Worcestershire Sauce

Luke Discoki Fries

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2017), Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Party Food, Side, Snack, Survivor: Australia V The World, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor after the tragic loss of Cirie the night before, the final three were delighted to wake up on the beach to find their celebratory final three breakfast. Parvati was conflicted, proud of playing such a dominant game, but disappointed to not have her soulmate sitting alongside her at the end. After fuelling for final tribal council, the trio congratulated each other on playing such strong games and shared how grateful they were to become friends along the way. Which tragically is the win Janine had to settle for, as she was completely shut out of final tribal council and finished in third place. 

Rewinding back to after opening statements, Lisa kicked off the Q&A portion of the game, talking about how much of a superfan she is, because Survivor just makes her happy, so her question was asking Luke to tell her what makes him happy about Survivor. He talked about how much he loves living in the jungle and catching crabs, and that it makes him as happy as Parv and Janine must be to be sitting next to him. Cirie asked Parvati why she was so upset to see Cirie’s torch get snuffed, with Parvati breaking down in tears again, talking about how miraculous it is to be as close as she is to Cirie and how she would do anything to give Cirie a shot in the end, because she took a shot from her in Micronesia. And she wanted it so badly for Cirie.

Tommi asked Parvati if she ever intended to play with him, with Parvati talking about being World strong at the merge. But when he followed it up, she laughed and said, well, she could tell he was close with Lisa and Kass, and as such, she invested her time with World, then the women and not necessarily Tommi. Luke joked that he wanted to work with Tommi, leading him to ask Luke why he should vote for someone that spoke about being Aussie strong all season. Luke defended himself, telling Tommi that he was ready to flip to the World players, alongside Shonee, blaming not being taken on the spa reward as the reason for opting out and joining Janine to work with Cirie and Parv, rather than forming a majority with them. As he played a calm game this time, rather than bouncing around each vote.

Kass pointed out that they needed four votes to win, so asked Parvati who she thinks would vote for her and why. She pointed out that she and Kass were fierce rivals all season, so she assumed Kass would vote for her, because she would if the tables were turned. She felt Lisa and Cirie would also vote for her, and she was hopeful that Kirby would also reward her. As she was also in control of all the votes, despite having the biggest target on her back from Day 1. Sarah meanwhile asked Janine to clarify her very loyal game, given she was the reason that (stoked the flames that) broke up the Aussies. Which led to Luke laughing about it being Janine, while Sarah pointed out that her alleged flawless game clearly had a flaw, as she played herself into the minority. Janine explained that she felt she had to pick between the two of them, as Sarah doubled down, saying that was not the time. Repeatedly. And her messiness made it a harder path to the end for her and Luke. Janine then pointed out that she never actually knew Kirby was voting for Sarah, and when the jurors argued semantics between them, it was kind of iconic.

Shonee asked Luke when he felt the most vulnerable, with him mentioning just after Kass had been voted out and how desperately he wanted to win immunity. He spoke about how convincing Parvati to rip up her advantage only benefitted his game, with her interjecting that not playing the advantage was the power, as it guaranteed her a final four, which was better than just getting another idol. Kirby wrapped things up, talking about how much she desperately wanted to play with Parvati, as two queens side by side. Parv agreed that she really wanted to work with her and she believed her, 100%, however she already had a solid alliance and as such, she had to go with the move that had momentum, when it was clear she couldn’t change their minds. And while she wanted to save her with her idol, she knew that she had to be smart and keep her idol for herself and set up her end game.

Parvati then reiterated that she was on the right side of every single vote, as she either knew about every plan, or came up with it. Despite being the biggest target in the game, she didn’t even have her name written down once, which is frankly unbelievable. With that the jury voted – Cirie and Tommi proclaiming Parvati the greatest Survivor player of all time, to boot – and after a single vote for Luke – from Sarah – the rest of them piled up on Parvati, handing her the win. And proving her the ultimate champion.

Luke was understandably heartbroken to finish in second place, though I pulled him in for a hug and congratulated on playing such a strong game. While I would argue Janine did a bunch of the heavy lifting, Luke has grown each time he has played the game, and this season he expertly delivered flashy moves and went toe to toe with the best in the form of Parvati, while also building relationships with everyone on the island and laying low as required. It was impressive, just not as impressive as the masterclass we witnessed from the third two-time winner. Though impressive enough to toast being runner-up with a piping hot bowl of Luke Discoki Fries.

While this is kind of like a bogan poutine, like Luke, the fries are so charming, you can’t help but like them. Better yet, they are way easier to make. Crunchy chips, gooey mozzarella and gravy, sign me up.

Enjoy!

Luke Discoki Fries
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 batches Jud Beerza Battered Fries
4 tbsp unsalted butter
2 shallots, minced
3 garlic cloves, minced
sea salt and pepper
¼ cup flour
3 cups beef stock
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
250g mozzarella, grated
parsley, for serving

Method
Cook the fries per Jud’s recipe until they are golden and crunchy.

While that is happening, melt the butter in a saucepan over medium heat and saute the shallots and garlic for a couple of minutes. Season with a good whack of salt and pepper, before adding in the flour and cooking, stirring, for a further couple of minutes. Reduce heat to low and slowly whisk in the stock, followed by the Worcestershire. Season as required, and simmer for 5 minutes, or until rich and thickened.

To serve, pop your seasoned fries into a bowl and top with mozzarella, before pouring over the gravy. Sprinkle with parsley before devouring, greedily.


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Tommurice Manninen

Australian Survivor, Main, Survivor: Australia V The World, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the Aussies were well and truly on the bottom, with the internationals dominating immunity challenges and even venturing to the spa together. Speaking of which, while the latter trip was taking place, the trio broke the locked box and realised the internationals also held an idol, making them even more on the bottom. After Tommi won immunity, they appeared to be locked in to get rid of Shonee. Until he, Lisa and Kass floated getting rid of Parv instead. Whether the plan was ever true or not, it led to absolute chaos at tribal council as Luke left everything on the table as he outed all the secrets. After 1000s of chats, they eventually voted with Parvati pretending she could steal Kass’s idol after the vote, though let her play it when she was told she was playing it for Lisa. Allowing Parvati and Cirie’s switch to the Aussies to land, with Kass shown the door instead.

After Kass departed, JLP gagged the tribe by telling them that the pace of the game was not letting up, as tonight, they would be voting out another person from the game. And he had a little immunity challenge set up next to tribal council.

As such the tribe pivoted to the challenge where they would hold onto a rope to steady a wobbly table while racing to balance five balls on top. Shonee was quick to get her eye in, until JLP praised her and she lost balance. The same thing happened to Parvati, before Luke seemingly got his eye in and wasn’t distracted by JLP, as he got to work on his second ball. Tommi then started to nip at his heels, before he dropped. As everyone else continued to struggle, Luke stacked his third and fourth balls, while they all grew more and more frustrated. As JLP reminded them to not give up, as Luke could still drop. All while making plenty of ball puns, of course, because JLP is the best of us. After placing his fifth ball, Luke anxiously stepped back a centimetre at a time until he made it to his table and guaranteed his place in the final six.

Back at tribal council the rain started to pour down as Kass wandered back into tribal council to join the jury. Parvati mentioned that Luke winning immunity didn’t bother her, given that Tommi was clearly leading the blindside against her and as such, she would be voting for him. This fired up Tommi, who pleaded with the Aussies to return the favours he has been doing and get rid of one of Parvati and Cirie. The Aussies stood up to chat and agreed that voting for Tommi is the simplest, safest solution and as such, they needed to stick with him. After sitting down, Luke whispered to Janine that Lisa clearly wanted his head though, so maybe they should take her out instead. Before Tommi stood up and begged Luke to vote for Cirie.

Parvati mentioned that she drew a line in the sand back at camp before tribal council and as such, she was sticking with it for this vote too. Because it didn’t feel like Tommi was just betraying her, but locking in a blindside against her. Which seems like it is the same thing, but Parv is Parv, and I am not worthy enough to question her, TBH. This led to him begging Parvati to work with him. JLP then asked if anyone wanted to say anything, leading to Lisa putting up her hand and telling Jonathan that she regretted not sticking by her people in her winning season and as such, she wanted to do that tonight and would like to quit. Which honestly infuriated JLP, who couldn’t understand why she would want to do that with only five days remaining. Lisa explained that her main goal is for an international to win the season and that she honestly doesn’t think she has the best chance, Tommi does, and she would like to guarantee him one more shot.

Jonathan then pointed out that if she quits, she isn’t on the jury and they would still vote tonight, meaning Tommi could still go home. Which quickly made her change her tune. Tommi then whispered for him to vote for Cirie before the tribe voted. And despite Tommi’s best attempts, the Aussie/US coalition stuck together to send our sweet Fin Tommi from the game.

Given he was going by the name Tom(mi) of Finland, as soon as he arrived at the Jury Villa, I pulled him in for a massive hug, thanking him for playing such a solid game. And most importantly, for being an absolute babe. Despite not being shown much of the icon in the edit, it all makes sense, given he exited at the tail end of a chaotic double boot episode and they couldn’t break our hearts if we loved him more. What was clear from the season, however, is that he was clearly beloved by his tribemates, and like Kass before him, he won himself a fan and I desperately hope to see him again. And until then, we’ll always have Tommurice Manninen.

There are so many things that are magical about Japan – honestly, can someone fund my early retirement, so I can move there? – but the spectacle of omurice is among the greatest foods. Well, foods that aren’t sold in a konbini. Soft, jiggly eggs, spicy fried rice and a rich sauce – it is probably not the fanciest food, but it is definitely among the tastiest.

Enjoy!

Tommurice Manninen
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
1 tbsp unsalted butter
½ an onion, finely diced
1 chicken breast, thinly sliced
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
6 tbsp ketchup
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
2 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp mirin
2 cups cooked Japanese short-grain rice
⅓ cup peas
3 ½ tbsp vegetable oil
1 tbsp plain flour
1 tbsp tonkatsu sauce
1 tbsp honey
¾ cup water
6 tbsp milk
6 large eggs
2 tbsp double cream

Method
Pop the unsalted butter in a large frying pan over medium heat and sweat the onion for a few minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the chicken, along with a good whack of salt and pepper, and cook for five minutes, or until cooked through. Stir in one tablespoon of the ketchup, Worcestershire, soy and mirin, and bring to a simmer. Reduce heat to low, stir in the rice and peas, and cook until heated through and the rice is perfectly coloured. Cover and leave to rest.

Meanwhile, combine the remaining ketchup and soy with the tonkatsu sauce, honey, water and two tablespoons of milk in a bowl. Heat one and a half tablespoons of vegetable oil in a saucepan over medium heat and once warm, whisk in the flour, and cook until a nice, brown roux forms. About five minutes. Reduce heat to low and slowly whisk in the jug and cook for a further five minutes or so, or until rich and thick. Set aside.

Whisk the eggs with the remaining milk, cream and a good whack of salt and pepper. Add the remaining oil to a clean frying pan over medium heat. Once shimmering, add the egg mixture and vigorously stir and scramble with chopsticks for about a minute, or until half cooked. Give the pan a shake to even out the curds, before allowing the base to set for 15 seconds or so, before immediately using the chopsticks to gently roll the eggs on top of themselves to form a thick parcel. Cook seam side down for 30 seconds, before removing from the heat.

To serve, portion the rice in the middle of a plate, top with the soft omelette and then drizzle generously with the sauce. Before devouring with your newest bestie.


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Kate Gloueerchis

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Cheese, Dip, Party Food, Tapas, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor Kaelan had a record breaking win at the immunity challenge, unwittingly ruining Myles’ plan to blindside him in the process. AJ meanwhile was growing more and more aware that Kaelan wasn’t in anyone’s endgame but his, so tried to convince him that Kate needed to stay to guarantee that he and AJ have the numbers, as Kate will always be more of a target. Sadly for AJ, Zara put her foot down and wouldn’t budge as Kate is her only remaining competition in the endurance challenges. Like say, the final immunity. At tribal council, JLP surprised everyone with a second immunity challenge, which was obviously won by Kate thwarting their plans and forcing Morgan out the door. Basically.

The next day the final five awoke, once again thrilled to be so close to the end. Zara in particular was proud to have made it so far. Though was also aware that this is where the Postgraduates would likely have to break up, given they could pair up and work with Kate to take control and get to the final three. Right on cue, Myles joined her by the shore to float the idea of getting rid of AJ next, given they would easily be able to get Kaelan to work with them to get rid of Kate at the final four, given he already wants her gone. Though given he mentioned the jury’s face when he betrays AJ, it is unlikely Zara would get onboard as it isn’t a move for her. Wait, no, she confirmed to us that she needs a big flashy move, so was happy to follow Myles’ chaos. Sadly for her though, Myles was pitching the plan to Zara for no other reason than he can beat her in the final two.

Let’s pause here to say that given we’ve locked in a plan in the first five minutes, it is clear AJ is winning immunity tonight, no?

Back at camp Myles got to work making a fire, opening up to us that he wanted to use his idol to guarantee his place in the final four, as it expires tonight. He then talked to AJ about the fact that Morgan going home put an end to his plan to get rid of Kaelan, so was all in on getting rid of Kate tonight. AJ then went straight to Kaelan to let him know that he was clearly the target, and as such, Kaelan and AJ needed to pull in Kate to take Myles out instead. AJ then caught up with Zara, with him pointing out that he knows Myles is gunning for Kaelan and as such, they just needed to get him out instead. Filling Zara and Myles with confidence that nothing will get in the way of their plan, given AJ was so focused on Kaelan being in trouble that he couldn’t see what was right in front of him.

You know that that means, right? JLP arrived for the immunity challenge where they would have to use a pole to carry blocks over a trip obstacle and build a tower of 12 blocks. Simple, but oh so difficult. And also a little boring to recap. Despite being ripped and therefore huge when squeezing under an obstacle, Kaelan got out to an early lead. Though his size eventually got in the way, as he just as quickly dropped. AJ too was struggling, while Kate, Myles and Zara made the most of their smaller frames. Kate continued to power ahead until she lost them all, allowing Kaelan to close the gap and take the lead once again. While Zara continued her slow and steady approach from each and every challenge. Kaelan dropped while placing his eleventh block, putting Myles and Zara back in the lead, while AJ – who I predicted twice would win immunity, just kept dropping. The duo raced to place their final two blocks, with Myles dropping on the final one allowing Zara to gently place it, finally having her slow and steady strategy jag her the win.

Back at camp Zara continued her episode of vibing, thrilled to be immune and ready to use that safety to make a major, resume building move. Despite the nerves. She and Myles caught up, locking in their vote for AJ, and asking Kate to vote Kaelan so they can throw her under the bus at four and keep Kaelan voting with them. Zara went back to camp while Myles went to talk to Kate, asking if she would be keen to vote Kaelan. And given the other option was herself, she obviously agreed. His plan, however, was for things to end up tied between Kate and AJ with a random vote for Kaelan, and on the revote, they would take out AJ. But it feels like something will fall apart, right? Zara then caught up with Kaelan, who begged her to save him in return for him protecting her at four. Kaelan’s plan was to get them to split between Kate and Myles, and try to bait Myles into playing his idol incorrectly to get rid of him instead. Knowing that Myles had an idol, AJ knew that he needed to have Kate onboard, so pulled her aside and locked in her vote for Myles.

AJ and Zara then caught up by the fire, with AJ still completely sure that Kaelan was in trouble. She agreed he should be nervous, though assured AJ if they just stay calm, all will be okay. Zara then disappeared to talk to Kate, who said that Myles had told her to vote for Kaelan, so she would. Rather than be happy that the plan looked to be coming together, Zara realised that everyone was planning to vote for someone different and as such, she could literally decide who to vote out at tribal council. Meaning we’re actually getting a boring Kate vote, aren’t we? Zara, I was rooting for you!

Zara went to Kaelan to talk through his plan, before catching up with Myles who admitted he is actually kind of sad about voting out AJ. He then confirmed with Zara that he told Kate to vote Kaelan, and while that appeared to calm her, she started to get paranoid about how she could get to the final two. AJ and Myles finally caught up, with AJ begging him to just play the idol for himself, then making a joke about Myles not voting for him. And seeing the unconditional trust and support from AJ made Myles breakdown in confessional, upset about putting an end to his allies’ dreams. But he knew he had to, if he wanted to live out his.

At tribal council the jury arrived sans Morgan who JLP shared had opted to quit the jury and head home, explaining her terrible edit. Zara quickly got us back on track, talking about how thrilled she was to take out immunity and have some free time on her hands. Kate on the other hand was terrified about going home. Myles mentioned that tribal lines don’t mean anything anymore, and that they were all focused on making it to the end. Zara agreed that they’ve all run all of the numbers, while Kaelan admitted he is super nervous to be without immunity for once. Zara spoke about how her game has focused on different skills, though it has left her without a shiny move to pitch to the jury. And she is done playing babysitter to Myles and office manager to AJ. Though trust and believe, JLP, she didn’t decide to make the move she is making tonight just because she is immune. Kaelan agreed he wouldn’t be shocked if people made a crack at him, while Myles believed tonight’s vote would ultimately be a 500K decision for someone.

AJ was more hopeful though, sure that there are multiple different paths to the end, while Kate quoted Chenbot from US Big Brother and told everyone to expect the unexpected. Myles mentioned it is important to know who you want to sit next to at the end, though it doesn’t mean you need to get those that you don’t want to sit next to out tonight. Plus, some people already have some solid resumes and as such, sticking with the plan could actually be the best move. Though the plan was to get to four and from tomorrow, they’re there and will need numbers. With that the tribe voted – everyone for a different person – before Zara cast the deciding vote, which after Myles played his idol, we were gagged to learn was Kate. Much to the shock and disappointment of the jury, everyone at home and Myles, who showed his cards with AJ.

Given Kate is an absolute ball of joy and energy, she was still a vibe queen as she arrived at the Jury Villa. I pulled her in for a massive hug and thanked her for bringing the lightness and fun throughout the season. While it was kind of boring to see the Postgraduates steamroll after the Logan vote, the last few rounds have still been interesting as Kate never gave up and was throwing everything at the wall. Which is how an icon behaves, TBH. And that alone is all it takes to earn her bodyweight in Kate Gloueerchis.

I first learned of beer cheese from Vanderpump Rules’ very own Kentucky Muffin Brittany Cartwright. And while I firmly question her taste in men, her taste in comfort food is on point. Rich and gooey, this may not be meemaw’s recipe, but it is still delicious on just about anything.

Enjoy!

Kate Gloueerchis
Serves: 2 good friends. No, 2 *best* friends.

Ingredients
3 tbsp unsalted butter
3 tbsp flour
½ tsp garlic powder
½ tsp chilli powder
¼ tsp smoked paprika
¾ cup milk
⅔ cup beer
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp dijon mustard
¼ tsp salt
pepper, to taste
2 ½ cups vintage cheddar cheese, grated

Method
Pop the butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat and once foamy, add the flour, garlic powder, chilli powder and smoked paprika, and whisk together until it forms a paste. Remove from the heat and slowly whisk in the milk, before returning to the heat and cooking for a minute. Whisk in the beer, Worcestershire, dijon, salt, and a good whack of pepper.

Remove from the heat and stir through the cheese until combined. Serve immediately and devour with crudités. Or my personal choice, some Buffally Chicks in Blankettle.


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Hamburgala Varo Steak

Main, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars 1, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Global All Stars the dolls had to partner up with their best Judy to share a cocktail. And by cocktail, switch supplies they had prepared prior to departing for the show and whip up a cocktail gown using their sisters’ goods. Obviously this created excellent television, as while Tessa lucked out and jagged a suitcase full of Alyssa’s finest, Nehellenia was pressed by the expensive fabrics supplied for her by Kitty. Which obviously didn’t sit well with Kitty. As could be expected, Tessa’s luck helped her pull out her first win as she put the luxe goods to exquisite use. Alyssa’s attempt with Tessa’s literal scraps somehow kept her out of the bottom, as poor Soa’s floppy edges and Gala’s gorgeous albeit very high-necked look landed them in the bottom. With the queen of my heart, Soa, tragically felled from the competition.

Backstage everyone was heartbroken to have lost Soa, particularly Kween, given she felt like Soa had become her older little sister. The eulogising didn’t last for long, however, as Alyssa turned the attention back to Gala, praising her for her stunning lip sync and now being the assassin of the season. As Gala and Vanity spoke about the need for them to rise to the top this week and cement their places in the competition, Alyssa praised Tessa for taking out the win and growing each and every week. With Tessa suggesting that Alyssa is now part of the Haus of Testicle, rather than her joining the Edwardses as she first thought. So it is now Alyssa Edballs, if you will.

The next day everyone did a quick win count, with Nehellenia and Gala disappointed to be the only dolls that haven’t cut through for a win yet. Gala opened up about the fact she almost quit last week due to the inner saboteur, with Kween once again jumping in and encouraging her to harness the voice to push herself, but to also know when to  tell it to shut up. Like you would Tessa, for instance. As Gala broke down, Alyssa encouraged her to have the tears and feel what she needs to, but know that she is making her country proud.

Ru stopped the love fest to announce that they would be continuing the vibes by posing for profile pics for the queer male dating app Archer. Serving thirst trap quick drag. Kitty was a slutty Patsy Stone, Tessa was a literal blow-up doll, Nehellenia was delightfully demented, Gala was rich and stunning, Kween gave butch Beyonce, Pythia gave hairy Lisa Rinna while Alyssa was just glorious and gorgeous. Oh and then Vanity stole the show giving plumped perfection. Well, until she popped. Given Gala serves sex at all times, she rightly took home victory. The love didn’t stop there, though, as Ru announced that for this week’s maxi challenge they would be playing the Snatch Game of Love trying to win the hearts of Supremme’s boys, Los Javis.

After Ru exited, the dolls split up to talk through their characters while Vanity and Kween speculated who would struggle in the challenge. Both in agreement that Gala could run into problems, given she was in the bottom in her original season. While Alyssa tried to get her to remember all she needs to do it make Ru laugh, not to a killer impression. Just like that, Ru was summoned as Tessa shared that she would be playing Susanne Bartsch, Kween was considering doing the Rock OR an undisclosed mystery character. Nehellenia spoke about being nervous about the challenge, with Ru encouraging her to ignore the questions and just be fun. Alyssa was rocking Annie Oakley like All Stars 2, Vanity was planning to do the euphoric Loreen – much to Ru’s nerves – while Gala was planning to do Mexican icon Laura Leon. Pythia was going with Arnie despite Ru wanting her to play a Greek or Canadian icon, while Kitty was going to play Princess Di, may she rest in peace. 

As is oft the case, Ru’s visit got a few of the queens in their heads with Pythia thinking about pivoting to Zeus. Despite the fact she would need to build a look from scratch and find the character in 10 minutes.

We pivoted to the Snatch Game of Love set where the first four dolls got ready to face off for Javier Calvo’s affection. Kween Kong as Kween Schlong, Gala was sticking with the drama of Laura Leon, Kitty stuck with Di and Nehellenia was cute as Valentino. Not to be confused with Valentina. Kween was surprisingly funny, poor Gala was one note after following Ru’s advice to lean into the telenovela and Nehellenia was on point. The first panel was owned by Kitty, however, playing glum Princess Di to perfection. Which was all it took to win Javi’s heart. Javier Ambrossi traded out with his husband as Vanity’s Loreen, Alyssa’s Annie, Tessa’s Susanne and Pythia’s frat-bro Zeus jumped in to fight for his affections. Alyssa was full Alyssa, Vanity was demented, Tessa was silly and fun, though in my opinion, this was Pythia’s panel, giving toxic masculinity perfection. Sadly though, Javi felt Alyssa deserved the win.

Oh and then the Javis made out, which was glorious.

Elimination Day arrived with Tessa disappointed to not own the challenge, though felt ok, given it is the hardest challenge. Alyssa meanwhile gushed over Pythia’s performance, particularly since she pulled it together in ten minutes. Vanity meanwhile was worried about the entirety of Sweden hating her. Meanwhile on the other side of the room Kitty opened up about sleeping with a fan, as Alyssa suggested they should have paid a booking fee given that is what they wanted. Vanity opened up about falling in love with her teenage crush and ugh, it is so sweet and I love everything about it. Kitty was not sure if she would end up with a DBE or be banned from returning home, as Pythia suggested she could actually be assassinated.

Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by Los Javis as Kween Kong opened the Eat Me runway serving Mother Hubbard does Pavlova. Gala was a gorgeous candy confection before stripping down and serving skin, so yeah, that’s a win. Kitty gave full English breakfast – aka a full geezer – Nehellenia was a Bowie-esque cassata, Vanity was a rotted Swedish Fish, Alyssa gave Barbie sundae, Tessa was a stunning swiss cheese while Pythia closed the show as a gorgeous spanakopita.

Kween and Alyssa were sent to safety backstage where Alyssa was gutted to once again be safe. Particularly since she was the snatchelor’s choice. Back on the mainstage, the judges read poor Gala for filth given she gave no jokes at all. Despite looking and sounding perfect. That being said, her runway was gorgeous. Particularly her body. Kitty on the other hand was praised for giving no-stop laughs during Snatch Game and looking stunning on the runway, Nehellenia was praised for picking a hilarious character and leaning into her strengths. And for being so versatile on the runway. Poor Vanity was read for filth for giving nothing more than a look on Snatch Game. Tessa was read for giving no character on Snatch Game, though she was praised for looking stunning. Albeit a bit cheesy. Pythia, meanwhile, was beloved for being so stupid on Snatch Game. To quote Michelle, she was fucking brilliant, pacifically. And once again looking perfect on the runway. Despite the wig, IMO.

Backstage Pythia was on cloud nine after her stunning critiques, with Tessa saying she got the best of the season. Despite Kitty being equally beloved. Talk turned to the bottoms with Gala and Vanity confident it would be them, with Tessa hoping she had done enough to skate by another week. Before poor Vanity suggested that she is just a boring queen, with her sisters assuring her that she is funny.

Ultimately Kitty snuck away with the win as Pythia was deemed only safe – robbery – alongside Nehellenia. While Gala and Vanity were set through to the lip sync, Tessa slid by just as she hoped. I then thought it was a Drag Race France 1 music rights situation, as The Muppets’ Mah Na Mah Na kicked off for the lip sync, but alas it was real. And given there was no possible way to make it sexy, Vanity owned the show, giving equal parts stupid and attitude. And while Gala put in a valiant effort, her run of luck ran out as she sadly exited the competition.

Inspired by Ru’s now questionable advice, I leant into the telenovela drama of Gala’s exit. As she walked off stage, I pulled her in for a passionate embrace, and dramatically assured her that she is a star. Whether she wins a crown or not. Because, dun dun DUN, she won my heart, my loins and a glorious Hamburgala Varo Steak.

Hamburg steaks are one of my favourite dishes from Japan. They are so homey and cute, but mostly unexpected. In no small part thanks to the tart wine glaze and the gloriously smooth cheese.

Enjoy!

Hamburgala Varo Steak
Serves: 2 dear friends or lovers.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 onion, diced
500g beef mince
250g pork mince
¾ cup panko breadcrumbs
1 large egg 
3 tbsp milk
2 tbsp soy sauce
200g cream cheese, cut into 8 cubes
¼ cup beef stock
¼ cup water
2 tbsp unsalted butter
½ cup red wine
3 tbsp ketchup
¼ cup Worcestershire sauce 

Method
Heat a good lug of oil in a frying pan over medium heat and cook for 5 minutes, or until sweet and soft. Transfer to a large mixing bowl and allow to cool for about 10 minutes. Add the minces, breadcrumbs, egg, milk and soy, along with a good whack of salt and pepper. Scrunch with your hands until well combined before dividing into 8 patties. Make a dent in each pattie, fill with the cheese and close to seal it in similar to how you would a Juicy Lucy Liu. Pop on a lined plate and pop in the fridge to set for about half an hour.

In the same frying pan, heat a little more oil over medium heat and once scorching, add the patties and gently flatten with a spatula. Cook for a few minutes before slipping and cooking for a further few minutes. Add the beef stock and water, pop on a lid and let it steam for another five minutes to cook through but keep nice and juicy.

Once cooked through, remove the patties from the pan to rest. With the pan still on, add the butter, red wine, ketchup and Worcestershire and simmer for 2 minutes, or until rich and glossy. Serve the patties immediately with some rice, green and a generous drizzle of the sauce. And devour, ravenously.


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Charles French Noonion Pasta

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Main, Pasta, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor Mark and Caroline tried to repair their relationship, eyt again, after multiple attempts at booting each other. Though Caroline assured us it was only because she has other plans for him. After the new Titans lost a very physical immunity challenge, Feras and Kirby feigned burying the hatchet for 20 minutes before each faction attempted to use the Titans to take control. Tribal Council spooked both Garrick and Aileen, who begged Feras to play his idol for Garrick, in case the OG Titans played them and joined with Kirby. Which is exactly what they did, as Garrick was booted from the game. While Aileen assured Kirby she never voted for her, which is kind of a moot point, no?

Back at camp Feras congratulated everyone on a well executed blindside, which surprised Kirby, as she thought it was clear they were targeting Garrick. Feras tried to run the numbers back at camp with Aileen pointing out she voted Kelli as a Plan C, while everyone agreed they think Feras has an idol. Which he then straight up admitted to it, meaning Kelli, obviously, didn’t buy it, as Aileen told Kelli she was sure that she had one too. Feras then went to catch up with the OG Titans and while he assured them there were no hard feelings, he promised us that revenge will be his and he won’t stop until he has their heads on a spike. So insert this week’s iconic Shonee revenge arc, should he be interested in being more iconic, say, like Raymond.

I mean, Raymond is just so Shonee coded, you know?

Over at the Rebels, Alex was bathing in his speedos while Caroline, Kitty and Rianna watched on, deciding whether they could be bothered washing off. Rianna meanwhile was nervous about how things would play out on the tribe, given she and Alex are on the outs. And Alex, apparently, has no idea what he is doing. When Rianna has literally fumbled the ball on multiple occasions in just three weeks. Rianna stuck with the girls, despite the fact they gave her a fake name and planned to blindside her at the last tribal council. She had a private moment with Caroline, assuring her that if they stay close, she has numbers on the other side and can get her further. Which is a reason not to keep her, but whatever, Alex is the worse player. After Caroline asked what she would do about the situation with Mark, she suggested getting rid of him ASAP. Though Caroline wisely, seemed non-committal.

We checked in with the Titans where Kirby was feeling her oats and oh so smug, now that she was in control. Case in point being that Aileen asked to chat about tribal council and she told her no, instead going for a swim with Scott. She then went further, smirking as she watched Feras and laughed about him being alone. Aileen’s bad day got worse as she checked in with Kelli, who told her she was angry that she voted for her, again, as Aileen laughed to us about how she is the only person that appears bothered by it. As Aileen finally got time to chat with Kirby, Feras immediately popped up and joined them. Aileen told Kirby that not voting for her last night was a show of faith, though obviously Kirby wasn’t really buying it, as Feras suggested she would be better off just going to find another idol. As he once again reminded Kirby that he genuinely has an idol.

The tribes met up with Jonathan for the immunity challenge where they would have to climb over a cargo net to collect balls, transfer them along an obstacle course using poles and have one person scale a tower to shoot said balls into a hoop held up by the rest of the tribe. Feras and Raymond got the Titans out to an early lead as Caroline and Alex took a slower approach at the Rebels. Though they started to close the gap, thanks to Scott dropping a ball. Against all odds, Charles thankfully powered despite being paired with Kelli, allowing them to stay out in front. Aileen meanwhile was busy talking to Valeria on the bench, assuring her that while they didn’t vote together, she hopes they can work together in the future. As Valeria just offered that she doesn’t trust Feras. The Titans had all the balls at the end and started shooting before the Rebels even collected one. Thankfully for the Rebels, the Titans struggled to get a hang of the challenge, allowing the Rebels plenty of time to learn from their mistakes. And then demolish shooting their baskets one after the other, jagging an epic come from behind win. Almost out of nowhere.

Back at camp they tried to hold their heads high, despite Jaden demolishing them on his lonesome. Feras meanwhile was nervous, given the alliance appeared to be airtight. Charles and Valeria went for a wander with Kirby to float the idea of splitting the vote between Feras and Aileen, given Aileen annoyed Valeria during the challenge. As they locked in pretending Raymond was the other person, rather than Aileen, she popped up to ask to pitch her case. Charles asked her to give them a minute before talking things through, which obviously annoyed her. Eventually Valeria and Charles caught up with Aileen to see if Feras genuinely has an idol, with her assuring them that he does despite not having seen it. Charles then floated that once Feras is gone, they may be able to work with her, which is the information I would take back to Kirby.

Charles and Winna meanwhile were hanging out in the water tossing beans around, as Kelli joined and they discussed how to spell Aileen’s name. Winna joked to us that all he cares about is flushing out Feras’ idol, very grateful that his has remained secret from everyone on the new tribe. He caught up with Feras and Aileen by the shelter, with Feras pointing out that aligning with Kibry is the best option moving forward, given she has numbers on the other side, which she will gladly go back to come the merge. Winna then straight up told Feras that that is just a pitch, and he isn’t buying it. Leaving Feras to be sure that he can only really trust Raymond at this point. Right on cue, Raymond was catching up with Scott and Kelli, who were imploring him to flip and vote with the majority, as they love him so much, they want to go to merge with them. As they begged him to vote Aileen or Feras

Raymond and Feras caught up, with Ray encouraging him to make sure he plays the idol tonight. And go make sure that Aileen doesn’t have one. Feras admitting that he would love to vote for Winna more than anyone, given he is immovable and as such, he doesn’t even know if he can really bother playing his idol. Feras then caught up with Kirby for a hail Mary, pointing out that if he goes, followed by Aileen and Raymond, the numbers don’t add up at merge and as such, she needs to go back to getting rid of Titans. And given they are obviously feuding, it is the perfect time to work together. Particularly since he is safe no matter what. Which Kirby took back to her alliance as quickly as possible, assuring them she won’t flip.

At tribal council Feras spoke about the fact he lived for the blindside, despite being on the wrong side of it. Kirby said she was thrilled it went in her favour, and that she will be smiling again tonight, whether things play out for or against her. Aileen once again tried to pitch the OG Rebels come together, with Charles pointing out that she is too shifty and the reason she isn’t going to make it further, is because she and Feras are untrustworthy. Valeria then scalped Feras, calling him a terrible leader and that he was weak for not playing his idol for Garrick. Feras calmly let her talk it through, before going all in on her and ugh, it was spicy and I think they are going to bang. I mean, the thank you master when he was done? It was glorious. Charles then tried to ask Feras if he would play the idol for Aileen if she is in danger, with him agreeing he would. As Feras and Aileen locked in a plan to try and get rid of Charles. Kirby meanwhile spoke about not wanting to move backwards by going Rebel strong, given she has a nice clean slate with the Titans.

Once again Scott begged JLP to allow them to vote, which left him to announce that tonight, things will be a little bit different. You see, someone will be going home, however, not everyone will be voting, as they need to earn it. And that there is a little challenge set up next to tribal council, with the three winners becoming immune and being the only people to vote. So yeah, bye bye Charles, could actually happen.

We pivoted to the challenge where they would race to build a frame out of blocks before tossing sandbags through said frame and landing them on a barrel. The first three to finish without knocking it over keeping their votes and being immune. Kirby assured her allies that she has a plan, and they just need to win. Which, obviously, you are in the majority, Kirby? Meaning they are clearly not winning. Charles, Winna and Raymond were first to build their frames, with Ray promptly knocking it over on the first toss. Eventually they all caught up, with Aileen, out of nowhere, scoring her three points and keeping her vote. She cheered on Feras and Raymond, as Feras scored two alongside Kirby. Kirby then secured her vote as Charles, Winna and Feras raced to secure the third spot with Feras, finally, putting us out of our misery and securing immunity

On the way back to tribal council, everyone was feeling far less smug, as they worried about who Aileen and Feras would be pushing to boot. As Kirby whispered to Aileen that now is the time to clean the slate. You mean, when your back is against the wall, Kirby?! As they returned to tribal council, the tension really rocketed up, with Feras and Aileen looking forward to having a bit of fun. Kirby meanwhile floated that she will happily vote for whoever they wanted, given her vote really doesn’t matter. But if they work together, maybe it will build trust. Which obviously spooked the Titans. Feras reiterated he is planning to have fun, with Winna whispering to Valeria that they simply need to get the votes on him and he will play his idol. He then went in on Feras, trying to attract the votes, which everyone found super odd. 

Feras asked for last ditch pleas, with Charles pointing out they are all logical and as such, a vote for any of them makes sense. Feras asked if anyone is actually planning to work with him, with Charles and Valeria agreeing they’d consider it, while Winna gave him a big fat no. Winna then asked Kirby who he should play his idol for, with her rightly pointing out Charles. As Ray was just hopeful the rift between Kirby and Feras would heal after tonight. Well, after Kelli told him to be positive, that is. With that the trio voted, Winna played his idol for himself, negating one vote for him, leaving Feras to hold onto his for another day as Charles and Raymond were tied. With that, the trio re-voted and Charles was shown the door, officially.

As he arrived at Loser Lodge, I pulled Charles in for a hug and assured him that sometimes, particularly Down Under, you get swap screwed. And that is why you should never go too far with rubbing the minority’s noses in it, given you just never know when that will come back to bite you. Like it did just now. And while it was a bitter pill for him to swallow, a bowl of Charles French Noonion Pasta made him feel better.

This viral little TikTok number may not necessarily sound delicious, but hot damn, it is. Sweet, rich and vetvety smooth, it is the most warming dish for your coldest days. Or when you get burnt, for trying to be cold to the minority, maybe.

Enjoy!

Charles French Noonion Pasta
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
¼ cup butter
2 large onions, thinly sliced
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
¼ cup sherry
½ cup vermouth
10 sprigs thyme, leaves removed
500g rigatoni
6 cups beef stock
2 tsp worcestershire sauce
½ cup parmesan cheese, grated
½ cup cream

Method
Pop the butter in a dutch oven over medium heat and once melted and foamy, add the onions and a pinch of salt, and cook, stirring occasionally, for 30 minutes or until caramelised. 

Once sweet and sticky, add the sherry and vermouth, deglazing all the stuck brown bits from the bottom of the pan. Stir in the thyme leaves and season with salt and pepper, before adding the rigatoni, stock and worcestershire. Stir, bring to the boil, reduce to a simmer and cook for 15 minutes, or until the pasta is tender. Covering if you lose too much liquid.

Remove from the heat and stir in the parmesan and cream until combined, returning to the heat for a minute or so to heat through. Serve immediately with a generous helping of extra parmesan and devour. Like a shady icon.


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Cottage Topieas Grant

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Main, Pie, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor 24 castaways were marooned on the island of Samoa, split into tribes based on their levels of success or application of rules. Honestly, it is still kinda confusing, TBH. Despite the Titans implying strength, they bombed back-to-back-to-almost back immunity challenges, until the Rebels felt it was a good idea to throw number three. You see, the Cuddle Crew – aka the muscled up quartet who are making a play for showmances – felt their strength was enough to carry the tribe and they could afford to lose a challenge and get rid of Kelli. Presumably so they could get some sleep. Back at camp after the challenge, the cool kids thought they were in control, particularly after Peta jagged an idol. Kirby meanwhile wasn’t happy with the plan to get rid of Kelli, so brought the rest of the tribe together to blindside the Cuddle Crew, given 8 is more than 4. At tribal council, though, Kirby  voted with them so they felt they had an ally. Which went off without a hitch as Peta was shown the door with an idol in her pocket.

The next day Kelli was still all energy, no doubt emboldened by the fact she survived tribal council. We finally got to meet Aileen, who opened up about feeling like she would be in charge of the tribe before the game, but thus far, she is overwhelmed by being surrounded by such big personalities. And that is not just Kelli. She opened up about feeling like she has let her family down by not going to an ivy league school, however, was proud to have found success her own way. Which is a lot of getting to know you, meaning she is either out tonight, or is pulling off a big move. So I guess, either way, the Rebels will be back at tribal council tonight.

We checked in with the Titans where things were very zen as everyone had a leisurely morning after their night off. Viola was teaching people how to dance, while Caroline was proud that the Middle Aged Mafia were able to take control and she was able to defy the odds of the older woman archetype. We then learnt a little more about her career as a midwife and how it set her up to know when things could potentially go wrong. Which made her trust her gut when she felt Mark was growing closer to the two Vs, and as such, watched them like a hawk. Sadly she wasn’t stealth about it though, so Valeria instantly clocked it and wondered what the hell her problem was. Valeria found Mark to see if he knew why Caroline was acting weird, warning him that she may need to be dealt with sooner rather than later.

Over at the Rebels Alex was fully aware that throwing the challenge was a bad idea, so instead of gloating like he had planned, he was stuck sucking up to everyone and making sure they knew they had a friend in him. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Kirby was thrilled that her plan went off without a hitch. Well, almost, as Garrick confronted her about why she voted with the Cuddle Crew. In front of Kelli, no less. He then exited in tears, heartbroken by the betrayal, while Feras was simply annoyed to be played and motivated to see her sneakiness and raise it. He then went for a wander through the jungle where he discovered a locked box, but given he clearly didn’t have the key, he covered it up and vowed to return ASAP, given he knew it had to hold something powerful.

The tribes reunited with Jonathan for a reward challenge where they would face off two at a time, racing to ring a bell, while also grappling sumo at sea style. And given the first tribe to 3 won a massive grazing plate, everyone was ready to fight. First up were Tobias and Feras were quickly felled by Jaden and Nathan, despite Nathan literally almost drowning for a couple of seconds. Caroline and Viola did battle with Kirby and Rianna, with Rianna absolutely demolishing and winning before anyone realised it had started. Eden and Kitty faced Kirby and Garrick, with Kirby proving to be a lucky charm as she jagged another point before Winna and Mark were defeated by Tobias and Scott who scored reward for the Rebels.

They returned to camp and immediately got to smashing the snacks with everyone forgetting the drama of the day before. That is until they noticed three keys sitting on the table and the calm was broken up as everyone speculated what they could be for. Kirby was wise, telling the tribe they should split into three groups to go hunt for whatever the treasure is. Feras sprung into action, pulling Garrick and Raymond aside to go hunt with him, knowing he could trust them. As Ray was running interference, Feras and Garrick unlocked an idol and a key with a note directing them to give it to the other tribe. Tragically as he was reading the note, Alex wandered up and interrupted the celebrations. Which obviously left him stressed, as he tried to figure out a way out of it. As such, he went back to camp and read the note for everyone, hiding the fact he had an idol, offering to empty his bag and pockets to prove it.

While everyone said they believed him, their faces said otherwise. Alex even pulled him aside to double check, as Feras stuck to his story and Alex assured him he believed it, despite both of them knowing it was all lies. Resulting in Feras deciding Alex now needs to be the next one out.

The tribes joined Jonathan on the beach for the latest immunity challenge where Feras asked the Titans if they had found the treasure box which they assumed was a troll, as the Rebels joined in the sledging. But back to the challenge. The tribes would face off in rounds of aquatic dodgeball with the first tribe to three jagging immunity. Kirby, Feras, Raymond and Aileen faced off against Nathan, Viola, Kitty and Mark as Feras looped Mark in on the box as they wrestled before Nathan made quick work of knocking out the Rebels and scoring the first point for the Titans. Tobias, Sarah, Garrick and Rianna made quick work of Caroline, Valeria, Winna and Eden to tie things up, before Kirby won the battle of the AFL players opposite Nathan, giving Rebels the lead. Eden, Winna, Viola and Mark evened things up after Rianna tried to eliminate Eden, who was already eliminated, allowing Winna to single handedly keep them in it. Before Charles, Caroline, Valeria and Jaden owned the court and won immunity for the Titans.

Back at camp the Rebels were gutted to technically lose their first immunity challenge, lamenting how close they came to victory. After pleasantries, everyone split up to start scrambling, with Tobias confident that being strong, popular and a hard worker means he is guaranteed to be safe. Which didn’t bode well for the first three boots, but you do you boo. As he tended to the fire, Aileen decided that cutting the arrogant still needed to be the name of the game, pulling the mega alliance aside to lock in a vote split on Alex and Tobias, forcing Sarah to decide which of her allies go home. As is becoming the pattern, Alex interrupted things though could tell by the silence he should still be worried. Aileen and Kelli went to fill Kirby in, with her happy to go along with it. Sadly, it was that moment that Kelli decided to spiral and worry that maybe, just maybe, she will catch some strays.

The boys and Rianna were still sitting in silence around the well, before Feras opted to suggest that the tribe could unite to get rid of Kelli. And given that is literally his dream, Alex was all in. To Feras’ face, that is, as instead, Alex wanted to try for a sneaky little blindside of one of the power players. Sarah meanwhile was checking in with Kirby and Kelli, with Tobias and Alex quickly joining them to float the idea of blindsiding Feras. After splitting up, Sarah grew paranoid about Feras playing the idol they think he has, though Alex assured her that he would be too proud to play his idol. By the shelter, Feras grew nervous about trusting Kirby and Ri after the move they pulled at the previous tribal council, and despite the fact Aileen and Rianna assured him he doesn’t need to worry, he was still clearly spooked about going home with an idol in his pocket.

At tribal council Feras spoke about his shit stirring at the challenge, hoping that mentioning the chest would be enough to create a little chaos. Aileen agreed that it was enough to sow confusion, with Kelli admitting stirring the pot is literally her passion. Alex spoke about how Kelli reminds him of his mother and like her, they butt heads from time to time. With Kelli laughing about how she isn’t bothered by it, giving she doesn’t get pressed, but he does. On the love to hate scale, both admitted it will be hard to get things to the love end of the spectrum. Talk turned to the previous tribal council, with Alex admitting the blindside hurt and as such, he cautioned everyone to do something if they are nervous. Tobias admitted he is feeling pretty good, given he cooked everyone dinner and allowed the chaos to happen. Sadly for him though, Kelli and Feras felt it was a little arrogant and rude.

Kirby spoke about how quickly things change, while Rianna was just hopeful to be on the right side of the numbers given all the names she heard that afternoon. Feras started to grow nervous about the vote, feeling just a little too easy, which Garrick agreed with, begging everyone to make the choice to unite the tribe. After a sneeze from Kelli, the tribe voted as Feras took off his jumper to show off his idol, before promptly playing it. Sadly it wasn’t necessary, however, as Kirby and Rianna stood with the outcasts and split the vote between Alex and Tobias. Well almost, as Kelli flipped her vote last minute and eliminated Tobias without forcing Sarah to make the choice.

As he arrived at Loser Lodge Tobias was well and truly confused, given he is totally likeable and didn’t bother scrambling pre-tribal council. Which always screams, I am a great option for you to work with down the line! Obviously I unleashed, Tyra-style, given he is a totally zaddy and while he didn’t rock a speedo like our himbo kings, I would have been happy to have more episodes to look at him. But no, he gave Kelli nothing, and she opted she would have better luck with Alex. As I descended into tears, he pulled me in for a massive hug and apologised for relying on that body, and given it was a reference to Drag Race, I instantly flipped, forgave him and toasted his week with a freshly baked Cottage Topieas Grant.

There is nothing quite like a perfectly portioned little cottage pie to make you forget your troubles. Flakey pastry, rich meat and the creamiest of creamy mashes? Before you even add the cheese, it is glorious.

Enjoy!

Cottage Topieas Grant
Serves: 4-8.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, diced
4 garlic cloves, minced
500g lamb mince
¼ cup flour
2 cups chicken stock
400g diced tin tomatoes
2 tbsp tomato sauce
1 ½ tbsp worcestershire sauce
1 zucchini, grated
½ cup diced carrots
2 sheets shortcrust pastry
3-4 cups Gabriel Mash
2 cups cheddar cheese, grated

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat and cook the onion, stirring occasionally, for 4 minutes or until soft. Add the garlic and cook for a minute, before stirring in the mince, breaking up with a wooden spoon to avoid lumps, for about five minutes, or until cooked through.

Sprinkle the flour over the mince mixture and cook, stirring, for 1 minute. Gradually add the stock while stirring constantly. Followed by the tin tomatoes and sauces. Bring to the boil, reduce to low and simmer for about 10 minutes, or until thickened and reduced. Then and only then, stir in the zucchini and carrots. Remove from the heat

Cut each pastry sheet in quarters and press into individual pie dishes. Prick the bases with a fork, line with some baking sheet and fill with pastry weights and blind bake for 10 minutes before removing the pastry weights and cooking for a further couple of minutes to brown.

Divide the meat between the 8 prepared pastry cases, top with a layer of mash and finish with a sprinkle of cheese. Transfer the dishes to a baking sheet and pop in the oven to bake for half an hour, or until golden and set. Remove from the oven and allow to rest for five minutes before slathering with some tomato relish and devouring through the pain.


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Gemee Yonce Shephennel Pie

Canada's Drag Race 4, Canada’s Drag Race, Main, Pie, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Canada’s Drag Race after a very dramatic episode and Untucked, the dolls zenned out a little as they played the Snatch Game. After being the centre of all the drama in the last episode, Melinda absolutely dominated and took out her first win of the season. While at the other end of the pack, Kiki, Luna and Aurora bombed or in the latter’s case, were one note and landed in the bottom. Despite all the dolls suggesting nobody should be saved twice in the season, Melinda kept serving mother and returned the favour by saving Kiki. Again. Doing nothing to dispell Kitten’s rumours about an alliance. But that is another problem for another time, as Aurora slayed the lip sync and sent poor Luna home.

And then promptly interrupted the dolls post show dancing spree to announce that this week, two would be going home in a Lip Sync Slay Off. And just like that, joy turned to dread.

Backstage Aurora was thrilled to still be in the competition, though feeling guilty to have been the one to send Luna home. As they sat down, Kitten led the dolls in praising her for a killer performance, with everyone agreeing they have no interest in facing off against her in a lip sync. And given they are about to compete in a lip sync battle, I guess she is guaranteed to stay. Talk turned to Melinda saving Kiki, with her admitting she was happy to pay her back despite what anyone else may think. While her sisters were less than impressed. Talk turned to the upcoming challenge with everyone both gagged and excited, while Kitten was worried she may not get back up should she try for a death drop. On account of her age.

The next day the dolls were well and truly buzzing, while Melinda was just thrilled to be the star of the season given she serves drama. Talk turned to the lip sync slay off, with Kiki looking forward to performing while Nearah was excited to see the trash take themselves out. Oh and then they found a note from Winnie Harlow, which thrilled everyone. After a visitor-less alarm, the dolls split up to beat their mugs and get ready for the lip sync with everyone bonding over the relationship between drag and how they feel about their bodies. Denim spoke about the journey of finding her body as a man, and then pivoting back to hyperfem for work. Venus then shared her journey with disordered eating and how she is working on herself to stay healthy.

As teased, Brooke, Traci and Brad were joined on the panel by Winnie Harlow as the dolls took the stge for the Lip Sync Slay Off Extravaganza. Brooke announced that the battle would feature three rounds, with the losers from round one all up for elimination, while the winners would continue until only one winner remained. The dolls were sent to the back of the stage as Nearah vowed to slaughter the week. But before that, Denim was first called out and selected to lip sync to I’m Not Here to make Friends. Melinda then selected That Don’t Impress Me Much, Venus went with Uninvited before Aurora locked in the first battle, facing off against Denim. Aimee elected to perform to Fever Dream with Nearah deeming her an easy win, so chose to face off against her and officially their feud. While Kitten opted to face off against Melinda, leaving Kiki to fight Venus.

Melinda and Kitten took their places on stage as the rest of the dolls were shipped off to the side. And well, Kitten was right to be scared of facing off against Melinda as she flipped and twirled her way around the stage. Kitten bless, looked absolutely stunning and was so damn cute, but looking perfect wasn’t the challenge, so tragically she was sent to the bottom four and Melinda through to the second round. They traded out with Aurora and Denim as I’m Not Here to Make Friends kicked off and absolutely turned a show. Both the dolls had the right energy, hit every lyric and gave it their all. But yeah, Aurora is a dancer and as such, was just that little more magnetic, which was all it took to send Denim through to the bottom. With Aurora and Melinda now safe, Nearah took the stage to finish off her nemesis Aimee to Fever Dream and yeah, Nearah was right to be confident, as she oozed sex across the stage and felled her enemy and continued on to the next round. While in the final heat, Venus leant into the stillness and mood of the song, feeling all the emotion and devouring, despite a strong showing from Kiki. Who sadly landed in the bottom.

Seeing who landed in the bottom four, it was very clear that one of the dolls had a far worse track record and as such was most likely to go home. So I hedged my bets and told Aimee that now was her time to catch up and get a little culinary comfort. Which as you will see, was very much the case given she was one of the two to go. But we’ll get to that. I pulled Aimee in for a massive hug, thanking her for giving us so much drama and fun this season. Because while Melinda is mother, Aimee would mother on any other season and that deserves as much love and respect as Melinda. Sorta. Or at teh very least, it deserves a big ol’ Gemee Yonce Shephennel Pie.

Gems are one of my most fave food items. I mean, in the world of potato products, they have the perfect balance of crispy outside and fluffy inside. And pop those perfectly ratioed little pockets on top of a shepherd’s pie and you’ve got perfection.

So just enjoy, ok!

Gemee Yonce Shephennel Pie
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, diced
4 garlic cloves, minced
500g lamb mince
¼ cup flour
2 cups chicken stock
400g diced tin tomatoes
2 tbsp tomato sauce
1 ½ tbsp worcestershire sauce
1 cup peas
½ cup diced carrots
40 Potato Gems
½ cup cheddar cheese, grated
½ cup mozzarella cheese, grated
chopped Italian parsley, to garnish

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat and cook the onion, stirring occasionally, for 4 minutes or until soft. Add the garlic and cook for a minute, before stirring in the mince, breaking up with a wooden spoon to avoid lumps, for about five minutes, or until cooked through.

Sprinkle the flour over the mince mixture and cook, stirring, for 1 minute. Gradually add the stock while stirring constantly. Followed by the tin tomatoes and sauces. Bring to the boil, reduce to low and simmer for about 10 minutes, or until thickened and reduced. Then and only then, stir in the peas and carrots.

Pour the mixture into a baking dish, arrange the potato gems on top of the mince mixture and sprinkle with the cheeses. Pop in the oven and bake for 20 minutes or until golden. Sprinkle with parsley, serve and devour. Like you deserve.


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Chicken Dianiel Strunk

Main, Poultry, Survivor, Survivor 42, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor despite blowing up his game at tribal council as he threw anyone and everyone under the bus, Daniel opted against apologising to his former allies. While they were all busy forming bonds with each other despite the fact they had just tried to vote each other out. Taku continued their winning streak before Ika narrowly lost the immunity challenge, leading to absolute chaos back at camp. Despite wanting to work together, both Tori and Swati busily tried to turn the tribe on the other. Then at tribal council, Swati played her Shot in the Dark and once again, it came up without safety and she found herself booted from the game. While a shocked Rocksroy looked ready to explode with rage.

Back at camp Tori was very grateful to still be in the game while Rocksroy tried to stay calm and find out what the hell changed between camp and tribal council to result in Swati going home. Romeo explained that she was busy playing both sides with Rocksroy appearing to be genuinely grateful to them for taking her out, while suggesting he can ride their social coattails through the game as a strong four. Which is something that Tori has zero interest in, instead looking to jump ship ASAP as she pulled faces about him in the dark.

The next day Maryanne was busy gloating about how great she is at Mario Kart at Taku, with her and Lindsay’s incessant conversation driving Jonathan absolutely mental as he desperately wished for a moment of peace and quiet. And well, the editors definitely picked the best clip to highlight this because even I was confused and frustrated and i’m a Chatty Cathy myself! Instead of completely blowing up, he got to work fishing and chopping wood until Maryanne popped her foot under the bamboo he was cutting and she made a very big deal about it. While they tried to clear the air, it was clear things were going nowhere so Jonathan instead suggested they just move on. And then went to the well with Lindsay and suggested they get rid of Maryanne should they go back to tribal council, given she is annoying. Which is what Maryanne was telling Omar she was worried about at that very moment, while he just wished everyone would get along!

Meanwhile over at Vati Hai was nervous about lingering tensions, knowing that he is still well and truly on the bottom of the tribe. Daniel and Chanelle were busy assuring each other that their last tribal council won’t come between them as they know they need each other, while Hai and Lydia caught up to figure out how they will get themselves out of the minority and make the merge. Just like that, Daniel tried his hand at fishing which allowed Hai and Lydia to question how he was able to fish for the tribe given he keeps sitting out of the swimming challenges due to his dislocated shoulder. Which well and truly pissed off Mike once the duo pointed it out to him.

Back at Ika, Drea and Romeo were busy trying to find their as-yet-unfound idol, with Romeo opening up to us about how he wanted to align with Drea initially because he wants to support strong women in honour of his mum. And the women he coaches to pageant glory back at home. Right on cue Drea then found the Ika idol, celebrating how advantage rich with advantages she is and knowing that Maryanne already has the Taku idol, it means she could have an active idol very quickly.

To womp-womp that though, we pivoted back to Vati however, where Mike was assuring the tribe that he has no plans to activate his idol at the immunity challenge given the idol is automatically powered at the merge and at which point he also gets his vote back. Which must be in very fine print because that has never been mentioned before.

We obviously then headed to meet up with Probst for the immunity challenge where Maryanne opened the show with her bunny line. Drea skillfully spoke about her potato-ness before Mike gagged even me by saying his damn line, activating all of their idols and locking in everyone’s vote for the tribal council ahead. But first, the immunity challenge, where each tribe would race up and over a net and untangle ropes to release a key. Then unlock a machete, chop free some sandbags and then knock over targets. Oh and the winning tribes would also get a tarp.

Following Sandra’s lead, Daniel once again sat out as Ika got out to a very early lead as Taku nipped at their heels. While calling out Jonathan for being a beast last week, it was Tori that absolutely dominated the challenge, burning through the key and machete portion giving Ika a huge advantage shooting at the targets. As Omar made Taku fall further and further behind, Ika took out the first immunity while Vati started shooting at their targets. Sadly for them, Taku finally joined them with Jonathan quickly knocking out the targets and narrowly taking out immunity for the tribe.

Ika then got to select someone from Vati to go on the special journey, opting for Lydia, with their very own Rocksroy offering to be the one to join her. 

Back at camp Hai reminded everyone that they are a family and to keep that in mind while they scramble. Daniel admitted that he felt nervous and asked for everyone to meet with him, which is a sentiment that Chanelle echoed. As Hai and Daniel caught up, the former admitted that he believes Chanelle is the least trustworthy of the two and that she is the most likely to flip come merge. Mike and Chanelle meanwhile were busy locking in the vote against Daniel. We finally got a clearer picture of things as Mike and Hai caught up, debating the merits of each of them while they both agreed that it is critical that Lydia holds on to her vote on the journey.

Speaking of which, Rocksroy and Lydia were in awe of their surroundings as they climbed the mountain, with Lydia sharing that the game has truly changed her as a person and made her feel more confident in her own skin. At the top Rocksroy tried to find out who would be the target on Vati, while Lydia tried to dance around the facts and admitted that she wouldn’t be shocked if she was in trouble again. Both of them admitted to us that neither had any interest in sharing too much information about their respective tribes and as such, the awkward as hell conversation made a lot more sense. After splitting up, the duo faced their dilemma with Rocksroy worried about Lydia’s nerves getting the best of her and as such, opted to protect his vote. Which is the same decision she made, given her PTSD from their last tribal.

Lydia returned to camp and quickly admitted that she felt there was too much at stake to risk her vote. She then caught up with everyone one by one to figure out what she missed with both Chanelle and Daniel pledging their undying loyalty and praising her for being in charge. Thankfully Hai gave her the real run down and assured her that they are safe and not to worry.

At tribal council Mike admitted that while somebody had to go home tonight, they are still a strong unit. Daniel praised him for being such a team player which is necessary at certain points during the game. Hai said that while they may be tight, somebody has to be being lied to right now given they still need for someone to go home. Daniel pointed out that Mike means the tribe are a team until the end of their lives, not just the game which made Chanelle point out that he is clearly playing into Mike’s affection for him. Lydia meanwhile pointed out that after tonight, each tribe will have four people remaining and should they merge next week, they need to guarantee their four is a solid one. Which is a sentiment echoed by Hai and Daniel, while Mike reiterated that his vote is based on game and he still cares for the person getting booted.

With that the tribe voted and somehow was split 2-2-1 between Chanelle and Daniel, with a random vote cast against Mike. Mike, Hai and Lydia then revoted and officially sent Daniel out of the game. While Mike angrily acknowledged Chanelle’s vote against him.

As soon as Daniel arrived at Loser Lodge, I pulled him in for a massive hug which elicited massive screams from the sweetheart as I held tight on his busted shoulder. Proving definitively that yeah, he hurt! Given Daniel is a delightful superfan, however, he took that and his boot in stride, grateful to not just have had the opportunity to play the game, but also to get culinary comfort from me in the form of some Chicken Dianiel Strunk.

Yeah, yeah, Steak Diane Keaton is great – and oh so kitsch – but have you ever tried it with a chicken rissole? Because damn, does it taste good. Packing a lightly herbaceous punch, the juicy rissoles pair perfectly with the diane sauce to create a delicious and quick meal.

Enjoy!

Chicken Dianiel Strunk
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g chicken mince
½ cup panko breadcrumbs
4 shallots, thinly sliced
1 egg, lightly whisked
¼ cup flat-leaf parsley, roughly chopped, plus extra for garnishing
2 tbsp Dijon mustard
2 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
salt and pepper, to taste
2 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, diced
4 garlic cloves, minced
¼ cup tomato paste
⅔ cup cream
roughly chopped parsley, to serve

Method
Combine the chicken mince, breadcrumbs, shallots, egg, parsley and half the Dijon and Worcestershire in a bowl. Season with a good whack of salt and pepper and stir until well combined. Divide into 8 rissoles, pop on a lined plate and cover with cling. Transfer to the fridge to set for half an hour or so.

Preheat the oven to 140C.

Once the rissoles are holding it together, heat a lug of olive oil in a frying pan over medium heat. Cook half the rissoles at a time, cooking for a few minutes before flipping and cooking for a further couple of minutes. Transfer to a lined baking tray and pop into the oven to keep warm.

Add the remaining oil to the pan and saute the onion over low heat for five to ten minutes, or until nice and soft. Add the garlic and cook for a minute before stirring through the tomato paste and the remaining Dijon mustard and Worcestershire with half a cup of water. Cook for a couple of minutes, or until gloriously fragrant, before stirring in the cream.

Remove the rissoles from the oven and pop them into the pan to simmer for a further fifteen minutes, or until the sauce is thick and glorious. Sprinkle with the extra parsley and serve immediately, ideally with a glorious mash for optimal devouring.


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Maddy Mormemphosis Burger

Burgers, Main, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 14, Snack, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race the dolls were gagged to discover poor Kornbread had to exit the competition after her ankle went creek. Before they were immediately put the task of making a series of PSAs for the fake Save a Queen Foundation a charity to help the ever growing sea of first boot queens to achieve success. Desperate to have their breakout moment, both Bosco and Camden work their arses off and thankfully starred in the challenge. On the flipside, Jorgeous was trapped in her head and struggled throughout the shoot, while Orion just seemed stoned. Ultimately Bosco took out her first victory of the season while Jorgeous and Orion faced off in the lip sync. And well, I pity the next queen to face off against Jorgeous, as she is a damn star. And as such, Orion was sent home. Again.

Backstage the dolls were well and truly reeling from how epic Jorgeous’ performance was in the lip sync and after a stint in the bottom, she assured them that she is ready to fight. Before dropping a joke about dropping out of school for drag, so she can’t lose. The girls then sat down to kiki, congratulating Bosco and Camden for slaying the challenge while DeJa pointed out that Daya was pressed about not being in the top. With Daya cutting her off and telling her she was not disappointed and simply wanted feedback to know how to elevate and land in the top with them. And well, the dolls are getting more pressed with each passing week. Particularly our queen of safety, Daya.

The next day things were far more zen with Camden ready to keep her momentum going before talk turned to how sickening their spring runways were. Before we could learn anything more Ru dropped by to talk shit about Michelle, sharing she has been under the influence of Glambien and obsessively shopping. And well, now that she is clean and sober, Ru would like them to whip up a runway using her leftover purchases from Glamazon Prime. 

Immediately, the Pit Crew dropped their boxes off before the dolls ripped anything and everything open to find something they could use for their outfits. Camden got skincare, Kerri got school supplies, Daya got oven mitts and Angeria got condoms while Maddy got a blow-up doll. And me thinks this runway could be a big mess. Poor Willow meanwhile couldn’t open the boxes because of her hands and instead focused on just going through the dregs of what was left. Daya meanwhile was desperate to make it to the top this week, going with a mad, pink baby-doll. Willow shared that she too was going to whip up a baby doll idea, leading to Daya calling her over from across the room with the threat that SHE is doing a baby doll and has claimed the concept. No discussions.

Kerri was terrified, given sewing is not her gig and instead focused on why Michelle was allegedly buying all this crap. On the Flipside, Jasmine had all the plans and was very excited to knock it out of the park. Talk turned to the last sewing challenge as the dolls realised Maddy had to lip sync and as such checked in with how she was doing. And to quote Dorinda, she was not well, bitch.

Ru brought Carson along for a walkthrough, first dropping by to praise Jorgeous for slaying her lip sync last week. She opened up and suggested she would love to do something different and dark, and most importantly, make sure it fits. Particularly in the bodice. Kerri was up next and had already pulled together a concept, opening up about how being bullied while growing up has left her so focused on always looking good and fearing rejection. Maddy too had a big gown half done, sharing she was going with a country patchwork story and well, Carson and Ru weren’t buying it. Though she did vow to give the judges what they want from her. Angeria meanwhile was going for a sculptural fashion number, though the judges already were terrified by her choice of fabrics.

Camden too came in with a strong concept and when Ru felt she needed no advice on that, instead suggested she go with a bigger lip as hers disappear on the runway. I shit you not. Jasmine meanwhile was inspired by Sex and the City 2, which is never a good style choice. Willow was up next, delighting the judges with her plan to be a long-armed glamour monster of a child’s nightmares and well, again, I love her. Daya meanwhile was very confident in her concept and skills, gloating to Ru about how she makes most of her outfits. Though did tone it down and asked the judges what they need to see from her, with Carson telling her to stop doing Crystal make-up looks and instead, encouraged her to show them who SHE is.

Oh and then Ru and Carson had a fight which was demented, camp and well, I loved it.

With the judges out of the room, the girls split up to work on their garments with Willow getting stuck in her head, as her hands worked less and less. Kerri meanwhile was teaching Angeria about a step and repeat before Jasmine rubbed salt in Daya’s wounds, asking her whether she was happy with the judges critiques. Daya then spiralled and rambled about not being stuck in Crystal’s shadow, while she struggled to get out of Crystal’s shadow. Kerri meanwhile told us that Daya’s anger was only because she was desperate and encouraged us not to worry. Which does feel strangely soothing.

Gorgeous meanwhile was busy working on a big, fluffy purple gown which shed more and more with every moment, looking like she just trimmed Grimace’s pubes. As such, she decided to give up on the outfit, grabbing some of Angeria’s scraps and starting from scratch.

Elimination Day rolled around with Jorgeous admitting that she pulled her dress together in a matter of hours before she started to beat her mug. Speaking of beating her mug, Camden was ready to give the biggest lip Ru had ever seen while Kerri, Jasmine and Angeria spoke about who they felt was going to be in the bottom. With them tragically thinking Willow will be read for filth. Bosco and Daya meanwhile were praising DeJa for her killer drag shape while Angeria jokingly wondered why no one was praising her.

As Jorgeous straight up started to dance.

Kerri opened up about how she was kicked out of home at 15. Her father used to ask her to leave the room due to her feminine energy and ugh, he sounds like a toxic prick. Thankfully because of the way he treated her, she learnt that he was a horrible person and was ok without her family. Jasmine shared that she was outed by one of her father’s friends, with her father trying to make him stop doing drag. Thankfully, his girlfriend wasn’t a moron and told him to stop being stupid and treat her son like a human.

Maddy then opened up about how she told her dad that she was a drag queen just before she left for the competition, with her admitting he is ok with it and proud of her for following her passions. Talk turned to her mother, who she hasn’t really seen since she was 18 and opened up that she was essentially raised by her grandmother who lived in the next door trailer. Oh and then Camden said she came out while getting dropped off at boarding school. Which Bosco clarified was ballet boarding school, so it was unlikely to be a shock for her father.

Ru, Michelle and Carson were joined by Queen Taraji P. Henson on the judges panel  where Lady Camden was a pastel, fairy delight, complete with a massive lip which truly did transform her face. Jasmine meanwhile truly looked like the fifth doll in the second Sex and the City movie which honestly, is not a compliment. Daya was meanwhile the nightmare version of Kita Mean’s promo image, Maddy was super country cute complete with her boyfriend while Willow was the sexiest monster I’ve ever seen. And again, I love her. Willow is fucking fierce. Bosco was blue and horny and well, looked sexy despite some interesting fit around the hips. DeJa meanwhile improved on Jinkx’s promo look – you know the one – while Angeria was absolutely perfect, serving cocktail realness. And then Jorgeous gave a sexy, slutty mini-dress, looking like Shakira while Kerri was hot despite the fact her outfit had SO much going on.

Daya, Willow, Bosco and Kerri were sent to safety, much to Daya Betty’s absolute disgust. While Kerri too was disappointed to once again be safe, she was at least grateful for another week in the competition. Unlike Daya who scowled and stomped in, quietly sulking on the side. Bosco meanwhile was confused about where the dolls on the mainstage would place. Which led to Daya ranting about how hard she worked this week, while Jasmine just draped fabric around her perfect body. Which is clearly why she is in the bottom. As Bosco told her, reading my mind. Daya admitted that she thought she would be in the top but knew Lady Camden would likely take out a win. 

Oh and then she spoke about hating listening to people bitch and moan as she proceeded to bitch and moan. Again.

Willow on the flipside was thrilled to be safe, given she was so worried she would be in the bottom. She then said she had the best concept on the mainstage, eliciting eye rolls and shadiness from Daya. Bosco opened up about being proud of her look, explaining that she was leaning into the fact the challenge was to make shit without fabric and as such, didn’t do a garment that looked like it was made from fabric.

On the mainstage, Camden was busy receiving universal praise for everything she did, and for looking like an absolute star. With Ru particularly thrilled by her massive lips. Jasmine meanwhile was read for filth, misunderstanding Carson’s request for her to take off the hat as a joke. Maddy and her blow-up doll were deemed confusing, despite it looking cute and exactly on the narrative she was going with. While Taraji loved the comedy, she wished the look was more polished. DeJa’s look was beloved, except for the messy headpiece and fan. Angeria again received universal praise for literally everything she did, charming the judges with her descriptions and is this another win for her? Jorgeous also received universal praise with the judges living for the look despite its simplicity. Being a humble queen, Jorgeous thanked Angeria for sharing her scraps with her and ugh, it is too precious.

That being said, Ru was still tempted to make her lip sync, just because she wants to see her perform.

The tops and bottoms ventured backstage to untuck with Jasmine quickly claiming the fact she was in the bottom. Jorgeous meanwhile proudly spoke about how much the judges lived for her outfit as Daya and Jasmine looked on with simmering rage. Angie too proudly spoke about being in the top before Maddy pretended the judges lived for her before admitting the judges hated it. When she said she thought she’d be lip syncing tonight against Jasmine, and then Jasmine got angry at her for saying that she was ready to fight. Shadilly saying she is not bothered at all. While DeJa non-chalantly announced Maddy is here, she’s not queer and they need to get used to it.

Jasmine continued to rant, telling Maddy she is so much better than her and well, it was not cute. Maddy meanwhile tried to apologise and again, Maddy is kind and sweet and Jasmine does not look good in this moment. But you know who does? Taraji, who dropped in to kiki with the girls, telling them not to be stressed as this is not the last drag show and they are winners for being here and as such, they need to remember they are all stars. Not to be confused with All Stars. And well, it was glorious. I want Taraji to give me a pep talk because she is GOOD.

Ultimately Angeria was deemed only safe – robbed – as was Lady Camden, handing Jorgeous her first victory of the season. Much to her own shock and delight. And Daya Betty’s simmering rage at the back of stage. When it came to the bottoms, DeJa was narrowly sent to safety, leaving Jasmine and Maddy to battle to my girl Beyonce’s Suga Mama. And while I desperately wanted Maddy to own it from start to finish, Jasmine was feeling her oats, giving Queen Bey realness as she flipped and fucked the floor while Maddy dragged her massive gown around the stage as she served perfectly demented comedy. Sadly though, that wasn’t enough and we tragically lost our fierce straight sister Maddy.

For realsies. As she too came up chocolate, with her candy bar.

As Maddy re-entered the Werk Room, she followed the sound of my wailing sobs, assuming it was still Daya crying about being safe. Thankfully she was relieved to see me, her dear friend, instead and pulled me in for a massive hug. I explained that she was such a kind, bright spark this season and after also losing Kornbread but a week earlier, I was struggling with my emotions. Turning the tables, she reminded me that she is a sickening queen and that being eliminated does not change that. Plus, she will have a hell of a run on All Stars. As such, she took me over to the grill and with a laugh, was delighted to see a very Guy Fieri inspired Maddy Mormemphosis Burger awaiting her.

A little bit smokey, with some creamy-tang thrown in by way of the slaw, this burger is the perfect, quick pick-me-up. Add in some bacon and well, I simply don’t know how this one doesn’t leave you with a smile.

Enjoy!

Maddy Mormemphosis Burger
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
1 small onion, finely diced
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
½ tsp smoke essence
salt and pepper, to taste
olive oil, for brushin’
8 slices streaky bacon
4 slices American Cheese
4 Briocher Bünsbergs
¼ cup Shayonnaise Swain
¼ cup barbecue sauce
1-2 cups Benjamin Slaw

Method
Place the beef mince, onion, garlic, Worcestershire and smoke essence in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper. Scrunch together with your hands until well combined before dividing into four patties. Place on a lined plate, cover with cling and pop in the fridge to chill for an hour or so.

When you’re ready to go, heat a skillet over medium heat and once nice and hot, cook the bacon until golden and crisp. Remove from the pan to drain on some paper towel before adding a lug of oil to just coat the base – you may not need much, given the bacon should be fatty. Add the burgers and cook for a couple of minutes before flipping and cooking for a further couple of minutes. Pop a slice of cheese on each pattie and cook for a further minute or so, or until melted.

To assemble, smear mayo on the base of the buns, followed by a patty, two slices of bacon, barbecue sauce to taste and then a heaping of slaw.

Serve immediately with a side of fries and devour.


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Cheevieburger Nachoda

Main, Snack, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor 41, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, the tribe turned up to the latest immunity challenge where Jeff gagged them with a(nother) twist. They were split into two groups of five and each group would compete for their own immunity and then vote a person out. Oh and the person that lasts the longest overall would win a reward for their group. After Erika took out immunity over Ricard, Shan, Heather and Naseer, she noped out of the challenge handing reward and immunity to Xander. The losers ventured back to Ua to strategise with Shan wanting to target Heather and Ricard planning to get rid of Naseer. And after Naseer told Heather that she would definitely be going home, it motivated Ricard to loop Erika and Heather in, with them banding together to eliminate Naseer.

The victors returned to camp and as they joyfully smashed their stew, Xander was thrilled to hold the balance of power in their group given he has immunity, an idol and an extra vote. Evvie meanwhile wasn’t overly nervous since they have a good bond with Deshawn and was formerly very tight with Xander. As such, the duo put their differences aside and decided that targeting Liana would be their best bet for moving forward. Deshawn meanwhile was floating not voting out Evvie to Danny, who obviously quickly shut things down. Danny then approached Liana to lock in the vote for Evvie while Liana was nervous about what exactly Xander would do with the idol knowing that if that happens, it may end up sending her home.

Liana then boldly approached Xander and asked him to join the Evvie vote and even had the nerve to suggest that he should hand over his idol until after tribal council to make her feel comfortable with the plan, which he wisely shut down with a hell fucking no.

Xander and Evvie then caught up with Deshawn and Danny, suggesting that Liana threw their names out there and while Deshawn was all in on aligning with them to get rid of her, Danny still looked well and truly pissed. As such he pulled Xander aside and told him that Evvie is far more threatening than Liana and if they want to work together, he thinks getting rid of them is the better idea first and then they can look at Liana.

As the group arrived at tribal they were gagged to discover Naseer had immediately joined the jury. Danny spoke about how stressful it is given Xander is the only person safe. Xander meanwhile focused on how great the stew was before Deshawn brought things back to the game, pointing out that it is a tough choice given the group is so small and he had wanted to work with the person that he thinks is getting booted. Liana spoke about the calmness of the smaller tribal, though admitted it feels so much more dangerous. Xander admitted that having immunity gave him a little extra power while Evvie admitted that everyone was being particularly cagey back at camp. Including them.

Everyone in the tribe spoke about how they are fairly confident their plan is the one that is going to succeed which made Deshawn point out that means someone is clearly lying in the situation. Evvie then likened tribal council to being on a rollercoaster and how the fun part is surviving the chaos and fighting through your fear about dying, while Deshawn pointed out that is what is about to happen to someone’s game. Which obviously meant it was time to vote, with poor Evvie realising they were the one blindsided from the game.

While it was a bit chaotic getting everything together in Ponderosa, I was thrilled to be there to support my dear friend Evvie. Well, after supporting Naseer because I have a process and like me mid-breakdown, they just need to trust the process. 

I first met Evvie when she started her PHD during one of my many scams while pretending to be a college Professor. I also coached Lori Loughlin’s daughters in rowing, but that is another story for another time. In any event, as it usually does, the college soon realised I have no qualifications to be a professor and I was quickly fired, though Evvie being kind, we kept in touch and soon became the best of friends. As such, I knew the only thing that could cure her post-boot blues were a big, hot Cheevieburger Nachoda.

You know I love burgers and will find anyway to turn a dish into one and well, this little number thankfully turned out delightfully. Salty pickles, creamy cheese and the whack of onion team perfectly with the corn chips and well, just make it and find out how great it is.

Enjoy!

Cheevieburger Nachoda
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 tsp olive oil
500g beef mince
½ tsp Worcestershire Sauce
salt and pepper, to taste
1 bag corn chips
8 slices American cheese
1 small onion, diced
1-2 tomatoes, diced
1-2 cups shredded iceberg, washed and dried
2-4 dill pickles, sliced
2 tbsp American mustard
2 tbsp ketchup

Method
Heat a lug of olive in a large skillet over medium heat and cook the mince and Worcestershire, breaking it up into largish chunks – I failed at that – with the back of a wooden spoon. Season, reduce heat to low and leave warm.

Place the corn chips in four bowls and heat for a minute or so in the microwave, top with a couple of slices of American Cheese, followed by the mince, onion, tomatoes, lettuce, pickles, mustard and ketchup.

Then devour, greedily.


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