Kahanna Moncrepes

Baking, Cake, Dessert, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 11, Snack, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race the fourteen new queens and the icon, the meme the legend Miss Vanjie, were tasked with taking Drag Race royalty’s trash and turning it into treasure. Soju was making her first dress when Miley joined the girls to spy on them in the Werk Room and Silky decided to ignore the decree that drag is not a contact sport. Brooke Lynn Hytes slayed the first challenge with Detox’s junk, while Coco’s girl Kahanna and Soju landed in the bottom, and Soju bid her cyst-ers farewell given the Montrese’s are here to assassinate via lip sync.

Back in the Werk Room the queens were sad to lose Soju, though thrilled that they got to live through a queen talking about an oozing cyst on the runway. Much to Vanjie’s disappointment as she believes cysts have no place in Mama Ru’s ears. The queens all congratulated Brooke on her well deserved victory while Scarlet was annoyed that she didn’t win give how great her critiques were. And she just wanted people to acknowledge that she too has oats that should be felt.

The queens arrived the next day and we learnt via Fuck, Marry, Kill that all the queens would kill SIlky before Ru arrived to share that we’re being punished with an acting challenge super early this season. But not before the celebrity photobomb mini challenge. Nina flashed Cardi B, Plastique was shook by Amber Rose, Scarlet mourned Harry and Megs’ wedding, Silky went full nude for Tom Brady, Ariel smelt Celine’s breakfast, Yvie went OD-D with Paris and Nicole, Honey was irked by Mariah, Kahanna was gooped by Gwen, Shuga tried to take all of Zef – relatable – Nicki scarred A’Keria, Brooke Lynn flashed Trump, Mercedes tried to figure out KellyAnne’s seating style, Ra’jah hung with Annie Wint and Vanjie palled around with Kim K and Madge.

Given skin is in, Brooke and Silky got to each cast their parody movie – Good God Girl, Get Out! and Why it gotta be black, Panther? – with Brooke going with Nina, Ra’jah, Honey, Shuga, Plastique and Ariel and Silky taking A’Keria, Vanjie, Mercedes, Yvie and Kahanna, with Scarlet on her team by default. Much to her disappointment. Given her acting prowess. Brooke’s team got off to a strong start with their take on Black Panther, kiki-ing while handing out roles and enjoying each other’s energy. Meanwhile over at Silky’s, Scarlet was concerned to have the most lines, while Kahanna was concerned with her absolute lack of them. More importantly, Vanjie had no idea what the fuck is going on and is concerned that she will choke on her first ever acting challenge.

Ru returned to check in on the girls with Ariel quickly pointing out that Silky’s personality could derail her team’s performance. Team Brooke jumped in to point out that she has made them all feel steamrolled since arriving, and wished that she wasn’t too on for the cameras. Ru went and checked in with Silky, quickly bringing up the fact her attitude needs to be checked. And to that, she says fuck you bitch. She then charmed the shit out of Ru and TBH, I don’t know who we’re meant to be rooting for – Silky or everyone else.

Brooke’s team were first upon transporting us to Dragkanda for Why It Gotta Be Black, Panther, where the leader struggled like Kameron Michaels before her. Shuga was stoner perfection, girl Ariel ad libbed a girl 1000 times, Ra’jah was fierce, Plastique was hilarious, Nina and Honey slayed, and then Ra’jah started to miss her lines and stumbled hard. Meanwhile on the set of Good God Girl, Get Out! Yvie and Scarlet shone from the start, Vanjie bombed in the best possible, struggling to hit the dorky dad muck and stumbled onto comedy gold, and Mercedes couldn’t pronounce opulence or own. And Kahanna was a mess. Silky pushed through not knowing her lines and A’Keria tased Silky’s left tit and I live for it.

Elimination Day arrived with Scarlet still feeling her oats, while Silky worked on doing white face and annoying Ariel. Speaking of which, Yvie brought up the drama and asked if Silky was ok, with her doubling down on her behaviour which lead to Ariel owning it was her. Which I live for, though I agree it is annoying that no one admitted to agreeing. Nina admitted she did agree, which annoyed Yvie, which annoyed Ra’jah, leading to them coming for each other and damn – the drama mama, finally!

With that out of the way Silky decided white face was a bad choice before the pageant girls spoke about their experiences where we learnt that Mercedes used to be on a no-fly list AND THEN spoke about having a stroke in the middle of a pageant and holy shit, I love her. And feel really bad about calling out her struggles with pronunciation during the filming.

On the zodiac runway Brooke Lynn looked like she got caught in a series of can-rings, Plastique was horny, Ra’jah served Lamb Chop realness and Nina was a flaming lion while Honey channeled The Lion King, but make it Diana Ross via Bebe. Shuga was Betty Spaghetti scorpio, Ariel looked like a technicolour bull, Silky looked like a protester thought her bodysuit was fur, Yvie was the love child of Tin Man and the Lion, in the best way and Vanjie owned the runway with a floral scale. A’Keria showed that trying to rep Pisces is tough, despite being the best sign, Mercedes looked like a warrior queen, Kahanna was a mess until her skirt fell away – when it was still bad but at least improved – and it turns out Pisces can look good, because Scarlet was bubbly and beautiful. When it came to movies, Ra’jah, Shuga and Plastique stole the show in Why It Gotta Be Black, Panther? while Brooke and Ariel fell flat. On the flipside, Good God Girl, Get Out! was a tale of high highs, Derrick Barry cameos, and low lows. Vanjie stole every scene as a demented dad, Scarlet and Yvie owned the show and well, Kahanna and Mercedes bombed.

Despite having the best runway Vanjie was called safe alongside Nina, Silky, Honey, A’Keria and Ra’jah. Brooke’s outfit was praised, while her performance in the challenge was read for filth given she missed her Beyonce-what? Line. Plastique’s thriftiness for using the same boots in the shoot and on the runway was read, though she was praised for slaying the challenge. As was Shuga, though Michelle didn’t see how her runway was Scorpio. And Ariel was called out for being clunky. Scarlet received universal praise for her performance and slaying the runway, as did Yvie, with their chemistry highlighted for carrying the movie. Mercedes runway was read before Michelle called out her pronunciation, leading to Mercedes sharing her medical history and poor Michelle felt as awkward as me. Kahanna’s outfit was read for filth given how basic it was, and while Ross praised her for trying really hard in the challenge, it wasn’t good.

With that Scarlet and Yvie took out shared victory – the chemistry comment making more sense – while Mercedes and Kahanna landed in the bottom two, lip syncing for their life to Britney’s Work Bitch. And work they did. Mercedes was brought to life, wig revealing, hitting every syllable and back bending and splitting like a boss, while Kahanna obviously flipped around and did the Montrese clan proud. Tragically though it wasn’t enough for the wee Montrese as she was cruelly chopped from the competition … and sent into my loving arms. The poor thing was heartbroken to have done her drag justice, and wished that she just had one more week to show us. Which I reminded her could be All Stars 5 if the thirst is real, over fat slabs of Kahanna Moncrepes. And obvi, the thirst is real.

Like Kahanna beautiful face and killer moves, this cake is super super sweet and I dream about it most nights. Delicate crepes, velvety nutella filling and a rich layer of chocolate. I need it in my mouth, like, yesterday.

Enjoy!

Kahanna Moncrepes
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
1 cup flour
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
1 ½ cups milk
4 eggs, lightly whisked
butter, to grease
1 cup Nutella
500g mascarpone
½ cup thickened cream
100g dark chocolate, chopped

Method
Combine the flour and sugar in a large bowl, and whisk the milk and eggs in a jug. Slowly whisk the wet ingredients with the dry until a smooth mix is formed. Cover and leave to rest in the fridge for an hour.

Bring a small frying pan to a medium heat, grease with a small nob of butter and pour 2 tbsp of batter in the pan, swirling to coat the base. Cook for a minute on each side before transferring to a plate and repeating the process until the batter is gone.

To make the filling, combine the nutella and mascarpone, stirring until smooth.

To assemble, place a crepe on the serving platter and spread a little bit of the nutella mixture on top. Add a crepe, top with more mixture and repeat the process until done, leaving the final crepe exposed. Transfer to the fridge to set for a couple of hours.

When the cake is set, place the cream in a small saucepan and bring to a simmer. Remove from heat and pour into a bowl with the chopped up chocolate. Stir until smooth, pour over the cake and return to the fridge to set for fifteen minutes.

Carve and devour immediately, eating your feelings that we’re down a thirst trap.

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Red Wine Sojus

Condiment, Gravy, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 11, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race 13 new queens and Eureka arrived to battle it out in the Drag Thunderdome known as Drag Race. (Side note: where is my damn Mad Max musical parody with a flaming guitar that will break a girl’s knee?) There were fights, zaddies, butterfly genocide and arguably the worst scripted challenge of all time – until All Stars 4, obvi – but the stand out moment happened way back in the first episode when Vanessa Vanjie Mateo backed off the mainstage in last place repeating the now iconic line, Vanjie. Miss … Vanjie.

And she appears to have been going ever since, as she’s back, back, backed right into the Werk Room for a second shot at the crown – glowed up and thrilled to be the first one to enter this year’s fray. Though given she is first, she opted it was best to hide behind a conveniently place screen and spy on her new sisters as they enter. Speaking off which, the iconic Nina West arrived and I already love her – campy and comedic, she is energetic and fun. She was joined by Shuga Cain who I was about to say was the oldest 24 year old I’ve seen, until we learnt she is in fact 40. And damn is she b-b-bangin’. They were joined by Alyssa’s baby girl Plastique Tiara who is fishy as hell and seems to be super sweet to boot, so I want to take her home and make sure she is well fed, making good choices and is going to bed at a respectable hour. (That’s it for parenting, right?) Speaking of good choices Mercedes Iman Diamond arrived and did a Middle Eastern – I think, thanks to my knowledge of Jennifer from RHONJ – call and damn, I live.

The queens were joined by Scarlet Envy and well. I feel she is better than her entrance look. Hopefully.

Honey Davenport was next to arrive looking stun, much to Shuga Cain’s delight, before everyone started speculating about the potential of a returning queen joining them like Eureka, Cynthia and Shangie is seasons of yore. On the count of three they said the magical words, and the icon herself manifested from her privacy screen and cussed them out for taking her tagline. Honey was thrilled to see what Vanjie has to offer this season given she never had the chance last year. But before we could hear anymore she and the queens were joined by fellow Davenport, A’keria who did her family proud serving full glam-mour. Winning the entrance looks thus far, Yvie Oddly arrived attached to a feather boa slithering on the back of a remote control car. It was weird, wacky and I LIVE. Wait, no, Silky Nutmeg Ganache is my favourite – serving creamy, dreamy and packing cookies in her titties. Shut it down, I’ve got my winner. Well done ladies, go home, forget you, it’s done.

Wait, no, Brooke Lynn Hytes is my winner pick – and proving why Canadians are the best – arriving in full mountie attire. And then I saw her out of drag and I want to immediately mount this mountie and become the great white north, south, east and or west. His missing ballerina toenail or not. Thankfully I was able to dry out my basement before Ariel Versace arrived serving quinceañera bride realness. She was followed by Ra’Jah who I assume will make it to the finale, given she is a Davenport-O’Hara. Though hang on, maybe the Davenport will prevent her from getting there despite the O’Hara ways. Speaking of legacies, Kahanna Montrese – Coco’s baby girl – arrived and I am so happily pregnant despite never wanting children and hating oranges. Kahanna is hot. Rounding out the pack was Soju, who arrived serving fishy samurai realness, thrilled to be off YouTube – as she is a famous YouTube recapper – and actually in the race.

With the starting list sorted, Mama Ru arrived to welcome the queens to the Drag Race family now filled with 126 daughters, which I had simply assumed was a nice speech about sisterhood for an Emmy’s Showreel until she shared that they’d be kicking off the season with a cheeky photoshoot mini challenge with Drag Race alum. After hiding Bianca Del Rio’s photo, Ru welcomed Scarlet Envy to pose slash art direct the shoot … opposite the iconic Aunty Raja. Olives were involved, Scarlet ate them, Raja was an icon. They were followed by Shuga Cain and the jush herself, Jush-mine Masters. TBH I didn’t pay much attention because I live for Jasmine and she can do no wrong. Honey Davenport was paired with her Drag Aunt-In-Law Manila Luzon – never forget – and they obviously slayed, as did Ra’jah and Ginger Minj. Well, if Ra’jah could keep her earing on. Vanjie and Farrah Moan channeled hooker realness, Brooke Lynn Hytes served zaddy realness with Ongina – she can lift me up and throw me down any day – Plastique slayed with Sonique, Soju and hey, Porkchop! Ariel was paired with the beast herself – not Michelle – Eureka, Nina and Emmy Nominee Raven slayed, Mercedes and Emmy Winner Delta Work sat around, not that Mercedes cared what she did. Kahanna and Derrick served Vegas glam, Kimora was pressed by A’Keria’s love of cherries and Silky owned it with Mariah. As did Yvie and Adore and I would love them to get married. Given how seriously Silky took the art direction of the shoot, she took out the win and damn was she thrilled.

The girls started to get out of drag and basements were flooded. Vanjie loves Brooke, Brooke loves Vanjie, Soju loves twinks and somehow Scarlet falls into that category. Before we get anything glorious like Alaska helicoptering around the season 5 Werk Room, Ru ruturned to announce that this week’s maxi challenge would require the queens to make an outfit out of trunks of past queens’ junk. Given Silky won, she was able to dish them out. She snatched Peppermint for herself, gave Scarlet Violet Chachki, Bebe to A’Keria, Alaska to Yvie, Kim Chi to Soju, Laganja to Ariel, Detox to Brooke, Katya to Kahanna, Kennedy to Ra’jah, Bianca to Mercedes, Thorgy to Nina, Sharon Needles to Shuga, Sasha to Plastique, BenDeLaCreme to Honey – this really feels like a shameless link-fest, but it isn’t – and Valentina to Vanjie.

The queens grabbed their boxes with Scarlet discovering Violet’s junk is better than everything she brought. Vanjie too was feeling triggered by all the tulle, concerned that she won’t get her redemption and will back out again. Soju however was living for Kim Chi’s box and was confident, despite not having ever made a dress. As sweet as it was that she was inspired by her Korean culture, I hope she heeds Vanjie’s warning to cinch her waist to avoid going home. While Silky started off charming she quickly became too much, annoying me and literally every other queen who was desperately trying to avoid following Vanjie’s first boot lead. Kahanna was rocking an eye patch and let’s be honest, I haven’t been more aroused by an eye patch since LeeAnne Locken’s fiance started wearing one. Poor Nina was struggling with Thorgy’s box and crumbling under the pressure of applying year after year and being a legend of the community.

We stepped out of the Werk Room to discover my dear Miley Cyrus was getting into drag to spy on the girls while working on their make-up slash trash Silky and I love her. Even though the fact her Hannah Montana schtick was quickly discovered as Silky grabbed her and screamed in her face, I still love shenanigans and Miley so I don’t mind. And I’m just thankful she lived through her manhandling. She checked in with how everyone was feeling and told them all to just breathe and, like her godmother Dolly told her, be yourself.

While Miley joined Michelle, Ross, Carson and Ru on the judges panel, Plastique kicked off the runway serving floral fish realness. Brooke Lynn Hytes owned it as a neon superhero and I want her to win. Honey served BenDeLaCreminal realness, Ariel served Poison Ivy sexy, Yvie was pink, plastic and perfect, A’Keria wore wig on wig on wig in honour of Bebe and Scarlet looked stunning. Then came Soju and well, it was like a blown up Lil’ Poundcake and while I love her, I can’t. Ra’Jah was glittering and gorgeous, Mercedes was a ‘70s something, Shuga Cain was ‘80s cute, and Vanjie came to slay, and guarantee she makes it to episode 2. And Silky was a mess, as was Nina’s pineapple upside down cake inspired dress and Kahanna looked like someone tried to rip her outfit off. And given how hot he is, it may have happened.

Ultimately Ariel, Yvie, Ra’Jah, Silky, Shuga, Scarlet and Honey were declared safe, while the judges got to work critiquing the girls. They loved literally everything Plastique served, felt Brooke well and truly owned the challenge – congratulations Brooke, there is no way you’re losing – and they felt A’Keria going big will keep her from going home. Then it came to poor Soju and while they too liked the Korean inspiration, they felt it was a mess. We then learnt that Soju has tendonitis and a cyst that popped before realising she overshared and damn I love her and need her to stay. Mercedes make-up was read for filth and when Carson described the outfit as sexy Seaworld worker, I kinda started to like it. Vanjie received universal praise – despite her anxiety – and Nina got read for filth, which she agreed with before breaking down and admitting that she is in her head and is so scared. Mauling victim Kahanna also admitted that she bombed the challenge, before sharing that having Coco as a mother had her in her head, given people automatically assume that she will live up to her family line.

More importantly, Michelle said uncohesive.

Obviously Brooke was crowned the winner, while A’Keria and Nina were sent to safety along with Mercedes – just – leaving Soju and Kahanna to lip sync for their life TO THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS BY HANNAH MONTANA. Sadly while I was living, Soju was dying as Kahanna well and truly lived up to the house of Montrese, hitting every damn letter of the lyrics and flipping around the stage. Soju was super cute and sweet, but that isn’t enough when faced with a Montrese and like Vanjie cautioned, she became the first boot in a sea – or cyst – of tulle.

After making her way back into the Werk Room leaving a trail of ooze behind her, I couldn’t re-cyst pulling her in for a hug to remind her how loved she is and that despite leaving first, she will always be a fierce icon. Particularly given the fact that cyst talk makes me happier than Vanjie walking backwards off the mainstage and my Rew Wine Sojus combined.

Yeah, yeah – jus is a gravy and isn’t technically a meal. But try tell that to Soju and I. I mean, wine and bacon are delicious. So why can’t we simply enjoy those two together? Sure you could slather this sweet nectar on steak and some garlicky mash.

But you could also just drink it.

Enjoy!

Red Wine Sojus
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
2 rashers streaky bacon, diced
1 onion, diced
1 tbsp tomato paste
1 ½ cups red wine
1L beef stock
1 bouquet garni

Method
Place the bacon and onion in a large saucepan over medium heat and cook, stirring occasionally for five minutes, or until starting to caramelise and stick to the pan. Add the tomato paste and cook for a further minute before adding the wine and stock. Crank the heat to high and bring to the boil.

Once rollicking, reduce heat to medium and simmer for a few hours, or until the liquid is halved and has thickened slightly.

To serve, strain into a gravy boat and like I said, pop it in a wine glass. Though if you’re not feeling adventurous, just serve with steak.

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Guess Ru’s back?

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 11, TV Recap

Can you hear it, faintly piercing through the cold [insert local time that you’re reading this in and pretend it is cool] air?

Vanjie …

… vanjie …

Miss … Vanjie.

Yes, the queen that launched a million memes – pronounced me-mes, if Kennedy is to be believed – is pulling a Shangie and coming back, back, back again to see if she can best her first boot placement. And I assume, eventually star in an Oscar nominated film and go to the damn ceremony with Jennifer Lewis.

But I’m getting off topic. Drag Race is back with fourteen new queens joining the reigning first boot to see who will win, and most importantly, who will create a viral moment after becoming the first boot.

Check back Sunday as I catch up with the first queen to vanjie into our hearts.

Vanjie.

Image source: VH1.

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Trinity theking Duck Pancakes

Main, Poultry, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 9, Snack, Street Food, TV Recap

After nine grueling weeks of All Stars gag and goopery which saw the iconic Jasmine Masters herself freestyling a comedy routine and becoming the first boot, Farrah g’oooooohhhhhhhhing in ninth, Gia absolutely finishing in eighth – yep, dis happening – Valentina’s fantasy following her out the door before Naomi boldly felled Manila before the other half of Latr ila, Latrice, followed her out the door – for the second time this season which only bears repeating for link purposes – leaving us a final four of Monique, Naomi, Monét and Trinity.

The Tuck, no longer a Taylor.

After the top four appeared on Ru and Michelle’s podcast, they were challenged with dropping a verse on Ru’s Super Queen before Todrick arrived to choreograph the live performance. The Queens then brought their All Stars Extravaganza to the mainstage and despite slaying the game, Naomi and Monique were cut ahead of the final lip sync.

Which ended with the gag of the season to end all gags of seasons – even besting the queens eliminating each other, Bebe – with Monét and Trinity both taking out the season and landing a spot in the Hall of Fame.

Full disclosure, I hated Trinity when the season 9 cast were released. Call it the cast photo or my judgemental nature, but I assumed that I would hate her and looked forward to her disappearing in the first few weeks. Then I saw her perform and week after week, she wore me down and by the time it came to lip sync for the crown, I desperately hoped that she would somehow take out victory.

While we all know how that ended, Trinity did win and fan and I was thrilled to see her come back to the competition and slay another season. And most importantly, finally snag herself a crown. So condragulations on your long overdue win, Trinity. I hope the Trinity theking Duck Pancakes honour your victory and keep you fed while locked in the Hall of Fame.

Delicate pancakes, melt in your mouth duck that packs a punch and some fresh cucumber? Sign me up, these babies are glorious.

Enjoy!

Trinity theking Duck Pancakes
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tsp tamari
1 tsp Shaoxing wine
¼ tsp salt
¼ tsp Chinese five spice
4 duck breasts, skin on, rinsed and thoroughly patted dry with a paper towel
1/2 cup plain flour
2 tablespoons cornflour
1/4 cup water
1/4 cup milk
2 eggs
2 tablespoons butter, melted
2 shallots, thinly sliced, plus extra for serving
sesame oil
1 cucumber, de-seeded and julienned
hoisin sauce, to serve

Method
Combine the tamari, shaoxing, salt and five spice in a bowl, and rub into the duck breasts. Leave skin side up on a plate and transfer to the fridge to marinate and leave the skin to dry out.

Flash forward to the next day and blitz the flour, cornflour, water, milk, egg and half the butter in a blender until smooth. Transfer to a jug and fold through the shallots. Cover and leave to rest for fifteen minutes.

To make the pancakes, brush some of the remaining butter in the skillet and pour a couple of tablespoons of batter in the skillet, spread to form a thin pancake and cook for a couple of minutes, flipping once. Repeat until done.

Preheat oven to 180C.

Bring a lug of oil to heat in a skillet and once scorching, place the duck breasts skin side down and cook for five-ten minutes, or until the fat renders. Flip the breasts and transfer to the oven for 5 minutes, or until cooked through. Remove from the oven and leave to rest for fifteen minutes.

To serve, transfer the duck to a cutting board and cut into thin slices. Place some duck, shallots and cucumber on the centre of a pancake, slather with hoisin and devour like a winner.

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Beignet X Change

Baking, Dessert, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 10, Snack, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars ten queens entered the Werk Room ready to battle to join Chad, Alaska and Trixie in the Hall of Fame. While Jasmine, Farrah, Gia, Latrice, Valentina, Manila and Latrice were eliminated along the way, Naomi, Monique, Monet and Trinity remained to fight for their place.

After a gruelling song and dance number, enlightening podcasts and stunning runways, Naomi and Monique were eliminated, leaving Monet and Trinity to lip sync for the crown. And lip sync they did.

Neither Monet nor Trinity hid behind the gimmicks that have marked previous lip syncs for the crown. Both hitting every damn lyric of Christina Aguilera’s Stronger and performing the hell out of it. They both knocked it out of the park, but Monet’s brand of absurd, in my opinion, really stole the show. Until Chad, Alaska and Trixie returned to crown their newest Hall of Famer.

And then again when Ru shocked everyone – with a poorly cut together ending – and announcing that both queens snatched the crown and both would be locked up in the Hall of Fame.

While Trinity may have had the slightly stronger track record heading into the finale, there is no denying the fact that Monét owned the episode from start to finish. So anyone complaining of riggery and/or morris-y and/or tomfoolery, needs to chill the f out and soak up the majesty that double crownings are now possible. And isn’t that a good thing? Plus – a winner’s circle bursting at the seams means we’re closer to a winner’s season.

Despite stumbling in the first challenge, Monét came back with a vengeance, performing consistently well and finally bringing it on the runway. And let’s circle back to the fact she didn’t get gimmicky in her lip syncs – Asia kinda soured them, no? – and still managed to slay.

Welcome to the Hall of Fame, Monét! It is well deserved, despite what Bob will tell you on your podcast. At least we’ll always have Beignet X Changes, right?

While pizzas and burgs appear to be the reality TV killer, nutella is clearly the secret weapon. I mean, Trixie followed by Monét? The results speak for themselves. As do the melt in your mouth majesty of these beignets.

So without further adieu, enjoy!

Beignet X Change
Serves: 12.

Ingredients
¾ cup lukewarm water
¼ cup raw caster sugar
7g dry yeast
½ cup milk
2 tbsp butter, melted
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla extract
3 ½ cups 00 flour
½ tsp salt
vegetable oil, for fryin’
1 cup Nutella
icing sugar, to serve

Method
Combine the water, sugar and yeast in a jug and leave to get foamy for five minutes or so. Meanwhile combine the milk, butter, egg and vanilla in a small bowl and the flour and salt in the bowl of a stand mixer.

Using the dough hook by hand, add the yeast and milk mixtures to the flour and stir until just combined. Add to the mixer and knead on medium-low for a couple of minutes, or until smooth and elastic. Transfer to a large, oiled bowl, cover and leave to prove for two-three hours.

Heat a couple of inches deep of oil in a large skillet and bring to 160C. Meanwhile roll the dough out to 3-5mm and cut into 3cm squares.

Once the oil is piping hot, add the beignets a few at a time and cook for a couple of minutes or until golden and puffed. Transfer to kitchen towel and repeat until done.

To serve, pipe nutella into each beignet, sprinkle with icing sugar and devour, winningly.

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Lemonique Tart

Baking, Dessert, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 10, Snack, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars, Ru, Michelle, Ross, Carson and Todrick challenged the final four to record and perform Ru’s newest single, record a podcast and slay the runway. Monet owned the episode from top to bottom, with Trinity once again slaying.

Because she is just polished AF.

With that, Monet and Trinity were sent through to the final lip sync, eliminating Naomi and sending her to the back of stage with my dear, dear Monique Heart.

Like Aja before her, Monique came straight back to All Stars ready to get redemption for her first season. And damn did she get redemption, slaying from the very first moment back on screen and, yes, gagging and gooping the hell out of us. I would argue that she slayed season 10 as well, so it was nice to see her embraced and her talent get the recognition it deserves. And I guess my Lemonique Tart is just icing?

There is nothing better than a supremely tangy lemon tart. I mean, lip smacking, toe curling tang, and this baby has it in spades. Throw in a dough that melts away and I’m in heaven. Facts are facts, world, and this is glorious.

Enjoy!

Lemonique Tart
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
1 ½ cups flour
125g butter, chilled and cut into cubes
½ cup icing sugar
8 eggs, six separated
1 tbsp iced water
1 cup cream
½ cup raw caster sugar
3 lemons, zested and juiced

Method
Place the flour, butter and icing sugar in a food processor and blitz until well combined. Add three egg yolks, one at a time, until everything is coming together before blitzing in water. As soon as the dough has come together, remove from the food processor, form into a ball, wrap in cling and place in the fridge to chill for an hour.

Preheat oven to 160ºC.

Once chill, roll the pastry out until half a centimetre thick and press into a loose-bottomed tart tin. Stab the base with a fork and transfer to the fridge for a further half hour. Fast forward, line the pastry and fill with baking weights. Transfer to the oven and blind-bake for fifteen minutes before removing the weights and cooking a further ten minutes, or until golden brown.

Reduce temperature to 140ºC.

While the shell is in the oven, whisk the cream, egg and yolks, sugar and lemon zest and juice until well combined. Pour into the tart shell and bake for half an hour, or until just set. Transfer to a wire rack to cool before transferring to the fridge to set completely.

Then, obvi, devour.

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Bahnaomi Smalls

Main, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 8, Snack, Street Food, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars, after Naomi brutally took out Manila the top five were tasked with overacting in a parody of the making of the hypothetical Sex and the Kitty Girl 3. Naomi chose to push herself by taking the lead role, however it tragically seemed to be too much to take. Trinity and Monet both vied for the role of Kim Cattrall, which Trinity snagged by way of Scissor, Paper, Rock leading her to the top of the week with a hilarious Monique, and the other queens landed in the bottom. Once again Trinity proved superior in the lip sync, snatching another victory and sending Latrice from the competition for a second time.

In the Werk Room the queens discovered Latrice’s very short farewell – because she already did one this season, she didn’t think it was necessary. Which preach. Trinity defended eliminating Latrice, saying she has had more chances than the others and that since they’ve performed better this season, couldn’t justify eliminating them. Despite Latrice’s valid point that Naomi picked her role and bombed, so it would have been fair. The top four then celebrated being the top four, before Monet asked Monique who she had planned to eliminate which led to the best piece of acting in Drag Race herstory, telling her that she had planned on getting rid of her despite also voting to send Latrice home. Talk then turned to last season – where the jury screwed over Shangela – with Trinity particularly nervous about her track record not counting anymore, and given she also lived through season 9 I get her being nervous.

The next day the queens were greeted by Ru who announced that in order to snag the crown they would need to write a verse in her new single Super Queen, perform a dance to said single on the mainstage, oh, and then record an episode of Ru and Michelle’s podcast for a shot to lip sync for the crown. The queens spread out across the Werk Room to start dropping their rhymes, while Monique and Monet spoke about how proud they were to come back straight away and dominate the competition in a way that they didn’t in season. Plus, I assume, they want to add some colour to the Hall of Fame. Trinity and Naomi spoke about their previous experience as finalists, while Trinity admitted that she is terrified of the choreography and doesn’t want it to be her undoing.

The Queens met with Todrick Hall – and Naomi, some hot Pit Crew boys – to work on the choreo, with Trinity freely admitting that she is nervous about how it will play out. Naomi was more focused on the pit crew – preach – than learning the moves, much to Todrick’s chagrin. But I mean, how cute was flirty Naomi? Todrick then triggered Monique’s PTSD by adding cartwheels to the dance, and while Naomi dazzled Todrick by being the best and Trinity nailed it, Monique still had no idea how they are done. Which is me. When it came to learning the individual portions Monique seemed to do better and vowed to sell the performance when it is time. Trinity couldn’t get out of her head, Naomi proved to be limber – and damn that is hot – and Monet did not miss a damn beat. And everyone should be nervous.

The sponge queen followed up killing the moves with a visit to the podcast sharing how excited she was to redeem herself. It was cute, but nothing compared to Monique’s recording where we learnt that she was once a 300 pound, ex-gay minister while in the seminary. Colour me gagged and gooped. Like, I assume, the congregation of the ex-gay ministry. Naomi was adorable and personal and I’m so sad we didn’t see much of her in the early episodes. Trinity was charming and polished, and TBH, is playing harder for the crown than Glenn is her long overdue Oscar this year.

(I really need to catch Glenn ASAP).

Coronation Day arrived with the queens discovering current Hall of Famers Chad, Alaska and Trixie were waiting for them to announce that they will be deciding who wins this season. Psyche, they’re just there to perform in the song, be BAE and remind them what is at stake. They started discussing track records, reminding Naomi that she tragically doesn’t have a chance and that Monique and Monet need to push hard to win. Oh and Alaska is Team Katya, which is iconic. With that the past winners left the queens anxiously get ready, with Trinity unsure how she will overcome Monet in the performance. Naomi was feeling more excited rather than nervous, Monique was feeling on edge.

With that the previous winners joined the queens on stage for the final performance, with Monet continuing to slay the episode, never missing a beat. Monique was living her best life and damn I am so proud of her. Naomi may not have had the best verse, but damn did she sell the performance while Trinity showed that her nerves were misplaced, nailing her performance. On the runway, Monet’s All Star Eleganza was beautiful and polished and showed how far she has come from season 10’s runway. Monique stunned in a layered black, Naomi, obviously, stunned in a shiny, Louis Vuitton inspired look while Trinity served, quite literally, a Wedgwood inspired number. Complete with china.

The judges loved everything that Monet did this week, thrilled that she came back with a vengeance and elevated her drag. Carson thought Monique looked the best she ever has and Todrick was thrilled to see her perform the hell out of the number. And everyone was grateful that she showed her true self throughout the competition. Everyone lived for Naomi’s look and felt she had fun with the choreography, while Trinity received universal praise for nailing the entire competition. The queens were then tasked with explaining why they deserve to win, with Monet sharing how important the show was to her growing up and she wants to be that for someone else. Monique was thrilled to prove that true grit pays off and being a fighter makes her worthy of a win. Naomi explained that she wanted to prove that hard work and believing in yourself is enough. Trinity shared that she doesn’t feel entitled to win, but that she has earned it.

With that, the judges deliberated and sent Monet and Trinity through to the top two, effectively eliminating my loves Monique and Naomi. Despite not having as strong a track record as the other finalists, Naomi well and truly slayed the competition. While a lot of people had written her off as a fashion queen that snuck by thanks to her glorious legs, this season her confidence allowed her talent to shine from the start, serving inventive looks, hilarious reveals and slaying the house down whenever she stepped near a lip sync.

Plus, she was the only person brave enough to eliminate a threat and give zero fucks. Which is more than enough to earn her a Bahnaomi Smalls.

There is nothing I love more than stuffing buns full of meat and gobbling them up, and this little baby can definitely explain why. Spicy, sweet, tart yet still melt in your mouth, this bahn mi is an explosion of flavour that keeps you coming back for more. Like Naomi’s killer performances.

Enjoy!

Bahnaomi Smalls
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
5 garlic cloves, minced
2 tsp ginger, minced
2 tbsp fish sauce
2 tbsp soy sauce, plus extra to serve
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
1 tbsp Shayonnaise Swain, plus more for rolls
1 lime, zested and juiced
1 chilli, thinly sliced
500g chicken breast
4 Vietnamese rolls
⅓ cup Domenicken Liver Abpâté
½ cup pickled carrots
½ cup pickled daikon
1 lebanese cucumber, deseeded and julienned
coriander, to taste

Method
Combine the garlic, ginger, fish sauce, muscovado sugar, mayonnaise, lime and chilli in a large bowl and toss with the chicken. Cover and place in the fridge to marinate for a couple of hours.

Preheat the oven to 180C.

To cook, transfer the chicken to a lined baking sheet and place in the oven to cook for twenty minutes, or until cooked through. Remove from the oven and allow to cool slightly before slicing and tossing through the cooking liquid.

To assemble, split the buns, smear one side with mayo and the other with pâté. Layer with pickled carrot and daikon, cucumber and chicken. Drizzle with soy and sprinkle with coriander before devouring, greedily.

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Latriced Voroyale

Baking, Breakfast, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars the queens were tasked with making over their best Judys, in honour of Queen Judy Garland. It is hard to make jokes about the pure joy on the queens’ faces as they were reunited with their besties, so I will just focus on the fact that Manila’s husband was completely feeling his oats and Latrice’s Judy seemed unimpressed by her long-gestating drag debut. Monet rudeemed her horror season 10 makeover and once again Naomi slayed the challenge, snatching victory and handing Naomi her first win of the season. Sadly for the best Drag Race Judys, Latrila landed in the bottom and Naomi took advantage of the opportunity and cut Manila from the competition.

Back in the Werk Room the queens were gagged, gooped and living for the frontrunner going home, however Naomi was quick to explain that she was threat and she wanted to eliminate her. End of story. Plus – Latrice saved her the week before. Trinity however was shocked and disappointed, given Manila has slayed the competition and this is the first sign that no one else is actually playing fair and as the new frontrunner, she should be concerned. Talk turned to the fact that Latrice didn’t seem phased by Manila going home, despite the fact Manila sobbed during her first elimination. While she didn’t say it exactly, she admitted that she is happy to be there. Which is not a bad thing to say, no? Particular when in a her or me sitch. Monet then proudly admitted that she too had Manila’s lipstick out of revenge for her picking her lipstick when Latrice was first eliminated.

And her pettiness is how I function on a daily basis, and I love seeing it reflected back at me on screen.

The top five returned the next day, proud to have made it as far as they have with Monique particularly proud – and likely gooped – that the Hall of Fame is one step closer to having some melanin. Before they could learn more about Trinity’s experience being the only white queen, Ru arrived to announce that this week’s challenge would see the queens starring in a Ru Hollywood Story on the fictional making of Sex and the City 3. After snatching victory Naomi was given the job of assigning roles and surprisingly took the other girls advice after challenging herself by taking the role of SJP. Monique requested K Jo – one episode guest star Kristen Johnson – before Trinity and Monet literally scissor, paper, rocked over the role of Kim with the former winning out, leaving Monet to take Kristen. Oh and Latrice must have requested Cynthia, or gave zero fucks. Despite getting lemons, Monet vowed to slay the challenge. And given how Latrice and Naomi went in rehearsal, that should be easy. Except Monique is literally twitching out as a recently awoken coma patient, I don’t see anyone topping that.

The queens joined Ross to film the shequel – and promote The Standard which is amazing, so I’ll let it slide – with Latrice and Naomi continuing to flounder, reminding Trinity of Club 96. Speaking of Trinity, she too struggled – much to the delight of Monet – before Monique arrived and revived the scene. Despite losing her wig, she was the perfect balance of absurd and wacky.

Elimination Day rolled around with Naomi nervous about her risk backfiring, and Monet feeling confident about her performance despite being flat. Talk turned to Trinity’s performance as Kim, with Monet arguing she would have slayed the role and Trinity kinda sucked. Before that could escalate however, Latrice spoke about being worried about who she would have to send home which is a gag. Trinity vowed to be fair while Latrice felt that the winner needs to be a good representative of Drag Race. Oh and Monique is looking to be gagged and gooped by Trinity going home.

On the Kitty Cat Couture runway Trinity served African cat gang bang realness, Monet channeled the Pink Panther – which I slay on the piani, FYI – Latrice served arts and craft Lion gown realness that Party City wouldn’t dare to stock. Naomi played with the theme channeling a cat lady drowning in yarn, while Monique owned with the sexiest Puss in Boots I’ve seen since Antonio Banderas did Original Sin and Adam Garcia was in Bootmen. Well buss, but you get what I mean. We then had to sit through the acting challenge which followed in the tradition of My Best Squirrelfriends Yada Yada Yada and Breastworld, completely sucking outside of one person. This person being my dear friend Monique, who literally dropped into the scene and immediately stole the show. Well except for the brief moment of Woke Charlotte courtesy of Monet.

Trinity’s runway look received universal praise, as did her role in the acting challenge. Monet’s look was read for being more mouse than cat, while Felicity Huffman defended her performance in the scene by pretty much saying you can’t polish and turd. So I assume is voting for me to lend a script for season 11? Latrice’s look wasn’t read enough given how ugly it was, while was praised for being the most in the scene. Everyone loved Naomi’s take on the runway theme, however her performance in the scene was universally panned. However Ru did congratulate her for challenging herself. Finally, FINALLY, the judges were gagged and gooped by everything Monique did and she was praised for owning the entire episode. And seeing her face made me happy that she finally got redemption for not winning the episode she wore the card dress. Not that I’m bitter. With that Monique and Trinity obviously snatched the win, sending Monet, Naomi and Latrice to the bottom.

Backstage Monique was thrilled to finally get the recognition she deserves, while Latrice was disappointed that she is in the bottom despite performing well. Completely ignoring how ugly her dress in. Trinity and Monet caught up, with the former praising Monet for having a strong report card. Naomi told Trinity she felt that Latrice should go because she hasn’t been performing well, conveniently focusing on report card when it matters to her. Monet joined Monique to plead her case, with Monique acting shifty making Monet nervous. Trinity told Latrice that both Monet and Naomi said that she should be eliminated, firing her up and saying that Naomi has also been performing poorly and should go home. Latrice then confronted the queens who stood by the fact she should go home, which was insanely effective in defusing the situation. Trinity and Monique then joined together to discuss who should go, praising Latrice’s legacy though differing on Naomi’s performance.

The queens de-pussed for the lip sync to Janet Jackson’s When I Think of You and given we saw next to nothing from Monique who owned the entire episode, it was quite clear that Trinity would win. She then doubled down on focusing on report cards and sent Latrice from the competition again, despite being an absolute bloody legend.

While Latrice was obviously disappointed to be out of the competition, again, it was easier to handle closer to the end and after having some of the winning moments she deserved to have. Particularly after being robbed of victory in episode one, no tea no shade. In any event, we laughed, we cried and toasted a job well done with a heart batch of Latriced Voroyale.

This copycat of the Australian classic I found online – or at least I assume it is just an Australian treat – brings back fond memories of childhood birthday parties. Where I would usually avoid them in favour of BBQ chips, despite BBQ chips being the worst. Thankfully this homemade version is far better than the OG, packed full of butter and fresh jam, the flavour packs more of a punch and fills you with joy.

So en-joy!

Latriced Voroyale
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
90g butter, chopped, at room temperature
½ cup raw caster sugar
1 egg
1 ⅓ cup plain flour
2 ½ tsp baking powder
100g pink marshmallows
¼ cup icing sugar, sifted
½ cup desiccated coconut
⅓ cup raspberry jam, warmed

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Cream 60 grams of butter and the raw caster sugar in a stand mixer until light and fluffy. Still mixing, beat in the egg until just combined. Add the flour and baking powder and beat until just combined. Shape into a disc, wrap in cling and transfer to the fridge for 15 minutes.

Roll the dough out until 4mm and cut into 24 4x5cm rectangles using a fluted pastry wheel. Place on a lined baking sheet and transfer to the oven for ten minutes or so, or until lightly golden. Allow to cool for 15 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.

To ice, combine the remaining butter with the marshmallows in a small saucepan and cook over low heat until smooth. Fold through the icing sugar and remove from the heat. Spread the coconut on a plate. Working fast, spread icing along both sides, leaving a one centimetre strip down the middle. Dip the biscuits in coconut to adhere to the icing. Repeat until done before filling the barren gap with jam.

Leave to set for an hour or so to set, before devouring.

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Maianila Luzon Pizza

Main, Pizza, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 3, Street Food, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars the queens were group together to host legendary club nights with Valentina spending too much time in her fantasy, leaving Naomi to shoulder most of the work. On the flipside, Latrice and Trinity slayed with the help of Manila and her passion for graphic design. When it came time to deliberate Naomi was scared that Trinity would focus on saving her season 9 sister rather than looking at their overall performances. Not that she had to worry though, as Latrice turned the lip sync out and sent Valentina out of the competition.

The queens returned to the Werk Room to discover Valentina hated the reality of having to pack, before Latrice shared how hard it was to eliminate her since they’ve grown close after years on the road together. Naomi was feeling extremely relieved to have survived, particularly after discovering that Trinity would have eliminated Valentina too since she is making all of her decisions based on score cards. Talk quickly turned to said score cards, with it evident that Manila is way out in front with Trinity nipping at her heels and Monet and Monique the dark horses. Which Manila quickly deflected, saying she could be in the bottom next. Couple that with Monet saying she will do whatever it takes and damn, Manila, you in danger girl.

The next day the queens discovered that the Werk Room has been made over, with Ru’s photos all replaced by pictures of Judy Garland and everyone started to wildly speculate what it means. Ru opted not to leave the hanging, giving a history lesson on how Judy Garland indirectly kicked off the Stonewall riots and was a code for early gay men to identify each other which led to the term best judy for your gay best friend. And as such, this week’s challenge would see them do drag makeovers on their best judys. Naomi was paired with her bestie Ricardo who is BAE, Monique’s best judy was Danny – who was also kinda hot – Monet’s was also a hot guy named Patty, Latrice got her dear friend Tim, Trinity’s boyfriend arrived and, swoon, Manila’s best judy is her husband Michael.

Oh and in addition to them welcoming their best judy into their drag families, they also had to choreograph a dance inspired by Judy Garland.

The queens showed their best judys around the Werk Room before getting down to work. Not wanting history to repeat itself, Monet quickly grabbed some matching outfits and strategised how to snatch victory rather than go home. Despite looking nothing like Patty. Monique was thrilled to have new people to talk to, Trinity’s boyfriend was shocked by home good he looked in a wig and Manila and her husband couldn’t stop touching and I love it. After a stint in the bottom, Naomi was feeling the pressure to finally score a win – particularly since she won the makeover on season 8 – though given her judy can’t walk in heels, she in danger girl.

Ru returned to get to know the judys, with Monique sharing how important Danny is to him before Ru checked in to find out why Monique always looks like she is ready to cut a bitch during deliberations. They were all tender with each other and let’s be honest I can’t type properly through the tears. Trinity spoke about the awkwardness of dragging up her partner and tucking his junk. Monet and Patty – who met through Bob – spoke about their concerns about not looking alike, and TBH I want them to get married. Speaking of marrieds, we checked in with Manila and Michael with the former just glad that Michael will soon learn the pain of drag. Naomi and Ricardo were super cute, though poor Naomi was stuck inside her head and was super nervous leading to Ru giving her a pep talk about not playing it safe and to act a fool and I am ready to see it. Oh and then we learnt that Tim already has had attempts at drag, however Alexis Knight was put to bed the first time she appeared by Latrice. And this is her shot to finally sissy that walk.

Ru then broke down hearing how Tim carried Latrice through prison and damn, this is just as bad as Survivor’s love ones visit.

Elimination day rolled around with everyone overwhelmed by everything they needed to get done. Latrice was nervous to land in the bottom again, knowing it is certain doom, Manila and Michael had a dance break and Monet and Patty dazzled everyone as Patty’s beautiful red eyebrows were removed and he transformed into Powder. The judys were heartbroken to lose their facial hair while before Naomi shocked everyone by throwing out that she is planning to do boy drag on the runway. Monet was shaded for making Patty even paler, Michael was gagged by home beautiful he looks, Tim pretended he was happy with how Latrice did his make-up and Manila made her husband tuck so he would truly understand what she goes through. Oh and Trinity spoke about how big her manses dick is, which seems unnecessary.

Ru, Michelle and Carson were joined by my goddaughter Frances Bean and Meredith Grey on the judging panel as the queens and their newest sisters kicked off the dances. While Trinity’s boyfriend struggled, Manila’s husband had a little more rhythm, Monet and Patty slayed, Latrice and Tim gave energy, Naomi and Ricardo were awesome while Monique and Danny were adorable. On the runway Latrice and Alexis were all big hair and shiny but felt flat, Monique and Danny were staring down the barrel of victory, Manila and Michael were a royal flush, though didn’t look related. Naomi and Ricardo both arrived as Cher before Naomi removed her wig, twirled and turned into Sonny and I love it. Hand them the win. Trinity and her boyfriend looked alike in gaudy Miami old lady and while Monet and Patty were ebony and ivory, they looked alike. And let’s be honest, their dance was far and away the best.

Monique and her judy received glowing praise for their runway, though their dance – which I stand by calling adorable – was read for filth. The judges loved everything Monet did, with their dance being the stand out for all of the judges. To the point Frances soaked it in, geddit? Manila and Michael dance was praised, though the runway was read for filth and I am nervous. Particularly since Manila explained that Michael came into her life after Sahara died and it is all too emotional. Latrice’s dance was read for filth, though praised for her unending depths of charisma. Oh and they hated the fact they looked nothing alike. Obviously Naomi received glowing praise for everything and for doing things that nobody else would think of. Despite having basic choreography, Trinity and her boyfriend were praised for their synchronicity and slaying the family resemblance. Naomi made it two for two when it comes to makeovers, landing in the top with Monet while team Latrila would be broken up for good as they landed in the bottom together.

Back in the Werk Room Naomi was feeling her oats for finally snatching a win, while Monet was thrilled to get her rudemption after Tyler Oakley brought him down in season 10. Monet and Naomi split Latrila to hear why they each should stay, with Latrice reminding Monet how much being here means to her. And while Monet can understand that, she knows that Manila has slayed the season and as such, Latrice’s legacy isn’t enough when this season has been lackluster. Over with Naomi and Manila, Naomi thanked Manila for loaning her the mustache and congratulated her for slaying the competition. Talk turned to her being in the bottom with Latrice, with Manila saying she would rather stay over Latrice and not be taken out for being a threat. And damn, I am nervous. Particularly since she started tearing up talking about understanding whichever way it goes.

The girls swapped coaches with Monet torn, since Manila would have sent her home a few weeks ago and since she didn’t start with an apology, Monet felt like being shady. Manila though went the mindfuck route, hoping to embarrass Monet into keeping her since beating the best is the only way to be the best, apparently. On the other side of the room, Latrice played into Naomi’s hand reminding her that she saved her the week before … and look at how it turned out! Latrila got together with their judys to talk about the competition, with judys heartbroken for bringing them down leaving to poor Latrice to try and lift everyone else up and hold it together.

Monet and Naomi returned to the mainstage ready to destroy Judy Garland’s – who’ll be singing, for ye – Come Rain or Come Shine. Despite being a strong lip syncer, Monet couldn’t compete with Naomi who owned the lip sync from start to finish. She was wacky, wild, acrobatic and really took Ru’s advice, acting a fool and hilariously snatching victory and 10,000 doo-lahs. Not only did she own the lip sync however, she then stood centre stage, stone cold, and eliminated her idol, this season’s front runner, Manila for being a huge threat. Leaving everyone gagged and gooped.

Is it heartbreaking to see Manila slay the competition, only to be felled at her first stumble? Sure. Particularly since she and Raja both killed season 3 and All Stars 1 really screwed her. But, let’s be honest, these are the rules and Naomi taking out a threat is baller. I mean, Alaska would never eliminate a girl her loaned her an item for the mainstage. Thankfully Manila wasn’t too bitter about being cut, knowing that it was due to her winning ways rather than anything else. Plus – she pointed out it was totally my fault, since the pizza curse has leapfrogged from Survivor over to Drag Race with her comforting Maianila Luzon Pizza.

While I feel really bad about manifesting her elimination, I have zero qualms about eating something this delicious. Mounds of meat, chilli and cheese, make for the perfect salty accompaniment for my feelings of lingering saltiness to see Manila lose the crown. Again.

Enjoy!

Maianila Luzon Pizza
Serves: 2 friends, 1 salty-yet-gagged and the other sad.

Ingredients
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
⅓ cup passata
oregano and basil, roughly chopped, to taste
100g mild salami, sliced
3 pork and fennel sausages, skin removed and cooked
100g pancetta, sliced
chilli oil, to taste
mozzarella, to taste

Method
Prep the bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions.

Preheat oven to 180°C.

Smear passata over the prepared bases, sprinkle of the herbs, salami, cooked sausage, pancetta and a lug of chilli oil before topping – but we’re all bottoms! – generously, with mozzarella.

Transfer to the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until bubbly and golden.

Devour immediately, hoping not to burn our mouth with some scalding cheese. Unless you want to feel something in this post-Manila world.

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BLTina

Main, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 9, Snack, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars the eliminated queens gooped everyone by returning to the Werk Room for another shot at the crown. Valentina too technically had another shot at the crown since Ru suspended All Stars rules before either Manila or Monet had the chance to take her out. It all started to make sense though – maybe – as Manila and Monet received immunity for the week while last week’s bottom four were forced to lip sync to the death with the four eliminated queens, with the winner of each staying slash returning to the competition and the loser sashaying away. Sadly try as they might, Jasmine, Farrah and a killer Gia lost their lip syncs, while Monique was gagged and gooped by Latrice who returned to the competition. Thankfully without eliminating Monique after Ru declared the lip sync a tie.

Back in the Werk Room Latrice and Monique celebrated their double win, despite the former disappointed she didn’t get revenge to go with her redemption. Everyone else was congratulating the girls on a job well down, while Monique was sad to have to put up with Latrice’s joy inspired ego speech. Thankfully Valentina cut her off to chastise Monet and Manila once again for destroying her fantasy by trying to ruin her fantasy. Seemingly unaware that there are still seven queens left in the competition and she needs to step up reality if she wants to make it to the end.

The queens returned the next day with Manila still giddy to have her girl back, while Latrice was nervous to become just another returning queen statistic by heading home this episode. Ru arrived to explain that this week the queens would be heading into the club world purse first by designing their own club night in teams, complete with entertainment and a signature cocktail. Feeling super generous, Ru tasked Latrice with pairing up the queens before joining the duo of her choice – Monet and Monique joined up, Trinity and Manila were a pair leaving Valentina and Naomi together. Obviously Latrice joined Trinity and Manila.

Naomi and Valentina got to work excited to combine their fun, fashion, fun, glam and youngness, though they seemed to struggle to figure out a theme with Valentina kinda echoing everything Naomi said … but they are weird and cute and I love it. Despite Naomi’s fears. Monique and Monet quickly settled on the Black Hole theme, where anything goes in a sci-fi fantasy complete with alien babies and slime. Rounding out the planning, Trinity noticed she and Manila both had yellow and black outfits, so suggested a bee theme. Which the three jumped on, motivated by the confidence of Manila thanks to her passion for graphic design.

The queens then moved to the warehouse where they would build said clubs, with Monique shocked that they would be required to paint themselves. Valentina was ready to paint and play in her panties, while Latrice struggled to get into her painting overalls and Monet and Monique tut-tutted as they focused on the task at hand. Though Monique isn’t painting to the word of the lord and Manila turned up with full blown schematics, so who is really going to slay? Particularly since Manila is working hard to get Latrice a win. Oh and Naomi is terrified about their showing, given Valentina has no interest in preparing anything and can only focus on the painting. And touring the other queens’ clubs.

Elimination day rolled around and the queens got down to preparing for their big openings, with Valentina anxious though trying to stay focused, Naomi shading her attention span and Monet thrilled about being in the presence of Susanne Bartsch. Valentina admitted that Naomi carried her during the competition, while Latrice was feeling super confident and locked forward to showing off her runway before talk turned to everyone being in the bottom. With everyone realising that Manila has never been up for elimination … and Trinity definitely thinks Valentina should go home.

Michelle and Carson were joined by my girl Rita Ora and Susanne Bartsch to tour the clubs, with Monique and Monet’s slaying with a killer script, sci-fi realness and the new pit crew member strutting the runway. We checked in on Club 96 – Club 96 – where Naomi was prepared though a little flat and Valentina was quirky and TBH it worked. Club 96. As did the repetition of Club 96. Club 96. Make no mistake, these two are in the bottom barring a major bee-mergency. Club 96. Not even the pit crew’s bulges could save it. Club 96. From the poster – strip spelling bee, ya’ll – it was obvious that the top would feature a combination of Trinity, Latrice and Manila. Latrice charmed the crowds, the pit crew had golden bulges, Trinity brought a tonne of puns and Manila played support to pump up her friends.

On the plastique fantastique runway Latrice stunned – literally, since it wasn’t bedazzled – in a bright gown that put the ball in ball gown. Latrice served fruit basket realness, Trinity looked like the hottest piece of gum, Naomi served disc realness, Valentina brought up barbie, Monet steamed up in a clear gladiator number and Monique monkeyed around in a Josephine Baker inspired banana gown. The judges loved everything Latrice did this week, particularly getting out of her comfort zone on the runway. Manila too received universal praise, however Michelle felt she went a bit OTT in the hosting. The judges loved Trinity’s looked and felt her performance was polished from start to finish. Everyone loved Naomi’s general look and the delivery of Club 96, verbally, though felt the hosting fell flat. Valentina’s outfit was read for filth by Michelle – maybe. She tried at least – while the club was praised for looking nice, though Valentina was read for not being prepared. Monet and Monique’s club received universal praise, with Monet congratulated for upping the runway game and Monique’s look read for falling flat on the runway but praised for the club. As such, Latrice and Trinity landed in the top two while Valentina and Naomi were up for elimination.

Back in the Werk Room Trinity and Latrice thanked Manila for elevating their performance and snatching them a win, with Trinity even giving her half of her prize. Latrice was really proud to finally get a win, while Valentina kinda felt like she was ready to go, not wanting to turn into Roxxxy, Chi Chi or Kennedy. Trinity and Naomi caught up, with Naomi nervous that Trinity and Valentina’s friendship will come in to play over the performance. Trinity felt that Naomi has just been there during the competition, while Naomi pushed the fact that she did most of the work. Meanwhile over with Latrice and Valentina, Valentina tried to stay strong though did tell Latrice to trust her gut. Which would play into my theory she wants to be euthanised. Naomi made sure that Latrice knew how much she desperately wants to stay, while Latrice was concerned that safe isn’t enough and she has a stronger bond with Valentina which made Naomi really nervous. Trinity explained that while she loves Valentina, she wants to be fair when making the decision and it sounds like Naomi put in more work in the challenge. Valentina then encouraged her to do the right thing … and Valentina is not in her fantasy anymore, right?

Latrice came ready to slay the lipsync while Trinity came ready to pull the men at the retirement centre. She then ripped off her robe and swung those old titties around like crazy, though it didn’t seem to make much sense. While Latrice hit every lyric, bounced Trinity out of the way and rolled across the runway. As such Latrice snatched victory and with a heavy heart, sent the delightfully wacky Valentina from the competition. Everyone’s favourite little coconut was obviously feeling her telenovela oats as she arrived backstage and fainted into my arms from the shock of being taken out of the competition despite creating the ultimate club, Club 96. Club 96. While I agreed she did create a wonderful space – Club 96 – it was probably her time, considering how strong everyone is … and she has a role in Rent Live to work on. With that, she perked up, we laughed and then smashed a BLTina or two.

While my relationship with the classic BLT started off soft in the early 00s – tomato and lettuce, vom! – I have well and truly warmed to this delightful little sandy-j. Sweet mayo, tangy mustard and salty bacon are the perfect accompaniment for the aforementioned, formerly unloved fruit and veg. Plus – who doesn’t love bread?

Enjoy!

BLTina
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
6 rashers streaky bacon
4 slices crusty bread
2 tbsp cup Shayonnaise Swain
1 tbsp dijon mustard
1 tomato, sliced
salt and pepper, to taste
½-1 cup butter lettuce leaves
fries, to serve

Method
Heat a skillet over medium heat and once nice and hot, add the bacon. Cook until nice and crispy before transferring to kitchen paper to drain.

To assemble, toast the bread and smear two slices with mayo and the other two with mustard. Top the mustard side with tomato and a whack of salt and pepper, followed by 3 rashers of bacon and a few lettuce leaves.

Close the sandy, serve with fries and devour.

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