Cheese

Enchilada Nicodemou

Main

Oh Ada, how you fill my heart with so much love!

Ada was thankfully given the night off from her relentless Home and Away filming schedule – the only reason I have never taken up one of the many offers to appear on the show – to drop by, gab and devour something as nourishing as our friendship is for our souls.

I mean yes, as with most of my friendships we had our rough patches like when I forced her off Heartbreak High and onto my new series Breakers where I was casting Alex Dimitriades look alikes to fill the void that he left after finally getting a restraining order. Thankfully after the show tanked, she got Home and Away though and I got her a role in The Matrix, so she eventually had to forgive me.

I mean, she got to marry Ryan Kwanten … she couldn’t hold a grudge.

Despite the many lawsuits Channel 7 have brought against me in her past 16 years on Home and Away – the daily death threats to Kochie and Grant Denyer (back in the day – I forgive him after he tanked people I knew on Family Feud), the aggressive trolling of Tara Dennis’ design skills and my lecherous courting of Bruce McAvaney caused but a few – she has always demanded my presence on set to provide her with love and guidance.

Given how busy I’ve been the last year, travelling the globe to provide culinary coverage of multiple Survivor seasons while managing HRC’s campaign, hosting brunch with the All Stars of Drag Race and my usual weekly guests, our relationship has regretfully been on the backburner. Thankfully Ada jumped at the chance to come up and reconnect – but really, who would want to miss out on a batch of my Enchiladas Nicodemou.

 

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Make no mistake, these enchiladas are less Mexican than Tex Mex but to a Australian Greek Cypriot and an Australian of questionable origins it does the trick – smokey, sweet and packing a nice kick of heat, they keep you coming back for more despite the complete bastardisation of a culinary history.

Enjoy!

 

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Enchilada Nicodemou
Serves: 4, heartily.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 onion, finely diced
3 cloves garlic, chopped
800g chicken breast, diced
1 capsicum, diced
1 tbsp paprika
1 tbsp smoked paprika
1 ½ tsp ground cumin
1 ½ tsp dried oregano
½ tsp cayenne pepper
¼ tsp cinnamon
½ tsp ground coriander seeds
½ tsp turmeric
400g can chopped tomatoes
400g can kidney beans, drained and rinsed
1 tbsp tomato paste
hot sauce, to taste
salt and pepper, to season
8 tortillas
1 cup tasty cheese
guacamole, extra hot sauce and sour cream, to serve

Method
Heat a lug of olive oil in a large frying pan over medium heat. Sweat the onion and garlic for a couple of minutes before adding the chicken and cooking, stirring occasionally, for about five minutes. Add the capsicum and the shit tonne of spices and cook for a minute to release the flavours before stirring in the tin tomatoes and kidney beans, tomato paste and hot sauce. Season to taste and bring to the boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer, half covered and stirring occasionally, for about ten minutes.

Preheat the oven 180°C.

Once the mixture is ready, get out a large baking dish – one you’d use for lasagne etc. – and layer out your tortillas. Place about a half a cup of mixture on the middle of the tortilla, tightly roll up and place into the pan. Repeat the process until the tortillas are gone and the pan burst with deliciousness.

Pour any remaining meat mixture over the top of the enchiladas, top with the cheese and bake for about half an hour, or until golden, bubbly and moreish.

Allow to rest for ten minutes before devouring, slathered in gauc, hot sauce and sour cream.

 

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Pizza Bianca Anderson

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2016), Main, Party Food, Snack, Vegetarian

Previously on Survivor, we were introduced to the 24 castaways including Kat brand rep for Trent Resort, while Conner mistook The Hunger Games for a period piece rather than a film set in the dystopian future and Des offended everyone on his tribe on his way out the door for a cafe latte.

We opened back up after Aganoa’s first tribal council where Kristie decided to channel Abi-Maria and accuse the entire tribe of theft. As yet though, no one is dead to her.

Over on Saanapu aka Kylie and the lessor people, Bianca used her intelligence experience to break down the relationships on the tribe and I think alluded to throwing the challenge. So using Survivor logic, see you later Bianca?

Off topic though, wouldn’t Kylie and Sue be the best possible final two? The answer is yes, even though the question is rhetorical. Back at Aganoa, Kristie continued her play for Australia’s Abi-Maria before El stepped in, comforted her and took her under her wing and worked her way into my heart/dream final three with Sue and Kylie.

When we finally checked in with Vavau where Craig introduced us to Barry – who may or may not have been present in the premiere – and we learnt that like Des they aren’t fans on lattes, preferring flat whites instead.

Also they are still struggling to get fire with flint. Somewhere Becky and Sundra were crying into a pile of used matches.

Back with Kylie’s Krew we discovered that Peter was on struggle street and making a play to be the Osten Taylor of Australian Survivor, before zigging when I thought he would zag and slipping on the rocks like Day 39 Aras.

Seriously, Ten … unpredictable.

We then checked in with Jon Jon at the immunity challenge where sadly there was still a decided lack of sexual innuendo. I mean, bring us some balls and Probst-esque smut if you want a hit Ten!

It was a tight fought race but after a major comeback from Lee channeling Boston Rob in Heroes vs Villains and the girls on Vavau channeling Lee playing cricket, Saanapu lost the challenge and wound up at tribal council.

While there was a bit of a misdirect with Petey trying to fall on his sword, we were thankfully treated to our first blindside of the season with Bianca making her way off the island as the second boot.

Poor Bianca was victim of trying to make a move too soon, sadly not utilising the tactical training we both completed while working as intelligence operatives. Did you really think i’d know her any other way?

Binks was crazy upset to be the first one out of her tribe but having a dear old friend like me there to comfort her dulled the pain. Admittedly my Pizza Bianca Anderson probably had a whole lot to do with that.

 

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Despite being the perfect definition of biege, this pizza is anything but – the woodiness of the rosemary and sweetness of the onion meld perfectly with the sharp cheeses. So simple, yet so perfect – enjoy!

 

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Pizza Bianca Anderson
Serves: 1 despondent second boot.

Ingredients
1 pizza base, use Zsa Zsa’s recipe darling
125g ricotta cheese, crumbled
75g mozzarella cheese, cubed
75g provolone cheese, cubed
⅓ cup grated parmesan cheese
2 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
1 tbsp finely chopped fresh rosemary leaves

Method
Preheat oven to 200°C.

Prepare the base as per the recipe and then smear it with the ricotta and top with the mozzarella, provolone, parmesan, garlic and rosemary.

Whack it in the oven and bake for 15-20 minutes or until it is golden and molten. Devour quickly to eat your feelings.

 

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Philly Collins Cheesesteak

Main, Party Food, Snack

It was always going to be an awkward start to my peace feast with Phil, what with the viral infection injection thing. Oh, and the whole gag I sold to South Park about his obsession with his Oscar – FYI, that was totally true and I’m 30% sure he had it on him when he dropped by – and well, I can’t talk about everything else I’ve done to him due to the lingering lawsuits and payouts.

Just trust me when I say that Phil was on the receiving end of one of my top ten most vicious moments.

But then it wasn’t awkward, not even at all. Time apparently heals all wounds as Phil took me in his arms as soon as he walked into the house. I cried, he cried, then he sobbed, I pretended to sob to avoid it being awkward and then I apologised.

Literally two minutes in and my epic apology monologue – it rivalled Cersei’s revenge monologue for epicness – wasn’t even needed. Thankfully I’ve burnt a lot of bridges so I’ll be able to use it again, I’m sure.

Phil has been super busy since coming out … of retirement early last year, remastering his old albums, writing new material and planning a tour. Oh and he signed a book deal and will be releasing his autobiography in October … and when I heard that, everything became clear – he wants me to ghostwrite the book.

While I’m pretty pissed he expects me to plug it out in a mere matter of months, given the countless ways I ruined his life I really couldn’t say no. Plus, at least I can manage my image in the story, you know?

Either way, Phil got a ghostwriter, I got some undeserved forgiveness and we both rekindled our friendship over my famed – and his favourite – Philly Collins Cheesesteak.

 

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I’ve made no secret of my love for warm meat, slathered in creamy cheese … but these really get me salivating. I mean, tender slices of steak on a soft pillowy bun and cheese, my favourite, cheese – it doesn’t get any better. Oh yeah, it does – sweet onions, earthy mushrooms, hot mustard and peppers.

It really does get better – enjoy!

 

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Philly Collins Cheesesteak
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
6 hoagie rolls
6-12 slices provolone
1kg loin steaks, trimmed and sliced into thin strips
olive oil
salt and pepper, to taste
1 tbsp worcestershire sauce
hot english mustard

Sauteed mushrooms
2tbsp unsalted butter
500g button mushrooms, roughly chopped
salt and pepper, to taste

Caramelised onions
2 tbsp unsalted butter
2 large brown onions, thinly sliced
salt and pepper, you guessed it – to taste!

Peppers aka capsicum
2 tbsp olive oil
1 green capsicum, thinly sliced
1 red capsicum, thinly sliced
1/16 tbsps of salt and precisely 6.3g freshly ground black pepper, but seriously … to taste

Method
Place the steak in the freezer for about half an hour while you get to work on all of the other elements.

Start with the mushrooms and melt the butter in a frying pan over high heat until foamy. Reduce heat to medium, add the mushrooms and cook until they are soft, silky and browned.

Then move to the onions and start again by melting the butter over high heat until foamy. Reduce the heat, this time to low, and cook the onions slowly until they are soft and caramelised – about half an hour. Keep an eye on the onions, but move on to the peppers now, ok?

In another pan – how many pans do I expect you to own? Maybe decant the mushrooms to a dish and keep warm, wipe out the mushroom pan and heat, this time the oil, over high heat. Add the capsicums and stir-fry for a minute or so, or until they are soft and vibrant.

Now that they are sorted, remove the steak from the freezer and slice very thinly. Heat a griddle over high heat, brush with oil and cook for about a minute per side. Remove to a dish, pour over the worcestershire, season and keep warm.

Now for the fun to start – split the hoagies, butter generously (if you like heat) with hot english mustard, spoon in mushrooms, onions and peppers, top with the piping hot meat and layer with cheese. Hopefully your cheese will melt from the heat more than mine did, but hey it is cold for Brisbane at the moment.

Then, don’t think twice – devour.

 

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Chillian AnderCon Queso Dip

Condiment, Dip, Party Food, Snack

Full disclosure, I have never seen an episode of The X-Files.

Yes, I spent a lot of time on the set due to my friendship and subsequent affair with David Duchovny and to gather intel for the script of the porn parody I was working on, which was obviously called The Sex-Files.

Despite being quite busy being … occupied by David and my research, I was able to connect with the delightful, elegant and downright badass Gillian Anderson.

Gills and I connected over our shared Chicago heritage – she was born there, I inspired the role of Velma Kelly – and she quickly took me under her wing, I assume to “fix” me. Clearly she didn’t know who she was dealing with!

Either way, I continued to be an obnoxious, hyper-sexual, alcoholic, junky, felon and G loved me, either in spite of or because of my flaws.

G has been very busy lately, what with The X-Files reboot, her creepy turn in Hannibal and starring in the critically acclaimed The Fall, which she won’t let me near. Yes, Jamie Dornan does have a restraining order out against me, but I know that if she just got me close enough I’d be able to explain why I was caught rubbing his hair while he slept. I mean, it was only the one time after all.

Obvs I would then get a role as Christian’s lover in 50 Shades of Gay … which is what he will demand the sequels become to celebrate both our love and our kinks.

Anyway, it has been ages since we last caught up so I made sure I blocked out some time in her calendar months ago so that we could reconnect and I could work on the Jamie sitch, and nothing says reconnection quite like a big ol’ bowl of Chillian AnderCon Queso Dip.

 

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I make no secret of my unbridled love of cheese: cottage, gouda, roquefort, camembert, pamesan, feta, dick, cheddar, philly, swiss – you name it, I’ll gobbleeat it. Add my other fave, chilli, and you’ve got a warm, thick white liquid that you want to take straight in the mouth … on a chip, right?

Either way, enjoy!

 

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Chillian AnderCon Queso Dip
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
225g vintage cheddar cheese
125g colby cheese
100g queso quesadilla
340g  cream cheese
3 fresh tomatoes, chopped
6 spring onions, finely chopped
6 jalapeños, chopped
3 garlic cloves, minced
½ cup fresh coriander, chopped
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Melt cheeses together in a saucepan over low heat.

Stir in all other ingredients.

Devour, warm, with corn chips. Or even better, Tortéa Leoni Chips?

 

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Jay Zucchini Bake

Main, Snack

Gol-ly! You have no idea how much I have missed my boy Jay Z.

As you know, I’m a very close friend of the Knowles-Z clan having met both Jay and Bey in the 90s, suggesting they collaborated in the 00s and leading to the birth of the first family of music. You’re welcome.

Now – full disclosure – my relationship with Jay hasn’t always lead to positive things. Obviously.

We first met in the mid 90s when I tried to jack the car he was selling his CDs out of. While I regret trying to rob him – it was the 90s and I needed to by coke to stay thin while I worked on Models Inc. – the ensuing media coverage of our bitter trial grabbed the attention of Priority Records and lead to the release of his first album.

It was the guilt I felt about my failed robbery that lead to me stabbing Lance Rivera for him in ‘99. Obviously, I expect you to respect my privacy / not tell the authorities the truth. Thanks.

Anyway, after the wild years and a couple of stints in rehab, I introducing Jay and Bey and the rest, is history.

JayBey have been all over the news following the release of her latest opus, Lemonade but thankfully I was able to shy away from the negative publicity despite being Becky and threw that shrew Rachael Ray – she knows what she did – under the bus.

Given the tragic hate-crime that occurred in Orlando over the weekend, our catch-up was a little more somber than usual as it truly hit home to both of us, as we understand what it is like to be persecuted for simply being.

So with hope that America may finally release their balls from the vice-like grip of the NRA / Charlton Heston’s ghost and that everyone across the planet could just learn to be a little bit kinder and let people live, even simply, without fear of judgement or persecution, we sat down to a comforting meal of Jay Zucchini Bake.

 

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Like the human race, the bake is a mish mash of vibrant, unique veggies, sharp cheese, delicate eggs and salty bacon that when combined forms a perfectly fluffy dish that proves, once and for all I say, that joining together because of our differences is when magic truly happens.

Enjoy – I promise to not be so heavy next week.

 

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Jay Zucchini Bake
Serves: 4-6 for dinner, 8-10 for lunches or snacks.

Ingredients
6 rashers bacon, diced
1 cup corn kernels, fresh or frozen, it doesn’t matter
2 zucchinis, grated
1 large carrot, grated
1 onion, diced
½ red capsicum, diced
250g goat’s cheese
1 cup flour
2 tsp baking powder
6 eggs
⅓ cup oil
⅓ cup freshly grated parmesan

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Heat a skillet over medium heat and fry the bacon until it is just starting to get crispy. Add the corn and cook for a further couple of minutes before removing it from the heat. You can avoid frying the corn if you can’t be bothered, this is more important if you’re using frozen corn as you need to remove as much liquid as possible.

While the bacon and corn are resting, combine the zucchini, carrot, onion and capsicum in a large bowl. Crumble in the goat’s cheese and mix through the cooled bacon / corn mix, flour and baking powder.

At this point I should probably mentioned that the order of this recipe really doesn’t matter at all, but I am kind of anal and this is how I do it … always. Just because.

Anyway, aside over. Whisk the oil and eggs together in a measuring jug or something of the ilk, and add it to the bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper and stir to combine.

Pour the mix into a large baking dish, cover with the parmesan and bake for about 30 minutes, or until golden and set.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Aubrie and Mushroom Bracotto

Main, Survivor: Kaôh Rōng

It pains me to say this … absolutely pains me, the runner-up / first loser of Survivor: Kaoh Rong, is the undisputed queen of the island Aubry Bracco.

While I agree that Michele earned her win, laying low and moving when she needed to, building relationships and winning some well-timed challenges – Aubry was the dominant force of the season, reading the situation perfectly and dictating the votes at every tribal she attended.

Thankfully – and I use that term loosely – losing Neal didn’t impact on her placement, so I guess it makes it easier to accept.

Well, easier to accept than the O.J. verdict at the very least.

I’ve long been friends with Aubs, having attended Brown University together with Summer Roberts where we connected over her love of drawing with crayons and my love of finger painting.

While I returned to Australia (following one of my deportations), we stayed in close contact throughout the years via our passion for social media.

Aubs was feeling defeated when she made it to Ponderosa after reading the vibe of the jury and knowing that she’d have to wait an entire year for her second place cheque. Thankfully I had a nice big bowl of my Aubrie and Mushroom Bracotto, as a chaser to my warm embrace of course.

 

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Like Aubs’ run in the game, the risotto packs a punch and overcomes some strong flavours to result in a smooth, delicate dish that is fit for a winner.

The winner that should’ve been – enjoy!

 

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Aubrie and Mushroom Bracotto
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
60g unsalted butter
2 onions, finely chopped
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 tsp chilli flakes
2 tbsp finely chopped rosemary leaves
1 ⅓ cups arborio rice
100ml white wine
3 cups chicken stock, warm
100ml pure cream
300g mushrooms
150g brie, torn into pieces

Method
Heat the oil and half the butter in a pan over medium-low heat.

Add the onions, garlic, chilli and half the rosemary, and cook for 5-10 minutes, until the onion is soft and sweet.

Add the rice and stir to coat the grains before adding the wine. Stir and simmer for a minute, or until evaporated. Mix in the stock, a ladleful at a time, allowing each to be absorbed completely before adding the next. Continue cooking, while stirring, for about 15 minutes before adding in the cream and cooking for a further minute. Remove from the heat.

Meanwhile, melt the remaining butter in a skillet over high heat and cook the mushrooms and remaining rosemary until golden, about 5 minutes. Remove from the heat and season.

Add the mushrooms to the risotto, stir to combine and serve immediately, topping generously with pieces of brie.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Pasta alla Jenovese Garth

Donna Martin graduates, Main, Pasta

I know you’re never meant to have favourite children, but Kelly Taylor / Jennie Garth is mine. Oh, FYI I am the Mrs Garrett of the 90210-ers.

I mean sure, Torz grew up with a wrapping room, Luke is hot, Jace is dreamy, Ian was a stripper, BAG bagged himself Megan Fox, Gabrielle Cataractis was 100 and you should respect your elders and Shannen Doherty would kick the shit out of me for saying it, but Jennie was always the one I related to the best.

I first connected with her in the late 80s when we both auditioned for Saved by the Bell. While I nailed (the chemistry test with) Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Jen and I were bonded after being robbed by Tiffy T for the role of Kelly Kapowski.

Seeing the bright talent she was, I contacted Azzy and asked him to create a better Kelly on his then in development show 90210. Again, you’re welcome. For those keeping score this is two from two stars I recruited to the show. I don’t mean to blow my own trumpet, but I was very skilled at being Azzy’s right hand … but again, I’ve digressed and I don’t want to make things smutty.

Jen and I were as thick as thieves on set – some say she felt like she owed me, others that I threatened her into joining my squad like a 90s T-Swiz – and she always had my back when Annelie and I were feuding / throwing acid at each other.

It has been a busy few years for Jen and I, so we haven’t been able to catch-up as often as we like. Can you believe I haven’t seen her since her wedding last year … where I was Maid of Honour?

We spent the catch-up chatting and giggling like school girls and completely forgot that we were meant to be sharing the graduation of Donna Martin to trigger Annelie’s memory. Maybe she is never meant to get it back? I don’t know. All I know is that my Pasta alla Jenovese Garth makes everything feel ok.

 

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This meal is the perfect balance of fresh and hearty … and fits in with the strange dietary requirements of a toddler – EVERYTHING MUST BE THE ONE COLOUR. Or maybe that is just my nieces and nephews? I’ve been too successful with my Diva coaching, shantay you stay in my heart kids.

I’ve digressed.

The lemon and basil work together to make the veggies sing. And then add cheese? You know I’m in heaven.

Enjoy!

 

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Pasta alla Jenovese Garth
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
¼ – ⅓ cup Toni Basil Pesto (you can replace parmesan for pecorino)
200g cream delight potatoes
500g tagliatelle
1 big handful fine green beans, topped, tailed and halved
100g pecorino cheese, grated
basil leaves

Method
Bring a large pan of water to the boil.

Thinly slice the potatoes in half and then into very thin half-moons – as Jackie Taylor, I assume, would tell you, thin is in.

Add some salt to the boiling water and add the pasta, cooking as per packing instructions.

When there is about three minutes left, add the beans and potatoes and cook until the pasta is al dente and the veggies are cooked … but still have a bit of bite. Drain, reserving a little of the cooking water.

Return the pasta and veggies to the pan, off the heat, and stir through the pesto. If the pasta is too claggy, stir through some of the cooking water to loosen the sauce. Season to taste, serve and top with pecorino and any extra basil leaves.

You can also trade out the beans with halved brussels sprouts and add a whack of dried chilli if you want. It tastes pretty amazing, FYI.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Kyle Jasonion Soup

Main, Soup, Survivor: Kaôh Rōng

Previously on Survivor, everything was going fantaistically for Mark’s best friend and Aubry and Cydney rejoiced over wine (who wouldn’t), before Sargsonlye survived another tribal council as they sent my dear, sweet protege Julia to Ponderosa.

After tribal, Michelle and Sargsonyle were feeling on the outs and a miracle occurred – Rudy 2.0 finally had a speaking role.

And what an absolute dream it was!

Sargsonyle – who we learnt at tribal (not to get ahead of myself) went by Jason, despite his name being Kyle and his nickname being Sarg – was very upset that nobody was playing the game (stealing Ciera’s script from last season) to which Rudy 2.0 / old Joe explained that not playing the way he wanted, didn’t mean that people weren’t playing.

Yas, queen!

After dropping truth bombs we went to a reward challenge – it involved trios playing with balls until they slipped into holes, so you know Probst was thrilled – where Joe, despite being mega chatty, continued his hallowed anti-Anglim spree.

While J, Tai and Mich were away on reward, Joe continued to dominate the screen time, getting the girls in on the wood collecting action like an older version of Butch from The Amazon. Pissing off Cydney in the process.

Then Tai wanted Michelle out, and Michelle decided it was time to finally cut Jason while Jason also wanted Joe gone and Cydney decided that Tai should be voted out for dictating a potential Michelle boot.

By the time we made it to Tribal with immunity around Cydney’s neck, it was anyone’s game. Despite Tai using his extra vote against Michelle, it was poor, tough, aggressive Jason that made his way to jury.

I first connected with Jason when we worked together a few years back in Michigan. He was one of the best bounty hunters in southeast Michigan, I was the best (encouraging the character of Horse Renoir in the process). As crushing as that was for him, he never held it against me and looked to me for guidance.

We lost contact after I committed a whole bunch of fraud and ended up as one of his bounties, so it was quite awkward to see him in Ponderosa. Thankfully I had my Kyle Jasonion Soup to use as a distraction (slash weapon, if needed – soup be hot ya’ll).

 

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My earliest experience with french onion soup was not a pleasant one. Remember that 90s dip your mum used to make with the powder soup mix and sour cream? No, just me. It was delicious, Kraft Onion and Bacon Dip delicious and that is terrifying, embarrassing and fills me with culinary shame. Yes I would still eat both of them with a spoon, but I shouldn’t love something like them.

Pretty much what 90% of Hollywood says about me, I guess.

Once you’ve had legit onion soup however, you will both forget about the powder dip and your shame. The sweet caramelised onions mixed with the freshness of the sage and sharp bubbling cheese truly warms your soul. And considering it is soup, it also heats you up.

Perfect for the Kaoh Rong heat – enjoy!

 

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Kyle Jasonion Soup
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
30g butter
olive oil
4 red onions, peeled and chopped
4 large white onions, peeled and chopped
3 shallots, peeled and sliced
200g leeks, trimmed, washed and roughly chopped
20 fresh sage leaves, roughly chopped, reserving a couple to garnish
6 cloves garlic, peeled and crushed
2 litres vegetable stock
½ loaf of stale(ish) sourdough, thickly sliced
Handful of grated vintage cheddar cheese
Worcestershire sauce, for seasoning

Method
Heat the butter and oil over medium heat in a large pan. Add the onions, shallots, leeks, sage and leek aka everything solid, season well and give a good stir to combine. Reduce the heat to low, cover leaving the lid slightly ajar and sweat, stirring occasionally, until soft and sweet – about an hour.

Preheat the oven to 180°C.

When the onion menagerie are slimy, sweet and sexy, remove the lid, add the stock, increase the heat and bring to the boil. When boiling like Tribal Council tension, reduce the heat and simmer for about 20 minutes.

Yes, this takes a while to cook but don’t rush it. I mean, 32 days is longer so don’t even complain to Jace!

While simmering, toast the bread, top it with a generous layer of cheddar and a reserved sage leave, and bake in the oven for about 10 minutes.

When your onions and leeks are lovely and silky, add the stock. Bring to the boil, turn the heat down and simmer for 10 to 15 minutes. You can skim any fat off the surface if you like, but I prefer to leave it because it adds good flavour.

When everything is hot and ready – like me in Skarsy boudoir – ladle the soup into bowls and top with the cheese toasts and a drizzle of worcestershire.

Devour … avoiding burning your throat in the process. Being soup, that is definitely a challenge.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Julia Sokolowsquinoa Salad

Main, Salad, Side, Snack, Survivor: Kaôh Rōng

Previously on Survivor, Tai escaped from the hold of the dark ones … who technically would be the Dark Two, but whatever, semantics. Tai went back to the heroes and gave us a classic Tribal Council moment when he nah bro’d Scot to the jury.

Everyone but Jason/Kyle/Sarge and the beauty girls seemed happy about the switch, particularly Tai and Aubry who spent, what I assume was the entire night making out.

Poor Caleb, first being brutally medevaced, now cheated on by Tai? Tragic.

We then heard Jason/Kyle/Sarge repeat the same confessional sixteen times before we headed to reward where luck was not on what’s-his-face’s side again, missing the opportunity to compete for fried chicken and wine, aka my foreplay. While the castaways were happy, I’m pretty sure that production stole a romantic date Probst had planned for us, so I’m obviously suing CBS.

While the third/second coming of the Black Widow Brigade and The Witches Coven respectively were away on reward with a random dog, no joke, Sargsonle once again spoke about how screwed he was while Julia salivated at the thought of booting Tai and murdering fan-favourite Mark the Chicken – who has had more screentime than Rudy 2.0 all season.

Little did she know how soon she’d be getting to eat as, once again, the castaways went a bit crazy and turned on my dear friend and protege, Julia Sokolowski after Tai dotted his T and crossed his I to save himself. Well technically, Aubs has kind of had it out for her for a few weeks now. But she was legitimately #Blindsided, so I still chalk it up to a bit of Kaoh Rong cuckoo.

Oh and Michelle won immunity spelling blindside before blindsided her closest ally and the second place finisher of the challenge, so that is pretty ironic. Maybe. More than Alanis’ examples were.

Probably.

I first met Jules last year and despite not knowing her for long, she has quickly become one of my closest friends and I am endeavouring to mould her into being a kind, rational and completed grounded person, just like me!

You see, JuJuSki is lucky enough to not only attend my Alma Mater, Boston University, but also to have pledged my sorority Alpha Phi.

As a former president of Alpha Phi in the mid-90s (there was a campus serial killer at the time which inspired both Scream 2 and Scream Queens … but I’ll tell you about it later), I like to provide support and guidance to my new sisters and help shape the minds of the future. JuJu is a shining star and as soon as I saw her, I knew that she had to be my latest mentee.

Ju was sad to make her way to Ponderosa, but as a super fan, was able to respect the gameplay. Plus I had a big bowl of my Julia Sokolowsquinoa Salad on hand to distract her from her boot slash not eating Mark the Chicken.

 

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Full disclosure, I spilt some wine and Julia shed some tears into the pot while cooking the quinoa so it is a bit soggier than normal. Obviously, we expect no judgement. Plus, even if you tried, Julia would just straight up turn around and walk out mid-way through your sentence like she did to Jeff mid-snuff. Girl is tough.

Despite the hiccup, this salad is seriously good! The sweetness of the pumpkin works perfectly with the nuttiness of the goat’s cheese and the tang on the orange. Plus, quinoa is healthy so you can feel totally smug after eating it.

Enjoy!

 

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Julia Sokolowsquinoa Salad
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
450g can whole baby beetroot, rinsed and drained (You could use fresh, trimmed, scrubbed, wrapped in foil and baked for 30mins. But who can be bothered in the middle of the Cambodian jungle?)
¼ cup extra virgin olive oil, plus extra for drizzling
800g pumpkin, peeled, cut into 3cm pieces
1 tsp cumin
1 tbsp fresh thyme
400g white quinoa, rinsed thoroughly
2 oranges
1 tbsp honey
1 tsp wholegrain mustard
⅓ cup flat-leaf parsley leaves, chopped
½ cup walnuts, toasted, chopped
120g goat’s cheese, crumbled

Method
Preheat oven to 180C. Spread pumpkin out on a lined baking sheet, drizzle with extra oil, the cumin, a good whack of salt and pepper and bake for about 30 minutes, or golden and cooked through.

Cook quinoa following packet directions, avoiding to overcook or drown in booze/tears like we did – maybe you like mushy, soggy food? Either way, when it is cooked to your liking, set it aside to cool.

Peel and segment the oranges over a large bowl to catch all of the juice and combine with the honey, mustard and oil. Stirring to combine.

Cut beetroot into wedges and add to the orange and dressing with the pumpkin, quinoa, parsley, walnuts and cheese.

Devour and let your post blindside rage disappear.

 

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LasEnya

Baking, Main, Pasta

It has been a rough decade not having Enya in my life. Kind of like being on the trains, in the winter rains … but emotionally, not literally. You know?

Picture it, Middle Earth 2001. I had just gotten Enya the job writing a song for the first Lord of My Ring (that’s what I thought it was called when I, helped, Peter Jackson to secure her job).

I was working my way through the Elfen extras to try and claim the Holy Grail of Orlando, watering my bloom. Long story short, I mistook Ens for an elf, she was upset I stopped when I realised it was her and was distraught that once again, I missed Orlando. Mud was slinged, words were said and I had my name removed from the co-writing credit and was robbed of another Oscar nomination.

Angry and hurt, I toured the most reputable and rational Hollywood publications PerezHilton and TMZ spewing vitriol and campaigning heavily against her winning the Oscar. It worked and sadly cost me our friendship.

Until she called.

You see, like me, Ens had tried to stay up-to-date on how the other was doing and lament the state of our friendship. Seeing my current success (and likely sensing the future plaudits and film adaptation she could score), Ens reached out to bury the hatchet and thankfully she was serious when she assured me it wouldn’t be in my back.

Ens is such an absolute doll and it breaks my heart that we fought so viciously for such a long time. She dropped over at the top of the morning yesterday and despite some initial awkwardness as we apologised and each took the sole blame for our issues while secretly blaming the other for all of them, it was like nothing had changed for the relationship we had in the 70s while I mentored her to success.

We gabbed and gabbed for hours, discussing our mutual disgust for Bono and our hope to collaborate on the melancholic, Opera adaptation of my future hit musical Little Whorephan Andy. Thankfully I had a huge batch of my LasEnya as we were worn out from all the planning!

 

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Lasagne is the ultimate comfort food – gooey cheese, rich sauce and a whack of herbs, it is life affirming, truly – and thankfully it is almost cold enough in Brisbane for me to pretend it is weather appropriate.

I mean, pasta? Amazing. Cheese? Even more amazing. Add in some pesto and hot damn you have a holy trinity of ingredients that instantly ends all feuds AND is a lovely shade of green for some cultural celebration.

Enjoy!

 

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LasEnya
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
2 tbsp olive oil
handful button mushrooms, finely sliced
1 onion, roughly diced
1 zucchini, grated
1 carrot, grated
1 stalk celery, finely sliced
3 garlic cloves, crushed
500g lean beef mince
700g bottle tomato passata
2 cups beef stock
250g dried instant lasagne sheets
1 ½ cup grated mozzarella
250g tub smooth ricotta
300ml thickened cream
2 eggs, lightly beaten
¼ cup Toni Basil pesto
fresh basil leaves, to garnish

Method
Heat the oil in a large pan over medium heat and cook the mushrooms, onion, zucchini, carrot, celery and garlic until very soft, about 10 minutes. Add the mince and break up with the back of a wooden spoon, as it browns. Stir in the stock, passata and a good whack of salt and pepper, bring to the boil and then reduce the heat to low and simmer for 20 minutes and starting to thicken.

Preheat oven to 160°C.

Spread 1 ½ cups of the mince mixture over the base of a deep 22x30cm baking dish. Top with ¼ of the lasagne sheets. Top with ⅓ of the remaining meat mixture and ⅓ mozzarella. Repeat layers twice more aka the remaining ⅔ of each, finishing with a layer of lasagne sheets.

Whisk the ricotta, cream, eggs and pesto together in a bowl, season and pour mixture over the lasagne.

Now this is important and I would normally completely ignore this step, but don’t be like me, be a winner; cover the baking dish with tented foil. Tented? You want the foil to cover the dish, but not come into direct contact with it and leave you with a deliciously crisped piece of foil cheese and a mutilated lasagne … but anyway.

Bake for 40 minutes. Un-tent and bake for a further 10 minutes, or until golden and crisp.

Stand for 10 minutes and then serve. Again, don’t be a Ben – allow it to stand. You’ll regret it if you don’t.

 

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