Street Food

Rachel Chorizo and Lentil Pie

Main, Snack, Street Food, Tapas

What an absolute joy it is to catch up with someone as dear as Rachel Zoe. While it has been a few years since we’ve last caught up, our relationship is one that is so strong that it feels like no time has passed.

I first met Rach in the late ‘80s-early ‘90s while completing my college professor scam at George Washington University. While I was tiring of the scam, I say young Rach and a man named Roger in one of my classes and vowed to get them together. My scam gave way to my, let’s say fetish, for Fiddling on the Roof, and I set out to make them a match.

While they were both ropeable at the end of semester to discover they learnt less than zero, I pointed out that I brought them together. And having promising to get Rach into fashion, they agreed to forgive me.

Her career then took off and I was on the skids after too much white in the Great White Way – both kinds, FYI – and she took me under her wing and made me her assistant. I then slept with Andy Cohen, got her a reality show and was promptly fired by Andy when we broke up and was replaced by Brad Goreski.

Not that I’m still bitter at Andy about that or anything. I mean, he named his son after me as an apology which is meaningful.

In any event, Rach and I are dear friends and had a fantastic closing Brisbane Fashion Week – which full disclosure, I assumed was an oxymoron – before returning home to gossip and smash a tonne of Rachel Chorizo and Lentil Pies.

 

 

Earthy and lightly spiced, these babies are damned delicious. Little flakey pockets of pastry, with a piping hot fresh filling and a hit of poppy seeds, it is truly delightful.

Enjoy!

 

 

Rachel Chorizo and Lentil Pie
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 onion, diced
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 carrot, grated
1 zucchini, grated
500g chorizo sausages, casings removed
400g lentils, rinsed and drained
1 tsp chilli flakes
¼ tsp smoked paprika
6 sheets puff pastry, thawed
2 eggs, whisked
200g vintage cheddar, grated
small handful flat-leaf parsley, roughly chopped
1 tbsp poppy seeds

Method
Heat a good lug of oil in a frying pan and sweat the onion and garlic for five minutes. Add the carrot, zucchini and chorizos and cook, breaking the sausage up with the back of a wooden spoon, for ten minutes, or until cooked through. Add the lentils, chilli and paprika, stir for a couple of minutes and remove from the heat to cool.

Preheat oven to 180C.

Once the filling has cooled, cut each sheet of pastry into 9 squares and press half into muffin tins. Add half the egg to the lentil mixture with the cheese and parsley and stir until well combined. Spoon into each muffin hole. Top with the remaining pastry, crimping to close, and brush with the remaining egg and sprinkle with poppy seeds. Transfer to the oven and bake for half an hour, or until golden and crisp.

Then devour, giddily.

 

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Jacqualaka Burger

Burgers, Main, Snack, Street Food, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Jacques held on to his idol – when Cobus was tragically booted – and returned to camp full of confidence and bravado, calling everyone mother f&%$&^s and offending them. This led to his exile from the group, leading to Steffi’s sanctimonious edit intensifying. Feeling an in with the rest of the tribe, Mike warned everyone about Jacques reward steal and that he was bribed into protecting Jacques long enough to make family visit. Sadly for him, it didn’t get him that in as he tried to lead the charge against Rob, going to Mmaba and two of Rob’s besties Nicole and Durao. At the Island of Secrets Mmaba beat Steffi in a battle of wits and won a clue to a hidden immunity idol in the lid of the voting urn. Knowing the truth could be problematic, she told Steffi that the advantage was actually the ability to steal any victory at a challenge. Nicole won immunity, then joined Durao to rat out Mike – leading to the plan being cancelled – while Steffi ratted out Mmaba, with the latter tragically booted with her newly found idol in her pocket after voting for Jacques despite him playing his idol before the vote.

Back at camp Mike finally realised that he is well and truly on the outs, with Rob jumping in to take full responsibility – with Steffi – for the blindside, as they are already his biggest targets. And let’s be honest, it adds another move to his resume.

The next day Durao and Mike lamented the loss of Mmaba, with the latter particualrly feeling pretty stupid since his best ally is gone because he didn’t think she should be worried. Rob was glad to be Mike’s number one target, given the element of surprise is gone. The boys caught up with Rob lying that he only left Mike out of the loop again because he’s already put him in that position with Geoffrey. This made Mike feel a little bit safer, with the boys sharing that they trust each other and are grateful for the other’s honesty. Which is a total lol. Meanwhile Nicole was being sanctimonious by the well with Laetitia, talking about how honourable everyone was at the last tribal council and how important it is to stick to the plan – which gets her to the end – and hopefully Laetitia doesn’t crack and start making decisions that benefit herself. 

The girls then collected treemail which brought the news of the Survivor Auction, which filled Jacques with hope that he could buy an advantage and live to fight another day. They met Nico in a clearing where they discovered it wasn’t an auction, and instead everyone gets a reward based on chance. They drew numbers for spots which corresponding with their prize, with Nicole getting a big ol’ chocolate cake. Which she can not touch, or she is out of the challenge. Next up Laetitia got the option of a covered item, or to steal Nicole’s cake, opted for the covered item of bangers and mash. Mike got his covered item, or the cake or bangers with Mike too taking the mystery item instead of disappointing Nicole. Jacques stole Mike’s mystery item, while Mike got the next mystery item which we learnt was a glass of water and the chance to beg for scraps. Durao stole the scraps reward, leaving Mike with a letter from home for him and one other person. Steffi then stole Jacques’ mystery box, giving Jacques a new mystery item while Rob ended with Durao’s scrap reward, leaving Durao with a shot tonne of biltong and beer. With everyone getting a chance to steal, Nicole went again and stole Rob’s scraps prize and handed him the cake. Nico then asked Jacques and Steffi to uncover their items, with Jacques getting bacon, eggs and coffee while Steffi was sent to the Island of Secrets.

With Steffi booted from the group, Mike handed out his spare letter to Laetitia before Nicole started to scavenge while Mike and Laetitia broke down. Nico then counted down their remaining eating time, with everyone stuffing their faces and leaving like squirrels. Everyone returned to camp full of the joys, with Nicole thanking everyone for their spoils though most grateful for Steffi for blocking Jacques from getting the chance of an advantage. Mike and Laetita then read their letters to everyone, leading to a group hug which was super sweet and hopefully will lead to a flip.

Knowing he is pretty much screwed, Mike approached Jacques and Durao to see whether they would be keen to band together and save themselves from Rob and Steffi’s regime. Jacques questioned whether Nicole would be interested in joining them, with Mike confident that she is in sadly unaware that she and Durao are not. Durao approached Rob with the latest update, completely unaware that this is far from being in his best interests.

Meanwhile on the Island of Secrets Steffi discovered that her prize was a private visit from her best friend and a shit tonne of kebabs and pina coladas, and honestly seeing how happy she was softened me to her. Her bestie then got a confessional (or two) which made me angry that she has received more coverage than Sam on Australian Survivor. They then spoke game, with Steffi sharing that she wants to stick with Rob until the end which thankfully Gina told her was the shittest idea as she is sure to lose and as such, she needs to get a gameface on and focus on winning rather than looking sweet and praise Gina, Steffi has won me over again.

Gina, thank you. You’re an icon and I am interested in the season again.

Nico and Steffi returned to the game for the immunity challenge where everyone would have to pull a rope to balance a board on which they need to build a house of cards with the first to reach the top winning. Jacques opted to focus on planning, looking at how many tiles it would take to get to the top. Durao got out to an early lead before dropping, followed by Steffi losing everything, then Jacques and Mike within seconds. Laetitia had to undo some of her work to get enough cards before Rob, Durao and Nicole lost their stacks. Mike lost a few blocks before Steffi lost hers again. Followed again, by Durao. Mike and Rob slowly started to pull away, with a last minute change of direction securing Mike immunity by the skin of his teeth.

Back at camp Mike was jubilant to get immunity when he needed it most before Steffi started to tell everyone about her fake experience at the Island of Secrets, getting nothing more than a bowl of rice. While everyone pretended to have sympathy, Jacques knew it was a bold faced lie and was hopeful that he could use her lies to woo someone into helping him boot her from the game. She then caught up with Nicole and Laetitia with the trio trying to figure out how to split the vote and then lowkey floating the idea that the trio goes to final tribal council together. That being said, she still wants Jacques and Mike out next to guarantee that Rob thinks nothing is up. Meanwhile Rob, Durao and Mike caught up to plan the vote for Jacques, offering them Steffi as the following boot instead to keep everyone in line. Rob then approached his legit alliance to fill them in that Mike and Durao are keen to take Jacques out and that then they will target Steffi, to guarantee their loyalty to Rob for the next tribal, giving them the safety to get rid of one of them next. Which is some 5D chess TBH.

Jacques continued to scurry around the island, desperate to find the newly hidden idol though tragically unable to find the idol right near him at the well. Durao and Rob then caught up with the latter assuring him that he and the girls are voting Jacques, so he and Mike need to vote for Laetitia. He then caught up with the girls who told him in no uncertain terms that the targets need to go from three to two, which meant that Rob had to return to the boys to get them to load their votes on Steffi so that if required, he can play his idol for Steffi and keep their four safe. While Jacques continued to pace for the idol, Laetitia casually walked past and spotted the idol that was right in front of him, snatching it for herself and giving the icon a safety. Please Queen Laetitia become Shane Gould 2.0.

At tribal council Mike continued to bask in the glow of his immunity victory, hopeful that the vote goes to plan for him. Rob pretended that he was feeling vulnerable, while Jacques was confident that he is well and truly screwed this time, particularly since he is unable to talk to anyone at camp. Nicole admitted that the tribe isn’t one big happy family, but isn’t sure which plans are just bluffs and as such she will continue to stick with those she trusts. Durao said that he plans to trust his gut and as such is confident that he is safe, and that Jacques will find himself getting the boot tonight. Jacques pointed out that if he is booted, somebody else because the new target and he is sure that people on the jury wished that they had flipped before they got the boot. Jacques admitted that he is the only person not involved in anyone’s final three scenarios, with Durao saying he plans to go with the strongest people at the end. Jacques continued to point out that people are on the bottom and as such, they need to flip before it is too late.

Nico pointed out that after this tribal council, the jury will be bigger than those left in the game with Laetitia shading Mike for not being able to figure out that number. Nico then joked that maybe he did and that is why he is wearing immunity, which made Mike nervous that Nico is trying to make him a target. Nicole pointed out that they need to focus on those in the game over the jury, as if they focus on the latter they may not survive long enough to face them. With that the tribe voted and Jacques’ luck ran out, booted from the game and (just before the family visit too).

Dear sweet Jacques is the best I could hope for if I ever made it onto Survivor. A superfan – or ultra, sorry – that manages to throw the target off their back, find a string of advantages and then be undone by swearing like a sailor when everyone is being way too sanctimonious. I told him that as I pulled him into my arms and apologised, wondering if the burger curse had replaced the pizza curse on Survivor. Oh, as I served him a warm Jacqualaka Burger.

This Steers copycat is pretty damn tasty, despite coming early than I need it in the running order. A fresh charred patty piled on a bed of chakalaka and dripping in Monkey Gland Sauce, it is so good I will let it slide.

Enjoy!

Jacqualaka Burger
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
salt and pepper, to taste
olive oil
4 Kirsten Bunst
1-2 cups chakalaka
1 tomato, sliced
⅓ cup Monkey Gland Sauce

Method
Combine the mince in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper and scrunch to combine. Shape into four patties and place on some baking paper.

Heat a small lug of olive oil in a large skillet and cook the patties for a couple of minutes each side.

To assemble, split the buns and toast the middles on the skillet. Top with some chakalaka, some slices of tomato, the patty and a generous lug of monkey gland.

Devour, immediately, heartbroken to have missed the family visit.


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Pizzara Frillips

Pizzara Frillips

Side, Snack, Street Food

Let me just tell you, one does not know how much Zara Tindall née Phillip’s visit meant to me. And boy does she know how to troll her cousins, which makes me even happier to call her a dear friend.

I arrived at Brisbane Airport driving a Tesla, as per her request, and picked her up from the pick-up zone of a genuinely commercial flight to avoid getting a ticket from the parking machine, to reduce adding to the burden of recycling plants. We then laughed the entire way back to our apartment, knowing that if her environmental heroics surface the very same week of Harry and Wills’ plane faux-pas, she will come out on top.

Shit, she made me promise not to say anything. Can you keep it between us?

In any event, it was such a treat to get to spend a little bit of time with Zars and fondly look back on our time spent together in our youth, when we would compete against each other in dressage events and tut-tut at the epic fails on the polo match.

Sadly at all those cultural events, we never got the chance to relax and gorge on food that we loved so it was a total joy for the two of us to get together and smash some like we would while attending the Gordonstoun School.

 

Pizzara Frillips

 

While we both grew up enjoying the finer things in life, we still know that there is nothing more enjoyable than some crunchy fries dirtied up with some pepperoni, napoli and tonnes of cheese. I mean, it doesn’t get any better than this.

Enjoy!

 

Pizzara Frillips

 

Pizzara Frillips
Serves: 2 regal chums.

Ingredients
1 batch Jud Beerza Battered Fries
olive oil
1 onion, roughly chopped
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp oregano, roughly chopped
1 tbsp parsley, roughly chopped
1 tsp thyme, roughly chopped
1 cup passata
pinch of raw caster sugar
salt and pepper, to taste
200g pepperoni, sliced
1 cup mozzarella, grated

Method
Cook the fries as per Jud’s instructions.

While they’re getting hot, heat a lug of olive oil in a saucepan and sweat the onion and garlic for a couple of minutes over medium heat. Add the herbs, passata, pinch of sugar and a good whack of salt and pepper. Bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for five minutes.

To assemble slash serve, place the fries in a bowl, top with sliced pepperoni, a generous heap of sauce and an even more generous mound of mozzarella.

Then devour, messily, full of joy. And pomp and circumstance too, obvi.

 

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Some Chicken Rossage Clarke-Rolls waiting to heal Ross Clarke-Jones after his tragic injury on Australian Survivor.

Chicken Rossage Clarke-Rolls

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Main, Snack, Street Food, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor after burning himself and then his idol at two back to back tribals, Harry was feeling the heat and again focused on the Ben Driebergen strategy of finding idols until the end. Thankfully we were put out of our misery and distracted from the horrible memories of Chrissy’s robbery with Jonathan lording of the reward challenge for parmas which made John smile so brightly my basement flooded. Once again Andy struggled to get anything right, this time bombing throwing the immunity challenge as Baden single handedly beasted his way to winning the challenge, sending the Contenders back to tribal. Not wanting to rest on his second idol, Harry talked to Simon and Ross to see if they would be interested in flipping on JaQueen, Pia and Abbey and joining him and Matt to take control of the game. Sadly they weren’t interest however and after Harry played his idol, which made Janine nervous enough to play hers, poor Matt was voted out of the game.

The next day we checked in with the Contenders where Ross and the girls were thrilled to still be standing. Well sitting really, in the water as they washed themselves and relished island life. Ross then found a plank of wood which he used to attempt surfing on the reef and again, I love the man and get can’t enough of him on my screen.

We checked in with Camp Champ where they too were enjoying island life, fishing and swimming together on the reef and feeling grateful for everything they were experiencing. Andy too was loving it SA MUCH and damn, that sours things for me. They soon returned to camp where Andy continued to ruin my vibe, talking about the pain of not returning to tribal though was thankful that nobody realised. Right on cue we heard from Luke who knew that Andy’s attempt to throw the challenge were as subtle as a brick and as such, he wanted to take him down ASAP. Luke then dived into his spy shack as Andy tried to catch up with Baden, knowing that getting Baden on board is key to his safety given he single handedly thwarted Andy’s lame attempts at throwing the challenge. Luke then pulled Baden away from Andy and suggested that they will be a powerful duo as nobody would expect it.

Back at the Contenders tribe Harry was feeling all alone, surrounded by Champions while JaQueen continued to lament the pain of Harry still surviving. Ross checked in with Harry to find out whether his tears were real and was disappointed to find out his good nature was taken advantage of. Ross then joked about tethering himself to Harry to avoid him finding one, so the two goofed around as the rest of the tribe got together to hunt for the newly hidden idol. Which filled Harry with joy to have spooked them. With everyone otherwise ocupado, Harry approached JaQueen with a Hail Mary pitch to sell himself as the more helpful ally than some of her current options. She then businessed the hell out of him before agreeing that it is smarter for her to keep him around and hot damn, JaQueen is a bloody icon.

Jonathan arrived for this week’s immunity challenge where the tribes would race across a series of poles, tarzan swing across a gorge before tossing a monkey fist in a fork before using the ropes to traverse a balance beam. They then need to release puzzle pieces, build a stair ladder and light a fire at the top of the tower. After benching Andy immediately, Shaun got the Champions out to an early lead, while the Contenders slowly tried to close the gap thanks to Daisy struggling on the poles until she leaped into Shauns arms. Swoon. While the Champs started to swing across, Ross and Pia struggled on the poles allowing the Champions to extend their lead. Then tragedy struck as Ross clipped his leg while doing the Tarzan swing, fell into the ditch and started screaming in pain.

That is when I started sobbing uncontrollably. In the words of Countess Luann, don’t let it be about Ross. Anyone but Ross.

The challenge was stopped immediately as the medics were bought in as everyone stood around with a look of sheer panic on their faces. He was then carried off the challenge site by Jonathan to before the doctors decided that his injury was serious enough to warrant further medical assessment … before the challenge was restarted from where they were. Decidedly more sombre the tribes battled it out, as the Contenders desperately tried to close the gap. One by one the Champs landed their planks as the Contenders slowly made their way back into the challenge. Until they didn’t and the Champs got into their rhythm, climbing the tower, lighting their fire and securing immunity for their tribe.

The Contenders returned to camp worried about Ross’ injury and wondering what to do at tribal council, should it go ahead. The four former Champs speculated whether Harry could have found another idol, before JaQueen started weighing her options and wondering whether keeping Harry over Simon is the smarter move. JaQueen approached Pia who was keen to get rid of Simon instead of Harry with them then going to Abbey who was far less convinced about the idea. While she was getting emotional, Pia grew more and more sure that taking out Simon was the better idea as Harry is desperate and will stick with them to take control. JaQueen and Pia approached Harry who was super keen, with JaQueen only requesting his undying loyalty in return for them going out on a limb to keep him around.

As Simon wandered alone in his speedo, the new alliance of four sat around the shelter speculating about Ross’ safety. Before Ross was escorted back into camp on crutches by Jonathan, who announced that he had broken his ankle and as such such could not return to the game. The Contenders all started to breakdown, heartbroken to lose the life of the party before Ross encouraged Pia and Luke to go out and win this thing. The Champions were then wheeled over to camp so that they could farewell Ross and celebrate the bloody icon, as he hobbled away wearing Harry’s socks.

Before hopping – quite literally – into the back of the 4WD to see if he could finally have his culinary comfort. You see Ross and I have known each other for years, as I grew up surfing up and down the NSW coast from D’Bah to Bateau Bay, with Ross spotted my talent and taking me under his wing and coaching me. While I found myself too distracted by attractive men in speedos to ever get anywhere with my surfing, Ross continued to mentor me, I believe, because he loved that I paid in Chicken Rossage Clarke-Rolls. I mean, I could have paid him, but I am also very cheap.

 

Ross Clarke-Jones waiting to test whether Chicken Rossage Clarke-Rolls could heal him after his tragic injury on Australian Survivor.

 

These babies are so delicious and warming, that I’ve oft said that they have healing qualities and while that may seem opportunistic or convenient based on the tragedy that befell our King, the proof is in the pudding. Or sausage roll. Sweet, salty and melting in your mouth, these are the only things that will dull the pain of losing the icon of the game. Our new, literally fallen god, Ross.

Enjoy!

 

Ross Clarke-Jones testing whether Chicken Rossage Clarke-Rolls could heal him after his tragic injury on Australian Survivor.

 

Chicken Rossage Clarke-Rolls
Serves: 12.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 onion, diced
5 garlic cloves, minced
250g streaky bacon, diced
1 bunch shallots, sliced
1kg chicken mince
¼ cup panko breadcrumbs
1 tbsp chilli flakes
1 tsp maple syrup
1 tsp sage leaves, chopped
salt and pepper, to taste
6 sheets puff pastry, thawed and sliced into quarters
1 egg, whisked
¼ cup sesame seeds, for sprinkling

Method
Heat a good lug of oil in a skillet and sweat the onion and garlic for a couple of minutes, or until sweet, fragrant and translucent. Add the bacon and cook for a further ten minutes, or until its just starting to brown. Add the shallots, stir and remove to a bowl to cool completely.

Preheat oven to 180°C.

Add the chicken mince to the bowl with the breadcrumbs, chilli, maple, sage and a good whack of salt and pepper. Scrunch with your hands until well combined.

Divide the mixture into 24 and form into a sausage shape. Place a sausage along one edge of the pastry squares and roll to enclose, brushing the last centimetre or so with egg wash to close. Transfer to a lined baking sheet, seam side down, and repeat the process until done.

Brush all the rolls with the rest of the egg wash, sprinkle with sesame seeds and transfer to the oven to bake for half an hour or so, or until golden and puffed. Devour immediately, to fix your broken, Ross-less heart.

 

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Chickeke Parma Burger moments before Keke Palmer got her hands on it.

Chickeke Parma Burger

Burgers, Main, Snack, Street Food

I don’t even know how I am typing this during Ekka season, but I feel like a positive, renewed man that isn’t crippled by the conflict of his passion for a Snoop Daggywood Dog and fear of falling back in with the intoxicating world of carnies.

Which reminds me, me and my hands need to catch-up with Lee-Anne Locken ASAP. I mean, once a carnie always a carnie, I guess?

But anyway, I am positively loving life ATM and that is in no small part thanks to spending time with my dear, perky, hilarious friend, the iconic Keke Palmer herself. While I knew her way back when she was simply Lauren, I knew she was destined for greatness, quit my job as a High School drama teacher and became her manager slash coach.

Did I mention I was the inspiration for Mr. G? Well I was.

While I’m not at liberty to tell you whether she is legit joining morning television full-time, I can confirm that we had a delightful time catch-up, plotting a way to get a reboot of Scream Queens happening at Netflix – I need Stamos to show skin and I know they will help – and that she assured me that if she were going to morning television permanently, she would have me on as an entertainment reporter slash culinary wiz.

Say what you will about my culinary skills, a gorgeously gloopy Chickeke Parma Burger can prove very convincing to get what you need from your nearest and dearest.

 

Keke Palmer overjoyed about potentially smashing a Chickeke Parma Burger

 

Crisp, juicy chicken, sweet tomato sauce and a heaping pile of sharp parmesan cheese, if you didn’t think there was a way to improve upon a parma, you would sorely be mistaken. I mean, adding the bun and with it, the ability to eat with your hands without judgement? I’m a genius, I tell you. Even if I wasn’t really the first person to come up with idea.

Enjoy!

 

Keke Palmer overjoyed about smashing a Chickeke Parma Burger

 

Chickeke Parma Burger
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
4 Kirsten Bunst
4 Chicken Parmigina Gershon
½ cup Shayonnaise Swain
1 tomato, sliced
1 lettuce, leaves removed, washed and drained.
Jud Beerza Battered Fries, to serve

Method
Cook the buns and parmies as per Kirsten and Gina’s recipes, and make the mayo.

To assemble the burgs’ toast the buns and smear the insides with a little bit of mayo. Add a layer of tomato, then the lettuce, then the parma. Close the burger and serve with fries, devouring immediately.

 

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A Sterling K. Hot Brown waiting to be demolished by Sterling K. Brown himself

Sterling K. Hot Brown

Main, Snack, Street Food

You know how when Randall Pearson is being all dreamy, kind and loving, rather than dismissing Beth and her feelings? Well that is what my dear friend Sterling is like, only better.

I greeted him at the airport, and TBH, it was like a moment out of a rom com. He dropped his bags, ran towards me and lifted me up into the biggest, warmest hug known to man. While I weightlessly spun around the room, I wondered if this was the moment we would fall in love.

He then let me go, patted me on the back and I remembered that we were both happily married, and agreed many years ago, never to let our palpable chemistry get in the way of our beautiful friendship.

We got back to my house where I immediately pummeled him … with questions about This Is Us’ upcoming season, including but not limited to, am I the other parent of Kevin’s child once he comes out and I become his love interest, will Milo show skin like in the pilot and will the Pearsons become less self-absorbed?

He was more non-committal than I liked on the first two, I offended him on the last one, so we agreed to disagree and focus on our beautiful friendship. And smashing a pair of rich, tasty Sterling K. Hot Browns.

 

Sterling K. Brown pensively eating a Sterling K. Hot Brown, pondering our beautiful friendship.

 

While I only recently learned of the majestic hot brown, as soon as it was in my mouth, I knew it had to be dedicated to my lovely Sterl. Warm and comforting, with a big meaty punch (of heart, in his case), there is nothing I want in my mouth more than this. At a meal time.

Enjoy!

 

Sterling K. Brown pensively eating a Sterling K. Hot Brown, pondering our beautiful friendship.

 

Sterling K. Hot Brown
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
1 tbsp unsalted butter
2 tbsp flour
½ cup milk
1 cup vintage cheddar cheese, grated
¼ cup parmesan cheese, grated
a pinch of freshly grated nutmeg
1 tsp hot sauce
salt and pepper, to taste
4 slices bacon, fried until crispy
1 tomato, sliced
4 slices sourdough, toasted
8 thin slices turkey
chives, sliced, to garnish

Method
Melt the butter in a saucepan over medium heat, Once foamy, add the flour and cook for a minute or so, or until a glorious roux has formed. Remove from the heat and slowly add the milk, whisking, before returning to the heat to bring to the boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer, still stirring, for five minutes, or until thickened. Add half of each cheese, the nutmeg, hot sauce and a good whack of salt and pepper. Stir to combine and remove from the heat.

To assemble, place the bread on a lined baking sheet and arrange the turkey and tomato on top. Spread sauce on top of each and finish with the remaining cheeses. Transfer to a grill and cook on medium for a couple of minutes, or until golden and bubbly.

Transfer the sandwiches to a plate, top with bacon and chives and then, finally, devour.

 

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Nova Peris Peri Chicken Burger

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Burgers, Main, Street Food, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor young, underestimated Baden had a hero moment at the reward challenge, proving himself to his tribe and helping them snatch their first reward. Things continued to get better for the Contenders – no doubt due to John’s nude scene – snagging another win at the immunity challenge. In no small part thanks to Janine’s idea to dig and trench over a hole. Which everyone agreed to, and don’t you forget it! Thankfully for JaQueen and her fellow outsiders, Luke and David found an idol, and then followed it up by working overtime to convince Abbey and Ross to flip on the athletes alliance, which worked, sending Susie out of the game and handing control of the tribe over to them.

The next day the new majority were living it up at Camp Champ, making jokes and having a great time. While Steven, Nova and E.T. sat around the shelter, sulking about the fact they were outplayed at tribal and wouldn’t be steamrolling their way to the merge. At the end of the rainbow the Contenders were still riding high on their back to back victories, none more so than Sarah who was overwhelmed by the beauty of Fiji and getting into the groove of island life. The tribe sat around the fire, roasting Sarah Harris and Studio 10 while flashing us back to John’s nude scene – how many times do you think I can bring this up, I wonder. There was an extremely hard pivot, with my Queen Sarah then talking about her experience surviving the Boxing Day tsunami. Honestly, just give her the money because she is the greatest and I’m sad we haven’t seen enough of her in the first three episodes.

We returned to Camp Champ where Nova was still running a tight ship in the kitchen … or protesting, I can’t tell. Though she was auditing bananas, then telling Ross he could cook his own damn rice (which is fair). We then followed Ross and Pia into the jungle who were snacking on ants, no doubt because Nova banned them from eating as she was seething after Susie’s blindside. As was Steven who was well and truly feeling the heat as the instigator of the athletes alliance, though he reminded us that he does not give up, ever, and will not go down without a fight. Given he talked about almost dying at least five times, I won’t make any jokes about winning Gold simply for not going down.

My love Jonathan returned for the next reward challenge – which coincidentally is a water challenge – aka Monika’s tower of belly flopping doom where people would jump off the tower one by one and snatch a flag, swim to a pontoon and then dive down to retrieve letters which they will use to solve a word puzzle … for HOT BLOODY CHOCCIE! Before Jonathan even asked the Contenders to sit someone out, Casey dived for the bench leaving tsunami survivor Sarah to face off against a huge body of water. When the challenge rolled around, Matt and David were neck and neck, while Hannah and Abbey both missed their attempts, while poor Sarah worried about screwing it up for their tribe. Luke got the Champs to a lead, before Harry closed the gap leaving Janine and Baden to arrive with the third flags neck and neck.

Daisy than followed in Monika’s footsteps and did a killer belly flop before John got the Contenders out to a lead. The Contenders then tried to coach Sarah through her trauma and TBH, I think the Champs should forfeit for her. Eventually it came down to just Sarah and Pia on the top of the towers, with Pia grabbing her flag on her third attempt while the Contenders gave up on trying to win and instead pushed Sarah to make the jump to prove it to herself and overcome her fear. Zaddy John then swam back to the tower to help Sarah, offering to hold her hand and jump with her. Matt too swam back, while the Champions slowly made their way to victory as the trio hugged at the top of the tower, agreeing not to push her outside her comfort zone. After the challenge Jonathan asked Sarah about her fears, giving her tribe the chance to publicly praise her and her bravery. Oh and then Jonathan gave the champs the chance to invite a contender to share in their reward, with them giving John a sweet treat for having Sarah’s back like the bloody icon he is.

Back at camp Sarah was still feeling guilty about losing the challenge and called the tribe around to explain what happened in the moment during the challenge and damn, all I want to do is give her a big hug as she is so much stronger than she is feeling. Shaun being the most beautiful man in the world, supported her and everything she’s been through and if John wasn’t John, I would be rooting for just Shaun.

Speaking of John, he was living it up over at Camp Champ, meeting new friends and most importantly, his childhood crush Pia aka the star of his fave movie, Looking for Alibrandi. I mean, does he get any better? While everyone was smashing marshmallows, Janine noticed a clue on the beach near the table, so slyly reached down to grab it, with only ally David catching her at the last minute. JaQueen wandered deep into the jungle where she learnt that she had picked up a clue, leading her back to the well where she snatched an idol … for the Contenders. The note explained that the idol was only good for a Contender to play at a Contender tribal council and that a Champion idol sits in the same location at the Contender beach. Given the highly specific wording, I assume a swap is a coming and this could be very good for her should she find herself becoming a Contender. She then debated whether it was a good idea to give the idol to John and hope he’d return the Champion idol to her, before ultimately deciding that patience is her best bet. It didn’t add anything to the narrative, but John returned to his tribe and then got down on one knee and gifted Sarah with a marshmallow for everything she has done for the tribe, and damn I love him so much.

Jonathan’s gun show returned for the immunity challenge where eight members of each tribe are tethered to ropes, wrapped around obstacles before releasing themselves and a pack of balls, which the final two have to roll up a curved wall and land them in a bucket. Hannah and Shaun got the Contenders out to an early lead over Abbey and David, much to Nova’s chagrin. While they managed to close the gap on the second obstacle, the Contenders still maintained a slight lead which only extended when Daisy and John hit the course, despite a killer run from Pia and Luke … until they tangled themselves on the second obstacle, alloying Baden and Sam to lap them. Casey and Matt started the course before the third Champion pair made it to the wall, until Casey started to fade and Janine and Simon slowly started to close the gap. Andy and Harry had a huge head start figuring out how to roll the balls in the bucket, landing three before the Champions even made it through the gate. While Nova’s hockey past helped her land her first roll, it was all for nought, as Harry landed the final ball, handing the Contenders third third immunity win.

Back at camp Pia was feeling extremely nervous after stuffing up the challenge with Luke and while they apologised, Nova looked like she wanted to kill them both. Steven went out into the ocean to cool down, both figuratively and literally, before assuring us that Abbey or Ross are the athletes target, rather than Pia or Luke. Abbey approached Simon to explain why she flipped, pointing out that Steven hadn’t bothered to ever talk to her. While he wanted her to join back with the alliance, she explained it was too hard. She then went to talk to Steven and Nova, with Steven making the situation worse for himself, cussing her out and calling her weak. Completely ignoring the point of Survivor, wondering why she dared not to tell them she was jumping. She then stood up for herself, explaining that he is the reason she flipped, given he never gave her the time of day.

She and Pia then walked down the beach where Abbey started to break down over the way Steven spoke to her. Janine, Ross, Luke and David stumbled upon them and asked what happened before going back to camp, asking Steven what the hell he said to her. While he was quick to deflect from the way he spoke to her, with Nova backing him up, the tribe rallied around Abbey. Steven eventually tried to smooth things over, finding her by the shore to apologise before returning to camp to joke about needing to pack his bag, knowing only a miracle will save him.

At tribal council E.T. seemed at a loss trying to explain how they lost yet again, while Nova pointed out that true Champions keep getting back up when things go wrong. Pia addressed the elephant in the room, saying that tensions flared after losing the immunity challenge before Abbey jumped in to rescue her, explaining that someone cussed her out – which Luke jumped in to point out was Steven – for flipping at the last tribal council. He admitted to it and reiterated his apology before Nova explained that she thought booting Steven was a bad, emotional idea and was salty about it. David explained why he defended Abbey so vehemently before Nova completely downplayed Steven’s behaviour. While Pia explained that he did get in her face, Nova continued to defend her friend while Pia pointed out that she too was there and saw everything. E.T. went back to talking about the initial alliance before Steven said that the tribe will be weakened without him, should he actually go home and no matter what, the divide will still be there if they don’t fix things.

With that the tribe voted and – to steal Jonathan’s joke – Steven lived up to his reputation and skated through once again, with his closest ally Nova getting the boot instead. While Nova was shocked to get the boot, she took her blindside like the legend that she is as she pulled me into a big hug. As you know, I’ve been involved with many an Olympics and while my specialty was swimming – hey Lisa and Steph! – like Nova, I was able to cross over and actually coached the Hockeyroos in ‘95-’96 which is where I first met the Australian hero. I always knew Nova was destined for greatness, and to see her going from strength to strength is one of the greatest joys of my life. That and celebrating her many victories with a big, juicy Nova Peris Peri Chicken Burger.

 

Nova Peris celebrating her fourth boot Nova Peris Peri Chicken Burger.

 

Hot, spicy and packing a real punch, there is no better way to honour the Queen of the Kitchen, dual-sport Olympian, Gold medalist, former senator and all around icon Nova. The burn of the chicken mixed with the creamy mayonnaise and sharp cheddar, honestly, is the only joy I can derive from seeing this hero booted.

Enjoy!

 

Nova Peris celebrating her fourth boot Nova Peris Peri Chicken Burger.

 

Nova Peris Peri Chicken Burger
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
6 small bird’s-eye chillies (seeds in for additional heat, if you wish)
½  teaspoon chipotle chilli powder
4 cloves garlic
1 lime, zested and juiced
2 tbsp paprika
2 tbsp oregano
¼ cup olive oil
¼ cup champagne vinegar
salt and pepper
2 chicken breasts, sliced into 4 fillets
4 Kirsten Bunst
½ cup Shayonnaise Swain
1 cup lettuce, shredded, washed and dried
1-2 tomatoes, sliced
4 slices cheddar cheese

Method
Blitz the chillies, chilli powder, garlic, lime zest and juice, paprika, oregano, olive oil and champagne vinegar in a food processor with a good whack of salt and pepper. Transfer to a bowl and rub over the chicken pieces. Cover and place in the fridge to marinate for 2 hours.

Preheat oven to 180°C.

When you’re ready to rock, transfer the chicken to a lined baking sheet and cook for 20 minutes, or until cooked through and starting to blacken around the edges.

Split the buns, smear each side with the mayo and top with some lettuce, tomato and a slice of cheese. Add the piping hot chicken, close the burg’ and devour, greedily.

 

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Nathan Castby

Main, Sandwich, Snack, Street Food, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Nico decided to create a bit of drama and excitement by switching the three tribes into two – he is messy and I love it – which left poor Steffi without a tribe on the Island of Secrets. Which TBH is good, since it meant she was immune at the next tribal council before joining the losing tribe after they booted someone. On new Sa’ula there were three pairs, in the form of Dante and Meryl, Mmaba and Geoffrey, and Nathan and Nicole, while Durao tried to make friends by spilling the tea. Oh and Nathan sustained another injury, this time in the form of a sliced hand. Meanwhile at Ta’alo Rocco was also utilising the spill the tea strategy, though with less success as Rob and Mike bonded and Seipei lead the charge to take out the biggest threats from here on out, with Zaddy Rocco her first victim. Despite the lecture not going down well with anyone.

We checked in with Sa’ula the next day where Dante was growing extremely tired of people just wanting to make merge and raging out to Meryl and Nathan about no longer wanting Geoffrey and Mmaba around, given they don’t look like they want to be here. Meryl then suggested they get rid of Geoffrey, which Nathan took straight back to the man himself who got very nervous. And made Nathan feel confident in his place given he has forced the factions into a war. Durao too was feeling confident in his role as the swing vote and suddenly I feel nervous for both of them.

Meanwhile over at Ta’alo Steffi was on cloud nine to be reunited with her dear friends Rob and Seipei, until she suggested getting rid of Mike, Mmaba and Durao which made Rob feel nervous as she plays too fast. Oh and then she talked smack about his besties Nathan and he was ready to write her off instantly. Mike too wasn’t loving Steffi constantly being at a ten, finding her irritating and hard to be around. He and Rob then connected by the well and her former amigo was quick to throw her under the bus as all he cares about are Nicole and Nathan.

Back at Sa’ula Nathan was feeling unsure about which other duo he and Nicole should side with, given Dante and Meryl can’t be trusted while Geoffrey and Mmaba are keen for a blindside and he thinks that is a good thing for them as it will keep them loyal. Again Nathan, you in danger girl. Right on cue Geoffrey approached Mmaba to float blindsiding Nathan and forcing Meryl to play her idol, and while she wasn’t sure it was the best plan, he is her ride or die and will stand by him.

Nico arrived for this week’s reward challenge where someone from each tribe would hold onto a pole, while two people from the other tribe would try and pull them off … the pole. For tribe to three points scoring a huge pizza reward and some softies, though sadly no birthday cake for Mmaba. Cobus, Mike and Rob faced off against Durao, Dante and Nathan, and TBH, all I care about is how hot Dante looks in his speedo. Both Nathan and Mike were quickly ripped from their pole and despite his best efforts, Nathan was dragged out of the arena and handed the first point to Ta’alo. Dante and his VPL with Nicole made quick work at Mike, while Durao put up a stronger fight against Rob and Steffi … until Rob straight up dragged him down the beach, scoring the second point. Seipei, Laetitia and Steffi battled Nicole, Mmaba and Meryl with Steffi this time beasting Ta’alo to victory, while Dante squatted and seethed at Mmabas uselessness in the challenge.

Before heading back to camp to smash their pizzas, Ta’alo sent Durao to the Island of Secrets where he discovered that the tribes will be merging after the next tribal council and he, thankfully, will survive it as the Island has gifted him an immunity idol for the tribal council only.

Ta’alo were giddy when they returned to camp, inhaling the pizzas – clearly unaware of the curse on this ‘ere patch of cyberspace – slamming sodas and wading in the water. Queen Laetitia was proved of how hard she fought in the challenge and everyone was happy, until Steffi pulled Seipei aside to strategise hard. This put Seipei off, given she doesn’t feel she can trust Steffi anymore. Meanwhile Mike and Rob reconvened and pledged their undying loyalty to each other, planning to talk about their idols at a later date and, damn, Steffi you too are in danger. Back at Sa’ula Zadante was still seething about Mmaba’s shitty performance in the challenge before Nathan stripped down to his speedo and hot damn, my basement flooded. Zadante went for a swim to cool off, leaving Nathan to float getting rid of Meryl or Zadante to Mmaba and Geoffrey, and while they pretended to play along and guarantee his protection moving forward, their faces say they don’t mean it.

Nico returned for the final tribal immunity of the season where four people would need to balance two balls on the end of pole and travel through an obstacle course to the remaining members with one of them guiding the other two blindfolded tribe members to complete a vertical maze and drop the balls into a basket, first to complete snatching immunity. Steffi and Mike faced off against Meryl and Mmaba, with Steffi getting Ta’alo out to an early lead, which Rob only extended as Geoffrey fell behind. We also got a good view of Rob’s balls as he climbed over and pole and well, you know I like that. Ta’alo continued to extended their lead leaving Zadante to desperately try to close the gap. Eventually both tribes caught up on the maze wheel and honestly it is too hard to tell who was in front, particularly since both tribes dropped their first balls within moments of each other. While Ta’alo got a nice rhythm on the puzzle, Nathan started to fall up as his hand hurt as he and Durao choked, flicking their ball out of the challenge area allowing Sa’ula to sneak in and snatch the win.

We checked in with Ta’alo where victory wasn’t enough to stop them strategising, with Rob, Steffi and Mike plotting to get rid of Cobus, while the zaddy was busy spilling the tea with Seipei and Laetitia and vowing his loyalty to them. The tribe then reconvened and Cobus suggested that no matter what, the seven need to stick together for at least the merge vote and go as far as they can together. Which they solidified with a spit shake, unaware that Rob plans to destroy them all as soon as he gets back with Nathan and Nicole.

Speaking of them, they returned to camp where Durao lied about his time on the Island of Secrets pretending he had the choice between a letter from home or pizza, rather than outing his one time only idol. Which Nathan knew was a lie, given it was the lie he told after coming back from the Island of Secrets. Nicole and Geoffrey got together to plot by the ocean, while Zadante continued to rage to Nathan about his rivals, hopeful that Nathan and Nicole stick with him in getting rid of Geoffrey as he is a threat that has no interest in ever working with him. Speaking of Geoffrey, he was just thrilled to finally attend tribal council so got to work lining up the Nathan blindside, pulling Nicole, Mmaba and Durao aside to float getting rid of Nathan using the excuse that he is injured. They were all on board – even Nicole – with him suggesting they keep it secret to force Meryl and Dante to flush out their idol. It was at this point that Durao decided not to play his idol, not wanting to needlessly paint a target on his back. Geoffrey approached Nathan to continue his lies, outlining a vote split between Meryl and Dante before vowing to drag the latter two at tribal council until they are so nervous that they definitely burn their idols.

At tribal council Geoffrey proved to be a man of his word, sharing that he is gunning for Meryl and Dante while they tried to highlight what they contribute at camp, suggesting that Mmaba and Geoffrey don’t contribute anything other than a social game. Geoffrey and Dante them started to battle it out, with the former shading Dante for a sloppy performance in the challenge, which pissed him off and led to him unleashing on Geoffrey for doing nothing. Geoffrey than said that Meryl and Dante are playing a dirty game, talking smack about him and trashing his game, whilst spouting the importance of playing a team game.

Mmaba then started to break down, hurt that they are saying that she doesn’t contribute despite giving her all in everything they do. Geoffrey continued to get under Dante’s skin, with the zaddy making some problematic threats of violence – which are an instant boner killer – before Nicole stepped in and asked them all to remember that these conversations may be damaging and that they need to think about it coming back to bite them should they merge. Nathan cautioned the tribe to avoid blindsiding people before the merge, given it makes them look untrustworthy which made Nicole feel like she is trapped about tribal council, worried that no matter what she will walk out of here a villain here to someone.

With that the tribe voted and Geoffrey’s plan pushed forward as Meryl played her idol, negating a single vote, while the rest of the tribe banded together to blindside Nathan. Poor sweet, sexy Nathan didn’t see it coming, but boy did I enjoy watching him and his South African speedo walk out of tribal council. Thankfully, Nathan is straight up one of the sweetest people you could ever meet and didn’t hold a grudge against his tribemates. Though maybe that had something to do with the Nathan Castby sitting in front of him?

I’ll defend hot chip sandwiches till my dying day. Like hot chips, fresh bread and butter, that is all you need. But then you add bologna, piri piri and lettuce and call it a gatsby and I learn that great can become phenomenal. Or phenomena.

Enjoy!

Nathan Castby
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
olive oil
150g sliced bologna
4 crusty Italian rolls, split and toasted
4 cups Jud Beerza Battered fries
⅓ cup ketchup
2 tbsp piri-piri sauce
1 cup shredded iceberg lettuce

Method
Heat a lug of oil in a frying pan and cook the bologna for a couple of minutes, or until golden and crisp. 

Split the buns, top with chips, drizzle with ketchup and piri piri, fried bologna and iceberg lettuce. 

Close the sandie and smash immediately.


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Boereworocco van Rooyenetjies

Burgers, Main, Sandwich, Street Food, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Za-dante wanted to chip away at Rob’s power, so decided to hit him where it hurts and hide the flint. Sadly for him, Rob used apparently losing the flint to his advantage and asked to be voted out should they lose the next immunity challenge … so that he could idol out Dante instead. At Sa’ula Nathan’s depressed state was rubbing people the wrong way, to the point that even his dear amigo Steffi was ready to ice him. Before he made his choice to give the best friend idol from the Island of Secrets to Nicole. All of that was for nought however as Laumei were headed to tribal council again and the iconic Tania was tragically wiped from the game.

Back at camp Durao was confident in his choice to get rid of Tania instead of Jacques. As was Seipei, who knew full well that she has what it takes to win. Jacques’ bag of tricks be damned.

We checked in with Sa’ula the next day where everyone was speculating about a potential swap or merge. Well except for Cobus, who was sick of their incessant talk about days and again, I love him. Meanwhile over at Laumei, Seipei discovered treemail, deducing that merge was upon them while Jacques was concerned about how to protect each other, no matter what happens. Meanwhile Rob and Nicole could barely contain their excitement about getting a stay of execution, whether it is another swap or a merge. Nicole then casually mentioned how sad she was not to have a chance to dig for the other half of the idol that she already has, leading to Meryl and Dante pushing her to dig for it, knowing she is a big ol’ liar.

The tribes met Nico deep in the jungle, where they discovered a long table covered in discs which they learnt covered a pot of paint that one by one they would dip their hands in to reveal the colour of their new tribes. Because this wasn’t a merge, but another swap. Seipei was first to learn that she would be going to Ta’alo, joined by Jacques, Mike, Laetitia, Rocco, Rob and Cobus while Nicole returned to Sa’ula this time with Mmaba, Meryl, Geoffrey, Dante, Durao and Nathan. Oh and Steffi found a pot of water, which we learnt meant that she would be going to the Island of Secrets for the next 24 hours and await further instructions.

With Steffi carted off, the new tribes immediately got into their next reward challenge where they would stand behind an obstacle and manoeuvre a ball through a course, passing it between paddles as they go. First to three points wins all of the rewards left at Laumei’s beach and a bag of rice, which TBH is the most exciting reward possible. Laetitia got Ta’alo out to a slow start, no wait, everyone kept dropping their balls repeatedly. So instead of a blow-by-blow let’s focus on how beautiful Cobus is when focusing on the ball and how sexy Zadante is in his speedo/shirt outfit. In any event, new Ta’alo took out the reward and amidst the celebrations, Rob used the opportunity to talk to Nathan on the other tribe and push for him to get rid of Dante as a matter of absolute urgency.

We checked in with Steffi on the Island of Secrets where she learnt that rather than being eliminated, she has earnt immunity and will return to the next tribal council and join the tribe that votes someone out.

We followed new Sa’ula back to camp where Nathan suggested that prior to leaving camp they do a stocktake of supplies, given the frequent missing flints of the season. Focusing on the actual game, Durao approached Nicole to talk to her about how much Seipei loves her and looks forward to working with her again. Sadly he told her and Meryl about the Felix blindside, which only made them distrustful towards him. With them out of camp, Nathan got a new injury, cutting his hand and playing it up with enough theatrics to rival even me.

Meanwhile over at Ta’alo Rob was quick to get fire going with a new flint, which he has opted to tether to his buff to avoid it going walkabout again. With him distracted, Rocco caught up with Mike, Seipei and Jacques, to spill the tea from his last tribe including but not limited to alliance breakdowns and a full list of advantages. Which seems like a bad idea in front of Seipei, given she started the game with the four people he was talking the most shit about. Meanwhile back at Sa’ula, Nathan had survived losing so much blood so approached Mmaba and Nicole to lock in an alliance from the second iteration of the tribes, before getting to work getting Rob to protect Cobus. Back at Ta’alo Seipei tried to get everyone to start battling each other, rather than waiting for the merge which pissed off Mike, given the only reason she has played the game extensively is because she has been on tribes that can’t deliver in challenges.

The next morning Mike approached Rob to discuss Seipei’s outburst, with them concerned that she is flagging them as the best possible targets. They then bonded over their mutual friend Nathan … until Rob kept his idol secret, unaware that Nathan had told Mike about it. Meanwhile Cobus and Rocco were catching up and fast becoming my newest ship, with Cobus speculating about an unaccounted idol. Which Jacques was burying in a new part of camp to avoid anyone finding it. We returned to Sa’ula where Dante and Meryl were concerned that they’re on the bottom of the new tribe and commenced trying to find a friend to save themselves. Nathan and Nicole went to wash their hair by the well, giving them a chance to chat to their new tribemates where Zadante started telling Mmaba about Nicole’s idol and you know what? I think the sexy man has found his crack. Praise be. Mmaba took the intel to Geoffrey who was less confident in Dante’s intel, though the naive part of me still thinks it worked. For the love of loins.

Nico returned for the first immunity challenge as new tribes where they would carry sandbags  tethered to each other and chase the other tribe around a ring to catch them and win immunity. You know the one. Sa’ula got out to an early lead, as Cobus tried to keep everyone in line and close the gap. While most of the time this tribe ends with a few people left, Sa’ula were unrelenting, catching Ta’alo after just the first person – Queen Laetitia – dropped out of the challenge.

Things were tense as Ta’alo returned to camp, particularly since Laetitia injured herself when leaving the challenge. She started to break down to her tribe, terrified that it meant that she would be voted out despite Seipei crying to exit the challenge first. Jacques, Mike and Rob went for a walk in the jungle to discuss eliminating their biggest threat Rocco, not realising that with him gone, they’ll be the next target. They then approached Cobus to loop him in about the pivot from Laetitia to Rocco, before confirming the plan with Seipei. Meanwhile Rocco was wandering around trying to see what the plan was, though it didn’t appear like he was buying anything that they were saying. Given it was his only hope, however, he told Jacques that he would vote for Rob if that was the plan. Rocco then approached Seipei to get her to vote with them, promising to do whatever she wanted on the next vote. He then went to Mike who seemed to be genuinely interested in voting out Rob and TBH, I am confused as I thought they were all gaslighting Rocco.

At tribal council Cobus spoke about the confusing mix of alliances within the tribe, explaining that really, they can only trust themselves. Laetitia spoke about reading everyone’s body language, sharing that she is concerned about the vote as everyone thinks she is old and weak, particularly with the injury. Mike admitted that talk had turned to targeting the strong men, leading to Cobus and Rocco admitting that they’re feeling nervous about the vote ahead. Cobus spoke about selfishly trying to keep the tribe strong so that he could keep himself fed, while Rocco was worried that putting in 100% in challenges was making him a target. Rob straight up said that Superman – aka Rocco – needs to go and will win, should he make it to merge. Jacques reminded people that there are many things that can spoil a vote, namely idols, while Mike doubled down on getting rid of Rocco, continuing on with the thinly veiled Superman nickname. A sentiment that Seipei echoed.

With that, the tribe voted and poor, sweet, sexy Olympic zaddy Rocco found himself becoming the seventh boot. Assuring them that he still loved them all on his way out the door. Given he was clearly taking his boot in his stride, there wasn’t a huge amount for me to do by the time he arrived at Loser Lodge. As such, I pulled him into a massive hug and held it for a really long time. Because while he was fine, he was also fine, which meant I didn’t want to miss having him on my screen, making me not fine. Well, until my mouth was wrapped around a fat, juice sausage and some buns. In the form of a Boereworocco van Rooyenetjies or two.

Boerewors Rolletjies are basically a fancy South African hot dog, these are oh so good. A little bit spicy, a little bit sweet, they’re the ultimate way to dull the pain of losing a zaddy. While showcasing how wide you can open your jaw.

Enjoy!

Boereworocco van Rooyenetjies
Serves: 2 lovers.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, sliced
2 Paulerewors Smulders
2 Hulk Hoagies
Perslix Blatjangodlo, to taste

Method
Heat the oil in a frying pan over medium heat and sweat the onions until soft and sweet. Remove them from the pan, and try the boerewors until cooked through.

To assemble, slice the hoagies and boerewors. Pop some onions on the base of the onions, followed by the sausage and some peach chutney. And then devour, like a king.


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