Twelfth Place

Chicken & Cherry Ballotine

Main, Poultry, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, RuPaul’s Drag Race UK 2, TV, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race UK 12 new queens arrived in jolly old London town to see if they could live up to my hype after the epic first season. Immediately thrust into a Wimbledon inspired photo shoot, Lawrence brought a stunning mess to the pic and took out the first victory of the season. Meanwhile on the mainstage the queens were tasked with two looks inspired by their UK gay icon and one proving why they’re the icon of their hometowns. Despite controversially rocking ASOS, Asttina took out the first victory victory while Joe Black was read for filth for not hitting her references and Bimini for being sloppy. But in the lip sync, she was anything but as she stole the show and saved herself sending the iconic Joe out of the competition.

The queens returned to the Werk Room with Bimini shell-shocked by the experience while my sweet Veronica just could not comprehend that someone as iconic and famous as Joe Black was eliminated first. Lawrence meanwhile was just processing the fact that the competition really can flip on its head in the matter of minutes, though did caution that maybe Bimini should pop on some undies. Speaking of Bimini, after scrubbing the mirror clean, as is their duty, they begged the girls to escort them to the couch so they could finally whip off their shoes. 

Sister Sister warned the girls that they have no idea how it actually feels to be in the bottom, while Lawrence continued to work her way further into my heart by telling them that they have no idea how it feels to top either. While they all laughed, Bimini wanted some drama – preach – and asked who the safe girls thought placed in the top and bottom. While Cherry got awkward, A’Whora was more than happy to share that everyone sans Lemon really thought Asttina should have been in the bottom thanks to her ASOS jacket. This led to Asttina pointing out she won and as such, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks and they all just need to step their pussies up. Leaving Tia to rightly suggest they de-drag and go home.

Oh and Lemon tried on Bimini’s outfit which is iconic but not relevant in the slightest. I just love them both.

The next day tensions had returned to normal with Asttina proudly rocking the first badge of the season. Veronica mentioned that she was missing Joe already – bless nerdy boy Veronica, I love him so – before Lawrence admitted that Joe left her some nails as she didn’t really have enough to last the competition. This led to some killer banter between her and Lemon and ugh, the UK girls just have so much charm, wit and talent – I love them all! Cherry asked Tia if she was going to step up her runways now, with Tia admitting that she got her three shit ones out of the way so they all best get ready to be dominated. Oh and to us, she still doesn’t know how to read A’Whora.

Oh and I did not recognise Ellie out of drag and was V confused where that person had come from. Again, not relevant but thought you should know.

Ru arrived to put the queens to test in this week’s mini challenge where they would be required to ride the pole. By casting their vote for their drag cabinet for Secretary of Shade, Trade Minister (aka the hottest), Leader of the House of Lording It up (aka the cockiest) and Baroness Basic before stuffing the Pit Crew’s ballot box. With their votes, obviously – this is the BBC after all. After Ru tabulated the votes, the cabinet was announced with A’Whora elected as Secretary of Shade, Tayce won Trade Minister – Asttina was robbed – Lawrence Chaney won Leader of the House of Lording it Up and Baroness Basic went to Tia Kofi. Obviously.

Oh and then Ru announced that for this week’s Maxi Challenge they’ll be singing and performing live – Charlie was right – in the debut performance of Rats: The Rusical. With only Michelle to help get their vocals over the line. Oh and then Tia was given the power to cast the show, given she was called basic and damn, this is going to be fun. Wait, no, Tia just wants it to be good and isn’t going to ruin it for anyone else. Sigh.

Veronica was feeling her singing oats, Asttina too was confident while Veronica and Cherry fought it out for the lead role Evita, with Veronica ultimately getting it, given it is the harder role and Tia wants to look after the less confident Cherry. Tia asked Lawrence why she was being so quiet, with Lawrence admitting to straight up being terrified given singing and dancing are not her gig. A’Whora was ultimately given the villain – which tracks –  while Bimini requested the non-singing role paired with it. The hoodrat parts went to Tayce and Ellie, after the latter was forced to audition for Tia. Sister, Cherry and Lawrence meanwhile formed a trio, with Sister not caring enough to fight being cast as the Rat Pack extras and Lawrence continuing to spiral with nerves. Leaving Tia the show stopping cameo for herself.

On the mainstage the queens met with Michelle and her vocal coach Dane Chalfin, with Sister, Cherry and Lawrence clearly nervous. A’Whora and was told she was holding back while Bimini was firing on all cylinders. Veronica quickly shut up everyone that doubted her while Asttina was lost next to her. Ginny rocked it as Judy Stench, while Tia was cautioned that by going the route of giving herself the smaller role she really needs to nail it and steal the show. And finally, Tayce and Ellie were both called out for being difficult to understand.

Michelle and Dane exited leaving Jay Revell and Kieran Daley Ward to get the girls up to speed with their choreo. Immediately flooding Ginny’s basement. Once again Bimini was super confident, while A’Whora just couldn’t rough it up for the role. Tayce and Ellie slayed, Veronica and Asttina worked well together, though Veronica was starting to get in her head that she really needs to win. Which may not end well. Ginny and Tia forgot their lines while Lawrence just wanted to slink into the background as she struggled and poor Cherry just wanted Lawrence and Sister to get it together so they can work through what they need to do. Lawrence started to break down, sharing that she is struggling to be this far out of her comfort zone while the rest of the girls tried to rally around her. It was relatable and sweet, so I’m obviously not going to be shady about it.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone full of energy as they got into rat drag, except for Lawrence who continued to get more and more nervous. On the other end of the spectrum, Tayce and A’Whora were busy flirting it up and alluding to their past time together. Cherry and Sister spoke about how happy the are to have each other in the competition, with Cherry sharing that she grew up as a traveller and how that contradicts with being gay. Despite the fact all the women in his family are camp as hell, the men, however, are all super butch. She spoke about struggling to be proud of being gay and share emotions and well, it was just a really nice wholesome bonding moment and again, I love them all.

On the mainstage Ru, Michelle and Alan were joined by Sheridan Smith for the premiere of Rats: The Rusical which opened with a flush. Literally. Veronica had a fire from her very first note, Ginny was hilarious, Lawrence continued to struggle with her nerves and Bimini was delightfully bonkers. Tayce and Ellie missed a cue, but managed to end their duet strongly. Lawrence warmed up throughout the show and leaned into her comedy, Sister was demented and Cherry kinda go lost, despite nailing rehearsal. Bimini owned her duet, despite A’Whora warming into the role. Attina was well and truly overshadowed by Veronica which is more a compliment to the latter, given Asttina was giving it her all. Oh and Tia’s strategy paid off as she stole the damn show with a killer final number.

On the Surprise, Surprise reveal runway, A’Whora slayed going from groom to bride. Lawrence was a bit awkward going from blueberry to tartan, Ginny was an icon, revealing the EXACT same dress under the first one, just with a bottom window included, giving them the hole nine yards. Cherry was camp and demented, going from yellow puff to pregnant lady. Tia had a killer concept going from leather daddy before slaying as a showgirl or the dancing lady emoji. Ellie went from Scarecrow to Tin Man before offering a third look, as the Cowardly Lion. Asttina Mandela went from death to sexy ninja and damn, my basement is not just flooding but overflowing. Sister Sister was a floral dame before going full dominatrix demon, in the best way. And then Veronica arrived and stole the damn show, going from Stepford Wife to full blown robot. Poor Tayce was next, going from cape to gown to dying in a bodysuit and well, I feel sorry for her following Veronica. Bimini then walked out in a corset with balloons full of paint which was an iconic concept that tragically just failed as hard as Asia and the butterflies. 

Ultimately A’Whora, Ginny, Asttina, Sister Sister and Bimini were deemed safe, leaving the rest to be praised or read for filth. Lawrence sadly was the latter with the judges feeling she was good in the show but needed to get out of her way. And her reveal was quite boring. The judges felt Cherry’s inner saboteur took her down this week and while she was good, she fell flat. The judges lived for everything Tia Kofi did this week except for her showgirl look. Ellie received universal praise for everything she did but well, they clearly loved everything Veronica Green did just that little bit more. I am so proud of her! Oh and Tayce was praised for looking stunning despite being overshadowed in the show and well, very basic on the runway.

Backstage Bimini was thrilled to be safe but heartbroken her reveal didn’t pan out. Ginny spoke about it being so much harder than they expected. The tops and bottoms returned, with Lawrence feeling ok. Sister Sister admitted that she felt Lawrence brought her down this week, with Lawrence getting offended while Sister just wanted to find a way to keep going rather than breaking down. Tayce said the judges felt everything she did was a bit flat while Cherry felt like she was being ignored, despite being in the bottom and clearly emotional. She shared she was scared and wanted to get out of her head. Talk turned to Veronica being quiet and riding under the radar, with her hoping it was a warning shot that she was here for victory. Oh and Tia was thrilled to learn that she is hella basic and congratulated the girls for identifying it earlier.

Ultimately Tia and Ellie were deemed safe, handing Veronica an extremely well-deserved victory before Lawrence’s personality saved her from the bottom two, leaving Cherry and Tayce to battle it out to Memory. And holy shit, while it isn’t exactly the most drag friendly song, the duo serve it, tapping into the emotion and frankly, breaking my heart. Both girls felt every feel however Tayce had light and shade, going from heartbreak to rage, quivering lip and fire in her eyes. Despite Cherry rocking it as a fragile leading lady, it wasn’t enough as Tayce was sent to safety and poor Cherry was sent home. Vowing to fight and never let anyone overlook them ever again.

Backstage I was still COVID naive as I pulled Cherry into a massive hug and reminded her how great she is and how proud of her I am. You see, I first met Cherry a decade or so ago when planning a family member’s traveller wedding (I was meant to appear on a rival reality TV show about these weddings, but D’Andra Simmons got me removed like I was LeeAnne in that defunct show).

But I digress.

I was taken by Cherry’s charm and nervous energy, so I took her under my wing and encouraged her to shine. Yes, ladies and gentleman, I am her drag mother. Thus the pride. But I digress, again. Cherry was thrilled to see me backstage and glad I had a delicious Chicken & Cherry Ballotine waiting to cheer her up again.

The salty prosciutto and tart cherries work harmoniously to create a ballotine that you can’t stop devouring. Particularly when feeling down or if the weather is shit. Or if you are happy. Or you know, whenever – this is just really tasty and super easy.

Enjoy!

Chicken & Cherry Ballotine
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
½ cup morello cherries, drained and chopped
¼ cup panko breadcrumbs
1 egg
2 tbsp grated parmesan
2 tsp fresh thyme leaves
1 tsp fresh oregano, roughly chopped
1 tsp chilli flakes
4 garlic cloves, minced
salt and pepper, to taste
8 slices prosciutto
2 chicken breasts, sliced in half to form two thinner fillets

Method
Preheat the oven to 200C.

Combine the cherries, breadcrumbs, egg, parmesan, thyme, oregano, garlic and chilli with a good whack of salt and pepper.

Meanwhile line the prosciutto on a piece of cling, with the long sides overlapping. Place the chicken breast pieces over the top, before forming the stuffing into a sausage and placing in the middle. Roll the chicken into a sausage, using the prosciutto to seal it in.

Place seam side down on a lined baking sheet and transfer to the oven to bake for half an hour, or until the chicken is cooked through and the prosciutto crispy. Leave to rest for ten minutes, before slicing into discs and serving with a generous heaping of mash.


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Adam Shacklein Burger

Burgers, Main, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor: Winners at War, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor everyone on the Edge was given an advantage menu for the upcoming return challenge. For lasting the longest, Yul and Parvati were screwed and couldn’t afford to buy anything while everyone else but Amber – who gave her tokens to Rob – bought advantages, and an idol each for Rob and Natalie. Ultimately it was Tyson who won his way back into the game, before kinda disappearing from the rest of the episode as he wanted to just disappear into the background. After Denise and Jeremy took out immunity things turned into chaos back at camp as Nick, Adam and Wendell quickly became the targets. And while the tribe kind of descended into chaos, Queen Sophie stepped in and took control, protecting Adam and rallying the tribe to take out Wendell instead.

We returned to camp after tribal council where Tony was thrilled about the literal clear skies while Michele was pissed to have been left out of the vote, despite being super vocal about wanting Wendell out week in, week out like the icon that she is. She and Nick caught up about being the two on the bottom, with Nick more shocked that his name was the one on the block tonight alongside Adam, even though it is his birthday. Fuming like Rodney in Worlds Apart, Nick was ready to go back to camp and give his tribemates a serve before Michele suggested that it wasn’t the best idea and that instead he should lay low, so the idiots don’t target them next. Tony arrived to check in on them, with Nick firing up before Tony told him to calm down and stop being stupid.

Michele, meanwhile, caught up with Adam, assuring him that while she is a little pissed about being left out, she is happy to pretend she isn’t furious and let the dingbats continue to think that she is their friend. Honestly, I love Michele and that is all I have to say about that. I love her as much as I love Adam telling her that he believes that the decal on Probst’s podium at tribal council is a hidden immunity idol and should he feel nervous, he will rip it off and play it. And either that is a brilliant move, or explains why he has been shown as a bumbling fool all season.

The next day we ventured to the Edge of Extinction where Parvati was leading Natalie and Danni through a yoga class before Yul stumbled upon clues for an advantage. After vague directions to step back and allow history to repeat itself, the group decided it must be a combination of previous clues and made a beeline for the top of the hill. At the summit, they opted to split into smaller groups, with Natalie bundling Wendell and Yul together as the newbies so that should one of the OG crew find the advantage, they can share in some sweet food without them, given they haven’t been suffering as long. 

As the groups searched high and low, Danni realised that maybe the history repeats itself part of the clue could be referring to the last Edge of Extinction, where Aubry was told to step back and found an advantage. With that, she and Parvati ran down the stairs and immediately found a new 50/50 advantage in the rock wall. Knowing that Michele is flush with cash, Parvati suggested that they sell it to her for four tokens before she and Danni debated whether they should keep their secret to themselves. At that moment, Rob, Ethan, Amber and Natalie appeared to see if they had found anything and guilt got the better of them, sharing the advantage and vowing to buy food for them all.

Probst arrived on screen for this week’s reward challenge where the tribe were split into two teams and forced to swim out to a net with wooden fish, bring it back to shore, load them onto hooks, carry them to a station and use the fish to solve a puzzle. The victorious team would get a glorious feast of Chinese take-out back at camp while the losers could watch from a distance and seethe. Oh and because there were an uneven number of castaways remaining, one person wouldn’t even get to compete. Tyson, Adam, Tony, Nick and Jeremy faced off against Kim, Sarah, Ben, Sophie and Michele, while poor Denise was left out on the Sandra Bench, ironic given her brutal blindside of the Queen. Well, probably – ask Alanis.

Ben, Kim and Sarah got their team out to an early lead, though Tony, Adam and Tyson desperately tried to stay in the fray. But obviously, with Sophie on the puzzle and having a lead, she made quick work of things and secured reward for her group. Before Jeff sent them back to camp to feast on their spoils, Sarah asked if she would be able to give up her reward for someone and once ok-ed by Probst, handed it over to Nick as a birthday celebration. And because Probst is as messy as the rest of us, he pointed out that that was a really nice thing to do in a game for $2 million, with Sarah left to bat it away with a weak explanation that she would overeat and feel sick, so she’d rather him be miserable for his birthday. That sound you hear is Rodney screaming about nobody caring about his birthday.

Back at camp the victors discovered their food, with Nick vowing to pay Sarah back. She then explained to him and us at home that she didn’t do it for anything in return and simply wanted him to have something nice after being blindsided on his birthday – again, Rodney screamed – and leaving his new fiance at home. And TBH, the world could do with a little more kindness, which I would have hated before being in COVID isolation. Now I like it. The victors took their feast somewhere private to avoid rubbing anyone’s face in it, while Tony and Sarah caught up by the beach. Tony was shocked and disappointed in his friend, worried that she lost her killer edge and that she had now painted a target on her back. Meanwhile back at camp Jeremy, Tyson, Adam and Denise were bitching about Sarah for her cold, calculating move and played it down as nothing more than a way to woo Nick to her side.

We checked in with the victors where Nick too was doubting the genuine nature of her kindness, and knew that even if it was, Sarah would still gladly vote him out at the next tribal council if that is what her alliance wants. They then went around opening fortune cookies while smashing the food before Michele found something in her bag. With that, she excused herself and discovered the 50/50 advantage though was scared at the prospect of using all of her fire tokens to buy it. As such, she flipped it a couple of times and when it landed equally on both sides, she decided to heed the advice of the Survivor Gods by way of the fortune cookies – I shit you not – and empty her purse to get some control. I mean, she is an icon and I love her.

Probst returned for the immunity challenge where the remaining castaways would balance on A-frames in the middle of the very choppy ocean. You know the one, it is when Spencer showed off his O-face! Given it is an endurance challenge and they aren’t overly exciting to read about, let’s focus on the fact that Jeremy is hot and so ripped, Tyson is still a babe and Nick is fast becoming island hot. Almost immediately Michele fell over and out of the challenge, she was soon followed by Denise as Jeremy too struggled, making me wonder if their end of the challenge was worse than the others, given they were all in a row. Despite the constant struggle, Jeremy made it through to the second rung, with Tyson being the first to fall, followed by Jeremy and Tony, who axed himself in the nads. The remaining six moved on to the final stage of the challenge, which quickly saw Adam, Sophie, Nick and Sarah drop from the challenge, leaving Ben and Kim to battle it out before Ben finally dropped, handing Kim immunity. By the skin of her teeth.

Back at camp Kim was feeling confident and as such, rallied the older crew and suggested they split the vote between Nick and Adam. While they all agreed, Ben suggested that it may be cleaner to leave Adam out of the split and instead put the back-up votes on Michele, given she was left out at the last tribal council with Nick. Nick meanwhile, was sick of being a nobody in the game, so decided now was the right time to cause some chaos. As such, he approached Tyson and told him that Sophie was throwing his name out instead. They then took this intel to Jeremy and Adam. The latter, however, wasn’t interested in getting rid of Sophie and instead thought that they should target Sarah, given she is close to Ben. The group then looped Michele in, filling her with glee.

Denise was looped in on the plan, so approached Kim to gauge her interest. Kim being the damn icon that she is, said that if Sarah is the plan, she is happy to go along with the plan. And then immediately caught up with Tyson to find out why in the hell Sarah was now the target. Tyson agreed that it wasn’t a smart move and given Adam was the one that quickly flipped everyone onto Sarah, maybe he should be the target instead as he is clearly dangerous. With that, they approached Jeremy to see if he would be keen before looping Tony and Sarah in on the vote. Everyone laughed at the sheer madness of the scramble before Sarah approached Ben to let him know that Adam tried to flip the vote on her because they are too close. Not wanting to play it calmly, Ben pulled Adam aside to see if he was the one that tried to flip on him and Sarah and while Adam tried to dance around the truth, Ben grew infuriated and vowed never to trust him.

Leaving in a huff, Ben took the chaos to the next level as he angrily asked Tony whether he is the one that threw his name out like Michele told him. Meanwhile Nick was busy confronting Jeremy about his name being thrown out, Denise was confused, Tyson told Michele the plan was Sarah, Sarah checked in with Kim to find out what the plan was – it was Adam, FYI – while Tony, Jeremy and Michele locked in a vote for Nick. Tyson assured Nick they were voting for Sarah, while Sophie marvelled that every time they lock in a vote, everyone disappeared to continue strategising. Nick then told Tony that Tyson was pushing for Sarah, this led to Sarah throwing out Tyson’s name, getting Sophie and Michele onboard, the latter of which looped Adam in on the plan. Nick took the information to Tony and Jeremy while Adam and Denise tried to figure out if the plan was still Sarah. And honestly this was like 30 seconds of footage.

All I know is Adam decided to go for the potential idol at tribal council, which is either going to be an epic fail or a killer move. And as I said, the edit feels like it will be the former.

At tribal council Sarah spoke about the pandemonium back at camp, sharing that literally everyone’s name was thrown out at some point. Tyson joked about the absurdity of it all, with Jeremy likening it to a bushfire jumping a highway. Denise said that the stress of the day aged her, while Nick said that he is sick of people focusing on easy targets like himself, Adam and Tyson. He then got super spicy – which I love – and said that that style of gameplay is a pathetic war and he is sick of not being able to play, and as such, he challenged everyone to actually fight. Adam tried to focus on Probst’s questioning but got distracted as everyone started to whisper amongst themselves. Adam and Nick started to swap stories and realised that they were each told to load their votes on the other, with Sophie giving Adam a weak assurance that he should be fine.

Wanting to get into the spicy spirit, Adam pointed out that Ben was being cagey before they left for tribal and refused to look him in the eye or talk to him. Ben countered that he refused to talk to Adam because Adam refused to answer a question earlier that day, which honestly, is a weak bloody feud. As they argued back and forth about their entire journey, the rest of the tribe continued to whisper and lock in their votes. After their fight ended, Adam tried to jump in on the whispering but was completely shut out and told to just trust in what he was told. Nick shared that the whispering made him feel better, which Adam countered must mean that he should then feel worried. He then asked everyone if they could offer him similar assurances, only to be met by silence from the tribe.

With that the tribe voted, Adam tried to break the tribal council set and when he couldn’t break off the fleur de lis, he decided to sit back down. Probst decided to sass him and asked whether he was sure it wasn’t an idol, leading to Adam asking if he could play it. Probst said that he could but it wasn’t an idol. He then tallied the votes and sadly for Adam, they piled up on him and he found himself joining the crew on the Edge. Which TBH, is our superfan winner’s dream. As he was exiting tribal council, I pulled him in for a massive hug and congratulated him on living out our dream yet again by playing on such a legendary season with such legendary winners. And while he was touched, he reminded me that he wanted to be reunited with those icons on the Edge and quickly took his Adam Shacklein Burger to go.

This Shake Shack copycat is so good, I almost don’t have to rage about not having Shake Shack in Australia. The sauce is glorious, the beef juicy and the lettuce and tomato helps stop you feeling guilty from having multiple.

Enjoy!

Adam Shacklein Burger
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
½ cup mayonnaise
1 tbsp dijon mustard
¾ tsp ketchup
½ tsp pickle brine
pinch of cayenne pepper
500g beef mince
4 leaves butter lettuce
1-2 tomatoes, sliced
salt and pepper, to taste
4 slices American cheese
4 potato buns

Method
Start by combining the mayonnaise, dijon mustard, ketchup, pickle brine and the pinch of cayenne pepper in a bowl. Give a good stir, cover and chill while you prep the rest of the burgers. Ideally an hour or two if you have the time.

Meanwhile, scrunch the beef mince in a large bowl until the meat is starting to come together. Divide into four balls and roll tightly. Place on a lined plate, cover and pop in the fridge to chill for about an hour.

After those hours have passed and you’re ready to go, pop a skillet over medium heat and toast each of the burger buns in a skillet. Remove and wipe the skillet clean. 

Immediately take the burgers out of the fridge, place in the skillet and flatten to about one to two centimetre thickness with a metal spatula and sprinkle with a bit of salt and pepper. Cook for a couple of minutes before flipping, seasoning with the remaining salt and pepper and topping each with a slice of cheese and cook for a further couple of minutes to melt before removing from the heat.

To assemble, smear the top and bottom with a little bit of the chilled sauce. Pop the cheesy patty on the base, top with tomato and lettuce before closing the burger and devouring. Ideally with fries.


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Marquise au Chocky Gilbert

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: All Stars, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor, 24 All Stars were abandoned on the shores of Fiji looking for revenge, redemption, a combination of the two, or simply to retain their crown in Shane and Jericho’s case. Though sadly for them, their second chance ended before it even began as the Olympian became the first boot and was followed out the door by the cookie monster. They were followed by Daisy, Michelle and Henry in quick succession before the tribes switched things up. After an attempt on her scalp, Shonee took revenge on Abbey, Lydia and John before Mat was bundled in on the deal, I assume solely because he too was an athlete. We then entered the darkest timeline and lost three OGs back-to-back-to-back with Queen Phoebe, fourth place robbed goddess Flick and Nick all just missing the merge. The latter because Jacqui hulked out in the immunity challenge and kept ruining it for the tribe.

We checked in with Mokuta the next morning where Zach was ritualistically carving Nick’s initials into a tree as Sharn reflected on turning on her close ally Nick. Even though it feels like she doesn’t have the right, though maybe I am just bitter. Completely jubilant however was David who had managed to take control of the switched tribe, had an idol that his allies know about – and more importantly, fear – and a secret idol that can keep him safe. Oh and he is going into the merge with a 7-5 advantage based on swap tribes, and an in with the OG Vakama tribe. Not wanting to rest on his laurels, David called an all tribe meeting to plot for the upcoming merge, convincing them to play up that he is on the outs so that he can try and get back in with Vakama, blindside them and fully take control. And drag Zach along for fun.

Forgoing any chatter from Vakama, the tribes joined Jonathan at the top of a hill where after Harry and Shonee processed the pain of losing their bestie Nick, the tribes were officially no more as the tribes merged. AK and Moana were thrilled to have finally been able to make the merge and become an eligible bachelor and bachelorette respectively. Moana was even more motivated to win the money for her family, while David was ready to destroy his competition.

On that note, Jonathan tasked them all with their first individual challenge for an advantage in the upcoming immunity challenge. All they would need to do is hold a clay pot tethered to a rope over a ledge with the last person standing taking out the prize. Almost immediately AK dropped his pot, followed closely by David who immediately started catching up with Brooke and AK. Harry soon dropped out, joining the catch-up while Shonee dropped and was all alone down the other end, silently willing her friends to return to her side. David continued to sell Mokuta’s prearranged lie before Tarzan and Brooke dropped from the challenge. After an hour, Jonathan grew tired and forced everyone down to one hand, leading to Sharn dropping out, followed by Moana, Locky and Zach, leaving Jacqui and Lee to battle it out. After another hour in the sun Jacqui showed her first sign of weakness, while David continued to reel Vakama in with his eyes. Oh and then out of nowhere Jacqui dropped, handing Lee an advantage. Which he won’t learn about until the immunity challenge.

The merge tribe arrived at their new camp – the former Mokuta – with Tarzan thrilled to finally make the merge, Shonee was thrilled to make it again – and be one step closer to some Gucci – and AK was just thrilled about the palatial digs at the new camp. Oh and the huge feast awaiting them by the shore. Locky was screaming, the tribe were grabbing at things, Moana was cracking the booze and Shonee was just thrilled to have cutlery again. After toasting to their successes, Sharn suggested the tribe name of Kalokalo which allegedly means star in Fijian. Everyone agreed, though I assume not because they cared per se and more because they were too interested in smashing the food and eyeing up the competition.

Kalokalo slowly migrated back to the shelter where everyone was mingling, with Brooke chatting to Brooke and Lee, though not that Moana has anything to worry about given she is the Godmother and is fully in control. And she was willing to paint Mokuta as a fractured tribe to stay there. She and Sharn told Brooke about Dave being on the outs, and the need to keep him happy to blindside him. Though really, her plan was to get revenge on Locky who spent the first two weeks of the game targeting her. And voted out her bestie Mat. With that, she pulled Dave aside to lock in the vote against Locky deep in the jungle, with him thrilled by the idea given getting rid of Locky is in his best interests.

Shonee meanwhile was nervous to be in the minority and as such, decided it was time to find two people that she can flip to their side and take control. She caught up with Brooke by the well, who agreed that Dave and Zach were their best hopes and as such, Shonee got to work reminding Zach how much he loves her. She told Brooke that an easy in with Zach is birds, given he has a passion for rescuing birds and has heaps of averies. With that she loves birds and Brooke too now loves birds, regaling him with tales about hand rearing birds and honestly, I can’t actually tell if she bred birds. David could see that they were desperately trying to flip him, glad that Zach too was playing along. As such, he pulled Locky aside to see how they can take control, with Locky spilling Vakama’s entire plan and assuring Dave that Shonee is confident that she will be able to flip back and keep them all safe. Later that night Vakama 2.0, Zach and David caught up to lock in their plan for the upcoming vote, eventually settling on Sharn as Locky wished for chaos, as that is where he does his best work.

Jonathan returned for the first immunity challenge of the season where they would each have to balance on see-saw and take blocks from a dish on one end and stack them on a tray on the other, with the first till nine winning immunity. Well not Lee, as his advantage was to remove a block and only go for eight. The tribe all stepped on to their platforms and while everyone struggled to find their feet, Shonee was like a statue and quickly stacked eight like it was nothing. Sadly she lost her stack though, forcing her to restart. Thankfully she also set off a chain reaction as everyone else lost their balance allowing her to start things up again and build her second tower at lightning speed before everyone followed the trend and dropped again. Ultimately Shonee quickly built her third tower like it was nothing, securing immunity like the freaking icon that she is.

Thanks pilates!

Back at camp the tribe celebrated Shonee’s athletic display of dominance, while the icon was just thrilled to know that there is no way that she is going home. Oh and she let us know that she is just great at balancing and hasn’t even done pilates in over a year. While Locky would have preferred to have won for himself, he was glad that immunity was at the very least in his alliance’s hands and as such, can target Sharn with the help of David and Zach and take control. He then got way to confident and hot damn – Locky, you in danger girl.

Almost like I manifested it, Moana pulled Sharn and Lee aside to lock in the vote for Locky and tee up Sharn to play the fool and pretend to slip that they are targeting AK. With that, she pulled AK aside to let him know that her alliance would be voting for him tonight. And given he has no reason not to trust her, took the information to David and Locky and reconfirmed that they were still on for voting out Sharn, nervous about going home himself should their plans fail. The only person more cocky than Locky at the moment was David, giddy to be in the swing vote position and safely in the majority no matter which side they select.

He caught Zach up on the plan and returned to play mind games with Vakama 2.0 but was proving to be so convincing, that Tarzan started to panic that he had actually flipped. This made him nervous enough to call Moana over and the duo approached him to stress the importance of the upcoming vote to prove their loyalties. Moana was nervous, Locky and Brooke were confident and while it feels obvious, it is so obvious that Locky will go, that maybe I am wrong?

At tribal council Harry spoke about the intricacies of navigating the first post-merge tribal council, before Jonathan threw shade at AK for not making it before. AK spoke about his surprise at how few people approached him after the immunity challenge and truly felt like nothing had changed and everyone was locked in their alliances. David spoke about someone potentially being blindsided, given everyone is keen to make a statement and take out a big player first. Locky admitted to feeling on the bottom as the former Vakama, though was hopeful to have found enough cracks to save them. Sharn spoke about splitting cracks and honestly I get distracted by such innuendo.

Harry continued to prove how dangerous he would be if he gets the chance to plead his case at tribal council, calmly outlining the importance of not only surviving but also impressing the jury enough to win. David agreed but pointed out that you need to get there, oft by making smart decisions, to even get to plead your case. He then spoke about Mayan sacrifice and it got real dark, real quick. Zach had a slip of the tongue, alluding to the vote coming down to old tribal lines. As he desperately tried to play the fool and bumble around who could be aligned, you could see him desperately wanting to crawl back into his avery.

Harry said that they’re at the point where some people haven’t had the chance to play the game yet and as such, looks forward to them showing what they are made off. Locky urged people to step up, while Moana slyly reminded him that she has. Tarzan spoke about the importance of loyalty, while his ally Moana preached the virtues of making the safe move. Locky interjected and told her that there is no way that he will vote for her in the end then. She tried to defend playing it safe, before Locky schooled her about the pre-merge not really counting, since they aren’t around to reward the big moves and as such, she needs to step up. Moana schooled him and asserted that a quiet game doesn’t mean it isn’t a good game. Sharn was confident, Locky was confident and shock horror, David was feeling confident. With that, the tribe voted and poor Locky discovered that his was misplaced as Mokuta 2.0 stuck together to send him out of the game and over to the jury.

Likely not to vote for Moana.

Oh dear, sweet, beautiful Locky – I hate to see him go, but hot damn watching him leave truly floods my basement. He entered Loser Lodge just as it upgraded to the Jury Villa, so I took him into my arms, realised I am devoid of upper body strength and got him to take me in his arms and spin me in a circle like a rom com.

“The King of the Jury needs his queen, and I am forever yours,” I whispered into his ear.

He giggled, maybe awkwardly, maybe a little nervous, I don’t know. What I do know, however, is that Locky is straight up the most interesting player of his archetype besides Malcolm. Good strategically, charming and likeable, athletic and built like a God, he is perfect for this game and could have taken out the season, had Dave and Moana not had control.

His eyes welled up with tears as I told him all this before he started giggling again, this time at the sight of my Marquise au Chocky Gilbert.

 

 

Velvety and smooth, sweet, rich and oh so delicious, the marquise au chocolat melts in your mouth. And is the perfect thing to distract from post boot pain, in bed with your love.

Enjoy!

 

 

Marquise au Chocky Gilbert
Serves: 2 lovers that can also be friends.

Ingredients
255g dark chocolate, cut into pieces
1 tbsp espresso, cooled
1 tbsp amaretto
100g raw caster sugar
5 eggs, separated
175g unsalted butter, melted
cocoa, for dustin’

Method
Line a loaf tin with cling.

Place the chocolate in a heatproof bowl with the coffee and amaretto and place in the top of a double boiler – well, if you don’t have steamy, unbridled sexual tension with your mate – and cook, stirring until the chocolate has just melted and everything has come together.

Meanwhile combine the caster sugar in yolks in a bowl and whisk for a couple of minutes, or until light and fluffy. You could do this in a stand mixture, but I like to watch Locky whisk shirtless and I got him to give me a hand. Fold through the chocolate and butter until well combined. Leave to cool.

Finally whisk the egg whites in a stand mixer until stiff peaks form. Fold through the combined chocolate mixture until it forms a homogenous, shiny mixture. Transfer to the lined tin, cover with cling until airtight and place in the fridge to set for a minimum of 12 hours.

Once set, turn out, cut into slices and serve, dusted lightly with cocoa. They devour, on plates, or Locky’s chest. I went with the latter option.

 

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Lydia Lassila 2.0

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: All Stars, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2018), Drink, Snack, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor after Shonee and Zach were booted to exile, Jonathan decided to switch up the tribes. Before the icon and her newfound friend returned to the game, with each being sent to one of the new tribes. Filling Abbey with dread, given she was reunited with Shonee. New Mokuta won the first reard challenge after the swap, where they won an enigmatic Pandora’s Box. Which they took back to camp and learnt that two keys were hidden on the island, with the first person to find one and open it claiming the ultimate advantage inside. Everyone was off and racing before Nick found the key, roped in Phoebe to be his lookout and grab the extra vote advantage before anyone noticed. Mokuta once again proved unstoppable in the immunity challenge, leading to a showdown between Abbey and Shonee. With Locky, Brooke, AK and Flick firmly planted in the middle. Thankfully fellow fourth-placed robbed goddess Flick chose to side with Shonee, and the tribe blindside Abbey from the game.

We checked in with Mokuta the next day where Moana and David were bonding over their improved surroundings. However the uncertainty about who opened Pandora’s Box was driving David mad, and as such, he got to work trying to find the culprit and in turn, find out the advantage they claimed for themselves. While he listed the potential thieves though, he conveniently missed Nick … who was at that very moment doing a David impersonation with a really cute scarf. That I need now, please and thank you Nick.

Over at Vakama Shonee was living for her breakfast, flying high on the killer tribal council the previous night. Like Arya Stark, she was thrilled to cross a name off her list and was ready to keep going. Knowing that she gets by on her personal relationships, Shonee continued her charm offensive and bonded with her season-mate Mat. I mean, he even made the Queen a friendship bracelet – I live! Mat too was trying to make as many friends as possible, knowing that he was reunited with Lydia, who is out for her own revenge from their original season. When he and Shane blindsided her. Speaking of Lydia, she was trying to do a complete 180 on her game, targeting the strong, athletic Mat. With that, she tasked John to go make friends and why isn’t he doing a nudie run? That is the John I love.

Returning to Mokuta, Zach was giving me the goods, washing off, flashing his buns and OH MY GOD, do I love Zach?


Before I could explore my feelings or boner, Nick was feeling nervous about the state of play on Mokuta, given they haven’t been to tribal and he isn’t sure where the loyalties lie. He was confident in his alliance with Sharn and Lee, knowing that David and Phoebe were together and Tarzan, Moana and Jacqui were close, and as such, he needed to snap up one of the other groups to take control. And use his extra vote if needed. Feeling less nervous, Moana was thankful to have two of her closest allies with her, loving the new beach and fired up to make some moves and get back to her dear friend Mat. Unlike her besties however, she was nervous about David and as such, wanted to get him out ASAP. Mo approached Sharn to share her fears about David and suggested splitting up his pair with Phoebe. She then approached Nick to point out that David and Phoebe have been spooning, and as such, are aligned and need to be dealt with.

The tribes arrived to meet Jonathan and were shocked to learn that tribal immunity was placed on pause and that today, each tribe would compete amongst themselves for individual immunity and both tribes would go to tribal council tonight. Said challenge would require everyone to stand on a pole, holding two discs between a hand and the side walls. With the last ones standing on each tribe taking immunity. After a matter of minutes, John and Locky became the first two out of the challenge – nudie run? – quickly followed by Harry, while nobody from Mokuta had even dropped. Well, until I jinxed them and Moana dropped, while everyone by Jacqui looked close to death. Lee was the next to go, followed by a distraught Phoebe, Shonee, Mat and David.

Taking a leaf out of Shane’s book, David started to strike up a conversation with Moana, assuring her that he won’t target her tonight. Nick was eliminated from the challenge as the duo spoke about hooking up, with Moana keen to be his new Luke. Tarzan dropped out to give Jacqui a better shot at the Mokuta immunity, before Lydia lost her chance at the Vakama one. Not very athletic, no? Zach was the next to drop, leaving Sharn and Jacqui to battle for Mokuta’s immunity, while Brooke, AK and Flick were still alive for Vakama. Until I jinxed them and AK was eliminated, leaving the ladies all to dig. Ultimately Jacqui proved unbeatable, as Sharn finally dropped her discs. Meanwhile the Vakama challenge proved more interesting as Brooke and Flick continued to fight, neither wanting to give up given the fact Flick blindsided Flick in their first season. Not that we’d know, since Flick hasn’t spoken all season. One thing she has done is drop though, handing Brooke immunity.

Back at Vakama Shonee was thrilled to get rid of another two of her enemies, looking forward to getting rid of Lydia. And I assume, hoping Lee or Sharn go on the other. Lydia decided now would be the time to try and befriend Shonee, which she immediately shut down given they have no relationship and Lydia needs to exit her beach. Shonee, Locky, AK, Brooke and Flick caught up to lock in the plan, with everyone more than ok to stick with Lydia. Speaking of Lydia, she was desperate to find a way out of the situation and decided her best chance would be to pitch a Mat blindside to flush his idol … and get revenge for Champions vs. Contenders I. With that, she approached AK and Harry and wisely appealed to their egos, telling them a vote for her is boring and blindsiding Mat would be great for their resume.

AK was keen to go with the plan, but only if Lydia could convince John – easy – Brooke and Locky to join with them. Lydia approached the latter to see how they were feeling and despite it being risky, knew it was her only shot. Sadly for her, however, it didn’t go unnoticed by Mat, who quickly deduced that he was her target and was working overtime to convince people to join her. Begrudgingly Mat approached Locky to see what was going on and pledged his allegiance to his former nemesis to stay safe for one more vote.

Side note, everyone reminded us that this is All Stars about 1000 times and I hate it.

Meanwhile over at Mokuta Jacqui was thrilled to have secured individual immunity before David scurried off to see whether he could convince Zach to align with him. They met up in the shallows and when Zach seemed open to voting out Nick – the OG snake – David commenced rallying the troops, pulling in Lee and Sharn, knowing that Phoebe would also be keen if it saves themselves. Not resting one his laurels, David reached out to Moana to see whether she can bring herself, Tarzan and Jacqui in on the vote, working together long enough to keep Mat happy if they reunite. With Mo and Co. keen, everything seemed to be done and dusted.

But damn, the Moana that slayed Russel is back and I am so thrilled to see her again. She caught up with Sharn and suggested that instead, they target Phoebe to weaken David’s alliance and free up Nick. And she has zero qualms about it, given she told Dave that she would be loyal to him at the merge … but they haven’t merged yet. I mean, that is low-key iconic. Speaking of icons, Phoebe was nervous about losing Nick and as such, pulled him and Sharn aside to catch them up and find another vote. Sadly for Nick, however, he suggested Moana as the next best option. The same Moana that is a dear friend of Sharn outside of the game.

Both tribes arrived at tribal council before Lydia spoke about the pain of Abbey being thrown under the bus and booted last tribal council. She then smugly spoke about there being cracks in the tribe, insinuating that she had been successful in using them enough to make a move. Mat admitted that he was nervous after receiving votes the night before, AK spoke about the ever-changing dynamics on the tribe and John admitted to being completely left out and just dragged along by the rest of the tribe. Lydia said that she was even further behind John, which makes no sense, given they are calm and dependable. And there are people sitting quietly on the tribe, waiting to fuck, shit up. Locky admitted to the tensions in their tribe, though wouldn’t commit to any one person being more of a threat than any other. Talk turned to cars, with Mat saying he is in the car, but not driving it before AK decided to just claim the wheel and then told Jonathan that the vote won’t change a thing. But will give them more room in the shelter. Which made Mat just a little bit nervous.

Jonathan turned his sights to Mokuta, with Jacqui sharing how thrilled she was to finally feel safe at a tribal council. David admitted that everyone was wary of tribal council, given the tribe hasn’t had the chance to solidify their allegiances. Moana spoke about how lovely the new tribe was, glad to take some time to chill, bond and move past the dramas on the previous tribe. This annoyed Phobe, who said the issues were clearly still there since she wasn’t invited to go swim and bond, and as such, she was nervous. Nick spoke about exploiting the cracks in the alliance, David said he was trying to plan for the future and Moana said she was confident and just wanted to vote.

While Phoebe and Sharn started to whisper, David agreed with Moana that he was feeling confident in the vote ahead. Which Sharn and Lee agreed with, all seemingly putting a lot of weight on this vote for dictating the rest of their games. Moana suggested someone will be surprised by the outcome of the vote, which made Nick feel nervous, reminding everyone that only Jacqui is safe. Speaking of Jacqui, she too … was confident in the plan going ahead.

Jonathan decided to add one more twist to the proceedings, announcing that while each tribe will be voting somebody out, only one would be exiting the game as the duo will face off in a fire challenge, leaving the victor to return to their tribe, desperate for some Shonee style revenge.

With that, the Vakama tribe kicked off the vote-a-palooza, followed by Mokuta, before Jonathan revealed that Lydia was narrowly voted out of the former ahead of John. Much to Shonee’s slyly, smug delight. While the more confused Mokuta narrowly settled on Queen Phoebe over Nick and Moana. With that the women approached their fire stations to prepare for battle, with Phoebe nervously checking in on Lydia’s fire-making ability. Which she self rated with a half-hearted, “yeah good.” But, yeah, nah, they weren’t so good, as Phoebe quickly got a spark – under Dave’s guidance – while Lydia focused on building a tee-pee before focusing on the flame. With Phoebe first to get flame, she desperately worked to build it up. Her kindling quickly lit up, but just as quickly went out, giving Lydia hope. Though it was misplaced, as Phoebe relit the flame and got a roaring fire before Lydia even managed a spark, returning herself to the game and sending Lydia home.

Despite openly complaining about Lydia for most of the season, I was sad to see her arrive at Loser Lodge. Until I learnt that the other option was Phoebe, though I didn’t tell her that. The fire she showed this entire episode reminded me of how great a villain she was in the first episode, so I decided to finally take her in my arms, apologise for our ongoing feud – she got me banned from the Olympics because I cheated, or something – and make her a kinda, Lydia Lassila. 2.0.

 

 

Like Lydia’s slightly improved game this season, I decide to see her previous Lydia Lassila and change it just enough to be new, fresh and exciting. Out are the juicy, juicy mangoes and in are the strawberry and rose water. The latter of which gives a very feminine, glamorous edge, in honour of Queen Shonee who is out for athletic blood.

Enjoy!

 

 

Lydia Lassila 2.0
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 cups frozen strawberries, defrosted
2 cups natural yoghurt
½ cup milk
2 tbsp honey
¼ tsp ground cardamom
¼ tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp rose water

Method
Chuck everything in a blender or food processor.

Blitz for a couple of minutes, or until well combined.

Pour into a glass and down, like an Olympic Champion that was bested by our queen, icon, legend Shonee.

 

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Andy Meldrumsticks waiting to be gobbled up by the hapless Australian Survivor ultrafan, Andy Meldrum

Andy Meldrumstick

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor a broken rope eliminated King Ross from the game, breaking the heart of the nation in the process. Prior to that the post-swap Champions tribe was dominated by two power couples – Daisy and Shaun and Luke and David – who were battling it out for dominance, though were laying in wait to take control. Andy meanwhile tried to play both sides, but botched it so badly that nobody wanted to play with him and quickly made enemies. Clearly not having heard about Julia getting run over in Koah Rong while standing in the middle of the road. Meanwhile at the Contenders the OG Champs had dominated the tribe, though when it came down to just them and Harry had considered getting into bed with him and forming an unlikely alliance to control the post merge.

We immediately checked in with Jonathan at the top of a hill where both tribes were still sad to have lost Ross to injury. While I was offended by the lack of mourning period, that didn’t stop the game as Jonathan told them all to drop their buffs – sadly John didn’t take his speedo off with it – as the merge had arrived. Pia was thrilled to have gone from potential first boot to in a good place post-merge, while Luke was pumped to have made it for the second time. Janine was excited for the game to restart, while Andy was excited that all those sharks are circling and ready to sacrifice their next victim. Which is likely to be him.

Before returning to their new camp, Jonathan introduced them to their first individual reward challenge where the would need to hold a weight tethered to bucket of water above their head, with the last person dry snatching a mystery crate of goodness. Mere minutes into the challenge Jonathan offered the first temptation, with Luke dropping out and snatching a packet of Tim Tams. Which will, tragically, run out. Pia and Harry were next, dropping out for phone calls from home with Pia’s partner giving her a pep talk while her daughter was more concerned about keeping her up to date with her ear-wear. Which is iconic. Abbey and JaQueen dropped out for tacos and margies, John, Shaun and Baden dropped out for red wine and some spaghetti and Andy dropped out for John’s love, a mexican parma.

Daisy, Simon and David stayed firm through bacon and eggs, cake, shampoo and conditioner, an advantage in the next immunity challenge and an entire pizza, instead choosing to battle it out for the big ol’ box. Wanting to hurry things along, Jonathan changed the rule to leaving both hands on the bag, which immediately claimed David while Daisy and Simon continued to fight. Well until Simon couldn’t handle it anymore, dropping the bag and handing Daisy the big box. Which she could open when she arrived at the new camp.

Back at camp Daisy was thrilled to be above average as a member of the newly merged tribe, which settled on the palatial digs of the camp formerly known as Champ Camp. While they tried to act like one big happy family and settle in, Andy brought up that they need to name the tribe. Obviously he had researched a name, suggesting ‘Soli Bula’ which means welcome together. After everyone agreed on it and laughed about how obvious a superfan he is, he shared that ‘Soli Bula actually means sacrifice and he can’t wait to sacrifice everyone on the tribe. Sadly unaware that he is likely to be the next person sacrificed.

David and the rest of the Champions went for a walk down the beach with David filling them in on what he and Luke went through on the other tribe with the idol plays and swift moves. Luke stayed with the Contenders to make them feel like he is in with them and hide how tight the alliance truly is. David warned them against Andy and his ways, though pointed out that Daisy and Shaun are the most dangerous and need to be split up ASAP. Speaking of Daisy, she was catching up with Baden and Harry who warned her against the target on her and Shaun’s back, before reiterating that if one of them goes, they all go one after the other.

Shaun decided staying Contender strong is the most beneficial for their games, approaching Harry and John to get them on board. Pia was feeling slightly more confident, knowing she has a meat shield in the form of JaQueen and that her social game has been so strong, nobody has bothered to notice the strategy. She also suggested that playing lowkey and hiding your superfan status is important, which is something Andy needs to learn ASAP. Pia and JaQueen went for a walk to the well, where she suggested that she still wants to take out David, though whether it is something that she needs to happen ASAP is unknown.

Finally Daisy went for a wander into the jungle where she discovered her box and learned that her reward was actually every single item that Jonathan offered at the reward, in addition to a bath. After a brief chat with her mum, she then read the advantage which sadly gave her no information. After smashing a few meals, washing her hair and smashing her margie, she then lifted up a final closh, discovering that she also won an individual immunity idol filling with with unending joy and a little bit of hope. She then returned to camp to fill them in on her reward, however David was not buying it since she didn’t mention anything about an idol. Or the obviously ball hiding it in her hand.

Daisy and Shaun caught up near the well, with her sharing that she found an idol in her box – direct quote – which made Shaun confident that they will be able to swing the odds in their favour, despite the target their alliance has put on their backs. That night David, Abbey, Pia and JaQueen decided to make Daisy feel so nervous that if she has an idol, she plays it while they target someone else.

The next day John flashed everyone is pearly white arse, before everyone headed off to find Jonathan for the first individual immunity challenge where they would each have to hold a rope threaded through a tile and attached to a bag holding 60% of their bodyweight, with the last person still holding their bag with their tile intact scoring immunity. Oh and we finally learnt Daisy’s advantage is starting ten minutes after everyone else. Out of nowhere Zaddy John and Luke started to struggle within the first ten minutes, dropping out first at the same time, followed closely by Harry. After Daisy joined the fray, Baden opted out of the challenge with everyone riding out the next ten minutes safely. Pia started to struggle before joining the boys on the bench, followed by David after everyone spoke about the dangers of being too confident. He was followed by Andy, and then Simon at the thirty minute mark. After 40 minutes Shaun and Janine started to struggle, with Janine needing more of a boost if she wanted to stay in the challenge. Abbey, Shaun and Daisy continued to fight it out with the latter dropping out despite her advantage. Finally, after 55 minutes in battle poor Abbey couldn’t hold old any longer, handing Shaun the first individual immunity just when he needed it.

Back at camp Andy was feeling nervous about his place in the tribe now that Shaun has immunity. Meanwhile David was frustrated that his number one target had immunity and his number two likely had an idol, and as such, wanted Andy out in retaliation for his failing ways as a snack. With David iconically referring to him as a worm. While everyone agreed to band together to take out Andy, Shaun wasn’t happy about getting rid of him as a number and instead suggested to Daisy that they need to stick together as Contenders and target Dave. They then floated the idea of playing their idol to save Andy JIC and while Daisy can’t trust him, she also was attracted to the idea of making a big move.

Pia too was struggling with the easy Andy vote, realising that getting rid of Dave would likely be better for her game. She, Abbey and JaQueen caught up, agreeing that getting rid of Dave would make sense, so approached Andy to see what went on at the post-swap Champions tribe. Luke and Abbey approached Shaun and Daisy to start making Daisy nervous enough to get rid of her idol. Eventually Andy and Dave caught up for Andy’s last attempt to save himself, sharing that he didn’t actually try to throw the challenge and instead was making it look like he was to keep Daisy and Shaun happy. Knowing it was a total lie, David told him that he trusted him and  that his only chance at surviving the night would be to join the Champs and vote for Daisy. And honestly after the mess of everyone scrambling, I am so confused about what is actually going to happen.

At tribal council JaQueen tried to downplay how tight the OG Champions were, suggesting that they are all contenders ready to battle. John pointed out that the original tribes were hard to break, before David joined in downplaying the day one alliances. Shaun admitted that he is aware of the target on his back but people need to realise he can not win ten immunities in a row. Andy spoke about loyalty being hard to come by now that the tribe merged, before Luke jumped in to remind him of the move he tried to make against Daisy pre-merge which showed a lack of loyalty. Andy tried to lie out of the hole, with Dave joining in to tag-team Andy with Luke saying that they would actually respect him if he owned his moves. Shaun asked Andy point blank if he had tried to make a move against Daisy, with him once again lying about it happening.

Baden said that it was the most important tribal of the game, while Daisy admitted that she is feeling very nervous. David jumped back in to point out that just because someone is taking a lot of heat, doesn’t necessarily mean that they will be the one getting the boot and honestly I don’t know if that should make Daisy more or less nervous. He and Janine questioned the vote coming down to tribal lines, while Shaun was hopeful that tomorrow everything will be clearer and people will then be able to figure out their next move. David then spoke about the vote being clear cut, though was sure that some people will likely be shocked by the outcome.

With that the tribe voted, Daisy played her idol for herself and the tribe joined together to rid the game of Andy. Though not before one final moment of making me feel confused about how I feel for him, joking about voting for Daisy a couple of times and following it up by outing Dave’s idol. While sure, he didn’t actually think that Dave has the idol which he has, but the fact that he dropped the bomb and has left drama is something I’ll be forever grateful for. Plus, the look of pain as he tried to not show how disappointed he was to just miss the jury is the exact way I would be looking, and as such, the man still deserved a comforting Andy Meldrumstick.

 

Andy Meldrum waiting to dry his tears with an Andy Meldrumsticks

 

While Andy’s big moves never went anywhere, those massive swings are what makes the game exciting … kinda like the combination of white chocolate, salted caramel and peanuts. As salty as his moments of loss and deceit, as sweet as his (surprising to me) numerous victories in challenges and as cold as his persona, there is no better way to toast the ultrafan. And distract from the fact he was outshone as a villain by David.

Enjoy!

 

Andy Meldrum washing away his pain with an Andy Meldrumstick or two

 

Andy Meldrumstick
Serves: 1 Sonic Look-a-like and his dearest frenemy

Ingredients
400g white chocolate, roughly chopped
2 tbsp grapeseed oil
6 waffle cones
8 cups Vanilla Ice Cream, softened.
2 cups JL Salkeld Caramel
1 cup salted peanuts, roughly chopped

Method
Melt the chocolate in a double boiler over a rollicking boil until smooth and silky. Remove from the heat and stir through the oil until well combined.

To assemble, pour a tablespoon of chocolate in the bottom of each cone and place into a couple of glasses and transfer to the freezer to set for ten minutes or so. Once set, remove from the freezer and pipe the ice cream into each cone, adding swirls and peaks to make it look legit. Using another piping bag, pipe a core of salted caramel into the middle and swirl over the top. Return to the cup and pop it into the freezer to set for half an hour or so, repeating the process until the ice creams are done.

Once set, brush with additional white chocolate and drizzle over the top, sprinkle with peanuts and return to the freezer to set for half an hour. Then devour, sadly, knowing you’ve missed the all winners season … even before losing the season in a spectacular fashion.

 

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Geoffrey Vetkoeke-Tonnesen

Bread, Side, Snack, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa the merge proved a trying time for Nicole, who was reunited with her amigos straight after blindsiding their dear friend Nathan. While she tried hard to win them back over, they all had their doubts and had moved on to new alliances. Dante and Meryl tried to pull back Jacques and Cobus, while Mike was reunited with Mmaba and Geoffrey and hoped to be able to work together. After Steffi snatched immunity and sent herself to the Island of Secrets, the spitshake crew rallied together to split the vote between Meryl and Geoffrey, ultimately sending Meryl to become the Queen of the Jury without upsetting Dante, who they may need further down the road.

Back at camp Rob was thrilled at the perfect execution of their plan, while Geoffrey was nervous about how many people were against him despite being thankful to have stayed. He tried to clear the air with the tribe, assuring them that he holds no ill will, though since Jacques was making jokes about trying to vote him out twice, I’m not sure he will be getting very far. The next day the tribe were miserable as the rain hammered their camp. Well except for Rob, who was sitting pretty in the seven, though decided that pulling Durao in would also be a good idea for him. They went for a walk down the beach, with Rob pledging loyalty to him and while it is good for Durao, I’m not sure Rob bringing everyone in is a great idea. He then approached Nicole to fill her in on the alliance and vowed to protect her, now extending the alliance to nine which is extremely shortsighted.

Nico made a relatively early return for the reward challenge where the tribe would be split into three teams, run through a series of obstacles while collecting bags of discs which they slide up a curved wall and attempt to land it in a basket. It was for a spa reward, complete with snacks, sandies and drinks, so everyone was desperate for the win. 

Geoffrey, Durao, Dante and Mmaba got out to an early lead with Rob, Nicole, Mike and Jacques, while Steffi, Laetitia, Seipei and Cobus brought up the rear. Rob, Nicole, Mike and Jacques made quick work of the second and third obstacles, gaining a slight lead, landing the first two points before anyone was on the board. Dante closed the gap and took the lead until Rob clawed it back. They were neck and neck, going point for point until Dante scored their tenth point and secure immunity before Seipei, Steffi, Laetitia and Cobus even scored a point. With Queen Laetitia particularly pissed, since Nico kept pointing out that she was the reason they lost. Before the victors headed out to the spa, they decided to send Jacques to the Island of Secrets, hopeful that they can trust him to fill them in on what happens while he’s away.

Back at camp Laetitia was still upset about letting her team down, feeling like she is losing her dignity and pride so requested that they vote her out at the next tribal council. While everyone was supportive, Mike preferred that she quit rather than waste being able to get rid of someone they want. Thankfully she changed her mind however, vowing to stay and honestly I’m a little confused slash suffering from whiplash. At reward Dante was feeling left right out so decided it was the right time to make friends, telling Geoffrey, Mmaba and Durao that he would rather align with the three of them rather than the other group and given Geoffrey was trashed, he was receptive to the idea. Particularly since he can pull in Laetitia and Cobus to snatch the majority. Finally we checked in with Jacques on the Island of Secrets who was gifted another advantage, this time a reward steal which he was giddy to use at the family visit. Whenever it may be. Back at reward Durao and Dante went to shower, tragically alone, while Mmaba and Geoffrey ran the numbers before they traded out, all got massages and basically were loving life.

The next day Rob and Steffi caught up with Durao to find out what happened on the reward challenge, with Durao spilling the beans on Dante’s attempts at making allianced and despite scrambling being the nail in Meryl’s coffin, Rob didn’t seem to be too scared about Dante. Instead finding it endearing. Geoffrey and Mike then caught up with Geoffrey pointing out the Durao is shifty and tried to convince Mike that working with Dante would be in their best interests.

Nico returned for this week’s immunity challenge where the tribe would be submerged under a grate as the tide rises, with the last person to stay underwater snatching immunity. Before throwing them underwater, Nico advised that not everyone had to compete and if people were feeling safe, they could opt to sit out and smash some Nachos, with Cobus, Seipei and Jacques preferring to eat instead of compete. Almost immediately Mmaba dropped out, no doubt regretting the choice not to smash some nachos instead. Durao and Mike quickly followed, with Laetitia dropping after half an hour before Dante and Nicole joined her. After an hour it was down to Rob, Steffi and Geoffrey who were all completely submerged with the latter dropping first, before Steffi eventually couldn’t hold on any longer, handing Rob immunity.

Back at camp the tribe congratulated Rob on his crazy performance in the challenge before Rob doubled down on his plan to get rid of Geoffrey. Meanwhile Zadante approached Jacques to figure out what their plan is, with Jacques worried that he needs to cut ties with Zadante ASAP. Seipei and Cobus caught up to lock in their votes on Geoffrey, with Seipei approached Jacques and Steffi to make sure they were on the same page. Rob and Mike agreed to get rid of Geoffrey, which made Mike feel upset given he was aligned with Geoffrey and if he backs out of the vote, his new alliance will no longer trust him. He approached Geoffrey who was hopeful about his ability to pull someone else in. Rob tried wooing Zadante back at camp, pointing out what his vote would say to try and get him into the fold. Dante took that intel directly to Geoffrey and neither of them could seem to get on the same page, with Dante wanting him to vote out Nicole despite it being one of Geoffrey’s closest allies. Geoffrey and Nicole caught up, with the former vowing to never write her name down, while the latter deliberately ignored returning the favour.

Geoffrey then approached Durao to find out which way his was leaning, unaware that he too had been swept up into Rob’s group. This left Geoffrey with only Mike and Mmaba left to trust, with Mike concerned that there is no way that he can continue to play with both of his alliances. Durao and Rob caught up again, with Durao laying out where all the votes lay and hot damn, Durao is low key the best social player right now. Rob and Geoffrey got together to clear the air, with Rob concerned that Geoffrey was targeting Nicole. He desperately tried to convince him of his loyalty, pointing out that Dante was trying to get her out instead however it doesn’t actually look like Rob is buying it.

At tribal council Steffi pointed out that the tribe is clearly divided into multiple alliances, which Dante agreed with and pointed out that anything is enough to become a target at the moment. Cobus said there is scheming going on all over the beach and while you can see some of it, there is a hole lot that people are missing. Durao talked about the lols of seeing Geoffrey and Dante buddying up at reward, given they straight up hated each other mere episodes ago. Durao then continue to dig Geoffrey and Dante’s hole, pointing out that the boys talked about aligning and suggested targets. This led to Geoffrey coy outing someone that is clearly Dante for trying to get him to betray Nicole before Rob reminded people that they need to stop looking too far ahead, given it could burn potential bridges later down the road. Jacques admitted that if other people are locking in final fours, the other eight need to come together to get rid of them before likening the hierarchy to that of upper management. I assume, like a board of directors. Geoffrey brought up the importance of trust which Jacques agreed with, though said that in reality, allegiances will shift after each vote and people need to accept that.

Talk turned to the vote ahead, with Rob saying he is sticking with his alliance, Dante going with individuals that he trusts and hopes to earn theirs in return before Mike shared that he hates tribal, which is inevitable and he needs to just get over it. Meanwhile Geoffrey is sticking with his heart. With that the tribe voted and sadly nobody’s heart was with him, sending Geoffrey from the game as the second juror.

It feels like nobody is going to wake up to the fact that the amigos will always stick together until it is too late and while that – and the fact I still miss Tania – has me feeling hella bummed, I was ok to welcome Geoff into Ponderosa. I mean, at least it wasn’t Dante, you know? Obviously I didn’t mention that as we toasted his game and smashed a bunch of Geoffrey Vetkoeke-Tonnesen.

While these are essentially just rolls, the fact that they are fried make them something special. Extra crispy and crunchy on the outside, still soft, fluffy and warm on the inside – they make a strong case for just eating bread as is. No ifs, ands, butters or condiments.

Enjoy!

Geoffrey Vetkoeke-Tonnesen
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1 ½ tbsp muscovado sugar
1 tsp kosher salt
7g yeast
2 ½ cups flour
vegetable oil, to fry

Method
Combine the sugar, salt and yeast in a jug with 1 cup of lukewarm water and leave to rest for five minutes.

Place the flour in the bowl of a stand mixer, add the yeast mixture and knead for about five minutes. Transfer to an oiled bowl, cover and leave to prove for a couple of hours.

Once doubled in size, transfer to a floured surface and punch back. Break into small ½ cup sized balls and place on a lined baking sheet.

To cook, heat 10cm worth of oil in a dutch oven and bring to 180C. Once hot, add the dough a couple of balls at a time and fry for five minutes, or until golden and crisp. Transfer to paper towel and leave to drain. Repeat until done and then devour, happily.


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Gazpachjoe Anglim

Main, Snack, Soup, Survivor, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance, Survivor: Edge of Extinction, Survivor: Worlds Apart, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Survivor, nothing evidently happened despite Kama winning immunity again – and Joe avoiding pre-merge tribal council for another season – sending both Lesu and Manu to tribal council to vote out one person, like the tragic Game Changers tribal that cost my love Malcolm his place in the game. While both tribes were locked down tribal lines on the first vote between Lauren and Wendy, the OG Kamas decided Wendy wasn’t worth rocks and flipped to send her to the Edge of Extinction.

But again, nothing happened because we’re going straight to a damn challenge.

Probst brought the three tribes to a field with six challenge set-ups instead of three and quickly welcomed them to the merge. While Gavin was excited to have made the merge, he was nervous about what was waiting for them around the corner … before Probst teased an iconic moment, sharing that they literally need to worry about what is around the corner as Reem, Keith, Chris, Rick, Aubry and Wendy were brought back in. Jeff then filled the merged tribe in on the Edge of Extinction and everyone, hopefully, felt super stupid for not realising something was up given the name of the season.

But we’re not here to make them feel stupid, we’re here for a challenge and damn what a challenge the losers face. They will each climb over an obstacle, complete a jailbreak and then guide a ball through an upright snake puzzle. We then learnt that Keith in fact did choose to disadvantage Chris with extra knots, giving him the advantage and disadvantage on top of potentially tripping on his package. Chris got out to an early lead with the extra knots proving zero difficulty, while Aubry, Rick and Wendy were right behind him. Aubry dominated the jailbreak, making it to the puzzle first, while Chris, Rick, Wendy and Reem followed. Oh and the knots were this section, so everyone got to practice the puzzle, while Chris untied the knots and Keith still struggled with his pole. Wendy was dominating the puzzle and close to the end before her tourettes started to act up, as she dropped just before snatching victory. Chris almost won and then dropped at the last moment before Rick snatched his win and a place on the merged tribe.

The losers rallied around to congratulate him while breaking down over their losses, before Probst filled the merge tribe in on the fact that Extinction would be resetting and they will all have a shot to return. The five remaining losers remained to chat with Probst, as Aubry shared how much Survivor has given her and helped her grow over the years. Reem shared that Survivor was her dream and how hellish extinction was, but how proud she was to not raise the mast. Keith spoke about his pride in not giving up, Wendy felt bad that she didn’t spend as long at extinction while Chris spoke about how he had always wanted to be perfect and extinction taught him that it doesn’t matter and he can just be himself. And now my heart swells like my pants whenever I look at him. They all held each other close before Probst gave them the opportunity to return to the Edge of Extinction and wait for another shot to return, making them all giddy as they accepted the offer once again and I am so glad I can make more jokes about Chris raising my mast. Because he can get it and I need to see him in every damn episode.

We returned to the merge camp where the tribe discovered the feast, which filled Julia with so much joy because of the epic majority and the abundance of food. The tribe found out about life on extinction while Kelley lamented the pain of having Rick, of all people, back despite the fact Reem hated her so much more. On the flip side Julie found a bond with Rick and wanted to work with him and help him avoid going back to extinction, since she never wants to go there herself

Speaking of extinction Chris, Aubry and Reem huddled together as Keith and Wendy approached the flag and HOT DAMN WE HAVE SOME QUITS! After arriving back, they realised that they could not be fucked waiting around for another three weeks and as such, officially became the first and second boots. The other three however, were galvanised and vowed to continue to fight.

Back at the merge tribe Kelley and Lauren caught up to worry about Rick’s return and the fact they need to find some cracks if they want to survive. Speaking of cracks, Kelley pulled Joe aside to see whether this will be the season they can actually pull off an alliance. She questioned whether the Aubry boot made him nervous, with Joe admitting that he, Aubry and Aurora were on the bottom which given basic maths, would say the Manus plus Joe and Aurora should have the majority if they can work together. But hold Kelley’s beer, because she doesn’t trust Rick and David and thinks they will go with the majority. As such, she wants to see Rick go straight back to extinction and approached the Kama women to float the idea. Sadly Julie had zero interest in sending him straight back, so while everyone seemed open to splitting the vote between David and Rick, Julie doesn’t seem like she will play along.

The next day we learnt the tribe settled on Vata as a name before Devens discovered a parcel in his bag, which is a best friend idol which he has to give half away and if they both survive the upcoming tribal council, the pieces join together to form a legit idol. And I think I made it sound more complicated than it is. That night, he approached David and passed off his half of the idol.

My boy Probst returned for the first individual immunity challenge of the season where they would each stand on a narrow beam and balance a statue on the end of a pole. Ron dropped before Probst even finished intro-ing the challenge. He was quickly followed by Gavin before the tribe transitioned to a thinner part of the beam which cost Wardog, Devens and Victoria their shot at immunity. Aurora was taken out by a huge gust of wind before the third phase of the challenge which eventually took out Wentworth. Eric, Julia and David dropped as their transitioned to the narrowest point of the beam, leaving Julie, Joe and Lauren to battle it out for immunity. Out of nowhere Joe dropped, though it appeared quite theatrical … almost like he was throwing the challenge to appear less threatening. In any event Lauren finally dropped after struggling for much of the challenge, handing Julie immunity and damn I have a new Queen to root for.

Back at camp the tribe got to work scrambling, with Kelley continuing to push for Devens and Julie feeling safe enough to instead go for Kelley. She pulled in Victoria who was keen to get another vet out, before Julie approached Devens to say that he and David are safe while everyone else on his OG tribe were desperate to get rid of him. Devens filled in David on the betrayal and that Julie will tell them who to target but that someone from Lesu is likely to go. Ron and Joe caught up, with Joe asking Ron to follow Eric, Julie and Victoria to make sure his name doesn’t come up. His calm demeanor made Ron feel like he was planning to betray him and as such, he wanted the Kama 6 to band together to instead take out Joe as it may be their only chance. While Victoria still though Kelley was the safer option, she floated Ron’s plan with Eric and Gavin and they tried to decide who was best to get rid of first between Kelley and Joe. Julie was the voice of reason, sharing that whatever it is, the six of them need to come to a consensus as the vote will dictate the rest of the came.

At tribal council Joe, Julie, Julia, Ron and Aurora finally got their torches before Probst announced that Reem, Chris and Aubry stayed on extinction and as such would sit on the jury while they await their next bid to return. Julie shared that the game has finally begun for the five people that stayed on Kama, Ron admitted that he will always be Kama strong which made Kelley feel nervous, given she is back on the bottom. Again. Rick admitted that he was confused about the dynamics after being out of the game, while Victoria shared that sending him straight back would be evil and that there are bigger targets to focus on first. This made Joe very nervous as a challenge threat, which she said wasn’t the only threatening thing in the game. Ron felt there were no idols in the game, which Wardog said generally means four will pop up at tribal before Rick felt it was weird back at camp while they should have been scrambling, since Kama was calm and Joe lazed around painting the tribe flag. Ron pointed out that having the majority means you don’t need to scramble, which made Kelley remind them she is used to playing from the bottom which was ominous as they went to vote.

Once again both Lauren and Wentworth held strong and opted out of playing their idols as the first seven votes rolled in between Rick, David and Wentworth, before the final six landed on Joe and he found himself voted out of the game, much to Reem’s chagrin given her shot at returning just got that much worse. Because obviously Joe chose to go straight to extinction and for what feels like the first time in his three seasons, he is angry and has a fire to come back. Which is what I told him to do after jumping out from behind the sign and handing off a thermos of Gazpachjoe Anglim.

 

 

While the residents of Springfield find this chilly soup to be a total failure, this should prove just how majestic it can be. Fresh, zingy and packing a tonne of punch, there is no better meal to sip on whilst waiting on an island while getting abused by Reem.

Enjoy!

 

 

Gazpachjoe Anglim
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
½ cup olive oil
1.5kg tomatoes, halved
3 garlic cloves, crushed
½ tsp ground cumin
½ tsp ground coriander seeds
salt and pepper, to taste
½ cup crustless white bread, cubed
½ tsp demerara sugar
2 tbsp red wine vinegar
1 lebanese cucumber, diced
1 green capsicum, diced

Method
Preheat oven to 200C.

Toss the tomato and garlic through the olive oil, cumin, coriander and a good whack of salt and pepper, and place in the oven to scorch for ten minutes. Remove from the heat and transfer to a blender. Soak the bread in some water for a couple of minutes, before squeezing out the excess liquid and added to the blender with the sugar and vinegar. Blitz until everything is smooth.

Strain the soup into an airtight container and transfer to the fridge to chill for a few hours.

Once ice cold, serve with a sprinkling of cucumber and capsicum and a sprinkle of cumin. Devour.As you can probably tell, we are very

 

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Elizapple Jaloulson

Baking, Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor: David vs. Goliath, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the semi-newly formed Tiva tribe were divided down gender lines with the brochachos aligning leaving Gabby and Alison left out and aligned by default. Meanwhile over at Vuku Alec turned on Kara and the Goliaths to take out Natalia – or maybe it was the pizza curse – while Elizabeth and Carl continued to feud. Finally Jabeni continued their losing way allowing Mike and Nick to set the tone for the rest of the game, taking out Lyrsa and saving Angelina from herself. Though she still doesn’t have a jacket, so that’s a thing.

We opened up at Tiva where they were enjoying their morning coffee before they were interrupted by two speed boats bringing Jabeni and Vuku to move in. Yep people, we’ve got a merge. Carl quickly explained that the individual game requires people to play individually – thanks Carl – through he is jonesing to get rid of Elizabeth and down a beer, so that’s that. John too was thrilled to smash some food at the merge feast and reclaim his gains, while Alec died and went to beer heaven. John channeled Kellyn and was hoping to go Goliath strong, however was wanting to save his bestie Christian. Gabby decided to step her game up and surveyed the merge table and signs for an advantage, Carl, Angelina and Nick shared intel from their respective tribes, with Alec’s flip quickly outed. Much to Angelina’s chagrin.

Everyone started laying down for their food coma before Elizabeth suggested the tribe name Kalokalo, much to Carl’s rage. Leading to him slurring his way around the tribe begging them to get rid of her. Nick and Christian reconvened on a water run, thrilled to still be bros before Nick shared that Dan is rumoured to be the proud owner of an idol. Speaking of whom, Dan was reconvening with his girl Kara, sharing that he had found a second idol since they last cuddled and Kara was feeling super confident. Which isn’t ending well, right? Right on cue, Alec arrived for a Goliath reunion where they all gossiped about which David to take out first, with Angelina pushing for Christian and everyone else going for Elizabeth. Alec immediately took the plans back to Christian to commence a beautiful relationship and take over the game.

That night Elizabeth noticed Dan and Kara’s close bond as they chatted and let’s just say, it did not sit well with her.

The next day Mike was gagging for a soy latte while scoping out how best to move forward, locking in an alliance with Alison and Alec, and planning to bring Nick, Christian and Gabby in for a core alliance and TBH, I love it and want it to happen. Alec approached Gabby to gauge her support, with Mike and Nick joining them and it feels like it is happening. But then again, I thought Sandra, Aubry, Malcolm and Tony would actually align in Game Changers.

Not to be outdone, Elizabeth shared her Dan-Kara intel with Nick and Carl in an attempt to turn the tribe against them, despite the fact Carl hates her. She approached Alec to see if he’d be open to flipping and joining the Davids to take them out. Knowing it isn’t the best time for him to flip, he took the information back to Dan and Kara which caused Dan to completely freak out that someone would dare to target him. And the tantrum was not pretty.

My boy Jeff arrived for the first individual immunity challenge of the season where the tribe were required to swing a pendulum around a frame without knocking a statue over in the centre or losing momentum. You know, the one Tessa dominated in Australian Survivor last year. Poor Mike was the first one eliminated, followed quickly by Christian, Carl, Gabby and Kara. TBH it was way to hypnotic to watch closing so let’s just say it came down to Elizabeth and Alison, with Dr Alison following in Dr Tessa’s footsteps, taking out the challenge and snatching immunity.

Back at camp shit quickly hit the fan with Angelina continuing to argue Elizabeth isn’t a big enough threat and that the Goliaths should instead target Christian, unaware that most of the people she is talking to are aligned with him and she is coming across as too powerful. Dan was annoyed by her utilisation of military terminology and continued to seethe since Elizabeth wanted to get rid of him. Meanwhile Gabby was trying to encourage the Davids to come together and take control of their fates … by playing up how weak and terrible they are. Alec and Alison got together, concerned about voting out Christian since it burns all of their bridges. As such, they pulled in Dan and John to flip the vote back to Elizabeth. They then approached Angelina to talk about flipping the vote back which she was extremely open to. Well played girl, wait, no, she then complained to John and Alison about Dan and came across like she was throwing a tantrum because she didn’t get her way.

Despite her earlier plan not to share who they were planning to target, Angelina pulled Elizabeth aside and told her that the Goliaths were coming for her and while I appreciate wanting to win over the jury, I don’t see this ending well. Elizabeth briefly had a breakdown before returning to camp and try and rally the Davids to flip the vote, vowing to destroy them at tribal. Which seems … late?

At tribal council Alison was grateful to be immune, Christian spoke about factorials, Alec alluded to shifting alliances and Angelina continued to struggle at tribal council. Smelling blood in the water, Elizabeth used that moment to go in and out Angelina for letting her know about the fact she was voting her out. Everyone quickly jumped in and called out her early jury management, leading to all the Goliaths whispering amongst themselves and questioning her loyalty. Gabby broke down calling out Angelina for being angry that Elizabeth dared to try and save herself. Seeing the writing on the wall, Angelina whipped out the tears as the Goliaths continued to whisper and she saw the end of her game quickly approaching. Elizabeth continued to go in on Angelina, while Alec and Dan got up to whisper and lock in their plans, while Angelina reiterated that she is voting for Elizabeth and hot damn, she is looking forward to it.

Tragically for my girl Liz, everyone gladly followed suit – and side note, well played Gabby making Angelina look like a demon and slyly locking up Liz’s jury vote before booting her – and sent her out of the game. Thankfully, she was sent to become the Queen of the Jury and if you can’t win the game, that is the real title you want, no? Liz being the absolute saint that she is, my girl took her boot in her stride. Nay, she may have been down, but she pull herself up by her bootstraps, which I think is a country term but am too lazy to google – lemme know if i’m wrong, ok? Anywho, she is bubbling ball of joy and as such, we laughed, cried from so much laughing, then cried from overdoing it with the celebratory-commissatory Elizapple Jaloulson.

 

 

To quote the great Chris Klein, there is nothing better than warm apple pie. Or at least I think that was the take away from American Pie other than don’t stick your junk in an apple pie lest you want third degree burns and well deserved shame? Again anywho, way off track – hot, sticky apple and blueberry encased by flaky strips of pastry are probably a more iconic duo than the Mason-Dixon alliance. Better yet, the strips hopefully have enough sharp edges to ward off a horny Jason Biggs.

So enjoy!

 

 

Elizapple Jaloulson
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
4 granny smith apples, cored and sliced
1 cup frozen blueberries, thawed
1 tsp ground cinnamon
¼ cup muscovado sugar
2 sheets puff pastry, halved
¼ cup almond meal
milk, for brushin’
demerara sugar, for sprinklin’
Vanilla Ice Cream, to serve

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Combine apples, blueberry, cinnamon and sugar in a large bowl and toss until well coated.

Place two pastry halves on a lined baking sheet and spread the almond meal over both, leaving a 1cm border around the edge. Pile the filling on top of each, again leaving the border.

Gently fold each of the remaining halves in half lengthways and cut – along the folded side – on an angle to form geometric slits, stopping 1cm from the edges. Gently unfold and lay over the heaped fruit, crimping the edges to join.

Brush with milk, sprinkle with demerara and transfer to the oven to bake for 20 minutes, or until golden and crisp.

Serve piping hot – safety first, obvi – with a generous dollop of Vanilla Ice Cream.

 

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Lydia Lassila

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2018), Drink, Snack, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor 11 champions, 11 contenders, a three-time loser and a washed-up gladiator were sent to the islands of Fiji and forced to compete against each other in the ultimate game of survival. Thus the name, Survivor. Anyway, Matt D, Russell, Damien, Steve K, Jenna, Moana, Anita, Zach, Paige, Jackie, Tegan and Heath were all voted out and based on the preview, we’re about to merge yo! Oh and I should explain that Queen Shane was in the power position at the new Champions, while Benji and Robbie had joined the Champion girls on the new Contenders to eliminate Heath at the last tribal council. So yeah, it seems like shit is about to go down.

Getting straight into the action, the tribes met Jonathan in the middle of the jungle where the Champions were shocked to discover that Heath had been booted at the previous tribal council. Mat spoke about his fears for the Champion girls who all seemed awkward about him mentioning it, before Sam tried to downplay the sitch. Thankfully it didn’t really matter, as everyone was told to drop their buffs because this is a damn merge yo! Benji was proud about how he has played thus far, Steve was nervous though thrilled to be in his colour and Shonella were just thrilled to be united as icons deserve to be with icons.

Once everyone was draped in new, fresh buffs Jonathan announced that in lieu of a merge feast they’d be participating in a Survivor Auction, with Shonee thrilled about the possibility of having a burg. Which is super relatable. First up was a choccie milk – not the Choccie Milk – which was purchased by Sam for $80. Sam, Benji and Shane went hard for a covered item, with Shane spending $250 dollars to … exit the auction and sit at a beggars table, forced to request scraps from everyone. And given Sam gave her a sip of milk straight up, it seemed she is the true winner. Poached eggs, toast and tomato went to Fenella for $200 – with Shane going halfsies – Sharn snagged a pav, not parvlova, for $320, Brian also spent $320 on a hidden bowl of rice, $460 snagged Benji a burger, fries and coke, and Shonee dropped $500 on a huge fucking lolly jar. Oh, and a clue to a hidden immunity idol. Brian snagged a bed with Shane for three nights, Lydia evidently got a pizza without fanfare and then bam, it was all over.

The newly merge tribe returned to camp with Shane thrilled to have made it so far and to be that much closer to victory. And willing to get as cutthroat as she needs to be, vowing to do whatever it takes to win. She then bonded with Fenella and hot damn, I hope Shanella are the final three. Shonella went for a walk into the jungle with Fenella spilling the tea on Robbie’s vapid concerns – though if he is nude, who cares, you know – and Shonee whinging about the trauma of listening to discussions about workout efficacy. Meanwhile Robbie and Benji followed Mat around like lost puppies, hoping to throw enough metaphors about battle and sport analogies to win him over. While Mat pretended to want to protect them for protecting Sharn and Lydia, I feel like that is not going to happen.

Mat approached Sharn to see what exactly they had promised to stay in the game, with Sharn pointing out she was desperately but her allegiances have not changed. Lydia checked in with Mat and dictated that Fenella needed to be the next person out, with Mat agreeing and turning his attention on keeping Brian on his side and making sure he doesn’t flip. Sadly he was sharing a bed with Shane and I ship them taking over. Before we got to see if Brian and Shane could take over, Sam and Lydia went for a late night wander to reconnect, with Sam highlighting how big a target she has resting on her back now that the merge has arrived.

The tribe went wandering for pawpaws the next day, much to the disgust of Shonee who used the alone time to snatch her clue and find out if I was right about it being for a hidden immunity idol. While I was tragically wrong, it did allow her the chance to steal someone’s vote at tribal and hot damn, I want Shonee to win. Particularly after she threw out that the prisoners are about to overthrow the guards.

We arrived at the first individual immunity challenge where the new Koro Savu tribe would all be required to hold on to a long hard pole as long as possible. Like Brooke, Parvati, Ozzy and a slew of other icons of the game. As soon as the challenge started, Shane opted out and decided to save her energy until she needed it – iconic – followed closely by Monika who requested a ladder as she was too scared to belly flop onto sand. Brian too couldn’t see himself winning so instead checked out, giving Shane the opportunity to float a Lydia blindside with Brian and Monika on the loser bench and pull in Shonee and Fenella. After an hour the remaining participants moved to the narrower footholds, with Robbie, Steve, Benji and Shonee all quickly dropping out.

After two hours poor Fenella couldn’t hold out any longer, followed by Mat leaving Sam, Sharn and Lydia to battle it out. While they battled, Shane continued to rally the troops for a Lydia blindside with Steve and Mat seemingly buying in and rallying Sharn for the win. After three hours they dropped to the skinniest foot holds with Sam dropping almost instantly, leaving Sharn and Lydia to battle it out. And battle they did, while Sam tried to keep the Champions from blindsiding Lydia. Which is a possibility, since the rain rolled in and she slid down the pole and handed immunity to Sharn.

Back at camp Shane quickly got to work lining up the numbers, concerned about how focused she was during the challenge when she didn’t even need it. Shane and Monika worked on keeping Mat loyal to the plan, with Shonee being looped in and Sam seemingly on board. Despite thinking that Fenella needs to go. Speaking of which, Robbie, Benji, Sharn and Lydia locked in their plan to take out Fenella, leaving Brian concerned about how to spell her name. Feeling like he may not have the numbers to get rid of Lydia, Mat approached Sharn about turning on her closest ally.

At tribal council Benji downplayed day one alliances, Mat admitted to bonded with Fenella over home designs ala Brad Culpepper before Jonathan pointed out the obvious, that Fenella and the OG Contenders are kinda screwed. Mat agreed that old tribes are dead, though couldn’t seem to remember the new tribe’s name. Sam tried to subtly hint at Mat and Shane that a Lydia blindside wouldn’t work out well for them, before Sharn spoke about her pride at taking out the first victory. Lydia on the other hand sold the challenge as fun, and the nails started to go into her coffin. Brian and Mat alluded to the fake Lydia was a threat, Fenella encouraged people to take out threats while they can while Sharn and Sam tried to defend Lydia and keep the Champions strong. Steve, thankfully, pointed out that getting to the end is the goal and it doesn’t matter how you get there and hot damn, zaddy’s home. Sharn and Lydia tried to downplay their dominance, Shane reiterated why her plan to step out of the challenge was the best move and that she is more than ready to take out the threats and make moves.

Then she led the entire tribe sans Benji and Robbie to prove that stepping down from the challenge was a killer idea, with her loser-bench plan to eliminate Lydia going off without a hitch. Given how competitive Lydia is, she wasn’t exactly thrilled to have been blindsided from the game and miss the jury – right Savage? – however her rage dissipated pretty quickly when she lay eyes on my Lydia Lassila.

 

 

Given it is literally her name, it may not be abundantly clear that this is a lassi. Well, except for the image I guess? Anyway, this is sweet, fresh and insanely delicious, and you should defs whip one up next time you’re angry. Or sad. Or happy. The focus is on making one, I guess?

Enjoy!

 

 

Lydia Lassila
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
2 cups natural yogurt
½ cup milk
2 cups chopped mango
1 tbsp honey
a pinch of ground cardamom

Method
Combine everything in a blender.

Blitz until smooth.

Pour into glasses and top with a sprinkle of extra cardamom.

Guzzle.

 

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Libbean Vincek Soup

Main, Side, Snack, Soup, Survivor, Survivor: Ghost Island, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Survivor, the three tribes became one and the war between Dom and Chris reignited. While the Naviti women wanted to stick Naviti strong and take out the more threatening Libby first, they couldn’t put an end to the pissing match to sway the numbers. Instead Dom threatened to play his fake idol, denied having an actual idol then played Sierra Dawn-Thomas’ legacy advantage – despite not getting any votes – as poor, bad rapping Chris found himself booted to become the King of the Jury.

Back at camp the tribe processed the first merge tribal, with Libby confused about why people keep targeting her and how she should work to change their perceptions of her. Or find an advantage, obvi. Meanwhile Dom was feeling relieved, thankful to no longer have Chris on his back and able to distract people from his threat status. Maybe.

The next day Wendell continued to be a God, quickly pulling together an island kitchen  – off topic, could you imagine he, Brad and Monica on a season together, him building a killer home, them decorating with found objects? It would be iconic, make it happen – while confirming with us that he is still firmly aligned with Laurel, Dom and Donathan, though wasn’t sure how things will play out with Chris around. He checked in with Laurel to make sure them were feeling ok and to reassure her, confirming Dom has an idol and hoping to win back her trust … before locking in a top four deal. To solidify that, he shared that he too had an idol which seems to have had the opposite effect, with her no longer sure she can trust him and debating whether she should pounce.

My boy Probst arrived on the scene for the reward challenge where the tribe would be split into teams of six, and then run across a floating bridge to the shore before shooting bags at tiles. It was for a Survivor Taco bar, but let’s ignore the fact that Jeff got creative with his pronunciation like Matty Chisholm, ok? Team Angela, Laurel, Wendell, Chelsea, Libby and Donathan got out to a quick lead and damn he looks good in his jocks. While Domenick evened things up, Laurel extended their lead while Sebastian, Donathan, Angela and Chelsea struggling to connect. The orange team evened things up before Libby had a turn and Wendell and his cakes heading back in to snatch the lead. Laurel went out for another turn, followed by Wendell before Laurel just missed the target, leaving Wendell to snatch victory for the purple team.

Before heading off for tacos, they opted not to select someone to attend Ghost Island, with the Survivor Gods instead channeling the white rock to send Jenna. She arrived hopeful for an opportunity to play for an advantage before quickly being disappointed to discover she was one of the unlucky visitors. While she was feeling dejected, her fellow outside Libby was feeling herself at the taco bar. They loaded up their plates, grabbed some fresh margs and toasted to their success. Wendell was thankful to find himself on reward with Laurel and Donathan, wanting to reconfirm their bond. Libby quickly asked them when she was targeted at the last tribal, with Angela and Chelsea assuring her it was simply an easy option and they wanted to break up her and Michael.

The next day Angela and Michael, who is young enough to be her son, joined together to float the idea about breaking up actual power couple Wendell and Dom. Angela was feeling her freedom from Chris and his inability to follow anyone else’s idea, she then took Michael’s concerns to Kellyn and Chelsea before stirring things up with Wendell, Dom and Des. While I love Michael, come through queen Angela and welcome to the game!

The tribe reconvened by the beach to discover an ominous table – yas yas yas, it is the gross food challenge! The first round required three people to scoff down two fish eyes, with Michael, Des and Laurel progressing and Libby, Donathan and Jenna eliminated from the competition. Probst lined up the rest of the castaways for their eyes, with Angela, Sebastian and Domenick moving on and Wendell, Kellyn and Chelsea eliminated. The next course saw the remaining castaways downing three live grubs, with Sebastian, Michael and Angela dominating the rest. For their third course, they had to down two massive sea slugs with Angela shoving them down her throat like a damn boss while Michael’s slow and steady approached kept him alive. The final round saw Michael and Angela downing some mother of pearl with Angela completely dominant with poor Michael struggling with each bite, ultimately securing herself immunity and showing the most personality she has all season.

Back at camp the tribe congratulated Angela on slaying dem slugs before quickly getting to work scrambling for the tribal ahead. Laurel and Donathan got to work finding an in with Des, Chelsea and Kellyn to figure out what they’re planning to do and try and come up with a counter plan. They took the plan to target Michael back to Michael and Jenna, with Michael wanting Malolo to stick together while Naviti splits the votes allowing them to take out the bigger threat of Wendell. Laurel and Donathan got together to weigh up their options, with Donathan feeling it is time to take out Wendell to even up the numbers a bit though scared it would make him a target. Dom then told Libby she was safe tonight before being contradicted by Donathan who fleshed out that the plan involved splitting the votes between her and Michael. Kellyn then joined Wendell and Domenick, with Kellyn lamenting she can’t get a read on Laurel and Donathan which made her feel insecure.

At tribal council Chris scrubbed up extremely well before Probst praised Angela for stepping things up and coming out of her shell, with Sebastian congratulating her ability to swallow a sea slug whole. While it was impressive, who can’t? Anyway Des said that big moves where critical to everyone’s game allowing Probst to remind them of the new round-table final tribal format, with Dom and Wendell praising it for favouring the big players. Once again, Michael got to work blowing things up at tribal reminding everyone that they can’t rely on safe – which Milk obvi agrees with. Laurel wants the Naviti tribe to use her while they have a chance, the Navitis acknowledge sticking together required some cult-level convincing. Again, Kellyn continued to harp on about Naviti strong while Michael continued to push to be used, to which I say, yas gawd.

The votes rolled in and Michael’s fear got the best of him, opting to play Ozzy’s fucking stick – not this one (NSFW, obvi) – which glowed the fuck up and saved him from the boot, negating the seven votes against him. Instead poor Libby found herself off to the jury, while Michael congratulated Wendell on a move well played to lowkey paint a bigger target on his back rather than his own.

Poor Libs was feeling quite down to be out of the game so soon, but was thankful to be one of the few Malolos to make the jury and therefore still a viable option in the love stakes. After perking her back up, I managed to get her to cloud nine as soon as she saw I was packing a piping hot Libbean Vincek Soup.

 

 

Packed full of hearty bean goodness, fresh creamy pesto and the warmth of a soothing, carby broth. How could you stay sad?

Enjoy!

 

 

Libbean Vincek Soup
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 onion, thinly sliced
5 garlic cloves, crushed
1 celery, thinly sliced
1 potato, finely diced
2 tbsp Toni Basil Pesto
2L chicken stock
400g canned cannellini beans, rinsed and drained
400g crushed tomatoes
small handful of parsley, roughly chopped
½ cup orzo
bunch of baby spinach
¼ cup grated parmesan cheese

Method
Heat a lug of olive oil in a large dutch oven and sweat the onion, garlic, celery and potato for a couple of minutes. Stir through pesto for a minute before adding the stock, beans, tomatoes and parsley. Bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and add the orzo, and simmer for about fifteen minutes.

Once the orzo is cooked through, stir through the spinach and parmesan and serve, devouring immediately … covering in extra parm-parm. Though obvi being careful because soup is hot as balls.

 

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