Fourth Place

Chocolate Creampie Trang

Baking, Dessert, Pie, Snack, Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, Brad won immunity again and Aubry felt everyone was against her. Which they were, booting her in fifth place.

Once again, Probst was quick to return for the final immunity challenge of the season – an epic obstacle, water slide, puzzle combo. I mean sure, it looks pretty simple but after starving for 38 days, this is guaranteed to be a struggle.

Brad got out to a an early lead, which was just as quickly taken by Sarah with Troyzan hot on her heels. Sarah continued to extend her lead, while Troyzan struggled with his second bag and fell out of it. Then out of nowhere, Brad overtook Sarah snatching the last bag of puzzle pieces and made quick work of the puzzle, equalling the record by snatching his fifth individual immunity.

Turns out he was able to do what Monica would do, going from a pre-merge boot to a finalist on his second attempt.

Back at camp, Troy jumped straight into Brad’s arms knowing that as the biggest goat remaining, he too was guaranteed to be a second runner-up. They quickly agreed that getting rid of Tai was the best plan, particularly since Brad is confident the jury will reward his challenge prowess and his experience as a lawyer guarantees him a better performance in front of the jury.

Tai made a last ditch plea to Sarah to vote for Troyzan and force a firemaking challenge between one of them and Troy. Sarah appeared to be swayed, knowing that she could potentially beat everyone remaining and a successful win in the challenge is yet another point as far as the jury are concerned.

We returned to tribal council where Aubry made a play to snatch the jury facial expression crown from Michaela. Brad was proud to be guaranteed a spot in the final but was concerned about who would be joining he and Troyzan in the final tribal. Sarah and Tai agreed that it was one of them and that if they want to go to the end together, they had to try and force a tie.

Tai started a smear campaign against Brad’s bullying, before Brad gave the jury a live show. Troyzan was quietly confident, but given how most of the tribals have gone this season couldn’t bring himself to feel safe. Sarah kept looking back at Brad and Troyzan nervously, clearly confused as the headed to vote … luckily for her, the odds were in her favour with her joining the boys to boot Tai from the game.

As you know, I met Tai when he supported my one man, nude version – did I mention it was nude, because it was – of A Midsummer Night’s Dream in Golden Gate Park. While it wasn’t as celebratory as our previous Ponderosa pow-wow, Tai was still the most upbeat and positive person in the room.

That being said, who doesn’t like a nice wet creampie? That sounds dirty. Who doesn’t love a  chocolate-y creampie? Still off. I gave him a Chocolate Creampie … Trang.

The Trang saves it from being smutty, right?

 

 

Sweet, slippery, sticky and altogether delicious, this is the second best creampie a guy could ask for.

Enjoy!

 

 

Chocolate Creampie Trang
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
1 ⅓ cups chocolate biscuits, blitzed to a crumb
75g unsalted butter, melted
¼ cup plus 1 tbsp raw caster sugar
⅔ cup muscovado sugar
¼ cup cornstarch
pinch of kosher salt
4 egg yolks
3 cups milk
30g unsalted butter
200g dark chocolate, melted
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup double cream

Method
Preheat the oven to 160°C.

Combine the biscuit crumbs, 75g melted butter and the ¼ cup of raw caster sugar in a bowl until combined. Press the base into a pie dish and bake for 15 minutes, or until crisp. Remove and allow to cool.

While that it chilling like Tai finding idols, whisk the muscovado sugar, cornstarch, salt and yolks in a heavy-bottomed saucepan until combined and slowly stir in the milk. Bring to the boil over medium heat, while whisking, reduce heat to low and still whisking, simmer for a minute or so or until it is thick. Sieve the custard into a bowl and slowly whisk in the chocolate, butter and vanilla. Cover with clingwrap and cool for a couple of hours.

Once cooled, transfer to the crust, smooth over, cover and place in the fridge to chill for a few hours.

When you’re almost ready to devour, lightly whisk the double cream with a tablespoon of raw caster sugar until it forms soft peaks. Spoon over the pie, slice and devour.

 

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Tinaan Wesson

Bread, Side, Snack, Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands, Vegetarian

I know what you’re thinking – please, stop with the fucking posts and give the internet a break, we are sick of you!

Firstly, cool, point taken. But sorry, no can do. And secondly, fuck you, you come here by choice, why be so nasty to me? Thirdly, thanking for boosting my traffic though.

Anyway, let’s stop the drama because something very exciting is almost upon us – Queen Sandra Diaz-Twine is but four weeks away from kicking off her run for a third Survivor crown. Which she will win.

To get in the spirit this season, I thought I would round up four of my favourite winners and countdown to this momentous occasion. And obviously I am starting things with my second favourite winner behind Queen SDT, Tina Wesson.

I mean, she is the closest (other than my girl Parv) to snatching a second crown, so what’s not to love?

I first met Teens while Survivor: The Australian Outback was in production. I was a newbie, 13 year old fan and was desperate to connect with Probst, so trekked Queensland until I stumbled into the Kucha camp on Day 17.

That stumble changed the course of the game as I accidently pushed Scupin into the fire – in addition, I met my frenemy Lis Filarski, made out with Varner and wagged my finger in Alicia’s face, so win – and allowed Ogakor to tie things up, leading to Tina dominating and winner the game.

While she is one of the best low-key masterminds, Tina was always grateful for my accidental assistance and we have been close ever since.

As a Survivor tragic, Teens was thrilled to get my call and to try and get some information out of me pre-season. Particularly since I was promising a table full of freshly made Tinaan Wesson.

27 days until the premiere – who will join me next week? *Spoiler alert* he is banging.

 

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Now I could make an argument for any form of bread being the best, but a filled naan would have to be up the top of the list. Scorched, warm, pillowy dough enclosing a cheesy, spiced spinach mixture. Need I say more?

Enjoy!

 

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Tinaan Wesson
Makes: 8.

Ingredients
7g dry yeast
1 tbsp caster sugar
2 cup flour, plus more for rolling
1 tbsp olive oil
salt and pepper
1 bunch of baby spinach, washed and chopped
3 cloves of garlic, crushed
1 tsp chilli flakes
½ cup cheddar cheese, grated

Method
To make the dough, combine ½ cup of warm water in jug with the sugar and yeast. Give a quick stir and leave to rest for about 10 minutes, or until foamy and smelling like a brewery.

Place the flour in a large bowl of a stand mixer, pour in the yeasty water, oil and a pinch of salt and knead with a dough hook for five minutes, or until combined to make a smooth, elastic dough.

Transfer to a large, oiled bowl and leave to prove for an hour, or until doubled in size.

While the dough is proving itself like Tina in the outback, heat a lug of oil in a medium frying pan and cook the garlic for a minute. Reduce heat to low and add the spinach, chilli and a good whack of pepper. Cook until all moisture is removed. Take it off the heat and allow to cool for ten minutes or so, before adding in the cheese.

Once the dough and filling are ready, transfer the dough to a bench, punch back and split into 6-8 chunks – depending on how big you’d like your naans.

One at a time, roll out the ball of dough place the filling in the centre and seal it into a ball. Dust the ball with flour, press to flatten and roll into an oval shape. Continue until all the dough and mix are done.

Once ready, heat a small skillet over medium-low heat, sprinkle some water on the naan and place on the pan. Cook for a three minutes or, flip and cook for a further couple of minutes. You want it to be golden and crisp but still soft on the edges … and most importantly the cheese melted.

Devour.

 

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Pidavid Wright

Bread, Main, Party Food, Survivor: Millennials vs. Gen X, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, Hannah made what appeared to be a boneheaded move by booting Bret in fifth place, rather than David. But maybe it wasn’t, or it was. Let’s continue …

Back at camp Adam, quite rightly, was shocked by Hannah and Kengel’s loyalty to David.

Wanting a redux of their first tribal aftermath, Hannah and Adam went to discuss the vote with Hannah actually making a logical argument that she couldn’t lose David and upset Ken and leave herself a path to final tribal. Oh and Adam was far more eager to listen to her explanation this time, despite disagreeing with her.

Wanting to burn through the final boot, Jeff arrived for this season’s final immunity challenge which required the castaways to guide plates through a vertical maze using a long, hard pole, before stacking the most plates on the top of the maze at the end of 30 minutes.

Oh and of course the maze wobbles.

Ken took the lead in stacking the most bowls, with Adam simply trying to outlast Ken and hope that his plates would all drop. Which they did. Sadly Adam’s plates quickly followed, as did Hannah and David as everyone started again.

Hannah and Ken then took the lead, while Adam tried to wait them out again, which sadly didn’t work and the pair finished the half hour tied. Kengel and Hannah then had a five minute tiebreaker where Kengel took out an early lead and never looked back, securing final immunity.

Again, how babin’ did Ken look getting that necklace? And more importantly … who can believe Hannah almost won final immunity?

Back at camp David gloated about Ken’s loyalty, while Hannah and Adam joined together to plot how they could convince Ken to turn on David, despite said loyalty. Hannah then went to work on swaying Ken, explaining to him that the jury don’t respect them and that leaving David in the game would simply confirm that, in their eyes.

With them busy, David told Adam that the easiest way for him to move forward was to campaign against Hannah. Thankfully Adam pulled on his big-boy pants and told David that if he wasn’t booted that night, Adam loses anyway, so why not try and make a move.

We then arrived at tribal where Jeff reminded us of all of Hannah’s foibles – including her glorious seventeen hour vote at the first tribal – to congratulate her on coming so close to winning final immunity. Adam then tried to explain how big of a threat David is, to which David agreed. Ken then brought up loyalty, Adam brought up the need to make a smart decision to win for your family with which Ken agreed.

Proving his superiority over Australian Survivor’s single father stud, Ken made the best possible move he could – for everyone … bar David – and as he sent David out of the game as the final member of the jury.

I met Dave while working as a screenwriter for Malcolm in the Middle and quickly rode his coattails over to Family Guy before being fired amidst scandal and inevitably inspired the character of Roger on American Dad! Dave being Dave kept in touch and tried to help me sort my life out, more than earning his comforting Pidavid Wright.

 

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The pide is the culinary version of David’s Survivor experience – it started out with a soft, delicate dough that made way for a fiery, dominant filling which leaves you salivating and wanting more, despite not winning.

That is a bit of a stretch, isn’t it?

 

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Pidavid Wright
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp dry yeast
1 cup milk, warmed to 30C
1 tsp raw caster sugar
1 tsp salt
3 tbsp vegetable oil
3 cups flour
lug of olive oil
6 garlic cloves, minced
500g minced lamb
6 roma tomatoes, diced
2 tbsp tomato paste
1 tbsp sumac
1 tsp paprika
1 tbsp dried chilli flakes
¼ cup tahini
1 lemon, juiced
⅓ cup pine nuts, toasted
handful chopped flat-leaf parsley
4 eggs
handful of feta

Method
Combine yeast, milk, sugar, salt and vegetable oil in the bowl of a stand mixer and knead on medium for about ten minutes, or until smooth.

Transfer to an oiled bowl, cover and allow to prove for an hour. Knock back the dough, split into four, cover again and leave to prove for a further hour or so.

While the dough is proving, get to work on the filling by heating a lug of oil in a large pan over medium heat and sweat the garlic for a few minutes. Add the lamb and brown for a few minutes, breaking up with the back of a wooden spoon as you go.

Add the tomatoes and spices and cook for a further couple of minutes before adding the tahini, lemon juice, pine nuts and parsley. Stir to combine and remove from the heat.

Once the dough has proven itself, roll each piece into an oval shape. Fill each with some filling, leaving a couple of centimetre border around the edges. Pinch the ends together to form a boat shape and bring up the edges. Top with a cracked egg and some crumbled feta, and bake for about 20 minutes, or until golden.

Leave to rest for five minutes and devour. I slather it with natural yoghurt but that is just how I roll, you know? You do you.

 

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Scrambled Flick Eggintons

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2016), Breakfast, Main, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor, the time had finally come for Matt, Flick and Kristie to split El and Lee and coast to the final three … so obviously the girls actually stuck with Lee and El as they made Matt the Magician disappear.

Seriously, I’m at the end of my tether and starting to lose faith in Kristie.

We opened up straight after tribal where Lee bemoaned the fact that Flick had tried to blindside the lovers again, despite the fact she literally told them that she was planning on booting El. Kristie then said something cryptic and wandered back into the woods, while you beaut El pulled Flick aside and tried to make her feel guilty. Ironically, she is the only one with nothing to feel guilty for, as she is the only one left making it interesting.

By the time day 52 rolled around, Flick realised that the OG Aganoans were in an alliance and that she is well and truly screwed. Not to be outdone, Kristie then ran us through her options which are rapidly becoming win final immunity or lose the game, since booting Matt last tribal.

Kristie then started a circle jerk – not literally guys, Sam has gone so Lee is riding solo in that regard – where each castaway had to say something they are proud of from their time in the game. Obviously El’s proudest moment is Lee – she needs to back off my (very soon to be ex) man.

Wanting to cut my grass, the producers then laid out enough ingredients to cook a feast, however Flick – being the only contestant left with a brain – used the opportunity to learn how to make fire in the hope that she could force a tie. So I guess Ten’s slight wasn’t a complete bust.

El and Flick started to have a babe off over the aforementioned fire while Kristie tried to emulate Queen Sandra Diaz-Twine by hiding in the rocks and eavesdropping. Lee then dropped by to talk about how horribly Flick is manipulating Kristie, despite it being his entire game, before El – hopefully – foreshadowed Kristie’s final immunity victory while creeping on her as she ate. Obviously in a hella patronising way, as El is known to do.

Despite having pushed me into a corner for the last half an hour, Kristie then started to work her way back into my heart by running off in the middle of the night to practice making fire. She may not have worked hard for the win, but it would be hilarious if she pulls it off … and kind of perfect for a completely bizarre season that always seem to head towards greatness, before choking and fizzling out with an eh.

Finally we arrived at the immunity challenge, an old favourite comprised of different stages from previous challenges. Given the fact that they’ve been pretty useless in challenges all season, it was no real shock that neither Kristie or Flick had any hope of victory while El, the deadset cobber that she is, was able to take out the victory.

More importantly, Lee got caught up in the ropes before working on getting his pole nice and big and hard enough to have a crack at penetrating my (key)hole.

With El wearing the necklace, we arrived back at camp, where the tribe commenced their scrambling … which pretty much meant Lee and El chilled while Flick worked overtime to try and convince Kristie and then El and even Lee to vote with her. And Kristie looked on, panicked from the shore.

Despite a strong performance at tribal council calling out literally everything, poor Flick’s work was all for naught as she found herself out of the game and into my arms. Obviously I was a mess to see my closest friend of the cast – we started as Meter Maids together in 2012 – booted from the game. After disgracing myself with the leftover Mattrioskas and a rancid Desmopolitan, Flick nursed me back to health the next morning until I was well enough to whip were up a big batch of my Scrambled Flick Eggintons.

 

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While they may not be the most difficult or elegant dish, there is something perfect about something as simple as scrambled eggs. Lightly whisked and folded through foaming butter, scrambled eggs can cure anything … even watching a season of your favourite show take a pretty hard nosedive.

Enjoy!

 

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Scrambled Flick Eggintons
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
3 large eggs
salt and pepper
1 tbsp butter, plus more for toast
a couple of slices of sourdough

Method
Crack the eggs into a bowl, season with a pinch of salt and pepper and give a hearty whisk.

Slowly melt the butter in a small frying pan over low heat and cook until frothy. Pour the beaten eggs into the pan and slowly stir with a spatula, dragging the spatula around the edges of the pan and dragging towards the centre, creating light, delicate folds.

When they have formed delicate, wet curds, remove from the heat and butter your toast – you need to make toast at some point in this process, FYI. In that time, the eggs will have finished cooking. Spoon over the toast, season with a good whack of pepper and devour.

 

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Cydney Goujons

Main, Poultry, Snack, Survivor: Kaôh Rōng

Previously on Survivor Darnell crapped, Jen had worms whispering in her ear, Liz the robot malfunctioned, Caleb almost died, Alecia was bullied, Anna was screwed by the swap, Peter was screwed by his smarm, Neal almost died, Nick was a pretty girl, Debbie worked hard, Scot was nah-bro’d, Julia was run over in the middle of the road, Sargsonyle was vanquished and Joe ate too much meat … and almost died.

And then there was four … well five including the breakout star of the season #MarkTheChicken.

We opened with Tai and Aubry planning how to reclaim the numbers after Joe’s bowels had a beef with him, before Probsty’s took us straight to a reward challenge where Aubry’s underrated stint as challenge beast finally resulted in an individual win. Knowing that she needed to woo (not him) Cyd back to their side, Aubry chose to share her reward with Cyd and give them better odds of beating Michele in the next immunity challenge.

That or she was hoping a steak would take Cyd out for her like Joe?

But best laid plans, amirite? Cyd didn’t OD on satay and Michele ruined their plans by winning immunity.

There was discussion back at camp as Cyd and Michele tried to turn Tai on Aubry but surprisingly, Tai stuck with his ally and forced a taitie between the girls, and let their fire making skills make the final choice.

Despite getting a few of Alecia’s leftover embryos, Cyd was never able to have a flame take off, sending her to the jury and ending her dreams of paying off her parents mortgage (and breaking hearts across the globe in the process).

Well except Sia’s, I guess as she didn’t give her a cheque. Boo.

Obviously I am a close friend of Cyd’s, having met on the bodybuilding circuit a few years ago. Despite the fact that she refused my steroid regime – if only Crystal Cox had don’t the same – and I was eventually banned from the sport because of my roid abuse (and rage), Cydney stuck by me like the kind spirit that she is.

Cyd was heartbroken (and breaking) as she made her way into Ponderosa and ran straight into my comforting arms. While the first cut is said to be the deepest (or is that the Vytas), I almost feel it is worse to go out just before the finals (ask Wentworth). To come so far and get cut just before having the opportunity to plead your case to the jury is something that only your fourth place prize money / a loving meal can fix.

Given the scandal that came from feeding Joe meat in a spicy liquid, I wanted to give Cyd something soothing, comforting and delicious, with a bit of a kick, to get her in the best headspace before making a million dollar decision. While yes, they are spicy, my Cydney Goujons certainly fit the bill!

 

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There is nothing better than a spicy chicken (not Mark) goujon. I mean, moist chicken with a kick of spice wrapped up in a crunchy coating – perfection. Plus it is gluten free, so less inflammatory meaning it is comforting and sensitive … in light of Mr Joe’s issues.

Enjoy!

 

cydney-goujons-2

 

Cydney Goujons
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
½ tsp paprika
½ tsp chilli
½ tsp smoked paprika
pinch of cayenne pepper
¼ tsp celery salt
¼ tsp onion powder
¼ tsp garlic powder
½ tsp parsley
½ tsp oregano
½ tsp thyme
pepper
1 cup almond meal
1 egg, whisked with a bit of milk
500g chicken breast, sliced into thick strips … that look like goujons

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C. Line a baking sheet with greaseproof paper.

Combine the herbs, spices and almond meal in a large shallow bowl with a good whack of pepper. Whisk the egg in a second shallow bowl.

Dip a strip of chicken into the egg, drain and place it into the spice mix, flipping to coat. Place on the baking sheet. And then, this may come as a shock, repeat the process until all the chicken is done. You can drizzle them with olive oil, but Cyd and I are health conscious / I don’t feel they need it.

Place the chicken in the oven and bake until crisp and golden, or about 15 minutes, flipping once halfway through.

Devour with a plate of steamed veggies … or a massive vat of mash, depending on whether you’re a Cyd or a Ben.

 

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Jelley Wentworth

Dessert, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance, Sweets

We regret to admit that we’ve had a checkered past with the zero-to-hero, stand-out star of Second Chances Kelley Wentworth. Very checkered history, but thankfully like her stint in game, Wentworth was a true survivor.

You see, and again we regret to admit this, the Wentworth’s were the original target of a farmhouse robbery Annelie and I had planned in the early 90s. We had both read In Cold Blood and while abhorred by the murderous rampage, it gave us the idea to start working as farm hands and swindling the families out of all their money.

Kelley’s dear father @FarmGuy69 fell for our plucky attitudes and hired us on the spot, but Kelley using her killer instincts called us out and won us over with her sneaky sneaky ways, taking the robbery target of her family.

I then entered into a torrid affair Dale which went on to inspire the short story and Academy Award Winning film Brokeback Mountain – I wish he knew how to quit me, but I have moves.

We remained close with the Wentworths throughout the years and played an integral role in helping craft Kelley’s casting campaign and connecting her with the right players going into the season.

If only we had taught her how to effectively handle balls!

There was only one thing we could make to help her move past the crushing, million dollar fumble and that is a nice, boozy Jelley Wentworth.

 

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Kitsch, fun and bright, jelly is something that instantly makes you happy – million dollar drop be damned.

See you for third time’s the charm Kel – we love you!

Enjoy!

 

Jelley Wentworth_2

 

Jelley Wentworth
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
200ml vodka
100ml peach schnapps
200ml cranberry juice
200ml pineapple juice
5 leave gelatine
1 oranges, flesh diced
1/4 cup glace cherries, finely diced

Method
Combine all of the liquid in a large jug, giving a good stir.

Tear all of the gelatine into small pieces and place in a small ceramic bowl and just cover with hot water. Leave to soften for 15 minutes.

Bring a small saucepan of water to a simmer. Place the bowl of gelatine on top and stir until completely dissolved. This should take about 5 minutes.

Once dissolved, combine with the liquid in the jug. Give it a good stir and decant, through a fine sieve, into 6 containers. Obviously martini glasses are preferred.

Refrigerate until set – about 6 hours should do.

Devour and think tropical, almost a millionaire thoughts.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.