Passata

Cara Spaghettchison & Meatballs

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn, Main, Pasta, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the top five fought hard to snag immunity and guarantee this safety, with Hayley once again coming out on top. As such, the tight Brains alliance decided to load all their votes on Flick and rid themselves of the final Brawn. That is until George realised Flick wasn’t hunting for an idol, and as such, he grew paranoid that she already has one. With that he joined Cara and loaded their votes on Wai JIC. While Flick thought she was gagging the rest of the tribe as she played her idol, her sole George vote was rendered useless as the beautiful Queen Wai was sent from the game.

The next day George was lounging about quietly in camp before Cara snuck up and scared the shit out of him. The duo then mucked around all cute like, as they praised their unbreakable bond, grateful to have had each other to navigate the game. Cara desperately wanted the two of them to make it to the end together, but also knew that that would be a very difficult task. 

And well, already this feels like the ads about turning on each other won’t be like SuE’S bIG m0v3!?

Meanwhile Flick and Hayley were tending to camp as Flick shared with us that she is pretty much just planning an immunity run to the end because, well, that’s her only real option. Despite that, she pulled Hayley aside and once again pitched that the two of them join together and break up the duo of George and Cara. And given George is the chattiest of Kathy’s, she thinks he is the biggest threat to both of their final tribal councils. Once again, Hayley agreed that it was a wonderful idea despite intending to stick with the duo should Flick not win the next immunity since she can easily beat the others in the final immunity challenge.

Undeterred, Flick approached Cara and pointed out that she needs to make a move for the jury by taking out George if she wants any chance of winning. And well, Cara was not interested at all. As such, she went for a walk with George with them having a good old laugh about not voting each other out next which TBH does make me more and more nervous. As does the fact George just wants anyone but Flick to win immunity. Which is where this is ending up, right?

The duo quickly worked out that should Flick be immune, it would likely finish in a tie between Hayley and George meaning the duo would need to compete in a fire challenge to continue in the game. Knowing that George has no fire skills at all, Cara pulled him aside and coached him how to use a flint and while it was a bit slapstick at the start, she did prove to be a decent teacher.

Dear Jonathan arrived for the massive final four immunity challenge where the group would face off by racing over a net to collect balls which they will use to release puzzle pieces. They would then build a ladder with the puzzle pieces, untie a bucket and then fill it with water and walk it through hurdles before using the water to release even more balls which they then have to land in a ball puzzle.

Desperate, Flick got out to an early lead, whipping through the challenge as the others just tried to keep up the pace. Hayley overtook her with some killer throws however, quickly building her stairs as Flick and Cara lagged slightly behind. George eventually joined the fun on the stair puzzle as Cara joined Hayley on the bucket section. Well, briefly. As Hayley started landing her balls while Flick finally finished with her stairs. Hayley had landed three balls by the time Flick closed the gap and joined her at the puzzle. As Hayley landed her fourth ball, Cara joined the fun and quickly landed a ball just after Flick. Flick and Cara methodically landed their balls as Hayley grew more and more desperate before Flick slipped in and snatched immunity.

Back at camp Flick was thrilled to finally have a bit of power in the game, before realising that the final immunity challenge is usually endurance and as such, Hayley is the biggest threat to her game. With that in her mind, she approached Cara and quickly locked her in on the Hayley vote.

But all was not lost yet, as Hayley realised she was the biggest threat and Cara and George flipping Flick would send her home immediately. Hayley pulled Flick aside and shared how grateful she was to have spoken the day before, doubling down on the need to get rid of George if any of them want to have a chance at winning. Obviously Flick agreed with this plan too, so off Hayley trotted to chat to Cara where she learned that Flick was playing her and was planning to vote her out as the only threat to winning final immunity. Which obviously panicked Hayley, asking Cara if she was truly considering turning on her. Rather than say, pointing out that Cara needs Hayley there in the final challenge if Cara wants any chance of winning, given Flick has the jury stacked in her favour.

As Cara laughed about the absurdity of Flick suggesting Cara help her win the next challenge, she rightly pointed out that Hayley would take her to the final two if it was the three girls at the end. Hayley reiterated how important it is for Cara to make a move and get rid of George to give herself a shot, but she just wasn’t sure whether she could do it emotionally. Hayley then found George and made the exact same plea to him, pointing out that if he is in the final three with Flick and Cara, he has no shot of making it to the end and has to settle for third place. She then locked in her vote for Cara and told him that she hopes he joins her but understands if he doesn’t. And then up and left him.

George and Cara then caught up, pledging their love for each other and praising each other for the games they have played. They then joined Hayley and the trio gave each other a group hug to celebrate their successes before heading to tribal council for their official break up.

At tribal council the jury were delighted to see Flick wearing immunity before she shared that it is nice to feel calm and secure after a good week or two of being the target. George admitted that without immunity, Flick would be a goner but instead, one of the close trio is going out. Hayley admitted that while she, Cara and George all have different compelling stories, they need to get to the final two and given neither of them are great in challenges, they need her. She pointed out that Flick is definitely going to win in the final two, given the jury loves her, but their chances are better against her and whoever is in the final three with her and Flick would be the one she would choose to take.

George reminded Cara that Hayley is the ultimate challenge threat, while Cara simply praised Hayley’s killer pitch. George tried to create doubt, pointing out that Hayley winning final immunity is guaranteed if she gets there with Hayley pointing out that that isn’t the worst thing, given Flick beats anyone at the end. Flick pointed out that she will be going strategic with her vote, while George and Cara both said that they would be sticking with their final two leaving poor Hayley to once again reiterate that they need to think beyond three now and instead look to two and who they would have the best shot against.

With that the tribe voted and both George and Care turned on each other, with Hayley banding with George to send Cara out of the game to join the far-better-than-winning Fourth Place Robbed Goddesses Club.

As Cara walked into Jury Villa, I couldn’t contain myself any longer and ran out to pull her in for a big hug. You see, the empath Real Estate community is quite small and as such, Cara and I quickly bonded and became the best of friends. I didn’t tell you I was a Sydney Real Estate Tycoon? Oh, I was. Anyway, Cara and I are dear friends, so I was gutted to see her felled so close to the end. Until I remembered the aforementioned placement as a FPRG, after which, I toasted to her success and whipped up a comforting Cara Spaghettchison & Meatballs.

Despite my passion for all things balls, I never got the appeal of Spaghetti and Meatballs as a kid. I think it probably has something to do with the fact I felt there was less sauce involved and as such, resented it. But then I woke up to myself and realised that those big juicy balls, dripping in sauce and covered generously with the sharpest parmesan are perfection. And the rest, as they say, is history.

Enjoy!

Cara Spaghettchison & Meatballs
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
250g beef mince
250g pork mince
10 garlic cloves, minced
1 egg, whisked
¼ cup grated parmesan, plus extra for serving
¼ cup breadcrumbs
small handful Italian parsley, roughly chopped
100ml milk
salt and pepper, to taste
olive oil
1 onion, diced
1 carrot, peeled and grated
1 celery stalk, diced
1 tsp dried oregano
1 tsp dried basil
500ml passata
100ml water
1 tsp raw caster sugar
500g dried spaghetti

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Start by combining the minces, four garlic cloves, the egg, parmesan, breadcrumbs, parsley and milk in a large bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper. Scrunch together until well combined before rolling into 12 large meatballs. Place on a lined baking sheet and bake for 15 minutes.

Meanwhile, heat a lug of olive oil in a dutch oven and saute the onion, carrot and celery over medium low heat for five minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the remaining garlic and cook for another minute before stirring in the oregano, basil, passata, water and sugar. Bring to the boil before reducing heat to low and simmering for 15 minutes.

Once glorious and thick, stir through the meatballs, pop on a lid and simmer for a further 15 minutes.

While that is simmering, cook the spaghetti as per pack instructions before draining, serving and topping with the big, saucy balls. And then coating in parmesan.

And then devouring.


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Buffaloana Chicken Hopizza

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: All Stars, Main, Pizza, Poultry, Snack, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor, 24 All Star players returned to the game with Lydia out for revenge, Henry lived to be messy, Brooke was a challenge beast and David claimed a suite of idols. Amongst the chaos Queen Shane followed Tina Wesson’s first-to-worst trajectory (despite almost avoiding it), followed by Jericho, Daisy – in a brutal blindside from Dave – Michelle and Henry before Shonee kicked off an epic revenge arc by eliminating Lydia, Abbey and John back-to-back-to-back. They were followed by Mat, Phoebe and Flick before Nick tragically missed the jury.

Locky ultimately became the first to go post-merge, followed by Harry and the tragic exit of Lee. Zach, Jacqui, Shonee and AK soon followed before Brooke’s immunity run forced the dominant majority alliance to turn on each other to boot Tarzan. Which was tragically followed by Brooke losing immunity and heading to the jury as one of our icon fourth placed robbed-goddesses, leaving Moana, Dave and Sharn to battle it out for victory.

The final three awoke on Day 49, with Dave shocked to still be in the game despite entering All Stars with a huge target from his previous season. Though thankfully, he learnt from his previous mistakes and this time forged strong bonds to keep him in the game. He then praised Moana and Sharn for being such strong competitors, though reminded himself that he is not there to make friends and he is playing to reunite his family and move back to Australia. And yeah, there is no way he is losing right?

Wait, no – we do get to hear from the other two. Sharn spoke about how important it is to win final immunity and to get to choose your opponent. While she only made it to the end with the help of her allies, the alliance would break tonight and as such, she needs to make sure she has control. Rightly, she congratulated herself on making it to the final three twice in a row and as such, she more than anyone, knows the pain of losing and as such, she isn’t going to suffer through that again. We finally checked in with Moana, who shared that she came into All Stars to pick up where she left off, after having to exit the game because she was sick. She highlighted that she played a stealth, strategic game and has never been in any real danger because she has been across literally everything that happened in camp. Which again, is true.

The final three arrived on a very windy cliff where they met Jonathan who explained that they would each stand on small pedestals with one hand holding an idol on a post and the other pulling a ring, pulling them in the other direction with the last one standing taking out immunity. As is tradition, Jonathan then wheeled out everyone’s families to distract them and make their heart break before physically destroying them. Sharn’s kids all still look exactly like their father, though hopefully the kids didn’t get his personality. But I can’t even be mean because her oldest son was super sweet about her and now I am crying. Then Jonathan wheeled out Moana’s wife of 53 days and her sister Vinnie and hot damn, I’m sobbing. Vinnie is life, Mo’s wife is hot – it is perfect. Oh and then Vinnie hugged Dave as Isabella’s crying made her sad and damn, I forgive the final three for making the merge boring. Can Vinnie be a write-in winner? I mean, Edge of Extinction is a thing, so anything goes now. Oh and then Dave’s wife and daughter arrived and see, he isn’t an arrogant jerk, he is delightful and such a kind family man. Also, can we circle back to the fact Moana’s wife is straight up beautiful? As beautiful as Dave’s sons calling him to wish him luck.

After drying their tears and hugging their families, the final three climbed up to their craggy perches while their poor families sat on a cliff and quietly wished that the challenge would be as short as possible. Well except for Vinnie and the younger kids who disappeared and honestly, Vinnie better be getting good money to babysit those kids because she is precious and needs to be protected at all costs. Anyway, as Australian Survivor is wise enough to stick with endurance challenges for final immunity, they aren’t the most exciting to recap. That being said, Jonathan said ‘It’s All Stars Baby’ in Caitlyn Jenner’s voice and honestly, I live. Moana started to struggle early in the challenge, but she showed so much personality in her interactions with her wife and now I am rooting for her.

Sharn spoke about it being more difficult than her OG final immunity challenge, while David spoke about how much he wants it and as such, while it is painful, he won’t back down. After more than an hour, out of nowhere Moana slipped off the pegs and literally fell out of the challenge, panicking everyone and leading to her wife heroically coming to rescue her and honestly, I ship them so hard. Left alone in the challenge for a further hour, David decided to try and make a deal with Sharn, suggesting that no matter what, they’re going to the end because they both want to face off against the best in the final tribal council. Sharn agreed how much of an honour it would be to go to the end with him, however neither seemed to be willing to back down. A torrential downpour then rolled in for dramatic effect and while David looked to be struggling, it was Sharn that collapsed out of nowhere, handing David immunity. And more likely, the title of Sole Survivor.

At tribal council David spoke about how amazing it was to see all of their families and compete in the final immunity challenge, though was saddened to be bringing an end to one of his closest allies’ games. Moana highlighted how close she and Dave have been from the start which immediately led to Sharn cutting her off and talking about how she was just as close with Dave. She then pointed out that she isn’t really loyal to her bestie Moana by saying that she and Dave agreed that they wanted to go to the end together during the immunity challenge. Obviously because this is All Stars and they need to have the best facing off. Moana laughed at the thought and pointed out that they all made deals with each other and as such, that deal means nothing. She then pointed out that she has played a strong game and more importantly, she doesn’t address a jury for a living. 

Sharn laughed about her previous final tribal – lol – before smartly pointing out that the duo had played similar games, while her game and David’s are clearly distinguishable and as such, the jury can easily pick a winner. Oh and then Moana got sassy and honestly, where was she all season – she said that Sharn had her shot in front of the jury and now it is time she has hers. Oh and if Dave thinks she is an easy beat, take her to the end and prove it. With that David voted and tragically Moana was sent from the game as the final juror, not because she was the weaker opponent, but because she was the stronger one.

As soon as I saw Moana enter the Jury Villa, I ran to her to give her a massive hug and to praise her for playing such a dominant game alongside David. Yes, yes, I spent a lot of time complaining about how boring their alliance made the show, but that doesn’t take away from their stellar, controlling games. That being said, David had something working in his favour that Moana tragically didn’t and that was the fact I planned to make Moana a pizza. Yes, the Fame Hungry Survivor Pizza curse strikes again and it is my fault Mo lost the prize and instead had to settle for a Buffaloana Chicken Hopizza.

Like burgers, buffalo chicken is one of those things I am very passionate about shoe-horning into other culinary forms. From burgers to meatballs, buffalo chicken just works in so many forms and despite being the curse that ended Mo’s game, there is no denying this is perfection. And maybe a little worth it.

Enjoy! 

Buffaloana Chicken Hopizza
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1 cup hot sauce
2 tbsp butter
3 cups shredded roast chicken (or Chooke)
salt and pepper, to taste
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
½ cup passata
handful of fresh Italian herbs, roughly chopped
1-2 cups mozzarella cheese, grated
2-4 celery stalks, thinly sliced
1-2 carrots, thinly sliced
⅔ cup blue cheese, crumbled
Michelle Branch Dressing, to serve

Method
Prep the bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions.

When they’re almost finished proving, combine the hot sauce and butter in a saucepan and melt over low heat until combined. Remove from the heat and fold through the chicken. Season to taste, probably more pepper than salt, in my opinion.

Preheat the oven to 180°C.

To assemble, smear the bases with passata and herbs. Top with the mozzarella, carrot and celery, followed by the spicy chicken and blue cheese. Transfer to the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until bubbly and golden.

Devouring immediately with a good lashing of ranch dressing in honour of my menu choices ended my favourite potential winner (of the final three).


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Harry Phillsy Cheesteak Pizza

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: All Stars, Main, Pizza, Snack, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the final twelve met Jonathan on the top of a hill where they learnt that they had (finally) made the merge. Despite having the numbers, David decided it would be a good idea to mind-fuck the outnumbered Vakama 2.0 tribe members. After being eliminated early in the reward challenge, he told Brooke and AK how he was at the bottom of new Mokuta and that he should be able to pull Zach over with him to give themselves the new majority. In actuality though, he was all in with Moana and the duo decided now would be the perfect time to get rid of Locky. Since Queen Shonee won the first immunity challenge like the damn boss that she is. At tribal council Locky desperately urged everyone to make a move and kick things off with a blindside, which sadly came to fruition. Just against him as he was booted from the tribe to become the King of the Jury.

The next day Jacqui was whipping up some breakfast and offering to deliver it to David in bed, who we learnt is well and truly falling apart from a chesty cold and a spider bite on his butt check. Which sadly wasn’t shown to us for proof.

Meanwhile by the fire Moana was congratulating Tarzan and Jacqui on the fact that they essentially secured themselves a place in the top seven. She then approached David and Sharn to congratulate each other on taking control and keeping their secret alliance alive. On the flipside, Brooke and Shonee were feeling disappointed to find themselves on the outs, though being the icon she is, Shonee encouraged them to be resilient and positive. Not feeling positive though is their ally Harry, who was back at camp with the Mokuta seven, seething about David and Zach’s treachery. This awoke the ol’ dirty in Harry, who vowed to take his revenge.

Speaking of revenge, David told us that his plan for All Stars has always been about playing a bold game, and taking revenge on anyone that wronged him in his original season. And now Harry is the last name on his Arya Stark list. Remember when Shonee had a revenge list? A list that she efficiently completed in three episodes. Like a damn icon. But enough about the superiority of Shonee, Moana was gossiping with Sharn, Lee, David and Jacqui by the well, telling them that Harry was arrogant about having taken David out on their previous season. While Harry watched on from behind some trees. Continuing to display her epic social game, Moana yelled out to him and told him to show himself and that since they are just doing washing, he is welcome to join them.

Oh and David did some bad math, sharing that getting rid of Harry was critical to his final tribal council, given Harry has currently played 82 consecutive days – which is untrue, given he was voted out one day before the end of a season – and if he makes it to the end, he can say that he played for 84 consecutive days. Which again, is wrong since he was also voted out. Plus, Lee and Sharn played 55 and 50 days in their OG seasons and genuinely can say that the days moving forward are consecutive, given they were never voted out. But whatever.

Fully aware of how well David has been playing, Harry pulled Shonee, Brooke and AK aside to try and find a way to weaken him. Given he has successfully surrounded himself with buffers, the group decided to get rid of one of the weaker players and as such, decided targeting Jacqui would be their best shot. With that, Harry and AK got to work trying to pull Zach and Lee to their side. Harry handed over a banana to Zach before launching into the pitch and while Zach agreed that he was open to the idea, he also wanted to play smarter this time around. With a semi-committal, Harry approached Lee and well, I just feel like Lee is interested. But maybe I am wrong?

My love Jonathan made an early return for the immunity challenge, which Harry identified as the final immunity challenge from last season as he walked in. But this time, with three sets of stumps to balance on – each smaller than the one before – while holding two sandbags up via ropes. After a short moment of struggle AK became the first person to drop from the challenge before Moana opted to step out, followed closely by Queen Shonee. After 15 minutes Zach fell off his pegs, followed closely by Sharn and Tarzan. The remaining castaways then transitioned to a skinnier peg, which caused Jacqui to drop after 45 minutes in the challenge. The final four each made it to the smallest pegs, with them quickly forcing David to drop out. He then used his time on the bench to suggest to Sharn that should Harry win immunity, they need to get rid of Brooke instead. After more than 90 minutes however, the pain became too much for him and he dropped out of the challenge. He and Shonee started throwing out options moving forward, agreeing that taking out AK and Brooke may be their only hope. However the latter wasn’t an option, given Lee dropped from the challenge and handed her immunity.

After popping immunity around her shoulders, Jonathan announced that they would not be going back to camp and would instead need to scramble on the way to tribal council. With that, the two factions split up by torchlight and got to work identifying their targets. Mokuta quickly locked in their vote for Harry, with a couple of dummy votes on AK just in case. Meanwhile the underdogs of former Vakama were still hopeful that they would be able to convince Lee and Zach to flip to them to get rid of Jacqui. Brooke and Shonee begged for them to be honest with them, asking if there is any chance of them making a move. And given Lee played a minimal game in his first go around, the former cricketer was more than keen to prove himself. And you know, build a resume. Lee and Zach mentioned being nervous about how Dave would react, which gave Harry the chance to be shady about their complete lack of agency in the game.

At tribal council Brooke was repulsed by Locky’s facial hair before AK spoke about how nerve racking it is to have had no time to strategise. Jacqui spoke about the importance of staying calm and sticking with what you know, which is exactly what you do when you’re in the majority. Moana reiterated that she trusts who she trusts and is looking forward to riding with them until the end. Lee was coy about pre-planning for situations like tonight, which Dave agreed with, given he and his alliance all know what they want to happen. Oh and the scrambling was super boring to him. Tarzan quoted Keith Nale and said that he will be sticking to the plan, while Zach agreed that he knows what he is meant to do in the plan. This gave Harry hope, so he pleaded with the people in the middle to make the right decision for their – and his – games and to start building their resume. Lee agreed that he needs to play differently if he wants to win this time, leading to Zach joining the fray and reminding him that you need to make a move at the right time. Which Brooke reiterated is right now.

Sharn tried to slyly counter the pitch, encouraging the people that Vakama are appealing to have a decision to make tonight. Which they can’t come back from. This led to Harry reminding everyone that they need to make a move before there aren’t enough people to help them make said moves. And it is never too early to build a resume, right? With that the tribe voted and despite working hard to save himself, Dirty Harry was vanquished to join Locky on the jury.

While my arms may not have been as cute and comforting as his sweet son Oscar – remember Oscie? – he was thrilled to once again see me in the Jury Villa after he suffered the indignity of being tortured in the challenge from hell.

“I know you’re not my biggest fan Ben, but I’m so glad to see you here – I could really use a big ol’ bowl of that mac and cheese.”

My heart sank. Had I truly made him feel so awful for trying to cross Pia that he believed I didn’t love him? Or did Queen Shonee rightfully explain that my low self-esteem means that a bit of flattery will get you everywhere with me. With that, I put my pants back on – Locky and I were reenacting his famous challenge from season 2/4, and headed to the kitchen to make him something even more triumphant than mac, in the form of my Harry Phillsy Cheesesteak Pizza.

Oh and then I apologised for cursing him for his second game. Damn you pizza!

Delicately charred beef – is that possible? – sweet peppers and the earthiness of the provolone are three of my favourite things. Add to that some mushrooms and you’ve got a sandie-j come pizza that is so damn good, you don’t even care about the fact an ancient curse felled your game while I was recipe planning.

Enjoy!

Harry Phillsy Cheesteak Pizza
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
olive oil
500g beef loin, trimmed and cut into thin strips
salt and pepper, to taste
2 tsp butter
250g mushrooms, thinly sliced
1 onion, sliced
½ red capsicum, cored, seeded and sliced
½ green capsicum, cored, seeded and sliced
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
½ cup passata
handful of fresh Italian herbs, roughly chopped
1-2 cups provolone cheese, grated

Method
Prep the bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions.

While Zsa Zsa is proving herself, get to work prepping the toppings. Start by heating a lug of olive oil in a skillet over medium and cook the beef strips until medium. Remove from heat and leave to rest.

In another skillet, melt the butter over medium heat and cook the mushrooms until soft, shiny and they have reabsorbed all of the liquid. Remove the mushrooms to a plate. In the same pan, add another lug of olive oil and cook the onion for about five minutes, or until soft and sweet. Transfer it to a plate before adding the capsicum to the pan and cook for a couple of minutes, or until soft and sweet. Remove from the heat.

Preheat the oven to 180°C.

To assemble, smear the bases with passata and herbs. Top with the onion, followed by the capsicum, mushroom and steak. Sprinkle with a generous amount of provolone, transfer to the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until bubbly and golden.

Devour immediately, thankful this recipe wasn’t lined up for Shonee. Or did I deliberately enact the curse?


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Pizzara Frillips

Pizzara Frillips

Side, Snack, Street Food

Let me just tell you, one does not know how much Zara Tindall née Phillip’s visit meant to me. And boy does she know how to troll her cousins, which makes me even happier to call her a dear friend.

I arrived at Brisbane Airport driving a Tesla, as per her request, and picked her up from the pick-up zone of a genuinely commercial flight to avoid getting a ticket from the parking machine, to reduce adding to the burden of recycling plants. We then laughed the entire way back to our apartment, knowing that if her environmental heroics surface the very same week of Harry and Wills’ plane faux-pas, she will come out on top.

Shit, she made me promise not to say anything. Can you keep it between us?

In any event, it was such a treat to get to spend a little bit of time with Zars and fondly look back on our time spent together in our youth, when we would compete against each other in dressage events and tut-tut at the epic fails on the polo match.

Sadly at all those cultural events, we never got the chance to relax and gorge on food that we loved so it was a total joy for the two of us to get together and smash some like we would while attending the Gordonstoun School.

 

Pizzara Frillips

 

While we both grew up enjoying the finer things in life, we still know that there is nothing more enjoyable than some crunchy fries dirtied up with some pepperoni, napoli and tonnes of cheese. I mean, it doesn’t get any better than this.

Enjoy!

 

Pizzara Frillips

 

Pizzara Frillips
Serves: 2 regal chums.

Ingredients
1 batch Jud Beerza Battered Fries
olive oil
1 onion, roughly chopped
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp oregano, roughly chopped
1 tbsp parsley, roughly chopped
1 tsp thyme, roughly chopped
1 cup passata
pinch of raw caster sugar
salt and pepper, to taste
200g pepperoni, sliced
1 cup mozzarella, grated

Method
Cook the fries as per Jud’s instructions.

While they’re getting hot, heat a lug of olive oil in a saucepan and sweat the onion and garlic for a couple of minutes over medium heat. Add the herbs, passata, pinch of sugar and a good whack of salt and pepper. Bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for five minutes.

To assemble slash serve, place the fries in a bowl, top with sliced pepperoni, a generous heap of sauce and an even more generous mound of mozzarella.

Then devour, messily, full of joy. And pomp and circumstance too, obvi.

 

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Chickeke Parma Burger moments before Keke Palmer got her hands on it.

Chickeke Parma Burger

Burgers, Main, Snack, Street Food

I don’t even know how I am typing this during Ekka season, but I feel like a positive, renewed man that isn’t crippled by the conflict of his passion for a Snoop Daggywood Dog and fear of falling back in with the intoxicating world of carnies.

Which reminds me, me and my hands need to catch-up with Lee-Anne Locken ASAP. I mean, once a carnie always a carnie, I guess?

But anyway, I am positively loving life ATM and that is in no small part thanks to spending time with my dear, perky, hilarious friend, the iconic Keke Palmer herself. While I knew her way back when she was simply Lauren, I knew she was destined for greatness, quit my job as a High School drama teacher and became her manager slash coach.

Did I mention I was the inspiration for Mr. G? Well I was.

While I’m not at liberty to tell you whether she is legit joining morning television full-time, I can confirm that we had a delightful time catch-up, plotting a way to get a reboot of Scream Queens happening at Netflix – I need Stamos to show skin and I know they will help – and that she assured me that if she were going to morning television permanently, she would have me on as an entertainment reporter slash culinary wiz.

Say what you will about my culinary skills, a gorgeously gloopy Chickeke Parma Burger can prove very convincing to get what you need from your nearest and dearest.

 

Keke Palmer overjoyed about potentially smashing a Chickeke Parma Burger

 

Crisp, juicy chicken, sweet tomato sauce and a heaping pile of sharp parmesan cheese, if you didn’t think there was a way to improve upon a parma, you would sorely be mistaken. I mean, adding the bun and with it, the ability to eat with your hands without judgement? I’m a genius, I tell you. Even if I wasn’t really the first person to come up with idea.

Enjoy!

 

Keke Palmer overjoyed about smashing a Chickeke Parma Burger

 

Chickeke Parma Burger
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
4 Kirsten Bunst
4 Chicken Parmigina Gershon
½ cup Shayonnaise Swain
1 tomato, sliced
1 lettuce, leaves removed, washed and drained.
Jud Beerza Battered Fries, to serve

Method
Cook the buns and parmies as per Kirsten and Gina’s recipes, and make the mayo.

To assemble the burgs’ toast the buns and smear the insides with a little bit of mayo. Add a layer of tomato, then the lettuce, then the parma. Close the burger and serve with fries, devouring immediately.

 

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Pizza Chrustica Underwood

Main, Pizza, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor: Edge of Extinction, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the Kama Kama Kama Kama Chameleon tribe were very anti both of their returnee players, while Kelley seemed to be lugging around the target solo on Manu. I assume because everyone has forgotten that David literally dominated five seasons ago. Chris tried to pull Wardog in for a Wentworth blindside, however the artist I wish would stop calling himself Wardog but a kibosh on the plan and, rightly, swung the vote around on Keith. Who really struggled with any and all things physical, which is super relatable … until her pretends they will suck without him.

We opened back up with Keith’s theatrics trying to decide whether he wanted to join Reem at Extinction. Which he obviously did given he was so cut to be eliminated. While he was heartbroken to be out of the game, Reem was thrilled to finally have any company and quickly accepted his apology for taking him out. There was talk about the lack of food and Reem, the icon, announced that while she was close to raising the flag to get the hell out, she now wants to stay to protect her young. The next day they awoke to discover maps by the flag, guiding them to find stairs on their beach, with zero further information. They scoured the island and finally found them which led to a big pot of rice. Well, the pot was big however the supply of rice was meager. And they would have to scale the mountain each day they wanted food.

Probst decided to arrive early in the ep for this week’s reward challenge where the tribes would have to build wheelbarrows to collect sandbag, then deconstruct said wheelbarrow to build a slingshot to shoot said sandbags at targets with the first to eliminate them all would get either chickens or comfort items. Manu somehow got to an early lead – and I softened to Wardog who is babin’ – however Joe and co managed to close the gap at the first station of sandbags. Kama extended their lead throughout the rest of the challenge until they couldn’t build their slingshot, leaving Manu to take back the lead despite Wendy injuring her ankle. My sweet, sexy Chris made quick work of the targets while Gavin struggled, and try as Julia – I think that’s her name, we haven’t heard from her – might, Chris snatched Manu their first victory and damn I love Chris. Oh and I guess I should mention they selected chickens?

Back at camp we learnt how bad Big Wendy’s injury was as her ankle ballooned and she had to be carried up to the camp. She was worried that this would mean the end of her journey, while everyone rallied around to look after her … by giving her space. They then went to discuss how best to cook up the chicken, which made Wendy upset that people were going to kill them. Thankfully the pain wasn’t enough to stop her from thinking about releasing said chickens, and I love her and will call her Big Wendy just because that’s what she wants. She then asked Rick to help her bust the chickens out and while he isn’t into killing them either, he didn’t want to help bust them out.

Over at Kama the tribe were stinging from their first loss, while Joe and Aubry tried to pep them up and reminded them that while it sucked, it wasn’t immunity and they can fight like hell tomorrow. We then heard from Victoria who spoke about them being on the outs with Aurora, and I feel like the tribe wouldn’t actually mind losing an immunity challenge or three. Victoria and Ron went for a chat by the shore to lock in votes against Joe and Aubry, while Joegel was literally creeping behind them. Which is probably my favourite thing to happen in life, unless I am the Victoria in the situation. To his credit, Joe played it lowkey and pretended they weren’t targeting him to their face before finding Aubry and Aurora to discuss how screwed they are. With that Aubry ran off desperately in search of the idol which has eluded her through her two previous seasons. She dug, she scaled trees – not the highest cliff in Fiji, however – and finally, FINALLY, she found her first idol in three seasons, promptly breaking down into tears and hoping that it is the turn-around that her game needs.

We returned to Manu where Wendy was still trying to convince everyone to release the chickens, despite the fact she eats meat which made her plight less endearing and more irritating. Which made Kelley, Lauren and Wardog irate, who couldn’t understand her logic and since she is injured, Kelley hoped it would be enough to get rid of her ASAP.

My manses Probst returned for this week’s immunity challenge where Wendy’s ankle was strapped and the tribes would have to split in two and drag a boat filled with half the tribe to a tower which the boat dwellers would scale and jump off to grab keys. Which obviously unlocked puzzle pieces because every damn challenge has puzzles to keep it interesting. Chris’ BDE got Manu out to an early lead until the puzzle arrived and David, Kelley and Lauren were destroyed by Aubry, Ron and Julia – who I look forward to meeting – no doubt since Aubry has done this puzzle before in Game Changers. Obviously Kama won once again and while Kelley was worried about Wendy letting the tribe down, it turns out she is the one that blew the challenge. Which Alanis may describe as ironic.

Maybe.

David wasn’t too bothered about the loss when they got back to camp, hopeful that Wendy’s injury would provide the perfect cover for a dastardly Wentworth blindside. Wendy was still nervous that her ankle would be the end of her, so decided it was the right time to steal the flint to avoid people eating the chickens should she be booted. Which is chaotic and iconic, but also stupid. Let’s be thankful that Chris is still looking hot in his jocks and I’m about to pass out, or choke, on the dream plane.

That was too far, wasn’t it?

David and RIck went to see if Wendy was aware where the flint was, which she quickly deflected and David turned into a discussion about getting rid of Wentworth. David then approached Chris – praise, more Chris – to see if he’s be into getting rid of Kelley, which he is however he wants to loop Wardog in. Who literally saved her last week. He then took said intel to Wardog who got extremely nervous and instead of pushing him to stick with getting rid of Wentworth, he decided it would be smarter to get rid of Chris since he trusts Kelley more. He took the new plan to Wentworth, who encouraged him to go to Rick to get rid of Chris instead. And let me just say, while I love Wentworth, if Extinction Island didn’t exist, I would destroy her if I don’t get to see Chris beyond this episode. She is very lucky. Rick took the information to David, who was shocked that Big Wendy somehow became safe and they are stuck between getting rid of Chris or Kelley.

At tribal council Probst rubbed in the fact that they a big batch of losers, before Rick added that they’re now flintless and Big Wendy had zero interest in killing the chicken. Despite trying to pretend she had no interest in blocking them killing the chicken, Wardog called bullshit. Rick spoke about reevaluate their plans, given they tried to focus on strength but it has gotten them nowhere. Kelley spoke about shifting to a loyalty based game, while David acknowledged his interests have turned to taking out threats. This made Kelley nervous, which David pretended was just his awkward behaviour, however Probst zeroed in and asked everyone their opinion and left him nowhere to hide. Rick tried to be positive and spoke about how much more time they’ve had to work on their strategy over Kama while Chris admitting that his eyes have been opened to how tough it is since arriving on the island.

With that, the tribe voted and FUCK. It fucking happened again. I made pizza, and ruined my angel Chris’ game. He should not be here. He wasn’t a target, he looked great in his wet jocks and was one of the few athletic people on the tribe, but he is gone. Because of the damn pizza.

Though who knows, maybe Chris will come back and end – or reverse, even – the pizza curse. Though at this point, let’s just feel guilty for me ruining his game like Liz, Nick, Bianca, Sam, Taylor, Lou, Jack, Michelle, Tara, Roark, Jessica, Gonzalez, Brendan, Steph, Karla, Liam, Jess, Natalia and even Drag Race’s Manila Luzon. Though when you’re still technically in with a shot, Chris could focus on the beauty of Pizza Chrustica Underwood as I watch him sashay over to extinction.

 

 

I feel like I say this about every pizza, on the account of the dough and abundance of cheese, but this baby is so, so good. Crispy discs of potatoes, earthy taleggio and sausage as thick and juicy as, well, you know. How can you not stuff it in your gobs?

And the pizza is pretty good too. *Boom tish* I’m here till, well, who knows. Enjoy!

 

 

Pizza Chrustica Underwood
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
⅓ cup passata
oregano, roughly chopped, to taste
2 potatoes, washed, thinly sliced and baked until crisp
3 pork and fennel sausages, skin removed and cooked
1 small handful basil leaves
150g taleggio, grated
mozzarella, to taste

Method
Prep the bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions.

Preheat oven to 180°C.

Smear passata over the prepared bases, sprinkle of the herbs, lightly roasted potatoes, cooked sausage, basil and taleggio before coating generously, with mozzarella. Because you can’t tell me that two cheeses aren’t better than one.

Transfer to the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until bubbly and golden.

Devour immediately, hoping not to burn our mouth with some scalding cheese before getting Reemed at Extinction.

 

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Linda Perry Peri Chicken Pizza

Main, Pizza, Poultry, Street Food

What a difference a few days can make, right? After witnessing Glenn’s seventh and Amy’s sixth snubs – no matter how deserving the delightful Olivia and Regina are, it still stung – I started to rage about all the things this Oscars failed me on like Shallow muse Timothée Chalamet and my girls Dolly and Linda Perry getting snubbed.

By the time Linda arrived at my house I was in such a state, alternating between crying and screaming, that she had to pull me into her arms and hold me until I calmed down.

And thanks to her warm, loving friendship, I’ve been in a state of zen since.

I’ve known Linda for years and years, first meeting as teens in San Diego. Fun fact: she taught me that San Diego didn’t actually translate to mean whale’s vagina, which I passed on to Will Ferrell to use as a joke in Anchorman.

But anyway, she was always so patient and kind with me, despite my many foibles, so I jumped at the chance to move to San Francisco with her in the ‘80s and I of course, vowed to make her a star.

Given how insanely busy she has been recently, Linda and I haven’t spent as much time together as we would like, so it was wonderful to be able to just have time to reconnect. And smash a piping hot Linda Perry Peri Chicken Pizza.

 

 

A crunchy base, sweet tomatoes and the fiery spice of peri peri chicken work together to form the perfect pizza for warming up a surprisingly cold evening in Brisbane. FYI, it got down to 25°C.

Enjoy!

 

 

Linda Perry Peri Chicken Pizza
Serves: 2-6.

Ingredients
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
olive oil
2 chicken breasts, diced
½ cup peri peri sauce
⅓ cup passata
oregano and basil, roughly chopped, to taste
1 red onion, thinly sliced
1 cup baby spinach
200g cherry tomatoes, halved
mozzarella, to taste

Method
Prep the bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions.

Heat a lug of olive oil in a skillet and cook the diced chicken for five minutes or so, or until cooked through. Add the peri peri – more if needed – and cook for a further couple of minutes, or until well coated.

Preheat oven to 180°C.

Smear passata over the prepared bases, sprinkle of the herbs, onion, spinach, spicy chicken and cherry tomatoes, before blanketing – I mean, you don’t have to but who wouldn’t – in mozzarella.

Transfer to the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until bubbly and golden. Before devouring, thinking about how wrong it is that Lind and Doll still don’t have Oscars.

 

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Ellie Kemparmigana Rissoles

Hashbrown: The End, Main

After kicking off my celebration of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt – Hashbrown: The End –  catching up with Carol and Dylan, I realised that I needed to circle back to the point and celebrate the titular Kimmy. Aka my dear friend Ellie Kemper.

While I haven’t known Ellie as long as some of the other cast members – I met her in 2011 while visiting Melissa on the set of Bridesmaids – we quickly bonded over our passion for writing and became the best of friends.

Despite being a close personal friend of Tina, I shockingly didn’t organise the casting. It was such a delight to pick up the phone from Tina who was giddy to have found her Kimmy, only to discover it was my dearest friend.

I haven’t seen Ellie since the last Emmys – where I refused to believe the news that Kimmy’s end was nigh – so it was wonderful to spend some time together and absorb the fact that this delightful, quirky show is ending and the world will never be the same.

And our hearts will become a blackened void.

Though I guess that’s where my Ellie Kemparmigana Rissoles come into play.

 

 

Chargrilled eggplant topped with a juicy, braised rissole, covered in tomato sauce and cheese? You can’t go wrong, even for the staunchest of anti-eggplanters – the veggie only, obvs – like me.

Enjoy!

 

 

Ellie Kemparmigana Rissoles
Serves: 6-8, depending on the size of your eggplant.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 large eggplant, cut into 1cm slices
1kg beef mince
1 tbsp oregano, chopped
1 tbsp basil, chopped
3 garlic cloves, crushed
⅓ cup parmesan cheese, grated
2 cups passata
½ cup – or more, obvi – mozzarella cheese, grated

Method
Preheat the oven to 200°C.

Place the slices of eggplant on a lined baking sheet and brush with olive oil. Transfer to the oven and bake for half an hour, flipping once. Remove and drain on some kitchen towel.

Reduce oven to 180°C.

Combine the mince, oregano, basil, garlic and parmesan in a bowl and shape into 16 rissoles.

Place the eggplant slices in the bottom of a baking dish and top each with a rissole. Pour over the passata and sprinkle with the mozzarella. Transfer to the oven to bake for half an hour, or until the cheese is golden and the rissoles cooked through.

Serve immediately with a big heaping of Gabriel Mash or on their own. Or with salad. I don’t mind, the most important thing is you devour.

 

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