Swiss Chard Gnocchaels

Guys … it is almost the moment we’ve been waiting for. Shangie’s box is prepped, Milk has come in from the dairy, Aja is ready to continue her Queen-Dom from the reunion, Ru has ru-hearsed his list of airports and countries and Michelle is approaching peak sass. As such, my pussy is well and truly on fire thinking about the premiere of All Stars 3 in a matter of days.

After trying to make up for All Stars 1 to Mimi Imfurst, Latrice and Manila – who were arguably the most screwed by the pairs twist – I knew that no countdown would be complete without the OG Hall of Famer Chad Michaels. Plus, she’ll be dead soon and like Ru, I just wanted to make her happy.

I first met Chad in 2010 when she was competing in the Californian Entertainer of the Year pageant and despite coaching Shangie to victory, I was taken by her talent and vowed to get her a crown. While Sharon Needles got in the way of that promise, I called Ru in a fit of rage and forced him to create All Stars, knowing full well that Chad could never be a two time loser.

Chad was so thrilled to receive my telegram – for some reason, *coughs* age *coughs*, that is the only way we communicate – and jumped on the next flight to celebrate the upcoming All Stars, run some odds and fill up on a huge meal before getting locked into the Hall of Fame with Alaska for the duration of the season.

She agreed that Milk is a delight, though was firmly supporting her daughter Morgan McMichaels despite feeling it was Trixie or Shangela’s crown for the taking. Though the latter, I feel, just be to save face since she beat her in that pageant years before. Obviously she didn’t like that inference, though I was luckily able to stop her flying into a Cher-esque slap and rage by serving a big bowl of my Swiss Chard Gnocchaels.

Gnocchi and I have a long and complicated history – particularly when you throw the basement flooder Locky into the mix – but this baby all but wipes away all the pain. Light, cheesy and delightfully fresh, these prove, without a doubt, that sometimes it is easy being green.

Enjoy!

Swiss Chard Gnocchaels
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
600g swiss chard, washed
250g fresh full-fat ricotta
100g grated parmesan, plus extra to ‘garnish’ slash drown
2 eggs
¼ tsp grated nutmeg
½-2 cups plain flour, plus extra to dust
salt and pepper, to taste
extra virgin olive oil
1 onion, diced
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp chilli flakes
½ cup cinzano
800g can diced tomatoes

Method
Place the spinach in a medium skillet over medium heat with a lug of water. Cover and cook for a couple of minutes. Remove from heat, drain and allow to cool slightly before transferring to a food processor. Blitz the spinach and add the ricotta, parmesan, eggs, nutmeg, ½ cup of flour and a good whack of salt and pepper. Blitz again until just coming together. If the dough is still wet, add the remaining flour bit by bit until it just comes together.

Transfer to a lightly floured work surface, split into four and roll each into a long sausage shape. Cut each sausage into gnocchi-sized little pillows, and roll with a fork to form an indent. Place on a lined baking sheet, cover with cling and chuck in the fridge to chill for an hour or so.

While the gnocchi is chilling, heat a lug of oil in a large skillet and sweat the onion and garlic for five minutes or so. Ad the chilli and cinzano and cook for a further couple of minutes before adding the tomatoes and seasoning well. Reduce heat to low and simmer for about ten minutes, or until it starts to reduce. Remove from the heat and bring back to temp when the gnocchi is cooking.

Bring a large pot of salted water to the boil. When rapid, reduce the heat to low and cook the gnocchi in batches for five minutes, or until they float to the surface. Remove from the pot, drain and continue the process until they’re done.

When ready, drain the pot and return the gnocchi to the pan. Add the sauce, stir through and serve immediately. Drown in extra parmesan and devour, trying not to gag … since you’ll be gagging on talent in a matter of days.

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Manila Lazone Chicken

Main, Pasta, Poultry, RuPaul's Drag Race

The triumphant return of RuPaul’s Drag Race – not to be confused with RuPaul’s Best Friend Race – is but two weeks away. And before we hear someone tell Morgan or Shangie to come on through, on account of coming from season 2, I’ve still got a couple of countdown dates to share with you. And after hanging with Mimi and Latrice, I knew the only way to continue is with a date with the other half of Latrila, my girl Manila Luzon.

I’ve known Manila for years, meeting when she just young Karl in Minnesota – I was living in the neighbouring town of Mount Rose. We were both outsiders in our towns and somehow found each other at the Mall of America, and became the dearest of friends.

We started hanging out all the time and when we came of age, I encouraged her to go into drag. You’re welcome, obviously. Fun fact: I am also the one that told her it was a good idea to form a clique in season 3. My apologies, obviously.

Manila was so thrilled to death drop by and help me countdown to All Stars 3 and make up for not getting anything to eat after her losses.

“Heather, I’m so glad you shoes me to help you countdown. I am so sad you hadn’t bothered to cover my season, despite us being such close friends.”

Obviously she said that in a perfect Imelda Marcos accent.

And glad she was when she saw that I was cooking up her favourite meal, my Manila Lazone Chicken.

Like the lyrics of my girl Miley’s best song, this dish is the best of both worlds – chilling out, taking it slow with a rich, creamy pasta and rocking out the show with so hot and spicy chicken.

Dis good. Dis, real good. So enjoy!

Manila Lazone Chicken
Serves: 2-4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp smoked paprika
3 garlic cloves, minced
½ tsp onion powder
1 tsp cayenne pepper
couple of sprigs of oregano leaves, roughly chopped
small handful of basil leaves, roughly chopped
½ lemon, zested and juiced
500g chicken breasts
salt and pepper
olive oil
500g linguine
¼ cup unsalted butter
500ml cream
⅓ cup grated parmesan
small handful of parsley leaves, roughly chopped

Method
Combine the paprika, a clove of garlic, onion powder, cayenne, oregano, basil and juice and zest of the lemon in a large bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper and a lug of olive oil. Mix thoroughly to combine before tossing through the chicken to coat. Cover and leave to marinate in the fridge for an hour or so.

When you’re ready to go, bring a large pot of salted water to the boil over high heat. Cook the pasta per packet instructions.

Heat half the butter in a large skillet over medium heat until foamy and glorious. Add the chicken and cook for five minutes on each side, flipping only once and pouring over the marinade as you go. Remove from the pan and keep warm.

In the same pan, add the remaining butter and sweat the remaining garlic over a low heat for a minute or so. Whisk in the cream and cook for about five minutes, or until slightly reduced. Season well, stir through the parsley and parmesan, and toss through the cooked pasta.

To serve, place a hearty layer of the creamy pasta in a bowl and top with the chicken, sliced in half at an angle. Devour.

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Le(trice) Royale Bacon

Burgers, Main, Party Food, RuPaul's Drag Race, Snack, Street Food

While my dear frenemy Mimi Imfurst wasn’t the most beloved All Stars, I stand by selecting her to kick off our countdown to All Stars 3. If for no other reason than it would make you even more delighted, when I pulled out the delightful global treasure and Queen of the people Latrice ma’fuckin’ Royale.

Without a doubt, Latrice is one of the greatest queens to ever appear on Drag Race and it was heartbreaking – for both of them – that the first All Stars saw her pairing up with Manilla, ultimately tanking both of their chances.

As you could probably guess, I first met Latrice in prison and we became the best of friends. Fun fact: our relationship inspired them to create the characters of Taystee and Poussey on OITNB. Less fun fact: I faked my death to escape by being crushed by a guard, which also inspired Poussey’s tragic, cruel demise.

Given we’ve been close for many, many years, Latrice was thrilled to drop by and spill tea about the cast of All Stars 3, lament about the horrific pairs twist and laugh adorably loud. While she agreed that Milk is a biscuit you want to sop right up, she is convinced that this season will belong to Aja in the same way All Stars 2 belonged to Alyssa Edwards.

But damn, let’s hope this is Milk’s workroom outfit and my basement can be perennially flooded.

I won’t beat around the bush – because, well, I’m off to beat around my bush – anymore and tell you to get to the kitchen and whip up a batch of my Le(trice) Royale Bacon.

While I’ve already done a shameless copycat of the Quarter Pounder, my Pulp Fiction loving heart knew that I couldn’t go with just the Latrice Royale … so thankfully the French have a suit of Royale variants. And obviously, the one that adds bacon is the best. Particularly if you don’t remove the second layer of cheese.

I mean, how do you go wrong with bacon? The answer is, you can’t. Enjoy!

Le(trice) Royale Bacon
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
salt and pepper
8 rashers streaky bacon
4 Kirsten Bunst, halved
ketchup
mustard
½ an onion, diced and placed in iced water for five minutes, and drained
2 dill pickles, sliced
8 slices high melt cheese

Method
Squeeze as much liquid out of the mince as possible before placing it in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper. Scrunch to combine with your hands, and divide into four equal patties. Place on a plate lined in cling, cover and place in the fridge for about half an hour.

While the patties are on ice, prep everything else in the burgers.

Once you’re good to go, place a large griddle over medium heat and toast the open halves of the buns for a minute, or until golden. After the buns are done, add the bacon and cook for a couple of minutes each side before transferring to some kitchen towel. The griddle should be scorching by this point, so lightly brush some oil over the pan and add the patties, flattening down with a spatula. Cook for a few minutes, flip, and cook for a further couple of minutes.

To assemble, spread ketchup and mustard – to taste – on the top half of the bun, add onions and sliced pickled. On the bottom, place a slice of cheese, the patty, bacon and the second slice of cheese. Bring the buns together and devour, using the last bite to sop up any goodness that drops out.

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Mimi Bratwursts

Main, RuPaul's Drag Race, Snack, Street Food

Like the great, lovely fifth-then-fourth alternate Alyssa Edwards, we’re back, back, back, back, back (rolls) again, for another year (almost) … and more importantly, to countdown to Rupaul’s Drag Race All Stars 3. Because halleloo, Ru and Michelle couldn’t do it without me and I’m slowly becoming the backstage equivalent of Shangie.

As we’re rolling in for a third season of All Stars, I felt it was best for our countdown to honour the screwed Queens of the OG All Stars. I mean, not only were they stuck in pairs – aka the worst twist in history unless you’re a Shannel fan – but they never got to experience my special form of culinary comfort after sashaying away. Tragedy.

Given that she and her name insist upon themselves, I picked up the phone and asked my dear frenemy Mimi Imfurst a call to see if she was free to stop power-lifting people and come celebrate the new season. Obviously, she said yes and jumped on the next plane. I’m not saying she’d come to the opening of a letter, but I’m not not saying it either.

I first met Mimi in 2010 when she walked into my gym in Philly and by that, she walked down the street I was obnoxiously using to train people in the ways of ‘functional fitness’ which is code for, I couldn’t be bothered renting a gym despite running a scam as a personal trainer.

In any event, I bamboozled her into joining my class slash cult which coincidentally is where she learnt to use people as weights. After being told that drag is not a contact sport – which I lied and told her it was – we had an epic falling out. We then made up a few months before All Stars and as revenge for her getting mad at me, I poisoned the entire cast against her.

After watching the season back I felt pretty bad so worked overtime to win her back, eventually wearing her down with my Mimi Bratwursts.

I’ve long argued the healing powers of a thick, succulent, meaty sausage and this little number more than proves my point. The sweet onions and delicate sausage are firmly jammed in a soft warm bun and everything truly is right with the world.

Enjoy!

Mimi Bratwursts
Serves: 2-6, no judgement.

Ingredients
1 tbsp butter
3 onions, sliced
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
375ml pale ale
salt and pepper, to taste
6 bratwursts
6 hoagie rolls, split and toasted
hot mustard, for serving

Method
Melt the butter in a saucepan over medium heat and cook until foamy before adding the onions. Reduce heat to low and sweat for ten minutes, stirring occasionally to avoid them catching. Crank back up to medium, add the muscovado and cook for a couple of minutes or until they start to get sticky. Add in the beer, bring to a simmer and cook, stirring occasionally again, for about ten-fifteen minutes, or until the onions are perfectly caramelised and sticky. Season to taste and remove from the heat while you work your meat.

Heat a medium frying pan over high heat until the pan is scorching. Reduce heat to low, add the bratwursts and cook for a couple of minutes each side – I’m pretending they’re square so there are four sides – or until cooked through.

To serve, split and toast your buns, smear them with the hot mustard, spoon in some caramelised onions, top with the sausage and take it in your mouth. To devour, sickos.

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Sashwarma Velour

Main, Poultry, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 9, Snack, TV Recap

And just like that, we have a winner!

After being robbed of countless challenge wins throughout the competition, Bob reluctantly handed the crown over to Sasha who vowed to change the world before a ceremonial victory prance.

From the start of the finale, the crowd went wild for Sasha who was thrilled to finally lip sync, having made it through to the finals without ever being in the bottom. After addressing the urban legend, which I can confirm is true (that she appears behind people that look sad in the mirror to give them a lecture on queer herstory), my nemesis Katy Perry appeared via video to declare herself as part of Team Sasha before filling out the Velour Dynasty and introducing Papa Velour to us, who was absolutely adorable.

On paper, she may have only had two challenge wins up her sleeve, but there is no denying that she was a front runner from the start. She had a clear artistic vision which she never wavered from, but at the same time was able to expertly work into her performance in every challenge.

There is no denying that while some of the other girls competed up to the finale, Sasha continued to werk it until the crown was firmly on her head. Both of her lip sync performances and their gimmicks were iconic, and she finally made me feel ok about Ongina losing out on season 1. Because yes, all bald queens look the same (or something).

With Bob eventually crowing Sash, she took a page out of fellow winner Sharon Needles’ book, declaring herself the future of drag … meaning Ru will appear in Sasha inspired outfits from season 10.

In honour of our eventually drunken celebrations of her victory, I whipped up a ‘uge serve of my Sashwarma Velour.

Meaty, spicy and full of a delicious white nectar, my shawarma fills all the right holes and you with joy. I mean, I know Sash is vegetarian and all … but at least it wasn’t a year’s supply of Hamburger Mary’s? Plus – vegetarians eat chicken, don’t they?

Condragulations Sasha – while the surprise of the finale may have upset some people, you truly slayed the competition and are more than worthy of your crown. Enjoy!

Sashwarma Velour
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp ground coriander
1 tbsp ground cumin, plus 1 tsp for yoghurt dressing
1 tbsp ground cardamom
1 tsp ground cayenne pepper
1 tsp chilli flakes
2 tsp smoked paprika
salt and pepper, to taste
1 lemon, juiced
3 tbsp olive oil
500g chicken thighs
6 flatbreads or pitas
1 cup Greek yoghurt
tomato, sliced
lettuce, roughly chopped
100g danish feta, crumbled

Method
Combine two garlic cloves, the spices, a good whack of salt and pepper, a couple of tablespoons of lemon juice and the oil in a large bowl, and stir to combine. Add the chicken thighs and toss through to coat. Cover and leave to marinate overnight.

Flash forward to the next day, an hour or so before you’re ready to eat.

Preheat the oven to 180°C.

Combine the yoghurt, the teaspoon of cumin, a bit of lemon juice and a whack of salt and pepper in a jug and stir until well combined. Cover and transfer to the fridge.

Transfer the chicken to a wire rack over a baking sheet and bake in the oven for about twenty minutes, or until just cooked through. Allow to rest for five minutes before roughly chopping the meat.

To serve, heat the flatbreads/pitas in a dry frying pan for about 30 seconds before transferring to a plate. Smear with some yoghurt dressing, top with some salad, chicken, feta and another drizzle of dressing. Then devour, greedily, in triumph.

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Peppermint Slice

Baking, Dessert, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 9, Snack, Sweets, TV Recap

With the two front runners knocked out of the competition, the reigning queen slash my dear friend Bob the Drag Queen dropped by for a brief interlude pre-final lip sync. Despite wanting to keep the crown on her head, Ru was able to convince her to hand it over to the victor of the final lip sync.

Bob and Ru had fun throwing shade at Valentina for a little while longer before Peppermint and Sasha ru-turned to the stage … the latter wearing a mask. If I didn’t know better, I’d think that Sasha was hoping to fake her way to the crown like a talented Val, by way of Whits’ It’s Not Right But It’s Ok.

But oh how she didn’t – I mean sure, both queens started out extremely strong but after wearing the top half of the mask for the first half of the lip sync, Sasha cracked it open like a damn egg and stole the show … something poor Peppermint’s glitter-bit couldn’t top.

It was obvious during the first lip-sync that Sasha had come to snatch the crown, no matter what … but it was a mean feat to finally take out the lip sync assassin – as Ru declared during the interviews – at her own game. Despite what people say about Pepp’s record throughout the season, she was a charming and hilarious star week after week, excluding Snatch Game.

As Laverne Cox spoke about during the interview section, Peppermint is an effervescent star and watching her perform truly is an absolute joy. Plus, she is the drag mother of season 10 victor, Wintergreen, who returned to the stage to wish her well, and that instantly keeps her iconic.

Say what you will about her in-competition track record, Peppermint is a fierce queen and turned out her performances and was THE narrator of the season. I don’t know about you, but that is more than deserving of my Peppermint Slice.

Peppermint Slice fill me with so many happy memories of childhood, and these babies more than live up to the expectations of their pre-packaged inspiration. Sweet, fresh and crisp, they are the ultimate treat for an afternoon coffee … or sneaking them with your Nan in her kitchen with a Lemon, Lime and Bitters without your parents knowing.

As a child, I was a fancy bitch with great taste. Enjoy!

Peppermint Slice
Serves: 1 runner-up and her pal, or thirty individual biscuits.

Ingredients
100g unsalted butter, at room temperature
½ cup raw caster sugar
2 eggs, 1 whole the other separated
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup plain flour
⅓ cup cocoa powder
400g dark chocolate, melted|
500g icing sugar, sifted
1 tbsp peppermint essence

Method
Combine the butter and caster sugar in the bowl of a stand mixer and beat on low for a couple of minutes. With the mixer still on, add the vanilla, whole egg and yolk, and mix until just combined. Sift in the flour and sugar and stir until it is combined enough to avoid causing a dust cloud before mixing on low until the dough just comes together. Shape it into a disc and roll it out until ½ a centimetre thick, and transfer to the fridge for half an hour to chill.

Preheat oven to 180°C.

Cut out 30, 5cm wide rounds, re-rolling the dough until all used. Place them on two lined baking sheets and bake for 10-15 minutes or until just starting to firm. Remove from the oven and cool on the trays for five minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.

While they are cooling, work on the filling by whisking the egg white in a bowl while gradually adding the sugar and peppermint. Knead with your hands until completely combined. Break the mixture into 30 – or enough for your biscuits – individual balls and press on top of the biscuits to form a slightly domed top.

Melt the chocolate in a double boiler or the microwave. Dip the base of each biscuit into the chocolate and transfer to a lined baking sheet, drizzle over remaining chocolate and smooth to cover.

Leave the biscuits to stand for a few hours, or until set … before devouring.

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Shea Cannouleé

Dessert, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 9, Side, Snack, Sweets, TV Recap

With Trinity experiencing the unkindest cut of all it was time for the second lip sync of the tournament. The pit crew returned to help Ru announce Sasha and Shea’s song – So Emotional by my girl Whitty Houst.

From the start Sasha slayed the performance, showering the stage with rose petals with a stunning combination of glove and wig reveals, leading to poor Shea’s shocking elimination from the competition.

Whilst during interviews, Shea was quick to point out she was ready to bring it in the lip sync and didn’t mind if it was against Sasha because the drama would be beautiful. It was tragic to see the girl with the best pedigree stumble at the final hurdle, but damn, SASHA.

We found out earlier in the show, when Ru wanted shit to get way too real, Shea spoke about her father and sister dying within a month of each other just before the season premiered, breaking my heart. We then heard from Reverend Coulee and Blac Chyna – inciting the rage of Nina Bo’Nina Brown – perking me up slightly, before the travesty of the queen that slayed the competition missing out on the crown at the very last minute.

Shea was heartbroken to sashay away, but was thrilled to see her fellow hot-dog fan – aka me – waiting for her side of stage. Without a doubt, Shea completely dominated the season from eating chocolate broccoli, to killing it as Aja’s nightmare role of Grandrea Zuckerwoman, equally Sharon’s record for four in-competition challenge wins.

Given she couldn’t taste the sweetest thing – victory – I knew that I had to whip her up a Shea Cannouleé to dull the pain of her loss.

You just know how passionate I am about anything that looks phallic, but there is something special about these cannoli. Sweet, creamy and crunchy, there is nothing better than wrapping your lips around these and swallowing them whole.

Enjoy!

Shea Cannouleé
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
160g butter, melted
680g plain flour
6 eggs, 2 whole plus 4 yolks
1 cup icing sugar, plus extra to dust
250ml marsala
300g ricotta
100g caster sugar
200g mascarpone
200g nutella
sunflower oil, for frying

Method
Combine the butter, flour, eggs, yolks, icing sugar and marsala, before kneading in an electric mixer to form a dough. Wrap clingwrap, transfer to the fridge and rest overnight.

To make the filling, combine the ricotta, caster sugar, mascarpone and nutella, until well combined. Chill until ready.

Heat 2 inch deep sunflower oil in a large pot over medium heat until hot. Remove the dough from the fridge and roll until until 1 mm thick. Cut into 10cm wide discs and wrap around a cannoli tube. Deep fry a couple at a time for about a minute, or until cooked and crisp.

Drain on a paper towel, remove tubes and repeat the process until cooked. Once done, leave to completely chill. Once chilled, pipe in the filling, dust with icing sugar and devour.

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Terrinity Taylor

Main, Poultry, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 9, Side, Snack, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race, Lady Gaga kicked off the season with Mama Ru and granted poor Jaymes Mansfield a one week stay of execution, before Kimora sent her out of the competition in after bringing zero pep to the cheerleading challenge. Kimora soon followed her out the door after creating a dull princess and sidekick. Charlie then gave the worst lip sync performance of anyone’s life, Eureka was medevaced due to her ongoing cheer-related injury giving Cynthia a one week stay of execution and us the sight of Cucu’s horrific Snatch Game.

Aja then put the no in 9021-ho, Farrah’s roast was par cooked, Villaintina – who was crowned Miss Congeniality … or fan favourite – tried to scam her way out of a lip sync, Nina’s inner saboteur finally won out during the makeovers and Alexis Michelle was eliminated because the other queens wouldn’t tell her she looked like shit, leaving us with a final four that rapped so well, Mama Ru couldn’t bring herself to eliminate any of them.

That or he needed four queens in the finally to spice it up … with the lip sync battle-royale for the crown!

My gurl Michelle kicked off the show introducing all the eliminated queens back to the stage – Charlie barely mustering any more energy than her fateful lip sync – before the finalists graced us with their presence, Trinity looking the best by far. Mama Ru then came through with some pantless dancers leading to me coming through my pants.

Oh and fuck off Todrick, I don’t care if you’re friends with Nico Tortorella.

Ru reminded us that the top four would be lip syncing for the crown, before getting down to interviewing the queens. After Pepp, Sasha and Shea had a chance to shine, Ru was quick to point out that Trinity had little support before the season began … but quickly turned it around and became the fan favourite. I would like to pause here to admit that I had zero interest in her pre-season and now think she is a lock for the finale of All Stars 3.

Bobby Moynihan quickly video-ed in his support for Trinity, breaking her heart in the process given her dream of climbing Chris Pine like a tree.

After a brief costume change and an unnecessary but charming explanation from Ross about how the battle-royale would work, Ru spun a wheel to decide who would be lip-syncing first. It ultimately landed on Trinity who decided to be the best, you had to beat the best and opted to battle the assassin Peppermint. In turn, Ru gave Peppermint the chance to choose from her boxes to decide their song, landing on Stronger by Britney Spears which should favour the latter given her killer performance during the Kardashian musical.

Despite a soft start from Peppermint and a killer tear away from Trinity, Pepp slowly built the song, ultimately turning out an epic wig and skirt reveal that sent the crowd wild. Sadly for my surprising fave, Pepp took another victim, forcing Trinity to sashay away right into my pop-up kitchen side of stage.

While she was disappointed to not make the final two given her stellar track record this season, Trins was eternally grateful to the public for embracing her like they have. I’ve known her for years after meeting in a plastic surgeon’s office – I had Jennifer Aniston’s OG nose, no T, no shade – and despite not warming to her straight away, we became the best of friends. That is until she beat Lys for Entertainer of the Year in 2014 and I went into a tongue-popping rage defending my girl Lyssy Eds which could only end by this season reminding me that Trinity Tuck is a damn saint.

Given the tragic nature of performing well all season, only to be cut at the final hurdle, I knew Trins needed something delicious, dignified and delightful to bring her back to her gorgeous self … which is something only my Terrinity Taylor can fix.

Since she has the tightest tuck in the land, I like to give Trinity as much meat as I can to test her skills … and there is nothing more meaty than my terrine. Pork, pancetta and chicken, this baby is stuffed even further with cranberries, pistachios and a dickload of spices, that truly gives you life.

Enjoy!

Terrinity Taylor
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
200g pancetta slices
1 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, diced
¼ cup craisins, roughly chopped
1 tbsp brandy
500g pork mince
½ tsp nutmeg
2 tbsp parsley, roughly chopped
2 tsp thyme, roughly chopped
¼ cup pistachio, roughly chopped
200g chicken breast fillet, slice in half lengthways

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C and line a loaf pan with pancetta slices, leaving enough to overhang the sides and a couple to enclose the top.

Dice the remaining pancetta and fry in the skillet with the oil over medium heat. Add the onion and cook for five minutes, or until the onion has sufficiently sweated. Add the craisins and brandy and cook for a further minute. Remove from the heat and allow to cool.

Once cool, add the mince, nutmeg, herbs and pistachio, season and stir to combine. Take half the mixture and pack into the lined dish. Top with the sliced chicken and add the remaining pork, pushing to close it all in. Fold in the overhanging pork and layer the extra to cover the top.

Cover tightly with foil and place in a roasting pan filled with enough boiling water to come halfway up the pan, and bake for an hour. Remove the foil and bake for a further 10 minutes. Remove from the oven, drain off the juices and re-cover with foil before weighing down with canned food. Transfer to the fridge and chill overnight.

Remove from the fridge and allow to cover to room temperature before cutting into thick slices and devouring.

Devour.

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Violet Crumblchki

Dessert, Party Food, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 9, Snack, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race, Ru put the girls through their paces to write a verse on the remix of Category Is, had them guest on his podcast What’s The Tee?, lip-sync to their aforementioned verses on the mainstage and kill the runway. They all slayed which made me extremely relieved when Ru, Michelle et al opted to stick with the final four rather than a final three for this year’s finale.

Oh … but this week is the reunion which means we’ll either get some interesting tee or an hour to catch up on emails ahead of next week’s finale.

Ru started things off asking Alexis why she was happy to read people but couldn’t take it, at all. While she desperately tried to defend herself, the other queens called bullshit. To test if she had learned to take it, as she had said, Ru declared the library open and had the queens read each other, with Charlie and Jaymes actually doing well mocking Aja and Valentina respectively.

As far as reunions go, we’re running at a B- thus far.

We then found out Charlie broke her rib during the cheerleading challenge which she used to justify her lame lip sync. She also blamed diarrhoea, lack of sleep, Trump, not making sushi often, lack of covfefe, the situation in Syria and the song being about masturbation, or something. No one was buying the excuses and while I love me some Charlie, I’m definitely on the side of the other queens. We’ve dropped to a C rating though.

Farrah reenacted her infamous post-Eureka-elimination reaction, instantly giving us a bounce back to a B+. We then got to relive the shitshow that was maskgate before Shea and Sasha started laying into Valentina, which lead to Alexis trying to defend her … earning the wrath of Shea. Valentina’s intense fans were brought up before the queens once again got angry at Valentina for letting her fans viciously troll them.

Rise Villaintina and thank you for making this ru-union worth it.

We then learnt Valentina was a standoffish, aloof psycho, Nina still felt that people other than herself were sabotaging her and Kimora stepped up and became the most rational voice of the reunion, telling Nina to air her issues or shut the hell up. My girl Kris Jenner then called in to congratulate Alexis on how well she played her in the musical challenge, Farrah told some funny jokes … and Valentina was crowned Miss Congeniality by reigning cucu-congeniality.

And this is where it started to earn its A+!

Aja was inspired by my boy Kanye calling out Tay-Tay and called bullshit on Valentina being congenial and told her she is the fan favourite, not Miss Congeniality. Farrah then told Valentina that she was hurt by the way she just stopped communicating with her after the show, despite being so close. Then literally everyone jumped in to talk about how horrible Valentina was to work with, before Trinity pointed out that whatever the title is, taking out fan favourite is like being the true winner of the season. Once again, Trinity is life.

Then … THEN, Mama Ru dropped the bombshell. Instead of next week’s finale being a couple of pre-rehearsed personalised lip syncs and filler performances leading up to the crowning, Peppermint, Sasha, Shea and Trinity would all be involved in a four-way, lip-sync battle royale to decide the winner of the season, putting the fear of yes gawd into Shea – who despite an unrivalled track record, now has an actual hurdle to claiming the crown – and I assume, got Peppermint thinking she should start writing her acceptance speech, given she is a lip sync assassin.

It also made my girl Violet Chachki – who I was watching the episode with – extremely happy that this rule wasn’t in place back in season 7, given Ginger Minj’s abilities. I was quick to point out that she, my dear friend V could still turn out a lip-sync, we both sat silently for a minute, shook, wondering if she had dodged a bullet two years ago.

Not wanting to dwell, I quickly pointed out that her two-in-one runway is an example of how she can create a breathtaking spectacle, and got to work on a breathtaking spectacle of my own – a Violet Crumblchki.

Now I know Violet Crumbles are such a big thing outside of Australia, but they are essentially the same thing as a crunchie. And by that, I honestly could not tell you a difference outside of their names. And the brands.

Either way, you can’t go wrong with honeycomb, cut into pieces and coated in chocolate. Ever.

Enjoy!

Violet Crumblchki
Serves: 12.

Ingredients
1 recipe of / store-bought honeycomb, which I’d give you if it weren’t going to spoil a later date – mine makes a 30x40cm baking sheet’s worth
400g chopped chocolate, I went dark but you can do milk if you’d rather

Method
Break your honeycomb up into bite size pieces, I don’t really care about going for the perfect store-bought look.

Melt the chocolate in a heatproof bowl suspended over a pot of boiling water, ensuring the bowl doesn’t touch the water. Aka a double boiler. Remove from the heat when the chocolate has just melted.

Line another baking sheet and working piece-by-piece, dip the honeycomb into chocolate and place them on the tray. Once the bases are done, spoon chocolate over the top and smooth out to completely coat them. Place in a cool dry place to set for about an hour, before devouring.

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Biangers Del Rio and Mash

Gravy, Main, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 9, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race, Ru threw the gayest ball ever where the queens battled it out to make the top four with Shea cementing her place as favourite to snatch the crown, taking out her fourth victory while Alexis and Peppermint landed in the bottom two, where Pep continued her run as a lip sync assassin, sending Alexis out of the competition in fifth place.

The queens returned to the werk room, heartbroken for Alexis given how much she wanted to make it to the top three while Sasha took the words right out of my mouth – did we kiss? – by acknowledging it was well and truly her time to go. Peppermint vowed to rock the next challenge as hard as she good, while continuing her campaign for Miss Congeniality by congratulating Shea on her record equally victory.

Despite the fact that her win now seems quite inevitable, Sasha is still feeling confident she can take the crown. As does Trinity.

The next day, the queens returned to the werk room for their final challenge which my girl Michelle arrived to introduce. She tasked them with writing a verse for RuPaul’s ‘Category Is,’ perform the song and dance on the mainstage … and appear on Ru’s podcast, What’s the Tee?

Getting down to work, Sasha wasn’t feeling confident in her ability to rap, Shea and Peppermint seemed to be fairing better while the other queens questioned whether Trinity would be able to make it, given that she can’t sing or dance. Given how frequently she slays, I would not count her out just yet, henny.

Shea joined Todrick to lay down the track and sounded like Isaac Hayes as a chipmunk, for a deep fast-forwarded voice while Peppermint was first to join Ru and Michelle for their podcast, completely slaying with her honesty and charm. Trinity struggled in the recording studio, earning Todrick’s sass though I (maybe deludedly so) feel it was more the edit, rather than her actual performance.

Sasha dropped by Ru and Michelle to spill the tee, where she too did a really good job sharing her relationship with her parents, before Michelle and Ru brought out the squatty potty which honestly is the true star of their podcast. And that is no shade to them, it truly sounds amazing.

Peppermint joined Todrick in the studio, where struggled at the start before completely slaying … though given it is what she does, that was kind of expected. Over with What’s the Tee? Shea joined Michaelle and Ru, opening up about her childhood and speaking in tongues, which is far more charming than it sounds.

Todrick wasn’t loving Sasha’s performance in the studio before she clapped back at him and told him that she is a different kind of drag queen, though after taking his advice she slayed the recording. Trinity then rounded out the podcast segment and opened up about her relationship with the grandmother who raised her, and it was heartbreaking. I mean, give Ru another damn Emmy already.

The next day, the queens joined Todrick on the mainstage to learn the choreography where Peppermint and Shea completely slayed, while Sasha and Trinity struggled to get it down. While Todrick wasn’t feeling confident in Trinity’s ability to learn the moves, her determination alone makes me feel quite confident that she’ll make it through to the finale.

Despite how it looked earlier in the episode, all of the queens completely slayed the performance. Completely, plus three. On the runway, all of the queens looked fantastic. They all spoke beautifully telling their younger yourself why it gets better and to love themselves.

I’m not crying, YOU’RE CRYING.

After they all received universal praise from the judges, they were asked why they and not their competitors deserved to win. Peppermint and Sasha remained on brand and didn’t throw shade at the other queens and focused on their unique perspectives. Shea lied and said she struggled more than anyone, despite only landing in the bottom once while Trinity was proud of herself and felt that she deserved the win.

While the girls untucked, the judges continued their universal praise. The queens then assembled for the final lip sync, where again, they all slayed … meaning Ru really had no other choice than to mix-up the rules and have a top four this season.

I was completely shook while watching and turned to my dear friend Bianca Del Rio – who I was watching the episode with – and asked why they couldn’t pull this for Chi Chi last season, or Detox in season 5? While she agreed, she gave me hella sass about it, which is obviously on brand.

Bincs and I have long been friends, having met while co-starring in the first regional production of Rent in New Orleans. We quickly bonded over our passion for hiding our kindness behind a snarky exterior, though neither of us noticed that in the other since we were talking so much smack. That is until I whipped up a big old plate of my Biangers Del Rio and Mash.

While we are always hurling acerbic remarks at one another, we can always agree in the majesty of a big, fat sausage. Add some Gabriel Mash and some onion gravy and I’ll sing – the theme to the hit cartoon Bangers & Mash – like I’ve just seen the other sausage.

Enjoy!

Biangers Del Rio and Mash
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
1kg thick pork sausages
olive oil
2 onions, thinly sliced
1 tbsp butter
1 tbsp flour
1 cup beef stock
salt and pepper, to taste
Gabriel Mash

Method
Heat a lug of oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add the onions to the saucepan and sweat for about ten minutes. Add the butter and stir until melted before adding the flour and cooking for a minute or so. Slowly pour in the stock while stirring until combined, bring to the boil, reduce heat to low, season and simmer while you do the rest.

Start making your mash now.

While those are going, add a third burner to the mix and bring a frying pan to heat. Once scorching, reduce heat to low and cook the sausages for about ten minutes, flipping every couple of minutes so that all the sides are browned. Once down, turn off the pan but leave it over the heat to rest and finish the cooking – I get super paranoid with a thick sausage.

Once the mash is done and the gravy has thickened, serve the sausages on top of the mash before drowning with gravy before devouring.

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

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Biangers Del Rio and Mash