TV Recap

Chicken Tetrarazzini Thorowgood

Main, Pasta, Poultry, Survivor NZ, Survivor NZ: Thailand, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor New Zealand, Lisa’s epic 3-2-1 caused chaos for Tess and Adam’s friendship as the former raged against the latter for voting for her as he assumed there was no hope. Thankfully all was forgiven after she won the reward challenge and shared it with Adam, moving past the (technically unsuccessful) slight and turning their attentions to getting Lisa – aka the undisputed queen and actual threat – out of the game. Sadly for them Dave and Tara held strong and sent Zadam from the game, and the queen stays queen, so to speak.

Back at camp Tess was once again feeling the sads upon her return from tribal council, though since she lost her best friend slash closet ally I’ll give her a pass. Everyone joined to discuss the massive blow up between Adam and Lisa at tribal, with Lisa concerned that it will cost her the game and Tess hopeful that despite being blindsided week after week, Adam’s influence on the jury will hand her an undeserved win. And since they keep hyping what is happening at the Jury Villa, me thinks it may tragically come to fruition.

The next day Dave worked to gut a fish and I am honestly struggling to keep down my dinner, so I’m glad we quickly pivoted to see Lisa. Well until she spoke about the fact she is shocked people are trusting her. This was followed by Tess talking about being confident in her chances of swaying Tara or Dave to her side, and Tara talking about being disappointed that Lisa has lied to her … and now I want to vom at the thought of Queen Lisa not winning.

Before I can actually blow chunks – which I feel like is a direct quote from Matt way back when Zadam and Kaysha vommed in ep 2 and contestant Matt flashed his buns – Matt arrived for the final reward challenge. The challenge required everyone to build plank bridges between two platforms and collecting puzzle pieces which they use to complete a table maze and landing balls in a hole. My fave pastime. Desperate to enjoy a night away in a hotel, Tara got out to an early lead with Dav, as is oft the case, coming in second. Once again a puzzle proved to be Tara’s undoing, as everyone overtook her and Dave won his first challenge … without using an advantage. He was then given the chance to pick someone to go with him, surprisingly choosing Tara. Though it was to ensure Tess couldn’t scramble, so well played Dave.

Dave pulled Tess aside before departing for his reward to find out what her final three plans were, vowing that he will vote with her for whoever she wants if she wins the next immunity challenge. And while she could see right through it, she had no other options so agreed to boot Tara with him if he wins and went on their jolly ways. His a bit jollier, as he and Tara were collected to go enjoy their luxury hotel digs. Which TBH didn’t look that luxury, but maybe I am a snob? After a quick tour of their digs they made their way to the pool before discussing who was the biggest threat moving into the final three. With both of them looking to be unshakeable in their support for Lisa. Thank fuck.

Tara returned to camp rejuvenated while poor Dave wasn’t able to sleep as he couldn’t stop thinking about losing the next immunity challenge. Tara and Lisa spoke about the importance of one of their alliance taking out immunity, Dave said that a Tess win screws them all and Tess said winning is her only option. As such Matt returned for the final immunity challenge, where the final four would each have to hang upside down on a pole for as long as possible. Lisa was the first out after 12 minutes, followed closely by Tara leaving Dave as their alliance’s only hope. Despite being bitten by a wasp early on Dave battled it out for well over an hour … before dropping out, handing Tess immunity and keeping his tradition of coming second right up until the end.

Back at camp Tess was ecstatic to have taken out immunity, while the remaining three got to work scrambling. Tess pulled Tara aside to talk about who to take out, with Tess preferring to get rid of Dave as the biggest threat. Tara shared that there was no way she could vote against Dave, shocking Tess as it meant Tara could only vote for her closest ally Lisa. With the other two away, Dave and Lisa discussed who would be their most likely target with both of them assuming they were on their way out. Tara returned and Dave joined Tess to talk about options, with Tess being cagey and Dave getting super edgy and angry, which is awks since Tess has all the power. Rounding things out, Tess and Lisa got together to discuss options with Lisa pushing Dave as the biggest threat to throw the scent off of her. Out of nowhere, Tara seemed to come up with a plan to blindside Tess and vote herself out of the game and TBH, I am super confused as they head off for tribal.

At tribal council the jury were delighted to see Tess wearing immunity, who herself admitted that she was super proud of making it to the end. Lisa was once again in the hot seat, saying she was glad that she Adam cleared the air at the previous tribal and she hoped that people would focus on game if she makes it to the end. Dave spoke about the ever evolving nature of the game, Tess tried to figure out who she could beat while Tara tried to play things super cagey. Lisa said she was feeling fairly confident in those that she trusts while Tara looked super awkward when she spoke about not throwing in the towel, much to the rage in Matt’s eyes. The votes rolled in and Matt’s rage started to make sense as Tara orchestrated her own boot, blindsiding Tess one final time.

I was quite bamboozled when Tara arrived at the Jury Villa, unsure why she threw away a shot at the prize for her friends. I mean, sure, she knew that she had no shot at said prize, but damn – that is wild. And I guess for that, I’ve got to be impressed. As such I whipped her up a Chicken Tetrarazzini Thorowgood and toasted to her giving the deserving winner the chance to argue for the crown.

 

 

After thirty-eight days out on an island, there is nothing more enticing than carbs. Or dairy. Or hunks of chicken. Add them all together, and you’ve got this glorious American bake. Gooey and hearty, it is the perfect thing to perk you up for the final tribal council. Which you quit to avoid.

For some reason. Which I am grateful for.

Enjoy!

 

 

Chicken Tetrarazzini Thorowgood
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
olive oil
500g chicken breast, diced
¼ cup butter
500g button mushrooms, sliced
1 cup frozen peas, defrosted
½ cup flour
salt and pepper, to taste
3 cups milk
2 cups chicken stock
1 cup dry vermouth
3 cups parmesan cheese, grated
2 tsp thyme leaves
1 tsp chilli flakes
500g linguine, cut in half and cooked as per packet instructions

Method
Preheat oven to 180C and bring a large pot of water to the boil for the pasta.

In a second large pot, heat a lug of oil over medium heat and cook the chicken for five minutes, or until browned. Add the butter, mushrooms and peas and cook until the mushroom is tender. Stir through the flour and a good whack of salt and pepper, and cook for a minute or so. Remove from the meat and stir through the milk, stock and vermouth. Return to the heat and bring to the boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer for five minutes or so, or until starting to thicken. Remove from the heat and stir through 2 cups of parmesan, and the thyme and chilli.

Once the pasta is cook, stir it through the pan, transfer to a baking dish and top with the remaining cheese. Transfer to the oven to bake for half an hour, or until golden.

Devour immediately.

 

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Adam O’Brionion Cheeseburger

Burgers, Main, Snack, Street Food, Survivor NZ, Survivor NZ: Thailand, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor New Zealand, Matt’s hold on phower of Phsan continued to grow – or so he thought – painting the target on Tess and keeping his newly found joint-idol with Lisa a secret from school-chum slash ally Dave. That was all Lisa needed to sway Dave’s loyalty to her side, outing Matt’s secret and trying to convince Dave to join her to get him out. While Matt convinced Adam to turn on his ally Tess and get her out, Lisa proved the most persuasive and got Dave and Tara to join her in knocking Matt out in a Cirie Fields patented 3-2-1 vote.

Back at camp Lisa was relieved that the tricky vote turned out in her favour, albeit a little guilty due to her friendship with Matt. On the flipside, Tess was shocked to find herself back at camp since she was sure that it was her that was going. Lisa explained why she flipped the vote on Matt to the rest of the tribe in an attempt to diminish the growing target on her back, which was thankfully overshadowed by the implosion of the Adam-Tess alliance after Adam confessed to voting against her at tribal council. Which she was well pissed about.

Things hadn’t really calmed down the next day, though Adam’s attentions had moved firmly back to Lisa and her rapidly expanding threat level. He was questioning every interaction they had ever had, was concerned about the fact she wanted to each some chicken and generally conflicting pieces of logic. Thank f- he is still a zaddy with those locks. Tess was still sulking about Adam’s slight, giving him a combination of side-eye and silence. Dave being the kind guy that he is, joined her by the shore and calmly listened to her rant about someone else’s blindside and tried to emphasise the difference between the game and real-life. Which was mainly just an attempt at reassuring himself that blindside his friend wasn’t a jerk move that will ultimately screw him over.

Spoiler alert: it wasn’t and you’re screwed no matter what if you don’t get Lisa out, respectively.

Meanwhile Lisa was trying to do some damage control, checking in with Adam to see that he is healthy … as a way to gauge whether she could trust him again. Which again, she couldn’t, as he complained about her being a dragon, despite the fact she was just playing the game better than anyone else.

Before any of the simmering feuds could explode, Matty Chis returned for the reward challenge where the castaways would carry bags of dominoes across a balance beam. The first two to finish would move onto the finals where they would stack the dominoes to eventually knock a ball into a bucket of water. The winner earned themselves Thai massages and smoothies and to the final five it was well and truly, as OG Jeff would say, worth playing for. Dave and Tess made quick work of the first round before Tess schooled Dave in round two. As is oft the case, Matt gave her the opportunity to select someone to join her which she opted to share with recent enemy Adam. Much to his shock.

Adam decided that he needed to apologise before their relaxing massages, so pulled Tess aside and cleared the air. As awkward as it may have been for him. While the duo were renewing their friendship, Tara took the chance to seethe about not being chosen for the reward and tried to poison Lisa and Dave against her. Doubling down on the seething, Adam complained about Lisa’s gameplay and how she had made everything personal and that no one would vote for her because she is mean.

Adam, you’re making it hard to love you this episode.

While they continued to rage while getting pampered, they identified Dave as their only hope to get rid of Lisa and her hideous gameplay. Back at camp she ran the numbers with Tara, who admitted that she would be pissed if Lisa blindsided her without realising that she is a goat and no one is stupid enough to get rid of her. Lisa continued to do damage control and approached Dave to check how he was feeling after the blindside. They then locked in a final three deal with Tara, so hopefully it works out for her. Because I am stanning the hell out of Lisa.

Matty Chis returned for the classic immunity challenge – owned by Parvati and Ozzy – where everyone has to hold on tight to a long, thick, hard pole for as long as they can. Aka, my fave past time. Adam dropped out as soon as the challenge started, followed closely by Tara while Lisa and Dave struggled their way through. Lisa soon followed, breaking down in tears in the process. As you would expect, Dave’s struggles soon got the best of him as he slowly slid down that pole – yas queen – and handed Tess immunity.

Given her target had snatched immunity, Lisa got straight to scrambling when they returned back to camp. Thankfully for her, Tara was all in for getting rid of Adam. However Tess and Adam also got to work scrambling, hoping to convince Dave to join them in taking out Lisa … with a back-up plan of finding an idol and causing chaos for Lisa at tribal council. While Adam went idol hunting, Tess approached Dave about flipping over to their side and while it is definitely in his best interests, I just don’t see it happening. Ever. No matter how long he debates it. Dave then did his go to move, and approached the person he is potentially blindsiding to see whether he can trust them. Thankfully their pow-wow gave us the glorious scene of Tess asking Tara if she would consider voting with them, and her iconic point blank ‘no’ response.

At tribal council Matt quickly started throwing shade, questioning whether Tess would be capable of winning and checking if Lisa and Dave were struggling emotionally. Which lead to poor Dave breaking down at tribal council over booting Matt, making Eve and Matt well up from the jury box. Talk of Matt’s exit was the catalyst for Adam’s chaos, talking about him also being blindsided by the last tribal council and questioning Lisa about trust to avoid being, and I quote, another man-bun on the jury. Adam tried to make the blindside personal, saying Lisa taking out Matt while convincing him to vote Tess made a joke out of him. Adam then turned his performance into a plea, as he and Tess begged Dave and Tara to take out Lisa instead.

Despite the fact both Tara and Dave were looking salty about their alliance with Lisa – and Dave channeled Hannah in sitting at the voting booth for a ridiculously long time – they stayed loyal and joined Queen Lisa to take out my sassy zaddy Zadam. While he took his boot in his stride, I took him in my arms just in case he needed a hug to cheer him up. We then spent our time in the Jury Villa, laughing, catching-up – I was on the same season of The X Factor as him obviously, since I have the voice of an angel – and smashing … an Adam O’Brionion Cheeseburger or three.

 

 

You know I love sticking meat in between some soft sweet buns, and let me tell you this burger does not disappoint. Crispy onions, sweet sweet barbecue sauce, creamy mayo and cheese? I’m in heaven.

Enjoy!

 

 

Adam O’Brionion Cheeseburger
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
salt and pepper, to taste
olive oil
4 Kirsten Bunst
4 slices American cheese
⅓ cup barbecue sauce
⅓ cup Shayonnaise Swain
8-12 Kent Nelsonion Rings
fries or onion rings, to serve

Method
Place the mince in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper, and scrunch to combine. Form into four patties and place in the fridge to rest for half an hour.

Place a large pan over medium heat and brush with oil. Add the patties and cook for a couple of minutes each side, or until just cooked through. Remove from the heat to rest and place a slice of cheese on top of each to melt slightly.

Split the buns and toast, smear mayo on one side and barbecue sauce on the other. Top with the cheesy patty and onion rings, and devour immediately.

 

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Matt Hamhock Soup

Main, Soup, Survivor NZ, Survivor NZ: Thailand, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor New Zealand, when Dave found his idol a couple of episodes back he quickly shared the intel with his school friend slash ally Matt. On the flipside, when Matt and Lisa found an idol last episode the both vowed not to tell anyone, not even Dave. The idol find and immunity win by Matt derailed Lisa’s plan to vote him out, leaving Eve to make her heartbroken exit from the game as the next biggest challenge threat.

Back at camp the tribe discovered that the storm during tribal council had broken their shelter, leaving everything drenched and everyone completely annoyed. Zadam hated everyone and bamboo, Dave was sick of not having any control in the game and Tess shone like a shining beacon of hope while trying to cheer them up. And now I’m back to being team Tess. The next day everyone was still feeling down because of the weather and how heartbroken Eve was when getting voted out. While Tara was proud of giving her friend a heads up before getting cut, Matt felt it made her even shadier and as such he felt she needed to go.

Well, that is until he went to the well with Adam and Tara and told them that Tess was the one that needed to go next as she was trying to get rid of him. This didn’t sit well with Adam who was sick of people coming and telling him who was going next the morning after a tribal council, particularly since they’re closely aligned. While Tara tried to stir some trouble between Adam and Tess, that made him want to get rid of Tara … despite admitting she is an easy person to beat in the end. Meanwhile on the other side of camp Lisa approached Dave to see how he was feeling after tribal and attempted to comfort him. Which seemed to work as he spoke about how he only trusts Matt and Lisa. Which is great for Lisa, except for the fact she needs someone to trust her more.

The tribe ventured deep into the jungle to meet Matty Chis for the first ever Survivor New Zealand auction, much to the delight of everyone. Particularly Matt, who wanted some food and an advantage. Though since he kicked off the bidding on a shit tonne of donuts, me thinks he will spend up before said advantage appears. Adam spent all his money on pizza before Matt spent $300 on beer, chips and nuts … and blew any shot at snatching an advantage. Tara snatched up bolognese and wine with all her cash, leaving Dave and Lisa the only ones waiting to snatch an advantage … wait, no, Lisa spent all her cash on a covered item. Which was tragically white rice … except for the fact she switched it for the second option which was a huge toasted sandwich, fries and soft drink. Dave then snatched an advantage for $300 and tried to pretend he was heartbroken before the auctioned closed with Tess buying a cake for everyone to share.

Back at camp Adam was furious about Dave’s obvious performance about not wanting an advantage, which would have been unfair had Dave not tried to lay his disappoint on very too thickly. While Tara and Matt were more sympathetic to Dave’s plight, them wondered what his advantage could possibly be before abruptly changing the conversation to taking out either Tess or Dave. While Matt was sick of working hard to keep Dave in the game, he continued to hustle and pointed out how well connected Tess is on the jury. Not to be outdone, Tess was starting to feel like everyone is against her and wasn’t sure who to trust.

Matt and Lisa caught up in the jungle with Lisa pretending that she wasn’t still pushing to take him out and use said move to prove her case to the jury. They continued to discuss their options to get to the end before Matt admitted that he wanted to go to the end with Lisa and Adam, giving her an in to out him. Maybe.

Before we could find out Kiwi Jeff returned for the next immunity challenge where everyone was required to balance dishes on the end of said pole. You know that advantage Dave purchased? Well it bought him the ability to sit out the first for dishes on the challenge, which is huge TBH. Tess dropped on the twelfth dish followed closely by Lisa. Adam tragically dropped on the fifteenth dish immediately followed by Matt and Tara, handing Dave a long overdue victory.

*coughs* thanks to an advantage *coughs*

Back at camp everyone but Tess disappeared to lock in the vote against her, while poor Tess tried desperately to befriend a lizard. Lisa played the role of dutiful number in front of Matt, joking that at least everyone can have normally conversations it is an easy vote. Matt then caught up with Adam to make sure he is ok with getting rid of Tess, which he was … despite preferring Tara to be the next to go. Meanwhile Lisa finally had her chance to talk to Dave and convince him to join her in taking out Matt. She then lay all her cards on the table and admitted that she and Matt found an idol, making Dave feel extremely betrayed and in that moment the breakneck speed of the episode started to make sense. With Dave seething, Lisa brought out the Cirie Fields patented 3-2-1 split vote, suggesting she, Dave and Tara vote for Matt, leave Matt and Adam to vote Tess and Tess can vote for whoever she damn well wants. While Dave wasn’t sure whether he could betray his friend, he appreciated how honest Lisa was with him.

Dave being Dave, he told Lisa he would talk to Matt and see whether he would come clean and if he wasn’t honest, he would join her. Making her and everyone watching extremely nervous about it falling apart. Lisa quickly found Tara and looped her in while Dave and Matt discussed the plan to vote Tess before Dave clumsily tried to give him the opportunity to admit to finding an idol. Which he eventually did admit to and Dave begrudgingly told him that if he felt nervous, he should play his idol tonight. Stupid. Fucking stupid.

Lisa and Dave approached Tess to see what her thoughts were, with Tess suggesting Tara as a possible option. Adam and Tess went off to discuss options, Matt told Lisa he felt like he should play his idol while Lisa tried to insinuate he will need it next week and poor Dave continued to seethe about Matt’s betrayal, despite essentially ruining the plan because he is stupid and can’t separate life from the game. Though his tears did soften my stance, the move was idiotic.

At tribal council Tess shared her shock about how far everyone has come, Tara was sad about her at the challenge, Matt admitted to being nervous about the upcoming vote and Dave spoke about being nervous about what he says at tribal council. Dave gave Matt stankface as he spoke about wanting to play his own game, Adam said he’d be shocked if anyone had an idol and Tess joined the chorus of people nervous about their chances at surviving tribal. With that everyone went off to vote and despite the anxious look on his face Matt decided not to play his idol, no doubt convinced Tess was going due to Adam’s sobbing voting confessional. Despite Dave’s stupidity Lisa’s 3-2-1 split to come to fruition and Matt found himself booted from the game as Lisa giddily watched on.

While I found it ridiculous that he didn’t play his idol – and more importantly was cast opposite a school friend – I couldn’t bring myself to rub salt in the wounds because he is such an absolutely sweetheart. And … he gave me nudity in episode two and I am always grateful for that! As such, I kept my mouth shut, congratulated him on a game well played and served him up a big ol’ Matt Hamhock Soup.

 

 

Like Eve’s recipe before him, I had never really been a fan of hamhock soup on account of the huge bone sticking out of my meal as a child. I would sit there, sadly slurping around wondering whether my mother confused me for the family pet, rather than the child. Thankfully I have worked through said trauma and can appreciate the hammy slop for all its goodness.

Slop. Doesn’t that make you want to enjoy it?!

 

 

Matt Hamhock Soup
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
olive oil
2 onion, diced
4 celery stalks, sliced
3 carrots, diced
500g split peas, rinsed and drained
800g smoked ham hock
2L chicken stock
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Heat a lug of olive oil in a stockpot and cook the onion, celery and carrots for a couple of minutes. Add the split peas and hock with a good whack of salt and pepper, gently flipping the hock to try and brown. You won’t be successful, but I’m convinced the process enhances the flavour.Add the stock and bring to the boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer, stirring occasionally for an hour, or until thickened.

Remove from the heat and allow the hock to rest on a chopping board for fifteen minutes, or until cooled. Pull the meat from the bone and shred.

Serve immediately, generously topped with the ham and a whack of pepper. Then devour.

 

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Beve and Blarke Bean Sauce

Main, Survivor NZ, Survivor NZ: Thailand, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor New Zealand, Tess didn’t react well to the Brad blindside leading to her and Tara going to (passive aggressive) war. On the flipside, Matt’s confidence grew and grew following the blindside, however Lisa admitted to patiently waited in the wings to take her shot at him. Sadly she was unaware that Matt and Dave were old school chums and as such, were protecting each other at every possible juncture. Before the cracks could show in that alliance, they rallied the tribe to take out one of the biggest threats in the form of icon, goddess and queen, Renee.

Back at camp Dave was caught up in the semantics of the betrayal that lead to he and Renee’s feud, unable to see how telling someone to put their vote on her is wrong if he voted with her in the majority. Thankfully Zadam explained that it was in fact a betrayal since they didn’t actually communicate anything. Despite the peptalk, Dave was still hurt slash concerned about his game and as such, Adam was sick of the whining – don’t whine in front of Adam FYI – and vowed to get him out ASAP.

The mood was looking up the next day as Matt and Zadam joked about a Scissor Paper Rock immunity challenge – which would be iconic, TBH – and chilled around camp. Thankfully Lisa was on hand to bring some excitement, identifying that now is the time for her to take out Matt since they’re down to seven and she no longer needs to worry about Renee. Before we could see her work her magic, treemail arrived announcing a glorious food reward. They think.

With that, they trundled off to find Kiwi Jeff to learn they would need to balance a pole of corn on the end on an ever expanding long, hard pole – aka the challenge that almost killed Joe-gel in Second Chances – with the winner snatching themselves a sweet feast. Which almost made them all cream their shorts. Given this isn’t the most exciting challenge to watch unless someone faints, the Kiwis added some Harry Potter musical queues as Lisa made jokes – maybe – about nobody liking a floppy pole before she, Tess, Tara, Adam and Matt dropped their corn leaving Dave and Eve to battle it out. Though since Dave had clearly struggle for the past couple of minutes, it came as no surprise that he soon followed and handed Eve a shit tonne of sweet treats. And us, the joy of seeing Dave just miss out on winning another challenge.

While Matt felt that yet another Eve victory painted a big old target on her back, she chose to share her reward with his bestie Dave – and Zadam who reminded us about his massive pregame botox injection – so hopefully that can help keep her alive. Adam was concerned about sharing the reward with Dave, given his penchant for eating to the point of vomming … until he saw the massive spread and almost died. Though true to form, Dave made out like he had eaten too much and that he was regretting it. Which Adam obviously felt was a dramatic cry for attention.

Back at camp Lisa and Tara tried to convince themselves the pre-challenge teaser was more than enough for them before Tess put an end to the happiness by pointing out Dave had been on every reward while she hasn’t been on one. While that didn’t get Tara to bite and want to take her out, Matt was more than willing to get her out as the endurance challenge queen. While Matt and Tess seethed, Adam, Eve and Dave bonded on reward and opened up hope for our quiet queen to avoid the boot. As did the fact that Lisa actively kicked off her assault on Matt making quick work of pulling in Tara and them trying to figure out the other two people that would be best to help them.

The victors returned back to camp with Dave continuing to be dramatic about how full he is, much to the absolute disgust of Adam who quickly unfriended Dave after their bonding. Adam then decided it was time to get rid of Dave, puzzled about why it hasn’t occurred already and why Matt wants to keep him around. Speaking of which, Matt lamented about the difficulty of playing the game with someone he is already friends with as it is yet another layer of deception they need to keep in check. Unaware she was leading the charge against him, Matt and Dave checked in with Lisa to see where her head was at heading into the next tribal. Obviously she quickly assured him that she is all in on taking out Eve and they headed back to camp … until Lisa and Matt spotted an arrow on the ground, made a meditating excuse to get rid of Dave and found themselves a hidden immunity idol. Which is great, except for the fact Lisa wants to take him out and he technically snatched it first.

With that, Matt was feeling confident about his place in the game and his alliance with Lisa thanks to his assurances that it is their idol. Sadly she isn’t feeling that trust as it now makes getting him out just that little bit more difficult and her chances of winning are now slim to none. And her pain broke my heart because I would totally react the exact same way. Lisa was feeling more confident the next day after coming up with a plan to get him to hand over the idol and sell it as a way to keep things even between them by having someone ‘own’ it and the other ‘hold’ it. Sadly it made her feel like he didn’t trust her, though thankfully that wasn’t the case and vowed to work with her to make it to the end.

Matty Chis returned for this week’s immunity challenge where the castaways were required to manoeuvre bamboo through a tangled piece of rope, then across a balance beam and lastly through an obstacle, dropping people along the way. Tess made quick work of the first stage, joined by Matt, Dave, Lisa and Adam for the second obstacle. Despite hoping to take out immunity to ensure Matt didn’t, poor Lisa didn’t survive the second round as Matt, Tess and Dave faced down the final stage. All three remained neck and neck throughout the challenge, though since Dave never wins it was clearly a two horse race which Matt tragically won. Well, tragically if you’re a fan of Lisa. Which everyone should be. Making it even worse, she audibly said “oh no, Matt won,” as he took out the challenge and she is concerned someone may have heard her.

Back at camp Lisa tried to come up with a plan B for the upcoming vote, while Matt tried to rally the troops to continue on with his plan to get rid of Eve. Dave and Eve caught up by the shore and decided to focus their attention on getting rid of Tess, or so Eve thought. Adam joined Matt and Lisa by the well to discuss who to get rid of and the weird pre-tribal mood. While they all lamented not wanting to take out Eve, Adam confirmed that her challenge prowess was a concern while poor Lisa had to stand silent instead of countering the fact she is the best chance of beating Matt at a challenge. She then went to talk to Tara who was keen to vote Dave instead, though Lisa felt they had left it too late to change up the vote before tribal and that sticking their necks out would come back to bite them. Tara tried to convince Matt to flip to Dave which did make him nervous about whether he could trust her, though appeared to talk her around from flipping. While on the other side of camp, Adam and Tess spoke about not wanting Tess to go and considered getting rid of Dave instead. Thankfully the stars aligned and Tara and Adam were able to talk before tribal council about pulling in some numbers to get Dave out instead … however since Tara has never spoken to Adam about strategy, it seems doomed to fail.

At tribal council Matt spoke about his second immunity win painting a bigger target on his back, Tara shared that she is not a hustler baby and instead just listened to what people told her while poor Eve started to break down about not being a hustler and fearing for her place in the game as everyone had ignored her during the day. She then kinda went one step too far and spoke about how hard she has fought – aka how well she has played – through sobbing tears, cementing why she does need to go. While she didn’t want to shame the people she felt betrayed her, Dave felt that she was hurt by him not voting with her despite not actually having any control or sway to change it.

Poor Eve continued to fight through tears and begged people to vote with their heart before Matt gave everyone a chance to speak up before voting. Which Zadam did, telling her that while he likes her they have never actually had a strategic conversation and as such, he has no idea what tomorrow would bring if he did in fact flip. While she – rightly – pointed out that he has a huge amount of influence on the tribe, her pleas however were too little too late, as she found herself booted from the game. While she was really gutted and emotional to find herself heading to the jury, dear, sweet Eve was quickly cheered up by the sight of a big bowl of Beve and Blarke Bean Sauce.

 

 

Now I am ashamed to admit that beef and black bean isn’t usually on my go-to list of Chinese take-away dishes, given our delicious it is. Let’s just put it down to childhood loathing – unadulterated loathing – and never really wising up to the fact of this beauty in my teen years because I had men to secretly thirst after.

So … enjoy!

 

 

Beve and Blarke Bean Sauce
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
¼ cup shaoxing wine
2 tsp raw caster sugar
600g beef fillet, thinly sliced
2 tsp cornflour
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp black bean sauce
1 tbsp sriracha
1/4 cup beef stock
vegetable oil
1 onion, cut into wedges
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp ginger, minced
1 green capsicum, cut into large dice
100g mushrooms, sliced
4 shallots, cut into 5cm lengths

Method
Combine half the shaoxing in a large bowl with the sugar. Add the beef, toss to coat and leave to marinate in the fridge for half an hour. While that is gettin’ chill, whisk the remaining shaoxing in a jug with the cornflour, soy, black bean, sriracha and stock and leave to rest.

When you’re ready to rock, heat a lug of oil in a wok and stir fry the beef in batches for a couple of minutes or until browned. Add the onion, garlic and ginger and cook, stirring, for a minute before adding the capsicum and mushrooms. Cook, stirring for a further couple of minutes. Add the sauce to the pan and cook for a further couple of minutes, or until the sauce thickens.

Stir through the shallots and serve immediately, on a bed of fluffy rice.

Devour through your tears.

 

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Caipireneeha Clarke

Drink, Survivor NZ, Survivor NZ: Thailand, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor New Zealand, with Eve was feeling left right out on Khangkhaw while Renee was sick of Arun and Dave on Chani, which culminated with Dylan going and screwing their numbers after the merge. As Khangkhaw took over and got rid of Arun, Matt saw that Brad was a far bigger threat and got to work rallying the troops to boot Brad. Which went off without a hitch as his idol remained in his pocket. Literally and figuratively.

Back at camp Renee and Tess were reeling from the blindside, with the latter quickly deducing that she is on the outs. While I’d love to read her for filth for that oh so astute observation, I will let it slide as I’d struggle to sound intelligent after a blindside. Or without food for a couple of hours, TBH. Matt explained that he couldn’t stick with Brad as he continued to make plans for the final without him. Lisa and Adam calmly tried to paint Brad as being untrustworthy to soften the blow, thought it didn’t seem to work as Tess floated the idea of aligning with the three remaining Chani members who are still running around camp.

Things weren’t looking much better for the tribe the next day as Eve discovered that the chickens were still not laying any eggs, leading to Adam writing an iconic ditty about killing them. But alas, it was still worse for Tess who channelled Dylan’s sitting stoically by the shore game before getting stroppy with Tara who came to try and comfort her. Severing those ties immediately. Tess then took her rage to Adam whose hair was looking glorious as he lounged in the hammock, sharing that Tara said the Knahgkhaw alliance was well and truly dead. Making her shitty day worse, it only seemed to piss Adam off and consider cutting her loose ASAP.

Note to future All Stars players: do not sulk alone by the shore if you’re trying to align with Adam. He fucking hates it, ok?

Despite a zero from two average trying to woo people to her side through whining, Tess took the pity party over to see if it would work on Matt. With middling success as they now had a mutual enemy in the form of Tara, who Matt was concerned now had a taste for blood and knew that he realistically is now the biggest threat. Matt and Adam caught up with Lisa to share that Tara is now causing problems with Tess and while Matt would prefer they get along, he learnt from Littlefinger that chaos is a ladder and he will climb it to the damn finals if needs be. Speaking of chaos, Dave and Renee still hate each other.

Before we got anything out of the drama, host Matt arrived for this week’s reward challenge where they would be split into two teams to destroy the rivals puzzle wall before switching places and solving said puzzles. It was for a screening of Jurassic World – and all the movie fixin’s – so hopefully we get an iconic reaction to the absurdity like Sophie in South Pacific straight up hating sitting through Jack & Jill. Tara, Renee, Adam and Eve got out to a strong start thanks to the latters killer arm, while Dave, Matt, Tess and Lisa struggled until they got their eyes in and overtook them. When it came to solving the puzzle Tara decided to make herself more of a social pariah by doing the puzzle against Queen Lisa, who dominated and solved the puzzle while Brad and Renee fumed at Tara.

After Tara downplayed the loss – much to Adam’s rage – Matt told the victors that in addition to their movie, they’d also be blessed with some love from home. Adam continued to seeth about the loss back at camp as a true Jurassic Park fan – does he know it is a promo for the subpar reboot? – particularly since Tara spent more time dusting the puzzle off that doing it. Anyway the winners got dressed up for their date and headed to the outdoor cinema before the trailers kicked off and Dave’s girlfriend appeared on screen brought the man to damn tears. She was followed by Tess’ sister and parents who were awkward in the cutest possible way, Matt’s girlfriend mastered filming her video in landscape and won my heart – also, who knew he had a damn kid? Did we know that? – before Lisa’s family appeared, made her spill her popcorn and warmed this cold dead heart. Sadly for Matt, that glimpse of home lead Lisa to realise that she desperately needs to get rid of Matt ASAP.

Meanwhile back at camp Adam continued to try and encourage the chickens to eat and lay eggs … which one actually did. Much to the delight of all the remaining castaways. Well except Tara who realised that half-arsing the challenge led to her missing out on videos from home, leading to her breaking down. And that is before she even got wind of Matt and Dave floating the idea of taking her out for being erratic and hard to read. While Matt continued to push to take out Eve, followed by Renee before actioning said plan, Dave was concerned about how that leaves him as there will be no more Chani as a back-up. Which really doesn’t concern Matt … though it may if Dave starts to feel like they’re not working towards a common goal.

The boys returned to camp with Matt and Renee then catching up – after a spider fell out of Renee’s hair, FYI – and Matt working to make her feel safe. Feeling confident he took the calm, reliability tour on the road, assuring Lisa that they will stick together … which in fact made her feel like taking out Matt is a good idea in the next couple of votes after getting rid of Renee this round.

Before anymore scrambling could occur Host Matt returned for the next immunity challenge  – after rubbing some salt in Tara’s wounds and making her cry about missing her kids – where they’re required to slowly roll balls down a long, hard pole and land them in some holes. I promise, I wasn’t even trying to make that sound filthy … at first. Adam, Dave and Eve got out to an early lead before Dave’s balls dropped and left Adam to prove himself the most adept player with balls. Which makes my filthy mind really excited.

Back at camp Dave lamented himself becoming the perennial bridesmaid of immunity challenges, those was just happy that Renee didn’t somehow snatch herself victory. Matt and Tess went hunting for shrimp while discussing their options for the night ahead, with Matt throwing out Dave and Eve as potentially options, before pivoting conversation back to Renee. While Tess would ultimately like Tara out ASAP, she realises that she isn’t as big a threat and they need to take out a threat. Which lead to her circling back to booting Dave as a priority. They then joined everyone back at camp where no one appeared to be focused on tribal council, instead discussing dinner options.

The lack of scrambling on made Renee feel more nervous about her place in the game, approaching Tara who gave nothing away and burnt another damn bridge. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TARA? That fired up Renee who approached Tess to see what her plans were, with her admitting that she was willing to vote anyone out if it bought her three more days. Renee then approached Matt and Adam to lock in a Dave vote, while Tess agreed that she was happy to vote with the majority as she didn’t want to piss off Matt who she can see is controlling everything. Sadly for Renee, everyone else was locking in the vote to take her out and once again, I’m hella confused as they headed out for the vote.

At tribal council Matty Chis asked if Adam was feeling confident in his place in the game after winning immunity before quickly rubbing salt in Dave’s wounds for never taking out a win. Matt asked if Matt was looking to leave some goats around to dominate final tribal, which he admitted to despite trying to dance around Matt’s question. Tess shared that she may start playing as a free agent now that Brad is gone, Eve admitted she’ll be booting a threat tonight … but mainly because she can’t trust them. Lisa spoke about relying on people that she trusts to get to the end and isn’t concerned about being able to beat them, before Renee spoke about feeling like she is on the block.

This led to an epic showdown, with her challenging Dave and Matt on trust, breaking trust and building trust. Sadly for her when she called out Matt for being in control, Tara said that that wasn’t true and they’re all working together. Proving she does feel like the kingpin after taking out Brad. Dave and Renee continued to bicker back and forth before Matt put an end to it and sent everyone to vote which tragically resulted in Queen Renee finding herself booted from the game. Needless to say, she was not thrilled about her departure … though neither was I, so instead of talking to her and calming her down first, I handed her a Caipireneeha Clarke and we drank in silence.

 

 

TBH when you’re feeling the post-boot pain you really don’t need to have alcohol sold to you. But don’t let that take away from the majesty of a fresh cipriana, which perks you up and dulls the pain all at once. Which really makes me sound like I have a problem, no?

Enjoy!

 

 

Caipireneeha Clarke
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
1 lime, cut into wedges
2 tsp muscovado sugar
ice
4 shots cachaça

Method
Place the lime and sugar in a cocktail shaker and muddle together.

Top with ice, add the cachaça – or vodka – and shake. Like a polaroid picture, if you’re so inclined.

Pour into the glass and top with ice. Down.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.