Kass Breakfastarache Hot Dog

Australian Survivor, Breakfast, Burgers, Sandwich, Survivor: Australia V The World, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the tribe were tasked with an epic, immunity challenge where they had to hold up fifteen percent of their starting body weights. And while everyone kind of struggled to even get started, Kass and Parvati Kass and Parvati’ed, beasting their way to the end. And while JLP tried to remind them of a certain deal between them during the last endurance challenge, Parvati shushed him not long before dropping willingly. Without Parvati immune, she immediately started to grow more and more nervous that people were coming for her. She and Kirby started to flirt – hard – with the latter growing more and more nervous about Parvati not trusting her. And while they were busy assuring each other they were good, Janine rallied Cirie and the World tribe to band together to send Kirby to the jury. With the help of Parvati, no less. Leaving her heartbroken, alongside her former ride or die.

Back at camp Luke quickly congratulated the World tribe for banding together and blindsiding Kirby, even though it meant he continued his record of voting incorrectly. Parvati, meanwhile, was more heartbroken than jubilant, feeling like it was a move that was too early, even though it needed to be made. Kass and Cirie caught up and while the former was shocked to have pulled it off, Cirie laughed about not being shocked in the slightest. Well, except for the two votes that landed on her at tribal council. She caught up with Janine, who assured her that Luke and Shonee would not have done it unless someone told them to. And as Cirie slept, Janine quickly grabbed Luke to tell him to apologise and apologise quickly. The next morning, he did just that, pulling Cirie aside to apologise and tell her that he and Shonee were just following where they thought the numbers were. Which was Kass, Tommi and Lisa’s plan. And while Cirie wasn’t sure she could trust Luke, she did feel like she could trust Janine, so accepted his apology but vowed to us that she was keeping her eyes open.

Kass meanwhile was over the moon to be free of Kirby, and that Cirie and Parvati proved their loyalty to the international trio. After the three caught up and hugged, everyone came together at camp for Kass to read the scroll she won at the immunity challenge. Which ended up being an afternoon of luxury at a sunset spa with three people of her choosing. With her opting to take Parvati, Cirie and Tommi. This hilariously infuriated Shonee who was desperate to go, vowing to Luke and Janine that they will stick together and find a way to the end. The first step was to smash the locked box open, with them quickly discovering it was empty, meaning they now know that someone on the World tribe had the idol. Which made it even more of an uphill battle.

We checked in on the spa where they cracked some champagne to toast themselves before washing off and smashing some snacks. Filling Kass with confidence, given she is a challenge beast, has an idol and clean hair. They sat down to talk through plans for the upcoming tribal council, with Kass and Tommi promising Cirie that it was not their idea, but Luke and Shonee’s. Which tragically made them all realise that Shonee is actually the biggest threat and as such, needs to be dealt with ASAP. Which, obviously, sucks. Parvati meanwhile was delighted to be on the reward, given Kass clearly trusts her. She caught up with Cirie, filling her in on her idol and advantage, while poor Kass and Tommi searched the spa for anything.

My love Jonathan made his debut in the episode for the latest immunity challenge where they would each fill a leaky bucket with water to balance a table, on which they had to build a literal house of cards. Aka making an already difficult challenge even harder. Luke was first to place a tile, however it immediately fell as his table was knocked over. Tommi stacked a few, wisely making sure his bucket was full at all times. Janine started to close the gap alongside Parvati, while everyone else kept knocking their table over. After ten minutes, Tommi was well and truly in front, and while Parvati and Janine were still nipping at his heels, they both dropped, leaving Tommi plenty of time to jag individual immunity and guarantee himself a spot in the final seven.

Back at camp everyone was quick to congratulate Tommi. Well, except for the Aussies, who were clearly dejected and feeling a little bit screwed. The World tribe all split up, leaving the Aussies back at camp to figure out what the hell they could do, with Luke admitting that the only thing they can do is to work with anyone that is willing to make a move. The internationals meanwhile locked in their Shonee vote, which instantly made me disappointed in Parvati and Cirie. The longer the internationals stayed away, Shonee and Janine grew more and more nervous about not having any time to scramble, so ventured into the jungle to chat. Janine caught up with Kass and Tommi who told her that they hadn’t decided, while Lisa told Shonee she couldn’t tell her, while Cirie returned to camp and told Luke they hadn’t locked anything in.

Thankfully Luke was able to catch up with Tommi, who admitted that he would be keen to make a move and was keen to talk. As such, he pulled Lisa and Kass aside and suggested that since the Aussies are desperate to survive, now would be the best time to get rid of Parvati. As she is the biggest threat, and they need to cut Parvati and Cirie at some point, so they may as well do it now. Which Lisa agreed with. But only if he could rally the numbers.

Sadly for him, Lisa admitted to us that she is not actually sure it is the best move for her right now. As such, she took Shonee and Luke aside to confirm whether they were actually down. And while they all locked it in, it was all in front of Parvati and Cirie, who started to worry something was up. As Lisa, Shonee and Luke continued to talk, they agreed it was good to go. Well, until Lisa said she was not actually voting for Parvati, though is 100% on board with the move. Which instantly rubbed Luke and Shonee the wrong way. As such, they caught up with Janine and agreed that they couldn’t trust Lisa. While Parvati just knew that the vibes were off and as such, she was ready to play her idol should she need it.

At tribal council Janine and Luke immediately started whispering about the Parvati vote, with Janine telling him that there are enough people for them to flip and get rid of Lisa instead. After JLP called out the chat, Parvati admitted that she is super nervous and as such, she was looking for a place among the chaos too. She pulled Kass aside to talk, while Janine rallied the Aussie and suggested they should all pile on Lisa. Meanwhile Kass assured Parvati that neither she nor Cirie are targets and as such, they all headed to sit down. Though not before Parv pulled out her idol and promised she will be playing it for herself or Cirie tonight.

This spooked Kass who asked if Parvati was sticking with the plan, with Parv loudly telling her she is definitely not, as the vibes are off with the internationals. Particularly Lisa, who assured her that she is the only one that hasn’t pitched a move. Luke then told Parvati that they are definitely plotting against her, with Parv agreeing that she could tell. Kass and Parvati then caught up, with the former assuring her that the vote was Shonee. Cirie caught up with the Aussies to talk a Lisa vote, while Tommi assured Parvati that he was voting Shonee, before Cirie told Parvati to vote Lisa and that they would all survive. Kass then joined them and tried to keep it on Shonee before everyone finally sat down again.

Luke then went to town, talking about everything that happened with Lisa and dropped the bomb that the only reason she wasn’t keen to vote Parvati herself, was that she wanted to stay aligned with Cirie. And this isn’t the first time the internationals have pitched him a plan, which Janine reminded Luke. As he reiterated that it was them that told him and Shonee to vote for Cirie, Kass and Tommi desperately tried to get Cirie to believe them, while she couldn’t even look them in the eye. Given Cirie felt like Luke’s story is too elaborate to be a lie. Kass tried to call out the Aussies for being desperate and saying anything, as Luke doubled down and said that they weren’t willing to play with them at camp, so they had to make moves at tribal council. He then caught up with Parvati and Cirie, as the trio debated the merits of getting rid of Lisa or Kass.

While the internationals agreed that they had to stick together, Shonee and JLP started chatting about the confusion, before she joined the Aussie and US summit as they locked in a vote against Kass. Everyone finally sat down, with Kass desperately trying to assure Cirie that they had been aligned from day one and she wasn’t turning on her. Lisa and Parvati then caught up, with Lisa throwing Tommi under the bus and telling her it was he and Kass pushing her name. And while Parvati assured her that she wasn’t the vote, she told her to just vote Shonee. Kass then asked what the chat was about, with Parvati telling her and Cirie it was to confirm the blindside story.

As is her way this season, Parvati told Jonathan she was ready to vote, as Luke desperately told Parvati that the internationals will not take her to the end and as such, she needs to think long and hard about the vote. Which she assured him that she had. With that the tribe voted and after all the chaos and whispering, Kass whipped out her idol, leading Parvati to pull out her advantage. And while it wasn’t even the time she could play the advantage, it was effective at showing Parvati where the votes were going, as Kass played the idol for Lisa, who did not receive a single vote, and instead, the iconic – and legendaire – Kass was booted from the game. As she assured Parvati she was with her.

Kass followed by heaving sobs all the way to the Jury Villa, thrilled that while she was booted, she had clearly made an impact on the demo that matters most – the gays. I assured her that while she entered the season as one of the unknowns, she walks away an absolute legend and I can’t wait to see her in another international showdown. As she is definitely destined to win a season eventually. And in the interim – sorry to be brief, I had a lot of visitors this day – she could heal her wounds with a piping hot Kass Breakfastarache Hot Dog.

I know this may not appear to be such an innovative dish, but honestly, this feels like my opus. I love sausage, I love buns, I love breakfast, I love eggs, I love hollandaise, I love cheese – do you get the picture? I love it all. And this, most of all.

Enjoy!

Kass Breakfastarache Hot Dog
Serves: 3-6.

Ingredients
500g pork mince
1 onion, finely diced
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
a couple of sage leaves, finely chopped
1 tbsp flat leaf parsley, finely chopped
1 tbsp dried chilli flakes
pinch of nutmeg
good whack of salt and pepper
6 rashers streaky bacon
100g haloumi, sliced
12 eggs, whisked
2 tbsp butter
6 hot dog rolls
½-1 cup Hollandaise Taylor
Slash Browns, to serve

Method
Combine the mince, onion, garlic, sugar, sage, parsley, chilli, nutmeg, salt and pepper in a large bowl and scrunch with your hands until well combined. Divide the mixture into 6 sausage shapes.

Pop a large skillet over medium heat and cook the breakfast sausages for a few minutes each side – sausages have four sides, right? – or until cooked through. Transfer them to a plate and cook the bacon and haloumi until they are crispy on both sides, before transferring them to a plate. Add the butter in the skillet and when melted and foamy, add the eggs and scramble.

To assemble, split the buns down the middle and pop a rasher on bacon on the bottom. Top with haloumi and eggs, followed by the sausage and the hollandaise. Before devouring, like a queen, with a plate of piping hot Slash Browns.

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Logan Gojuchannisen Beef Bowl

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Kaelan pretended to be dumb and even roped in JLP and his biceps to help sell the lie that he couldn’t solve puzzles as he powered ahead to win his third immunity. Which was convenient, given he was finally ready to make a move and take out Karin.But before that he and Logan were invited on AJ and Kristin’s reward where Logan floated getting rid of Karin too. Back at camp, they looped everyone in except Myles, who started to spiral and decided to target Zara, given it was clearly not going to be an easy vote. Sadly for everyone, Kristin warned Karin about said plan. At tribal council, Karin blew it all up, telling everyone everything. And while she wasn’t going to tell where she heard the information, Kristin admitted that it was her, but Karin just took a giant dump on her plan on her way out the door. Oh and we were again reminded Logan told the jury it was her plan, meaning it is clearly important.

Back at camp Zara confronted Kaelan about turning on her, wondering why he chose the Brawn girls over her. He expertly pointed out that she and Karin turned on Myles, so he and AJ felt it could easily happen to them. She was pretty calm, pulling everyone together in the shelter and sharing how sad she is for Kristin too given she was just as close with Karin as she was. And of course Logan, who was also her ally. Logan, bless, then told Zara that she was actually the one leading the vote, so told her not to worry about feeling bad for her. Despite what I thought, AJ wasn’t pissed about Logan taking credit for the move, pulling Myles aside and talking about how great it is that Logan is taking the heat, because with that and the fact people think they’re feuding, they can continue to quietly work together without being targeted.

The next day everyone was shocked to realise they only have nine days left in the game. Kristin meanwhile was feeling a little awkward given Karin blew up her game on the way out, so pulled AJ and Kaelan aside to explain that lots of people wanted Zara and she just thought that was the new plan and got confused. And while AJ was quick to forgive and buy her story, Kaelan was quite pissed at her for ruining the blind side. As such, their alliance was done-zo. At the shelter, Myles was chatting to Morgan, Kate and Zara about the fact that a quarter of them will be in the final two. He then took Zara aside to give her a pep talk, teaching her the ways of the power bottom and assuring her that now she is able to play her best. That gave her the idea of bringing the Graduates alliance back together, taking control and making it all the way to the final four. The only issue being that AJ is super close to Kate and Morgan, and they aren’t quite sure whether his loyalty will lie with them or his OG Brains in the long term. Zara pulled Kaelan aside to clear the air, with him assuring her that his issue was with Karin, not her and as such, he is keen to ride it to the end.

JLP made his debut for the episode for the latest reward challenge where they would each have to balance on progressively narrow footholds over water with the last person standing scoring a night away at the Ikea overnight retreat, complete with shepherd’s pie and not Ikea meatballs, which feels like a choice. AJ couldn’t even last a minute. Everyone else moved through the next two narrower footholds, with Myles finally dropping after ten minutes. He was quickly followed by Kaelan and Morgan, while Logan narrowly avoided disaster. The remaining four managed to last another fifteen minutes before then transitioned to the narrowest footholds which cost Zara and Kate, while the others continued to struggle before Logan finally dropped, handing Kristin the win. As is oft the case, she was given the opportunity to invite someone along, picking Morgan. Much to her shock. She then got to select one other, going with Logan. And let’s just say, the rest of the tribe did not look happy.

Back at camp Kate was super disappointed to miss out on reward, while Zara was focused on making amends and locking in plans, given she would happily go to all the spas when she returns to Brisbane. To which I say, take me with you Hermes, queen – can we be besties?! After winning over Myles and Kaelan, she pulled AJ aside with both of them agreeing that the Graduates need to stick together, as Zara knows that AJ would have been trying to save her. He then told her that Kristin’s choices for the reward have actually scared him, given she and Logan were hoping to get rid of Kate, and as such, they were clearly planning to woo Morgan to get the plan moving. He then assured Zara that he would gladly vote out Kate when the time comes because he knows she and Morgan will always take each other to the end, so he has no option not to. The duo went back to camp and when they realised Kate was far away, they locked in their post-Graduates alliance before going to hunt for idols. Because while they were close, Kaelan was still worried that Myles and AJ could do something stupid just for the drama of it at tribal council.

Sadly for Kaelan, it was Myles that found the idol – his fourth of the season to boot – and rather than keeping it quiet, once again he took the information back to AJ and while he said that he was super happy for him, it was clear that he was also very jealous. Though bless, he was happy to technically have an idol too, given it is clear Myles would play it for him if he needed it.

We finally checked in on the gals at the Ikea spa – thank you, Ikea, wink – with everyone delighted to see the food, champers and a bed. After smashing some pie, Logan jumped in the shower and was gagged by how dirty she was. After they were done scrubbing up, Logan floated the idea that Kate is the biggest threat and needed to be dealt with ASAP. Kristin, however, felt Zara was the bigger threat and pushed them until they locked in an alliance to get her out next. All that Logan and Kristin need to do to get it over the line was to convince AJ and Kaelan to join them, and they can take control. After a very good night’s sleep.

The next day things were still pretty zen back at camp as Myles and Zara spoke about how great it will be to make the final four. AJ meanwhile was focused on making it through the next vote to ensure it happens, realising that Logan is the next biggest threat and as such, she needs to go. One by one he locked in his allies to get rid of Logan, with him then finally admitting to us that he also wants to get her out for taking credit for the Karin vote.

My love Jonathan and the reward winners returned for the immunity challenge where they would be divided into teams to race through obstacles, carrying a locked teammate to collect a key and unlock them. The winning team would then face off tossing sandbags at a target, with the first to knock theirs off, taking out the win. Kaelan, Kristin, Myles and Kate faced off against AJ, Morgan, Logan and Zara, with AJ valiantly carrying Zara through the course while Kaelan straight up dropped Kate on their team. Zara, AJ, Morgan and Logan got out to a very hefty lead, though the others picked up the pace and closed the gap. And then took over and moved to the final round, much to Logan’s rage, begging the question, is AJ back in his challenge throwing era? The final four then raced to the top of the tower to toss their sandbags, with Kaelan powering through and jagging himself immunity just ahead of Myles.

Back at camp everyone quickly shared a meal before Kristin pulled Kaelan aside to try and woo him to her Zara plan, though she could tell he was lying and was clearly against her. She then pulled Kate aside and suggested that they just need to load all their votes on Zara, and hope the other four split their votes. Kristin, however, was super nervous about them playing an idol for whoever they were targeting, so suggested they just need to float a fake plan and hope that they will jump onboard a split between Kate and Morgan. Logan approached Myles to loop him in, while Kristin took it to AJ and Kaelan and just like that, all the girls were feeling good. WIth AJ and Logan once again talking through a plan that both of them knew was not going to happen.

AJ found the Postgraduates and told them it is clear the girls are clearly trying to get them to split their votes so they should just band together. Sadly, that was their plan. Meaning they locked in the four votes for Logan, and instead hope they can push one of them to flip in the revote. Or just go to rocks. AJ started to get nervous, obviously, and suggested to Zara that he should maybe tell Kate to lock in a solid majority. Which Zara promptly shut down. AJ is AJ though, so pulled Kate aside and told her their plan and that Logan was actually targeting Kate and Morgan tonight. While the Graduates were all kind of excited by the prospect of going to rocks and going down in history.

At tribal council Kristin was thrilled about her time on reward, though was starting to get quite nervous about everything she missed back at camp. Myles was confident that they made the most of their time back at camp, while Logan pointed out that everyone is just starting to get paranoid. AJ shared that he was just hoping to find people with common goals to alleviate their paranoia, while Kate admitted that she is happy to continue making new alliances every day until the game ends. Kaelan and AJ spoke about the importance of having the full picture. With just that little bit of preamble, the tribe voted and shock horror, it was a four-four tie between Zara and Logan. With that the tribe voted once again, with it finishing in a three-three tie.

It was at this point it became clear why there was so little content before the votes, as JLP explained that the tribe now needed to come to a unanimous decision about who to send home. And if they couldn’t, Zara and Logan would join Kaelan as immune, while the remaining five would go to rocks. AJ and Myles quickly pointed out that they have zero qualms about going to rocks, given the numbers are on their side. Kristin pointed out that she wants Zara out because she has so many connections. Logan then jumped in, saying that she would not demand anyone go to rocks for her, while Zara may demand it of people. Zara pointed out that they were all actually ready to go to rocks, as they weren’t sure who would be the target heading into tribal council. Everyone tried to assure everyone else that they would all happily work together moving forward. While Logan tried to point out that people willing to go to rocks for each other are clearly locked.

JLP reminded them that it needs to be a unanimous decision and when it was clear her allies were nervous, Logan told them it was fine for them to flip and with that, everyone verbally agreed to send her to the jury. As she arrived at the villa, I pulled her in for a massive hug and thanked her for serving for as long as she did. Because look back on the season and while the mean have steamrolled the confessionals, Logan carried the actual narrative. And as a Pilates gay, I will always support a pilates and wine mum, meaning it was fate that I celebrate her with a glorious Logan Gojuchannisen Beef Bowl.

This reworked little Half Baked Harvest number is oh-so-good. Sweet, spicy and somehow creamy, it is the perfect mid-week meal to wash away the trauma of the work week.

Enjoy!

Logan Gochujannisen Beef Bowl
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
750g beef mince
salt and pepper, to taste
2 tbsp butter
2 red capsicums, sliced
6 shallots, sliced
6 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp ginger, grated
½ cup tamari
4 tbsp gochujang
4 tbsp rice vinegar
⅓ cup beef stock
2 tbsp maple syrup
¼ cup sesame seeds, toasted
⅓ cup roasted peanuts, chopped
2 lebanese cucumbers, cut into half coins
2 tbsp Thai basil
rice, to serve

Method
Pop a large skillet over medium-high heat and brown the mince for five minutes, breaking up with a wooden spoon as you go. Season with a pinch of salt and a good whack of pepper before adding the butter, capsicum, half the shallots and the ginger, and cooking for a couple of minutes.

Stir in the tamari, three tablespoons of the gochujang, half the rice vinegar and a stock. Bring to the boil before reducing heat to low and stirring in the maple syrup. Cook for a minutes or so, or until the beef is caramelised and sticky. Remove from the heat and stir through the sesame seeds.

While the beef rests, combine the cucumbers with one teaspoon of salt and the remaining gochujang, rice vinegar and shallots. Allow to stand for 5 minutes.

To serve, layer your bowl with rice, followed by a generous heaping of the mince, followed by the spicy cucumber and a sprinkle of peanuts, before devouring. Like a queen.

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Hamburgala Varo Steak

Main, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars 1, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Global All Stars the dolls had to partner up with their best Judy to share a cocktail. And by cocktail, switch supplies they had prepared prior to departing for the show and whip up a cocktail gown using their sisters’ goods. Obviously this created excellent television, as while Tessa lucked out and jagged a suitcase full of Alyssa’s finest, Nehellenia was pressed by the expensive fabrics supplied for her by Kitty. Which obviously didn’t sit well with Kitty. As could be expected, Tessa’s luck helped her pull out her first win as she put the luxe goods to exquisite use. Alyssa’s attempt with Tessa’s literal scraps somehow kept her out of the bottom, as poor Soa’s floppy edges and Gala’s gorgeous albeit very high-necked look landed them in the bottom. With the queen of my heart, Soa, tragically felled from the competition.

Backstage everyone was heartbroken to have lost Soa, particularly Kween, given she felt like Soa had become her older little sister. The eulogising didn’t last for long, however, as Alyssa turned the attention back to Gala, praising her for her stunning lip sync and now being the assassin of the season. As Gala and Vanity spoke about the need for them to rise to the top this week and cement their places in the competition, Alyssa praised Tessa for taking out the win and growing each and every week. With Tessa suggesting that Alyssa is now part of the Haus of Testicle, rather than her joining the Edwardses as she first thought. So it is now Alyssa Edballs, if you will.

The next day everyone did a quick win count, with Nehellenia and Gala disappointed to be the only dolls that haven’t cut through for a win yet. Gala opened up about the fact she almost quit last week due to the inner saboteur, with Kween once again jumping in and encouraging her to harness the voice to push herself, but to also know when to tell it to shut up. Like you would Tessa, for instance. As Gala broke down, Alyssa encouraged her to have the tears and feel what she needs to, but know that she is making her country proud.

Ru stopped the love fest to announce that they would be continuing the vibes by posing for profile pics for the queer male dating app Archer. Serving thirst trap quick drag. Kitty was a slutty Patsy Stone, Tessa was a literal blow-up doll, Nehellenia was delightfully demented, Gala was rich and stunning, Kween gave butch Beyonce, Pythia gave hairy Lisa Rinna while Alyssa was just glorious and gorgeous. Oh and then Vanity stole the show giving plumped perfection. Well, until she popped. Given Gala serves sex at all times, she rightly took home victory. The love didn’t stop there, though, as Ru announced that for this week’s maxi challenge they would be playing the Snatch Game of Love trying to win the hearts of Supremme’s boys, Los Javis.

After Ru exited, the dolls split up to talk through their characters while Vanity and Kween speculated who would struggle in the challenge. Both in agreement that Gala could run into problems, given she was in the bottom in her original season. While Alyssa tried to get her to remember all she needs to do it make Ru laugh, not to a killer impression. Just like that, Ru was summoned as Tessa shared that she would be playing Susanne Bartsch, Kween was considering doing the Rock OR an undisclosed mystery character. Nehellenia spoke about being nervous about the challenge, with Ru encouraging her to ignore the questions and just be fun. Alyssa was rocking Annie Oakley like All Stars 2, Vanity was planning to do the euphoric Loreen – much to Ru’s nerves – while Gala was planning to do Mexican icon Laura Leon. Pythia was going with Arnie despite Ru wanting her to play a Greek or Canadian icon, while Kitty was going to play Princess Di, may she rest in peace.

As is oft the case, Ru’s visit got a few of the queens in their heads with Pythia thinking about pivoting to Zeus. Despite the fact she would need to build a look from scratch and find the character in 10 minutes.

We pivoted to the Snatch Game of Love set where the first four dolls got ready to face off for Javier Calvo’s affection. Kween Kong as Kween Schlong, Gala was sticking with the drama of Laura Leon, Kitty stuck with Di and Nehellenia was cute as Valentino. Not to be confused with Valentina. Kween was surprisingly funny, poor Gala was one note after following Ru’s advice to lean into the telenovela and Nehellenia was on point. The first panel was owned by Kitty, however, playing glum Princess Di to perfection. Which was all it took to win Javi’s heart. Javier Ambrossi traded out with his husband as Vanity’s Loreen, Alyssa’s Annie, Tessa’s Susanne and Pythia’s frat-bro Zeus jumped in to fight for his affections. Alyssa was full Alyssa, Vanity was demented, Tessa was silly and fun, though in my opinion, this was Pythia’s panel, giving toxic masculinity perfection. Sadly though, Javi felt Alyssa deserved the win.

Oh and then the Javis made out, which was glorious.

Elimination Day arrived with Tessa disappointed to not own the challenge, though felt ok, given it is the hardest challenge. Alyssa meanwhile gushed over Pythia’s performance, particularly since she pulled it together in ten minutes. Vanity meanwhile was worried about the entirety of Sweden hating her. Meanwhile on the other side of the room Kitty opened up about sleeping with a fan, as Alyssa suggested they should have paid a booking fee given that is what they wanted. Vanity opened up about falling in love with her teenage crush and ugh, it is so sweet and I love everything about it. Kitty was not sure if she would end up with a DBE or be banned from returning home, as Pythia suggested she could actually be assassinated.

Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by Los Javis as Kween Kong opened the Eat Me runway serving Mother Hubbard does Pavlova. Gala was a gorgeous candy confection before stripping down and serving skin, so yeah, that’s a win. Kitty gave full English breakfast – aka a full geezer – Nehellenia was a Bowie-esque cassata, Vanity was a rotted Swedish Fish, Alyssa gave Barbie sundae, Tessa was a stunning swiss cheese while Pythia closed the show as a gorgeous spanakopita.

Kween and Alyssa were sent to safety backstage where Alyssa was gutted to once again be safe. Particularly since she was the snatchelor’s choice. Back on the mainstage, the judges read poor Gala for filth given she gave no jokes at all. Despite looking and sounding perfect. That being said, her runway was gorgeous. Particularly her body. Kitty on the other hand was praised for giving no-stop laughs during Snatch Game and looking stunning on the runway, Nehellenia was praised for picking a hilarious character and leaning into her strengths. And for being so versatile on the runway. Poor Vanity was read for filth for giving nothing more than a look on Snatch Game. Tessa was read for giving no character on Snatch Game, though she was praised for looking stunning. Albeit a bit cheesy. Pythia, meanwhile, was beloved for being so stupid on Snatch Game. To quote Michelle, she was fucking brilliant, pacifically. And once again looking perfect on the runway. Despite the wig, IMO.

Backstage Pythia was on cloud nine after her stunning critiques, with Tessa saying she got the best of the season. Despite Kitty being equally beloved. Talk turned to the bottoms with Gala and Vanity confident it would be them, with Tessa hoping she had done enough to skate by another week. Before poor Vanity suggested that she is just a boring queen, with her sisters assuring her that she is funny.

Ultimately Kitty snuck away with the win as Pythia was deemed only safe – robbery – alongside Nehellenia. While Gala and Vanity were set through to the lip sync, Tessa slid by just as she hoped. I then thought it was a Drag Race France 1 music rights situation, as The Muppets’ Mah Na Mah Na kicked off for the lip sync, but alas it was real. And given there was no possible way to make it sexy, Vanity owned the show, giving equal parts stupid and attitude. And while Gala put in a valiant effort, her run of luck ran out as she sadly exited the competition.

Inspired by Ru’s now questionable advice, I leant into the telenovela drama of Gala’s exit. As she walked off stage, I pulled her in for a passionate embrace, and dramatically assured her that she is a star. Whether she wins a crown or not. Because, dun dun DUN, she won my heart, my loins and a glorious Hamburgala Varo Steak.

Hamburg steaks are one of my favourite dishes from Japan. They are so homey and cute, but mostly unexpected. In no small part thanks to the tart wine glaze and the gloriously smooth cheese.

Enjoy!

Hamburgala Varo Steak
Serves: 2 dear friends or lovers.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 onion, diced
500g beef mince
250g pork mince
¾ cup panko breadcrumbs
1 large egg
3 tbsp milk
2 tbsp soy sauce
200g cream cheese, cut into 8 cubes
¼ cup beef stock
¼ cup water
2 tbsp unsalted butter
½ cup red wine
3 tbsp ketchup
¼ cup Worcestershire sauce

Method
Heat a good lug of oil in a frying pan over medium heat and cook for 5 minutes, or until sweet and soft. Transfer to a large mixing bowl and allow to cool for about 10 minutes. Add the minces, breadcrumbs, egg, milk and soy, along with a good whack of salt and pepper. Scrunch with your hands until well combined before dividing into 8 patties. Make a dent in each pattie, fill with the cheese and close to seal it in similar to how you would a Juicy Lucy Liu. Pop on a lined plate and pop in the fridge to set for about half an hour.

In the same frying pan, heat a little more oil over medium heat and once scorching, add the patties and gently flatten with a spatula. Cook for a few minutes before slipping and cooking for a further few minutes. Add the beef stock and water, pop on a lid and let it steam for another five minutes to cook through but keep nice and juicy.

Once cooked through, remove the patties from the pan to rest. With the pan still on, add the butter, red wine, ketchup and Worcestershire and simmer for 2 minutes, or until rich and glossy. Serve the patties immediately with some rice, green and a generous drizzle of the sauce. And devour, ravenously.

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Alex Bacoe & Pecorino Danish

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Breakfast, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor with the clock ticking on his advantage, Ray looped in Kirby and Feras to help him convince everyone to pile their votes on him so they could super-mega idol someone from the game. Which obviously delighted both of them. With their sights set on Valeria, Kirby powered through immunity to keep it out of her hands. Ray meanwhile was busy acting super depressed to try and execute the mercy kill plan. At tribal council, Kirby gave up immunity to a nervous Rianna, which spooked Feras given it should have been irrelevant. It was all for nought, though, as Ray apologised before playing his advantage, allowing his single vote to send Valeria home.

Back at camp everyone praised Ray for such an epic move, particularly since he was able to act so upset for two days. Surprisingly, though, nobody got angry about the fact he was feigning depression particularly given Scott quit to look after his mental health. Feras meanwhile was super happy to be involved, though was hoping to avoid anyone being angry with him, so pretended to not be involved. Mark and Alex caught up, realising they now had nobody, so had to stick together. But even better, if they could pull in Feras and Ray for an all male alliance, they could take control. Though given everyone wants to work with Feras, he is definitely the belle of the ball and that isn’t as likely as they would hope.

The next day Alex and Caroline were delighting in the glow of a rainbow as Kirby was calmly swimming by herself, vibing and living her best life. And oh god, she’s getting blindsided, isn’t she? Feras joined her as they joked about how far their relationship has come, while Alex got to work trying to bond with Ray. Well, until he just upped and walked off on him. Alex wasn’t deterred, however, given he is so close to Mark. By default, given all of his other options had now gone home. Knowing the men’s alliance is still not a majority, he got to catching up with Kirby to see why they haven’t worked together for 30 days. And instead of forming a bond, Kirby kinda read him for filth for being a floater and ugh, it is iconic. But also doesn’t bode well for that sick feeling that Kirby is heading home today.

Jonathan made his triumphant debut for an epic reward challenge where they would race to collect water in a leaky bucket and then run to the shore to fill a tube. With the victor getting a trip to the Survivor spa, including a bed, lasagne, wine and chocolates. So yeah, everyone was very, very keen for victory. Alex and his speedos got out to an early lead, as Kitty nipped at his heels. Mark and Feras joined the fun, though let’s be honest, this was well and truly Alex’s challenge as he continued to pull ahead before everyone just kinda gave up. He then started filling up Mark’s tube for a bit as everyone started speculating who he would be taking on reward with him, worried about who would also be left back at camp. Oh and then he returned to filling his tube and put everyone out of their misery. After JLP gave him his choice, he followed Mark’s advice and asked Ri to join him, given she hasn’t eaten in three weeks. When he had one more choice, he selected Caroline, followed by Kirby. Which gagged each and every one of those left behind.

We followed the victors off to their reward and ugh, it truly looked delightful. They sat down to smash the food and crack the champagne before Alex had a delightful shower scene and honestly, I don’t even know what his plans are, because I was transfixed. As he shaved his chest – roughly – he asked Kirby and Ri who they felt were their biggest threats, and when they wisely kept quiet, he pointed out that he thinks Feras and Kirby have been playing the best game so far and as such, he wants to play with them and make it to the end together. He got out of the shower and smashed a little more lasagna, which ended up making him sick and with him gone, Kirby told Ri that maybe they just tell him whatever he wants to hear. Because while he hasn’t played a good game, he doesn’t need to know that.

Back at camp Mark was making the most of his time with Feras and Ray to lock in a vote against Ri, given she keeps winning endurance challenges. And is a massive support to Kirby. Mark meanwhile was more concerned about Kirby – for obvious reasons – so decided to go with the bold play, straight up saying that he would prefer Kirby go first. And while Feras still wasn’t keen, he did offer that they go for her next. They caught up with Ray, with them all agreeing that if Ri wins immunity, they will target Kirby.

Back at the spa, the women watched on as Alex struggled not to vomit before talk turned to the game. They all agreed that getting rid of Ray should be their priority, and when they suggested Feras would be angry, Kirby suggested that they just tell Feras that the vote will be a split between him and Ray so he has no choice. However when Alex went to bed, the three women agreed that getting rid of Alex is what they truly needed to prioritise.

The tribe reunited at the beach with Jonathan for the immunity challenge, where they would each have to stand on narrow pegs over the water and hold on to sandbags, with the last person standing jagging immunity. After a minute, Ray’s intrusive thoughts overcame him as he tested whether he could lean and promptly fell. At the ten minute mark it started to pour down with rain, leading Caroline and Kirby to drop out. Kitty then tapped out before the remaining four transitioned to the narrower pegs. That immediately cost Mark his spot, leaving Feras and Alex to struggle as Ri just blissed out. Meaning she is essentially going to win every second immunity challenge at this point, given they keep wheeling out this frame. After Feras dropped out, Alex and Ri continued to zen out, as Alex miraculously saved himself from falling backward at the 20 minute mark. Ri then started to talk about the fact she is a physical threat, so she may as well win the challenge given they will still think it. Which she did, as Alex dipped out.

Back at camp the tribe quickly split up, with Ri and Kirby whispering for everyone to vote out Alex. Even Alex, who straight up heard Kirby and Ri talking about him while they were in the spa on the reward. The women all got together to regroup after the reward with them all keen to get rid of Alex, particularly since they think he wants everyone to split the votes between Feras and Ray. Kirby suggested they loop in Feras, given he probably wants to get rid of Alex ASAP too. She and Ri went to tell him, as Kitty and Caroline hung back to talk about their own plans. Mark and Alex meanwhile were busy locking in a Kirby plan, with Mark just worried that Alex was too busy spiralling to think straight. Feras caught up with the boys, with everyone joyfully planning to get rid of Kirby. Though Feras cautioned that they need one more, however, the risk is that Caroline and Kitty have seemingly been growing closer with Kirby. The boys suggested talking to Caroline about growing her resume is their best hope, so sent Mark off to get to work.

While that was happening, Kirby pulled Feras aside to see if he’d be keen to join the women to get rid of Alex. She opened up about how desperate he was at the reward, which Feras assured her has made him feel confident. Ray soon joined them, with the trio agreeing to get rid of Alex, though she was worried about what Caroline would do. Which is exactly what Feras needed to hear to decide the Kirby plan really makes the most sense. We ventured back to the shelter where Alex then caught up with Caroline and Kitty, though he desperately wanted Kitty to leave them alone so he could float his real plan. Which made both Kitty and Caroline super nervous, given it is clear he was being evasive.

Caroline checked in with Mark to see why Alex was being weird, with him facilitating a sit down between Alex and Caroline. With Alex pointing out his issue with giving her a name was Kitty, given she is close with Kirby. He then pointed out that being the deciding vote for Kirby would be a huge move, but they desperately needed to keep things quiet from Kitty if it is going to work. Caroline then checked in with Feras to make sure he was definitely keen on the plan, meaning Alex’s nerves were the only thing in the way. Well, that and the fact Caroline headed off to the well with Kitty. As she assured them it was just that they desperately needed water, nothing else. Though Alex vowed that no matter what, he will be pushing for people to turn on her before they vote.

At tribal council Alex spoke about how he selected everyone to go on the reward in the hope of building relationships, though spoke about how clear it was that Ri and Kirby had zero interest in working with him or anyone else. Kirby pretended she was keen to go with their discussions at the spa, before Alex pointed out that her plan was to split the vote on Feras and Ray. She then agreed it was true, before he turned his attention to Feras, asking if he was truly planning to get rid of Kirby tonight or if he too is lying to them. Feras pointed out that Alex’s outburst could be the reason he doesn’t vote with him tonight, which only made Alex sassier, calling him delusional if he thinks Kirby has a place for him in her end game. Feras agreed that Kirby is a massive threat, though strong-arming someone into voting for her won’t actually help.

He then went in on Caroline as a superfan, pointing out she clearly needs to make a move worth getting the jury to vote for her. Kirby tried to defend herself, pointing out that while Alex views her as a threat, not everyone may agree with him. He then continued to tell Caroline that she hasn’t made a move, which annoyed her and damn, I think he has officially, single-handedly offended everyone into booting him. Kirby spoke about how Alex has been floating and as such, playing now is too little too late. Kirby started to get a little sassy, and while she told Alex he is clearly more nervous, her relaxed attitude appeared to spook people. Before Alex gave a last ditch pitch for everyone to just write her name down, while Ri, famed for botching multiple votes this season, sassed him about being able to spell. With that, the tribe voted and everyone banded together to send Alex out of the game. No doubt because of his mistakes.

Given we’re now without a speedo king, Alex followed my sobs all the way to the Jury Villa where I jumped into his arms. And stayed there, quietened and reassured for an hour or so before I could pull myself enough to thank him for a game well played. And while that is questionable, he served looks – well, one really good one – all season and as such, he deserved praise and a piping hot Alex Bacoe & Pecorino Danish.

Just like Alex, this danish is 100% delectable and has you coming back for more. And more. The delicate pastry melts away under the sharp pecorino and the salty bacon, along with the pain of realising our speedo king has fallen.

Enjoy!

Alex Bacoe & Pecorino Danish
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1 batch David Croissant dough
1 large egg, whisked
8 rashers streaky bacon, diced and cooked
1 tbsp butter
1 tbsp flour
1 cup milk
1 cup pecorino cheese
1 tsp kosher salt
1 tsp ground black pepper
thyme, to serve

Method
The day before you want these babies, get to work prepping the David Croissant dough as per his recipe. Then fast forward 24 hours, and line two baking sheets with parchment paper.

Roll out the dough into a 40x30cm rectangle and cut into 12 rectangles. Cut an oval out of the centre of half of them. Transfer the whole rectangles to a baking sheet and brush with the whisked egg followed by the hollowed out pieces. Cover loosely with plastic and leave to rest for half an hour.

Preheat the oven to 180C.

Next up, melt the butter in a saucepan over low heat. Once foamy, add the flour and whisk to combine and cook for a minute until the flour is cooked off. Remove from the heat and whisk in the milk until combined. Return to the heat and bring to the boil and cook, stirring, for a few minutes or until thickened. Add half the cheese, salt and pepper, stir until melted and remove from the heat.

Top the rectangles with the cheese sauce, followed by pecorino and then some bacon and pop in the oven to cook for 15-20 minutes, or until gorgeously puffed and cooked through. Serve immediately, with a sprinkle of pecorino and some thyme and devour. While salivating.

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Sheeta Panaj Lemon Chicken

Main, Poultry, RuPaul's Drag Race: UK vs the World, RuPaul's Drag Race: UK vs the World 2, TV, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race: UK vs the World the dolls created an immersive experience for fans that promotes everything we love about the ever-expanding franchise, Drag Race World. While Scarlet was quickly able to identify this one as a branding challenge, and given she has a marketing degree, took control and absolutely slayed the game. Tia meanwhile tried desperately to keep Keta and Marina on task, in their group and while she was able to join Scarlet in the top, Keta was too much of a mess and landed in the bottom. With Jonbers, who was just flat as not a joke landed, while LGD and Hannah shone. In deliberations, Keta offered Tia some massages, while Jonbers worried that Scarlet was intimidated by her killer looks. Which may have been proven, as after Scarlet won the lip sync, she promptly booted Jonbers.

Backstage Scarlet was thrilled to finally grab her first solo win over the course of her three seasons, particularly since she felt sending a UK doll home was iconic. She felt her oats while cleaning the mirror, as Choriza felt that sending an icon like Jonbers home meant that the contest is really on. Keta thanked Scarlet for saving her, with Scarlet explaining her top performance in the ball is what tipped her over the edge, given she would like others to base decisions on her track record. Tia then tried to do a fake-out, pretending that she voted for Keta, before admitting that she too would have sent Jonbers home given she literally was just in the top two and has been slaying. Also, as she told us, eliminating one of the UK dolls means the target on her, Choriza and Gothy, is that much smaller with Jonbers gone.

The next day the mood was honestly full party mode as the dolls conga-ed into another week, while Marina just modelled, given she is an icon. The three victors showed off their badges as Hannah joked about being the queen of the safe club and as such, was grateful her target wasn’t so large. Ru then dropped by and quickly announced that this week the dolls would be playing the Snatch Game. Family Edition. Which obviously filled Tia with dread, given it is the challenge she went home. And as the winner of last week’s challenge, Scarlet had the power to select her family.

Everyone sat down to talk through the challenge, with Hannah, LGD and Keta proudly being past winners, while Choriza and Tia were terrified, given it was the challenge they went home on. Marina was happy with her OG performance, which is iconic to those in the Philippines, while Gothy and Scarlet were about to lose their Snatch Game virginity, and were equal parts nervous and excited. With that out of the way, Scarlet picked her family, going with Hannah, Choriza and Tia. Leaving the three ESL queens together, and Gothy, who is super shy, which feels shady. Which I love and hate. The families split up, with Scarlet announcing she will be making her debut as the Statue of Liberty, Tia was going with Anne Boleyn, while Choriza was going to be Henry VIII’s first wife, Catherine of Aragon.

Before we could learn who Hannah was doing, Ru dropped by to kiki, laughing at Tia finally jagging a win before she announced she will be Anne Boleyn, which delighted Ru. As Tia vowed to smash it out of the park. LGD was going with Carla Bruni, which made Ru nervous, as the double French accent was becoming hard to understand. Marina is following Melinda Verga’s footsteps with some Manny Pacquiao, while Ru was equally delighted by Choriza’s choice to play Catherine of Aragon. Which is good that she is Spanish, because her English accent isn’t great. Though better than Marina’s TBH, but damn they are charming. Keta will be bringing Fran Drescher, while Hannah is following in Jimbo’s footsteps as Shirley Temple. But make it Megan the doll. Side note: both of these repeats were filmed BEFORE the others aired, so these are not copycats, ok? Ru was delighted by Scarlet’s choice of Statue of Liberty and a little nervous for Gothy giving Kim Woodburn. And ugh, her nerves are going to get to her and I hate it.

We ventured to the Snatch Game: Family Edition set as Team Scarlet were led by Sinitta, while the rest were led by guest Jane McDonald. Team McDonald all stuck with their OG choices, with LGD cute, Keta started off strong, but lacked the jokes while Marina, like Melinda, was an icon as Manny. And poor Gothy just straight up bombed. Team Sinitta also stuck with their plans where Hannah was demented – though not as demented as Jimbo, obvi – Scarlet was iconic, Choriza was glorious and Tia stole the show holding her own head in her hands. Tragically the international girls all really struggled competing in their second language, though thankfully Marina did land a few killer blows. Scarlet was a powerhouse and Choriza filthy, though it was Tia and Hannah who really owned Snatch Game, hopefully leaving us with another two-time victor and some much needed rudemption.

Elimination Day arrived with the dolls in varying moods as Hannah was feeling her oats, Scarlet was thrilled to do a good job on her first go, while Gothy knew she bombed and felt she did worse than she even thought possible. Keta too, knew she bombed, while LGD knew their family were far and away the shittest. Knowing they need to do a good job, the dolls split up to get ready for their runways to hopefully save them. Talk turned to the dating scenes in their respective countries, with LGD opening up about being a romantic, though looking forward to being a little looser too. Marina admitted that she is perennially single, given there is too much beauty. Hannah joked about importing her favourite d, her Geordie boyfriend. While Scarlet and Gothy just desperately wanted to have a loving drag husband. Gothy opened up about not knowing who she is and how can’t love someone else until she figures it out and ugh, Gothy is just such a sweet, tragic figure in the franchise. Isn’t she?

Ru, Michelle and Alan were joined on the panel by knitting king Tom Daley as the dolls stomped the runway in Gone Cruisin’ looks. Keta gave patchwork pirate and ugh, she looked so stunning I mean, she even had an anchor nipple ring. Choriza was gorgeous in a blue and white latex mini with tentacles, LGD gave high fashion genuine sailor stripes in Gaultier, while Scarlet gave first class victim of the Titanic and Gothy gave baby Birth of Venus in the cutest way possible. Hannah gave Picnic at Hanging Rock on the ocean, but made it nightgown, Tia gave Ozempic Ursula – aka Karen the Kraken – and Marina closed the show with water heels and titties as a straight up sexy boat. And yeah, it was another slay.

Choriza and Marina were sent to safety before Keta was read for only just giving a laugh, and lacking the energy and fun of Fran. Which was tragically all there in her runway, which was excellence upon excellence. Tia meanwhile got wall to wall praise for being stupid and smart in equal measure as Anne Boleyn, and they also loved the runway, despite its simplicity. They wished LGD gave more and had fun, though obviously lived for her straight up perfect runway. Scarlet was praised for doing a solid job and looking perfect as Rose without her door from Titanic. Poor Gothy was read for just giving nothing in Snatch Game, and being too simple on the runway. While Hannah received wall to wall praise for being dumb and manic, and looking stunning.

Ultimately Tia and Hannah were deemed the top two of the week, and Scarlet and LGD were sent to safety leaving Keta Minaj and Gothy Kendoll up for elimination. Backstage Hannah and Tia were feeling their oats, while Choriza was gutted to be the new queen of the safe club. Tia opened up about how weird it is to be winning challenges, while Hannah was sad to elect a new president for her club in Choriza. Everyone spoke about how stunning LGD’s runway is, though they laughed about her choice of pizza boxer briefs underneath. Hannah checked in with Gothy whole was weeping quiet tears, while Keta was more upbeat about her bomb. Scarlet clocked Gothy for deciding she will be bad and as such, being bad in all the challenges.

Hannah caught up with Gothy to let her know how much she loves her, with Gothy talking about how difficult the contest is and how it keeps her stuck in her head. Hannah tried to get the fight from her, asking what Gothy needs to succeed. Though she seemed too broken to muster a tangible answer. Tia told Keta how strong she knows she is, though also noted that she has now been in the bottom twice in a row. They traded places with Keta telling Hannah that while she isn’t funny, she has a fire to be here and is ready to fight. Which both delighted and made Hannah scared that she could beat her in the end. Gothy spoke to Tia about how much the competition means to her, though worried about how she will be able to apply the judges feedback. With Tia straight up asking if she can cut it, or whether she should eliminate her as Keta is ready to fight each and every episode.

After Tia and Hannah selected their lipsticks, they ventured back to the mainstage as Ru pulled out the wireless and popped on Alcazar’s Crying at the Discotheque. And damn, the dolls turned a show. Though like Jimbo before her, Hannah tragically failed by not lip syncing as Shirley Temple. So while she hit every lyric and gave sex, Tia gave camp and emotion in equal measure, which was all it took to take out victory and claim her first badge. And then promptly saved her UK sister and showed Keta the door.

As Keta arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug and assured her that while she was robbed, it still remains the best way to go if you’re going to place in the middle of the pack. Which she eventually agreed was true. I mean, look what happened to Pangina and Jimbo? Universally beloved and everyone is gagging for more, while Jujubee stayed consistent and made it to the end, but with a whimper and now we can’t have her back every year or so. Which honestly, is a travesty. I went on this exact rant with Keta and while she got bored in the middle, I brought it back to her situation and how bright her future may be. Which cheered her up as much as eating a big ol’ Sheeta Panaj Lemon Chicken.

This is the perfect mid-week meal, for when you need something warm and comforting, but are also close to tears as the weight of work and life gets to you. What, just me? Oh well, try it on a Wednesday night and you will understand.

Enjoy!

Sheeta Panaj Lemon Chicken
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1kg chicken breasts, diced
¼ cup extra virgin olive oil
8 cloves garlic, minced
1 tbsp smoked paprika
2 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp chilli flakes
1 tsp dried oregano
¼ tsp cinnamon
¼ tsp ground coriander seeds
kosher salt and black pepper
2 sweet potatoes, cut into thick chips
200g Jaida Essence Halloumi, sliced
1 lemon, quartered
1 cucumber, sliced
1 batch Aileen Choddess Dressing
1 cup Sierra Dawn-Hummus
4 Pita Andre Breads

Method
Preheat the oven to 200C.

In a bowl, toss together the chicken with half the oil, the garlic, paprika, cumin, chilli, oregano, cinnamon, coriander, and a pinch of salt.

While that does a quick little marinade, toss the sweet potato in the remaining oil with a good whack of salt and pepper. Spread on a lined baking sheet and pop in the oven for 15 minutes. Remove from the oven, flip and push to one end, adding the chicken, halloumi and lemon. Return to the oven to bake for a further 20 minutes, or until the chicken is golden and the chips crispy.

To serve, line a bowl with the Aileen Choddess Dressing, divide the chicken, chips and halloumi, dollop over the hummus, sprinkle with cucumber coins and squeeze over the caramelised lemon. Then devour, greedily, with a pita.

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Gemee Yonce Shephennel Pie

Canada's Drag Race 4, Canada’s Drag Race, Main, Pie, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Canada’s Drag Race after a very dramatic episode and Untucked, the dolls zenned out a little as they played the Snatch Game. After being the centre of all the drama in the last episode, Melinda absolutely dominated and took out her first win of the season. While at the other end of the pack, Kiki, Luna and Aurora bombed or in the latter’s case, were one note and landed in the bottom. Despite all the dolls suggesting nobody should be saved twice in the season, Melinda kept serving mother and returned the favour by saving Kiki. Again. Doing nothing to dispell Kitten’s rumours about an alliance. But that is another problem for another time, as Aurora slayed the lip sync and sent poor Luna home.

And then promptly interrupted the dolls post show dancing spree to announce that this week, two would be going home in a Lip Sync Slay Off. And just like that, joy turned to dread.

Backstage Aurora was thrilled to still be in the competition, though feeling guilty to have been the one to send Luna home. As they sat down, Kitten led the dolls in praising her for a killer performance, with everyone agreeing they have no interest in facing off against her in a lip sync. And given they are about to compete in a lip sync battle, I guess she is guaranteed to stay. Talk turned to Melinda saving Kiki, with her admitting she was happy to pay her back despite what anyone else may think. While her sisters were less than impressed. Talk turned to the upcoming challenge with everyone both gagged and excited, while Kitten was worried she may not get back up should she try for a death drop. On account of her age.

The next day the dolls were well and truly buzzing, while Melinda was just thrilled to be the star of the season given she serves drama. Talk turned to the lip sync slay off, with Kiki looking forward to performing while Nearah was excited to see the trash take themselves out. Oh and then they found a note from Winnie Harlow, which thrilled everyone. After a visitor-less alarm, the dolls split up to beat their mugs and get ready for the lip sync with everyone bonding over the relationship between drag and how they feel about their bodies. Denim spoke about the journey of finding her body as a man, and then pivoting back to hyperfem for work. Venus then shared her journey with disordered eating and how she is working on herself to stay healthy.

As teased, Brooke, Traci and Brad were joined on the panel by Winnie Harlow as the dolls took the stge for the Lip Sync Slay Off Extravaganza. Brooke announced that the battle would feature three rounds, with the losers from round one all up for elimination, while the winners would continue until only one winner remained. The dolls were sent to the back of the stage as Nearah vowed to slaughter the week. But before that, Denim was first called out and selected to lip sync to I’m Not Here to make Friends. Melinda then selected That Don’t Impress Me Much, Venus went with Uninvited before Aurora locked in the first battle, facing off against Denim. Aimee elected to perform to Fever Dream with Nearah deeming her an easy win, so chose to face off against her and officially their feud. While Kitten opted to face off against Melinda, leaving Kiki to fight Venus.

Melinda and Kitten took their places on stage as the rest of the dolls were shipped off to the side. And well, Kitten was right to be scared of facing off against Melinda as she flipped and twirled her way around the stage. Kitten bless, looked absolutely stunning and was so damn cute, but looking perfect wasn’t the challenge, so tragically she was sent to the bottom four and Melinda through to the second round. They traded out with Aurora and Denim as I’m Not Here to Make Friends kicked off and absolutely turned a show. Both the dolls had the right energy, hit every lyric and gave it their all. But yeah, Aurora is a dancer and as such, was just that little more magnetic, which was all it took to send Denim through to the bottom. With Aurora and Melinda now safe, Nearah took the stage to finish off her nemesis Aimee to Fever Dream and yeah, Nearah was right to be confident, as she oozed sex across the stage and felled her enemy and continued on to the next round. While in the final heat, Venus leant into the stillness and mood of the song, feeling all the emotion and devouring, despite a strong showing from Kiki. Who sadly landed in the bottom.

Seeing who landed in the bottom four, it was very clear that one of the dolls had a far worse track record and as such was most likely to go home. So I hedged my bets and told Aimee that now was her time to catch up and get a little culinary comfort. Which as you will see, was very much the case given she was one of the two to go. But we’ll get to that. I pulled Aimee in for a massive hug, thanking her for giving us so much drama and fun this season. Because while Melinda is mother, Aimee would mother on any other season and that deserves as much love and respect as Melinda. Sorta. Or at teh very least, it deserves a big ol’ Gemee Yonce Shephennel Pie.

Gems are one of my most fave food items. I mean, in the world of potato products, they have the perfect balance of crispy outside and fluffy inside. And pop those perfectly ratioed little pockets on top of a shepherd’s pie and you’ve got perfection.

So just enjoy, ok!

Gemee Yonce Shephennel Pie
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, diced
4 garlic cloves, minced
500g lamb mince
¼ cup flour
2 cups chicken stock
400g diced tin tomatoes
2 tbsp tomato sauce
1 ½ tbsp worcestershire sauce
1 cup peas
½ cup diced carrots
40 Potato Gems
½ cup cheddar cheese, grated
½ cup mozzarella cheese, grated
chopped Italian parsley, to garnish

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat and cook the onion, stirring occasionally, for 4 minutes or until soft. Add the garlic and cook for a minute, before stirring in the mince, breaking up with a wooden spoon to avoid lumps, for about five minutes, or until cooked through.

Sprinkle the flour over the mince mixture and cook, stirring, for 1 minute. Gradually add the stock while stirring constantly. Followed by the tin tomatoes and sauces. Bring to the boil, reduce to low and simmer for about 10 minutes, or until thickened and reduced. Then and only then, stir in the peas and carrots.

Pour the mixture into a baking dish, arrange the potato gems on top of the mince mixture and sprinkle with the cheeses. Pop in the oven and bake for 20 minutes or until golden. Sprinkle with parsley, serve and devour. Like you deserve.

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Lemon Chicken Bruce Perrissoles

Main, Poultry, Survivor, Survivor 45, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the Reba alliance were slowly but surely eliminating the threats to their final four dreams. Kendra meanwhile was feeling heartbroken to have lost her bestie Kellie due to Bruce taking out immunity. Though was assured he was still the target. Obviously that meant that he took out yet another win. At reward, Julie, Kendra and Bruce locked in a plan to get rid of Jake instead. Back at camp Emily was also keen to take out Jake, however Dee had other plans. Given Kendra was out to get her, she realised she had to take a shot to save herself, so yet again, convinced her alliance to flip the vote and take our the premiere the Drew Barrymore impressionist, Kendra.

Back at camp Jake was once again gagged to still in the game, though decided that given he is still here, he now must also have allies in the game. Which isn’t really the case. He, Drew and Emily meanwhile were busy talking about getting rid of Bruce, or at the very least, flushing his idol ASAP. Meaning one of those things is happening today, given subtlety isn’t really a thing for the modern Survivor editors.

The next day everyone was thrilled to have a lovely little sleep, except for Julie, who was starting to feel wracked with guilt after blindsiding Kellie and Kendra back-to-back. She started to break down, feeling like her betrayals are really cutting people to their core and while she is happy to play that maternal role, she isn’t loving the way it is exacerbating her betrayals. As they assured each other it was only a game, Katurah, Bruce and Emily were catching up about how much of a threat the Reba 4 are, with Emily starting to realise the boys may not be as loyal to her as she thinks. The problem being Bruce, Katurah and Jake can’t work together, and Bruce doesn’t realise the power of playing his idol to flip the game, rather than just saving himself once.

I was then instantly proven wrong as Bruce went on a tour testing whether he could successfully act like he gave Kellie his idol before her blindside to avoid a potential Knowledge is Power play, so now is without an idol. In the hope Jake would leak to the Rebas and he could have a showy move.

The tribe caught up with Jeff for the latest reward challenge where they would run through an obstacle course before guiding a ball through a table maze. For a trip to the Sanctuary for a Thanksgiving feast – essentially – and an overnight sleep in a bed. Austin, Bruce, Dee and Jake got out to an early lead, though TBH, everyone was pretty neck and neck up until the table maze. Where everyone dropped over and over again until Austin and Emily got their eye in, with Queen Emily jagging victory. Like an icon. She immediately burst into tears, sharing that everyone was kindly offering to take her to the Sanctuary given she hasn’t been, so to be able to get to go because of her own victory meant the world to her. Jeff then announced she would also get letters from home on reward, picking Julie to join her given she is clearly struggling. As is Probst’s way, he told her another person could come, opting for Katurah. And then Dee, going for a ladies night.

We followed the gals out as they joyfully sat down for their epic feast, praising the hell out of each other and ugh, I love to see it. As do I love Emily’s confessional, sitting there with a wine like an icon. They assured each other that a woman will be the winner of the season, with the group agreeing Bruce needs to go to help them keep winning. They then locked in a split vote between Bruce and Jake in the hope of getting rid of Bruce for Katurah’s delicious revenge. While Katurah dunked on Bruce for trying to pretend his idol went out with Kellie.

Back at camp the guys were busy being guys, allegedly, farting and burping and TBH, I loved the soundtrack if nothing else. While Drew was delighting in finally being able to bro out, rather than watch from the sidelines. While Austin was thrilled to feast on meat. Of the fish he caught, rather than what I’d love to watch. As Austin was busy fishing, Bruce and Jake meanwhile were trying to pick a target, with Bruce pointing out they need Dee gone ASAP. Jake, meanwhile, was hitching his wagon to the Rebas, going to Drew to warn him about the plan and the fact Bruce lost his idol with the Kellie blindside. Which absolutely delighted Austin and Drew. And will in turn delight us when they hilariously learn it is a lie.

We checked back in on the gals where they finally opened their letters and broke down in tears as their loved ones spoke about how proud of them they are. Emily was ready to maybe get married, while Katurah started to sob, as she found a letter from her mother, who she had decided to cut off about a year ago.

The next day the tribe came together, with Drew telling Emily about the situation with Bruce’s idol. Before Emily instantly assured him Bruce doesn’t have an idol and Jake was fed a lie. Knowing everyone treats Jake like a pawn, Emily tried to win him over, pointing out that he is the back-up target and that everyone is against him. As such, he then decided to throw out Drew as an option instead. Obviously Julie took it to Drew, who immediately confronted Jake and let’s just say, he was not thrilled to hear his name. And while Drew tried to talk it through, Jake told him it was over and well, it was hilariously iconic.

The tribe met Probst in the middle of the ocean where they would each lie on a ramp over the water, holding themselves up on tiny handholds, with the last person standing taking out immunity. Almost instantly Emily dropped before Katurah struggled with the thought of falling into the water, stepping off to avoid the surprise. Everyone transitioned to a lower handhold, which cost Julie her spot. They moved down to the smallest handhold and had to put their legs out straight for the rest of the challenge, with Dee dropping instantly, followed by Drew and Jake, leaving Austin and Bruce to battle it out. At least for another couple of minutes, before Bruce dropped, handing Austin immunity. As everyone screamed and cheered. Probst then announced they could bring the boat in for Katurah if she is too scared to swim out, however everyone rallied around her and helped her over and ugh, it was beautiful and I love Probst for manufacturing it.

Back at camp Bruce quickly assured us and the tribe that he would be playing his idol, with the ricochet going home. As everyone assured him that it would then mean Jake is going home. Katurah and Emily were discussing how it is unlikely that Jake would win the game however, while Julie is highly likely to score the votes and as such, decided they need to get rid of her ASAP. Emily ventured off to loop in Bruce, before we learnt this may just be a plan to get him to not play an idol. Bruce then caught up with Jake, with the duo realising getting rid of Julie was the only way to guarantee the former Belos make it to the end, however given he has been played week after week, Jake just wasn’t sure who to trust. As he broke down in tears, Katurah checked in to see if he was ok, assuring him that she has his back and to just relax. Bruce then arrived and gave him a peptalk and ugh, it was super sweet to see. And now I love Bruce.

Speaking of Bruce, he was nervous about the plan coming together, given Jake was starting to spiral. Unaware that Emily is gleefully playing him just to avoid an idol play.

At tribal council everyone spoke about the difference in the energy, given Bruce is no longer immune. Bruce admitted it made him nervous, though calmly threatened that he would be playing his idol. Jake meanwhile was happy to have been involved in discussions lately, though he still feared being left out. As it makes him feel dumb. Austin and Julie tried to make him feel better, with Julie then opening up about the extra burden that comes to her being christened the mama, as people are more likely to feel betrayed by her. Drew spoke about tonight feeling different, given they are far more ambiguous about the game they’re all playing, the closer it gets to the end. While Katurah, Emily and Jake spoke about it being harder to make a move as the numbers dwindled. Julie meanwhile was confident she won’t be going home, while everyone agreed an idol is likely to be played tonight. As they giggled about the fact Bruce may not even play it.

With that the tribe voted and Bruce ultimately held onto his idol for another day, which turned out to be a huge mistake, as three votes piled up on Jake, one on Julie and the rest on Bruce, blindsiding him with the idol in his pocket. And kill off his other day. As he walked in to Ponderosa, I hid and did some slapstick humour, which is Bruce and my love language. He then pulled me in for a massive hug and thanked me for being on hand to cheer him up. I assured him that his personality is definitely not too much and that he isn’t overbearing, so to embrace who he is because that is perfect. Yeah, totally out of character for me, but Bruce is an absolute delight and deserves a little love. In the form of my Lemon Chicken Bruce Perrissoles.

There is nothing I love more than a little bit of lemon and chicken, and this easy rissoles are truly a perfect pairing. A punch of chilli, the tange of lemon and the smooth, sweet parmesan, they are an absolute delight. Like Bruce.

Enjoy!

Lemon Chicken Bruce Perrissoles
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1kg chicken mince
5 garlic cloves, minced
1 lemon, zested
1 egg
1 cup panko breadcrumbs
1 tbsp cumin
1 tsp chilli flakes
¼ cup mint, roughly chopped
2 tbsp parmesan cheese, grated
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
olive oil

Method
Combine the mince, garlic, zest, egg, breadcrumbs, cumin, chilli, mint, parmesan and a good whack of salt and pepper in a large bowl, scrunching to combine but not overworking. Divide the patties into 8 rissoles using wet hands and pop on a lined plate, cover and chill for half an hour.

When the patties have set, heat a lug of oil in a skillet over medium heat and cook the rissoles in batches of four for 5 minutes each side. Or until golden and cooked through. Then devour.

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Harissa Steaksie

Main, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race UK the dolls tried to masc it up and hock a new supplement, with Tomara’s filthiness jagging her a little win. A win that gave her the power to decide the trios who would each host disaster classes. Tomara wisely chose to work with Ginger and Michael, which led to the Geordie girls taking out their first wins of the season. At the other end of the pack Naomi was bland, while Banksie, Vicki and Cara just couldn’t get it together. That being said, Banksie was cute, despite her sisters hating her, so Cara rightly landed in the bottom with Naomi for being a total mess. Sadly for Miss Carter, however, Cara Cara’ed and demolished the lip sync and sent Naomi home. Thankfully with the best exit line ever.

Backstage the dolls were heartbroken to have lost Naomi, though grateful for the competition proceeding again given we’ve already had two non-elims. Banksie toasted her dear friend Naomi before Cara turned her attention to herself, reminding the dolls she is a force to be reckoned with and she was thrilled to prove it in the lip sync. Tomara got shady and asked Cara how it felt to land in the bottom, with her admitting it sucks but she still didn’t feel she was that bad. Ginger however, called bullshit and reminded her she sucked and that Ru agrees with her. And werk, Ginger, I love this confident, sassy side. Banksie meanwhile apologised for feuding with Vicki, with Vicki in turn apologising and ugh, I also love them all being so congenial. I guess.

The next day the Geordie’s were feeling their oats and I love to see it because I now have an epic crush on Ginger. Before Tomara could shoot charm all over the Werk Room, Ru dropped by to open the library because reading is what? Fundamental. Banksie was up first and eviscerated DeDe and slut shamed Vicki, DeDe was confident though not very fun, Michael was hilariously brutal – tinted windows on the incubator is a stunning read – Ginger slayed the house down with wordplay, Tomara had herself a ball, Vicki was horny, Cara was a total bomb before Kate was adorable, witty and oh so fun. Which was more than enough to finally jag her her first win, albeit a mini challenge.

Before departing, Ru announced that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would star in Panto-she-better-don’t: The Rusical. And since Kate won the mini challenge, she got to select her role while the rest of the dolls would have to get scrappy. The dolls grabbed their scripts and read through, living for the camp of it all. Kate jagged herself the lead of Twinkerbelle before Tomara grabbed Dick, Dame Muffin-Top went to DeDe, Vicki wanted the Milk Maid, Butterface went to Banksie before Cara and Ginger battled for Daisy the Cow before Ginger stepped aside. Well, until pointing out Cara and Tomara should share the pop diva roles, and as such, Ginger got her role and left Michael to take Dick off Tomara’s hands.

The dolls met up with Michelle Voice-age to get the songs down with Kate slaying, DeDe was an absolute mess but still, somehow, charming, while Banksie gave all the villain energy before Tomara had all the fun while Cara was there. And yeah, Tomara is winning this side by side. Michael and Vicki harmonised, eventually, before Ginger knocked it out of the park, while Cara sat on the sidelines simmering in jealousy. Michelle then traded out with Karen Hauer to work on the choreo before DeDe admitted to having never seen a musical, like an absolute fucking monster. Cara started to shine as she and Tomara killed all the moves, Banksie meanwhile was an absolute mess, Ginger served sex(y cow) and Michael and Vicki were even sexier. While Kate was living her best life.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone nervous as they split up to beat their mugs. Talk turned to pantos and how much they meant to the dolls, with Ginger opening up about how it was panto that made her want to be a drag queen. Banksie and Ginger meanwhile spoke about how they do drag storytime, with Ginger getting fired up about how hypocritical it is for people to support pantos but to not accept storytime, given it encourages openness and diversity and werk Ginger, you are an icon. She continued to earn my love, talking about how hard it is to work through the trauma of growing up in a closed world before Kate stepped in for a late-breaking win, saying she hates kids but would love to fight for the dolls’ ability to do storytime.

Ru, Michelle and Graham were joined on the panel by Cush Jumbo as the dolls debuted Panto-She-Better-Don’t: The Rusical. And it truly was glorious and camp. Kate was perfect as the demented fairy, Michael kept us fed, as Dick, DeDe, bless her, was having a lot of fun, Vicki was slutty and stupid in equal measure, Tomara and Cara were glorious as they served as divas while Ginger stole the show as the cow. She was camp, emotional and just glorious from start to finish, as she vamped all over the stage, before Banksie rocked out as she closed the show and um, they were all good?

Despite the runtime giving full Espana.

On the Mirror Mirror runway, Cara served sexy skank in Beyonce’s hand-me-downs, DeDe was on brand as a zombie Bloody Mary, Vicki gave blue-helmet biker, Banksie looked like a futuristic 80s supermodel, Tomara was perfection as a shiny robot, Kate was stunning in a foil blanket before revealing an 80s pop diva Phantom of the Opera, while Ginger gave, and I quote, Schiaparelli, holographic earthworm, while Michael gave mirror Mad Max and yeah, she is good.

Cara and Tomara were deemed safe and sent to untuck before DeDe was read for being good, not great, despite her energy. And giving such a perfect runway. Ru pointed out that the panto was so good it would be splitting hairs tonight, with DeDe admitting she wished she had actually seen a panto before taking the role. Vicki was absolutely beloved in the performance, while Banksie was read for getting lost behind her nerves, when she really could have slayed. Kate was beloved for carrying the entire performance and they enjoyed her runway while Ginger received universal praise for each and every thing she gave this week, from chewing up the scenery and giving a stunning look that made the judges laugh so hard. While Michael was beloved, though sadly for her, just that little bit less than Ginger.

Backstage Carmara were disappointed to only be safe, regretting handed over their first choices to the other girls. Particularly when the tops and bottoms joined them and Ginger and Michael were clearly battling for the win. Banksie and DeDe were clear they would be lip syncing tonight, though got great critiques, so it kinda, sorta sucks. And while they all did great, Tomara admitted that if they have to have bottoms, it was definitely them. Vicki spoke about the win being between herself and Michael, while Kate and Ginger looked on quietly. Before sharing how beloved they were by the judges.

Ultimately Kate was deemed safe, as were Vicki and Michael as Ginger took out her second win of the season. Which she capped off with a thumbs up reveal from her iconic, armless gown. Leaving DeDe and Banksie to battle out for the last slot to SuBo’s I Dreamed a Dream. And hot damn, DeDe absolutely demolished, hitting every lyric and burning with drama, complete with air strings section. While Banksie tried her best giving an understated performance, DeDe felt it all and played it for the back of the theatre and the cheque cashing place down the street. So while we expected her to exit, she stole the final slot out from Banksie who gagged us by exiting so soon.

She followed the sound of my heaving, guttural sobs all the way back to the Werk Room where she pulled me in for a hug and assured me she was fine. I then realised that was my job, so started yelling at her before I realised what I was doing. I then took a deep breath and just told her how sad I was to see her go so soon, though I look forward to her rudemption arc on All Stars because she will get that rudemption, trust. And until then, she will always have a piping hot Harissa Steaksie.

Even if you’re not a massive steak fan, like me, this Antoni number will swiftly make you a believer. Spicy, sweet and melt in your mouth, the harissa cuts through the perfectly cooked steak – which I guess is on you – to make any meal a winner.

Enjoy!

Harissa Steaksie
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
90g unsalted butter, at room temperature
2 tsp Harissa Oleynik
¼ tsp lemon zest
⅛ tsp kosher salt, plus extra for seasoning
2 x 300g sirloin steaks
freshly ground black pepper
2 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil

Method
Pop the butter, harissa, zest and salt in a bowl and stir until well combined.

Season the steaks with salt and pepper, and heat the oil in a heavy based skillet over medium-high heat.

Add the steaks to the pain and cook for five minutes before flipping and cooking for a further five minutes, or until cooked to your required doneness.

Remove from the pan and allow it to rest for five minutes. Slice and top with butter before serving and devouring. Gloriously.

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Ivanna Drink

Drink, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under 3, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Drag Race Down Under the dolls took some erotic boudoir photos with the help of the Pit Crew. Obviously the resulting images ranged from smutty and trashy to sexy and camp, so it was a big win in my book. Ru then surprised them by announcing they were all invited to Muriel’s Wedding, and that they’d be making their own outfits to attend. Out of the bedding they just brutalised. The outfits ranged from bad to worse, with Ivory and Rita bombing badly, while Ivanna’s well constructed dress landed her in the bottom three for being unlined and unsteamed. Which seemed harsh, comparatively. Isis meanwhile took out victory as a blushing bride, while Ivory and Rita lined up to lip sync for their lives. Only Ivory fainted and it got delayed. Though I did serve her up a little treat to help perk her back up and give her a fighting chance.

The next day after Ru swatted a fly – I assume the one that came for Flor episode 1 – Rita and Ivory took their places on the stage ready for the briefly delayed execution. And as soon as Murder on the Dancefloor kicked off, it was clear our Kiwi icon had no interest in going home. She was silly, sassy and a little slutty and while she looked like she bruised her coccyx on a split, there was no denying she was winning. So despite my culinary boost, poor Ivory was sent to sashay away. Though got paid for a third episode, like a damn icon.

The rest of the dolls were sitting in the Werk Room waiting to find out who was going home and while most of them felt Ivory wouldn’t be returning, Isis felt her redemption story could just be enough to save her. While Hollywould just wanted her to stick around so they could bond enough for her to give her one of her wigs. Ru then dropped by to confirm most of their suspicions, as Rita sashayed back into the competition. And to celebrate, this week they would be starring in an Ultimate Girls Trip reunion for the Fake Housewives of Down Under, hosted by Rhys. Which immediately filled sweet Rita with dread, given she is not an actress.

Thankfully though, she got to be a team captain – alongside Isis, as the winner of the previous challenge – so could surround herself with strong queens. Isis wisely selected Gabriella first, followed by Hollywould and Ivanna, while Rita went with Bumpa, Flor – against her wishes – and was left with Ashley. Though bless, Ashley was looking forward to proving them all wrong since nobody chose her.

After Ru departed, the groups split up to work through their outlines with Team Isis feeling super confident. Particularly Gabriella, who desperately wanted the role of Shazza but when Isis asked for it instead, she pointed out that she would slay any role and as such, she was happy to just take whatever was leftover. And oh god, she is going to slay, isn’t she? Even with the character with minimal screen time. The dolls turned their attention to the other team with everyone agreeing Flor struggles to pick up on jokes and as such, improv could be a problem for her. But TBH, I am confident she is going to be one of the stars of the team. And by one of, she will shine with Bumpa. While Rita wanted the housewife recently released from prison, given it reminds her of her family, she ultimately let it go to Bumpa and took the anchor piece. Which furthers my theory Bumpa will be unstoppable.

Team Isis were first up to set with Rhys, with Gabriella a star from start to finish, while Hollywould was bland and Ivanna was forgettable. Isis was kinda solid though? In Team Rita, Flor and Bumpa were completely demented from start to finish while Ashley took chewing up the scenery literally, chewing gum and not much else. And well, Rita’s fears were sadly realised as she bombed. Bad. Though to be fair, you’d probably describe both of the scenes that way. Producers, call me if you want an interesting acting challenge next year, ok? I mean, Gaybours is right there.

Elimination Day arrived with Gabriella admitting she is feeling rather confident about taking out the win, while Rita was pretty much at peace with lip syncing. Flor felt she well and truly did enough to be safe, while Bumpa was worried she didn’t do enough. Ivanna meanwhile split the difference, completely sure she did enough to be safe, while her sisters viewed her performance as bottom worthy. The dolls split up to beat their villainous mugs, cackling through it and just being all around delights, TBH.

Ru, Michelle and Rhys – thankfully still full of jokes – were joined on the panel by Adam Lambert as Rita kicked off the Bad Girls Gone Bad Runway looking perfect as a slutty, female Riff Raff. Bumpa served ancient queen of the damned, Flor was glorious as Ezma – iconic – Ashley gave glamour Catwoman, Ivanna gave a more basic Catwoman, Isis gave Gaga in AHS Hotel and well, it was perfection. Hollywould gave the upcycled version of Bumpa’s look and Gabriella was a stunning Harley Quinn, complete with roller skating.

Ashley and Hollywould were sent to safety before Rita was read for just being safe in the challenge, despite everyone agreeing both of her looks were stunning. Bumpa meanwhile was beloved for giving a demented yet grounded performance, Flor was praised for being absolutely bonkers, despite it annoying the shit out of Michelle. Oh and then Ru mistook her saying her villain was Ezma as It’s Mine, which had her cackling. So yeah, she is definitely safe. Ivanna meanwhile was read for being safe and forgettable in the challenge, while they loved her look but wished she gave some wig. Isis was loved for all that she did, while Gabriella was ditto ten fold, given she was the clear breakout of the episode.

Backstage Ashley was thrilled to be safe, while Hollywould was pressed given she was sure she was a top in the challenge and the best on the runway. As they speculated who would be lip syncing, the tops and bottoms rejoined them with Gabriella thrilled for her as-yet-unannounced-win, while everyone was shocked about Bumpa being in the top. Even Bumpa. Ashley was obviously pressed about it and confronted her, while Bumpa gave zero fucks, given they are both safe and just doesn’t care. Ivanna meanwhile was in her head, disappointed that she appears to be choking every time she is in front of the red light.

Ultimately Gabriella did take out the win before Bumpa, Flor and Isis were sent to safety, leaving Ivanna and Rita to battle for the final slot. And as soon as Glambert’s version of Holding Out for a Hero started, it was clear the dolls were down for a fight. Ivanna was fun and high energy while Rita was in the pocket the entire time, feeling all the emotion and hitting every letter. So despite bookending the episode in the bottom, she lived to fight another day as Ivanna was sent out the door. In eighth place. Just like Anita.

After she got off the phone to Anita, I pulled her in for a massive hug and assured her that like Anita, she left a mark on the competition. She was upbeat and fun, and frankly a little bit robbed in Week 2, which according to my calculations, almost makes her a robbed goddess and if you land in the middle of the pack, that is better than outstaying your welcome. While that was obviously a shitty peptalk, it seemed to do enough of a trick as Ivanna was giddily happy afterwards. Though maybe that had more to do with the round after round of Ivanna Drinks I served up?

Packing a glorious punch of tart raspberry and lime, this cocktail is the perfect refreshing drink for a warm spring afternoon. Or to drown your sorrows after having your dreams crushed in a reality competition series.

Enjoy!

Ivanna Drink
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
lime wedges and sea salt flakes, for rim
¾ cup frozen pitted cherries
½ cup bourbon
⅓ cup fresh lime juice
2 tbsp simple syrup
soda water, to top up

Method
Rub a lime wedge around the rim of two old fashioned glasses and dip with sea salt.

Pop the cherries, bourbon, lime juice and syrup in a blender, and blitz on high until cherries are completely blended and you’ve got a deep red drink.

Ice the glass, pour over the cocktail and top with a dash of soda water. Then down.

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Pichuan Pork Dumplings

Drag Race France, Drag Race France 2, Main, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race France Nicky took a page out of UK-Ru’s book and tasked the dolls with hosting a little morning show. Part acting challenge, part skit, like in the UK it was a little hit and miss. But when there were hits, they were fantastic. Specifically Moon’s weather report, which was robbed of victory like she was Keiona – who was also perfect yet again – as Sara took out another win. Which was well deserved too, but I digress. At the other end of the pack, Mami once again narrowly avoided the bottom as Cookie slayed the lip sync and sent sweet Kitty packing.

Backstage the dolls gathered round the ‘ol mirror message to toast their fallen sister, with Moon in particular sad to have lost her closest confidante. Cookie meanwhile was glad that if she must keep landing in the bottom, at least she is coming across as an assassin. Everyone turned their attention back to Sara, praising her for earning her second win. Though don’t pretend they were back to back because Zaddy Piche is right there and will gladly send you home if you forget she won week two, Cookie! With the two bottoms.

The next day the dolls were focused on literacy as they ran through their spelling, before Mami assured us that this week, she will stop being a bottom. Even though we’re all bottoms. They speculated what they could possibly face this week, with Mami scoffing at Cookie’s wish for Snatch Game. Right on cocorico, Nicky arrived to pop the dolls down on their knees in front of each other. For a little wedding mini challenge, sickos, mind out of the gutter! The couples paired up and then split off to get into matrimonial quick drag before Drag King Elvis was wheeled out to marry the dolls. First up were Ginger and Piche who gave ‘80s rocker in all the right, messed up, trashy ways and I love it. Mami Watte and Keiona were bright, ditsy and silly, Cookie and Moon were nerdy delights while Sara and Punani looked like low rent Princess Di and Fergie and TBH, it makes me wish those two got married and were able to live happy lives.

THEN the dolls had their legs tied together and had to play a three legged race to collect items from the Werk Room and return to their seats, musical chairs style. Because why stop at the quick drag silliness? Punani and Sara were first out after failing to jag a red or pink shoe. Two tights cost Mami and Keiona before Ginger and Piche couldn’t find the flowers themselves – Dalloway style – leaving Cookie and Moon to take out victory and a prize of wedding cake. Sadly though, that was it for the reward as for this week’s Maxi Challenge the dolls would, in fact, be playing Snatch Game.

After Nicky departed Punani shared with the dolls that she had been planning on playing Amanda Lear in Snatch Game, who tragically is one of the guest judges this week. Filling everyone with nerves on her behalf. Sara and Cookie meanwhile realised they both brought the same character which led to an epic fight between the frontrunner and the queen of the bottoms, with the latter wanting her star moment and to break out of her funk. While Sara, like an icon, was just happy with the two of them to commit and see who comes out on top.

Nicky dropped by for a kiki with Cookie locking in her plans to play Johnny Hallyday, while Sara shared that in addition to him, she also had Françoise Sagan as a back-up. With Nicky sweetly telling her to just do what she thinks is right, rather than changing because she thinks she should. Nicky was gagged again to learn of Punani selecting Amanda Lear, Ginger would be doing Victoria Silvstedt, Moon brought Brigitte Fontaine, Keiona would be playing Afida Turner, Piche was locked in on Geneviève de Fontenay and Mami was playing Shauna Sand.

We did an immediate pivot to the set where Eddy de Pretto and genuine Amanda Lear took their places on the panel as the dolls kicked things off. Cookie was having an absolute ball as Johnny, Punani was perfection as Amanda in front of Amanda, Keiona was all energy and jokes as Afida Turner, Ginger was a vampy icon while Piche was a little subdued. Moon was hilarious as Brigitte by way of Ozzy Osbourne – I think – while Mami was so silly as Shauna while Sara was solid but a little lost, despite not being able to do her first choice. Punani, Moon and Keiona went from strength to strength throughout the challenge, while Ginger and Sara faded, while Piche was tragically thus there.

Jour d’élimination arrived with the dolls thrilled to have made it through Snatch Game, with only Moon, Keiona and Punani (rightly) confident about how they went. Piche meanwhile realised it was a shit show and how much she hated it, instead mulling over who would be lip syncing against her as they beat their mugs. Sara was confident it would be her, given her fight with Cookie had really gotten into her head. Talk turned to the protests around marriage equality ten years ago, with Ginger talking about how it united the community and allowed them to have fun along the way, with everyone just grateful to now have the same rights as the rest of France. And ugh, it is both triggering and exciting all at once.

Nicky, Kiddy and Daphne were joined by Eddy and Amanda again, this time on the judging panel, as Piche kicked off the Under the Sea runway giving Kate Winslet in Titanic complete with the door which, TBH, should earn her safety for that alone. I mean, she even had Leo frozen in her back! Punani gave technicolour swamp thing amoeba in all the right ways, Moon stunned as a sexy pink and pearl fish, Sara went from floating trash to a golden fish gown, Ginger served sea slug realness by way of Roz from Monsters Inc, Mami slayed as sexy Spongebob – not the ick that is the Broadway version, FYI – before Cookie served drama as an epic wave and Keiona gave glamour jellyfish, which also reminded me of Kate Winslet’s hat in Titanic. Which is a compliment.

Cookie and Mami were sent to safety before Piche’s runway received wall to wall praise while her Snatch Game was read. Wall to wall. Punani meanwhile was beloved for each and every thing she gave this week, particularly for being brave enough to play Amanda in front of Amanda. They loved everything Moon did from the runway to Snatch Game, before poor Sara was read for not being in the moment for Snatch Game, though they (mostly) loved her runway. While Ginger was read for just rocking a gown on the runway and for crumbling under the pressure of being a funny girl on Snatch Game and Keiona, obvi, received only positives. Particularly for her stunning runway and once again, surprising with a dominant comedy performance.

Backstage the safe dolls were thrilled to be out of their slump before Mami pointed out that Sara is probs in the bottom, questioning if Cookie felt bad. And spoiler, she didn’t. The tops and bottoms dropped by with Piche still sure she’d be lip syncing despite that killer runway. Sara on the other hand felt like she would definitely be lip syncing in her place, due to the outfit, while Ginger assured them that everything she did was hated and as such, they only have one spot left in the bottom. While poor Punani just assured them all that they should still be proud of themselves, despite how they feel they went.

Ultimately it was Punani who took out a very well deserved win, leaving Keiona to once again finish in the top, this week alongside Moon. At the other end of the pack, it was Sara’s track record that saved her from the bottom, leaving Piche and Ginger to battle for safety. And while I was sure Piche was going to absolutely dominate, as soon as Je vais vite by Lorie kicked off, it was clear Ginger was not going down without a fight. After stripping off, she got all the energy while Piche started to struggle to make it work in a gown. Which was tragically all it took to eliminate her from the competition, as the robbed goddess of the season. And ugh, I am angry.

It was easy for Piche to find me backstage, simply following my rage-fuelled howling as I sobbed over all that we lost. Aka the trade of the season who is also super talented. As soon as I saw her enter the Werk Room, I ran into her arms and sobbed as I told her how frustrating it was to leave her so soon. Given she has been nothing but stunning each and every week, and had an absolutely winning runway. Eventually I got my breathing under control and reminded myself that being a robbed goddess generally works out better for anyone other than the winner and as such she’ll be doing just fine. Which allowed me to make a pivot as hard as Ross Gellar’s and toast her success with a piping hot batch of Pichuan Pork Dumplings.

Spicy and sweet, these glorious little dumplings are the perfect way to distract from pain or feelings of existential dread – but do you guys ever think about dying? – and leave you feeling both satisfied and wanting more.

Enjoy!

Pichuan Pork Dumplings
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
300g pork mince
100g wombok, finely chopped
1 tbsp finely chopped chives
3 garlic cloves, minced
2 tsp minced ginger
1 tbsp tamari
2 tsp fish sauce
1 tsp Chinese rice wine
1 tsp raw caster sugar
1 tsp ground white pepper
½ tsp ground szechuan peppercorns
40 gow gee wrappers

Method
Combine everything but the gow gee wrappers in a large bowl and mix together with your hands. Cover, pop in the fridge and leave to marinate for an hour.

Lay out the wrappers on a bench and place a tablespoon of filling in the centre of each. Dip a finger in water and wet the edges before folding, pleating and mashing them closed – depending on skill level or care for the aesthetic. Repeat the process until they are all gone.

To cook, get a steamer going over high heat and cook the dumplings, 5-10 at a time depending on the size, for about 5-10 minutes, or until the wrapper is gorgeously soft and silky and the filling cooked. Repeat until all dumplings are done, replenishing the water as needed.

Devour immediately with whatever sauce you fancy. Though I obviously advise a spicy little mayo.

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