TV Recap

Bradth Norris

Breakfast, Main, Soup, Survivor NZ, Survivor NZ: Thailand, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor New Zealand, in the wise words of my dearest friends the Spice Girls two became one as the tribes merged. This lead to a shit tonne of feasting, reuniting alliances and the reminder that Matt and Dave went to school together and that Dave would be safe. As such he held on tight to his idol as Renee decided it was time to jump ship and save herself, joining the OG Khangkhaw to take out Arun.

Back at camp Brad and Lisa celebrated their success, with Lisa continuing to play the innocent mother and echoing how bad she felt. Dave on the other hand was feeling bad to see Arun go, wishing that he had left instead as it was so painful to watch. Which I guess is simultaneously sweet and idiotic. Thankfully both Renee and Adam were proud of making a move and getting rid of a threat, with Adam reminding us that he is kind of the Sandra Diaz-Twine of New Zealand in that no one sees him as a threat – well, on her first two appearances – despite controlling the game and being hella sassy.

The next day Renee, Matt and Tess were discussing the importance of toast, in both quantity and toppings. Though maybe that was Matt’s way to distract everyone from their feelings, as he is concerned about how Dave and Eve must be feeling trapped on the bottom. Sadly for him Adam is dead set on getting Dave out ASAP, as is Tess and Br … wait, Brad is wanting to make a move! Sadly for him, Matt decided to channel SDT and lurked in the bushes at the exact right moment, hearing that Brad and Tess were open to taking him out. Making it super awks, Matt emerged from the bushes forcing them to about face and talk about taking Dave and Eve out at the next two tribals. While Matt was more than ready to take one of them out.

Back at the camp Tess gushed about her love for Renee who was using her time to coach Brad and Adam how to braid hair. Renee gushed about her decision to flip at the last tribal council as it was giving her the best hope for being the only Chani to flip to the other alliance and make it far. The entire tribe then joined the braiding party before Dave reminded us he owns an idol and Renee spoke about the importance of getting rid of Dave.

But enough of camp life – Matt Chis is here and we’re ready for the reward challenge where Dave unveiled a new look to try and fit in with the long hair club! The challenge required everyone to run out and untie sandbags before returning to the starting mat and throwing them into a series of targets. It was for ingredients to make tuna melts – which explains Tess’ tin salmon chat – and I am literally vomming at the thought of how shit it is. The tribe clearly weren’t overly impressed either, casually walking to collect their bags before tossing away. Renee got out to an early lead, followed closely by Dave, Matt and Brad before Dave and Brad overtook her, with Brad snagging himself the worst reward since the bag of melted chocolate. Inspired by Jiffy Pop, Matt then gave Brad the opportunity to share his reward with just one other person, selecting his main target Dave as he wanted to be fair. As such, Matt gave him the chance to choose another person this time forgoing the fair third place, selected Tess. Since it appeared to be a struggle, Matt gave him one other person to share with with Brad selecting contestant Matt.

The victors arrived at reward to kick off the episode’s product placement portion, making he feel violently ill. There was gushing, talk about flavours and it looked fucked. Not even mayo smeared around Matt’s mouth could excitement me. Dave decided to take the opportunity of being stuck on a reward with each other’s rancid tuna breath to try and flip Brad and Tess to his side. He then went on and on while the boys tried desperately not to fall asleep while Tess’ eyes almost fell out of her head from rolling them so much. He felt it went ok though, so that makes he think he isn’t as self-aware slash good as I thought he was.

Back at the camp Adam was entertaining the girls with his shark attack victim performance as the winner’s arrived, vowing to punch Dave in the face if he complained about being full. Eve then pulled the biggest move of her game, asking Brad to give them a run down of everything they ate which infuriated Adam who wanted to take ALL the tuna melters out.

Matt and Dave went for a walk to digest said food and talk about Dave’s pleas at reward. Matt then caught Dave up, telling him that Tess and Brad plan to target him no matter what and he needs to find a way save Dave that still benefits his game. Dave shared that he has an idol, which was music to Matt’s ears at it meant he could help pull off a blindside without getting his hands dirty. The unspoken qualifier is that he also knows that Dave is too nice to deny the move should they make final tribal.

Matt Chis returned for this week’s immunity challenge where each tribe member was required to hold two weighted discs with a pot attached between their hands and a pole, with the last person to drop winning. Though given only Dave and Eve feel in danger, it really shouldn’t take long. Sadly poor Dave was the first contestant out, leading to Adam dropping straight behind since he just wanted Dave to lose before Lisa and Tess after what felt like an eternity. The remaining five survived an hour and a half, leading to Chissy forcing them all on to one leg which saw Brad, Tara and Renee drop in quick succession. After a further 45 minutes, Matt started to struggle while Eve stood like a statue and snatched immunity.

The castaways quickly got to work scrambling back at camp with Brad, Lisa, Tess and Tara focusing on how to split the vote since Eve was immune. Brad then got uber cocky and decreed who everyone was voting for out of Dave and Renee before pulling Dave aside to assure him that he won’t be voting for Dave. Since Dave heard the subtext loud and clear, that pissed him off and he focused instead of trying to throw some votes on Brad. Renee and Tess caught up to talk about the likelihood of idols, with Renee assuring them that it is highly unlikely. Matt, Lisa and Adam then caught up to talk about wanting to avoid throwing votes on Renee for no reason, with Matt then throwing Brad’s name out there as a potential option. Which appeared to both excite and terrify Adam, who didn’t trust the numbers however slowly came to the realisation that it was the perfect time for a blindside and they really need to take it. Matt and Lisa were nervous about Adam running back to Brad and looping him in, however the longer it went on the more it seemed like Adam knew it had to be done. With the three of them locked it, Matt filled Dave in on the plan and they debated whether it were better to play the idol or not, lest it spook Brad to play his.

At tribal council Eve spoke about feeling relieved to be immune though didn’t seem to think it would have a difference on the game at large. Renee shared that she was feeling vulnerable and knew that votes would be coming her way tonight, Dave played the nervous target roll very well, likely because he doesn’t seem to believe he will actually stay safe. On the flipside, Brad spoke about his desire to start making some big moves before trying to pretend that he wasn’t trying to dictate the game and lead his alliance. Matt hinted that he is definitely about to shake up the game, vowing to play a game that benefits him rather than leaving it up to someone else. Tara vowed to stick to her own pace – which seems to be close to non-existent – before Dave tried to go for a last minute plea, though it ended up sounding more like he was reminding them that he has been hustling. With that the tribe voted and Matt and Lisa’s plan went off without a hitch as Brad was sent from the game much to the utter shock and disbelief of him, Renee and a livid Tess.

Despite the crippling rage burning inside him as he made his way out of tribal council, Brad quickly calmed down though TBH I think he was in shock. I sat him down in the Jury Villa and calmly explained that yes, he had been voted out, yes, he is no longer eligible for the money, yes, he has to return to the cave every couple of days before eventually voting for someone to win the prize he just lost. Where was I? Anyway, I rubbed salt in his wounds, then felt hella guilty so served him up a warm, nourishing Bradth Norris.

 

 

I know, I know – broth probably doesn’t feel like the most comforting thing to make someone that was brutally blindsided however, try it and then tell me it isn’t worthy. A fiery kick, eggs and the earthiness of chickpeas? It is damn breakfast perfection.

Enjoy!

 

 

Bradth Norris
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 onion, diced
5 garlic cloves, crushed
2 tsp ground cumin
2 tbsp Harissa Oleynik, plus extra to garnish
800g canned chickpeas, drained and rinsed
½ cup chargrilled capsicum, roughly chopped
salt and pepper, to taste
1L vegetable stock
2 lemons, zested and juiced
4 eggs
flat leaf parsley, roughly chopped to garnish

Method
Heat a lug of oil in a large saucepan and sweat the onion until soft and sweet. Add the garlic cumin, harissa, chickpeas and capsicum with a good whack of salt and pepper, and cook for a further couple of minutes.

Slowly add the stock and lemon juice and zest and bring to the boil. Reduce to a simmer and crack the eggs into the pot. Cover and leave to poach for five minutes or so.

Serve the broth immediately with an extra dollop of harissa and a sprinkling of parsley. And devour.

 

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Arun Bowla

Main, Survivor NZ, Survivor NZ: Thailand, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor New Zealand, eighteen Kiwis were marooned in a small chain of islands in Thailand and were divided into two tribes by first boot Jose. She started off a string of strong females getting the boot before the swap turned everything on its head and the men found themselves sitting ducks. In that time Brad and Dave secured immunity idols – after Eve misplayed her’s – cross tribal alliances were made and broken – by Josh – before JT the snake was felled by illness which I assume is extreme gastrointestinal distress. After both tribes attempted to throw the immunity challenge, Chani found themselves returning to tribal council where Dylan was voted out against all reason and Renee’s better judgement.

Back at camp the tribe were shocked about being called sneaky pricks on Dylan’s way out the door, despite blindsiding him against the Chani’s best wishes. Adam on the other hand was thrilled to finally best his nemesis, while Renee lamented the fact it has probably screwed them as there is no way Matt is sticking with them. As long as queen Renee is safe, I don’t really mind though TBH.

We dropped by Khangkhaw the next day where Tess was rolled up within a bamboo mat … before she explained that it was because she heard a critter trying to attack the chickens throughout the night, and at that point, I felt a deep and profound connection with her. Lisa was feeling thankful that the cage saved their chickens, sad that JT mede-quit and hopeful that the merge was right around the corner and she could throw of the shackles of her persona and own the fact she is about to school anybody and everybody on her way to the win. Meanwhile over at Chani Adam was back to being entertaining and friendly without his hatred for Dylan ruining his edit. Renee continued to worry about her alliance with Dave and Arun, concerned they don’t value her opinion and nor do they make logical decisions. As such, she pulled Adam aside to size up a potential alliance and by george, I think she has got him … on the hook and may have a fighting chance. The kiwi queen stays kiwi queen, adios.

Shocking everyone that was expecting the merge, Matt returned to lord over another reward challenge and allow Adam to celebrate Dylan’s untimely demise at the last tribal council. The challenge involved each tribe shooting balls at a target and knocking out a line of tiles … for an unknown reward, which Matt promised was a beauty. But sadly, avoided saying in the drink or old mate idol. Tess got Khangkhaw out to an early lead and set off a pattern of the men bombing the challenge and the women schooling them. Since Khangkhaw was dominated by the remaining female castaways, they took out victory … which tragically didn’t matter because, psych, this is a merge after all.

The remaining castaways celebrated their accomplishments, with Lisa giddy about having her vote steal in play for the first merge tribal council to guarantee Adam and Matt would stay true. Before heading back to camp, Matt shared how happy he was to make the merge after promising his girlfriend her would before leaving for the game. He then broke down about missing her and went straight to the top of my faves (behind Renee). Particularly when you remember he flashed his but in episode two. Host Matt then sent the castaways back to camp for their merge feast and surprised the reward winners that they will in fact have a reward awaiting them at tree mail.

Tess was giddy arriving back at the merge camp, particularly since she was reunited with Adam and Matt. Thankfully Matt too was thrilled to be reunited with his allies, while Arun started to have the first glimmer of regretting taking out Dylan at the last tribal council as her felt like an outsider. But there isn’t time to dwell on that as the castaways discovered the feast and then got to work gorging on everything in sight. None more so than Dave who fluctuated between close to vomming and continuing to eat. Lisa then likened melted butter on a burger to the love for a child, and TBH, I don’t see how that could be wrong. Oh and Dave continued to teeter on the edge of vomtown before smashing some dessert.

Adam then questioned whether they were even a tribe anymore since it is now an individual game and Tess confirmed that Eve and Arun screwed themselves out of any potential alliance with the OG Khangkhaw tribe. The besties then reconnected by the shore and Adam used the time to focus his Dylan rage on Arun and continue to paint the target on his back. He did explain that he was planning to lie to make people look bad as a strategy which goes some way to explaining why he bullied Dylan.

Dave was feeling hopeful that he and his school friend will be able to work an alliance out while Brad and Tess spent some time to complain about Tess being boring as shit and like talking to a brick wall. She then went to treemail to collect her reward – maybe the producers are trying to make her interesting – which allowed everyone from the winning team to select a luxury item. Brad went with a toothbrush, Lisa went with toilet paper, Tara grabbed a towel, Eve went with a pillow and ever resourceful Tess went with a chocolate bar.

After the excitement Brad dropped by Adam to hear about how awful Arun was to him during the swap, as a way to chop the head off the Chani snake. The word bully was thrown around and damn is that hypocritical. Matt and Tess were reconnecting themselves, with Tess thrilled Matt survived the last tribal council against all odds. Matt however was realising that the swap brought Brad and Tess closer and as such, he wasn’t sure how long their alliance would last. While the reward winners collected their loot, Dave rallied Arun, Renee, Matt and Adam to lock in the vote for Lisa at the upcoming tribal … which will really test where those new alliances rest. Brad then brushed his teeth and was filled with joy, except when it came to Arun opting to ignore him at Adam words rather than trying to forge any sort of bomb.

Matt returned for the first individual immunity challenge where old mate idol was decommissioned and a huge ma’fuckin’ individual immunity necklace was born. Matt then announced that they would be playing the house of cards immunity challenge, where they each need to use tiles to build a 3m high tower. Lisa proved her superfan cred by building straight up, while everyone else focused on building solid foundations without realising that there are a finite number of tiles. Tess was the first person to drop, followed by Lisa which handed Matt the lead. Arun closed the gap before dropping his tower while Matt stopped building and decided to try and run out the clock and snatch victory. Which he did. Despite Lisa’s best efforts. He then slayed the runway, werked his immunity necklace and I am moister than an oyster.

Phsan returned to camp and got straight down to scrambling – after the requisite minute of congratulating the victor – with Arun gutted by his loss and concerned about whether he can truly trust Matt. Brad on the other hand was concerned about who to target, since he hates Arun and sees Dave as a threat. Matt and Adam took some time to debate which side to align with before deciding to check who Lisa is planning to use her vote steal on and just working with that. She told them both to vote Arun and it looks like Lisa and Arun will be joining in trying to get Arun out. Though given her confidence and it is one of the most cursed advantages, I’m not sure it will play out. Dave then checked in with Matt and got the distinct vibe he wouldn’t be joining the OG Chanis to take out Lisa, despite the fact Matt assured him that he has his back. The OG Chani members reconnected in the shelter and assured each other that they’d be voting for Lisa, though Renee was itching to make a move and I am prone to trusting her.

At tribal council Matt spoke about his relief in snatching immunity before host Matt congratulated everyone on making the jury and final three before reminding them their actions will now come back to bite them. Arun vowed to vote for the person who plays the best game, Brad didn’t seem phased about ignoring Arun back at camp, Tess wasn’t sure if anyone made new alliances post swap before Tara tried to downplay her alliance and say she did her usual rounds before tribal. Before the Chanis savaged her by pointing out that that was untrue and one by one said she didn’t talk to them. So essentially, Tara is Regina George and they are all feeling victimised. With that Matt went straight to … hold up, Lisa is holding up the vote like an older Hali, announcing that she will in fact be voting twice tonight, while Arun wouldn’t vote at all. Which tragically sealed his fate as Arun was sent out of the game to become the king of the jury.

Poor Arun was pretty cut up to find himself booted from the game, however wasn’t really surprised given how screwed Chani were after booting Dylan and Lisa stole his vote. Sure he didn’t love me rubbing it in like that – did I mention I berated him about that – but he couldn’t stay mad when he saw I came packing a big ol’ Arun Bowla.

 

 

What is a bowl-a? Isn’t a bowl a food receptacle, not a meal? To that I say, shut up. If Lukas Volger can dedicate an entire cookbook to bowl food – which is amazing, FYI – I should be afforded the chance to have a little bowl of goodness, ok? And yes, it may look like a mess, it is delicious. So please, leave me alone like ‘07 Britney.

Enjoy!

 

 

Arun Bowla
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
3 limes, zested and juiced
¼ cup hoisin sauce
3 tbsp tamari
2 tbsp fish sauce
1 tbsp sriracha
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
2 red chillies, sliced
200g rice stick noodles
vegetable oil
4 shallots, finely chopped
5 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp ginger, minced
500g turkey mince
2 carrots, grated
small handful mint, roughly chopped
1 cup bean sprouts, trimmed
¼ cup roasted peanuts, roughly chopped roasted peanuts

Method
Combine the lime juice and zest with the hoisin, tamari, fish sauce, sriracha, sugar and chilli in a jug and stir until combined.

Cook the noodles as per packet drain and allow to rest.

Meanwhile heat a lug of oil in a wok over high heat and cook the turkey, onion, garlic and ginger for 5 minutes, or until the mince has browned. Pour over the sauce and noodles, and stir fry for a minute.

Divide the mixture between four bowls and top with carrot, mint, sprouts and peanuts. And hell, add another swig of sriracha for good measure. Then devour.

 

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Feta, Dylan Baconrad Scramble

Breakfast, Survivor NZ, Survivor NZ: Thailand, TV Recap

Following the shocking quit of JT due to his illnesses, we arrived at tribal council to discover that it would not in fact be cancelled – yet – as I assumed. Dylan spoke about his pride in making the halfway point of the game and desperately wanting to make the merge, while Matt spoke about putting everything out on the table, riding luck and trying his best.

Matty Chis rubbed salt in Renee’s wounds about receiving votes at the last tribal council, with her dancing around the fact that contestant Matt is the person that threw said vote her way and as such, she is still pissed about it. On the flipside, Dylan was feeling confident and trusted his new allies … however based on the fact Renee and Arun looked hella awks, it looks like it could be misplaced.

Save sweet, sad angel Dylan.

Arun spoke about going with the flow of the game while Dave said he needs time to build trust – don’t we all Dave? – before Matty Chis asked if anyone felt like they were on the wrong side of the numbers.

With only contestant Matt admitting to feeling nervous about the vote.

With that tribal council continued as normal – despite the fact I was betting on a late breaking cancellation – and one by one Chani voted. As is literally the process, Matty them read said votes and not one followed by one by one by one and one more, Dylan was blindsided from the game. Much to the absolute smug delight of Adam, while sweet Matt rubbed his hand as comfort.

I was still not fully over my disappointment rage at JT, so was feeling quite emotional by the time Dylan arrived at Loser Lodge. Maybe it was the fact I was rooting for him and Adam to stop fighting and fall in love or maybe it was the realisation that my Survivor experience would probably resemble superfan Dylan’s rather than superfan Lisa’s, but thank f- I had the foresight to whip up some joy-inducing Feta, Dylan Baconrad Scramble.

 

 

Now I know that dill is pretty much the second most reviled herb behind coriander, but hear me out because these eggs are delicious. Salty, creamy and packing a punch of dill freshness, they’re the perfect way to eat away your feelings.

Enjoy!

 

 

Feta, Dylan Baconrad Scramble
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
butter, to taste
4 rashers streaky bacon, diced
6 eggs, lightly whisked
2 tbsp dill, finely chopped
100g feta, crumbled
salt and pepper, to taste
4 slices bread, toasted and smeared generously with the aforementioned butter

Method
Melt a small lug of butter over medium heat in a large skillet until foaming. Add the butter and cook for ten minutes, or until crispy.

While this is happening, whisk the eggs, dill and feta together with a good whack of salt and pepper. Oh and prep your toast.

Pour over the eggs and slowly stir with a spatula, dragging the spatula around the edges of the pan and dragging towards the centre, creating light, delicate folds.

Serve immediately on freshly toasted bread and devour, obvi.

 

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JT Muirbread and Butter Pudding

Baking, Bread, Dessert, Survivor NZ, Survivor NZ: Thailand, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor New Zealand, the tribe swap brought about shifts in the tribal alliances as Dave was reunited with his high school bestie Matt and Dylan found safety in some desperate Chanians who could save him from the evil Khangkhaws. As such, Chani threw the challenge lead by Renee, Dave and Arun, to take out one of the biggest threats. While Renee and Arun pushed for Matt, Dave ultimately worked his magic and changed the vote to Josh who, TBH, is too sweet for this game.

Back at camp Dylan was feeling very happy with himself and the flip, while Matt was completely blindsided by the blindside. Though let’s be honest, it could have been far worse so he should be happy. He and Dylan then awkwardly tried to banter through the awkwardness while Adam continued to play his ignore Dylan game, no doubt waiting for the best time to bitch to us before saying something hilarious and making me confused about how I should feel about him.

We visited Khangkhaw the next day where Tess was terrified to discover a scorpion in the mailbox, much to the amusement of everyone back of camp. This, my friends, is comedy gold. They surmised said mail was for an endurance reward challenge and as such, they got to work carbo loading and preparing for the challenge ahead. Well except Lisa who spent her time worrying about either Josh or Matt being eliminated last night and JT who was feeling absolutely rubbish and felt like his experience was wasting away with his health.

Meanwhile over at Chani, Adam and Renee who caught up on the last tribal council with Adam sick of the villains on his tribe and Renee wanting Matt’s scalp for daring to throw a vote on her at the last tribal. Not to be outdone, Matt vented about tribal council to Dave and shared that throwing the challenge is what upset him. Oh and he obvi told us that he does not trust Arun in the slightest, and he doesn’t know how he can trust Dave while he is still in the game.

Matty Chis arrived on the scene for long gestating reward challenge with Adam walking in with the angriest of faces, while Brad and Tess were completely shocked to see that Josh was booted. Despite it being the most logical move for OG Chani and Dylan from the left right out. The challenge involved one person holding on tightly to a big fat pole – my dream – while two members of the opposing tribe run down and try and pull them off and drag them away. Given it was for a pair of hens, feed and dozen eggs, it was definitely worth. Dave and Adam ran to remove Eve from her post while Brad and Tara attempted to pull Zadam off. The boys completely dominated Eve and she toddled back to her tribemates, leaving Arun and Dave so guilt stricken that they asked Matt to stop the challenge immediately and hand the reward to Khangkhaw. While Khangkhaw were willing to come up with a work around, they stuck to their guns and who would have thought that Survivor NZ would be giving us a lesson about violence against women.

Dylan wasn’t thrilled by the decision to forego the massive reward, while the rest of Chani were happy about their decision. Particularly Arun, despite wishing he did it before literally dragging Eve through the mud. Proving my theory that Dylan and Adam should just fuck, Adam was also annoyed by the fact the boys decided to quit the challenge and said they were just dramatic. Just as a reminder, it was the villains he was talking about earlier that opted to quit the challenge as it sent a bad message about violence against women. Meanwhile over at Khangkhaw the chickens were settling in nicely while JT tried to turn the conversation away from gender and instead said it was all about size … and that he would have relished the opportunity to hold on to the pole. But really, who wouldn’t? Tara and Tess quickly boiled up some eggs to give themselves sustenance with JT still too ill to partake.

This is looking concerning, no?

The Outpost rolled around with Lisa hoping for an opportunity to further prove how “loyal”, “honest” and “not in it to win” she is and Dave quickly snatching the chance away from Dylan, hoping for food. Sadly for Dave, they were playing for a reward … though he appeared to have an idol clue on his table, so it wasn’t a huge loss. They both had to use a collection of letters in front of them to form a five word phrase which would advise them of the prize. Almost instantaneously, Lisa spelt out that she can steal a vote at the very next tribal council she attends and she is thrilled to try and reverse the curse of Fishbach and Cirie. Lisa and Dave add a quick chat to get information from each other without giving anything away. Though based on the fact Lisa continued to play the sweet, kind lady schtick, I’d call her the winner of the trip. Despite Dave actually getting an idol clue in his travels.

Lisa returned to camp and quickly tried to downplay her advantage, saying it was simply a piece of information. Sadly JT tore her story apart instantly and continued to back her into the corner, and it appeared, sowed some distrust with Brad. He then literally guessed it was a double vote, could tell he was right by her reaction and damn, WHY HAVE I BEEN SLEEPING ON JT?

Meanwhile back at Chani, Dave made a beeline for the well to find the idol. Which he did, leaving him feeling a heady mix of nerves, excitement and I assume arousal. In any event, he assured us it was Dave’s idol and not a team idol. He then wandered into camp and quickly caught everyone up on the challenge and Lisa’s vote steal reward. Meaning she has definitely made herself appear more distrustful heading into the merge.

Thankfully Lisa was back at camp sharing the true details of her reward with Brad and Tara, while JT skulked about in the bushes. Concerned about the closing gap between tribe numbers, they decided it was wise to throw the challenge and guarantee another Chani goes. Sadly for then, Renee and Dylan were also keen to throw the challenge and take out Matt to tie up the numbers, much to Dave’s dismay.

With everyone planning to throw immunity, we arrived at the challenge where each tribe was required to maneuver a box of heavy cubes through a series of obstacles before making a mathematical equation that equals 20. Well, if they were wanting to win. Which they’re not. Despite some of their worst attempts, Chani got out to an early lead and were working on the equation before Khangkhaw were even halfway through. Sadly – or happily, I don’t even know who is doing what TBH – Khangkhaw came from nowhere to snatch the win, despite neither of the problems making sense. Aren’t we meant to do multiplications and divisions first? Anyway Lisa was sick – how often do we see the medics?! – and as such, she wasn’t on her A-game to throw the challenge much to her heartache.

We returned to Chani where Arun was concerned about the fact Lisa’s vote steal lives to see another day, since he is her most likely target. More concerned about the immediate danger, Adam made it his goal to flip Arun and Dave on Dylan instead while Matt pulled Arun aside and tried to see if he could sway him. Sensing Arun’s concern about the extra vote, Matt used that to open the door – is it $10k and he’s Fergie? – and tell him how he can use his bond with Lisa to get the intel and protecting him at the merge. Meanwhile Dave and Adam caught up, with the former starting to get frustrated about having to deflect the vote from Matt. Despite being all in with Dylan to vote out Matt, Adam got to work sowing seeds of doubt with Renee about Dylan’s loyalty and speculated that he will go straight to Lisa because of her advantage. Dylan appeared to get nervous and spoke to Adam – has hell frozen over? – in the shelter, with Adam telling him the others convinced him to vote for Matt. Which totally means Dylan is going, right?

Instead of heading over to tribal, we randomly checked back in with Khangkhaw with Matty Chis dropping by camp to check in on JT’s illness. In the space of me typing that sentence, JT shared that the housecall wasn’t rando and that he was actually quitting the game due to his illness not improving. While his bestie Eve took it in her stride, poor Tara was completely shocked and started to breakdown.

Given she was still in the game, I heartlessly ignored her pain and instead turned my attention to getting JT on the boat and nursing back to health. Whilst also berating him for quitting the game. Picture Tyra Banks screaming at Tiffany, but like 90% angrier. I mean, JT is a superfan and has a killer collection of shirts and I was heartbroken to see him leave. Though not heartbroken enough not to share my JT Muirbread and Butter Pudding which I threatened to throw into the damn lake for Tara to eat.

 

 

Creamy, rich and oh so simple, there is something life-affirming and comforting about a bread and butter pudding. Maybe it is the bread. Or the butter … or the custard. You know?

Enjoy!

 

 

JT Muirbread and Butter Pudding
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
2 cups milk
1 cup cream
5 eggs
⅓ cup muscovado sugar
1 tbsp vanilla extract
1 tsp cinnamon
8-12 slices white bread, crusts removed like on a toddler’s sandwich
butter, softened
⅔ cup sultanas
demerara sugar, to sprinkle
Vanilla Ice Cream, to serve

Method
Preheat oven to 160°C.

Whisk the milk, cream, eggs, muscovado, vanilla and cinnamon in a bowl until well combined.

Butter both side of each slice of bread, cut into triangles and haphazardly place into a baking dish, sprinkling with sultanas as you go. Pour the custard over the bread and leave to rest for ten minutes.

Sprinkle with the demerara sugar and transfer to the oven to bake for half an hour, or until golden and crisp. Serve immediately with a generous hunk of Vanilla Ice … Cream.

Devour.

 

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Josh Hickfory Shortbreads

Baking, Dessert, Snack, Survivor NZ, Survivor NZ: Thailand, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor New Zealand, two tribes were abandoned in the wild of Thailand with one flourishing – well, except for Dylan – and the other floundering. Like Dylan. Thankfully for both him and Chani, Host Matt decided to mix things up and switch the tribes meaning High School besties Dave and Matt were reunited on new Chani, as were Arun and Josh who aligned at The Outpost. Sadly we didn’t see much of those coming into play as Khangkhaw lost immunity – despite Tess throwing herself into it, amirite (I know it was reward, JK Kimora) – and poor Liam was felled by a mis-played idol and my pizza curse.

Back at camp Eve shared their extremely creative plan with the idol, by playing the idol on herself as they decided she was most vulnerable. Next level game-play, no? Watch your back Cirie Fields because we’ve got a new idol whisperer. Anyway Brad was actually feeling grateful as had she played it correctly, he would have been out on his arse. But she didn’t and so now the tribal council not only got rid of a Chani but it also solidified the alliance between he, Tess, Tara and Lisa.

The next day we checked in with new Chani where Dylan was making the most of his emancipation from Khangkhaw by chatting to Renee, while Josh and Matt looked glorious stand-up raft-fishing. While Dylan was trying to make inroads with the Chani’s, the boys decided to lock the vote in on Dylan … without realising he is kind of the swing vote. While Josh’s confidence seemed to signal a blindside, he shared his cancer journey with us and how watching the first season got him through treatment and getting on the show was a goal. I’m not crying, you’re crying – he is perfect and I now want him to win.

Back at new Khangkhaw Eve was thrilled to have gotten rid of the idol while JT rightly wished that it hadn’t been misplayed and instead they had a fighting chance in their new tribe. Tess was thrilled with the new tribe dynamic, as it brought her and Brad closer to Tara and Lisa by having two new Dylan’s to ostracise. To continue the smug, Brad questioned Eve’s strategy in sticking by JT when it was clearly between the two of them for the next boot … however he pulled it back in surmising that Lisa is the most likely person for them to pull over and as such, he knows to keep her close. Meanwhile on Chani, Dylan was no longer spending as much time alone instead trying to bond with Arun and Dave about snatching the numbers and, I assume, be their hero bay-ba. That scheming didn’t go unnoticed with Adam who continued to swing between loveable zaddy with the good hair and nasty bully. Sadly for Dylan, Arun and Dave weren’t trusting Dylan though appreciate that it is time for them to take out one of the big boys with his help before taking him out.

Matty Chis arrived for the reward challenge where the tribes would be required to swing out to a raft and untie planks which they use to build a bridge back to shore before completing a puzzle. Given it is for a shit tonne of pizza everyone is thrilled … begging the question,  DON’T THEY KNOW THEY ARE CURSED?! Brad and Eve got out to an early lead for Khangkhaw however the Chani boys quickly closed the gap and arrived back at the pontoon just in front. Sadly for Khangkhaw Dylan and Dave made quick work of the planks and extended their lead and had the puzzle done and secured victory moments after JT and Lisa started the puzzle.

As Chani exited to feast on pizza, Adam shared that Brad told them not to lose the next immunity challenge which between that foreshadowing and the curse, you know they’re going to do. Before we could explore that any further the tribe smashed the food, moaned and made guttural noises. If they won’t so gross about the entire thing, I probs would have been aroused TBH. Breaking from the burps and laboured breathing, Dylan shared how relieved he was that Liam left the game last week as it showed the Chani members that he’s been working on that he is their only hope for survival in the next few tribal councils.

Things were far less jovial back at Khangkhaw where they instead sat down to some peanut butter sandwiches, much to Brad’s heartache. And JT’s heartache at Brad’s heartache which makes I’m kind of here for. Before I could see where their love affair went, treemail arrived and the two tribes were tasked with sending someone to The Outpost. Tara was selected for Khangkhaw while queen Renee was sent from Chani, thanks to Arun’s killer riggery.

Tara and Renee met Matt to discover they’d be competing in a memory challenge for the opportunity to loot the opposite camp. Both women lasted six rounds before seven proved unlucky for Tara, handing Renee the chance to be this season’s queen of looting, similar to the iconic and GOAT Sandra Diaz-Twine. Renee, Tara and a flood of Tara’s tears immediately went to Khangkhaw and shared that Renee would be taking two of their items. Going straight into Queen SDT mode, she snatched their tarp off the shelter and took all of their coffee. While Khangkhaw were glad not to lose Tara it seemed Brad would have rathered her go if it meant he got to keep his coffee. Meanwhile over at Chani the boys were thrilled to see Renee return to camp with their stolen loot and immediately put the fire on for a coffee, while Adam and Josh wandered away to plot about getting rid of Dylan. Or at the very least, blocking him swaying over the Khangkhaw. Sadly it brought back mean Adam and that makes my boner sad. Josh then shared his intel from Brad at the challenge that Khangkhaw had flushed the idol and used that as their in with the OG Chanis.

He quickly approached Dave about splitting the vote between Dylan and Renee as his back-up, which sadly backfired on Josh as everyone loves Renee. As they bloody should. Obviously Dave took the information back to Renee and Arun, with the queen quickly pointing out that the boys were not thinking strategically and this is their chance to even the playing field … by throwing the challenge. And while I normally hate that, the fact that queen Renee suggested it and is planning a major power move, I will look the other way.

With that Matt arrived to lord over said immunity challenge where the tribes were required to spell immunity using blocks … on a disc suspended by ropes held by the rest of tribe. Which is the perfect challenge for even just one person to throw, though sadly Chani got out to an early lead. Thankfully they mastered dropping on the second last letter, leaving Brad the chance to … nope, Khangkhaw dropped too (for their second time). Again Chani took out the lead, again Renee, Dave and Arun managed to topple the blocks just before victory leaving Eve the chance to secure immunity for Khangkhaw.

Chani returned to camp with Dave feeling bad about throwing the challenge, though not enough to be thrilled about his opportunity to shake up the game. Both Josh and Matt appeared salty about the loss, though seemed none the wiser about throwing the challenge and instead locking in a plan to take out Dylan. They then approached Dylan and the three of them locked in Dylan’s choice – that he had no plan on honouring – in taking out Arun. Adam tried to smear Dylan to Dave, Arun and Renee however that appeared to be all for nought. Adding another layer of intrigue, Josh and Arun joined together to discuss tribal with Josh quickly spilling Dylan’s fake plan and hoping their Outpost alliance would hold. This was enough for Arun to suggest Matt gets the boot instead, however Dave desperately tried to deflect that since they were best friends in high school.

Dave and Arun then started to get nervous about making a moving, since that will automatically put a target on their backs for the remainder of the game. Thankfully Queen Renee was on the scene and made quick work allaying their fears and explaining that Dylan is screwed without them and has no other options. And since they threw the challenge to get rid of one of the top dogs, they need to take out one of the top dogs. Not to be outdone on the control side, Dylan went to Matt and played up his loyalty and gushed about being the swing vote which left me hella confused.

At tribal council Matt quickly got to work rubbing salt in Renee and the boys wounds about their loss and questioning whether anyone threw the challenge. While Dylan deflected the question, Matt wasn’t buying it and tried to push Renee to admit it. Which since she is the queen, she didn’t budge. They discussed the politics between the tribes with Josh talking about trusting the OG Chani while Dave laughed at the thought of them trusting each other. Contestant Matt they channeled Kellyn and tried to push Khangkhaw strong while on the flipside, OG Chani pretended to play defeated. Meanwhile poor Josh continued to be trusting and earnest and I dreading the thought of him being the victim when he is so damn sweet. Host Matt gave everyone the chance to give a last minute pitch which they all denied, leading to the tribe voting and – as expected – poor Josh finding himself the victim of a crushing blindside.

There is no way to dance around the fact that Josh was feeling hella salty by the time he arrived into my arms back at camp, angry that he was betrayed and handed a pass. While I felt sorry seeing such a sweet guy blindsided, it was delicious to watch – which I obvi didn’t tell him. Almost as delicious, say, as my Josh Hickfory Shortbreads.

 

 

Was I aware that hickory was a nut and anything more than a flavour? No. Do I feel stupid? Extremely so. Does that take away from how glorious these babies taste? Never.

Enjoy!

 

 

Josh Hickfory Shortbreads
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
250g unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 cup raw caster sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 lemon, zested
2 cups flour
½ tsp kosher salt
½ tsp cinnamon
pinch of freshly grated nutmeg
⅔ cup hickory nuts – you could use walnuts, but I have a nut guy. Well, two – roughly chopped

Method
Cream the butter, sugar, vanilla and zest in a stand mixer on medium for about five minutes, or until so fluffy it is pulsating. Fold through the flour, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg and nuts until just wet, before transferring to the mixer to combine for five minutes. Shape the dough into a long log, wrap in cling and transfer to the fridge to chill for a couple of hours.

About half an hour before you want to bake, preheat oven to 160ºC. and line a couple of baking sheets.

Slice the dough into ½ centimetre discs and place on the baking sheets leaving a couple of centimetres between them. Transfer to the oven to bake for 10-15 minutes, or until just golden around the edges. Transfer to a wire rack to cool before devouring. Or not. No judgement.

 

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Hawaiiandell Holland Hot Dogs

Main, Snack, Survivor, Survivor: Ghost Island, TV Recap

After thirty-nine days on the islands of Fiji, in the shadow of the mythical Ghost Island Wendell did what Gonzalez, Jacob, Morgan, Brendan, Stephanie, James, Bradley and his teeny mouth, Chris and his ego, Libby, Des, Jenna, zaddy Michael – oh yeah, we’re doing this – Chelsea, Kellyn, Sebastian, Donathan, Angela, Laurel and Domenick couldn’t, taking out the title of Sole Survivor.

In no small part, I would argue, by giving Laurel Erik’s immunity necklace and reversing the biggest curse in survivor history.

But I digress. Wendell played a solid game from day one, quickly forming alliances and bonds, building a pimped out shelter, rocking challenges and his jocks.

As an aside – could you imagine a season featuring Brad Culpepper and Wendell with Wen building the best shelter ever made full of cool island furniture, while Brad decorates it with upcycled leftovers from maroonings and challenges? Swoon.

Despite Domenick playing the showy part of the duo, Wendell held my heart from day one and I couldn’t be happier than to see him win. Particularly since it finished the season with a glorious serve of Hawaiiandell Holland Hot Dogs.

 

 

While I generally consider hot dogs a shame food and don’t like to admit smashing them like I’m in an eating competition, these are freaking delicious. Salty bacon, sweet onions, tart pineapple and a big fat sausage … where was I?

Enjoy! Oh – and congrats Wendell!

 

 

Hawaiiandell Holland Hot Dogs
Serves: 4-8.

Ingredients
8 Kirsten Bunst, hot dog shaped obvi
8 skinless frankfurts
6 rashers bacon, diced
1 onion, diced
¼ cup diced pineapple
tomato ketchup
BBQ sauce
American mustard
grated cheese

Method
Bring a pot of water to the boil over high heat. Once furiously boiling, add the frankfurts and cook until they float to the surface.

Slice the buns, douse in your favourite condiments, add some cheese, top with a sausage and wrap your lips around it … to devour, sickos.

 

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Domenicken Liver Abpâté

Condiment, Dip, Party Food, Side, Snack, Survivor, Survivor: Ghost Island, TV Recap

After being technically booted from the game – and being whisked out of time to join me for a date – Laurel grabbed the urn and walked up to cast the sole remaining vote for the winner. Which lead to Probst opting not to read that vote and instead take it back to the US to pick the winner … meaning Laurel truly, finally got to make a game changing decision.

Just not the one she was really aiming for. Though it was definitely the one she deserved.

With that, Probst moved his hand deep inside Tony and Woo’s urn and pulled out Laurel’s vote which crowned Wendell the Survivor: Ghost Island sole survivor and left Dom to realise his fears had come true by not facing him in a fire challenge.

New curse to reverse though? So, that’s something.

Anyway, Dom played a killer game and despite making the bone-headed move to call out Chris’ day one decision and instantly started a feud, he managed to make a solid relationship with Wendell and they complimented each other perfectly to get to the end.

But buddying up with Wendell wasn’t his only move, his ability to make friends with literally everyone – except Chris – is the reason none of the moves ever came to fruition this season, as either Kellyn, Laurel or Angela would tell him – oft knowing it was against their best interests – and he would be able to avoid the boot or even needed to play his idols.

As such – and I’m not just saying it because it finished in a tie – he truly is the best to never win (behind Cirie, obvi). And because of that, I gladly pulled out a big fat Domenicken Liver Abpâté to dull the pain of just missing out on victory.

 

 

Pâté is something I have loved my entire life, until I discovered it was made from livers when I was ten and I couldn’t bring myself to eat it for six horrible years. Which I regret as much as Dom regrets not trying to get rid of Wendell on day 38. Rich and earthy, it is the perfect accompaniment to your pain, wine and a big old sourdough baguette. Oh – and I obvi just adapted this recipe, because who the hell can just trial-and-error with livers.

Enjoy!

 

 

Domenicken Liver Abpâté
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
2 tbsp currants
100ml verjuice
1 ½ tbsp water
⅔ cup port wine
2 tsp sugar
1 tsp gelatin
pinch of allspice
100g unsalted butter
1 onion, diced
5 cloves garlic, minced
500g chicken livers, trimmed
2 sprigs of fresh rosemary, roughly chopped
3 thyme sprigs, leaves only
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Soak currants in verjuice overnight.

Combine the water and half the port in a small bowl and dissolve the gelatin in it for five minutes. Bring the remaining port to a light simmer in a small pan with the sugar and allspice. Add the softened gelatin, cook until well combined and remove from the heat to cool completely.

Melt 100g of butter in a pan over low heat and cook the cook the onion and garlic for a about ten minutes, or until translucent and sweet. Add the livers, rosemary and thyme to the pan with a good whack of salt and pepper, and cook for a couple of minutes or until just cooked. Like, still pink in the middle just. Add the verjuice and currants and cook for a further minute.

Transfer everything to the food processor and blitz until completely smooth. Pack into a container and gently pour the cooled jelly over the top of the pâté and leave to set.

Once set, devour with a baguette and forget they’re livers.

 

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