mind, leading to Vania breaking down over how far she has come though hates to stumble this close to the end. Straight up admitting that she doesn’t want to fight any of her sisters, meaning she wouldn’t put up much of a fight in a lip sync, I assume. Clover apologised for naming her, with Vania admitting she was right, as Bestiah shared that she doesn’t care what the judges said about their performance as she loved working with her. As they both sobbed. Hornella jumped in to praise them all for making it this far, reminding everyone how great they are and to be proud of all that they have achieved. While Clover and Pitita were obviously just thrilled to be in the top this week.

Ultimately Pitita took out her fourth win of the season before Clover was sent to safety alongside her. Hornella was next to be deemed safe before Vania was gagged to join them, leaving Bestiah to face off against the power bottom herself, Kelly Roller. Even after Vania offered to trade out with her sisters. As soon as Maria Pelae’s La Nina kicked off it was clear Kelly had zero intention of going home again, stripping off to reveal a camp swimsuit, complete with wig reveal. While both dolls hit every lyric and served camp – and a crunchy duck walk from Bestiah – the judges opted to keep Kelly for another day as Bestiah found herself booted from the competition. Or bested, if you will.

Backstage I pulled her in for a massive hug, thanking her for giving such a strong performance – I mean, her looks were always on point – reminding her that when it gets this close to the end, they are down to send home the good queens and as such, she should hold her head up high. And while it was far from being my best pep talk, it worked, so we celebrated her success with a decadent Nestiah Cake.

This tweaked version of a Nigella classic is oh so delicious. Adding in a little bit of an almond twist, the rich chocolatey cake retains its lightness, while the cream and eggs add the camp Eastery touch that I feel is appropriate year round.

Enjoy!

Nestiah Cake
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
375g dark chocolate
125g unsalted butter
6 eggs
175g raw caster sugar
2 tsp almond extract
250ml double cream
1 tsp vanilla extract
mini chocolate eggs, to top

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C and line the base of a 23cm springform tin with baking paper.

Using a double boiler melt 250g of the dark chocolate and the butter, stirring until combined and shiny. Remove from the heat and allow to cool slightly.

Separate four of the eggs and whisk the whites in a stand mixer – popping the yolks in another bowl – with 100g of the sugar until they are glossy and hold their shape, but not stiff. Ughhhhh.  Remove the bowl and trade out with another, whisking the whole eggs with the yolks, remaining sugar and almond extract. Once combined, fold in the chocolate until it comes back together. Spoon in a little bit of the fluffy whites, folding through quickly, before gently folding through the rest. Transfer to the lined tin and pop in the oven to cook for 40 minutes, or until risen, set and cracked. If there is any jiggly, leave for an extra five minutes.

Remove the cake to cool in the tin on a wire rack, not worrying about the fact it will sink rapidly and crater.

Once cool, melt the remaining chocolate in a microwave and allow to cool. Whip the cream until it is just starting to thicken but still malleable. Add the vanilla and chocolate, folding through and transferring into the centre of the cake. Top with the mini eggs and pop in the fridge to set for about half an hour before devouring, like an icon.


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Sausage Heidi N Tartlets

Breakfast, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars the competition was well and truly starting to get to Heidi, as she worried that the judges weren’t feeling her this season despite solid performances week after week. Speaking of which, the dolls were tasked with starring in commercials for new prestige TV shows, where Heidi and Lala gave delightfully demented performances. Kandy asked Heidi about her moment in Untucked before the runway, which irked the former Miss Congeniality who threatened to spill tea to burn things down. In the sketches, Jaymes, Darienne and Alexis landed in the bottom, with Alexis gladly throwing Darienne under the bus for their predicament. Jimbo on the other hand rightly won her second challenge – despite Heidi and Lala’s killer work – and discovered she would be losing the lip sync to Shannel before Darienne, the icon, was sent to the house by the girls.

Backstage Jimbo was on cloud nine to have secured her place as the front runner while Jaymes was simply thrilled to have survived. And most importantly, have more closet space since she and Darienne shared a station. Talk turned to Heidi serving all the ass and after they pinned the tail on her, talk turned to the votes with everyone gagged to finally have a unanimous one, aside from Darienne’s vote for her friend Jaymes. Jimbo then added some spice, pretending she had pulled Alexis’ lipstick, but ultimately pulled out Darienne’s name too and while everyone was cackling with the Canadian icon, Alexis knew that as the frontrunner, all the girls now definitely had their eyes on her.

The next day the dolls were thrilled for another fresh start, none more so than Alexis who was hoping to get fresh with Lala. Before they could get physical, Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s Maxi Challenge the dolls would be playing the Snatch Game of Love. Which feels kinda fitting, no? They split up to talk through THE challenge, with Lala nervous to be popping her cherry, though hopeful to slay as Sukihana. Jessica shared she will be playing PR icon Iris Chacon, Jaymes is FINALLY bringing Jennifer Coolidge to the stage and ugh, I stan. Alexis pulled Jimbo aside to talk through the pressure of having won Snatch Games in the past and you know Alexis is confident to repeat as Bea Arthur. And well, she did a lot of study. Jimbo meanwhile wasn’t worried about the pressure, creating joyful chaos and getting piggybacks.

She moved on to helping clean Lala’s titties before Ru dropped by to kiki with the dolls, with her thrilled to see Kahanna had prepared with a jar of cheetos. So yes, she will be playing her mama Coco and damn I hope she makes her proud. Jimbo delighted Ru with the fact she’ll be playing Shirley Temple and while Ru has very high expectations, I am sure Jimbo can meet them. Heidi will be serving as Blackbeard and after opening up to Ru about struggling with the pressure of the competition, Ru reiterated she just wants her to have fun. So have fun, Heidi assured us, she will have!

We transitioned to the Snatch Game set where we met Heidi as Blackbird, Jessica as Iris, Kahanna as Coco and Jaymes as Jennifer Coolidge who’d be fighting for the affections of snatchelor #1 Matt Rogers. From the first moment, this was Jaymes’ show, dominating from the word hiiiiiiii. Heidi meanwhile was stupid and so much fun – until Kahanna struggled and she got shady – Kahanna was stuck with one note and Jessica was charming, but nothing else. So obviously Matt chose Jaymes as Jennifer as the winner. Competing for the affections of snatchelor #2, Brisbane’s own Bowen Yang, were Alexis as my girl Bea Arthur, Kandy went with Mob Wife Renee Graziano, Lala’s Sukihana and Shirley Temple and ugh, just give her that third win now. Jimbo was funny, she was demented and oh so perfect, and while Alexis gave us a stunning Bea, Kandy was a ratchet icon and Lala was high energy, there was no stopping the stupidity of Jimbo taking Bowen’s heart.

Oh and then Matt and Bowen lip synced and it was stunning.

Elimination Day arrived with Jimbo tapping her way in, no doubt knowing she is about to collect another win. Kandy then borrowed the Shirley wig and shoes for her own little interlude before Jimbo and Alexis spoke about how much fun they had together and how fun it was to give each other space to play. Kahanna meanwhile pulled Kandy aside to talk about feeling upset about how Heidi treated her during the Snatch Game, leading to Kandy talking about Heidi going to Jimbo off camera and telling her that Kandy was coming for her. Jessica meanwhile was nervous, though hoping she did enough to scrape by. Alexis then checked in on Kahanna and she told her she was ok until Heidi started coming for her mid-challenge, given she was already down, after which she spiralled.

Heidi was shocked that Kahanna felt she was coming for her, thinking she was giving her something to volley and help her land a joke. Kahanna wasn’t having it however and while Heidi apologised, Jaymes also mentioned to us that Heidi played it exactly how Snatch Game is meant to be played. Kandy then asked why Heidi told Jimbo she was coming for her when she didn’t, with Heidi backing herself and assuring her sisters that it definitely happened and Alexis was even present to confirm it. And while she agreed at first, she immediately backpedalled with Heidi saying that she straight up told her she would send Jimbo home if she was in the bottom. The four of them all fought back and forth, with Jimbo just feeling awkward to be stuck between two friends. Everyone was in silence before Heidi told Jimbo that she just told her what she heard and to remember this when it comes time to vote. All of them, as she was done.

After barely a moment to catch our breath, Heidi told everyone how much she hates how this has become and what it has done to them all, so instead of leaving things up to chance, she instead opted to tap out immediately. As she exited, Kandy and Alexis followed to try and get her to change her mind but alas, there was nothing they could do. As Heidi assured everyone that she loved them as she fought back tears and ran for the exit.

As she made it outside, I pulled her in for a massive hug and assured her that the judges and the viewing audience all love her and know how talented she is. And while I hated to see her go before the finale – because you know she deserved a place at the end with Jimbo – I understood that like Adore and DeLa before her, she knew when it was time to go to look after herself and since she more than proved herself a star on her first season, all that was left for me to do was toast her success with a fresh batch of Sausage Heidi N Tartlets.

Breakfast is my favourite meal of the day, and when you throw in sausage and pastry, I am honestly in heaven. Delicate egg carries little spiced nuggets of sausage, feta and tomato, as your teeth break at gloriously flaky crust – need I say more?

Enjoy!

Sausage Heidi N Tartlets
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
4 pork sausages
8 eggs
⅓ cup cream
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
2 sheets of puff pastry
1 punnet cherry tomatoes, halved
2 tbsp chives, sliced
200g feta, crumbled

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Pop a skillet over medium heat and once hot, remove the sausages from the casings and pop little meatballs into the pan to cook, stirring, for about five minutes or until cooked through and starting to crisp. Remove from the heat and transfer to some paper towel to drain.

In a large bowl, whisk the eggs and cream with a good whack of salt and pepper. Cut the pastry into 9 squares and press into muffin tins. Divide the tomatoes between the pastry, followed by the sausage, chives and then some feta, before topping with the egg mixture.

Transfer to the oven to bake for about 20 minutes, or until golden and puffed, before devouring, like a soft and supple icon.


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Pink Chadorade

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Drink, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España the top seven were gagged after returning to the Werk Room to farewell Visa, only to discover that she and the other eliminated queens were sitting behind the mirror All Stars 2 style. The next day they learnt that they would be competing for a chance to officially return to the competition in a little comedy show, with the help of one of the remaining queens. As the odd woman out, Clover was left to MC the event and while that is normally a curse, she absolutely slayed. Though sadly not enough for a win, a Vania and Kelly took out the challenge and saw our zaddy roll on back into the competition.

At the other end of the pack, The Macarena and Visa made an error when it came to selecting their partners. Well, unless their intention was to curse their enemies, in which case – well done, you succeeded! While both The Macarena and Pink, and Visa and Pitita tried to lean into their feuding, it just left us with two awkward sets and landed Pink and Pitita in the bottom three alongside Pakita who, despite wanting Maria to have fun in the challenge, was just kind of a mess. Despite being a sweetheart.

The trio took their places on the runway and despite Visa being sure each and every one of them would easily send Pitita home. As soon as No Controles by Olé Olé kicked off, it was clear just how wrong she was, as Pitita far and away owned the performance, hitting every lyric and selling comedy and bounce and well, it was a show. Pink threw off her wig and Pitita served sex, however it was not enough to beat our frontrunner as she easily saved herself from elimination and sent her biggest competition Pink out the door alongside Pakita.

Despite having read Pink as the queen truly getting favoured by the judges, there is no denying how much of an iconic talent she is. And as such, I pulled her in for a hug and congratulated her on a strong run. I mean, she won two challenges and never really faltered – except for this week – which more than earns a toast with some Pink Chadorade, in my books.

Pink lemonade is literally the most nostalgic possible drink you can imagine. Well, at least to an Aussie kid. It brings me back to summer, the smell of the ocean and climbing trees in beer gardens. And while this brings more flavour with grenadine, I know the kid in me would approve the change.

Enjoy!

Pink Chadorade
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
1 tbsp grenadine
1 ½ cups lemonade

Method
Pour grenadine in a glass. Top with lemonade. Down. Repeat.


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Bakitad Orzo and Meatballs

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Main, Pasta, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España the dolls starred in a rusical which obviously lasted a full 15 minutes, because this is Spain. Pink Chadora and Clover Bish were a solid duo of Dorothy’s in the club scene take on The Wizard of Oz, though once again it was Pitita that shined amongst the trio of friends. At the expense of the others. Visa in particular, who was also read for her runway while Clover was read for blending in despite being the lead. Further cementing her place as the frontrunner, Pititia took out her third win, enraging Visa who felt she was being favoured. Her mood definitely didn’t improve when she landed in the bottom opposite Clover – who is experiencing the opposite of favouritism – who promptly sent her home.

Backstage Clover was fondly remembering Visa and her potty mouth. After reading her mirror message the dolls all spoke about their love for Visa, while Clover was glad they could turn a show for them in the lip sync. Pitita on the other hand, wasn’t so sad, given Visa read her in Untucked. Thankfully though, that was only in a confessional because the mirror lit up revealing each of the eliminated queens. The top seven were gagged, taking their places around the table to kiki as the six eliminated queens sashayed back into the Werk Room one by one and while they all looked an-gry and Visa straight up threatened revenge, I’m hoping they are all lovely and supportive.

The next day the reunited cast returned to the Werk Room with everyone as kind and excited as I hoped, as everyone welcomed them back. Well until Visa jumped in, assuring the dolls she has more to show and that she is ready to fight. She then caught everyone up on the fact she read Pitita for being favoured by the judges given she can’t lip sync and they don’t want her eliminated. And while she was looking for a fight, Pitita was confident in her skills and was rather unbothered by the entire thing and well, I love the drama but was glad when Supremme dropped by and put an end to things. She welcomed back her fallen daughters explaining that for a chance to return to the competition, they would be paired with a surviving queen to perform a comedy set with the one in the winning duo returning to the competition. Oh and to really up the stakes, she shared that two of the surviving queens would be going home in a threeway lip sync.

The eliminated queens were called forward to select partners with Visa opting for Pitita – for reasons beyond my comprehension if she wants back in, but whatever – The Macarena selected Pink, Kelly went with Vania, Chanel locked in with Hornella, Chuchi picked Bestiah while Maria partnered up with Pakita. Leaving poor Clover in the cursed spot of being the solo host, who generally ends up in the bottom in the US seasons. But as she rides solo, if she wins, she alone can decide who makes a triumphant return to the contest.

As they split up to work on their set, Visa admitted she chose Pitita to clear the air and become friends. But mainly since they have drama, it should make for an exciting watch for the judges. And if she is favoured, that should help her. Though when clearing the air, Pitita carefully worded her apology, meaning Visa wasn’t thrilled by it and well, the feud lives, sadly. After 10 minutes of fighting that ended with them agreeing to use the rage, we checked in with Bestiah and Chuchi and while the former was disappointed to be paired with her, they were super zen and focused. Well, until Clover dropped by to kiki, no doubt sick of being lonely. The dolls told her that they hoped that since nobody expects them to excel at comedy, that surprising them is all it should take to survive.

The Macarena and Pink were glad to already be comfortable reading each other, while Hornella felt that as a duo, they were a ticking time bomb. Hornella and Chanel meanwhile were trying to make the best of things, though Chanel admitted to being the gift Hornella didn’t really want. Oh and then Clover dropped by to needle them for information, and I love that vibe for her. Vania and Kelly meanwhile were dirty and giggling and ugh, just seeing their chemistry you know they are the ones to beat. Once again begging the question, why did Visa and The Macarena pick people they didn’t vibe with? Oh and Pakita and Maria were drama-free sweethearts and I only want good things for them. 

Dia de eliminacion arrived with the dolls talking about how they are handling the pressure as they beat their mugs, with Pitita once again getting attacked, this time by Pink Chadora, who decided she also helped her and as such, Pitita needed to learn to thank others and credit them on the runway. Clover being an icon, ran to the drama to see it all unfold and ideally, use it to fuel her set. The Macarena joined in on the pile up with Pink calling Pitita her external saboteur and well, isn’t continuing to fight with her keeping her in her mind and as such, weakening you for the challenge ahead? But whatever.

Supremme, Ana y los Javis were joined on the panel by Eva Soriano as Clover stomped onto stage to open the Reinas de la Comedia show with charm and energy. Maria started with an awkward little song before Pakita popped out of her dress like a baby and while I thought it made zero sense because of the language barrier, the judges also looked pretty confused, rather than amused. Clover was cute as she read her sisters before Bestiah and Chuchi did a solid performance as influencer mean girls, reading for filth and shocking the judges and their sisters equally. 

Each break Clover went from strength to strength, reading Hornella and Chanel before the dolls were cute with their kiddy schtick. Sorry, vicious kiddy schtick. Vania and Kelly meanwhile were perfection from start to finish giving dirty, gossiping housewives that had the energy of Detox and Tatianna, which is a smart choice on their part. Most importantly, they had everyone in stitches from start to finish. The Macarena y Pink Chadora had some strong reads, though kinda felt like they forgot about the challenge half way through and just started to yell at each other and let’s just say, everyone was awkward. Pitita and Visa closed the show and while they started strong, it derailed quickly and while they thought the fake out fight and storm out was cute, Pitita girl, you are in danger. So thankfully Clover closed the show strongly.

On the Peluca Palooza runway, Pink looked devilishly good in red. Ironically. Pitita gave pink Diana Ross realness and was absolute perfection, Bestiah looked like Club Kid Sulley, though stacked it and bled through what should have been a triumphant walk. Vania gave plait, plait, plait and looked camp and fun in equal measure. Hornella meanwhile gave full glam and full bush and damn, she really is overdue for a win because she hasn’t really faltered. Oh and Clover was lovely in lilac serving bearded anime icon while Pakita was drowning in all my hair that is stuck in the drain. 

The judges felt Pakita’s look was creative and different from what her sisters offered, however felt the comedy was not great. Bestiah was praised for playing to their strengths and selling their chemistry, and for looking stunning on the runway, despite the blood stains. Hornella was read for not maintaining the momentum of their solid start in the performance, though the judges agreed she was perfect on the runway. Vania and Kelly received universal praise for all that they did, maintaining the laughs from start to finish and for looking stunning on the runway. Pink meanwhile was read for having no chemistry or jokes, despite a beautiful runway while Pitita too was read for giving such an awkward performance. While they obviously loved her runway. Clover on the other hand received universal praise and ugh, I am so proud of her and glad that she got the chance to shine.

Backstage The Macarena felt bad about bringing Pink down in the challenge, while Visa was shocked that she and Pitita didn’t shine. Which the latter felt was a deliberate attack against her. Pakita meanwhile thought she was definitely in danger, though admitted she just hoped Maria  enjoyed herself, before the dolls congratulated Clover on a solid MC gig and for finally snatching her moment.

Ultimately Clover was sent to safety – robbed – before Vania and Kelly were deemed the winners of this week’s challenge, seeing zaddy Kelly skate her way right back into the competition like a damn icon. Pink learnt that she was one of the dolls lip syncing tonight before Hornella and Bestiah were sent to safety, leaving Pakita and Pitita to face off against Pink. And given Pakita was up against the two front runners, it was obvious she would be going home.

As soon as she sashayed away, I pulled her aside and pulled her in for a massive hug; grateful for not just being a stunning, sweet soul but also a sickening performer who truly belonged at the end of the competition. But alas, Drag Race producers love to both gag and goop in equal measure, and as such, we were robbed of her being a finalist. And instead, had to celebrate the only way I know, a gloriously rich pasta dish like Bakitad Orzo and Meatballs.

Not only is this dish gloriously comforting and delicious, but given that it is baked, it is super easy. Which as I get older, definitely becomes a priority. Sweet, rich and a little spicy, it is the perfect dish for the middle of the week or a glorious weekend meal.

Enjoy!

Bakitad Orzo and Meatballs
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 tbsp butter, melted 
2 tbsp olive oil
6 garlic cloves, minced 
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
2 tbsp tomato paste 
400g tin diced tomatoes 
2 ½ cups chicken stock
500g orzo 
500g beef mince
250g pork mince
1 egg, beaten 
½ cup panko bread crumbs 
¼ cup fresh basil, roughly chopped
¼ cup flat leaf parsley, roughly chopped
1 tsp chilli flakes
½ tsp oregano
¼ tsp thyme
¼ tsp rosemary
3 cups spinach 
½ cup parmesan cheese

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Combine the butter, oil, ½ of the grated garlic, ½ teaspoon of kosher salt, a good whack of pepper, tomato paste, diced tomatoes, 1 cup of the chicken stock and orzo in a casserole dish, stirring well. Cover with some foil and bake for 20 minutes. 

While that gets juicy, combine the minces, egg, bread crumbs, half of the basil, the remaining garlic, two teaspoons salt, chilli, oregano, thyme and rosemary in a large bowl. Once well combined, form into golf-ball sized balls and leave to rest on a plate.

Remove the orzo and stir through the remaining stock, basil, parsley and the spinach and parmesan, before dotting the balls on the top. Return to the oven to back for a further 20 minutes, or until cooked through

Serve immediately with some parmesan and fresh herbs, devouring like an icon.


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Darienne Blakeberry Martini

Drink, TV, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars, fresh off touring together – and knowing they were massive threats as a runner-up and Ru’s fave, respectively – Kandy and Jimbo vowed to keep each other safe. Along with their fellow tour mate – and another Ru fave – Heidi. That wasn’t necessary yet, however, as The Supermarket Ball saw them all thrive to varying degrees, alongside Alexis and Jessica. On the other hand, it proved to be a struggle for our old gals with MKD proud that can’t sew – she is not Amish and has good credit, after all – and Darienne struggling with the finishing touches. Before taking the runway, Heidi admitted she wasn’t sure if she’d vote on track record, which made Kahanna nervous, given it is what saved her the week before. Ultimately she didn’t have to worry as MKD and Darienne landed in the bottom, Heidi threatened to quit for being safe, while Jessica’s creativity won out and then she beat lip sync assassin Ra’Jah to jag $30k. And tragically eliminate MKD.

Backstage the dolls were exhausted but thrilled to have made it through the ball, while Jessica was gagged to have won more money in the lip sync than the winner of her original season. Jessica admitted that she saved Darienne because she clearly has the fire and that MKD essentially told her she was good to go. The dolls sat down, leading to Darienne counting out the lipsticks with Jaymes and Jimbo admitting to being two of the votes, given they are sticking to voting solely on track record. Jessica meanwhile got iconic, asking if anyone wants to admit they aren’t happy with her win, with Kahanna telling her that she was shocked, though not disappointed. Jaymes spoke about really wanting it but assured her that she was proud of her, with Heidi also talking about not thinking she was going to win but being proud of her nonetheless. And while the congratulations sucked, trust and believe Jessica was fired up to continue slaying and send them home one by one. Like an icon.

The next day Heidi’s energy was back up, ready to jag her first win by smashing a hyman – or heisman, who knows – before the dolls lolled about MKD’s mess of a final dress. After Jimbo tossed her salad at the dolls, Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s Maxi Challenge they would be writing and filming trailers for new shows. And to assign teams, they’d need to smash balloons with the Pit Crew, so fucking swoon. Lala was topped by Bruno into the green team, Kahanna bottomed for Bryce into green before Kandy took it from Bruno until she landed on the purple team. Darienne haphazardly topped Bryce into the blue, Heidi also bottomed for Bruno into green, Jessica was eiffel towered into purple, Jaymes was choked into blue, Bryce took it from Alexis into blue before Jimbo rounded out purple. Despite not getting face fucked, as per her request.

After everyone tidied up, the groups split up to brainstorm their shows with Alexis, Darienne and Jaymes trying to pick a genre, and while Jaymes has voted for Darienne twice now, she lived for Darienne’s island of fake-dead celebs ala Lost. And while Alexis felt like it was too convoluted to sell in a short time, she trusted her sisters were funny enough to make it work. Kahanna, Lala and Heidi were focused on logic and humour, going with two dumb dumbs trying to kidnap a hottie. Who ultimately escapes because her tucking panties are rank. Jimbo, Jessica and Kandy – aka the winning team – were going with Heathers does Carrie, until Kandy suggested spoofs won’t take out victory given the judges may not think they are creative. And since Jimbo and Kandy argued over who should play the killer – one of them or the Pit Crew – maybe I jinxed them and Heidi is finally going to get her win. Because Jimbo is right in thinking Ru just wants to laugh and doesn’t care about logic.

We followed them straight to set to film with Emmy winner Michelle Visage where Kandy struggled to fake-out with Bryce, Jessica slayed faking a blow job with Bruno before Jimbo tried to pull lippie out of all the holes. And while Michelle was worried they’d get cancelled, I am hopeful this is going to be a hilarious, sexy classic. Lala and Heidi meanwhile were unhinged in all the right ways, which made Kahanna nervous about not being up to their level. Darienne meanwhile was still vibing her concept, Alexis was smutty and Jaymes was surprisingly off and damn, I hope this is a fake out because I am rooting for them to have their breakout moment this week.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone splitting up to work through the key art for their shows, with Team Run Queen Run – Lala, Heidi and Kahanna – quickly locking something before kikiing about how the other teams did. Alexis meanwhile was nervous about their commercial, given Michelle gave them nothing during filming. Kandy and Jimbo meanwhile spoke about the fact the dolls view them as the biggest threats, speculating that if they land in the bottom, they will definitely be going home. They then formed an alliance with Jessica, vowing to protect each other should that happen. They called over Alexis to talk about how her team went with Alexis confident she wasn’t the worst, hinting it is Jaymes and gurl, please leave her alone. Kandy meanwhile checked in with how Heidi was feeling and while I think it was genuine, Heidi returned to being flustered, feeling like Kandy was trying to make her appear weak in front of everyone and paint a target on her back. Heidi then went off, telling Lala that she has tea that was spilled off camera and trust, if and when she reveals it, it will turn besties into enemies real fast.

Ru, Michelle and TS were joined by young Maude Apatow as the Ass The World Turns runway was opened – all the way up – by Jaymes in an iconic Mayan goddess bodysuit with all the curves in all the right places. Darienne gave golden space warrior, Alexis gave bridal badonkadonk – complete with natural cake – Kandy served anime blow-up doll realness, Jessica was glamorous in white – with a kiss on her arse, to boot – Jimbo gave the alien, upmarket version of Kandy’s runway, Heidi zagged serving slutty Eeyore, Kahanna served the journey to her implanted butt before Lala closed the show in a stunning red suit in front with a full arse out, in the back.

When it came to their commercials, Get Off Island was a bit of a mess but still fun, as Darienne played a stunning bimbo. Jessica, Kandy and Jimbo meanwhile were perfect from start to finish, with Jimbo the breakout of Best Friends 4 Never as she turned into a murderous nerd. While group Run Queen Run were fun and camp, though it was mainly due to Heidi and Lala’s accent work. Ru then gagged the dolls announcing that this week would be judged as teams, with Run Queen Run sent to safety before Jaymes received praise for her Marilyn, though was read for their commercial not having any laughs. Though her look was beloved. Darienne was praised for slaying her role and looking the best she’s ever looked, though read for not giving enough jokes. While Alexis was deemed the best on the runway, though their sketch was just pleasant. 

Obviously Alexis immediately threw Darienne under the bus for coming up with the concept as she apologised to the judges. Darienne meanwhile pointed out that everything has been done before, so she felt it was a good concept. Moving on to the other group Kandy received universal praise for her mean girl schtick while the judges lived for the spoof concept, given it gave them room to play. Oh and they loved her outfit. Jessica too was beloved though Michelle cautioned that she needed to add more highlights to her make-up. While Jimbo received all the top marks, given she is a star and was far and away the best actress across all the commercials. Which is why she took out her second victory of the season, while all three of the bottom team were up for elimination. Officially.

Backstage Heidi, Lala and Kahanna were thrilled to be safe, with the latter thrilled that her implants and the runway saved her. The trio spoke about how fun a week they had, putting that down as the reason for succeeding. Kahanna meanwhile thanked her sisters for helping her get the confidence to slay and ugh, I love this for them. Talked turned to Heidi’s moment last week, with her admitting she is grateful to have cleared her head and be able to just have fun. They then started speculating who the tops and bottoms would be, agreeing that the school girls would definitely be winning while one of the islanders would be getting off.

As they spoke about Darienne being an icon, the tops and bottoms joined and immediately confirmed their suspicions on placements. Alexis again spoke about wishing she had mentioned she wasn’t vibing on the concept, with Darienne pointing out she could have thrown out ideas but she didn’t and her calling out Darienne felt like she was excusing herself of any blame. And while I get what Alexis is saying, it wasn’t nice. Good TV, but not nice. Jaymes was first to kiki with Jimbo pointing out she has had a solid run thus far and as such, she feels she should stay and continue her rudemption. And given they were vibing, we can mark her down as definitely safe. Darienne meanwhile agreed with the dolls that while her track record hasn’t been great, she doesn’t really feel like people should focus on track records. Alexis immediately refuted that, saying there should be grace for one stumble and she is here for both herself and her sisters. Despite throwing one under the bus.

Alexis was next to kiki with Jimbo, with Jimbo straight up asking her to identify who should go home with Alexis saying Darienne owned the concept and as such, that would be a reason to go home while Jaymes was also the weakest performance. While Jimbo hilariously wanted to send her out for not having her sisters’ back. Jaymes meanwhile told the dolls that her track record should speak for herself and that she has come a long way. Oh and she will shit in everyone’s station if they kick her out. Darienne meanwhile assured Jimbo that keeping her will be best for her game, and that if she were saved, there will be undying loyalty and werk, Darienne. Let’s hope Jimbo rewards her wanting to play the game, rather than punishes it.

Oh and then Maude dropped by and was so cute and sweet, but that is all. 

With that the dolls voted before Jimbo took her place on stage where she learnt that this lip sync she’d be losing to the OG drama queen, Shannel. As soon as Joan Jett’s Bad Reputation kicked off however, Jimbo looked ready to win her first lip sync as she served rocker in all the right ways. Sadly for her though, so did Shannel. And well, she had a little Vegas showgirl reveal alongside some comedy tricks, complete with broken nails, which was enough to secure her the win, making Jimbo 0 from 5. After she took her place at the back of the stage, Shannel announced that despite a solid week where she wouldn’t have been in the bottom if it wasn’t judged in groups, poor Darienne’s return was cut short. And ugh, I am heartbroken.

As Darienne arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug as I sobbed, gutted to have lost our old dames back to back. I then apologised for not being a massive fan in Season 6, with Darienne reminding me that isn’t really relevant, though I wanted her to know how drastically my opinion had changed. Darienne – the icon who served your mother darns socks in hell – has always been a polished, talented performer, however this season, it felt like she had less to prove so she was just vibing and having fun. And in turn, I had fun watching her slay – despite what the placements would have you believe – which to me, more than earns her a toast with a Darienne Blakeberry Martini.

Sweet, tart and a little bit sour, this drink has it all. The blackberry, lemon and gin work perfectly to refresh your palate and cleanse the soul, to avoid the socks in hell sitch.

Enjoy!

Darienne Blakeberry Martini
Serves: a lake’s worth, or 4.

Ingredients
2 cups blackberries
¼ cup crème de cassis
1 tbsp raw caster sugar
1 cup gin
2 tbsp Triple Sec
1 tbsp sugar syrup
2 tbsp fresh lemon juice, plus lemon wedges to prep
kosher salt

Method
Blitz the blackberries, creme de cassis and sugar in a blender until smooth and strain into a jug.

Fill a martini shaker with ice, top with the gin, triple sec, lemon juice, sugar syrup and ⅓ cup of the berry puree. Shake like a polaroid picture, which you’re not meant to do, for about 20 seconds, or until well combined.

Rub the rims of the glasses with lemon and press into a little bit of salt – I know, very marg, but I’m a salty gal. Divide the martini amongst the glasses, then down, like the legend you are.


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Candied Yam Yams Arocho

Side, Snack, Survivor, Survivor 44, Sweets, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Survivor 18 new castaways were marooned on the islands of Fiji and immediately decided they wanted to emulate Kaôh Rōng and find out just how much can go wrong in a single season. Breaking records, poor Bruce hit his head in the marooning challenge and while he made it back to camp, he was promptly medevaced that night. Matthew then fell off a rock and dislocated his shoulder the next day before Brandon got heat exhaustion in the first immunity challenge, the latter sending Ratu to the first tribal council. And while Brandon was the obvious target, he had found the hidden immunity idol and as such, sent Maddy out the door as the first (official) boot with his single vote.

We then experienced yet another dark timeline where a string of young, iconic women went back-to-back-to-back, with Helen, Claire and Sarah rounding out an iconic pre-merge. Matthew’s lingering shoulder pain saw him quit-evaced before the tribes faked merge. This saw the demise of Josh, who had been the main target of multiple tribes for about 4 episodes.

We then saw nature heal, albeit in a heartbreaking fashion, as sweet Matt became the King of the Jury, partly due to his love Frannie winning immunity. Brandon and Kane soon followed before Frannie was felled for being too much of a threat. We then lost zaddy Danny before Jamie just missed her spot in the finale. After Lauren lost final five immunity, she was booted for her underdog story. Heidi then took out her first win of the season at the final immunity challenge however wanting a hero moment for her resume, sent Yam Yam and Carolyn through to final tribal council and faced off against young Carson for the final slot. And beat him in record breaking time to book her slot.

Despite playing a strong game and being beloved by literally everyone, Carolyn didn’t muster a vote at final tribal council – rude – while Heidi jagged one from her ally Danny, leaving Yam Yam to be crowned our King. And while I was disappointed for Carolyn, Yam Yam equally has my heart and played such a smart disarming game that he easily booked himself a spot as one of the top tier. Plus, he is fun, entertaining, silly and represents the sassy, curvy, queer men, so for that, I booked my stan card pre-season.

Most importantly, however, is the fact that for the first time since San Juan Del Sur, I picked the winner pre-season and for that alone, he is worthy of a piping hot dish of Candied Yam Yams Arocho.

While the concept of this dish always filled me with equal parts disgust and intrigue, however after trying it, I instantly fell in love. Earthy and sweet, this dish has everything. Kinda like our new King.

Enjoy!

Candied Yam Yams Arocho
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
2kg sweet potatoes, peeled and cut into 3(ish)mm coins
½ cup pecans, roughly chopped
½ cup muscovado sugar
80g unsalted butter
1 tsp cinnamon
¼ tsp cayenne pepper
a pinch of nutmeg
a pinch of ground ginger
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
1 tsp vanilla extract
4 cups mini marshmallows, more or less as needed

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Butter a large baking dish – 2.5-3L – and layer the discs of sweet potato, followed by some pecans after every layer or two, then some more sweet potato and continue the process until it is all gone.

Combine the sugar, butter, cinnamon, cayenne, nutmeg and ginger in a saucepan with a good whack of salt and pepper. Place over medium heat and cook, stirring, until it starts to boil. Once it has come together, remove from the heat and stir through the vanilla. Pour over the potato and pecan, cover with foil and pop in the oven to bake for 45 minutes. Remove the foil and continue to cook uncovered for about 20 minutes, or until the potato is tender.

Remove from the oven and scatter over the marshmallows and return to the oven to cook for 15 minutes, or until the top is golden and melted. Leave to rest for about 5 minutes before slicing and serving, perhaps with a Turkey Wellington.


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Heidi Lagarissoles-Greenblatt

Main, Poultry, Survivor, Survivor 44, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor after Heidi defeated Carson in fire and locked in the final three, the trio awoke the next morning to watch their final sunrise in Fiji and celebrate making it to the end. While Yam Yam was nervous about saying something stupid, sweet Carolyn assured him she will always sound stupider. At final tribal council the jury, under Matt’s leadership, were sweet and kind, asking leading questions to get the best out of each and every member of the final three. Despite Carson acting like the proudest stage mom towards Carolyn the entire time and Frannie praising her for changing her life, our sweet icon couldn’t muster a vote and landed in third place.

As Jeffrey tallied the votes there were one a piece for each Yam Yam and Heidi before the rest piled up on Yam Yam, leaving fire queen Heidi to finish as the runner-up thanks to her number 1, Danny. As Probst and Co reset for the After Show, I pulled Heidi aside and while I was still gutted for Carolyn, I held Heidi tight and praised her for a strong game with such a delightfully splashy finish.

While I have been a diehard Tika stan from the beginning, there is no denying how much of a dominating presence this season. Whether the edit showed that or not. She formed a tight pair with Danny early on, but her bonds with Frannie and Claire helped her control the premerge phase. Once the tribes came together, despite not realising Tika were playing them, it was Heidi that helped the Soka tribe winning out over Ratu, paving her way to the end. And TBH, if Tika weren’t lighting in a bottle, she would have easily run off with the season like the modern era Kim Spradlin.

Instead, she had to settle for being the runner-up and a big plate of Heidi Lagarissoles-Greenblatt as her prize.

While rissoles cop a lot of flack for being a basic meal, there is something so life affirming about them. Maybe because you can literally pop anything in – well, almost – and be guaranteed a delicious, warming meal.

Enjoy!

Heidi Lagarissoles-Greenblatt
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
500g chicken mince
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 zucchini, grated
½ cup peas
¾ cup breadcrumbs
1 lemon, zested
2 tbsp parsley, roughly chopped
1 egg
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
olive oil

Method
Combine the mince, garlic, zucchini, pea, breadcrumbs, zest, parsley and egg in a large bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper. Scrunch until well combined. Using wet hands, form into 12 equal sized patties, place on a lined plate and transfer to the fridge to chill for half an hour or so.

Pop a good lug of oil in a skillet over medium heat and once nice and hot, cook the rissoles four at a time for about 5 minutes before flipping and cooking for a further few minutes, or until cooked through. Repeat the process until done.

Serve with salad or a little mash before devouring, like a solid runner-up.


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Turkarolyn Wigerllington

Main, Poultry, Survivor, Survivor 44, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the final four arrived at the top of the mountain – literally and figuratively – to compete in the epic final simmotion immunity challenge. And despite us, or at least me, rooting for Carolyn to dominate the challenge, she was the first to go before Heidi surprised herself with the win. Despite having a guaranteed spot in the final three, Heidi decided the best shot at taking out the win, was to pull a Chris Underwood and go to fire against Carson and just like him, she re-earnt her place in the final three – in record time, no less – as Carson found himself becoming the final juror.

The final three woke up early on Day 26, overwhelmed to make it to the end, while Yam Yam was just nervous about sounding stupid at the final tribal council. With Carolyn assuring him, she will sound stupider. Yam Yam opened up to us that he feels he played a strong game, but he knows that it doesn’t really matter what he thinks though and as such, he needs to use his words like weapons to win the jury over. The jury, though, praised him for perfectly riding the middle and winning everyone over, always making them feel like they were part of his plan so they wouldn’t turn on him.

As they sat down for breakfast, Heidi shared that she is proud of how she played, particularly since she took a massive risk at the end to solidify her resume. With the jury just hoping she can reiterate her game, should she want their vote. Carolyn meanwhile was nervous about her self-confidence getting her down. She admitted to us that she is so shocked to have made it to the end, given she never even expected to make the merge. And now her biggest challenge is to convince the jury that being emotional was the smartest way for her to play. Which they seem to agree with, so let’s all hope she doesn’t overthink it and secures the crown like she – and us – deserve.

At the final tribal council Jeffrey reminded everyone how the night would proceed, before Kane kicked things off by assuring the final three all votes were up in the air and as such, they should answer honestly. He then asked what they felt the jury perceives them, with Yam Yam joking that they all love him and see him as happy go lucky, though suggested that they perceived he followed Carson when in fact the Tika trio were a strong alliance. While Heidi tried to call bullshit, Yam Yam pointed out that following Soka was what they wanted them to think at the merge. Heidi meanwhile spoke about playing a social game, though knew she had to do the fire making challenge to have a shot. Carolyn admitted she was shocked to make it to the end, given she was the weird kid that was underestimated and by forming solid bonds with Carson and Yam Yam, she was able to thrive.

Carson admitted he knows how great Yam Yam and Carolyn are, so asked Heidi to explain how she played, admitting that everyone in Soka was strong and as such, come merge, she had to navigate around that perception to survive. Heidi continued to try to undermine Yam Yam, before Danny asked how Yam Yam used Carson, with him admitting he didn’t use Carson but in fact used EVERYONE to make it further. Danny then asked Heidi how she used shields, with her wisely saying she hid behind him specifically to make it further.

Frannie meanwhile took things to the social side – queen – asking them how they leveraged or managed emotion to navigate the game. Right on cue, Carolyn started to get emotional, talking about her journey with addiction and how seeking treatment taught her how to feel her emotions and while she knew that made her game difficult at times, she also used it to sell her choices. Yam Yam admitted while he is emotional, he struggled with the players that kept their guards up like Brandon and Jamie, however he was perceptive enough to learn when people lied to him and as such, navigated around their tells. While Heidi continued to give a textbook performance, saying that her game was more than just about winning but representing people that are different. Because as a latina woman in science, she works with all men and is always expected to keep her emotions in check. And yes, Heidi, work.

Sweet Matt then thanked them all for being themselves and told them that he is proud.

Talk turned to the challenges with our resident beast asking how they felt about them, with Carolyn shocked by how badly she bombed each and every challenge. She admitted her letter from home broke her heart, given her son told her he hoped she would win challenges and while it broke her, she knew to only speak positively about herself. Heidi then praised Carolyn for being an inspiration and for never giving up and ugh, it is so sweet. Carson asked Heidi about the final immunity challenge, admitting that she felt like she had no chance at winning if she didn’t win fire, though knew that taking out the brains of the operation was her best shot. Oh and if they vote for her, they could break another record if they vote for her, as she’d be the first Puerto Rican and oldest female to win. Yam Yam meanwhile opened up about his physical family and how channelling them is what helped him win immunity.

Oh and if they vote for him, he’d be the first Puerto Rican male to win.

Carson directed things to strategy, dropping stats about how well Carolyn played with her admitting that having a tight alliance helped her make it to the end. She pointed out that nobody expected she had the idol and while Yam Yam suggested she played it needlessly, she reiterated she trusted him but not the others and as such, she preferred a guarantee. Danny then questioned why he was the target, with her admitting he appeared to be running things and as such, she knew taking him out would help set her up. Yam Yam meanwhile spoke about his social game and the ability to win people over it. More importantly, that is what helped him stay abreast of everything and know the best path forward. While Heidi with the worst voting record – 67% – spoke about being forced into adapting her game, though when she played from the bottom she realised how much bigger than the money the game can be. She then gave a great speech about coming to America with nothing and how proud of herself she is with the life she has built.

With that the jury finally voted and tragically, for some reason, none of those people felt it appropriate to vote for Carolyn as she landed in third. Obviously I stormed the set and ushered Carolyn aside, bursting into tears in her arms and screaming about how disappointed in the jury I was. I mean, Carson was stage-moming hard all throughout the final tribal council and nobody gave us who would have been the greatest winner of all time. Even better than Sandra and Parvati. Carolyn being Carolyn however, took it in her stride and while she admitted she was disappointed that she was proud of the winner, and more importantly, herself and as such, she gladly sat down to celebrate with a big, fat Turkarolyn Wigerllington.

This poultry take on the beef wellington is just as rich and luscious as the OG. Rich, earthy and a little kick of spice thanks to the chorizo, it is the perfect way to refresh a festive meal.

Enjoy!

Turkarolyn Wigerllington
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
4 sheets puff pastry
½ cup cranberry sauce
½ cup parmesan cheese
4-8 sage leaves
1.5kg turkey breasts, sliced into 1cm thick steaks
500g fresh chorizo, skins removed and discarded
1 cup breadcrumbs
1 bunch spinach, roughly chopped and wilted
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp chilli flakes
1 egg

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C and line a couple of baking sheets.

Place the pastry on a bench and smear with some cranberry sauce before sprinkling with parmesan cheese and placing 1-2 sage leaves in the middle. Divide the turkey breast in the middle on top of the sage.

Combine the chorizo, breadcrumbs, spinach, cinnamon and chilli in a bowl, scrunching together with your hands. Divide into four and form into little sausages, placing lengthways in the middle of the turkey.

Whisk the egg and brush the edges of all the pastry. Fold in the ends and then roll into a large parcel, pressing the edge to seal. Transfer to the baking sheets, seam down, and repeat with each wellington.

Pop the wellingtons in the oven to bake for 80 minutes, or until the pastry is golden and puffed. Remove from the oven and rest for ten minutes before serving with your favourite sides – Simon Potato Baker Denny for life – and devouring, like the queen that you are regardless of the jury.


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Bacon & Cheddar Cornsonbread Garrett

Bread, Side, Snack, Survivor, Survivor 44, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the final five faced off in an epic, multi-level immunity challenge which briefly reminded me of the majesty of Vanuatu. Knowing it was likely him or Lauren going home without immunity, Carson secured victory – thanks 3D printing! While he and Yam Yam were off enjoying the reward, Lauren tried to get under Carolyn’s skin and told her that Yam Yam was considering taking her out at the previous tribal council. After everyone came together, Carson desperately tried to keep his island parents together while the girls tried to woo Carolyn to their side. Thankfully though, sweet Carson proved all the more convincing, keeping Tika strong as the tribe banded together to eliminate the final Ratu, Lauren.

Forgoing any tribal council fallout, the final four arrived at the top of a mountain for their final immunity challenge, with Carolyn already in tears, shocked to have made it all the way to the end (basically). But to immunity, the also iconic simmotion challenge where, as Probst explained, with a hand tied behind their backs, they will drop balls into a shoot and catch them at the end with the last person without dropping snatching victory. Taking out immunity and the power to select one person to join them in the final three, because that, sadly, is still a thing.

The challenge got underway with everyone still in play by the time they added their second ball. This got Carolyn screaming, as Yam Yam stayed stoic and focused. Tragically Carolyn dropped her ball after a very close near miss, leaving the trio to power ahead as they added their third balls. And then a fourth, which quickly cost Yam Yam his place and then Carson, handing Heidi her first individual immunity and guaranteed her spot in the final three. Well, unless she elects to go to fire. Which she admitted she is seriously considering doing.

Back at camp the group praised each other for fighting so hard, while Heidi was thrilled to be solo but holding all the power. She asked everyone if they particularly wanted to make fire, reiterating that she is seriously considering going herself to build her resume. But first, they split up to practise. Carson knew that as the biggest threat it was highly likely he would be one of the people making fire and while he could do it at home, he was worried that his insecurities would make it hard for him to win the challenge. Yam Yam meanwhile was methodical as he practised, admitting that winning the challenge is just another notch on his belt and would almost be a hero moment.

Carolyn caught up with Yam Yam, asking if he truly thinks Heidi sees Carson as the biggest threat and as such would even send him into fire. Carolyn admitted that while she has been practising fire for years at home, she has tried to keep it secret. The duo then hilariously built fires, critiquing why theirs was superior. Yam Yam pointed out that the one guarantee they have is that Carson sucked making fire on day one and as such, pulled him aside to give him tips so he didn’t embarrass himself in front of the jury. Carson then broke down in tears over his kindness as Yam Yam continued to coach him, assuring us that even if Carson were to beat him in the challenge, it wouldn’t bother him. And ugh, give each of the Tikas a million. The tribe came together back at camp with Heidi super confident in her fire making skills, still debating whether it is a good give up immunity. Knowing that both Yam Yam and Carolyn are good, but Carson is a wildcard and as such, didn’t know whether it was a risk worth taking.

At tribal council the jury were gagged to see Heidi had immunity, though I think it had more to do with them likely about to see a Tika showdown. Heidi opened up about considering it being the best idea for her game to make fire, with her still unsure which way she is actually going to go. Yam Yam shared that he is a pyromaniac, so assured Heidi he would gladly make fire though he also would love safety. Carolyn agreed that when Heidi checked in, everyone was pretty comfortable with making fire, with Carson speaking up to share that he doesn’t feel comfortable. And as such, his pitch was for Heidi to put herself in fire and prove herself. But first, she sent Carolyn through to the final three, who was shocked to have made it to the end, given throughout school she was always called the weird outsider and now she has proven that she is enough, just as she is. And ugh, I love her.

Heidi then pivoted and told Carson that he would be making fire before admitting that she would be giving immunity to Yam Yam and facing off against him, given she knows he is the biggest competitor. And as such, wants to be the person to eliminate him. She and Carson took their places at the fire making tables and quickly got to work, with Heidi getting a flame within seconds. She tried to build it bigger and bigger before it went out, as Carolyn and Yam Yam encouraged Carson to stick at it. He finally got a flame, slowly adding kindling to keep it alight as Heidi’s began to roar and lick at the rope, burning through and booking her place in the final three. And sending Carson out of the game as a robbed goddess.

As Jeff confirmed that Heidi broke the record for the quickest fire making challenge, Carson sweetly held his head high. He opened up about spending most of the day in tears, though was grateful to have proven he can make fire and essentially, do anything he puts his mind to. As he made it back to Ponderosa, I gave him a massive hug – strongly holding back my own tears – telling him that being a fourth place robbed goddess, at least in Australia, is the highest honour. And as such, he should be very proud, as he smashed his Bacon & Cheddar Cornsonbread Garrett.

On their own, each bacon, cheddar and cornbread are perfection, but when they triumphantly come together, it is like an Avengers level majestic dish. Absolutely hulking with flavour, to continue the Marvel theme.

Enjoy!

Bacon & Cheddar Cornsonbread Garrett
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
1 ½ cups coarse polenta
600ml buttermilk
300g bacon streaky bacon, diced
4 shallots, thinly sliced
2 ½ cups vintage cheddar, grated
400g canned corn kernels, drained
¾ cup flour
1 ½ tsp baking powder
150g unsalted butter, melted
3 eggs
kosher salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Place the polenta and buttermilk in a large bowl, stirring until well combined. Cover and leave to soak for a few hours – stirring each hour – to soften.

When the polenta is almost squishy and glorious, preheat the oven to 160C.

Pop a skillet over medium heat and fry the bacon until golden and crisp. Spoon ¾ of the bacon into the polenta, along with the shallots and 2 cups of the cheese. Stir to combine before stirring through the corn, flour, baking powder, butter and eggs with a good whack of salt and pepper.

Transfer the batter to a lined 20cm cake tin, sprinkle with the remaining cheese and bacon, and pop in the oven to bake for 40 minutes, or until an inserted skewer comes out clean. Allow to cool in the pan for five minutes before transferring to a plate and devouring, with a generously slathering of butter.


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