Lemon

Alison Raybouldy Mary

Drink, Survivor, Survivor: David vs. Goliath, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor yada yada yada, Davie was blindsided. This is a six person finale people and I have a teeny puppy fighting for my attention, I can’t give you more than that. How hard is my life, right?

Back at camp poor Nick was feeling betrayed by his allies, confused as to why they would choose to lie to him and chucking the shit that they couldn’t bring themselves to give him one vote. Angelina followed him as he stormed down the beach, trying to allay his fears and remind him that they will be going to the final three together. Nick was concerned that Mike would target him next despite Angelina assuring him that he is safe, yelling at Mike, Kara and Alison that Mike has no shot against Alison. Mike tried to go and talk to Nick and while he reassured him that Alison will be the next to go, he vowed to take it Nick if he didn’t simmer down and threatened his game.

Probst returned for the final five immunity challenge where the tribe would be required to stand on a tall pole in the ocean and fill a tube using a bucket of water to release a key … which is used to release puzzle pieces for them to solve. Poor tall, skinny Alison struggled to maintain balance while Nick took the lead. Somehow Alison managed to close the gap and overtake him despite being struck by fear, allowing her to start solving the puzzle before anyone else made it to shore. Nick and Kara soon arrived, followed by Mike as poor Angelina struggled with the challenge. Despite being first to the beach, Nick soon overtook Alison and snatched immunity before anyone got close.

Everyone congratulated Nick on his back-to-back immunity win before Angelina pulled Nick and Mike aside to lock in the vote for Alison, though did ask that they jump on board to create a huge show at tribal council to win the jury over. She decided that Mike should convince Alison and Kara to vote for her before she plays the idol and saves herself. Given Mike doesn’t want to help build her resume nor piss off Kara, he approached Kara to tell her about the plan and generally talk smack about the absurdity of Angelina’s plan. Sadly that appeared to backfire as Kara approached Alison, filled her in and suggested they get rid of Mike instead. Alison then took the plan to Nick in the hope of swaying him after being blindside, which he was obviously open to … however he and Kara then caught up and they vowed to vote together though weren’t sure who would be tougher to beat in the final three out of Alison and Mike.

Oh and Angelina then made a fake hidden immunity idol and led Alison to find it, just to rub in her potential demise even further which is evil. But really good television and will totally see her get torn to shreds, should Alison go and she makes the end.

At tribal council Nick admitted to being shitty about being left out of the last vote before Angelina explained that she comforted him and reminded him that everyone has felt that at one point or another. Probst reminded them that Davie challenged them to make a bigger move than his blindside, which appeared to piss off Mike since there goes a promised jury vote. Angelina and Alison acknowledged their friction, Mike and Alison appeared to now have friction while Nick and Kara sat pretty, realising that their decision will decide the final four and get rid of the biggest threat. With that the tribe voted, Mike gave an extremely sassy voting confessional and Kara voted to ensure Angelina’s idol play is unsuccessful. Alison played the fake idol, pretty certain that it is fake while Angelina snickered, admitted she made it and then played her idol, over explaining the process much to the disgust of the jury.

Oh, did I mention Alison was voted out?

Despite Angelina’s nasty slash hilariously catastrophic idol theatre, Alison arrived at Ponderosa as happy and delightful as she has been all game. Except when she is hangry, obviously. After getting a brief check-up – I like free medical care, ok – and checking each other’s pulses, Alison deemed me needed a drink to calm our nerves. Which is convenient, since I had a pitcher of Alison Raybouldy Mary ready to distract from her end-game loss.

 

 

I don’t know why, since alcohol, but I’ve always been against bloody Marys. Maybe it has something to do with Kirsten Cohen’s battle with alcoholism, I don’t know? In any event, they are totally delicious and let’s be honest, allow you to drink before midday without judgement. Which is enough.

Enjoy!

 

 

Alison Raybouldy Mary
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
½ cup tomato juice
2 shots vodka
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
¼ tsp Tabasco sauce
½ tsp salt
¼ tsp black pepper
2 lemon wedges
ice, to taste
2 stalks celery

Method
Divide the tomato juice, vodka, Worcestershire, hot sauce, salt and pepper between the glasses and stir to combine.

Squeeze the lemon wedges into each and leave in the glass.

Top with ice, garnish with the celery and down.

 

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Davie Sazerickenbacker

Drink, Survivor, Survivor: David vs. Goliath, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor 20 new castaways arrived on a boat where Probst split them into two tribes based on whether they were successful or not, which is really harsh when you lay it out plainly, no? For 35 days they were hammered by the weather, to the point a wild wave took out poor Pat as he was thrown about a boat off camera. With that alliances shifted throughout the game with Jessica, Jeremy voted out before Bi quit and the tribes switched up. That lead to Natalia, Queen Natalie and Lyrsa heading out the door before the tribes merged – you get what I’m up to now right? – and Elizabeth, John, Dan, Alec, Carl, Gabby and Christian headed to the jury, leaving Angelina, Nick, Davie, Kara, Mike and Alison to battle it out for the win.

The day after Christian got the boot, everyone woke as early as possible and commenced the hunt for a rehidden idol, clearing learning from Ben’s win. Mike knew how big the stakes were, Alison felt she was on the hot seat and needed to save herself before Angelina finally fulfilled her premiere confessional by finding the clue to the hidden immunity idol. She was instructed to find a ladder, dig it up and prob it against a huge rock. Sadly after she undug her ladder and hid it for later, she discovered she lost the clue and tragically had to make her move ASAP. So back she went to find the ladder and climbed the rockwall behind the well … and then got stuck. Surprisingly no one realised she had gone, so she returned to the well to discover Nick, Davie and Alison, breaking down to say she fell from a tree as a cover. Dr Alison checked her for bruises, Nick hugged and damn, she is an icon and I love her.

My boy Probst returned for the final six immunity challenge where they would race through obstacles, release a stair puzzle, solve said puzzle, ascend said stair puzzle and solve another 63 piece puzzle. Immunity came with a side of spaghetti, GB and cake, so er’ryone was even more excited. Hopefully Angelina can handle it after her injury. It was neck and neck at the start until Kara and Davie started to pull away from the pack, with Angelina, Nick and Mike closing the gap and poor Alison painfully struggling to throw things. Kara began to pull away further, with Mike, Angelina and Davie following closely behind. Given it is a ridiculously huge puzzle of the logo everyone eventually closed the gap, though it appeared Kara and Angelina were in front. Though I’m not Christian, so what would I know? Turns out nothing, as Nick snagged immunity and continued the ‘no double winners’ streak.

Obviously Probst gave him the opportunity to share his reward with one other person, selecting Angelina to join him since she is vego and can eat the crap he isn’t interested. Probst then obviously gave him another person to share it with, with Davie telling him he got the family reward so he doesn’t need to share it with him leaving Mike ‘also a vegetarian’ White to snag an invite and TBH, secure a Jabeni final three alliance – #JabeniStrong – no? An emaciated Alison started to breakdown, desperate to have something to eat and finally get a win in the game which is sad and all, but you’ve got a couple of days left at which point you should be ok to suck it up.

Back at camp the winning trio went to the well, where there feast was laid out in front of them and Angelina desperately tried not to think about the idol that is hidden around her. While Alison, Kara and Davie sulked over some rice, they all spoke about being concerned by Nick referencing Jabeni strong. Back at the well Angelina turned conversation to the final three and discussed who to target, with Nick desperate to get rid of Alison while the others focused on Davie, concerned Alison would have an idol. With that Angelina shared that she had found the clue but struggled to find an idol, so the trio searched high and low before Mike pointed out the obvious place it would be hidden. And just like that, Angelina is the only woman to find an idol this season.

Everyone reconvened at camp to scramble before tribal with Alison pulling Angelina aside to see whether she could save her. Angelina explained that she has the power to save her given she has been in control, though wasn’t sure if she would which seems unnecessarily gloaty. Meanwhile Mike and Kara caught up, with Mike explaining that the other two want to target a breaking down Alison but he believes Davie is finishing strong and as such, desperately needs him gone. Kara was completely on board, so Mike approached Angelina to see if she would join them and avoid it going to a tie.

At tribal council Nick spoke about the joy of winning immunity before Angelina spoke about a tonne of names being thrown out, which is hard given only five people can receive votes. Like me Alison called bullshit, pointing out it is either her or Davie tonight, which the latter agreed with since they very well could have gone last week. Angelina slyly took ownership of her game, saying she could have gotten Alison out at the last two tribal councils but she didn’t. Nick was glad people were on the same page as him, Mike was hoping he was on that page and Davie gave a lowkey threat, saying that should someone be hurt by their blindside, it could cost people the win. With that, the tribe voted, Angelina held onto her hard won immunity idol and poor Davie found himself blindsided from the game. Though promising to vote for whoever orchestrated the blindside, despite his threat. Which Mike obvi was keen to point out was him.

Given his promise on the way out the door, Davie was impressed that the tribe felt he had to be blindsided and was thrilled to have made an impact. Though maybe it has more to do with the fact that he is a super positive person, rather than actually being thrilled about it rather than say, winning. But I guess, when smashing a tray of Davie Sazerickenbacker, you’d be feeling a little happy too I guess.

 

 

I’ve only recently gotten into the sazerac – thanks Martha and Snoop! – but damn if I’m not all in, balls deep on this potent little drink. Sour, sweet and packing a punch, you don’t need to many to be filled with joy. Liquor induced or otherwise.

Enjoy!

 

 

Davie Sazerickenbacker
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
½ cup rye whisky
1 tsp muscovado sugar
3 dashes Peychaud’s bitters
½ tsp absinthe
lemon peel

Method
I used the very specific method outlined on Esquire – though with some slight tweaks to ingredients – and while it sounds a bit redic, I encourage you to follow them exactly as it’s delicious. Place the sugar in an old-fashioned glass with a few drops of water to dissolve. Fill it with ice, whiskey and the bitters, and stir to combine.

Divide the absinthe between two additional old-fashioned glasses and roll it around to coat the inside of the glasses, disposing – gasp – anything else. Divide the whiskey between the glasses, add a twist of lemon and down.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

 

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Kelly LeBrockoli Salad

Salad, Side, Snack

I’m not going to waste your time listing all the reasons why Kelly LeBrock is so dear to me, it should go without saying. The woman is a saint; she is kind, funny, so sweet and always open to my hairbrained schemes to return her to greatness.

Thankfully with Kath’s BIL and SIL taking all the attention in Sydney/Dubbo – don’t mention it to The Ferg, who I really must catch up with one day soon – she had a low key arrival in Brisbane, which TBH was so nice for a change. I mean, it truly is exhausting being hounded by the paparazzi all day every day like Kell and I are used to.

Given how busy I’ve been lately – aren’t I always? – I haven’t seen as much of Kelly as I would like, and as such, I feel like you haven’t seen as much of Kell as you deserve. For that, I am sorry as I know a world without Kelly gracing the big screen and winning Oscars is not a world that I want to live in.

I apologised to Kelly for letting her down and she laughed about how happy she was and how I shouldn’t let the guilt eat at me. But it had, so I verbally-spammed her with so many different ways that we could bring her back to the A-list, including a stint on The Good Place as Janet’s mother – which links with Weird Science, obvi – competing on Survivor or joining a Housewives franchise and/or co-starring with Meryl, since her movies instantly are fast-tracked to Oscar Gold.

It was a lot to take in, so thankfully I had a big bowl of Kelly LeBrockoli Salad for her to eat while digesting my plans.

 

 

Crunchy and creamy, fresh and tart, this salad in the perfect thing to bring a bit of life to a boring mid-week meal over summer.

Enjoy!

 

 

Kelly LeBrockoli Salad
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
2 broccoli heads, cut into small florets
1 lemon, juiced
4 slices pancetta, diced and fried|
4 shallots, sliced
½ cup pecans, roughly chopped and toasted
½ cup craisins
⅓ cup parmesan, grated
½ cup Shayonnaise Swain
½ cup buttermilk
1 tsp muscovado sugar
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Rinse the broccoli florets and place in a bowl of cold water with the juice of the lemon and leave to sit for fifteen minutes. Drain and shake dry, though don’t be too pedantic about it.

Toss everything together in a bowl until well combined slash coated. Devour.

 

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Sharnold Palmer Coombes

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2018), Drink, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor, the final three returned back at camp after taking out the final Contender and congratulated themselves on a job well done. The next day they were surprised to receive a family visit ahead of the fallen comrades section, where we were reminded of the majesty of the Contender boys penchant for nudity, the horror of Benji eating nachos and Shonella just being the greatest. With that out of the way Sharn defeated Shane and Brian in a hard fought final immunity challenge, before dispatching of Brian as the final juror despite him reminding her that he is by far the easier win.

The final two returned back to camp with Shane proud to be waking up on day 50 and still being a stone cold champion at 61. She reminded us that when she held every world record, there wasn’t a lot of money in swimming and she had to fight tooth and nail for everything she has got. That being said, she was terrified about having to face off against a crown prosecutor at final tribal. On the flipside, Sharn was proud of being a dominant physical force throughout the game and looked forward to doing what she does best in front of the jury. They snuffed the fire for the final time before grabbing their torches and heading out to tribal where Shane tried to find the resolve to defeat Sharn.

Jonathan welcomed them to final tribal and called in Robbie, Mat, Sam, Benji, Steve, Fenella, Monika, Shonee and Brian to form the jury, before announcing the new final tribal council format, where the jury questions would become an open forum discussion. Shane kicked things off like she was in a speech and drama competition in primary school crossed with Sophia Petrillo. She spoke about not knowing what to expect at the start and having to learn on the go to overcome being a liability at the start. She then spoke about playing an idol – unlike most of the jury – jumping ship from a sinking alliance to take out Jackie, who was a big threat, leading to her becoming a double agent for Mat and co. Tragically neglecting to mention the Lydia blindside.

Sharn opted for a different approach, saying she shouldn’t still be there given she has been a threat since the first post-merge immunity challenge. She spoke about playing from the bottom since the final 7 and making it to the end by being a trusted ear for her allies, and being open to those she wasn’t aligned with. She then told them that if they don’t vote for her, they’re doing the wrong thing. Essentially.

With that Jonathan handed things over to the jury, with Fenella kicking things off asking Sharn why the hell she took Shane to the end and why she is going to fight? Sharn played up her loyalty to Shane, with Robbie confused about how that loyalty exemplified her superior game. She brought up her ability to save herself post-swap, blindsiding Sam and almost saving Mat from being booted, she then played up taking out the contenders and bonding with Shonee to make it to the end.

Benji asked Shane about her gameplay, with the icon talking about how she actively tried to avoid becoming a target like the rest of them, while working hard around camp to gain intel from people. Sam wasn’t really sold, asking her to articulate her active gameplay throughout the season. She kinda rambled before Benji tried to get her back on point, ultimately leading to her claiming Jackie and Lydia’s scalps as her biggest moves. And let’s be honest, working against Lydia while the challenge was happening was masterful.

Mat jumped in, admitting he loves them both but would have to pick one person, so asked them to explain their games. Sharn started to struggle as she tried to articulate her how loyalty was the defining feature of her game, before Brian jumped in and asked why if she was so loyal to Mat, why didn’t she warn him that he was about to be blindsided? She said that she didn’t have the opportunity to talk to him, nor did know whether he had an idol. Brian then questioned whether not telling him is actually disloyal, leading to her stuttering through an attempted response which clearly upset Mat. Benji then jumped in to question why loyalty is her major card and as such, Sharn continued to flounder.

Brian then addressed Shane, asking her to finally bring some honesty to final tribal council and answer who played the more loyal game out of the final two. While she tried to dance around the question, Brian pushed her and she admitted that she was more loyal and that loyalty was clever as it built a shield for her to hide behind. Shonee too addressed Shane, asking if she even has any clue where she lives since she is praising her ability to get to know people. Shane then shocked her, pointing out she lives in London most of the time and Noosa the rest, and was offended as she is actually the one that saved Shonee after the tribe swap. Mat jumped in to vouch for the move, giving Shonee the cutest smile. She then secured Fenella’s vote, taking the time to praise her killer game and the way she goaded Brian to keep herself safe. Sam asked Shane whether if things come down to loyalty, they shouldn’t vote for Sharn over the Mat move which she agreed to. Poor Sharn then looked like a kicked puppy and desperately pleaded with the jury to see past her one mistake … ignoring the bungled idol find at the challenge, obvi.

With that the jury voted, Jonathan collected the votes and took them back to Australia, somehow in the middle on the desert, jumping in a jeep before arriving at the finale stage. Jonathan checked in with the finalists, with Sharn proud of how they played and Shane saying the wait was more nerve wracking than an Olympic final and she’d just like the votes read. As such, Jonathan started reading them, counting two for Shane, followed by four for Sharn before Shane tied things up four apiece. With that, Jonathan was left to count the final vote, handing Shane the victory and title of Sole Survivor.

Despite playing an extremely strong, strategic game, and keeping the target off her for the last few weeks of the game, Sharn proved to be no match for the seasoned Champion Shane at final tribal and narrowly missed out on the title of Sole Survivor.

While most people would need a nice stiff drink to wash away the pain of bombing what they do best and losing half a mill in the process, Sharn is an absolute positive, delight and as such took it in her stride, was proud of her dear friend Shane and gladly toasted her with a Sharnold Palmer Coombes.

 

 

Now I normally prefer my drinks like I like peens, but it is hard to argue against the majesty of this soft concoction. Or soft concoctions in general. TBH, I just love any and all concoctions. Anyway, let’s focus on the beauty of ice tea and lemonade, mingling together to fill you with joy.

Don’t you love when a concoction does that? Enjoy!

 

 

Sharnold Palmer Coombes
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
ice
1 ½ cups iced tea
½ cup lemonade

Method
Fill two glasses with ice.

Top with iced tea, followed by lemonade.

Slurp it down.

 

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Laceberry Sherbet

Dessert, Snack, Sweets, That Is So Fetch Week

Today marks the end of our first publicised Mean Girls day celebration, That’s So Fetch Week. And while that is probably going to leave you with a feeling of crushing emptiness, be glad that you got to experience the joys of celebrating with Mands, Dan Fran, Jono, Lizzy, Rachel and now Lacey.

Well, by association at least.

I’ve known Lacey for over two decades after meeting through Susan and Kelly on the set of All My Children. As with Mands and Lizzy, I was blown away by her talent and vowed to make her a star.

That led to Party of Five and The Wild Thornberrys, which would have been enough of a success without throwing in the role of a lifetime in Gretchen Weiners. Heiress of toaster strudels and key player in making fetch happen.

Given her current status as the queen of Lifetime Christmas movies, I am super proud of Lacey and can’t even be mad that we don’t see each other as often as we like. As soon as she walked off the plane we ran into each other’s arms, sped to my home and caught up on this year’s crop of Lifetime films over a big bowl of Laceberry Sherbet.

 

 

While it appears to be a bit too healthy for my liking, I assure you that this sherbert is hella delicious. Not the powdered type like Michelle Sherbert, this frozen fruit delight packs a strong raspberry flavour and fills you with boundless joy. Which is not an overstatement.

Enjoy!

 

 

Laceberry Sherbet
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
500g raspberries, thawed
1 ½ cups milk
⅔ cup raw caster sugar
1 lemon, juiced

Method
Blitz everything in a food processor until smooth.

Strain through a sieve to get rids of any leftover solids or seeds.

Transfer to an ice cream maker and churn for twenty minutes or until the consistency of soft serve. Transfer to a container and freeze overnight, before devouring.

 

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Lizzy Caplemon Chicken Tajine

Main, Poultry, That Is So Fetch Week

As you will soon start to notice is a pattern, like Amanda – though unlike Dan or Jon – I am the reason that Lizzy Caplan scored the role of Janis Ian and as such, she couldn’t pass up the opportunity to join me and help celebrate this year’s Mean Girls’ Day celebration, That’s So Fetch Week.

Not that it wasn’t optional though, of course. Honestly.

Anyway, I met Lizzy through Seth Rogen and current Survivor cast-member Mike White on the set of Freaks & Geeks. While it was only her acting debut, she completely blew me away and I deemed her worthy of my tutelage.

Given I am an excellent teacher – don’t you dare say anything about those unable to do, teach – I finesse her skills and within a couple of years, she was knocking on Teens’ door and making her way onto the A-list.

Lizzy’s career has absolutely blown up following her breakout performance in Masters of Sex, so we sadly haven’t been able to pal around as often as we’d like. Thankfully as soon as she heard Mean Girls celebration, she dropped everything, ran into my home and giddily reminisced over a big old Lizzy Caplemon Chicken Tajine.

 

 

There is nothing I love more than a tajine, if only for the general festive look of a tajine. Add in succulent chicken and the tart kick of lemon and olives, and I am in heaven. Heaven I tells ya!

Enjoy!

 

 

Lizzy Caplemon Chicken Tajine
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
6 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp ginger, minced
¼ tsp saffron threads
1 tsp sweet paprika
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp chilli powder
½ tsp coriander seeds
½ tsp turmeric
salt and pepper, to taste
8 chicken thighs, bones in
olive oil
2 onions, diced
1 cinnamon quill
⅓ cup green olives, pitted and halved
2 Preserved Lemonika Radulovic, flesh removed and cut into strips
2 cups chicken stock
½ lemon, juiced
parsley, roughly chopped, to garnish

Method
Combine the garlic, ginger, saffron, paprika, cumin, chilli, coriander and turmeric with a a good whack of salt and pepper and blitz with a stick blender to form a thick paste. Rub the chicken thighs with the fragrant glob, cover and leave to marinate in the fridge for a couple of hours.

When you’re ready to rock, heat a lug of oil in the base of our tajine and sweat the onions on low for about ten minutes. Add the chicken thighs and seal on both sides. Add the cinnamon, olives, preserved lemon and stock and bring to the boil. Reduce to a simmer, cover and cook for half an hour.

When the chicken is completely falling off the bone, remove from the heat, stir through the lemon juice and sprinkle with parsley.

Serve immediately on a bed of couscous and devour.

 

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Preserved Lemonika Radulovic

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2018), Preserve, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Brian was the last man standing, leaving Shane and Sharn to nervously try and find a way to stay alive. After approaching Shonella and realising there was no hope, they gallantly tried to snag immunity however tragically were beaten by Brian. With no other hope, Sharn went hunting for an idol which this time proved successful and remained hidden. And with that, a plan was floated to try and attract all the votes to Sharn instead of the alliance splitting the votes to keep both of them safe. Somehow their planned worked with Sharn negating three votes against her, Shane getting one and poor Queen Fenella becoming the Queen of the Jury.

Back at camp Shonee was absolutely shocked to still have Shane in the game and Fenella hanging with the boys in jury villa. Looking for answers she asked they get ready for bed before Sharn explained what the hell happened. Thankfully Shonee isn’t an idiot and was concerned that the failed vote split may have actually been deliberate, and if so, she needed to get to the bottom of it. Just as quickly as she said it, Brian admitted to us that it was definitely deliberate as he wants to go to the end with Fenella and Monika. And hot damn do I want Shonee to get her revenge!

The next day Monika marvelled that she was still in the game at final five, with only five days remaining. And given she got a confessional, me thinks she isn’t long for the game. Despite knowing that Sharn is a total threat and was concerned about her moving forward. Speaking of Sharn, she was hanging with her girl Shane as they celebrated their victory over Shonella.

Not one to rest on her yannys – sorry, laurels – Shane decided that now was the time to strike to form a new alliance so approached Shonee to see if she’d be interested to jump ship after losing his bestie. Their target obviously being King Grub as Shane is sick of him being disgusting, lazy and playing a villainous game. Sharn too was quick to befriend Shonee and see where they stood moving forward. She then straight up told Shonee that the bungled vote split wasn’t actually a mistake, and it was a move to save Shane. Shonee went to have a chat with Brian about Fenella’s boot and while he pretended to be sad about the situation, she did the better job hiding her rage. She then vowed to get her revenge and be sassy as fuck, and as heartbroken as I am about Fenella’s boot, I am LIVING for Shonee’s rage.

My love Jonathan returned for the reward which looked suspiciously like a car under a tarp. But who knows, maybe I am wrong? They would each use blocks to solve a word puzzle then shimmy along a beam to undo two bags of sticks which will then be used to build a long hard pole to reach a key through a gate. Oh and yeah, obvi, it was for a car. Brian got out to an early lead with Monika almost close behind, had she not screwed up the puzzle, leaving Shonee and Shane to chase him down. Brian started making his long, hard pole while Shonee and Shane worked on the second bag, and Sharn and Monika made their way to the beam. Brian’s first two attempts failed leaving Shonee and Shane to join him at the gate while Sharn and Monika desperately tried to cross the beam. Shonee tried and failed, as did Sharn who finally made it to the gate. Brian proved successful on his third attempt, begging the question, will the car curse remain?

Particularly since he promised it to Monika should he win. Jonathan further complicated things, telling him that he had also won a night away from camp with a real bed and a shit tonne of pizza. Which he would be able to share with one other person, stupidly picking Monika and leaving Shonee back at camp to be wooed by the rival alliance. And while they know it could come back to bite them, I don’t think they are worried enough. As Shonee will defend Fenella’s honour.

Brian and Monika pulled up at the site of the reward where they delighted in the comfort, chocolates, champagne and pizzas. Brian’s confidence continued to grow, given he has won countless immunity challenges and has an idol in his back pocket. He then admitted that he only selected Monika to share the reward because he doesn’t trust her to stay loyal if she spends too much time with Shane and Sharn. He then admitted to her that he also didn’t want to fuel their competitors, which reading between the lines says Shonee is competitive in challenges while you are not.

Meanwhile back at camp Shane and Sharn quickly got to work on Shonee, lamenting Brian’s challenge streak. Not an idiot, Shonee admitted that he sees her and Sharn as threats and as such, she is willing to flip sides and take him out. YAS YAS YAS, KWEEN. The trio agreed that the Sh- alliance is now formed and they will take out Brian and Monika, get to the end and defend Fenella’s honour. I mean, how fucking poetic?

The next day Brian and Monika awoke at the reward beach to find a bountiful breakfast, and Monika finally admitted that she is riding Brian to the end as nobody will vote for him at the end. Meanwhile at camp, the Sh’s all agreed that they will fight like hell to snatch immunity to finally take out Brian. Aka the newest king, if Benji is still narrating somewhere around the world?

Obviously this led to the immunity challenge where the castaways would be required to build a fire in a drum attached to the end of a seesaw. Once rollicking, they would then need to run to the ocean and fill the other end of the seesaw with water to raise the fire and burn through a rope. Given the challenge involved making fire it didn’t look too exciting as they all worked away and Brian panicked. Shane was obviously the first to get a flame, which she quickly parlayed into a full blown fire. Sharn too snagged a flame, which started to catch on to her epic wooden teepee, leaving her to go get water and start working to lift her flame. As Sharn and Shane pulled away, Brian grew more and more concerned, begging Shonee to tell him how they built their fires before telling her not to panic. Eventually Sharn sent her fire soaring, leaving the flames to lick at the rope while desperately trying to keep it up long enough to secure immunity. Which she managed to do, bursting into to tears as she realised she made it into the final four.

Back at camp everyone congratulated Sharn on her immunity win, while Brian seethed about it being his worst case scenario as he will have to take out his goat Shane. Sadly for him, Shonee was no longer interested in their alliance and was totally going to flip on them. Brian decided he needed to appear nervous, so went out idol hunting despite it not being required. The SH trio planned to take out Brian and then Shonee went for a walk to get water, hoping to entice Monika and Brian to the well to lock in their plans. Brian soon followed and was assured by Shonee that they hadn’t been able to convince her to flip, however he was concerned that Shane wasn’t feeling nervous.

Shonee took this intel back to Sharn and Shane, leading to Shane giving a performance of nervousness that truly is not to be fucked with. Shane then headed off to Monika to highlight how nervous she is, and poor Monika bought it all and felt sorry for the beast. She then took the performance to Brian, who admitted that he was also feeling nervous. In the next scene he was asleep on the beach, so I’m not sure how nervous he was really feeling. So much so that Sharn and Shonee deduced that he had an idol, and as such, Shonee suggested that they change the vote to Monika just to be safe.

At tribal council Queen Fenella slayed in a jumpsuit with the boys, while Sharn rejoiced in having immunity. On the flipside, Brian admitted to feeling nervous about the upcoming vote though said that he hoped to survive the upcoming vote and get the immunity necklace back ASAP. Brian tried to downplay his challenge wins, while Shane decided to go all in, calling out why he picked Monika and questioned why he wouldn’t want to share a bed with her. Brian continued to make blunders, saying that Monika was only selected because he couldn’t trust her not to flip while he was confident in Shonee to stand firm.

Changing tact, Jonathan pointed out that Sharn too is a challenge threat and as such, is she looking to take out Brian when she has the chance. Shonee continued to pretend to be the loyal ally, calling out Sharn and Shane as they all smirked at each other. Shane too jumped in on the performance, playing the defeated next boot and guilting the hell out of Monika. Talk soon turned to idols, with Monika admitting to being nervous about them while Brian spoke about not being worried about them, signalling that he clearly has an idol. Jonathan grew weary of Brian’s sinking performance, asking why he isn’t fighting harder. In comparison, Shane told everyone how much she loves the game and she would love people to help her out and keep her around.

With that the tribe voted, followed by Brian playing his hidden immunity idol much to the shock of his tribemates. Or faux shock at least, as the Sh alliance joined together to send Monika from the game in fifth place while flushing Brian’s idol.

Given Mon is an absolute delight however, she walked into the Jury Villa and TBH made my job super easy. Some light compliments here, some questions about why she looks better after 46 days on an island than I do twenty minutes after getting out of the shower there, and I barely even needed to crack the Preserved Lemonika Radulovic.

 

 

While they aren’t the best thing to eat straight out of the jar – hey, don’t tell Mon that! – these babies are the perfect thing to elevate any Moroccan dish. Or to whip up as a cute Christmas gift. Because it is October – third to be in fact, happy Mean Girls day! – and that means Halloween is rolling into Thanksgiving and Christmas and you need to prepare.

So no pressure. Oh, and enjoy!

 

 

Preserved Lemonika Radulovic
Makes: 1L.

Ingredients
8-12 lemons, quartered
150g salt
1 cinnamon quill
2 cloves
2 allspice berries
4 black peppercorns

Method
Sterilise a large mason jar.

Place a heaped tablespoon of salt on the bottom of the jar and top with a couple of layers of lemons, smooshing down as you go to release the juices. Place the cinnamon quill and half the remaining spices on top, top with a layer of salt and another couple layers of lemon.

Add the remaining spice and repeat the process of salting and smooshing the lemons until the jar is almost full. If the fruit hasn’t released enough fruit, top with additional juice until the lemons are all covered.

Seal the jars and leave them in a cool dark place for six weeks – kinda like how the editors left us in the dark about Mon until belly-flopgate – or until the lemons are preserved and the salt has completely dissolved and the juice is consistency of hand sanitiser. Refrigerate once they’re ready … for devouring over time.

 

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Chicken Daniel Francese

Main, Poultry, That Is So Fetch Week

Unlike Mands, I didn’t meet Dan Franzese – or Dan Fran, as I prefer to call him – until we were on the set of Mean Girls. Given it was based on my life story, I had offered Tina support in coaching the three actors whose characters which were based on me; Regina, her mum – when Ames plays your future self, you know you’ve made it – and too gay to function Damian.

After five minutes in the trailer, I noticed that Dan didn’t need any help with the character, instilling Damian with humanity that my teenself couldn’t even fathom having. So instead, we hung-out. And by hung-out, we commenced a torrid affair.

While you will soon find out that out all-too-brief affair ended in a total disaster, we remained friends against all odds and I am so proud of the career that Dan Fran has gone on to have. Despite me vowing to ruin his career, even though I was in the wrong when our relationship ended. Hell, I even suggested him to Jonathan for a role in looking!

Damn – why am I admitting fault?

Given he is busy being a successful boss, we haven’t had the joy of spending as much time together as we would like. As soon as Dan Fran walked into my room, he lit the place up with his beautiful soul. Which off topic reminds me that I need to see Jesse McCartney ASAP.

Anyway … he lit up the room and TBH, that is to be expected when a big plate of Chicken Daniel Francese is awaiting you.

 

 

Lightly coated chicken for optimal crunch, combined with a punch of garlic and lemon works to create a mouthwatering delight. Add in the fresh hit of parsley – which I never thought I would say but it really makes it sing – and I just can’t stop.

Enjoy!

 

 

Chicken Daniel Francese
Serves: 2-4.

Ingredients
flour, salt and pepper, to taste
4 chicken breasts (about 11/2 pounds)
2 eggs, whisked
olive oil
4 garlic cloves, sliced
1 lemon, half sliced and the other half juiced
½ cup dry vermouth
1 cup chicken stock
¼ cup parsley, roughly chopped

Method
Combine a cup or two of flour in a large bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper. In a second bowl whisk the eggs with a couple of tablespoons of water.Flatten the chicken breasts with the back of a frying pan until they’re about 2cm thick.

Heat a good lug of oil in the base of a pan over medium heat. When scorching, dip the chicken in the flour, then the egg and transfer to the skillet to cook for about five minutes on each side, or until golden and crisp. Remove from the pan and leave to rest.

Add a knob of butter to the pan and cook the lemon slices and garlic for a minute or so. Add the vermouth, stock and lemon juice, and bring to the boil. Reduce heat to low and leave to simmer for five minutes, stirring through the parsley towards the end. Return the chicken to the pan for a couple of minutes to heat through.

Serve chicken topped with a slice of lemon and drowned in sauce, for optimal devouring.

 

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Benjami Drops Wilson

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2018), Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Previously on Australian Survivor Shonee purchased a jar of lollies and a vote steal at the merge auction, while Benji remained the only person left with an idol after winning immunity at the last channel. I mean, Sharn found a hidden immunity at said challenge, however crapped it out and lead to Benji flushing it out, While she tried to play it on Mat who was getting blindsided by Benji’s insurgence, he managed to take her down and forced her to play it on herself. That of course led to the successful blindside of Mat, leaving Benji to return to camp with a ropeable Sharn, Steve and Shane.

Back at camp things were hella tense and while Benji, Brian, Shonella and Monika were thrilled, zaddy Steve held Shane and Sharn close and comforted them over their loss. Benji then gloated about being the new godfather while Steve and Sharn were in tears, making me hopefully for his downfall after serving his chaos purpose. Thankfully Benji’s hardcore play stoked a fire in Shane and she vowed to channel Russ-hole and sabotage the fire and bring an end to the game. The next day Queen Shonee noted that there was a post blindside shift and while she was worried about it, Queen Shane reminded us not to fuck with Shane Gould and hot damn I need that final two to happen right now.

Everyone tried to pull together, congratulating each other on making it as far as they have until it got hella awkward as Steve and Sharn awoke and Benji tried to be pleasant with them. Sharn then shared about how torn she was, to be screwed by Benji and feeling so alone despite being a strong as shit woman. Albeit, stuck on the bottom. She decided that getting Brian and Monika back on board was her only chance for survival, so approach Grubs to return to the Champion strong mentality and get rid of Benji. While he was awkwardly trying to dance around, she played the bottom perfectly and assured him that Mat’s blindside doesn’t impact on their relationship, and she is willing to use her past with Benji to benefit him and Monika. Sadly Brian saw right through the attempt and vowed not to buy her pledge. Brian took the intel back to the Mighty Ducks alliance and Benji’s ego continued to grow, pushing for loyalty and taking out his ex-ally Sharn.

My boy JoJo and the belly-flop structure of Monika’s nightmare returned for the reward challenge where the tribe would be split in half and race to jump off a tower, grab a ball a shoot as basket, with the first to three snatch fried chicken, chips and softies and DAMN it is worth it, no. Benji and Shane were team captains, with Benji snagging a team of Steve, Fenella, and Shonee leaving Shane to take Brian, Sharn and Monika. Tragically Shane lost the first point to Fenella, despite being a boss. Next up were Benji and Bellyflopika who pencilled dived her way to safety while Benji scored a second point for his team. Brian peed from the platform before battling Steve – and maybe a UTI – who didn’t bellyflop his way to the end, unlike Brian who punched it to the end and got the other team on the board. Lucky he unloaded, right? Shonee and Sharn were next, with Sharn tragically slaying Queen Shonee and tying things up. Shane and Fenella returned to play for victory with Shane nudging the ball out in front and snatching victory like a boss, leaving Fenella desperate for some swimming lessons and Steve in awe of her mad skillz.

Benji and the losers returned to camp with Shonella just glad to get a double portion of rice, while Steve quietly sat and observed what was happening. Benji went for a walk with Shonee, where she shared her vote-steal secret with him, hoping to use it to go from Indian to Chief which is problematic but I feel like it wasn’t meant to be malicious. Meanwhile at the reward, fried chicken proved to be the great equaliser, bringing Brian and Monika back into the Sharn and Shane fold. Shane knew it was her shot and used the time to find a way to undermine the Benji alliance, while Sharn completely missed an idol clue in the ice bucket at the reward. The four agreed to put the previous tribal behind them and to instead focus on taking out the biggest threat in Benji, with Sharn floating a blindside at the upcoming tribal. Shane and Sharn continued to downplay their betrayal to try and bring everyone back together, with them hopeful about succeeding … despite Shane not trusting Brian. Not to be outdone, he made a song and dance about searching for an idol clue, only to casually find an idol at the reward without anyone noticing.

Forgoing any camp action, JoJo returned for the immunity challenge where the tribe were required to bounce a ball on a disc while standing on a box, with Queen Shon hopeful Mat’s departure could even things up for everyone. Tragically Shonee and Monika were out almost instantaneously, before Fenella dropped her ball and joined them. They were then joined by Sharn, leaving Shane and the boys to battle it out for ten minutes. Tragically Queen Shane was next to fall, leaving Brian to try and distract Steve and talk about who is more skilled with balls. Spoiler alert: I am. After an hour, JoJo transitioned them to one hand with Benji dropping, followed closely by zaddy Steve, handing Brian with his first immunity.

Back at camp Benji was feeling super confident about his place in the game, which Sharn pulled Brian and Monika aside to lock in a vote against Benji. Despite Sharn not trusting Brian. The remaining Contenders caught up by the shore, with Benji admitting to feeling nervous about the upcoming vote. He then approached Monika to share that the Contenders were planning to use Shonee’s vote steal and that they would be tying things up if she didn’t jump. Zaddy Steve then got in on the act with Monika filling him in on the plan as they tried to figure out a way to possibly save Sharn. Steve and Sharn caught up, with our two twin-esque heroes struggling to find a way to save her and get to the end. Sharn in particular, struggling with the idea of going out.

The Mighty Ducks alliance were catching up over coconut as Sharn and a sneaky Brian loitered around trying to find some intel. Knowing that Brian is the key to their success, Shonee and Benji pulled Brian aside with Benji saying that Sharn was planning to vote him out … DESPITE THE FACT HE IS IMMUNE. Shonee was obviously ropeable, knowing Benji’s stupidity likely cost them another blindside as they madly tried to pretends she was planning to take him out in the future.

At tribal council Jonathan was quick to remind Sharn of her idol fuck-up at the last tribal council, with Sharn admitting Benji rattled her and cost Mat his game. Benji admitted he only told her to play it for herself to avoid his Mat blindside being ruined. Steve spoke about being heartbroken by the vote, while Benji and Brian gloated about how great a move it was. While Mat was pissed in the jury. Shane gave him kudos for the gameplay but admitted she was pissed … and then sabotaged the tribe but destroying the fire and being an absolute Queen. Reminder: don’t fuck with Shane Gould.

Sharn too was hurt by Benji’s move, Benji tried to downplay the situation as a group move and Shonee explained that had Mat not been destroyed, she and her allies would have been left to wonder who would be next. Sharn spoke about feeling nervous and needing to stay honest, while Benji spoke about finding people to trust and accepting deception is part of the game. Monika spoke about trusting her gut and relying on how she felt when talking to her allies, while Steve shared that it is all about faith and that having faith in people can save you. Before they headed off to vote Shonee played her vote steal, snatching Sharn’s and using it to vote for Sharn … twice. Tragically all it did was tie things up, much to Shonee’s frustration. Though thankfully it lead to the downfall of Benji, ending an epic albeit at times frustrating arc as zaddy Steve giggled like a bae.

Now I KNOW i have given Benji a lot of shit but bitch stole my place on the cast and I am hella jealous. I mean, we are both called Ben, have Sideshow Bob hair and a penchant for flaming out, so I assume that is the only reason I wasn’t there. That being said, he managed to keep this season interesting and without his wild, villainous, oft-nude ride, we’d be pretty bored. Which is what I said as I apologised for yelling at him over some Benjami Drops Wilson.

 

 

A little bit sour and a little bit sweet, these are the perfect food to honour his sneaky, glorious game. On top of that, they’re fucking delicious. Like the rise of villain Queen Shane “don’t-fuck-with-me” Gould.

Enjoy!

 

 

Benjami Drops Wilson
Serves: 6-12.

Ingredients
250g unsalted butter, softened
¾ cup raw caster sugar
1 tbsp vanilla extract
1 egg
zest of a lemon
2 ⅓ cups flour
⅔ cup raspberry jam

Method
Cream the butter and sugar in a stand mixer for about ten minutes, or until pale and fluffy. Add the vanilla, egg and zest and beat until just combined. Add the flour, fold through, and then beat for a further minute or so, or until the dough comes together. Cover and transfer to the fridge to chill for an hour.

Preheat oven to 160°C.

Roll the dough into golf-ball sized balls, place on a lined baking sheet and flatten to form small discs. Repeat the process until all the dough is gone. Make an indent in each disc, fill with a small dollop of jam and transfer to the oven to bake for twenty minutes.

When lightly golden, remove from the oven and leave to cool slightly before transferring to a wire rack to finish off. Or just devour, whatever you’d rather.

 

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