Sage

Shonudi Bowtell

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: All Stars, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2018), Australian Survivor: Heroes V Villains, Main, Pasta, Survivor: Australia V The World, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Luke faced off against the individual immunity challenge that cost him his spot in the last game. You know, the one that Janine dominated alongside the iconic Pia Miranda. But I digress. Feeling safe, Luke approached his ride or die Janine and pushed hard to get rid of Lisa, given it would force Cirie to stick with them and Parvati moving forward. As that was happening, Cirie and Lisa were busy catching up, heartbroken by the turn of events. Luke caught up with Parvati to further cement their trust, convincing her to rip up her advantage in the process. Before sending the forever reigning Queen of Survivor NZ out of the game with her second last bucket tick, having her torch snuffed. Assuming her last is voting for the winner.

The next day the tribe was delighted to have made the final five. None more so than Parvati, given she had a final four deal with Cirie, Luke and Janine and still had an idol in her pocket, should things go south. The latter joked about wanting to win immunity to guarantee some praise from her sons this season, with Shonee telling everyone that she’d also love a win before she goes. As she washed off, the remaining four hung around the shelter and spoke about the importance of guaranteeing Shonee does not win immunity. Talk turned to idols, with Parvati joking about how much glee she will take to play hers that night. Either for her or Cirie.

Cirie and Parvati caught up and spoke about how grateful they were to be reunited after 17 years, with Parvati desperate to head to the end with Cirie and make up for the surprise final two in Micronesia. As they were reminiscing and being the best, Luke and Janine were busy pledging their undying loyalty to each other and while their first option is to go to the end with the Americans, they planned to pull Shonee aside to convince her that the plan is to get rid of Cirie. While I kind of assumed that Janine was playing the season to help Luke win, she caught up with Parvati and told her that they are solid in their final four alliance, but when it comes to four, her preference is to go to the end with the girls. And THIS is why I love Janine.

Shonee finally made a meaningful appearance as she told us that her best shot making it to the end is to join with Parvati and Cirie. Her first step was to catch up with Parvati and Janine, effortlessly getting Janine to talk about how successful she is and share that she routinely does keynote speeches – aka, would be great in front of a jury – while Shonee joked about her biggest fear being public speaking. And hot damn, is Shonee actually going to pull off a miracle and get out of this mess without even winning immunity?

Speaking of which, Jonathan arrived for the final five immunity challenge where they would use a pole to carry a monkey fist through obstacles before crossing a balance beam and using the monkey fist to release a second balance beam. Finally, they would walk through a trip obstacle to build a tower of blocks on a wobbly table at the end. Luke got out to the earliest of leads, with Shonee calmly nipping at his heels, followed by Parv, Janine and Cirie. Luke dropped on the balance beam allowing Shonee to take over, until Luke closed the gap and landed the monkey fist on the first go. Giving him a nice lead placing his blocks. When Parvati caught up with Shonee, Shon used it as an opportunity to float them going to the end together and uniting the eras. This gave her the motivation to make it to the final obstacle, as she worked overtime to close the gap with Luke. Parvati joined them just as Luke lost his stack, giving our Queen the lead and the space to take it slow and steady. The wind picked up and caused chaos, as Luke closed the gap while Shonee’s stack dropped. Parvati nipped at his heels, as he desperately tried to place his final block. Which he did, guaranteeing his place in the final four.

Seemingly dooming Shonee in the process.

Back at camp Janine was quick to congratulate Luke on his hat-trick, while Parvati seethed about him heading to tribal council with immunity and an idol. That being said, the final four all caught up and locked in their vote for Shonee and all seemed easy. Janine caught up with Parvati and Cirie without Luke, with the business icon fairly confident that Luke couldn’t lie and as such, he mustn’t have an idol. With Parvati hilariously telling her that she has a Survivor sense that maybe he does have one and suggested that she should go check. They caught up with him vehemently denying having the idol and when Janine gave up and let it go, they agreed to convince Shonee to throw a vote on Cirie to guarantee their safety.

Shonee meanwhile was confident that Parvati wouldn’t play an idol for Cirie this close to the end, and as such, decided that they needed to vote for her. Though she admitted to us that she doesn’t actually trust either Aussie, but can’t be choosy as to who she votes with as she is solo. She then caught up with Luke and asked whether he had an idol as he didn’t seem to actually care about his win. Sadly for them, this conversation occurred under the watchful eye of Cirie, who started to worry about what the Aussies could be planning. Particularly after Parvati dropped by to let her know that Luke has an idol and Janine doesn’t know about it, making them worry his plan was to play it for Shonee.

Luke and Janine were off washing the dishes, leaving Shonee to charm the US girls and joke about going to the final three together. She assured them that she is a lone ranger and as such, they can use her to guarantee their spots in the final three. Whereas should the duos go to the end together, they are likely to end up in a fire making challenge with the others. And she knows how shitty it feels to be in the final four with a bad set-up, and reminded them they need to play smart. After she exited, the Americans agreed that she isn’t wrong, however Cirie admitted to us that she would love to go to the end with Janine and Parvati, so is still voting Shonee.

Shonee then caught up with Luke, pointing out how close Janine is to the Americans and that going to the final four with them, he needs to win immunity to get to the end. After Janine reiterated to Parvati and Cirie that Luke definitely does not have an idol, she caught up with the Aussies, while Cirie spiralled about Luke doing something with it. As such, Parvati caught up with Luke, with him pretending he lied about having an idol to build trust and while Parvati joked that he tricked her, she admitted to us that she now wasn’t sure whether he was lying about the idol or not having one. While Luke told us that all the chaos has him thinking that maybe a wild play is the smartest and he should play his idol for Shonee and guarantee a loyal ally in the final four, rather than sticking with his alliance.

At tribal council Cirie admitted she wasn’t shocked that the final five were icons only, giving the entire merged tribe were icons in their own rights. And they likely would have eaten a goat if one was around. Luke spoke about needing to figure out who played a different game to his, given it would help him decide who to take to the end. After Parvati whipped out her idol, Luke pulled Janine aside and asked her to promise him that she will give him the opportunity to go to fire at the final four. And after she promised, he handed her immunity and pulled out his idol. Leaving Cirie and Shonee to feel mighty naked with no tricks up their sleeves. Parvati interrupted to let everyone know her idol is for both she and Cirie, and she intends to play it to guarantee they both make it to the end. With Luke pointing out that he could easily play his for Shonee too.

Janine admitted that she had no idea about Luke’s idol, but they have been aligned from Day 1, so isn’t concerned. Cirie agreed that the Aussies being up looked bad on paper, but she was confident in the trust she has built with them. While Shonee reminded everyone that as a loner, she is the perfect person to take to final four to guarantee them a place in the final three. Before Cirie, shockingly, suggested that this game is about proving that trusting people can get them all to the end. This spooked Luke, who started to whisper to Parvati whether everything is the same and while she assured him it was, he clearly looked ready to vom a little bit.

With that the tribe voted and while Luke was absolutely torn about what to do, he ultimately played his idol for himself as Parvati played hers for herself – well technically, they played them for each other but same same, no? – as poor, sweet, iconic, legendary Shonee was felled just before the finale. Breaking the heart of every Australian.

She followed my heaving, guttural sobs all the way to the Jury Villa where I pulled her in for another heartbroken hug. Given this is our fourth rodeo, Shonee knows exactly how to make me feel better, as that is yapping and being an icon. Something she does effortlessly. Just in case it isn’t a fact universally acknowledged, Shonee is indisputably the greatest Australian Survivor player to never win and as such, takes the number one slot in our Mount Rushmore. I mean, she has never gotten lower than a single digit and arguably could play 1000 times, and always make a deep run. Because she is likeable, funny and incredibly smart. But it is the first two which make her successful, because sometimes just wanting to be around someone is enough to dull the pain when you’re living in the jungle. As powerful as dulling the pain as a bowl of Shonudi Bowtell.

I had hoped this glorious recipe would be one dedicated to marking her victory, because honestly, it is just so damn good. Soft, pillowy gnudi pairs perfectly with the earthiness of the sage and salty goodness of the bacon. Making this perfect for a busy mum slash icon.

Enjoy!

Shonudi Bowtell
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
375g smooth ricotta
50g parmesan, finely grated, plus extra to serve
2 eggs
salt and pepper, to taste
150g flour, plus extra for dusting
4 rashers streaky bacon, diced
80g butter
12 sage leaves
1 tsp chilli flakes

Method
Combine the ricotta, parmesan and eggs in a bowl until smooth. Slowly stir in the flour, along with a good whack of salt and pepper, until a sticky dough forms. Adding extra flour one tablespoon at a time.

Dust some flour on a flat surface and knead the dough until combined. Divide into four, and roll each into a 2cm wide sausage. Cut each sausage into 2cm pieces, getting about twenty per sausage. Plan on a lined baking sheet and leave to rest.

Get a pot of water on the stove to boil, and pop a skillet over medium heat.

While you wait for the water to do its thing, cook the bacon in the skillet until golden and crisp. Remove to drain on some kitchen towel. Add the butter to the pan and cook for a further few minutes, or until it starts to foam and turn golden. Add the sage and chilli, and cook for a minute or so, or until the sage is crispy.

By this point, the pot of water should be boiling. Working in four batches, cook the gnudi for a couple of minutes, or until they float to the top. Using a slotted spoon, transfer the gnudi to the butter and continue cooking until they are all done. Toss the gnudi and bacon through the butter mixture, and serve slathered in extra parmesan. Before devouring, like a GOAT.


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Kass Breakfastarache Hot Dog

Australian Survivor, Breakfast, Burgers, Sandwich, Survivor: Australia V The World, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the tribe were tasked with an epic, immunity challenge where they had to hold up fifteen percent of their starting body weights. And while everyone kind of struggled to even get started, Kass and Parvati Kass and Parvati’ed, beasting their way to the end. And while JLP tried to remind them of a certain deal between them during the last endurance challenge, Parvati shushed him not long before dropping willingly. Without Parvati immune, she immediately started to grow more and more nervous that people were coming for her. She and Kirby started to flirt – hard – with the latter growing more and more nervous about Parvati not trusting her. And while they were busy assuring each other they were good, Janine rallied Cirie and the World tribe to band together to send Kirby to the jury. With the help of Parvati, no less. Leaving her heartbroken, alongside her former ride or die.

Back at camp Luke quickly congratulated the World tribe for banding together and blindsiding Kirby, even though it meant he continued his record of voting incorrectly. Parvati, meanwhile, was more heartbroken than jubilant, feeling like it was a move that was too early, even though it needed to be made. Kass and Cirie caught up and while the former was shocked to have pulled it off, Cirie laughed about not being shocked in the slightest. Well, except for the two votes that landed on her at tribal council. She caught up with Janine, who assured her that Luke and Shonee would not have done it unless someone told them to. And as Cirie slept, Janine quickly grabbed Luke to tell him to apologise and apologise quickly. The next morning, he did just that, pulling Cirie aside to apologise and tell her that he and Shonee were just following where they thought the numbers were. Which was Kass, Tommi and Lisa’s plan. And while Cirie wasn’t sure she could trust Luke, she did feel like she could trust Janine, so accepted his apology but vowed to us that she was keeping her eyes open.

Kass meanwhile was over the moon to be free of Kirby, and that Cirie and Parvati proved their loyalty to the international trio. After the three caught up and hugged, everyone came together at camp for Kass to read the scroll she won at the immunity challenge. Which ended up being an afternoon of luxury at a sunset spa with three people of her choosing. With her opting to take Parvati, Cirie and Tommi. This hilariously infuriated Shonee who was desperate to go, vowing to Luke and Janine that they will stick together and find a way to the end. The first step was to smash the locked box open, with them quickly discovering it was empty, meaning they now know that someone on the World tribe had the idol. Which made it even more of an uphill battle.

We checked in on the spa where they cracked some champagne to toast themselves before washing off and smashing some snacks. Filling Kass with confidence, given she is a challenge beast, has an idol and clean hair. They sat down to talk through plans for the upcoming tribal council, with Kass and Tommi promising Cirie that it was not their idea, but Luke and Shonee’s. Which tragically made them all realise that Shonee is actually the biggest threat and as such, needs to be dealt with ASAP. Which, obviously, sucks. Parvati meanwhile was delighted to be on the reward, given Kass clearly trusts her. She caught up with Cirie, filling her in on her idol and advantage, while poor Kass and Tommi searched the spa for anything.

My love Jonathan made his debut in the episode for the latest immunity challenge where they would each fill a leaky bucket with water to balance a table, on which they had to build a literal house of cards. Aka making an already difficult challenge even harder. Luke was first to place a tile, however it immediately fell as his table was knocked over. Tommi stacked a few, wisely making sure his bucket was full at all times. Janine started to close the gap alongside Parvati, while everyone else kept knocking their table over. After ten minutes, Tommi was well and truly in front, and while Parvati and Janine were still nipping at his heels, they both dropped, leaving Tommi plenty of time to jag individual immunity and guarantee himself a spot in the final seven.

Back at camp everyone was quick to congratulate Tommi. Well, except for the Aussies, who were clearly dejected and feeling a little bit screwed. The World tribe all split up, leaving the Aussies back at camp to figure out what the hell they could do, with Luke admitting that the only thing they can do is to work with anyone that is willing to make a move. The internationals meanwhile locked in their Shonee vote, which instantly made me disappointed in Parvati and Cirie. The longer the internationals stayed away, Shonee and Janine grew more and more nervous about not having any time to scramble, so ventured into the jungle to chat. Janine caught up with Kass and Tommi who told her that they hadn’t decided, while Lisa told Shonee she couldn’t tell her, while Cirie returned to camp and told Luke they hadn’t locked anything in.

Thankfully Luke was able to catch up with Tommi, who admitted that he would be keen to make a move and was keen to talk. As such, he pulled Lisa and Kass aside and suggested that since the Aussies are desperate to survive, now would be the best time to get rid of Parvati. As she is the biggest threat, and they need to cut Parvati and Cirie at some point, so they may as well do it now. Which Lisa agreed with. But only if he could rally the numbers. 

Sadly for him, Lisa admitted to us that she is not actually sure it is the best move for her right now. As such, she took Shonee and Luke aside to confirm whether they were actually down. And while they all locked it in, it was all in front of Parvati and Cirie, who started to worry something was up. As Lisa, Shonee and Luke continued to talk, they agreed it was good to go. Well, until Lisa said she was not actually voting for Parvati, though is 100% on board with the move. Which instantly rubbed Luke and Shonee the wrong way. As such, they caught up with Janine and agreed that they couldn’t trust Lisa. While Parvati just knew that the vibes were off and as such, she was ready to play her idol should she need it.

At tribal council Janine and Luke immediately started whispering about the Parvati vote, with Janine telling him that there are enough people for them to flip and get rid of Lisa instead. After JLP called out the chat, Parvati admitted that she is super nervous and as such, she was looking for a place among the chaos too. She pulled Kass aside to talk, while Janine rallied the Aussie and suggested they should all pile on Lisa. Meanwhile Kass assured Parvati that neither she nor Cirie are targets and as such, they all headed to sit down. Though not before Parv pulled out her idol and promised she will be playing it for herself or Cirie tonight. 

This spooked Kass who asked if Parvati was sticking with the plan, with Parv loudly telling her she is definitely not, as the vibes are off with the internationals. Particularly Lisa, who assured her that she is the only one that hasn’t pitched a move. Luke then told Parvati that they are definitely plotting against her, with Parv agreeing that she could tell. Kass and Parvati then caught up, with the former assuring her that the vote was Shonee. Cirie caught up with the Aussies to talk a Lisa vote, while Tommi assured Parvati that he was voting Shonee, before Cirie told Parvati to vote Lisa and that they would all survive. Kass then joined them and tried to keep it on Shonee before everyone finally sat down again.

Luke then went to town, talking about everything that happened with Lisa and dropped the bomb that the only reason she wasn’t keen to vote Parvati herself, was that she wanted to stay aligned with Cirie. And this isn’t the first time the internationals have pitched him a plan, which Janine reminded Luke. As he reiterated that it was them that told him and Shonee to vote for Cirie, Kass and Tommi desperately tried to get Cirie to believe them, while she couldn’t even look them in the eye. Given Cirie felt like Luke’s story is too elaborate to be a lie. Kass tried to call out the Aussies for being desperate and saying anything, as Luke doubled down and said that they weren’t willing to play with them at camp, so they had to make moves at tribal council. He then caught up with Parvati and Cirie, as the trio debated the merits of getting rid of Lisa or Kass.

While the internationals agreed that they had to stick together, Shonee and JLP started chatting about the confusion, before she joined the Aussie and US summit as they locked in a vote against Kass. Everyone finally sat down, with Kass desperately trying to assure Cirie that they had been aligned from day one and she wasn’t turning on her. Lisa and Parvati then caught up, with Lisa throwing Tommi under the bus and telling her it was he and Kass pushing her name. And while Parvati assured her that she wasn’t the vote, she told her to just vote Shonee. Kass then asked what the chat was about, with Parvati telling her and Cirie it was to confirm the blindside story.

As is her way this season, Parvati told Jonathan she was ready to vote, as Luke desperately told Parvati that the internationals will not take her to the end and as such, she needs to think long and hard about the vote. Which she assured him that she had. With that the tribe voted and after all the chaos and whispering, Kass whipped out her idol, leading Parvati to pull out her advantage. And while it wasn’t even the time she could play the advantage, it was effective at showing Parvati where the votes were going, as Kass played the idol for Lisa, who did not receive a single vote, and instead, the iconic – and legendaire – Kass was booted from the game. As she assured Parvati she was with her.

Kass followed by heaving sobs all the way to the Jury Villa, thrilled that while she was booted, she had clearly made an impact on the demo that matters most – the gays. I assured her that while she entered the season as one of the unknowns, she walks away an absolute legend and I can’t wait to see her in another international showdown. As she is definitely destined to win a season eventually. And in the interim – sorry to be brief, I had a lot of visitors this day – she could heal her wounds with a piping hot Kass Breakfastarache Hot Dog.

I know this may not appear to be such an innovative dish, but honestly, this feels like my opus. I love sausage, I love buns, I love breakfast, I love eggs, I love hollandaise, I love cheese – do you get the picture? I love it all. And this, most of all.

Enjoy!

Kass Breakfastarache Hot Dog
Serves: 3-6.

Ingredients
500g pork mince
1 onion, finely diced
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
a couple of sage leaves, finely chopped
1 tbsp flat leaf parsley, finely chopped
1 tbsp dried chilli flakes
pinch of nutmeg
good whack of salt and pepper
6 rashers streaky bacon
100g haloumi, sliced
12 eggs, whisked
2 tbsp butter
6 hot dog rolls
½-1 cup Hollandaise Taylor
Slash Browns, to serve

Method
Combine the mince, onion, garlic, sugar, sage, parsley, chilli, nutmeg, salt and pepper in a large bowl and scrunch with your hands until well combined. Divide the mixture into 6 sausage shapes.

Pop a large skillet over medium heat and cook the breakfast sausages for a few minutes each side – sausages have four sides, right? – or until cooked through. Transfer them to a plate and cook the bacon and haloumi until they are crispy on both sides, before transferring them to a plate. Add the butter in the skillet and when melted and foamy, add the eggs and scramble.

To assemble, split the buns down the middle and pop a rasher on bacon on the bottom. Top with haloumi and eggs, followed by the sausage and the hollandaise. Before devouring, like a queen, with a plate of piping hot Slash Browns.


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Swedish Meatbaelan Bakehart

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the boys awoke on Day 46, proud to have navigated the entire game together and come out on top against all odds. Their joy was relatively short lived, however, as JLP wheeled out another painful final immunity challenge. Poor Myles only managed to last a few hours standing on tiny pegs and while AJ was super confident that he would never be stepping down, he fell off after three hours and handed Kaelan another record breaking win. And while it appeared to be great, Kaelan absolutely hated it, as he now had to betray one of his besties and ruin their dreams. At tribal council, he even pulled them aside to talk through what he should do, and despite AJ trying to lay it on thick, Kaelan made the wiser move and sent him out of the game as the final juror. As he watched on sobbing as JLP snuffed AJ’s torch.

The final two woke up on Day 47, admitting they finally slept soundly and were feeling good. After marking off the final day on the beach, Myles opened up to us about how much he loves strategy games and that all he has to do now is pitch his case. He was proud of playing such a big, loud, dramatic game, all while being targeted by each and every person. He knew that his social game was his weakness though, which led to bullets frequently firing at his head. But he pushed through it and laid low when required to make people forget about him. Though he was confident the jury weren’t thrilled with him or even thought that he deserved being crowned the victor.

As they cooked up breakfast, Kaelan was back to his usual chipper self, and shared that while he dominated challenges, he also played a strong game. He shared information when he needed to, and he always had the information because of his social game. And he used that to move the votes off his closest allies – AJ and Myles – when people started targeting them. Secretly masterminding Karin and Logan’s boots in the process. And that is what made him confident in his case, because did he mention, the jury hates Myles?

The final two made their way to tribal council where JLP outlined how things would play out. After opening statements, the jury would each ask a question before Kaelan and Myles would deliver a final statement before they headed off to vote. Kaelan then kicked off proceedings telling everyone how beautiful they were. He outlined breaking challenge winning records, but also being so kind as to distract people from how physical he was, also downplaying his intelligence and winning hearts. And it worked, as nobody considered him a threat. He then knew he could push towards the end of the game as he was so lovable, so started winning challenges and hiding behind the strategic shields in Myles and AJ. He then pointed out his biggest move was removing the biggest strategist of the season in AJ, and as such, he is the new alpha. Oh and he out brawned the brawns, and out brained the brains and as such, deserves the win.

Myles meanwhile did away with talking about a strategic or strength base game, talking about the fact he took risks all season and while sometimes his moves were a big miss, most of the time, they were massive hits. He knew he found himself on the bottom for being too enthusiastic and while he was on the bottom, he was always happy and made people want to keep him and use him. He also took all the heat, which took skill. And some personality defects, which he is aware of. He dominated with the advantages, which is a no brainer. He made it to the final three riding the dragons of the game, and then used one dragon to kill the other. While Kaelan cruised through the game, he survived in every facet and proved he is the ultimate bottom boy. Sorry, Paulie.

We pivoted to the jury where Kristin kicked things off asking them to outline who played each pillar better, with Myles agreeing Kaelan played the physical pillar best, but he dominated the strategic and social pillar. This fired up Kaelan who told everyone he owned the social as well, but the rest he agrees with. Paulie asked them what they were proud to show in the game, with Myles grateful to be able to prove that he has resilience, as it has never been tested in life. He played the bottom from day one and was able to push through, and by the halfway point, he rose. Kaelan said that he was proud of his mental toughness and trying to look after everyone he cares about. Which Kate questioned meant it was all actually an act, with the puppy pointing out anything that wasn’t strategic, was real.

Karin asked what each of them regretted, with Kaelan admitting that voting out AJ was his biggest regret as it was the only person he voted out that didn’t flip on him first. Myles wisely spoke about hating how he played from the top and while he loved the PD move, he regretted how he played the votes afterwards. Karin questioned whether he thought he would be here without advantages, with him admitting that he probably wouldn’t but he leveraged luck to make it to the end. Kaelan jumped in pointing out that he made his own luck and he is the most likely to make it to the end if they played the game multiple times. Myles agreed that some people make it all the way to the end of a poker game all the time but will never win, while Myles misplayed some games, he is far more likely to win. Essentially. Karin then pointed out to Kaelan that he was dealt consistently good hands, while he ignored it and mentioned he just made consistently small moves to keep in control. As the jury started to roll their eyes.

AJ then roasted the duo for being delusional before letting them each know what their biggest mistakes were. For Myles, it was the complete lack of logic in his final speech. Given he didn’t take the dragons to the end, if he wanted to take AJ out at five. Myles pointed out he rode the dragons for the game, but at five, he realised Zara would take him to the end and as such, wanted to protect her. So he made a decisive move and pivoted, which is what he did all season. Kaelan’s biggest mistake, however, was needing to drop the shields in fifth and fourth, however he didn’t, dragging them to the final three and giving himself a horrific uphill battle at final tribal council. And while you were correct, AJ, don’t make him cry. Kaelan argued that being a social threat, he needed to take two people that felt they could beat him in the end, as then they wouldn’t think of cutting him.

Logan asked what they would do if they woke up tomorrow and played the game again, with Kaelan standing by his game and sharing he wouldn’t change a thing as he was super confident in how he played. Myles meanwhile would have played a better social game and built positive relationships, putting a pin in strategy for the first five days and focusing on making friends. He actually thinks he learnt from his mistakes, though, throughout the game, applying everyone’s feedback and growing. And just like Kaelan, he is super proud of the game he played. And given the look on the faces of the jury, I think they were pretty proud too.

With that the jury voted, JLP brought out Myles’ bestie and Kaelan’s mum before reading the votes, crowning Myles the Sole Survivor in a 7-1 victory. Given Kaelan is human sunshine, it isn’t a shock that all he could talk about after the game was how proud of Myles he was. While the runner-ups tragically don’t get a prize in Australia, he broke a record which is unlikely to be broken any time soon and that enough is a victory. Plus, he inherited Max’s speedo and wore it for the latter part of the game, meaning he is firmly a gay icon. Which is the biggest honour a straight man can have. That and a Swedish Meatbaelan Bakehart.

As anyone that has ever been to Ikea will tell you, Swedish meatballs are always the right answer. Throw them in a baking tray with a hearty serving of mushrooms and sage, and well, they are perfection. And most importantly, easy. So, so easy.

Enjoy!

Swedish Meatbaelan Bakehart
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
10g dried porcini mushrooms
750g pork mince
¾ cup panko breadcrumbs
1 red onion, finely diced
6 garlic cloves, minced
1 egg
1 tsp ground fennel seeds
salt and pepper, to taste
⅓ cup olive oil
300g mushrooms, thinly sliced
800g canned borlotti beans, rinsed and drained
¾ cup double cream
½ cup sage leaves
100g baby spinach leaves
grated parmesan, to serve

Method
Pop the porcini in a heatproof bowl with 1½ cups of boiling water, and set aside for 10 minutes, to rehydrate and get plump.

While that is happening, combine the pork, breadcrumbs, onion, garlic, fennel and a good whack of salt and pepper in a large bowl, and scrunch to combine with your hands. Roll into golf ball sized balls and leave to rest on a lined plate.

Preheat the oven to 220C and pop a large baking dish in the oven for 5 minutes, or until nice and hot. Pour ¼ cup of olive oil in the hot tray, add the meatballs and mushrooms and return to the oven to bake for 10 minutes. Stir in the porcini and water, borlotti and cream, and return to the oven for 20 minutes, or until golden and bubbling. 

Heat the rest of the oil in a frying pan and once hot, add the sage leaves and cook for a couple of minutes, or until toasted and crisp.

Remove the tray from the oven and stir in the spinach meatballs until wilted, serving with mashed potato or pasta, crispy sage leaves and a good whack of parmesan. And devour, like a gorgeous, sweet king.


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Ricotta and Candried Tomato Roulade

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Main, Poultry, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor, well four years ago, we Mad Max-ed a collection of brutes and brains into the Queensland outback due to that little thing called COVID we’d all like to forget about. Despite doing away with the tropical islands, the battle remained the same and for the first time globally, the brainiacs got the upper hand as the toughies exited one by one until Queen Hayley slayed and defeated George. Like she should have, despite being voted out mid-game. Fast forward through a snooze to crown Mark, Liz defeating returnees and Feras defeating his bestie Kirby, and JLP decided it was time to get into his Charli XCX era to remix Brains V Brawns. Though back in the Samoan jungles, home to the iconic OG winner, our Samoan Sea Witch.

Begging the question, does that mean the literal witch on the cast is winning? I hope so.

As has become tradition, we made our way into said jungle with the castaways running onto our screens through gorgeous, slow-mo shots before we first meet Olympian Morgan, who is strong, sassy and well, easily destined to be a favourite. She was joined by Noonan, an iconic female local footy player who is ready to make a name for herself and yes, queen, she is my new favourite. Next up was Rapper Zen who assured us he could have been on the Brains tribe and TBH, he is ripped, so if he is in a speedo, I would be open to stanning.

While the Brawns ran through the jungle, the Brains were smart enough to hitch a ride to their camp on a bus which makes them early favourites to win the opening challenge as they won’t be exhausted, no? Plus, Dr Karin looks ripped and iconic, and could drag me through the jungle with her pinky. Rich, meanwhile, is a director and well, is confident. But that is about it. As is financial analyst Myles who joked about being a freak in the (spread)sheets and straight up pole dances in his spare time. So yeah, we have a new favourite and well, good luck knocking this King from the throne that is my heart. Max meanwhile has veins in his brains but literally got drenched by a wave in his opening confessional which means he will flameout, no?

Finally the tribes arrived to officially meet JLP by the ocean where Noonan quickly locked in her nickname and reiterated how confident she is that the Brawns will destroy. AJ on the Brains, meanwhile, was pretty confident that a Brain would win this match up … 50% of the time, much to the dismay and confusion of the tribe. Indy meanwhile told the Brawns she thought they’d be fitter, while we met Nash who is a friend of Feras, which means he’ll be an early out by laws of Drag Race (where winner’s children go out early in future seasons).

After dishing out buffs, JLP put the tribes to the test in the first reward challenge of the season which was super simple – collect a key from a very tall pole using only sandbags and palm fronds. JLP then explained that this season they would start the season with lit fires, but they would not have a flint. The prize for winning the first challenge was a construction kit back at camp to provide shelter and one would assume, protect the flame. That or I missed it and they would get a flint too. Who knows slash who cares, TBH? The Brawns got out to an early lead with Zaddy Paulie quickly getting to the top of the heap – and my heart – but realised his pole wasn’t thick enough to do any damage. This allowed the Brains time to close the gap until AJ snapped his stick. Brawns then pivoted to standing Kate on their shoulders, while Max tried to toss a bag at the key which ended up creating a barrier to block their key from moving, allowing Brawn to power ahead and snatch victory. Because all of the Brains men just kind of gave up. Except for pole king Myles, obvi.

We followed the victors back to camp where the tribe were feeling confident now that they had witnessed the Brains lack of brains, as Paulie led the team through some introductions. With Zen using the time to drop some beats, which both shamed and delighted Noonan, making her my fave. After they unlocked their reward and split some bananas, Jesse and Ben led the rest of the tribe to whip up a shelter, everyone was quickly getting to work bonding. This frustrated Nash who thought they were wasting time and not focusing on important things like starting strong and finding said idol. And as much as I’d like to say he didn’t find one, he did and ugh, I hope he just doesn’t play it and goes out ASAP because I’m already bored.

After gloating to us about being a star, he pulled out the idol to show Zen just how good he is, quickly locking in an alliance between them in the process. We then learnt he is a sweet family man, which made me soften just a little bit and feel bad about irrationally hating him 15 minutes into the season. Until he walked back into camp wearing his idol for attention. Thankfully nobody gave a shit at all, given they were focused on building shelter. That is until Ben finally spotted it. As Paulie and the girls’ raged about how silly he was being – icons, each and every one – Nash tried to build an all male alliance, solidifying the fact I need him to bounce in week one. Preferably today, right now.

We pressed pause on Nash’s shenanigans to check in with the Brains tribe where primary school teacher Max tried to get everyone to push ahead despite him losing the challenge for the tribe. After being called stupid a couple of times, he led them through introductions before we met Queen Zara who is super smart and ready to lead an all women’s alliance. I hope and pray. Particularly if it includes good witch Laura who is iconic just because she is a witch, and potentially our prophesied winner. After reading auras she realised she couldn’t work with Kent as his colours are all off. Thankfully she and Myles were vibing, along with Logan – the second coming of Shonee – and my Queens Zara and Karin. With the girls keen to form a coven and dominate the game. So yeah, lock it up – this is the alliance I want to ride to the end with.

Back at Brawn, young Zen decided to go swimming and show off his body in a speedo, which is a win and the smartest way to my heart. Sadly he said he wanted to downplay his testosterone and intelligence, which is insufferable. Particularly coming from the youngest person on the tribe. But he continued to wander around in the speedo, so I will forgive him. With Nash firmly in a power position with his idol, everyone decided to buddy up to him in the interim, with Noonan admitting to us she didn’t want to play his game nor let him dictate how they play. So let’s home this queen can navigate around it and get rid of him ASAP.

We went back to Brains where we learnt that everyone already hated Kent, as he barked orders and tried to elevate them from their mediocrity. His words, not mine. So snooze, goodbye. Take your millions of millions of dollars, and go home. As everyone tried to sleep, he snuck out of the shelter and pulled a Sandra by throwing Max’s hat in the fire, unaware that it actually makes him Holly Hoffman, rather than the iconic two-time winner. Though without Holly’s likability to overcome the drama. He then gaslit Max, telling him his hat was deep in the jungle when he woke up. He started cackling to us, promising to slowly poison the tribe with toxicity. First setting his sights on framing our pole dancing King Myles for the hat burning, so like Nash, girl bye.

The tribes reconvened with JLP where the Brains were gagged to see my nemesis Nash walk in wearing his idol proudly. Which hopefully pushes the Brains to take out the win. Particularly after Zara suggested he can use it tonight, like the damn icon she is. Speaking of which, the tribes would race to drag a heavy coconut snake through obstacles before using them to lower a gate to access a puzzle which they would have to solve. Obviously. Despite being the weaker of the tribes – apparently – Brains got out to an early lead with Max redeeming himself for the reward challenge. Brawn started to close the gap, until they started to completely fall apart allowing the Brains to pull further ahead. As Laura and Indy got to work on the puzzle, Nash ate it trying to get to the Brawns one. And then proceeded to just watch and then actively hinder as Noonan tried to close the gap. Which obviously meant Indy and Laura snatched victory for the Brains.

Back at camp the Brawns quickly turned their attention to taking out Nash, who tragically knew he would have to play his idol. He, meanwhile, decided they should get rid of Candy, who we barely know and well, that breaks my heart as she gives country Courtney Yates vibes. He quickly rallied some troops, however thankfully, his pushiness pissed off Kristin. He meanwhile continued his assault locking in numbers one by one, until coming up to Noonan who admitted she is nervous given he is 100% safe. Clearly signalling she wants to vote for him. Jesse thankfully was equally as pissed, thinking they should continue to focus on him as he is potentially arrogant enough not to play it. He and Noonan rallied a counterattack, with everyone ready to split votes on Nash and Ursula to control the vote no matter what. Oh then we learnt that even his allies PD and Zen were considering joining them to flush Nash’s idol

Sweet Noonan was obviously thrilled with the turn of events, sadly unaware that Zen was letting him know that the only way to save himself was to play his idol and vote for Ursula. This enraged one week wonder Nash, who stomped off to let her know she is the new target rather than Candy. Speaking of Candy, Paulie and Noonan – my new fave duo since Shonella – were busy letting her know that she is Nash’s target and as such, needs to not panic to avoid people turning from Ursula. Or, you know, Nash not playing his idol. Nash meanwhile was busy talking to Morgan and Kate, assuring them he will protect them if they join him and get rid of Candy instead of Ursula. But given his argument was to target Kate next, you’d hope she would stick with Paulie, Noonan, Ben and Jesse rather than the attention-seeking, chaos agent.

At tribal council JLP quickly addressed Nash and his idol, who doubled down on needing to make big moves from the very start. He gloated about finding the idol five minutes in, with Noonan pointing out that they all learnt about it six minutes in, which was a dumb move. And all he cared about was forcing everyone to play the game from the very first moments and play hard. Candy meanwhile got sassy, pointing out it is a bold move while Paulie straight up said that Nash has no hope of making it anywhere near the end after how he started the game. Zen meanwhile defended his ally, though pointed out it wasn’t the smartest move for Nash to try and align with him within five minutes of arriving. Nash continued to play cute, pretending he was considering not playing it before Candy announced that she knew she was Nash’s target, with Ursula pointing out that she is a target too, and for no other reason than being perceived as an ally of Nash. 

Ursula pointed out Candy was a target because she was weaker in challenge, with Candy in turn pointing out that not all challenges are strength based and she could be an asset where Ursula can’t. Leading to Ursula doubling down on being an asset every day of the week, so a couple of people considering voting Nash could easily just switch to Candy and guarantee her strength stays not matter what. With Kate and Morgan whispering about it being a good idea. As Zaddy Paulie looked on nervously. With that the tribe voted, Nash did end up playing his idol and poor Candy tragically found herself becoming the first boot of the season.

By the time Candy arrived at Loser Lodge, I was simmering with rage. I quickly pulled her in for a hug and gave a shrug, because honestly, there wasn’t much she could do to navigate the chaos that Nash stupidly caused in the first days. Given the circumstances, there really wasn’t much I could actually say to her other than my go-to line that being a first boot is fundamentally more memorable than every other place in the pre-merge, so at least she will be remembered. Plus, she was doomed by Nash’s terrible move which screams robbed goddess, which makes her primed for a return. So between that and the Ricotta and Candried Tomato Roulade I whipped up, she was feeling better in no time.

I love nothing more than a little roulade. They are one of those meals that look fancy and like you’ve put in a lot of effort, but are actually shockingly simple to whip. Simple and delicious, the ultimate combo.

Enjoy!

Ricotta and Candried Tomato Roulade
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
600g chicken breasts
8 slices prosciutto
200g firm ricotta
½ cup parmesan, grated
100g sundried tomatoes, sliced
1 tbsp sage leaves, thinly sliced
1 egg
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C fan-forced.

Slice each chicken breast in half lengthways, and flatten with a frying pan to form half-centimetre slices.

Place a piece of cling on the bench and layer the strips of prosciutto, overlapping slightly, to form a rectangle. Top with the chicken to cover, pressing to make sure there are no gaps (or as few as possible).

Combine the cheeses, zest, tomatoes, sage and egg in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper, and form into a sausage-shape along the middle of the chicken. Using the cling, slowly roll the chicken to enclose the cheesy filling, with the prosciutto sealing it into a giant sausage. Place on a lined baking sheet, seam side down and bake in the oven for 30 minutes, or until the chicken is cooked through and the prosciutto is crispy.

Remove from the oven and allow to rest for five minutes before slicing and serving with your favourite side. And devouring, like our tragic first boot.


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Christmas Burgera Melle

Burgers, Main, Poultry, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race UK the dolls, finally, played the Snatch Game. And while the UK always delivers a better than average game, there is always quite a range in the performances. For every Ginger, for instance, there is a Sugar’s Miley. As hinted at Ginger slayed, yet again, delivering a masterclass on her way to securing her third win in a row. Kate meanwhile broke through and dominated. While Tomara Tomaraed, and obviously had Ru cackling as Cara surprised with a fun turn. At the other end of the pack, Vicki was one note and in her head while DeDe was just there. Sadly for Vicki, when it came to the lip sync, DeDe was more than just there, turning a show and slaying the game, sending Vicki back to Cornish. Presumably to have a pasty.

Backstage DeDe was gagged to have sent another badge holder home, before everyone was gagged to discover said badge holder had left a shady, shady mirror message. Michael then suggested that maybe DeDe was busy taking souls and growing in power, while Ginger just wished she brought the fire and comedy in the challenges instead and was able to realise her powers. Kate meanwhile was primed and ready for a win, given she is now in the top three and just needs to take another step. Oh and as they split up to de-drag, DeDe pointed out that Vicki probs doesn’t like Cara for being loud. Which is iconic of DeDe.

The top six returned the next day with everyone very jealous to see Ginger pulling away with a third badge on her chest, while Michael reminded us that the race is a marathon and she is still backing herself. Cara opened up about feuding with her inner saboteur before Kate tried to bring things back to memorialising Vicki, though all Michael cared about was getting her next badge.

Ru dropped by for a little mini challenge with puppets, because why? Everybody loves puppets, that’s why! First up to the gloryhole was Cara who pulled out Ginger, Michael grabbed Cara, Tomara jagged Michael, Kate got DeDe and DeDe got Tomara leaving Ginger to roast Kate. After they dragged up their felted friends, the dolls’ got to work reading with Cara so very, very bad it was iconic. Michael thankfully read Cara for filth and had a ball, Tomara gave manic energy and at least had herself giggling, while Kate too, was a bomb. Though at least she pissed off DeDe. DeDe in turn was having a ball as she bombed before Ginger, thankfully, made Michael feel less alone by reading Kate the house down boots. And ugh, crown her now, she is perfection.

Rightfully Ginger took out yet another victory, before Ru announced that for this week’s maxi challenge, the girls would be paired up and starring in screen tests Footballers Wags, Holedark or Femmerdale. All where two women vie for the attention of a hunk. And for winning the mini, Ginger was in charge of the pairings, jagging Kate for herself and cursing Michael with Cara and leaving DeDe and Tomara to have fun. And you know that was strategic and again, crown Ginger, she is a damn icon.

After Ru departed the dolls sat down to read through the scripts and fight over the shows. Cara was desperate to play one of the WAGs, which is coincidentally the one Kate and Ginger wanted. Though given Cara stepped aside from her dream role in the rusical, Ginger kindly stepped aside and took Holedark for her duo. So, I guess Kate and Ginger are winning and Cara is gone, right? Tomara meanwhile was nervous about being paired with DeDe, given she is becoming a power bottom. Cara and Michael on the other hand were vibing, and maybe I have read this all wrong. The one thing I know is that Tomara and DeDe are safe, because Ru will love them being unable to do the accents.

Michael and Cara were first up to film with Michelle and Zaddy Jacob from the Pit Crew, and while Cara was full Cara, Michael was a charming, wild cougar. Particularly since she did her own sound effects. The dolls from Holedark slayed from start to finish, chewing up the scenery, the Pit Crew and the set, TBH. Tomara and DeDe, however, were wild, unhinged and so much bloody fun, whether they could nail an accent or not. Or remember any damn lines at all. 

Elimination Day arrived with the dolls thriving and vibing, as they split up to beat their mugs for the runway. Ginger opened up about somehow swallowing a trio of sewing needles once, leading to a bunch of injuries. This got the girls opening up, with Cara talking about cracking her skull, and Michael busted her knee and hole.

Ru, Michelle and Alan were joined by the one and only Joel Dommett – he is hot and hosts Survivor, so I will stan – as Michael opened up the Pajamarama Runway looking an absolutely stunning, fucked-up mess, Cara meanwhile was a sexy, sleeping beauty and Kate Butch gave black and white glamazonian. Who died on the runway, looking beautiful in the process. I mean, she was flawless. Ginger gave Dolly Parton playgirl for John Waters, DeDe gave full plushie before Tomara closed the show doing the sluttier, Barbarella version of DeDe’s look.

When it came to the scenes Cara and Michael were a solid, salacious duo, though TBH, the scene was just boring. Michael received wall to wall praise for the scene and the runway, while Cara was read for being at 100 the entire time, despite doing really well. And showing diversity on the runway. Kate and Ginger’s scene was absolute perfection as the duo squeezed every laugh out of all the moments. Kate was completely beloved for everything she gave in the scene and for turning it out on the runway. Even giving a glorious mug. Ginger too got top marks for everything she did, begging the question, is she about to get her fourth badge in a damn row? DeDe and Tomara’s scene was surprisingly hilarious, given they were stupid and silly in every moment. DeDe was read for being on the struggle bus during the shoot, but her runway was deemed cute. Tomara on the other hand was beloved for being wild, and they were delighted by the runway.

Before Ru ominously praised the dolls for all doing well, making it a difficult choice ahead.

Backstage the dolls quickly grabbed their drinks and toasted each other for having the best time and turning it out. Tomara meanwhile was proud of herself and ready to silence her self-doubt, while Kate was very hopeful about taking out her first win of the season. And just as hopeful she wouldn’t have to share with Ginger. Michael meanwhile was a little confused, thrilled to receive praise though feeling like she will still be in the bottom. While Cara was just outright nervous, given how the rest of the dolls’ critiques went.

Ginger was sent to safety before Kate, rightly, jagged her first badge of the season. Ru then announced that it was a difficult decision to figure out the bottom two, though sadly it was Michael and Cara, as DeDe and Tomara were sent to safety. Despite being gutted, the dolls slayed Touch Me (I Want Your Body) by the one and only Samantha Fox. And well, their looks were perfect for the song, both the dolls were fired up and in the pocket from start to finish. Despite both of them slaying, however, there have already been too many non-eliminations and as such, through tears, Michael was sent to safety before Cara was shown the door.

As Cara arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug and reminded her to hold her head up high. I mean, it is always a little easier to be eliminated in an episode where everyone does well, particularly since it lends itself to being seen as a robbed goddess. And that was all she needed to hear to cheer her up. Though, honestly, how could you be annoyed while smashing a Christmas Burgera Melle.

Yeah, yeah, it is only November, but it is the festive season, damnit, and I will not hear it. I’ve been hearing it for months now! Plus, when a burger tastes this good, don’t complain and just be happy. Spiced, rich and warm, once you try it, you will never worry about getting festive too soon.

Enjoy!

Christmas Burgera Melle
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
250g turkey mince
½ tsp chilli
½ tsp ground sage
¼ tsp cinnamon
salt and pepper, to taste
200g brie, sliced
½ cup Shayonnaise Swain
1 tsp cranberry sauce
2 milk buns
1 cup Nick Ciabatta Stuffing
1 cup Gabriel Mash
½ cup Howie Doriesling Gravy

Method
Combine the turkey mince, chilli, sage and cinnamon in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper. Scrunch to combine and form into two balls. Pop a skillet over medium heat and when hot, pop the patty in the pan and press with a spatula to flatten to about 1cm thick. Cook for a few minutes before flipping, topping with the brie and cooking for a further few minutes or until cooked through.

Combine the mayo and the cranberry sauce in a bowl.

To assemble, split the buns, smear the base with the cranberry mayo, add a dollop of mash, a lug of gravy, then the patty and brie followed by the stuffing. Then closing and devouring, like a festive icon.


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Turkarolyn Wigerllington

Main, Poultry, Survivor, Survivor 44, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the final four arrived at the top of the mountain – literally and figuratively – to compete in the epic final simmotion immunity challenge. And despite us, or at least me, rooting for Carolyn to dominate the challenge, she was the first to go before Heidi surprised herself with the win. Despite having a guaranteed spot in the final three, Heidi decided the best shot at taking out the win, was to pull a Chris Underwood and go to fire against Carson and just like him, she re-earnt her place in the final three – in record time, no less – as Carson found himself becoming the final juror.

The final three woke up early on Day 26, overwhelmed to make it to the end, while Yam Yam was just nervous about sounding stupid at the final tribal council. With Carolyn assuring him, she will sound stupider. Yam Yam opened up to us that he feels he played a strong game, but he knows that it doesn’t really matter what he thinks though and as such, he needs to use his words like weapons to win the jury over. The jury, though, praised him for perfectly riding the middle and winning everyone over, always making them feel like they were part of his plan so they wouldn’t turn on him.

As they sat down for breakfast, Heidi shared that she is proud of how she played, particularly since she took a massive risk at the end to solidify her resume. With the jury just hoping she can reiterate her game, should she want their vote. Carolyn meanwhile was nervous about her self-confidence getting her down. She admitted to us that she is so shocked to have made it to the end, given she never even expected to make the merge. And now her biggest challenge is to convince the jury that being emotional was the smartest way for her to play. Which they seem to agree with, so let’s all hope she doesn’t overthink it and secures the crown like she – and us – deserve.

At the final tribal council Jeffrey reminded everyone how the night would proceed, before Kane kicked things off by assuring the final three all votes were up in the air and as such, they should answer honestly. He then asked what they felt the jury perceives them, with Yam Yam joking that they all love him and see him as happy go lucky, though suggested that they perceived he followed Carson when in fact the Tika trio were a strong alliance. While Heidi tried to call bullshit, Yam Yam pointed out that following Soka was what they wanted them to think at the merge. Heidi meanwhile spoke about playing a social game, though knew she had to do the fire making challenge to have a shot. Carolyn admitted she was shocked to make it to the end, given she was the weird kid that was underestimated and by forming solid bonds with Carson and Yam Yam, she was able to thrive.

Carson admitted he knows how great Yam Yam and Carolyn are, so asked Heidi to explain how she played, admitting that everyone in Soka was strong and as such, come merge, she had to navigate around that perception to survive. Heidi continued to try to undermine Yam Yam, before Danny asked how Yam Yam used Carson, with him admitting he didn’t use Carson but in fact used EVERYONE to make it further. Danny then asked Heidi how she used shields, with her wisely saying she hid behind him specifically to make it further.

Frannie meanwhile took things to the social side – queen – asking them how they leveraged or managed emotion to navigate the game. Right on cue, Carolyn started to get emotional, talking about her journey with addiction and how seeking treatment taught her how to feel her emotions and while she knew that made her game difficult at times, she also used it to sell her choices. Yam Yam admitted while he is emotional, he struggled with the players that kept their guards up like Brandon and Jamie, however he was perceptive enough to learn when people lied to him and as such, navigated around their tells. While Heidi continued to give a textbook performance, saying that her game was more than just about winning but representing people that are different. Because as a latina woman in science, she works with all men and is always expected to keep her emotions in check. And yes, Heidi, work.

Sweet Matt then thanked them all for being themselves and told them that he is proud.

Talk turned to the challenges with our resident beast asking how they felt about them, with Carolyn shocked by how badly she bombed each and every challenge. She admitted her letter from home broke her heart, given her son told her he hoped she would win challenges and while it broke her, she knew to only speak positively about herself. Heidi then praised Carolyn for being an inspiration and for never giving up and ugh, it is so sweet. Carson asked Heidi about the final immunity challenge, admitting that she felt like she had no chance at winning if she didn’t win fire, though knew that taking out the brains of the operation was her best shot. Oh and if they vote for her, they could break another record if they vote for her, as she’d be the first Puerto Rican and oldest female to win. Yam Yam meanwhile opened up about his physical family and how channelling them is what helped him win immunity.

Oh and if they vote for him, he’d be the first Puerto Rican male to win.

Carson directed things to strategy, dropping stats about how well Carolyn played with her admitting that having a tight alliance helped her make it to the end. She pointed out that nobody expected she had the idol and while Yam Yam suggested she played it needlessly, she reiterated she trusted him but not the others and as such, she preferred a guarantee. Danny then questioned why he was the target, with her admitting he appeared to be running things and as such, she knew taking him out would help set her up. Yam Yam meanwhile spoke about his social game and the ability to win people over it. More importantly, that is what helped him stay abreast of everything and know the best path forward. While Heidi with the worst voting record – 67% – spoke about being forced into adapting her game, though when she played from the bottom she realised how much bigger than the money the game can be. She then gave a great speech about coming to America with nothing and how proud of herself she is with the life she has built.

With that the jury finally voted and tragically, for some reason, none of those people felt it appropriate to vote for Carolyn as she landed in third. Obviously I stormed the set and ushered Carolyn aside, bursting into tears in her arms and screaming about how disappointed in the jury I was. I mean, Carson was stage-moming hard all throughout the final tribal council and nobody gave us who would have been the greatest winner of all time. Even better than Sandra and Parvati. Carolyn being Carolyn however, took it in her stride and while she admitted she was disappointed that she was proud of the winner, and more importantly, herself and as such, she gladly sat down to celebrate with a big, fat Turkarolyn Wigerllington.

This poultry take on the beef wellington is just as rich and luscious as the OG. Rich, earthy and a little kick of spice thanks to the chorizo, it is the perfect way to refresh a festive meal.

Enjoy!

Turkarolyn Wigerllington
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
4 sheets puff pastry
½ cup cranberry sauce
½ cup parmesan cheese
4-8 sage leaves
1.5kg turkey breasts, sliced into 1cm thick steaks
500g fresh chorizo, skins removed and discarded
1 cup breadcrumbs
1 bunch spinach, roughly chopped and wilted
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp chilli flakes
1 egg

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C and line a couple of baking sheets.

Place the pastry on a bench and smear with some cranberry sauce before sprinkling with parmesan cheese and placing 1-2 sage leaves in the middle. Divide the turkey breast in the middle on top of the sage.

Combine the chorizo, breadcrumbs, spinach, cinnamon and chilli in a bowl, scrunching together with your hands. Divide into four and form into little sausages, placing lengthways in the middle of the turkey.

Whisk the egg and brush the edges of all the pastry. Fold in the ends and then roll into a large parcel, pressing the edge to seal. Transfer to the baking sheets, seam down, and repeat with each wellington.

Pop the wellingtons in the oven to bake for 80 minutes, or until the pastry is golden and puffed. Remove from the oven and rest for ten minutes before serving with your favourite sides – Simon Potato Baker Denny for life – and devouring, like the queen that you are regardless of the jury.


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Potato and Truffllen Brie Pizza

Main, Pizza, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor 44, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Survivor Probst dropped three new tribes onto the islands of Fiji and over the space of three days, the medical team became the stars of the show as there were injuries aplenty. The first happened during the opening challenge, which tragically resulted in Bruce being evacuated late that night. Zaddy Matthew was the next to go down, climbing a massive rock and promptly falling, slicing his foot open and dislocating his shoulder. While he was ok to continue in the game, it did rule him out of the challenge leaving Ratu without some much needed strength, costing them immunity and sending them to tribal council. And what a tribal council it was, as Matthew and Jamie played their Shot in the Darks – the latter being the first to lead to immunity – Lauren banked her vote for a later date and Brandon played his idol, negating two votes – a new advantage – and sending Maddy out of the game with a single vote.

Back at camp the mood at Ratu was a little bit awkward as everyone processed how messy tribal council was. Matthew meanwhile was thrilled that Brandon was able to save himself, given he desperately wanted him to stay. He then congratulated Jamie on going down in history as the first person to have correctly played their Shot in the Dark before admitting to us that he burnt his solely so he could keep his hands clean and options open for the future. Lauren then admitted that she does have the extra vote in her bag, so no one needs to go hunting to find out if she holds power because she does. Brandon meanwhile asked Kane why he voted for him, with poor Kane explaining it was simply the last name he heard before they left but assured him there are no hard feelings. Though to Brandon, it was very clear there were hard feelings. Despite the fact he was trying to pretend otherwise.

We dropped by Soka the next day with Matt, Claire and Heidi talking about puppies, with him opening up to them that his ex-girlfriend has sole custody of their dog and he is heartbroken to have lost them. And ugh, he is the sweetest and must be protected at all costs. He opened up to us about how it feels like his bad luck in life has translated to the game given he has lost his votes at the first two tribal councils. He then opened up about his crush on Frannie before opening up to her about it, with the little nerds desperately trying to downplay their bond. While constantly being drawn together with their cuteness. While Queen Claire worried it would cost Frannie in the long run, given it was so damn obvious.

Over at Tika the tribe were selling off Bruce’s belongings before Helen spoke about how the locked cage is playing on everyone’s minds and making things super tense. Carolyn wisely suggested they just go hunt for the key together to put an end to the speculation which Yam Yam readily agreed to, given he was desperate for some fun. Or so he said, as he admitted to us that he is definitely just as fixated on it as everyone else. Helen meanwhile was concerned about someone she isn’t working with finding the key, while I assumed Carolyn had found it. When in fact she actually had grabbed a damn snake.

Back at Ratu Kane went hunting for an idol, hoping the flushed one had been rehidden already. Sadly for him, however, everyone else knew what he was up to. While he didn’t find the idol, he did snatch a crab which should earn him some credit, though it really only confirmed everyone’s opinion that he can’t be trusted. We returned to Soka where Danny was also hunting for the key under the guise of finding firewood – which Matt sweetly believed, rather than thinking he was being shady, bless. Danny obviously snatched the key and was thrilled to have a little power. We pivoted to Tika where the snake scared the hell out of everyone from hunting except for Carolyn, who shared a story about her hunting through her son’s poop to find a tooth he swallowed to make sure he got the full tooth fairy experience. And just like that, her persistence once again paid off as she found the idol. Just like his tooth.

As Claire and Matt spoke about the nerves of opening the cage, Danny put his fears aside and snatched it, leaving the fake behind. While Claire and Matt confirmed nothing looked different in the cage when they next walked past.

Carolyn meanwhile was busy pretending that she didn’t find the key while everyone spoke about how shocking it is that nobody had luck, given how hard they had been hunting. As everyone departed to search a new area, Carolyn made a break for it and unlocked the cage to jag her idol and the fake, leaving it completely empty. She then realised how bad an idea that was given she was the only solitary person, so popped the bag back and relocked the cage. Thankfully taking the idol with her. Sadly though, the rest of the tribe returned to the cage and immediately could tell someone had tampered with it, leading to everyone speculating about what would have happened before they agreed to empty out their bags in front of each other. While doing that, Carson decided Halen was being sneaky, Yam Yam and Sarah thought it was each other who found the idol, while nobody suspected Carolyn who was alone for the most time and had the damn thing. So yeah, I stan mother Carolyn.

The tribes came together with Jeff in a field where they would race over an obstacle, collect sandbags and empty them to release a ball, climb a ladder, race over a bridge and then guide the ball up a snake maze. In addition to immunity, the first place tribe would jag an epic fishing kit while second place would get some meagre fishing supplies. While the losers would get a date with Jeffrey, my preferred option. Soka got lucky releasing their ball on the first go, giving themselves a massive advantage as the others fell behind. Tika found their ball and tried to close the gap before Ratu eventually rejoined the game. As always, the puzzle proved to be the great equaliser as Matthew powered through, solving it without dropping the ball once as Sarah and Josh struggled for their tribes. Both of them started to get their eyes in though as it became a race to the finish with Josh just securing immunity, sending Tika to tribal council.

Back at camp the tribe were disappointed to have lost, while Carson was disappointed that Matthew had clearly studied the puzzle to help him take out the win. Since he 3D printed the most used puzzles and had also practised, it just didn’t pay off for him this time. He opened up to us about being a literal rocket scientist, though wanted to play the game by focusing on relationships to take control. First up he approached Sarah and Helen with the girls floating the idea of getting rid of Carolyn, and while the trio were confident, the fact that Sarah didn’t have a vote nor want to tell anyone about that could prove their undoing.

Sarah tried to lock in Yam Yam to work around her lack of vote and while he pretended to be on board, he immediately ran off to loop in Carolyn as the duo locked in a plan on Helen instead. Carson joined up with them and assured them that he actually wants to align with them to take control. Yam Yam explained to us that Carolyn is like Cher and Goofy had a baby, which adds nothing but is important to me. Proving herself to be way more than a kooky character, Carolyn questioned why Carson would want to work with her, given he is good with everyone, which made her worry that a blindside is potentially afoot. He spoke to us about loving being in the middle given each duo brings out a different side of his personality, so he just needs to pick which one he wants to embrace during the game.

At tribal council Yam Yam spoke about how tense things were at camp as everyone grew more and more paranoid about the vote. Helen agreed that you start to second guess everything as everyone goes person to person to talk plans, given you all think you had just known how things would play out. She admitted that tribe strength is kind of important given they are soon to be down to four, while Sarah spoke about strength to her being allies while Carson felt like they were a little screwed to have lost their strength on Day One. Carson laughed about looking like a teen while Carolyn started to get emotional about being grateful to be in the game, feeling nervous that her time may be up. She alluded to the fact that she wants to work with people that want to talk to her, while Yam Yam hoped that the vote would solidify some alliances.

With that the tribe voted, Carolyn held onto her idol despite the nerves and Helen found herself tragically booted from the game. Though TBH, this is my favourite tribe so losing anyone would have been tragic. As Helen arrived at Loser Lodge I pulled her in for a massive hug, assuring her she had built a strong foundation in the game, which was undone by a medevac and her closest ally losing her vote. Oh and our very own Survivor Pizza Curse which cost her her game. But given she scored herself an entire Potato and Truffllen Brie Pizza, she couldn’t be mad for long.

Potato and cheese are arguably the most comforting culinary combinations, but when you pop them on a pizza (and add a little truffle) it gets taken to a whole new level. 

Enjoy!

Potato and Truffllen Brie Pizza
Serves: 1 pre-merge boot, 2-4 for dinner.

Ingredients
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
1 tbsp truffle oil
2 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
200g truffled brie, torn or cut into inch-sized chunks
4 potatoes, thinly sliced
8 fresh sage leaves
100g fior di latte, shredded

Method
Prep the bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions and preheat the oven to 180°C.

Drizzle the bases with truffle oil before topping with garlic, brie, potatoes, sage and a sprinkle of fior di latte. Pop the pizza into the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until bubbly and golden.

Serve and devour immediately, eating to welcome our newest robbed goddess.


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Stuphaning Prites

Canada's Drag Race: Canada vs the World, Canada's Drag Race: Canada vs the World 1, Party Food, Side, Snack, Tapas, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Canada’s Drag Race vs the World – how much easier would that have flowed, amirite – nine dolls from around the globe said Bonjour! Hi! to the Canadian stage. The Season 2 dolls stuck together, as did the camp queens leaving Vanity, Silky and Ra’Jah to form the greatest Drag Race girl group this side of the Frock Destroyers. Obviously they destroyed the competition, while the other teams were a mixture of strong moments and a couple of missteps. Somehow Rita landed in the top with Vanity – I feel like this should have been Ra’Jah’s, but oh well – while Kendall and Stephanie landed in the bottom. Obviously Vanity dominated the lip sync – because, duh, it’s Vanity – before giving Stephanie another shot to shine by sending Kendall home.

Backstage Stephanie was feeling super grateful to have been saved before everyone toasted Kendall for being an absolute delight. Silky meanwhile led the dolls in praising Vanity, before they went for the tea as talk turned to who Rita would have sent home and while she tried to fake it out, admitted she too would have sent Kendall home as Stephanie was more in need of a second chance. Though shared with us that Kendall was actually more of a threat. Vanity shared that Stephanie talking about being the only Asian queen on the cast spoke to her on a deep level, as the only black queen on her original season. The talk of representation made Victoria feel brave enough to call out Stephanie for using the term fishy and while Stephanie spoke about the fact she has reclaimed it from the Philippines, Victoria explained that it is also deeply derogatory to women and as such hoped they could all learn about each other’s cultures and grow. And ugh, I love how maturely they handled it.

The next day the dolls were feeling energetic and ready to slay another week, none more so than Stephanie who was just glad to be around. Anita opened up about feeling a bit put out during the first week as the only person from her franchise, though had found her feet due to their kindness and was ready to slay. Icesis questioned if there were any alliances and while everyone downplayed it, Ra’Jah the icon called out Canada for pairing off in the first week and kind of sending that message. Before we could get any drama Brooke arrived to open the bibliotheque because what? Reading is fundamental. Victoria was charming and full of rhyme, Vanity was a total mess, Stephanie was not much better, Ra’Jah meanwhile was hard on her sister but no one else, Icesis was also a mess, Rita was also bad and well, is this the worst reading challenge of all time? Thankfully Silky brought some charm and while the jokes didn’t always land, her personality did. While Anita was cute and brutal which was more than enough to jag herself victory in the mini challenge.

Oh and did I mention this week’s Maxi Challenge is the Snatch Game? Because it is, but with a political twist.

Everyone split up to get into character with Silky and Anita hoping to go two from two in Snatch Game, while Stephanie was very nervous, given she never made it far enough in her first season. Brooke returned to kiki with the girls with Ra’Jah thinking she will play Big Freedia or Grace Jones, hoping to live up to her killer Latoya. Rita was excited to do French drag icon Guilda, while Icesis was going to be rocking Pamela Anderson until Brooke talked her out of it and into her back-up choice of Donatella. Anita is trying to follow-up her winning turn as Queen Elizabeth with Adele and ugh, this makes me nervous given Ginger did her SO well. Stephanie meanwhile was going with cursed celeb Snatch character Cardi B. Vanity was deciding between Megan the Stallion or Spice while Victoria would be giving us Kim Woodburn and Silky was planning to slay as Lizzo.

We pivoted to the Snatch Game Summit where Vanity had all the energy and charm. Stephanie started off energetic and ridiculous, Rita gave Parisienne glam, Anita was a bit of a mess, Silky was Silky and Icesis was killer from the very first moment as she read Brooke for filth. Speaking of filth, Victoria had Kim down. Icesis was hilarious and ridiculous from start to finish while Ra’Jah was bouncing off everyone like ping pong balls. At the other end of the pack Stephanie was an absolute mess, Silky struggled to land a joke and poor Anita was swallowed up amongst the pack.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone gagged to see Brooke backstage when she escorted Prime Minister Justin Trudeau to the Werk Room. Prime. Minister. What the hell? Oh my God! The dolls kikied with the PM before he gave a global call to action to stop being bigotted and to embrace difference and well, I love it. I love him, I love them. I mean he read Brooke by asking where he would find RuPaul and ugh, gold! After he disappeared the dolls spoke about the power of having the PM enter the Werk Room with Stephnie breaking down about how politicians like him are the reason she could be an immigrant and ugh, I’m crying.

Sadly Justin disappeared by judging as Brooke and Traci were joined by Sarain Fox and fellow Snatch Game bottom and Season 1 victor, what’s her name? Priyanka, obviously. On the Celestial Bodies runway Silky was a perfect alien dragon deity, mid-tour of the galaxy. Ra’Jah was stunning in a glorious midnight blue outfit, giving a silver elf. Anita was perfect as the queen of the moon, shimmering across the stage while Rita was a flaming, smoking sun. Stephanie was stunning as a glorious golden deity, Vanity was a shimmering, spiky sex pot while Victoria was a beautiful molten Saturn before Icesis closed the show in a moody deity-does-Victorian-glamour number.

Ultimately Rita and Vanity were sent to safety before Silky was praised for bringing the fun on the runway though read for going round in circles during the Snatch summit. Ra’Jah meanwhile got wall to wall praise for being fun, energetic and entertaining during Snatch Game and for making yet another glorious runway. Anita’s runway received all the love, though the judges hated her Adele. She broke down about how much she was struggling in the season and ugh, it is hard to watch because she is usually so much fun. Stephanie was read for relying on the Cardi mannerisms and not giving any peaks and valleys. Though her runway, obviously, was beloved. Victoria’s outfit was praised though they felt she didn’t go far enough in Snatch Game. She opened up about the pressure of being the first cis contestant, though hearing everyone lift her up was great. Icesis’ look was loved, though her Snatch Game was only better given she absolutely dominated.

Obviously, it was Ra’Jah and Icesis that landed in the top two while Silky and Victoria were sent to safety, leaving Stephanie and Anita at risk of going home.

Backstage the dolls grabbed a drink before Stephanie opened up about how disappointed she was to land in the bottom again, while Anita admitted she feels heartbroken to be in the bottom, given this is what they do. Victoria meanwhile spoke about being disappointed to have not excelled, though agreed that Icesis and Ra’Jah were far and away the best. Anita caught up with Ra’Jah assuring her that she will turn things around and wanted to face challenges she didn’t get the chance to do in her original season. And while Ra’Jah knew that getting rid of Anita could make the upcoming comedy challenges easier, she is also losing confidence and that could make her easier to face. Icesis meanwhile asked Stephanie what she would give the competition if she stayed, though also admitted that she didn’t want to chop another Canadian. As the safe queens eavesdropped, Stephanie opened up to Ra’Jah about how she is struggling amongst the louder personalities while Anita tried to prove to Icesis she is a veteran and will turn a show, but just needs another chance.

After Icesis and Ra’Jah selected their lipsticks we returned to the mainstage where their new rocker outfits made a lot more sense as Avril’s Sk8r Boi kicked off. And well, despite the lols, the dolls killed it. Ra’Jah was brazen, bold and gave us ballet AND bating, Icesis meanwhile was full rocker, hitting every lyric and oozing attitude all over the floor. Sadly though there could only be one winner as Icesis took out victory and opted to give our Down Under hero another week to shine, eliminating her sister Stephanie from the competition.

As she hilariously called her a hoe via song on her way out the door.

Backstage, despite the disappointment, Stephanie was an absolute delight; thrilled to get to compete with her international sisters. And more importantly, grateful to be in the presence of zaddy Justin Trudeau, because duh. I pulled her in for a massive hug and assured her that she is always iconic – I mean, she was drag Sidney Prescott so don’t come for me – and as such, I was thrilled to toast her success with some Stuphaning Prites.

Sure, the name is a little clunky but we’ve ticked over into the festive season so you best believe, I will be eating festively whether it makes sense or not. And these little panettone stuffing bites – adapted from Nigella – are the perfect way to start. Sweet, salty and oh so carby, they will have you coming back for more.

Enjoy!

Stuphaning Prites
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
4 shallots, sliced
2 granny smith apples, cored and quartered
400g sliced pancetta, diced
2 celery stalks
6 fresh sage leaves
6 garlic cloves, minced
2 tsp chilli flakes
3 tbsp olive oil
200g tinned chestnuts, drained
1 lemon, zested and juiced
500g slightly stale panettone, sliced
2 eggs

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Pop the shallots, apple, pancetta, celery, sage, garlic and chilli flakes in a food processor and blitz until finely chopped and mushy.

Heat a few tablespoons of the oil in a large frying pan and cook the mixture over medium-low heat, stirring semi-frequently, for about 15 minutes. Or until fragrant and softened. Transfer to a large bowl and crumble in the chestnuts before stirring through the zest and juice of the lemon. Crumble in the panettone and give another good stir to combine until it forms a stodgy paste before folding in the eggs.

Line a 30x20cm baking dish and press the mixture in, smoothing the top as you go. Transfer to the oven to bake for about half an hour or until browned and crisp on the edges and an inserted skewer comes out clean.

Leave to cool for about half an hour before cutting into bite-sized squares for a festive party snack, or larger portions if you’re using it as a side. Either way, devour.


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Justerrine Brennan

Lunch, Main, Poultry, Survivor, Survivor 43, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, 18 new castaways were dumped on the now traditional isles of Fiji to put themselves to the test in the ultimate game. And by ultimate, we’d all far prefer it to still be 39 days, but once again, I digress. Despite having some new editing tricks – hello drones – the dramas were the same at the three tribes as everyone had varying degrees of success setting up camp and starting fire. After Baka lost the first immunity challenge, Elie quickly flipped on her plan to lead a strong, all female alliance and instead decided to target Morriah for being weak. With Gabler immune, hair-goals Owen became the target for the other side, though thankfully his locks lived to see another day, as Elie ended the chances of the women taking control of their tribe.

Back at camp – or Baka at camp, specifically – Owen pulled the tribe together to apologise for his nervous scrambling and thanked everyone for saving him and trusting in him. Leading to Elie and Gabler admitting tribal council was a trust exercise and now that they’ve been able to prove it, the five should be unbreakable. Now Gabler was solely focused on getting the tribe fed, spirits lifted and ready to win challenges. Right on cue, an epic storm rolled over the islands and while everyone didn’t look to fare well, the fact that Baka was without a flint, means they are truly at a disadvantage. Though bless, the next morning, they used it as a learning moment and quickly decided to work on getting the roof of their shelter secured. While Owen was also very concerned about Gabler’s health, given he was clearly on struggle street after three days.

Over at Vesi, Jesse and Dwight were far less concerned about repairing after the storm and instead were hunting for an idol and talking about the dynamics of their tribe. They noticed it was kinda split into three pairs, with Nneka and Cody close, Noelle and Justine closer and as such, Jesse decided that Dwight should be his island wife. We then learnt a bit more of Dwight, who was essentially a child political journo which is iconic. After that detour, Dwight suggested to Jesse that Cody is the biggest threat and that he would prefer to align with the girls, while Jesse definitely wasn’t threatened by him, giving Cody is clearly just here for a good time. And therefore, super easy to navigate around. Someone he wasn’t vibing with was Justine who was busy making eye contact with spiders and as such, also seemed a wee out of her element.

And just like that, a duo is already divided.

Over at Coco the tribe were doing a little ballet or yoga or something, followed by some back cracking from Ryan. Karla reiterated she is literally aligned with everyone in the tribe, though she would most like to take out Geo first. The only concern being about how his bestie zaddy-Ryan would react. As the duo went hunting for nuts, Geo opened up about his coming out experience and how it ended with his parents kicking him out of home. Which is absolutely fucked and I am so glad he used it to make a life for himself that he could be proud of. And well, to put it simply, fuck his parents. Ryan meanwhile was gushing about how close he and Geo were and ugh, give Ryan the win, in addition to my heart.

Back at Vesi Noelle was talking Cody through putting on her prosthesis, which he explained to Nneka and Jesse was important to him as he watched one of his friends lose their leg and then die from cancer in High School. Which goes a long way to explaining why he is so upbeat, silly and adventurous. Flipping to Baka, Owen went for a walk to get water for the tribe where he shared to us that he was trying to keep his old-grump personality under wraps. Particularly if he were to find out everyone was hunting for idols instead of helping him keep everyone alive. Right on cue, Jeanine and Elie were busy looking for said idol while trying to decide whether they should focus on adding Sami or Owen as their third. Elie likened Sami as her responsible, independent older child while Owen is her needy baby, and given the boys don’t appear tight, she was confident pulling one in would be an easy win. Which obviously meant Sami was floating the idea of an all male alliance at that very moment.

The tribes reconnected with Probst for the next immunity challenge where they would swim to a cage, climb in and release a large snake containing number tiles, use the tiles to solve a combination and then release puzzle pieces, which they would need to solve. With the winners getting immunity and a full fishing set, second getting a few fishing items and the losers getting some face time with Probst at tribal. Given the snake was ridiculously heavy, everyone struggled to get through the first phase until Elie fell off while holding on to it which gave them the lead, while Coco and Vesi were left to nip at their heels. Well, Coco at the very least, as Nneka kinda gave up on helping with the snake at Vesi, leading to them falling way behind. So far behind in fact that Jeanine and Elie secured the win for Baka with ease, just ahead of Coco. Sending Vesi to tribal council, while Noelle looked on angrily from the sit out bench.

Which, relatable.

Back at camp the tribe got a quick little pep talk from Cody, before pivoting to scrambling with Cody knowing he would have his work cut out for himself to protect his bestie Nneka after bombing the challenge. As the girls locked in their plan against Nneka, she approached Jesse and Dwight to see if they’d be open to keeping her. We dabbed out and checked in with the triumphant Baka who were riding high on their first victory, with Elie particularly thrilled to have had the hero moment in the puzzle given she struggled at school growing up due to her ADHD and dyslexia. As the tribe discussed how best to use their fishing gear, Gabler ignored everyone’s suggestion to pop a rope on the Hawaiian sling given he had never used one and immediately put a target on his back. That somehow led to Jeanine going through his bag to get confirmation whether his idol expires after the second tribal council or his second tribal council. Which ended up being the latter, meaning she, Elie and Owen needed to figure out a way to navigate around it should they actually want to take a shot.

We returned to Vesi for the more pressing scramble with Justine approaching Dwight and Jesse to figure out a split vote plan to navigate Nneka potentially playing her shot in the dark. Sadly for her, she needed Jesse to pull it off and given Justine had already made him more nervous than Nneka, Justine girl, you in danger. Jesse caught up with his island wife Dwight to see how he was feeling about the upcoming tribal council and while Dwight was more interested in aligning with the girls to weaken Cody, by way of taking out Nneka, Jesse was also aware that Dwight does not have a vote and as such, he can’t help either way. Justine approached the duo and admitted that she wasn’t sure she could trust Jesse, which made him want her gone ASAP. And Dwight? Well, he wasn’t bothered.

Jesse approached Cody and Nneka to discuss the upcoming tribal council, giving them the deets and straight up vibing. Feeling good about getting rid of Justine, Cody turned his attention to idol hunting where he quickly stumbled across the Beware Advantage. And despite the risk, took it and immediately lost his vote unless he was able to convince each person in the tribe to give him a unique bead from their bags to activate his idol bracelet. He got to work, admitting to Jesse what happened and they set to work securing the rest. Cody decided he would wear a palm frond hat at tribal council and as such, needed to bedazzle it with beads, asking everyone to give him theirs. Which worked, for everyone but Noelle, who had already made a bracelet out of hers.

At tribal council Cody admitted they were crushed to lose immunity, before gushing about his iconic hat to Probst and how the tribe all helped by gifting him their beads. Justine admitted she would like a hat, with Cody offering to make one should she survive. She opened up about knowing she is on the block given everyone is paired up in the tribe and she hasn’t talked strategy with Cody at all. Dwight opened up about the fact everyone knows he doesn’t have a vote tonight, while Jesse and Nneka admitted that it may seem silly for him to have shared that intel, in the game it makes sense. Talk turned to the potential idol, with Nneka trying to distract while Noelle was genuinely in the dark about the situation.

Cody admitted that Dwight losing his vote likely won’t impact tribal council while Noelle felt that nobody had done anything wrong and as such, tonight was a tough decision for everyone. Though she was planning to vote for strength so they don’t have to come back. With that the tribe voted – including Cody, who was able to get the last bead from Noelle in a flashback – which tragically led to her friend Justine being booted from the game. JUST LIKE I PREDICTED BY ANOINTING HER THE MODERN ERA JESSIE CAMACHO?!

Which was not something she delighted in when I gave her a hug at Loser Lodge. She was understandably super bummed to be out of the game second but I reminded her that an iconic early boot – that is gorgeous to boot – will live on in the hearts of us gays for decades to come, just like Jesse, and as such, she should be proud of herself. And while I don’t know if it was that or the Justerrine Brennan that cheered her up, all I know is that she was happy when I exited.

While this terrine gives off big turducken energy, I assure you the pork and chicken combination is damn near perfection. Sweet, succulent and packed with a juicy-earthy punch, this is the perfect thing to feast on for dinner, or have cold at a picnic. She. Is. Versatile, mama.

Enjoy!

Justerrine Brennan
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil, plus extra to brush
1 onion, diced
12 rashers smoked streaky bacon
2 chicken breasts, diced
500g pork mince
⅓ cup pistachios, roughly chopped
⅓ cup dried cranberries
¾ tsp freshly grated nutmeg
1 tsp thyme leaves
1 tsp sage leaves, roughly chopped
½ tsp chilli flakes
salt and pepper

Method
Preheat the oven to 160°C. Place the oil in a large frying pan and sweat the onion over low heat for 10-15 minutes, or until soft and sweet. Transfer to a bowl.

While the onion gets chill, use 10 of the bacon rashers to line a 1kg loaf tin, leaving excess to hang over the sides. Add the chicken, pork, pistachios, cranberries, nutmeg, thyme, sage and chilli with a good whack of salt and pepper, and stir until well combined. Press the filing into the tin and fold the overhanging bacon over to seal tightly. Oil some foil – lol, rhyme – and cover the terrine. Again, tightly.

Transfer to a roasting pan and half-fill – the roasting pan, obvi – with boiling water and pop in the oven to bake for 90 minutes. Once cooked, gently remove from the water bath, uncover, drain excess fat and leave to cool.

Once cool, transfer to a baking tray and cover with foiling and pop something heavy on top – filled tin cans work best – and transfer to the fridge to chill overnight.

To serve, unmold the terrine, brush with a little oil and pop in the oven at 180°C for 20 minutes, or until golden and crisp. Then, finally, devour.


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Porchettarina

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 2, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España 12 new queens entered the Werk Room, ready to slay. Tragically though, not everyone could stick around – this isn’t All Winners, or half of the season 13 and 14 episodes – as Marisa, Ariel, Samantha, Jota, Onyx, Diamante, Sethlas and Juriji exited. At the top four, the dolls madeover older members of the LGBTQIA+ community and while Sharonne and Venedita slayed – with the latter winning her second challenge – Estrella and Marina didn’t shine as brightly and landed in the bottom. Thankfully though, Supremme knew that all four were worthy of a place in the final, keeping both of them around to battle their sisters for the crown. But first, they all had to get back together!

Supremme kicked off the reunion welcoming the dolls back to the Mainstage to talk shit about the season. Oh, and to crown their Miss Congeniality. But more importantly Yara Sofia sent in a video message to send them her love and praise them on a killer season, followed by Samantha Hudson at the salon mid-bleaching, sweet old icon Karina who I sadly hadn’t heard of before the show and Manila Luzon who gave up on speaking Spanish after the first sentence. And well, needless to say all the dolls were touched. Particularly Onyx, who was thrilled by Manila’s message about not needing a crown to win. Because, duh, she is a sexy icon.


We then got a series of recaps of each of the top four’s journeys and while everyone clearly slayed the game this season, if Marina’s full frontal doesn’t take the crown, it has to go to Sharonne, right? Or did I just jinx her? In any event, Estrella was thrilled to narrowly make it through to the final as was Marina, while Sharonne admitted the last few weeks of the competition were truly stressful and emotional, whether you were in the top or on the bottom. Being a humble icon, when Supremme inferred it was obvious she was making it to the end, she spoke about the fact the competition is all about luck and she got lucky that the judges liked all that she had to offer. While Venedita was glad to get a win just before the finale and have that confidence boost going into the final challenge.

That was followed by a filler segment watching the eliminated queens audition tapes and well, the production values were on point but yeah, it was all filler. Except for the fact we learnt Drag Sethlas has a tonne of money because her outfits were on point and looked expensive.

Talk turned to Estrella and Samantha being stupid, fun and/or loud in the Werk Room, and while some of their sisters lived for it Ariel felt they kinda took a lot of air out of the room and made it hard for the quieter girls to shine. And well, Ariel Rec is hot and I love her, so I accept her take as gospel. Despite loving the madness her sisters brought to the show. Everyone turned their attention to Jota’s penchant for lies and exaggeration, with her reading them for saying she lies when she simply embellishes her stories. Though the Lola Flores shawl she said she owns is definitely Lola Flores’, despite what her sisters have to say. When it came to talking about Diamante and her potential lies about having no sewing skills despite turning an epic look, everyone was a little more open to believing her.

We finally turned our attention to the epic feud between Marina and Juriji, which importantly centred on Marina’s penchant for gross farts. While Juriji was happy to talk it through and resolve things, Marina wasn’t really looking to move on given she felt very disrespected by Juriji at that moment and she isn’t sure how to talk about it. Juriji admitted she too felt disrespected during their fight, but even that didn’t seem to make her want to resolve things. Particularly when they had to talk about their feud when Sethlas teamed up with Marina, because it only made Marina angrier at her sister. Despite Juriji explaining that she felt she has never fit in and them telling her she was the weakest was a trigger to her.

Before recapping the looks of the season Pedro ma’tuckin’ Almodovar sent the dolls a message praising them for their runways dedicated to him. And admitted he shared the videos far and wide in the fashion world and ugh. Is Spain the prime franchise, now?

Supremme then tasked the eliminated queens with stomping the runway in a look they couldn’t show with Marisa opting for a killer art look, shagadelic and dedicated to Picasso. By way of the loom. Ariel slayed as a smurf cleaner to a queer superhero, while Samantha rocked a TV, Jota mashed up neon ballet with latex rocker gimp, Onyx was a sexy flapper vampire, Diamante came out of the closet as houndstooth and Sethlas was a showgirl charity pin. Ultimately the queen that won the Best Lost Look sash was first boot Marisa and well, it’s what she deserves.

They then gave another prize for the Hungriest Queen, with this time only Estrella and Juriji eligible for the prize. Though obviously that one was going to Estrella, who found a way to work eating into any and all challenges. Talk turned to who should win the season with everyone pleading their case before the queens voted and were split between Estrella, Venedita and Sharonne. And since this reunion is starting to feel like election coverage, we then finally learnt who the queens voted as their Miss Congeniality of the season – Samantha Ballentines! And well, wasn’t she thrilled to get some 1-on-1 time with the zaddy Pit Crew who delivered the sash!

As the exited the mainstage, I quickly pulled Marina aside to give her some late breaking sustenance and encouragement ahead of the final challenge. How lucky is she to be next in the alphabet after Estrella! While my favourite moment of hers from the season was due to my aggressive thirst – free the peen! – she also slayed from start to finish, giving a polished collection of creative runways and also shining in the roast. As such, I carved her off a chunk of Porchettarina and toasted her success.

There is honestly nothing better than a perfectly cooked porchetta. Sweet and juicy meat, melting away in your mouth with a hearty crust of crackling and a delicate punch of herbaceous garlicky heaven? Swoon.

Enjoy!

Porchettarina
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1.5kg pork belly, boneless
1 tbsp fennel seeds
2 tsp black peppercorns
8 cloves garlic
½ tsp kosher salt, plus extra for salting
10 sage leaves, finely chopped
2 tsp chilli flakes
1 tbsp olive oil

Method
Start by scoring both the skin and meat side of the pork belly to form a cross hatching.

Meanwhile, toast the fennel seeds in a dry, medium-heat frying pan until nice and fragrant before popping into a mortar and pestle alongside the peppercorns, garlic and salt until it forms a paste. Transfer to a bowl and mix through the sage, chilli and oil.

Rub the paste over the meat side of the pork and then roll to form a log and using kitchen string, tie it along the meat in intervals to secure. Transfer to a roast pan with a rack and aggressively rub the skin with the additional sea salt. Transfer to a fridge for 8 hours or so to allow the skin to dry. I may have cut a corner here, which is why we’re missing out on glorious crackling.

When you’re ready to go, preheat the oven to 220°C and rub the excess salt off the skin. Transfer to the oven and cook for 20 minutes before reducing heat to 150°C and cooking for 2 hours.

Depending on how the crackling has gone, you could then crank the oven back up to 220°C for ten minutes for a final crisp, or pop it under a hot grill for five minutes. But ideally, that shouldn’t be necessary.

Rest for ten minutes or so before removing the string, slicing and most importantly, devouring.


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