Cheese

Rob Mariagnocchi

Main, Pasta, Survivor, Survivor: Winners at War, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Survivor the wealth was spread a little bit on the Edge, as they were all offered a fire token for free if they could transport twenty logs from the top of the mountain to camp. Which they did, but not before breaking down emotionally and physically. Parv and Rob continued to grow closer on Sele, and hilariously caused a little chaos for Adam, telling Jeremy and Michele he was out to get them. Thankfully for Parv though, it wasn’t necessary, as Sele finally won another challenge thanks to Nick choking. Over at Dakal, Tyson tried to use Nick bombing the challenge to rally the tribe against him. Sadly though, Sandra couldn’t move past the fact he targeted her, so the rest of the tribe went with the easy vote and sent Tyson to the Edge.

We started things out by checking in on Dakal, where Queen Sandra was holding court and congratulating her underlings on making it a third of the way through. Nick was thrilled to have survived the last tribal and to see his hero Tyson booted instead, given he was causing disharmony. Well he was thrilled about it until he discovered that Tyson had bequeathed his fire token to him and as such, he worried he may have gotten rid of a potential ally. Which is some 4D chess from Tyson, TBH. Speaking of new bonds, Yul and Sarah were hanging out with the former sharing that he is shocked – and thrilled – to find that he likes them all on a personal level. He then shared that the only person he stayed in contact with from his season is the iconic Jonathan Penner. This then led to the heartbreaking reveal that Jonathan’s wife Stacey has been diagnosed with ALS, which has progressed rapidly and left them verging on ruin.

Yul then broke down in tears and oh my God, I couldn’t love him more. Plus, Sarah offering him a hug is the best she has been since the Varner–Zeke scandal.

Before I even had a chance to wipe away my tears Jeffrey joined the tribes on the marooning island to announce the tribe swap. Much to Rob’s chagrin, since it led to his first loss in Marquesas. As everyone revealed their new buffs, Rob found himself starting over again on the new Yara tribe, with Ben, Adam, Sarah and Sophie. Much to Adam’s fear, given his fellow former Sele peeps don’t get along. They were facing off against Dakal, featuring Mum and Dad, Kim, Denise and Jeremy – ripe for Advantageddon 2.0 – and Sele, home to Nick, his crush Parvati, Yul and exes Michele and Wendell.

We returned to Dakal where Jeremy and Denise were shocked by how great their new shelter was, thrilled to be moving on up in the world. Jeremy was also thrilled to discover that Kim was on the outs on her former tribe and as such, his minority position may be no more, given she seems down to flip on Tony and Sandra ASAP. Which is a sentiment she echoed to Denise. Meanwhile Tony and Sandra were talking about the importance of sticking together as two of the biggest targets, agreeing that Kim is a great target and as such, they all need to stick together. Because, and to quote Tony, the lions need to work together so the hyenas don’t win. Oh and then to solidify her new, glorious position, Kim caught an eel the size of an anaconda and just like that she is sitting pretty.

Over at Love Island, aka Sele 2.0, Nick was thrilled to be in the majority of his new tribe and most importantly, living with his high school crush. Meanwhile Wendell was not so thrilled, given the fact that the shelter is absolute dog shit and he is pretty much starting over from scratch. And more importantly, he is stuck with someone he dated or hung with, depending on whose story is to be believed. On the same tribe for the first time in 27 seasons, Parvati and Yul reconnected, with the latter telling Parv that she is his wife’s favourite player of all time. Continuing the love for Parv, Nick pulled her aside and admitted to his crush for her. And between that and the tension between Michele and Wendell, she was laughing it up like she, Cirie, Amanda and Natalie had just convinced Erik to give up immunity.

The former couple caught up and honestly, Michele just showed how much of an icon she is – she gave him a wink and asked if it would be awkward for him, leading to him stammering around his response while she giggled away. She then caught up with Parvati and the two trash talked the boys – ‘New season, who dis?’ – before joking about giving the boys something to drool over and going for a swim. And oh God, can they be the final two?!

Meanwhile over at the newly formed Yara tribe, Ben was annoyed to be stuck with Rob and Adam, the two people he trusted least on Sele as they both actively worked to blow up his game. Sarah on the other hand quickly worked to do damage control with Rob, identifying Tyson as the reason Amber was voted out and assuring him that that was why he was voted out the night before. To defend Amber’s honour. The five went wandering around to explore their new island before talk turned to how in the hell Ethan got voted out. The boys then freely gave up the fact that they don’t really get along and as such, Sarah and Sophie got to work seeing who would be willing to work with them. And after quickly learning that all three were open, they were thrilled to discover they could choose who to form that majority with. Which made Sophie nervous, given surely the boys would figure out their best hope is together, no? 

With that, the tribe split up to hunt for the new tribe’s idol with Rob sharing how difficult hidden immunity idols were for him to grasp. While he found one on Redemption Island, he had clues and as such, wasn’t confident in his abilities to find one without one. While he was echoing Amber’s struggles in the first episode, Sophie snatched the idol and even survived a joking ‘empty your pockets’ from Ben before she learnt that she too had to give up half to someone by sundown. As such she found Sarah, filled her in and handed over the half, hopeful that it would come back to her like how she returned Kim’s half to her. And just like that, the girls had two advantages and a fractured trio to save them from their shitty hand.

Jiffy Pop returned for the first three-way immunity challenge where the tribes would have to race through a series of obstacles, toss their sacks at a rod to knock off blocks and then use said coloured blocks to solve a puzzle. All three tribes were neck and neck through the first obstacles, however by the second, Yara started to pull away with Sele firmly in second while Dakal struggled to climb a ladder. What a fall from grace for ladder king, Tony! Yara made quick work of the blocks, giving them a huge lead on the puzzle while the other teams played for second. Sele were next to knock off their blocks as they closed the gap with Yara. Eventually Dakal joined the tribes in solving the puzzle, just as Sele secured the first immunity. With that Dakal battled with Yara, until Yara took their puzzle apart to start again, giving Jeremy and Sandra time to secure the other immunity for Dakal.

Back at camp Sophie felt nervous, given she blew the challenge for the tribe. She and Sarah were left alone at camp as the boys went for a walk. This left them time to lock in their vote for one of the boys. Just as the boys were all agreeing not to vote for one another. As they locked in their vote for Sarah, Rob suggested that back at camp, they refuse to go for a walk so that the girls have nobody to scramble with. Aka the buddy system, the most boring gameplay to watch. This drove the girls – and Adam – absolutely mental, stewing with rage as the boys hung out together. Wait, no, everyone sat in miserable silence, with Rob seemingly unaware how annoyed people were by his decree. Eventually Sophie and Sarah went for a walk to the well, just to alleviate their boredom and dream about blindsiding Rob, with only winks and nods from the boys as reassurance.

At tribal council Sophie spoke about the differences between her two seasons, thankful that this time there are so many intermixed relationships that there is always hope. Adam praised how good at the game the tribe are, which Ben agreed with, though kind of playing it down as they all simply know not to piss anyone off. Sarah spoke about how little the boys were interacting with her at camp today, which Sophie agreed with before insinuating that it was a decree from whoever was in charge. She then continued to play the situation perfectly, cussing out Jeff for using the term ‘crack’ as she and Sarah aren’t invaders out to destroy something, but two people looking to start an alliance with like minded individuals. Sarah jumped on board to plead with the boys and you could honestly see the moment Rob started to shit his pants, despite trying to look calm.

He tried to appeal to the boys, agreeing that while the boys aren’t close and have all done something to the other, he reminded them that at the end of the day, numbers matter. Ben agreed that it seemed like things were simple with two easy votes before sharing how lazy their afternoon was. Rob again tried to play down the fact he forced them into not talking, before Sophie owned him and pointed out how Rob is doing the exact thing he did in the season that he won and if they don’t do something about it, he will win again. With that the tribe voted and despite having zero time to strategise, Adam and Ben did indeed flip on Rob, joining the girls to send him from the game.

As Rob ventured out of tribal council I pulled him in for a massive hug before biting my tongue failed me, and I cussed him out for treating other winners like the cast of Redemption Island. Because they are all too good to tolerate that. He agreed it was a rookie mistake, but was grateful to be reunited with Amber on the Edge and bide his time until he can return and dominate. And while I didn’t have the heart to tell him that Natalie is the favourite to return as the wealthiest woman in the game, I instead handed him a bowl of Rob Mariagnocchi and wished him all the best.

While this is a super simple recipe, it proves that simple is often best. The rich butter is taken to the edge of nuttiness, while the smooth sage and sharp parmesan come together to create something so delicious it is almost life affirming.

Enjoy!

Rob Mariagnocchi
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
1 batch of the gnocchi from Gnokylie Evans or 500g pre-made gnocchi
⅓ cup butter
12-18 sage leaves
4 garlic cloves, minced
salt and pepper, to taste
1 lemon, zested and juiced
½ cup parmesan, shaved

Method
Start by prepping your gnocchi per Kylie’s recipe, or cook it per packet instructions.

When the gnocchi is close to done, melt the butter in a large skillet over medium heat and once it has melted, cook for a couple of minutes, to lightly brown and bring out the nuttiness. Once it is there, add in the sage and cook for a couple of minutes to crisp, before finally tossing through the garlic for a minute to make it nice and fragrant. Add the gnocchi with a good whack of salt and pepper, and toss to combine.

Remove from heat and add in the lemon zest and a few teaspoons of juice, and stir through the parmesan. Then serve immediately and devour.


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Leemon & Porkarseldine Pasta

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: All Stars, Pasta, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the remaining Vakama were sitting ducks after losing Locky at the merge tribal council. Like Shonee before him, David was once again all about revenge though this time, he was taking it back to his previous season and eliminating anyone that wronged him. And well, Harry was the last target remaining. Knowing this, Harry appealed to Lee and Zach to try and get them to flip to the Vakama side and take control. After suffering through last season’s final immunity challenge again, Harry was once again bested, this time by Brooke. At tribal council, he worked hard to appeal to the boys’ need to play a better game this time around, however they chose to stick with their alliance for the time being and sent Harry from the game.

The next day Shonee was feeling completely isolated as the last rascal standing, though was glad to still have two friends in Brooke and AK. But Shonee being Shonee, she didn’t rest on her laurels and got to work making new friends with all the oldies that she has nothing in common with. She and Jacs spoke about their Sunday morning routines before she stumbled upon the fact that she and Tarzan are both from Toowoomba. And just like that, our queen has another bestie.

Speaking of Tarzan, he was busy collecting water with Lee who was thrilled to once again be edging closer to the end of the game. We then saw a clip of him in the final two when his family came out before the votes were read and I know where this is going, so I freely admit to being sick with dread.

Before we got to the tragedy, Jonathan returned for the reward challenge which is honestly a horrible pivot. The tribe would be split into two groups and face off one at a time, slide down a slide into a mud pit, wrestle for a ball and then shoot said ball into a basket. It was for a BBQ, so everyone was obviously thrilled. But honestly, Shonee cried over a sandy, so I assume their standards have dropped a bit. David and Tarzan were the first to face off, with David scoring the first point for himself, Brooke, Sharn, Zach and Moana. Which honestly seems pretty unfair. Sharn extended the lead with a huge over-the-shoulder shot while Jacqui wrestled her. Lee closed the gap slightly with a victory over Zach before Brooke defeated Shonee and extended the lead again. Up next, David scored another point for his team before AK even realised what had happened. Oh and then Moana put her footballing career to use, destroying Jacqui and securing reward for herself, Sharn, Brooke, David and Zach.

At reward the victors were thrilled to discover a tonne of food and drink before Zach worked to steal my heart, stripping off at reward and flashing his butt as he scrubbed away with mud. They joyously smashed food and returned for seconds before discovering letters from home. Sharn got a sweet acrostic poem from her kids before Moana broke down over a letter from her sister Vinny who she is the full time carer for, who drew their entire family and a letter from her wife, who she married just before playing the game. Zach’s sweet streak continued as he sobbed over his letter from his fellow animal sanctuary lover. Brooke meanwhile was thrilled to get to learn a bit about her tribemates, hoping it may give her a chance to find an in. We then learnt that David wears a flower in his hair at challenges for his daughter and that he is playing the game so that he can afford to move back home to live closer to his sons. And hot damn, I am now crying and do not even mind if David walks his way to the end.

Back at camp Tarzan, Lee and AK were washing the mud off and cleaning their clothes, with Tarzan and Lee nuding up and washing each other’s back. The joyous portion of the game however was interrupted as Lee was summoned off camera by a producer where he learnt that his mother had suffered a massive stroke and was unlikely to survive. Tarzan found him in the jungle where Lee broke down in his arms as he told him what happened before announcing that he would be leaving the game. Tarzan and Jacqui took him back to camp where he told Shonee and AK what happened before the victors were brought back to camp to say goodbye. The tribe huddled around him, hugging each other and sobbing over his pain and honestly, this is the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen on Survivor. Even more than Deitz’s son in Second Chances.

Tragically his mother Beth passed away by the time he had made it to the Fijian airport, so I’m going to drop any pretenses of catching up.

Lee came into his second season a changed man, sure he was still a loyal provider, but he was also ready to play the game this time and I was loving watching where it was going. Hopefully he gets another shot to show off his growth, but in the meantime, we should all whip up a Leemon & Porckarseldine Pasta in honour of him being an all around nice guy.

The whack of lemon punches through the saltiness of the pork, leaving you a smooth, creamy bowl of comfort. Plus the broccolini and a little bit of chili join the fun to make it even better.

Enjoy!

Leemon & Porkarseldine Pasta
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
500g Italian pork sausages
2 leeks, trimmed, washed and sliced
4 garlic cloves, crushed
1 tsp chili flakes
2L chicken stock
500g penne
1 bunch broccolini, trimmed, cut into thirds
300ml cream for cooking
1 lemon, zested and juiced
⅓ cup grated parmesan, plus more to serve
torn basil leaves, to garnish

Method
Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat and squeeze the sausage meat out of the casings to create a series of small meatballs. Cook, stirring, for five minutes or until browned. Add the leek to the pan and cook for a further few minutes or until softened. Add the garlic and chili and cook for a further minute to take the edge off.

Add the stock and bring to the boil before adding the stock, reducing to a simmer and cooking for about 15 minutes or until tender and the stock has reduced. Add the broccolini and cook for a few minutes or until the broccolini is cooked through. 

Reduce heat to low, tir in the cream, lemon zest and juice and the parmesan with a good whack of better and salt if you need. Cook until the sauce thickens up, about five minutes, before serving with some parmesan and basil.

Then devour.


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Harry Phillsy Cheesteak Pizza

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: All Stars, Main, Pizza, Snack, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the final twelve met Jonathan on the top of a hill where they learnt that they had (finally) made the merge. Despite having the numbers, David decided it would be a good idea to mind-fuck the outnumbered Vakama 2.0 tribe members. After being eliminated early in the reward challenge, he told Brooke and AK how he was at the bottom of new Mokuta and that he should be able to pull Zach over with him to give themselves the new majority. In actuality though, he was all in with Moana and the duo decided now would be the perfect time to get rid of Locky. Since Queen Shonee won the first immunity challenge like the damn boss that she is. At tribal council Locky desperately urged everyone to make a move and kick things off with a blindside, which sadly came to fruition. Just against him as he was booted from the tribe to become the King of the Jury.

The next day Jacqui was whipping up some breakfast and offering to deliver it to David in bed, who we learnt is well and truly falling apart from a chesty cold and a spider bite on his butt check. Which sadly wasn’t shown to us for proof.

Meanwhile by the fire Moana was congratulating Tarzan and Jacqui on the fact that they essentially secured themselves a place in the top seven. She then approached David and Sharn to congratulate each other on taking control and keeping their secret alliance alive. On the flipside, Brooke and Shonee were feeling disappointed to find themselves on the outs, though being the icon she is, Shonee encouraged them to be resilient and positive. Not feeling positive though is their ally Harry, who was back at camp with the Mokuta seven, seething about David and Zach’s treachery. This awoke the ol’ dirty in Harry, who vowed to take his revenge.

Speaking of revenge, David told us that his plan for All Stars has always been about playing a bold game, and taking revenge on anyone that wronged him in his original season. And now Harry is the last name on his Arya Stark list. Remember when Shonee had a revenge list? A list that she efficiently completed in three episodes. Like a damn icon. But enough about the superiority of Shonee, Moana was gossiping with Sharn, Lee, David and Jacqui by the well, telling them that Harry was arrogant about having taken David out on their previous season. While Harry watched on from behind some trees. Continuing to display her epic social game, Moana yelled out to him and told him to show himself and that since they are just doing washing, he is welcome to join them.

Oh and David did some bad math, sharing that getting rid of Harry was critical to his final tribal council, given Harry has currently played 82 consecutive days – which is untrue, given he was voted out one day before the end of a season – and if he makes it to the end, he can say that he played for 84 consecutive days. Which again, is wrong since he was also voted out. Plus, Lee and Sharn played 55 and 50 days in their OG seasons and genuinely can say that the days moving forward are consecutive, given they were never voted out. But whatever.

Fully aware of how well David has been playing, Harry pulled Shonee, Brooke and AK aside to try and find a way to weaken him. Given he has successfully surrounded himself with buffers, the group decided to get rid of one of the weaker players and as such, decided targeting Jacqui would be their best shot. With that, Harry and AK got to work trying to pull Zach and Lee to their side. Harry handed over a banana to Zach before launching into the pitch and while Zach agreed that he was open to the idea, he also wanted to play smarter this time around. With a semi-committal, Harry approached Lee and well, I just feel like Lee is interested. But maybe I am wrong?

My love Jonathan made an early return for the immunity challenge, which Harry identified as the final immunity challenge from last season as he walked in. But this time, with three sets of stumps to balance on – each smaller than the one before – while holding two sandbags up via ropes. After a short moment of struggle AK became the first person to drop from the challenge before Moana opted to step out, followed closely by Queen Shonee. After 15 minutes Zach fell off his pegs, followed closely by Sharn and Tarzan. The remaining castaways then transitioned to a skinnier peg, which caused Jacqui to drop after 45 minutes in the challenge. The final four each made it to the smallest pegs, with them quickly forcing David to drop out. He then used his time on the bench to suggest to Sharn that should Harry win immunity, they need to get rid of Brooke instead. After more than 90 minutes however, the pain became too much for him and he dropped out of the challenge. He and Shonee started throwing out options moving forward, agreeing that taking out AK and Brooke may be their only hope. However the latter wasn’t an option, given Lee dropped from the challenge and handed her immunity.

After popping immunity around her shoulders, Jonathan announced that they would not be going back to camp and would instead need to scramble on the way to tribal council. With that, the two factions split up by torchlight and got to work identifying their targets. Mokuta quickly locked in their vote for Harry, with a couple of dummy votes on AK just in case. Meanwhile the underdogs of former Vakama were still hopeful that they would be able to convince Lee and Zach to flip to them to get rid of Jacqui. Brooke and Shonee begged for them to be honest with them, asking if there is any chance of them making a move. And given Lee played a minimal game in his first go around, the former cricketer was more than keen to prove himself. And you know, build a resume. Lee and Zach mentioned being nervous about how Dave would react, which gave Harry the chance to be shady about their complete lack of agency in the game.

At tribal council Brooke was repulsed by Locky’s facial hair before AK spoke about how nerve racking it is to have had no time to strategise. Jacqui spoke about the importance of staying calm and sticking with what you know, which is exactly what you do when you’re in the majority. Moana reiterated that she trusts who she trusts and is looking forward to riding with them until the end. Lee was coy about pre-planning for situations like tonight, which Dave agreed with, given he and his alliance all know what they want to happen. Oh and the scrambling was super boring to him. Tarzan quoted Keith Nale and said that he will be sticking to the plan, while Zach agreed that he knows what he is meant to do in the plan. This gave Harry hope, so he pleaded with the people in the middle to make the right decision for their – and his – games and to start building their resume. Lee agreed that he needs to play differently if he wants to win this time, leading to Zach joining the fray and reminding him that you need to make a move at the right time. Which Brooke reiterated is right now.

Sharn tried to slyly counter the pitch, encouraging the people that Vakama are appealing to have a decision to make tonight. Which they can’t come back from. This led to Harry reminding everyone that they need to make a move before there aren’t enough people to help them make said moves. And it is never too early to build a resume, right? With that the tribe voted and despite working hard to save himself, Dirty Harry was vanquished to join Locky on the jury.

While my arms may not have been as cute and comforting as his sweet son Oscar – remember Oscie? – he was thrilled to once again see me in the Jury Villa after he suffered the indignity of being tortured in the challenge from hell.

“I know you’re not my biggest fan Ben, but I’m so glad to see you here – I could really use a big ol’ bowl of that mac and cheese.”

My heart sank. Had I truly made him feel so awful for trying to cross Pia that he believed I didn’t love him? Or did Queen Shonee rightfully explain that my low self-esteem means that a bit of flattery will get you everywhere with me. With that, I put my pants back on – Locky and I were reenacting his famous challenge from season 2/4, and headed to the kitchen to make him something even more triumphant than mac, in the form of my Harry Phillsy Cheesesteak Pizza.

Oh and then I apologised for cursing him for his second game. Damn you pizza!

Delicately charred beef – is that possible? – sweet peppers and the earthiness of the provolone are three of my favourite things. Add to that some mushrooms and you’ve got a sandie-j come pizza that is so damn good, you don’t even care about the fact an ancient curse felled your game while I was recipe planning.

Enjoy!

Harry Phillsy Cheesteak Pizza
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
olive oil
500g beef loin, trimmed and cut into thin strips
salt and pepper, to taste
2 tsp butter
250g mushrooms, thinly sliced
1 onion, sliced
½ red capsicum, cored, seeded and sliced
½ green capsicum, cored, seeded and sliced
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
½ cup passata
handful of fresh Italian herbs, roughly chopped
1-2 cups provolone cheese, grated

Method
Prep the bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions.

While Zsa Zsa is proving herself, get to work prepping the toppings. Start by heating a lug of olive oil in a skillet over medium and cook the beef strips until medium. Remove from heat and leave to rest.

In another skillet, melt the butter over medium heat and cook the mushrooms until soft, shiny and they have reabsorbed all of the liquid. Remove the mushrooms to a plate. In the same pan, add another lug of olive oil and cook the onion for about five minutes, or until soft and sweet. Transfer it to a plate before adding the capsicum to the pan and cook for a couple of minutes, or until soft and sweet. Remove from the heat.

Preheat the oven to 180°C.

To assemble, smear the bases with passata and herbs. Top with the onion, followed by the capsicum, mushroom and steak. Sprinkle with a generous amount of provolone, transfer to the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until bubbly and golden.

Devour immediately, thankful this recipe wasn’t lined up for Shonee. Or did I deliberately enact the curse?


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Porchetthan Zohndsiwch

Main, Snack, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor: Africa, Survivor: All Stars, Survivor: Winners at War, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor Natalie continued to grow her portfolio of Fire Tokens despite being the first boot, finding the second advantage – to leave tribal before the votes are cast, thus making the person immune – and selling it to her ally Jeremy. Making her the richest person in the game and one step closer to an advantage in the return challenge. In desperate need of a challenge advantage was Sele, who once again were destroyed at the immunity challenge and sending them back to tribal council. After Danni grew nervous about her place in the old school alliance, she started to scramble and run her mouth, outing the aforementioned alliance in the process. Her paranoia only grew at tribal council, leading to the tribe banding together to oust her from the game and put her out of her misery.

We returned to Sele the next morning where Boston Rob was pranking Adam awake, I assume missing having his kids around and bonding with one of the youngest on the tribe. Adam shared that despite Danni’s unanimous vote thanks to Rob and his fellow old schoolers Ethan and Parvati turning on her, the tribe is still very much split between the oldies and the new school players. Though Adam knows that Boston Rob likes to feel like he is in control of the game, and as such, he needs to change things up and play a bit more like Adam. Adam and his ego caught up with Denise to discuss potentially taking a shot at one of the big guns. Aka Parvati. While Denise was nervous about upsetting her two closest allies, she was feeling mildly confident given she was willed Danni’s fire token and Adam returned the other half of her idol to her, giving her control of a complete one.

With the plan casually outlined, Adam went to Michele and Ben to float the idea of targeting the iconic Parvati. Ben was keen to start working against Rob, while Michele was open to taking out Parvati given she is cutthroat and will strike soon enough. And she was confident that while he will be butthurt, he has no other options and as such, will need to come around. Next on his list, Adam approached Ethan to float the idea of getting rid of Parvati and while he knew it was a risky move, he knew he had to loop him in to keep him on side. Apparently. Ethan however was ropeable, given Parvati is his number one and he vowed to never turn on her.

Meanwhile over at Dakal Sandra was mixing up her game by filling the provider role. As she put it, this is her fifth time out there and is her farewell tour – please be a lie – so she may as well catch some fish to keep people onside. Off she went to cast a net in the shallows during low tide and while they lay in wait, Tyson shared how odd it was to be on the outs in his tribe. As such, he decided to try and turn the tribe against Sandra as an easy vote. He approached Yul and Sophie, and while Yul agreed that Sandra stirring the pot all the time was dangerous to his game, he changed his tune the next day when Sandra caught a baby shark in the shallows proving that she can be a provider and keeps life positive around camp. With that Yul pulled Sandra aside to let her know that Tyson was gunning for her, pissing her off and vowing to get rid of him first.

At the Edge of Extinction Danni was also trying to become the provider, spear fishing in the shallows and trying to remind herself that she isn’t out yet. The ladies were interrupted from their fishing by treemail, directing them towards a tree on the top of the hill featuring a locked box with a sign that told them that they already have all the information that they need. Amber scurried back to camp to search for things with numbers written on them to test the locks. While it was a logical theory, she proved incorrect which gave Natalie enough time to realise that the combination was a series of shells on the string attached to treemail. After tossing away one of the other clues and ruining the second, Natalie bolted back to the bo, unlocked it and discovered directions to a vote steal advantage which she could sell to someone for a fire token. She weighed up the options, knowing that she had to pick someone that would be willing to take a risk to ensure her third fire token, which would make her the richest person in the game.

We returned to Dakal where Tyson and Tony were still discussing the shark while Sarah discovered a note in her bag, which told her that the steal a vote would be hidden in the torch of someone on the other tribe. And she would need to go grab it tonight, under the cover of darkness. While she was nervous about everything that could go wrong, she knew she couldn’t pass up the opportunity, so handed over her fire token and enlisted Tony to help cover for her. That night Tony grabbed ashes to smear over her face and when it didn’t work, they spat in it to make it stick and honestly, these two are like watching kids play. And I think I love it. Meanwhile at Sele Ethan was putting another log on the fire as Sarah approached. Luckily for her he went straight back to sleep while she crawled around camp in the pitch black before she finally found the torches on the side of camp. She nervously stood up and while she was snapping twigs and making an almighty racquet, she found the advantage and made it out of camp unnoticed.

Jeffrey arrived for this week’s immunity challenge where they would have to leap across ramp walls, dig up a ladder, use the ladder to grab a rope, toss said rope up to a platform, scale it and then, wait for it, solve a puzzle. Oh and the winning tribe would also get some chicken kebabs for good measure. As is becoming habit Dakal got out to an early lead, whipping through the physical part of the challenge and giving Sophie and Sarah a huge lead on the puzzle. Sadly for them, it was the famed tree puzzle which meant the lead was quickly eaten up, giving Rob and Michele hope. The two tribes went back and forth with the lead until they both came down to two pieces each after Sarah and Sophie knocked out two pieces while trying to put the last in. Rob and Michele tried to slot in the final piece before they could recover but the girls kept their cool, popped them back in and claimed immunity yet again. Begging the question, is Denise still cursed?

Back at camp Sele sat around the camp in silence, too scared to be the first one to make a move and potentially make themselves a target. Sick of waiting, Jeremy broke the stand off and walked away, leading to Ben and Denise quickly following him out of camp. Ben quickly locked in the plan to get rid of Parvati, given she is the most dangerous player in the game. Ben then filled Adam in on Adam’s own plan before Adam pulled Rob aside to see if he would be willing to flip on Parvati. Adam was hoping that the truth would keep him safe with Rob and while Rob seemed open to the idea, he immediately took the information to Michele and Jeremy and told them that Adam told him about the Parvati plot. While they tried to pretend it wasn’t the case, Rob steamrolled through their denials to get them to lock in a plan for Adam. Rob then got Parvati on board while Michele and Jermey quickly tried to come up with a plan B.

Michele thought that breaking up the trio was the most pressing situation, she was annoyed that Adam had spilt the plan and as such, considered getting rid of him instead. Michele decided that voting out Parvati was now too risky and would upset Rob and as such, getting rid of Ethan may be the smartest move. She approached Denise and Ben to catch them up before sharing that whatever happens at tribal council tonight will be because she and Jeremy wanted that to happen. Oh and that she totally deserved her win and haters need to back off.

At tribal council Ben spoke about the stand off after the challenge, which Jeremy added was because they thought they were cohesive after the Danni vote and the loss proved that they weren’t. Ethan agreed that it is hard to be united and as such, people are looking out for themselves and the people that they are working with. Adam spoke about the fact that the overlap of alliances makes it hard for any vote to be neat, and that someone else will always be annoyed. Michele likened it to dating, highlighting the importance of trusting your gut and going with what feels right.

Rob agreed that trust is important, though inherently nobody should trust anyone. Parvati pointed out that she is one of the targets tonight and while people are talking about options, she has none, given she came in as one of the most respected winners and few people want to work with her. Adam agreed that reputations make it harder for people like Parvati, or Rob, who straight up has a statue dedicated to him on another island. Rob was annoyed that Adam was reminding everyone that Rob and Parvati are on the Mount Rushmore of Survivor, while Ben tried to pretend he never had allies on Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers, despite being aligned until he blew it up. Denise admitted that there was bedlam after tribal council and everyone was going to everyone to find a plan that they were open to. Ethan spoek about the fact that he is trying to play things one day at a time as he doesn’t want to plan ahead if he can’t even get there.

With that the tribe voted and while I am thrilled that Parvati saved herself yet again, it came at the cost of Zaddy Ethan and that breaks my heart. In. To. A. Million. PIECES. I mean, I loved the look of confusion on Adam’s face when Ethan rather than Parvati was voted out but I would happy have not had that hilarity for just one more day of Ethan in the main game.

Like with Danni before him, Ethan found me behind the fire token exchange table, following the sound of my Kim Kardashian ugly cry. He picked me up as my legs trembled beneath me and pulled me in for a hug. With one arm holding me steady and the other warmly holding my head to his chest, he let me sob for eternity. And while it didn’t matter to him how long we hugged, only wanting me to be ok, the Extinction boat driver continuously coughed and tapped his watch to try and break it up. As such, the producer pulled him away as I screamed and reached for him, only managing to slip an Porchetthan Zohndsiwch in his bag.

 

 

Gloriously salty pork, nutty, creamy cheese and the zingy punch of mustard and rocket work perfectly to fill you with joy, even when you are at your lowest. Plus, there is crackling and crackling solves all problems.

Enjoy!

 

 

Porchetthan Zohndsiwch
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
1 ciabatta, cut into sandwich sized lengths and split in half
2 tbsp dijon mustard
4 slices Swiss cheese
6 slices of porchetta
1 cup rocket

Method
I know assembling a sandwich hardly counts as a recipe, however I have lived a life this week – RIP Phoebe, Flick and now Zaddy Ethan – so I needed something simple enough to throw together through tears.

Soooo, to assemble, smear the bread with the mustard, layer a couple of slices of cheese on the base, top with piping hot pork on top and the rocket.

Close, devour and return to the game like the precious angel you are Ethan!

 

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Danni Po’Boytwright

Main, Survivor, Survivor: Guatemala, Survivor: Winners at War, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor nothing apparently happened and honestly, if this trend continues, I am going to be ropeable. While the network was too lazy to give the iconic season two hour episodes and therefore don’t have time, I love to reminisce. I mean, watching 20 former victors arrive on a remote island – countless falling on their faces as they exited the dingy – before Jeffrey threw them straight into an immunity challenge, where the new former Dakal tribe received immunity, meaning Sandra, Amber, Sarah, Sophie, Kim, Tony, Tyson, Yul, Nick and Wendell were saved from the Tina Wesson, first to worst special. Meanwhile at Sele, Denise found a new, less sexy – but still packing – Malcolm, in the form of Adam, though they sadly got lost in the jungle and immediately became the targets. Luckily Adam is better than people give him credit for and rallied the old school alliance of Rob, Parvati – swoon – Ethan and Danni to his side to get rid of Natalie and weaken Jeremy.

Then the second immunity challenge happened and despite a massive lead for Dakal, Jeremy slayed the final portion and secured immunity. This made Dakal descend into chaos, with the Game Changers all aligning, the poker group of Kim, Tyson and Amber – by proxy – on the outs and the wet-dream power alliance of Yul and Sophie pulling in Nick and Wendell to take control of the tribe. Ultimately pulling in the Game Changers to get rid of Amber, again, to weaken a male. Much to the disgust of Sandra.

We opened by checking in on Natalie and her new BFF Amber on the Edge of Extinction where Amber was still trying to come to terms with her boot, though was grateful for a second chance and was using her four children at home and her husband over at Sele as motivation to keep going and to push to find ways that she can help Rob’s Cause.

Speaking of Rob, he awoke at Sele to discover a bequeathed Fire Token and immediately panicked that it meant that Amber had been voted out. He then shared how hard it was for both of them to leave the kids once again and as such, he worried about how she would cope with all the time to think the edge provides. Rob found Parvati by the shore and immediately shared his fears with her while Parvati hopefully suggested that maybe it was Sandra. They then speculated about all the different friends that could have possibly passed their token to him, but you could tell deep down that he knew his wife was gone. And if Sandra had something to do with it, he would be out for revenge.

Meanwhile Denise and Ben were chatting and collecting wood, with the latter hoping to improve his game by building social bonds. As a semi-expert, Ben decided to coach Denise in finding hidden immunity idols with it quickly paying off as Denise snatched it. Sadly for her it was a best friend’s idol, requiring Denise to give the other half away with it only working when combined. Surprisingly Ben didn’t pressure her to give him the half, instead suggesting that she pass it off to someone to build trust. Helpfully suggesting Adam, somehow unaware that the two were fast becoming a tight duo. With Ben’s blessing, Denise found Adam on the beach and told him what had happened and while they were both annoyed that Ben was aware of its existence, glad that they could use it together. With that Denise suggested that they gift it to Parvati to get an in with the icon, while Adam quickly talked her out of it and around to giving it to him instead.

Over at Dakal Yul was using his long, hard piece of wood to collect fruit for the tribe, while Kim acted as his cheerleader, just desperate to find a friend. Speaking of Kim, she was struggling with being on the outs after dominating her first season and decided to go find an idol. Despite knowing that hunting isolates her and makes her more of a target, the risk was worth it as she really didn’t have any other options. After learning that it was a crummy best friend’s idol, Tony and Nick appeared from behind a tree, with her pretending to be grabbing firewood. While she knew that she had been caught, she assumed they didn’t think she had found it. Having a good feeling about Sophie, she approached her to gift her the other half idol, much to Sophie’s confusion given they aren’t aligned and Sophie is keen to take her out using the intel.

Back at the Edge of Extinction, Amber and Natalie discovered a note for yet another advantage. Natalie played dumb about the whole token jam, bartering any advantages to earn enough to by rewards or advantages for them. For some reason, the duo opted to hunt for the advantage together, meandering around the island until Amber decided it was a trigger to find something that may appear tomorrow. Annoyed at expending all the energy, Natalie felt guilty and went to get water for them both. It was there that she discovered an advantage in the well. Said advantage would set the person back one token, and give them the opportunity to exit tribal council before the votes were cast, meaning they were immune, but also missed out on having their say. Like the Pia and Luke majesty in Champions vs. Contenders II. Over at Sele we learnt that Jeremy was the lucky person to be get the advantage offer, with him readily handing over his token.

We returned to Dakal where Tony was hard at work on his fake job of construction to keep himself occupied so he doesn’t do anything stupid. Instead of injecting that energy in improving camp, he used his time to make a ladder so that they could climb up to collect fruit. The tribe took the 20-foot ladder into the jungle to test it out, while Tyson marveled at the fact he isn’t dead and Sophie was concerned that he was actually going to test it and die. Tony being Tony, he then actually climbed the idol and honestly, I am still shocked that he isn’t dead.

While everyone was worried about his mental well being, the move did soften them towards him and everyone was laughing and happy. Sarah noticed that this is exactly how he was in Cagayan and was glad that people were falling for him, hopeful that him making more friends would hide from their friendship of more than six years. The duo finally took a moment to go for a walk and quickly suggested that they reignite their Cops’R’Us alliance and while they all looked happy, Sarah did not that last time they aligned, He took her out and as such, she is going in with her eyes wide open.

Jeffrey finally arrived for the combined reward and immunity challenge and after Rob stopped fuming about losing his wife, Jeff explained that they would race out with a cart to collect three years on the top of towers, then use said keys to release three chests. They would then load them on the cart, dis-assemble it, pass it through an obstacle, reassemble it and wheel the cart to the end and solve a puzzle with the pieces inside. The reward was for the Survivor spice kit and honestly, I am shocked that Michele didn’t have PTSD from the Koah Rong spice challenge genocide.

Dakal got out to an early lead with Sele nipping at their heels. It turns out however that Tyson is more adept at wielding a long, hard pole and extended their lead ever so slightly. Dakal continued to work well together, putting their cart back together ahead of Sele, getting their pieces to Sandra and Sophie with a decent lead over Sele, leaving Rob and Denise to nervously wait. Sandra and Sophie had finished their first segment of the puzzle as Denise and Rob finally joined the fray, with Tony encouraging his tribe to cheer for their girls to make their rivals more anxious. Which is equal parts petty, hilarious and amazing. Rob and Denise took a break to sort their pieces on the table, while Sandra and Sophie whipped through the puzzle, winning the challenge for their tribe with a huge lead, sending Sele back to tribal council.

Making me think, was Rob too concerned about Amber to think? If so, I ship them so hard.

Back at camp Parvati was nervous about being outnumbered by the new school winners on the tribe, while Rob was heartbroken to have choked in the challenge. Ethan pointed out that Rob was crap in the challenge, while Rob countered that he too was shit. Rob wasn’t overly concerned about heading to tribal council however, as he built a strong relationship with his fellow old school winners and as such, they got together to try and find a target. Unfortunately, the alliance was plotting without one of their members, Danni, which made her super nervous. And irritated with Parvati, got to work schmoozing the tribe to try and save herself. Danni and Ethan caught up with Ben and Danni sadly let slip the existence of the old school alliance, immediately terrifying Ben as the newest winner on his tribe.

With that Ben took the information to Adam and Jeremy, with Ethan tagging along and pretending not to be a part of any of the drama, to turn the tide on the old schoolers. Meanwhile Danni approached Rob and explained that she was feeling left out, so checked in with him to see whether he would be willing to take out his number one ally, Parvati. While they promised to go with the plan and stick together, Rob considered it her second and final strike, and instead got to work turning the vote on her. This made Adam happy, seeing the oldies fighting against themselves and while he would rather get rid of Parvati, he was happy to bide his time until it was right and get rid of Parvati. Ethan told Parvati about Danni targeting her, before the trio joined together to lock in the Danni vote and see whether they trust Ben enough to go through with it. Meanwhile Adam filled Michele and Jeremy in on the plan, before offering up the chance to take out Parvati instead. And being on the bottom of the tribe, the duo obviously didn’t care, as long as it wasn’t them.

At tribal council Adam struggled to stick his torch in a hole, and oh my god, is he playing the bumbling fool perfectly? With the slapstick out of the way, Rob spoke about the importance of making both real and fake relationships, which Ethan agreed was hard to figure out. Michele admitted to struggling to read people this season and that old school and new school doesn’t impact. Parvati disagreed and said that playing decades ago made it difficult for some people to keep up, given they never had to contend with certain elements and as such, are pretty much newbies in this era.

Danni agreed and said that her previous game was all about loyalty, which is what she was trying to do this season. This got a nice chuckle from Parvati who shared that Danni originally had targeted Rob, who then became her ally in the old school alliance. This got a reaction from Ben, who shared Danni’s earlier faux pas with the tribe and said that as much as they want to deny it, there clearly was an old school, new school thing occurring in the tribe. He then spoke about the rising paranoia in the tribe, blaming the oldies for causing it in the tribe. This led to the trio berating him for calling them out, when everyone is.

Rob, Jeremy, Parvati and Ethan started whispering, before Rob called on everyone to empty out their bag to prove that they don’t have the idol. Denise skillfully hid her idol in her hand as everyone emptied their bag, and Adam called Rob out for strong arming the tribe into showing their possessions. Adam spoke about the more important aspect of the game being about forming relationships at this point, with Parvati agreeing that the vote was solely coming down to relationships.

With that the tribe voted, nobody played a hidden immunity idol and Queen Danni was ironically voted from the game for running her mouth, despite winning her season and hiding her plans from even the producers. On the way out the door, a dejected Danni bequeathed her Fire Token to Denise.

Unlike most of my other Edge of Extinction catch-ups, I didn’t jump out and spook the hell out of Danni. While I had planned to, I was ugly crying like Dawson Leery and was not being quiet about it, and as such, Danni found me hiding under the bequeathment table and asked what the hell I was doing down there. I spluttered through snot bubbles as I explained how happy I was to finally have a Guatemala OG return to the game and seeing her running her mouth out of the game so soon, was too much to handle. Particularly since she won by keeping her mouth shut in confessionals, so production couldn’t spoil her plans.

I continued to cry as she tried to perk me up, vowing to return to the game and slay it. And as such, told me I better have another recipe lined up to follow the delicious Danni Po’Boytwright we shared as she headed to the girl’s club known as Edge of Extinction.

 

 

Spicy and meaty, this baby is one of my favourite ways to enjoy meat in my buns. While it may appear simple, this po’boy makes up for its simplicity by being jam packed with flavour. Garlicky, creamy, spicy and sweet, this sando is a complete journey for your mouth, which is just what you need.

Enjoy!

 

 

Danni Po’Boytwright
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
olive oil
6 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp salt
½ tsp black pepper, ground
1 tsp ground chilli
1kg beef chuck roast
2 cups beef stock
4 Hulk Hogies
½ cup Shayonnaise Swain
8-12 slices provolone cheese
iceberg lettuce, shredded
2 tomatoes, sliced
4 dill pickles, sliced
1 tbsp hot sauce

Method
Combine a good lug of olive oil with the garlic, salt, pepper and chilli in a large, shallow dish and add the beef chuck. Rub with the marinade, cover and place in the fridge for an hour or so.

Heat another lug of oil in a dutch oven over high heat. Once scorching, reduce heat to medium and seal the roast on either side for a couple of minutes, allowing the outside to caramelise. Once it has started sticking to the base, add the beef stock and bring to the boil. Once rolicking, reduce heat to low and simmer for an hour or so, or until the meat is falling apart and the liquid is all but gone. You may need to add more stock to the pan throughout cooking.

Remove the meat from the pot to rest for five minutes before using two forks to shred the beef like you would pulled pork. Return the beef to the pan to absorb all the juices and keep warm while you prep the sandwich.

Preheat oven to 180C.

To assemble, split the buns in half and heap with a generous smear of mayonnaise. Generously top with the meat, followed by a few slices of cheese. Pop them on a lined baking sheet and cook for five minutes or so, or until the cheese has melted. Remove from the oven, top with lettuce, tomato, pickles and a generous spritz of hot sauce.

Then devour.

 

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Hawaijohn Eastoegiana

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: All Stars, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Main, Poultry, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the All Stars were playing the game hard, with David and Mat forming a cross-alliance alliance, protecting themselves … until a tribe swap split them up. After the swap, Shonee and Zach returned from exile – oh, they were sent to exile – and rejoined the tribes, where Shonee commenced an epic revenge arc. Almost saving Lydia, Jonathan announced that instead of tribal immunity, both tribes would be going to tribal council and instead, one person from each tribe would win immunity. Sadly for Lydia, her individual challenge record grew to 0 from 2, as Jacqui and Brooke snagged them for each tribe. After the challenge, Vakama continued Shonee’s revenge agenda, and planned to axe the skier, while on Mokuta, David was desperate to blindside Nick. Sadly for him, his ally Phoebe had no interest in losing her season mate. Oh and Moana wanted to weaken David by getting rid of Phoebe. At tribal council they were shocked to learn that while both tribes will be voting someone out, the duo would then compete in a fire challenge, with the winner living to see another day. Each tribe then voted out Lydia and Phoebe before Pheebs absolutely destroyed Lydia, sending her from the game for good. After losing another individual challenge.

The next day things were looking pretty peachy at Vakama, as John showed his bum off to the tribe as he found a gloriously popable pimple. While he seemed to have everything, zaddy John – oh how I’d love to pop his pimples – was feeling all alone, after losing his allies back to back. With that, he tried to make friends, bonding with Mat over the fact they’re both apparently the sweetest, ocker men in the world. Proving more adept at the game than I assumed, John also knew that Mat was also in danger and as such, they really need to stick together.

Meanwhile Flick, Harry and Mat were talking about how interesting slash dramatic the previous tribal council was, with Mat just grateful that Phoebe was able to slay Lydia for him. Once again. That being said, he was still feeling left, right out, given he is well on the bottom of the swapped tribe. Which John literally just told us. Reminding us that Locky is a far better player than anyone gives him credit for, Locky pulled Mat aside to feed him a little bit of information and make him feel like he can trust him. And while it is smart gameplay, Mat could see right through it and as such, was desperate to take him out. And fuck with his mind. HARD. Inspired, Mat pulled John aside to see whether he’d be interested in working together. John’s one stipulation was to keep Harry safe before Mat assured him that Harry is far from being his concern, instead wanting to rally the numbers to take out Locky and break up the power alliance of he and Brooke.

We ventured over to Mokuta where Jacqui and Nick were trying to get a Coles endorsement, as she cooked the rice and joked around. Not feeling in the laughing mood, Phoebe was pissed to have been voted out last, though extremely thankful to have a second chance and show EXACTLY what a bottom can do. As such, she got to work working the tribe, pulling David aside to explain why she looped Nick in on his potential blindside, in the hopes that they can work together again. She assured him that she only wants to do what is best for the two of them and while Dave wanted to be bitterly angry at her, he felt like he needed her to survive, and as such, was well and truly stuck with her. Knowing that Phoebe and Nick were tight, and that Moana had fed him the incorrect information ahead of the last tribal council, Dave was feeling all alone and for the first time in two seasons, felt nervous.

Moana too was reeling from the previous tribal council, annoyed that her perfectly executed blindside was blown up by and twist. And Phoebe’s killer fire skills ruined it for her. That being said though, she planned to use their vulnerability to her advantage and secure Dave’s allegiance. He and Moana then caught up by the shore, with Moana letting him know that Phoebe actively wants him out before the merge and while he may feel betrayed, she did it to protective. She then gave one of the single best pitches in all of Survivor, pointing out how her changes and messing with the votes protected her and, and … am I in love with Moana again?

Wanting in on the action Jonathan arrived for the reward, which turned out to be a tribal version of the survivor auction where each tribe would get $2000 to spend, but the prizes would all be individual, with maximum bids capped at $500. The first item was a mystery scroll and while the bidding started off calmly, Phoebe jumped up to $500, completely screwing her tribe. AND I LOVE. And her tribe, totally hated. She then learnt that she had won the Shane Gould reward, where she and a person of her choosing from the other tribe would get to snack on everything won by everyone else. She selected AK and honestly it was so pure … until Mat started throwing shade at her choice to annoy the tribe. Next up Harry spent $160 on avo toast, Mat spent $340 on a Flintstones-sized steak and mash, Nick was gifted a message from home for $340 as he has a newborn at home – and Flick didn’t want him to feel like it was gifted – and obvs, I am crying.

After some intense bidding on a covered item, John snagged a margarita pizza for $300 – and booooo, Brooke hates pizza – John then caused some drama, trying to drive up the price of a Mexican parma and beer before Lee bought it for $460, converting another to the glory of the Mexican parma. Meanwhile at the feast seats, Phoebe started spilling all the deets to AK before Jonathan pulled out some burritos and margies, which Locky bought for $240, sadly not sharing the margs with Shon. And just like that, the auction was over and while Phoebe was overwhelmed with joy, Moana was ropeable and ready to vote her out. Again.

Back at camp a well fed AK was mocking everyone for their empty, starving stomachs while John seethed about losing a Mexican parma once again. And not saying fuck it to his target and buying it anyway. But sadly, he was trying to play smart and as such, needed to keep a low profile so that he and Mat could make their move. Meanwhile AK took the intel he received whilst dining with Phoebe, with the group confirming that under no circumstance, can they let Mat make it to merge. Just as Mat walked up to join the conversation.

Meanwhile over at Mokuta, Sharn was quick to highlight Phoebe by asking about her feast before she wisely declined the tribe’s lunch rice. Sadly that small gesture meant nothing to her tribe, as Moana continued to see the opportunity to get her out and solidify her alliance with Dave. She then did an ASMR confessional that lasted threeeeeeeee miiiiiiiinnnnnuuuuuutttteeees. While she was fulfilling fetishes, Dave and Sharn went out hunting for an idol, to make sure Phoebe doesn’t snag it, with the Golden God finally joining the fray this season, and triumphantly securing his idol. Much to his cum face’s delight.

My love Jonathan returned to our screens for the latest immunity challenge where each tribe would try and hold a disc between two pairs of feet, with a bucket of water tethered to the top. Drop them too low and the water drops, eliminating the pair from the challenge with the last ones standing winning for their tribe. Out of nowhere, Mat and Flick were the first to drop from the challenge for Vakama, followed by Locky and Harry, leaving AK, John, Brooke and Shonee to try and keep them all safe. After twenty-something minutes, Jacqui and Sharn became the first Mokuta team to drop before AK and John dropped, leaving Flick and Shonee – the weakest – to keep everyone safe. After 50 minutes, Tarzan couldn’t hold out any longer, dropping for Mokuta, leaving Zach, David, Moana and Phoebe to win for their tribe. They were quickly followed by Moana and Phoebe, leaving Shonee and Brooke to battle David and Zach. Remember when Shonee was considered the weakest? Fuckin’ lol. Sadly for them, I jinxed their powers, with Brooke pulling them down after two hours, handing immunity to Mokuta yet again.

Back at camp, Vakama settled into their usual rhythm of scrambling ahead of tribal council. Locky was thrilled to be returning since his alliance were working closely with Shonee and Harry, and as such, can finally slay Mat. Locky and AK caught up to lock in a split vote between Mat and John, making the former paranoid enough to flush his idol and send John from the game so they can get rid of Mat net. Knowing that he is screwed, Mat pulled John aside to figure out who to pull across with them to take control. Mat pulled Harry and Shonee across to try and take control, with the icon and Harry assuring him that they are well and truly on board to take control. Being deadlocked in four, Mat identified Flick as the one at the bottom of the other group and got to work convincing her to come across.

With that, Mat and Harry pulled Flick aside to see how she was feeling with Flick reminding them that all she cares about is loyalty. Mat used that to his advantage, telling her that Locky and Brooke warned him not to trust her, and that her safest bet was aligning with them. Well and truly shitting herself, Flick was open to the idea and oh my god, how had she not had a confessional when she may be screwing over Brooke. AGAIN. Meanwhile Harry and Shonee excused themselves to debate the pros and cons of voting out Mat, John and Locky, while Shonee admitted that she simply can’t think because she is too full from her back-to-back revenge.

At tribal council AK admitted to happily decimating the OG Mokuta tribe, while Shonee agreed that she was happy to team up with them as they are well and truly dead to her. And she has no other options. Harry spoke about a hierarchy, despite the harmony which Brooke vehemently denied. John gave a sly chuckle before admitting that he has no idea, given he is playing the left, right out. AK denied the hierarchy, playing up the fact they all agreed on the next steps. John continued to go in like a freaking icon, pointing out that Locky and Brooke are in love and also in control and as such, everyone else is playing for third and fourth.

Mat spoke about the importance of building trust, Harry said that playing easy may be right for a certain amount of time, but eventually people will be ready to make a move and make it happen. John continued to stir the pot, taunting Flick for being on the bottom of the alliance , which made my fellow GC legend well and truly nervous about her place in the game. Though hopeful that her trust is not misplaced. Harry then gave advice that the best way to stay out of the firing line is to shoot first, which Mat reminded everyone is only correct if you don’t miss. He then pulled out his hidden immunity idol and taunted the couple before the tribe headed out to vote. Surprisingly Mat actually played his idol, saving himself from a tied vote with John, and sending my former nude zaddy from the game.

Oh sweet zaddy John. While I was thrilled to once again take him in … my arms, and provide him with all the love and comfort in the world, the lingering thought in the back of my mind was the fact he didn’t align with Shonee. And as such, he deserves it. Plus, his nude scene quota was way lower, so I was willing to see him go. Though maybe that has something to do with the fact watching him walk away floods my basement?

After a brief few hours berating him for picking the wrong allies, I apologies for not being sensitive, offered to make it up to him and got around whipping him up a commiseration meal. And because I am nothing if not petty, I opted to continue to deny him another Mexican parma, and instead gave him another glorious version, the Hawaijohn Eastoegiana.

 

 

Now I know the way to Zaddy John’s heart is through the Mexican parma, but I wanted to offer him something familiar, with just enough interest to keep things spicy. In the hope it keeps our passion fresh. Perfectly cooked schnitty, dripping in fresh, hot marinara – lucky Winners at War filmed close by – and topped with salty prosciutto and the sweetest of sweet pineapple, you’ve got a near perfect meal. Plus, you know pineapple keeps us tasting our best …

Enjoy!

 

 

Hawaijohn Eastoegiana
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
2 large, skinless chicken breasts, halved through the middle
2 eggs
1 cup plain flour
1 cup breadcrumbs
2 tbsp parmesan, grated
1 cup Amber Marinara Sauce
8 slices prosciutto
8 pineapple rings
125g ball mozzarella, sliced

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C.

Beat eggs in a large(ish) bowl. In a second bowl, combine breadcrumbs and parmesan, and chuck the flour, or you know place it gently, in a third bowl. As you can imagine, I like it more rough when John is around.

Place the halved chicken breasts between cling film sheets and bash out with a rolling pin until they are about 1cm thick (don’t worry too much about this…mine generally end up looking pretty ugly anyway). Dip the fillet in flour, followed by the egg, then the breadcrumb/polenta/parmesan mix. Place in the oven to bake for 20-30 minutes, flipping halfway through.

Remove chicken from the oven. Drizzle a thin layer of marinara sauce over the chicken, cover with a couple of slices of prosciutto and top with the pineapple. Drizzle a little more sauce before covering in mozzarella. Return to the oven and bake for 5-10 minutes or until the sauce is bubbling and the cheese is melted and golden.

Serve with fries. Copious amounts of fries. All over John’s beautiful body, as you mourn the loss of nude scenes.

 

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Chocolate and Peanatalie Andersecake

Baking, Cake, Survivor, Survivor: San Juan del Sur - Blood vs. Water, Survivor: Winners at War, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Let’s not even play the cutesie game of acknowledging the previous two seasons of Survivor, because honestly, they ended up with a controversial victor and some real world ugliness dominating the end game. And this is the ultimate battle – Winners at War – and even the inclusion of Edge of Extinction can’t take away from the epic grandeur that is about to unfold before our very eyes. Speaking of unfolded, to begin the season we opened up with the original marooning, followed in quick succession by the current batch of contestants and their victorious maroonings and honestly, if the site of Ethan in Africa spliced with the zaddy riding the Fijian waves in a speed boat doesn’t flood your basement and make you want to cry because you’re so overwhelmed, you’re a terrible person.

I mean, it is fucking Ethan! Fun fact: he is the first person that made me feel ok to embrace my curls. Even funner fact: I now realise that that was me thinking he was hot and wanting to look like him.

But anyway, the ten men sped through the Fijian waters with Tony acknowledging his huge target, though looking around at his fellow victors, he himself was overwhelmed by the magnitude of the season, and his fellow competitors. Meanwhile in another part of the ocean, ten female winners were cruising on their own boat, with Parvati talking about being out of the loop for ten years while building her family, though she was ready to come back and destroy her competition. And honestly, I already have goosebumps. Ethan shared that he is just happy that he lived long enough to play Survivor again after beating cancer. Amber was thrilled to be back and hoped to win again, and more importantly looked forward to beating her husband again.

The men were the first to arrive on the tiny island in the middle of a reef where Probst was waiting to greet them. The women soon followed, with Sandra shocked to see Rob was also there playing against his wife, given she just spent 36 days on the Island of the Idols with her and never once thought to mention that he was playing again. As a newer winner, Wendell was overwhelmed to be facing off against legends, 13 years on Yul knows that the game has changed and Probst acknowledged how much the world has changed since Amber first played 20 years ago and hot damn, I am old. And hot damn, this is amazing.

Probst unveiled a bottle of champagne to toast everyone and 20 years of Survivor before shocking Natalie by splitting everyone into tribes and assuring them that the season is not men versus women. She started on the Sele tribe with Rob, Ethan, Parvati, Ben, Michele, Danni, Denise, her bestie Jeremy and Adam, while Tony, Wendell, Amber, Kim, Sophie, Nick, Sarah, Yul, Sandra and Tyson formed Dakal. Probst announced that this season would feature a currency called Fire Tokens. Each person would start with one and would need to will it to someone else when they are voted out to the Edge of Extinction. Vom. Adding to the excitement, he then said that this season would be a little bit different, in that the victor wouldn’t win $1 million, bu $2 million, to the joy of literally everyone.

Oh and then he surprised everyone by announcing that they would be kicking the season off with a challenge in the water, which isn’t a great idea after booze, but whatever. In pairs, they would race out to collect a ring and then drag the ring towards a coloured pole for their tribe. First to be touching the ring and their pole – my dream night, really – would score a point, with first to securing a flint, rice … AND immunity. Filling Denise with dread, given she has never missed a tribal council in her Survivor career.

First up were Tyson and Yul for Dakal facing off against Jeremy and Ethan for Dakal. Tyson quickly snatched the ring and headed to his pole while Jeremy and Ethan desperately tried to drag him away. Yul joined the fray however and quickly dragged them to their pole, scoring the first point for Dakal. The second round featured Natalie and Parvati versus Kim and Sarah, with Kim pulling hair and Natalie beasting her way against the current as Parvati desperately reach for the pole. Until Kim and Sarah overpowered them and scored the second point for Dakal. Rob and Ben faced off against Wendell and Tony, with the former duo proving too strong and scoring the first point for Sele. The next round featured Denise and Natalie facing off against Amber and Sarah, with Natalie and Amber clawing over the ring, while Sarah and Denise tousled in the water. Eventually the women came together and Mrs Mariano proved that managing four kids builds strength, dragging Natalie and Denise with Sarah to score the third point for Dakal and immunity.

Meaning Queen Sandra escapes being the first boot. Yas yas yas.

After being told that tribal council won’t be until day two, a dejected Sele headed off while a much more relieved Dakal arrived at their island. The tribe hugged and introduced themselves before Nick found a Fire Token menu, explaining what they can buy and how the currency works. And Nick was confident that mastering the currency will prove key to victory in the season. And given he is from a new season, he is used to it to his advantage. Please don’t tell me that is a winner’s quote.

The tribe quickly got to work building their shelter, with Wendell hoping to take a step back so that he isn’t stuck building again like his first season, rather than building relationships and hunting for idols. Meanwhile Sarah and Amber were catching up by the well, with Sarah expressing how shocked she was to see the All Stars’ victor given she and Rob have four kids sitting at home. Talk quickly turned to their kids and the women shared that they each made calendars for their kids to cross off every day until they are home. Tyson stumbled upon the scene and shared that he made a daisy chain for them to rip off a ring each day and hot damn, that is the sweetest. He then spoke about how much winning Survivor meant to him, because now he is able to spend more time with his kids and as such, coming out again is a huge deal. Back at camp Wendell called Sandra the queen, filling her with nerves as she knows that title puts the biggest target on her back. She spoke about her history with Tony and Sarah and how they all voted each other out, but my gut tells me this is all for show and they plan to stick together.

We checked in with Sele where they got to work building a shelter, while getting to know each other and slowly trying to figure out who to vote out the next day. Parvati and Jeremy bonded over their babies at home, with Parvati acknowledging how differently she will play the game as a married parent. Parvati continued to use kids to bond, chatting with Rob about his kids before Rob joined Ethan to check he was doing ok. Ethan shared how scary life after cancer can be, and as such, he is hoping returning to the game will take him back to the younger guy that was carefree and won the game. Denise and Adam went wandering to find the well and continued Denise’s terrible luck in Survivor, by getting lost. While they used the time to align, the rest of the tribe noticed that they had been gone for a ridiculously long time and as such, painted a target squarely on their backs.

We returned to Dakal where Tony was chatting to Yul, Nick and Wendell about playing a calmer game than before, knowing that it will only put a target on his back and see him get booted early again, like Game Changers. Speaking of big targets, Amber was feeling nervous about the pace of the game. While everyone was chatting and building the shelter, she wasn’t sure whether she should be out hunting for idols to save herself from the looming fear of she and her husband teaming up. On another part of the island Yul was casually asking Sophie to align and after assuring her that he didn’t view it casually, Yul spoke about the importance of the lesser connected people joining together to counter the larger poker alliance of Kim, Rob, Jeremy and Tyson, with Natalie and Amber roped in by association. Sophie and her nerd shield noticed themselves in the middle with Wendell and Nick, with Tyson, Kim and Amber closely aligned and the gritty Game Changers of Sarah, Tony and Sandra clearly aligned.

Speaking of alliances, over at Sele Rob approached Parvati about working together this season, rather than targeting each other like in Heroes vs. Villains. Knowing that they have the biggest targets on the island, and given Rob has few options, Parvati was all in and they quickly found people to join their old school crew. Speaking off old school, Danni and Ethan were chatting to Adam and Ben about everyone’s out of game connections, with Danni pointing out that Rob is clearly the most connected and as such, needs to go. Sadly for her, Ben went for a walk with Jeremy and Rob and told the latter that his name had been thrown out. In a matter of seconds Rob got the fact Danni was the one throwing his name out from Ben and as such approached Danni to hear it from her. Somehow the iconic Danni used it to her advantage, telling him the truth leading to Rob, Parvati, Danni and Ethan joining together to take on the newbies.

The next day Adam awoke terrified about tribal council as the rest of the tribe woke up and started to scramble. Danni and Denise caught up, Jeremy and Michele were plotting, Ben and Ethan chatted while the latter’s head spun about the speed of the game. Natalie and Jeremy, whom she avenged in San Juan del Sur, caught up by the shore, with Natalie suggesting that Adam should be voted out given he and Denise disappeared on day one. They took the idea to Ben, Ethan and Rob who all seemed open to the idea. Once again Ben took the information straight back to the person that was being targeted, filling Adam with even more nerves. Adam then suggested that Natalie and Jeremy were the most dangerous pair on the tribe and they should maybe focus on Rob and Amber too. Adam then got to work rallying the troops to split up Jeremy and Natalie, roping in Denise, Ethan and the old schoolers, with Rob and Parvati agreeing that it makes sense to split up the pairs ASAP.

Parvati joined Jeremy, Natalie, Danni and Ben to try and get someone to lock in a name, with everyone too scared to be the one to throw out a name. While Danni suggested Adam, everyone was too nervous to lock something in which made Parvati nervous that she is missing something and it is her. She then joined Rob by the shore and icons were in hysterics about the fact that they are sitting pretty and nobody seems to be targeting two of the biggest icons of the game. And the fact the rest of the tribe are heading out for tribal without any plans.

At tribal council Ethan spoke about how differently the pace of the game is from All Stars, which in itself was a step up from Africa. Rob agreed that the game is so different from Marquesas. Talk soon turned to the fact that Denise and Adam disappeared on day one, with Denise reiterating that they got lost before acknowledging that that doesn’t matter because perceptions are everything. Adam then jumped in to remind everyone that being nervous about people that met the day before is absurd given there is a married couple in the game and people that have been friends for decades. Probst asked Natalie whether she was nervous to follow in Nadiya’s footsteps and become the first boot, with her talking about using any excuse to vote someone out first. Parvati said that nobody should feel comfortable, but for some reason most people do. This made Jeremy nervous, though he was hopeful that tribal would show who he can trust. Ben and Michele meanwhile were just sitting there anxiously, overwhelmed by everything. Ethan admitted to being nervous, while Natalie agreed that being all winners put more pressure on them than ever before.

With that the tribe headed out to vote and it proved that Probst was prophetic as my love Natalie found herself following in Nadiya’s footsteps and becoming the first boot. Before he had even finished counting the votes, Natalie had her hair in the bun and was ready to fight, getting her torch snuffed, bequeathing her Fire Token to Jeremy – obviously – and jumping on a boat to head to the Edge of Extinction.

Sike, you know I stopped her before she jumped on the boat and pulled her into a bear hug. Well ever she stopped hitting me and screaming because I scared the shit out of each other. We collapsed in a heap laughing at how terrified she was before I casually suggested that maybe she and Nadiya just aren’t meant to compete in All Stars seasons. Obviously she objected and told me to stop saying silly things, because she is coming back with a vengeance and is going to slay the merge. Well, as soon as she is done fuelling up on her Chocolate and Peanatalie Andersecake.

 

 

This little Nigella number is quite possibly the best cake of all time, I knew it would be perfect for one of my favourite single-season winner’s arc. Revenge, redemption and bold play, calls for a punch of sticky peanut butter and the velvety smooth chocolate topping. Get thee to a kitchen now and praise the Queen. Well Queens – Natalie and Nigella.

Enjoy!

 

 

Chocolate and Peanatalie Andersecake
Serves: 1 lonely twinnie, sitting on an island waiting for Godot, Telstra and/or company.

Ingredients
200g digestive biscuits
50g salted peanuts
100g dark chocolate chips
50g unsalted butter, at room temperature
500g cream cheese
3 eggs
3 egg yolks
200g raw caster sugar
1 ½ cups sour cream
250g smooth peanut butter
100g milk chocolate chips
30g muscovado brown sugar

Method
Preheat the oven to 160°C.

Chuck the digestives, peanuts, dark chocolate chips and butter in a food processor and blitz until a moist crumb forms and it is clumping together. Transfer to a springform tin and press into the bottom and half-way up the sides. Place the base in the fridge to chill while you get started on the filling.

In a clean food processor – aka, sorry you had to clean mid-bake – place the cream cheese, egg and yolks, caster sugar, half a cup of sour cream and the peanut butter and blitz until it forms a cohesive, creamy, caramelly colour. Pour oven the base, marveling as the beauty as it flows in.

Get a kettle boiling and a baking dish that will fit the cake tin out. Wrap the base and side of the springform with a double layer of clingfilm, followed by a double layer of foil to create a protective, waterproof barrier.

Once the kettle has boiled, place the cake in the baking dish and pour water into the dish so that it comes half-way up the side of the tin. Carefully transfer the waterbath and cake into the oven and bake for 45 minutes, or until the top is set and dry.

Remove from the oven and combine the remaining sour cream, milk chocolate and muscovado sugar in a saucepan over low heat. Cook, whisking, until smooth and combined. Pour over the cake and return to the oven to bake for a further 10 minutes, or until set.

Allow to cool completely before transferring to the fridge to set overnight. Then, devouring immediately.

 

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Michelle Ragougan

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2017), Australian Survivor: All Stars, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the All Stars were immediately thrown into some brutal challenges, the first of which featured a clue to a hidden immunity idol hidden at tribal council. And while Henry was lucky to grab it unnoticed, it was only valid for three tribal councils. When his tribe won the next two immunity challenges, he handed it off to Mat to cause some chaos at tribal council. Mat and the leader of his rival alliance, David decided to come together to help protect each other, and for David, to get revenge on one of his allies. Brooke then found an idol hidden at camp, completely throwing their plans into chaos. Until they gave an Oscar winning turn at tribal council and Mat correctly played him idol on Jacqui, before David begged Brooke to play hers on him and poor Daisy was gobsmacked to be booted from the game third.

In time to do exit press for her first season.

We checked in with Vakama the next day where the excitement of the previous tribal council was a thing of the past, and instead, Jacqui was showing off her killer physique. I mean, she looks like what Teresa Gudice wishes she looked like in a bodybuilding comp. Back at the shelter Mat was still processing his emotions from the epic tribal council, still shocked that the plan worked and that David didn’t backstab them. On the flipside the wounded majority alliance were feeling super nervous, unsure how Mat found out the votes would pile up on Jacqui and as such, speculated that there is a rat in their midst. Locky approached Mat to see if he could get any intel from him about the mole and while Mat dutifully told him that it was an educated guess, Locky did not buy it.

Speaking of the mole, David was on cloud nine – flushing both the idols, solidifying his secret alliance with Mat and getting his revenge on Daisy. Which I’m not really sure was needed, but since it was spectacular, I will let it slide. That being said, David was nervous and knew that he needed to keep his story straight and make sure nobody compares stories and realises he is a mole.

Meanwhile over at Mokuta Nick was busy knighting Lee for his spaghetti arms, while Henry was quietly sulking the corner since he is left right out on the bottom of the tribe. He regrouped and decided to approach Nick, bonding by the water well and hoping to form an alliance. Sadly for Henry, Nick learnt from his first season and was happy to sit quietly and wait for the chance to strike and as such, cannot align with Henry. Though obviously he pledged his loyalty to Henry and planned to ice him ASAP.

My love Jonathan graced us with his presence for the reward challenge where one at a time, someone from each tribe would face off on either side of a chest and try to push it and therefore their rival, off the edge of a dock. With the winning tribe getting some piping hot fish and chips. Oh, but before that AK threw Henry straight under the bus and announced that Mat played an idol at the previous tribal council THAT WAS GIVEN TO HIM BY HENRY AT THE LAST IMMUNITY CHALLENGE. I mean, I didn’t love him in Season 2, but AK is a deadset messy legend and I live. Henry was first to face off against Mat, allowing plenty of time for people to make jokes about them being idol buddies. Despite looking like an easy win for Mat, Henry stood his ground and clawed back the lead … until Mat overpowered him and sent him into the water.

Next round Jacqui chose to avenge Zach’s shitty views, however was sadly pushed straight into the water. But damn I love her. Lydia was up next, with AK challenging as Locky reminded him that Lydia is strong as shit. Direct quote. Despite being strong as shit and putting up a hell of a fight, AK dominated and scored another point for Vakama. Net up were Tarzan and Harry and hot damn, Tarzan is a beast and I live, easily winning the point. Though sadly not giving Harry a kiss like the last challenge. Just some hella sass on his way to winning the reward for his tribe.

The victorious Vakama were thrilled about the prospect of smashing their fish and chips, until they discovered they had actually won fishing gear and some potatoes, oil and salt to make chips once they catch the fish. With everyone trying to pretend they weren’t bitterly disappointed, they used the time to hunt for a clue or idol amongst their spoils to make the win moderately worth it. Mat then flipped the crate and found the idol hidden inside it in front of the entire tribe, leaving the majority furious and Mat, well, he was left smiling with a big, shit-eating grin.

As the majority went fishing to calm their nerves, Mat pulled Moana aside to let her know about his secret alliance with and growing trust in Dave. Finally finding her missing spark, Moana was thrilled about the turn of events and was happy to make a deal with the devil if it gets her further. And keeps Mat and David as the biggest threats. I mean, does Moana need a nemesis like Russell to keep her fire burning? Whatever it is, I love her again.

Later that night Dave was feeling nervous about his growing alliance with Mat, so slinked away into the night to make a fake hidden immunity idol. Well eventually, after hours and hours trying to cut a gem off their tackle box. Side note: aren’t all tackle (boxes) a gem?

Jonathan returned for the immunity challenge which required the tribes to hold barrels over tiles with a rope, with people allowed to step out of the challenge and hand their barrel over BUT as soon as a single tile breaks, the tribe loses. Meanwhile the iconic Shonee sat out of the challenge, directly on top of an immunity idol clue and please don’t let her follow Michaela’s lead and miss it. David and Lee had a Zoolander approved model off in the first five minutes before Michelle dropped out of the challenge and handed her barrel off to Zach. After half an hour Zach passed a barrel off to Henry, by way of Lydia, while Sharn struggled to hold on. Out of nowhere Phoebe passed her barrel off to Locky before Lee took over Sharn’s barrel. After more than an hour and 15 minutes, and some desperate back and forths, Zaddy John dropped one of his two barrels and handed victory to Vakama. And Shonee exited her seat without noticing the idol clue.

Back at camp Michelle was feeling nervous about being the first one to drop out of the challenge, particularly since her tribe was made up of three-four professional athletes, depending on where you stand with washed-up Gladiators. Lee pulled Michelle aside, with her reminding him that she is on the bottom and as such will vote for anyone other than her. She echoed that sentiment to Sharn, John and Zach. Though she could tell that nobody was actually interested in saving her. Meanwhile Abbey was using the loss as motivation to keep the tribe strong, dejectedly tell everyone that they need to start winning challenges – after just coming off a winning streak – and get rid of Michelle. Not to be outdone, Lydia too was rallying the troops to get rid of the weakest.

Thankfully Henry knows that brute strength is not how you win Survivor and as such, decided that Sharn is the smarter vote given how persuasive she can be. Unless in front of a Survivor jury against Shane, obvi. Henry pulled Zach aside, with the latter quickly agreeing to getting rid of Sharn instead. He then approached a receptive John and Michelle, before making his way to Nick. Who was not thrilled by the turn of events, and as such, wanted to flip the vote on Henry. For trying to flip the vote on Sharn. With that Nick approached his little rascals, with both Harry and Shonee keen to change things up and get rid of the threat. Nick approached Lydia, Abbey and Lee to try and get them to see sense and get rid of the very sketchy Henry. However, sadly, that made Abbey nervous about Nick being shifty. Though not enough to get rid of him, since he is still stronger than Michelle.

At tribal council John struggled to stick his torch in the slot – I have one ready for him, though – before talking about their loss at the challenge and how people dropping out impacted them. Zach was surprisingly diplomatic before Michelle went all in, reminding everyone that after Lee bombed the first challenge they agreed that losing a challenge wouldn’t be punished in a boot. Sharn agreed that challenges will always cater to different types, before Michelle commenced pleading to the athlete mentality and quoting football. Lydia agreed that they do need a good mix of skills, though didn’t seem to convince Queen Michelle who reminded everyone that loyalty is just as important. Particularly if a tribe swap is imminent. John and Henry agreed loyalty and numbers are critical to making it further, before Abbey agreed it is important but, yeah nah, she cares more about strength.

Which obviously annoyed Michelle.

Nick joined the fray to remind everyone of the importance of forming a cohesive, harmonious group. Shocking nobody, Zach was focused on strength before Harry countered that his vote is solely based on forming solid alliances, while Shonee was just glad to finally be asked a question at tribal council. Michelle again reminded everyone the importance of trust before Henry gave her the kiss of death, saying he is confident that the votes are going to go his way. With that, the tribe voted and tragically, Queen Michelle was felled.

I knew that we would lose one eventually, but I am so heartbroken to see one of our Fourth Place Robbed Goddesses exit the game. Though I guess at least Mish kept things semi-consistent by becoming the fourth boot. Which is the only positive thing I could come up with as I sobbed into her arms as she entered Loser Lodge.

Remember when Michelle completely destroyed Ben at tribal council in Season 2?


That is how I choose to remember Michelle. Not as the woman that was felled by the strength first mentality which comes from the brutal challenges of Australian Survivor. Lucky my Nigella inspired Michelle Ragougan is hella comforting, because I truly needed it.

 

 

Sweet, salty and covered in a silky melting of cheese, the ragu is the perfect hearty little meal to whip up when you’re down. Add in a little bit of chilli to Nigella’s classic, and you’ve got perfection. No offence Nige.

Enjoy!

 

 

Michelle Ragougan
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
olive oil
2 onions, thinly sliced
3 garlic cloves, minced
200g pancetta, diced
500g lamb mince
⅓ cup marsala
salt and pepper, to taste
400g can chopped tomatoes
100g green lentils
200ml beef stock. You could use chicken, but the bird and land combo makes me anxious. Like the thought of Flick and Shonee carrying the Fourth Place Robbed Goddess flag alone
125g red leicester cheese, grated

Method
Heat a lug of oil in a dutch oven and sweat the onion and garlic for a couple of minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the pancetta and cook for a further five minutes before adding the lamb mince and cook, breaking up with a wooden spoon, until browned.

Crank the heat to high and add the marsala and a good whack of pepper – and salt, if ya like it salty – stir while it bubbles like crazy before adding the tomatoes, lentils and stock. Bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for half an hour, or until the sauce has thickened up.

Serve immediately, cover in a generous heap of cheese and devour. Knowing that eating you feelings is the only appropriate way to work through your pain.

 

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Breked McKenziti

Main, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold XCII: Gold Basketball, Pasta

After spending the start of Oscar Gold hang with current nominee Quentin Tarantino, icon Nat Port, the inspiration for this year’s name – Gold Basketball – Kobe Bryant and the stunning screenwriter Di, I thought I should celebrate some of my favourite Anzac victors. And there is no victorious Kiwi that I love more than Bret McKenzie.

I first met Bret on the set – am I Dr freaking Zeuss? – of The Lord of the Rings, and we quickly bonded over our passion, and talent, for songwriting.

While our partnership fell through and he found success with Jemaine Clement instead, after a few years of mediation and a brief stint in prison for me, we put aside our differences and once again became friends.

In no small part to my dear Amy Adams, who wanted us to be friends again.

After blowing straight across the ditch into his arms in Wellington, I quickly begged him to use whatever sway he has to convince Jacinda to adopt our entire country and call us West Zealand. While he responded with a wry chuckle, I held his head like Gordon Ramsey calling someone an idiot sandwich, looked him dead in the eye and begged him to save us.

He calmly walked me over to his couch, sat me down and talked me through the shame I was experiencing not having Jacinda as Prime Minister before gently reminding me that we have a job to do. And that job is to run the damn odds.

So run the damn odds we did!

For Sound Mixing and Editing we both agree that 1917 is most likely to take it, since they both seem to favour war movies. Though I wouldn’t be surprised to see Ford v Ferrari snatch one or both away from the teams.

For Original Score Hildur Guðnadóttir should pretty much clear a space for her little man because she is a lock for Joker. And lastly, in Bret’s former category, Elts and Bernie have it in the bag for Rocketman and I am so happy that I can actually be happy for him.

With that out of the way we caught each other up on our lives and spitballed ideas for the next Muppets reboot before sitting down to a big, warm Breked McKenziti.

 

 

Cheesy and gloopy, yet all together comforting and spicy. A baked ziti is one of the most glorious things. Add in some buffalo chicken, and you’ve got perfection.

Enjoy!

 

 

Breked McKenziti
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g ziti, cooked to packet instructions
3 tbsp butter
500g chicken mince
5 cloves garlic, minced
3 tbsp flour
3 cups milk
250g cream cheese, softened
⅓ cup Frank’s Red Hot Sauce
2 tbsp Michelle Branch Dressing
¼ cups chives, roughly chopped
1 cup vintage cheddar, grated

Method
Preheat oven to 160° and cook the pasta as per packet instructions.

Meanwhile place a dutch oven over medium heat and melt the butter until foamy. Add the chicken mince and garlic, and cook for a couple of minutes, breaking up the back of the wooden spoon as you go. Add the flour and cook for a further minute, still stirring, until it is a sticky, gloopy mess.

Remove from the heat and stir in the milk until the sauce comes together. Return to the heat and cook for a further couple of minutes, or until slightly thickened. Add the cream cheese, hot sauce and ranch dressing and stir until coming together. Bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for ten minutes, or until thick.

Add the chives, cooked ziti and cheddar. Stir and transfer to a large baking dish. Sprinkle with a little extra cheese and transfer to the oven to bake for 20 minutes, or until golden and goopy.

Serve immediately and devour. Victoriously.

 

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Kobe Beefant Sliders

Burgers, Main, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold XCII: Gold Basketball, Snack, Tapas

As you could probably guess based on the name of this year’s Oscar Gold celebration, Gold Basketball, I had planned to honour my dear friend, the Academy Award winning basketball legend Kobe Bryant before he tragically passed away in the accident.

While I did jump in the time machine to go back and see him one last time, I opted to go to the day after his Oscar win and as such, didn’t get his help to run the odds. As such, I did them solo as I backed out the Delorean.

For Best Live Action Short, I think The Neighbors’ Window has it in the bag, despite overwhelming support for Brotherhood. Animated Feature will go to Klaus, despite Toy Story 4 being so beautiful. And as for his mother category, I predict Hair Love and that the vote tally won’t even be close. Not that you will ever know that.

It was hard to see him so soon after the accident, but it was wonderful to be taken back to him in that moment of pure, triumphant joy and be able to hug him one last time. A share an enormous platter of Kobe Beefant Sliders.

 

 

These little babies are so simple, yet so perfect. Prime beef patties, sticky caramelised onions and a herbalicious aioli fit for the king of basketball.

Enjoy!

 

 

Kobe Beefant Sliders
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
olive oil
2 onions, diced
500g kobe beef, minced
salt and pepper, to taste
1 cup Coolaoili
¼ cup fresh tarragon, finely chopped
10 Briocher Bunsbergs in slider form, sliced
American cheese slices, cut to size (optional)

Method
Heat a lug of olive oil in a large saucepan and sweat the onions over low heat for ten minutes, or until soft and sweet.

Meanwhile combine the mince in a large bowl, season well and scrunch to combine. Form into 10 evenly sized patties.

Heat another lug of oil in a large skillet and fry the patties for a couple of minutes each side, or until cooked through.

While the patties are cooking, mix the tarragon through the aioli until well combined.

To assemble, split the buns, smear with aioli, add the patty, cheese – if you’re using it, which you should – followed by the onion and some more aioli.

Close, devour and honour your dear friend.

 

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