Tomato

Crunchwrap Supremme de Luxe

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 1, Main, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

I have just finally seen the first episode of Drag Race España and while I may have come for Jon Kortajarena – I said what I said – but damn I am glad I went through countless quarantines to venture over for the dolls because they were fierce. I mean, ¡ qué divertido ! 

(And you know, the fact that it is available on Stan in Australia so I can watch along with the rest of the world. FYI, this is not an ad. For some reason nobody wants me endorsing their products).

But that is enough about the episode until next week – I have a new take on spoilers and not ruining things for people. Instead, I wanted to focus on the other non-Jon reason for months of quarantining – my dear friend Supremme de Luxe.

I’ve known Supremme for years and years after meeting in a Diana Ross & The Supremes message board on the AOL. Does that age me? 

Don’t answer that.

Anyway, we quickly became the best of friends – like a non-romantic You’ve Got Mail – and when I finally returned to Spain in the mid-aughts to reclaim my throne as Pedro Almodovar’s muse, we finally met and solidified our bond.

She gave me a call a few months before filming was due to commence and honestly, it kind of broke my heart.

“Hey Ben, I know you’re friends with Fred and Pangina too but couldn’t cover their franchises because of language barriers (read: laziness on my part) and lack of timely local broadcasts on a streaming service you have, but I’d really love it if you could find it in your heart to fit your dear friend Supremme into your schedule.

“Oh and Jon will be there, if you could fit him in.”

With that, I vowed to fit everything in and jumped the next plane to Spain and after weeks of quarantine measures, finally got to hold Supremme in my arms, celebrate the upcoming season and split a delightful Crunchwrap Supremme de Luxe.

It is a fact universally acknowledged that there is nothing better in life than a crunchwrap. Tragically both of the ‘Bells in Brisbane are in the outer suburbs and by the time I get them home, they delights are decidedly lacking in the crunch. Thus why I immediately jumped on the copycat train to experience them in all their crunchy glory as Supremme intended.

This riff on the fast food delight is super cheesy, super crunchy and packs a killer punch of chilli and well, let’s just say that this is what dreams are made of.

Enjoy!

Crunchwrap Supremme de Luxe
Serves: 2 hungry besties, 4 normal people.

Ingredients
2 cups Chilli Con Kim Carnes
6 large tortillas
1 cup nacho cheese sauce
2 cups tortilla chips (because tostada shells aren’t readily available, and I love Téa Leoni)
½ cup sour cream
1 avocado, mashed
1-2 cups iceberg lettuce, shredded
1 tomato, diced
1 cup Mexican cheese blend
vegetable oil, for brushin’

Method
Some may call me lazy, but after the pandemic travel and quarantining, I was exhausted upon my arrival in Barcelona and as such, went with the easiest version of the recipe possible.

Once you’ve done the mise en place – did you know je parle français aussi?! – get to work assembling by placing four large tortillas on a bench. Divide the beef mixture amongst them, followed by the cheese sauce, leaving an inch or two bare around the edge. Top with tortilla chips, sour cream, avo, lettuce, tomato and cheese.

Split the remaining large tortillas and use to top the the filling before folding in the edges to create a tight disc. Flip over and leave to settle for five-ten minutes.

Once you’re confident they are closed – you should never be too confident – place a large frying pan over medium heat and once scorching, reduce to low and brush with vegetable oil. Carefully transfer a crunchwrap, seam side down, to the pan and fry for five minutes or so, or until nice and crunchy. Flip and cook for a further five minutes, or until heated through and the cheese is nice and melted. Repeat the process until done.

Then, obviously, devour.


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Coco Jumbalaya

Main, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under 1, TV, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under the queens were put through their paces in the inaugural Down Under Snatch Game. And while Anita slayed the game and stamped herself as a frontrunner, pretty much everyone else bombed. Hard. There was a Dolly without an accent, a Coolidge without the jokes, Lizzo without energy and Bindi Irwin without the Bindi, despite the fact the bogan take was still funny. Ultimately the latter two performances landed Coco and Art in the bottom two, and the remaining girls – and us at home – gagged, gooped and broken as Art was shockingly eliminated from the competition. Sobbing her way out the door.

Backstage the queens were in absolute shock, not only to have lost Art but I assume trying to grapple with the raw emotion they just experienced. Karen was speechless to have lost her bestie slash fellow front-runner, while on the flipside Coco was glad that winning the lip sync proved some drunk bogan lady married to her boss who said she would never compare to Art wrong. The one thing everyone could agree on is how the  departure of such a big name means the competition is well and truly wide open, with Etcetera desperate to leverage that opening – who wouldn’t – to put herself at the front of the pack.

The next day things were less shell shocked as the girls celebrated still being in the competition, with Kita pointing out she is now terrified to lip sync against either Coco or Elektra given they can both turn it the hell out. Bless, Etcetera suggested they could just both land in the bottom together and send each other home and save everyone else the worry!

They were interrupted by Ru who dropped by to put the queens to the test as full-bushed, sexy lifeguards. Etcetera was obviously demented and syched for the Gods before popping her balloon titties mid-rescue. Karen served clown realness with the fullest of full bushes, while Kita was giving the Pit Crew something to suck on. Elektra was hilarious, giving pube reveals as she saved all the lives. Coco meanwhile was giving me life as a slutty lifeguard. Anita then came out as lifeguard Yetta and I still stan her, while Maxi burnt her feet on the sand and Scarlet popped both tits and stole the show as the dumbest lifeguard of all time. 

Ultimately – and somewhat obviously – Scarlet and Elektra took out joint victory in the mini challenge. As such, the duo were team captains in a girl group battle for the premiere of the maybe-gonna-be-a-hit song Queens Down Under. You know, the iconic one from the one trailer the show got. Not that I’m bitter or anything. With the two pulled aside, Scarlet grabbed Etcetera Etcetera, Coco Jumbo and Anita for her team while Elektra went with Karen and Kita, with Maxi joining them by default. Which didn’t bother her in the slightest. Like a damn icon. Anyway the queens would write their own verses, record them with Michelle and then debut them on the mainstage with their own choreo. Because we are not ready for Jamal Simms to land Down Under, as much as I want him to.

The groups quickly split up with Elektra desperate to prove why she is here and show off her dance background, while over on team Scarlet she was focused on killing it with sharp choreography despite Etcetera and Anita wanting to take it easy so they could all shine. That being said the choreography is the least of their problems, given Coco was on struggle street with the first part of the process, her lyrics. Things were then interrupted by a massive blow up between Karen, Elektra and Kita but psych, it was fake to get into the other girls heads. But nobody really batted an eyelid after the initial excitement died down.

Another siren went off with Drag Race songwriter Leland and Troye Sivan Zooming in to encourage the girls. And just as I was about to write it off as a boring way of including celebrity guests in this COVID world, Troye Sivan dropped all the ways he wants it up the arse in such a filthy way, I blushed, flooded my basement, took notes on new positions and then silently pledged to stan that hero until the end of times. They then encouraged everyone to give all the personality in their performances, but nothing will ever show more personality than the mouth of my King.

Team Elektra – aka Three and a Half Men – was first to record their lyrics with Michelle. Karen kicked things off very flat, before Kita absolutely blew Michelle away with her energy and lyrics before Elektra knocked out some hilariously self-deprecating lyrics ripping on her basic drag. And then Maxi, girl, you in danger – she struggled to find a beat, let alone stay on the beat. Instantly making her teammates shit themselves. Though not in the Scaredy Kat way.

Team Scarlet introduced themselves as the Outback Fake-Hoes – is that a play on Queen Sandra’s favourite chain?! – with Anita continuing to knock everything out of the park, Etcetera feeling her oats while working her way further into my heart. Scarlet too was great but then again, anyway looks perfect next to Coco who really struggled to find any key, despite how much I love her charm and how hot she is as a boy.

Three and a Half Men were first to learn the choreography with everyone feeling great about Elektra’s work and grateful about how patient she was while teaching everyone. Backstage she shared that she hasn’t taught dancing in such a long time, opening up about how she lost her dance studio and then her home. The rest of the dolls rallied around her as she broke down about her pain and loss and ugh, now I am an Elektra stan as well as my lusting after her.

The Outback Fake-Hoes were less streamlined in their rehearsal process as Scarlet tried to be nice and let everyone have an opinion. Etcetera used the opportunity to help by leading from behind, which led to them spending most of the time fighting over what to do while poor Coco and Anita stood off to the side of stage, looking on in utter confusion.

But will it all be a massive fake out?!

Elimination Day rolled around with Etcetera stumbling upon a note in Coco’s workstation telling her to ‘watch out.’ While everyone was speculating about who could possibly have written it, Kita lamented sadly that she wished it was her to cause some drama. That being said, it was painfully obvious that it was Art. Which is the perfect kind of messy I love and now miss.

UPDATE: Art has confirmed it was she who left the note. Like a shady little producing icon!

Ru, Michelle and Rhys strapped themselves in – with Rhys fearlessly ripping on Ru and Michelle with hilarious results, swoon – as Outback Fake-Hoes took the stage. Anita’s filthy lyrics delighted the judges, Scarlet hit every beat of the choreography, Etcetera oozed charm and Coco really kicked it into gear from rehearsal, though still seemed out paced by her team. Three and A Half Men kept things more even as Karen served Australian Trixie, Kita was an absolute high-energy delight, Elektra was an absolute star and Maxi was the exact right kind of slutty-demented, working around any of her perceived weaknesses with ease thanks to her killer characterisation.

Am I now a Maxi stan as well? This is getting exhausting.

On the Bogan Prom Realness runway Etcetera was a total slapper in a pink juicy tracksuit fresh from gittin’ her nails done. Coco was full bush after pulling herself away from the man she was doing in the shrubs, Anita was demented and truly sold bogen chic. Scarlet slayed in a goon sack gown with ciggie necklace, offering gobbies to her teacher to further lock up this week’s victory in my eyes. Elektra was a total golden bogan babe with a tonne of accessories and then some. Kita meanwhile went a different route, serving neon rocker realness. Maxi was a damn star as the bogan chaperone, while Karen was a mess as her ruffly daughter, in the greatest way possible.

Ultimately Etcetera and Karen were sent to safety, leaving the judges to read Coco for messing up the performance despite looking like perfection. Ru liked her look on the runway but wished it was more elevated. Anita meanwhile was praised for not letting her stumbles in the performance hold her back and therefore slaying from start to finish. Particularly with her filthy lyrics. Scarlet received universal praise for everything she did, with Ru feeling more in touch with Australiana from witnessing her runway. Elektra was read for trying to be the Beyonce of the group, with them not loving the fact she is continuing to be basic on the runway. Kita was universally beloved, despite the fact she didn’t really serve the category. Maxi was read for struggling with the record, though praised for being so damn stunning and magnetic. With Michelle reminding her she is so much more than funny to boot, and encouraging her to lean into her beauty.

As the queens untucked Coco resigned herself to her fate in the bottom two, while Elektra gagged her team with the knowledge that she too is in the bottom. The only thing more annoying than being in the bottom for Elektra though, was how smug Scarlet was to receive universal praise.

Back on the Mainstage Anita and Kita were quickly sent to safety as Scarlet took out her first victory of the season, despite the fact Ru made it sound like she had already won multiple. Meanwhile Elektra was gagged to find herself in the bottom with Coco, thanks to her basic runways while a shocked Maxi was sent to safety. And as suggested at the start of the episode by Etcetera, both of the potential assassins were ready to fight tooth and nail to survive to Peaches & Herb’s Shake Your Groove Thing. Elektra once again let out her full Beyonce while Coco felt the song and damn they bounced off each other so damn well. Elektra gave the most fluid death drops to ever grace the mainstage, was high-kicking and an absolute ridiculous delight and damn, this is where she shines as the hilarious, scrappy fighter.

Despite Coco’s magnetism, Elektra bouncing in a split for an entire verse was too fierce to overcome as she once again saved herself, sending my love Coco out of the competition. While my arms were wide open ready to embrace my northern-ish NSW friend, she was less happy to see me on account of the fact I forced her to dress as a gorilla in week one.

As one of her dearest friends, Coco came to me for advice on how best to impress Ru, Michelle and my king Rhys, and I suggested celebrating the jewel of Coffs, the big banana. Other than the iconic Maccas you’d stop at on a drive to Sydney at Christmas when it was still in the ‘90s location, but I digress. You see, my young gay loins were well and truly girded in the coastal hub when I saw the Wallabies in the pool while staying at a resort in Coffs Harbour. The moment went on to inspire the scene in the second Sex and the City movie but also washed away any doubts of potential heterosexuality and ignite my passion for a big banana.

It was a truly touching coming of age story, in more ways than one, and Coco agreed to do me proud. And well, we all watched episode one so the less I say about it the better, though I do think the judges would have loved to hear my touching story. 

After apologising profusely for being out of touch – who knows how to do human interaction after COVID?! – Coco warmed to my tears and was just grateful to have a friend by her side. I reminded her that she gave good talking-head for the three episodes she was in and was a babe out of drag and as such, will always be beloved by the fandom. And will probs win an All Stars season if and when it happens, I can just feel it in me waters. With that, we sat down to dinner hand in hand and giddily ate up our friendship while smashing a fresh Coco Jumbalaya.

Ya ya yi, you thought I was going to cocoa our jumbo, didn’t you? While it was the more obvious option when creating a recipe for a friend as sweet as Coco, I instead wanted to highlight her spicier side. Like Coco, this baby as the rich velvety sweetness of the tomato and capsicum with some delightful depths from the chorizo and chilli kicking it into gear.

Enjoy!

Coco Jumbalaya
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
1 onion, diced
1 red capsicum, sliced
2 chorizos, skin removed and filling pinched out into small meatballs
500g chicken breasts, diced
2 garlic cloves, crushed
1 tbsp Cajun seasoning
1 tsp chilli flakes
salt and pepper, to taste
1 cup basmati rice
400g tin diced tomatoes
1 cup vegetable or chicken stock

Method
Heat a good lug of olive oil in a large frying pan over medium heat and saute the onions and capsicum for five minutes or so, or until soft and sweet. Add the chorizo and cook for a further couple of minutes, or until they release some of their flavourful oils. Stir the chicken through the pan and cook for another five minutes, or until starting to brown on the outside.

Add the garlic, spice, chilli and a good whack of salt and pepper – more so off the pepper, but that’s my preference – to the pan and stir for a minute or so before stirring in the rice. Pour in the tomatoes and stock, stir to combine and bring to a simmer. Reduce heat to low and simmer, partly covered for 15 minutes, or until the chicken is cooked through and the rice is plump and rouged.

Serve immediately and devour, thinking of the biggest bananas you’ve been lucky enough to see.

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Rhys Nicholsonoran Hot Dog

Main, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under 1, Street Food

Well, well, well, just went you thought I was down and out – was I ever in, though? – Ru pulls me back into the world of fame, food, fortune and glamour. And into the orbit of one of my first loves, Rhys.

While I am mixing things up in the pursuit of trying to avoid angering the internet and posting our ru-caps on a one week delay, I had to mark the exciting occasion of Ru and Michelle judging our collective maps of Tassie with a little date with Rhys.

Oh Rhys. Dear, sweet Rhys.

We met in Sydney in 2009, he had just relocated and ready to take on the comedy world while I was being chased out of town by a modern version of a mob with pitchforks. You see, I had just tried to make my drag debut in THE frill-necked lizard costume from Priscilla and was clocked at The Beresford. Because if nothing else, us gays can sleuth.

In any event, I saw Rhys when running down Oxford Street and was immediately taken. Like that, I slid into an alley, did a cheeky quick change and went and swept him off my feet.

It was a beautiful, torrid spring fling which ended horribly three months later as I was finally arrested for my frilled-neck crimes as he looked on in absolute horror. While the relationship ended, we maintained a lovely friendship as he wrote to me in priz, updating me on his blossoming relationship with Kyran.

As is oft the case, there was a brief period of turmoil when I arrived on the Down Under set and realised that Ru and Michelle opted for a younger, prettier model to join them on the judges panel but I was glad to be able to repair the friendship after returning to Oz and share in the premiere with him.

But you know, we’ve got a new spoiler policy in place, you won’t be hearing anything about that until next week. In the meantime, may I suggest getting a big, fat Rhys Nicholsonoran Hot Dog in your mouth.

There was no more fitting way to return to this little venture than by splitting a soft, pillowy bun with a big fat sausage, slathering it in a creamy, zesty sauce and adding a little bit of spice. And avocado.

Nothing says sexy quite like an avocado, no?

Enjoy!

Rhys Nicholsonoran Hot Dog
Serves: 4.
Inspired by Jeff Mauro’s recipe.

Ingredients
8 sausages, basic Aussie preferred
16 rashers streaky bacon
8 hot dog rolls, subs or Hulk Hoagies would work in a pinch too because let’s be honest, I couldn’t find bolillos
¼ cup Shayonnaise Swain, or any old mayo you have laying around. But you know, in date
small handful of coriander, finely chopped, plus extra to garnish
1 tbsp sriracha, plus extra to top
1 lime, zested and juiced
salt and pepper, to taste
2 tomatoes, cored and diced
½ red onion, finely diced
400g can refried beans, warmed
2 avocados, diced
pickled jalapenos, to serve

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Tightly wrap each sausage with two rashers of bacon and place, seam side/s down, on a lined baking sheet. Transfer to the oven and bake for 20 minutes, or until golden, crisp and cooked through.

While you’re getting your sausage fest nice and hot, combine the mayo, coriander, hot sauce and zest and juice of one of the limes with a good whack of salt and pepper.

In another bowl, combine the tomato, onion and zest and juice of the remaining lime with a pinch of salt, stir well and allow the citrus to take some of the sharpness form the onion.

To assemble, split the buns, schmear with some refried beans, top with the meaty sausage, drizzle with spicy, herbaceous mayo, some quick-pickled tomato and onion, avo and coriander and some hot sauce. Assuming you’re not one of the people that genetically tastes soap in place of coriander. 

After making that decision, then devour, greedily and happily, grateful that I am back, back, back, back, back again, with another season of Drag Race.


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Minestony Vlachos

Main, Soup, Survivor, Survivor: Winners at War, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor twenty iconic winners were marooned on a sandbank in Fiji, ready for the ultimate battle royale. Well, after Adam fanned out and they toasted the season ahead with some champagne. They returned to camp where they learnt all about the new currency, Fire Tokens, which they could earn throughout the season to buy advantages or luxury items. The catch being, once they were voted out, they had to bequeath them to someone else.

Early in the game, those with obvious connections became targets with Natalie following in Nadiya’s footsteps and being voted out first due to being on a tribe with Jeremy. Amber soon followed as the only Blood vs Water couple, before we tragically went on a run of losing the old schoolers starting with Danni, followed by zaddy Ethan, Tyson and Rob. The latter, for trying to implement the Buddy System with competent players.

We then experienced a tragic double tribal council where Parvati and Sandra exited back-to-back. Coincidentally, the pandemic began the very same day. After arriving at the Edge of Extinction, Sandra knew she had no chance of winning her way back into the game, so opted out of suffering just for a stint on the jury. The darkest timeline then continued with Yul joining his fellow old schoolers on the Edge of Extinction. Despite – or because of – being the first boot, Natalie had accumulated quite the fortune on the Edge, so was able to spend up on an advantage and an idol in the returning challenge. Sadly for her, it didn’t pay off as Tyson won his way back into the merge.

Michele finally got revenge on her ex, Wendell, as the tribe banded together to send him out of the game. After trying to play Probst’s tribal council podium as an idol, Adam was shown the door before everyone was thanked for their service to the franchise with an epic full-family reward. And ugh, it was beautiful. Sadly, the game continued, as Tyson, Sophie and Kim were all tragically felled. Things became a little predictable after that, as Jeremy and Nick went out, as Tony and Sarah solidified their control. 

Natalie went on another spending spree ahead of the final return challenge, with it paying off this time and her joining the new final six. After a near Advantageddon 2.0, Denise was sent to the jury as only she and Sarah were eligible to be booted. Ben then kinda quit/gave Sarah permission to boot him for her resume. After Natalie won the final immunity challenge and took Michele with her to the final tribal council, that sacrifice proved pointless as Tony won his way to the end and Sarah became the final juror.

Despite it being an extremely strong final three, it was clear the jury bonded with Natalie on the Edge and loved Tony’s flashy game, so poor Michele was shut out of the vote. While Natalie’s bonds earned her some votes, it wasn’t enough to follow in Chris’ footsteps as the jury crowned Tony the runaway victory. Making him, officially, the King to Sandra’s Queen. And long may they reign. After receiving him 2 million dollars, I thanked him for learning from his Game Changers and coming out to the island and putting on what was arguably a masterclass. He made moves, he was funny and most importantly, he managed to avoid being voted out despite being the only major target left after the merge. And that alone is worth celebrating with a bowl of Minestony Vlachos.

I know minestrone doesn’t exactly feel like a victory meal, but TBH, I thought the target on Tony’s back would be too big for us to have such an iconic victor, so we just have to accept it. Okay? Plus, this is still delicious, which is always a win, right?

Enjoy!

Minestony Vlachos
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
6 rashers streaky bacon, diced
2 carrots, peeled and diced
2 celery sticks, sliced
1 potato, diced
4 garlic cloves, minced
1L beef stock
400g crushed tomatoes
400g red kidney beans, rinsed and drained
1 cup small pasta like shells or macaroni
⅓ cup flat-leaf parsley, roughly chopped
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Pop the oil in a dutch oven over medium heat and cook the bacon, carrot, celery and potato, stirring frequently, for 10 minutes, or until starting to caramelise. Add the garlic and cook off for a minute before stirring through the stock, tomatoes and kidney beans. Bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for half an hour.

Once the veggies are tender, bring the heat back to medium and stir in the pasta and cook until al dente. Stir through the parsley and season to taste, before serving piping hot and devouring. Like the King.


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Pizza Bakim Spudlins

Lunch, Main, Pizza, Survivor, Survivor: Winners at War, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor Tyson was coaching his fellow Edge dwellers in the art of losing, given he had now surpassed Rob for the number of times booted. The highlight of the little interlude, however, was Parvati and Natalie finding an extortion advantage where they could charge someone in the game however many Fire Tokens they wanted, otherwise they wouldn’t be able to play in the upcoming immunity challenge or vote at tribal council. Of course they went to Tony, who quickly charmed tokens from his fan club before winning immunity. Oh and he also found a hidden immunity idol, but that wasn’t relevant yet. In any event, while everyone wanted to split the vote between Jeremy and Michele, Tony rallied the troops to boot Sophie to make sure Sarah’s loyalty lied with him and him alone.

We returned to camp where Tony quickly tried to deflect his well thought out plan as merely a last minute decision, while Ben simmered in his jocks that his hit on Jeremy fell through. And hot damn, how funny it was to watch him sulk and ignore Jeremy while Jeremy rolled his eyes like a bloody icon. Speaking of being unhappy, Sarah was well and truly pissed at Tony for taking out her other closest ally as it clearly shows that he is making moves that solely benefit him. Despite assuring us that she was going to keep calm and carry on, she pulled grimy Tony away from camp and proceeded to tear him a new arsehole for ruining her game. Talking about how screwed she now is loud enough for the people she is talking about to hear. Tony tried to keep her calm and remind her that they have an idol in their pocket before Sarah agreed to forgive him until the point where it screws her.

Tony continued his apology tour, approaching Ben to assure him that he still wants to work with him and only went rogue to take out a bigger threat. Tony filled him in on the idol intel before Ben assured us that Jeremy will still be a target from now on. Oh and then Tony got shat on by a bird in the middle of the night. Which is important.

The next day Tony decided it was time to bring back his old faithful move of spying, this time taking to the sky in a well hidden perch atop a tree. Sarah hilariously arrived to tell him that nobody would be going to the well any time soon and that he should just go back to camp. Jeremy, Kim and Ben were back at camp, with Ben still refusing to talk to Jeremy while Kim decided now was the time to form an alliance to deal with Tony and Sarah. More specifically, Tony. With that, she approached Denise, Nick and Michele who were all keen to take control and get rid of Tony while they still had the chance.

Meanwhile on the Edge of Extinction Rob discovered a note instructing everyone to retrieve 20 coconuts each from the other side of the island, with the first six to finish getting two fire tokens while the rest get none. With that they were off and racing, with Rob out in front and Adam close to the back, while Danni decided to pace herself. Almost instantly Rob decided pacing himself would be the smartest move, taking the foot off the gas to reduce the target on his back. Obviously Natalie powered like a machine, while Adam continued to languish at the back of the pack. Well until Rob sliced his elbow open and gave up. At the front with Natalie was Sophie and honestly, why don’t people see her as the challenge beast that she is. As such, the girls were first to finish, followed by Yul, Tyson and Parv together, leaving Danni and Wendell to battle for the last tokens, with Wendell tragically taking it out. With everyone out of the race, Rob decided that he couldn’t let the challenge beat him and as such, he got back to work to see it through.

Meanwhile at Koru, Jeremy was still confused about why Ben was so salty with him, while Tony and Sarah continued to bicker, much to the delight of Nick. Amidst the chaos, Nick decided that now is the time to make an endgame deal, so approached Michele and Denise to form a final three, with the duo pulling Kim in for a controlling four given Nick knows that Jeremy, Tony and Sarah are all guaranteed to beat him. Speaking of the latter two, they stopped fighting long enough to realise that Sophie’s idol would now be back in play and as such, they need to find it to take control. But that is something that everyone had realised, as the tribe went hunting for it. Ben and Tony got together, with Ben sharing that Kim was trying to put together a plan against him, however the discussion was interrupted as Ben found the idol in front of Tony and, for reasons, TRIED TO HIDE IT.

Okay, so maybe not everyone is cementing their legacy this season.

My dear Probst arrived for the latest immunity challenge – the Teresa Cooper, Shi-Ann Huang and Parvati Shallow Memorial ‘When It Rains it Pours’. Aka, everyone’s hand is tethered above their head to a bucket of water with the last ones standing – of each gender, again –  taking out immunity. While Ben was busy asking Probst for some food to tempt him out of the challenge, Jeremy dropped out of nowhere. He was followed by Ben and Sarah in quick succession, while Tony assured Nick that he won’t be dropping out because he wants a hattrick, but assured him it doesn’t mean they aren’t good. After 15 minutes Probst brought out peanut butter, cookies and milk to step out, which Kim, Michele and Nick jumped at, handing Denise and Tony immunity out of nowhere.

Back at camp Tony celebrated yet another victory, while Kim was smarting to have lost her shot to take him out. She joined Michele, Nick, Denise and Ben to figure out who to target instead, with them agreeing that Jeremy would be the cleanest option for everyone. Well except for Michele, who has been closely aligned with him from the start. Meanwhile Ben decided to be the worst and approached Tony to let him know about Kim’s plan to get rid of him. Tony then approached Nick, who tried to bumble his way out of the truth before admitting that Kim had thrown his name out there. With that Tony filled in Sarah, with the duo deciding that sticking with getting rid of Jeremy makes sense, given they need to keep Ben happy to have any chance of getting numbers. With that, Tony pulled Ben aside and asked him to focus on getting rid of Kim instead, given getting rid of Jeremy will hand the girls and Nick power and as such, screw them over.

At the shelter, Michele approached Jeremy to figure out a way to save him, throwing the idea of handing him her 50/50 coin to save him. Tony then approached Jeremy, who suggested he take the coin before going to Ben and trying to smooth things over. And while it didn’t appear to work, he did get the coin from Michele.

At tribal council Denise likened the aftermath of the last tribal council to horrible family therapy. Kim reminded Probst that the numbers shift day by day, with Tony correcting her and saying it was actually minute by minute and Jeremy said it was like being on a neverending treadmill. Talk soon turned to Michele, Kim and Nick stepping out of the challenge, with the girls both saying how much they regretted it while Nick said he got paid a fire token, but yeah, still regretted it. As such, everyone started whispering and going wild trying to formulate a plan, leaving Probst to commentate, while Kim rightly focused her attention on getting answers from Sarah. Tony tried to rally the numbers against Kim, Nick refused to vote for her and said he was voting Jeremy before Denise decided to be mature and put a stop to everything and said that she just wants to vote and go back to camp.

And with that, the tribe voted and Tony offered to play his idol for Sarah, before she declined. Jeremy considered playing Michele’s 50/50 coin but also backed out, which turned out to be the right move, as the tribe voted the iconic Kim from the game. It hasn’t happened in a while, but given we lost two iconic women back-to-back again, she followed the sounds of my ugly cries to the boat to the Edge of Extinction. I quickly jumped into her arms and told her how heartbroken I was to see her voted out despite riding the bottom for such a long time. Which is also a passion of mine. In any event, Kim is strong as hell and has a strong chance of making a return to the game, so I wiped my tears and gave her some returnee sustenance in the form of my Pizza Bakim Spudlins.

Stuffed, baked potatoes are so warming and nostalgic, reminding me of cold winter tuck shops in the ‘90s. But this is so much more than ham and cheese. Loaded like a pizza, it is packed with all the gloriously Italian flavours you could dream of.

Enjoy!

Pizza Bakim Spudlins
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
4 large baking potatoes
1 tbsp olive oil
½ onion, diced
4 garlic cloves, minced
80g sliced pepperoni, roughly chopped
400g can diced tomatoes
½ tsp caster sugar
salt and pepper, to taste
2 tsp dried oregano
small handful of basil, shredded
100g mozzarella, grated
50g parmesan cheese, grated

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Scrub the potatoes if needed and dry well, before pricking them several times with a skewer. Place on a lined baking sheet and bake in the oven for 90 minutes, or until the outside is crispy but they feel soft.

While the tates or tating, heat the oil in a frying pan over medium heat and cook for five minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the garlic and pepperoni and cook for a couple of minutes to take the bitterness out of the garlic and to draw out the pepperoni oil, before you stir through the diced tomatoes. Bring to the boil, reduce to low and simmer for five minutes. Stir in the sugar and season with a good whack of salt and pepper, before stirring through the oregano and half of the basil.

Combine the cheeses in a bowl.

To serve, cut the potatoes into four, spoon over a generous ladleful of sauce, top with a generous helping of the cheese mixture and a sprinkle of the basil. And then, devour.


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Thaison Beef Salapostol

Main, Salad, Survivor, Survivor: Winners at War, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor Parvati and Danni found an advantage on the Edge and while they planned to keep their riches secret, were caught and had to share it with their fellow old schoolers. Aka everyone but Yul and Wendell, given they hadn’t been suffering as long. After the immunity challenge, the tribe returned to camp where things immediately descended into chaos. In the span of 30 seconds of screen time literally everyone’s name was thrown out except for Kim and that was only because she had immunity. The chaos continued at tribal council where everyone was whispering during deliberations, which made Adam so nervous he tried to play Probst’s podium as a hidden immunity idol. And given it clearly wasn’t one, he was swiftly sent to the Edge when the votes piled up on him.

Forgoing any interlude, Probst appeared to welcome the remaining contestants for the reward challenge featuring a little bit of love. Yes my friends, it is time for the loved ones visit! We first met Kim’s husband and three kids, and instantly everyone dissolved into a puddle of tears knowing that they too will soon see their entire families. And the fact that Kim’s adorable kids were too shy to walk around the corner to see her. Ben’s wife and kids were next, cute but not as cute as Kim’s family. Though Ben did give a really nice speech about how grateful he is to Survivor. Sophie and her husband are couple goals, Sarah’s partner and son were super cute – and hot damn, she is tough to have played Game Changers while her son was so little – and then Denise’s husband and daughter arrived and they are just so cute. Adopt Malcolm and they are officially my favourite family.

Nick and his fiance are adorkable and I live for them, and then Tony broke down at the sight of his wife and young kids and honestly, that is where I lost it. So pure, so gentle, I love him and well, he can be the King to Sandra’s Queen. Poor Michele joined the one-visitor club as her sister was wheeled out and while it isn’t as emotional as the entire family, you know they’d love to party. Tyson’s wife and former contestant Rachel arrived with one of his daughters and honestly, they are too pure for this world. And hot damn, how is this his first ever family visit? Rounding out the group, Val brought out all of her and Jeremy’s homemade idols to visit their dad – two of which were born after Val’s two idol season in San Juan del Sur. Coincidence, I think not.

After a little psych out about forcing the contestant’s kids into slave labour, Probst announced that for the first time in Survivor history there would be no actual challenge and instead everyone would be going back to camp so that they could all feast with their families. Seeing Tyson, Sarah and Ben goofing around with their kids was literally the best thing I have seen on Survivor. Well, except for this …

Meanwhile at the Edge of Extinction everyone noticed a boat full of people approaching and worried about what they could be in for. Then Natalie spotted Nadiya and lost it, screaming to the tribe as she ran to shore to hug her twinnie and the cutest baby I have ever seen. Everyone started sobbing at the mere sight of their families, but honestly Rob and Amber’s kids and Parvati and Samoa John’s baby were the standouts – I mean, the mini-Marianos are adorbs. Wait, now Adam is sobbing to his dad who couldn’t come out last time because his wife was battling cancer, Yul’s family are perfect, Ethan and his wife are sweet, Danni and her kids are cute. I love it all. Even Ethan and Parvati making out with their partners. As they said goodbye to their families, Natalie well and truly had a fire in her belly to be strong like her baby niece and slay the next challenge.

With all the love out of the way, my love Jeffrey returned to get the game back on track with the next immunity challenge. And let’s just focus on how iconic Kim is for not doing the annoying “I’m not giving it back, Jeff” schtick, okay? Anyway, the challenge requires them each to hold on to a rope to balance a tray and then walk towards it with blocks to spell out immunity. So you know Ben will suck, given he failed at spelling on Triple H. Kim, Tony, Tyson, Nick and Jeremy got out to an early lead until the latter’s risky play made him drop his first five letters. Kim was the next to drop, handing Tony and Tyson the lead. Until Tyson dropped, followed by Nick and Jeremy – again – making it now a race between Tony and a surging Ben. Thankfully Tony maintained his lead and avoided a disaster – while Ben dropped – handing him his first ever individual immunity challenge victory. And two fire tokens.

Back at camp Tony was thrilled to finally take out victory, though shocked that it was a slow and steady style challenge, which is far from his forte. Knowing immunity gives him power, Tony waited until Jeremy approached him and suggested that they split up Sarah and Sophie who had grown to be very tight. Sarah then approached him and suggested getting rid of Kim given she is charming and has everyone in her back pocket. Tony however disagreed and suggested Tyson instead, given Kim could be dealt with later. They then squabbled like a married couple and honestly, I love their chaotic energy. Tony approached Ben and Nick about potentially blindsiding Jeremy, given his game isn’t in sync with his. Meanwhile Jeremy was chatting to Kim and Tyson, suggesting that they band together with Denise and Michele to take control of the game. Kim then shared intel about her idol and vowed to use it to protect themselves and get rid of Sophie, wanting to go out taking a swing rather than not bothering.

Meanwhile Sarah caught up with Ben and Nick, and was shocked to learn that they would now be targeting Jeremy instead. And while Sarah wasn’t on board with the idea, she came around when Tony shared that they were voting for him because he tried to target her. Tyson and Jeremy caught up again, with Jeremy filling him in on his exit tribal council power though Tyson reminded him that that screws their alliance out of a vote and guarantees their plan fails, which appeared to be enough to trigger Jeremy’s firefighting, all-in-this-together spirit. Emphasis on appeared. Oh and on their way out to tribal, Sophie pulled Sarah aside and suggested she play the steal a vote to guarantee their safety and hot damn, this could get messy!

At tribal council Nick spoke about the fact the game had finally kicked into gear as whispering already commenced. Jeremy spoke about how chaotic everything was as everyone else joined the whispering, with Tony thrilled that he finally had immunity. Kim spoke about paranoia kicking off the whispering, Jeremy said that it was crazier than Second Chances and then as such, when Jeff said that they should head out to vote both Jeremy and Sarah tried to put a stop to it. Neither wanted to go first, so sat back down leading to Jeff sending them to vote before they both called out his name again. Sick of Sarah playing coy, Jeremy took his chance, got up and played his advantage to exit tribal council immediately. This left Tyson, Kim and Denise to hang their heads, immediately kicking off the whispering again. Sick of it, Sophie decided to put a stop to it and called her allies away to pick a target, while the other four nervously tried to formulate a plan.

With everyone locked in, Sarah put a stop to the proceedings again and opted to use her advantage and steal Denise’s vote. Finally, the tribe – minus Denise – headed out to vote, Kim decided to play her idol for Denise, which sadly only negated two votes against her, as the rest piled up on Tyson, sending him back to the Edge of Extinction. This time, he called out my name asking for his latest little snackie to help him settle back into hell. I hug him and told him how heartbroken I was that he never really got to find his footing this season, until he yeah yeah food-ed me, until I handed over Thaison Beef Salapostol and returned that fire to his belly.

As I often remind you, I normally follow Marge Simpson’s belief that you don’t make friends with salad, but this is another one that bucks that trend. Spicy, sweet and warm, it is honestly perfect. I mean, it is almost hearty?!

Enjoy!

Thaison Beef Salapostol
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 birds eye chilli
2 garlic cloves
two handfuls of coriander, plus extra for garnishing
1 tbsp caster sugar
¼ cup fish sauce
2 limes, zested and juiced
2 tbsp vegetable oil, plus extra for frying
salt and pepper, to taste
500g beef sirloin, at room temperature
4 cups mixed lettuce leaves
handful of mint leaves, plus extra to garnish
1 cup cherry tomatoes, quartered
½ small red onion, thinly sliced
½ cup roasted peanuts, roughly chopped

Method
Pop the birds eye, garlic, half of the coriander, caster sugar, fish sauce, lime zest and juice, and vegetable oil in a food processor with a pinch of salt and blitz until almost smooth and combined. Cover and leave to rest.

Place a skillet over high heat and once scorching hot, rub a little bit of oil on the steaks and sprinkle with some salt and pepper. Add to the skillet and cook for a couple of minutes, before flipping and cooking for another minute (depending on the thickness of your steak). The goal is to cook the steaks to a medium rare. Remove from the skillet to a plate, tent in some foil and leave to rest for 10 minutes.

Pop the lettuce and mint in a bowl with the remaining coriander and toss through a couple of tablespoons of the dressing. You want them dressed, but not wet. Thinly slice the beef against the grain and combine in another bowl with the tomatoes, red onion, peanuts and remaining dressing. To serve, layer the dressed leaves on the bottle of your plate, top with the beef mixture and a sprinkle of extra herbs. And then devour, like an icon.


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Adam Shacklein Burger

Burgers, Main, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor: Winners at War, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor everyone on the Edge was given an advantage menu for the upcoming return challenge. For lasting the longest, Yul and Parvati were screwed and couldn’t afford to buy anything while everyone else but Amber – who gave her tokens to Rob – bought advantages, and an idol each for Rob and Natalie. Ultimately it was Tyson who won his way back into the game, before kinda disappearing from the rest of the episode as he wanted to just disappear into the background. After Denise and Jeremy took out immunity things turned into chaos back at camp as Nick, Adam and Wendell quickly became the targets. And while the tribe kind of descended into chaos, Queen Sophie stepped in and took control, protecting Adam and rallying the tribe to take out Wendell instead.

We returned to camp after tribal council where Tony was thrilled about the literal clear skies while Michele was pissed to have been left out of the vote, despite being super vocal about wanting Wendell out week in, week out like the icon that she is. She and Nick caught up about being the two on the bottom, with Nick more shocked that his name was the one on the block tonight alongside Adam, even though it is his birthday. Fuming like Rodney in Worlds Apart, Nick was ready to go back to camp and give his tribemates a serve before Michele suggested that it wasn’t the best idea and that instead he should lay low, so the idiots don’t target them next. Tony arrived to check in on them, with Nick firing up before Tony told him to calm down and stop being stupid.

Michele, meanwhile, caught up with Adam, assuring him that while she is a little pissed about being left out, she is happy to pretend she isn’t furious and let the dingbats continue to think that she is their friend. Honestly, I love Michele and that is all I have to say about that. I love her as much as I love Adam telling her that he believes that the decal on Probst’s podium at tribal council is a hidden immunity idol and should he feel nervous, he will rip it off and play it. And either that is a brilliant move, or explains why he has been shown as a bumbling fool all season.

The next day we ventured to the Edge of Extinction where Parvati was leading Natalie and Danni through a yoga class before Yul stumbled upon clues for an advantage. After vague directions to step back and allow history to repeat itself, the group decided it must be a combination of previous clues and made a beeline for the top of the hill. At the summit, they opted to split into smaller groups, with Natalie bundling Wendell and Yul together as the newbies so that should one of the OG crew find the advantage, they can share in some sweet food without them, given they haven’t been suffering as long. 

As the groups searched high and low, Danni realised that maybe the history repeats itself part of the clue could be referring to the last Edge of Extinction, where Aubry was told to step back and found an advantage. With that, she and Parvati ran down the stairs and immediately found a new 50/50 advantage in the rock wall. Knowing that Michele is flush with cash, Parvati suggested that they sell it to her for four tokens before she and Danni debated whether they should keep their secret to themselves. At that moment, Rob, Ethan, Amber and Natalie appeared to see if they had found anything and guilt got the better of them, sharing the advantage and vowing to buy food for them all.

Probst arrived on screen for this week’s reward challenge where the tribe were split into two teams and forced to swim out to a net with wooden fish, bring it back to shore, load them onto hooks, carry them to a station and use the fish to solve a puzzle. The victorious team would get a glorious feast of Chinese take-out back at camp while the losers could watch from a distance and seethe. Oh and because there were an uneven number of castaways remaining, one person wouldn’t even get to compete. Tyson, Adam, Tony, Nick and Jeremy faced off against Kim, Sarah, Ben, Sophie and Michele, while poor Denise was left out on the Sandra Bench, ironic given her brutal blindside of the Queen. Well, probably – ask Alanis.

Ben, Kim and Sarah got their team out to an early lead, though Tony, Adam and Tyson desperately tried to stay in the fray. But obviously, with Sophie on the puzzle and having a lead, she made quick work of things and secured reward for her group. Before Jeff sent them back to camp to feast on their spoils, Sarah asked if she would be able to give up her reward for someone and once ok-ed by Probst, handed it over to Nick as a birthday celebration. And because Probst is as messy as the rest of us, he pointed out that that was a really nice thing to do in a game for $2 million, with Sarah left to bat it away with a weak explanation that she would overeat and feel sick, so she’d rather him be miserable for his birthday. That sound you hear is Rodney screaming about nobody caring about his birthday.

Back at camp the victors discovered their food, with Nick vowing to pay Sarah back. She then explained to him and us at home that she didn’t do it for anything in return and simply wanted him to have something nice after being blindsided on his birthday – again, Rodney screamed – and leaving his new fiance at home. And TBH, the world could do with a little more kindness, which I would have hated before being in COVID isolation. Now I like it. The victors took their feast somewhere private to avoid rubbing anyone’s face in it, while Tony and Sarah caught up by the beach. Tony was shocked and disappointed in his friend, worried that she lost her killer edge and that she had now painted a target on her back. Meanwhile back at camp Jeremy, Tyson, Adam and Denise were bitching about Sarah for her cold, calculating move and played it down as nothing more than a way to woo Nick to her side.

We checked in with the victors where Nick too was doubting the genuine nature of her kindness, and knew that even if it was, Sarah would still gladly vote him out at the next tribal council if that is what her alliance wants. They then went around opening fortune cookies while smashing the food before Michele found something in her bag. With that, she excused herself and discovered the 50/50 advantage though was scared at the prospect of using all of her fire tokens to buy it. As such, she flipped it a couple of times and when it landed equally on both sides, she decided to heed the advice of the Survivor Gods by way of the fortune cookies – I shit you not – and empty her purse to get some control. I mean, she is an icon and I love her.

Probst returned for the immunity challenge where the remaining castaways would balance on A-frames in the middle of the very choppy ocean. You know the one, it is when Spencer showed off his O-face! Given it is an endurance challenge and they aren’t overly exciting to read about, let’s focus on the fact that Jeremy is hot and so ripped, Tyson is still a babe and Nick is fast becoming island hot. Almost immediately Michele fell over and out of the challenge, she was soon followed by Denise as Jeremy too struggled, making me wonder if their end of the challenge was worse than the others, given they were all in a row. Despite the constant struggle, Jeremy made it through to the second rung, with Tyson being the first to fall, followed by Jeremy and Tony, who axed himself in the nads. The remaining six moved on to the final stage of the challenge, which quickly saw Adam, Sophie, Nick and Sarah drop from the challenge, leaving Ben and Kim to battle it out before Ben finally dropped, handing Kim immunity. By the skin of her teeth.

Back at camp Kim was feeling confident and as such, rallied the older crew and suggested they split the vote between Nick and Adam. While they all agreed, Ben suggested that it may be cleaner to leave Adam out of the split and instead put the back-up votes on Michele, given she was left out at the last tribal council with Nick. Nick meanwhile, was sick of being a nobody in the game, so decided now was the right time to cause some chaos. As such, he approached Tyson and told him that Sophie was throwing his name out instead. They then took this intel to Jeremy and Adam. The latter, however, wasn’t interested in getting rid of Sophie and instead thought that they should target Sarah, given she is close to Ben. The group then looped Michele in, filling her with glee.

Denise was looped in on the plan, so approached Kim to gauge her interest. Kim being the damn icon that she is, said that if Sarah is the plan, she is happy to go along with the plan. And then immediately caught up with Tyson to find out why in the hell Sarah was now the target. Tyson agreed that it wasn’t a smart move and given Adam was the one that quickly flipped everyone onto Sarah, maybe he should be the target instead as he is clearly dangerous. With that, they approached Jeremy to see if he would be keen before looping Tony and Sarah in on the vote. Everyone laughed at the sheer madness of the scramble before Sarah approached Ben to let him know that Adam tried to flip the vote on her because they are too close. Not wanting to play it calmly, Ben pulled Adam aside to see if he was the one that tried to flip on him and Sarah and while Adam tried to dance around the truth, Ben grew infuriated and vowed never to trust him.

Leaving in a huff, Ben took the chaos to the next level as he angrily asked Tony whether he is the one that threw his name out like Michele told him. Meanwhile Nick was busy confronting Jeremy about his name being thrown out, Denise was confused, Tyson told Michele the plan was Sarah, Sarah checked in with Kim to find out what the plan was – it was Adam, FYI – while Tony, Jeremy and Michele locked in a vote for Nick. Tyson assured Nick they were voting for Sarah, while Sophie marvelled that every time they lock in a vote, everyone disappeared to continue strategising. Nick then told Tony that Tyson was pushing for Sarah, this led to Sarah throwing out Tyson’s name, getting Sophie and Michele onboard, the latter of which looped Adam in on the plan. Nick took the information to Tony and Jeremy while Adam and Denise tried to figure out if the plan was still Sarah. And honestly this was like 30 seconds of footage.

All I know is Adam decided to go for the potential idol at tribal council, which is either going to be an epic fail or a killer move. And as I said, the edit feels like it will be the former.

At tribal council Sarah spoke about the pandemonium back at camp, sharing that literally everyone’s name was thrown out at some point. Tyson joked about the absurdity of it all, with Jeremy likening it to a bushfire jumping a highway. Denise said that the stress of the day aged her, while Nick said that he is sick of people focusing on easy targets like himself, Adam and Tyson. He then got super spicy – which I love – and said that that style of gameplay is a pathetic war and he is sick of not being able to play, and as such, he challenged everyone to actually fight. Adam tried to focus on Probst’s questioning but got distracted as everyone started to whisper amongst themselves. Adam and Nick started to swap stories and realised that they were each told to load their votes on the other, with Sophie giving Adam a weak assurance that he should be fine.

Wanting to get into the spicy spirit, Adam pointed out that Ben was being cagey before they left for tribal and refused to look him in the eye or talk to him. Ben countered that he refused to talk to Adam because Adam refused to answer a question earlier that day, which honestly, is a weak bloody feud. As they argued back and forth about their entire journey, the rest of the tribe continued to whisper and lock in their votes. After their fight ended, Adam tried to jump in on the whispering but was completely shut out and told to just trust in what he was told. Nick shared that the whispering made him feel better, which Adam countered must mean that he should then feel worried. He then asked everyone if they could offer him similar assurances, only to be met by silence from the tribe.

With that the tribe voted, Adam tried to break the tribal council set and when he couldn’t break off the fleur de lis, he decided to sit back down. Probst decided to sass him and asked whether he was sure it wasn’t an idol, leading to Adam asking if he could play it. Probst said that he could but it wasn’t an idol. He then tallied the votes and sadly for Adam, they piled up on him and he found himself joining the crew on the Edge. Which TBH, is our superfan winner’s dream. As he was exiting tribal council, I pulled him in for a massive hug and congratulated him on living out our dream yet again by playing on such a legendary season with such legendary winners. And while he was touched, he reminded me that he wanted to be reunited with those icons on the Edge and quickly took his Adam Shacklein Burger to go.

This Shake Shack copycat is so good, I almost don’t have to rage about not having Shake Shack in Australia. The sauce is glorious, the beef juicy and the lettuce and tomato helps stop you feeling guilty from having multiple.

Enjoy!

Adam Shacklein Burger
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
½ cup mayonnaise
1 tbsp dijon mustard
¾ tsp ketchup
½ tsp pickle brine
pinch of cayenne pepper
500g beef mince
4 leaves butter lettuce
1-2 tomatoes, sliced
salt and pepper, to taste
4 slices American cheese
4 potato buns

Method
Start by combining the mayonnaise, dijon mustard, ketchup, pickle brine and the pinch of cayenne pepper in a bowl. Give a good stir, cover and chill while you prep the rest of the burgers. Ideally an hour or two if you have the time.

Meanwhile, scrunch the beef mince in a large bowl until the meat is starting to come together. Divide into four balls and roll tightly. Place on a lined plate, cover and pop in the fridge to chill for about an hour.

After those hours have passed and you’re ready to go, pop a skillet over medium heat and toast each of the burger buns in a skillet. Remove and wipe the skillet clean. 

Immediately take the burgers out of the fridge, place in the skillet and flatten to about one to two centimetre thickness with a metal spatula and sprinkle with a bit of salt and pepper. Cook for a couple of minutes before flipping, seasoning with the remaining salt and pepper and topping each with a slice of cheese and cook for a further couple of minutes to melt before removing from the heat.

To assemble, smear the top and bottom with a little bit of the chilled sauce. Pop the cheesy patty on the base, top with tomato and lettuce before closing the burger and devouring. Ideally with fries.


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Michelle Ragougan

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2017), Australian Survivor: All Stars, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the All Stars were immediately thrown into some brutal challenges, the first of which featured a clue to a hidden immunity idol hidden at tribal council. And while Henry was lucky to grab it unnoticed, it was only valid for three tribal councils. When his tribe won the next two immunity challenges, he handed it off to Mat to cause some chaos at tribal council. Mat and the leader of his rival alliance, David decided to come together to help protect each other, and for David, to get revenge on one of his allies. Brooke then found an idol hidden at camp, completely throwing their plans into chaos. Until they gave an Oscar winning turn at tribal council and Mat correctly played him idol on Jacqui, before David begged Brooke to play hers on him and poor Daisy was gobsmacked to be booted from the game third.

In time to do exit press for her first season.

We checked in with Vakama the next day where the excitement of the previous tribal council was a thing of the past, and instead, Jacqui was showing off her killer physique. I mean, she looks like what Teresa Gudice wishes she looked like in a bodybuilding comp. Back at the shelter Mat was still processing his emotions from the epic tribal council, still shocked that the plan worked and that David didn’t backstab them. On the flipside the wounded majority alliance were feeling super nervous, unsure how Mat found out the votes would pile up on Jacqui and as such, speculated that there is a rat in their midst. Locky approached Mat to see if he could get any intel from him about the mole and while Mat dutifully told him that it was an educated guess, Locky did not buy it.

Speaking of the mole, David was on cloud nine – flushing both the idols, solidifying his secret alliance with Mat and getting his revenge on Daisy. Which I’m not really sure was needed, but since it was spectacular, I will let it slide. That being said, David was nervous and knew that he needed to keep his story straight and make sure nobody compares stories and realises he is a mole.

Meanwhile over at Mokuta Nick was busy knighting Lee for his spaghetti arms, while Henry was quietly sulking the corner since he is left right out on the bottom of the tribe. He regrouped and decided to approach Nick, bonding by the water well and hoping to form an alliance. Sadly for Henry, Nick learnt from his first season and was happy to sit quietly and wait for the chance to strike and as such, cannot align with Henry. Though obviously he pledged his loyalty to Henry and planned to ice him ASAP.

My love Jonathan graced us with his presence for the reward challenge where one at a time, someone from each tribe would face off on either side of a chest and try to push it and therefore their rival, off the edge of a dock. With the winning tribe getting some piping hot fish and chips. Oh, but before that AK threw Henry straight under the bus and announced that Mat played an idol at the previous tribal council THAT WAS GIVEN TO HIM BY HENRY AT THE LAST IMMUNITY CHALLENGE. I mean, I didn’t love him in Season 2, but AK is a deadset messy legend and I live. Henry was first to face off against Mat, allowing plenty of time for people to make jokes about them being idol buddies. Despite looking like an easy win for Mat, Henry stood his ground and clawed back the lead … until Mat overpowered him and sent him into the water.

Next round Jacqui chose to avenge Zach’s shitty views, however was sadly pushed straight into the water. But damn I love her. Lydia was up next, with AK challenging as Locky reminded him that Lydia is strong as shit. Direct quote. Despite being strong as shit and putting up a hell of a fight, AK dominated and scored another point for Vakama. Net up were Tarzan and Harry and hot damn, Tarzan is a beast and I live, easily winning the point. Though sadly not giving Harry a kiss like the last challenge. Just some hella sass on his way to winning the reward for his tribe.

The victorious Vakama were thrilled about the prospect of smashing their fish and chips, until they discovered they had actually won fishing gear and some potatoes, oil and salt to make chips once they catch the fish. With everyone trying to pretend they weren’t bitterly disappointed, they used the time to hunt for a clue or idol amongst their spoils to make the win moderately worth it. Mat then flipped the crate and found the idol hidden inside it in front of the entire tribe, leaving the majority furious and Mat, well, he was left smiling with a big, shit-eating grin.

As the majority went fishing to calm their nerves, Mat pulled Moana aside to let her know about his secret alliance with and growing trust in Dave. Finally finding her missing spark, Moana was thrilled about the turn of events and was happy to make a deal with the devil if it gets her further. And keeps Mat and David as the biggest threats. I mean, does Moana need a nemesis like Russell to keep her fire burning? Whatever it is, I love her again.

Later that night Dave was feeling nervous about his growing alliance with Mat, so slinked away into the night to make a fake hidden immunity idol. Well eventually, after hours and hours trying to cut a gem off their tackle box. Side note: aren’t all tackle (boxes) a gem?

Jonathan returned for the immunity challenge which required the tribes to hold barrels over tiles with a rope, with people allowed to step out of the challenge and hand their barrel over BUT as soon as a single tile breaks, the tribe loses. Meanwhile the iconic Shonee sat out of the challenge, directly on top of an immunity idol clue and please don’t let her follow Michaela’s lead and miss it. David and Lee had a Zoolander approved model off in the first five minutes before Michelle dropped out of the challenge and handed her barrel off to Zach. After half an hour Zach passed a barrel off to Henry, by way of Lydia, while Sharn struggled to hold on. Out of nowhere Phoebe passed her barrel off to Locky before Lee took over Sharn’s barrel. After more than an hour and 15 minutes, and some desperate back and forths, Zaddy John dropped one of his two barrels and handed victory to Vakama. And Shonee exited her seat without noticing the idol clue.

Back at camp Michelle was feeling nervous about being the first one to drop out of the challenge, particularly since her tribe was made up of three-four professional athletes, depending on where you stand with washed-up Gladiators. Lee pulled Michelle aside, with her reminding him that she is on the bottom and as such will vote for anyone other than her. She echoed that sentiment to Sharn, John and Zach. Though she could tell that nobody was actually interested in saving her. Meanwhile Abbey was using the loss as motivation to keep the tribe strong, dejectedly tell everyone that they need to start winning challenges – after just coming off a winning streak – and get rid of Michelle. Not to be outdone, Lydia too was rallying the troops to get rid of the weakest.

Thankfully Henry knows that brute strength is not how you win Survivor and as such, decided that Sharn is the smarter vote given how persuasive she can be. Unless in front of a Survivor jury against Shane, obvi. Henry pulled Zach aside, with the latter quickly agreeing to getting rid of Sharn instead. He then approached a receptive John and Michelle, before making his way to Nick. Who was not thrilled by the turn of events, and as such, wanted to flip the vote on Henry. For trying to flip the vote on Sharn. With that Nick approached his little rascals, with both Harry and Shonee keen to change things up and get rid of the threat. Nick approached Lydia, Abbey and Lee to try and get them to see sense and get rid of the very sketchy Henry. However, sadly, that made Abbey nervous about Nick being shifty. Though not enough to get rid of him, since he is still stronger than Michelle.

At tribal council John struggled to stick his torch in the slot – I have one ready for him, though – before talking about their loss at the challenge and how people dropping out impacted them. Zach was surprisingly diplomatic before Michelle went all in, reminding everyone that after Lee bombed the first challenge they agreed that losing a challenge wouldn’t be punished in a boot. Sharn agreed that challenges will always cater to different types, before Michelle commenced pleading to the athlete mentality and quoting football. Lydia agreed that they do need a good mix of skills, though didn’t seem to convince Queen Michelle who reminded everyone that loyalty is just as important. Particularly if a tribe swap is imminent. John and Henry agreed loyalty and numbers are critical to making it further, before Abbey agreed it is important but, yeah nah, she cares more about strength.

Which obviously annoyed Michelle.

Nick joined the fray to remind everyone of the importance of forming a cohesive, harmonious group. Shocking nobody, Zach was focused on strength before Harry countered that his vote is solely based on forming solid alliances, while Shonee was just glad to finally be asked a question at tribal council. Michelle again reminded everyone the importance of trust before Henry gave her the kiss of death, saying he is confident that the votes are going to go his way. With that, the tribe voted and tragically, Queen Michelle was felled.

I knew that we would lose one eventually, but I am so heartbroken to see one of our Fourth Place Robbed Goddesses exit the game. Though I guess at least Mish kept things semi-consistent by becoming the fourth boot. Which is the only positive thing I could come up with as I sobbed into her arms as she entered Loser Lodge.

Remember when Michelle completely destroyed Ben at tribal council in Season 2?


That is how I choose to remember Michelle. Not as the woman that was felled by the strength first mentality which comes from the brutal challenges of Australian Survivor. Lucky my Nigella inspired Michelle Ragougan is hella comforting, because I truly needed it.

 

 

Sweet, salty and covered in a silky melting of cheese, the ragu is the perfect hearty little meal to whip up when you’re down. Add in a little bit of chilli to Nigella’s classic, and you’ve got perfection. No offence Nige.

Enjoy!

 

 

Michelle Ragougan
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
olive oil
2 onions, thinly sliced
3 garlic cloves, minced
200g pancetta, diced
500g lamb mince
⅓ cup marsala
salt and pepper, to taste
400g can chopped tomatoes
100g green lentils
200ml beef stock. You could use chicken, but the bird and land combo makes me anxious. Like the thought of Flick and Shonee carrying the Fourth Place Robbed Goddess flag alone
125g red leicester cheese, grated

Method
Heat a lug of oil in a dutch oven and sweat the onion and garlic for a couple of minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the pancetta and cook for a further five minutes before adding the lamb mince and cook, breaking up with a wooden spoon, until browned.

Crank the heat to high and add the marsala and a good whack of pepper – and salt, if ya like it salty – stir while it bubbles like crazy before adding the tomatoes, lentils and stock. Bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for half an hour, or until the sauce has thickened up.

Serve immediately, cover in a generous heap of cheese and devour. Knowing that eating you feelings is the only appropriate way to work through your pain.

 

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Cordon Blu Hyburgea

Burgers, Main, Poultry, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, RuPaul's Drag Race UK 1, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race UK the queens were divided into two girl groups and honestly the charts say it all with the Frock Destroyers doing as their name suggests and completely annihilated the competition, stormed the charts and claimed the first ever triple win. Despite being on the losing team, my girl Cheryl finally had her star turn, leaving The Vivienne to lip sync following her first sign of weakness. And lip sync she did, fighting hard to retain her place in the show leaving poor Crystal to be booted from the competition.

Back in the Werk Room, The Vivienne was disappointed that she let herself down, though Blu was glad to see her knocked down a peg. Speaking of Blu the shady little producer asked The Vivienne who she would have picked had she won the reading challenge, with her shocking Chez by saying she would have selected her and then went silent. Much to Divina’s rage, who was sick of The Vivienne sleeping on her and the bounty of skills that she has. Which Baga agreed that Viv was undervaluing. While the drama subsided, The Vivienne approached her to apologise … though Divina felt they were backhanded and shit started to get real. She then listed out that she would have selected everyone but Blu in the challenge before Divina listed her myriad of skills while Baga awkwardly hid behind furniture and hammed it up for the cameras while Blu and Cheryl Hole were stuck watching on like children of divorce.

The next day the mood was less somber, wait no, Divina was still feisty and angry with herself for wasting time giving a shit what The Vivienne thinks. Before it broke into fisticuffs, Ru arrived with the Brit Crew to play a little game of BBC, where they were required to identify if the Brit Crew were rocking boxers, briefs or going commando. I was going to try and keep track of the queens and their scores, but we’re all the winners as the boys kept knocking their junk as they pulled their pants down. The Vivienne did an impersonation of Kim Woodburn though, which is all I took away from things while so light-headed. Ultimately Divina was crowned the victor – added another feather to her cap – gifting her a video call with the iconic Katya.

Before we got the call with Katya, Ru announced that this week’s challenge would require them to film a commercial for a bottled water company. Which terrified Cheryl as she has no idea what to do and didn’t want to go back to the bottom. When she spoke to Blu and they brainstormed an Alyssa-esque diva water to give people the Essex vibe, which The Vivienne shadily tried to talk her out of and told her to step outside of her box. And despite kinda knowing that that is what they were trying to do, Cheryl tried to come up with plan B through Z. Viv and Baga were gossiping about Cheryl needing to finally have a moment this week when Ru arrived to get Blu into piss play, filling her with nerves. Blu’s concept was about bottling her vanity and leaning into the weird creepiness, despite Ru not really loving it. Have a lovely day, though!

Frontrunner Baga’s concept was all about water making people ugly to stop people being horny, which Ru hated and told her to make the damn water chip flavour. The Vivienne’s concept fared much better *insert token Baga GIF*, focusing on rehydrating thirsty women. Cheryl settled on the British version of GoGo Juice for the club kids, which Ru loved … before reminding Cheryl that she is the only queen without a win. Though he turned it around with a peptalk, so yay? Divina was so far ahead of the pack that she was already working on her costume, settling on DD-Sea water. Before I got to reading her lack of knowledge about desalination, talk turned to her and The Vivienne’s feud and her reminding Ru that for some reason people don’t want to acknowledge that she is a threat.

Oh and then Ru dropped that this week’s guest judge is Cheryl Cole and the look on Cheryl Hole’s face was honestly too pure for this world.

With Ru gone, The Vivienne confronted Divina about what she said about her to Ru with Divina pointing out that she was asked and answered a question. To her credit though, The Vivienne shut it down, reminded her that she knows that she is fierce and asked to move forward.

Blu was the first one to film with Graham and straight up masturbated her bottle. Which was a vibe and mood. Cheryl was next, putting the Brit Crew to work with removalists duties and being completely batshit crazy and wild. In the best way possible. The Vivienne slayed as a miserable housewife, complete with chucking her baby and wetting the Brit Crew as much as they do my basement. Divina’s commercial was an epic and appeared to bore everyone, so will likely be amazing. Baga then wrapped things up, stuffing her gob with a tonne of battered sausage, which makes no sense but I think I like. Though maybe that is the Brit Crew’s bulges?

Divina excused herself to make her video call with Katya before being surprised by the icon in the flesh who gave the greatest advice and hot damn I miss her and wish she would return to claim her rightful crown.

The queens danced into Elimination Day before making a hard pivot, talking about alcohol and other drug use. The Vivienne then shared that she was an addict and it took three friends dying to finally wake her up and let her hit rock bottom to get her clean. And now she is two years sober, which is something she should be really proud of. As she should be about her name dropping the organisations local to her that are making a difference.

Pivoting really really hard, the queens graced the Rainy Day Eleganza Runway, with Divina going from the killer in I Know What You Did Last Summer to a stunning bumble bee outfit. Cheryl was at risk of rusting in a stunning metallic number. Baga entered with a bird on her head, in a less SJP style. The Vivienne looked like a sexy Samara from the ring, complete with gloomy cloud while Blu opted with a shiny, sparkly Harajuku look.

We then got to the commercials with Divina’s ad turning out as amazing as I assumed; it had a message, it was funny and she made the Brit Crew squat. Oh and the judges also loved her corseted raincoat reveal. Cheryl also died meeting her namesake, despite telling her that Girl’s Aloud’s breakup ruined her. After gushing at her hero in the most beautiful way, we learnt Cheryl’s commerical was as wacky as it seemed, though again, Brit Crew twerking is always a win. While the ad was panned for not going anywhere, the judges loved her outfit despite it being five inches too short.

Except for Cheryl Cole who was making Cheryl’s life.

Baga commercial was classic Baga AND featured the Brit Crew rubbing their dripping chests and finished with Baga burping. Though Michelle hated it and thought her look wasn’t as polished as the other girls. The Vivienne’s commercial was sexy, smutty and hilarious, and her runway received universal praise. Particularly juxtaposed with her commercial look. Poor Blu’s commercial was rather beige, despite the sexual connotations and political digs. Because it went nowhere. Though her look received universal praise.

Backstage Cheryl was still on cloud nine from meeting her namesake, despite being read by the judges. The Vivienne was glad to bounce back, and Divina was thrilled that she stood by her convictions and stuck with the concept. Baga however had given up, sure that she would be in the bottom two and hadn’t learnt the lip sync song. This enraged Cheryl who felt like she couldn’t handle the heat, before The Vivienne told her some hard truths and made her focus on the task at hand, get her head in the game and learn her damn lip sync.

Ultimately The Vivienne completed the ultimate comeback, snatching the win while Baga narrowly avoided the bottom leaving Blu to battle Cheryl … IN FRONT OF HER SHERO. And holy shit did she deliver! She felt the beat in her pussy, she flipped, she nailed every letter of every syllable in every word, smashed her death drops into the ground and even poor Blu knew it was over halfway through, hugging her bestie and letting her live her best life.

Despite just exiting the competition, Blu was positively jubilant at what she had managed to achieve and as such took it in stride. I guess storming the charts really is a killer silver lining! While I haven’t known Blu as long as the other girls, we have been friends for a few years and actually inspired her first Titanic themed runway. You see, I was working at the Titanic museum in Ireland – pretending to be a descendant of the Captain – and Blu came in with her school group. While the teacher saw right through my lies and outed me in front of everyone, Blu lived for the drama and we became the fastest of friends. The only way I could repay her kindness was by promising to make her a Cordon Blu Hyburgea whenever she wanted.

Cheesy garlicky chicken is amazing, as are burgers. Put those things together and well, I’m in heaven. Kinda like a chicken juicy lucy, this burger is on point – just be mindful not to completely scorch your mouth on the cheese.

Enjoy!

Cordon Blu Hyburgea
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
500g chicken mince
salt and pepper, to taste
2 slices ham, shredded
½ cup swiss cheese, grated
olive oil
2 Brichosher Bunsbergs
2 tbsp Shayonnaise Swain
2 tbsp marinara sauce
1 tomato, sliced
a couple butter lettuce leaves, washed and dried
2 tbsp parmesan, grated

Method
Combine the chicken mince in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper. Mix well to combine and divide into four equal portions.

Flatten two portions out, divide the ham and swiss cheese and place in the centre of each. Top with the remaining portions and close to seal.

Heat a lug of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat and once nice and hot, add the patties and cook for five minutes of until cooked through and nicely browned. Flip and cook for a further five minutes to ensure that the cheese is nice and gooey.

To assemble, split the buns and smear each with some mayo and mariana. Layer with tomato and lettuce, sprinkle on some parmesan and finally, top with the patty and close her up.

Serve immediately with freshly cooked fries and, obviously, devour.


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Stuffed Shelly Long Bake

Emmy Gold, Emmy Gold: Golden Family, Main, Pasta

After spending the last few days catching up with the current shining stars of television – hey there current nominee Christina Applegate, and rising stars Riz and Tatiana! – I decided Emmy Gold: Golden Family needed some gravitas in the form of some TV royalty. So I picked up the phone and invited myself over to celebrate Shelley ma’ fuckin’ Long.

While yes, she is still working hard with killer runs on Modern Family and less recently – and my favourite – playing Carol Brady in The Brady Bunch movies, her Emmy winning turn as Diane in Cheers is truly the stuff of TV legend.

I mean, her and zaddy Ted Danson’s will-they-won’t-they romance is enough to flood my basement even now.

Obviously Shell was honoured to finally get the call up to appear on this patch of cyberspace and introduce herself to a new audience. While our relationship started out quite rocky thanks to the meddling ways of the morally corrupt Kelsey Grammer, Rhea Perlman – the saint that she is – was able to sit us down, make us see sense and finally end our feud in 1987 before Shelley departed Cheers.

Did I mention I was a featured barfly in Cheers? Because I was.

Anyway, given she starred in one of the most iconic comedies of all time, I got her to help me run the odds for Outstanding Comedy Series, hoping that this category provides a well-deserved surprise slash great return on gambling investment. While Veep, Barry, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and Fleabag are generating the most chatter to take out the win, this is the category that I could honestly make a case for every nominee taking it out. Russian Doll was bold and moving, The Good Place is the greatest exploration of morality ever committed to screen and Schitt’s Creek is a remarkable show filled with hope and joy.

While my heart wants Schit’s Creek to take it out and Shelley thinks The Good Place deserves it, I think it will go to Fleabag. But given Schitt’s has the worst odds, am betting it all on them for a good return on investment. While Shelley tried to suggest I go for a safer bet, I didn’t listen and drowned out her wise words by smashing a big Stuffed Shelly Long Bake.

 

 

There is nothing better than pasta … except kitsch foods, so using that logic, this baby is the holy grail. Large shell pasta bake full of rich, creamy spinach and cheese floating through a sea of spicy tomato sauce like the SS Noms? Sign me up.

Enjoy!

 

 

Stuffed Shelly Long Bake
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
300g jumbo pasta shells, cooked per packet instructions
olive oil
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 onion, diced
250g spinach, roughly chopped
500g ricotta cheese
1 cup mozzarella cheese
½ cup Parmesan cheese, grated
1 egg, lightly whisked
a small handful fresh basil, roughly chopped
salt and pepper, to taste
2 cups marinara sauce
1 tbsp chilli flakes

Method
Preheat oven to 180C.

Heat a good lug of olive oil in a skillet and sweat the onion and garlic for five minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the spinach, remove from heat and cook, stirring for a minute or so, or until the residual heat has wilted the spinach. Transfer to a bowl and allow to cool.

Once the onion, garlic and spinach are pretty much tepid, add the ricotta, mozzarella, parmesan, egg, basil and a good whack of salt and pepper, and stir to combine.

To assemble, pour marinara sauce in the bottom of a baking dish and stir through the chilli flakes. Stuff each shell with the cheese mixture and place randomly in the baking dish. Repeat the process until the pasta and/or cheese is all used up.

Dot with any remaining cheese mixture, sprinkle with a little extra parmesan and transfer to the oven to bake for 30 minutes. Or until gloopy and glorious.

Leave to rest for five minutes before serving and devouring. Triumphantly like an icon.

 

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