Frasausage Melack

Keeping it Kardashian Khristmas, Main, Sandwich, Snack, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Gerry joined the Villains as a spy, though after being welcomed so warmly, he embraced his new tribe and well, rose to the top with George and Shiz. After the Heroes narrowly took out immunity – thanks to Benjamin and Paige slaying with some signing to stealthily solve the puzzle – Simon was ready to finally take the shot on George, given he has an immunity idol – lol – and a group of allies behind him to seize power. Sadly, Shonee realised she, Liz and George couldn’t trust Sarah and as such, whipped everyone into a frenzy to take out the swing vote instead of taking a shot, Sarah, who definitely didn’t push Miss Greece down the stairs.

The next day the Heroes were talking about how small their tribe feels without Gerry, while Sharni in particular was still annoyed at how things played out. Despite Sharni loving the idea of playing with loyalty, I live for how annoyed she is at the tribe. Realising she was annoyed, Sam checked in with her with Sharni talking about how desperately she was hoping Gerry survived, knowing it spoke to how strong a game he can play. And how kind he is.

Speaking of Gerry, he was living his best life at the Villains camp, smashing some rice in awe of the waves on their beach. And TBH, he did not really want to go back to his old tribe anymore, given they are so kind and he just clicked with Shonee, Liz and George. This glorious foursome were hunting for wood as Gerry grew more and more nervous about returning to the Heroes, given they stitched him up. Despite the initial purpose being to get goss for the Heroes, he pointed out to his new besties – he is Old Spice in the alliance, FYI – that Simon needs to go ASAP as if he makes the swap, he will immediately align with the alphas running the Heroes and as such, he is down to get rid of him. Though sadly George spoke about it in front of Simon.

As Simon prepared to go for a swim, he could barely hide his disdain for George who was trying to make conversation. As he was chilling out, Liz called his bestie Jordie over to point out what happened, with him realising that his ally is getting way too toxic for the tribe. And that night under the cover of darkness, Jordie and George caught up about how to navigate the escalating tensions, while Jordie shared with us that now just might be the time to play Simon and George off against each other and give the rest of them a break.

The tribes reconvened with Jonathan for the immunity challenge where the Heroes were delighted to see Gerry had survived the previous tribal council. Well, until JLP got cheeky and offered him the choice between sticking with the Villains and returning to the Heroes in which case they got super awkward, until he opted to return to them. While the Villains were left reeling, Jonathan explained that to win immunity they would face off in trios to push a ball into a goal in the water with the first tribe to two securing victory. First up were Shiz and Simon opposite Flick, Hayley and Shaun, with the Heroes obviously taking out the first point, despite some heroic fighting from Shonee. As George whispered from the sidelines that Simon’s desire to face Shaun is hurting their chances. Jordie, Fraser and George then faced off against Sam, David and Matt with the Heroes quickly scoring immunity despite some epic fighting from George. As Stevie muttered about getting rid of George on the sidelines.

Back at camp the tribe spoke about how disappointed they were to lose Gerry before everything descended into absolute chaos. Simon’s faction were thrilled to be able to take out their biggest nemesis, George. With Simon feeling particularly confident, given he has the idol – he doesn’t – and a loyal bestie in Jordie – debatable. He caught up with Stevie who was thrilled to jump on board getting rid of George while Simon coached him on how to sell his desire to get rid of him to Shiz and George. After thanking Stevie for protecting him after all he has done to protect him, Stevie came up with some codes before they split up to scramble. Stevie went to George to tell him how he is over Simon bossing him around, while Simon caught up with Shiz who questioned why George and Stevie were even talking.

Jordie meanwhile continued to question what is the best path forward given Simon is abrasive and rubbing everyone the wrong way. He approached Fraser and outlined everything, telling him that they now have a decision to make. Ready to lock in with George and Shiz – knowing that joining the alpha alliance would be his undoing – Jordie told them about Simon’s idol, telling them they need to make sure he has no clue about the vote to guarantee he doesn’t play it. After getting Fraser over the line, the group locked in their plan as Liz worried about Simon crying once he is blindsided with an idol. Again. Feeling uber confident, Simon then caught up with George to assure him that he knows they need each other and that Stevie will be going home tonight.

While Shiz spoke about how much they are looking forward to Simon going home.

At tribal council George spoke about how disappointed he was that Gerry left them, despite the Heroes voting him out previously. That being said, he accepts the fact he felt safer amongst a tribe of athletes that consistently win challenges. Which obviously annoyed Simon. As George spoke about wanting to focus on getting rid of the weak, Simon angrily told him he can’t exactly vote for himself, while George calmly thanked him for calling him weak. Liz spoke about being sick of the tension, while Stevie felt something needed to be done while Jordie cautioned everyone needed to come together otherwise they will all be screwed. George meanwhile spoke about how much he achieved in his first seasons and as such, he doesn’t feel like he needs to build a legacy because he already has one while not every returnee can say that.

Growing more irate, Simon sassed out George, asking why he doesn’t want to win, rubbing salt in his wounds for Hayley beating him. Jordie grew more and more exasperated, assuring everyone to trust in the last conversations they had, with Shonee agreeing it was for the best. As they seemingly tried to wrap things up, JLP decided to throw a spanner in the works, announcing that tonight’s tribal council will be a little different as while they are still booting someone from the game, it won’t happen until after they have competed in a little individual immunity challenge.

With that Jonathan and the Villains relocated to a field outside tribal council  where they would each race to build poles long enough to release a flint from a post before building a fire big enough to burn through a rope. Simon quickly built his pole, though failed to release his flint as he and George started to bicker. While quietly working away, Shonee made her first attempt before failing as Simon tried again and jagged his flint. As George and Shiz looked ready to murder him, Liz quietly cheered on Jordie, willing him to close the gap and keep the plan from falling apart. Though it was all for nothing as Simon built a large fire and jagged immunity, while George turned his attention to scrambling. As Simon tried to squeak out a tear over how proud he is to win immunity.

After returning to tribal council, George and Shiz went to one corner of tribal council while the rest of the tribe went to another. George told Shiz to join the boys and act like he is going home, while he intended to create war and chaos amongst them. When Shiz approached them however, Simon loudly told them all to go sit down and open it up to the floor instead. While Liz requested he calm down. Simon spoke about his pride at having immunity, particularly since he knows he was likely copping votes tonight. George piped up and said that he was told that Stevie was going home, meaning the plan had clearly changed multiple times. Stevie said that came as a shock to him, while George asked Simon why he was told that plan.

Simon said that he told multiple people different things to keep things from blowing up, while George doubled down on how much Simon throws out way too many options. Stevie questioned why Simon threw out his name ahead of the second tribal council, while Simon desperately tried to assure him they were close and how much he values their friendship. George pointed out that Simon’s attitude shows he takes the game way too personally and he really needs to correct if he wants to last much further. Before ominously pointing out that the numbers will speak loudest tonight.

The groups split up to lock in their plans, with George filling Shiz in on the fact he has an idol and that he will be playing it but making things as uncomfortable as possible before the votes are read. While Simon forced the boys to lock in on George. After returning to their seats, Simon attempted to apologise to Shonee and Liz, with the later pointing out he clearly has no respect for them or their games before he and George grew more and more hostile with each other. That led to Jordie jumping in and reminding them that this is a game and it is meant to be fun, rather than them speaking to each other like absolute trash. To which Jonathan agreed, as George ominously shared that he is looking forward to a little bit of fun.

With that the tribe voted – Simon of all people telling George to treat people with respect – as George pulled out his idol as the last person – Stevie – stood up to vote, leading to laughter from Jordie and Fraser as Simon asked him who was going home, then. He then started taunting Simon, asking if he would be playing his idol to save Stevie and prove whether he is a hero or a villain. Sadly he took it one step further though, pointing out that Jordie is coming for him and told everyone about his idol. Which is worse than what Dani did in their first season, given Jordie pretends to be his bestie. He then told Simon to play his idol for Stevie and prove he is good, before Simon asked Jordie what was true. Jordie admitted to everything, knowing the numbers were against him and shared that he voted against Stevie.

George then double down, telling Simon his smartest move was to play the idol for Stevie and guarantee that one of the people that have been disloyal to him goes home and wake up tomorrow in power with him and Shiz, a clean slate between them and the knowledge that he only has one more traitor to get rid of before they swap. Simon held firm, pointing out that somebody needs to go while George turned his attention to Stevie, apologising and pointing out he desperately wanted to wake up with him tomorrow morning. Simon then offered a heartfelt apology to Stevie who was flabbergasted that Simon had turned on him while George pointed out that he will know who he can trust when he wakes up the next morning.

Which should have been a clue that all was not as it seems as two votes piled up on George – which did not count – and a pair came in for Stevie before George, Shonee and Liz’s votes piled up on Fraser. Brilliantly ruining Simon’s game and locking in Stevie as a number for George. And ugh, it was hard to watch for most of the time, but that was an epic tribal council. As was Stevie telling Simon they are not friends as he tried to apologise.

By the time Fraser arrived at Loser Lodge he was relieved to be away from the drastically escalating tensions, disappointed to be out of the game and a teeny tiny bit excited to be the person going home after such a memorable tribal council. I pulled him in for a hug and assured him that there was honestly nothing he could have done amidst the chaos that had unfolded over the course of the night and as such, he should still be proud of the game he had played. Oh and of course, rest easy knowing that being the person eliminated after the biggest tribal council of the series pretty much guarantees him a second shot. Which cheered him up almost as much as the piping hot Frasausage Melack I whipped up.

While I know a melt is nothing more than a toasted sandie, there is something so soothing about them that I instantly put them on a pedestal over a classic toastie. Though maybe it is because they focus even more heavily on cheese, which is essentially my personality and life at this point. Add in a little sausage and you know I’m in heaven.

Enjoy!

Frasausage Melack
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
2 onions, thinly sliced
1 red capsicum, seeded and sliced
2 tsp chilli flakes
salt and pepper, to taste
500g Italian sausage, casings removed
8 slices sourdough
¼ cup Shayonnaise Swain
1 cup provolone cheese
1 cup mozzarella cheese
¼ cup butter

Method
Pop the oil in a large skillet over medium heat and saute the onions and capsicums for about ten minutes, or until nice and soft. Add the chilli flakes, season and cook for a further minute or so before removing from the heat.

Shape the sausage meat into four thin patties and add to the still hot pan and cook for a couple of minutes each side until cooked. Remove from heat and wipe out the pan.

To assemble the sandwiches, smear the mayo on each slice of bread before dividing half the cheeses on four of the slices. Top with the onion and capsicum, followed by the patties and the rest of the cheese. Close the sandwiches with the remaining bread and smear some butter on the top of each.

Pop the clean skillet over medium heat again and place the sandwiches buttered side down on the pan and cook for a few minutes. Butter the tops of the sandwiches before flipping and cooking for a further couple of minutes. Serve immediately, cut in half of course, and devour.


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Robin Daufiercenoise

RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 15, Side, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race the dolls formed three fashion houses out of homewares inspired by Michelle, Ross or Carson. Amongst the sea of Jersey divas, Palm Springs holiday makers and preppy ranchers, Luxx was gorgeous, Sasha continued to not put a single molecule wrong and Malaysia was an artiste with hot glue. At the other end of the pack, Salina gave way too much and Amethyst was an absolute unfinished, mess. Despite a bunch of strong looks, Luxx managed to score her first win of the season while Salina fired up in the lip sync, sending Amethyst home on her third lip sync.

Backstage Salina was still in her feelings though assured her sisters her time in the bottom did nothing but motivate her to slay. Luxx meanwhile was feeling her oats, glad to officially now be a frontrunner with Sasha, Loosey and Anetra. Malaysia meanwhile opened up about how glad she was to just land in the top, which hilariously led to Luxx sharing that she wasn’t actually sure whether Malaysua was one of the tops or bottoms.

The next day the dolls were busy keeping the drama alive as Malaysia questioned who thought she shouldn’t have topped with Mistress gladly telling her that she was sure she didn’t deserve it. And well, she has no taste either. Before their friendship could be ruined, Ru dropped by to announce that this week they’d be forming a trio of Golden-Girl Groups. One group would play rock, another country and the last would serve hip hop. And the dolls would be selecting their options. But not before the Old Gays dropped by to join the Pit Crew and ugh, I love how cute they are.

After the Old Gays were chased out of the Werk Room, the dolls sat down to listen to their tunes with everyone vibing with various genres before the dolls locked in which one they wanted. Obviously there was drama as two of the groups chose metal, leading to a fight while Anetra, Loosey, Jax and Robin gladly snatched hip hop for themselves. Inspired by Daya Betty, both of the other groups refused to back down as Malaysia, and Mistress and Luxx in particular got heated before Marcia Cubed suggested some rock, paper, scissors. Group Hip Hop grew more and more exhausted by the drama before the others ultimately selected the genre out of a hat, with Malaysia, Sasha, Spice and Aura thrilled to come out on top with metal. With the drama over, the groups split up to start writing their verses with Luxx, Mistress, Salina and Marcia trying to polish the emotional turd that was their loss. Salina in particular spiralled, given she hates country music.

Team Hip Hop were first to record with Anetra leaning into silly, Loosey was hilarious, Jax was fierce and while Robin was confident in her vocals, she was terrified of her rap ways and seemed to struggle. Team Country kicked it off with Marcia showing off her Broadway chops, Mistress leaning into country, Luxx giving gospel queen and well Salina just ignored the genre and had fun. Team Metal were feeling the pressure to slay but they shouldn’t have, given they all killed the record and gave all the fire. Despite Aura being completely in her nerves at the start. When it came to the choreography the hip hop dolls focused on whether they used walkers or canes, Marcia led the country girls to a strong, cohesive piece while Sasha and Aura desperately tried to keep the girls on task. Despite heckling from Mistress.

Elimination Day arrived with the dolls thrilled to be showing off their old selves with Spice catching up with Sasha, pointing out that while they joke about her being old, she really isn’t. Sasha pointed out that it really doesn’t bother her given so many trans women often don’t live to be her age. She shared stories of raids in one of her home clubs in Hawaii in the 60s and how far they have come since then, which made her breakdown with gratitude to be able to show off a happy, thriving trans woman and ugh, again, crown her. Meanwhile Mistress and Malaysia were fighting back and forth about their make up and while Mistress was clearly thinking it was fun, I feel like Malaysia missed the memo.

Ru, Michelle and the hilarious Ross Mathews were joined on the panel by the iconic Megan Stalter as the Shady Pines-A-Palooza kicked off with the Banjo Bitches. And well, despite not wanting to do country, they kinda knocked it out of the park. Particularly Marcia’s threat to potentially drop dead mid-song. The Rockin’ Old Gs meanwhile were fire from start to finish with Sasha once again proving she is a damn star, Aura meanwhile was perfection and had her hero moment while Spice had hilarious saggy tiddies while Malaysia gave ancient regal swamp demon and I live. Ol’ Dirty Bitches meanwhile were gloriously street giving killer choreography, though I feel like the judges will read them for being too limber for oldies.

On the Tie-Dye to Die For runway Anetra gave 00s Britney, Jax looked to be covered in slime, Loosey was glam in lilac. Robin was a pink puff delight, Mistress was full pageant, Luxx was a model, Salina gave mermaid, Marcia showed us how she broke her nose, Sasha was a wet, dropping hippie, Aura was perfection in a pantsuit, Spice was acidic and Malaysia was a glam grand damn. And that is all you get cause it literally lasted 30 seconds max.

Loosey, Luxx, Salina, Marcia, Spice and Malaysia were sent to safety before Anetra received universal praise for her runway and lyrics, though read for not being able to lip sync her own verse. Jax was praised for the lyrics though read for giving an orange bodysuit and for being ahead of the beat in the choreography. Robin was read for holding back and playing it safe, with her admitting she doesn’t really like to take risks and as such, is happy to stay in her wheelhouse. Mistress was labelled a star for knocking the performance out of the park and for looking stunning on the runway. Sasha rightly was praised for giving her best, stupid self in the performance and for always being perfect while Aura got far and away the best praise for nailing each and every moment of the week.

Backstage the safe queens were thrilled to be here another week, with the country girls particularly glad to prove they could slay anything despite not wanting the genre. Talk turned to the placements with Luxx sure Robin would be in the bottom, while Loosey thought she may be in the top, while Marcia was shocked to not be in the top, given she did all the choreography. Loosey questioned why Salina didn’t want to do hip hop before talk returned to the feud for rock, with Malaysia calling the other queens bullies. This resulted in the second round of the fight, with Luxx shocked Malaysia was taking things so damn seriously before Marcia told the dolls to stop fighting. Which was the straw that broke Malaysia’s back, who cussed her out and told her to let her feel her feelings. While Marcia just tried to apologise and move on.

Loosey expertly changed the subject to how she felt this challenge made them feel a little stressed, given the challenge is so iconic and important. The girls reflected on their time with the Old Gays and what they learnt by chatting with them and ugh, they are so damn sweet and hearing how they all lost most of their friends in the 80s was just heartbreaking. And while they love how open everyone is these days, they still see the importance of building a strong community. And these scenes are why we need the longer episodes, because it shouldn’t have been buried in Untucked.

Spice decided they should play charades and well, she was just as good at that as she was at Snatch Game. Thankfully the tops and bottoms joined the fray before she could walk another fucking duck, with Aura sharing she was clearly one of the tops and bpy was feeling all of her oats. Mistress shared that she too was in the top, thanking Marcia specifically for getting her there. Robin opened up about how their group made up the bottom and that she will clearly be lip syncing against Jax. Though the duo and Anetra all got to work learning the lyrics, as Anetra is not an idiot and knows to come prepared.

Ultimately Sasha was deemed safe as Aura took out her first win of the season before Mistress was sent to safety alongside Anetra, leaving Jax and Robin to lip sync for their lives. And well, we always knew Jax would turn it out but when The Bangles In Your Room kicked off she basically exploded, giving clean lines and all the moments and while Robin put up a good fight, Jax is Jax – we all remember the skipping, right? – and rightly saved her place in the competition, tragically sending Robin out the door (directly after her ex, no less).

Given Robin is literally the calmest, sweetest person to compete on Drag Race, she walked into the Werk Room with her head held high and was just grateful for the opportunity. I pulled her in for a massive hug and assured her that while she doesn’t have a large personality – compared to her new sisters, at least – she had plenty of star moments during her run. From serving killer looks and solid performances, each week she was able to showcase her talent. And sometimes, that is enough. As is a piping hot Robin Daufiercenoise.

There is nothing more enjoyable than a potato bake, in whatever form or flavour it comes. Rich, warm and oh so soothing, it is the perfect way to dazzle at a barbecue or warm up a cold winter night.

Enjoy!

Robin Daufiercenoise
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
500ml double cream
500ml milk
5 garlic cloves
2 tsp fresh thyme leaves
¼ tsp freshly grated nutmeg
4 maris piper potatoes, thinly sliced
2 sweet potatoes, thinly sliced
100g gruyère cheese, grated

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Combine the cream, milk, garlic, thyme and nutmeg in a large saucepan and bring to a simmer. Add the potato and sweet potato and cook for a few minutes, stirring frequently to avoid sticking. Remove from heat.

Remove the potatoes with a slotted spoon and evenly layer in a shallow baking dish. Pour over the warmed cream and top with the gruyère. Pop in the oven to bake for half an hour, or until the potatoes are tender and the cheese is golden and bubbly.

Then devour, in whatever fashion you like to smash your bakes.


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Rogue Reuben

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Heroes V Villains, Lunch, Main, Sandwich, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor 24 castaways arrived in Samoa ready to prove who was better at the game, good or evil. While Sandra proved Villains generally do it better (multiple times), the Heroes went on a winning streak when it came to the immunity challenges, despite Rogue being the only true hero. Because despite winning all the rewards, the Villains sadly didn’t snag the Meat Tray that is the alpha athlete alliance. Back at the villains, after two losses in a row George found an idol while Simon found SOMETHING that he decided was an idol. With that in mind, Simon wanted to blindside George using the bling with Jordie trying to talk him out of it. At tribal council they floated the idea to Shiz who were not on board, instead talking the boys into taking out Mimi instead.

The next day at the dwindling Villains camp, George was busy hunting for his hat which Simon had burnt at tribal council the previous night in the hopes of being Sandra. That being said, he acted helpful, trying to figure out what happened to it before George gutted him by announcing he doesn’t really care about the damn hat, once again besting the nemesis. The nemesis he doesn’t even realise he has. With that out of the way, the tribe sat around eating cookies and reflecting on the excitement of the previous tribal council and changing the target from Stevie to Mimi at the last minute. Simon meanwhile was thrilled to have an idol, catching up with Jordie to show him what it looks like and well, Jordie’s reaction that it doesn’t look like one should be a warning to him.

We checked in with the Heroes – a good sign we might see a different tribe at tribal tonight – where Sharni was delighted as Paige whipped up some coconut rice. Poor Gerry wandered in with a foot injury with sweet Sharni looking after him, while Hayley was making sure he was fed and ugh, I love watching Sharni dote over him and stop him from working hard. She pointed out that the tribe was feeling pretty harmonious with the girls getting along, the boys bonding and well, Rogue just continued to offend and annoy everyone. Today she focused on how dumb the tribe are, not putting things under the shelter to stay dry. With Hayley summing it up as her working to reduce pain in the outside world, while Rogue had a solid knack for inflicting it.

Knowing she was an easy vote, Hayley started to get eager to go to tribal council and vote out Rogue though was concerned of her target as the sole winner in the cast. As such, she took Flick out to hunt for an idol under the cover of collecting wood. While they were on opposite sides on their original season, like Shonee, Flick was willing to work with Hayley for as long as it suits her. And then, and only then, will she stab her in the back and blindside her.

We caught up with Jonathan for the latest reward challenge – at the site of the very first challenge of the rebooted franchise – where the tribes would face off in trios to collect a football and then pass it to a kicker to score a goal. For an epic pizza party which, TBH feels super unfair for the Villains given the Heroes have not one but two AFL players. First up were the two AFL players, Sharni and Rogue versus Shiz, Simon and Jordie, with Shiz having to call out Rogue for being a psycho – who then told Liz she was a bit of a … – before David put them out of their misery and took out the point for Heroes after two misses from Jordie. Sarah, Stevie, George and Fraser faced off against Flick, Sam, Gerry and Matt with Sam being a bit of a jerk to George and Stevie and well, it was kind of a mess but thankfully Flick got it on her third kick and secured reward for the Heroes.

More importantly, every time Rogue uttered a word from the sideline, the Villains all rolled their eyes.

The Heroes were delighted to find their chest of pizzas back at camp until they realised they were all frozen. Oh and in one of the frozen pizza boxes, David and Sam found a clue to a hidden immunity idol. Though given he kept moving it from butt to taint and back again, I feel like it wasn’t as stealthily pocketed as he thought. Sam was thrilled to have found the clue for his allies, hopeful the idol will propel them to the end. And watching him try to figure out the clue with Shaun and David was hilarious, and I hope the plan to delay looking will come back to bite them. Shaun admitted that not having gone to tribal council puts them all on edge, given they need to draw a line in the sand and as such, he is not sure whether they should make the big move and target Hayley as a winner or get rid of an easy target Rogue who is, um, pretty awful and will delay they having to show their cards.

Hayley meanwhile realised that somebody had found the clue amongst the pizzas and as such, knew time was ticking for her to find the idol and protect herself should they go to tribal council. Speaking of which, she approached Shaun and Benjamin to float the idea of throwing the upcoming immunity challenge to get rid of Rogue. And while the boys were very much on board, her strategic mind to keep a strong 11 rather than a divisive 12 coming into a swap made Shaun more concerned about her.

We quickly reunited with my love JLP for the aforementioned immunity challenge where the tribes would have to hold on to a long log upside down elevated above the ocean with the last tribe to have two people holding on jagging immunity. After all the men on Heroes opted out other than Ben and Gerry – iconic, no – the tribes took their places with Jordie, Simon and Paige all struggling almost instantly. After four minutes Paige dropped, quickly followed by Flick and Benjamin. Simon was first to go from the Villains before Nina exited on the Heroes. Poor Gerry was next to go before Geroge dropped the Villains down to six versus three on the Heroes. As Stevie cheered on his tribe, Rogue dropped out of nowhere leaving Hayley and Sharni to fight for immunity before Hayley hilariously tried to look like she accidentally dropped, handing the jubilant Villains immunity.

As Sam wondered how Hayley actually dropped, given she looked so comfy. While Simon held Stevie in his arms as they celebrated.

Back at camp the tribe came together with the sit outs assuring the people that competed that they were impressed with how hard they fought, despite the loss. They then split up to plot with Nina and Hayley locking in the Rogue vote, with Nina ready for her to get spicy on the way out the door, given she is Rogue. Hayley went to Sharni to loop her in, followed by Flick who gave off the appearance that they didn’t even need to discuss it because, duh. The only thing that was a worry for Hayley was the potential spoiler of an idol, as such, suggesting they split on Gerry given he has an injured foot. 

After everyone reiterated the plan to get out Rogue was super obvious, the tribe caught up to smash some coconuts when Hayley realised that Rogue had disappeared. Not wanting Rogue to ruin her plans, Hayley pulled her aside to check what she was thinking with Rogue floating Shaun and David as options, while Shaun watched on from the bushes. Which made him once again suggest that getting rid of Hayley would make sense. Despite Rogue being the one to throw out his name. Paranoid, Shaun caught up with David and suggested they keep an eye on Hayley to make sure she doesn’t do anything wild. He then approached Flick to float the idea of them switching things up on Hayley with her admitting that it would be smart. She approached Nina who cautioned that they know Hayley is a limited time player, though I’m hopeful that means she means she needs to stay tonight because she will always be a target down the track.

The boys meanwhile were confident, busy locking in their votes for Hayley, as she was busy hunting for the idol. The Meat Tray then joined in the hunt, desperate to foil her plans, as Shaun jagged himself his first ever legit idol. Because let’s not forget that David completely duped him with a fakey. In any event, the find put some wind in his sails and got him ready to pull off a blindside. While Rogue told producers this isn’t a real tribal as there are no guns, so again, please don’t be stupid Shaun. Get Hayley later.

At tribal council – thankfully minus guns – Rogue popped her shirt near the fire to help it dry as she spoke about how the tribe didn’t get margs or sex like on a honeymoon, so it’s not like a honeymoon could even be over, thank you JLP! Reminding everyone she is way too abrasive. Hayley meanwhile spoke about the fact they’ve had so much time to build bonds given they spent the first week immune, meaning they should be able to make a smart decision rather than using petty reasons. Flick meanwhile felt the game had been on pause, so was ready to know where they stand after tonight while Gerry was grateful to be around such accomplished people. While Rogue reiterated that they weren’t all heroes, which again made everyone give a collective eye roll as she clarified only Matt and Gerry were heroes. When Paige questioned whether Rogue was actually a hero, she got very salty and aggressively argued with her, offended to not be called a hero.

This fired Nina up, who stepped in to point out Rogue can come across really poorly, schooling her for speaking to everyone like trash. While Paige offered a calm ‘I agree,’ despite simmering with rage. Rogue tried to downplay the way she comes across with Sam jumping in saying it is fine that she doesn’t like anyone, before she realised everyone wanted her out and as such, requested to go. Like a you can’t fire me, I quit. This left Sam confused, Hayley was scared of the simplicity and Shaun was ready to get rid of some tension. With that the tribe voted as Rogue heckled Paige, telling her it should be easy for her to write down a name, as poor Paige just appeared shocked by how someone could be such a jerk. Jonathan then tallied the votes, as they piled up on Rogue before gagging the tribe as four votes came in for sweet Gerry and one for Paige – who iconically told Rogue there is no love there to share – before we were finally free of Rogue.

As soon as she arrived at Loser Lodge, I asked Rogue to take a seat and talk me though why she had been saying and doing the things she has. Given, you know, my extensive feuds with celebrities – looking at you Annie Lennox – and the fact none of us are perfect. As we’ve seen play out on social media, there appear to be some deeper issues leading to the drama between her and Paige which humanised that feud for me, however there is no way to dance around they things she said to Nina. Thankfully though, she apologised unreservedly to Nina, so I in turn thanked her for fighting for animals, then decided to continue with culinary comfort as planned, serving up a Rogue Reuben rather than saving it for Benjamin to get two recipes instead.

Given Rogue is such a passionate animal activist, I wanted to give her a recipe that was vegetarian or vegan. And dare I say it, this is even better than a traditional reuben. Sweet and earthy with a bit of a kick, this is the perfect sandwich for a meatless Monday, no?

Enjoy!

Rogue Reuben
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
10 button mushrooms, sliced
5 garlic cloves, minced
¼ head red cabbage, sliced
kosher salt and black pepper, to taste
¼ cup apple cider vinegar
2 tbsp horseradish
4 slices Ryan Ulrich Bread
¼ cup Russian dressing
4 slices Swiss cheese
2 tbsp unsalted butter

Method
To kick things off, divide the oil between two frying pans. In one, add the mushrooms and garlic with a good whack of pepper and cook until soft and golden. About 5 minutes. Meanwhile in the other pan, add the red cabbage and cook for a couple of minutes with a whack of salt and pepper. Stir in the vinegar and horseradish and cook for five minutes, by which time it should be a nice vibrant purple.

To assemble the sandwiches, spread the dressing on the bread, top two of the slices with mushrooms, some cheese, the cabbage and finally, another slice of cheese. Close the sandwiches and butter the top slice of bread with some butter.

Place a clean pan over medium heat and when nice and hot, place the sandwiches buttered side down in the pan. Cook for few minutes, or until golden and crisp. Carefully butter the top of the sandwiches and flip to cook the other side for a few minutes.

Serve immediately and devour, being careful to avoid getting burnt. By the cheese or a sharp tongue.


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Mimi Ricottang Cookies

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Heroes V Villains, Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor George returned from hospital with a brutal facial injury, which instantly endeared him to the tribe that desperately wanted him gone. The tribe christened him and despite the rebirth, Simon and Michael were still out for his now exposed blood. Simon in particular desperate to have the title of Kingslayer on his resume. The Heroes dominated yet another immunity challenge as George bombed the puzzle – justice for Stevie – sending the Villains back to tribal for a second time in a row. Back at camp, the tribe locked in a plan to get rid of George, though Queen Shonee was an icon as she turned the tide and saved our king, sending Michael from the game instead.

The next day the Spice Girls – aka Shiz and George – were busy bonding with Sarah, hoping for answers to whether she actually pushed Miss Greece down the stairs. And while she assured us that she didn’t, I live for the black humour of how she would have wanted to alongside the assurances she was only temporarily in a wheelchair, to get out of anyone thinking she is awful. We then learnt more about the iconic beauty queen, who plays rugby league in her spare time and loves it due to her passion for smashing people. Begging the question, did she actually push Miss Greece?

Stevie meanwhile was doing some tai chi as Jordie and Simon caught up about the fact George is still here, with the boys thankfully moving on and agreeing it was best to use him as a shield. For now. The tribe convened to talk through how they plan to maintain the fire while away at the upcoming challenge, while Stevie adorably tried to keep them all focused and motivated before pulling them into some tai chi. And while he isn’t great strategically, Shonee lives for his kooky ways despite him wanting her gone. And what is good for Shonee is good for me.

Jonathan made a speedy return for the reward challenge where the Heroes were gagged to see George survive, rather than the fact it was Michael that departed. For the challenge, the tribes would face off one on one to grab a sandbag in the water and score a goal, with the first tribe to three getting a giant cookie jar. More importantly, this kind of challenge generally gets us buns as the boys grapple in the water. First up were Shonee and Flick with our Queen putting in one hell of a fight before Flick scored the first point for the Heroes. Stevie once again faced off against Shaun who obviously won before Jordie scored the first point for the Villains against Matt. Sam and Simon were up – the latter in speedos, swoon – with Simon tying things up after a brutal, brutal battle. That left Mimi and Paige to battle for the win which started off a bit derpy before the duo fought hard, dragging each other back and forth before Mimi secured the cookies for the Villains. Like a damn boss.

We finally checked in with the dejected Heroes trip with Shaun sad to have missed out on the cookies, while Rogue gave them a pep talk which obviously sounded more like reprimanding them for not being strategic enough. Everyone started to speculate whether a clue would be in the cookies and how ultimately it would make the Villains more chaotic and as such, could help them in the long run. Shaun, David, Matt and Sam caught up in the water to form an alpha male alliance with Benjamin pointing out to the girls what was happening, while Ben narrated an ad for all the meat on offer and yes producers, thank you, thank you, thank you!

While Rogue was busy questioning who, other than her, was actually a hero.

Back over with the funner Villains, the tribe instantly cracked the cookies and got to work smashing them before Jordie suggested they sit by the shore to continue eating them. George meanwhile went to crack a coconut – which was obviously code for idol hunting – as the tribe were otherwise occupied. Sadly for him, it wasn’t the perfect cover as Jordie questioned where he was as everyone praised his strategy in the challenge. And while he did find the idol, it may no longer be a total secret as there is suspicion. And a giant bulge in his pocket. 

That being said, it appeared that nobody had actually noticed George’s antics, as the tribe seductively ate cookie after cookie before everyone started to speculate whether they should search the jar for a clue or advantage. Despite the risk of literally getting their hand caught in the cookie jar. While Jordie cautioned Fraser against it unless he was feeling nervous, Fraser tried the same with Mimi who was less concerned about the repercussions. After night fell, she quietly got out of bed and started searching through the jar – unsuccessfully – as Liz awoke and just as quietly watched on behind her. The next day Mimi was disappointed to have not found anything while Liz got to work spreading the update to everyone in the tribe.

And just like that, Mimi was now public enemy number one.

The tribe rejoined JLP for the latest immunity challenge where the tribes would have to race a ladder over a series of obstacles before releasing a sack of coconuts and then using said coconuts to smash six tiles. The Villains got out to an early lead on the first obstacle before the Heroes’ brute strength slowly closed the gap. And then they pulled way out in front. To the point where they smashed all of their tiles before the Villains even released theirs.

Back at camp the tribe were, how do you say, very disappointed, with Stevie questioning what the hell they are doing wrong. He caught up with Simon and Jordie to suggest they focus on getting rid of dysfunction by taking out Mimi. Which the boys were obviously on board with, particularly since they know he would be loyal to them if they protect him. The Shiz too were focusing on Mimi or Stevie, with Shonee rightly pointing out that since Stevie is coming for her, it makes sense for her to get rid of him. The boys joined the girls, Sarah and George, quickly pushing them back towards getting rid of Mimi for her shiftiness.

Well, for a little bit.

George obviously hates not being in control, so approached Mimi to fill her in on what has been happening and told her to go hunting for an idol while he worked overtime on turning the tide on Stevie. He and Fraser joined up with Shiz and quickly locked them in on the Stevie plan, before they floated the plan to Sarah. Everyone eventually reconvened at the shelter where Simon stumbled upon the advantage that was hidden in the cookie jar. Wait, no, the producers crossed out the idol symbol so I am just guessing it is a random token with zero power. Or if he is lucky, an idol nullifier. Simon caught up with Jordie, filling him in on the potential idol before floating the idea of idoling George instead. And damn, things just got spicy or funny. And there will be no in between. Begging the question, do the producers have a fetish for making Simon look silly? Because if so, the idol is for real fake.

Simon got to work making sure everyone was voting for Stevie, laying it on thick with George to ensure he thought they were tight and as such make the blindside all the more sweet. Mimi meanwhile caught up with Shonee to see if they were good, with the Queen assuring her that duh, of course they were. Stevie traded out with Shonee, suggesting Mimi goes idol hunting while both of them pretended they didn’t know the other was a target. Simon and Jordie caught up with Shonee, not letting her in on the plan before she reiterated that while she doesn’t trust George, she knows she needs him for now to save herself. And after she left, Jordie rightly pointed out that they can’t afford to make a move without at least checking in with Shiz, because otherwise, they will flip on the boys and they will follow him out the door.

At tribal council Fraser tried to downplay the fact they are slowly growing more and more screwed, as the tribe snacked on cookies. Liz spoke about being sick of tribal council but knew it was the game and as such, was ready to get on with it. Simon started to whisper to Jordie about wanting to make history, before Jordie told Jonathan that he is more focused on quality over quantity and while he wants numbers, he’d like to make sure they are loyal. Simon reiterated the fact they have won a couple of challenges and as such, they at least know they can beat the Heroes, with George agreeing that the last win in particular was arguably the best he has had in both seasons.

Talk turned to the paranoia of the cookie jar with Jordie outing someone for hunting in it for an advantage. Though stopped short of naming Mimi, despite everyone already knowing about it. Liz hilariously then admitted that she knows who it is given she was the one who saw them, before Simon and Jordie started whispering again as Jordie desperately asked him to reconsider. And when he didn’t listen, he instead asked to talk to the girls who swiftly told him they would not be on board. At all. Despite the whispering, Stevie was not concerned and assured Jonathan that if they wanted him to know what they were talking about, they would tell him. He and Mimi then argued over whether he was loyal or had trust, and while they fired up, it made Shonee and Liz keen to flip things back on to her instead of Stevie.

After Shiz got the boys on the new page, Simon decided it was a good idea to now play his non-idol for Mimi while Jordie openly declared that tonight is not the night for big moves and that instead, they needed to focus on building trust with the people they want to work with. Aka Simon, cool your jets, you can get idol redemption another day. Well, if it is legit, that is. The tribe finally voted and Simon wisely opted against any theatrics as Mimi was brutally blindsided from the game, meaning Shonee has now booted and saved Stevie. Like a merciful queen.

As Mimi pulled up at Loser Lodge, I quickly ran out to give her a massive hug, disappointed to see yet another queen exit the game too soon. I assured her that despite the stumble with the cookie jar, she had been playing a solid game and should be proud of how she always stayed true to herself. Plus, she totally dominated the reward challenge. With the formal pep talk out of the way, we gossiped about whether we thought the Villains were doomed for a Stephanie LaGrossa V Bobby Jon demise, or whether they’d be able to win immunity soon. But that goss is not something I’m willing to share just yet. Just the secret to some delicious Mimi Ricottang Cookies.

Yes, yes, it is another festive recipe, but you’ll have to accept that the show filmed last year and festive cheer commences in July in my house. Plus, you don’t necessarily need the sprinkles to make these ones a winner. Soft and melt in your mouth, the light flavour transports you to a place of calm.

Enjoy!

Mimi Ricottang Cookies
Serves: 12.

Ingredients
240g unsalted butter, softened
425g raw caster sugar
1 ¾ cups ricotta cheese
1 lemon, zested and juiced
1 tbsp vanilla extract
2 eggs
480g flour
2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp kosher salt
450g icing sugar
¼ – ½ cup milk, depending on desired consistency

Method
In a stand mixer, cream all but a tablespoon of the butter and caster sugar on medium speed until light and fluffy. Add the ricotta, lemon zest and half the vanilla, and return to medium speed to beat until well combined. One by one, beat in the eggs, allowing the mixture to come back together between them. Scrape down the sides of the bowl before folding in flour, baking soda and salt. Return to the mixer one last time and beat until everything is just combined. Cover the dough and pop in the fridge to chill for a couple of hours.

Preheat the oven to 180C and line a few baking sheets.

When the dough is cold and firm, shape into tablespoon sized balls and place on the baking sheets leaving about 5cm between them to allow for spread. Pop the trays in the oven and bake for 15 minutes or until lightly baked, just before golden, before allowing to cool for five minutes on the tray after which they should be stabilised to cool completely on a wire rack.

While the cookies cool, melt the remaining butter. Sieve the icing sugar into a large bowl before slowly whisking in the melted butter, lemon juice, remaining vanilla and enough milk to form a glaze. That will depend on your own preferences.

Pour a little bit of glaze on top of each cookie, followed by the sprinkle of your choice – don’t have to be festive, but why not, I say – before smashing. Gleefully.


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Ham and Micheese Croisaarren

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Heroes V Villains, Baking, Breakfast, Snack, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor JLP dumped a collection of heroes and villains – including our mateship king, Sam – into the Samoan jungle where the series began. Well, the re-reboot, at least. At the opening reward challenge, human puppy Matt jumped away from his usually heroic antics and tackled villain after villain to score some loot, though make no mistake, it was the legit Villains that delighted in the most drama. Though sadly the theatrics led to their first loss. At the Villains, George quickly aligned with Anjali and Jackie, and while the tribe were ready to get rid of him, the first immunity challenge had other thoughts, taking both George and Jackie out to receive care. Despite George being ready to conquer. With the obvious target off the table, Shonee grew nervous and tried to move the target elsewhere. And that was without even realising Stevie was feuding with her! At tribal council the tribe learned that Jackie would have to be medically evacuated and despite being given the chance to cancel tribal council, they powered ahead to boot Anjali.

Our first pancake, straight in the bin.

The next day the tribe were busy joking about how George will come back to the game should he be cleared, predicting helicopters,horses and all the theatrics in the world. Instead, he calmly returned with a completely busted face, stitches everywhere and swelling over his nose as the tribe immediately felt full of guilt. And as such, demanded he get a triumphant return, guard of honour and baptism included. But seriously, him crying about not feeling his legs after the accident and worrying about his mum getting a call to let her know he was paralysed was pretty hard TV. And again, his face is a complete mess, the poor thing.

I guess this has already flipped over to a George stan blog now, so enjoy and don’t say a bad word about my sweet angel George.

Over at the Heroes camp it was literally sunshine and rainbows as Sharni delighted in beach life, opening up about life as an actress in LA and how she is relishing the chance to finally show everyone who she is rather than a character or the fake world of Hollywood. Paige meanwhile was busy cracking the whip, telling the tribe to yarn and work, driving them to build themselves a delightful camp and well, she seemed to be loving everyone. Specifically Benjamin and David, the latter because he is a zaddy. Which is super relatable. We then learnt a little bit more about her life in the country, riding horses hard – her words, so completely innocent – and living the dream. And all she wants in return for playing the game is a new ute. Also, she is excited by the thought of making female friends like Hayley and Flick and ugh, she is perfection, I love her.

Back at the Villains the tribe was rather miserable, none more so than Michael who was getting angry about them being unable to get a fire. But there is a positive in his mind now that George is back, given he is still a massive threat and he can focus on booting him. Seemingly ignoring the fact that looking that injured instantly makes people feel guilty about potentially voting him out. Undeterred, Michael pulled Simon aside to float the idea to get rid of George and while he was on board, he was more focused on letting Michael do the work and jump in at the end for the final blow. George thankfully was an aware king and as such, knew he was in trouble and got to work making friends and reminding everyone that they need numbers and to win immunity above all else.

Enter Queen Shonee, who knew that George having no friends meant he would be desperately loyal if she took him in and well, being a shield for her doesn’t hurt either. As such, she approached bestie Liz – aka the alliance, Shiz which is way better than my Shizneeland couple name – to float the idea of bringing in George as their distant third. And given Liz now loved his vibe – stitches help, it seems – she was keen to bring him in and completely take control. We then learnt more about Liz, immigrating from Russian as a child and becoming the youngest Olympic pole vaulter which seemed pretty damn heroic to me! Sensing me questioning why she was popped on the Villains tribe, she admitted it was her spicy temper that landed her here and ugh, I love her. Maybe she and Shonee are like one person split across two bodies?

Oh but the tribe managed to get fire, so that’s a win!

The tribes reconnected with Jonathan for the latest reward challenge – the Heroes gagged to see the Villains down not one but two members and George looking a total mess – where in rounds, a number of people from each tribe would face off on either sides on a turnstile to push the other over a line. With the first tribe to three getting 15 minutes of unadulterated pillaging time at the rival camp. George, Fraser and Michael faced off against Benjamin, Matt and Sam with George filled with the power of Macedonian Jesus, gritting his teething and pushing the other tribe. Hard. Sadly for the Villains, the Heroes played strategically, standing firm and letting them tire out as Sam coached them back to even footing before snatching the first point. More importantly, David and Shaun were rocking speedos on the bench and well, swoon.

As George shared how disappointed his gyms would be in him, his besties Shonee and Liz lined up to face Nina and Hayley, with my Shiz queens pushing through near fainting before getting a second wind to tie things up. Shaun and Flick were up next for the Heroes so the Villains knew the point would be lost, throwing in Stevie and Mimi to quickly hand the point to the Heroes. Next up was zaddies only as Simon – sadly in shorts – faced off against David who quickly lost, though he looked swoon worthy in a speedo and as such, was it really a loss? To take out the win, it was Liz versus Nina with the Olympian quickly proving her mettle and giving the Villains some much needed pep. While the Heroes tried to remind them how it is a social game and as such, they should be kind on their raid.

Which is precisely not what they did as they arrived at the Heroes camp and stole a tonne of food before George went wild, tossing their beans out and trying to cut their shelter down. Mimi though was wise and suggested they should only take half the food to help themselves when the tribes come together. Which obviously didn’t sit well with the tribe, particularly George. We then learnt about Mimi’s life in PR for a luxury brand before pivoting back to the fight, which fizzled out as she followed what her tribe wanted. Which included fizzling out their fire and leaving them but a banana each. As the Heroes returned they were thrilled to see their shelter was still standing while sweet Sharni reminded them it isn’t a shock they stole all the food given they were so damn hungry. That kindness was only until she spotted the fire had been put out and well, that was one dastardly move too far. Though given they have Paige and Gerry, the fire was quickly restarted and all was right in the world.

The tribes reconvened for the next immunity challenge where they would each race through a tunnel, push a giant ball over a track and over a ramp before knocking over puzzle pieces and then – you know it! – solve said puzzle. After George quickly smacked down Stevie for wanting to do the puzzle – not on the same wavelength, boo – the tribes started to race, neck and neck through the tunnel before Shaun Shauned, single handedly pushing the ball and the Heroes into the lead. Simon and Liz powered to close the gap for the Villains, with both tribes working on the puzzle at the same time as Ben sorted through the pieces and lined them up for Nina while George and Fraser tried to work on the puzzle as Stevie kept trying to step in. While the Heroes tried to stay quiet for their solvers, Hayley spotted the image and started to calmly coach Ben and Nina through the puzzle, with the duo pulling away and securing immunity for the tribe.

With the Villains wishing they let Stevie work on the puzzle, who clearly would have dominated.

Back at camp George was rightly bricking it after bombing the puzzle and dooming the tribe to tribal council, so immediately gathered them around to apologise for letting them all down. With Shonee and Liz assuring him he tried his best, while Simon reminded them that they should also focus on the fact they can in fact keep up with their rivals on the physical side of things. Simon and Michael caught up with the former checking who Michael had lined up and when he just stared at him, Simon got less comfortable about things and grew worried about how skittish Michael is. After chastising Michael – which was hilarious – Simon stripped down to speedos to cool down (which obvi would convince me to vote however he wants) and go rally some troops.

First he floated the plan with Shonee who quickly shut it down before George joined them and made things awkward. The trio split up while Michael approached Stevie and locked in their plan to take out George, as Simon attempted to convince Jordie and the newbies that they needed to take out the King. And while Simon was confident it was all coming together, George could tell things were not going his way and approached Simon to reiterate that they need to keep each other around as shields. This looped in Queen Shonee who wisely went person to person, explaining why it is smarter to keep George around and after getting Jordie over the line, suggested he work on Simon. 

George asked Shonee what was going on, with her pulling him aside to assure him she is doing literally all that she can. Particularly since they have already lost two women and she is unwilling to lose their only gay – like an icon – and as such, got to work turning the tribe against Michael. She approached Mimi who was thrilled at the thought of getting rid of Michael, while Sarah tried to rally Liz against George. Thankfully Mimi caught up with Simon who was frustrated at the potential change, before Shonee opened her school and explained that a swap is imminent and as such, they need to keep him around so the Heroes focus their attentions on him, rather than anyone else. George then arrived and made things awkward before the group switched out, while Michael confidently reiterated George will be the one voted out tonight.

Which is never a good line for the person uttering it.

At tribal council George spoke about how welcoming the tribe were when he returned from hospital as he fought back tears, opening up about how shocked he was to return to the game. Simon piped up to talk about how much more chaotic tonight’s vote is than the previous one, given he isn’t even sure how he would be voting tonight. This made Jordie and Michael theatrically shocked before the latter aggressively pushed for him to stick to their plan and rudely told JLP to move on. George spoke about how nervous he was during the scramble with Michael continuing to go too aggressive, pointing out George lost the puzzle for them. Queen Mimi rose to her throne, pointing out it is wrong and it was a team challenge and as such, they lost as a team. This pissed off Michael with George hilariously pointing it out as the girls all jumped in to tell Michael not to speak for them and that they lost as a team, so to shut up.

As Michael continued to spiral, the tribe started to whisper about solidifying their plan due to the antics, with George calmly watching on and lightly throwing fuel on the fire. While Simon and Jordie tried to make him feel reassured, Michael continued to fire up, pointing out George isn’t trustworthy with King George continuing to be an icon, asking what he did to Michael to make him hate him so much. As Michael grew more and more angry, the tribe continued to whisper amongst themselves, clearly locking in a vote against Michael with Shonee saying that everything at tribal council only further solidified the way she was planning to go. While Stevie reminded them that if they want loyalty, buy a dog.

Which is important, in my mind.

With that the tribe voted and despite the fact he almost got rid of his nemesis, George calmly playing him at tribal council led to everyone flipping on Michael and sending him out of the game. Which makes me worried for Benjamin, given that is now two journos out the door in two tribal councils. But alas, that is a fear for another episode. Instead, as soon as Michael entered Loser Lodger, I gave him a pat on the shoulder and told him he tried his best, but sadly a singular focus and paranoia did him in. Yeah, it was a little half-hearted, but I was rooting for Michael to be a fun, messy schemer and I was disappointed to see him go so soon due to an unwillingness to bend. As such, I slid a Ham and Micheese Croisaarren across the table in the hope that he would feel better. Or as George would say, calm down.

I know what you’re thinking. How exactly can I justify a recipe for something as simple as a ham and cheese croissant? The answer lies in the glory of an aggressively cheesy custard that packs in the flavour. Velvety and rich, it lifts the taste into something special.

Enjoy!

Ham and Micheese Croisaarren

Serves: 6.

Ingredients
250ml cream
5 egg yolks
¼ tsp grated nutmeg
½ cup comte, grated
salt and pepper to taste
½ tsp champagne vinegar
6 David Croissant
12 slices ham
½ cup parmesan, grated
½ cup vintage cheddar, grated

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Bring the cream to a gentle simmer in a saucepan over low heat. While the cream is getting hot, whisk the yolks and nutmeg in a bowl. Once the cream is simmering, remove from the heat and slowly whisk into the yolk mixture until combined. Return to the saucepan and continue cooking until thick. Remove from the heat and fold in the comte, before leaving to cool. Season to taste with salt, pepper and vinegar.

To assemble, split the croissants, pour over a little bit of the custard, top with ham and a little more custard. Close and top with a mix of the parmesan and cheddar, and transfer to the over to bake for 15-20 minutes, or until the cheese is golden and crisp. Then devour, calmly.


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Jackie Glaziered Muffins

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Heroes V Villains, Baking, Cake, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor seven groups of castaways were marooned across Samoa, Fiji, Cloncurry and Charters Towers – well, after a terrible season in the Great Australian Bite and an ok season of celebrities – ready to battle each other and the elements to prove themselves. And in doing so, became heroic competitors or iconic villains. After a supercut of past maroonings and some star moments of our returnees old and new, we cut back to where it all began in Samoa ready to put good and evil to the test. Despite the fact Sandra kinda already proved that villains are always more likely to take out victory.

We first got a glimpse of our Heroes as they wandered through the bush with Shaun reminding us he is a total zaddy and Hayley hoping good will triumph like it did on her first season, before jumping in the Season 1 trucks that were left in the bush like a cast off from Jurassic Park. They were joined by my personal hero Benjamin Law and AFL’er David Zaharakis before we met Rogue Rubin who is an animal activist and all around badass. Mateship King Sam returned to drop his fave word alongside Nina, daughter of aforementioned Villain Queen Sandra and Flick, who tragically lost her mother during filming of Brains V Brawn and ugh, I’m crying just remembering how heartbreaking it all was.

We traded the good for evil where we reconnected with Jordie and the absolute Queen and saviour Shonee who was, is and always will be an absolute icon. I. Con. Hook the Shontent directly into my veins. She is here to fight against heroes and inflation and is ready to be cheeky and have fun and again, I love it. Simon and Jackie parkoured on to the truck alongside real estate agent Fraser who is ready to lean into stereotypes but let’s be honest, I’m only here for Anjali, former real housewife, when it comes to villain newbies. She is the moment and I love it, though let’s be honest, that probs just cursed her to become the first boot. We then got our first taste of George’s return to hog airtime, leaning into his self-appointed kingdom and dropping his key catch phrases and ugh, am I going to like it?

Almost as much as scandalous beauty queen Sarah who iconally wants Miss Greece to know if she had pushed her down the stairs, she wouldn’t have gotten up.

The two trucks converged on a narrow street before pulling up with Jonathan – ahhh, swoon town – along the beach at the site of their epic first challenge. But first, we had some introductions to get to! Jonathan doubled down on the characteristics of heroes and villains before George explained he is not actually a rulebreaker. Oh and he has been working out and got a bad immunity idol tattoo. Hayley immediately got shady, mocking said tatt – sweet baby George, no – and ready to get the job done. Again. We met lifeguard Matt who is like a human puppy before Queen Anjali spoke about how boring heroes are and that they are set up for a fall given they’re already on top. And well, she is ready to get the taste of hero blood and come out on top.

And again, Anjali came here to feed us and I love that mother is mothering so hard.

After collecting their buffs from Jonathan he explained that their first reward challenge would be rather simple. In front of them were a field of supplies and each tribe would simply grab what they need and take it to the top of a tower before going and collecting a torch at the end of the course, with the first tribe to light a fire getting to keep everything they collect and flint, while the losers would start with nothing. Despite saying it was rather simple, as soon as the challenge kicked off young Matt went from human-puppy to scrappy fighter, trying to tackle all the villains and stopping them from collecting anything. While the rest of the Heroes powered ahead, working in unison and being generally heroic, Simon likewise leant into his tribe designation, climbing the platform and stealing everything the heroes placed.

Obviously that annoyed Sam – that is NOT mateship, mate! –  who climbed up on the tower to stop him and save what they were collecting before Summer Bay icon Sharni Vinson stepped up – geddit? I have so many jokes lined up – to help him given Simon was crafty. While that battle was playing out aloft, Jordie and Matt were still wrestling – swoon – over supplies, with Jordie taking the time to get to know him and welcome him to the game. Which honestly, is pretty damn heroic for a villain like him. The Heroes continued to pull away as the Villains were comically messy, my favourite moments being when Liz tossed wood at the wall and Anjali getting rice thrown at her head. As Shaun ventured out to grab the torch and light the Heroes way to victory, Simon gave one last burst of entertainment as he ran interference by grabbing him off the platform. Sadly though it was only a slight delay, as Shaun quickly jumped up and secured the win.

We followed the Villains back to camp where the mood was decidedly dejected, with Anjali in particular annoyed by the fact the Heroes predictably won. As they settled in, Jordie asked everyone to do introductions, with Michael coming out as a journo while Anjali spoke about her extensively impressive career. Jordie was much more impressed, however, with Mimi who is in luxury car promotions, while Shonee was smitten with Liz the Olympian. Talk quickly turned to the fact that Simon is a chippy and as such, the tribe asked him to pull together a shelter while he opened up to us about knowing he can’t hide his skills, so was planning to be helpful and humble. Despite being good at everything. Sadly though he already was growing frustrated by people not helping out around camp as Shonee laughed with Anjali about having no skills in construction.

That being said, it was George already working on building relationships that was drawing Simon and Jordie’s ire rather than our Queens. Despite quickly falling in love with Shonee, George decided his best ally would probably be Jackie given she is a poker player and as such, knows how to play hard and fast. He then told Anjali how much he loved her on Dateline before roping her in to form a tight little threesome. And just like that, George is lining up allies. Or you know, painting a target on Anjali and Jackie’s backs. Either or, depending how the rest of the tribe feel about him.

Over at the far more stocked Heroes camp, the tribe plopped their bounty under the flag with sweet Matt particularly thrilled to be so Survivor rich. Benjamin suggested they go around and share with Paige opening up about living on a cattle station, David mentioned he was fired from the AFL and Queen Sharni tragically didn’t name drop Irene. Which to me, is a bit of a butter fingers of the mind move, darl. Being Heroes, they all rallied around to get camp sorted with Gerry ominously reminding Hayley to be humble in victory (he is totally orchestrating her blindside in the future, right?). She opened up about being the obvious first target and how nervous it makes her, so as such, she got to work charming the hell out of people. She bonded with Gerry and Matt while Shaun quietly got into Rogue’s ear about Hayley being a winner amongst them and as such, a massive target.

Unaware that he was working against her, Hayley calmly planned to find division and exacerbate it to save herself. And well, Rogue was making it a super easy job for her. She told Gerry she has been closer to death than him since a lion biting her butt is worse than a plane crash, checking whether Shaun was cut or uncut – babe, we love all dicks, who cares – and then the kicker, telling Nina she didn’t need to explain U.S.A. to her like an idiot AND that she is more African American than her, since she lives part time in the US. Which begs the question, was there a way that those interactions could have been edited to make it sound that bad because I don’t even know how you could Frankencut normal sentences to say those things. In any event, congrats Hayley for breaking the returning winner curse – love you Shane and Jericho! – Rogue has your back!

But seriously, looping back, cut or uncut, Shaun can sit on my face so just no, Rogue. He is my hero.

Despite the lack of anything, things were pretty swell at Villains camp the next morning as Jordie tried his darndest to get fire going as the tribe rallied around cheering him on. While they weren’t having much success, it was bringing them together. Well, except for Michael who excused himself to go hunting for an idol by himself. Sadly though, he wasn’t as stealth as he thought he was, getting caught by Jordie who also pointed him out to Mimi. After we learnt more about his career as a journalist, Michael bonded with Stevie and assured him he will stop at nothing to win and well, unless they are aligned, that isn’t the best pitch.

Michael then approached Shonee and Fraser to build his alliance before throwing out George as the potential first target for their tribe. Before even losing immunity. After assuring Fraser that Liz is good, she dropped by and agreed George was super annoying and as such, she would be willing to get rid of him. But more importantly, she was just keen because he is annoying, nothing else. Like a damn Queen. While Michael rallied his numbers, Jordie quietly watched how intense he was and decided he needed to go ASAP. After Simon freed himself from Michael’s grasp, he caught up with Jordie and the duo agreed that Michael is just as much of an issue as George. Though the question was whether George could be taken out later if they don’t strike immediately making use of Michael and his numbers before cutting him too. Since Simon learnt George couldn’t be left for later in their first season.

The tribes came together with Jonathan for the first immunity challenge of the season where they would race through a series of obstacles of mud and sticks before searching through coconuts for a hammer which they would use to knock rungs into a ladder. They would then ascend said ladder and throw additional hammers at tiles with the first tribe to crush all five taking out immunity. 

The Heroes got out to an early lead while Jackie and George were pulled from the course on the first obstacle to see the medic, after landing awkwardly in the mud. While the rest of her tribe tried to close the gap, Zaddy Shaun demolished their sticks and made life easy for the rest of his tribe. Somehow the Villains battled on as the tribes drew neck and neck searching through the coconuts before the Heroes took the lead back on assembling their ladder. Wait, no, Jordie was a boss as he assembled the ladder and took the lead for the Villains before Shaun swapped out for Sam and evened things up again. Both tribes were neck and neck throwing the hammers at the tiles, knocking them out one at a time before the Heroes once again pulled away and narrowly secured immunity for their tribe.

After the Heroes exited the Villains learnt that they would be two people down for the afternoon scramble as Jackie and George were taken to the hospital to receive further testing. Which either dooms them or helps them dodge the bullet, depending on whether the tribe wants to turn their attention elsewhere just in case the duo aren’t options.

Fast forwarding a little bit, after a quick X-ray at hospital it became very clear that Jackie at the very least would be unable to continue in the game due to a fracture in her collarbone and as such, I hightailed it over to cheer her up.

Well, after I stupidly pulled her in for a massive hug and made her fracture just that little bit more painful. After apologising with some pain meds, I gently grabbed her by the hand and told her how heartbroken I was to see her return cut short so damn soon. Jackie had such a spark in her first season and in her brief time out in Samoa, it was clear she was back and ready to take it all the way. Though sadly Australian Survivor is going to Australian Survivor with some brutal challenge set pieces, which tragically cost her the game. Though I did assure her that like Shonee, her third time will be for the win. Which perked her up, alongside a piping hot batch of Jackie Glaziered Muffins.

Yes, yes, these are clearly Halloween muffins, but the season was filmed around the holiday, so it made sense to us. Plus, they taste perfect, so who cares, you know? Sticky and spicy with a gooey, sweet glaze – remember, Jackie’s exit came early so I didn’t get to cool them as much as required – they are a decadent cake to eat away the *technically* first boot pain.

Enjoy!

Jackie Glaziered Muffins
Serves: 6-12.

Ingredients
140g butter, plus extra for greasin’
1 cup golden syrup
1 cup muscovado sugar
1 cup Guinness
1 tbsp ground ginger
2 tsp ground cinnamon
¼ tsp ground cloves
2 cups flour, plus extra for greasin’
2 tsp baking soda
1 ¼ cups sour cream
2 eggs
1 ½ cups icing sugar
¼ cup fresh lemon juice

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C and grease some skull muffin tins with a little bit of butter and flour. Or, you know, a Texan muffin tin if you don’t want to be festive.

Combine the butter, syrup, sugar, Guinness and spices in a pan and melt over a low heat. Once shiny and combined, remove from the heat and whisk in the flour and baking soda, in a gentle fashion, until smooth. Next, whisk in the sour cream, followed by the eggs until smooth.

Divide the batter between the skulls, giving the pan a little tap on the bench to work through any bubbles. Place the pan on a lined baking sheet and transfer to the oven to bake for 30-45 minutes, or until an inserted skewer comes out clean. If using a textured pan like the skulls, you’re better off cooking a little further to leave a drier crumb to make it easier to turn out.

Transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

Combine the icing sugar and lemon juice in a bowl and stir until smooth. Spoon over the muffins once completely cooled, or if going for the melting in the Samoan heat until the skulls get a macabre Halloween vibe, leave them a little bit warm.

Either way, devour with villainous glee.


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Irene Hamdubois Helper

Main, Pasta, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 15, TV, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race, which started out as a teeny, tiny show whose first challenge was filmed in the car park behind WoW opposite the Jim Hensen offices – which I’m not sure is a legit fact, but for some reason I think it is so let’s run with it – turned into a global phenomenon. Icons were born, legends were made, moments were gagged, we were left gooped and Ruple and Co. became bonafide Emmy powerhouses. But most importantly, it gave us back rolls, Alyssa’s secret, do-wa, Aja jumping from there, a confession to killing Judy Garland and a Snatch Game throwback to that moment, absolving said veteran of said murder. But that was then and this is now, as Season 15 is ready to take its lap. Sadly without chocolate.

Womp womp.

First to enter for this fifteenth (main franchise) crown was Irene Dubois looking like a ginger COVID virus and well, she is hot out of drag and is Bosco’s drag sister, so I love her. She was followed by Luxx Noir London looking like Bowie and Dynasty era Joan Collins had a baby whose hair was inspired by Ariana Grande. So again, I love her. As the duo got shady, Aura Mayari arrived and gave glamour as she vogued her way into the Werk Room and straight into my heart. And loins, out of drag obviously. Giving cousin IT by Cher from Clueless, we met Marcia Marcia Marcia and after she flicked her hair back to reveal she was rocking the iconic broken nose look, I live for her.

Though not as much as I love people clocking her as looking like (a) Jan.

As she was busy regalling her new sisters with her love of Ariana Grande and serving it on Broadway thanks to her BFA (like Jan, TBH), we were joined by Anetra who is giving off fun punk showgirl vibes and well, I love her energy so much and feel like she is going to slay. Which I hope isn’t the kiss of death because my support usually curses trajectories. They were joined by Malaysia Babydoll Foxx serving the sluttiest depression kitty I have ever seen and I love her. LOVE. She is charming, cute and has a voice like velvet. Princess Poppy arrived serving Art Simone’s twink sister in the best way possible. Though her sticking her ears inside themselves scares me because I’m a child. Then Sasha Colby happened and well, yeah, I stand by what I said earlier, crown her. Now. She was serving as a Hawaiian warrior queen and had the energy that she was ready to have fun and slay.

We then had Ornacia make her triumphant return and ugh, I LIVE. Wait, no it is Ariana Grande. Whistle tone queen, icon, legend and well, let’s just say, I’m as gagged as the dolls.

As Marcia started to hyperventilate, Ariana gave the dolls a hug and thanked them for bringing so much joy to the world. While Luxx in turn thanked her for Break Free which TBH, is correct. Ariana regalled everyone with tales of her previous time on the judging panel and encouraged them to take in every moment and enjoy the journey. Ru then stole her thunder, dropping by to welcome his newest daughters to the race and officially announce the doubled up prize. Oh but first, they would have to compete in a little throwback Mini Challenge doing a sexy photoshoot washing the car. With the Pit Crew, so swoon. 

The boys started spraying themselves as they washed the car before Irene dropped by and bathed in it, living her bukkake dream and TBH, that is the only way to do it. Luxx meanwhile got wet in all the wrong ways though thankfully still served. Aura was ready to touch them all and ugh, it was hot and I love it, while Marcia served good girl gone bad. Backstage Marcia was thirsty for boy Irene while Luxx was scared of her, meanwhile Anetra was drowning out in the carpark and had Ru cackling. Malaysia was heartbroken to ruin her good drag but hot damn did she serve while Poppy got her holes filled and Sasha tried to give supermodel, despite not loving the fact she didn’t get said moment.

As everyone dedragged they all clocked Aura as the trade of the season – including Aura – and were positively shocked that Marcia looks exactly the same in and out of drag. Talk turned to what the other group would look like before Ru interrupted them talking about Irene’s passion for  reading everyone to announce that she took out the win in the Mini Challenge. Much to Luxx’s surprise. Ru then filled the dolls in on the fact their first Maxi Challenge would be a little talent show titled One Night Only (said with jazz hands, obvi). And in addition to their individual performances, they would have to choreograph an opening number together.

The group quickly ventured backstage and talked through their skills, with Marcia pushing to take the reins in the choreography and while Aura tried to add to it, Mother Sasha quietly watched on, knowing that she would end up fixing whatever they came up with and get her new kids over the line. As the kids continued to fight back and forth for control Irene joined Sasha in asking one of them to just back out and let the other take the lead so they don’t get stuck with two different choreographies. 

As Group 1 descended into chaos, the crew reset the Werk Room just in time for Salina EsTitties arrived giving banjie energy and was totally jacked up on Mountain Dew and I live for it. She was quickly joined by Amethyst serving 2000 pop tween, claiming herself as the first viral TikTok queen to make it to Drag Race. Jax arrived ready to cheer the house down and called herself the Simone Biles of drag, so yeah, I stan. They were joined by Loosey LaDuca who looks like a campy, nice version of Sh3rry Pi3 in blonde. Which isn’t a read, despite how it may sound. Mistress Isabelle Brooks was up next serving short, goth Eureka and I love everything about her. Robin Fierce joined them looking like a stunning woman in tan and ugh, I love her. Oh and she and Amethyst have a past and while I was ready to ship, she told me I can’t, so that is that. We then got a double arrival as Sugar and Spice trotted in serving actual dolls and while Amethyst thought she was the TikTok superstar, these girls are the thing.

Though Mistress will not give them the pleasure of knowing she knows them.

As the dolls recovered from learning they are only bedroom queens, Sugar opened up about wanting to be part of the drag community and wanting friends which is equally sweet and heartbreaking. We then got another Ornacia entry, this time with the legit Vivacious who announced Ru’s arrival to welcome the rest of her daughters to the competition and put them to the test in their Mini Challenge, the drag race wind machine photoshoot classic. Salina was up first and served sex and speeding as her face blew away, Amethyst gave Timezone realness while snacking on leaves before Jax was all erotic, no auto. Mistress was smizing the house down, Loosey lived her Tippi Hedron fantasy through feathers while Robin was perfection, whether the fan gave her a beard or not. 

As the twins made it to the stage for their shoot, the other girls kikied about Sugar and Spice being inexperienced with Mistress opening up about how underwhelming they are to her. And while everyone reminded her they were cute and sweet, she felt like not knowing what wig glue is was a mortal sin. And well, I’m here for the shade. Sugar meanwhile was having fun on the bike, serving silly and ridiculous before Spice ripped off her wig against Ru’s advice, serving hairography with a shower cap. They rejoined the dolls as everyone dedragged with Sugar and Spice gagging over their sisters and praising them for looking so different out of drag. Mistress kinda admitted to reading them and threw down a challenge for them to impress her, while they just spewed talk at the girls, trying to make friends and well, I love everything about them despite myself.

Ru made yet another return to announce Loosey took out victory in the Mini Challenge, which emboldened her to declare she will be the first person to win every challenge. Which already ius not the case. Ru then gave them a spiel about the talent show before sending them off to the rehearsal space, where the other dolls finally appeared to be making progress. Well, until Ru dropped by to kiki and threw the two groups together. The factions lined up like the jets and sharks, ready for two to become one and put more choreographers amongst the queens before Ru announced that unlike last year, one of them will be going home before the end of the week.

After Ru departed the groups introduced themselves and sat down to get to know each other, with Sugar and Spice monologuing about their lives and while they annoyed everyone else, I love their lack of self awareness. Also Sugar kinda looks like young(er) Austin Butler minus the lingering accent work. Group 1 then got up to show their newest sisters their choreography with Mistress laughing through it with her soon-to-be-bestie Sugar. While Marcia tried to push through, Malaysia cut her off and then everyone started to fight before Mistress cut them off and asked them to focus on the task at hand because dancing is her weakness and she doesn’t want to bomb. Then she and Irene got sassy and Sugar and Spice started quietly laughing together.

Elimination Day arrived with the dolls finally unpacking their gear and finding a station with everyone laughing it up and being silly. Sugar and Spice meanwhile just focused on beating their mugs because they take so damn long. Irene meanwhile measured up her wig against Luxx’s to confirm whether her entry was 40 inches. Defeated, Luxx then joined the twins to get ready, bonding over being social media queens and how it really is the only way they can start when they aren’t old enough to go to a club. Sugar then noticed Mistress and Irene were sitting together and was shocked that the enemies elected to get ready together, leading to the older girls explaining shade and how being a working queen works. Loosey, Anetra and Amethyst meanwhile were talking about their talents with Loosey opening up about her original song, while Anetra was keeping her cards close to her chest. Oh and then we learnt Irene is making ice water.

While Sugar and Spice were still nowhere near being ready to go on while everyone put on their finishing touches.

Ru, Michelle, Ross and Ariana took their places on the panel as the dolls made their debut for the opening number which was a campy, pageant delight and ugh, I’ve missed this show (in the two weeks we went without it). Malaysia meanwhile opened up the individual performances, lip syncing the house down to an original song and while it was repetitive, Bryce came out in gold speedos, so I love it. Spice meanwhile was silly and cute, having Ru and the dolls in hysterics, so well done babe. Luxx hit every line and lyric on her lip sync and was honestly just a delight. Though the gradual split really made me love her. Mistress went boxing for her lip sync which was a win when she pulled out a RuPaul chocolate bar and nearly slid off the stage.

Loosey gave us something different by singing live and while I wanted to live for it, to quote the great Coco Montrese, find a key. Anyone will do. Marcia danced her way into my heart as a horny nerd sexing it up for a portrait of Ross. Robin was energetic and worked every corner of the stage as we went back to lip syncs before Irene bombed, hard, while making a glass of iced water and while I knew what she was going for, that wasn’t it. Anetra then followed it up by bringing the house down as she duck walked all over the stage as she lip synced to her original song – Walk the Duck – before straight up moving into karate chopping through boards. AND THEN KICKING A BOARD IN HALF.

Poor Sugar had to follow that up and while her lip sync was fun and silly like the sweet version of her sisters, she didn’t karate chop. Despite that, the fact she and her sister served it wore down Mistress which is a great win. Princess Poppy meanwhile gave parasite puppet lip syncing realness and it was perfect, before Salina gave red carpet lip sync into street glamour before referencing Will Smith’s slap so if Anetra doesn’t Anetra, I’d say this was a win. Amethyst then won my heart lip syncing to All Around the World as a drunk mum with a baby tethered to her back before Aura gave a fierce lip sync and while she had all the attitude, it felt a little flat by comparison. Mother Colby then lip synced to Zombie in a straight jacket and ugh, she is perfection. It was moody, it was fierce, it was powerful and well, the kids best watch out. And then Jax came out and lip synced before skipping with her own ponytails, which is yet another win for me.

And that was before she backflipped from the back of stage to the front, proving she really is the Simone Biles of drag.

When it came to the Who Is She? runways, Irene came in goth alien dominatrix, Luxx gave glamour pastel vixen going from the races to the boudoir before Aura gave all black Rita Repulsa, in all the right ways. Marcia gave sexy pastel prep, Anetra was an iridescent warrior, Malaysia gave sexy angel lounge singer in the hottest club in heaven before Princess Poppy gave lollipop ballerina delight. On and then Sasha gave the ultimate flex, rocking the gown she won Miss Continental in. Salina gave blue jean baby, Amethyst was a slutty, lilac Sailor Moon, Jax was NYC street in all the right ways before Loosey gave a glamorous gown version of Britney in Toxic. Mistress was iconic in a bejewelled, red cowgirl corset, Robin was an ice queen in shimmering baby blue, Sugar gave slutty Belle and ugh, I hate that I love Spice gave the other side of the look – kinda – with whore Ariel.

Luxx, Aura, Malaysia, Princess Poppy, Sasha, Mistress, Robin, Sugar and Spice were all sent to safety before Irene was praised for looking good on the runway though read for giving absolutely no humour in her performance. Marcia received universal praise for giving humour and dancing perfection, though told to give more than a streak of lip gloss when it comes to make-up. Anetra rightly was universally beloved for being perfection from start to finish, despite only learning to duck walk today. Amethyst was read for showing the baby too early in her performance, though she was praised for looking cute. Despite her lack of padding. Jax too got wall to wall praise, particularly for rolling her eyes while effortlessly doing acrobatics meaning poor Loosey was read for her performance, despite looking stunning.

Backstage the safe girls celebrated making it through the first week, particularly Princess and Robin who were shitting their pants. Talk turned to who was the best with everyone agreeing Anetra owned the show, while Poppy lived for Jax. Robin in turn congratulated the twins for surprising everyone with their sickening performances, with everyone rallying around and finally welcoming them into the drag family. This turned into a conversation about the stigma about the social media dolls and while Luxx pointed out social is a live portfolio, Malaysia explained she only questioned if they could translate their talents to the stage. Talk turned to how great Sasha’s performance was, with her opening up about her trauma while praising her father for raising her.

The dolls started to open up about who they knew before the season which was only an excuse to bring up the fact Robin and Amethyst briefly dated back home. That obviously summoned the tops and bottoms with Irene praising the tops for killing it before Amethyst announced she is definitely in the bottom, though hopefully not against her sister Loosey. That led to Loosey breaking down, heartbroken to have bombed, leading to the girls rallying around and praising her for killing it and pointing out they really only wanted her to lip sync so she could make the performance bigger. That led to Irene admitting that she will totally be the one in the bottom with Amethyst given they just hated her performance.

After everyone agreed that Anetra would totally be winning, Ariana dropped by to kiki with the girls and literally gave them the sweetest advice and well, I guess I’m all in on being an Ariana stan now? She bid the girls adieu, leaving Irene and Amethyst to rehearse their lip syncs and get their heads in the game.

Ultimately Marcia and Jax were sent to safety as Anetra took out the first victory of the season while at the other end of the pack it was Loosey that was saved, leaving Amethyst and Irene to battle it out for safety to my girl Ariana’s 7 Rings. While Irene leant into her alien kooky aesthetic, it was clear the song was perfect for Amethyst and her general vibe. Irene twerked and gave sex, which sadly wasn’t enough as Amethyst was saved and poor Irene joined the Porkchop Club.

Backstage Irene was rightly disappointed to be gone so soon and not get to show the world more, though I reminded her – as I do each season – it is more memorable to be a first boot than saying a mid-comp queen, giving you an air of mystery and an underdog spirit. Which seemed to be the pep talk she needed, thanking me for always supporting her – I am Bosco’s drag great-grandmother thrice removed, so we’re family – as we sat down to smash a heart bowl of Irene Hamdubois Helper.

Not to be confused with Australian hamburger helper – which is essentially seasoned breadcrumbs – this tweaked version of Half Baked Harvest’s take on the American classic is near perfection. Packing a punch of spice (sadly without sugar) and heat, while velvety smooth and creamy, it is an easy mid-week number to warm the cockles of your soul in winter.

Enjoy!

Irene Hamdubois Helper
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, diced
6 garlic cloves, minced
500g beef mince
kosher salt and pepper
1 tbsp tomato paste
1 tsp chilli powder
1 tsp smoked paprika
1 zucchini, grated
1 carrot, grated
500g small shell pasta
2 cups beef stock
300ml cream
1 cup cheddar cheese, grated
½ cup parmesan cheese, grated
chopped fresh parsley, to garnish

Method
Heat the olive oil in a dutch oven over medium heat and saute the onion for five minutes or so, or until soft and sweet. Add the garlic and cook for a minute before adding the mince and breaking up with a wooden spoon until browned, or about 10 minutes. Season with a good whack of salt and pepper to taste.

Stir in the tomato paste, chilli and paprika and cook for a minute before stirring through the zucchini, carrot and pasta to coat. Stir in the beef stock and cream, bring to a gentle boil and reduce heat to low to simmer until the pasta is cooked through. Once the pasta is al dente, stir through the cheeses, adjust the seasoning – you’ll probably need more pepper, less salt – and cook until everything has combined.

Serve piping hot with some token parsley for the appearance of health and devour, happily.


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Vanitonne Milan

Bread, Canada's Drag Race: Canada vs the World, Canada's Drag Race: Canada vs the World 1, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Canada’s Drag Race vs the World after slaying the ball, Ra’Jah and Icesis admitted they were a little bit surprised that one of them didn’t land a spot in the top, despite how well Victoria and Silky also did. Thankfully there wasn’t time to dwell on things as the top six performed Cameos before Brad announced they would be putting on a little stand-up show. And he and his husband Gary would be on hand to help. Despite everyone slaying their rehearsal, Icesis appeared to be getting inside her head. The next day as the dolls beat the mugs for the show, Icesis continued to struggle before admitting to Ra’Jah that she is straight up exhausted and is struggling with her mentally health. Ultimately stepping out of the competition to look after herself, with the support of all her sisters on the way out the door.

After Icesis exited, the dolls all broke down in tears before Reverend Doctor Silky Nutmeg Ganache led them in a prayer before they re-beat their mugs and well, it was really bloody touching.

Brooke, Brad, Traci and Gary Janetti took their places on the panel as Ra’Jah kicked off the show with all the energy and damn, I love her. While she had some solid jokes, the middle lagged a bit, but thankfully she was able to finish strongly. Vanity’s nerves sadly got the best of her, but bless, she won us back with some knock knock jokes. Rita’s French gag landed as well as it could, but thankfully she knew how to work the crowd and won them back. Sadly for her, as soon as Victoria took the stage she owned the damn show. Her jokes were on point, she was charming and energetic and oh lord, just give her the bloody crown. Oh and Silky was obviously just as good as she tossed her notes into the crowd and went off the cuff and stole the show.

Broken bottle of spices be damned.

On the Plaid Girls Club runway Ra’Jah was perfection as COVID-Ru and Carmen Sandiego’s love child. Vanity was a glorious, non-prolematic Dionne from Clueless, Rita was demented and delightful in a pink vintage number while Victoria was stunning in an oversized purple suit and Silky gave sexy biker girl. The judges felt Ra’Jah’s pacing was a little off throughout the set, though they lived for her glamorous runway. Vanity’s look received universal praise while they felt she got stuck in her head throughout the challenge. Rita was praised for her charm throughout the performance, despite it being a little too long. Oh but they loved the runway. Victoria’s runway was beloved, though the judges loved her performance even more. And while they lived for Silky’s comedy, Brooke felt her runway was basic. Specifically perfect for a meet and greet.

Once again Silky and Victoria landed in the top before Rita was sent to safety, leaving Ra’Jah and Vanity up for elimination. Backstage the girls congratulated Silky and Victoria on their win, while Silky admitted that she is super disappointed to have to eliminate one of her SRV bandmates. Vanity opened up about feeling down, though assured them her fire was still there while Ra’Jah broke down about letting her inner saboteur get to her. Ra’Jah and Silky caught up with Ra’Jah pulling herself together and reminding her that she will bounce back and their Venus and Serena energy can live on. Though Silky did admit she was concerned about the girls thinking she would only save her because she is her sister. Vanity meanwhile told Victoria that she is still focused on taking out the win and wants to take the platform back and elevate black queens in the UK.

Oh and Rita was entertaining herself.

Ra’Jah tapped out and caught up with Victoria, assuring her this is nothing but a moment and she will bounce back. While Victoria admitted she did do better in the challenge. Vanity meanwhile opened up to Silky about how she was shocked to not be the first boot, though she assured her she wants to be a role model for her black sisters and ugh, poor Silky is really struggling with this decision. As soon as Your Daddy Don’t Know by Toronto kicked off, both of the girls gave it their all, but it was Victoria’s filthy performance that won the judges heart and handed herself victory. And more importantly, because Icesis exited the competition already, Brooke rightly suspended All Stars rules and cancelled the elimination.

As. She. Should.

Backstage the dolls were thrilled to not have to lose another sister, while Victoria was just giddy to finally have a win. Ra’Jah led the girls in praising Icesis for being an icon and how she ultimately ended up saving them. That obviously led to Victoria having to admit that she had chosen Vanity to go home, though assured her she is thrilled she got saved and hopes it puts a fire under her belly. Silky meanwhile didn’t want to announce who she chose in front of everyone, with Ra’Jah assuring her that she doesn’t need to do anything she doesn’t want and if she chose her, there would be no hard feelings. Luckily for her though Silky too had chosen Vanity, pulling her aside to quietly let her know and assure her that she loves her and is thrilled she is still here.

Which is just classy and ugh, I love Silky.

The next day the top five compared track records with Victoria and Silky realising they are neck and neck, while Rita was hoping for another win to bookend her run. Given people only really care about the start and end, so the rest – aka the ones Silky and Victoria took out – don’t really matter. Traci dropped by to loop the girls in on the next Maxi Challenge, filming a trailer for the blockbuster new movie Spy Queens. And since Victoria won the last lip sync, she had all the power to cast the roles. The dolls sat down to read through the scripts with Rita getting the house mother, while Silky and Vanity fought for the lip sync assassin. But given Silky suggested getting tapped out with a skinny stunt double would be funny, she totally won the battle. Victoria took the shade assassin, Vanity got the look queen while Ra’Jah got the body-ody-ody.

They immediately did a read through of the script with Victoria and Silky delighted to get another kiss, while Vanity, Ra’Jah and Rita kikied about how they can knock their rolls out of the park. Rita tried to remind them that whether they have the most lines or the fewest, they are always on the stage and as such, need to serve it all. Ra’Jah on the other hand was just hoping to redeem herself in an acting challenge. Victoria and Silky meanwhile were busy bonding over their passion for acting – get Silky on Grey’s Anatomy as she deserves – and the way they have experienced stigma due to their weight, though thankfully have learnt to love themselves.

The dolls joined Traci on set where Victoria and Rita were perfection from start to finish, while Ra’Jah powered through flubbing her lines while Silky was just charming as hell, whether she was a character or not! While Vanity was on struggle street as she got more and more in her head.

Elimination Day arrived with the Ra’Jah feeling like she got redemption, while Rita admitted she forgot it was a competition as she was just living her best life. On the flipside, Vanity felt like she was far and away the worst, while Silky admitted she was just vibing. Talk turned to their love lives, with Victoria opening up about how grateful she is for her girlfriend while Ra’Jah admitted that duality between Benji and Ra’Jah makes it hard to find love. Vanity meanwhile admitted her husband wasn’t thrilled about drag at first but now had become her biggest supporter. And costume maker. While Ra’Jah and Rita sweetly praised their sisters as being their new support systems.

Brooke, Traci and Brad were joined on the panel by Joe Zee as the dolls stomped the Y2Gay Runway. Rita opened the show as a glorious pink and green hourglass. Vanity meanwhile was stunning in black with highlighter yellow hair, Victoria destroyed – the set, literally – as the millennium bug, while Silky gave sickening drag Oblina from Aaahh! Real Monsters while Ra’Jah was perfect in a bronze and orange sexy Teletubby look. When it came to the trailer, Victoria and Rita were far and away the best while Ra’Jah camped it up and Silky and Vanity kind of faded into the background, somehow. (Maybe the writing).

The judges lived for everything Rita served this week, from committing to the character to giving a creative, playful look. Vanity’s look was praised for giving all the references, despite not giving Club Kid. Oh and she was read for getting lost in the performance. Victoria was universally beloved for her performance and the look, despite breaking the set, before Silky was read for being hit and miss in the performance, though received universal praise for her runway, despite it being a bit crafty. Ra’Jah meanwhile got her redemption in the performance, receiving universal praise for always being in the moment while everyone loved her look, despite it confusing Brad. Victoria and Rita obviously landed in the top two while Ra’Jah was deemed safe, leaving Vanity and Silky in danger of going home.

Backstage Ra’Jah was gutted that her fellow girl groupers were in the bottom, though praised Rita for manifesting a spot in the top. Victoria was proud of getting her third win, which triggered Silky, who felt she didn’t deserve to be in the bottom. Vanity meanwhile started to break down, talking about how she saw each of her sisters knocking it out of the park as she faded. Everyone stopped her in her tracks, reminding her that she too is an icon and as such, needs to put some respect on her own name.

Silky and Rita were first to catch up, with Silky reiterating she feels like she doesn’t deserve a place in the bottom and isn’t ready to go home, particularly since she has slayed the competition. While Rita assured her they have an alliance, she admitted to us that getting rid of Silky would give her a better shot at the crown. Vanity meanwhile assured Victoria that she just wants to slay another week, while Ra’Jah kikied with herself. When Rita and Vanity caught up, the latter reminded her that Silky has competed three times while this is her second and as such, she wants the chance to fight for the crown and go home and let the girls know Rita is the reason she made it to the end. Silky meanwhile assured Victoria that she just is not ready to go and wants the honour of competing against her next week.

After Rita and Victoria selected their lipsticks they ventured to the mainstage and as soon as Estelle’s Freak kicked off both the dolls went off, Rita leaning into camp comedy while Victoria was silly and street. Ultimately though it was Rita that took out victory with her sticking to her word and sending Vanity from the competition. Though not before telling Silky to go snatch the crown for her.

Backstage I pulled Vanity in for a massive hug and immediately continued on her sisters work, reminding her that she already is an icon and should never doubt herself. She is a killer performer, she is charming, can turn a look and even better, she is super sweet. Obviously she was grateful for my kind words, but I think the thing she was most grateful for, however, was the big fat (festive) Vanitonne Milan awaiting her.

Like many random things growing up, I decided that panettone was disgusting and never tried it. Until my husband came along and would smash multiple each Christmas, eventually enticing me to try it. And well, it was a glorious day. Sweet, spiced and gloriously fluffy, this is the perfect way to dull post boot pain or more importantly, get into the festive spirit.

Enjoy!

Vanitonne Milan
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
¼ cup warm milk
7g dried yeast
150g raw caster sugar
250g butter, softened
5 eggs, lightly whisked
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp almond extract
1 lemon, zested
1 orange, zested
550g bread flour, plus extra for dusting
½ tsp kosher salt
80g raisins
80g sultanas
3 tbsp rum
100g candied lemon and orange peel, roughly chopped

Method
Pop the warm milk in a bowl with the yeast and 1 teaspoon of sugar and leave to get all foamy and glorious.

In the large bowl of a stand mixer, cream the remaining sugar, butter, vanilla and almond extract on medium speed until light and creamy. Reduce speed to low and add the zests, followed by the eggs one at a time, adding the next only when the last one is fully incorporated.

In another bowl, combine the flour and salt and make a well in the centre. While stirring, slowly pour the milk and yeast mixture, followed by the buttery eggs, until a soft dough forms. Return to the stand mixer and using a dough hook, knead on medium speed for 5 minutes or until it has all come together, adding more flour if it is too sticky. Transfer to a greased bowl, cover and pop in the fridge to chill overnight.

Pop the raisins, sultanas and rum in a saucepan and cook over low heat for 5 minutes, until the fruit is plump and juicy.

Grease and line a deep 20cm deep cake tin. Transfer the dough to a lightly floured surface and knead for five minutes, slowly working in the candied peel and rum-soaked fruit until it is all together. Transfer to the prepared tin, wrapping baking paper around the outside to help keep the height as it rises. Cover with cling and leave to prove for a couple of hours, or until doubled in size while you preheat the oven to 160C.

Remove the cling and pop the panettone in the oven to bake for 40 minutes, or until golden, puffed and an inserted skewer comes out clean. Leave to cool in the tin for 15 minutes or so before turning out on a wire rack to cool completely. Before devouring, dusted in icing sugar.


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Mike Gabler Cheese Balls

Party Food, Snack, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor 43, Tapas, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor 18 new castaways were marooned on the islands of Fiji to start the (shortened) adventure of a lifetime. After losing back to back – or it is Baka to Baka – challenges, Baka went to tribal and tragically booted sweet Morriah from the competition. That departure set off a chain reaction of females getting targeted, with Justine, Nneka and Lindsay all following her out the door.

After a brief reprieve to blindside Geo from the game, the three tribes were dissolved and we entered the earn-the-merge phase of the game. Gabler led the charge against his nemesis Elie, booting her from the game before the Gaia tribe was formed. At that point Dwight was blindsided, seemingly with Jeanine’s idol in his pocket before Jeanine was booted to become the Queen of the Jury. In a split tribal council James and Ryan were booted back-to-back before Noelle proved too great a threat to leave in the game, before Sami’s double dealing saw him joining the jury right behind her.

At the final six things got feisty as Jesse pulled out Cody’s idol and played it on Owen to spook Karla into playing hers, allowing the tribe to blindside Cody from the game in a brutal fashion. That left Karla in danger at final five after Jesse played Jeanine’s idol to save himself, sending Queen Karla to the jury. Tragically that was as far as Jesse’s journey went though, as Cassidy took out final immunity, pulled Owen to the end with her and left Gabler to eliminate the biggest threat in the fire challenge.

The jury grilled the final three to figure out who they felt was most deserving of the win and while they each argued compelling cases, it was clear they were vibing with Gabler’s charming answers. Which ultimately left Owen finishing in third place and Cassidy as a very capable runner-up.

Thankfully despite sharing his plans to donate the entire prize to charity with us earlier in the episode, Gabler kept it a surprise to the jury meaning people couldn’t use it as a way to invalidate his win. As Gabler clearly articulated throughout the season, he played a stealth game, popping up to take out his rivals when needed and dropping back down to hide when he didn’t need to make a play. And while that isn’t always exciting to watch, it is effective and add in the fact he is a fun character, he makes a worthy entrant in the winner’s circle.

Plus the way he donated the prize to Veterans in Need in his fathers name had me crying. By the time he sweetly dedicated the win to everyone in the cast and how they all gave him something to learn and grow from, which is what compelled him to give back, I was a blubbering mess as I toasted his victory with a piping out tray of Mike Gabler Cheese Balls.

Gloriously gooey mac and cheese formed into perfect balls, chilled, coated and fried until crunchy, these are the perfect dish for providing you with culinary comfort or to mark a hard fought victory.

Enjoy!

Mike Gabler Cheese Balls
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
500g macaroni pasta
¼ cup butter
2 ¼ cups flour
3 cups milk
1 cup cream
2 tbsp dijon mustard
1 cup cheddar cheese, grated
⅔ cup gruyere cheese, grated
⅓ cup parmesan cheese, grated
salt and pepper, to taste
3 eggs, whisked
2 cups panko breadcrumbs
vegetable oil, for fryin’

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C. If you have a go to mac and cheese recipe use that, but I generally bounce between Mickey Rooney Cheese or Rohan Maclaren Cheese

Bring a large pot of salted water to the boil and cook macaroni according to packet directions. While the pasta is cooking, melt the butter in a large saucepan over medium heat and stir in ¼ cup of flour to make a roux. Remove from the heat and whisk in milk, cream and mustard before returning to the heat and simmering until thickened. Add ¾ of each of the cheeses and season to taste. Pour into a lined baking sheet and allow to cool before covering and popping in the fridge for an hour or two to firm up.

When you’re ready to go, take ¼ cup of mixture and roll into balls and place on a lined baking sheet. Roll each in the remaining flour, followed by the whisked egg and finally the breadcrumbs.

Pop about 2 inches of vegetable oil in a deep saucepan over medium heat and once scorching, fry each ball for about five minutes or until golden and crunchy. Remove to drain on some paper towel before repeating the process until done. Then devour, greedily.


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Pumpkin and Zuccassidy Cluiche

Breakfast, Pie, Survivor, Survivor 43, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor after Jesse was felled and sent to the jury by Gabler, the final three awoke on Day 26 and toasted making it to the end. They then obviously pivoted to talking through their strategies when facing the jury before taking their places at the final tribal council. While the jury assured them all their votes were up for grabs, Gabler appeared to be playing into what they wanted to hear and charmed them more and more with each answer. On the flipside, Cassidy’s strong game was called into question by the jury while Owen was ignored for having zero sway over the direction of the season. Which was enough to land him as the second runner-up.

While poor Cassidy scored a sole vote from her ally James, leaving her shocked to finish as the runner-up behind Gabler. Who turned out to really play like the Ali-gabler.

As Probst and Co continued to reset, I pulled Cassidy in for a massive hug and immediately broke down in tears, devastated to have not had another iconic young, pretty, crafty winner join the club. Despite absolutely dominating the season and pulling off a revenge arc third only to Shonee and Arya Stark, the jury weren’t convinced that she was their winner and tragically shut her out of the vote despite her bestie James.

Thankfully despite her disappointment at the outcome, Cass assured me that she truly is proud of herself for all that she achieved throughout the season and for now being her own inspiration and to all the young fans out there. Which was well and truly enough to get us in the festive spirit to toast her success with a hearty, comforting Pumpkin and Zuccassidy Cluiche.

The light eggy ricotta melds perfectly with the sweetness of the veggies to give you a quiche so jam-packed full of flavour, even the most ardent of bacon lovers won’t be able to argue against.

Enjoy!

Pumpkin and Zuccassidy Cluiche
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 onion, diced
2 zucchinis, quartered lengthwise and halved
1 sweet potato, diced
1 cup butternut pumpkin, diced
2 sheets shortcrust pastry
8 eggs
¾ cup heavy cream
1 cup ricotta cheese
salt and pepper, to season
½ cup vintage cheddar, grated
tomato relish, to serve

Method
Preheat the oven to 160°C.

Pop a lug of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat and saute the onions until soft and sweet. About five minutes or so. Place the zucchini, sweet potato and butternut on a lined baking sheet, drizzle with some olive oil and pop them in the oven to roast for about half an hour or until golden. Remove both from the heat to rest.

Cut each pastry sheet in quarters and press into individual pie dishes. Prick the bases with a fork, line with some baking sheet and fill with pastry weights and blind bake for 10 minutes before removing the pastry weights and cooking for a further couple of minutes to brown.

Whisk the eggs, cream and ricotta in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper. Sprinkle the onion into the prepared dishes, followed by the sweet potato and pumpkin and finally the zucchini. Add in the cheesy egg mixture and sprinkle with a little bit of the cheddar. Transfer the dishes to a baking sheet and pop in the oven to bake for half an hour, or until golden and set.

Remove from the oven and allow to rest for five minutes before slathering with some tomato relish and devouring through the disappointment.


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