Kandi Cane Burruss

Dessert, Grammy Gold, Grammy Gold: Somebody That I Used to Gold, Snack, Sweets

The Grammys are so close that I can almost smell their breath – they believe in mints though, so I like it – and while I’m sad That Somebody That I Used to Gold is almost over, getting to see my dear friend Kandi Burruss sure does dull the pain.

Now I know what you’re thinking – how did you catch up with Kandi, since she is still in the Celebrity Big Brother house? Obviously the answer is time-travel, so let’s not focus on that, ok?

I’ve known Kandi for years after meeting in High School. While she was a star in front of the screen, as her dearest friend – and the OG Don Juan, I’ll have you know – I shone by designing all their outfits and choreographing their BET Teen Summit performance.

Yep – I was pretty much this Tina Knowles of Xscape. Don’t tell Mama Joyce.

Anyway now I feel like I should explain why exactly I’ve got Kandi running the odds for Best Alternative Music Album and Best New Artist. You see, I assumed another nameless artist had won a Grammy, turned up at their house and then, when trying to steal it from her bathroom, discovered she in fact had never won a Grammy.

That led to me jumping in the delorean and quickly back-tracking a couple of months to see my girl Kandi, who agrees that Beck will win Best Alternative Album and Dua Lipa will take out New Artist. I then awkwardly rummaged through my bag and discovered I was in the possession of some Kandi Cane Burruss, and pretended that the visit had been planned all along.

Even if she knew that my seasonal snack was inappropriate for the visit, she didn’t say because Kandi is literally the nicest person in the world and I am so damn lucky to have her as my friend. And I’m also lucky to have found a recipe for candy canes online, because there is nothing better than homemade.

Enjoy!

Kandi Cane Burruss
Serves: 2-12.

Ingredients
3 cups caster sugar
1 cup glucose syrup
¼ cup water
2 tsp peppermint extract
red gel food coloring, to taste
white gel food coloring, to taste

Method
Preheat oven to 100C.

Place the sugar, glucose and water in a large saucepan and cook over low heat until the sugar dissolves. Crank to medium-high and bring to the boil, without stirring, and cook until it reaches 140-145C on a candy thermometer.

Remove from the pan immediately and let it settle before whisking in the peppermint extract. Divide the syrup between two lined baking sheets, add a few drops of each colouring to each half, stir until well combined and place in the oven to stay warm.

Working one at a time, pour the syrup on a lined piece of marble – I used a platter – and leave to sit until a skin has formed as it firms up. Spray a spatula with olive oil and knead the candy with the spatula as it cools. Once it is cool enough to handle, knead by hand using food-safe gloves – to protect from the molten hot syrup – and start stretching out the candy, bring the ends together and then twist the candy until it is homogeneous and shiny AF. Once it is cool and barely pliable, pull it into a 5cm wide strand, return to the baking tray and keep warm. Repeat the process with the remaining colour.

This is where I got confused, so hang in there. Cut a 5cm length of each colour – return the rest to the oven – and press them together sideways. Twist and pull the candy to give the spiral pattern until it is about half a centimetre thick. Cut into 20cm lengths, curl into a hook and transfer to a third lined baking sheet to set. Repeat the process until done.

Once set, either devour in one sitting until you vom. Or you can wrap in cling and give them away as gifts. Because there is no way you’d make these any other time than Christmas time.

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Maianila Luzon Pizza

Main, Pizza, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 3, Street Food, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars the queens were group together to host legendary club nights with Valentina spending too much time in her fantasy, leaving Naomi to shoulder most of the work. On the flipside, Latrice and Trinity slayed with the help of Manila and her passion for graphic design. When it came time to deliberate Naomi was scared that Trinity would focus on saving her season 9 sister rather than looking at their overall performances. Not that she had to worry though, as Latrice turned the lip sync out and sent Valentina out of the competition.

The queens returned to the Werk Room to discover Valentina hated the reality of having to pack, before Latrice shared how hard it was to eliminate her since they’ve grown close after years on the road together. Naomi was feeling extremely relieved to have survived, particularly after discovering that Trinity would have eliminated Valentina too since she is making all of her decisions based on score cards. Talk quickly turned to said score cards, with it evident that Manila is way out in front with Trinity nipping at her heels and Monet and Monique the dark horses. Which Manila quickly deflected, saying she could be in the bottom next. Couple that with Monet saying she will do whatever it takes and damn, Manila, you in danger girl.

The next day the queens discovered that the Werk Room has been made over, with Ru’s photos all replaced by pictures of Judy Garland and everyone started to wildly speculate what it means. Ru opted not to leave the hanging, giving a history lesson on how Judy Garland indirectly kicked off the Stonewall riots and was a code for early gay men to identify each other which led to the term best judy for your gay best friend. And as such, this week’s challenge would see them do drag makeovers on their best judys. Naomi was paired with her bestie Ricardo who is BAE, Monique’s best judy was Danny – who was also kinda hot – Monet’s was also a hot guy named Patty, Latrice got her dear friend Tim, Trinity’s boyfriend arrived and, swoon, Manila’s best judy is her husband Michael.

Oh and in addition to them welcoming their best judy into their drag families, they also had to choreograph a dance inspired by Judy Garland.

The queens showed their best judys around the Werk Room before getting down to work. Not wanting history to repeat itself, Monet quickly grabbed some matching outfits and strategised how to snatch victory rather than go home. Despite looking nothing like Patty. Monique was thrilled to have new people to talk to, Trinity’s boyfriend was shocked by home good he looked in a wig and Manila and her husband couldn’t stop touching and I love it. After a stint in the bottom, Naomi was feeling the pressure to finally score a win – particularly since she won the makeover on season 8 – though given her judy can’t walk in heels, she in danger girl.

Ru returned to get to know the judys, with Monique sharing how important Danny is to him before Ru checked in to find out why Monique always looks like she is ready to cut a bitch during deliberations. They were all tender with each other and let’s be honest I can’t type properly through the tears. Trinity spoke about the awkwardness of dragging up her partner and tucking his junk. Monet and Patty – who met through Bob – spoke about their concerns about not looking alike, and TBH I want them to get married. Speaking of marrieds, we checked in with Manila and Michael with the former just glad that Michael will soon learn the pain of drag. Naomi and Ricardo were super cute, though poor Naomi was stuck inside her head and was super nervous leading to Ru giving her a pep talk about not playing it safe and to act a fool and I am ready to see it. Oh and then we learnt that Tim already has had attempts at drag, however Alexis Knight was put to bed the first time she appeared by Latrice. And this is her shot to finally sissy that walk.

Ru then broke down hearing how Tim carried Latrice through prison and damn, this is just as bad as Survivor’s love ones visit.

Elimination day rolled around with everyone overwhelmed by everything they needed to get done. Latrice was nervous to land in the bottom again, knowing it is certain doom, Manila and Michael had a dance break and Monet and Patty dazzled everyone as Patty’s beautiful red eyebrows were removed and he transformed into Powder. The judys were heartbroken to lose their facial hair while before Naomi shocked everyone by throwing out that she is planning to do boy drag on the runway. Monet was shaded for making Patty even paler, Michael was gagged by home beautiful he looks, Tim pretended he was happy with how Latrice did his make-up and Manila made her husband tuck so he would truly understand what she goes through. Oh and Trinity spoke about how big her manses dick is, which seems unnecessary.

Ru, Michelle and Carson were joined by my goddaughter Frances Bean and Meredith Grey on the judging panel as the queens and their newest sisters kicked off the dances. While Trinity’s boyfriend struggled, Manila’s husband had a little more rhythm, Monet and Patty slayed, Latrice and Tim gave energy, Naomi and Ricardo were awesome while Monique and Danny were adorable. On the runway Latrice and Alexis were all big hair and shiny but felt flat, Monique and Danny were staring down the barrel of victory, Manila and Michael were a royal flush, though didn’t look related. Naomi and Ricardo both arrived as Cher before Naomi removed her wig, twirled and turned into Sonny and I love it. Hand them the win. Trinity and her boyfriend looked alike in gaudy Miami old lady and while Monet and Patty were ebony and ivory, they looked alike. And let’s be honest, their dance was far and away the best.

Monique and her judy received glowing praise for their runway, though their dance – which I stand by calling adorable – was read for filth. The judges loved everything Monet did, with their dance being the stand out for all of the judges. To the point Frances soaked it in, geddit? Manila and Michael dance was praised, though the runway was read for filth and I am nervous. Particularly since Manila explained that Michael came into her life after Sahara died and it is all too emotional. Latrice’s dance was read for filth, though praised for her unending depths of charisma. Oh and they hated the fact they looked nothing alike. Obviously Naomi received glowing praise for everything and for doing things that nobody else would think of. Despite having basic choreography, Trinity and her boyfriend were praised for their synchronicity and slaying the family resemblance. Naomi made it two for two when it comes to makeovers, landing in the top with Monet while team Latrila would be broken up for good as they landed in the bottom together.

Back in the Werk Room Naomi was feeling her oats for finally snatching a win, while Monet was thrilled to get her rudemption after Tyler Oakley brought him down in season 10. Monet and Naomi split Latrila to hear why they each should stay, with Latrice reminding Monet how much being here means to her. And while Monet can understand that, she knows that Manila has slayed the season and as such, Latrice’s legacy isn’t enough when this season has been lackluster. Over with Naomi and Manila, Naomi thanked Manila for loaning her the mustache and congratulated her for slaying the competition. Talk turned to her being in the bottom with Latrice, with Manila saying she would rather stay over Latrice and not be taken out for being a threat. And damn, I am nervous. Particularly since she started tearing up talking about understanding whichever way it goes.

The girls swapped coaches with Monet torn, since Manila would have sent her home a few weeks ago and since she didn’t start with an apology, Monet felt like being shady. Manila though went the mindfuck route, hoping to embarrass Monet into keeping her since beating the best is the only way to be the best, apparently. On the other side of the room, Latrice played into Naomi’s hand reminding her that she saved her the week before … and look at how it turned out! Latrila got together with their judys to talk about the competition, with judys heartbroken for bringing them down leaving to poor Latrice to try and lift everyone else up and hold it together.

Monet and Naomi returned to the mainstage ready to destroy Judy Garland’s – who’ll be singing, for ye – Come Rain or Come Shine. Despite being a strong lip syncer, Monet couldn’t compete with Naomi who owned the lip sync from start to finish. She was wacky, wild, acrobatic and really took Ru’s advice, acting a fool and hilariously snatching victory and 10,000 doo-lahs. Not only did she own the lip sync however, she then stood centre stage, stone cold, and eliminated her idol, this season’s front runner, Manila for being a huge threat. Leaving everyone gagged and gooped.

Is it heartbreaking to see Manila slay the competition, only to be felled at her first stumble? Sure. Particularly since she and Raja both killed season 3 and All Stars 1 really screwed her. But, let’s be honest, these are the rules and Naomi taking out a threat is baller. I mean, Alaska would never eliminate a girl her loaned her an item for the mainstage. Thankfully Manila wasn’t too bitter about being cut, knowing that it was due to her winning ways rather than anything else. Plus – she pointed out it was totally my fault, since the pizza curse has leapfrogged from Survivor over to Drag Race with her comforting Maianila Luzon Pizza.

While I feel really bad about manifesting her elimination, I have zero qualms about eating something this delicious. Mounds of meat, chilli and cheese, make for the perfect salty accompaniment for my feelings of lingering saltiness to see Manila lose the crown. Again.

Enjoy!

Maianila Luzon Pizza
Serves: 2 friends, 1 salty-yet-gagged and the other sad.

Ingredients
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
⅓ cup passata
oregano and basil, roughly chopped, to taste
100g mild salami, sliced
3 pork and fennel sausages, skin removed and cooked
100g pancetta, sliced
chilli oil, to taste
mozzarella, to taste

Method
Prep the bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions.

Preheat oven to 180°C.

Smear passata over the prepared bases, sprinkle of the herbs, salami, cooked sausage, pancetta and a lug of chilli oil before topping – but we’re all bottoms! – generously, with mozzarella.

Transfer to the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until bubbly and golden.

Devour immediately, hoping not to burn our mouth with some scalding cheese. Unless you want to feel something in this post-Manila world.

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Earl Colecano

Baking, Main, Snack, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor: Fiji

Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, we have a cast! I know we’ve officially known that Aubry, David, Kelley and Joe were Shangela-ing their ways back to the Island known Extinction for a couple of months, but we know who will be joining them!

Can I tell the difference between Chris, Dan or Eric despite one of them being bald? Nope. Do I care and love them all based on nothing else? Sure. Do I want Victoria’s hair? Of course. Are Julie and Reem going to be my fave newbies? Duh. Do I hope that Aubry and Kelley pair up like Aubry, Sandra and Cirie should have in Game Changers? Unequivocally.

Anyway, I have a lot of strong opinions about everything, so it was convenient that I had my dearest friend Earl Cole – the undisputed King of Fiji – drop by to join me and listen. While he wasn’t as opinionated as I was, he did agree that the winner is likely going to be someone that gets voted out pre-merge and manages to woo everyone whilst struggling on the Island Of Extinction.

While I am blindly hoping Aubry finally snatches a win, unless Joe channels Pearl Islands-era Savage, Hatch, Tyson, Locky or the Contenders boys and goes nude. In which case I am all in on him winning.

Given I quickly got thirsty, I needed something bready to sop everything up and distract me with a different kinda of joy. As such I whipped out a Milk Bar – third time this year, I know – Volcano, convenient rebranded as an Earl Colecano.

Like Bagel Bombs and Crack Pie before them, Milk Bar’s volcanoes are insanely addictive and delicious and can warm your soul even through the most brutal of polar vortexes. Creamy, herbed potatoes, sweet onion and a punch of gruyere are all you need to wash your troubles away.

Enjoy!

Earl Colecano
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 recipe Mother Dough, from Katey Sagal Bombs
3 garlic cloves
½ cup double cream
⅓ cup milk
1 bay leaf
1 tsp rosemary leaves, roughly chopped
1 tsp kosher salt
black pepper
100g streaky bacon, diced and fried until crispy
2 potatoes
vegetable oil
2 red onions, thinly sliced
1 egg, whisked
1 cup shredded Gruyère cheese

Method
Prepare the Mother Dough as per Katey’s recipe – which is totally Christina Tosi’s – and leave to prove.

Meanwhile crush the garlic with a knife and chuck into a saucepan with the cream, milk, bay leaf, rosemary, ½ tsp of salt and a good whack of pepper. Bring it to the boil over medium heat before turning off, covering and leaving to steep for half an hour.

Thinly slice the potatoes and cover with iced water.

Preheat oven to 160C.

Layer the potatoes in a small baking dish, sprinkling with bacon as you go, until you’re out of both. Strain the steeped cream, pour over the potato and transfer to the oven to bake for 45 minutes, or until golden on top and cooked through. Remove from the oven and allow to cool completely before covering with foil, topping with weights – aka cans – and transferring to the fridge to set for a couple of hours.

While the potatoes are setting heat a lug of vegetable oil in a small saucepan and add the onions and leave in the pan for a couple of minutes without stirring. After that, reduce heat to low, add the remaining salt and cook for about half an hour, or until soft and caramelly.

Preheat oven to 180C.

Divide the dough into four equal pieces and flatten to form 20cm discs. Split the onions amongst the discs and top with a square of the potatoes. Oh, cut the gratin into squares – there will be left overs and on behalf on Christina, you’re welcome. Fold up the edges and pinch to enclose before rolling into a ball and placing on a lined baking sheet.

Brush the dough with egg and cut a deep X in the top of each. Fill each with a quarter of the cheese, leaving excess to erupt out the top. Transfer to the oven and bake for half an hour, or until golden, brown and the cheese is crispy.

Leave to rest for ten minutes before devouring. If you can.

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BLTina

Main, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 9, Snack, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars the eliminated queens gooped everyone by returning to the Werk Room for another shot at the crown. Valentina too technically had another shot at the crown since Ru suspended All Stars rules before either Manila or Monet had the chance to take her out. It all started to make sense though – maybe – as Manila and Monet received immunity for the week while last week’s bottom four were forced to lip sync to the death with the four eliminated queens, with the winner of each staying slash returning to the competition and the loser sashaying away. Sadly try as they might, Jasmine, Farrah and a killer Gia lost their lip syncs, while Monique was gagged and gooped by Latrice who returned to the competition. Thankfully without eliminating Monique after Ru declared the lip sync a tie.

Back in the Werk Room Latrice and Monique celebrated their double win, despite the former disappointed she didn’t get revenge to go with her redemption. Everyone else was congratulating the girls on a job well down, while Monique was sad to have to put up with Latrice’s joy inspired ego speech. Thankfully Valentina cut her off to chastise Monet and Manila once again for destroying her fantasy by trying to ruin her fantasy. Seemingly unaware that there are still seven queens left in the competition and she needs to step up reality if she wants to make it to the end.

The queens returned the next day with Manila still giddy to have her girl back, while Latrice was nervous to become just another returning queen statistic by heading home this episode. Ru arrived to explain that this week the queens would be heading into the club world purse first by designing their own club night in teams, complete with entertainment and a signature cocktail. Feeling super generous, Ru tasked Latrice with pairing up the queens before joining the duo of her choice – Monet and Monique joined up, Trinity and Manila were a pair leaving Valentina and Naomi together. Obviously Latrice joined Trinity and Manila.

Naomi and Valentina got to work excited to combine their fun, fashion, fun, glam and youngness, though they seemed to struggle to figure out a theme with Valentina kinda echoing everything Naomi said … but they are weird and cute and I love it. Despite Naomi’s fears. Monique and Monet quickly settled on the Black Hole theme, where anything goes in a sci-fi fantasy complete with alien babies and slime. Rounding out the planning, Trinity noticed she and Manila both had yellow and black outfits, so suggested a bee theme. Which the three jumped on, motivated by the confidence of Manila thanks to her passion for graphic design.

The queens then moved to the warehouse where they would build said clubs, with Monique shocked that they would be required to paint themselves. Valentina was ready to paint and play in her panties, while Latrice struggled to get into her painting overalls and Monet and Monique tut-tutted as they focused on the task at hand. Though Monique isn’t painting to the word of the lord and Manila turned up with full blown schematics, so who is really going to slay? Particularly since Manila is working hard to get Latrice a win. Oh and Naomi is terrified about their showing, given Valentina has no interest in preparing anything and can only focus on the painting. And touring the other queens’ clubs.

Elimination day rolled around and the queens got down to preparing for their big openings, with Valentina anxious though trying to stay focused, Naomi shading her attention span and Monet thrilled about being in the presence of Susanne Bartsch. Valentina admitted that Naomi carried her during the competition, while Latrice was feeling super confident and locked forward to showing off her runway before talk turned to everyone being in the bottom. With everyone realising that Manila has never been up for elimination … and Trinity definitely thinks Valentina should go home.

Michelle and Carson were joined by my girl Rita Ora and Susanne Bartsch to tour the clubs, with Monique and Monet’s slaying with a killer script, sci-fi realness and the new pit crew member strutting the runway. We checked in on Club 96 – Club 96 – where Naomi was prepared though a little flat and Valentina was quirky and TBH it worked. Club 96. As did the repetition of Club 96. Club 96. Make no mistake, these two are in the bottom barring a major bee-mergency. Club 96. Not even the pit crew’s bulges could save it. Club 96. From the poster – strip spelling bee, ya’ll – it was obvious that the top would feature a combination of Trinity, Latrice and Manila. Latrice charmed the crowds, the pit crew had golden bulges, Trinity brought a tonne of puns and Manila played support to pump up her friends.

On the plastique fantastique runway Latrice stunned – literally, since it wasn’t bedazzled – in a bright gown that put the ball in ball gown. Latrice served fruit basket realness, Trinity looked like the hottest piece of gum, Naomi served disc realness, Valentina brought up barbie, Monet steamed up in a clear gladiator number and Monique monkeyed around in a Josephine Baker inspired banana gown. The judges loved everything Latrice did this week, particularly getting out of her comfort zone on the runway. Manila too received universal praise, however Michelle felt she went a bit OTT in the hosting. The judges loved Trinity’s looked and felt her performance was polished from start to finish. Everyone loved Naomi’s general look and the delivery of Club 96, verbally, though felt the hosting fell flat. Valentina’s outfit was read for filth by Michelle – maybe. She tried at least – while the club was praised for looking nice, though Valentina was read for not being prepared. Monet and Monique’s club received universal praise, with Monet congratulated for upping the runway game and Monique’s look read for falling flat on the runway but praised for the club. As such, Latrice and Trinity landed in the top two while Valentina and Naomi were up for elimination.

Back in the Werk Room Trinity and Latrice thanked Manila for elevating their performance and snatching them a win, with Trinity even giving her half of her prize. Latrice was really proud to finally get a win, while Valentina kinda felt like she was ready to go, not wanting to turn into Roxxxy, Chi Chi or Kennedy. Trinity and Naomi caught up, with Naomi nervous that Trinity and Valentina’s friendship will come in to play over the performance. Trinity felt that Naomi has just been there during the competition, while Naomi pushed the fact that she did most of the work. Meanwhile over with Latrice and Valentina, Valentina tried to stay strong though did tell Latrice to trust her gut. Which would play into my theory she wants to be euthanised. Naomi made sure that Latrice knew how much she desperately wants to stay, while Latrice was concerned that safe isn’t enough and she has a stronger bond with Valentina which made Naomi really nervous. Trinity explained that while she loves Valentina, she wants to be fair when making the decision and it sounds like Naomi put in more work in the challenge. Valentina then encouraged her to do the right thing … and Valentina is not in her fantasy anymore, right?

Latrice came ready to slay the lipsync while Trinity came ready to pull the men at the retirement centre. She then ripped off her robe and swung those old titties around like crazy, though it didn’t seem to make much sense. While Latrice hit every lyric, bounced Trinity out of the way and rolled across the runway. As such Latrice snatched victory and with a heavy heart, sent the delightfully wacky Valentina from the competition. Everyone’s favourite little coconut was obviously feeling her telenovela oats as she arrived backstage and fainted into my arms from the shock of being taken out of the competition despite creating the ultimate club, Club 96. Club 96. While I agreed she did create a wonderful space – Club 96 – it was probably her time, considering how strong everyone is … and she has a role in Rent Live to work on. With that, she perked up, we laughed and then smashed a BLTina or two.

While my relationship with the classic BLT started off soft in the early 00s – tomato and lettuce, vom! – I have well and truly warmed to this delightful little sandy-j. Sweet mayo, tangy mustard and salty bacon are the perfect accompaniment for the aforementioned, formerly unloved fruit and veg. Plus – who doesn’t love bread?

Enjoy!

BLTina
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
6 rashers streaky bacon
4 slices crusty bread
2 tbsp cup Shayonnaise Swain
1 tbsp dijon mustard
1 tomato, sliced
salt and pepper, to taste
½-1 cup butter lettuce leaves
fries, to serve

Method
Heat a skillet over medium heat and once nice and hot, add the bacon. Cook until nice and crispy before transferring to kitchen paper to drain.

To assemble, toast the bread and smear two slices with mayo and the other two with mustard. Top the mustard side with tomato and a whack of salt and pepper, followed by 3 rashers of bacon and a few lettuce leaves.

Close the sandy, serve with fries and devour.

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Lemon Chrisotta Daughertynuts

Baking, Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor: Vanuatu - Islands of Fire, Sweets

Another week, another painful wait for a cast announcement. I mean, since the season has already been filmed – not to mention my ability to time travel – I’m totally all over the cast of Edge of Extinction, I feel bad that you’re not in the know. And I can’t give you my sassy hot takes.

I will tease the fact there are three guys, all of whom I love, that I can not tell apart.

A lack of cast however will still not deter me from counting down – and trying to push through my concerns slash the general negative sentiment – to the upcoming season however, so I called my dear friend Chris Daugherty to drop by.

And hot damn, I just realised that this year’s countdown features dates with victors from controversial or low-rated seasons?!

Anyway despite an apparent dislike for Vanuatu as a whole, it is up there with one of the best turnarounds by a winner. Chris went from potentially being the first boot to find himself the last man standing at the final seven before joining with three other outcasts to take control of the game, slaying his biggest threats and taking out victory.

While I was rooting for Eliza when it aired – who I really need to catch one day soon – since she was young and scrappy and I was a teen, there is no denying that Chris deserved victory after overcoming seemingly insurmountable odds.

With that, I finally told him that I was proud of the game he played, asked him to help me figure out a way to identify the three identical strangers of Edge of Extinction and smashed a few Lemon Chrisotta Daughertynuts.

You know how much I love a creamy filled bun, and these babies sure don’t disappoint. Pillowy dough, tart lemony cheese and a sweet and sour crust? I’m in heaven.

Enjoy!

Lemon Chrisotta Daughertynuts
Serves: 24.

Ingredients
750g flour
150g raw caster sugar, plus ¼ cup for filling
7g dried yeast
1 cup lukewarm milk
⅓ cup buttermilk
3 eggs, at room temperature
30g melted butter, plus extra to coat the ‘nuts
250g ricotta
3 lemons
1 cup caster sugar

Method
Combine flour, 150g raw caster sugar and yeast in the bowl of a stand mixer. Using the dough hook, stir in the milk, buttermilk, 2 eggs, and 30g of melted butter. Attach the hook and knead for five minutes, or until smooth and elastic. Transfer to an oiled bowl, cover and leave to prove for two hours.

When proving is half an hour from being done, blitz the ricotta with the remaining egg and the juice and zest of two lemons. Chill in a bowl until you’re ready to go.

Preheat oven to 180C.

Knock back the dough, turn onto a lightly floured surface and roll to 3mm thick. Cut into 24 rounds and place a dollop of the ricotta mixture in the centre of each. Fold to enclose, roll into balls and place on a lined baking sheet. Repeat until done, cover and leave to prove for a further hour. Once puffed, transfer to the oven to bake for 10 minutes.

While they’re baking, combine the regular caster sugar with the zest of the remaining lemon.

While the doughnuts are still hot, dip in the butter and toss through the lemon sugar. Then devour.

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Limonshannello

Drink, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 1, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars the iconic Jushmine Masters was tragically felled by her inability to prepare a routine and became the first boot. She was followed out the door by a teary, unloved-by-Gia Farrah before the aforementioned Gia once again met her Achilles heel in Snatch Game and the large and in charge, chunky yet funky and totally lovable Latrice Royale became the fourth person sent from the competition. After Monet and Manila slayed the roast and the remaining four queens landed in the bottom, both won the fifth lip sync and everyone was left gagged as All Stars rules were suspended, no one was eliminated and the four eliminated queens returned.

So we’re back at the start, I guess?

We opened things with a showdown in the Werk Room between the six competing queens and the four eliminated queens before the producers signaled that they were allowed to be happy and talk. The girls then sat down – hopefully not where Monique gooped – with Farrah confirming that Ru has promised them a shot at getting back at the competition. Which didn’t really go down well with Trinity, since it was like starting from scratch. As the girls kiki-ed Jasmine stood by her choice not to prepare a variety show performance and damn, I still love her. Farrah was still sad to have been eliminated by her friend Valentina, but also that she didn’t get a decent return on investment for the costumes she brought.

The queens filled the fallen queens in on the roast challenge before Valentina that both Monet and Manila would have eliminated Valentina had all star rules not been suspended. True to form Valentina still felt she was hilarious in the roast and that despite the judges hating her, she was delightful and that is the reality she chooses to accept. Which I totally live for. Latrice pivoted back to turning on the queens that eliminated them, calling Monique’s choice to eliminate her shady as she was keeping her friend. Which both Monique and Monet felt was wrong, since Monet knows that if her report card was busted, she would have been cut. And while Latrice is grumpy, she did shade the travesty of All Stars 1 and that is something I will always support.

The full cast returned to the Werk Room the next day with Trinity admitting that while she hates being back at the beginning her heart is full. Wait, no, she has the shits and doesn’t want to deal with Gia stirring the pot. Farrah too had zero time for poor Gia. While the queens anxiously waited to find out what the hell Alexis Michelle the producer has in store for them, Ru arrived for a guided meditation before explaining that this season’s comeback challenge would be a lip sync battle. The four eliminated queens each got to select a current queen to lip sync against, with the winner staying in the competition and the loser exiting the competition for good. Though Manila and Monet are safe as a reward for winning the last episode.

With that the shell shocked queens spread out to discuss the twist with Monet realising that she and Manila could easily find themselves in the new top six with four different queens. Not that Trinity or Naomi think that will happen. Meanwhile Valentina and Farrah decided to clear the air about the latter’s elimination, as Farrah didn’t think she was the worse. Tragically Valentina disagreed and brutally admitted that she doesn’t regret the decision and Farrah is totally going to pick her to try and take her spot. Monique was concerned that Latrice would be picking her out of revenge too, while Latrice was not scared about facing off against any of the queens. Trinity said she was confident about the lip syncs, which Gia wasn’t buying.

Talk turned to who Latrice would be picking – since she gets to pick first – with her saying she was undecided about selecting Monique when she is clearly picking Monique. Gia went to see how terrified Naomi is, with the leg queen admitting she is nervous but is also ready to fight. They then had a nice chat about Gia lacking confidence as a female drag performer and struggling to find the line between performance and life without doubting either. Latrice checked in with Jasmine who was getting ready to lip sync with the scrap performer, Trinity gave Farrah a pep talk and Manila and Monet were living it up, watching the drama unfold.

Naomi then made prison jokes about Latrice and it was glorious.

With that Ru and Michelle were joined on the panel with both Carson and Ross as they witnessed a runway clearly set up for the upcoming lip syncs, rather than fashion. Though that being said, Farrah, Gia and Naomi looked gorgeous, though Gia’s reveal was almost as obvious as Trinity’s. Oh and Manila and Monet looked like drunk waspy women at the races and I am here for it. As I am with Ru’s hyper commentary.

We then finally got down to business and discovered that Jasmine was left to lip sync against Trinity before we were gagged by the Pit Crew’s boxes and damn any one of them would choke me with their thighs. In any event, Trinity took a peek inside box three and learnt they’d be lip syncing to Peanut Butter. Like Chi Chi last season, Jasmine appeared to be going through the motions and not wanting to take someone else’s place in the competition. Trinity learnt from the tragedy of season 9’s finale, not leaving anything to chance, shaking her arse, out twerking Jasmine and ultimately securing her safety and sending Jasmine out go the competition for good.

We then learnt that Farrah chose to face off against Valentina, before the pit crew returned to sit on my face. Wait no, that was my fantasy – they returned so Valentina could pick a song, with the Latina opting for Sean’s box meaning she and Farrah would face off over Kitty Girl. Thankfully this lip sync seemed more evenly matched, with both queens having a fire to earn slash keep their place in the competition. Valentina hit every lyric and crawled around the stage, while Farrah was channeling her inner 90s/00s pop diva. If it wasn’t for Valentina’s turn into comedy at the end it would have been difficult to split, however once again Valentina came out on top and poor Farrah was eliminated for good.

As expected – since Latrice was always picking Monique – Gia faced off against Naomi, who opted to go deep into Bryce’s box and got Adrenaline. Which Gia was ready to bring in the name of Edwards, though Naomi was confident she would not be going down without a fight. And damn, did they both bring it. Naomi was sexy, sultry and performing full on backbends while hitting every damn lyric and then mopping the floor with her cooch. Gia was giving high energy, Beyond Belief worthy dance moves and slayed the hell out of the song, which made it so much harder to bear when Ru handed a well earned victory to Naomi, rather than a double win.

With that we arrived at the final pairing where Latrice and Monique got to face off to box number three’s – something something I want his box in my face, obvi – Sissy That Walk. Like Naomi vs. Gia, both Latrice and Monique were out for blood and desperate to win. Latrice was pounding her pussy into the runway, Monique’s wig managed to stay on despite a flurry of head flicks. Wait no, they BOTH opted to do a patented Roxxxy Andrews wig reveal, hit every damn lyric and worked every inch of the runway. Which off course left Ru with no other option than to hand a double victory, returning Latrice to the competition and keeping Monique to fight another day.

Thankfully Raven had flagged that I may want to dig further into All Stars 1 this week, so I called Shannel up and she was happy to come watch the episode with me. And to receive me apology. Given the shade I have thrown about Chad carrying her to the top four of All Stars 1, I understand why she was reticent, per se, however I never meant my shadiness to take away from the fact that she is a killer queen and I would live for her to come back for a third go and not have to be in Chad’s shadow.

Plus – in the words of Latrice, we don’t talk about All Stars 1.

Given that explanation she was glad to reconnect as friends and we had a delightful time watching the episode. Though maybe our renewed friendship has something to do with the copious amounts of Limonshannello we downed.

Enjoy!

You know I have a passion for alcohol – addiction, whatever – and as such, should be a wealth of knowledge for all things booze. But I am not, and I didn’t realise that limoncello is something one could simply throw together until browsing lemon recipes online. After said discovery I threw it together and TBH my life was changed for the better.

So be the change you want to see in the world, you know? Enjoy!

Limonshannello
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
6 lemons
3 cups vodka
1 cup caster sugar
1 ¾ cups water

Method
Place the lemons in a saucepan, cover with boiling water and leave to soak for a couple of hours. Drain, pat dry and finely grate the zest. Combine the zest and vodka in a jug and leave to rest while you work on the syrup.

Speaking of which, place the sugar and water in a saucepan and cook over low heat, stirring for five minutes, or until well combined. Crank heat to high, bring to the boil and leave to rollick – if that is not a thing, it is now – for three minutes, or until thick. Set aside and allow to cool completely.

Once cool, combine the syrup and vodka and pour into sterilized, airtight bottles. Seal and keep in a cool, dark place to develop for a month, shaking occasionally.

When you’re ready to down, drain the limoncello through a fine sieve to get rid of any remaining rind and down, giddily.

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Lamber Tarkich

Baking, Main, Survivor, Survivor: All Stars, Survivor: Edge of Extinction, Survivor: The Australian Outback

I have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I mean, we just exited the latest Survivor Dark Ages with the killer albeit horribly named David vs. Goliath, and we’re entering a season named Edge of Extinction. Which without spoiling, actually screw it you need to be warned – features the return of Redemption Island instead with worse rules and a new name.

Will I still watch it and likely love it like a good superfan? Sure. But I am concerned about what it means for Survivor movie forward. The one thing giving me hope is that a season that ends with every person voted out on the jury and the first boot winning, could give us Gabon levels of insanity. Which is literally the best case.

Anyway as I am wont to do, I’m assembling some of my favourite winners – or at least the remaining winners – to help countdown to the new season. And likely do some sort of ritual to steer it towards Gabon.

As you know I am a dear friend of Romber and even introduced them and tee-ed up their alliance which led to love, The Amazing Race, marriage and four daughters. It also makes me responsible for All Stars so either you’re welcome or I apologise, depending on your views on the season.

I’ve known Amber since the filming of Australian Outback after trekking to find the set in search of Probst. While my unintended meddling screwed over Kucha far more than it did Ogakor, I did kinda screw over Amber’s game by wooing Colby – who I must catch soon – and turning him against Jerri – who I also must catch soon – setting up her downfall, she soon moved past the pain after introducing her and Rob.

While we haven’t had an official cast reveal yet, we do know that Aubry will be returning – hopefully with an edit this time – alongside second chancers Kelley and Joe, and Family Guy writer David who I assume was emboldened by Mike White’s success last season. Given the twist seems tailor made for the likes of Joe to finally succeed, I am hoping it backfires and either Kelley or Aubry rank highest amongst the returnees. Amber obviously is hoping that Kelley will snatch victory and complete her Brkich narrative, albeit over three seasons.

It was as robust conversation as it could be without being able to spoil the rest of the cast, however it was a delight to catch-up, talk smack about Rob continuously spoiling the switch and merge tribe colours with his Instagram posts and smash a big ol’ Lamber Tarkich.

Based on a number I saw whilst browsing Taste.com.au, this tart is a delicious, quick meal to throw together during the week. Not that I don’t believe Amber isn’t worth effort, because she dominated All Stars and played Rob to perfection (… and still ended up married) so don’t at me. Sometimes simply is best, packed with spice and fresh flavours, it will have you salivating from the moment it goes into the oven.

Enjoy!

Lamber Tarkich
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 tbsp tomato paste
4 garlic cloves, minced
500g lamb mince
1 tbsp ground cumin
2 tsp ground coriander
2 red chillies, sliced
¼ cup pine nuts
1 lemon, zested and juiced
small handful mint, roughly chopped
10 sheets filo pastry
50g butter, melted
1 cup Sierra Dawn-Hummus
2 tomatoes, deseeded and diced
½ tsp sumac
1 red onion, diced
small handful flat-leaf parsley
100g feta, crumbled

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C.

Heat a good lug of oil in a large skillet and cook the tomato paste and garlic for a couple of minutes. Add the mince, spices and chillies, and cook for five minutes before stirring in the pine nuts, lemon and mint, and removing from the heat. Set aside to cool slightly.

Brush each sheet of filo with butter -bar the top one – and stack on each other. Fold the edges inward to form a rough rectangular shape and place on a lined baking sheet. Stab the base with a fork and transfer to the oven to bake for ten minutes, or until lightly golden. Remove from the oven and allow to cool.

To assemble, smear the centre with Hummus and top with the lamb mixture. Combine the tomato, sumac, onion, parsley and feta in a bowl and sprinkle over the top. Place in the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until golden and warm.

Devour.

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Carole Radtzikiwill

Condiment, Dip, Vegetarian

I’ve been feeling super rundown and sad after returning to work, so I reached out to my dear friend Carole Radziwill – or Radzi as Countess LuAnn and I call her – and thankfully she was free to drop by.

Obviously I met Carole and her late husband Anthony in the ‘90s when I interned at ABC to try and woo Anthony in the hope of marrying into the wider Kennedy family. While he only had eyes for Carole, I was immediately taken by her down to earth nature and the love they shared and bowed out with dignity for once.

Watching their love grow and becoming such dear friends was a true blessing, however the tragic way it came to a close was painful to watch and I am glad I was able to support Caz through the horrible period she lived through in ‘99.

Oh and fun fact: our closeness if what made Aviva accuse her of using a ghostwriter. Which she didn’t do as she is an award winning journalist, damnit.

Thankfully our life is a bit less traumatic now – Caz’s even more so after bowing out of RHONY and leaving Dorinda as my sole fave – so it was such a delight to just sit, gossip and on my part, try and convince her to return to The Housewives if I can convince Andy to get rid of The B.

While she didn’t appear open to it, she was thrilled to open her mouth and smash a vat of my Carole Radtzikiwill.

As a child, I hated the entire concept of tzatziki. I don’t know if it is the general vibe of dodgy 90s or my irrational rage against cucumber, but I couldn’t stomach it. Until I had a really good one and I fell in love. Fresh, zingy and packing a punch, it is beautiful on its own or perfect slathered on a yiro or souvlaki.

Enjoy!

Carole Radtzikiwill
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
1 ½ cups greek yoghurt.
1 Lebanese cucumber, seeded and diced
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 lemon, zested and juiced
2 tbsp fresh dill, roughly chopped
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Chuck everything in a bowl.

Stir, cover and chill for an hour.

Devour.

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Ravenison and Mushroom Pie

Baking, Main, Pie, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 2, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars the queens appeared in Ru’s Judge Judy fantasy hosted by the no. 1 Jersey girl around, Michelle Visage. Fun Fact: I told Ben that he should make a movie about her with Jen. I apologise profusely. Manila and Monique once again stole the show, with Naomi’s fake tan and Valentina’s trash a close third and fourth. Tragically poor Latrice and Monét once again struggled, leaving Manila and Monique to battle out to save their friends. Despite a strong lip sync, Monique snatched victory and tragically said farewell to Latrice, despite everyone believing she was too beloved to be eliminated.

The mood was understandably somber when the queens returned in the Werk Room, with Manila feeling guilty to have let down her sister once again. Monique was heartbroken to have to send Latrice home, though felt that Monét had the strongest report card and as such she made the right decision. And well, Naomi was just proud her wig stayed on. On the flip side Manila was wracked with guilt, not only for not being able to save her dear friend but also because if she had won, she would have eliminated the girl that had been performing better and had to go with the heart. Monét was obviously unhappy about it and felt Manila was shady, but come on … its Latrila. She had no real choice. Though damn Manila, if you fall in the bottom – you in danger gurl!

The next day the queens returned to learn that this week they aren’t only mourning the loss of Latrice, but also dear, iconic Lady Bunny who they will be roasting at her funeral. Yes, yes, yes – may she roast in peace. Given Monique is the current champ, she got to select the roast’s running order, handing Monét first position, Trinity second, Monique third, Naomi fourth, Valentina fifth and Manila closing the show. In an attempt to bury her as she has the most pressure.

Oh and Monét is a funeral crasher.

Valentina was feeling nervous ahead of Ru’s walkthrough, though given her joke’s punchline was the scent of a wet cum rag, I feel she is in danger. Monét was feeling nervous about opening the show but was desperate to redeem herself after last week, and destroy Bunny in the process. Ru reminded Valentina that while she was safe in the season 9 roast, is wasn’t necessarily good and she really needed to work extra hard. And having worked opposite Lady Bunny doesn’t seem to be helping. Ru congratulated Trinity for being funny, however she couldn’t move past the fact she landed in the bottom three for the season 9 roast. Manila proved she had nothing to be worried about, cracking Ru up in her walkthrough with inside jokes since she knows Bun Bun.

And apparently Naomi still doesn’t exist. Nor does Monique.

Monét arrived for coaching from guest judge SNL’s Cecily Strong and while she started soft, Ms Strong’s advice pushed her in the right direction. Valentina arrived with her three jokes, all of which were way harsh and as such Cecily felt she needed to tone them done. Monique was near perfection channelling a preacher, however she didn’t really leave Cecily any space to give advice. Trinity was confusing as hell, Naomi seemed confident but didn’t have much content and Manila seemed to be stuck in her head, though Cecily gave her a pep talk to own closing the show.

Elimination day rolled around and Valentina was no more confident than yesterday, leading to a discussion about how people will be voting should they win the challenge. Monét was obviously vowing to stick to whoever did the worst, while Naomi threw shade at Manila until she finally cracked and explained that her choice to get rid of Monét if she had won was never a vote to get her out, but one to save her dearest friend. And those decisions will get harder each week, as she is getting closer to every one of the girls. Which Monét finally listened to.

Manila then went one step further that when she gets the chance next, she will make her own decision. Which obviously made everyone nervous.

The roast arrived and by that, Lady Bunny was wheeled out in her coffin and Monét kicked off the show slaying the house down and making the dearly departed Bunny giggle in her coffin. Trinity bombed from the very joke and struggled to get the rest out, Monique’s preacher character brought life back to the show with boob and load jokes, not that Valentina was impressed. Poor Naomi couldn’t land any jokes, but she was adorable and laughed at them even though nobody else was. Valentina started off strongly blaming the grieving telenovela friend, though it went downhill extremely quickly. And was so bad it almost became good. Manila arrived in full mourning mode and completely snatched the show, roasting the room and having everyone in stitches.

Then Lady Bunny came back to life, jumped out of her coffin Shangela style, threw shade at Bianca Del Rio and the remaining contestants before re-dying Vanjie style.

On the runway Monét looked stunning serving sacred heart clergywoman realness, Trinity came as a beautiful angel, Monique brought another heart, though not as good as Monét. Naomi paid glorious homage to Prince, Valentina served angel trapped in a fishing net realness and Manila served Greek Goddess realness and was beat for one too. The judges loved everything Monét served up this week, Trinity’s look was praised however the judges felt she overthought the roast – and therefore bombed – the judges went her roast character though distracted from some of the jokes and they weren’t sure about her runway look. Naomi’s Prince look was universally beloved, though the judges didn’t feel it could overcome her shitty roast. Valentina’s look was praised, though her roast was roasted and Manila received praise for roast to runway. With that Monét and Manila obviously landed in the top two, however in a gag of the season the remaining girls all landed in the bottom.

The queens returned to the Werk Room to deliberate with Monét thrilled that she is the only one safe from Manila’s potential wrath. Trinity was quick to point out her killer track record, Monique pointed out that she has won two challenge, though this is now her second time in the bottom. Naomi felt sick given she has been coasting by as safe all season and Valentina argued that while she has been in the bottom, she didn’t deserve to be there and she feels she was very funny this week. Not understanding the difference between laughing at and with people. She then flagged Monique and Naomi as the worst and it is clear, she is aligned with Trinity.

Naomi pulled Monét aside to highlight her consistency, in the hopes of saving herself. Despite Valentina having her back, Trinity suggested that Manila send Valentina home, however Manila thought that sending home her bigger threat in Trinity may make the most sense. Valentina continued to wear Delusion by Jinkx, telling Monét she was not the worst and Naomi reminded Manila about her consistency. Naomi and Monique got together to talk about their fear if Manila snatches the lip sync, confident that Monét will send Valentina home who they believe did the worst. Speaking of which, she went and reminded Manila how well she has performed. Despite no one agreeing with her. By the end of it, neither Manila or Monét really wanted to win as it’s all too stressful and hard.

Both queens owned the Aretha lip-sync from the very first bar, serving semi-synchronised choreography and hitting every damn syllable. They kiki-ed, wagged tongues and TBH gave me life, which made their double win completely justified. Despite both winning, Ru announced that no one will be going home tonight and All Stars rules have been suspended until further notice. They were then sent to the Werk Room to await further instruction, where they found a message from Ru announcing they will be lip syncing for their life, life, life, life … AND THEN Lady Bunny appeared behind the mirror to point out that Jasmine, Farrah, Gia and Latrice are back, back, back again and those four life-s feel very ominous.

As soon as I saw the shocking though totally not shocking ending, I turned around to Emmy Nominee Raven and understood why she pushed so hard to drop by for this week episode!

“I thought you’d need to have a back-up ready to go, and who better than the queen of the runner-ups?” she said with a sly grin.

That is why I love Raven. She is a total icon, understands that she is the true winner of season 2 since Tyra Sanchez is a total monster and most importantly, she doesn’t mind joking at her own expense. Did I also mention she is an Emmy Nominee … that was also robbed of a victory? In any event, it was such a delight to see my dear Raven – non-elimination episode or not – and share a warm, hearty Ravenison and Mushroom Pie to deal with the miserable(wish) weather Brisbane is living through ATM.

I know what you’re thinking – venison? Is this sicko expecting me to cook and eat Bambi’s mother? Well yes, but if you’re really not game – get it? Classic – you could sub out the beef. But then you’re missing out on most of the rich, glorious flavour that works so beautifully with the earthy mushrooms and the tang of ale. Obviously this is my first time working with venison given it isn’t the most Brisbane friendly meat, so I stuck pretty closely to Jamie Oliver’s recipe and I’m glad I did.

Just give it a chance, ok? I promise you will enjoy it!

Ravenison and Mushroom Pie
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
olive oil
2 onions, peeled and sliced
1 tbsp butter
6 garlic cloves, minced
2 carrots, peeled and diced
2 sticks celery, sliced
500g button mushrooms, sliced
1 kg stewing venison, diced
a few sprigs fresh rosemary, leaves picked and chopped
a few sprigs fresh thyme leaves
2 bay leaves
salt and pepper, to taste
1 tbsp flour
1 tbsp gin
500ml ale, preferably Scottish
1 sheet all-butter puff pastry
1 egg, whisked

Method
Heat a lug of olive oil in a dutch oven over low heat. Add the onion and sweat for 10 minutes, or until soft and sweet. Up to medium heat and add the butter, garlic, carrot, celery and mushrooms, and cook stirring for a minute or two. Add the venison, rosemary, thyme and bay leaves with a good whack of salt and pepper and flour. Cook for a couple of minutes, or until coated and the flour is claggy.

Pour in the gin and ale and stir until the flour has dissolved. Bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for an hour or so, or until thick and reduced.

Preheat the oven to 180°C.

Once thick and gelatinous, transfer the stew to a pie dish, cover with the puff pastry and score a couple of steam holes before brushing with the egg and placing in the oven to bake for 30 minutes, or until golden and crisp.

Serve immediately with a heap of Gabriel Mash and devour.

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Latrikir Royale

Drink, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 4, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars Snatch Game rolled around with a spin, seeing the queens split into two to vie for the love of Gus Kenworthy and Keiynan Lonsdale – and TBH, who doesn’t want to be split in two by those two. While Manila and Trinity clearly shined, Valentina struggled and Latrice got distracted by the too much unprofessionalism of Gia, who once again choked on the challenge and landed in the bottom next to Valentina. Trinity was thrilled to finally get rid of Gia and her mind games, however Manila admitted that getting rid of a threat in Valentina may be the smartest move going forward. Not so smart was the fact she told both Trinity and Valentina before sending Gia home, painting a big ol’ target on her back.

Back in the Werk Room with Monique thrilled to be free of Gia and hot damn, how did I just realise there was a cow on her hat? Manila praised Gia for who she is and how well she performs, though admitted that her pot-stirring was too much to handle. As the girls continued to kiki Manila congratulated Trinity on truly dominating Snatch Game, though was thrilled that on Wikipedia she is listed as the winner and she has the $10k to back it up. Trinity shared that she too would have sent home Gia, as she planned to play a fair game and Valentina was stronger than Gia. With no one around to stir the pot, Valentina and Gia told the other queens that Manila had floated the idea of getting rid of Val … though obviously sold it as being thankful that Manila decided to play fair.

The next day the queens arrived to learn that this week’s challenge would send them all the way to Jersey for Michelle to dish out a little bit of justice in a Judge Judy and RHONJ hybrid. The queens split into teams, with Latrice, Monét and Monique joining to argue the case ‘how ‘bout them cakes,’ Naomi and Manila snagged ‘you made me look like a bitch, bitch,’ while Valentina and Trinity paired up for what will no doubt be the case of the century, ‘I was snookered by Snooki.’

Monét was feeling hella confident, given her passion for Judge Judy while Monique was concerned about how to balance three performances in the challenge. Monique was arguing that her wedding was ruined by Latrice the baker and her daughter played by Monét. And Latrice was struggling to jump in during rehearsal, so it looks like it will be a disaster. Meanwhile Naomi was so excited to be working with Manila as she is a massive, and they really seemed to be vibing. Trinity on the other hand was super concerned about Valentina and her attempted accents, which ranged from the deep south to god knows where. Though she can do voices, so relax guys!

First up were Manila and Naomi, with Manila sueing Naomi for making her look like a bitch at her high school reunion. Literally, since Naomi ran a dog grooming business and Manila got confused. Given Naomi is covered in the same shade of tan that Donald Trump wears and pulled out a Teresa Giudice joke and Manila literally barked her way through getting kicked out of the room, I obviously approve of this pairing. Monique, Latrice and Monét were up next, with Monique owning from the start, while Latrice served only looks and then bombed when she started talking. Poor Monét didn’t arrive until half-way through and while she pulled out some good jokes, she then started to get lost and it fell flat. They did finish with an epic Jerry Springer style bitch-fight though followed by a make-out, and I love that. Trinity opened her improv by forgetting her name, though slowly improved throughout. Particularly once Valentina rolled in late looking a hot mess and gave Trinity a killer character to play off.

Elimination day rolled around and Naomi threw some glorious shade at Asia while Monét was feeling her oats and looked forward to lip syncing for some cash. Manila too was feeling confident, though her confidence wasn’t misplaced. Unlike poor Latrice’s. Adding to the feelings of confidence, Trinity and Valentina congratulated each other on their killer performances. Maybe starting to question her performance, Latrice approached Trinity to call her out for forgetting her name at the start. Not taking it, Trinity called her out for having zero jokes with Valentina jumping in to agree that she didn’t perform very well. They both assured her that no one would send her home though – Valentina admitting she would rather send Trinity home – so to relax and focus on her runway.

Speaking of runway, the queens were padded for the gods with a swerves and curves runway with Manila slaying and serving pink old-lady quilt, Naomi was gorgeous as a failed housewife, Trinity served wave pool in the water-park realness, Valentina did a half-baked, half-baked drag look, Monique was over the top cow, Latrice shimmered down the runway and Monét owned channelling Kim K’s Paper shoot.

The judges loved everything Manila did from the challenge to the runway. Naomi was praised for her burnt-bake housewife look and serving full Jersey girl realness, though they wish she gave them more. They loved Trinity’s outfit, though they felt she held back during the challenge which she admitted she did to avoid overshadowing Valentina. The judges weren’t sold on Valentina’s runway, though they enjoyed her performance in the challenge and the fact she let go. Monique’s cow look received universal praise, as did her over the top performance in court. The judges thought Latrice looked beautiful on the runway, while felt Latrice didn’t give enough in the challenge. Everyone loved Monét’s look on the runway, though felt she didn’t have enough character in the challenge. With that Monique and Manila took out victory while Latrice and Monét found themselves in the bottom two.

Backstage Monique was thrilled to win, though upset that she has to send one of her teammates home. Poor Latrila both started to cry, with Latrice heartbroken that it could all be coming to an end. Trinity was disappointed that while Latrice has a good career, she felt that that shouldn’t save her when she hasn’t been performing well. Monét was scared gien how universally beloved Latrice is and doesn’t want to face off against her. Scared of losing focus, Valentina channelled Milk and complained about getting read despite being safe, before Monique told her to get over it and shut the hell up.

Monique and Monét got together, with Monique admitting that Latrice being in the bottom with her makes the decision difficult. Latrila on the other hand held each other and continued to cry, with Manila vowing to destroy the lip sync to save her friend. Trinity continued to get frustrated by Manila, annoyed by the fact she will keep Latrice no matter how well Monét performed. Monét pulled Manila aside to try and convince her that she needs to stay, though Manila essentially admitted that there is no way she isn’t saving her friend. Meanwhile over with Monique and Latrice, Monique spoke about the OG’s importance to the community and Latrice assured her that she won’t be stumbling again if she keeps her. And then reminded her that she wouldn’t be anywhere else, and that includes wedding planning. Which is nek level guilt.

Monique and Manila looked ready to destroy my frenemy Elton’s The Bitch is Back as performed by Tina Turner – who I really need to see soon – with Elt reminding them not to fuck it up via video. Both queens slayed the lip sync, however Monique gave it a messiness that totally worked for Tina and as such, snatched victory. And kept her wig on to boot! Poor Manila immediately started to cry, concerned about Latrice’s welfare. Which turned out being prophetic, as Monique sent the iconic Latrice out of the game.

While Latrice wasn’t thrilled to find herself out of the competition, she was thrilled to see her dear friend backstage to provide her with some comfort. I did admit that I agreed that being a legend shouldn’t guarantee you continue in the competition, however I followed it up by reminder her that there is likely to be a comeback challenge and that is where she can show them why a legend deserves to be there. We were extremely drunk on Latrikir Royale though, so hopefully she heeds my advice in the morning.

A kir royale is one of the easiest cocktails you can throw together, but it proves that sometimes the easiest things are also the best. Which is what I had on my dating profiles in my youth. I mean, sparkling topped up with sweet, sweet liqueur? Swoon.

Enjoy!

Latrikir Royale
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
¼ cup creme de cassis
⅔-1 cup sparkling white wine, chilled

Method
Split the liqueur even amongst the two sparkling glasses.

Top with sparkling.

Down. Lather, rinse and repeat.

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