Shonudi Bowtell

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: All Stars, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2018), Australian Survivor: Heroes V Villains, Main, Pasta, Survivor: Australia V The World, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Luke faced off against the individual immunity challenge that cost him his spot in the last game. You know, the one that Janine dominated alongside the iconic Pia Miranda. But I digress. Feeling safe, Luke approached his ride or die Janine and pushed hard to get rid of Lisa, given it would force Cirie to stick with them and Parvati moving forward. As that was happening, Cirie and Lisa were busy catching up, heartbroken by the turn of events. Luke caught up with Parvati to further cement their trust, convincing her to rip up her advantage in the process. Before sending the forever reigning Queen of Survivor NZ out of the game with her second last bucket tick, having her torch snuffed. Assuming her last is voting for the winner.

The next day the tribe was delighted to have made the final five. None more so than Parvati, given she had a final four deal with Cirie, Luke and Janine and still had an idol in her pocket, should things go south. The latter joked about wanting to win immunity to guarantee some praise from her sons this season, with Shonee telling everyone that she’d also love a win before she goes. As she washed off, the remaining four hung around the shelter and spoke about the importance of guaranteeing Shonee does not win immunity. Talk turned to idols, with Parvati joking about how much glee she will take to play hers that night. Either for her or Cirie.

Cirie and Parvati caught up and spoke about how grateful they were to be reunited after 17 years, with Parvati desperate to head to the end with Cirie and make up for the surprise final two in Micronesia. As they were reminiscing and being the best, Luke and Janine were busy pledging their undying loyalty to each other and while their first option is to go to the end with the Americans, they planned to pull Shonee aside to convince her that the plan is to get rid of Cirie. While I kind of assumed that Janine was playing the season to help Luke win, she caught up with Parvati and told her that they are solid in their final four alliance, but when it comes to four, her preference is to go to the end with the girls. And THIS is why I love Janine.

Shonee finally made a meaningful appearance as she told us that her best shot making it to the end is to join with Parvati and Cirie. Her first step was to catch up with Parvati and Janine, effortlessly getting Janine to talk about how successful she is and share that she routinely does keynote speeches – aka, would be great in front of a jury – while Shonee joked about her biggest fear being public speaking. And hot damn, is Shonee actually going to pull off a miracle and get out of this mess without even winning immunity?

Speaking of which, Jonathan arrived for the final five immunity challenge where they would use a pole to carry a monkey fist through obstacles before crossing a balance beam and using the monkey fist to release a second balance beam. Finally, they would walk through a trip obstacle to build a tower of blocks on a wobbly table at the end. Luke got out to the earliest of leads, with Shonee calmly nipping at his heels, followed by Parv, Janine and Cirie. Luke dropped on the balance beam allowing Shonee to take over, until Luke closed the gap and landed the monkey fist on the first go. Giving him a nice lead placing his blocks. When Parvati caught up with Shonee, Shon used it as an opportunity to float them going to the end together and uniting the eras. This gave her the motivation to make it to the final obstacle, as she worked overtime to close the gap with Luke. Parvati joined them just as Luke lost his stack, giving our Queen the lead and the space to take it slow and steady. The wind picked up and caused chaos, as Luke closed the gap while Shonee’s stack dropped. Parvati nipped at his heels, as he desperately tried to place his final block. Which he did, guaranteeing his place in the final four.

Seemingly dooming Shonee in the process.

Back at camp Janine was quick to congratulate Luke on his hat-trick, while Parvati seethed about him heading to tribal council with immunity and an idol. That being said, the final four all caught up and locked in their vote for Shonee and all seemed easy. Janine caught up with Parvati and Cirie without Luke, with the business icon fairly confident that Luke couldn’t lie and as such, he mustn’t have an idol. With Parvati hilariously telling her that she has a Survivor sense that maybe he does have one and suggested that she should go check. They caught up with him vehemently denying having the idol and when Janine gave up and let it go, they agreed to convince Shonee to throw a vote on Cirie to guarantee their safety.

Shonee meanwhile was confident that Parvati wouldn’t play an idol for Cirie this close to the end, and as such, decided that they needed to vote for her. Though she admitted to us that she doesn’t actually trust either Aussie, but can’t be choosy as to who she votes with as she is solo. She then caught up with Luke and asked whether he had an idol as he didn’t seem to actually care about his win. Sadly for them, this conversation occurred under the watchful eye of Cirie, who started to worry about what the Aussies could be planning. Particularly after Parvati dropped by to let her know that Luke has an idol and Janine doesn’t know about it, making them worry his plan was to play it for Shonee.

Luke and Janine were off washing the dishes, leaving Shonee to charm the US girls and joke about going to the final three together. She assured them that she is a lone ranger and as such, they can use her to guarantee their spots in the final three. Whereas should the duos go to the end together, they are likely to end up in a fire making challenge with the others. And she knows how shitty it feels to be in the final four with a bad set-up, and reminded them they need to play smart. After she exited, the Americans agreed that she isn’t wrong, however Cirie admitted to us that she would love to go to the end with Janine and Parvati, so is still voting Shonee.

Shonee then caught up with Luke, pointing out how close Janine is to the Americans and that going to the final four with them, he needs to win immunity to get to the end. After Janine reiterated to Parvati and Cirie that Luke definitely does not have an idol, she caught up with the Aussies, while Cirie spiralled about Luke doing something with it. As such, Parvati caught up with Luke, with him pretending he lied about having an idol to build trust and while Parvati joked that he tricked her, she admitted to us that she now wasn’t sure whether he was lying about the idol or not having one. While Luke told us that all the chaos has him thinking that maybe a wild play is the smartest and he should play his idol for Shonee and guarantee a loyal ally in the final four, rather than sticking with his alliance.

At tribal council Cirie admitted she wasn’t shocked that the final five were icons only, giving the entire merged tribe were icons in their own rights. And they likely would have eaten a goat if one was around. Luke spoke about needing to figure out who played a different game to his, given it would help him decide who to take to the end. After Parvati whipped out her idol, Luke pulled Janine aside and asked her to promise him that she will give him the opportunity to go to fire at the final four. And after she promised, he handed her immunity and pulled out his idol. Leaving Cirie and Shonee to feel mighty naked with no tricks up their sleeves. Parvati interrupted to let everyone know her idol is for both she and Cirie, and she intends to play it to guarantee they both make it to the end. With Luke pointing out that he could easily play his for Shonee too.

Janine admitted that she had no idea about Luke’s idol, but they have been aligned from Day 1, so isn’t concerned. Cirie agreed that the Aussies being up looked bad on paper, but she was confident in the trust she has built with them. While Shonee reminded everyone that as a loner, she is the perfect person to take to final four to guarantee them a place in the final three. Before Cirie, shockingly, suggested that this game is about proving that trusting people can get them all to the end. This spooked Luke, who started to whisper to Parvati whether everything is the same and while she assured him it was, he clearly looked ready to vom a little bit.

With that the tribe voted and while Luke was absolutely torn about what to do, he ultimately played his idol for himself as Parvati played hers for herself – well technically, they played them for each other but same same, no? – as poor, sweet, iconic, legendary Shonee was felled just before the finale. Breaking the heart of every Australian.

She followed my heaving, guttural sobs all the way to the Jury Villa where I pulled her in for another heartbroken hug. Given this is our fourth rodeo, Shonee knows exactly how to make me feel better, as that is yapping and being an icon. Something she does effortlessly. Just in case it isn’t a fact universally acknowledged, Shonee is indisputably the greatest Australian Survivor player to never win and as such, takes the number one slot in our Mount Rushmore. I mean, she has never gotten lower than a single digit and arguably could play 1000 times, and always make a deep run. Because she is likeable, funny and incredibly smart. But it is the first two which make her successful, because sometimes just wanting to be around someone is enough to dull the pain when you’re living in the jungle. As powerful as dulling the pain as a bowl of Shonudi Bowtell.

I had hoped this glorious recipe would be one dedicated to marking her victory, because honestly, it is just so damn good. Soft, pillowy gnudi pairs perfectly with the earthiness of the sage and salty goodness of the bacon. Making this perfect for a busy mum slash icon.

Enjoy!

Shonudi Bowtell
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
375g smooth ricotta
50g parmesan, finely grated, plus extra to serve
2 eggs
salt and pepper, to taste
150g flour, plus extra for dusting
4 rashers streaky bacon, diced
80g butter
12 sage leaves
1 tsp chilli flakes

Method
Combine the ricotta, parmesan and eggs in a bowl until smooth. Slowly stir in the flour, along with a good whack of salt and pepper, until a sticky dough forms. Adding extra flour one tablespoon at a time.

Dust some flour on a flat surface and knead the dough until combined. Divide into four, and roll each into a 2cm wide sausage. Cut each sausage into 2cm pieces, getting about twenty per sausage. Plan on a lined baking sheet and leave to rest.

Get a pot of water on the stove to boil, and pop a skillet over medium heat.

While you wait for the water to do its thing, cook the bacon in the skillet until golden and crisp. Remove to drain on some kitchen towel. Add the butter to the pan and cook for a further few minutes, or until it starts to foam and turn golden. Add the sage and chilli, and cook for a minute or so, or until the sage is crispy.

By this point, the pot of water should be boiling. Working in four batches, cook the gnudi for a couple of minutes, or until they float to the top. Using a slotted spoon, transfer the gnudi to the butter and continue cooking until they are all done. Toss the gnudi and bacon through the butter mixture, and serve slathered in extra parmesan. Before devouring, like a GOAT.

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Tommurice Manninen

Australian Survivor, Main, Survivor: Australia V The World, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the Aussies were well and truly on the bottom, with the internationals dominating immunity challenges and even venturing to the spa together. Speaking of which, while the latter trip was taking place, the trio broke the locked box and realised the internationals also held an idol, making them even more on the bottom. After Tommi won immunity, they appeared to be locked in to get rid of Shonee. Until he, Lisa and Kass floated getting rid of Parv instead. Whether the plan was ever true or not, it led to absolute chaos at tribal council as Luke left everything on the table as he outed all the secrets. After 1000s of chats, they eventually voted with Parvati pretending she could steal Kass’s idol after the vote, though let her play it when she was told she was playing it for Lisa. Allowing Parvati and Cirie’s switch to the Aussies to land, with Kass shown the door instead.

After Kass departed, JLP gagged the tribe by telling them that the pace of the game was not letting up, as tonight, they would be voting out another person from the game. And he had a little immunity challenge set up next to tribal council.

As such the tribe pivoted to the challenge where they would hold onto a rope to steady a wobbly table while racing to balance five balls on top. Shonee was quick to get her eye in, until JLP praised her and she lost balance. The same thing happened to Parvati, before Luke seemingly got his eye in and wasn’t distracted by JLP, as he got to work on his second ball. Tommi then started to nip at his heels, before he dropped. As everyone else continued to struggle, Luke stacked his third and fourth balls, while they all grew more and more frustrated. As JLP reminded them to not give up, as Luke could still drop. All while making plenty of ball puns, of course, because JLP is the best of us. After placing his fifth ball, Luke anxiously stepped back a centimetre at a time until he made it to his table and guaranteed his place in the final six.

Back at tribal council the rain started to pour down as Kass wandered back into tribal council to join the jury. Parvati mentioned that Luke winning immunity didn’t bother her, given that Tommi was clearly leading the blindside against her and as such, she would be voting for him. This fired up Tommi, who pleaded with the Aussies to return the favours he has been doing and get rid of one of Parvati and Cirie. The Aussies stood up to chat and agreed that voting for Tommi is the simplest, safest solution and as such, they needed to stick with him. After sitting down, Luke whispered to Janine that Lisa clearly wanted his head though, so maybe they should take her out instead. Before Tommi stood up and begged Luke to vote for Cirie.

Parvati mentioned that she drew a line in the sand back at camp before tribal council and as such, she was sticking with it for this vote too. Because it didn’t feel like Tommi was just betraying her, but locking in a blindside against her. Which seems like it is the same thing, but Parv is Parv, and I am not worthy enough to question her, TBH. This led to him begging Parvati to work with him. JLP then asked if anyone wanted to say anything, leading to Lisa putting up her hand and telling Jonathan that she regretted not sticking by her people in her winning season and as such, she wanted to do that tonight and would like to quit. Which honestly infuriated JLP, who couldn’t understand why she would want to do that with only five days remaining. Lisa explained that her main goal is for an international to win the season and that she honestly doesn’t think she has the best chance, Tommi does, and she would like to guarantee him one more shot.

Jonathan then pointed out that if she quits, she isn’t on the jury and they would still vote tonight, meaning Tommi could still go home. Which quickly made her change her tune. Tommi then whispered for him to vote for Cirie before the tribe voted. And despite Tommi’s best attempts, the Aussie/US coalition stuck together to send our sweet Fin Tommi from the game.

Given he was going by the name Tom(mi) of Finland, as soon as he arrived at the Jury Villa, I pulled him in for a massive hug, thanking him for playing such a solid game. And most importantly, for being an absolute babe. Despite not being shown much of the icon in the edit, it all makes sense, given he exited at the tail end of a chaotic double boot episode and they couldn’t break our hearts if we loved him more. What was clear from the season, however, is that he was clearly beloved by his tribemates, and like Kass before him, he won himself a fan and I desperately hope to see him again. And until then, we’ll always have Tommurice Manninen.

There are so many things that are magical about Japan – honestly, can someone fund my early retirement, so I can move there? – but the spectacle of omurice is among the greatest foods. Well, foods that aren’t sold in a konbini. Soft, jiggly eggs, spicy fried rice and a rich sauce – it is probably not the fanciest food, but it is definitely among the tastiest.

Enjoy!

Tommurice Manninen
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
1 tbsp unsalted butter
½ an onion, finely diced
1 chicken breast, thinly sliced
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
6 tbsp ketchup
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
2 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp mirin
2 cups cooked Japanese short-grain rice
⅓ cup peas
3 ½ tbsp vegetable oil
1 tbsp plain flour
1 tbsp tonkatsu sauce
1 tbsp honey
¾ cup water
6 tbsp milk
6 large eggs
2 tbsp double cream

Method
Pop the unsalted butter in a large frying pan over medium heat and sweat the onion for a few minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the chicken, along with a good whack of salt and pepper, and cook for five minutes, or until cooked through. Stir in one tablespoon of the ketchup, Worcestershire, soy and mirin, and bring to a simmer. Reduce heat to low, stir in the rice and peas, and cook until heated through and the rice is perfectly coloured. Cover and leave to rest.

Meanwhile, combine the remaining ketchup and soy with the tonkatsu sauce, honey, water and two tablespoons of milk in a bowl. Heat one and a half tablespoons of vegetable oil in a saucepan over medium heat and once warm, whisk in the flour, and cook until a nice, brown roux forms. About five minutes. Reduce heat to low and slowly whisk in the jug and cook for a further five minutes or so, or until rich and thick. Set aside.

Whisk the eggs with the remaining milk, cream and a good whack of salt and pepper. Add the remaining oil to a clean frying pan over medium heat. Once shimmering, add the egg mixture and vigorously stir and scramble with chopsticks for about a minute, or until half cooked. Give the pan a shake to even out the curds, before allowing the base to set for 15 seconds or so, before immediately using the chopsticks to gently roll the eggs on top of themselves to form a thick parcel. Cook seam side down for 30 seconds, before removing from the heat.

To serve, portion the rice in the middle of a plate, top with the soft omelette and then drizzle generously with the sauce. Before devouring with your newest bestie.

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Kass Breakfastarache Hot Dog

Australian Survivor, Breakfast, Burgers, Sandwich, Survivor: Australia V The World, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the tribe were tasked with an epic, immunity challenge where they had to hold up fifteen percent of their starting body weights. And while everyone kind of struggled to even get started, Kass and Parvati Kass and Parvati’ed, beasting their way to the end. And while JLP tried to remind them of a certain deal between them during the last endurance challenge, Parvati shushed him not long before dropping willingly. Without Parvati immune, she immediately started to grow more and more nervous that people were coming for her. She and Kirby started to flirt – hard – with the latter growing more and more nervous about Parvati not trusting her. And while they were busy assuring each other they were good, Janine rallied Cirie and the World tribe to band together to send Kirby to the jury. With the help of Parvati, no less. Leaving her heartbroken, alongside her former ride or die.

Back at camp Luke quickly congratulated the World tribe for banding together and blindsiding Kirby, even though it meant he continued his record of voting incorrectly. Parvati, meanwhile, was more heartbroken than jubilant, feeling like it was a move that was too early, even though it needed to be made. Kass and Cirie caught up and while the former was shocked to have pulled it off, Cirie laughed about not being shocked in the slightest. Well, except for the two votes that landed on her at tribal council. She caught up with Janine, who assured her that Luke and Shonee would not have done it unless someone told them to. And as Cirie slept, Janine quickly grabbed Luke to tell him to apologise and apologise quickly. The next morning, he did just that, pulling Cirie aside to apologise and tell her that he and Shonee were just following where they thought the numbers were. Which was Kass, Tommi and Lisa’s plan. And while Cirie wasn’t sure she could trust Luke, she did feel like she could trust Janine, so accepted his apology but vowed to us that she was keeping her eyes open.

Kass meanwhile was over the moon to be free of Kirby, and that Cirie and Parvati proved their loyalty to the international trio. After the three caught up and hugged, everyone came together at camp for Kass to read the scroll she won at the immunity challenge. Which ended up being an afternoon of luxury at a sunset spa with three people of her choosing. With her opting to take Parvati, Cirie and Tommi. This hilariously infuriated Shonee who was desperate to go, vowing to Luke and Janine that they will stick together and find a way to the end. The first step was to smash the locked box open, with them quickly discovering it was empty, meaning they now know that someone on the World tribe had the idol. Which made it even more of an uphill battle.

We checked in on the spa where they cracked some champagne to toast themselves before washing off and smashing some snacks. Filling Kass with confidence, given she is a challenge beast, has an idol and clean hair. They sat down to talk through plans for the upcoming tribal council, with Kass and Tommi promising Cirie that it was not their idea, but Luke and Shonee’s. Which tragically made them all realise that Shonee is actually the biggest threat and as such, needs to be dealt with ASAP. Which, obviously, sucks. Parvati meanwhile was delighted to be on the reward, given Kass clearly trusts her. She caught up with Cirie, filling her in on her idol and advantage, while poor Kass and Tommi searched the spa for anything.

My love Jonathan made his debut in the episode for the latest immunity challenge where they would each fill a leaky bucket with water to balance a table, on which they had to build a literal house of cards. Aka making an already difficult challenge even harder. Luke was first to place a tile, however it immediately fell as his table was knocked over. Tommi stacked a few, wisely making sure his bucket was full at all times. Janine started to close the gap alongside Parvati, while everyone else kept knocking their table over. After ten minutes, Tommi was well and truly in front, and while Parvati and Janine were still nipping at his heels, they both dropped, leaving Tommi plenty of time to jag individual immunity and guarantee himself a spot in the final seven.

Back at camp everyone was quick to congratulate Tommi. Well, except for the Aussies, who were clearly dejected and feeling a little bit screwed. The World tribe all split up, leaving the Aussies back at camp to figure out what the hell they could do, with Luke admitting that the only thing they can do is to work with anyone that is willing to make a move. The internationals meanwhile locked in their Shonee vote, which instantly made me disappointed in Parvati and Cirie. The longer the internationals stayed away, Shonee and Janine grew more and more nervous about not having any time to scramble, so ventured into the jungle to chat. Janine caught up with Kass and Tommi who told her that they hadn’t decided, while Lisa told Shonee she couldn’t tell her, while Cirie returned to camp and told Luke they hadn’t locked anything in.

Thankfully Luke was able to catch up with Tommi, who admitted that he would be keen to make a move and was keen to talk. As such, he pulled Lisa and Kass aside and suggested that since the Aussies are desperate to survive, now would be the best time to get rid of Parvati. As she is the biggest threat, and they need to cut Parvati and Cirie at some point, so they may as well do it now. Which Lisa agreed with. But only if he could rally the numbers.

Sadly for him, Lisa admitted to us that she is not actually sure it is the best move for her right now. As such, she took Shonee and Luke aside to confirm whether they were actually down. And while they all locked it in, it was all in front of Parvati and Cirie, who started to worry something was up. As Lisa, Shonee and Luke continued to talk, they agreed it was good to go. Well, until Lisa said she was not actually voting for Parvati, though is 100% on board with the move. Which instantly rubbed Luke and Shonee the wrong way. As such, they caught up with Janine and agreed that they couldn’t trust Lisa. While Parvati just knew that the vibes were off and as such, she was ready to play her idol should she need it.

At tribal council Janine and Luke immediately started whispering about the Parvati vote, with Janine telling him that there are enough people for them to flip and get rid of Lisa instead. After JLP called out the chat, Parvati admitted that she is super nervous and as such, she was looking for a place among the chaos too. She pulled Kass aside to talk, while Janine rallied the Aussie and suggested they should all pile on Lisa. Meanwhile Kass assured Parvati that neither she nor Cirie are targets and as such, they all headed to sit down. Though not before Parv pulled out her idol and promised she will be playing it for herself or Cirie tonight.

This spooked Kass who asked if Parvati was sticking with the plan, with Parv loudly telling her she is definitely not, as the vibes are off with the internationals. Particularly Lisa, who assured her that she is the only one that hasn’t pitched a move. Luke then told Parvati that they are definitely plotting against her, with Parv agreeing that she could tell. Kass and Parvati then caught up, with the former assuring her that the vote was Shonee. Cirie caught up with the Aussies to talk a Lisa vote, while Tommi assured Parvati that he was voting Shonee, before Cirie told Parvati to vote Lisa and that they would all survive. Kass then joined them and tried to keep it on Shonee before everyone finally sat down again.

Luke then went to town, talking about everything that happened with Lisa and dropped the bomb that the only reason she wasn’t keen to vote Parvati herself, was that she wanted to stay aligned with Cirie. And this isn’t the first time the internationals have pitched him a plan, which Janine reminded Luke. As he reiterated that it was them that told him and Shonee to vote for Cirie, Kass and Tommi desperately tried to get Cirie to believe them, while she couldn’t even look them in the eye. Given Cirie felt like Luke’s story is too elaborate to be a lie. Kass tried to call out the Aussies for being desperate and saying anything, as Luke doubled down and said that they weren’t willing to play with them at camp, so they had to make moves at tribal council. He then caught up with Parvati and Cirie, as the trio debated the merits of getting rid of Lisa or Kass.

While the internationals agreed that they had to stick together, Shonee and JLP started chatting about the confusion, before she joined the Aussie and US summit as they locked in a vote against Kass. Everyone finally sat down, with Kass desperately trying to assure Cirie that they had been aligned from day one and she wasn’t turning on her. Lisa and Parvati then caught up, with Lisa throwing Tommi under the bus and telling her it was he and Kass pushing her name. And while Parvati assured her that she wasn’t the vote, she told her to just vote Shonee. Kass then asked what the chat was about, with Parvati telling her and Cirie it was to confirm the blindside story.

As is her way this season, Parvati told Jonathan she was ready to vote, as Luke desperately told Parvati that the internationals will not take her to the end and as such, she needs to think long and hard about the vote. Which she assured him that she had. With that the tribe voted and after all the chaos and whispering, Kass whipped out her idol, leading Parvati to pull out her advantage. And while it wasn’t even the time she could play the advantage, it was effective at showing Parvati where the votes were going, as Kass played the idol for Lisa, who did not receive a single vote, and instead, the iconic – and legendaire – Kass was booted from the game. As she assured Parvati she was with her.

Kass followed by heaving sobs all the way to the Jury Villa, thrilled that while she was booted, she had clearly made an impact on the demo that matters most – the gays. I assured her that while she entered the season as one of the unknowns, she walks away an absolute legend and I can’t wait to see her in another international showdown. As she is definitely destined to win a season eventually. And in the interim – sorry to be brief, I had a lot of visitors this day – she could heal her wounds with a piping hot Kass Breakfastarache Hot Dog.

I know this may not appear to be such an innovative dish, but honestly, this feels like my opus. I love sausage, I love buns, I love breakfast, I love eggs, I love hollandaise, I love cheese – do you get the picture? I love it all. And this, most of all.

Enjoy!

Kass Breakfastarache Hot Dog
Serves: 3-6.

Ingredients
500g pork mince
1 onion, finely diced
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
a couple of sage leaves, finely chopped
1 tbsp flat leaf parsley, finely chopped
1 tbsp dried chilli flakes
pinch of nutmeg
good whack of salt and pepper
6 rashers streaky bacon
100g haloumi, sliced
12 eggs, whisked
2 tbsp butter
6 hot dog rolls
½-1 cup Hollandaise Taylor
Slash Browns, to serve

Method
Combine the mince, onion, garlic, sugar, sage, parsley, chilli, nutmeg, salt and pepper in a large bowl and scrunch with your hands until well combined. Divide the mixture into 6 sausage shapes.

Pop a large skillet over medium heat and cook the breakfast sausages for a few minutes each side – sausages have four sides, right? – or until cooked through. Transfer them to a plate and cook the bacon and haloumi until they are crispy on both sides, before transferring them to a plate. Add the butter in the skillet and when melted and foamy, add the eggs and scramble.

To assemble, split the buns down the middle and pop a rasher on bacon on the bottom. Top with haloumi and eggs, followed by the sausage and the hollandaise. Before devouring, like a queen, with a plate of piping hot Slash Browns.

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Korokkarin Gunatilake

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Main, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor to make up for the sea of Kaelan related medevacs, we had one final – hopefully – non-elimination round, where the tribe were split into two ahead of the next immunity challenge. Think new-era earn the merge, but fractionally less stupid. For winning immunity, Morgan immediately landed on the lush Bounty tribe and brought along her bestie Morgan, while the tribe voted Paulie and Logan to Barren. The remaining players then had to draw rocks to learn whether they’d be miserable or living it up. Kate and Zara made the Bounty fivesome immune, so literally everyone decided now was time to get rid of Myles. AJ, obviously, warned him to play his idol, while Karin grew suspicious about how zen AJ was prior to tribal council due to the fact he always spirals and comes up with 100 new plans in the hours ahead. As such, she led a split on Paulie which tragically cost our zaddy his place.

Back at camp everyone congratulated Myles on another successful idol play, while Logan pointed out she really needed to catch up with him, reminding everyone she also is an idol queen. Despite being back on the bottom, Myles’ spirits were high. Zara and Karin, meanwhile, were irate, talking to Kristin about how infuriating it is to come up with a gameplan and then every single time they get back from the immunity challenge, the boys grow paranoid and decided to flip things up arbitrarily, confusing and infuriating all of their allies. And while as an audience member, I say suck it up, it would also be driving me mental if I was on the island.

The next day things were moderately more zen as everyone sat around the fire and cooked breakfast. Kristin and Kaelan continued to vibe, before we continued to learn more about Kaelan’s under the radar game. He shared that while Zara and Karin, Kate and Morgan and AJ and Myles were all obviously paired up, he is essentially paired up with three people and as such, is now the most powerful person in camp. He caught up with Myles, and then AJ, to talk about how dangerous Karin is, given she is the one that pushed for getting rid of Myles and is growing to be too confident. And oh my god, is Kaelan actually playing a strong game?

Not to be outdone, Karin was feeling confident in her ability to make moves without being noticed, but given she listed wanting to get rid of Kate, then AJ, then Myles to Kaelan, it feels like Karin is now in trouble. Particularly given she thinks Kaelan is just as tight with her as Zara and Kristen. Knowing she needed to get some people onboard to get rid of Kate, she sent Zara to float the idea with AJ who immediately agreed that she is too good at challenges and is too likeable. Though obviously AJ wasn’t actually keen, given she and Morgan were effectively his shields. He looped them in that Zara and Karin are still coming for them, and told them they need to get rid of Karin to free up her allies and protect them all the way to final tribal council.

My love Jonathan arrived for the reward challenge where they would be paired up to hold a rope to keep a platform stable while stacking blocks with the first to stack their blocks and make them fall like dominoes getting a spit roast and ugh, I miss Paulie so damn much. I mean, Paulie and a spit roast are literally goals, but I digress. Oh and someone would just be sitting out and that someone was Logan after drawing the odd rock. Kinda proving that she is being kicked while she is down just as often as our zaddy. But back to the challenge. Kaelan and Morgan seemed like early favourites, while Kristin and AJ appeared to be screwed given he dropped on his first block. Zara and Kate meanwhile were playing it slow and steady, while Myles just continued to chatter while Karin ignored him. AJ dropped a block by his foot and for some reason, Logan talked him through picking it up and are they now friends?

In any event, Kaelan and Morgan were first to line up their blocks, before Kaelan knocked a single one off, allowing Karin and Myles, and AJ and Kristin to close the gap and secure their ropes before triggering the dominoes. It was literally the slowest race ever before they ran up and then lost, allowing Kaelan and Morgan to knock their stack and miss just at the end. Karin then lost all her blocks before Myles whispered to her and knocked off his. Zara and Kate meanwhile continued to take their time perfecting their placements, allowing AJ and Kristin to try one final time, knocking them all and putting everyone out of their misery. Obviously they were allowed to pick two people, selecting Kaelan who hasn’t had many rewards and Logan for surviving Barren beach.

And while Karin was disappointed to miss out, she was also confident that lamb wouldn’t be enough to woo Logan to AJ’s side. Meaning lamb will totally woo her, no?

We followed the victors back to their feast and ugh, it looked kind of delicious. I mean, lamb and wine? It was perfect. Kaelan spoke about it being the best experience of his life before he and Logan shared how grateful they were to be brought along. Kristin was just focussed on the wine, while AJ waited for someone to float an idea for the next vote, with Logan – maybe emboldened by the wine – suggesting they should all band together and get rid of Karin, given she is playing all sides and more controlling than Kate and Morgan. And while Kristin was concerned about Kate being a threat, she agreed they were right to get Karin out first. They agreed Myles should not be told about it, so locked in three of them voting for Karin, while Kristin, Kate and Morgan would vote for Zara, so Kristin could pretend that she was still with Karin should she play an idol.

Oh and then they locked in a final four alliance.

That night they went back to camp with Kaelan showing off his full tummy – genuinely, hot – before AJ pulled Kate and Morgan aside to loop them in on the new plan. While Kaelan told us that he has been playing the long game all season and while people think he is an idiot, he has actually been accumulating all the information and allies and as such, he knows that if he and AJ just keep their numbers in place for the next two votes, they are free to ride it out to the end.

The tribe joined Jonathan by the jungle for the latest immunity challenge where they would each balance on a barrel and roll it along a track before standing it up and landing three sandbags on top, with the first five moving on to stage two. In that round, they would have to land a monkey fist and use the rope to help them across a balance beam. Only three would move on then, climbing over a wall and then solving a puzzle for the win. Logan and Kaelan quickly pulled ahead on the first phase, with AJ and Kristin soon joining the fun. AJ was first to land a sandbag before Kaelan scored a hatrick. He then moved on to the second phase with AJ and then Morgan nipping at his heels. Kaelan finally got his eye in and landed her monkeyfist, powering over the balance beam and the wall, and getting to work on the puzzle. Logan and Kristin rounded out phase two, while Kaelan continued to work on the puzzle by himself, whispering to JLP that he doesn’t want him to talk about how quickly he is solving the puzzle as he doesn’t want anyone to know he is good at them and damn, is this a winner’s edit emerging? Morgan finally joined him with only a few pieces left to place. And while AJ also joined them, it was kinda pointless as Kaelan placed his final pieces and secured immunity.

Back at camp Kaelan was feeling his oats, proud to be protected and able to strike on his biggest threat in Karin. She, sadly, was equally as confident, though hers was based on her closeness to the Graduates and their apparent excitement to take out Kate. She was concerned about AJ doing something silly, given that is what he always does, blissfully unaware that Kaelan is the one she should be more concerned about. Karin and Kristin were by the fire, realising that everyone had disappeared. Kristin used the opportunity to tell us that she found Zara more threatening than Karin, so wanted to take her out instead. But when she floated the idea with Kate, she calmly told her Karin would be angry if she survived, while Zara would just suck it up. Myles too could clearly see something was up, asking AJ and Kaelan whether they have anything else planned, with him pretending he has his own plan, so he will try and make it work and let AJ know if he manages to get it off the ground.

Myles pulled Logan aside by the well to start working on said plan, asking if she would like to join him to take out Zara instead of Kate, to split up the more powerful Karin and Zara duo. Which she was obviously keen for, so took it back to AJ and Kaelan to see what they were thinking. This obviously pissed off AJ, given Myles and his antics could potentially send home Zara instead, who is far better for his game than Karin. They then figured out one of them needs to switch their vote to stop Myles cooking it, and instead of it being Logan, they pulled Kristin aside, who definitely wants to keep Karin in the game. Myles meanwhile approached Kate and Morgan to see what they were thinking, with them telling him that they will be voting Zara anyway but not giving him any additional information. Myles then went to AJ to let them know they have the same exact plan, with AJ telling him that they actually don’t, but to just keep his vote on Zara anyway.

Oh and then Kristin caught up with Karin by the fire and let her know that the plan was to get rid of her, and that the only way to save herself was to vote out her closest ally Zara. Just as they were heading out.

At tribal council Paulie was hot as hell on the jury – shirtless with a jacket, swoon – while Karin spoke about how the tribe was a simmering pot and she felt like things were finally about to boil over. AJ agreed that it was feeling more and more intense, with Karin cutting him off and telling him that it is no longer about buddies and instead AJ is using Morgan and Kate as shields. While Karin was hoping to weaponise it, Kate agreed he is, but pointed out that they could also be treating AJ as a shield too, so don’t see the point in getting him out. Karin and Kristin spoke about a lack of clear alliances, while Karin agreed that maybe now was the perfect time to lock in a solid alliance. Karin then requested that Zara, Kaelan, Kristin and Logan stand up and talk to her. And while Zara was confused, Karin let her know that they were the plan tonight and as such, she would like the five of them to load on one person and worst case, if an idol is played, she goes home. AJ then started whispering to Kate and Morgan about what they should do, with poor Myles just left right out.

Karin then addressed the entire tribe telling them she would be happy to play Russian roulette with her game, while Morgan just shrugged and told her to load the gun and get it over with. As they all sat down, Logan, AJ and Kaelan wondered who leaked the information as Kristin sat quietly. Karin then continued to play her mind games and theatrics, telling them she was told to vote for Zara and get rid of her closest ally. And while Karin refused to tell who told her that, Kristin fessed up to it and spoke about her unwavering loyalty, which was proven by leaking to Karin, though given Kaz just shat on said loyalty, she wasn’t really feeling it anymore. And damn, is Kristin playing a strong game, because nobody was even angry with her?! Karin reiterated that there is no way that she would ever turn on Zara and she’d rather go home with her head held high than vote for her.

With that the tribe voted – Karin, shockingly for Zara, who stuck with voting for Myles – before the rest of the tribe stuck with their plan and split between Karin and Zara, before Karin was sent home. As Logan mouthed to Laura and Paulie that it was all her plan, which AJ and Kaelan spotted. As Karin arrived at Loser Lodge, I ran into her arms and broke down. I mean, I wasn’t as sad to see her go as say, Paulie, but Karin has been an absolute force this season and if the women were just able to take out AJ when Logan wanted, I truly believe she would have taken out the win. But alas, she had to settle for a fresh, crunchy Korokkarin Gunatilake.

Full disclosure, these korokke are not as good as the glorious ones I ate in Takayama last year, but I tried my best to meet the majesty. Shame we don’t raise our cows indoors like they do in northern Japan, but alas. All that being said, these are still pretty good – gooey, rich and oh so warming, they are like a culinary hug.

Enjoy!

Korokkarin Gunatilake
Serves: 2 dear friends, or 8.

Ingredients
1kg potatoes, peeled and quartered
1 tbsp unsalted butter
1 tsp kosher salt
½ tsp black pepper
1 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, finely diced
500g beef mince
½ cup gruyere cheese, grated
¼ cup flour
3 eggs, whisked
120g panko breadcrumbs
neutral oil, for fryin’

Method
Pop the potatoes into a large saucepan, cover with water and bring to the boil over medium heat. Once it is bubbling, reduce to low, leave the lid slightly ajar and simmer for 15 minutes or so, or until soft and tender. Drain the potatoes, and return them to a low heat, shaking frequently to cook over the remaining moisture. Remove from the heat and mash with the butter and half the salt and pepper. Leave to cool slightly while you prepare the rest of the ingredients.

Heat the olive oil in a frying pan over medium heat and saute the onions for about 15 minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the mince and cook, breaking up with a wooden spoon, until it is browned. When cooked, drain off the fat and stir through the remaining salt and pepper, before combining the meat and potatoes, alongside the gruyere.

While the mixture is warm, shape into rissole sized patties, pressing together to ensure there are no air pockets. Pop them on a lined plate, cover and pop in the fridge to chill for an hour.

When they are chill and you’re almost ready to cook, pop the flour, breadcrumbs and eggs in three separate bowls. One at a time, coat the korokke in flour, followed by the egg and then the breadcrumbs.

Heat a few inches of neutral oil in a stock pot and when nice and hot, cook the korokke a couple at a time for 3 minutes, or until golden and crisp. Transfer to a lined plate and repeat the process until they’re all done. Then devour, greedily, with your favourite Japanese condiment.

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Coffee and Paulienut Michake

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Baking, Cake, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor things got chaotic. And by a little, a lot. After Myles made a massive play of stealing Kristin’s idol and using it to save Paulie and send home PD instead, Logan was positively irate. Not at Myles, however, but her frequent sparring partner AJ. Myles on the other hand found unwavering loyalty in his newest ally Paulie. When it came to tribal council, Logan tried to target AJ, while the Graduates decided it was time to come back together to take out Logan. Hopefully sending her home with an idol in her pocket, to boot. Karin though had other plans, whispering to Logan to play her idol and while Karin was able to pull the rug out from under the boys, it still resulted in Logan’s bestie Laura going home. As Queen of the Jury.

Back at camp everyone was basically okay with the outcome of tribal council, except for Logan, who was angry to have lost her closest ally and her idol. Like Paulie before her, she was ready to pledge her undying loyalty to Kaz though, and take control. Sadly for them, Kaelan was busy telling AJ and Myles that he overheard Kaz whispering at tribal council and as such, they should not trust her. As such, their plan was now to eliminate some of the girls to weaken Kaz’s game, first being Logan followed by Kate. Sadly for them Kate was right behind them when they were discussing it. Whether she heard it or not.

The next day Paulie’s buff fell into the fire giving him a rough new bankrobber look. As rough as Logan was still feeling, given she had no friends left in the game and felt super hurt. Zara pulled her aside to attempt clearing the air, and when that failed, Zara traded out with Kristin and TBH, Logan kinda just needs to calm down. Particularly given she has now decided that Karin only warned her because it benefitted her game. And while, yeah that is what Kaz wanted, it still saved her. Logan then questioned whether she and Kate are still even friends, while Kaz told us how she plans to now use Logan’s volatile nature to get what she wants.

Like the boys last night, Kaz was hoping to weaken her rival, AJ. And to her, the best way to do that would be to split up Kate and Morgan, given he has clearly befriended them and they will always side with him. She caught up with Myles, who wisely reminded her that he had stuck his neck out over the last few days and as such, he is happy to jump on any plans that pop up but would be leading the charge. So yeah, he will happily join the Kate plan. Not to be outdone, AJ and Kaelan caught up to talk through a potential blindside of their own, with Kaelan happy to let AJ take all the credit for the move – aka get his hands dirty – while he would slide to the end and then make a show of everything he was involved in. And damn, is this the start of a winner’s edit?!

The tribe joined Jonathan in the jungle for the Survivor Auction. Or so they thought. Instead, they would come up one at a time to choose between two covered items. They would then flip a coin for the chance to reveal one, but if they lose, they would be choosing blind. Paulie was hoping for pizza, pasta, booze, biscoff and nutella. Instead, Myles went first and chose a loaf of bread, blind. Paulie went next and after winning his coin toss, happily passed up the opportunity for a phone call home and instead got the covered item which was a pickle. Which, gays love, right? (No, he raged, hard). Kaelan then got a bowl of rice as his blind item, Morgan went blind for a coconut, Karin got a lemon meringue pie blind, before Zara got to reveal a huge steak dinner, which she happily took. Much to Paulie’s simmering rage, as Myles offered him some bread. Kate then revealed a scroll, which she obviously took despite some hesitation. She revealed that she was now able to steal any item of her choosing after it was revealed. Kristin then won her coin flip revealing lasagne and beer, which Kate promptly stole. AJ then revealed pizza and promptly took it before Logan took her place at the table, losing the coin flip but winning the phone call home. She then called her husband and promptly broke down in tears and ugh, she was starting to frustrate me, but now I love her again. Plus, she is a mum who is also mother. And just like that, we’re back in the game Logan.

The next day everyone turned their attention back to the actual game, with AJ hoping to foster his relationship with Morgan and Kate to go to the end. Starting with getting rid of Karin first, given she is clearly out for splitting up one of the pairs. AJ and Kate then caught up with Myles, confident their plan was foolproof and that he definitely won’t turn on them. Sadly for them, Myles knows he can work with Karin, she will always be a threat and kinda sucks at endurance challenges, and as such, he was planning to play along to their face but keep Karin around.

Jonathan made a speedy return for the immunity challenge where they would each balance a ball on the end of a plank using a single leg, with the last person standing winning. Which is obvious, so I don’t really need to say that, right? Anyway, it is pretty boring to write about so let’s just list things out! Kaelan dropped out of nowhere, quickly followed by Zara, Karin and AJ within five minutes. After struggling for what felt like hours, Myles eventually dropped, followed by Paulie and Morgan, the latter out of nowhere. Kristin manoeuvred a miraculous save, while Kate was like a statue, as Kaelan whispered to Karin that this challenge is a bad one to show your cards in, given the final immunity challenge is always endurance. After 35 minutes, Kristin dropped leaving Logan and Kate to battle it out. And given Kate didn’t move within the first 55 minutes, she asked if they could make it harder, so the girls had to put their hands behind their head. They still went at it for another 20 minutes before Logan spotted a spider on her shoe, forcing her to lose her balance and hand Kate immunity.

Back at camp everyone quickly congratulated Kate on her win. Well, everyone except for Karin, given her plan had now fallen apart. Well, kinda, given she was happy to flip it to Morgan instead, and just move on. Karin, Myles and AJ caught up by the shore, quickly locking in a split vote between Morgan, Paulie and Logan, with the plan being for Morgan to go home. Obviously as soon as Karin left, AJ called bullshit on the plan as she was being too kind to him, deciding that it meant someone had told her he was targeting her. Morgan and Paulie joined the duo with Morgan agreeing with Myles that she has no interest in getting rid of Karin yet, and instead locked in a vote to get rid of Logan given she dominated the immunity challenge. At that very moment Karin and Kaelan were assuring Logan that she is safe but warned that she will cop a couple of votes tonight. While Myles pulled Paulie aside to let him know that the way the split was playing out, they could just pick a side and send whoever they wanted home.

Despite being told not to let Zara or Karin know that Logan is the target, AJ pulled Zara and Kristin aside to float just switching up the vote and getting rid of Logan without Myles knowing. Which obviously annoyed the shit out of Zara, given the game has been defined by men playing chaotically moments before tribal council. She and Kristin took the intel back to Karin and Kaelan, who then immediately ran over to AJ to put an end to this new plan. And while Karin was happy to do whatever the boys wanted, Myles was completely enraged because AJ shouldn’t have run his mouth at all. Once again everyone came together to lock in the split vote and once they were all sure of what they were doing, AJ and Karin caught up to discuss the fact that the move is logical, however she wished they just spoke things through, rather than making the choice later and running to them in a panic, which is shady. And while Karin was happy to get rid of Logan, she was sick of playing along and considered doing some whispering at tribal council.

Speaking of which, at tribal council everyone learned that the evening’s proceedings would be a little bit different. Instead of voting someone out of the game, they would be splitting the tribe in two for the next cycle with the winner of the upcoming immunity challenge winning immunity for their entire tribe. Oh and the tribes would be split by Barren and Bounty, with the former having nothing, while everyone else would get their camp, a fully cooked breakfast and an advantage at the next immunity challenge. Oh and Kate would automatically be on the Bounty tribe, as will someone she chooses. The two people with the highest votes tonight, however, would automatically land on the Barren tribe, while the other six would draw rocks.

Everyone was rightly a little nervous about how things would play out, and hopeful that they at least landed on a tribe with numbers. Zara was sick of leaving it to chance, so stood up and asked the girls what they were thinking, with Kristin simply focussed on wanting someone to have a shitty sleep. While at the other end, Myles was fixated on making sure Logan was on the Barren tribe. AJ spoke about it being clear that Kate would pick Morgan, and as they all joked, Karin, Logan and Paulie agreed that AJ needed to be split from them, so decided to load their votes on him. With that, the tribe voted with Paulie immediately landing on the Barren tribe, as the remaining votes tied up between AJ and Logan, before Logan officially joined our zaddy king. The rest drew rocks – after Logan cussed out Kaelan for voting her, despite him explaining he wanted to even up the skills – with Myles, Kaelan and Kristin going to Barren, while Zara, Karin and AJ went to Bounty.

Obviously we followed the temporary Barren tribe back to the empty beach they would call camp, and let’s just say the mood was low. Really low, as the skies opened up and drenched them. Kaelan still had a smile on his face, though, despite the miserable experience. Paulie meanwhile was acting like me, completely heartbroken to be kicked while he was down. As he quietly sulked, Logan was cussing people out again, talking about how she was being kicked while she was down. While Paulie threatened to get revenge on everyone when they’re reunited.

The next day the Bounty tribe were living their best lives, cooking up a full breakfast and getting primed for a win at the immunity challenge, given they will be fed and have an advantage. Karin meanwhile wasn’t all smiles, as she was stuck in a group with three people that she was wanting to get out and as such, if they win, she can’t. And if they lose, she won’t have the numbers. But hey, they have eggs, right? As they speculated how angry Logan would be with them, we checked in with the Barren tribe where they were desperate to try and crack a coconut. While poor Paulie continued to sulk by the ocean. Myles checked in with him and our zaddy was not buying his apology, telling him he doesn’t need to lie because he will still work with him, given he really has no other options.

Back at Bounty, Morgan and Kate were doing their hair in the well water and while they were living the life of luxury, they were still feeling awkward given they were stuck with Karin and Zara, and it is clear they were out to get them at the last tribal council. Morgan was concerned about them losing, so suggested they need to start acting as one to make it through the immunity challenge. Though Kate did suggest that they should use the time to bond with Karin and Zara to float getting rid of Myles when they’re reunited, because he continues to survive. Conveniently, Karin and Zara were keen on that plan and as such when Kate floated it, the foursome became the best of friends. Sadly, Kate also felt the need to loop in AJ to avoid pissing him off. Despite being aware that he could easily leak the intel and ruin it, he was actually on board as he had been feeling that Myles was now actively hurting his game. And if they win, the five of them can control the vote if they just don’t budge at tribal council.

Things were still pretty dire over at Barren as Paulie spoke about having zero reason to trust anyone on his tribe, so felt like a dead man walking. Kaelan, bless, continued to try and keep spirits up, cracking coconuts and trying to trauma bond with the people left. Kristin joined the fun as she and Kaelan practiced each other’s final tribal council speeches before pulling Logan and Paulie aside to float working together at the next vote and sticking together as a foursome. Paulie, hilariously, told Logan he doesn’t trust her and that the other two just do as they’re told, so what incentive does he actually have? Logan reminded him that she is equally screwed and has no other choice, so they should all band together and pitch to the others that they get rid of Myles should they lose. And once they pulled together a fire, Paulie was back to being a happy delight, dancing by the flames and ugh, he is so happy and I have a bad feeling he is about to be kicked again. Because we can’t have nice things!

Jonathan finally returned for the big immunity challenge, the classic, where they would all have to hold onto a pole with the last one hanging on winning. And given the Bounty peeps got an advantage, they would start at the top while Barren were in the middle. After ten minutes everyone was gagged to see Logan become the first to drop, quickly followed by Kaelan, Morgan and Karin, the latter two due to heights. At fifteen minutes the Bounty trio were forced to the narrower footholds, which cost AJ at the 20 minutes mark, quickly followed by Kristin. After Paulie spoke about being motivated to snatch the win, Myles dropped, leaving it all on Paulie’s broad, glorious shoulders. Sadly for him, at the 30 minutes mark he, Kate and Zara transitioned to the narrowest foothold and given the Bounty girls were tiny and he had huge feet, it wasn’t easy. They continued to fight for another twenty minutes and while Kate struggled, Zara managed to talk her through the pain long enough for Paulie to drop.

Back at camp the tribe were thrilled to be reunited, with both groups seemingly happy to get rid of Myles. Karin, however, was feeling a little confused about why AJ was all of a sudden happy to get rid of Myles, and started to panic that Logan was the actual target. Given Logan was better for her game. As such, she rallied the troops to split the votes between Myles and Paulie to guarantee she gets rid of someone she can’t work with. Which was smart, given AJ straight up pulled Myles aside and told him to play his idol, as it would force some separation between the two of them if he voted against him.

Myles obviously wasn’t vibing that, so pulled Logan and Paulie aside to let them know that he has an idol and if one of them is the split vote, they are screwed. So instead, the three of them could work together to vote out Kristin instead. They just need to pull in AJ, despite his entire plan being to distance themselves. Myles tried to talk to AJ thinking he would be on board, with AJ pointing out that he thinks he can work with Kristin, so doesn’t want to ruffle any feathers, before Myles pointed out that everyone thinks they can work with Kristin, which actually means she is a threat. Paulie was super frustrated to be forced into working with Myles, so caught up with Logan and they realised that it was kinda their only option.

Paulie caught up with Kaelan and Kristin, who promptly told him that everyone is loading on Myles with a few votes thrown on him for safety. This led to an absolute meltdown, as he cussed out Karin and then AJ, trying to convince them to vote for literally anyone else. He then tried his luck with Zara and ugh, my zaddy, people are not going to change their vote with this approach. Logan meanwhile was surprisingly zen, and while she didn’t want to work with Myles, she instead went looking for her own idol. And then, for safety, went to Kaelan and Kristin to let them know that Myles has an idol and as such, whoever is the split will go. Oh and that he wants to target Kristin. This led to Kristin pulling Paulie aside to give him one final chance to be honest with her and let her know about the idol, which he tragically did not, instead asking her to vote for Logan. Which seemingly convinced her and Logan to stay targeting Paulie.

At tribal council Zara spoke about how exposed she felt by the split tribal and that is why she was focussed on taking out victory. Despite conversations during the split offering hope, Paulie was concerned that everyone was too happy to stick with their OG allies. While Myles was just wondering if tonight would be the night where someone draws a line. Kaelan joked about checking if he could vote for himself – Lucinda is triggered – so was going with the majority, while Logan was just resigned to seeing her name come out of the urn. While she was immune, Karin still felt the vote had some risk, as AJ agreed that there is a right and wrong person for everyone to send home tonight and as such, they had to find some common ground among themselves.

Kate meanwhile was focussed on keeping her allies happy. Myles was planning to vote with people that he thinks he can work with, and to just put trust in the conversations he has had. This spooked Karin, who checked with AJ that he is 100% voting Myles tonight, which he promptly agreed with. While Logan hoped to not just vote to survive tonight, but to give her options for the next few tribal councils. With that the tribe voted, Myles played his idol for himself before a vote piled up on each Paulie, Kristin and Logan each before the last two came in for Paulie and tragically sent our zaddy home.

As Paulie arrived at the Jury Villa I ran into his arms and immediately broke down into heaving sobs. I then held him for a gull six hours before I was strong enough to pull back, look him in his gorgeous eyes and tell him how much I loved watching him play. Emphasis on watching. While it looked like we would lose Paulie pre-jury for a while there, I told him how grateful I am to be able to see him serving looks on the jury. And that little, accidental reminder was all it took to turn things around. As we toasted his run with cakes. Our own, and a big, fat slice of Coffee and Paulienut Michake.

This mildly tweaked Nigella number is truly perfection. Earthy, sweet and with a nice coffee kick, it melts in your mouth and have you wanting more. And more, and more. Just like Paulie.

Enjoy!

Coffee and Paulienut Michake
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
50g walnuts or walnut meal
225g raw caster sugar
400g unsalted butter, softened
200g flour
2 ½ tbsp instant espresso powder
2½ tsp baking powder
½ tsp bicarb soda
4 eggs
2 tbsp milk
350g icing sugar
walnut halves and chocolate coated coffee beans, to decorate

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C, and line two 20cm sandwich tins with parchment.

Combine the walnuts or meal with the raw caster sugar in a food processor and blitz to form a fine powder. Add 225g of butter, the flour, 1 ½ tablespoons of espresso powder, baking powder, bicarb, eggs and milk, and blitz until smooth. Divide the mixture between the sandwich tins and transfer to the oven to bake for 25 minutes, or until an inserted skewer comes out clean. Remove from the oven and cool in their tins for 10 minutes, before transferring to a wire rack and cooling completely.

While the cakes – swoon – chill, get to work on the buttercream. Blitz the icing sugar in the food processor to get rid of the lumps before adding the remaining butter and the remaining espresso powder dissolved in 1 tablespoon of boiling water, and blitzing until combined.

To assemble, pop one of the cakes on a cake stand and spread half of the icing on the top. Add the next cake, followed by the icing before decorating with walnuts and chocolate coated coffee beans and devouring. Like the zaddy king of the season.

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Paul Spanakopdee Quiche

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Main, Pie, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor after nearly four weeks of hard-fought battle, the tribes finally merged, with the OG Brains having a lovely little numbers advantage. Despite that their many dynamics made things quite challenging. After Logan won the first individual immunity with a hidden immunity idol in her pocket, she was feeling confident. Her first step was to confront sometime ally, sometime enemy Zara to get her on board with taking AJ out. Eventually. AJ meanwhile was busy schmoozing his way around camp to try and get rid of Paulie, falling into Kate’s eyes and sucking up to PD. Poor zaddy Paulie on the other hand had his back, warning AJ that the two of them just needed to lay low if they wanted to protect themselves. Despite all the chaos, none of the big moves came together as all the alliances came together to boot Jesse from the game, much to Paulie’s surprise.

The next day Paulie shared just how gagged he was to still be alive in the game, particularly since it came down to just a single vote. Despite the joy, he was feeling all alone, with nobody even checking how his head was! Tragically Zara was busy planning to take him out, as he continued to sulk. Sulk and watched all the duos that had formed around camp, realising that as the odd man out, he could find some power yet. And if he can’t make inroads, best believe, he was going to find an idol. As he hunted, AJ, Logan and Kristin caught up, talking about how much they didn’t want Paulie on the jury given he would never vote for them to win, and is persuasive enough to turn people against them. AJ then caught up with Kaelan, as our violent, nipple king whispered to AJ that Logan has an idol. And ugh, Kaelan, no – don’t screw Logan! AJ immediately ran to tell Myles with our pole dancing king letting him know that he conveniently has an advantage allowing him to steal an idol. And he is totally taking Logan’s, isn’t he?

Jonathan made his triumphant return for the latest immunity challenge where the tribe would each have to pull down on a bar to hold a spool in place with the last person standing scoring immunity. Oh my god, how much easier is it to explain individual challenges? I live. Anyway, PD obviously took his place on the sit out bench as Zara and Logan started to speculate who could beat Paulie. That distracted Zara enough to be the first person to drop, shockingly followed by Paulie, much to the delight of her and everyone else. This led to a mass exodus with AJ, Laura, Kate and Logan dropping in quick succession. Morgan and Myles were next, followed by Karin leaving Kaelan and Kristin to fight for more than fifteen minutes before Kristin had her first wobble and saved it. Sadly it wasn’t much longer before the momentum became too much as she dropped, handing nipple-god Kaelan immunity.

Back at camp everyone congratulated him on taking out the win before agreeing that tonight would be an easy Paulie vote. While Logan was happy to bring everyone together with this plan, AJ, Zara, Kristin and Kaelan caught up to discuss the merits of loading all the votes on Paulie or doing a split, just in case. After agreeing that it wouldn’t be an issue, AJ suggested to us that he felt now would actually be the best time to blindside Logan instead. Laura meanwhile was also thinking that keeping Paulie around could be a good idea, so caught up with Myles to point out that Paulie would work for them and as such, they could use him to get rid of someone who wouldn’t. Like say, PD. Plus, it would free up Kristin to work with them.

With them agreeing to save our zaddy, Myles went off to loop in AJ and see what he was thinking, before assuring Paulie that there may be hope and to just relax. That left Laura with the more difficult job of convincing the girls, and while Morgan and Kate were keen, they were concerned about Kristin finding out. Right on cue, Kristin appeared and put an end to the conversation. Laura then approached Logan and Karin, with the duo telling Laura that Paulie was too dangerous to leave in the game any longer. Laura tried to calmly explain that a desperate Paulie is more likely to help them get further, than a relaxed and settled PD, but it all fell on deaf ears. Logan then threw a tantrum, enraged about Laura being inflexible, just like she accused Zara of being, and dare I say it, maybe Logan is the one that is inflexible? That being said, I obviously live for the drama and love that she is threatening to vote out her closest ally for suggesting they get rid of PD.

But she is on thin ice, TBH.

Laura was rightly terrified of her tantrum, so ran back to Kate and Morgan to call the plan off, just as they were telling Paulie to vote for PD. She pulled Myles and Kate aside to let them know how angry Logan was, with her assuring them that she cannot afford to take out anyone but Paulie. But kind of inferred she was happy with them powering ahead. Karin and Zara joined the chat, with them agreeing it is smartest to stick with the plan, while Myles desperately complained to us about wanting to make a move. He caught up with AJ to let him know that the PD plan was dead, just as PD walked up to talk about how paranoid everyone was. And while they were able to assure him the plan is still Paulie, the fact that everyone ran round and round the island, you know this tribal council is going to be chaos.

Myles and Laura talked through Logan’s issues, and hearing that it was just Logan complaining that she ‘never’ gets her way, Myles was pissed. As the resident power bottom. While Logan assured us that she would be playing her idol for herself if Paulie pulled one out to save himself. Zara and Karin meanwhile caught up with PD and Kristin, with the former Brains warning PD that he will likely cop some votes today. And when they found themselves alone, Kristin promised PD that should Paulie play an idol, she would 100% play hers for him. Soooo basically, Myles is stealing Logan’s idol, playing it for Paulie and PD is going home, based on the last couple of minutes, no?

At tribal council Morgan spoke about how hectic their afternoon had been, though admitted she was glad to be there and was ready to vote. Logan spoke about feeling comfortable that she knew what would happen tonight, though admitted she was worried about how it could change moving forward. Talk turned to all the pairs that had formed in the tribe, while Kristin freely admitted that she was looking for multiple buddies, so to not put her in a box. While zaddy Paulie would be happy to just have one buddy and ugh, stop bullying my speedo king. He admitted that he realised he was buddy-less, though tried to remind everyone that being alone also made him useful and as such, people should make the most of using him. Logan agreed that being alone could be useful to others, though suggested that Paulie isn’t the right person as he has proven himself untrustworthy. While our power bottom Myles reiterated that he just needs to prove himself trustworthy over time, if given a chance.

Paulie assured everyone that he has taken notes and plans to grow from this, and prove himself to the tribe. And should someone save him, he would owe them his life in the game and he would never forget it. And I know I am biased – and a little bit horny for him – but he was swap screwed and was just trying to save himself, move on. As Jonathan tried to send them off to vote, Myles whipped out his steal an idol advantage and suggested that people are scared enough to burn theirs tonight, so to save a needless idol plays, he would be stealing Kristin’s. Immediately proving my earlier prediction wrong. With that out of the way, the tribe went to vote before Myles became the hero of his queer community, playing Kristin’s idol for Paulie and sending her closest ally PD out of the game.

Like Jesse before him, not much was shown of PD on the show, but it was very clear when he arrived at Loser Lodge that he is an absolute sweetheart. And maybe the editors just didn’t want us to get too attached to someone that was kind of screwed by his injuries. Despite it all, PD was glad to have had the opportunity to have played and didn’t hold his bicep against the quiet-killer Kaelan. But who would focus on holding grudges when you’ve got a delicious Paul Spanakopdee Quiche sitting in front of you.

This little copycat number is frankly delicious! The saltiness of the jatz base perfectly cuts through the rich, creaminess of the cheesy, spinach filling. Plus, it is super easy, which always makes things taste just that little bit sweeter.

Enjoy!

Paul Spanakopdee Quiche
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
225g Jatz crackers
150g butter, melted
2 tsp olive oil
4 garlic cloves, minced
250g frozen chopped spinach
2 green shallots, thinly sliced
2 tbsp chopped fresh mint
250g cream cheese, at room temperature
⅓ cup sour cream
⅓ cup milk
4 eggs
80g feta, crumbled
1 cup vintage cheddar, grated

Method
Pop the crackers in a food processor and blitz until finely crushed. Still on, pour in the butter and mix until combined. Transfer the mixture to a quiche dish and press into the base and sides to form a shell. Transfer to the fridge for 15 minutes to set.

Preheat the oven to 160C before baking the crust for 10 minutes, or until golden. Leave to cool slightly.

While the base is baking, pop the oil in a skillet over medium heat, and cook the garlic for a minute or until nice and fragrant. Add the spinach, shallots and mint, and cook stirring for five minutes, or until it has defrosted and all the liquid has evaporated. Set aside until required.

Next, beat the cream cheese in a stand mixer until smooth. Reduce to low and slowly add in the sour cream, followed by the milk, until combined. Add the eggs one at a time, waiting until it comes together before adding the next. Turn off the mixer and fold through the spinach, shallots and mint, before seasoning with a good whack of pepper.

Pour the filling into the baked crust, top with the eta and cheddar, and bake for 20 minutes, or until setting. Leave to rest for ten minutes before serving and devouring, like a quiet king.

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Lemon Chicken Orzula Rose

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Main, Pasta, Poultry, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the tribes switched things up leaving four Brains and Brawn as the minority on their new tribes. After finally clawing the majority back on OG Brains, Myles and Zara were particularly disheartened to be with Laura and Max, who weren’t exactly their closest people. Meanwhile after losing the immunity challenge the new Brawn majority were chaos; Rich wanted Logan gone, AJ was happy to join him, though not vote her out and Logan was just annoyed to be voting someone out. The OG Brawns were not much better as Ursula’s feud with Noonan created more chaos and when Ursula wouldn’t vote for anyone else, the two tribes had to join together to take out Rich instead. While Ursula fired a warning shot at Noonan, for reasons.

The next day the new Brains tribe were miserable as their terrible shelter got inundated by rain. Thankfully this introduced us to Ben, who finally arrived on screen in Episode 8 to bitch about how shitty it was, before leading the tribe to pull together an epic shelter so they can actually get some rest. As Myles chatted away with him rather than helping. He then went to Jesse to talk shit about Max playing chaotically at their final OG Brains tribal council, and just giving them all the intel. Leading to Zara pulling Myles aside to beg him to stop flapping his gums and give them some secrecy so they could find a crack in the Brawns. As the girls seemingly came together over his madness.

Over at the Brawn, Kaelan was living his best life, living in warm, dry, luxury. AJ too was loving himself sick, given he got rid of Rich and won the hearts and minds of many. The one wrinkle being that Ursula is still there, but totally miserable. He pulled Kristin aside for a chat to figure out what she was thinking, with her pledging her undying loyalty, suggesting they need to get rid of Paulie as he is the actual threat. And ugh, I want to stan her, but don’t come for my Paulie. We then got a close-up on Kaelan’s nips as Noonan tried to make conversation with Ursula who promptly shut her down as they sat in silence. Knowing she and Paulie could be in danger, Noonan pulled AJ aside to gauge how he was feeling, with him obviously suggesting they get rid of Ursula ASAP. And that the two of them and Paulie will be the best of friends once they merge.

But realistically, AJ has all the power.

JLP made his triumphant return for the next immunity challenge, where they would hold onto numbered pegs dotted along the wall, while two people from the rival tribe would toss sandbags at numbered coconuts to remove the corresponding pegs. Brains knocked out a couple in their first round, while Brawn got none. Another three pegs dropped for Brains in the next round, while Brawn got nothing. Again. Brains knocked another two in the next round before Brawn finally got the single peg Zara was standing on, and took one out from Kate. Finally, it became a showdown as AJ’s strategy to focus on the footholds knocked Zara off the wall. Karin soon followed, as did Myles and Kaelan, tying things up. It was at this point, AJ suggested the Brains should just throw the challenge, given they have the numbers advantage, while Brawn is tied up and anything could happen if they go back to tribal council. Jesse and Ursula then dropped, as did Kristin and Logan leaving Paulie as the only hope, literally hanging there like Jesus. Until he was literally hanging on by a single peg for two rounds before he finally dropped, handing Brains immunity.

Back at camp AJ was positively buzzing for the vote ahead, pulling Karin aside to see what she was thinking, with the duo feeling they needed to split the rival duo of Paulie and Noonan up with the former being the bigger threat, rather than Noonan. That being said, AJ also wanted to get rid of Ursula ASAP, as she is immovable which is even more annoying to work around. AJ explained that keeping Paulie and Noonan around will also spook the OG Brawns over at Brains into thinking they’re hostages and trick them into throwing some challenges. As AJ locked in Paulie and Noonan to vote with them to get rid of Ursula, Karin tried to woo Kaelan who put his foot down and said that Paulie is the one they need to deal with as Ursula will always upset someone, while Paulie is likeable. And since Logan was also in to take out a threat – noooooo – they just needed to convince AJ.

After Karin found a maggot in her food, we followed Paulie as he tried to convince Ursula that they can take control if she and Noonan stop coming for each other. As Ursula used the age-old excuse for targeting Noonan, being that Noonan came for her first. Noonan and Kristin joined in, with the OG Brawn agreeing to put it all to rest and convince the Brains to split their votes, so they can load their votes on Karin and boot her instead. With Ursula and Noonan apparently united, it was Noonan that flipped first, going to Karin and Logan to throw Ursula under the bus as the mastermind. And while it is suss, it could keep Paulie safe and as such, I stan. Karin, AJ and Logan caught up with Kristin and Paulie, with OG Brawn denying ever hearing about said plan. AJ obviously saw right through it, knowing the plan clearly came from Paulie. While Kristin told Ursula what Noonan did, instantly ending the truce. For good.

The OG Brains tried to make a decision who to get out as Noonan dropped by to find out what they were planning, leading to Ursula dropping by and blocking her from making any inroads. The Brains were worried that Ursula’s unpredictability was more dangerous than Paulie’s likeability, so locked in the plan and thankfully decided to keep Paulie. Just as he dropped by to check if he should be worried. AJ then went to each Brawn duo to tell them the Brains were split in their decision, so they would be able to decide who to vote for at tribal council. He then straight up clocked one of Noonan or Paulie had an idol, and told them if they did have one, he would signal for them to play it if needed.

At tribal council AJ said that the old tribes are dead to him, though his plan was to create the optics of hostages in the OG Brawn to force the new Brains tribe to throw challenges. This was a surprise to his allies, as Kaelan suggested he just wanted to win some challenges, while Karin shut it down, wanting to make friends rather than force people into being friends in a non-consensual way. Paulie meanwhile was keen to play hostage for AJ, if it saves him, while Ursula had no intention of playing hostage and doesn’t see any of the Brawn throwing a challenge. Ever. Karin meanwhile pointed out that they may have to throw challenges, though, if they want an advantage at the merge.

With that the tribe voted, Paulie held onto his idol despite a look from AJ, and everyone except Kristin came together to boot Ursula from the game. As Ursula arrived at Loser Lodge, I pulled her in for a massive hug and applaud her on navigating her feud with Noonan as long as she could. I mean, sure, both of them could have not been petty and worked together for their own goods, but you see, I’ve known Urusla for years as she went to school with my cousin. And I was the one that taught her everything I know about pettiness. As such, it was kinda my fault, so I glossed over it as we shared a comforting Lemon Chicken Orzula Rose.

Lemon, parmesan and chicken are kind of like the holy trinity of flavours. And this gloriously tart orzo paired with this crispy, classier version of a chicken shnitty just proves it.

Enjoy!

Lemon Chicken Orzula Rose
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
¾ cup flour
¾ tsp kosher salt
1 tsp freshly cracked black pepper
2 eggs
1 cup panko breadcrumbs
½ tsp garlic powder
1 cup parmesan cheese, grated
2 chicken breasts, sliced in half horizontally
olive oil
1 tbsp butter
6 spring onions, sliced
6 garlic cloves, minced
1 cup orzo
2 cups chicken stock
1 lemon, zested and juiced
¼ cup double cream

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C.

Combine the flour in a shallow bowl with half a teaspoon each of the kosher salt and black pepper. In another, whisk the 2 eggs, and another, combine the breadcrumbs, garlic powder and three quarters of a cup of the parmesan.

Dredge the chicken in the flour, then dip in the egg before coating in the cheesy breadcrumbs. Pop on a lined plate and repeat until the schnitzels are prepped.

Heat a good lug of olive oil in a large frying pan over medium heat. Once nice and hot, add the chicken and cook for 5 minutes, before flipping and cooking for a further five minutes. Pop on a lined baking sheet and place in the oven to keep warm.

Pop a lug of olive oil and butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Once melted and foamy, add the spring onions and garlic and cook for a minute before adding the rest of the pepper. Mix in the orzo and cook for another couple of minutes, before stirring in the stock and bring to the boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer, stirring frequently, for about 15 minutes or until cooked through.

Remove from the heat and stir in the lemon zest and juice, remaining parmesan and double cream until the cheese has melted.

Serve immediately, dividing the orzo between four bowls and topping with a piece of chicken. Before devouring, greedily.

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Konbinehellenia Egg Sando

Main, Sandwich, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Global All Stars the top five were tasked with filming tourism ads for each of their mother countries. And given how this went on Down Under 2, this could go one of many ways. Given how close she came to beating Jinkx in the branding challenge on their OG season, Alyssa was a neurotic mess, yet iconic. And despite Kitty being far more entertaining, took out a bookend win. At the other end of the pack, Tessa was one note and Kween focused on her Down Under sisters, which was all it took to land them in the bottom. Where Kween kept the Ru girls together by mopping the floor with the iconic Tessa and sending her home. Tragically.

Backstage the top four were thrilled to have made it all the way to the end, with Kitty, Kween and Nelly all thrilled to join the two-time finalist club. Alyssa toasted Tessa and her madness, considering adopting her into the Haus of Edwards officially. Should she not annoy her on tour and embarrass the name. Alyssa started to break down, overwhelmed to finally make it to the finals after all these years. Nelly admitted that she had actually thought she was going to be the Porkchop of the season, so to make it to the end, she feels like she was finally able to prove that she is talented. After they all had a cry, Kween led them in a hearty fuck yeah and as such, all was ok.

And just like that, I’m back on the Kween train.

The next day the finalists were no less excited, with Alyssa thrilled to make it to the end without landing in the bottom and hoping that would help her get the crown. Nelly reiterated that she was never less than safe too, and as such, consistency could see her crowned. As much as she’d like to show off her lip syncing skillz at some point, TBH. A siren rang out before the dolls were cast to the side as the eliminated queens made their triumphant return. Again. This time to take the spotlight as they battle it out to be crowned the Global Lip Sync Assassin. And a cash prize of $50K.

Everyone split up to start beating their mugs as Tessa congratulated the finalists on making it to the end. Talk turned to who is primed to win today’s little title, with everyone agreeing Gala, Vanity and Soa would have to be the frontrunners. While Pythia joked she thinks she and Eva are the front runners to her. Talk turned to how they would spend their money, with Miranda spending it on her family, Tessa and Athena would move out – and the latter would pay for her brother’s transition too, so we’re rooting for her even more – while Vanity wanted to spend it on a wedding. And invite some of her new sisters. Emphasis on some.

Ru, Michelle and Jamal took their places on the panel before wheeling out the dolls in their Global Lip Sync Eleganza Extravaganza and explaining that two by two they will face off, with the winners progressing until only one remains. Manuel from the Pit Crew pulled out his wheel to decide who would go first and ugh, Manuel is so hot, I am now distracted. But he must have spun it, as first up would be Vanity, who in turn got to select her opponent, going with Eva given she has already beaten her before. As the one to be chosen, Eva was able to select their song, going with Just What They Want. Which is what Nelly tipped, given it was clearly the hardest. Which proved smart, given Vanity had no idea what the lyrics were. Despite that, she gave hairography and an epic performance, which sadly wasn’t enough, as Vanity was sent to join the top four backstage as Eva progressed.

Manuel’s wheel came back – swoon – to line up Soa as the next performer. She in turn elected to face off against Tessa, who chose A.S.M.R. Lover for the soundtrack of their battle. Soa was honestly a delight from start to finish, as Tessa gave sexy and stupid before botching a split. Which sadly ended Ms T’s run and sent Soa through to the second round. Manuel then flooded our basement to line up Athena’s performance against Pythia to Jealous Of My Boogie. And from the first line, this was Athena’s redemption round. She was stupid and passionate, hitting every lyric and booked her place in round two. Leaving Gala to demolish poor Miranda in the final lip sync of the round to Cha Cha Bitch. Despite a cute little rainbow glitter rain moment and Gala literally dancing her wig off.

Which annoyed the shit out of Miranda, as she joined her sisters backstage. Which, fair.

Manuel got his wheel out again for round two, allowing Gala to select Eva as her next opponent while Eva selected Call Me Mother as their song. Despite not knowing any of the words, Gala was flipping around the stage and doing anything to distract, while Eva was fire from start to finish, enunciating every lyric, being fierce and sensual in equal measure. Which would have won her the lip sync, if Gala didn’t duck walk, which sent her through to the final round, it seems. As Soa and Athena lined up for U Wear It Well, it was clear both of them were desperate for the money as they turned a damn show. They gave attitude, they stomped the runway in unison and honestly, if they both made it to the final round, I wouldn’t have been mad. Sadly though, Ru only wanted two in the final, eliminating Athena and giving us the Gala/Soa rematch we deserve.

The eliminated queens and the top four were summoned back to the mainstage to watch the top two assassins battle for the win. To The Beginning. And damn, did they turn a show. While Gala was all attitude, Soa was oozing joy and was frankly magnetic, flicking her hair, hitting the lyrics and smiling the entire time. Gala slayed with air violin and handstand baby freezes, but make no mistake, it was Soa’s show. And the emotion rightly won her $50K and the title of Global Lip Sync Assassin. As she deserves.

Cocorico, cocorico, cocorico. Yas yas yas.

While the eliminated queens took their final bows, I quickly snuck up on Nelly and gave her a massive hug. She was super confused, given she hasn’t been eliminated yet, though I explained that given the season hadn’t gone very well for the ESL queens, I wanted to make sure she was well rested and fed heading into the finale. Because if anything can salvage this season, it is a victory for Nehellenia. Which was enough to perk her back up and get her on board with plotting her victory over a glorious Konbinehellenia Egg Sando.

Anyone that has had the deeply profound joy of eating an egg sando from a Japanese konbini knows that they are the only thing you ever need again. Sweet, rich and melt in your mouth, they are the perfect thing to feed your soul and encourage you to save the globe with your victory.

Enjoy!

Konbinehellenia Egg Sando
Serves: 2. 1 rightful victor and her bestie.

Ingredients
10 eggs
½ cup Kewpie mayonnaise
1 tsp kosher salt, plus more to taste
1 tsp raw caster sugar
¼ tsp black pepper
4 tsp thickened cream
2 tbsp unsalted butter, softened
4 slices Japanese milk bread, crusts removed

Method
Bring a medium saucepan of water to the boil. Once rollicking, carefully lower the eggs into the boiling water and cook for 10 minutes, or until hard boiled. Drain the eggs into a sink and plunge into iced water to cool for 15 minutes before peeling the eggs.

Split the eggs open and separate the yolks and whites into two bowls. Mash all the yolks in a bowl until they are almost a smooth paste. Add the mayonnaise, salt, sugar, and pepper and stir until well combined.

Finely chop the egg whites and add half to the yolk mixture, stir to combine, cover and chill for an hour. Reserve the rest of the whites for another recipe.

Once chilled, stir the cream into the egg mixture, seasoning with additional salt if required. Spread the butter evenly on one side of each bread slice. Top one slice, butter side up, with egg, cover with the remaining slice, butter side down. Slice into triangles and devour, in culinary heaven.

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Breakferas Basandwich

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Breakfast, Main, Sandwich, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor twelve people at the top of their games – aka Titans – were pitted against twelve wildcards – yep, you guessed it, Rebels – where the Titans lead the way in getting absolutely demolished by the Rebels as Tobias did the L on his forehead as often as possible. The Titans lost Frankie and Jessica back-to-back before the Rebels lost an immunity challenge. While the buff, alleged hotties thought they had control, Feras rallied the troops to take out Peta and Tobias back-to-back, sadly without the latter’s signature L. Kelli then was sent over to the Titans as a saboteur, failed, and then they lost Nathan before the tribes switched up for real.

Kelli upped the ante on the chaos – oh damn, Kelli was wild – before Caroline realised she needed to get rid of Viola to ensure Mark stayed loyal to her. Drawing the ire of Valeria in the process. Viola was followed out the door by Sarah and Garrick before Charles got rather screwed by a twist. Though it kept the Rebel minority strong, so whatever. Before the tribe finally grew tired of Kelli and sent her packing before the merge.

After the merge the stress of the game got to Scott as he quit the game, soon followed by Winna and Eden before Aileen became the Queen of the Jury. She was soon joined by Jaden and Valeria, before Alex put a massive target on Kirby’s back before he exited the game. Kirby’s closest ally Ri followed Alex out the door, before Caroline accidentally idolled her closest ally Kitty out of the game. The threat of Kirby winning finally spooked everyone enough to boot her, before Ray lost the fire challenge and became the Fourth Place Robbed Goddess of the season.

Despite winning the last two immunity challenges, Mark was the first to drop in the final immunity challenge. Despite being the perennial bridesmaid, Feras finally took out the win and promptly sent Mark to the jury. At the final tribal council, despite Caroline playing an extremely strong game, it was Feras that absolutely stole the show, answering everything with heart and grace before being named the Sole Survivor. Unanimously. With a big, hot Breakferas Basandwich to celebrate.

If there are two things I love with all my heart, it is breakfast and sandwiches. So yeah, this blog is full of different variations of breakfast sandwiches. Essentially a BEC but on sourdough, this one is glorious, easy and worthy of victory.

Enjoy!

Breakferas Basandwich
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
4 rashers streaky bacon
2 tsp butter
3 eggs, whisked
salt and pepper, to taste
2 slices sourdough
2 slices American cheese

Method
Heat a skillet over medium heat and fry the bacon until glorious and crisp. Remove to some paper towel, and keep warm.

Add the butter to the still hot pan and once melted and foamy, add the eggs to the pan and use a spatula to scramble by sweeping across the pan until set. Remove from the heat, season with salt and pepper, and remove from heat.

Toast the sourdough and transfer to a plate. Pop a slice of American cheese on one of the slices of bread, followed by two pieces of bacon, the eggs, the remaining bacon and American cheese. Close the sandwich with the remaining bread and devour, victoriously.

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Blueberry & Jessicustard Pienaher

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor 24 new castaways were dumped on the islands of Samoa. Split based on whether they were rule makers or breakers, Titans faced off against the Rebels to find which approach would prove superior. And if the first episode is anything to go by, the Rebels are going to demolish, as the Titans struggled to listen to each other, allowing the Rebels to expertly work together and win back to back challenges. At the Titans, Nathan, Frankie and Jaden were keen to take control given they identified themselves as cool and strong. Sadly for them, three does not a majority make, leading to Eden and Mark orchestrating a coup before they could even try to take control, icing Frankie and leaving Nathan without any friends.

Though still, he looks good in a speedo. And that matters.

The next day things were still delightful over at the Rebels as Alex rocked out in his speedo and the tribe were frankly just vibing and living their best lives. Despite the fact Kelli is at an 11 at all times, though to be fair, she was focused on Alex and how good he looks in said speedo, I relate to her on a deep level. Even if she is so irritating, everyone wants her gone ASAP. The tribe caught up around the fire to brush their teeth with charcoal and while it looked like they literally ate shit, they were feeling fresh and lovely. Tobias and Sarah meanwhile were slowly falling in love, chatting as they worked on the shelter. After learning about her career as a firefighter, she told us that she, Tobias, Peta and Alex have quickly locked in an alliance. While Raymond was busy running around the jungle, making things awkward and being all around sketchy. Which I hate, as he is adorbs. And to reiterate, works in DVDs, which is a dying market, so he needs this.

Over at the Titans things were still well and truly a mess as Nathan opened up to Winna about feeling left out after Frankie’s blindside, talking about how much he just wished he knew it was coming. And yeah, I’m sure he and Frankie wish they knew. While he was heartbroken to have lost someone he knew for two days, everyone else tried to act like they cared. Thankfully we pivoted to Eden and Mark, who joyfully reflected on taking control by orchestrating Frankie’s demise. Despite the fact Jessica had convinced herself it was all her idea. She well and truly started to feel her oats, and while she thinks she is in charge, it is clear Mark and Eden won’t let her believe it for long.

The tribes came together with JLP for the reward challenge where the tribes would compete in rounds playing tug of war over a huge crate. With the victors jagging the item within the crate in each round. Nathan and Jaden faced off against Alex and Feras, and while the Titans kinda made quick work of things, it was mainly because of Mark’s coaching from the sidelines rather than their strength. As the Titans celebrated jagging fishing gear, Peta and Aileen lined up opposite Caroline and Valeria. And quickly found themselves in a stalemate for 10 minutes before Mark, once again, coached the dolls into another win. This time just a couple of bananas, which honestly doesn’t seem worth it. Tobias, Sarah, Scott, Rianna and Kirby made quick work of Jess, Mark, Kitty, Viola and Winna, jagging the Rebels supplies to make smores. Before the final round saw Garrick and Raymond battle Eden and Charles for a massive tarp. And despite the Rebels starting strong, they quickly faded and found themselves overpowered as the Titans took out victory.

Back at camp the Titans were on cloud nine to finally have a win under their belts, vibing over the tarp, bananas and fishing gear. Mark in particular was thrilled to have a bestie in Eden and that they found another dynamic duo to align with, the Super Vs. Winna meanwhile almost choked while eating his banana after finding a clue hidden inside. He went for a swim with Jaden and shared it with him, kinda, though was a little bit too vague for Jaden to be able to do anything with the information. Thankfully he was pretty sure he knew where the idol was hidden, so planned to make a beeline for the palm tree the next day. Which totally means someone else will grab it today, right?

The next morning Winna woke up nice and early, so went for a walk to collect his idol and surprisingly it was still there! Once again proving that if Australian Survivor is going to do one thing consistently, it will instantly shut down my predictions.

The tribes reunited for the latest immunity challenge where they would race to climb a very tall frame, crawl through a twisted net and release coconuts from a shoot above their heads. And then shoot said coconuts in a basket held up by the rival tribe with the last tribe standing taking out the win. Once again the Rebels got out to an early lead after powering over the frame, before Aileen got stuck in the net. Jess then snatched the lead for the Titans before Raymond tied things back up as both tribes got the hang of the obstacle. When it came to the coconuts, the Titans started to struggle, allowing the Rebels to snatch back the lead which gave them a head start to weigh down the bag. Sadly Nathan was kinda an icon, weighing down the Rebels basket far quicker and giving Viola and Jaden more time to hold one. Though it was all for nought, sadly, as Alex got his eye in, loading up the Titans before they dropped out of nowhere, handing the Rebels another immunity.

Back at camp the tribe were heartbroken to have come so close to taking out victory but choking at the end. Speaking of choking, Nathan once again was winning me over in his speedo. As he went to wash off, Eden and Mark caught up and decided they needed to get Jess to identify a name so they used that to rally the tribe against her. Sadly for that plan, Jess approached Nathan to see what he was thinking, with Jess admitting she wants to focus on strength. And when Nathan floated Eden, she was on board, so the duo split up and got to work floating that name.

Sadly for Jess, she evidently didn’t realise how close Mark was to Eden and after catching up with him by the well, it was clear her confidence is likely going to bite her. After splitting up, Mark quickly got to work rallying the tribe against Jess, but hoped to keep it secret from Eden, as he is likely to spiral if he knew he was a target. And that would actually help convince them to get rid of him instead. Sadly for him, Valeria chose honesty, warning Eden that Jess was coming for him and as predicted, he started to spiral. He went person to person, floating a vote split between Jess and Nathan, just in case she has an idol and would get him out with a single vote. And while people seemed keen to protect him, the panic made Mark nervous.

At tribal council Caroline spoke about the early votes being easy as the relationships are all fresh and there is less need to lie. While Viola felt everyone was on the same page, she admitted she was always nervous for a surprise before Nathan shared he is more confident about this vote than the last. Despite also being confident about it last night, just wrong. Eden opened up about knowing his name had been thrown out today and as such, he is feeling far more nervous about the vote ahead. While both Nathan and Jess looked on nervously. Jess spoke about how it is important to stay a couple of steps ahead of the game, while Nathan reiterated his confidence. This time adding in the fact he hadn’t heard a name.

Jess then came out and spoke about her running the plan against Frankie, thinking it would win hearts and minds. Sadly, though, it only seemed to annoy Nathan, Jaden and Winna. Eden then asked Jess if she threw out his name, with her doubling down and arguing that she was always happy to hear other names, but nobody spoke up. While Mark ominously mentioned that the performances at tribal council really highlighted who he wanted to work with moving forward. With that the tribe voted and despite Jess feeling like a baller, it was clear her performance did not do what she thought it would, as the tribe rallied together to boot her from the tribe.

As she arrived at Loser Lodge, Jess was very confused about how it turned on her. And given I am kind of that guy, I outlined that being smug and performing for a jury that doesn’t start for a literal month, probably wasn’t the smartest move to make alliances. Particularly since she (thinks she) used Frankie, Nathan and Jaden being smug to rally the troops last episode. To her credit, Jess copped the brutal assessment on the chin and admitted she struggled to make connections, so the smugness came from the fact she was proud of overcoming that initial difficulty. Which made me feel super guilty as I plated up a Blueberry & Jessicustard Pienaher and toasted that accomplishment.

This pie gives off classic bakery treat energy in all the right ways. The crust is short and crumbly, the custard smooth and velvety and the blueberries tart and plump. And together, it is simply heavenly.

Enjoy!

Blueberry & Jessicustard Pienaher
Serves: 4-8.

Ingredients
250g flour, plus more for dusting
50g icing sugar
155g cold unsalted butter, cubed
3 eggs
1 ½ cups milk
½ cup double cream
¾ cup raw caster sugar
⅓ cup cornstarch
4 tsp vanilla extract
¾ tsp salt
500g blueberries
1 tbsp lemon juice
1 tsp lemon zest

Method
Place the flour and icing sugar in a food processor and blitz to remove any lumps. Add 125g butter and blitz some more until it just starts to come together. Add an egg and blitz again. If it doesn’t come together, add a tablespoon of ice cold water, blitzing after each addition, until you have a smooth dough that just comes together. Once formed, shape into a disc, cover in cling and place in the fridge to chill for an hour or so.

Preheat the oven to 180C.

Dust a clean bench and a rolling-pin with flour and roll out the pastry until it is 4mm thick. Cut into 4-8 rounds and line pie pans. Trim off any excess dough and prick the base with a fork. Transfer to the oven and bake for ten-fifteen minutes, or until lightly golden and cooked through. Remove to a cooling rack until completely cooled.

While things get chill, combine the milk and cream in a medium saucepan and place over low heat until steaming. In a large bowl, whisk the remaining eggs with a quarter of a cup of cornstarch, half the vanilla, half a cup of sugar and ½ tsp salt until combined. Still whisking, slowly pour in the hot milk until it is all combined before transferring back to the saucepan.

Increase heat to medium and cook, whisking constantly, until the mixture boils and thickens. Remove from the heat and whisk in the remaining butter to combine. Divide the custard between the pie cases and pop them in the fridge to set for an hour or two.

In a medium saucepan, combine 2 tablespoons of cold water with the remaining cornstarch, and mix into a slurry. Add the blueberries, remaining sugar, lemon juice and zest, and the remaining vanilla and salt. Pop the saucepan over low heat and cook, stirring regularly, until the mixture thickens and loses its cloudiness. Remove from the heat and allow to cool for ten minutes before scooping on top of the pies and return to the fridge to set overnight.

Then, and only then, do you devour.

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