Chives

Arantxa Castilla-La Mash & Fries

RuPaul's Drag Race: UK vs the World, RuPaul's Drag Race: UK vs the World 2, Side, Snack, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race: UK vs the World 11 queens from across the globe descended on the UK, ready to prove themselves to be the fairest of them all. Or, you know, the second best of the top four, but I digress. Immediately Ru threw down the gauntlet, making them star in a little Queens’ Variety Show. I assume to mark Chuckie’s coronation, but again, I’ve digressed. When it came to the performances, Mayhem found herself hilarious and forgot the rest, Marina was an ICON, Gothy lacked power as she literally ate fire while Le Grand Dame was stupid in the best way. When Gothy and Mayhem landed in the bottom, it was up to Marina and LGD to choose who to send home before Marina won the ultimate power. And promptly sent Mayhem straight back to Riverside, ending the run of all US dolls making it to the end of Vs the World seasons.

Backstage Tia was shocked that Mayhem was gone, despite the fact she clearly bombed the talent show. Funny and iconic, but a total bomb. After the dolls congratulated Marina, she explained that she sent home the legend because she just wants to give Gothy the chance to actually shine, given they have all had the full experience. Oh and then she made a joke about how poor taste it was to wipe off the message, given she is a Filipina cleaning a mirror in the UK. Again, she is an icon. Gothy meanwhile was on cloud nine to have made it to the second episode and ugh, her joy truly is super cute. Hannah, being Australian, asked LGD to share who she had voted for, with her agreeing she voted to get rid of Mayhem as she wants the world to get the chance to fall in love with Mayhem. Like Arantxa, who spoke about how emotional she is to be among this cast, as LGD reminded her it may be her hormones.

Oh and then the UK dolls caught up to strategise, with Hannah loudly and hilariously pointing out the alliance was meeting. As the holiday makers pointed out they outnumber the UK girlies, warning that they best be careful.

The next day Marina unveiled her gold badge and while LGD was a little jealous, she assured us she will be the next to jag one, so wasn’t overly bothered. Scarlet pointed out that given four UK girls are around, they should be nervous about being the targets. Though Choriza pointed out that the first elimination actually calmed her, given it is clear they are playing fairly. Tia meanwhile was too happy about having walked the runway in front of Ru in a nice outfit for the first time to care. Which, lol, is iconic. Michelle then dropped by to put the girls through their paces in an itty bitty quiz mini challenge with the most glorious of Brit Crew members. Everyone decreed Marina the Fairest in the Land, Shadiest was named as Hannah – doing Down Under proud, obvi –  Mightiest (aka Biggest Competition) was also named Marina while Neediest was Arantxa, aka most in Need of some new Drag. Which pissed off Jonbers, given she got three votes, which she obviously felt wasn’t fair.

But over to the maxi challenge, which Michelle announced was the ball. And not just any ball, but The Happy Endings Ball. First category they would walk in their Lady Prince Charming looks, in category two they would serve She-vil Queen, while finally, they would walk in Drags to Riches Eleganza, which they would make using scraps of fabric left behind by the Brit Crew. Since the dolls felt Arantxa was needy, she got an extra 10 seconds to grab at it before the rest of the dolls joined the fray. And as is tradition, create absolute chaos. Choriza was busy hoarding literally everything, leaving Tia was next to nothing. Which obviously made her nervous, given sewing challenges are really not her jam. 

Hannah pulled together a bunch of knitted mice, hoping they would help her through, given she is a hot glue gun queen. She then caught up with Jonbers, who eventually admitted she was pressed, so put it to the crowd. WIth Marina straight up admitting to it, before Gothy eventually zoned-in and claimed the second one while the third person stayed silent. Until they all started listing their votes, forcing Choriza to admit it was her. With a laugh. Everyone got busy working away and bartering fabrics, as LGD opened up about coming so close to winning the ball in her first season – thanks Paloma – that she is looking for redemption. She caught up with Tia, flirting hard to try and get fabric, while Tia was just wanting her to get it.

Michelle interrupted before it became BBC after dark, with Marina sharing she would make a shimmering mermaid gown and while it is a big task, she is confident in herself. And hot glue. While Scarlet was going classic Cinderella. Hannah was excited to go with something shimmering and neon, while Keta was going dark and moody, Gothy was looking forward to putting her fashion background to use to serve pastels, LGD was the polar opposite, going with futuristic shimmering gold and ugh, I love her. Arantxa meanwhile was looking forward to serving Wednesday Addams at the prom realness, opening up about how her style is missing because she never got the chance to trial as a teen girl, in honour of the woman she has always been, given she missed out on those milestones after transitioning as an adult. Tia meanwhile was going full glamour in cherry red velvet, Choriza was looking forward to another owl shitting in her eye and Jonbers was vibing on an 80s Lacroix inspired number.

Michelle then asked if the UK dolls will be sticking together, with Jonbers straight up saying they will. Sadly for her, in front of everyone. After Michelle left, Tia opened up about her design being dedicated to Cherry Valentine, given she knows that if she was still here, she would be an All Star by now. And ugh, I just want to hug her and Cherry, as the entire situation is tragic. But Tia slaying the ball in her honour is all I care about now.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone splitting up to put the finishing touches on their looks. Except for Hannah, who felt she was done. I assume emotionally, as the gown is straight up trash, so hopefully her charm sells it. Arantxa’s look was held together with safety pins and a prayer. Scarlet obviously put being a third timer to good use, giving the dolls a pep talk to sell the garment, if nothing else. Even if their looks are mediocre.

Ru recovered enough to appear on the panel alongside Michelle, Graham and Adwoa Aboah as the dolls opened The Happy Endings Ball in their Lady Prince Charming looks. Hannah was camp as hell, giving Better Midler as Prince Charming in Shrek 2, Jonbers was a glorious plaid prancer while Arantxa was a cute Bowie. Tia gave glam Robin Hood realness, LGD was stunning in a high fashion blue suit giving the silliest faces and sound effects as she ran the railroads in Gaultier, Scarlet was a half-stripped warrior in white and Keta was a glorious knight. Gothy served a stunning twink in a little floral number, Marina was perfect as an underwater prince before Choriza gave a moody matador Dali. And yeah, it was a slay.

On the She-Vil Queens runway, Hannah cackled away in a classic black and navy gown serving nothing but drama. Jonbers was glorious in a slutty dragon look, Arantxa gave Mean Girls devil, Tia’s gown dedicated to Cherry’s promo look was perfect, emotional and ugh, she should really be proud of herself. LGD then came out as an alien queen, obviously serving wacky noises, Scarlet was green, moody and powerful, before Keta literally rode the dragon all over the runway and ugh, it was funny. And I love it. Gothy was monochromatic and glam as Daphne Guiness, Marina served Dugong realness and lets just say, it was so weird and I love it. While Choriza was smoking and purple, as the upcycled owl from Season 3. Obscuring all the views in the process.

Closing it out with their Drags to Riches Eleganza, Hannah was a total mess, though TBH, not as bad as I was expecting. Jonbers looked good in a shimmering ruffled number, Arantxa was a cute goth teen, Tia gave glamour in a gown, which honestly is above adequate and LGD was a straight up golden goddess and just give her the win now, please! Scarlet revealed her gorgeous Cinderella gown, complete with the Season 1 filter reveal, Keta was a gorgeous dame, kinda giving Narcissa Malfoy. Gothy was puffy pink perfection and damn, this is the rudemption she was looking for, and I love it. Marina was beautiful in her gown which honestly looks better made then her first look before Chroiza closed the show as the ugly step sisters, complete with dead owl in a cage.

Jonbers, Tia, Scarlet and Gothy were sent to safety at the back of the stage before the judges praised Hannah for her charm and personality, though read the final look for being ugly. Despite feeling it was a little fun. Arantxa was essentially read for not giving enough when it came to the details, though she was proud to have a chance to bully for once and ugh, I love her. LGD received wall to wall praise, obviously, because she is perfection. Keta too was absolutely beloved for giving glamour, polish and jokes, finally letting the judges see her personality. Marina once again was beloved, despite the judges feeling like the first look didn’t exactly make sense for the category. And they had no idea who Dugong was. Choriza meanwhile was praised for having all the ideas, though read for a bunch of fit issues. Particularly the last one, which was just too basic.

Ultimately Le Grand Dame and Keta Minaj were named the top two of the week, Marina and Hannah were safe, leaving Arantxa and Choriza up for elimination. Backstage the queens congratulated the top two, with Keta joking it just feels correct. Even though it is simply a fact. Keta praised all the girls for doing a good job, before Choriza and Arantxa spoke about how much it sucks to be in the bottom with their bestie. Keta caught up with Arantxa, thanking her for giving her the pattern for her dress. Arantxa spoke about how excited she is to represent the trans community, not wanting it to end. Meanwhile Choriza opened up to LGD about how she is friends with Arantxa, though knows she did better than her sister. LGD meanwhile only cared that if a UK queen lands in the bottom and deserves to go, Choriza would send the right girl home. 

The safe girls were kikiing, with Scarlet hoping Choriza goes given she is more competition. Once again confirming she is the drama. Arantxa really drove home the potential UK alliance to LGD, while reiterating how close they have gotten. Choriza took her no alliance message to Keta, reiterating she has nothing to worry about. While neither doll really could tell where Keta stands, given she has an epic poker face. Or doesn’t care.

After selecting their lipsticks, Keta and Le Grand Dame took their places on the stage. As Cascada’s Everytime We Touch kicked off, it was clear LGD was desperate to jag her first win, hitting every letter, giving all the energy, drama and camp and ugh, again, I love her. How is someone that perfect also so damn stupid and weird?! While Keta was a killer lip syncer, just as she promised, Ru loves to laugh and as such, LGD rightly took out victory. And then promptly sent sweet Arantxa home. After sobbing in Choriza’s arms, that is.

She then followed the sound of my sobs backstage before I jumped into her arms. Arantxa held me for the hours it took for me to calm down, before I was finally able to spit out how proud of her I was. Despite being the second boot and robbing us of a season full of joy, Arantxa’s two episodes showed how much of a delight she is, and hopefully, earned her a spot on a future All Stars season as you know that glow up is going to be epic. And until then, we have Arantxa Castilla-La Mash & Fries.

Credit to this delight goes to Antoni Porowski, who was brave enough to think, there isn’t enough potato if you have mash or chips, so why not combine them! And ugh, it is perfection. Particularly with a hearty kick of sour cream and chives.

Enjoy!

Arantxa Castilla-La Mash & Fries
Serves: 2 dear friends slash icons.

Ingredients
1 batch Jud Beerza Battered Fries
500g russet potatoes, peeled and cut into 2cm chunks
3 tbsp unsalted butter
120g sour cream
120ml milk
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
2 tbsp chives, finely sliced

Method
Prep the fries as per Jud’s recipe.

While those are underway, pot the potatoes in a large pot of salted water and bring to the boil over high heat. Once rollicking, reduce slightly and boil for 10-15 minutes, or until tender. Drain and return to the pan, cover with the lid and place over the turned-off hob to steam for a minute.

Add the butter to the pan with a good whack of salt and pepper, and mash until smooth. Stir in the sour cream and milk, and return to a low heat to cook through, adjusting the seasoning as required.

To serve, dish the mash into a bowl, top with fries and a sprinkle of chives. And then, devour.


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Pichuan Pork Dumplings

Drag Race France, Drag Race France 2, Main, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race France Nicky took a page out of UK-Ru’s book and tasked the dolls with hosting a little morning show. Part acting challenge, part skit, like in the UK it was a little hit and miss. But when there were hits, they were fantastic. Specifically Moon’s weather report, which was robbed of victory like she was Keiona – who was also perfect yet again – as Sara took out another win. Which was well deserved too, but I digress. At the other end of the pack, Mami once again narrowly avoided the bottom as Cookie slayed the lip sync and sent sweet Kitty packing.

Backstage the dolls gathered round the ‘ol mirror message to toast their fallen sister, with Moon in particular sad to have lost her closest confidante. Cookie meanwhile was glad that if she must keep landing in the bottom, at least she is coming across as an assassin. Everyone turned their attention back to Sara, praising her for earning her second win. Though don’t pretend they were back to back because Zaddy Piche is right there and will gladly send you home if you forget she won week two, Cookie! With the two bottoms.

The next day the dolls were focused on literacy as they ran through their spelling, before Mami assured us that this week, she will stop being a bottom. Even though we’re all bottoms. They speculated what they could possibly face this week, with Mami scoffing at Cookie’s wish for Snatch Game. Right on cocorico, Nicky arrived to pop the dolls down on their knees in front of each other. For a little wedding mini challenge, sickos, mind out of the gutter! The couples paired up and then split off to get into matrimonial quick drag before Drag King Elvis was wheeled out to marry the dolls. First up were Ginger and Piche who gave ‘80s rocker in all the right, messed up, trashy ways and I love it. Mami Watte and Keiona were bright, ditsy and silly, Cookie and Moon were nerdy delights while Sara and Punani looked like low rent Princess Di and Fergie and TBH, it makes me wish those two got married and were able to live happy lives.

THEN the dolls had their legs tied together and had to play a three legged race to collect items from the Werk Room and return to their seats, musical chairs style. Because why stop at the quick drag silliness? Punani and Sara were first out after failing to jag a red or pink shoe. Two tights cost Mami and Keiona before Ginger and Piche couldn’t find the flowers themselves – Dalloway style – leaving Cookie and Moon to take out victory and a prize of wedding cake. Sadly though, that was it for the reward as for this week’s Maxi Challenge the dolls would, in fact, be playing Snatch Game.

After Nicky departed Punani shared with the dolls that she had been planning on playing Amanda Lear in Snatch Game, who tragically is one of the guest judges this week. Filling everyone with nerves on her behalf. Sara and Cookie meanwhile realised they both brought the same character which led to an epic fight between the frontrunner and the queen of the bottoms, with the latter wanting her star moment and to break out of her funk. While Sara, like an icon, was just happy with the two of them to commit and see who comes out on top.

Nicky dropped by for a kiki with Cookie locking in her plans to play Johnny Hallyday, while Sara shared that in addition to him, she also had Françoise Sagan as a back-up. With Nicky sweetly telling her to just do what she thinks is right, rather than changing because she thinks she should. Nicky was gagged again to learn of Punani selecting Amanda Lear, Ginger would be doing Victoria Silvstedt, Moon brought Brigitte Fontaine, Keiona would be playing Afida Turner, Piche was locked in on Geneviève de Fontenay and Mami was playing Shauna Sand.

We did an immediate pivot to the set where Eddy de Pretto and genuine Amanda Lear took their places on the panel as the dolls kicked things off. Cookie was having an absolute ball as Johnny, Punani was perfection as Amanda in front of Amanda, Keiona was all energy and jokes as Afida Turner, Ginger was a vampy icon while Piche was a little subdued. Moon was hilarious as Brigitte by way of Ozzy Osbourne – I think – while Mami was so silly as Shauna while Sara was solid but a little lost, despite not being able to do her first choice. Punani, Moon and Keiona went from strength to strength throughout the challenge, while Ginger and Sara faded, while Piche was tragically thus there.

Jour d’élimination arrived with the dolls thrilled to have made it through Snatch Game, with only Moon, Keiona and Punani (rightly) confident about how they went. Piche meanwhile realised it was a shit show and how much she hated it, instead mulling over who would be lip syncing against her as they beat their mugs. Sara was confident it would be her, given her fight with Cookie had really gotten into her head. Talk turned to the protests around marriage equality ten years ago, with Ginger talking about how it united the community and allowed them to have fun along the way, with everyone just grateful to now have the same rights as the rest of France. And ugh, it is both triggering and exciting all at once.

Nicky, Kiddy and Daphne were joined by Eddy and Amanda again, this time on the judging panel, as Piche kicked off the Under the Sea runway giving Kate Winslet in Titanic complete with the door which, TBH, should earn her safety for that alone. I mean, she even had Leo frozen in her back! Punani gave technicolour swamp thing amoeba in all the right ways, Moon stunned as a sexy pink and pearl fish, Sara went from floating trash to a golden fish gown, Ginger served sea slug realness by way of Roz from Monsters Inc, Mami slayed as sexy Spongebob – not the ick that is the Broadway version, FYI – before Cookie served drama as an epic wave and Keiona gave glamour jellyfish, which also reminded me of Kate Winslet’s hat in Titanic. Which is a compliment.

Cookie and Mami were sent to safety before Piche’s runway received wall to wall praise while her Snatch Game was read. Wall to wall. Punani meanwhile was beloved for each and every thing she gave this week, particularly for being brave enough to play Amanda in front of Amanda. They loved everything Moon did from the runway to Snatch Game, before poor Sara was read for not being in the moment for Snatch Game, though they (mostly) loved her runway. While Ginger was read for just rocking a gown on the runway and for crumbling under the pressure of being a funny girl on Snatch Game and Keiona, obvi, received only positives. Particularly for her stunning runway and once again, surprising with a dominant comedy performance.

Backstage the safe dolls were thrilled to be out of their slump before Mami pointed out that Sara is probs in the bottom, questioning if Cookie felt bad. And spoiler, she didn’t. The tops and bottoms dropped by with Piche still sure she’d be lip syncing despite that killer runway. Sara on the other hand felt like she would definitely be lip syncing in her place, due to the outfit, while Ginger assured them that everything she did was hated and as such, they only have one spot left in the bottom. While poor Punani just assured them all that they should still be proud of themselves, despite how they feel they went.

Ultimately it was Punani who took out a very well deserved win, leaving Keiona to once again finish in the top, this week alongside Moon. At the other end of the pack, it was Sara’s track record that saved her from the bottom, leaving Piche and Ginger to battle for safety. And while I was sure Piche was going to absolutely dominate, as soon as Je vais vite by Lorie kicked off, it was clear Ginger was not going down without a fight. After stripping off, she got all the energy while Piche started to struggle to make it work in a gown. Which was tragically all it took to eliminate her from the competition, as the robbed goddess of the season. And ugh, I am angry.

It was easy for Piche to find me backstage, simply following my rage-fuelled howling as I sobbed over all that we lost. Aka the trade of the season who is also super talented. As soon as I saw her enter the Werk Room, I ran into her arms and sobbed as I told her how frustrating it was to leave her so soon. Given she has been nothing but stunning each and every week, and had an absolutely winning runway. Eventually I got my breathing under control and reminded myself that being a robbed goddess generally works out better for anyone other than the winner and as such she’ll be doing just fine. Which allowed me to make a pivot as hard as Ross Gellar’s and toast her success with a piping hot batch of Pichuan Pork Dumplings.

Spicy and sweet, these glorious little dumplings are the perfect way to distract from pain or feelings of existential dread – but do you guys ever think about dying? – and leave you feeling both satisfied and wanting more.

Enjoy!

Pichuan Pork Dumplings
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
300g pork mince
100g wombok, finely chopped
1 tbsp finely chopped chives
3 garlic cloves, minced
2 tsp minced ginger
1 tbsp tamari
2 tsp fish sauce
1 tsp Chinese rice wine
1 tsp raw caster sugar
1 tsp ground white pepper
½ tsp ground szechuan peppercorns
40 gow gee wrappers

Method
Combine everything but the gow gee wrappers in a large bowl and mix together with your hands. Cover, pop in the fridge and leave to marinate for an hour.

Lay out the wrappers on a bench and place a tablespoon of filling in the centre of each. Dip a finger in water and wet the edges before folding, pleating and mashing them closed – depending on skill level or care for the aesthetic. Repeat the process until they are all gone.

To cook, get a steamer going over high heat and cook the dumplings, 5-10 at a time depending on the size, for about 5-10 minutes, or until the wrapper is gorgeously soft and silky and the filling cooked. Repeat until all dumplings are done, replenishing the water as needed. 

Devour immediately with whatever sauce you fancy. Though I obviously advise a spicy little mayo.


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Sausage Heidi N Tartlets

Breakfast, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars the competition was well and truly starting to get to Heidi, as she worried that the judges weren’t feeling her this season despite solid performances week after week. Speaking of which, the dolls were tasked with starring in commercials for new prestige TV shows, where Heidi and Lala gave delightfully demented performances. Kandy asked Heidi about her moment in Untucked before the runway, which irked the former Miss Congeniality who threatened to spill tea to burn things down. In the sketches, Jaymes, Darienne and Alexis landed in the bottom, with Alexis gladly throwing Darienne under the bus for their predicament. Jimbo on the other hand rightly won her second challenge – despite Heidi and Lala’s killer work – and discovered she would be losing the lip sync to Shannel before Darienne, the icon, was sent to the house by the girls.

Backstage Jimbo was on cloud nine to have secured her place as the front runner while Jaymes was simply thrilled to have survived. And most importantly, have more closet space since she and Darienne shared a station. Talk turned to Heidi serving all the ass and after they pinned the tail on her, talk turned to the votes with everyone gagged to finally have a unanimous one, aside from Darienne’s vote for her friend Jaymes. Jimbo then added some spice, pretending she had pulled Alexis’ lipstick, but ultimately pulled out Darienne’s name too and while everyone was cackling with the Canadian icon, Alexis knew that as the frontrunner, all the girls now definitely had their eyes on her.

The next day the dolls were thrilled for another fresh start, none more so than Alexis who was hoping to get fresh with Lala. Before they could get physical, Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s Maxi Challenge the dolls would be playing the Snatch Game of Love. Which feels kinda fitting, no? They split up to talk through THE challenge, with Lala nervous to be popping her cherry, though hopeful to slay as Sukihana. Jessica shared she will be playing PR icon Iris Chacon, Jaymes is FINALLY bringing Jennifer Coolidge to the stage and ugh, I stan. Alexis pulled Jimbo aside to talk through the pressure of having won Snatch Games in the past and you know Alexis is confident to repeat as Bea Arthur. And well, she did a lot of study. Jimbo meanwhile wasn’t worried about the pressure, creating joyful chaos and getting piggybacks.

She moved on to helping clean Lala’s titties before Ru dropped by to kiki with the dolls, with her thrilled to see Kahanna had prepared with a jar of cheetos. So yes, she will be playing her mama Coco and damn I hope she makes her proud. Jimbo delighted Ru with the fact she’ll be playing Shirley Temple and while Ru has very high expectations, I am sure Jimbo can meet them. Heidi will be serving as Blackbeard and after opening up to Ru about struggling with the pressure of the competition, Ru reiterated she just wants her to have fun. So have fun, Heidi assured us, she will have!

We transitioned to the Snatch Game set where we met Heidi as Blackbird, Jessica as Iris, Kahanna as Coco and Jaymes as Jennifer Coolidge who’d be fighting for the affections of snatchelor #1 Matt Rogers. From the first moment, this was Jaymes’ show, dominating from the word hiiiiiiii. Heidi meanwhile was stupid and so much fun – until Kahanna struggled and she got shady – Kahanna was stuck with one note and Jessica was charming, but nothing else. So obviously Matt chose Jaymes as Jennifer as the winner. Competing for the affections of snatchelor #2, Brisbane’s own Bowen Yang, were Alexis as my girl Bea Arthur, Kandy went with Mob Wife Renee Graziano, Lala’s Sukihana and Shirley Temple and ugh, just give her that third win now. Jimbo was funny, she was demented and oh so perfect, and while Alexis gave us a stunning Bea, Kandy was a ratchet icon and Lala was high energy, there was no stopping the stupidity of Jimbo taking Bowen’s heart.

Oh and then Matt and Bowen lip synced and it was stunning.

Elimination Day arrived with Jimbo tapping her way in, no doubt knowing she is about to collect another win. Kandy then borrowed the Shirley wig and shoes for her own little interlude before Jimbo and Alexis spoke about how much fun they had together and how fun it was to give each other space to play. Kahanna meanwhile pulled Kandy aside to talk about feeling upset about how Heidi treated her during the Snatch Game, leading to Kandy talking about Heidi going to Jimbo off camera and telling her that Kandy was coming for her. Jessica meanwhile was nervous, though hoping she did enough to scrape by. Alexis then checked in on Kahanna and she told her she was ok until Heidi started coming for her mid-challenge, given she was already down, after which she spiralled.

Heidi was shocked that Kahanna felt she was coming for her, thinking she was giving her something to volley and help her land a joke. Kahanna wasn’t having it however and while Heidi apologised, Jaymes also mentioned to us that Heidi played it exactly how Snatch Game is meant to be played. Kandy then asked why Heidi told Jimbo she was coming for her when she didn’t, with Heidi backing herself and assuring her sisters that it definitely happened and Alexis was even present to confirm it. And while she agreed at first, she immediately backpedalled with Heidi saying that she straight up told her she would send Jimbo home if she was in the bottom. The four of them all fought back and forth, with Jimbo just feeling awkward to be stuck between two friends. Everyone was in silence before Heidi told Jimbo that she just told her what she heard and to remember this when it comes time to vote. All of them, as she was done.

After barely a moment to catch our breath, Heidi told everyone how much she hates how this has become and what it has done to them all, so instead of leaving things up to chance, she instead opted to tap out immediately. As she exited, Kandy and Alexis followed to try and get her to change her mind but alas, there was nothing they could do. As Heidi assured everyone that she loved them as she fought back tears and ran for the exit.

As she made it outside, I pulled her in for a massive hug and assured her that the judges and the viewing audience all love her and know how talented she is. And while I hated to see her go before the finale – because you know she deserved a place at the end with Jimbo – I understood that like Adore and DeLa before her, she knew when it was time to go to look after herself and since she more than proved herself a star on her first season, all that was left for me to do was toast her success with a fresh batch of Sausage Heidi N Tartlets.

Breakfast is my favourite meal of the day, and when you throw in sausage and pastry, I am honestly in heaven. Delicate egg carries little spiced nuggets of sausage, feta and tomato, as your teeth break at gloriously flaky crust – need I say more?

Enjoy!

Sausage Heidi N Tartlets
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
4 pork sausages
8 eggs
⅓ cup cream
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
2 sheets of puff pastry
1 punnet cherry tomatoes, halved
2 tbsp chives, sliced
200g feta, crumbled

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Pop a skillet over medium heat and once hot, remove the sausages from the casings and pop little meatballs into the pan to cook, stirring, for about five minutes or until cooked through and starting to crisp. Remove from the heat and transfer to some paper towel to drain.

In a large bowl, whisk the eggs and cream with a good whack of salt and pepper. Cut the pastry into 9 squares and press into muffin tins. Divide the tomatoes between the pastry, followed by the sausage, chives and then some feta, before topping with the egg mixture.

Transfer to the oven to bake for about 20 minutes, or until golden and puffed, before devouring, like a soft and supple icon.


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Liz Parciuttov & Asparagus Pizza

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Heroes V Villains, Main, Pizza, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor 24 castaways arrived on the beaches of Samoa divided into Heroes or Villains depending on either how they play the game – for our 11 returnees – or how they intended to, for our newbies. Or their profession, in the case of our journos and real estate agents. As quickly as she came back for her redemption, poor Jackie was medevaced. She was followed by a string of newbies as Anjali, Michael, Mimi, Rogue and Sarah soon followed. George then set his sights on his nemesis Simon, but after a surprise individual immunity challenge we lived through the best tribal council of all time which cost Fraser his spot.

Iconic scream queen Sharni was next to go (back to Yabbie Creek, darl) before the swap (thankfully) cost Paige her spot in the game. We then suffered the tragedy of losing sweet Jordie before my dear friend and legit hero Benjamin Law was shown the door. Internal battles between the Spice Girls caused Stevie to be blindsided just ahead of the merge, before George’s instincts proved correct as Flick turned on them while Matt stayed loyal, allowing the OG Villains to take control and boot David from the game.

For her deception, Flick became Australia’s first ever Queen of the Jury before a lack of mateship sent Sam out. George then broke our hearts by turning on Shonee before the Villains turned their attention back to eliminating Heroes in the form of Shaun and Hayley. George and Simon’s feud finally came to a head with the King booting sweet, power-bottom Simon before Nina became the first Twine to join the jury.

The final four were gagged by Jonathan when he announced that they would be eliminating a juror with Matt and Gerry pushing to get rid of Shonee, given she was 100% in Liz’s corner. Which should have been a warning to George that he would not be making it to the final tribal council again, with the final three newbies banding together to send him to the ALL RETURNEE jury. At the final tribal council Liz well and truly rose to the occasion, laying out a comprehensive, nearly watertight argument why she deserved the win. Before the jury awarded her unanimously, making her our second Olympian to take out the crown. I mean, if presenting to the jury was an Olympic sport, she would come out on top while Sharn, famed barrister and two-time runner-up  wouldn’t even qualify. 

While the edit may not have shoved it down our throats, there is a very clear reason why Liz was not only the final woman and villain standing, but our newly minted Sole Survivor. And that is because she not only played a hell of a social game but also knew when to make the right moves. It may not have been the most exciting television watching the newbies ride it out with George at the end, however it made the most sense to use him as a shield as he will always be easy to eliminate at the end (another reason Sandra should actually always make it to the end, but people get too excited) as their best shot was with each other.

Despite Matt opting to eliminate Shonee from the jury for being a locked in Liz vote, he clearly underestimated the bonds she made and how well she would be able to articulate her game. Which is why he landed in second and she joins our iconic pantheon of winners. As the fireworks settled, I pulled her in for a massive hug – did you know I was a champion pole vaulter and we became friends on the circuit? – and thanked her for keeping us fed this season. More important than winning the title, she also managed to put an end to the long running Survivor curse and that is worth celebrating, with a glorious Liz Parciuttov & Asparagus Pizza.

This pizza is so delicious, it is hardly a surprise it had the power to end the curse. The earthiness of the asparagus works perfectly with the salty tang of the prosciutto and the creamy ricotta to deliver a pizza fit for the newest queen.

Enjoy!

Liz Parciuttov & Asparagus Pizza
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
⅔ cup ricotta
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
1 bunch of asparagus, trimmed and cut into lengths
1 lemon, zested
2 tbsp chives, thinly sliced
½ cup parmesan cheese, grated
6 slices of prosciutto, roughly chopped

Method
Prep the bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions and preheat the oven to 180°C.

Spread a thin layer of ricotta over the bases, followed by a sprinkle of salt and a good whack of pepper. Add the asparagus, lemon zest, chives and parmesan, before topping with the prosciutto. Transfer to the oven and bake for 10-15 minutes, or until golden and crisp.

Serve and devour triumphantly, knowing you’re the one person great enough to break an epic(ish) curse.


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Chicken and Sarah Marschkroom Baos

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Heroes V Villains, Main, Poultry, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Simon was still blissfully under the assumption that he had an idol in his possession. And while we may not know what, if anything, he found in the cookie jar, one thing we can be certain of is that the producers are going to love however it blows up in his face. Hayley meanwhile successfully threw an immunity challenge, desperate to break the (Australian) winner’s curse. And since Rogue was on her tribe, she felt it was kind of a safe bet. Sadly Shaun got a clue to an idol from David and Sam, and while the trio of allies vowed to find and use it together, Shaun jagged it for himself – his first real one! –  and decided now might be the right time to turn the tide against Hayley. Thankfully for our Queen, Rogue Rogued and offended her tribe one final time and got herself booted. Though not before doing a you-can’t-fire-me-I-quit plea to be booted.

The next day the Villains were enjoying the peace of a restful sleep after their first night off while Jordie and Fraser bonded over wanting to be arseholes instead of being on 24/7. And by being on, essentially they wanted to do nothing, stop helping and piss by the shelter, which speaks to my desire to retire by 40 on a deep, deep level. Simon however was not being lazy, lopping bamboo and being useful while Jordie and George joined him to help out and reinforce the shelter. Jordie opened up to us about how bossy Simon can be and while they both wanted George out, his temper is making working with Simon difficult. Right on cue, Simon yelled at George for getting distracted too easily and well, it was awkward and everyone just looked like they were embarrassed. For Simon.

Jordie realised that the boys were a tight four, while the girls and George were also bonded and as such, caught up with George to float the idea of working together to protect each other from their factions. Despite the fact Jordie knew it could come back to bite him, should they get caught.

Meanwhile over at the Heroes camp, the tribe were thrilled to be free of Rogue’s attitude and feeling well and truly zen again. Hayley was thrilled to have broken the curse, while Benjamin and Sharni were busy bonding while tidying and being super helpful and ugh, it is so damn wholesome. We then got a deep dive on Benjamin and his career, though I was across most of it given he is my hero. Being kind and crafty, he suggested the tribe whip up a fake idol together and while you would assume it was to benefit the entire tribe come swap, it made David, Flick and Sam feel like they cannot trust him. David and Sam caught up with Shaun, who was wisely keeping the fact he has the real idol a secret before the brainstrust went hunting along the shore. While Shaun giggled about outsmarting them, knowing that playing like a hero didn’t exactly serve him well during his first season.

The tribes joined up with my love JLP for the reward challenge where they would battle in pairs to knock barrels off a deck, with the first tribe to three scoring a tower of baked goods. And well, let’s just say, when I saw I snag roll I practically creamed my jeans, while Liz questioned whether the bread was ciabatta or sourdough, while Shonee was just looking for assurances it all came with a balsamic glaze. Like damn icons. First up were Stevie and Simon versus Shaun and Ben with the Heroes taking the point due to Simon not letting Stevie toss anything. Sam and Hayley then faced off against Jordie and George with George’s fire to best Hayley taking out the point for the Villains. Shonee and Fraser took on sweet Gerry and Matt with the Heroes quickly putting Shonee out of her misery before Paige and David defeated Sarah and Liz, handing the reward to Heroes.

Ideally for us to discover the pastries are actually raw when they return to camp.

Back at camp they learnt the producers had once again trolled them, this time spreading 11 treats out in front of them with the person who read the note – Sam – getting to decide who got to eat what. Hayley got a croissant, Paige got the meat pie, Sharni got a full loaf of bread, Gerry got a snag roll – lucky king – David got a choccie cake, Flick got a cupcake, Nina got a donut, Benjamin got a party pie, Matt a lamington, Shaun got a spongelog – and the realisation that Sam is out of his depth in the game – while Sam kept himself a slice of gluten free toast. Aka loyal to an absolute fault.

After smashing the food, Hayley got back to work hunting for an idol while Shaun watched on. Realising he had to do something to distract Sam and David from the fact he actually had the idol, Shaun told them he caught Hayley catching the idol and as such, they spread it like wildfire throughout camp. Hayley being the best player in the camp, pulled Shaun aside realising something was off between them and tried to find what the problem was. Which thankfully, finally made Shaun realise that it is stupid to vote out Hayley already, given she is a clear threat and as such distracts from the fact he is ten feet and looks stunning in a speedo.

The tribes caught up with Jonathan again for the immunity challenge where the tribes would race to push a heavy cart through a course to collect fire making equipment before lighting a fire to release a bag of coconuts. Aka the final four firemaking challenge on a massive scale. Despite being far weaker on paper, the Villains got out to an early lead before everyone fought over wood. With Stevie climbing it to make things hard for the Heroes like a damn icon. Deciding they had enough, the Villains powered to the end of the course while the Heroes focused on getting as many supplies as possible. The villains were first to make it to the end with Stevie getting to work on the fire as the rest of the tribe tried to figure out the best place to build the bonfire in the conditions. After lighting the torch, the Villains built a tall structure in a race against time as the Heroes closed the gap. Though way too slowly as the Villains took out the win before the Heroes even lit their fire.

Back at camp Sam was busy speculating whether they take out Ben for being shifty – which I repeat, he wasn’t – or Gerry for having an injured foot. Ben, Shaun, Flick, Sharni and Nina caught up by the well, agreeing how difficult the upcoming vote will be given they don’t have a Rogue. Nina suggested getting rid of Gerry would make sense given he is injured and while everyone felt bad about losing such a sweet man, Sharni tried to rationalise it as something that may save him from further injury in the long run. But damn does she hate the idea. After everyone disappeared, Sharni admitted she won’t be writing Gerry’s name down to Nina with her suggesting they get rid of Ben instead, for being shifty. This plan spread like wildfire and while Hayley was not a fan of the idea, given she and Ben are so close, she knew she wasn’t safe enough to make any demands.

Sadly for her laying low wasn’t keeping her safe anyway as Sam, David and Matt decided now would be a perfect time to blindside Hayley, given everyone is distracted, so got to work trying to find two more to get rid of her. While Nina gave some non-committal assurances, Shaun was not so thrilled about blindsiding his new ally and despite pretending it doesn’t bother him, it spurred him into action. First he told Flick what was happening before the duo approached Sam and David, assuring them that while Hayley needs to go before the merge, now is not the right time and as such, they need to see sense and not cause more chaos than they need to.

At tribal council David was surprised they were back at tribal council, while Flick spoke about how much more difficult tonight’s tribal council is compared to the last one, given they all get along. Ben was hopeful everyone was on the same page, though was nervous about blowing things up, given the last vote actually created some harmony. Hayley spoke about being worried that the upcoming vote won’t create the factions they think, while sweet Gerry was concerned his injury would be his undoing, given everyone is friendly. Ben felt like everyone should be nervous, while Gerry was the only one willing to cop to feeling like he will be receiving votes tonight.

Gerry spoke about being strong in challenges and at camp, with Shaun reiterating he has done so much for all of them and while he is still strong, he has an injury and anything will make you a target. After pointing out Gerry can’t vote for himself, Hayley begged him not to vote for her – lol – before Jonathan dropped the bomb that while they are voting someone out tonight, it is actually to send them to the Villains tribe. And should they survive their exile for two days – aka, through the next tribal council – they will return back to the Heroes camp with a tonne of intel. Which is a good twist (finally), as it could actually go either way for the person voted out and the tribe as a whole, meaning the way forward is murky.

This gagged the tribe with Shaun suggesting they get to whispering to figure out who to vote for, while Hayley suggested they should vote for a clearly loyal person, given they will give the Villains nothing and the Heroes everything upon their return. Ben meanwhile wanted to send someone that would cause chaos, while Gerry told them to focus on sending an asset. Nina meanwhile pointed out that while you want to send a spy that won’t be offended, there is still the risk that the person could just be voted out by the Villains next. Hayley smartly asked whether the Villains would know how it all transpired, with JLP assuring them it will only be what the Heroes tell them.

Paige meanwhile suggested she would be happy to go, while everyone else whispered to lock in the Gerry vote. As Nina jumped on the Paige bandwagon, telling the tribe it was easy, Paige continued to push to go for the star moment, while Sam suggested they vote someone that makes sense to have been voted out that they’d also be willing to lose given it isn’t a guarantee they come back. Which obviously made Gerry nervous as he asked who Sam was suggesting then. And ugh, Sam, you were so damn close to making a compelling argument, why did you have to go and tell the person you’re about to vote as a spy that they are expendable? With that the tribe voted, sending sweet Gerry over to the Villains for the weekend. And thanks to Sam’s blunder, he was taking a little bit of a bruised ego which should thankfully make things a little interesting.

As Gerry arrived at the Villains camp, everyone was fast asleep as he quietly crawled into the shelter to try and gently wake someone up. As he alerted Simon – who hilariously thought it was Sam – he pulled him in for a hug, while the rest of the tribe awoke to welcome him. Well except for George, who was annoyed that he scored a better spot in the shelter and after sassing him out, told us that it was critical that he makes sure he woos Gerry before Simon does. And well, who is going to tell him it may be too late already?

We checked in with the Heroes where Sharni was regalling the Meat Tray with stories of waking up and punching a crab. And while they seemed close, Sharni shared that she was just flexing her acting muscles – or chops, even – given she is so annoyed with them for risking Gerry despite Paige wanting to go to the other tribe. While Shaun tried to explain that voting for Gerry made the most sense, it didn’t make Sharni feel any less annoyed by how it all went down behind his back.

We returned to the Villains camp where Simon interrupted George and Gerry bonded, while George stared daggers at him. Fraser joined the conversation to see if he knew he was copping votes the previous night, with the sweet man proving to have a few sly tricks up his sleeve as he expertly spun a lie. And well Gerry, he was just feeling all the love from the tribe and was grateful for how friendly and kind they all are and as such, his loyalty was already wavering. Particularly since they were happy for him to be expendable. We then learnt about Gerry’s life on Fraser Island and all the hardship he has experienced and ugh, just like Sharni, I want only good things for him. As Simon continued to suck up to Gerry, George went person to person, pointing out how obvious Simon was being to try and woo him as a number. And George, maybe stop complaining and start befriending?

The tribes reunited with Jonathan for the latest reward challenge with George sassily asking the Heroes to explain why they voted out Gerry before learning that one at a time they would face off one on one to knock their opponent’s idol off a disc. With the first tribe to three getting a huge collection of supplies and a piping hot lasagne. Or not, who knows? It could be frozen. Sam and Simon were first to do battle with Simon tragically dropping his, leading to a smug little dance from Sam. Shonee was next up against Flick, with our Queen tying things up before George and Hayley faced off, with Hayley obviously putting Heroes back out in front. Jordie and Shaun were up next with Jordie wisely tossing his in the air as he slapped Shaun’s to the ground, once again tying things up leaving Simon and David to battle out for reward with Simon botching the toss strategy as the Heroes jagged the win.

But hey, at least George got some intel from Hayley that he should trust Gerry.

Back at the ever improving Heroes camp, derpy Sam was thrilled with their latest haul as he carved up one of the three lasagnes for the tribe to devour. The spirits were obviously very high, but only got higher as Matt discovered pictures from home. We met David’s girlfriend who made him break down in tears, while Matt showed off a picture of him proposing to his girlfriend – post nervous poo – Hayley showed the day she bought a house, Benjamin spoke about his high school sweetheart Scott, we met Sharni’s grandfather, Sam’s girlfriend, Sandra got a photo cameo, Megan Gale graced our screens, Flick’s boyfriend made a return before Paige sobbed talking about her grandmother who passed away a few months earlier and ugh, I’m crying too.

Meanwhile the Villains were busy working, with Stevie getting them all on firewood duty while George quickly started working on Gerry. He pulled him aside and told him that Hayley told him to trust Gerry before Geroge spilled the tea on what was going on within the tribe, before they both offered up their allies and vowed to work together. While sweet Gerry proved to also be shrewd, knowing that he now holds the power to choose between George and Simon. And without the heroes realising, he can return to them with a new tribe of allies to bring them down. And FUCK YES, rise King Gerry.

The tribes joined JLP on a beach for the next immunity challenge where the heroes announced that they got photos from home. Which made Gerry look ready to kill. But back to the challenge, where they would race out to a boat, row it into shore and drag it up the beach before crawling under a net and tying their paddles into a pole to release a key which they would use to unlock blocks which they would then use to solve a word puzzle. While the tribes were neck and neck at the start, Shaun being a man mountain let the Heroes take the lead as he propped up the net and let the tribe breeze through. The Villains desperately tried to close the gap with once again, the puzzle proving to be the great equaliser. The Villains were first to get their letters ready while the Heroes figured out the phrase. Clearly out of their depth, the Villains vowed to just copy off the Heroes as Ben straight up signed the answer to Paige to slow them down. With the Heroes solving the puzzle a fraction ahead of the Villains.

Back at camp Simon was well and truly over the losses, while the tribe tried to rally and keep morale up. As everyone split up, Simon quickly locked in the plan to vote out George with Fraser however it was all reliant on Gerry. But given he had clearly warmed to Geroge, Simon instead tried to woo Sarah to his side. She was obviously in on the plan, telling Simon she knows he is a snake and as such, wants to get rid of him as quickly as possible. Simon took the information back to Fraser with the duo celebrating how easily it came together, as George watched on, assuming they were coming for him.

George caught up with Shiz by the well with George talking about how horribly Simon treats him and as such, he is willing to get rid of him ASAP. While George was confident they had Sarah and Gerry in their corner to make a move, Shiz both cautioned him that Sarah isn’t as loyal as he thinks and as such, suggested that maybe they should consider targeting her instead. And while Geroge was happy with the plan, he was also worried that she would push him down the stairs quicker than you can say Miss Greece. As such, George approached Gerry to let him know about the plan with Gerry quickly jumping on board. Talk turned to who would be the best person to rope in as a fifth, with them settling on Stevie, given he is another old boy. Sadly Stevie was not thrilled to blindside Sarah at first, given he is very close with Simon, though knew that getting rid of her takes him one step closer to the switch.

Stevie wisely caught up with Gerry to talk through what they should do, with Gerry reminding him that things change minute by minute and he needs to go with the flow. Stevie then approached Fraser to check if they are voting for George or Sarah, with the eavesdropping Simon wondering how Sarah became an option all of a sudden and grew all the more confused as they headed out for their date with JLP.

At tribal council Gerry spoke about how welcomed he was by his fellow Villains, while George spoke about how great it was to get a new member, particularly one that slotted right into the tribe. Shonee felt like Gerry fit in with them, given they are kind of lovely despite their love for some cheeky villanousness. George reiterated how grateful he was to have Gerry in his corner, while he was focused on making sure that the person they vote out tonight is the biggest risk to flip on the tribe post swap. As hell froze over, Simon agreed that was the wisest move while Jordie implied a tribe swap was imminent which upset JLP, given he sets the rules. While George, Simon and Jordie appeared to be on the same page, Stevie spoke about being worried about just following, rather than making the move that benefits him. Jordie spoke about voting for the shiftiest while Sarah was focused on sticking with the people she trusts. As George stared at Simon and Jordie, willing them to flip and take her out.

With that the tribe voted, George held onto his idol and once again, Simon got cold feet ahead of the vote, joining with the Shiz crew to blindside Sarah. As she arrived at Loser Lodge, Sarah quickly proved how she became a champion beauty queen, acting poised and charming as I pulled her in for a hug. I congratulated her on playing a solid game, telling her that if this had been a season of just newbies, I truly believe she would have taken it all the way and well, that was enough to cheer her up before I served up a fresh batch of piping hot Chicken and Sarah Marschkroom Baos.

There is nothing I love more than a glorious steamed bun, and this lighter chicken version is truly delicious. Sweet and earthy, it warms even the coldest of villains. And could even guarantee nobody is pushed down the stairs, or anything.

Enjoy!

Chicken and Sarah Marschkroom Baos
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
7g sachet dry yeast
¾ cup warm water
2 cups flour
1 cup cornflour
5 tbsp raw caster sugar
¼ cup vegetable oil
2 ½ tsp baking powder
canola oil
5 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp minced ginger
2 cups shiitake mushrooms, sliced
salt and pepper
500g chicken mince
⅓ cup chopped chives
1 tbsp truffle oil

Method
In the large bowl of an electric mixer, dissolve the yeast into the water and let it rest until it is foamy and glorious.

While that is frothing away, sift the flour, cornflour and sugar together. When the yeast is ready, add the flour and oil.

Using a dough hook, turn the mixer on to the lowest setting and leave to knead for about 5 minutes or until a small ball is formed. Place in a large oiled bowl, cover with a damp cloth and allow to prove for 2 hours.

While the dough is working on proving itself to you, get to work on the meat mixture. 

Heat a lug of canola oil in a large frying pan and saute garlic and ginger for a minute or so, or until nice and fragrant. Add the mushrooms and cook for five minutes or so, or until soft. Remove from heat, season and allow to cool completely. Once chill, combine the shiitakes, mince, chives, and truffle oil in a bowl and scrunch until well combined.

After the dough has made something of itself, return it to the bowl of the mixer, add the baking powder and knead it again on the lowest setting until it is smooth again, adding water a teaspoon at a time if it looks too dry. Trust your gut here people, I did. Cover with a damp cloth and leave to rest for 15 minutes.

While resting, cut out ten 10x10cm squares of baking paper and add water to the steamer and bring to the boil.

When ready, roll the dough out into a long tube and divide into ten pieces. Flatten each piece into a 12cm diameter disc, leaving more dough towards the centre, add a good chunk of the filling and bring the dough together to close the bun at the top. Place on a square of parchment and repeat the process until all done.

Steam the buns for 12 minutes over high heat, three or four at a time depending on the size of your steamer, making sure the water does not touch the buns. Then devour, gleefully, with your fave condiments.


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Rice Paper Meroll Szolkeiwicz

Main, Poultry, Snack, Street Food, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Return of the Outcasts, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa the OG Masus continued to fight it out for power, unaware that the Yontau boys appeared to be quietly playing them off against each other. After an epic reward and immunity challenge which left Dino cursed from winning the game while taking out a car, the gloves came off as Meryl, Steffi and Marian’s alliance splintered. While the latter two had rallied the troops to get rid of Meryl, she had managed to charm enough people – or scare them due to her copious amount of advantages – as the tribe narrowly blindsided Steffi from the game.

Back at camp the mood was very tense as Marian well and truly felt left out and stupid for not taking the idol when she had the chance at the Outpost. Meryl meanwhile was busy trading off the advantage to Tejan as promised, with him thrilled to split the alliance up. As he anticipated, Marian was cussing out Phil for blindsiding her before going person to person to throw Meryl under the bus by outing all of her advantages. And while it was hardly news to Felix, it definitely was to Dino as he questioned whether he should have taken the other shot at the last tribal council.

The next day Meryl was feeling a little nervous after breaking up with her original alliance and joining with the people willing to save her. Marian caught up with Dino to find out what the vote was about and whether he would be willing to work with her, rather than Meryl. With Dino admitting that Meryl’s advantages really change things, and to us, now that Marian is isolated, he felt that they have far more to offer each other moving forward. Dino then showed her the advantage and offered to hand it over to her to build trust, before him sharing that he would be so proud to see her win the season and to be the ambassador of the game, rather than a goat floating along and sneaking out a win despite not doing anything.

Tejan and Meryl meanwhile were busy bonding over being the biggest threats, agreeing that now they only really have each other. Tejan asked how she felt about Dino, Phil and Felix, with her grateful to have been saved though that she was wary given they have been aligned from the start. We then dropped by the trio, who were catching up about the state of affairs within the tribe and to quickly prove that Meryl’s trust was misplaced as they immediately locked in a plan to get rid of her next. Knowing that everyone will be willing to join them. As such, Phil and Felix would stick to her like glue while Dino would keep things casual while rallying everyone else on the plan.

Back at the shelter Shane and Marian were catching up, with the latter trying to convince him that Dino can be trusted to get them further. While Shane was still focused on getting him out ASAP, given he is the only other truly strategic player outside of Marian. Though given he is kinda volatile, Marian girl, you’re in danger. Meryl and Phil dropped by camp, where Marian continued to give her the silent treatment which started to make Meryl upset given it is clear that their friendship is over. She approached Marian and asked what was going on and why she hadn’t looked her in the eye, which Marian denied while noticing that Meryl’s facade is starting to crack and that other people have also noticed.

Killarney was busy whispering to Dino saying that she was disappointed by the Steffi blindside, but was ready to make a move on Meryl. Which obviously puzzled him, given she is a good 18 hours late. Killarney then dropped by Tejan and Shane to tell them the plan is to get rid of Meryl and trust and believe, she is the one driving it. While Shane worried who the hell he is aligned with.

The next day Marian was still nervous about the state of all the shattered alliances. Particularly since her one consistent ally, Shane, is still focused on getting rid of Dino before Meryl. Marian tried to calmly explain that Meryl is feeling comfortable right now and as such, now is the time to blindside her, while Shane was just worried about her potential naivety in trusting Dino’s lies.

We finally got a sighting of sweet, zaddy Nico as the tribe reassembled for the latest immunity challenge where everyone would start behind a locked gate and manoeuvre a key through a peg puzzle before unlocking said gate and completing a block puzzle. Dino made quick work releasing his key and started work on his block puzzle in an instant. Felix and Phil soon joined him before Meryl and Shane broke through the gate and started on the second puzzle. After releasing her key, Marian casually sauntered through the gate before casually solving the block puzzle in no time at all and won individual immunity. While Killarney remained locked behind her gate and everyone was dumbfounded how she did it some quickly.

Back at camp Marian was giddy with her newfound safety, though was nervous about the prospect of Meryl playing her tribal council pass and ruining the blindside. Though she admitted that getting rid of Tejan wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Tejan meanwhile knew that he was also on the block, catching up with Felix to assure him that there are far bigger threats to worry about than him. Meryl meanwhile was floating playing the tribal council pass to Phil, who casually reminded her that they need her as a number which lead to her suggesting they send Marian back to camp without her vote instead. She quickly caught up with Phil, Dino and Tejan to talk about the genius plan, while Dino felt very awkward about being so active against her.

Killarney meanwhile was sauntering about, worried about all the whispering, while Tejan was loving being part of the plan. Sadly for him, it wasn’t the actual plan, which made Dino worry about whether they should let him be involved. Despite the fact he is a big risk of screwing up whatever the plan is. After Meryl filled Felix in on the plan, he caught up with Phil and Dino, with all of them feeling a little bit awkward about how easily things have come together for them given it makes them think something is wrong. Oh and then Phil told Marian about the tribal council pass plan and she was so excited to see it all come together, while Meryl started contemplating playing her 50/50 coin to exhaust all her little trinkets. And presumably lessen her target.

At tribal council Tejan was feeling confident in his place in the game given Marian and Meryl are now feuding. Meryl admitted that she has been a target for some time now, while Marian was sick of her pretending to be the victim when she could have just spoken to her allies if she was concerned. Marian spoke about how happy she was to save herself by winning immunity, particularly given the duo have so much tension between them now. She continued to play up being left out and having no strategic conversations today, while Meryl admitted she didn’t really talk to anyone either.

Talk turned to blending in, with Killarney hoping to slink through rather than stick out, while Dino spoke about them needing to outlast more than anything else in the motto. Though he would also like to see someone worthy take out the title this season. Meryl spoke about playing like a goat being a proven strategy, though that there is so much time left in the game that those who are deemed a goat now, could quickly make a name for themselves. Killarney brought up the fact that everyone values different things, while Meryl opened up about thinking about the jury while Marian said you should be mindful, rather than worried.

Before they headed off to vote, Meryl stood up and played the tribal council pass to send Marian back to camp. Sadly for Meryl, Marian then bequeathed individual immunity to Shane on her way out the door which is not something anyone considered. With that the tribe finally voted and despite her initial nerves before tribal council, Meryl stood firm and held on to her 50/50 coin, which sadly became a memento, as the tribe banded together to blindside her from the game.

Thankfully she took the exit on her chin, thrilled by the excitement of it all and kinda knowing her days were numbered anyway given she was far and away the biggest threat in the game. That being said, I didn’t take it with as much grace, screaming and crying that my dream final three had broken up, with two of them exiting the game back-to-back. After sweet Meryl pulled me in for a hug, she reminded me it is just a game and she holds no ill will. Which was enough to eventually dry my eyes and whip her up a victorious batch of Rice Paper Meroll Szolkeiwicz.

There is nothing better than a fresh rice paper roll. While it works essentially with any and all ingredients you want, these little Peking duck numbers are some of my faves. Sweet, spicy and packing a herbaceous punch, they are the perfect way to eliminate post-boot pain.

Enjoy!

Rice Paper Meroll Szolkeiwicz
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
12 rice paper rounds
80g vermicelli, soaked, drained and roughly chopped
¼ iceberg lettuce, finely shredded
¾ cup coriander, roughly chopped
¾ cup mint leaves
1 lebanese cucumber, sliced
1 carrot, peeled and grated
1 red capsicum, sliced
¾ bunch chives, sliced
2 peking duck breasts, sliced

Method
Start by prepping everything you need first as you’ll need to power on once you get started. Working one at a time, dip a rice paper round in a shallow bowl of warm water until soft before transferring to a dry, clean tea towel.

Place a small amount of vermicelli in the centre, followed by lettuce, coriander, mint, cucumber, carrot, capsicum and chives, before layering a few slices of duck. Roll one edge over, fold in both of the ends and continue to roll until it is sealed. Repeat until done.

Then devour, slathered in sriracha, hoisin or soy.


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Elektra French Onion Gem Bake

RuPaul's Drag Race UK, RuPaul's Drag Race UK 3, Side, Snack, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race UK, 12 new dolls arrived in the Werk Room ready to slay the game and join the pantheon of UK Ru girls. To help the judges get to know them, the queens were tasked with serving two looks on the runway – one selling home town and the other, their favourite things. Ru gagged the dolls by making Victoria and Krystal lip sync for the win with the latter ultimately taking out the first victory of the season. On the flipside, Elektra and Anubis found themselves in the bottom with Anubis following in the footsteps of her fellow Brighton queen Joe Black, going out as the first boot.

The dolls returned to the Werk Room, gassed and shell shocked to have lost their first sister. And rightly acknowledged that Brighton is officially a cursed city for Drag Race UK. After Elektra climbed on to the desk to wipe off the message, we learnt that Victoria disappeared to see a doctor about a knee injury from the lip sync for the win. As the dolls kikied, Krystal shared how thrilled she was to take out the first win while Elektra vowed to never bottom again. Before clarifying, on the show. Victoria thankfully returned and explained while her knee was busted, at this stage, she would still be able to continue in the competition as long as she takes it easy   the next couple of days. Oh and fun fact, Kitty’s tits are as heavy as Krystal’s badge.

The next day Krystal was feeling her oats even more, confident that it won’t be her last victory in the competition. While Veronica was left to wonder how someone with such a tiny head could also have such a big one? The dolls congratulated River on her charming runway performance saving herself from the bottom, while Victoria told them that while she has to stay off her feet as much as possible, she will still turn it out. So beware.

They were interrupted by Ru, who arrived and put Krystal to task playing a game called ‘Rupermarket Sweeps’ where she would find superlatives amongst grocery items before handing them out to her fellow queens. First up, she identified Victoria as the biggest competition – denying she was threatened and only gave it to her due to her size – followed by River as having the worst taste, Ella as the trade of the season and Veronica as out of date. But not to worry Veronica, she thinks Elektra will be the next one to go.

With that out of the way – along with the casual fat shaming of Victoria – Ru announced that this week, the dolls would be put to work at Ru’s new fitness business – Dragoton. Choriza, Vanity, Elektra Fence were tasked with leading a spin class, Krystal, River, Veronica and Kitty will be working out their (exercise) balls, leaving Charity, Victoria, Scarlett and Ella to do a little mummy and me class. But always making it drag, obviously.

As the dolls split up into their groups, Veronica read Krystal for being a bit too harsh in her reads but encouraged everyone to put it all aside and embrace the fact they are all vastly different and make that an advantage for their werk out routines. Ella meanwhile felt typecast as a yummy mummy/trade of the season and was confident she and Victoria will lead the group, given they are trained dancers. Elektra was so excited by the challenge she was spitting on herself, while Choriza was just going to wing it and lean into the comedy given she was paired with two killer dancers. And has zero skills.

Mama Ru made her ruturn, immediately making Kitty nervous about how to act. As she watched on quietly, Veronica and River were shady about Krystal in their kiki with the latter admitting that she is ready to go with the pose every week if it takes her to the end. Kitty finally found her voice, and suggested she should have been the trade of the season and had Ru in hysterics. Which made her tell Ru to shut up, essentially. Oh and Krystal was nervous about the challenge. Up next were team yummy mummy, with Victoria doubling down on being a legit threat and was glad that she had the girls on her side, before we learnt Charity’s accent game is weak at best. Rounding out the chats, Choriza was charming as always while Elektra vowed to turn it out this week, given it plays to her strengths and ugh, that always makes me nervous. Very, very, very, very nervous.

As Ru left, the queens ventured to the mainstage to meet Oti Mabuse to get the choreography down. Or in Victoria’s case, she was DTF and well, relatable. Oti is gorgeous. Team Bike were up first and well, poor Choriza was immediately confused but as she suggested, she bought the personality. And more importantly, she vowed to ride it harder than a dick. While poor Elektra was just wishing they got her a toddler’s bike. The yummy mummies were next with my favourite twink Scarlet not sure what was happening, while Ella was just glad to be guaranteed not landing in the bottom since everyone else was falling apart. Rounding out rehearsal was Veronica in lycra with her mick out while River was terrified about keeping up with the tempo. And relatably, Krystal can’t figure out her left from right while Veronica gave her a peptalk to keep her from spiralling from nerves.

Elimination Day rolled around with Krystal still nervous while Victoria admitted that her knee had blown up and she was struggling through the pain. Though vowed to fight through. Kitty and Charity kikied as they got ready, admitting that they are ready to push outside of their comfort zones. Victoria and Krystal meanwhile caught up with the former suggesting they should clear the air, with Krystal immediately offering a genuine apology and admitting that she looks up to her and doesn’t ever want to bring her down. Victoria admitted that she has struggled with eating disorders and has been every size under the sun and as such, she has finally accepted it and is happy and healthy but found Krystal’s comments were triggering.

Ugh, I love Victoria so much and I’m so glad she was mature enough to have the conversation and work through it. Elektra then opened up about how much she hated her freckles growing up, though her boyfriend helped her learn to love them. She then opened up the floor for the rest of the dolls to share their insecurities, with Vanity talking about being told that she is too dark. And uggghhhhh, hearing them all be so vulnerable with each other was so empowering and gorgeous.

Ru, Michelle and Alan were joined on the judges’ table by Oti Mabuse for the debut werk outs of Dragoton. While I have no idea what was happening most of the time, I do know Choriza stole the show in the bike group with her unique and charming brand of ridiculous. Team Ball Busted were hilarious and a little bit frightening, with everyone getting a chance to shine. While poor Victoria was stuck performing on a stool with the yummy mummies, she was still charming enough to keep up with Ella.

On the Red Carpet Showstoppers Runways, Choriza was stunning in a spotted icy blue flamenco number. Elektra too was sparkly with an awkwardly matt black split while Vanity was stunning in a sheer lilac number. Kitty was full glamour in a Marilyn inspired gown, Krsytal was perfect – aside from the tits – in a green dress, River looked her version of glam in a purple number, complete with a few of her signature points while Veronica was inspired by our KYLIE in a frilly, saffron gown. Charity was a demented orange, fringed, Gatsby’s inspired number, Ella was an absolute peach in peach, while Scarlett was pale and perfect in a scarlett gown while Victoria desperately just tried to hide the fact she was wearing sneakers, while looking gorgeous.

Choriza, River, Ella, Scarlett and Victoria were sent to safety leaving the remaining queens to hear from the judges. And well, poor Elektra was once again read for filth for going out too hard in the performance and ended up looking out of place. And once again was read for a subpar runway, looking more wizard than red carpet. Vanity was read for having a wig that didn’t make sense, while Oti was more concerned about the lack of cohesion between them in the performance. Though they loved her outfit. Kitty was praised for the madness she brought to the work out and for serving too completely different looks. Once again, the judges ate up everything Krystal was serving though Michelle challenged her to start showing more of herself. Veronica too received universal praise for knocking it out of the park while making sure everyone in the team looked good. Charity meanwhile was praised for stepping outside of her comfort zone, though they felt her look felt like it was wearing her.

Backstage Victoria was thrilled to be able to sit down, which was a sentiment echoed by Scarlett before Ella shared how disappointed she felt to not be a top. River too was disappointed to not land in the top, though accepted she was the weakest in her team. While Choriza was just glad her personality kept her safe. The tops and bottoms joined them with the safe girls shocked that Krystal was in the top and while she agreed, Veronica cut in and told her to believe in herself given she listened and took advice and she needs to embrace her performer side. Veronica and Kitty shared that they too would be on the top with her. Charity meanwhile was feeling like she was in the bottom and was emotionally prepared to be lip syncing. Vanity too was feeling heartbroken to be in the bottom, though was ready to show the judges what she is made of. 

While poor Elektra was just nervous about facing off against her, given she slays.

Ultimately Krystal narrowly took out her second victory over Veronica while Kitty too was sent to safety. Charity Kase meanwhile narrowly avoided the bottom two, leaving Elektra’s fears to come true as she faced off against Vanity to M People’s Movin On Up. And damn, did the dolls live up to the song. Vanity was splitting and flipping around the state, Elektra was bouncing into splits and careening wildly with acrobatics. I mean, the girls came to play and ugh, what a lip sync! Elektra was break dancing and playing air flute before death dropping off the front of the stage. But tragically, her track record appeared to be the deciding factor as Vanity narrowly took out the win while Elektra found herself becoming the second queen eliminated.

As soon as she exited the stage, I screamed, started crying and ran over to hug her, reminding her that she is so damn talented and such an icon. You see, Elektra and I first met each other a few years ago at a casting. Given I am continually half a foot shorter than the general public, I was immediately taken by Elektra because she made me feel tall. Beyond that petty reason to start a friendship, I was quickly won over by her kindness and as such, I was so glad to be on hand to pay her back with a piping hot Elektra French Onion Gem Bake.

Tangy, creamy and oh so sweet, this dish is near perfection. Then you add a bunch of crispy, gorgeous little gems and well, you’re in heaven.

Enjoy!

Elektra French Onion Gem Bake
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
600g potato gems, cooked per the recipe or packet instructions
1 ½ cups milk
1 packet French onion soup mix
2 tbsp butter
2 tbsp flour
½ cup sour cream
1 cup vintage cheddar cheese, grated
3 tbsp chives, roughly chopped

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Combine the milk and soup mix in a jug. Meanwhile, pop the butter in a small saucepan and place over medium heat. Once foamy, add the flour and whisk to combine. Cook for a further two minutes, stirring, until the flouriness is gone. Remove from the heat, whisk in the milk mixture and sour cream before returning to the heat and cook for a couple of minutes.

Transfer the bubbly liquid to a 20x30cm baking dish, sprinkle with some cheese and top with a single layer of gems. Sprinkle with the remainder of the cheese and transfer to the oven to bake for 15 minutes.

Remove from the oven and leave to rest for five minutes, before topping with chives and serving joyously. Like a champion. And devouring.


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Chipotle Ranchel Dipnie

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn, Condiment, Dip, Sauce

Previously on Australian Survivor the tribes battled it out in a dusty immunity challenge with Simon narrowly besting his former tribemate Emmett. While Simon was supported by the rest of his tribe to get to the end and score the win, it was truly a one man show on Brains. Speaking of Emmett, he wasn’t too bothered to lose the challenge given he was leading the Brains tribe’s majority alliance. With an iron fist, if you ask the Brains trio. Speaking of them, they decided their best hope was to woo Kez to their side, given she desperately wants Cara out and Emmett isn’t listening to her. While she vowed to go to rocks to get what she wanted, she ultimately stayed with the alliance and joined them to boot Georgia from the game.

The peace of the outback was disturbed the next day as Gerald snored by the fire as George wandered around wide eyed, glad to still be in the game. Though he admitted that it isn’t luck that got him this far, it was his hard work to finally win some people over. On the outside are his remaining nemesis, Laura and Rachel. And frankly, he doesn’t care who goes next out of the pair of them.

Rachel meanwhile was collecting a tonne of wood despite being tired and on the outs. While Laura was sleeping. We then finally got an intro package for Queen Rach, who was Queenslander of the Year last year and is essentially an icon. She then took that positive attitude to the billabong, teaching Cara how to fish and damn, is this what hope feels like?

Meanwhile over at Brawn Hayley was feeling her oats, in charge and generally living the dream, forming a tight bond with the girls and generally being the boss. They were fishing, tending the fire and making friendship bracelets and honestly, I am just as jealous as Simon to be missing out on the experience. Speaking of Simon, Hayley can see how large his target is and as such, got to work finding cracks to get him out before they get to merge. While Dani and the boys bonded in the shallows – Simon in his speedos, swoon – Hayley realised building a relationship with her would be critical to her long term game and as such, got to work bonding with Dani.

The duo caught up and went fishing, while Hayley started soft, asking about the Brawns on the other tribe, she then got straight to the point, asking Dani when she thinks would be a good time to get rid of Simon. With Dani straight up spilling her entire strategy to align with the alpha and then cut them from the game. A move that she called ‘The Sandra Bullock’, which is as iconic as her asking Hayley if she’d be interested in helping to pull off the move. Which Hayley giddily responded by announcing that blindsides are even sweeter when the person thinks they’re in control.

Iconic, brutal, stunning. I love them.

Hayley then went for a cheeky little wander, lamenting about the pain of not seeing or hearing from their loved ones. And right on cue, she discovered letters from home in treemail, instantly reducing everyone to tears. We learnt about Hayley’s beautiful boyfriend Jimmy who was ready to propose when she returned home. Andrew meanwhile got a cute painting from his nephew, Wai heard about her cat, Dani’s partner roasted her for being stubborn and then Baden sobbed over missing his daughters and ugh, I’m not crying. You’re crying. I mean, one of them sees his face in the moon each night AND HOPES HE CAN SEE HERS.

It. Is. Too. Damn. Precious.

Over at the Brains, we learnt about George’s beautiful bond with his dog, Emmett missing his fiance and well Rach, she finally had her fire back. Ready to fight for her wife back at home. As such, she pulled Cara and George aside to talk. But sadly, we weren’t privy to that as Emmett, Gerald and Kez realised that losing challenges isn’t the worst thing right now and as such, they should consider throwing a challenge to get rid of another Brain or two.

My love Jonathan finally returned for the immunity challenge where the tribes would face off sliding a series of blocks to untangle ropes and releasing a key. These tribes would then traverse a series of obstacles, collect some balls, wade through a mud pit and then slide some balls down a ramp to land in a dish. Queen Wai obviously directed the Brawn tribe to quickly untangle the ropes and release the key while the Brains grew more and more confused. Even without Emmett trying to throw the challenge, the Brawns tribe powered all the way to the end of the course and landed their balls in arguably the biggest blowout of all time.

As the tribes celebrated together everyone tried to whisper to each other with Andrew telling Laura to just get to merge while Hayley encouraged Rach to throw all the mud around and make a mess. While Emmett and Kez could barely hide their excitement to be going back to tribal council. So, maybe they did throw it?

Back at camp Emmett was pumped to continue the decimation of the Brains before firing up some rice and relaxing. Despite knowing full well that the Brains still have enough people to take control of the tribe if they put their differences aside. That being a pretty bloody big if. After quickly locking in Rachel as the bigger target, with the girls loading their votes on Laura as a back-up. Emmett then shifted his focus to the next step once Cara and George left, that being to flip Laura and then take out Cara and George.

Knowing that she is screwed, Rachel opted to put her emotional feelings about George and Cara aside and instead try and work with them to make a big move against Emmett and weaken the Brawn tribe at large. Obviously Laura was on board, so wIth that, Rachel powered off to find George and pitch him the plan with him calmly agreeing that he knows what happens next if they don’t mix things up. George then shared that he wanted to split the vote the way the majority did so that he could ultimately make the decision to flip on someone like Emmett without anyone knowing it was coming. And buy him more time to figure out which option is best for his game, with or without Cara’s support.

At tribal council Gerald admitted that nothing has really changed with the power dynamics of the tribe, with Rachel agreeing that she and Laura are definitely the dead women walking. George meanwhile spoke in political speak, confusing Rachel and Laura about whether he would flip. Emmett admitted he is just wanting to get to the merge and take control, though also alluded to the fact that he is always going to put Brawns first. Rachel pointed out that Brains currently have the majority if they were merging and coming back together is better for all of them. While George agreed that Laura and Rachel made some valid points, Emmett and more so Gerald, made some very complimentary arguments to bring them together.

Laura called it out for what it is, blowing smoke up Cara and George’s arse leading to Kez needing to step in and point out that Brawn is also a fractured tribe and they actually need some Brains to help get further as they navigate their own complex dynamics come merge. Aka the Simon and Emmett faction versus her, Flick and Gerald. With that the tribe voted and despite the promise that big things were happening this week – SuE’s bIG mOvE, right? – the majority held together and Rach was tragically booted from the game.

As soon as I saw her turn the corner into Loser Lodge, I burst into tears, heartbroken to see my fellow Queenslander of the Year booted from the game. And by fellow, it happens in like a decade, remembering I invented time travel. That is not what I win for either. But anyway, Rach and I are dear friends and I was so disappointed that she couldn’t turn things around, particularly since we’re so close to the merge.

Given Rach is an absolute delight however, she took it in her stride and calmly held me until I stopped crying. After that, we did the usual laugh, cry and reconnect before I searched the fridge and found enough ingredients to whip her up a Chipotle Ranchel Dipnie.

I know ranch is often looked at as a pretty basic dip/dressing/condiment – at least by me and my paranoia, I guess – but I am basic and proud. Add in a little chipotle, however, and you elevate it into the stratosphere. Fresh and tart, but packing a good whack of heat, this delight will have you slathering it on anything. Or gulping down like water.

Enjoy!

Chipotle Ranchel Dipnie
Makes: 1 cup

Ingredients
2 chipotles in adobo, finely chopped
⅔ cup Shayonnaise Swain
¼ cup buttermilk
2 tbsp champagne vinegar
3 garlic cloves, crushed
1 tbsp chives, thinly sliced
½ tsp paprika
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Now try and keep up because this is tough. Place everything in a jar. 

Shake well.

And down.

Or refrigerate until ready to serve with something else. But, why?


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Dragfast Vulcanos

Breakfast, Drag Race España, Drag Race España 1, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España ten gorgeous queens entered the Spanish Werk Room and were quickly tasked with creating a look from trash. After riding uno toro bareback, which is my idea for a glorious Saturday night. The Macarena – who shared her passion with nudity – lacked polish on the runway, while Dovima’s polished look left her unable to walk. Despite flashing a ball on the bull, Carmen was bested by the artistic and glorious Hugáceo. And Dovima managed to lip sync her way to safety as my nude icon The Macarena found herself becoming the Chuleta de Cerdo.

The queens returned to the Werk Room, overwhelmed to have lost the first queen. They then danced the macarena as Dovima cleaned the mirror. Which is the right balance of a beautiful tribute and the ridiculous that I love. Inti was glad to have the weight of The Macarena off her back, while Dovima was just sad to have sent home someone that had supported her. Pupi being the icon that she is called shade on the show of emotion as Carmen kindly gave her a pep talk. Oh and then sweet Arantxa turned the attention to Hugáceo and congratulated her on her victory, before Vulcano shared that she thought Carmen should have won.

Which is deliciously shady.

The next day the dolls were feeling their oats, with Carmen, Dovima and Sagittaria forming a new villainous trio known as the Ugly Busters. Spraying everyone with hairspray and annoying the shit out of them and, sadly, us. The hole in the ozone layer was given a reprieve with the arrival of Supremme for this week’s mini challenge where they had to unscramble words using the letters pulled out of the sexy, super-sized pit crew member’s underwear. As is oft the case, let’s be honest, nobody cares about the words – and Hugáceo was only thinking about cold sores – all that matters is the pit crew are stunning and we get to watch them pull the coloured letters through the mesh sides of their underwear. Mesh, without pixelation. Swoon.

In any event Pupi apparently took out victory despite the fact I personally won, particularly as they started bouncing their junk around. Again, sans pixelation.

With the boys farewelled, the dolls were tasked with splitting into two girl groups and writing and recording a song about being a diva. As the winner of the mini challenge and the last maxi challenge, Pupi and Hugáceo were team captains with Pupi snatching Inti, Arantxa and Dovima for herself and Hugáceo going with Carmen, Sagittaria and Killer, and as the last queen standing Vulcano was allowed to choose her own team. Ultimately going with Pupi and Co.

Team Hugáceo quickly got to work brainstorming names, settling on The Metal Donnas while Team Pupi seemed to be living their best lives and were well and truly embracing their stupid. Pupi admitted that she can’t sing to save herself but assured her team that Killer Queen is definitely worse and will bring her team down more and as such, they shouldn’t worry about her.

Team Pupi were first to record the song with Supremme before she dropped the bomb that they’d also be premiering their song on the main stage with full choreography. After the queens worked past the gag, Pupi kicked off the recording and thankfully was nowhere near as bad as she made out, which is honestly a great strategy in these instances. And then when she added straight porn moans, I was sold. Arantxa meanwhile sounded like she was chanting, Vulcano seemed nervous, Dovima was dirty in all the right ways and Inti seemed to be better than the awkwardness that was coming across. Team Hugáceo was up next with Carmen needing to add more fire to her performance, Sagittaria needing to find the beat, Killer Queen killing it and Hugáceo feeling overwhelmed and then bombing as they couldn’t get out of their head.

Dia de eliminacion arrived with Hugáceo feeling nervous but ready to work her performance and save herself after struggling the record. Talk turned to Carmen taking over leadership of the team at the request of Hugáceo before Killer spoke about how well they worked together. Oh and Pupi, still, was not trusting anything about Killer. Because she has the word Killer in her name. Carmen was confident that The Metal Donnas were far and away the better group, with Five and a Quarter  – hopefully something is being lost in my inability to translate – quietly working away in the corner to serve the very best looks possible. As Pupi continued to be a shady icon. And then Carmen and Killer got into a fight.

It all happened very quickly.

On the mainstage Supremme, Ana and the Javiers were joined by the absolutely iconic Paca La Pirana. First up were Las cinco y cuarto, with Arantxa’s verse making far more sense as she slayed the opening like the love child of Katya and Miley Cyrus. Inti was sexy and smart, Pupi was wild and hilarious … on her way to her climax, Dovima was channeling a bit of Miss Fame  and then Vulcano looked gorgeous but kind of blended into the background despite being 7 foot.

Las Metal Donnas definitely came out strong with Carmen channelling Shakira and Beyonce’s love child, Sagittaria flipped and splitted all over the stage. And then Hugáceo then had a massive fall from last week, despite looking like absolute perfection. And after that Killer’s energy and rocker look really slayed. See what I did there?

On the Night of 1000 La Venenos runway Sagittaria slayed in a striptease reveal complete with balls pushed up to serve the most realistic fish. Pupi was a flashing delight in a leopard print bandage dress with all the cutouts, Vulcano was stunning in a reveal from a saint to a whore, Inti was stunning in a white mullet altar boy gown before revealing a fishnet and lace dress. Killer Queen was stunning as the sluttiest angel I have ever seen. Dovima was so damn sexy in a red latex bondage madam look, Aranta was channeling Courtney Love in the late 90s in a black bodysuit with shimmering mesh dress over the top. And obviously Hugáceo was a gorgeous sight as she dressed like a straight up superhero, complete with her buns out. And then Carmen stole the show in a red cape before revealing an Eve and the Garden of Eden snake look which was just absolute perfection. Particularly with her buns outs.

Paca praised Inti and Carmen as the most like her friend Veneno, before Sagittaria, Dovima, Hugáceo and Killer Queen were sent back to safety before the judges heaped praise on Pupi for her complete turnaround from last week. She was fun, funny and totally in the game. Vulcano received universal praise for her looks, but not much else. Inti too was praised for her looks, though was read for not giving enough in her performance. She then shared how she knew Veneno and she encouraged Inti to transition and damn, it was beautiful. Arantxa was praised for her charm but was read for having inconsistent energy and not giving an iconic enough Veneno look. And then Carmen received universal praise for literally everything she did in both the performance and the runway.

Backstage the queens were just grateful to be safe, particularly since they thought they would be in the bottom once Hugáceo was grouped with them. They explained how their superhero outfit was a tribute to Veneon. They speculated who would be in the bottom with them all agreeing it should be Arantxa and Vulcano. Just like that, the tops and bottoms joined them with them quickly sharing that Carmen clearly has the win on lock, crying tears of joy in the process. Vulcano meanwhile was annoyed that she was tasked with losing the platforms, despite the other queens not having to ditch their heels. The girls were interrupted by Inti breaking down over the emotion of talking about Veneno and sharing their journey as a trans person. But Arantxa, being a sweet icon, quickly gave her a hug and supported her before the rest of the queens rallied around her to remind them how brave they were to share their story. Pupi admitted that hearing Inti’s story really moved her. While Dovima was annoyed that she couldn’t hate them all like she wanted to.

Ultimately Pupi was sent to safety as Carmen was handed her first victory of the season. On the flipside, Vulcano was enraged to find herself in the bottom while Inti’s killer Veneno look saved herself, and Arantxa found herself lip syncing against Vulcano. As soon as Veneno’s Veneno pa tu piel kicked off it was clear that neither queen wanted to go anywhere, but it was truly Arnatxa’s demented, maliable performance that stole the show as she sold sex while flipping around the stage and tearing off her outfit. As such, when the votes came in it was Arantxa that was saved as my love Vulcano exited the competition.

Thankfully both Vulcano and I were filled with the same simmering rage about the fact she was felled from the competition. I mean, normally I am being talked down but this time, I was able to feel mature as I allowed myself to remind Vulcano that being eliminated is nothing more than bad luck and that she will always be a talented icon. Being a calming influence is nott something I am used to, but I’m glad I was able to put that mood to use and perk Vulcano back up.

Thought maybe that was my Dragfest Vulcanos?

Combining the holy trinity of breakfast items, these little numbers are a kitsch delight that are also a winner when it comes to flavour. A little salty, creamy and spicy, the oozing cheesy egg is the perfect way to start the day.

Enjoy!

Dragfast Vulcanos
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
3 large potatoes, washed or peeled depending on the variety
6 rashers streaky bacon
5 eggs, whisked
½ onion, finely diced
2 tbsp chives
1 tbsp smoked chilli sauce
salt and pepper, to taste
1 cup vintage cheddar, grated

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C. 

Cut each potato in half and hollow out to form a potato shell, placing them on a lined baking sheet with the larger side down. Wrap each potato with a rasher of bacon and hold in place using some toothpicks. Transfer to the oven and bake for half an hour, or until the bacon is golden and crisp.

While the potato is cooking through, whisk the eggs together in a small bowl with the onion, chives, chilli and a good whack of salt and pepper.

When the potatoes are prepped, add a sprinkle of cheese on the bottom then fill the potatoes with the egg mixture. And then topping with more cheese. Return them to the oven and bake for a further twenty minutes, or until cooked through. Top with remaining cheese and cook until melted.

Serve immediately and devour, happy in the knowledge that Drag Vulcano is an icon.


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Mushroom & Turka Pattitis

Main, Poultry

Not only is Taika one of the most beautiful men I’ve been lucky to have a fling with, he is also insanely talented, intelligent, hilarious and caring. And now the man has a freaking Oscar? I can’t. Honestly every time I dwell on that thought for more than a second, I started to well up with pride and joy, in equal measure. Despite his victory costing Greta Gerwig – who I really need to see ASAP – once again.

As soon as he landed in Brisbane, I ran onto the tarmac, jimmied open the plane and pulled him in for the biggest, most celebratory hug you could imagine. While I was then detained by police for breaking hundreds of security protocols, Taika being a total babe, bailed me out and drove me back to my house while I made out with his Oscar like Bong had gotten a hold of us.

Once inside, I broke down in tears and told him how proud I was. And how grateful I was that The Suicide Squad production could be paused to celebrate with me.

That being said, I didn’t tell him that it was actually Margot that hooked us up with the down time. But anyway …

Once inside, we laughed, we cried and I desperately tried to get him to write a new gay, weak and chubby version of Thor to debut in the next movie. While he may have been non-committal, he was still so kind and asked me to send him videos of me fleshing out the character – sicko – before we sat down to demolish some Mushroom & Turka Pattitis.

 

 

Light and fresh, packing a very herby punch, these patties are the perfect accompaniment to a salad. Or thrown on a burg. Or topping a garlicky mash and drowned in gravy. Or paired with a muffin, egg and cheese. It can do anything. And by that, it is versatile … like Taika and I.

Enjoy!

 

 

Mushroom & Turka Pattitis
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
olive oil, to taste
250g mushrooms, finely diced
4 garlic cloves, minced
500g turkey mince
2 tbsp chives, sliced
1 egg
1 cups breadcrumbs
2 tsp dried oregano
2 tsp dried parsley
1 tsp dried basil
1 tsp dried thyme
½ tsp ground chilli

Method
Preheat oven to 160C.

Heat a lug of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat and cook the mushrooms for a couple of minutes, or until nice and soft. Add the garlic and cook for a further minute. Transfer to a large mixing bowl to cool slightly.

Once cooled, add the remaining ingredients to the bowl and scrunch together with your hands until well combined. Shape into 8 patties, place on a lined baking sheet and transfer to the oven to bake for twenty minutes, or until cooked through.

Serve immediately with a salad. Or all of the potential options I listed earlier. I’m too lazy to list them again.

 

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